Steamed Hams, But It's Nude Day

Principal Seymour Skinner invited Superintendent Gary Chalmers for lunch, without realizing what day it was. However, he saw an unexpected career opportunity.

Seymour's roast had already been cooked to perfection and was simmering in the oven. When the doorbell rang, he bolted towards the door, dressed in a formal suit and an apron. He noticed Chalmers being less formally dressed. After the initial shock, he realized what day it was. It was the National Nude Day. No wonder he forgot. He was much too prudish to participate or even go out during the day. His mother surely wouldn't have approved. No wonder the old woman had kept to herself upstairs the whole day.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it, despite my erections.

Chalmers was wearing absolutely nothing, not even shoes on his feet. Skinnner's eyes quickly glanced at the Superintendent's naked form. For a middle-aged man, he was fit and muscular. And although Seymour considered himself straight, he was impressed by Chalmers' manhood, which was at half-mast.

Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Chalmers: Eh...

Seymour excused himself on the grounds that he needed to check on the roast. Chalmers took a seat and placed the wine he bought on ice. The oven was already off. The roast was perfect. Nevertheless, Seymour panicked. His mind started racing. What did Chalmers expect from the luncheon, arriving like that? Perhaps the Superintendent had misunderstood the invitation? Rumour had it that Chalmers was bit of a horndog and fond of both men and women. Seymour also sensed an opportunity here. If he were to succumb to Chalmers, his career might just get the shot in the arm he had always hoped for. Chalmers had always seemed to have a strong dislike for him. Perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to change that. The fact that he even agreed to come for luncheon on Nude Day was enough of a sign. How far Seymour would go, that would remain to be seen. He was willing to experiment, but noticed the idea of actually getting down with his superior was a turn-off. Not only that, but he realized how much his own member paled in comparison to the Superintendent's impressive meat pole.

Skinner: Oh, egads! My erection is ruined. But what if... I were to purchase a sex toy and disguise it as my own genitals? Ho, ho, ho!. Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

As he started to climb out from the window to visit Krusty's Sex Shop across the street, he was startled as the Superintendent barged in.

Chalmers: Uh--!

(Skinner, with his crazy penetrations

The superintendent's gonna need his masturbation

When he sees Skinner's huge ejaculations

There'll be trouble down there tonight!)

Chalmers: SEEEEEYMOOUUURRR!!!

Skinner: Superintendent! I was just... uh... looking at all the nude people outside. Voyeuristic exercise! Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why are you suited up on Nude Day, Seymour?

Skinner: Uh... oh! I wanted to cream in my pants! Cream from all the nudity I'm seeing. Mmmm, creamed pants!

Chalmers seemingly bought the explanation, as shady as it was. Skinner quickly left through the window and ran to the sex shop in search of appropriate tools. After purchasing a fitting item, he returned home, climbed through the window, undressed and made the necessary adjustments. The fake penis was now partly hollow and placed over his real flaccid one. If Chalmers didn't look too closely, it would pass the test. Seymour stepped in to the kitchen with his seemingly erect massive phallus leading the way.

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering gay action!

Chalmers: I thought you wanted to cream in your pants.

Skinner: Oh no, I said I wanted to steam my hams! That's what I call anal sex.

Chalmers: You call anal sex steaming your hams?

Skinner: Yes! It's a subcultural expression.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Eh, what subculture?

Skinner: Uh... the gay subculture?

Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm bisexual and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steaming hams.

Skinner: Oh, it's a regional dialect. It's an Albany gay scene expression.

Chalmers: I see.

Chalmers submitted to Seymour and spread his cheeks while leaning on the table. Seymour thought for a second about what he was doing. His mother was somewhere upstairs. This was pure madness, but backing away now seemed to be even more terrifying. He proceeded to apply the lube and slowly inserted his fake cock inside of Chalmers, who was furiously stroking his own thing. Chalmers grunted loudly as Seymour pushed himself further. Chalmers began moaning in obvious pleasure as Seymour began thrusting. Several minutes of anal gay action passed without anyone saying a word, with loud panting filling the air.

Chalmers: You know, your cock feels quite similar to the dildos they have in Krusty's Sex Shop.

Skinner: Ho, ho, ho! Oh, no! Patented Skinner genitals! Old family jewels.

Chalmers: For steaming your hams?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes, and you call it steaming your hams, despite the fact it is my backside getting punished.

Chalmers waved his cum-covered cock for Seymour to see, revealing his powerful prostate orgasm.

Skinner: Y- Uh.. you know, the... One thing I should... Excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

Seymour pulled out, thought on his feet and checked the refrigerator. Milk was the only substance even closely resembling sperm. Seymour applied it liberally to his nether regions and entered the dining room.

Skinner: [Yawning] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I came.

Chalmers: Yes, I should be--Good Lord, what happened down there!?

Skinner: Cum?

Chalmers: Uh... Cum!? With your dick still fully erect, in such huge amounts, with such a running consistency, localized all over your lower body?

Skinner: Yes!

Chalmers:... May I taste it?

Skinner:... No.

As Seymour walked the Superintendent to the door, he heard his own mother descending the stairs. Seymour knew he'd have a lot of explaining to do.

Agnes: Seymour! There is milk on the floor!!

Skinner: No, mother, it's just sperm!

Seymour died inside saying this, but it was still preferable to losing face in front of his boss.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.

Agnes: HEEEELP!!! HEEEELP!!!

Chalmers turned back, but Seymour waved him goodbye with his huge phony phallus. Chalmers walked away, as naked as he came.

A firetruck drove by for no apparent reason.