Evie - How My Barriers Fell

This story is a work of fiction. A figment of the author's imagination. It is not meant to be big on realism. It's a fantasy.

It's quite a slow-burn, but it gets there in the end. ????

All characters are fictitious, and any that are involved in sexual activities are over 18.

***

Evie: How My Barriers Fell.

Lesbians. I never understood... Until I did.

I was brought up in a very traditional Scottish family: I was given to believe that men were the leaders of the family, the leaders of the community, the leaders of everything.

The conventional wisdom was that I, as a female, was automatically in a lesser category. That everything I did or said was under an overarching, overbearing, male hegemony.

I accepted this without even questioning it. From my earliest awareness, it just was.

I suppose I passed through my childhood in a fairly unquestioning, unthinking way. It was pre-ordained that, when I grew up, I would meet a nice, suitable boy, get married, have kids, and settle down into a "comfortable" life of motherhood and wifehood. I didn't even think about it for a long time. It was just something that was accepted. It was the script. It was what was going to happen. No question.

But then puberty happened. I started to change, started to think more about things, started to question things. And I began to have all these strange feelings. My body was changing, and suddenly I had hormones. Suddenly, sex was something to think about.

At first, I didn't have any strong attraction towards others, male or female but I had urges. I was learning what it was to feel horny, and I began to discover the pleasures of my own body.

I had little sex education, and my parents never raised the subject, even though, in some respects, they were quite open and liberal. So, I had to explore, and learn for myself.

I discovered that fondling my burgeoning breasts felt good, and that it made my nipples go all plooky and stand up rudely. It made me feel like sucking them, and when I did, or if I plucked them with my fingers, strange things happened in my pussy, and I liked the feeling.

My little bean would get hard and tingly, and my pussy would get all wet and slippery. I couldn't resist slipping a finger inside me, then tasting it, and I found I liked that too. It felt naughty, and therefore exciting.

As time went on, I discovered more about the gentle art of masturbation, and my body's responses to it. I loved the feeling of rubbing my clitoris with a slippery, juicy finger, and I would lie on my bed. Rubbing myself with one hand, and dipping the fingers of my other one into my hole and then sucking them.

I remember the first time I came: A shocking, but exquisite feeling. My legs lifted off the bed as if they had a mind of their own, and my pussy got twice as wet, dribbling out a watery liquid, which I found had a different taste. It was addictive.

Around this time, I was lucky enough to make friends with a girl called Celia at college. She was way more knowledgeable than me when it came to sex and masturbation, and she liked talking about it. There was nothing remotely lesbian between us -- she had a boyfriend -- but she seemed to enjoy giving me the benefit of her experience. She even gave me a vibrator, saying she now had a new toy that was WAY better -- 'It actually sucks your clit,' she said with the greatest of glee.

I had fun with the vibe, and became almost addicted to 'wanking off,' as Celia called it. I was doing it daily, and I came to really enjoy the anticipation, sitting on the bus home, feeling the moisture growing in my pussy.

I guess I was a late starter when it came to actual sex. I was enjoying my solo playtimes, and the pleasures of my own body, so much, I didn't really feel the urge. I was approached a few times by lads at college, but I always turned them down. They just didn't motivate me.

Occasionally, I'd get pangs of guilt over my selfish sexual pleasures, and I wondered if I was abnormal in some way. I asked Celia what she thought and she said 'Ach, noo, ah still wank off lots, even though I'm having sex as well. Sometimes I wank off DURING sex. He loves it. Don't sweat about it pet, it's normal.'

Hmm, maybe she was right, but I started getting awkward questions about why I had no boyfriend. I just said I hadn't met the right one yet, which I thought was probably true.

It was near the end of the course, the week before we broke up for holidays, that I got the shock. Another college classmate, a girl called Jemma, who I was a little friendly with, invited me out for an end of term drink and a bite to eat one lunchtime. I thought nothing of it and accepted quite happily, but I nearly choked on my sandwich when she said, 'Are you gay, Evie?'

Suddenly, all the holes lined up and it all became clear. SHE was gay, and she was making a move on me! Oh. My. GOD.

'NO!' I said, way too forcefully. 'No, I'm not!'

She looked embarrassed. Crestfallen and embarrassed. 'Oh, sorry. With you not having a boyfriend... I've never even seen you talking to a boy, or flirting or anything, and I just thought...'

'No, I'm not.' I reiterated.

'Sorry, forget I said anything.'

I don't know if I would have stayed friends with her after this, but I'll never know because, three days later, college was over and she was out of my life forever.

Looking back now, years later, with all that's passed under the bridge, I regret my reaction that day. If she asked me that question now, my answer would be very different.

I guess I'd better introduce myself. I'm Evie McRae, a Scottish lass (as mentioned) and now in my mid 20s. I'm about average height, and perhaps a touch, but only a touch, overweight. I have a bit of squidgy flesh on my hips, and quite a big bum, but that's balanced out by my big boobs. I'm not the classic "English pear" shape, I'm a proper hourglass.

My hair is straight, shoulder-length and fair, with some naturally darker streaks in it. It's been described as "dirty blonde," but I think that's unflattering. If you described ME as a dirty blonde, I might accept it more readily.

My eyes are a kind of greyish blue, not so bright and piercing as some, but they have a nice almond shape, and it's my eyes I'm most often complimented on. Overall, I guess I'm not bad, and people seem to think I'm attractive, so I suppose I must be.

As I write this, I'm finally comfortable with my sexuality but, boy, have I been on a journey to get here. This is my story.

***

When Jemma asked me if I was gay, I was horrified. I'd never even entertained the idea, and it unsettled me in a way that I was unprepared for. For days afterwards, I grappled with unexpected feelings of vexation.

I was so disconcerted, I didn't masturbate for a week. What if the pleasure I got from playing with my own body meant I was gay, or had gay tendencies? The possibility had to be shunned, completely.

I never did what I should have done, and just calmly asked myself, could I be? Nor did I allow myself the thought, what if I am? Does it matter? The subconscious idea was that it was a bad thing. Not something to be entertained. This, I now know, is called repression.

Eventually, my sheer horniness made me relent and start wanking again and, oh, it was so sublime. A pleasure like nothing else. I told myself it was perfectly normal (it is) and that lots of straight girls do it all the time, look at Celia, for instance. I returned to just enjoying it, and not thinking about why I liked it so much.

The seed had been planted though, and it would germinate. Unstoppably.

In September of that year, I started a BA degree course in Cinematography. I'd known for a long time that I wanted to work in the film industry in some capacity, maybe starting off as a production assistant or something, and ending up as a producer, or even a director.

The course was made up of mostly girls, but there were a few guys, and I decided I needed to start seeing somebody, to dispel any rumours that I might be gay, right from the start. So, when a lad called Martin showed an interest in me, I started dating him.

It didn't go well. Despite being on the same course, we had little in common, and try as I might, I didn't find him sexually attractive. I mean, I liked him fine, but he didn't turn me on. I even struggled to get wet enough to have sex. The disappointment was, I'm sure, mutual.

Having had a boyfriend, even for just a few weeks, headed off any potential rumours about my sexuality though, so I felt "safe" for a while, and I didn't seek another relationship until the following year, and in the interim, my own fingers, and the vibe that Celia had given to me kept me very happy.

Of course, I could have bought myself a new toy of my own by now, but I liked the one Celia had given me. Somehow, I derived a little extra pleasure from knowing it had been deep inside her in the past. Whenever I sucked it after I'd fucked myself with it, I somehow felt a little bit connected to her. I guess you could say the signs were there.

I was still in denial though and, in the spring, I embarked on another dating and sex experiment, this time with a guy called Dougal. He was charming, and quite good-looking, but the sex was just as disappointing as it had been with Martin. It was not even half as arousing as my solo sessions.

Inevitably, this relationship also foundered, and I went back to my exclusively solo sex-life. How could my own body be so exciting to me, while these virile young men left me cold and unmoved?

This pattern repeated itself twice more that year, but still I remained in deep, deep denial. Surely, I'd meet "the right one" in the end? The one who would light my fire? Well, my fire would get lit, but not how I imagined.

It was at the beginning of the second year of the course that I encountered Brid (short for Bridget) who had transferred from a different university somewhere down south. She was bright, wild-eyed and feisty, and she seemed to take a bit of a shine to me - in a strictly non-gay way, I should add.

While studying, she was also doing work in actual film production, and she encouraged me to do the same. She'd been on the crew for TV ads, company training films, music videos... 'It's all good experience, she said, even the porn.'

Whoa, what did she say? 'Porn?'

'Yeh I've done a few. It's OK, it's not all sleazy.'

'Yeah, but...'

'I wouldn't rule it out. It can be fun.'

'But some of it is gross.'

'Well, some studios let you choose what kind of films you work on. You can say, solo girls only, or straight only, or lesbian... Anyway, I'll put you in touch with the agency that got me work. You can turn down any you don't fancy, Be warned though, there isn't a lot of casual crew work out there. You need to take it when it's offered, really.'

'Thanks Brid. It's kind of you to let me in on it. After all, I'm competition, aren't I?'

She laughed. 'I guess so, but I like to share.'

As I walked back to halls of residence that afternoon, I was musing. When I'd decided I wanted to work in cinematography, I'd never even thought about porn, or erotica, but there was no getting away from the fact that it's a big part of the industry. I read somewhere that, in terms of the sheer volume of content being made annually, it's as big as sport -- all sport - or even Hollywood. I realised that, regardless of what my attitude towards it might be, it was obviously a major source of the kind of work I was looking for.

But what WAS my attitude? Well, at that point in time, I suppose I'd have to say, ambivalent. Although my upbringing had been a little sheltered, sexually, I was no prude, and I was bright enough to realise that an industry that big would have many shades. Of course there would be slease in some quarters, and exploitation too, but that was true of many spheres. Sport, for example, or other branches of the entertainment industry.

I decided I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand, and would give it a try if an opportunity presented itself. What's the worst than can happen? I thought.

I made my name known at the agency that Brid had suggested, but it was a while -- a few weeks -- before they contacted me.

The first couple of jobs were working as an assistant on a training video, then as a grip on an ad for some electrical item or other. They were both good fun, but then things seemed to dry up for a while. I was starting to think I'd failed to live up to expectations and wasn't going to get any more work, and then the first porn job was offered.

It was a static camera operator job on a straight sex video, and I took it, thinking it would be interesting, but it was a very bad introduction. The people involved in the crew were all friendly enough, and it was all fine until we actually started shooting.

The primitive mechanics of sex were suddenly brought home to me in a very graphic and vulgar way. The couple, or should I say the two people involved, had sex. It was rather stop-start sex, but it was graphic and explicit sex, and a number of cameras, including my static one, filmed it. To me it was utterly repulsive. Completely devoid of eroticism. I hated it. I was glad I wasn't doing the close-ups. Ugh.

When the shooting was done, I couldn't get out of there quickly enough. I felt physically sick, and I returned to the little apartment in the halls of residence, and my roommate Natalie, in a state of shock. This was not for me.

Nat was completely unaware of where I'd been and what I'd been doing. She was sat watching TV, in the semi-dark, wearing baggy pyjama bottoms and a tee shirt, with one leg drawn up, on the sofa in bare feet, and I was struck by the fact that there was more allure and eroticism in just seeing her sitting there, than in all the animal humping I'd just witnessed.

'Hi Evie,' she smiled as I walked in, and I felt a surge of affection for her. We were two straight women though, so my affection was purely platonic, and I just joined her to catch the end of the film she was watching.

It was nice, just sitting watching TV, and slowly, the shock and revulsion I felt about the porn film, dissipated, as we shared some wine and some quiet, companionable time together before bed time.

I lay awake for a long time, trying to make sense of the evening's experience before I fell asleep. I think the thing that had shocked me the most was my reaction. Far from being turned on, my whole being was repulsed.

The next day, at morning break, I sat down with Brid, and told her about my experience the previous day, and my violently negative reaction to it.

'Yeah, it can seem a bit gross,' she said, 'The situation is so artificial. There are so many people in the room, and the performers can be very... I don't know... mechanical in a way.'

'I think that's my first and last time,' I said, firmly.

She looked at me, thoughtfully. 'Don't give it up just yet. You could try some solo girl stuff, or even some lesbian. It has a completely different feel to it.'

I was doubtful. I didn't want to repeat the experience I'd just had, but I thought maybe a solo girl shoot might be OK, so I phoned the agency, and told the girl I spoke to that if any more porn or adult film work came up, I only wanted to do solo girl stuff.

'Just solo?' she asked, what about all-girl stuff?'

'You mean lesbian?'

'Well, yes. Girl-girl.'

'Let me see how I get on with solo first... I didn't like the straight hardcore stuff AT ALL.'

She chuckled. 'OK, I'll let you know.'

A week went by and I concentrated on studying. I didn't even masturbate; my libido was too disrupted. I didn't ALLOW myself to feel horny. I was seriously unsettled.

Then, a job was offered. The girl at the agency, Amanda, said it was a 'high-glamour' solo girl shoot in London, so I'd need to take a day off uni and book a return ticket on an express train. It was doable though, so I accepted.

On the train, I was apprehensive. What if I had a similarly bad reaction to last time? Was I fucking myself up by doing this? I really worried that my sexuality could be compromised in some way.

Anyway, I arrived on set, which was in a hotel room, set up to mimic a woman's bedroom, and the gaffer explained the role to me. They wanted a general assistant/grip, so I'd be in charge of sorting out lights, and mountings for half a dozen fixed cameras, which would be in addition to a hand-held camera, operated by Zee, a smiley, friendly Asian woman who I took an instant liking to.

It was explained to me that the "actress," Nika, would start off, standing next to the dressing table mirror, in a nightgown, and would begin playing with her breasts, loosening the front of the garment, then letting it fall, revealing her lingerie, and she would also take off her bra before moving to the bed, where she would masturbate, initially with her knickers on but then removing them as she brought to herself to a (presumably fake) orgasm, using fingers, and then a toy. The whole film would be 20 minutes long, but would take almost an hour to shoot, with camera changes, re-shoots, specially set up close-ups etc.

I imagined where she'd be at various points, and started setting up lights and arranging the fixed cameras, which would roll throughout, capturing footage that could be cut in later by the editor, where appropriate.

I heard people arriving, and caught a glimpse of Nika as she went into the bathroom to get ready, but all I could tell was that she was tall and dark-haired. I found myself getting excited, as I continued setting up lights and cameras. I was filled with a feeling of tremendous anticipation.

The gaffer nodded his approval at my set up, and the director, who was definitely gay, said, 'Five minutes, people.' Zee moved around with her camera, practicing her shooting positions.

Then Nika walked in, all dressed up in full glamour-porn lingerie, and fastening the front of a long, black, lacy nightgown, which just had one tie, below the bust. 'Hi guys,' she said casually, looking around the room.

Oh. My. God. I'd never been this close to someone like her, and I was awestruck. From her jumble of long, brunette curls to her black high heels, she exuded glamour. Her makeup was extreme and stunning, her lingerie was fabulous, and her body was just utter perfection. She was erotica personified. Simply gorgeous.

We turned on the lights and started the cameras rolling, and she got straight into character; an impossibly sexual, vampish femme fatale. A total fantasy.

She didn't need much direction. She was a real pro, and knew exactly, what to do. Zee requested a re-shoot of her taking the bra off, because she wanted to make it more seductive, but other than that, Nika completely owned the room.

She knew when to pause, for Zee to take close ups etc, and where to position herself so that nothing was seen in the background that shouldn't be, and she knew how to pose, to show off her long legs, her perfect breasts, and her pussy, which was almost shaved, but not quite.

I looked on in awe as she performed. It was completely unlike the straight sex video experience. This was erotic. She was beautiful, and watching her was beautiful. I was enthralled.

At one point, Zee was lying on the bed, pointing the camera upwards, while Nika moved above her for a "domme" shot and it was an inescapably lesbian image. My pussy jolted with a little electric shock as I watched. Well, it was erotic, even if you're straight, I told myself.

When Nika lay on the bed and masturbated, the empathy I felt was extraordinary. Apart from her being watched by a room full of people, I was there with her. As a regular wanker myself, I felt it. How could I not be turned on?

Brid had been right. This did have a completely different feel to it.

On the train back to Scotland, I was in a reverie. I couldn't get the images of Nika out of my head. She was so perfect, so glam, so inescapably hot. Yet still I didn't admit to myself that this was a lesbian reaction. It was perfectly normal for a woman to appreciate the beauty and allure of another woman. It didn't mean I was GAY.

When I got back to the halls, Natalie was out somewhere, and I couldn't resist the opportunity. I dropped my pants and had a quick and dirty wank, right there on the sofa. I was suddenly so horny again. The orgasm was deliciously intense and, of course, it was Nika who was in my mind's eye as I came. So gorgeous.

I enjoyed the tingly aftermath for a while, then straightened myself up and made a cup of tea. I had the telly on, but I was hardly seeing it - my head was still full of Nika. Jeez, how could she have this effect on me?

I was still as horny as hell, and Nat still wasn't back... I unbuttoned my shorts again.

I was well on my way to another orgasm when I heard her key in the door. Shit! I should have known it was too risky, there in the living room. I was almost bound to get caught. I was trying to fasten my shorts, wet fingers fumbling with the buttons, when she walked in. My face must've been as red as a beetroot, and there was no way to hide what I'd been doing.

She stopped dead in her tracks. 'Oh, er... '

'Oops, sorry Nat. Looks like you caught me wet-handed.'

'No, er, it's OK. We all like to have a little play now and again, don't we? She smiled. This could have been a very embarrassing situation, but her easy manner diffused the awkwardness. She was great like that.

She looked at the telly. 'Were you watching porn?'

'No,' I said with a smirk, 'only in my head...' I didn't tell her I'd earlier been MAKING porn.

A little later, I heard a tell-tale moan from the bathroom. Yes, we all like to have a little play, don't we, Nat?

I couldn't wait to tell Brid about my latest job, and the next day, I sought her out and told her all about the experience I'd had, about how different it was, and about Nika and her amazing aura.

'Yeah, some women are just bloody hot, aren't they? Bitches.'

'Hey, you're pretty hot yourself,' (she was) 'you could be a porn star if you wanted to...' I don't know why I said that. It just came out.

'Well so could you...' She looked me up and down.

'Nooo, don't be daft, Brid. Ahm way too porky.'

'Nonsense. You have a great figure. Very sexy. Loads of men -- and I suppose some women too - are mad for a bit of flesh. Not all porn stars look like Nika, you know.'

'Why are we talking about this?' I said. 'Neither of us are going to do it are we?'

'Nope. You are going to do more porn films though? If they are offered?'

'Yeh, I like the solo stuff. I might just stick to that '

'If you enjoyed the solo, you might like some lesbian as well. I know I do, and I'm not gay.' I looked at her and wondered. Hmm.

As luck would have it, Amanda called me the next day. She asked how the last shoot went, and I economically told her it was good. I was OK with it. She then tentatively asked if I'd thought any more about girl-girl shoots and I said I had, but hadn't decided yet.

'Well there's a job coming up this weekend. It's on Saturday, so no time off uni needed, and it's in Manchester, so a bit nearer to you... but...'

'But it's a lesbian shoot, isn't it?'

'Yes.'

I pondered for a minute. 'OK, I'll do it.' What's the worst that can happen? I thought. I seemed to recall having that thought before.

The set up, and my role on the crew, were similar to the Nika shoot, but this was made by a different studio. I knew that, but somehow I was disappointed that Zee wasn't there, and that the two hand-held cameras were operated by guys, whose names I don't even recall. It just didn't seem right.

The two girls, Marie and Ola, were not much older than me, and both attractive, but there was none of the glitzy glamour of Nika here. They would start off in sports gear, as if they'd just come back from the gym, and would undress each other as they built up to full-on lesbian sex, with boob play, oral, and a final 69.

The planned acts were all described in very matter of fact ways, as if they were discussing a shopping list or something. Eroticism, was distinctly lacking, and I started to feel it was going to be like that awful straight sex shoot.

However, once we started shooting and they came together for the opening kiss, that feeling evaporated. These two girls seemed to really like each other, and the kiss was shockingly erotic. Well, the eroticism of it shocked me, anyway.

I realised that I didn't know whether they were actually lesbians or not -- that had never been mentioned -- but I wondered. Brid had said with great authority that most women performing in lesbian porn are not actually gay, which made me think, how can they do it, and make it look convincing, if they aren't?

Well, I guess I was getting my answer. If these two weren't gay, they were bloody good at pretending. As the action became more and more steamy, I could almost feel their excitement, and that glistening moisture on their pussy lips had to be real. It certainly wasn't added artificially, and that's not something you can fake.

I found the sight of the two of them, so intimate, extremely stimulating; they were both lovely girls, and their two slender bodies together formed a thing of beauty.

I could see how arousing this could be, for both of them, and for me, but my voyeuristic enjoyment was spoiled. Firstly, by two ugly, scruffy guys intruding with their cameras, and secondly by the director, who was a real knob.

He kept interrupting them, completely unnecessarily, to get them to do something slightly differently, and he actually laid hands on them, to move their limbs, or their heads, into different positions -- a real no-no as far as I was concerned. I couldn't believe how compliant they were. I'd have been saying, 'get your F-ing hands off me.'

I left there filled with conflict and confusion. I'd had a tiny glimpse of just how beautiful lesbian sex could be, and that was conflicting in itself, but I was also left with a slight feeling of distaste for the porn film industry. Not because of anything I found inherently distasteful in the concept of performing sexually for the camera then selling the result to a ready market. No, it wasn't that. It was the WAY it was done.

All those unwelcome guys intruding, and getting in on the act, kind of sullied the whole thing, and made it sleazy for me, and I don't even think it resulted in a better end result. I reckoned I could have made a better film with just those two girls and me with a camera. It would have been more natural, more spontaneous, and the girls would have, I'm sure, enjoyed it more. The latter alone would have made for a better film.

When I got "home" to the halls of residence, Natalie was in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled good. 'Mm, whatcha cookin Nat?' I said, my nose leading me straight in there.

'Oh, just an instant risotto. It's too big for me. Want some?'

'Mm, yes please.'

I stood near her and watched her stirring it, and I found myself admiring the way she did it. She was very thorough, covering every inch of the pan with smooth, graceful strokes, and I became a little mesmerised.

She was only wearing slippers, a tee shirt, and a pair of black boyshort style knickers. I couldn't help thinking how good she looked, just standing there in her tousies, stirring a packet risotto, and the thought crossed my mind -- how effortlessly attractive some girls are.

Natalie is small, neat and trim and her peachy little bum -- so much smaller than mine - looked so good in those supposedly unflattering knickers... Snap out of it, Evie.

My mouth was watering as we sat down to eat, and I don't think it was just to do with the food.

Something made me ask her about her love life. I'd never seen her with anyone, and I wondered why. She was blithe about it. 'Nah, I don't bother with guys much. Most of them are pretty boring. I have my girlfriends and, I'm like you, Evie -- happy to just have a little play now and again.'

That was an obvious reference to catching me "playing" the other day, but I wanted to ask her to clarify. When she said "girlfriends," did she just mean girl friends, or GIRLFRIENDS? I wanted to find out, but something strangled me and I couldn't ask. She looked at me with her pretty eyes, and smiled coquettishly, and I felt something strange.

We ate, then retired to the sofa to watch telly. I got quite engrossed in a film, which Nat wasn't really into, and she swivelled round and lay with her head on my thigh, looking at her phone. Gradually, I became more and more distracted. I noticed how perky her breasts were, even when she was lying down and I became acutely aware that one of my own big boobs was almost resting on her forehead. Oh, GOD.

I'm not sure she knew what this was doing to me, but I had desire frothing up within me. Undeniably lesbian desire. I had to escape.

'I'm off to bed, Nat... So tired. Night,' and I got up and retreated into the bedroom.

I got into bed and got myself off under the covers very quickly. My arousal was sky high, and it was becoming increasingly hard to ignore how lesbian my sexual responses were. Gay? Me? Not possible. I was just a highly-sexed individual, that was all.

On Monday morning, Brid buttonholed me in the corridor: 'Amanda tells me you were on a lesbian shoot over the weekend. How did that go?'

'It was OK, actually. Almost enjoyable.'

'Almost?'

'Yeh, It could have been good, but I'd have liked it more without men there. I think they ruin it,' I grumbled, not realising what a tacit admission I was making.

'Really?' she said, looking at me shrewdly. She put a thoughtful finger to her lips. 'Well, there is one studio I know, that's run by women, and they don't use male crew members at all. All their videos are made with women only. It's a whole different dynamic.'

'That sounds great,' I said, suddenly brightening up.'

'Yeh, I worked with them recently and it was good. They said I could come back anytime. Shona said she is always on the lookout for female camera operators because she usually shoots all her content on multiple cameras and then cuts them together into the final film. Her stuff is super-erotic. I will give her a call and mention you. Her website's called the AllFemShowcase. Look it up, but be warned, it's enough to turn a straight girl lez, dontcha know.' She smirked, lewdly.

I thanked her, and she walked away, jauntily. Enough to turn a straight girl lez? Really? Was she saying it had turned her? Surely not.

After that, I was almost afraid to look at the site, but I eventually plucked up the courage that evening. I sat on the sofa with my laptop on my knee and typed in the address...

My jaw gradually slackened as I scrolled... Straight or gay, you couldn't fail to be impressed by the imagery, and this was just the "tame" stuff. The stuff that was meant to tempt you to subscribe and get access to... I could hardly imagine.

I wanted to find out, to see what could be better than these stunning previews. I was almost tempted to subscribe... OMG! I shut the laptop with a bang. What was happening to me?

I was only just in time. A minute later, Natalie walked in. God knows what her reaction would've been if she'd seen what I was just looking at. I acted bright and breezy, but I was trembling, and my pussy was doing strange things to me. I needed a cold shower or something.

Instead, I took a hot one, and had a truly shattering orgasm as I fingered myself and deliberately made the jets of water stimulate my nipples. I couldn't keep quiet, and when I emerged Natalie raised an eyebrow and said, 'Good shower?' I blushed and escaped into the bedroom.

Within a week, I had an invitation from Shona to go and assist on a video, and I found I was incredibly excited by it. Shona sounded really friendly (and sexy) on the phone, and she was quite happy to have the shoot on a Saturday, so I didn't have to miss any uni time. 'Are you gay or straight, Evie?' she asked. The question was unexpected, but I just said I was straight, with no hesitation. 'OK. Just so we know...' I wondered why it would make a difference.

Like the previous job, the location was in the north of England, with a direct rail link from Glasgow, and I caught an early train on a bright sunny morning and sat watching the scenery whizzing by.

I was abuzz with excitement and anticipation, and it was joyful anticipation. Everything felt good that morning, for some reason. I knew I was going to have fun. All was right with the world.

The "studio" was actually a flat which, as far as I could tell, was set up just for making erotic films. In fact, I learned that this wasn't a studio at all, not like the ones I'd previously worked for.

Shona introduced herself and her girlfriend Aly, they are a lesbian couple, and both very sexy; Shona, redheaded and beautifully curvaceous, and Aly, blonde and stunningly tall and statuesque. We sat on a sofa and they explained that the flat was there solely to support the Showcase website; 'Everything we shoot here is just for that website, though some does end up elsewhere due to piracy. It's hard to prevent.'

I thought about what I'd seen on the front page of the site. 'You actually star in the videos yourself, don't you?' I said, a little star struck.

'Well, we used to. The Showcase started with just me,' said Shona, but then it grew and grew. More recently, we've been shooting with other women, and Aly and I have sort of retired from performing. We're making an exception for this film though. Our subscribers have been clamouring for us to return, and you have to give your audience what they want...' She smiled.

I could hardly believe I was going to be a part of this. Never mind subscribing to see the hot stuff, I was going to be here, live and in the thick of it.

The doorbell rang. 'That'll be Viv and Sonia,' said Aly, and she got up to let them in. Viv was introduced as 'our main camera operator.' She was small, cute, chirpy, while Sonia (her partner) was taller, with straight, reddish blonde hair and, as I would learn, a wicked sense of humour.

'We want you to operate the second camera, Evie,' said Shona. 'You can move around to shoot whatever angles you want, but you'll need to be aware of Viv's positioning so you don't get in each other's shots.'

Viv handed me a camera, saying 'Are you familiar with these?'

It was a Panasonic HC-series job. Not cheap. 'Yeh, I am actually. We had a cinematographer who came to uni and he demonstrated one for us.'

'Good, were all set,' said Shona.

I got the impression that, apart from Viv on main camera, there were no fixed roles in this operation. Everyone just mucked in and did what was needed. Sonia was setting up a static camera, and fiddling with lights, while Shona and Aly disappeared to get ready, and Viv gave me some tips about angles and how we could avoid getting in each other's way.

When Shona and Aly returned, I was stunned. They were dressed in the most exquisite lingerie; Shona's in cream, and Aly's in black. It made for a striking contrast. Their bodies too, contrasted, but they were both shockingly sexy to me. I worried I wouldn't be able to hold the camera steady.

'The whole scene will be centred around this sofa, and it will depict a single lovemaking session,' Shona explained. 'We'll shoot it in three takes; the first will be a medium distance shot with the static camera, but you and Viv can film too. We can never have too much footage...

'The second take will be various shots by you two,' she looked at Viv and me, ' including pans, zooms etc -- your choice. And for the third take, we'll concentrate on close ups, using the macro cam.

'Ready? Let's do it.'

There was no shout of "action" or anything. We just started the cameras recording and they started kissing, then proceeded to make unbelievably hot lesbian love. Three times.

The whole room was flooded with lesbian sexuality, and it was strange, for a straight woman, to be immersed in it. I was loving it though.

There was a break between each take, while they restored their lingerie and re-did their makeup and hair, then they repeated what they'd just done, almost exactly.

There was no mistaking the fact that they really were lovers, and I found the whole experience unbearably horny. The attention to the filmmaking was very professional, but it was obvious they were having a lot of fun as well.

Getting close to them while they were performing incredibly lewd lesbian acts virtually set my knickers alight, and it all came to a head during the third take.

Viv was shooting close-ups of Shona eating Aly while being queened, and I was standing nearby, trying not to explode in my knickers, when she handed me the camera. Shona paused, smiled at me as I came in close, then resumed her cunnilingus. I couldn't stand it.

I handed the camera back to Viv and legged it to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me, and stood with my back to it, just trying to calm my raging arousal. Breathe, Evie, breathe.

There was a tap on the door, and Viv's voice. 'You OK, Evie?'

I swallowed hard. 'Er, yeah. Won't be a minute.' I sat on the loo to pee, but nothing would come, so I just mopped my wetness a little and pulled my damp knickers and trousers up.

When I emerged, three of them were sat on one sofa, and Viv on the other. She patted the cushion indicating I should sit next to her, which I did.

'You told Shona you were straight, but you're not, are you?' she said.

I stared at each of them, wide eyed and wordlessly. I was still trying to figure out what the hell was happening to me.

'Don't worry, I had exactly the same experience as you just did, back in the early days of the Showcase. I didn't really know I was gay back then, either. D'you want some advice?' I nodded. 'Don't keep fighting it. Don't keep denying it. You're just depriving yourself of something wonderful. Let it happen. You'll be much happier.

They were all smiling, and I felt a wave of emotion sweep over me. It felt like relief, like release, like a weight that had been compressing my chest had been lifted. I drew a big trembly breath, and nodded. These women understood me. They knew exactly what was happening to me, and I felt so lucky that I had ended up here with them.

Viv put her hand on my thigh and said, 'We often have a sexy playtime after a shoot -- we're always horny. You're welcome to join us if you want to explore your feelings. We'll be gentle. No pressure.'

I could hardly believe this was happening, but I knew I wanted it. Every fibre of me wanted it. I wanted to eat Aly's pussy like I'd just watched Shona doing. Wanted to suck her mouthwatering nipples. Wanted to feel her suck mine, and eat my pussy. Ohh YES! I was a lesbian. I suddenly felt like shouting it.

Viv slipped off the sofa and knelt on the rug in front of me. She fixed me with a sultry gaze and started undoing my trousers, then she buried her face in my crotch and inhaled. 'Ohh, somebody is very aroused,' she said, and I whimpered a little.

I lifted my bum to help her pull down my trews and knickers, and I shamelessly opened my legs wide in invitation. My God how I yearned for her mouth on my pussy.

She didn't tease, but she was slow and gentle. First time gentle. Her wet tongue traced my lips, up and down, three times, four times, leaving a trail of her saliva, and my oozing juice. Each time she swept over my clit hood, I jolted a little. I was already close to coming, even before her tongue parted my lips and teased my hole.

Oh God. I couldn't believe how this felt. Boys had eaten me before -- or tried -- but it was nothing like this. Her tongue was a deft and delicate love-wand, working its magic on me, and I was under her spell.

Suddenly, lips were on mine. It was Sonia, leaning over me for a kiss, my very first lesbian kiss, and it was so different. Her face so soft, lips so tender, tongue so gentle and frolicsome. The kiss was electrifying and my orgasm suddenly tore through me like a firestorm. An orgasm like no other I'd ever experienced before.

When I came down from heaven, Viv and Sonia were sat each side of me, kissing my cheeks. 'Was that good?' Viv said.

'Uh huh,' I croaked. My whole body was thrumming with excitement and arousal.

'More?'

Oh yes, I wanted more. Much more.

Up to now, Shona and Aly had just looked on, voyeuristically, but now, Shona held out her hand to me, and we all went into the bedroom.

The next hour was the closest thing to heaven on earth I think it's possible to experience. Viv was a tigress, Aly and Shona just overwhelmingly gorgeous, and Sonia's clit... OMG. When she queened me, I was in some kind of clitoral dreamworld. An experience like I'd never even imagined.

What a day this was: When I woke up that morning, I was a straight woman. Slightly sexually confused, but straight. And now here I was. Not only having given in to my lesbian desires, but in the middle of a lesbian orgy with four pornstars. That day, I ate my first pussy, and my second third and fourth. And not just once, either. I became insatiable. It was just unreal.

When it was over, we lay glowing. Floating in orgasmic fallout. I kissed Aly's neck, just because it was near me and very kissable, then we got up and set about sorting out the mess we'd made. We took turns in the shower, and Shona loaned me a clean pair of knickers because mine were unwearable.

As I prepared to leave, I hugged them all with real feelings of gratefulness. This day had changed my life. It was a day I'd never forget.

'You can come back anytime, Evie,' said Shona, 'and next time, bring your mate Brid with you. I'm sure she'd enjoy it.'

On the train north, I was in a happy reverie, reliving the whole experience, and remembering all the unmistakeable signs of my gayness that led up to it, and which I'd resisted, for some reason that seemed ridiculous now.

Suddenly, I had a thought, and a resolve. I was going to tell Natalie that I was gay, and admit my attraction to her. I had no idea how she'd react, but just the resolution to do it made me happy.

It was just starting to go dark when I arrived "home," and I let myself in and called out - 'Nat, I'm home. Are you in?'