How My Sexuality Changes as I Age Ch. 03

An intro from Jayne.

Having now rediscovered the pleasure of having sex with herself and travelled through the various stages of adventures when masturbating, many women have got used to being touched and stared at, some even welcoming and encouraging it. At first, as I did, some may worry about what having a near, or full, obsession with jerking off might lead to and where it might take her. Whether it was the joys and the situations that went through my mind as that did such amazing things to my body, or not I don't know, but something led me onto quite enjoying and almost welcoming being flirted with and touched, sometimes in quite intimate places too.

The combination of those, together with my Kevin issues, him away from home so much, hardly any sex and my suspicion of his regular unfaithfulness, had brought about a significant change to my attitudes towards sex as I believe it does for many middle-aged women with the daunting prospect of the menopause looming. I think many of us rationalise, or persuade ourselves, that it was no longer the precious thing it once was and it now took on a different value in our thinking and perspectives.

I can't say that overnight I went from being typically girly about not letting anyone into my knickers unless I loved them, or thought I did, to whipping them off at a hint of a him wanting to fuck me. No, it was a slower process combining the stages I've described as I came to terms with the fact that I wanted to experience in real life some of the things I'd fantasised about as I writhed to my climaxes on the floor in front of my mirror, with my naked body covered in oil and my vibrator buzzing away in my cunt. I didn't go all the way, but there were several near things!

Hugs,

J x

The event that took me near to having full sex happened at the tennis club. My membership and attendance both playing tennis and for going to social events was very much a me thing as Kevin had no interest in the sport. As I'd played it all my life and to a pretty good level when younger, I went alone and had become part of an older women's group of two divorcees, a widow, two or three single girls and another couple who, like me, were in failing marriages. We'd make up tables for social events and two or three times a year we'd go en-masse to a matinee of a London show then to dinner and a bar and even a week-long trip to a tennis camp in Spain was in the pipeline.

It was at the start of the tennis season at a club dinner and dance where I'd been somewhat commandeered by Ken, a life and soul of a party type who was married, but often attended such functions alone. We'd known each other for some time, though not well, but recently there'd been some mild flirting between us, so I wasn't surprised when he pulled me onto the dance floor a few times. I was equally not surprised when I felt his hand sliding down and resting on the swell of my ass as such 'accidents' often happened at such functions. Leaving it there to see my reaction it slipped down a couple of times and gently squeezed one of the cheeks. I pulled back a little and said into his ear above the loud music, "Please don't embarrass me Ken," and shrugged his hand away as he replied.

"Why what's the matter?"

"Because people will see," was my rather naïve and unthought out response as he replied.

"Come on then let's go outside for smoke," which was an odd remark as neither of us smoked, but nevertheless I rather meekly went with him to the now almost dark car park and around a corner away from the front door of the clubhouse. Once in a secluded corner standing facing each other he said, grinning, "So can I feel it now Jay?" as he pulled me close and kissed me right on the lips.

I'd had a few drinks by then, so I guess I was pliable and Ken was certainly manipulative for he quickly increased the intensity of the kiss by writhing his lips on mine and squashing my breasts against his chest. That felt good and, as I was realising that this was the first real sexual situation I'd been in with anyone other than Kevin for so long, I felt myself responding. I was pushing my boobs more firmly against him and enjoying the feel of his bulge against my stomach as I slipped my arms around him with one around his shoulders and the other his waist. At the same time I was returning the passion of his kiss by squirming my lips on his, opening my mouth and receiving his tongue against mine. It went on for some time until his hands, which had been running up and down my back pinching my bra strap, changed tack when he slid his fingers into my knicker elastic through my thin party dress. That brought me to my senses and, somewhat reluctantly, I broke the kiss and moved my body away from his, "What's up, what's the matter?" he asked clearly at a loss as to why I was doing that.

I nearly blurted out the first words that came into my head which were, 'What sort of woman do you think I am?' But luckily I thought better of it and replied with the rather more grown up, "This isn't the time or place Ken, we should go back in." He tried persuading me to stay longer, but I insisted and we went in back inside to the dance. Once in there, he asked how I was getting home and I told him that I was sharing a cab with two or three other girls thinking that might stop him offering to give me a lift, but it didn't and he pressed me into letting him drive me home after the dancing finished. I said that I couldn't let the girls down as we were sharing the cab cost and that seemed to satisfy him until near the end of the dance when Denise said that she'd cancelled the cab as Ken was giving us a lift home instead, the clever bugger. As he knew roughly where we all lived he dropped the two others first so I was alone with him when he took a detour from the obvious route and drove into a small industrial estate that was pretty much deserted at night and most certainly was that night. "Okay if we park up here for a while to er, um have a chat?" he asked smiling at me.

"I don't really have much of a choice do I?"

"No, not really unless you want to walk," he said sliding his arm along the back of my seat adding, "Only joking."

We chatted for what must have been all of five minutes before he leaned across gripped my chin, turned my face towards him and kissed me on the lips. Just as I had earlier outside the clubhouse, I took time to respond, but slowly I did. I kissed him back as I opened my mouth letting his tongue investigate inside and press against mine as my arm went around his neck. I hadn't taken into consideration that moving my arm like that would remove the protection guarding my breasts and also immediately his hand found my boob, which he cupped and squeezed. The lovely sensations that sent through my body made me gasp, which naturally I suppose, encouraged him and he slid his hand inside the neckline right onto the bare top of my breast and the lower part in the flimsy white bra., "No Ken not here stop," I groaned, probably sounding totally unconvincing.

"Don't worry Jayne it's quite safe here."

"Regular visitor are you?" I smiled.

"I've had my moments and they're enough to know nothing comes along here this time of night," he went on fumbling his fingers around my bra, gripping my boob and pinching the nipple through the thin material.

"I bet you have," I sighed enjoying the sensations that was giving me.

"Let's get in the back, there's more room?"

"No it's fine here," I murmured guessing what he'd try to do on the spacious rear seat of the Range Rover and I wasn't up for that, or was I?

"Come on Jayne, please."

"No, stop it please," I told him surprising myself at how easily he gave in as he resumed kissing me and fondling my breast and how easily I let him do that. I was surprised at how it seemed natural and no big deal making me wonder at my thinking and how relaxed I was about a man other than my husband doing that to me. I began to enjoy the mild sex we were having even, astonishing myself by doing nothing to stop his hand scooping my boob out of its D cup. Continuing kissing me and squeezing my boob he somehow pushed the spaghetti strap of the dress off my shoulder and pulled it down my arm. I was slightly lost in the gorgeous feelings going through me and didn't realise for a few moments that I was now sitting there with my left boob uncovered, "Ken stop," I said, again probably lacking conviction as I pushed my glasses back up my nose and into place.

"Why? Don't tell me you're not enjoying it?" he muttered bending forward so that his mouth was right on the bare flesh that he kissed and licked. At the same time he leaned further across me and fiddling down the side of the seat I felt it being reclined so I was lying almost flat. I was tempted to push him off, but the feelings were so nice and similar to those I'd had many times lying on the floor in my bedroom getting myself off in the mirror.

As he kissed my boob it struck me just how far I had let him, almost a near stranger, go, but it also registered with me that he could seriously damage my reputation at the tennis club. Lying back in the seat and cradling his head to my breast as questions rushed through my mind about just how far I would let him go, I wondered whether other women at the club had done similar things with him? However, incongruously, as well as rather worryingly, I felt little or no guilt and rationalised that it was just how things go and perhaps it was simply another stage in how women's attitudes and behaviour changes as we get older.

Ken was now alternating between kissing my lips with licking and sucking my nipple that was, of course, as hard and ripe as it always gets in front of the mirror when I masturbate. I was enjoying his mouth on it and did nothing to stop him easing my other boob out of its cup and letting him kiss and suck that as he squeezed and fondled the other and croaked "Come on Jayne, please let's get in the back?"

Knowing, or more guessing, that if I went along with that he would try to fuck me, which was as good as impossible in the front of the car, I wouldn't let him and refused to budge. I simply wasn't ready to go that far, which, I realised with a jolt was an unfinished thought in my mind when I found myself adding the word yet after far. Ken, though, was clearly a seasoned womaniser and accepting my refusal without any undue argument he quickly changed his point of attack, as it were, to my legs. My party-type dress was thin and silky, low cut with thin straps and a hem probably a little further up from my knees than a mid to late-forties woman should really wear. As I'd moved around on the leather seat it had risen up and I knew that I was showing loads of bare, tanned leg and I felt his hand gently grasping one about midway between my knee and my pale blue panties, which must have been almost on show to him. A surge of panic shot through me and I automatically closed my legs tighter together, which I realised trapped his hand between them. I assumed, or maybe hoped, that he'd pull it out, but he didn't so I sat there for a short while with both boobs out of their cups, my left one completely uncovered, my skirt now pushed right up and Ken's hand clamped between my legs. Kissing me on my lips again he whispered, "Come on Jayne, open them up, please?" Whether it was the booze, where we were, me being half undressed, his seduction technique, or my changing attitude I didn't know, but I found myself relaxing and letting my legs fall open, "Mmmmm thanks babe," he whispered slowly sliding his hand further up my legs so that it pressed right against the thin material of my knickers covering my pussy lips. The sensation as I felt the pressure right on both the lips and my clit was wonderful and a grunt slipped out of my mouth as I once again wrapped my arms around his neck as he said, "Jayne I have to fuck you."

"No Ken no I can't," I groaned, adding rather illogically and naively, "I'm married."

"So am I but we all need our fun, particularly as we get older," he muttered his face close to my ear as he slightly increased the pressure on my knickers pushing the material into me a little way. That made me gasp and tighten my arms around him, which in turn, must have encouraged him as he fumbled at the material covering my pussy and pulled that to one side so I felt his fingers right on my wetness. I was now quite strongly aroused and had lost any vestige of control over what he was doing or of what I was letting him do and momentarily, I thought how exciting it would be to be on the back seat with my knickers off, tits out, the dress around my waist as he fucked me. Maybe luckily, I pushed such thoughts out of my mind and opened my legs a little wider as his fingers slid into me. As he did that, he tried kissing me, but as I wasn't able to stop my head from rolling from side to side, he gave up and concentrated his mouth on my chest where both of my tits were now uncovered.

"Don't mark them," I managed to say realising that Kevin would be home in a day or so.

"What hubby'll inspect these beauties will he?"

"Never know my luck do I?" I told him feeling the incongruity of talking about having sex with my husband as he started finger-fucking me sending me right over the top as my orgasm exploded.

Although physically, I wanted to go into the rear of the car with Ken so he could fuck me, a goodly proportion of my brain and my emotional self, resisted that and I stopped him going any further so rather reluctantly he took me home.

I didn't see Kevin until three days later and I was racked with guilt and worry during that time. I even lost the desire to masturbate as a weak and rather pathetic excuse of saving myself for my husband. As it happens, we had sex the night he arrived home, and to be fair it was quite lengthy and pretty satisfying. However, the 'romance' between us didn't last though and by his third or fourth day at home we were back to normal arguing and not having any sex at all and I was back to masturbating. Strangely, as I did that, Ken didn't come into my mind at all and things just moved on.

With the children pretty much off our hands we were considering downsizing and James, the manager of the estate agents was handling the search for us. Kevin and I, well more me really as he was now away far more than he was at home, had looked at numerous properties and I was having an afternoon viewing a few more alone with James, who I'd got to know quite well by now. He was smooth, well-dressed, sophisticated, seemingly intelligent and an all-round charmer.

It was late afternoon and we were viewing the last house of the day. We were standing in the empty living room facing each other when I felt something that had been building up for some time. There was a chemistry between us that James seemed at ease with, but which I was wary of, although it excited me, 'Is it just me feeling it?' I had asked myself several times as tinglings of arousal swept through me when I was with him. This was similar to how I'd felt with Ken at the tennis club dance and, I admitted to myself as I masturbated, with several others to varying degrees over the past few months.

"It isn't that big," he was explained about the three bed-room detached house, smiling at the double entendre, "But it is quite roomy and all the rooms are good sizes," he went on smiling and moving just a few inches nearer to me as he said, "It would actually make a perfect little love nest, wouldn't it Jayne?"

I was surprised at that, but managed to keep my cool, "I wouldn't know James, I've never seen one."

"Actually we get quite a few projects to find flats or houses, for rent usually, that the missus mustn't know about."

"Really?"

"Yes, it seems flings, lovers and mistresses are all the rage at the moment," he went on in the chatty way that we'd developed over the few weeks we'd known each other.

"Amazing, I wonder why?"

"Because," James said, his voice quietening and thickening, "Women have more freedom and choice nowadays, I reckon."

"And you think they express that by having affairs?" I asked, my heart starting to beat faster as I realised that, to an extent, he was describing me, although I hadn't gone as far as an affair, or even being unfaithful yet, although with Ken, Mark and another couple of guys I had been tempted and had come close!

"Yes Jayne, I do, don't you?"

Trying to be cool and clever with my words I quipped back. "What, express their freedom that way?"

"No, I meant have affairs."

My attempt at being clever had failed and I felt myself blushing as I knew that my trying to appear cool had also failed. That showed clearly when I stammered, "Errr really, well I don't know."

He had me. He knew it and I knew it as putting his arm out against the wall over my left shoulder, he asked "Do you Jayne?"

I was having similar feelings to those I'd been having recently. They were a combination of a kind of sexual frustration and a sexual need I was beginning to accept. I was feeling a desire, a want and a hunger, I suppose all in one achingly throbbing, irritating sensation. It started deep in the pit of my stomach and was now spreading out to fill my breasts and nipples, which I realised had hardened and were throbbing like two vibrating acorns as I stammered, "Do I what?"

He smiled at me, just before I averted my gaze, as he replied, "Have affairs, of course?" I couldn't believe how forthright he was and how he could ask such an intimate question in such a matter-of-fact way? I had no experience of such a conversation, or of being so awkwardly put on the spot and I had no idea how to answer him. My mind was screaming to tell him to fuck off, but my body was screaming to tell him to fuck me! I could hardly take in what he was saying about this being a love nest and how in such places kissing happens, as his hand went around my neck before he lifted my face. I could hardly believe that we were kissing, that his tongue was deep in my mouth and that his body was pressed hard against mine, but they were happening. As unbelievable as that was, his hand finding my breast and my arms going around his body was even more.

He had been priming me for this all the time we'd been together today, I realised as my body responded to the kiss. There'd been touches on my arm or back as he ushered me through doors or into lifts, the holding of eye contact longer than was necessary and the over-familiarity with phrasing including, calling me love several times. On top of all those there'd been the rather obvious, lingering looks at my breasts, which were quite prominent in the fairly tight and thin, white, long-sleeved, roll neck sweater under the black, leather bomber jacket. Was all that careful priming now paying off I wondered, speculating whether that was just for him, or for me as well?

"You have gorgeous breasts Jayne," he murmured, his fingers stroking and squeezing my left one, sending torrents of sensation through me. I couldn't think of an apt reply and almost said, 'You must like big tits then,' but thought it more prudent to stay quiet as he looked from them into my eyes and back down to where my boobs were making prominent mounds through the sweater as he leaned forward and kissed me. Of course I was surprised at this advance, but strangely I wasn't shocked or unduly upset as, perhaps I was expecting it, I was thinking as his lips met mine. That said, I found it hard to breathe as the feel of his lips on mine was so intimate and, to my mind, immediately sexual. The sensation of his tongue in my mouth, was so exciting and the feel of his hard cock pressing into my stomach was so fucking horny that I felt in fear of being made to cum there and then.

I felt his hand slide up inside the back of my sweater and run along the waistband of my tight, white jeans softly rubbing on my bare skin sending shudders through me that I was sure he'd notice, but nothing was said. Kissing me and staring deeply into my eyes, presumably gauging my reactions, he slipped his fingers down the back of my jeans onto my knicker elastic. As we kissed, he took hold the waistband of them and yanked it upward, causing the gusset to be pulled tightly against both the lips of my pussy and my clit. That sent such a surge of sensations through me that although I didn't mean, or want to make a noise or say anything, I couldn't stop myself sighing, "Oooo," and then groaning, "Oh God," as the sensations from beneath my waist combined with those from above it. It seemed that my body had now clearly won the battle with my mind, and was being stimulated everywhere, my mouth, lips and tongue, my breasts and nipples, my bum, pussy, clit and my stomach. He was assaulting and stimulating each of these with his mouth, lips and tongue on my face and mouth, with one hand on my breasts and the other down the back of my jeans near to the crease in my bottom and with his hard cock stuck firmly against the length my belly. He'd pushed me so that my shoulders were against the wall, but had pulled my body from the waist down away from it. Pushing his knee between my legs and opening them he moved himself between them and slid his other hand into my jeans at the back and grabbed the bare flesh of the other cheek as he thrust forward and pulled me hard against his erection.

I was mad, I was convinced of that. We were mad, it was all mad. To be going this far so soon in such a place as an almost empty house and to be having sex with someone I hardly knew and to be letting him do these things to me was crazy. Yes crazy, immoral, demeaning, wrong, sordid and unfaithful to my husband, but it was so bloody exciting and those thoughts soon left me. Well they didn't leave voluntarily, but were pushed aside by my sex addled mind and were replaced with feelings of such a powerful desire, sexual want and just sheer horniness that I knew I was now putty in his hands.

As James thrust his cock right against my pubic mound I was thinking, 'This must be as near to being fucked as you can be, while still having clothes on.' He pulled on my buttocks squashing his cock firmer into my stomach making me groan with pleasure, and arch my back even harder against his erection. He began moving, up and down on me so we were dry humping and that sent delicious feelings roaring through my entire body.

My arms were now around his neck making me realise that I was effectively giving my body to him as I started grinding myself against him in this amazing simulated fuck. As exciting and pleasurable as this was, I knew that he would want more, and that he wanted to fuck me in this empty house.

Pulling one hand out of my jeans he shoved it unceremoniously up under my top, right onto my left breast. It felt good and we both sighed with pleasure. Without further hesitation he scooped first one and then the other boob out from my bra. and almost roughly, but appropriate for the circumstances, he yanked my top up. Again, without further ceremony he buried his face between my breasts, licking the deep cleavage and gradually moving up my left boob towards my nipple. Greedily, sucking that into his mouth as he continued simulating the fucking movements with his cock on my stomach, he was making my body yearn for total satisfaction and I responded by grinding myself back against his hardness.

If I'd had the time to think about what was happening, I might have objected. Although I had played away from home a little, I still considered myself to be relatively faithful to Kevin. In no way did I consider myself to be particularly promiscuous or low on morals, certainly no more than many of the girls I knew through the tennis club, work and social activities. Yet here I was in an empty house being humped unmercifully by an almost total stranger. More to the point, I was loving it and I wanted more.

His hands left my bum. They had served their purpose there, they no longer needed to pull me forward, as I was only too happy to writhe against him. He pulled away from me, just a little, but that was enough to fill me with disappointment as the lovely feelings stopped. He moved back just enough that his hands could go between us, so that his fingers on one hand could fumble with the brass button at the waist of my jeans, and so that those on the other hand could slide my zipper down.

"No, James, no," I said, not in the least bit convincingly.

"Yes Jayne, yes," he breathed, "Let me."

"No, we mustn't, not here."

"Yes we should. You want to and so do I. I want you like I haven't wanted a woman for ages," he said, which I guessed was a lie.

I couldn't help smiling at what I knew was typical male bullshit and muttered, "Like in what, this week?"

"Like in ages ever since the first time I saw you."

He kissed me again and I forgot the bullshit. My arms went back around his neck. Unwittingly I had removed any barriers to him getting to the zipper of my jeans. He slid it all the way down, pushing his hand inside my jeans and right onto my wetness. He slid his hand along the sodden gusset of my panties, sending even stronger shock waves of sensations through me. My body stiffened and I trembled. I knew that I was close to a climax,"Oh God," I moaned, which was due partly to the extreme feelings, and partly to a slight sense of disgust I felt for not being strong-willed enough to stop him. He pulled my jeans down until they were almost around my knees and rather naively and clearly very late, it dawned on me that he really did want to shag me here.

"We can't, we mustn't," I groaned.

I reached down for my jeans, but he grabbed my hand. He held it tight and then pulled it up and placed it right on his erection. It felt so good. He was nicely sized and so very, very hard, "Unzip me Jayne, he muttered," which shook me. No man had ever asked me to do that before, "Unzip me and get my cock out."

The blatantly wanton words crashed into my mind as, unthinkingly, I did what he'd asked. My fingers were shaking, partly due to my arousal and partly due to the anticipation of holding and seeing his cock. I fumbled his zipper down and plunged my hand inside. Fiddling through the tail of his shirt and past the folds of his boxers, I eventually got that awesome sensation of holding a lover's cock for the first time. It was fairly big, more in girth than in length, and was bigger than Kevin's, but it wasn't huge, like some I had seen when messing around on the web. It was hot, it was smooth, it was full and it was very had and throbbing. It was everything a cock should be.

"Oh yes Jayne, yes," he moaned thrusting it in my hand as he kissed me and rubbed my mound. "Do you like it?"

"What?" I asked not quite understanding him.

"My cock Jayne, do you like my cock?"

Again, I was amazed at his affront, asking such a question. I was even more amazed, however, when I found myself replying, "Yes James, yes I do."

"I want you to have it Jayne, I want to give it to you."

"Not here, not in this house James, we can't."

"Oh yes we can, and I want to Jayne. I want to fuck you right here and now," he muttered, which for some reason brought me to my senses and letting go of his cock, I pushed him off and pulled my jeans up.

"No James this madness and I am not like that," I sort of lied fumbling at the zip on my jeans.

"What then?" he asked looking rather silly standing there in his business suit with his still hard cock sticking out from the fly. "What can we do?" he asked as I went to push my boobs back into their cups, but he grabbed my hand to stop me, "No don't cover your tits up, leave them out so I can see them."

"Don't be daft," I managed to blurt out fumbling them back into my bra. and pulling the sweater down. Somehow I managed to extricate myself from the situation with James and I drove home quite heavily shaken from the experience. It wasn't, I had to acknowledge to myself, as I prepared dinner, as, quite unusually, Kevin was not only in the UK, but was also due to be home for the evening, so much due to the earlier part of what had happened. It was more that it had looked as though James wouldn't take no for an answer and that he'd called me a pt. From my experiences particularly with Mike, which was still going on and was developing, I had thought that only stood for personal trainer and not the prick tease that James had called me as I stormed out leaving him in the house still with his dick out.