General Chemistry II Ch. 06

List of Characters

Jack: Our point of view. Smart, corny, neurotic, Jack has few friends at school outside of his study group. White. Lifeguards in the summer and has a big dick.

Pri: Jack's ex(?). Brilliant and reserved, she plays varsity soccer with her best friend Liv. Indian-American. Short and athletic with ass for days, darkly tanned with thick black hair.

Liv: Pri's best friend and Jack's study buddy. Funny and dynamic, she plays varsity soccer and does what she feels. Jewish. Tall with a heart-shaped face. She has a deep tan, small breasts, and sprinter's legs.

Marco: Liv's boyfriend and long-time friend. Charming and almost offensively handsome, he teaches tennis and studies literature. Colombian-American. He's fashionable, with a lean, muscular body.

Sylvie: Liv's long-time frenemy and Marco's ex. Grim and sarcastic, she's pre-law at NYU. Pale, Jewish, and tiny, with a cute face and a bull ring septum piercing.

Kay: Sylvie's friend from NYU. Laconic and up for anything, they study film and play volleyball. White and non-binary, they're over six foot and covered with tattoos. Bleached pixie cut and dark eyelids.

Grace: Liv's friend from college. Perky and energetic, she's All-State softball and loves to party. Chinese-American. She's muscular but feminine, with thick legs, big breasts, and fun tattoos.

~

We sat in the crowded plaza at the center of San Cristobal, squished shoulder to shoulder at one of the buzzing cafes. The tourists and locals had come out in droves for their mid-morning almuerzos, filling every plastic chair and painted bench, a few even standing nearby to wait for tables. The sun was pure and crisp like a hole punched out of the sky. A pretty young busker played her acoustic guitar by the fountain.

After last night's debauchery no one had felt up to making breakfast at home. Our table was covered in small plates: half-eaten croissants, acai bowls, and empty mugs laced with foam.

Grace ripped a corner off a piece of toast and stared at the butter dish as if contemplating a major life decision. I slid the fig jam towards her with the edge of my hand. She smiled awkwardly, dredged her toast in it, and popped it in her mouth.

We'd hooked up last night, Grace and I, which had sent my little crush careening off into heart-thumping, palm-wiping, "concentrate on not staring at her" territory. All morning we'd gravitated together while pretending not to. First sitting side-by-side in the car, casually, hands almost touching. Then in the short-lived scrum at the cafe we'd pulled up chairs for each other without making eye contact.

Something fluttered madly in my stomach, what I hoped was butterflies and not some fast-moving cancer. The sensation was just shy of nauseating. Grace seemed off too. She laughed with the others, sure, and grumbled about headaches with the others and talked shit with the others, but she wasn't her bubbly, talkative self. Her smiles and quips were on a quarter-second delay, like her mind was elsewhere.

Whatever was distracting her, she looked lovely, with her snug linen blouse embroidered with flowers, with her strapping, thick thighs stretching the leg holes of her high-waisted jean shorts. Sunburn still glowing, her glossy hair tossed over one shoulder, she gave out a crooked smile in response to some joke of Marco's. Her toes fidgeted in her Birkenstocks.

"Sorry," she said. "I wasn't listening. Is Syl just hungover?"

Sylvie was the only one of us missing from breakfast. All I knew was that she'd begged out while still in bed. Hungover was a good theory. We'd spent all evening slamming vodka shots and chasing with vermouth, and Sylvie was a hundred pounds, five-foot-nothing.

Our game of Truth or Dare, unsurprisingly, had gotten out of hand. Raw feelings were exposed. People did things. It ended somewhere around the time that Pri pounced on Marco. I wasn't exactly sure what the others had done while Liv's boyfriend fucked my ex ragged on a wicker loveseat, but I'd hooked up with a thick softball star on a couch worth more than my dad's car.

"She said she had something to work on," said Liv. "Probably just sitting on an icepack."

"An icepack?" asked Grace.

"Jack was pretty rough with her. I heard the moaning from the fucking kitchen..."

Oh, and that. After I'd put a drunk and orgasm-fried Grace to bed, I'd stumbled my way into Syl's room. From Liv's warped perspective it was harmless gossip, some sneaky tea. I felt like I'd betrayed Grace before I even knew there was something to betray. I stared at the filigreed handle of my fork. My jaw clenched. A herd of related feelings stomped all over me, shame leading the way.

Squeezing between tables, Pri was just returning from paying the bill. She scoffed over our shoulders. "Again?" she asked, as if she'd bit into something bitter. "Is that a regular thing now?" On the way to her seat, she stretched to drop a little bakery bag down in front of Liv.

I said nothing while Liv sat up with childlike interest. She opened the bag and her eyes lit up. "Pri! You didn't need to do that!"

Pri sat, shrugging like it was no big deal, but she couldn't stop herself from blushing.

It occurred to me that, in the exact same moment, Pri had tried and failed to trigger some jealousy response towards me but immediately glowed at Liv's faintest praise.

Grace nodded along distantly, like she was sitting through the waiter reciting the specials in a language she didn't understand. In the span of twenty seconds she'd turned greyer somehow. She glanced at me but before I could say something (And what would I have said besides 'Sorry, I'm a horny piece of shit?'), she snapped her eyes back to the others and took a sip of coffee.

"You two didn't have sex, right?" asked Liv.

"What?" Grace blanched. "Oh, no. We didn't. We just did... oral." She seemed to be on the verge of saying something more but it drifted away.

"We need to be more careful," said Pri abruptly. "With the furniture, I mean. I truly can't afford stain removal on Italian leather."

"None of that stuff is leather..." started Liv. "But yeah, yeah, it's a good point."

"Stick to a bedroom for the dirty-dirty," said Marco scratchily. He'd been conserving his voice but apparently that little gem was too important to withhold. "Or a bathroom."

"Fucking in the bathroom is so dangerous--"

"In the shower, yeah, but it's easy to clean up on tile."

"What a stupid comment. Why not just fuck on a garbage bag? Why do anything right?"

"Castle today?" asked Kay, changing our course once again. They held their phone up to show a photo of some ruin, all gray-brown towers and arches and crenellations. If the groaning that followed was any indication, there would be no castle today.

A notification appeared over the photo, and I felt my own pocket buzz at the same time. Grace was staring off at some swaying palm trees while the rest of us checked our phones. It took a moment to understand what we were seeing, and another long moment to even form a reaction.

"This can't be what I think it is," said Liv. "No one is that insane."

Pri looked up, phone limp in her hand. "It's exactly what you think it is."

Sylvie, who was pre-law at NYU, had finished what she had apparently been working on: a legal document, a kind of contract, sent to us through email and rendered in Docusign.

"'I, Blank,'" I read out, "'hereinafter referred to as the Participant, hereby acknowledge...' Wait, what?"

"'The Participant,'" continued Pri, "'Agrees to mutually undertake a sexual encounter with other Documented Participants, see Appendix A: Documented Participants...'"

Grace seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in, her brow knitting, and pulled out her phone.

"Blah, blah, blah..." said Liv, scanning the document. "Here it is: 'including but not limited to activities such as sexual intercourse, oral sex, sexual outercourse, and sexual touching.'" Her mouth hung open and she waved the phone in the air as if punctuating some point that she wasn't making. Eventually, she said, "This is beyond fucked."

"'Confidential Information... Indemnification...'" Pri seemed in awe. "It's a release but it's also a non-disclosure agreement. This is pretty cool actually."

Liv audibly gagged. "You can't tell me that you like this?"

"Okay sure, it's completely cuckoo if you want to, like, analyze it, but you do have to admire the ingenuity. This is chutzpah, right?"

"This isn't chutzpah. This is pathetic."

"You don't like it 'cause she said the quiet part out loud," said Marco blandly. "You'd love to get everyone lubed up, sucking and fucking. You just think it ought to happen 'by accident.'" He made enormously heavy air quotes in the air. "Because of vibes or alcohol or whatever."

"That's not--" She paused and flicked the point away with the back of her hand. "You realize there's only two boys and she's already fucking Jack? This is all an elaborate permission structure for her to fuck you."

"I won't fuck her then?" he said, as if making the most obvious point ever. Marco wasn't unfriendly with his ex but he wasn't going out of his way with Syl either. "Let's be honest, this is all just background for the I'm So Much Smarter Than You show. This isn't legal. It doesn't mean anything."

"Why does it feel like you're interested in this?"

"I'm not. I don't care. If anything, this is for you. There's proposed dates, starting with Wednesday." By way of a conclusion, he shoved a husk of croissant in his mouth.

Liv emitted something between a laugh and a grunt. "So this is some delulu birthday gift?" Marco gave her a dry look. "That is so fucking weird. Isn't this so fucking weird?"

"I'm going to sign," said Pri.

"You won't!"

"Already did," said Kay.

"What the fuck!" said Liv, almost scandalized. She scrunched up her face, and then more slyly said, "You know you don't need some contract to get with me..."

"I want him too," Kay said, laying their intense, hooded eyes on Marco. "Maybe both of you."

Marco coughed, an indecorous spray of croissant flakes hitting his plate.

"My oh my," said Liv, fanning herself. She was coming around on this one pretty damn quick. "Is this a Christmas miracle in July?"

"It's August."

Throughout, Grace seemed vacant. She'd look at her phone for a minute then stare off down the sidewalk, at people walking or cars passing by, then turn back to her phone.

"This is a lot," she said to no one. "It's not you guys, really. This kind of thing just... isn't for me..."

Before I could respond Liv said, "Think about it, and if you're not interested then you're not interested. No problem."

Pri cut in. "If she's not up to it--"

"Up to it?"

"Up for it. You know what I mean."

"You were all about this a second ago," said Liv, giving Pri a quizzical look. To Grace, she said, "This is just a random thing. We don't even know if it's real--"

"It's not real," said Marco.

"But even if it was, you can do whatever you want. Nobody's pressuring you."

"Just because she hooked up with Jack one time doesn't mean she--" Pri stopped and pursed her lips, like she suddenly realized she was arguing with herself. "Whatever. It's not for everyone."

"You're being very weird right now," I said.

Pri's eyebrows arched, nostrils flaring. I prepared to be excoriated.

"Are you thinking about sleeping together?" asked Liv.

"What?" I said, though I knew I'd heard right. "We didn't, no--I mean, it just happened. We were drunk..." I looked at Grace, finding that she was already watching me. I opened my clenched hands vaguely in her direction, the subtlest What do I say here? gesture I could think of.

"Is that a conversation we need to have?" asked Liv. "Maybe discuss some protection?" She tried to mask it but it reeked of gentle parenting. I pawed at my neck at the conversational whiplash.

"Are you fucking serious?" said Marco.

"What now? I know I fucked up before but Syl was practically frickin' revirginized and Kay was just--"

"Kay doesn't count because of vaginas?"

"I didn't say that," said Liv, making big, obvious eyes. "But, like, yeah, kinda."

"I got tested in... March," said Kay helpfully. "Kinda random. S'all good down there."

"That's obviously not the point," said Marco.

Liv threw her hands up. "So you're mad if I don't discuss it and you're mad if I do?"

He stewed for a moment then made a little tsking noise, looking away. "Whatever."

"The adult thing would be to discuss testing and birth control and whatever else--"

"It's literally in the sex contract," said Pri. "Top of page three: 'Sexual Health Attestation.'"

"Not with the fucking contract again..."

Liv and Pri continued to spar for a few minutes, with Marco sniping in randomly. Somehow the topic of Grace and I having sex involved everyone but us. For her part, Grace wore a look of well-practiced neutrality, like someone trapped at the Thanksgiving dinner table waiting for the racism to end. I wanted to say something but until I knew how she felt, everything I thought of seemed like a mistake.

"I bet it's just a big joke," said Liv finally. "Let me talk to Sylvie when we get back."

Kay laughed. "Yeah. 'Cause that's always solved your fucking problems."

~

Grace disappeared to her room the minute we returned from the cafe. I'd stood at the bottom of the stairs for a long time, mentally spinning, before I'd realized I had no idea what the hell I should even say to her.

So I went to my room too. I'd imagined it as going into seclusion, like Isaac Newton during the plague. Maybe some isolation would allow me to unravel how I felt about Grace, Pri, about everything.

While hiding out in the countryside, Newton had discovered calculus, reinvented optics, and formulated the theory of gravity. While hiding in the basement, I didn't unravel shit. In fairness to me, he was smarter and had a lot more time to work.

An hour later I was still slumped in the luxurious armchair in my room, trying to read. I'd been staring blindly at my Kindle screen when Grace came to me.

"Uh, hello?"

I flinched, clutching my chest.

She leaned into the room from the hallway, slowly, like she was concerned about trespassing. It took her a moment to find me tucked away in my corner.

"Oh, hi," she said.

"Hi," I said. "Sorry. I was... reading."

"Hi... Hi." Leaning against the doorframe, she made a face, probably at her abundance of Hi's. "Reading what?"

I looked down but my Kindle had gone idle a long time ago. I tapped at it ineffectually. "I don't remember actually."

"Am I bothering you?"

"No. I mean, not at all."

She took a tentative step into my room, then skipped the next few feet onto the rug. The basement tile was always freezing and her feet were bare. She rubbed furiously at her thick calves and the trunks of her thighs, fighting off a wave of goosebumps. The embroidered sleeves of her blouse were cinched daintily around her biceps, the top of her impressive cleavage visible in the unbuttoned collar. God knows I had been staring at breakfast, but it was only then that it occurred to me that she was wearing a proper wire bra instead of a sports bra. She looked amazing.

She surveyed my room, toes clenching in the carpet threads, nodding appreciatively. What it lacked in views it made up for in maximal chicness. The sleek armchair, an art deco cabinet, a bookshelf flanked by ferns. A gorgeous hardwood bed that I'd thankfully remembered to make this morning, even stacking up the small mountain of decorative pillows against the headboard.

She patted at the air anxiously then plopped herself onto the edge of the bed.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said, leaning on one arm. She'd pulled her hair back into a long, straight ponytail, loose bangs parted on either side of her face. "About... last night I guess."

"Yeah." I sat up stiffly. "For sure. Obviously."

We were practically on opposite sides of the room and I eyed the bed, wondering if I should get closer, where I should sit. Not next to her? That would be a little presumptuous. But too far and I'd seem distant. I wanted to seem measured. In control. Calm.

"It's okay," she said, reading my manic discomfort. "Just sit still for a minute. It's not that serious. Or, I mean, I'm not..." She rolled her eyes. "I do a lot better when I can just brain dump. Is that okay? Can I just...?"

"Definitely. I'm totally cool with that. Uh, hit me."

"Great." She tucked her bare foot under her butt. "So I like you--"

"I like you too," I said immediately.

"Well, that's a good start!" she said, playing up her relief before finding her serious face again. "To be super duper honest, I'm really liking you right now. I'm a little obsessed. When I woke up I literally thought to myself, 'I hope I make him laugh today.' Like, 'I hope he keeps looking at me the way he does.' You're pretty much all I can focus on right now. I know I can get this way sometimes--I've always been a deeply feeling person--but it's usually a lot more obvious what I should do.

"If the guy is single, great, I can flirt a little. I have wiles. I'm great at that. And if he's taken then I can cope. Just, like, get high, watch garbage, masturbate a lot until I get over it. It's a great system. But you're--"

"Kinda both."

"I mean, kinda!" She suddenly looked a little lost. "But please don't interrupt me. It really fucks up my flow."

"Sorry," I said. "Noted." Before I could slip up again I made a lock-and-key motion over my lips, then blushed, feeling childish.

"There's definitely something: a spark or electricity or something. It's not just physical, right? It feels like something more. It's easy to talk to you. You have a very warm presence. But you're like--And I'm not trying to shit on you, really, I'm not--You're like made of red flags, Jack. God, it's so exactly like me to crush hard on a polyamorist weirdo. You're not just in a relationship, you're in like four fucking relationships! And you just keep fucking Sylvie..."

I wanted to say something. It was practically bursting out of my skin but I kept quiet. She saw me struggling and nodded.

"Thank you, I'm almost done. I do understand the poly thing. Of course I've got questions but for the most part, I understand it. I have TikTok. I was on Reddit for like an hour this morning just getting the rules down. But here's where I'm at: Random guy, random place, I don't mind a hookup. It can be fun. But you're not a random guy. I have to see you again, and I like you, and if I'm going to hook up with someone like that, it needs to be able to go somewhere. I know people think I'm kind of a slut, but I'm not. I'm trying. I really am a romantic.

"I'm not saying, like, Marry me!" She made a yuck face, as though she knew marriage itself was gross and couldn't stop herself from reacting. "But I'm not a random fuck. I don't want to be a random fuck."

"You're not! I never thought of you like that."

"Well, where can it go? Explain it to me, dude. You're poly, I'm not. You're signing up for an orgy, I'm not. You're going through a breakup--I mean, I think you are. Don't even get me started on the Pri thing."

Whenever I'd imagined this conversation, it started and ended with me begging for forgiveness. For pretending to be halfway normal, for fooling her into liking me. As much as I'd fantasized about her I never really believed she'd be open to more. There was a gap in the day dream, a fuzzy section where I actually convinced her that this could work.

She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"Oh. Fuck."

I'd missed my cue, badly. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them to her skeptical face. I quickly strung together thoughts of what I could say, what I should say, to make this real. Each time, it seemed important that she understand how I got here, even if I didn't fully understand it myself.

"Sorry. Can I... brain dump back?"

"Yeah," she said, leaning forward. "Yeah, that's great for me."

"I have to start somewhere," I began, hoping that if I just went for it that I'd find my way naturally. "So I guess I'll start with Pri. Part of me is like Don't talk about how great Pri is in front of the girl you like, but it's important. It matters. I had a crush on her from the day we met. We had a class together, randomly, and we started hanging out. Studying at first, then a party, and then another, lunches at the caf, always friendly and fun but always with Liv, never alone. Kinda... chaperoned? But Pri was Pri. Smart, pretty, the whole thing, and the entire time I was just... happy to be near somebody like that. And we spent so much time together, I spent so much time near her, that eventually I realized I was..."

"In love?" she said quietly.

"'Dysfunctional,' is what I was going to say. In love too, but I was sick with it. It was like a disease. I was so anxious, I couldn't focus. And I was a virgin and totally clueless and I'd never had a real girlfriend, just a girl one time in high school who probably wouldn't even agree to that word. I was not--I am not--a well-developed person. I'm not mature. I don't have, like, wisdom. I know that. So once I was together with Pri, once those feelings had somewhere to go, I think I was so desperate to keep her that I never questioned what we were doing. And we were doing some very strange shit.

"It started very cool, very casual. 'It's okay if you two kiss, I like it.' Then it became 'It's okay if you two fuck, as long as I can watch.' Then Marco came into the picture and it just made sense--In the unreality of it, I mean. It was like a dream, a very long dream that you don't even realize you're in, where the logic was just a little bit off center. Never enough to make you wake up, but always weird. But Liv was Liv, and Marco accepted it so naturally, and Pri was so... logical. Like, if it made sense to her then it didn't always need to make sense to me to keep going.

"I need to be clear: I liked it. That seed of anxiety got buried all the way down. These beautiful people wanted me. They liked me. I was confident, I was happy, I was in love. I still love them. I was in a place where sex and affection and intimacy were so available that it was okay to feel love for more than one person. After that, after you let yourself feel that, unless something comes along and knocks some sense into you..."

"Like getting dumped."

"Yeah, long-distance, over text message, like a softball to the head. Once that happens you just spiral. I was cut off from everyone, so all summer, instead of examining the whole construct, the Study Group itself, I was focused on how Pri hurt me. I came here totally blind--I mean, do you remember me at the airport? And I need to apologize again: I didn't know this trip would become so... horny. Or orgasm-y, or pornographic... Pick your favorite adjective that shouldn't be applied to a friend-cation. I didn't know it would be like this but I still went along with everything. Every private doubt I had stayed private. I never said 'No.' I'm not--"

I dropped my head, taking a moment to scratch my scalp and think.

"I don't think polyamorous is a thing that you are, like straight, queer, trans, or whatever. It's just what you're doing. It's a description. You can have crushes on ten different people while being in a relationship, you just never have the desire or permission or encouragement from your partner to do something about it. The crush never develops, that's the difference. I don't need to be in love with multiple people, but I am. Hell, at this point I don't want to be. It's majorly inconvenient."

Grace, bless her, smiled a little. "Are we still not talking about Marco?"

"No, no, just Pri and Liv. And thank god. Things are complicated enough as it is. But what I want to say, what my point is: the Study Group, these relationships, they just kinda happened. That's not an excuse. That's definitely not an endorsement. When you don't make any decisions, when you just go with the flow, it's--As you probably noticed, it's severely fucked up."

"You care a lot about each other," she said. She had listened to the whole thing, quietly and calmly, two words that I didn't normally associate with her. She hadn't panicked while I was spilling my guts. In some parts, the strangest and most vulnerable parts, she'd even nodded. "It's giving horny queer drama, like Heartstopper or something. It's chaotic but it's not fucked up."

"Why are you not freaking out?"

"Didn't I kinda know this stuff already? Not everything, not like the inside of your fuckin' soul, but the main stuff."

"What? But... You know, I didn't get this far when I imagined this conversation. I kinda figured you'd be like 'Well, this is more fucked than I realized' and head out."

"I'm still here. I don't scare that easily, but..." She rolled her hand in the air as if feeding me more rope. "If I was still interested, you know, what happens? Paint me the word picture."

"Oh god..."

I was tired. Without planning, without panic, it just fell out of my mouth.

"First, we can just not do the orgy. If it's too weird, I mean, it's not important. We can hang out instead. We can go to the beach, or just hide in my room and watch a movie. And we can hang out more over the next few days and... if you still like me, if we still like each other, we could go on a date when we're back at school. It's allowed. I could take you to Regal for a movie or Rat House for a party. And then, if it's still good after a while... I could be your boyfriend?" I made a nervous little chop in the air. "To be clear this is hypothetical. I'm not... This is just the word picture."

"Would I be like a backup girlfriend? Or could I be First Girlfriend? Is there a ranking system? Do I have to defeat the other girlfriends first?"

"You don't need to fight. There's not a ranking, not really--"

"Not really?"

"I don't know. I guess I was more with Pri than I was with Liv but that was just..." Just what? Convenience? Proximity? True love? "I don't think it's something you can plan. You just spend time with each other, and you be flexible and you don't be jealous. It's a real relationship. Like, with hopes and dreams and feelings and sex, probably lots of sex..."

"Oh, hit me with the hard sell, why don't you? And are there usually openings in your polyamorous, uh, club?"

"Openings?"

"Would I be the hot new rookie who just gets benched next season?"

"That's not--There's still commitment." I froze for a moment, thinking of Liv hooking up with Kay, and of Grace and I last night. Neither of us had "cleared it" with the Study Group in advance but both times were drinking games, slutty drinking games, like hooking up with other people was the whole point. It felt like "valid excuse" and "flimsy rationalization" were two sides of a coin still spinning in the air. "I'm sorry, what I mean to say is there's still loyalty. Maybe it's chaotic but it's real."

"I'd just need to let you occasionally bang that slut Liv." She raised a hand. "I'm kidding. I don't know why I said that. I'm just nervous." She massaged her face for a moment. I got the sense this was taking a lot out of her too. "But if we were together, let's say, and Marco liked me and I liked him, it would be okay if I dated him too. That's how it works."

"It could be," I said. "Or Liv." She raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Or somebody else even! That's not the point. It's not like some bonky carbon allotrope; you have free radicals."

"I don't know what that means and I feel like you have to know that. But I think I get it. It's like an open system. Matter and stuff can get across the boundary--Don't make that face, I know shit. So. Pri."

"Pri."

"Keep painting the picture. How does it work if she breaks up with you but she's, like, still with Marco? Or Liv, or whoever. No, no actually, how does it work if you decide to stay together?"

I felt the anxiety coming like a wave on a stormy day. They used to teach us to dive under as it came crashing down. If you let it take control, let it roll over you, it was only able to spin you around for a couple of seconds before you surfaced again. I shook my head.

"I don't know if it's possible. She hurt me, and she lied to me. She has to decide whether she's going to stand up to her parents--"

Grace put up both hands, eyes wide like I'd said Beetlejuice. "Whoa, no. Stop. I don't know what you've been fighting about, what the problems are in your relationship, but I don't think I'm supposed to know. If you like me, I mean, we're not supposed to talk about the issues with your other... people. Partners. I swear I studied for this."

"Oh. Okay, that makes sense." Whatever unengaged brain cells I had left whirred into action, calculating all the times I'd broken this obvious rule. "Either way, she seems set on being over me. But, to answer your question, if we figured shit out, if we stayed together... We start a new WhatsApp group? I'll see you on Tuesdays and her on Thursdays? We work out which weekends we spend together in advance? It's a lot of scheduling but we're pretty smart people. You guys like each other, right? We can all hang out together too..."

"I guess so. IDK, I thought that was going to be a way more dramatic answer." She absently adjusted the neckline of her blouse. "And if you break up? Just you two I mean, with Liv and Marco still in the picture?"

"I don't know." I stared at where the ceiling met the wall, trying to see the future, hoping some brilliant reaction would come to me. "I think we just... close it off. And it hurts, because if you care about someone obviously it fucking hurts, especially if they're still around, but you eventually get over it like any other breakup."

"Are you over it now?"

"Oh, fuck no. It's like dragging my soul through glass just to look at her."

It wasn't persuasive but it was the truth.

"I guess I knew that," she said. "Well, she's been shipping us hard. I don't know if she thinks I'm here just to fuck you and take your mind off things or if she wants me to take you off her hands for real? But--and remember we're in full, brutally honest brain dumping mode--I feel like I'm ready to snatch you up. I don't know if this even means what I think it means in this situation but... I will rebound the fuck out of you."

"Grace, you're not a rebound..." We shared a look, like That's obviously a lie. "Okay, I don't want you to be a rebound."

"Jack, I have chased a lot of guys who didn't deserve me. I have fucked a lot of guys that didn't even like me. You like me. Like, a few times I convinced myself that you didn't and then you do something so obvious that I can't even be in denial in peace. Sure, you're..." Tapping her chin, she thought for a good ten seconds, long enough that I worried she'd slipped a chain. "Non-standard," she said at last. "Let's call it non-standard. Well, I swing at everything. It's who I am. I think I can take a swing at non-standard."

She nodded a few times, as if we'd really decided something. She stood, rolled her shoulders, then started towards the door. "Okay, I guess I'll see you at lunch then?"

I hopped to my feet. "Wait. Don't go. Why don't we...?"

She took a breath through her teeth. "Ah, I'm not really in the mood. Maybe tonight we could kiss a little but--"

"Jesus, I'm not trying to... fuck you." I almost whispered the last part. "I want to talk. I want to get to know you. Or maybe just hang out? I don't know."

"Oh." It took a second, then she lit up like neon. "Okay, sure!" She practically launched herself back onto my bed, landing on her hip and elbow, a pose that screamed slumber party. It was fucking cute as hell. "What d'you want to talk about?"

~

We sat together on my bed for a long time, making conversation the old fashioned way. No drugs, no alcohol. Just rawdogging each other's personality.

We talked about swimming and movies and my hilariously weird roommate. I told her about growing up in small town Connecticut, never quite figuring out my place, and then having to start all over at State. I told her about Mom leaving, about Dad getting skin cancer. Not in a morbid kind of way. Just, like, that's who I was, you know?

We talked about softball, weightlifting, and rock climbing, or really we just talked in laps about Grace's infinite energy problem. She had some kind of nuclear reactor inside her and she frequently got what she described as 'the zoomies,' like she was a Golden Retriever.

If conversation was a dance, Grace didn't know how to lead or how to follow. She moved to her own chaotic rhythm but apologized quickly and genuinely whenever she stepped on your toes. I thought it was pretty obvious she had undiagnosed ADHD.

She also told me about growing up as a first-generation Chinese-American kid, about rules and expectations and being in her older brother's shadow.

Grace was her own person. Unquestionably feminine but not... ladylike. Not quiet, not obedient, not what her parents had wanted. She had fought with them constantly, year after year, until one day, whether she'd shouted the right thing or they'd somehow plucked it out of the ether, mom and dad had finally downloaded that she wasn't going to change. She was going to go to school on a sports scholarship, and she was going to drink and get tattoos and she wasn't going to ask forgiveness. Get with the program or see a lot less of me.

I knew it wasn't fair to either of them, but it made me think of Pri. The two of them were like zoo tigers. Where Grace kept escaping, again and again, until it was too much trouble to recapture her, Pri saw the bars as too strong, the walls as too high, the pain of the net as too much to bear. I didn't know if it was real or just some explanation I threw over reality to make it make sense, but it was something I could never share with anyone. I shoved it all down, like usual.

"And the witch?" I asked.

"That's Kiki! You know the kodama but not Kiki?"

"It's from the same guy, right?"

"Oh man," she groaned. "This is worse than the polyamory thing! It's hard enough being a Chinese weeb. I can't have a white boyfriend who doesn't know anime."

"Boyfriend you say?"

"Dude, you wish. You're not ready for the Girlfriend Experience. You couldn't handle it."

"Say more."

"For starters, Hookup Grace is totally different than Girlfriend Grace."

"Is she? Hookup Grace really impressed me, I gotta say."

"It's like this: Hookup Grace can meet you at the dining hall for lunch. Girlfriend Grace goes out to dinner and looks nice doing it."

"No sweatpants?"

"A dress."

"Fuck, I like you in a dress..."

"Girlfriend Grace meets your friends and crushes them in the batting cage. Girlfriend Grace buys popcorn at the movies."

"You buy ten dollar popcorn?"

She shrugged with an air of exaggerated humility. "Girlfriend Grace has money like that."

"That's good, really good, but let's say I'm not convinced."

"Well, Hookup Grace leaves right after sex. Girlfriend Grace is staying the night and doing cuddles. Just look at me. I cuddle like a motherfucker."

Despite her leading us to sex, my first thought was how it might feel for her to spoon me.

"I'm getting there. Like, this résumé is really stacking up."

"Really? I mean, if you need more..." The corner of her mouth curled a little. "Girlfriend Grace gives head every night, even when she's tired. Girlfriend Grace likes to be woken up for sex, and she gets on top. Girlfriend Grace doesn't use condoms. Fucking hates them, actually."

"Okay, I am super fucking convinced." I blew out a breath like I was trying to cool off. "I'll take two."

We both laughed. Not too hard, not like it was a stupid little riff. We laughed the way you laugh when the joke hits close to home and you're not sure where to go from there.

"And what about him?" I asked.

She traced the outline of the tattoo, a brown bear in a kind of Native American style. It was her largest by far, taking up a big chunk of her thigh.

"It's a she, a kodiak. It's the biggest brown bear in the world and--I know, should have got a panda, right?"

"Pandas are kinda lazy, aren't they?"

"Ezzzactly," she said. "Lazy bitches." For some reason we both laughed stupidly hard at that. She walked her fingers across her own thigh. "Do you know what 'bear mode' is?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay, it's a weightlifting thing. It's like, instead of being all shredded and skinny and dieting all the time, you just don't care. You eat the calories that you need to get huge and strong and... like a bear."

"So, you feel like you are this bear?" I tapped the tattoo and then just left my hand there, feeling the heat from her skin.

"I try to be. I was always kinda... chunky as a kid. Other kids were not nice to me. When I got into sports, I figured out that I was strong. It turns out I was strong the whole time. The bear is there to remind me of that, even when it doesn't feel that way."

"That's so... badass." My stomach felt hot, like I was melting a little inside. "You're just a total badass."

"I guess so," she said. She met my eyes and searched for a moment, looking for what I was hiding behind them.

I leaned forward and kissed her, putting my hand around the back of her neck. Her ponytail tickled my fingers. We slowly made out, brushing our noses together, the tips of our tongues tapping. It went for long enough that I was starting to get turned on, and then we pulled apart.

"Do you want to lay down?" she asked, glancing at the headboard. "You've got so many fucking pillows."

"I'd love to."

It turned out that she meant exactly that.

We shuffled around for a moment, adjusting ourselves in the pillow mountain, Grace pretending not to notice as I pushed my cock to a more comfortable spot. Once we laid back she snuggled under my arm and pulled out her phone. Her earbuds were in a few seconds later, watching some anime I didn't come close to recognizing, ignoring me.

I had a mental image of cohabitating with Grace in some far off future, lying on the couch in our pajamas, each playing some different phone game, takeout getting cold on the table. It looked nice. It looked easy.

I'd left my Kindle at the foot of the bed and used my toe to nudge it up to where I could grab it. We reclined for a long time but I didn't make much progress in my book. Over her shoulder, I saw at least two closing credits, some sports anime about ice skaters. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize it was also a gay romance. Grace was very into it, and as the last episode ended I thought I heard her sniff back a tear. She laid limply against me for a bit and I finally found the peace of mind to read.

A few minutes later I noticed she was watching anime again, something different this time. It was just a guy and a girl, a woman actually, staged dramatically, all angles and shadows. They were sitting and talking in a living room, a scene that was practically mundane, but before I could look back to my book the woman pulled her enormous tits out of her dress.

If Grace felt me tense, she didn't react. I watched along as the woman, apparently this mother of this guy's classmate, egged him on, having him feel her breasts, telling him how she'd been watching him. Then she pulled his massive blurred cock out of his pants.

Grace watched blankly. While one hand held the phone up to her face, the other absently rubbed the crotch of her jean shorts. It didn't take long for the characters to end up in the bedroom, disrobing. The mother pushed the guy onto the bed and after a sweaty, nasty titfuck, she crawled backwards to let him take her doggy style.

I'd watched tons of porn in my life, weird stuff even, but I'd never seen this kind of lewdness animated before. I knew it existed, it had to, but only in the abstract, not as something that pretty girls got off to. When the guy's outlandishly large cock finally split open the woman's hairy pussy, I realized I was painfully hard.

"Here," said Grace, handing me an earbud.

She'd figured out I was watching too, or maybe she'd known the whole time. Aside from a little flush in her cheeks, she looked back to the show with barely any reaction at all. As I put the earbud in, Grace snapped her shorts open and pushed her hand into her underwear. She shivered.

The sounds coming from the show were insane: melodramatic music, high-pitched moaning in Japanese, and egregiously sloppy sex noises. Their Foley guy must have been a lunatic.

I shifted my hips and, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Grace sat forward long enough for me to push my shorts and underwear down to my knees. When she settled back against me, the anime guy was already on top of the woman, piledriving her into the mattress, and monologuing about how he was actually her son's bully. The woman climaxed over and over as he taunted her.

Grace and I masturbated like we had last night. Openly, unselfconsciously, like it was something we'd done a hundred times. Her hand rocked side-to-side in her shorts, "flicking her switch" like she'd shown me. Every now and then she'd exhale deeply, eyelids heavy, her phone hand tilting a bit before she straightened up. I stroked my cock, letting my copious precum dribble down my knuckles and balls. We were pressed so close that my slimy glans occasionally touched her arm as we jerked ourselves, leaving her elbow wet.

Somehow I thought it would be over fast, like a sex scene in a movie, but it went on and on. It was just porn after all, like anything live-action I'd seen on a million websites. Five minutes had passed, then ten, before eventually reaching a climax. When my own cock looked swollen-purple and ready to pop, the bully finally came, shooting an impossibly large load of semen inside the mother until it overflowed like glue. He narrated as he did, commanding her to get pregnant, to carry his child and raise it as his classmate's brother.

It was crude and disgusting and it freaked me out, but Grace obviously loved it, loved how nasty and over the top it was. I was so turned on that my slit was leaking like a faucet, cum fully coating my shaft like an oiled up sex toy.

Grace clenched and whined on her hand, her whole body contorting around her plunging fingers. I smelled her hair, gliding faster in my palm, imagining that I was about to cum inside of her, that I would fill her beautiful pussy with--

Twisting, she swung a gloriously full leg over mine and grasped the back of my hand, helping me to pump my wet cock.

"We can fuck now, right?" She looked up with wide, brown eyes. "I know I said we should wait..."

My look said everything.

We burst into motion, struggling upright, the two of us wrestling to remove the others' shirt. Even in the fever pitch, I stopped to stare as she unclasped her bra. Her huge, half-sunburnt tits swayed heavily into place against her ribs. I lifted them together with squeezing hands, sucking each stubby nipple into my mouth, sloppily tasting her large, brown areolas. She hummed and drew huge breaths through her nose.

Then she was falling backwards, clawing at her shorts and panties until she could fling them away. I kicked my own off my ankles, my cock swinging wildly. Now naked, she half-shimmied, half-crab walked herself under me, flipping each tanned knee over my thighs with perfect timing, guiding my cock to her slit. Her hand was warm. Dragging my crown up and down her hairless lips, she spread our lubrication around, enough to be sure I'd slide in easily.

It occurred to me in the moment how skilled she was, how much experience she must have. This was a woman who knew how to fuck. My cock ached.

And I froze, right there at the precipice, a quarter inch from heaven. I felt like I'd been waiting for this moment and it had somehow come too fast. I wasn't prepared. We hadn't talked about it. We didn't know what it could mean.

She grabbed me around the neck and pulled. "Yes, I'm on birth control. Yes, I'm tested. Yes, yes, get in-fucking-side me..."

I had the presence of mind to look down as I entered her for the first time. My thick, glistening prick slid between her tiny inner lips like a well-oiled piston. She groaned. She'd always complained about running hot, her athletic body radiating more than normal people. Her pussy was no different. It squeezed me with a slick, scalding heat.

"Oh fuck, it's thick..." Her eyes were wide, her eyebrows arched like she was in pain. I knew she was a size queen but I still felt the telltale resistance of her pussy stretching. "Holy fucking shit..."

"Are you okay?" I took a deep breath, already trying not to cum. I needed this to last. "We can slow down."

"What? No. No, no, no. I love this feeling..."

I fell onto her, pumping myself deeper and deeper, holding her face with both hands. We kissed, clumsily to start, testing the edge of each other's comfort. She smiled, humming and playful. We found that we both liked firm kisses, frequently slipping into hard, violent frenching. Our lips joined wetly, our tongues twisting together. For an exquisite moment we did everything we could to get closer, jaws working, skin sliding against skin, my cock pushing deeper, stretching her more and more. I raised my head just long enough to take her in.

"God, you're fucking beautiful." I brushed her bang away and she bit her lip, staring back bashfully. "I don't want to hurt you but I think you can take it all."

"I can! I promise. I promise I can take everything..."

I grabbed an enormous handful of sunburnt tit and pushed myself to my knees, her labia holding on to my girth for dear life. I wanted for us both to watch as I fit every steaming cock-inch inside her. Taking up an ankle in each hand, I edged closer, holding her thickly muscled legs up in a vee, her anklet feeling rough against my palm. I slowly rolled my hips, her heavy breasts rocking back and forth with the motion. The tattoos on her leg were so colorful and alive. I kissed her calf, sucking at the skin.

Instead of watching me split her open, Grace's eyes raked over my arms and chest and the hard, chunky abs I'd earned with ten thousand laps in the pool. She grabbed a breast and crushed it against her chest, flesh bowing between her fingers, running her other hand over my stomach in wonder. She seemed like she was checking that I was real, making sure I wasn't some wet dream still in progress.

"You like my cock?" I asked, thrusting ever closer to home. She sighed deeply, like she couldn't believe I'd even ask. "Tell me."

"Oh god, it's fucking perfect. It's the most picture perfect cock I've ever seen."

"That's all?"

"It's--Fuck, it's the perfect shape. Your head is, like, juicy. I swear to God I can feel that fat fucking vein with my pussy. I think I could suck you for hours and I'd never get tired of it. Will you let me give you head tonight? I can stop in right before bed, just a quick fifteen of sloppy, drippy head until you explode down my throat."

"Oh fuck, that sounds so good."

"And you're huge. God, fuck me, I've never even seen a cock this big before. It's so fucking heavy, and it's hard, it's so hard inside me..." She dropped her hand, trying to wrap a thumb and forefinger around the shaft. For a few seconds I slid through her glistening fingers into her dripping pussy. "Oh fuck me... You're stretching me out... I don't--" She squirmed, her generous legs shaking in my hands. "You're ruining me. You're ruining my pussy with your big, fucking--Hnnn!"

I thrust the final, untouched inch of shaft inside, bottoming out, fully wrapped by her impossibly hot cunt. I held still inside her, reveling in her sudden, rapid contractions.

"If you cum, I'll cum," she said from another dimension. "If you cum, I'll cum... If you cum, I'll cum..."

"You're cumming right now."

"I'll cum big. Bigger. I'll fucking nut all over you. Please, please cum inside me."

I squeezed her ankles tightly, grinding my mound against hers, and clenched. I felt a spurt of precum shoot into her and pulled out to watch it slip out of her gasping pussy and down between her cheeks. My slick, angry cock waved in the air. She watched it with hungry eyes.

"Get on your knees, Bear. Show me the ass you worked so hard for."

"Bear?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Yes, you're my Bear now," I said, kissing her ankle. "Do you like that?"

"Yes!" Kicking away from me, she flipped onto her knees so fast it was desperate, almost uncoordinated. She ground her face into the sheets and lifted her enormously thick ass into the air. "Yes, Jack, please, I'm your Bear..."

Grace was muscular but she was undeniably feminine: her smooth skin, her long lashes, her wide mouth. Her heavy breasts and her puffy, sweet pussy. But this, this was the best of her: an ass that would make the Devil himself fall down and beg.

It was a massive inverted heart, flaring from an already chubby waist, beautifully rounded with muscle but layered erotically with body fat, wobbling like cake as she settled into place. Faint stretch marks wrapped around her upper buttcheeks while the biteable curve of under-cheeks framed her sopping pussy. Between her swollen outer labia, her slit was flared open, a droplet of cummy foam clinging to one lip. Whether it was waxed too or just naturally that way, the brown skin around her asshole was hairless.

I couldn't stop myself from tasting her. I licked her slowly from clit to tailbone, sucking up our combined juices and dancing my tongue over her anus.

Her sweaty aroma filled my mouth and nose. I straightened up, grabbing her by the waist, fingers sinking into her skin, and lined up the iron bar of my cock between her lips.

"Oh god, I need it," she moaned, before I could even tease her. "I need it like fucking air. Please, Jack."

"Give me your hands, Bear."

She froze for a quarter-second, then threw both hands behind her, hooking her fingertips together at the small of her back.

Her wrists were thicker than I'd realized and I needed a full hand for each. As I adjusted my grip, moving her arms around, I savored the view of her mountainous back shifting under her skin. I tapped around for a moment, like a divining rod, using just the angle of my hips to press my ripe glans against her hole. I applied more and more pressure until, my cock almost bending, I slipped inside her with a slurping sound.

"Oh my god..." she said with a tone of pure, syrupy ecstasy. "Mooore..."

"Fuck, that's good. Oh my god, I've been dreaming of this." Using her swept back arms like saddle reins, I stroked her pussy over and over, each time pushing little grunt-groans out of her. I breathed deep and steady, willing my orgasm away. "You're too fucking gorgeous, Grace. Your body is too fucking perfect..."

"Bear. Please... keep calling me Bear..."

"Okay Bear." She hummed a little note of delight, gushing around my cock. Her pussy sounded audibly wet. "Are you having a good time, Bear?"

"Mmmmm..."

"Is this cock as good as you thought it'd be?"

"It's betterrr... I knew you'd fuck good but this is fuh-fucking amazing..."

I took her with a deep, cunt-stretching stroke and she seized, her shoulder and trap muscles rigid. Even pinned below me, with absolutely no leverage, I knew she could have broken free easily. She was so fucking strong. She could turn on me and wrestle me to the ground whenever she wanted.

"Tell me, Bear. Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"Please cum inside me," she begged. "Empty your big fucking balls in me and... and knock me up."

I jerked, a sudden hitch in my hips. My grip must have loosened because Grace blindly grabbed for my wrists in a bid to keep us connected.

"Don't stop," she said. "No, no, no, it's a kink thing. I'm on the pill, I swear..." She huffed a sigh, despairing. I didn't have time to process what I even felt, if I was freaked out or only startled. All I saw was that she'd allowed herself to be unbelievably, impossibly vulnerable in that moment. She clearly thought she'd gone too far and lost me.

I took up both wrists again, tighter than before, and slid my cock into her hard like I was slamming a drawer shut.

"Hunhh," she moaned. I slammed inside again. "Hhnnn--!"

"You want me to fill your pussy, Bear?" She clenched my cock three times, rapid fire. I picked up the pace, gliding deeper and deeper until I locked out, her fat ass conforming to my thighs. She moaned and quivered, butthole winking.

With one more slam of the drawer, I began to take her in long, dependable strokes, metronome-like. I fucked her, plap--plap--plap, both ass cheeks flinging forward and crashing back against my thighs like waves. Whatever witchcraft she'd used to tie up her hair held tight. Her shiny ponytail shook like a tree in a storm without losing a strand.

"Say it again, Bear."

Plap-plap-plap.

"Knock me up," she moaned into the sheets.

"That's right. More."

Plap-plap-plap.

"I'm... I'm not safe right now. If you cum inside--If you cum inside I'll get pregnant..."

"You want my babies?" Remembering the bully from the anime, I went farther. "You want me to drown your womb in cum?"

"F-f-fuck... yes... yes... yes...! Fuck! Breed me, Jack..."

I'd started to sweat, moisture collecting at my temples and across my chest. I tossed my head, trying to flick it away. My taut biceps were starting to burn, my fingers aching, but I couldn't let her go. Not until after I'd given her the cum she was begging for. Not until I'd blown everything inside her.

"I know your birth control is fake," I said as I rearranged her uterus. "I'm going to fertilize you. You're going to be pregnant tomorrow."

"Yes--Ohh fuck--The pills are fake... They're--They're vitamins! I'm so fucking fertile. I'm so fucking in love with your perfect cock and your fat fucking balls, just please, please, please cum inside me..."

I wanted to keep going. I wanted to fuck her for hours, teasing out her orgasms until she was a whimpering, desperate mess, but I was at the edge.

"I'm gonna cum, Bear. Do you feel how big I'm getting? I'm gonna fill your pussy up until it overflows."

"Please! Oh--Jesus, I'm gonna cum too. I'm gonna--Fuck!--fucking cum too!"

"You know how much I cum, don't you?"

"So much, so so much. I'm so fucking ready..."

"Do you want to drink it instead?"

"No! I need it inside. Go deep and cum, please..."

I planted one foot on the bed, mounting her higher, tugging her muscled arms even harder. Her upper back, criss-crossed with savage bikini lines from her sunburn, bunched up, her shoulder blades squeezing together. Her triceps flexed into little ridges.

"Ah fuck, Bear, I'm gonna cum." My testicles were hot and sweaty, swinging low. They slapped against her sticky mound on the in-stroke. Tingles of pleasure surged like electricity from the base of my cock to my brainstem.

"Cum, cum, cummm..."

"Fuck, I'm cumming, " I growled, vision going dark. "Oh fuck, oh shit. Squeeze it--Fuck! Squeeze it out of me Bear...!"

My mouth fell open, drooling, my already thick cock swelling thicker as I sprayed my hot cream deep inside her. Grace started to writhe, her athletic pussy sucking me down. She pulled against my grip, her hips shaking erratically as she came with me.

I shot another rope of cum inside, and another, the contents of my skull whirring into a dopamine smoothie. I couldn't tell if she was having several orgasms, one after the other, or just one minute-long mind-eraser, but her entire body shook and humped like an epileptic. Her sunburnt cheeks wobbled like jello as I reduced her to guttural, slurring moans. I held on like my cock was injecting the antidote.

After a dozen long pulses of cum, I started shooting blanks, balls aching. I was fucking done. I dropped her wrists and we pitched forward together, my forehead resting on her sweaty back.

My pelvic floor would clench randomly, cock thickening for a moment, and Grace would squeeze her pussy back on me. Unconsciously, I slid my fingers into the tied up hair at the nape of her neck and scratched. She purred and squeezed my cock again.

After a dreamlike minute, I pushed myself vertical and grabbed the base of my shaft, preparing to uncouple.

"Gracie," I said. "Look between your legs. You're going to want to see this."

She mumbled something and, as if slowly regaining control of her limbs, she did an awkward push up into doggystyle and dropped her head.

I pulled my slick, deflating cock out of her vagina, releasing a deluge of jizz onto the blanket.

"Fuuuck..." she said. "There's so much..." She must have squeezed again because another white waterfall slipped out of her.

I leaned back on my heels, surveying the damage, falling in love with her fuck-ravaged, perfect body. Unconsciously, I reached out and shook one of her sweat-coated ass cheeks just to watch it jiggle.

"I would do that every day," I said thickly. "Every hour. I just don't think my body could handle it..."

Grace popped unsteadily to her knees and put a hand between her legs, checking her pussy. Hidden by her expansive back and huge ass, I couldn't quite see what she was doing, but eventually she pirouetted on one knee and flopped, her plump pussy plastered with cum, onto the other side of the bed. She sunk exhausted into the pillows that were still clean.

She started to say something, smiling, eyelids heavy, and coughed phlegmily. She cleared her throat and laughed. "Ooh fuck, you..." She shook her head like she didn't even really know. "I'm toast. Come here. Come hold me."

Together we peeled the disaster of a blanket off the bed, using the corners to clean our genitals as best as we could. Her phone clattered to the floor but we didn't care. We laid together, naked and spent.

The blissful moment that followed would stick in my memory forever. Skin to skin, basking in each other's afterglow, with absolute certainty that this feeling was attainable again.

"I didn't mean to scare you," she said eventually. She was tucked under my arm, forehead pressed against my neck. I thought she'd fallen asleep.

"What do you mean?"

"The breeding thing." She covered her face for a moment. "I'm such a psycho. Obviously you were going to freak out..."

"I didn't--I was surprised is all. It was hot, I just didn't know..."

"I would never say that normally. Not on the first time. Not without talking about it first. I got carried away. There's just something about your cock. It's so... veiny. And the head is so smooth and so fucking thick. It's like, if I was dreaming up a cock that could impregnate you with one shot, it would look exactly like that."

"That's... wow. I don't know where that ranks on my All Time Compliments Received, but it's high."

"That's good, I guess. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't usually do dangerous shit like that."

"It's fine." I kissed the top of her head. "If you're on the pill I don't see the issue."

"Not, not like that... I tried it a few times before but guys would get the wrong idea. They think it gives them permission to do... other stuff."

"Oh. Oh."

"Like, they get really... physical."

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--I mean, I thought it was the right amount of--"

"No, no, I'm not talking about you. It's just gone bad so many times, but I--I don't know why--I felt like you wouldn't hurt me."

"No. I won't."

"Yeah...." She sighed. "You're way too much of a pussy."

We froze, then I lurched forward, flipping her laughing onto her hip. She curled up as I tried to pin her, tickling her waist and arms and neck. Her body jiggled and swayed in the most amazing places and I felt my cock start to thicken again.

She noticed right away, and found my swinging shaft with a warm hand. In the manic grabassery I might have mistaken it for some kind of krav maga finisher, but it was gentle, firm. We looked at each other with big, sappy smiles.

"I want to do the sex contract," she said. "If you do it, I'll do it too."

"Really?" I shook my head. I felt weird trying to argue with my cock in her hand. "You don't need to do that. I don't need it."

"I want you to do it. I don't want to... take it from you, I guess? And I should figure out if it's something I can handle."

"You don't need to handle anything. You shouldn't do anything you're not completely comfortable with."

"Oh! No, I mean like could I 'handle' watching you fuck other people. I couldn't, like, fuck Liv or whatever the hell you want to do. I could watch though, like last night. We could mess around for a bit and then I could, you know, let you go for a while."

The idea sunk in for a moment. I couldn't lie to her: I wanted it. It wasn't just the promise of sweaty, athletic sex. I also knew that this contract, this stamped and notarized orgy, might be the last time I ever fooled around with Pri or with Liv. Even Sylvie was on my mind, the beautiful, cruel little thing. If things really fell apart, if my breakup with Pri forced the others to choose sides, then the orgy might be the finale of my polyamorous little universe. Game over, going out of business, all pussies must be eaten, all dicks must be sucked.

There was a part of me that worried Grace was willing to sacrifice the future we might have just to satisfy me now. I felt like we'd only just met, that we'd ruin everything before we could even start.

"Do you really want to do this?" I asked.

"I think I always did," she said. "I was just more afraid than excited. I don't know why but now... I guess I'm more excited than afraid."

I couldn't argue with that. I didn't want to argue with that.

"Alright, then," I said. "Let's do this thing."

~

Grace and I signed Sylvie's sex contract together, or rather we drew rough, loopy approximations of our signatures onto our phone screens and then tapped a few buttons. Afterward, we discussed the exit strategy from my room. The way news traveled in this house, neither of us thought that what just happened would stay a secret for long. Instead of hiding all day or sending Grace on the shortest walk of shame in history, we decided to clean up in the basement bathroom then head upstairs together.

Marco stood impatiently in the doorway to the great room while Liv bustled around the kitchen, reusable shopping totes swinging around on her forearms. She pushed around mugs and fruit baskets and loose papers, opening and shutting drawers randomly.

"We can just take mine," he said, plainly annoyed.

"Okay, but I still need to find them."

"Do you need to find them now?" To us, he said, "We're going to the store. Prepping for the..." He searched for the word he wanted.

"You can say 'orgy,'" said Liv. "It's not gonna bite." She froze, staring up, searching the memory banks and coming up blank. "Fuck. Whatever, I'll find them later."

"Great!" Marco visibly thanked the heavens. God, Zeus, or Wotan, I didn't think he was picky. "You guys want to come?"

"I thought we'd have lunch," said Grace. "I'm kinda hungry..."

"That's the best part," he said. "They say you should never shop hungry but this time it's all going on Maury's card. We're going to buy the most unhinged shit ever. We have a cookie budget."

"Oh shit. I'm so in."

"Okay. Should we meet you out there or...?"

"I'm ready," said Liv. "I've been ready."

"Right. Right..."

We reconvened on the gravel of the driveway. Pri'd been crouched, flinging stones against the yellow wall that surrounded the villa. She stood as we came down the steps and gave me a pinched look, twisting her mouth even more when she saw Grace following behind.

I'd been unable to get a read on her this entire trip. I knew our relationship, however the fuck it would be classifed, was complicated, but on top of it she'd continually swung from hot to cold, glowing to stormy, vibrating with jealousy to totally disinterested.

Marco and Liv either didn't notice her frostiness or they'd decided not to get involved. Grace made a face that I could only describe as Eek and sat in the backseat between us.

We made idle conversation as we headed down the mountain into town. It was still just a shopping trip. Everything orgy-related was discussed practically, without winks or nudges, as if we were planning any old party.

How hungry would people actually be? Oven, range, or grill? Where does the food go during? What snacks make sense if you're not wearing any clothes?

"What are you guys wearing?" asked Liv. "I tried to google it but people just said to wear what you feel sexy in."

"Is that not a good answer?" said Pri.

"My love, I can feel sexy in just about anything. I feel like they're implying lingerie or something."

"Just look cute," said Marco. "And make sure it's not too hard to take off."

"So, like, no bra?"

Pri had been staring at the mansions flipping by and suddenly turned to Grace. "So what are you going to do during the party?"

"I signed the contract," said Grace plainly. "Me and Jack signed before we left. And we had sex."

Pri blinked heavily, gears whirring.

"What!" Liv rotated, Exorcist-style, in the front seat. "That's great! Way to bury the fucking lede!"

"Sorry," I said. "We were going to tell you, um, now I guess. You seemed busy."

Marco only nodded and continued driving, like a dad zoning out while the kids screeched in the back.

"Well now we have to talk about it," said Liv seriously. "Not about the contract-document-orgy-thing. That's great, don't get me wrong. We'll have a blast. I mean the sex. It's, uh, how do I start..."

Pri said, "Best time to discuss it would have been before--"

"We're talking about it now. So, Grace--"

"Ortho Tri-Cyclen," said Grace. "And I got tested in June. Condom broke with my FWB." She had this odd habit of saying internet acronyms out loud, and it took me a moment to put that one together. "So yeah. I have the results on my phone if you want."

"Whoa, okay." Liv laughed. "You're prepared, huh?"

"It's in the sex thing. The Attestation. That's what you wanted to know, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, there's more. I just wanted to... Sorry you threw me off."

"What she means is--Do you mind?" Marco looked at Liv. Some kind of signal passed between them and for once in her life she deferred. "Right, what she means is: we've been messing around with new people on this trip--"

"'We,' like the Study Group thing." Grace didn't seem fazed, like she'd found some ready-mix confidence from our earlier conversation. "You're talking about you four."

"Exactly. But Sylvie and Kay live in New York. And that's not even touching my whole history with Syl. I don't need to expand on why that has to be a temporary thing."

"Are you asking if I'm temporary?"

"No, I--C'mon, I didn't say it like that..."

"You're asking if it's serious with me and Jack? What do you think, babe? Can I show them the ring?"

Cold horror closed around my throat. "Uh, what? I didn't--"

"He's so easy to mess with," she said, rolling her eyes. "Yeah no, we talked about it. There's potential. We like each other. We, uh, might try a date when we get back to the States but we were going to talk to y'all about the next steps first--Hypothetically, I mean, like in the word picture--"

"The word picture...?"

"--because I know there's a shitload of stuff I don't know about your, uh, polyamory group thing. I'm--Sorry, I just got really nervous for some reason..."

Okay, maybe she was a little fazed.

"You're okay," said Liv. "You're such a sweetheart. This is new for us too. Right Pri?"

Pri looked up blank-faced, like a student who couldn't believe the teacher would actually dare call on her. "Sure. Cool. All good. If you like each other then... see where it goes. Super."

Grace nodded cheerfully but caught my eye with a little flex of her eyebrow. Where only I could see, she mouthed, Is she mad at me?

I made the tiniest shrug, pretending I didn't know that she was.

We parked in a cold, concrete parking structure under the supermarket, dividing our list on the escalator ride up into the store. Marco would handle meat, expressing loudly that he couldn't trust any of us with something that important. Liv grabbed Grace, ostensibly to get fruit and vegetables but really to pump her for tea. Pri and I, apparently, were left to gather everything else.

I followed a silent Pri deep into the store, pushing an oddly smooth-riding cart. She walked with purpose, like she couldn't wait to put some distance between us and the others, until we were alone in the ice cream aisle. Scanning the glass-doored freezers, her head tracked back and forth, down the many rows like a typewriter carriage.

"You don't even like her," she said at last.

It took me an embarrassingly long moment to figure it out. "Grace?"

"God, I hate it when you play stupid." She looked up. "Your absent-minded-professor shit doesn't fool anyone. I know you don't like her."

"Yes I do." I blinked, almost stunned. "What are you even--? Obviously I do."

"You said she was annoying. You said that months ago."

I cycled through old memories but couldn't place it. I probably had said that, back when I barely knew Grace. "Whatever I said before, I like her now. She's nice. She's--"

"She has no idea what she's getting into. She has no idea how you can be."

"I'm going to ignore the bait. She understands damn well what's going on. Better than you, probably."

"That had better be bait."

"She's asking questions. She did research. She asks about boundaries and what things mean... All the shit we never bothered to do."

"She's asking you questions about polyamory? That's hilarious." She found, apparently, what she was looking for: a package of comically generic ice cream sandwiches. It looked like a low-res model you'd see in a video game. She tossed them roughly into the cart. "You should leave that poor girl alone."

"Why would--It was your idea!"

She did an actual doubletake. "My idea? Explain to me how dating some new girl during our break was my idea?"

"You--!" I threw my hands up. "First of all, we're not dating. Yeah, we like each other, but you had something to do with that, didn't you? You were shoving us at each other from the moment you got here, like we were dolls you wanted to make kiss."

"Oh my god, you actually believe that, don't you? You said like ten words to each other before this week. You barely know her. If you want to replace me so bad, fine. Fine! But don't, god help you, act like it was my idea."

"I know, Pri. I know. Grace knows. She noticed right away what you were up to."

Pri scoffed. "Yeah, like she didn't know what she was doing..."

"Oh, suddenly you know what I'm talking about. What'd you say to her? 'Oh girl, he likes you. He's such a little boyslut. We're barely together at this point.' Stop bullshitting. Let's say what's really going on here: You sent her after me like she was some disposable fuck because--"

"Wonderful, I'm getting the 'don't objectify women' talk from the man who falls dick first into every girl he meets."

"You pushed her at me--Syl too for that matter--because you wanted this to happen. Worst case, she keeps me busy, keeps me out of your hair for awhile. Best case? We actually like each other and you get to run away and it's all my fault. All because you are terrified of what's coming and it's so, so much easier to blow everything up than to fix it."

"You didn't just fuck her, Jackson! She wants everything and you're just going to give it to her. What are we supposed to fix? You can't stand to be alone for five minutes without cumming in something!"

"I was alone for two fucking months, Pri. You left me alone in Fuckoff, Connecticut with a broken heart and a dad with cancer. I was alone then."

"Well you're sure as hell making up for lost time."

I suddenly became aware of the brick that had formed down my throat. I didn't have anything else to say and I didn't think I could physically speak if I did. I just nodded and gave her a thumbs up, mouth pinched, heart pounding. I stared at the freezer, zoning out on colorful ice pops, until her distorted reflection finally walked away.

Some time later my flight response faded enough for me to move again. Alone in the aisle, I grabbed Pri's stupid flavorless ice creams, opened the freezer door, and roughly threw them back inside.

A moment later I grabbed a new, undented box of the same kind and placed it, carefully, in the cart.