Love Game

Happy pride my lovely reader! Here is a gift from a corner of my heart <3

XOXO SkylerLuv

******

This is going to get dirty.

I spit on the muddy grass and see blood splat all over it.

Great.

"Watch your fucking back, number eight!" Trinity yells across the field and comes to my side.

"Fucking hell." I spit again and check for all my teeth.

Even though it's night time and the field lights aren't the best, I can see my blood painting each blade of grass with crimson.

"I forgot to warn you about her." She looks down the field, glaring at the girl from the opposing team.

While Trinity and I are close in height, just under six feet, number eight is a small thing. She has been dribbling circles around our defense as if it is all a game to her. Which, technically, is just a game. A futbol game, to be specific, but she seems to be having fun just showing off. We play an adult league and even though most of us just do it for fun, some of us do like the competitive aspect. There are a few here and there who take it more seriously than others. And then there are those who know they're good and want to rub it in everyone's face.

I use the underside of my sweaty shirt to clean my mouth.

"I'm good." I keep my eyes open for the same girl in case she wants to jam her head against my face again.

Trinity nods and goes back out to her space.

She plays midfield. Unlike myself, she likes running around and trying to assist all positions at once. I play defense, which means I stay in my area and turn into a wall when the opposing team tries to sneak by to score a goal. We met in high school when I used to play left wing. That position has players that play on the edge of the field running up and down waiting for their moment to assist. She has only ever played midfield and will continue to do so until she retires. We played for our high school team, varsity, for all four years. And because we loved the sport so much, we also played on opposing travel teams outside of it but remained friends all throughout all four years. It was during college that we got to play for the same team and solidified the positions we play now.

Trinity loves running, I love defending.

Going pro was a possibility for us. I know Trinity's parents hoped she would take that passion for the sport and start making some actual money out of it. All that they invested throughout the years was expected to return a profit at some point. And then after we graduated, she met her wife, who is a doctor. Years later they have a six and a two-year-old. I personally never imagined her as a housewife. She is a mean machine on the field but when it comes to her babies, she is as cuddly as a teddy bear. Or a real bear if anyone ever messes with them and the claws need to come out.

Trinity is all fit, dark skin, long box braids. Her wife is light skinned with gorgeous curly hair but barely reaches her chest. They looked like best friends the first time I was introduced to her, Brandy. And they were friends for a while, until Trinity just had to go and fall and love. They're still each other's best friends, which I don't mind since they absolutely deserve each other.

And then there is me.

Tall, tan, short brown hair.

I have always looked like a soccer player and nothing has changed much after graduating. The biggest change being that I only play on the weekends now. I give private lessons to snooty high school kids who aren't naturally gifted but since their parents are loaded with money, they can afford to learn the skills they weren't born with. If I was asked what my life would be like after college, I wouldn't have guessed this.

Yet, life has an interesting way of fucking up any plans one might have.

Rocky, or Roxanne, goes in to stop number eight when she comes back to our side of the field. She's a cocky little forward, aka person who scores, but there is also an evil grin when she approaches a player. There is definitely a chip on her shoulder and she is out for blood in this game. I don't think I've ever played against her.

She pretends to think about her next move and waits until Rocky is close enough to yank on her copper red hair.

"That's bullshit!" I yell at the referee who missed the dirty play.

One of the other girls from the opposing team is distracting him with some sob story about her cleats falling apart. The ref looks my way and then back at number eight who shoots and scores. Rocky is on the floor, holding her scalp, tears coming out of her eyes.

"She just yanked on her hair!" I get close to him and point at the culprit.

She flips her blonde hair as she runs by with a smirk on her lips.

"Are you alright?" The ref goes down to check on Rocky.

"If you were doing your fucking job, you would have seen that she was assaulted by the same girl who has been throwing elbows and playing dirty all game!" I help Rocky up and then glare at him. "She needs to be kicked out of the game."

He puts both hands up and I see annoyance creep into his eyes. "I haven't seen any fouls-"

"Because you haven't been paying attention, like a fucking idiot!" My anger has caught up to me and I see Trinity coming from the corner of my eye.

Same song, same dance. I lose my lid after trying to keep my cool and she comes in trying to smooth things out. Except this time, it's a little too late.

He blows his whistle and pulls out a red card. "You're not going to curse on my field."

"Now you want to kick someone out?" I shout over the girls from my team coming to my defense. "Where the fuck was that red flag three seconds ago?"

He's flooded with a sea of purple jerseys, some trying to reason with him and others trying to drag me off. I hear our coach yell my name from downfield and that stops some of my yelling. I should have slapped that little bitch when I had the chance. I look over and see her laughing behind her hand with her teammate.

Trinity takes my arm, knowing what I intend to do, and redirects me toward our bench.

Coach shakes his head when we finally reach him and presses a water bottle against my stomach. "We had this." He's seething but he's trying to keep it together.

He's a fit, older, bald guy that loves the sport as much as we do. He was close to making it as a pro himself and then had a debilitating injury that killed his dreams of ever playing for another team again. Isn't that how all the tragic stories surrounding coaches go? Unlike most other has-beens though, he is a man of means. A trust fund kid, now an adult, who can afford to coach a women's soccer team for the hell of it and make a little money when we actually do win. Not that he needs it, it is a drop in an Olympic-sized pool to him.

I see the passion in his eyes when we train twice a week and then play on the weekend. He is meticulous with his coaching style and treats us as if we were a professional team. I've often wondered why he wouldn't invest in an actual good team or interview to coach a pro team and then I remember his personality. He doesn't really like people. He tolerates us, when we do good at least, and then turns into a hot head when shit hits the fan.

A typical futbol aficionado.

It wouldn't do to have both of us kicked out of the field if he loses his temper right now.

"You saw what she did." I use the water to clean my mouth out.

More blood.

Awesome.

"Doesn't matter. She did what she wanted and as a bonus got you kicked out." He kicks the grass and then throws his thumb over his shoulder. "Get your shit and leave before it gets worse."

I follow his line of sight and look back on the field. Another red card goes up but I leave before I know who it is intended for.

******

The training gig was supposed to be temporary.

I was supposed to rack up some money to pay for student loans, find a lower-level team to play for and work my way up. I was talented. Some big teams were interested but I sabotaged my opportunities much faster than it took me to build up my reputation as a good player. I think in the end, it came down to realizing that I wasn't the best, that someone else would always be better, and that my commitment to it was just not enough. Not like other girls in my school who took it very seriously and worked their whole lives to that point.

Those girls who stayed way later after practice and were the first ones in the gym in the morning. The ones who followed every piece of news related to the world of futbol and how they would one day be in it. I love the sport. I enjoy it. Just not enough to make it my whole life. I prefer it at this level, where you just give the bare minimum. I also have no other choice when I'm already passed my prime.

Some would say I could have paid off all my student loans if I had just joined a professional team after college but they say that with the little information they have access to. As the years have passed and I've gained more and more high school athletes to train, I've been able to pay off my loans and make a decent life for myself. I also don't have the hassle of living the life under a limelight while trying to be normal. All in all, I'm comfortable where I'm at.

My mom's face flashes on the screen that was guiding me to my next destination. I press the green button to answer.

"Hi, mom!" I try not to let her hear anything different in my tone. My bottom lip is swollen and if she finds out, she'll worry.

Safe to say my mother wishes I chose to do something less aggressive over the weekend. Soccer isn't supposed to be a contact sport, not really. Not if you're actually good. But she doesn't get it. Or maybe I'm the one who doesn't get it since she was always the one who rushed me to the hospital when I got a concussion or broke a bone in my body.

"Mia, hello sweetheart!" Her cheery voice fills the car. "How are you doing this morning?"

It is absolutely normal for her to call me a few times a week now that she's retired. Dad is a bit better about giving my phone line a break but I'm sure that's only because she updates him with every little bit of information she can get out of me.

"Good." I make a turn hoping that it's the right one. "Just heading to my next appointment for the day."

"Lovely," she whispers something over the phone then gets back to me. "Your father sends his love."

"Love you both!" I hope that is enough of that to end the call but then she continues talking.

She gives me an update on her garden, how she is creating a book club, how dad is driving her a little insane even though he retired before she did so I'm sure it's the other way around but I don't mention that. They love each other deeply and no matter how much or how little they bicker, they can't live without the other.

"Mom, I gotta go." I say when she gives herself a moment to breathe. "I'll try and see you both for breakfast soon, okay?"

"Wonderful!" I imagine her bright smile and the wheels turning, trying to figure out what she'll cook up. "I can't wait, sweetheart!"

"Send my love to dad!"

I hang up and pull into another cookie cutter mansion that pretends to be different than the other ones nearby but they all look the same.

Cold and lifeless.

It isn't fair to judge all of the parents I work for. Some are actually present in their children's lives and they love to receive updates on their progress. Others like to pawn them off on me for an hour or two while they slave away on their phone or behind a computer. They don't realize that their kids won't remember how much money was thrown at them during this time in their lives if they're not there to watch them play at the end of the day.

I remember my own parents at my soccer games. I sadly smile as I gather my things. They made do with what we had and have made me feel supported every step of the way. I wish it was that way for some of the kids I trained.

Unfortunately, I don't get paid for wishful thinking.

******

My lungs are burning.

Fuck do they burn.

I look down to make sure my practice jersey isn't going up in flames. It's hot as balls this afternoon and Coach isn't taking it easy on us. We lost our game over the weekend. Big fucking whoop. But he's pissed off because we should have won had two of us not been kicked out in the beginning of the second half. I'm given extra laps to run around the field with Yas since she started bad mouthing the ref too and got kicked out shortly after I did.

Red card mystery solved.

"If you girls think I want to coach a group of mediocre soccer players, you are fucking mistaken!" He's chewing his gum hard, spit dripping from his bottom lip, his face is red. "I don't do this for the money. Hell, I don't even do this for the wins."

Trinity and I look at each other and pass a knowing look between us.

"I do this because I believe that each of you has something to offer and can be great if you just got out of your own goddamn way!" He throws his clipboard on the ground.

Gunner, his assistant coach, leans down to pick it up. He's a younger guy, who probably gets paid good money to assist. I know he had a successful college career in the west coast and then moved here because his wife got a promotion. Like Coach, he has a love for the game and has somehow managed to work with his temperament enough to renew his contract for the past three years. Coach must like him as much as we do.

"Do you want me to treat you the way other teams get treated?" Coach blows his whistle and we all get back down on the floor to do another set of pushups. "Only meet up on game day and say fuck practice?"

No, that would be terrible.

He's a hardass but he knows what he's doing. He does treat us differently. Other teams do practice throughout the week but a lot of them don't. They just hope their players workout in their own time and then meet up for the weekend ready to play. Some teams are made up of stragglers. Random girls who pick up a game or two when they need extra cash. They barely know how the team plays but they get paid to be a body when a team doesn't have enough players.

We don't get paid to practice. We only get paid a little bit to play games and then whatever we win, if we win. All of us come to practice because we like what we do. We like our team and we love having an hour, sometimes two of practice where we don't have to worry about the real world out there. For a short time in our afternoons, we come together as a team and work together to make something great. The dedication of showing up should reflect that we want to be better but Coach is past seeing reason right now.

"Two of you can't even play for the next two games because of those damn red cards. Maybe I should clear out the whole roster and start all over again!"

This time Trinity and I avoid looking at each other. I don't know if we would either laugh or start freaking out about finding another team that will take us both. We have a good reputation but I've heard the girls on other teams sometimes don't even get paid and they're okay with that. I like the extra income on the weekends and don't want to risk losing it. While Trinity may not need the money, she sure as hell loves the break she gets from being a mom.

"Practice is over, go home and go back to your bland lives. Maybe then you'll realize it is worth giving a fuck when you're here. When you're somewhere that you have control of your actions and the outcomes." He motions for Gunner to follow him.

We sit around in silence and wait until he's speeding off in his car before blowing out a breath.

"I've never seen him so angry." Someone in the back whispers.

"He's overreacting." Someone else grumbles.

"He sounded disappointed." Rocky wipes her forehead. "It was supposed to be an easy game." She shoots me a fleeting look.

I roll my eyes. "I'm sorry I cost us the game." I'm not afraid to take responsibility for the shit that I ruin. "I'll try to control my anger better next time."

"It wasn't her fault." Trinity comes to my defense. "She was sticking up for you, Rocky."

"I know!" She puts her hands up. "I was just saying that Coach is probably disappointed that we didn't win."

"Whatever!" Cynthia, our captain stands. "Last game was a shitshow but it's done. What we need to do now is learn from those mistakes and get ready for the upcoming game. We're not kids anymore, no need to pass the blame."

I nod.

"That means you two get the weekend off." She points at me and Yas.

"I can still come and watch as a fan." I stand when the rest of the girls start to pack their things.

She shakes her head. "It's best to take a beat to think about the last game."

"You saw that player going around and hitting everyone." I lower my voice so it doesn't look like I'm trying to pick a fight. "The ref was oblivious to everything."

"I had it under control." She switches out of her cleats. "I was planning on reporting her to the league but then two of our players got expelled off the field. Kind of hard to point fingers when we're the ones who got reprimanded."

I huff and nod. "I'm really sorry."

She shakes her head. "Again, we're not kids. Shit happens. Just try to remember that next time you feel like telling a ref off."

"Yeah, I will."

It isn't the first time I've let my anger get the better of me during a game. Sometimes Coach even encourages it because I play with a little bit more hunger. It doesn't help when I get kicked off and leave my team one player short. I should have known Cynthia already had it covered. She has proven to be a good leader since she joined us this season. I just hope she can see that I'm worth being part of the team. Worth putting up with.

******

It's hard to stay away from the playing field Saturday but I manage.

Cynthia spoke to the coach and they both agreed that neither I nor Yas should show up at all since we both are suspended for two games. Yas didn't seem to care much, mumbling that she will be fine with taking the weekend off. They play two games Saturday and get to rest up on Sunday since there is no game. I, on the other hand, regret not getting to play. My feet are itching to get on some grass and dribble a ball.

I wait until after the second game to call Trinity on Saturday.

"How was it?" I lean back on my couch.

"We lost both games."

Fuck.

"Fuck." She voices my thoughts. "Coach is going to tear us a new one during practice." She sounds exhausted.

Maybe I should let her be for tonight. She has probably had a long day and wants to spend it with her wife and kids. She actually has people waiting for her to take her mind off the field.

"It's my fault." I groan. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Absolutely not." She sounds annoyed. "You were sticking up for your teammate."

"You think he'll kick me off?" I sit up a little straighter.

She scoffs. "Not after today's shitshow. Deon couldn't stop a five-year-old in cleats."

That makes me feel marginally better. "You got any plans tonight?"

She hums and then answers. "I could actually go for a cold beer."

I stand, ready to put some jeans on. "Will Brandy tag along?"

"She is actually getting the house ready since her parents are coming into town this week."

"Oh, the in-laws." I stop short. "Maybe we should hold off on the beers?"

"Nah, I don't plan on staying out super late. A beer should be fine. I'll text you once I get a hold of her."

That sounds like a plan to me. I change into a graphic tee and jeans. I leave my hair down and flip it to one side. It's still a bit damp from my shower earlier and I don't want it to curl at the ends by putting it up in a short ponytail. It barely touches my cheeks now, if it curls, it'll come down to my temples. I grab my keys and text Trinity the name of one of the spots we usually go to drink. It has been a while since she's been able to get some time off after practice so this should be a perfect distraction for us both.

***

The second beer arrives at my table before Trinity does.

I sip on it, trying to pace myself but also enjoying the cool taste of it. The bar is packed tonight with a lot of sports fans tuning into some football game. I should have thought of that before choosing this specific spot. There are other restaurants that don't get this crowded and don't have people yelling at the top of their lungs. I don't care too much about it but I know Trinity will get annoyed.

She slips in through the front door and spots me after scanning the place. She pushes her way over to me and scowls at the people behind her.

"I didn't remember football season was back." She hugs me and then takes a seat across from me. "I highly doubt they'll have a decent soccer game on right now."

I wave the waitress down and motion for two more beers. "Yeah, that's my bad. I'll try to pick a better place next time."

"Whenever that may be." She puts her braids up and fans herself. "There was no point in me showering after my game, I guess." She's wearing a plain white t-shirt with dark blue jeans and sneakers. I doubt she went home after the game to change. The locker room was my best bet.

"What did Brandy say about you grabbing a beer?" I almost have to yell over the noise in the background.

She wrinkles her nose. "Probably wasn't the best time but she understood. We haven't seen each other off the field in ages."

"Thanks for coming," I wait until the waitress brings the two beers to hold mine up for us to cheer. "To ending the weekend on a high."

She lifts her beer and clinks it to mine. "I'll cheers to that."

A big chunk of our time is spent on her replaying both games of the day. The first one wasn't so bad. The other team won because they got a penalty when of one of our girls pushed them too aggressively and, of course, they scored. Their coach talked a lot of shit for someone who barely won, according to Trinity. The second game was a bit rough. The other team managed to score three goals and we didn't score any. I can only imagine the veins popping out of Coach's neck by the end of it.

After I ask all of my questions and get most of the answers, Trinity moves the topic back to her family. Brandy has been working long hours since the hospital has been short staffed. I know that's been rough on both of them. Their oldest, Tristen, just started school last week. I look down at the picture of him on his first day and fawn over him.

"He was so ready to be around kids his age." She takes another sip of her beer. "I was crying like a baby, meanwhile he was skipping into his classroom like he didn't have a care in the world."

"That's because he doesn't." I look over, trying to find our waitress for another round, when I see a cutie walking toward the bar.

She is short with gorgeous dark skin. Her afro is pushed back by a shiny plastic, red headband that matches her white and red polka dot dress. The dress itself is modest and honestly a little out of place in this crowd, which is probably why it caught my attention. There is a girl next to her, definitely younger but they have the same facial structure. The younger girl has on some jeans and a hoodie, more in theme with those in football jerseys.

She must feel me staring because she meets my eyes and just as quickly looks away.

"Who are you trying to scare?" Trinity turns around and then looks back at me with a surprised look on her face. "I know her!"

I frown. "The younger girl?"

"No," she takes out her phone and then flips through some pictures. Sure enough, a picture of the girl in the polka dot dress appears in front of me. She's next to Tristen, smiling at the camera like she does that all the time.

"She's Tristen's teacher!"

I look back up and catch her staring at me this time. She looks away again first and wraps an arm around her lower belly. It is obvious that she doesn't want to be here. On a quiet night she would probably find a quiet table and a large menu to hide behind. Right now, there is no hiding. I'm intrigued by her skittish nature and what brings her here in the first place.

"Miss Rudd!" Trinity waves a hand over her head until she catches the nervous lady's attention. She then waves her and her friend over.

This will be interesting.

The two women head our way when the teacher motions over to our table. The younger girl looks grateful to have a place to sit.

"Please join us!" Trinity scoots her drink over and pats the spot next to her.

The younger girl sits first and then motions for her quiet companion to sit next to me. She briefly meets my eyes and then looks back to the front entrance. Ready to bolt, I'm sure.

"What are you two drinking?" I motion to the waitress once more.

"Long Island for me!" The younger girl holds her hand out for me to shake. "My name is Harper." She shakes Trinity's hand as well and then points to the woman next to me. "This is my sister, Miss Rudd." She gives her a playful smile.

Her sister chuckles under her breath and then shakes my hand. "I'm Jade."

"Hi, Jade," I try not to devour her tiny figure, not so tiny curves, in that dress and clear my throat. "I'm Mia."

I can't help it. She is all woman. I mean every inch of her looks soft, kissable even. Her hips and thighs have enough meat on them that I want to dig my fingers in and feast on what is between them. Anyone else would be intimidated by her curves and what I'm sure is a phenomenal ass but I'm practically salivating at the thought of it.

Oh, shit. This is taking a turn.

As if she can read my thoughts, her eyes widen when they meet mine. She practically snatches her hand from mine, slightly panicked, and then gives a small wave to Trinity. "Thank you for saving us from all of that." She motions to the crowded bar area.

The waitress finally arrives at our table and takes their drink order. Miss Rudd tries to order some water but her sister scratches that and orders her a Long Island as well. Their dynamic is somewhere along the line of best friends, sisters, and goody-two-shoes and bad influence duo. Except it is the younger sister who seems to have the last say between them.

She dominates most of the conversation, asking how Trinity knows her sister, how old Tristen is, and where Trinity's wife is at the moment. She talks about how she's in her last year of college and is planning on moving into the city once she secures a job. Then she turns the spotlight on me, asking me how I know Trinity and if I have a family and what I do for a living.

"Easy, Harp." Her rigid sister kicks her under the table. "This isn't 21 questions."

"It's okay." I smirk at her younger sister. "Is it my turn to ask questions?"

"You may," Harper leans her chin against her palm.

I turn to her sister. "Miss Rudd," she bristles at the name calling. "How long have you been teaching?"

"This is my third year." She doesn't meet my eyes, looking at the two across from us instead.

"How do you like it?"

"I like it a lot." Her smile is quick and then evaporates.

"Is there a Mister Rudd?"

Her jaw drops and she looks at me. That is more like it.

Eyes on me, baby.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no."

Her sister is eating all of this up. She is on the edge of her seat, enthralled by my inability to feel uncomfortable by her sister's standoffish attitude.

"Maybe a Mrs. Rudd then?" I cock my head.

Under the lights I see a slight color change to her cheeks. Her skin is dark, smooth and inviting. But I'm pretty sure I just made her blush. I like that very much. Almost as much as I like the nervous way, she licks her full lips.

"Oh shit, you can tell she's into girls?" Her sister basically outs her and then narrows her eyes to see what the telling signs are. "How?"

"I'm going to murder you," Jade whispers under her breath. Then she turns to look at me and purses her lips. "I am single. Is your curiosity satiated?"

Not even close. Not after finding out that she plays for my team. If anything, I just want to ask more questions.

The waitress comes in time to drop off the drinks and saves me from having to answer out loud.

"I really shouldn't be drinking with one of my student's parents." Jade bites her lip, looking nervous again.

And damn if that doesn't do something to me. Her uncertainty and shy nature pull at something within me. Something that I haven't felt in a very long time. Being confident and sure of myself is something that came hand and hand with playing soccer. I had fans in college, I had girls falling over themselves. For some reason, I liked the ones that kept to themselves and hated any type of attention. Then I realized I liked it because by the time that I was done fucking their brains out, their turned into sexy vixens that held their heads up high. The transformation was addicting.

I don't know what Trinity says to make her more comfortable but she takes her first sip of the drink and coughs when it goes down her throat.

"That burns." She covers her mouth. "I can't drink all of that. It's all alcohol, no tea at all."

"Jade, be serious." Her sister takes a generous gulp and doesn't even flinch. "You promised me a fun weekend."

I like Harper. She is the opposite of Jade but also encourages her to live a little.

"I don't want to die from alcohol poisoning."

"You don't usually drink?" I take a sip of my beer to hide my smile.

"I do!" She looks down at the table. "A little wine here and there."

"Of course," I smile without hiding it this time.

She hates it. I know so because she takes another sip of her drink without coughing this time. Just a little nostril flare. I chuckle this time and that makes her chug a little more.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Harper claps. It's nothing compared to the clapping going on in the background because of the game.

"You might want to take it easy, Miss Rudd," I lean over and whisper in her ear. "Wouldn't want to have to carry you out of here. Or maybe I would."

She doesn't find that funny at all and takes a sip of an extra water cup instead.

Trinity gives me a knowing look. She knows all of my signs by now. I'm interested and it will take a lot to distract me from my goal now. Back in our college days, we would be each other's wing woman and she would have had Harper in the back of some car right now making her cum all types of ways to help her explore her sexuality just to let me deal with shy Jade. It is a bullet she always took without complaint. One I had to take a few times when she wanted to hook up with a girl with clingy friends.

Those were the days.

These days though, I'm kind of on my own. I can't juggle Harper trying to get Jade drunk and Jade trying to hate my guts before even giving me a chance. Granted, I should not be teasing her when we have just met. She doesn't know my humor and will probably think I'm being mean.

I get ignored by the woman next to me and the topic moves on to something tamer.

Eventually Trinity checks her phone and finishes her second and last beer of the night. "I should be heading back home now." She waves at the goody-two-shoes teacher next to me and I give her a fist bump.

"I'll walk with you since I have to use the restroom." Harper hops up from her seat and gives her sister a sly smile.

Thank you, Harper.

I waste no time and pull Jade's chair a lot closer to mine. I have her knees between my legs in an instant. She stares at me with wide eyes and mouth slightly open. I see her breaths coming out quickly.

"What are your plans after you leave here?" I'm leaning close so that we don't have to shout over the noise.

"I don't know." She licks her lips and then tries to look toward the restroom door where her sister disappeared to.

"Uh-uh," I gently guide her face back to me using her chin. "Focus, Jade."

She looks down at my lips and I feel her heated stare.

Yes, baby.

It makes me feel better about trying to seduce her. She is obviously attracted to me.

"I would love to show you my place if you're free."

Her lids lower and she starts to nod but then shakes her head and blinks a few times. "My sister is staying with me over the weekend. Hence, why I'm in this stuffed sports bar when I'd rather be home. I can't leave her alone."

I suck my teeth. "She looks like she's old enough to behave if she's alone."

"You don't know Harper." She genuinely smiles this time and then takes out her phone. "Give me your number."

It is the first time she is taking control of anything.

I type in my phone number and set my name as Mia Cute Girl from the Bar.

She rolls her eyes and changes the name. I'm slightly offended until I see that she changes the word cute to hot.

"You sure I can't convince you to come over?" I lean in again, close enough to feel her breath against my lips.

She shakes her head.

I look to my left and see Harper coming our way. Her eyes pop open when she sees how close Jade and I are. I want to kiss her so bad. But I don't want her getting endlessly teased by her younger sister. Not that she won't get teased just by leaning into me right now.

I pull back and then smile at Harper.

"What do you two have planned after this?" I ask.

Jade tenses next to me and I can see she is motioning something to her sister from my peripheral.

Harper ignores her sister and smiles back. "We have no plans. I am actually feeling kind of tired." She yawns and covers her mouth. "If you want to stay out, Jade, please don't let me stop you."

Jade glares at her and shakes her head. "I'm not leaving you alone in my apartment. Mom told me what happened last time her and dad visited you in your dorm."

Harper looks embarrassed but then shrugs. "I wasn't expecting them. Anyways, I really am tired and I have no desire to entertain anyone tonight." She holds her hand out. "Please give me your apartment keys. I can open the door when or if you come home tonight."

Jade contemplates her words and then looks at me.

"Maybe we can grab breakfast tomorrow." I offer both of them.

"Brunch sounds great!" Harper stands and takes the keys from Jade's hands. She hugs her sister tight, gives her some words of encouragement and then waves to me. "Make sure to treat her right and know that I will be able to find her if anything bad happens. I'll also make it my life mission to ruin your life if it comes to that."

I wave and cross my heart. "Nothing will happen to her, I promise."

We watch her leave and silently finish our drinks.

I close the tab, not taking any of the money she offers, and we walk out of the bar.

"Did you drive?" She asks.

I shake my head and ask her the same question. She shakes her head as well.

"I live a few blocks down. Think you can make it?" I look down at her red high heels.

"Is it really worth it?" She rubs her chin.

I pull her into me and lean down to kiss her soundly. She grips my arms, digging her nails into my skin as I deepen the kiss. Her lips are so full and soft. I plunge my tongue deep into her mouth, promising her anything she wants as long as she comes home with me tonight.

I finally pull back and stand straight, watching her pull herself together.

"Which way did you say?" She breathlessly asks.

***

The anticipation is thick between us.

I hand her a glass of red and then take a nice swig of my beer. We sit across from each other on my leather couch. My apartment is small and cozy. It feels a lot warmer with this hot little teacher invading all of my senses. I removed my shoes at the door, not because I care about my carpet but because I knew she would do the same. One less thing to remove.

I pat my lap and hold my hand out to her.

She drinks every drop of her wine and then comes to straddle my legs.

My hands instantly wrap around her thick hips.

"I haven't done this in a while." She is breathing deep already.

I roll her dress up until it uncovers her thighs, hips, and ass. I palm each cheek. Relishing the fact that she is wearing a white thong.

"You're so fucking sexy." I look deep into her eyes and pull her closer to me.

She gulps some air into her lungs but doesn't respond.

I stop kneading her ass cheeks for a second and pull the front of her dress down. She's wearing a white laced bra. I can see her dark nipples underneath and I lean in to kiss each one. She shudders and pulls my head closer to her. I groan when I feel her nails dig into my scalp.

I pull back with hooded lids and lick my lips.

We stare at each other for a while. I see the desire in her eyes. She wants this. She wants me. But she's quiet as a mouse. No moans or loud panting. Just deep breaths and some sighs.

That will not do.

"Stand up." I hold both of her hands. She tries to stand on the floor but I shake my head. "Stand here on the couch."

She starts to stand and then realizes her crotch will be in my face if she does. "But-"

I grab her hips and make her stand all the way. I inhale her scent and groan. She smells so fucking good. Jesus, how am I going to get through this without creaming my pants? I look up at her and see her looking down at me through her cute round belly and full breasts.

"I want to taste you." I try to make things easier on her. Mostly because it's her first time with me. "Can I fuck you with my mouth?"

She nods and watches me with lust written all over her face.

I pull her panty-clad pussy right into my face. I dig my nose deep in there and inhale some more. Fuck. Too good. Too much. I guide each of her legs apart, and then guide each knee to the back of the couch so she can put some of her weight on it and have more flexibility to sit on my face. I kiss her thong before moving it to the side.

It is a gorgeous sight. There is cream on her cute pussy. It is more apparent against her dark lips and makes me feel ravenous. I waste no time using my tongue to scoop every drop of her sweet juices. I moan and dig my tongue deeper into her folds. She grips my hair and sits on my lips with a little more confidence. I place my hands on her ass again but this time I guide her on my tongue.

"Ride my face," I command and then stick my tongue back into her warm center.

She timidly lifts and lowers, trembling with each movement. I pull her further into me, fucking her tight hole with my tongue and digging my nose into her folds. I push her up and yank her down so she can ride me like a fucking pro. Her fingers yank on my hair and I feel the tension forming on her legs. I slurp up her juices and finally come up to latch my lips around her clit.

I flutter my tongue against it, giving her every sense of pleasure until I know she's close to coming. I assault her with all that I have and just when I feel her tense to the point of hurting herself, I hear her breathless voice.

"Please," she doesn't moan or sob. She is whispering as if we are in a movie theater and cannot make a sound. "May I cum, please?"

I groan against her words and dig my nails into her ass. I've done some role playing in the past with girls who liked to feel dominated and out of control. Some liked when I controlled their orgasms, I never cared either way. Yet, with Jade I feel a sense of possessiveness that should alarm me but instead I lean into it.

I test out her need.

"No," I flatten my tongue against her clit and then go back to licking her hole.

A sharp breath escapes her lips. No groaning or moaning.

She is very quiet in her disappointment. That won't do either.

I go back to her clit and feel her close to cumming again. I slurp up her juices and suck on the swollen numb, not too gently. She tries to pull herself away from my lips but I just pull her back down by her hips. I love it. I love that she is trying not to cum. I love that I have that power over her. I should be more lenient. I should just let her cum as many times as she wants. But the fact that she initiated all of this just feeds into the heady feeling. I want to control each orgasm, each tremble in her lower belly. I'm filled with warmth knowing it is all because of me.

"Please," Her pleas are more desperate this time. "I need to cum."

"Let me hear how badly you need to cum." I kiss her clit. "Moan,"

She whimpers. No moan. Just a slight hint of being upset.

"Please," she rides my face faster now, no longer caring that she can suffocate me with her thighs.

I fucking love it.

"Moan," I mumble against her lips.

She throws her head back and tenses. "Fuuuckkkk," she yells into the air, very frustrated.

"Moan, Jade. Moan and you can cum all over my tongue."

She grunts in frustration and yelps when I scrape my teeth along her clit.

She can't stop it and she can't seem to follow my instructions either. She cums all over my mouth, filling me with her sweet juices. What doesn't make it into my mouth flows down my chin, around my nose, and even on my cheeks. She rides my face to her pleasure and breathes short, sharp breaths that I think are meant to be moans. Either way, I let her use me as she wishes until her legs are shaking and I pull her down to straddle my lap again.

"I'm sorry," she looks weary.

I kiss her deeply, letting her taste her creamy goodness. When I pull back, I see her looking at me in wonder.

"I love your taste." I lick my lips.

She looks down and leans in to inhale the mess she made. She even sticks her tongue out to lick the juices on my chin.

I pull back to meet her eyes. "You need permission to cum?"

She looks away but nods.

"Not really, since you came without my permission." I point out, partially teasing.

She lowers her face. "I'm sorry. Like I said, it has been so long."

I kiss her and smile. "You're lucky I enjoyed that as much as you did."

She looks mildly surprised by my response but doesn't say anything.

***

She's even more skittish after I return from the bathroom.

I've cleaned my face and no longer smell her all over me. Not that I plan for that to last long. I will dig my tongue deeper into her in just a few moments. I figured she would want some time alone after fucking my face and cumming all over my lips like the goddess that she is.

She stands and goes into the bathroom without looking at me.

She has put her dress back right, covering all that it should and I assume her underwear is back on, covering her delicious folds.

What a pity.

I go back into the kitchen and grab her another glass of wine while also opening another beer for myself.

That was intense.

That was... Fuck, it was much better than I could have hoped.

It has been a while since I've had sex but it has been even longer since I've had that much fun. I was there, in that moment with her every step of the way. From the moment our lips touched, and I had her in my arms, I couldn't focus on anything but having her in any capacity. Those types of hookups aren't easy to replicate. Which means, I need to get everything out of it tonight.

I'm already sitting on the couch when she comes back. I notice her shoes are on and stand.

"I should probably go." She's staring at the floor.

"Why?" The alarm in my voice stops me short.

Play it cool, Mia. Don't scare her.

"Harper is having trouble with... the stove." The lie is so bad that she still can't meet my eyes.

I want to sigh in disappointment but I know it will just make everything worse. She is very aware of how intense and amazing it is between us. Instead of wanting more, like I do, she wants to bolt as soon as possible. Her fight or flight instinct will always lead her to fly.

Is that probably for the best?

"Okay," I walk closer and stop short of pulling her into my arms. "Are we still on for brunch tomorrow?"

Her grimace should be answer enough but I wait. "I don't think so."

"Jade," I wait for her to look at me. "I would really like to grab brunch with you and your sister tomorrow. No funny business."

Her chin tips back to fully meet my eyes. "Promise you won't try to bring me back here after we finish eating."

"I can't." I'm calm with my response.

If it is up to me, she will be tied to my bed a few minutes after brunch is over.

"Promise you will let me go home with my sister even if she tries to push us both together."

"No." Because I will need Harper's help to get her sister back in my arms.

She frowns. "Then no, I don't want to see you for brunch."

"No?" I step closer to her and wrap my arm around her waist. My breath wafts over her cheeks. "Is this goodbye then?"

Her eyebrows are pulled and I see the conflict in her stare. "Yes."

"Hmm," I lean forward so her neck falls back and we're staring at each other with barely contained lust. "Such a shame."

I drop my arms and move past her to open my front door.

I won't lie to myself and pretend that I'm not truly disappointed. I want to see her again. I want to grab brunch and then walk along a park or whatever stupid things people do after eating and then spend the rest of the afternoon tangled in her arms. But I also will not grovel to someone I just met.

I have no need to beg or ask for someone's attention. If she liked me enough, she would give us a chance. Whatever is holding her back, I shouldn't get in the way of it. As I see it, getting a taste of her should be enough for me to go back out into the dating world. She did me a favor.

She walks past me without any emotion on her face.

I watch her walk down the hall to the elevator and don't close my door until she is gone.

******

The turf beneath my feet causes an extra pep in my step.

Is it the field or is it something else?

Trinity gives me a knowing smirk when I sit down to stretch next to her.

The sun has set and the field lights are coming on. I don't care to hide my reflecting smirk since she knows me well enough. But shouldn't I be upset right now? Maybe bothered that I am not going to see Jade again? It is only logical that I'll get over whatever it was we did that night and then move on to the next one.

"Tell me you didn't." She is removing her running shoes and replacing them with her cleats.

She's wearing her usual black on black workout fit. The only color on her is her purple elastic headband that keeps her braids out of her face.

She looks less stressed today which is odd knowing her in-laws will probably make her feel uncomfortable for a while. They love her and they love their daughter but sometimes they offer unwanted advice that makes the younger couple question everything that they do. She pretends to take it in stride but I know one of her biggest fears is being a bad mom or wife. I know Brandy has a harder time not letting their words affect her as much.

Well, I won't give her anything to stress about. At least not while they're visiting.

"I didn't." I stick my tongue out.

"Jesus." She rolls her eyes. "I should have warned her about you."

I snort. "You should have warned me about her. In fact, I should be annoyed that you didn't tell me that your son's teacher is a sexy little nerd."

"Oh, lord." She positions her legs to do a butterfly stretch. "I can't say I'm surprised you find her attractive."

Trinity knows my preferences very well. She has been around enough to know I'll be the one chasing the bookworm and librarian like a pro. I should have been a bit more realistic when it came to chasing after this specific cutie, since she is going to be in Trinity's life for the school year but I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by. Had I played it cool, I would have never gotten a taste of her sweetness.

"Should I be ready for retaliation if she dumps your ass?"

I frown slightly. "She actually doesn't want to see me again."

She stops stretching. "What?"

I shrug. "I think I may have come off a little too strong for our first hookup."

"And yet, you practically floated to practice today." She eyes me suspiciously. "I'm guessing that is just a minor roadblock in your way."

I bite the smile trying to take over my face.

Is that why I'm doing just fine? Because I know deep down this isn't the last of us? No, of course not. I will definitely give her space. I will go to the bar this weekend and find someone else to sleep with. I will not hope that she calls or texts me, since I never grabbed her number. Nor will I think about her plump lips ever again. I will respect her wishes.

"You don't worry your pretty little head about that. How are the in-laws?"

She plasters on a smile. "Maybe we should keep talking about Jade."

"That bad?"

Coach stomps into the field, Gunner following close behind, almost hiding behind his clipboard.

"Hope you all are ready to puke your guts out." His whistle rings deep in our ears. "10 laps, now!"

"Let's just say, I would rather be here, puking my guts out than be back home." She gets up and pulls me along with her.

******

What was that bit about me going to the bar and finding another girl to sink my tongue into?

Well, that all went down the drain when I took on a new extra client that day and didn't get home until an ungodly hour. Never mind that I didn't have any other plans for the rest of the night. I have a game to prepare for and I cannot just go out and get wasted tonight. It is also not as if I desperately need to get laid. Last weekend with Jade was more than enough to get me through another weekend.

My body is almost trembling with anticipation when I step onto the field for our first game on Saturday.

Roxy daps me up and pats my back. "Happy to have you back!"

I smile and give Trinity a kick in her rump when she runs past me. "You ready?"

She points out into the crowd and blows a kiss to Brandy and their kids. "You bet!"

"Aww, I didn't know they were going to grace us with our presence this weekend!"

Brandy is swinging a huge baby bag over her shoulder and getting the kids settled on the stands but she doesn't miss Trinity's kiss. She blows one back and claps her hands.

They're so adorable, it's gross.

"Maybe we can grab a bite to eat after the game?" I ask her from across the field.

"Sure!"

We only have one game today and it should be a fairly easy one.

Even Coach doesn't appear to be as stressed as usual. He's only tossed out 'fuck' a handful of times as opposed to the usual thirty or forty. Gunner is still running behind him, jotting down notes, giving his input when needed, and giving us a thumbs up when we get into our positions.

It's hardly a fair fight.

By half time, we're barely winded and up by four points.

"Cynthia, stop it with the kumbaya bullshit and score another three goals before the end of the game." Coach chews on his gum with enthusiasm.

We all know she's doing it on purpose. She doesn't believe in kicking a team while they're down but Coach would obliterate them if he was the one on the field. We know as a forward she's been playing on the reserved end to help the other team save face. Instead of seeing the talent it takes to play level headed, with a cool air, Coach wants her to go in there and make the other girls wish they never played us.

She takes a big sip of her water and doesn't meet his eyes.

We all silently agree to try and make it look like a close game so it doesn't come down to her doing something she doesn't want to do but also give Coach something to work with. This is another advantage that our team has. We've played with each other long enough that we know when some of us have to pick up the slack or, in this case, put on a performance to keep everyone happy.

It is a useful skill that other teams could only hope for. We practice enough and get used to each other's playing style that the rest just comes naturally. It is another reason I will work my darndest to stay on. So far, this is one of the few things that I like about my life.

The game ends six to one.

I know that one will cost us during next practice.

Our Coach is a perfectionist prick.

***

Brandy is running her hands through Trinity's braids when I reach their table.

They haven't been waiting long and I know we probably won't be here for long. We both are sweaty and smelly and would rather not be in a crowded restaurant but it has been too long since I've seen the kids.

"Mimi!" Tristen rushes into my lap as soon as I sit.

"Who is this grown man?" I lift him up and try to be careful when his feet start kicking the air. "Is that a mustache I see?" I tickle his chin and he starts to laugh hysterically.

"Don't get him riled up." Trinity gives him a rueful smile.

"Mimi, look!" He flashes his teeth and I see a loose tooth. He blows air through it so it moves.

Not the most gruesome sight but very close.

"Yikes, you should pull that sucker out quick. Get some money from the old tooth fairy."

Brandy scoffs. "She is not that old."

I shrug. "Hello Brandy, how are you?"

"Good!" She shares a smile with Trinity and I know something is coming.

"How is work?" I try to avoid whatever it is they have going on for now.

"Busy, as always. How about you?"

We catch up, order our food, and spend the next half an hour listening to Tristen talk about his friends, school, and obviously his teacher, Ms. Rudd. It is hard not to perk up at the sound of her name. Trinity elbows Brandy and I know I'm doing a lousy job at hiding my interest.

"Do you like your teacher?" I share one of my fries with him.

He takes it, innocent to my bribe, for now. "She is the funnest!"

He talks about story time on their magic carpet, music time before they leave for the day, and snack time before reading time.

I try to calm my erratic heart as I imagine Jade running around with little munchkins biting at her ankles. Does she wear the same type of dress that she wore that night? I can picture her bright smile, with perfect teeth, and an even more perfect rump, while sitting on her magical carpet. Maybe my face would be a better option but I stop myself before getting that far.

"You should tell her about all the fun things we do as well." I give him two fries this time.

He takes them and eats them eagerly. "Like that one time when we played with the water guns?"

"Leave my kid out of your pursuits." Trinity picks up Rosa by her little arms but I take her before she can settle on her mom's lap.

"Hi, lovely girl." I coo in her face and kiss the top of her head. She stares up at me with wide eyes and dribble coming down her mouth. "Tell your mom that she cannot stand in the way of fate."

"So, you are still going to try to talk to her." Brandy scrunches her nose. "Couldn't you find anyone other than our son's teacher. Or maybe wait until the end of the school year."

I kiss Rosa's cheek and then press her mouth against my own cheek to feel her drool come down my face. "Tell your other mommy that fate does not wait."

I know I can get away with saying things like that because I am just as close to Brandy as I am to Trinity. Brandy lets me get away with a lot less and gives me shit but she knows I would do anything for either of them so she has a soft spot for me. It also helps that I am the godmother of both of their kids, so she can't be too upset.

"Okay, that is enough time with her." Trinity scoops her from my hands and shakes her head. "How about you let fate do its own thing without involving our kids?"

"Where is the fun in that?" I throw my card down on the table when the bill arrives. "My treat. And there will be many more treats if you tell Ms. Rudd that I am an amazing auntie." I wink at Tristen.

******

As fate would have it, I do not see or hear about Jade for three weeks.

In those weeks, I work, go to practice, play games, and then try to see my parents when I have a free day. She stays in the back of my mind and I often wonder what she could be doing. It is mildly concerning that I am not over this crush at first sight but I don't sweat it. It isn't anything out of this world. I've fallen for girls very quickly and have gotten over them a lot quicker. Maybe this is a little different because I have yet to let it go.

And that is why I arrive, unannounced, to Trinity's house Friday night.

Tristen gives me a warm welcome, probably having nothing to do with the cupcakes in my hand. But he can barely stand still as he watches me place them on the table.

"This is a nice surprise." Trinity looks over to see if Rosa is still sleeping in her playpen.

Poor girl looks like she went to war with her stuffed animals and they certainly won.

"I thought I would do my aunt duty and bring my favorite godson a special treat. With your permission, of course."

"Mommy, pleaseeee!" He is bouncing on the tip of his toes.

"Yes, okay. But only half so dinner isn't ruined." She takes the cupcakes into the kitchen.

I kneel down and hug Tristen again. "I brought your favorite, chocolate."

He does a little happy dance and I groove with him.

"But first," I calm my movements. "What news do you bring from Ms. Rudd?"

His left eye crinkles and his mouth turns sideways as he thinks hard about the questions. I fear he'll get an aneurism if he does much more thinking.

"Oh yeah!" He snaps his finger, which is impressive for a kid his age. "She said that I do have a pretty cool aunt."

I hold my shimmy until after my next question. "You told her aunt Mia is cool and fun?"

He nods excitedly. "I told her that you sometimes give me an extra popsicle stick when my mom isn't looking."

I wince. She would probably not find that too amusing but it'll do. She is aware now that I do have a life outside of my small apartment. Maybe she will even think of me a little more. I've been thinking about her enough for this month but there is nothing that can take my mind off her.

"Here you go!" Trinity comes back into the room with half a cupcake for Tristen.

"You did great, buddy!" I ruffle his hair and watch him bounce into the living room with the cupcake between his hands.

"I can't wait for you to have your own kids and see how messed up this is." She takes the other half of the cupcake and takes a bite.

I snatch it out of her hands and stuff the rest in my mouth. "Don't want to ruin your dinner." I mumble through the moist bread.

"Bitch," she hisses under her breath.

I laugh and almost choke. I forget what it sounds like to hear her curse. She's usually good about keeping this PG ever since she became a mom. I miss this evil side of her.

"So, what, you're going to come here and bribe information out of my child and then leave?"

I shake my head even though that is exactly what I planned on doing. "I came here to give you a hand. To watch the kids while you cook or maybe even help you cook. Whatever you need, I am at your disposal."

She purses her lips but nods. "You bet your ass you'll help me prepare dinner."

I wrinkle my nose but follow her into the kitchen. "Just remember, I'm lousy with a knife."

"Right." She points to a chair instead. "Just entertain me then. It has been hours since I've had an adult conversation."

"Don't mind if I do."

******

The weather is getting colder and our games are becoming less fun, as they often do around this time.

Getting hit or landing on an ankle wrong, hurts twice as hard when it's this cold. I hate seeing my breath in the morning knowing that I'll be running around like a chicken with its head cut off while others stay in bed and enjoy their weekend. My knee also starts acting up and I'm reminded that I'm not the young freshman that could dribble around people just for the hell of it.

Why do I do this to myself again?

"And they're looking for a new assistant!" My mom passes the green peas.

Working in a retirement home? Hard pass.

My parents have friends who are now in retirement homes and they visit them a lot. That is how they always come back with funny stories and then not so funny ones like a nephew of so and so that is looking for an assistant.

"You know I already have a full plate." I add more peas. "When would I be able to work full time and train kids?"

"Well," I hear her tone and know exactly how I would be able to make it work. "Maybe it's time you started thinking about a more conventional job."

"Honey," my father wipes his mouth and shakes his head.

God bless this man. He's always coming to my rescue.

"But I like what I do now and I make enough money to save up." I know it's coming from a good place but I don't want to have this conversation tonight.

Coming back to my childhood home is supposed to be calming and relaxing. Maybe even a little entertaining to think back on old memories. I'm not supposed to be questioning whether I'm in a secure financial spot or if my life is just going down the drain. But maybe that is what my old childhood home is for and I'm actually killing it right now.

"What happens when you meet a nice girl who wants to settle down?" She turns her head in concern.

Sheesh, that is an even worse topic of conversation.

"If I meet anyone, they will know I love soccer and have a passion for it."

"Sweetheart," she sighs.

"Honey," this time my father places a hand over hers. "Let her enjoy dinner first, at least."

She gives up and nods. "I just want to make sure you're taken care of. Should anything happen to us-"

"Mom!" Jesus, I didn't think I would get the triple whammy in one night. I guess asking for a light topic is too much. "No one is dying soon and I'm not living on the streets."

"Did you catch the game last night?" My father pats my mother's hand. "That PK was uncalled for."

I breathe in before responding. "Yeah, it's hard to play against a team and the refs."

"That's what I said!" He continues talking about every yellow card and whatever else he can so that my mother doesn't have a moment to intervene.

I love her with my life but she sure knows how to raise my blood pressure.

******

Somebody up there must be feeling sorry for me, because I get a piece of great news the following week.

"Rosa has a checkup tomorrow and my babysitter bailed. Any chance you can pick up Tristen after school?" Trinity asks.

"Yes." I answer embarrassingly fast.

She nibbles on her inner cheek. "You will most likely not see Ms. Rudd. She stays in the classroom while the kids are getting picked up line up outside the side of the building."

I nod and try to play it cool. "That's fine. I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart."

She jogs to the field and I follow close behind. "Yup, Mia the saint."

"Has a nice ring to it." I stretch my quad and start to think about what I'm going to wear.

"Are you sure you don't have a session around that time?"

I shake my head. No, I'm not sure but that doesn't matter. I'll move things around if I have to. Who knows when I'll be asked to pick up Tristen again? As his godmother, I am one of the emergency contacts and the only other person besides his moms who can pick him up. It's not like I can randomly drop by and pick him up early to see Ms. Rudd. I mean, I can, but I don't need his mothers' breathing down my neck. It would take too much planning. This is just the right amount of last minute.

I have to play just right. I'll pick him up and if I happen to see her, I will make sure I leave there with at least a promise that we will see each other again.

For the hundredth time, I wonder what it is about her that has me planning this pickup with every ounce of organizational skills that I have.

******

I'm waiting behind three other cars to pick up Tristen.

It is slightly chilly out and I feel bad for those teachers that have to be outside guiding the cars and the kids with patience only teachers can have. Yet, my favorite teacher is not among them. Part of me is glad that she doesn't have to be outside in the cold and the other part is slightly disheartened by the turn of events. But Trinity did warn me, so I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

Either way, I get to see my favorite man of the hour.

There is only one more car in front of me when I see a teacher with a dark red sweater sneak outside and go up to Tristen. Ms. Rudd looks absolutely delightful in her black work pants and red top. It takes a lot of will power not to jump out of my car and make her notice me, so I do the next best thing. I rush to the next spot in line as soon as it opens up and roll down my window.

"Tristen!" I yell loud enough for just about everyone outside and around my car to hear.

She straightens immediately and meets my eyes. I see shock color her face.

"Oh, hi Miss Rudd!" I wave them both over and she looks around, realizing that everyone is staring at the psycho who yells loud enough to be heard across a football field.

She helps him into the car and hands him a book, which I assume is what she was trying to give him in the first place. Bless my forgetful nephew.

I roll down the window on the passenger side and catch her before she turns around. "How are you today, Miss Rudd?"

She turns slowly and then looks behind my car to see the line forming. "Good. See you tomorrow, Tristen."

"Sorry, I have another question." I raise my hand to call her attention again. She doesn't find it funny. In fact, she hates that I have called attention to this little car and that I am forcing others to wait behind me. "I need help with something this weekend."

I see her teeth grind but she shoots Tristen a look and I know she can't respond the way she really wants to. Not in front of her impressionable pupil.

"Maybe you can use the internet, like most adults do when they have questions." Her voice is cheery but the fire in her eyes betrays the lightness.

"Well, Tristen talks about how amazing you are and I think you are the best person for the job. Isn't that right Tristen?" I look back at him and see him give her a megawatt smile and nod.

She sighs under her breath.

A car honks behind me.

"You can call or text me with the best time for you! Bye Miss Rudd!" I wave and leave before she can tell me to fuck off.

******

It was not a diabolical plan.

I didn't coerce her into anything she didn't want to do. In fact, I didn't do anything other than pick up my little angel after school and just happen to see her and ask for her help. The fact that he was there and gave her an innocent smile when I asked for her time helped, of course. But that was all that it was.

It just wasn't enough.

A whole week passes and I don't hear a peep from her.

I really did hope she would feel at least a little guilty since Tristen was now aware that I needed her specific assistance. Maybe it wasn't as urgent as it appeared but I do need help. The only type of help that she can give me. I couldn't stop checking my phone like an idiot over the weekend and I finally gave up when I realized she wouldn't be pressured into reaching out. It had to come from her.

And I don't think that day will ever come.

So, is that it then?

"Good job, Ava." I fist bump the high school junior who is sweating through her shirt.

She is one of the good apples that takes all of my advice and has been applying it during every session. I've only worked with her for a few months but I see the progress and I know she can feel it too. There is a new confidence that shines when she has the ball at her feet and it makes me feel warm inside.

"There's a recruiter that's supposed to come sometime soon. Do you think I'm good enough to get noticed?" Her pink cheeks puff out with each breath.

"If you stay cool and collected when you get the ball, you'll impress the heck out of them."

She smiles and nods. "It's really all your doing."

I shake my head. "That is all you kid. I just help where I can. You do the rest."

Her mother comes out and waves at us. "We have an extra plate for dinner if you're free, Mia."

Her mother is an attractive woman who probably has the pool boy falling over himself whenever he comes around. She's blond, very petite, and takes care of her skin so that she looks years younger. The trophy housewife label feels wrong for her but it is the best I can come up with. Her husband travels a lot and she only has her daughter to distract her from living in such a big and empty house.

I can tell she has a keen interest in me, apart from what I can teach her daughter, but I have a strict no funny business with the parents. It wouldn't do to get a bad reputation in this line of business. All it takes is one scorned housewife to drag my name through the mud and my short-lived training career is over.

"I actually have plans for dinner but thank you very much for the invite." I smile warmly, but not too warm.

"Maybe next time." She sticks her hands into her back pockets and I have to try very hard not to stare down at her perky breasts.

"Yeah," I turn around and start to pack up to leave. "Good practice, Ava."

They both head back to the house, quietly talking about the session.

My hands reach down to pick up the last of the mini cones I had set up for the last drill when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

Unknown Number.

Not uncommon with the word-of-mouth referrals that I get.

"Mia speaking." I finish packing up the last of my things and wait for the person to speak before moving again.

"Mia," The voice stops me short. "It's Jade."

I drop the bag in my hands and look back to make sure I'm all alone.

"Miss Rudd," my smile can be heard through the phone. "What a wonderful surprise. Although a little late. I thought I would hear from you a lot sooner."

She sighs. "If you would have let me respond last week, I would have told you that I would be out of town this past weekend."

Duh. It still doesn't explain why she's reaching out now.

"Well, it seems I have to be on the offense when talking to you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have received this call at all."

She laughs breathlessly. "I'm sorry. For being... me."

"Don't apologize for being yourself." I pick up the rest of the things and rush to my car. "Apologize for leaving me hanging for over a month."

"I'm not good at any of this."

"What exactly?" Because I would love to teach her if I can.

"The whole sleeping with someone and then seeing them the next day."

My jaw drops. "Are you telling me Miss Rudd likes having hot one-night stands?"

Jealousy and lust roll around in my lower belly. No point in thinking about who has been with her. I need to know that I will have more than just one night myself.

She sounds embarrassed. "Hardly. I just don't date."

"Who says I want to date?" Can she hear the lie falling straight out of my mouth?

"Oh," she squirms through the phone. "So, did you really just need help?"

No.

Yes.

Fuck.

"I mean, I can do casual." Because I need just one more taste. I need her back in my house and in my bed. Like very badly.

Can I be casual? Yes. I've done it plenty of times with girls who I was never serious about. Usually, I was the one to set the rules and limitations. But I don't want to do that with Jade. Yet, she doesn't want to date. She doesn't want me for more than just sex. It hurts and also feeds into my ego. Fuck, this is going to mess with my head.

Her tone is skeptical, "Do you mean we sleep with each other and that's it? No dating or talking about feelings or doing the cuddling thing?"

Fuck no. I need the cuddling thing. I absolutely starve for it.

"Friends with benefits, a tale as old as time." I try to keep my tone light.

"Except I don't want the friends part." She sounds nervous.

She isn't making this easy on me.

This is when I tell her that I can't do it. That I at least need to know her better so that I can make sense of why I've been so hung up on her. I want to have pillow talk and pull her plush body against mine after we've fucked for hours. I want to dig my nose into her hair and hear about her day with the children of the future.

Yeah, no I can't.

"I can be a very good friend." I offer up, weakly.

"Either you can be my friend or we can sleep together." Her resolve is admirable, if it wasn't fucking with my feelings.

"Jade," I groan into the phone. "Why would you just want to be friends when we can make out at the end of the day?"

She giggles nervously. "There's just something about you. Either we will have incredibly amazing sex or we become inseparable friends. I can't explain it."

I stare up at my sun roof and look for a sign in the cloudless sky. To be or not to be. To fuck or not to fuck.

This is the moment that I will look back on my deathbed and wonder if I made the right choice. To have Jade in my life as a confidant, a friend, someone who I know will change it for the better. Or to sleep with her whenever we feel like it and pray that it leads to more. I've never had to make a choice like this and for the health of my heart, I hope I never have to again.

"Can we really be friends if you have already ridden my face?" My voice is husky.

"Not if you say things like that!" She breathes in. "If we're friends, we cannot talk about sex or have any sexual tension."

"Have you met me? I drip with sex appeal." It is meant to be a joke but she doesn't laugh.

"Maybe this is a bad idea."

"No!" I clear my throat. "We can be friends, Jade."

"We can?"

Is she imagining how she came apart against my lips like I am?

"Yes," I feign confidence. "We are going to become such great friends that we'll forget about our first encounter in no time!"

Right.

I'll forget about that night right after I stop needing air to breathe.

"Alright." She solidifies our new found friendship. "In that case, would you like to grab brunch this weekend?"

"I have a soccer tournament this weekend." I would invite her but I need to see where this friendship will go. What type of friends we'll be. If this will even work out. "Maybe next weekend?"

"Sure! I'll send you a few places so we can narrow it down."

"Great!"

We say our goodbyes and I save her number in my phone.

Sexy Miss Rudd.

******

She's very straight forward with her texts.

No playful flirtation or any innuendos. It would have me bored to tears if it didn't make me question my attraction once more. Something about her serious nature and shy demeanor just pulls at this side of me that I haven't felt in a while. I've dated quiet girls but mean girls were rare.

Not that Jade is mean.

She's just less playful and more logical.

It could be her trying to set boundaries and keep things light. I have seen a completely different side of her that has left quite an impression on me. There are just layers of her that I want to dig into. I just hope she lets me without putting up much of a fight.

I arrive at our chosen brunch spot a few minutes early and find her waiting to be seated. I'm not surprised she's here early. It falls into her personality. I am pleasantly surprised she's wearing a short beige dress with black stockings. Her coat is placed across her lap, probably trying to hide her thick thighs, which is disappointing.

Her hair is styled with two long braids on either side of her face and the rest pulled back into two pigtails that look more like little pom poms. She is just too cute and I am an idiot for thinking I can pull this off.

"Hi Miss. Rudd," I walk over and watch her jump to her feet.

"Funny," She rolls her eyes. "Call me Jade, I insist."

We stand in front of each other for an awkward moment.

"Friends hug, right?" I lean in and see her reluctance but she hugs me, leaving me with traces of something sweet. Like icing or fruits. Maybe even tropical.

"Your table is ready, Miss Rudd." The hostess calls us over.

"She gets to call you Miss Rudd." I murmur under my breath.

She ignores my comment and follows the young girl to our table in the back of the restaurant. We're near the large windows that face the busy street.

Once we're seated and have waters in front of us, I sit back and wait for her to break the silence.

She nervously tugs on her dress, trying to bring it over her knees but it doesn't budge.

I cave. "You look gorgeous."

She squirms and doesn't quite meet my eyes. "Maybe let's not do compliments."

"We're not sleeping together. I can give you a compliment. I would tell Trinity the same thing if I was out with her."

No, I wouldn't. Trinity gets enough compliments from her wife. She would look at me like I lost my mind if I started throwing them her way.

"Oh, yes, Tristen's mom. She is so nice." Her smile is genuine and she tries to relax her posture. "How is she?"

"Doing well. We won our soccer tournament this weekend, so there was something to celebrate."

"You play?" She seems impressed.

I try not to sit a little taller and brag, but that has never been my style. "Since the age of five." I take a sip of my water. "We actually met playing in high school and got to play together in college."

"You played soccer while juggling school?" The twinkle in her eye would have had me falling over myself to say more things that will hold her interest but I have to calm myself.

"Trinity is the brains of our friendship. I passed thanks to her." In the past, that would have made me self-conscious but it is the truth and I don't care to hide it anymore. What I lacked in brains, I made up for on the field.

Something about getting my hands dirty and actually applying plays just seemed a lot easier for me to understand and improve upon than numbers and memorizing history lessons.

"It's still very impressive." She turns her head to the side. "College athletes were always impressive to me. You practically had a full-time job and managed to graduate."

I bite back a flirty remark about being able to juggle anything that was thrown my way and stay silent.

It is in my nature to flirt with an attractive girl. Every other sentence is usually something that hints at ending the day tangled up in sheets. But I can't do that now. This is a lot harder than I would have thought.

"For the sake of not presuming anything, did you play any sports growing up?" She looks like she would trip over her feet if she ever walked on the field. But that is something I would easily fix with my hands guiding her. I pull my mind away from that path.

She snorts. "No, you would be within your right to assume that I never played any sports."

"But you were in clubs."

She nods. "I was."

"Probably the president of quite a few."

Her smile is endearing and I have to remember to look away before making things awkward.

"Hello, ladies." An older gentleman comes by to take our order.

My eyes stay on Jade as she asks for his recommendations and then flips through the menu and listens intently. Her eyes turn toward me and I realize I missed her question.

"What was that?"

"Did you drive or are you planning on grabbing a few drinks?"

Drinks sound like a bad idea. I'm already having enough trouble keeping my head intact as it is.

"Are you drinking?" I lean over to look at the drink menu.

"Is it really brunch if we don't drink at least one mimosa?" Her playful smile leaves me breathless.

"We'll do the bottomless mimosas." I hand the waiter my menu after ordering my plate.

"Can we start with the pineapple flavored ones first?" She hands him her menu as well.

I wait until he leaves the table before speaking. "You don't like orange juice?"

She shrugs. "I prefer trying other flavors."

I bite my tongue to hold back a retort and nod in agreement.

Apparently, I don't bite it hard enough because I speak before thinking it through. "I'm sorry but can I just ask why?"

"Orange is just so predictable, you know?"

"No, I mean why you don't do relationships."

She looks away from me and nibbles on her bottom lip. The same lip that is covered in gloss and probably tastes like cherries. She tries to sit up straighter before answering but I know I've just made her uncomfortable.

"I've just never been good at making others happy." Her voice is small.

There is something to unpack from her response but I'm already jumping into the next question because that's just how I'm wired. "And do you usually make friends like this?" I point between us.

She grins and stares down at her hands. "No." Then she nibbles on her lip again. "But you're very funny."

Am I?

"And you're not afraid if I'm too cold or unamused by things."

Am I?

"And believe it or not, I'm actually very glad you decided to be my friend."

I'm not.

Or maybe I am.

I still haven't decided.

"How do you know I'll be a good friend?" There is some hope that her answer will shed some light into why I want to be friends with her in the first place.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I can just sense it."

Right... Back to the drawing board.

We spend the rest of brunch getting to know each other.

Very much like a date but with no expectations of kisses, lingering hugs, or sleeping together. It is all very confusing to my body. It knows that we're sitting with a very attractive woman, who obviously likes me enough to spend a morning with me, and yet I will not be getting anything more than a lousy wave goodbye at the end of it all.

Yet, I listen to her stories about her sister and her parents with interest. I care to know that her sister is the troublemaker and that she has taken on the authoritative role after she realized her parents would just let Harper get away with anything in high school.

She talks about Harper as if she is her mother and not her sister. There is a fondness in her words when she describes the hard work that her sister had to put in to receive some scholarships to get into her dream school. And then there is some annoyance when she talks about her sister getting a little too good at living in college away from her parents and strict rules.

Everything she shares just gives me more puzzle pieces into who Jade is. As a daughter and as a sister. Even as a teacher, which she briefly talks about.

Then the topic moves on to me and I find it fairly easy to sum up the past ten years of my life in a few sentences. Jade doesn't cut me any slack though and goes in with the inquisitive questions. Why soccer, why training, why did I get a communication's degree. Nothing is insignificant to her. Had she not emphasized that we are strictly friends, I would have assumed she wanted to get to know me on a deeper level just as I would like to get to know her.

But it's all in my head.

******

If my life was like a movie, this is where there would be a montage of the progression of my friendship with Jade:

It would start with us texting a few times a week. Me sending her funny videos or memes, her sending an 'lol' or 'lmao' if it was really funny. Then she would send a motivational quote for the day because her class is pushing every one of her buttons and I would send a thumbs up and a quick 'you can do this' response.

Our texts would become less strict and more playful with each progressing week. I would send movie recommendations and she would send book recommendations and we would talk about the next movie coming out in theaters and when we would hang out next.

And then it would cut to us accompanying each other to do boring things like going to the library because she needs a self-help book that just came out and I would drag her to the store to get a new soccer ball because mine is old now. And then I would test her laughing meter by making dumb jokes and using different items to tell funny stories.

But I would stop for a second because her smile, her laugh, are things that she doesn't give out freely. At least not the real smile and the real laugh that she keeps to herself, would catch me off guard. I would wait and stare at her as she wipes tears from her eyes and my heart would skip when she would push my shoulder away for being silly. And I would want to pull her in and feel the mirth radiating throughout her body.

So... yeah.

The montage would continue.

There we are. She's taking me to her favorite spot to get her pedicure because they do an amazing job and practically give you a foot massage. I would think it is grossly overpriced but it wouldn't matter because she enjoyed it and I got to see her relax and make little sounds of content by the end of it all.

I would ask her to come to my gym with a guest pass and she would last exactly 15 minutes with only having jogged half that time and then complaining the rest before she would drag me back out. She would make me drive her to a doctor's appointment because her car broke down and I would be more than happy to oblige. Not because I want to spend more time with her, but because she asked me as a friend.

We would be seen at a happy hour, getting wasted on cheap drinks and eating chicken nachos because she doesn't like the taste of beef with chips. I would be leaning over to explain what we're seeing on the TV screen, and why the players can't just pick up the ball and run with it. I would passionately defend soccer almost to the top of my lungs when she dared yawn and say it was a very boring sport.

And I would have to stop myself from leaning across the table and kissing her senseless because I can't stand the idea of her hating something so dear to me. And kissing her would be the only way I could forgive her for being so rude and heartless.

But... I don't.

And as the weeks pass by, I see the quirkier side of Jade.

The person who now trusts me enough to show me her favorite blanket, that she had since she was a child. Because yes, I am now being invited into her apartment, and we spend hours watching trash TV, per her request, and sometimes good movies per my recommendations. Bottles and bottles of wine and beer would pile up into her trash can and we would always end the night with me, secretly hoping to stay over, and her gently nudging me awake so that I can order a cab home.

That... hurts.

But I distract myself with other things about her that I find endearing.

She is deathly afraid of spiders and once or twice has had a mini panic attack when we're out at some sleazy bar and she'll find one under a table or in the bathroom. I pretend to be her hero and kill it with no remorse. And then we're suddenly dancing in the middle of my living room because she is a terrible dancer but loves to sing at the top of her lungs and pretends to be a pop star while I dance back up for her.

We do all of that.

In a span of three months.

It is the honeymoon phase of our friendship.

The phase that is never meant to last.

******

There is something different in the air tonight.

I can feel the pent-up sexual frustration starting to take a toll on me. I mean, yes, I've gone through my trusty line of toys the past few months and they've done their job. I can think a little more clearly after a few orgasms. But nothing is like the real thing. There is nothing that can replace touching someone, hearing their sighs, and moans and wanting the same in return.

Unfortunately, the one person who I want to do all of these things with is the last person I will ever get the chance to share that with. I have finally accepted my predicament and I have promised myself that I will not cross that line.

I've gotten to know Jade on a whole new level, one that I'm not sure I'm even at with Trinity, and I cannot do anything to ruin it. I have come to depend on her and like her so much as a friend, that the physical aspect scares me more than it intrigues me. She has become that part of my life that I want to preserve as best as I can.

Which means, I have to move on. Physically at least.

My phone buzzes and I take a look at the text before jumping in the shower.

Parents bailed on dinner. Doing anything tonight? Sexy Miss Rudd texts me.

I should really change her name.

But that isn't what keeps me from responding.

I'm supposed to get laid tonight. I'm supposed to go out to a bar and find some tall blond to sleep with. It feels wrong to not respond to her text. All I have to do is be honest and say I have plans. But it feels even more wrong to flat out tell her that I'm on the prowl for a girl tonight. As she requested, we leave any talk of sex out of our conversations. It's been hard, since I've always been open about my sexuality but I'm getting used to it now.

Maybe this is part of our growing pains and should be addressed by now. It is not as if we're expected to go all of our lives without mentioning significant others. Not that I will end up with my life partner tonight. But don't friends go out and use each other as wing woman sometimes?

Planned to go to a bar. Been a while since I've had a special friend over. I send it without thinking twice about it.

I throw my phone on my bed and hop into the shower.

I hope it wasn't too forward. What if she gets annoyed that I mentioned sex. I mean, I didn't explicitly mention it, but it is very obvious what I mean. It's the first time either of us have talked about anything like this.

Did I shampoo already?

Shit.

Many minutes later I dry myself and go back to check on my phone.

No response yet.

Double shit.

I turn back to my bathroom and start to dry my hair. My eyes keep falling back on my phone, still sitting on my bed, waiting for it to light up with a notification but nothing. Is it fair to feel a bit annoyed at the lack of response? I mean, we're both grown-ups. I would have told Trinity what I was up to tonight if she would have texted me. It isn't a big deal.

I put my hair dryer down and my phone buzzes.

I hop over and open the message quickly.

Mind if I join? I am also in the same predicament.

Fuck no.

Seeing Jade go home with someone else tonight? What in the fucking nightmare am I stumbling into? She'll be lucky if I don't throw her over my shoulder and fuck her in an alley just for suggesting such a thing.

I throw my phone on my bed and stomp to my closet, looking for the sexiest dress I own. How could she? I mean, it wasn't her idea. I'm the one who had the plan. But she was never meant to be a part of it. I never intended for her to find out. I don't ever want to witness her with anyone else.

Fuck!

I snap back to look at my phone, frowning all over again.

I take a deep breath and clear my mind.

Just like I would during a soccer game.

This is Jade. My friend. Only my friend at the moment who has just as much time on her hands as I do. She is asking to come out with me tonight. Just grab a drink at a bar. Maybe make some other friends. And if they happen to like her and she happens to like them, then she would just leave with one of them. Maybe. And I would leave with someone else.

Perhaps it is time that I see her with someone else.

That she rubs it in my face so I get it through my thick skull. We have been living in our little bubble for a little too long now. Something was eventually going to change that.

I shoot her a final text with the name of the bar and the time that I plan on arriving.

***

I arrive before she does, taking two shots of whiskey.

I keep the tab open and keep my eyes glued to the front entrance.

It's packed tonight. There is live music and the band on stage doesn't sound bad. They actually play some nice covers while the bar sings along or drink themselves silly. There are some cute girls out tonight. All surrounded by groups of friends and having the time of their lives with their cranberry vodkas.

I eye a lanky brunette near the stage. She has caught my eyes twice and I see the playful smile before returning back to my beer. It will be all too easy to walk over and strike up a conversation. The smile is the invitation. Yet my body is buzzing with anticipation. I look back at the front door and see Jade walking in.

She's wearing black ripped shorts with a hot pink crop top and black jean jacket on top. Her boots give her about three additional inches but she's still the shortest one in the bar. Her hair is pushed back by a few clips but the rest sits naturally. She spots me and smiles as she walks over. I notice her makeup the closer she gets.

She hugs me, as she's done a hundred times before, and I remind myself to give her space when she pulls back.

"This is different." I take a sip of my beer to help with the dryness in my mouth. Is it a few degrees hotter in here?

She does a small pose, popping her hip to the side and raising her knee up. I get a glimpse of her tight ass and almost choke.

"You like?"

I love.

I nod and push the seat next to me so she can sit.

"Very different from what I'm used to seeing you wear." Very hot. Very hard to distract myself from not looking. Her breasts are sitting in an inviting way, barely covered by that piece of cloth that's supposed to be a shirt.

"I had to facetime Harper to get some advice." She gives me an embarrassed smile. "I haven't had to try too hard in a while."

Don't do it. Don't ask-

"When was the last time you've had... someone?" I look away, hoping to be casual.

I don't really want to know. I don't hate myself that much. I mean if she says anything less than three months, she's practically admitting that she's been sleeping around while we've been running around like school girls. But that's fine. Right? She is allowed to get laid. And she can have other friends who do things with her.

"I don't remember." She's looking around at the bar, avoiding my eyes as well.

Either she does and she's lying, or it's been a handful of times since we were last together.

Fuck, was she really the last girl I hooked up with?

"What can I get you to drink?" The bartender comes to our side.

"Are we doing shots?" She looks up at me expectantly.

"Four whiskey shots, please." Lord knows I'm going to need them.

I close my eyes and clear my mind once more. I have to get out of my head.

I turn to watch her again. She's looking at the band and bobbing her head to whatever they're playing. There's something off but I can't put my finger on it.

I wasn't lying when I said this is very different from what I'm used to seeing her wear. She is very reserved with her choice of clothing. Usually, she'll wear loose fitting shirts or loose pants so they don't call attention to her waist. Then there's always a sweater involved that hides even more of her curves and her shoes are always sensible.

We also avoid loud places like this because we like spending time together where we can actually talk. There are typically a lot less people and a lot less noise when we grab drinks.

The bartender comes back with our shots and we take the first one after clinking them together.

"So, how do you typically go about doing this?" She motions to the crowd behind us. "Do you usually go to them or do they come to you?"

I hide my smile. "What do you think?"

"Hmm," she meets my eyes and her smile falls. Interesting. She quickly recovers and then picks up her second shot glass. "What should we celebrate tonight?"

This side of Jade hasn't appeared since we've became friends. It reminds me of the first time we met. When she could barely meet my gaze. I allow my eyes to run down her body once more. She may appear to be acting shy but her clothes say otherwise.

I lean in, pretending that I can't hear her very well with the noise around us. "What?"

I hear her sharp intake but she repeats her question.

I turn to look at her so our faces are inches apart. "Getting laid, of course." I give her a flirtatious smile, that I know affects her because she looks away and takes her shot.

"How do you usually go about leaving with someone?" I watch her more closely.

Her knee hasn't stopped bouncing since she sat and I see a slight tremble in her hand when she sets her glass down. This is not her usual crowd. If I didn't know any better, I would think Jade would want to be as far away from here as possible.

Although I'm not sure if she's blushing or not, there is something telling about the slight pursing of her lips. "I have to admit I don't typically come to places like this."

I pretend to be shocked. "You mean to tell me you're picking up girls at the local library? Miss Rudd, you are something else."

I see the annoyance behind her eyes and feel a little bit better about seeing her tonight. Teasing her is another of my favorite pastimes.

"I'm actually the one getting picked up, thank you very much."

Welp, not what I wanted to hear but whatever.

I look back at the brunette, still looking over my way. I raise my beer in her direction and motion her over. She leans over to whisper into her friend's ear and they both stand to come over to us. I turn back to look at Jade, who watched the whole interaction with a blank look on her face. This will either be very funny or I will hate myself for it. Either way, it'll make for an entertaining story tomorrow.

"Redhead or brunette?" I ask her quickly.

She freezes up and I see the trepidation on her face as they get closer. I practically see her revert back to her shell mentally. Physically, she just stares at them with wide eyes.

"Ladies, what are we drinking tonight?" I lean back so they can get closer to us and make way for the people moving behind them.

The brunette digs herself into my side, probably hoping that I will wrap my arms around her shoulders. I look over at Jade and see her look at us, with no emotion on her face. Hm, something tells me there is a lot she's trying to hide. I opt to keep my hands to myself and motion for the bartender to come over.

The redhead leans into Jade and whispers some compliment in her ear. Jade turns to her, as if noticing her for the first time and smiles faintly.

I grab onto my beer a little tighter.

Not too close, sweetheart.

"Anything with vodka," the brunette leans into me again.

She's a little more wasted than I anticipated and I don't want to deal with an overly touchy person right now. At least not this person.

I order them both a vodka cranberry and we exchange names and some light chat about the bar and the band. I pretend to be listening to the music so the brunette doesn't mistake this for what it is... which I'm not sure what exactly it is but I know what it's not. The redhead keeps leaning over to Jade, who tries to sit more comfortably so the redhead has room to sway a bit to the music.

"Are you guys looking for a third?" The brunette whispers in my ear.

I laugh in response because the thought of needing anyone outside of Jade in my bedroom is preposterous. But I can't very well tell this lovely girl that I in fact am not here with Jade because it will just make me sad. Instead, I turn it back on her so that she has something to entertain herself with.

I chuckle. "Are you?"

"That's my best friend." She bites her lip. "We've been in the bedroom with couples before."

I'm sure she thinks she looks really sexy right now but I can't stop staring at how unfocused her eyes are. She's probably one drink away from throwing up.

I turn back to the bartender and order two waters.

I look back at Jade and see the redhead has gotten even closer now. She whispers something in her ear and then leans back to pull Jade's jacket open. She gives her a playful smile and leaves her hands on the edge of the denim. She doesn't look as drunk as her friend. She just looks interested and Jade is starting to smile back.

She somehow manages to get Jade off her chair and dance a little to the next song the band plays. I would have enjoyed the show very much if the redhead didn't keep lightly touching Jade and finding any excuse to get closer to her.

When the waters arrive, I hand one to the brunette who, thankfully, drinks it with no complaint and then shove the other one in the redhead's hand just as she is about to wrap it around Jade's waist. With no explanation, I grab Jade by her waist and plop her down on my lap, wrapping an arm around her middle and grabbing my beer again.

I half expect her to jump off and tell me off for handling her like a rag doll but she sits silently and goes back to watching the band. Smells of fruits and sugar seep into my nose and I have to stop myself from digging my nose into her hair. Jade is careful not to lean back against me but I don't mind. As long as everyone here gets the idea that she is on my lap, she can do whatever she wants. I've noticed her nervousness has also left her bones.

The redhead gives me an annoyed look and grabs her friend, taking the drinks and water with them.

"How are we supposed to get laid now?" Jade sighs in disappointment.

I don't bother telling her that I will lay her down on this bar if she gives me the greenlight.

It is all wishful thinking.

******

Of course, we don't talk about it.

We don't mention it or even hint at it.

That night at the bar never happened and I didn't go to sleep that night with a big fat smile on my face because she got to sit on my lap for hours until the bar closed. To Jade, it was perfectly normal that I wrapped a possessive arm around her and tightened it any time someone attempted to make eye contact with her. To me, I thought it was just a regular Tuesday.

I know it's childish to think that if we never address it, then it can't mess anything up. But what is there to say? I was jealous out of my mind watching her with someone else? Does she need to hear me say that? I think it was implied. And what is she going to say? That being on my lap helped her relax some. She actually enjoyed listening to the band and didn't feel the pressure of leaving with someone that night?

It is best to let that one go unacknowledged.

******

I see the black sedan pull up at the same time that Trinity does.

"Is that who I think it is?" She sounds absolutely shocked.

I don't know why.

She knows that Jade and I have been spending time together. She even pretends to be upset that I've found another friend to bother but I know she secretly hopes this will lead to me being in a serious relationship. Me and you, sister. But I guess she thought I was trying to take it slow. Inviting Jade to one of my games was girlfriend privileges. I've only ever invited one other girl that I was serious about and that didn't last.

Jade isn't some girl. She is my very good friend.

She also hasn't stopped riding my ass for not inviting her. We have been hanging out more lately and she hates when I can't hang out some weekends because of my games. She constantly suggests coming to watch me play and I've run out of excuses. If she wants to see me dominate outside the bedroom, she can have front row seats.

"Damn!" I hear Rocky curse under her breath.

I look over and see her checking Jade out.

She's wearing a brown hoodie with jeans and sneakers. Nothing fancy but the way her ass sits in her jeans even has me cursing under my breath. She looks good. She looks warm. I wish I could go up to her and kiss her in front of everyone just for good measure but I think that would be the end of us. Sitting on my lap is one thing, kissing her in front of my teammates is quite another.

"Did someone invite their girlfriend?" Yas calls more attention to Jade just as she waves over at me.

I wave back and then turn back to the girls who have stopped stretching to stare.

"That's my friend Jade."

"Just a friend?" Rocky stares at her with open interest. "Help a girl out. I need her number."

Trinity laughs at my scowl and I try to scrape it off my face.

"She's not like that." I try not to sound defensive. "She doesn't date."

"Even better." Someone else adds. "I can be her footstool if that's what she needs."

I lean down to hide my face. They don't know what she means to me. They don't know that I would kick any of their asses if they even tried talking to her. I need to calm down. This isn't right. I am not in the right state of mind.

"How did you guys meet?" Cynthia sounds genuinely interested.

"At a bar." I roll my shoulders, trying to roll some of the pent-up anger away.

"And you are only friends?" Yas reiterates.

"If someone says anything out of line pertaining to her, I will personally ruin your game." I look around at the girls.

Some smirk back at me, trade knowing smiles, and others nod in understanding. They've seen me fight before. They know my threats aren't to be taken lightly.

We finish stretching and then run over to the coach to go over positions.

"Should have known better than to invite her to a group of starving girls." Trinity lightly punches my shoulder.

I glower at her. "I swear to God, I won't be able to control myself if one of them tries to talk to her."

"Just friends, huh?"

"Not by choice." I grumble and ignore whatever she says afterwards.

The game takes up all of my attention for the next two hours. The team we're playing against got a new forward and she has been attempting to score a lot more than we're used to. It makes it more fun for me because I get more playing time. Coach gives us shit during half time because no one has managed to score yet.

Once or twice my eyes trail over and I see Jade sitting with Brandy and the kids. She gives me thumbs up and claps silently. Tristen can barely stay in his seat knowing that his teacher is here watching his mom play. I hoped the company would make her feel more comfortable in the new setting.

The second half fares better for us. We manage to score once just before the game finishes.

After Coach collects his winnings and shares them with us. We celebrate our win with high fives and then listen to Gunner tell us about the next couple of games coming up and the final tournament to end the season in a month. Indoor soccer is optional since it's a lot less people on the field. It's always a toss-up for me whether I'll play or not depending how much I've saved up throughout the year. I'll probably see if Trinity joins this time. Highly doubt it since she likes to spend more time with her family.

Speak of the little devils. We walk over to our small group of fans.

"Hey," I hug Brandy and give Rosa and Tristen a big hug.

Jade has a smile on her face when I turn to her.

"I would hug you but I'm all sweaty." I point down to myself.

She shrugs. "One hug won't kill me, considering you won!"

I hug her and inhale her sweet scent before pulling back and putting on my own hoodie.

Trinity and Jade catch up a bit. Brandy keeps giving me a secret smile and nudging me when I look at Jade. I shoo her away and pretend to be involved in their conversation. Some of the girls say bye to us as they walk to their cars. I float over to Jade's side when Rocky walks by. She throws me a suspicious glance but goes back to talking to Brandy and Trinity, ignoring my odd behavior.

"Rosa has been a little fussy tonight." Brandy pouts at the baby in her hands. "I think we'll have to sit this dinner out."

"Aw, no worries!" I give Rosa a kiss on the head. "She just wants to be at home in the warm."

"Don't we all?" Brandy grabs the stroller and hands Trinity the car keys. "Maybe we can have you both over for dinner next week?"

I see Jade nibble on her bottom lip but plasters a smile on her face when brandy looks at her. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

"I'll let you know." I hug both of them goodbye and wait until they're out of hearing range before turning back to Jade. "I'm sorry that was weird."

"No," she looks back out to the field. "It makes sense. I mean, I'm your friend and they're your friends. It'll be nice."

I can't pretend to smile so I turn and start walking back toward my car. "Yeah, maybe. I'll see what my schedule looks like."

"Wait," she pulls on the back of my hoodie and I turn back to look at her. "I thought maybe you'd wanna come over for dinner. I know you're probably tired and don't feel like cooking."

I want to shake my head. That sounds awful. Like the worst idea ever.

No. Don't do that, I want to groan out loud.

That is what girlfriends do.

The way she's looking at me right now, like she wants to take care of me. It's fucking with me. Yes, friends can make dinner for each other but that's usually planned. Girlfriends will offer to make dinner after watching their significant other play their heart out. I would give my left arm to go home with Jade and have her cook for me. But it means something else entirely to me than it does to her.

"I promise I won't make you stay out late. I know you'll want to rest for your game tomorrow."

She's being more pushy than usual.

Or maybe my willpower is nonexistent when it comes to her. That and my self preservation.

"Sure. If you don't mind me using your shower."

She looks down at my body and wrinkles her nose. "I insist."

***

Showering in Jade's bathroom is an experience.

It is not a grand shower. There is nothing particularly special about it.

But under the sprays of hot water, my mind wanders back to the girl in the kitchen, cooking me dinner. I close my eyes and imagine her here with me. Her shampoo and body wash create the perfect image of her in front of me. Kissing me and pressing her body against mine. The way my fingers would slip down her curves and I would lean in to bite the spot between her shoulder and her neck. I'd bite with just enough force to get a groan out of her.

Fuck.

I turn the water cold and finish the rest of my shower in record time.

I change into an extra pair of sweats and t-shirt I carry in my bag. Unfortunately, I have no extra underwear but I have my hoodie so she can't notice my nipples poking through and as long as I don't think about the sexy chef in the kitchen, I won't soak through my sweats.

We set up the table and the food in silence.

I'm not the only one lost in their thoughts tonight.

"Hope you like it." She motions for me to take the first bite.

I moan against the fork. "Delicious."

She smiles down at her plate and starts to eat as well.

We talk a little about her work week. Winter break is coming and she cannot wait. She's had more than her share of munchkin love but needs some time to reset. She asks me about the kids that I'm training, knowing some of them by name and seems to actually care that they're doing well.

"So, what did you think of the game? Be honest." I get up to put our dishes in the sink.

"It wasn't a total bore." She giggles when she sees my frown. "I mean, it was much more entertaining than those games you make me watch. At least this time I knew who I was rooting for."

I roll my eyes. "Did you at least understand some of it?"

She turns her head sideways. "I know you won."

I sit across from her again and take a sip of my beer. "And here I thought I was impressing you."

It is her turn to roll her eyes. "You would have an easier time impressing me by doing other things."

I'm slower to lower my beer back on the table. That sounds like an opening.

I ignore it.

"Does that mean you won't watch another of my games?"

"Maybe," a small smile plays on her lips. "Although, I could be enticed to go back. It was very entertaining seeing grown women try and dominate each other."

Okay, I need to take this conversation back to safer grounds.

"Who was the redhead?" She takes a sip of her red wine.

"Rocky." I'm guarded now. "Why?"

She shrugs. "No reason."

I feel the anger bubbling up in my stomach. It is an innocent enough question. She has every right to ask that. And even the right to ask more. But my stupid, reckless heart can't seem to grasp that. Every thud just sounds the same: mine, mine, mine.

This is not healthy.

"She asked about you." I peel the beer label slowly.

"Did she?" She sounds pleasantly excited.

I meet her eyes, trying to hide my displeasure. "You into redheads, Jade?"

She shrugs. "I don't discriminate."

I don't bother pretending that this is light anymore. I can deal with some teasing. Pretending that she doesn't see the way that I look at her. And how badly I want us to be more. But this... is asking more than I can take at the moment.

"You can't date any of my teammates." I sound like a fool.

A lovesick fool who is delusional.

"I don't date, you know that." She sits a little straighter and finally understands that my mood isn't what it usually is.

"You can fuck whoever you want. I personally don't want to have to be cordial with them."

She grinds her teeth. "Knock it off."

"I'm not saying anything we both don't know." I put my beer down and start to gather my things.

This was all a mistake. I knew it was a bad idea. And the worst part is that it has nothing to do with her. It is all me. I'm the one ruining this.

"Mia, we're friends." She comes to stand behind me as I put my shoes on.

I turn around so quickly that she almost falls back. I grab her arm and pull her close. "Jade, I swear to you. If you fuck one of my teammates, I will make them regret it."

She glares at me. "You're such a possessive asshole."

"You're damn right." I get even closer so our noses touch. "We can be friends all you like. I will not serve you to my teammates on a silver platter."

She yanks herself free of my grasp and puts some space between us. "That isn't fair."

"I don't care!" I yell. "Have some compassion for me, Jade!"

Her body reacts immediately.

She moves further away and hides her face from me. Her hands shake and she pulls them close to her stomach. What starts as a small tremble, increases to a full-on panic attack.

My anger evaporates instantly.

I walk over, and lightly touch her back, running my hand through her shirt. She doesn't move away and suddenly pushes her face into my chest. Although her body shakes and I feel the wet tears through my clothing, I don't hear anything from her. I wrap my arms around her and walk her over to the couch. I place her on my lap and let her cry into my chest. My hands wrap around her body, trying to take some of her hurt away. She hiccups once in a while but other than that there is no sound.

We sit in silence for a long time.

When I finally feel the last of her trembles, I pull her face back and frame my hands along her cheeks.

"What happened?" It should be obvious but that type of reaction seems like it was triggered by something deeper than I can explain.

With swollen eyes she licks her lips. "... I don't do well," She looks down at my chest. "With yelling."

I nod in understanding and wipe her tears away. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

She nods and lays her head back on my chest.

"I'm really sorry, Jade. I never want to see you like that again." I continue to rub her back.

She feels so fragile in my arms.

I don't think I've ever been around someone who reacts so visceral to yelling. I play soccer for god's sake. Yelling is second nature. Yet, having her in my arms, I know that I won't ever do it with her in the room again. She is much too precious for me to lose my cool like that again. I won't be the cause of her tears if I can help it.

***

Hours pass.

I'm laying back on the couch and Jade is sleeping on my chest. She stopped crying a while ago but didn't move. I shifted around to get more comfortable and let her dig her nose into my chest. Her hands stayed under her chin and she dozed off while I contemplated our next conversation.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this act up.

I knew it was stupid from the moment I said I would be okay with just being friends. All I did was find out why I liked Jade in a very serious and intense way. I've seen the way she opens up when she really trusts someone. Going from being shy and barely speaking to giggling over nonsense and even having a few funny jokes up her sleeve.

Her big and beautiful brain sees the world in bright colors and pushes her to be more inquisitive. Yes, she's afraid of new things, surroundings, and environments but it doesn't mean she will shy away from them without giving them a chance first. She gathers information to help with her fears. Most of them are irrational but I like watching her research and apply logic to whatever she's afraid of.

I often wonder how she agreed to go home with me the first night we met.

It must have taken a lot of guts for her to trust a complete stranger. That and a lot of alcohol. Drunk Jade is a lot less fearful and a lot more open. But aren't we all? She's a good time and she wants to laugh and wants to be happy. And I like that for her.

But I like sober Jade just as much.

She's serious and sexy and just overall my ideal girl.

Fuckity fuck.

I close my eyes in annoyance.

There's just a lot more going on that she's not forthcoming about.

I try to search for hints in my head about what it could be. We've talked about her life growing up and she never mentioned anything out of the ordinary. Her parents are still together and although she cares a lot for her sister, they seem to still be a part of her life. She sees them almost as often as I see mine. If its not her family, what else could it be?

******

There is silent understanding between Connor and I.

He isn't great and he lacks drive. It is something that anyone with two eyes can see. Since his folks are too busy with work and living a lavish lifestyle, they don't see it. Or care enough. They like having him out of their hair for an hour or two after school while we go over techniques. It is not as if he really needs to be good at playing soccer.

All they have to do is cut out a check for a very generous donation and he'll get into any college he wants. He's very smart and has the grades for it. His tutors and extracurricular activities are sure to set him apart. So, why soccer? His parents wanted to make sure he was well rounded in all aspects. They're that perfectionist couple that have 2.5 kids who play a sport, play an instrument, and are at the top of their class.

Those from the outside looking in see all of the good that they're doing for their kid. They're setting him up for a bright future. He has everything he could possibly need. But he's at this point in time right now where he's not thinking about how privileged he is and how much better he has it than others his age. He's lonely. He has friends but he doesn't have any real connections. He just wants to be heard and listened to, not tossed off to the next person.

Not to say he's ungrateful. He's actually very decent compared to his folks. It is probably why I look out for him the most. Instead of being a stuck-up snob, he is down to earth and genuinely nice. I wish I could tell him that everything will work out for him. That if he keeps the same attitude in college, he'll find his people. He'll maybe even find someone who gets him deep down.

"I know I suck but I don't think today went that bad." He helps me gather my supplies from the field. We're being subtly pushed out by the next group who reserved it.

"You don't suck." I take my soccer balls and put them in my bag. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted today."

Thinking about the right person and all that. It is bound to mess with my head again.

"Could a girl have anything to do with it?" He makes a teasing sound and I'm reminded of his age.

"No," I avoid meeting his eyes. "I think we both know you're going to be okay with the recruiters."

His teasing stops and he sighs. "Great."

I shrug. "Maybe you should tell your parents now. Not two years from now when you're miserable playing in forty-degree weather with chances of heavy rain." Those games test even the most passionate fanatics.

"Sure. 'Hey mom,'-because we know dad won't be around whenever I try to have a serious conversation- 'I know you guys have invested years of soccer training on me but I quit. I don't care if I don't get a scholarship and I don't care if I never touch a soccer ball again.' Yeah, I can just see that playing out in my favor." He hands me the rest of my equipment and gathers his own things.

"There will come a day when everything will come to light." I look out into the sunset. "You won't be able to pretend anymore and you'll have even less control of how the situation will play out."

I picture Jade in my arms.

"Until then, I think I'll stick to what keeps them happy." He waves at me and walks over to his brand-new BMW.

I sigh.

******

Add the night on the couch, not the fun first night we met, but the other less fun night where Jade was crying on my chest, to things we do not acknowledge. No matter how I attempted to bring it up, Jade is much quicker and shuts it down. The conversation is redirected or she starts pulling back all together. For all my efforts to get even just an ounce of truth, I end up shooting myself in the foot when she stops responding to my texts as quick as usual. Sometimes even days pass by before she reaches out again.

This is a sore subject for her and I have to respect that.

The problem is that I am starting to lose myself with all of her arbitrary rules and all the subjects we must avoid. Whereas once I would have made some crude joke about raw sushi, I now have to think twice about putting my foot in my mouth. Making her uncomfortable in any way is something I actively avoid. Sure, there are times when I still tease her and try to get a rise out of her. All of that is meant to lighten the mood between us. She handles annoyance and anger better than she does most other emotions. But that doesn't mean I want to manipulate her feelings or make things awkward.

Unfortunately, there are times when things are out of my control and no matter how much I want to spare her feelings, I cannot control how others react.

Jade asks me to meet her at the mall to run some errands during the weekday. She finds some towels and then leaves me to look for a new comforter at the department store. I wander off to look at their mugs when I hear my name in the distance. I turn and see Ava rushing to greet me. Our last session before winter break is in two days and she is talking a hundred miles a minute about all of her during her time off. Her mother joins us half way through her speech and gives me a once over.

My body heats under her stare but mostly because it is weird to get checked out with her daughter a few feet away. Not that Ava notices anything besides what is coming out of her mouth. Her mom pretends to listen to her daughter but she pops her hip to the side and pulls on the collar of her shirt down, showing a little cleavage. I shift away, pretending to consider some silver spoons that are ridiculously overpriced.

"We would still love to have you over for dinner after your last session, if you're free." Her mom wraps her arm around her daughter, trying to guilt me into accepting.

Ava's puppy dog eyes are a damn thing to be reckoned with.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who you ask, Jade picks that moment to round the corner. She spots me and then the two people in front of me. I give her a small smile and motion her over.

"Hi," Jade comes to stand close to me and extends her hands to both of them. "I'm Jade."

Ava's mom lifts an eyebrow and notices how Jade moves just a few inches closer to my side making me warm up inside.

"Nice to meet you," her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes and Jade notices.

She chooses to ignore it and starts to have an endearing conversation with Ava. I see her teacher side come out and tension eases from her shoulders. This is her element. If there is a kid around, Jade will find a way to get them out of their shell. Or if that kid is an open book, like Ava, she will know just how to navigate the conversation to make them feel heard and understood. A swell of pride blossoms in my chest and I almost wrap my hand around her waist but remind myself this is just my friend.

"Well," the petite blonde looks down at her fancy watch. "We still have a lot of shopping to do. Hope you take us up on that dinner invite." She says only to me.

Ava says her goodbyes and it takes a while for Jade to turn and look at me. When she does, I stay rooted in place. Her face is blank, nothing to indicate what she's thinking or how she's feeling. The comforter in her hands is practically forgotten, her gaze almost dull. Then she abruptly turns and storms out of the store. Not before throwing the comforter on a display bed.

I'm at her heels, knowing that it would be best if I gave her a few moments to deal with whatever this is but I'm feeling up to the challenge today. There are times when I won't argue with her or let her believe she is fully in control of our friendship. Then I'm reminded, in moments like this, that some things are just outside of our control. How was I supposed to know I was going to be hit on by a MILF? And in what world would I have pictured Jade meeting her? It is Jade's reaction that keeps me glued to her back as she steps into garage, not bothering to check if I'm even following. We drove separately but I'm still going to make sure she makes it to her car okay.

"Stop following me!" She hisses.

I almost do.

Until I remember I am a grown woman and this is my friend who is going through something.

"Sure, once you tell me what that was about, I'll leave you alone." I keep my tone even.

My tone is easy to control. My eyes, though, keep straying down her glorious ass. Her hips sway in a tantalizing way and if she were not my dear friend, I would have pulled her back ten cars ago and kissed her soundly. The view from behind is just as spectacular as the front. I don't know how I didn't remember that. Maybe it was from all of the times I tried to be respectful and keep my thoughts PG. It is hard to do that now when I know something is happening between us.

She makes it to her car before turning to look at me and holds a hand up to keep the distance between us.

I stay back and put my hands in my pockets.

"I'm fine, you can go to your car now." Her face is impassive but her tone is scorching.

"I don't think so." I lean back against her car, sliding further in between the wall so anyone walking by isn't treated to our show-off.

"Mia," she digs her nails into her palm and the tension on her shoulder keep coiling.

"Yes, friend?" It is either that or Miss Rudd and I thinks she will attack in her current state.

"Go home." She tries to open her car door but I get in her way. She attempts to put as much space between us until her back hits the car next to her.

Nowhere to hide, little one.

"Where is your comforter?" Aka, what the fuck just happened?

"I didn't find one I liked." She looks down and I see the anger start to shift into nervousness.

"Well, I'm in no rush. We can go back so you can take a closer look at their selections."

She shakes her head. "Stop fucking with me."

I lift my eyebrows and cross my arms. "How exactly am I doing that?"

"You were blatantly flirting with one of your employers!" Her tone is horrified but her eyes are burning.

I was absolutely not flirting with anyone.

But for shits and giggles, how is that me messing with Jade?

"And that is fucking with you?" I narrow my eyes.

She huffs out a breath. "I thought you were better than that."

Ouch.

"I fucked you before we even went on a date, so obviously I'm not much better than that." I stupidly respond.

She snaps her jaw shut and I see steam coming out of her ears. "And I will make sure I never make that mistake again."

"That was a mistake?" I scoff, hiding the hurt bubbling up in my chest.

She gives me one firm nod.

I take one step toward her and open my mouth. Her demeanor instantly changes. There is a slight flinch when I try to step closer. That puts me on edge so I take a step back instead. Gone is her anger, replaced with something akin to fear. Her eyes lower and her chin drops. The reaction stirs something uncomfortable in my chest and I try to fix the stupid argument before I make it worse.

"Jade, I will never hurt you." My tone is soothing. "And after our last conversation I will not yell at you."

She meets my eyes fleetingly and nods.

"Can I hug you?"

She waits for a moment before rushing into my arms and pulling me close. Her breaths are much more labored when I listen in. Her fingers dig into my back, pulling me flush against her. Her nose digs into my chest and I wrap my hands around her waist. Eventually I bring a hand up to run along her back. I kiss her head, her forehead, her temple.

"Mia," she sighs under my lips.

"I promise you, Jade, I won't hurt you."

A shuddering breath leaves her body.

"I would cut my arm off before hurting you." My thumb rubs against her hip. "I would kill anyone who intentionally hurts you."

She whimpers and pulls my face down for a deep kiss.

Fuuuckkk.

I hold still, not trying to take advantage of the situation. Emotions are running high. She is vulnerable right now. I need to keep my head straight and make sensible choices. I can't kiss her as deeply as I want to because I know what will come after. Regret and shame. She will try to use it as an excuse to run. I can't let that happen. I'm learning now. It's not a game but there are rules to dealing with Jade.

I frame my hand against her face and gently pull back.

Her lids are low and her eyes are glazed. I'm pretty sure she would give me anything I would ask of her for right this instance. I feel inadequate with the sheer amount of power. She probably doesn't even realize she feels this way. I have to tread lightly.

"What happened?" I run my thumb along her jaw.

She leans into me and nibbles on her bottom lip before answering. "I didn't like the way she was looking at you."

Be still my stupid heart.

"I wasn't flirting with her." I assure her. "I don't mix business with pleasure."

She nods and the haze starts to lift from her eyes. "Okay."

"Okay?"

She nods again and tries to take a step back. I hang tight and shake my head. "We're not done talking."

She pouts. "Can we not do this?"

I shake my head. "We can't keep adding things to the list of subjects to avoid. It's already long enough as it is."

She frowns. "What else is there to talk about?"

"Why do you get nervous during confrontations?"

She looks at my chin. "Who likes to argue?"

"You abhor anything remotely aggressive."

She grimaces.

"Is this why you don't date?"

Her eyes turn shiny but she nods.

"Okay," I let go of her and open her car door.

She shoots me a confused look but gets in the car. "Okay?"

I lean down and kiss her temple. "Yeah."

"That's it?"

"For now." I lift the corner of my mouth up.

******

I can count the number of times Jade has come to my place in the months we've developed our friendship.

She's removing her boots near the door when her eyes fall on the infamous couch and I remember why we typically avoid my apartment. My temperature rises as I remember how beautiful she looked as she coated my face with her delectable juices. The soft sighs she released when I dug my tongue deep into her folds. Her underwear, geeze she looked so hot. That was an unforgettable night.

She clears her throat, probably knowing my train of thought and lifts an eyebrow.

I shrug. "You looked at it first."

She rolls her eyes and pops the case of beers into the fridge. I have her wine already airing out on the counter. Although she has only been here a few times, she knows where everything is. She moves around the kitchen, opening drawers, taking out glasses. I listen in, calming my nerves. Tonight is going to be different than most nights. On a typical night between us, we would catch up to start off. Watch something or listen to something and talk some more. I'd constantly be thinking about all the ways in which we would make the perfect couple and Jade would do something small to remind me that she does not date. It is dance I'm very familiar with and not too fond of.

If everything goes according to plan, all of that will be a thing of the past.

She moves to the living room with her glass and a beer for me.

"Thank you," I make my way over to the couch and sit on a corner.

As predicted, she picks the opposite corner and curls her legs under her. I half listen to her stories about some insolent parent who constantly questions her authority. Even pissed off she looks lovely. The skirt she's wearing is very modest but my perverted brain finds a way to make it sexy. The little flares of her nostrils and the fire in her eyes make me take a bigger sip of my drink. I nod in all the right places and give witty one-liners. I personally think I'm doing great until she calls me out.

"You're awfully quiet today." Her glass rests against her lips and I look away.

Here goes nothing.

"I met someone." I force myself to look at her, hating that I'm doing this the childish way but knowing this is what will most likely have the desired outcome.

Anytime others are involved between us there is tension. Whether it is because I want to throttle anyone who gets close to her or she turns cool and aloof when a girl talks to me. There is obviously something else at play there. Normal adults would call a spade a spade. But Jade likes to lie to herself and pretend she can control every aspect of her life, even her emotions and her reactions. The run in at the mall debunked that. She still isn't aware though. Or she's trying to pretend she isn't.

So, I have devised a plan that will hopefully stop us from running in circles. I will put my cards out there and Jade with either react the way I expect her to and scream with her actions rather than words or she'll put the nail on the coffin and give me the freedom I most desperately need. There are only so many more weekends where I can sit next to her and pretend that I'm fine just being her friend.

Nothing has been well since she labeled us as such.

Her eyes drop and her face clears.

"Oh," she takes a sip of her drink.

"Yeah," I lean back into the couch and keep watching her. "I'm planning on spending more time with her. Seeing where it goes."

She drinks some more.

I should feel guilty but after months of longing for Jade and her trying to keep me at arm's length, it is about time she is forced to face her feelings.

"I'm happy for you." She goes in to take another sip of her drink until she realizes she has finished it. She jumps from the couch, probably relieved to have a reason to leave the conversation.

I don't make it easy.

I follow close behind. "Thanks. I was hoping maybe you'd like to meet her."

"No!" Her shoulders rise to her ears and she pours herself another glass. "I mean, maybe you should wait to bring her around."

"Why?" I lean against the fridge and cross my arms.

"I'm not good with strangers." She avoids looking at me and takes a bigger gulp this time.

"A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet." I push myself off and saunter over to her, grabbing the glass from her lips and placing it on the counter behind her. Any more sips and she'll be stumbling around my house. Can't have that now.

"How come you haven't talked about her before?" She lifts her chin. I know she's using a lot of control to meet my gaze.

This is usually the part where she looks down at her feet and waits for my response. Must be the alcohol helping.

"I'm talking about her now."

"Why?" She moves further back when I step closer.

I place a hand on either side of the counter, blocking her in. "She's important to me."

Her lips turn down. Her face is not doing the usual blank canvas. Maybe more effects of the alcohol.

"You'll love her." I assure her

"I hate her." She grinds her teeth.

I lean down and frown. "Why?"

"Fuck you." She turns away so she's facing the counter.

"I'll fuck you right now if you let me, Jade." I lean down and move her hair away from her ear so I can whisper, "Just say the word and I'll give you what you want, baby."

"Fuck." She covers her face and breathes deeply.

I hold still, not even bothering to breathe. Maybe I shouldn't be pushing her so hard. Maybe I should be an adult and just tell her I love her and she will be the only girl for me. But if our past altercations are any indication, she would bolt the first chance she got. I can't afford to let her go. My mind and my heart won't be able to take it. I'm sick of being on the sidelines, I'm ready for her. I'm ready for us.

"What would she think if she found out you're fucking your friend?" The accusation and lust make her tone low.

"What do you think about me fucking my friend, Jade?"

She holds still, her breaths coming out shallow now. Her shoulders drop marginally. I inhale her essence and close my eyes. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. My lips come down to her ear.

"Let me fuck you, Jade."

"Yes," she moans.

Fuck yes.

I immediately push her chest against the counter and swat her inner thighs so she opens up for me. She's wearing a flowy skirt that I flip over her back. Her delicious ass is covered by some black boy shorts that are digging into her crack. I slap her ass, to test the waters and her breath catches.

"Let me know if I'm being too rough."

She nods eagerly.

I slap again and her breath hitches.

"Let me hear you, baby."

The endearment pulls a whimper from her lips.

I slap again, a little rougher this time. "I could have been fucking you against my counter all of these months if you had just given me a chance."

She moans when I give her three consecutive slaps.

"How should we do this?" I run my nails across her globes, enjoying the shiver that takes over her body. "Make you cum so much you lose your head or withhold your orgasms for every month we missed out on this?"

"Please," she moans into the air. "Mia,"

"Yes, baby?"

"Please,"

"Orgasms or no orgasms?"

She pushes her body against me. Her voice turns breathless. "Whatever you think is best."

Hmm, spoken like a true submissive.

Fuck I'm in trouble.

"No orgasms it is."

"Noooo," she whines.

Maybe not too submissive.

"Do you think you deserve to cum?" I run my finger between her cheeks, feeling the soaked spot against her warm entrance.

She pushes against me and moans.

She never moaned this much the first time we hooked up. I'd like to think it is because she is comfortable with me now. We have the foundation of a friendship and she can show me how much she wants me now. But I know there is more to it. More that I will hopefully discover after we have a little bit of fun.

I pinch her clit and she yelps. "I asked you a question."

"Please, Mia," her moans are uncontrollable now. "Make me cum. I've been waiting for this. I've been praying for this. I need you."

And just like that, I fall on my knees behind her and dig my nose into her panty-covered center.

"Shit," she pushes back, neither of us caring that she could suffocate me.

If I die now, I'll die happy.

I pull her underwear down and dive in, licking from her throbbing clit to her puckered hole. I lick up every drop of her cream, groaning into her warm hole. She uses her hand to pull my face closer and I let her. I lap at her entrance, loving the mewling coming from her lips. My lips travel back up to her puckered hole and I stiffen my tongue to fuck her with it. She tenses and I feel her body tighten, ready to release. I plunge two fingers into her tight pussy, causing her to sob.

"You're going to be a good girl and cum for me, aren't you?"

"Yes," she pushes against my fingers. "Yes, please."

"No more playing coy, right?" I hook my fingers against her g-spot and rub. "No more playing naughty. You will be mine, isn't that right?"

"Yes, yes!" she sneaks a hand between her legs and rubs frantically against her clit.

"Cum, my pretty girl." I pump faster and keep fucking her asshole.

No sooner are the words out of my mouth than she is shaking from head to toe and moaning my name against my counter. More juices gush from her entrance. I keep pumping, feeling her tighten around my fingers and her hole fluttering against my tongue. It is all beautiful, breathtaking, and worth the wait.

***

My butt is right at the edge of the couch as Jade licks my gushing pussy.

She all but practically forced me on the couch so she could devour me. It is all heady and hot and I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can. My fingers are deep in her hair, pulling and tugging her away. Her eyes are closed, her moans reverberating through my bones. She's only in her boy shorts, rubbing herself at my command but not cumming. Not yet.

"You look so perfect between my thighs." I coo.

Her eyes slowly blink open, coming to life at my words. A sleepy smile takes over her face and she digs her nose into my clit. She is in another realm. She has been since I fucked her over the counter. It is as if a switch has gone off in her head and she is a happy little kitten. No embarrassment or reservations. She's moaning to her hearts content and sighing whenever I give her a well-deserved praise. My pretty girl is a big ol' softy in the bedroom. Not to be confused with passive. She actually loves to get dirty and likes a bit of rough play which is surprising to me.

"I'm going to cum if you keep purring like that." I lick my lips and drag my nails against her scalp.

She squeals at the prospect and doubles her efforts. Her hand speeds up between her legs and she tense.

"No cumming for you, baby." I pat her head.

She frowns and slows her fingers down.

"Maybe next time I want to court you and make you my girlfriend you won't put up a fight." I pull her face closer to my core and marvel at her wet tongue fucking me.

She whimpers and fucks me with more rigor.

"You want that?" I pull my hood up so she has better access to my clit. "You want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes," she murmurs against me and closes her eyes in a daze. "Yes, please. Mia, please!" Her fingers start to move in a choppy rhythm between her legs.

"You want to tell any girl who approaches me that I'm your girlfriend?" My legs tense and I know I'm seconds away from falling over.

Her nails dig into my thighs and she nods eagerly meeting my eyes again. A hint of possessiveness in them.

"That I am yours?"

"Mine," she agrees.

Her mouth, tongue, nose, chin is all over my pussy. No controlled movements, just pure pleasure. She devours me until I break and grunt as I cum all over her face. I hump and buck, cursing out loud when she doesn't let me go. I see her body tense and she closes her legs against her own hand, trying, and clearly failing, not to cum. Her brows furrow and she moans against me, humping her hand and licking me up.

I pull her away from my face, too sensitive for her, and lightly tap her cheek.

"Did you just cum?"

Her lids low and her soaked face are a sight to behold.

"Naughty girl." I tease and pull her up on my lap.

She rests her head against my chest and catches her breath. I run my hands along her smooth skin and kiss her temple. She sighs and burrows further into me. I'm sedated in the best possible way under her weight. Her breaths eventually turn deeper and I know she has fallen asleep. I take the opportunity to move us to my bedroom.

Once I have her on my bed, I go to the restroom and run a hand towel against some warm water. I go to her side of the bed and clean her face off. Her eyes flutter open but I know she's in between sleep and being awake. I move the towel between her legs and wipe as much as I can. Removing her underwear.

She moans and bucks under my touch. "More," she sighs.

I smirk. "Sleep, baby."

"Please," she leans up to kiss me.

I pull back to see if she is fully awake and her eyes are open, just barely.

"We will have plenty of time for that tomorrow."

She pulls me face down for a kiss and then starts to push me down between her legs. "I've waited too long already. Please, Mia?"

And who's fault was that? I would have been perfectly happy between her thighs all these months but I couldn't have it my way. Maybe I shouldn't be rushing things when we're still on new territory but her body is puddy in my hands. She arches her back and pulls my hair so I am slowly kissing her pussy. I lick her. She moans. I nibble against her clit and she bucks and thrashes. I fuck her slowly, dipping my tongue further and further into her folds. She's a goner.

She cums and cums, making another mess between her legs.

This time when I'm cleaning her up, she sighs in content.

******

We fuck like bunnies.

In a span of two days, after calling in sick for work, we fuck over and over again. I take her every which way I have dreamed of. I can't get enough of her. Her smell, her taste. I don't know how I was able to keep my hands to myself every time we were in a room together. She doesn't even bother to go home and we spend most of our days naked. Only taking a break to eat and shower. She makes me cum a good amount too. Just like me, she's insatiable. We've gone so long denying ourselves that it only feels right to give into every whim.

She could be doing something as simple and checking her phone and I will start to suck on her delectably dark nipples. I love to run my tongue against them, feel them harden under my fingers. I like to suck them and make her tremble with need. I pinch them and bite them to drive her wild. She tugs on my hair and arches her back.

I could be getting us some water when she gingerly parks herself on the floor, right between my thighs. Her nails will dig into my ankles and thighs as she teases. Her hair brushing against my sensitive skin with each shift of my body. Her full lips trailing kisses up my inner thighs until she's licking me and turning me into a quivering mess.

All too soon we both have the real world to get back to.

I get to my first training session of the day late but the parents aren't there anyway so it's all good. The rest of my sessions pass in a blur. I'm a giggling mess and floating through the air. I bid my students a farewell knowing they have one more week before their break but wish them a good one nonetheless. Connor is still in the dumps about having to train next season but I try to encourage him to talk to his parents. Ava is a bit more distracted by the looming vacation days and I cut our practice short, not blaming her one bit. Her mom is less friendly toward me, another small blessing.

At this point, I'm certain my heads are so far up in the clouds, nothing can pull me down.

******

The ball balances on my forehead for a solid thirty seconds before it rolls down my body.

Rosa squeals with laughter, enjoying this almost as much as Tristen is. My neck is starting to feel strained from playing this game for the last half hour but I'm on babysitter duty and who am I to deprive my favorite munchkins in the world? I try the trick again and feel a tweak in my neck, oh yup. I can deprive them without issue.

"How about we move the party inside?" I grab Tristen's hand after picking up his little sister.

"Can we eat some cookies with ice cream?" His little legs shimmy up the steps, anticipating my usual response.

"After you eat the veggies your moms left." I hide my grimace behind Rosa.

If it were up to me, that kid could raid the pantry and go nuts. Maybe a few months ago I would have been the one to suggest ice cream. But hearing the dreadful stories that Jade has relayed to me about neglected kids, obesity, and overall general health of some of the kids she has taught has put things into perspective. I can be the cool aunt/godmother without putting his little health at risk. I just have to figure out how to make veggies appear cool. Even I think they're the least sexiest food group in the pyramid.

"Ew!" He unzips his superhero cape made from his jacket and scrunches his nose. "I don't want that. I want cookies."

You and me both, kiddo.

I place Rosa in the bounce contraption they have hanging between the kitchen and living room, praying she's okay with sitting put for a few moments. I haven't gotten to check my phone and I need to make sure I haven't received something from my cute little bookworm. Probably not, she has been very cool about us while I have been anything but. My golden retriever energy may not always match her mood but she hasn't said anything to make me think she doesn't like it. It's intimidating to think of the control she has over me but I remind myself it is a two-way street. There is a reason she hasn't shut me out.

"I'll set the veggies out and after you finish them, I'll give you whatever you want." I promise absentmindedly.

My face is glued to my phone. No text from Jade. The last of our conversation was me telling her about my impromptu babysitting night. Trinity and Brandy were in desperate need of a night to themselves and they asked me to watch the kids after practice. It was rare that Brandy had a free night during the week so they wanted to take full advantage. I wish I could have had my own night with Jade but it's probably for the best. A little distance is healthy, right?

"Miss Rudd would let me have cookies and ice cream if she was here." Tristen pouts on the dining room table.

I perk up when I hear her name and hide my smirk.

She most definitely will not but I have to hand it to the kid, he knows his audience.

"Is that right?" I grab the Ziplock bags with carrots, celery, and broccoli and place it in front of him.

"Yeah," he nods with an air of sophistication. "She always shares her graham crackers with me when I stay after school."

Well, well, well.

So much for that passionate rant about child obesity.

I chuckle. Okay, a few graham crackers never killed anyone. But my heart warms thinking about little miss goody-two-shoes giving Tristen some snacks. Obviously, she has a soft spot for him too. It just makes me like her that much more.

"She doesn't make you eat veggies?" I gasp dramatically. I'm so going to give her so much shit over this.

"No." He looks at the bag with disgust. Then I see his face transform from revulsion to something close to enlightenment. That or he has to go to the bathroom again. "And you could be cool like her if you let me eat ice cream." More air of cleverness around him. "I could even tell her about how cool you are. Remember when I told her that you were cool before?"

I am both impressed and concerned about his finesse. There is not much I wouldn't do for Jade to think that I'm cool. She probably won't think this is particularly cool or even good but it will still get her to think about me. And to have the news be delivered from this adorable child can only work in my favor. Even if it only gets a slight smile out of her.

I'll take it.

"Eat one of each veggie and I'll get you your ice cream, you sly pup."

"Deal." He grins wickedly, showing off his missing bottom tooth.

******

My sex life has never been this good.

In part I know it is because of my connection with Jade. She is so easy to care for. Effortlessly easy to please. And I've realized I derive as much pleasure from making her sees stars as I do when she's making me feel good. Probably even more since she's still coming out of her shell and I'm learning a lot about us. I say us because this has been an adventurous journey for each of us.

I've been with girls before who naturally liked to sit back and let me take over. Not the typically pillow princesses but the ones that liked to hand over control and feed my ego. And I knew I liked being in control in the bedroom, I just didn't know how much I would like dominating Jade. She radiates submissiveness. At first, I was concerned that it was something I couldn't handle. I've never been on the extreme end of this but she led me while letting me hold the figurative chain.

We've had a few play sessions where she explained safe words and what she was comfortable with. And while I did enjoy the sessions, I liked when we were able to make love without the fear of pushing our boundaries too far. I do like her submission but I also enjoy when she's active. I've let her have her way with me whenever I saw the hunger in her eyes and that is just as enjoyable to me as it is to bound her hands as I eat her out. It is still a learning curve for the both of us.

And then there is the whole pleasure mixed with pain bit. I've never been one to shy away from a good spanking session or pulling on hair during intense moments. Jade likes to take things a step further and I don't mind appeasing her, I just get nervous about just how far she's willing to go. She's into some rough play that I've had to voice my concerns and somewhere in her eyes I see conflict. She wants to please me. Does she think this a way to do it? I show her sweeter, tamer loving. Instead of a slap in the face, I kiss her gently. It takes her out of the scene sometimes and she gets quiet and thoughtful. I want to satisfy her and often times I will give her what she wants. I'm also realizing she probably doesn't have a lot of experience with vanilla sex. And bases on her receptiveness, she seems to enjoy it as much as I do.

The other tricky aspect has been controlling my curiosity about her past. Obviously, her sex life was a major part of her last relationship. There are things she did initially, like not meeting my eyes or avoided calling me by my name, that I knew had to do with more arbitrary rules that I did not particularly care for. A small part of me resents the person or people before me who molded her into whatever their needs craved. But a bigger part of me yearns for the real Jade. The one who likes to yield to me but also wants me as possessively as I want her.

I get glimpses of her whenever she's on top me. When her hand wraps around my neck and she devours my mouth. When her fingers pump into me and her eyes darken as I tense up around her. I can see the selfish need to keep me to herself but she lets go before it gets that far. Again, I go back to how this is a new way of being intimate for her and we both have to find a happy medium.

Am I being a glutton for wanting even more than what she has already given me?

Maybe.

Maybe I will just have to learn to accept the versions of herself that she gives me and appreciate them all the same.

******

I'm on the phone with my parents when Jade's face pops up on my screen. I can't get them off the phone fast enough.

"Miss Rudd," I tease through the line. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Ha, ha." She lowers her voice. She started her winter break a few days ago and I haven't gotten to see her yet, due to her trying to run as many errands as she can before we board ourselves up. I know that is half the truth and the other half may have something to do with her still trying to keep some of her armor on but I'm trying to be patient. "Harper is visiting this weekend. Is it okay if I invite her to your last game?"

I smile brightly, I love Harper. If it wasn't for her, Jade would have never left with me the first night we met. I owe her two long islands.

"Of course!" I sound as eager as I feel. "Just as a heads up, my parents are going to try to come too."

Silence. Not unexpected but still hard to swallow.

"You will greet them and I will introduce you as my girlfriend." I take rein of the situation.

When I set expectations, Jade visibly relaxes. Yes, she likes to feel in control when she's the one dealing with certain situations but I've learned that after she truly trusts someone, she has no qualms relinquishing that control. Being guided is almost a necessity. She likes when I order food for her or when I make plans down to the hour. Her brain gets a rest from having to think of every little thing about her day. She looks to me for the smallest decision making that stopped me short originally but quickly transitioned into something I liked. She trusts me to take care of her. Not only in the bedroom but also in our daily lives. It is as terrifying as it is empowering.

"Okay," she sounds like she's coming around to it. "It just feels like a lot. My sister meeting your parents. Isn't it too soon?"

"My parents have been hearing about you for almost four months. I think that's plenty of time."

"You talk about me with your parents?" She gushes.

"More than they probably care for." I tease. "I'm guessing your parents don't even know a girl named Mia is the center of your universe now?"

She grunts. "They'd want wedding invitations by next week if that were the case."

"Well, I'm sure we can find some online." I push the metaphorical envelope.

She gets quiet.

"I would love to meet them." I fill the silence.

"I'm sure you would." She doesn't sound entirely nauseated by the idea. Baby steps. Itty bitty but still chugging. "They'd love you to death."

"That would make three of you." I turn off my car and bask in the silence.

Sometimes silence is better than an outright lie or a stubborn denial. The word may terrify her and tempt her to run for the hills but her eyes are always telling.

"Are you free sometime this week for dinner or will we just wait to see each other until after the soccer game?" I'd hate that but I'd respect it.

"I'm free tomorrow night." She quickly responds.

"Perfect. My place or yours?"

"Either is fine." There is some noise in the background and she gives me a quick goodbye.

Perhaps I am trying to rush things along, yet I can't help but feel like I need to secure Jade before she tries to talk herself out of this. I need to show her that I am serious about her and nothing is going to change that. If I have to become the girl with no ego and plenty of love to shower her with, then so be it. I will worship at her feet and latch myself to her until she recognizes it.

I'm not going anywhere.

And I'll be damned if I let her fly away.

******

The food delivery guy gives me a knowing look when I open my door.

My cheeks are flushed, my hair is a mess from Jade tugging on it all afternoon, and I'm not entirely sure my shirt isn't inside out right now. I give him a generous tip and close the door on his face. His eyes sparkled when he heard Jade's voice in the background and probably thought he walked in on a set of some cheesy porn flick. Not in his wildest dream.

"Food is here." I kiss the top of her head as she ends the call with her sister.

We were fooling around and deep into being tangled in each other's arms when the food arrived and her phone went off. It was perfect timing. But nothing more than a slight bump on the road. I will have her on all fours soon enough.

I set the food in front of me and pull her onto my lap when she gets to the table. She makes herself comfortable and digs into her fried rice. My hand rests on her plump tummy, lightly running my thumb against her flesh. She's in her underwear, which is just perfect for me. The less clothes there is between us, the better.

"How is Harper?"

She takes a sip of water before answering. "Very excited about this weekend. She can't wait to see you again."

I nod in understanding. I can't wait to see her either.

We eat in silence, me thinking about the money I have saved up for the off season, and her... well I don't realize she's silent for another reason entirely.

"Trinity invited us to dinner at her place next week." She doesn't sound excited about it.

"Yeah, she texted me after she talked to you." I rub her back and lean over to look at her face. "How do you feel about that?"

"Well," she pushes her hair behind her ear and puts her plate down. "Tristen is a great kid, love him to pieces."

My stomach tenses. "But?"

"Seeing him outside of the classroom setting is tricky."

"How so?"

She nibbles on her bottom lip and looks down. I lift her chin up so she can look at me. This nervous tick is something I'm trying to get her to move past. Any time she thinks she's going to say something that will cause a rift between us she tries to pull into herself. Our progress is small but I'm trying to make sure it is consistent.

"He mentioned to one of his friends that he saw me at his mom's soccer game."

"Okay?"

"If you and I start holding hands and kissing in front of him, I'm afraid he'll bring that up too."

"Do your colleagues not know you're gay?"

She shakes her head. "They know but some of the parents have shown their displeasure."

I frown.

"And I know Tristen and his friends are aware that two women can be together but it gets messy when that is brought up in the classroom."

I nod, trying to follow her train of thought.

"And then there is the fact that I'm his teacher and I don't want to blur any lines."

I wait for her to continue.

"I can't have him calling me Jade when we're outside of school and then enforce Miss Rudd when we're inside of it."

"Sure, you can." I don't sound so sure.

"It will get a bit confusing for him."

"What are you getting at?"

"Maybe we should hold off on dinner with them until after the school year is finished." She stands, trying to put some space between us.

I hold on to her hand and try to keep a head cool. "I mean, Trinity is my best friend. I would love to be able to have both of you in the same room."

She nods. "I get that. I just need to be careful about how Tristen perceives our interactions."

I take in a big breath and find myself nodding. "No kissing and no PDA, got it."

"I think it would just be best to wait." She pulls her hand away and pretends to remove a lint from her bra.

"And this has nothing to do with you trying to put up a wall between us?" Because it sure as hell feels like it.

How am I expected to keep my hands to myself whenever Tristen is present? He will be present a lot. I love that kid and I would do anything for him. I'm going to go out to eat with them and go over for dinner. I'll babysit him and take him to places just like I always have. I would love to do that with Jade. I want her to know how important he is to me and I want him to know that she is the one for me.

I get that the situation isn't ideal. This would be ten times easier to navigate if they didn't share a classroom but that isn't how it is. We need to figure out a way to deal with it instead of avoiding it. I know Tristen is a bright kid. Just like when his moms had to sit down with him and explain different families, we could sit down with him and explain our situation. Jade is his teacher and yes, he will also see her outside of school. But we can make him understand there is a line and there is a time and place for everything. I'm also smart enough to know Jade is aware that there are solutions but she just needs a reason to keep me at a distance.

She lowers her gaze.

Busted.

I pull her back down to my lap. "Can we talk about a few things?"

She tenses.

"Please," I try to sound gentle. "I need something, Jade. Something that tells me our relationship is as important to you as it is to me."

She nods slowly.

"You never talk about your ex." I know there is one because she let it slip once. Her whole no dating rule came right after this elusive ex. The one she never mentions but the one that has had a big impact on her dating life to this day. "Can you tell me why things ended?"

Her hands start to tremble and her breathing turns shallow. "I'd rather not."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

She shakes her head.

"Even Harper?"

She bites her lip. "Harper witness the end of it." She wrings her fingers and looks away. "The worst of it."

"Okay," I wait for her to continue and hold her closer. "Why did it end?"

"It got really bad one night." She blows out a shaky breath. I wish I could shield her from whatever is hurting her but I need to know what happened. I need to know what I'm dealing with so I can make it better. "My ex was into BDSM."

I figured as much with her personality and what we've done in the bedroom.

"I thought she loved me and cared about me. And maybe in her twisted way she did." She wipes her cheeks and I hold her tighter. "It started small. With little rules here and there. I had never been in a relationship like that but I knew it was easy to submit." She clears her throat. "And then it got progressively worse and small punishments would turn into something ugly." She shakes her head. "It wasn't until after we ended things that I did some research and learned about safe words and creating safe play sessions."

"She abused you?" I need to know.

She nods. "I didn't know how bad it had gotten until I left." Then she lets it all out. "She tracked my phone, picked fights with me to punish me, she pushed me too far a handful of times. There was a lot of yelling and accusations. I was miserable but I couldn't leave. I really thought she loved me and I couldn't walk away."

"Okay," I let her sob into my neck. "That's all I need to know."

I rub her back and control my anger. If I ever come across that bitch's path, I will end her. No doubt in my mind that I will throw down and get revenge for this perfect girl on my lap. It isn't all too surprising but it still hurts to hear. And that is why I can't let her pull away or place walls between us. I need her to understand that I will never be that person. I will always be here to protect her.

******

The soccer game is intense.

We're playing the same team with their ruthless number eight. This time we're better prepared for her antics but she manages to play dirtier than before. One of our girl's is on the bench with a sprained ankle from a nasty shove but the refs are blind. They have an unspoken loyalty to the other team and I feel my anger building as the game goes on.

I get benched a little into the second half because I start to get a bit more aggressive. My coach can sense it, other the team as well. I sit back and keep looking to the stands, watching Jade and her sister talk with my parents and Brandy. Thank goodness the kids are with their grandparents. I've been cursing up a storm and I'm sure that is another reason I got taken out of the game before I got expelled again.

I look at Jade again reminding myself that I can't lose my lid. She's here and I don't want to scare her away. Seeing me beat someone to a pulp will send her running for the hills. Now that I know why she is averse to confrontations and fights, I have to be careful. I don't want to trigger any old feelings her ex used to bring out of her. I am not that person.

I'm so distracted with looking at her that I don't realize everyone on my bench in on their feet until Brandy lets out a horrified cry. I look back on the field and see Trinity clutching her knee with number eight smirking down at her. I'm on my feet in the blink of an eye. Blood rushes to my face and my teeth grind in anger. I can't feel or hear anything. I'm numb to all the yelling and my teammates trying to hold me back as I run to her. Our coach is already there with three other guys checking on Trinity. My feet pound against the grass, I'm out for blood. Everything around me forgotten.

I go straight to number eight and push her to the floor.

"You're going to regret that." There are bodies all over me. She's looking at me with a goading smile and I want to hurt her twice as bad as she hurt my friend.

"Mia!" Harper's voice cuts through all the others and I stop struggling to look up. She holds a hand out and shakes her head. "Don't."

My breaths are labored and I want to look down at the bitch under me but I keep my eyes on Harper instead. I take her hand and allow her to walk me back to the benches. Jade is waiting there, stricken with fear as I get closer. My heart drops and I feel the cracks in her heart. Everything rushes to me at once. My actions, the shouting around me, the whistles, it is sensory overload.

"Is she okay?" Brandy rushes to me and looks back on the field.

"Go check on her, your expertise might be best." I keep looking at Jade.

Her eyes are wide and her body is still.

I motion for Harper to go to her. "Get here away from here."

I don't bother getting near her right now. We're both in terrible headspaces. Nothing I say can take that look off her face. She is probably staring at me the way she used to stare at her ex. I'm disgusted with myself. I want to dig a hole on the field and bury myself. How could I do that to her? A knot starts to form in my throat and I bite my trembling bottom lip.

I fucked up.

I watch as Harper guides her away and my parents come up to me. They worry over me, my mom a lot more dramatically than my dad. After a few reassurances they help me grab my things before we can go. What a shitty way to end the season.

What a devastating way to end it all.

***

When the clock strikes 3am, I sneak over to Jade's place.

I sit outside her door, trying to calm my thoughts. I'm not going to disturb her. I'm not going to leave any traces behind to give away that I was here. I'm just going to sit and bask in being near her. Even if there is a door between us, I know she's on the other side and I can calmly gather my thoughts. I could reach out to Harper and ask her how she's doing but I'm giving them both time.

It's not fair that her sister has to take care of her when they should be enjoying each other's company. I did that. I ruined her trip by letting my anger get the better of me. Flashes of Jade at the edge of the field haunt me but I shut them out. I think about how the afternoon would have ended if it never happened.

I would have taken them out to dinner. Made sure Harper ordered whatever she wanted. Talked Jade up in front of my parents so they could see why I was so taken by her. She would have blushed and probably begged me to stop. I wouldn't care because I would brag to whoever listened. I was the luckiest girl in the world.

I was.

I thump my head against the wall.

******

Someone opens the curtains in an obnoxiously loud and disturbing way.

Can only be one of two people: my pushy mother or my saint father.

"Enough moping, I need your help running some errands today." My mom smacks my butt.

"Mooom," I groan into the pillow. "It's been a day, give me a break."

"It's been three." I can picture her hands on her hips and an expectant look on her face.

It's like staring into a mirror of my future self when I look at her. We look very much alike but our personalities couldn't be more different. I'm more like my father. I like to go with the flow and avoid stressing about the little things. I try to enjoy life as best as I can. Probably not right this instant. Right now, I feel like staying in this bed for another three days and forgetting all about my last game.

The broken look on Jade's face pulls at my heart and I cover my face.

She uncovers my face and sits next to me. "Laying in here, smelling the place up isn't going to help matters."

"And running errands with you will?" I retort.

"Beats sitting here and twiddling your thumbs." She pushes my hair out of my face and frowns. "How do you look worse for wear? You shouldn't have any dark circles with all the sleep you've been doing."

I've slept maybe five hours total. The rest of the time has been spent staring at my phone until it died and then staring at the wall, questioning everything.

I'm ashamed. I hate the way I reacted to that childish bitch. I let her get the better of me and I made things worse my inserting myself into something that was already going to be taken care of by the refs. True to her word, our captain wrote a letter after she speculated a few more games that number 8 was a part of until she had enough proof. This was supposed to be the last straw. She was supposed to get the hammer. But then I went ahead and attacked her without a care in the world which made our case weak. I didn't learn from my first mistake.

Worst of all, I failed the one person I promised I would never hurt.

She trusted me. She looked at me like I was the best thing that ever happened to her. When she met my parents, she was out of her shell. Comfortable enough to joke around with my dad. Charming enough to have my mother inviting her over for dinner on the spot. It was all going so well. I knew in my bones I had to hold it together. Had number 8 hurt anyone other than Trinity I would have. But there was a wire in my brain that wanted to protect those I loved with every fiber of my being. I had the pack mentality when it came to my team but I had something much more intense when it came to my family.

If only that extended to spare the feelings of the one person that I wanted to protect the most.

"I fucked up, mom." My voice breaks.

Cursing will usually earn me a disappointed look at minimum but she doesn't even bat an eye. "Just give her time." She pats my head. "I saw how she looked at you. You guys are crazy about each other."

I shake my head. "She's never going to forgive me."

There is no response to that. No reassuring words or anything that may put me at ease. I give her a questioning look. I know we butt heads a lot but even she knows I need something to look forward to here. What is the point of getting out of bed if I know she's never going to call?

"She's fighting something bigger than you, Mia." Her smile is sad. "It may take a long time before she's better."

I didn't tell my mom everything but just enough to make both of them understand why me hurting someone would never be okay with Jade.

"I'll wait," I say without a doubt. "However long it takes. I will be here."

She nods. "Of course, you will." The she gets up and smacks my butt again. "Now, please take a shower and wash the sheets."

I grunt.

My sliver of hope should be enough to get me through today.

A day is all I need right now.

******

Harper answers Jade's phone when I call a couple of days later.

"Hey," she's whispering.

My heart stammers and I think of all the worst-case scenarios that could have her whispering. "Where is Jade? Is she okay?" I can come-"

"Hold on," there is movement on her end and I pace my living room floor. "Okay," her voice is normal now. "Sorry about that. She's sleeping right now."

"It's three in the afternoon." I bit on my knuckle. "Please let me come by and see her."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Her tone is final. Nothing like the usual playful Harper. "I've never seen her like this before. I think I have to call my parents."

"I can help," there are tears forming in my eyes. "At least ask her if she would like to see me."

"Mia," she sighs. "You saw her reaction. She needs time."

"How much?" I run a hand through my hair. I want to see her now.

"I don't know. If she doesn't pull her shit together before going back to school, I'm going to have to figure something out."

"Don't you have school?" I am grasping at straws. "I can take care of her if you have to go."

"Not for another few weeks."

"Harper, I'm dying here. I need to make things right. I have to fix this."

"Trust me, no one wants you two together more than I do." She huffs. "I've never seen Jade so close to someone before. I've also never seen her look so heartbroken. Not even when she was a bleeding mess in the back of an ambulance."

The image makes me want to bend over and empty my stomach but I clear my throat. "Harper, she needs to talk to someone about this." I shift my weight. "I know I fucked up and if she never wants to see me again that is fine." Not fine by any standards but I can't be selfish with her. "She needs to find ways to cope with this. It won't be the last time she's ever exposed to yelling and fighting."

Never by me. I will make sure of that. But I also know I can't control others around me. Neither can she. The only thing she can do is learn how to deal with situations that may arise. I can vow to protect her and shield her from most things but I'm not as delusional as I was when we first became friends. No amount of promising can guarantee that she won't be exposed to events that may trigger her fight or flight response.

Maybe letting her fly away is the right decision this time.

******

A text alert pulls me out of my thoughts.

It is Jade.

Seeing her name makes my heart lurch and my fingers tingle. It's been two weeks. She's back in school and doing well. Based on my last conversation with Harper. I'm playing indoor soccer and coming up with new training sessions for the upcoming season. I already have my usual clients but there are two new ones that I need to prepare training plans for. I had been reviewing their tapes when my phone lit up.

We need to talk.

Fuck.

I mean, I knew it was coming. I prepared for it. I mentally made myself sick thinking of all the ways Jade would end things between us. A call, a text, in person. I've been miserable but secretly hoping it wouldn't ever get to that point. I've been yearning for any type of communication with her. That was until she sent that.

Sure, just give me a time and place.

There are about a million other responses I would rather give. I want to hear how she's doing from her own account. I want her to tell me she misses me. If she missed me. I want to ask her about her students and her parents. I want to ask her to forgive me. To promise me another chance. Not that I deserve it but I will try my hardest to earn it.

But I cannot say any of that through text.

She shoots me the location spot for a café between both of our places.

I'm slightly disappointed we're not meeting at her place but not entirely surprised.

A neutral ground is perfect for a clean break.

Fuck.

******

A clean break is the furthest thing from my mind when I spot her sitting in a corner.

She's right next to the window, basking in the sunlight shining through. Her tight curly hair is held back by a few pins, keeping her face clear and visible. She's still wearing her favorite brown coat, probably not intending to stay too long. There is a small mug in front of her. I'm guessing I have five good sips before she tries to slip out. The closer I get, the more I notice the bag under her eyes and the sharp edges of her once round cheeks.

My stomach drops.

"Hey," my hand moves to touch her face but I stop myself. I place my hands on my lap instead and give her a tight smile. "How are you?"

"Hey," her eyes widen slightly as she takes me in.

I opted for a laid-back look. Jeans and a thick lavender sweater. I remove my burgundy beanie and place it on the table. I figured at the end of the day it doesn't matter how I look, knowing this may be the last time we'll see each other. She looks beautiful though. Without trying.

"Are you going to grab something to drink?" She motions to the line of people placing their orders.

I shake my head. I doubt anything could get past the knot forming in my throat.

We sit in silence taking each other in. There are a few changes between us that the other is trying to account for. Does it hurt her to see the changes in me that I hate to see in her? The slight closed-off look she gives me when I want to reach her. I sit back in my seat, defeated. Back to square one.

"Thank you for meeting me. I thought this would be better to discuss in person."

Who am I kidding? I'm not even on the playing field anymore. I've been ejected.

"No problem." I cross my arms and wait.

She bites her lip and lowers her eyes.

I take a deep breath, waiting for the blow.

"I think we need to take a break."

My stomach clenches. My heart drops. I am expecting it but it still fucking causes a lot of damage in my chest. What I don't expect is the resentment that follows closely behind. It feels wrong to get mad at her or want to make this worse. But a part of me feels betrayed. I find it hard to keep my emotions under control.

"You mean break up?" My tone is cold. "A break means there is a chance we'll get back together and I don't think that is the case here. Is it?" My stupid heart thumps lamely.

She lowers her eyes once more and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry." My voice is strained. "For what it's worth, I never meant to cause you any pain."

She peaks up at me and nods. "I know."

The anger and ache swirl around in my chest. I'm finding it harder to breathe.

So, this is it?

"I'm taking some anger management classes." I throw out there. A last hail Mary.

Her face quirks to the side and she really looks at me this time. "You are?"

I nod, giving in to the stupid hope bubbling in my chest. "I should have probably done that a while ago but I figured no time like the present."

She nods in understanding. "I'm seeing a therapist."

My lip quirks. "That's really good to hear."

"It's still early but I think it'll help." She grimaces. "It was that or have Harper move in with me and take online classes."

She's a good kid. She really loves her sister and cares about her.

I stare at Jade for a really long time. Taking in her delicate features and savoring her even more delicate heart. She's doing it, she's getting help. That is what I want for her. I want her to get better and learn how to live with her past. I would much rather be at her side and guard her however I can but that isn't my place anymore. If she wanted me there, she would let me. The best I can do for her is make this as least painful as I can. Dragging it out won't do either of us any good.

And that is when I finally realize this is what love is really about.

Wanting to see someone flourish even if it is without you.

"I hope it helps you." I put my beanie back on.

Her eyes snap to my hands and I see fear in them.

My heart breaks. I would never hurt her. She has to know that deep down.

"I promise I will leave you alone now." I slowly stand up so as not to scare her any further.

Her mouth opens a few times but she doesn't say anything.

"If you need anything, I'll be here." I know she won't but it doesn't hurt to offer my help.

I don't bother looking back, my tears are overflowing by the time I reach the door.

******

[Three Months Later]

My calves are burning but I push through it.

Spring is around the corner and we've been blessed with a wonderfully warm day. Trinity is doing pushup next to me, grunting on behalf of both of us. Our season doesn't start for another few weeks but we've been good about staying in shape, ready for it. Brandy is working tonight and the kids are with their babysitter. I silently wonder if this will be her last season. I think it will be mine.

For a while I debated on even joining this season. Seeing as how the last one cost me so many sleepless nights but Trinity begged and after completing my anger management classes, my sponsor encouraged it. Just because I went too far last season doesn't mean I will do it again. I learned that second chances are not always a given but forgiving oneself is a must.

I thought I would know what I wanted to do by now. I'm past my prime, professional soccer is out of the question. I love training kids but I don't know if training sessions hold the same appeal it once did. I love seeing them grow and I've attended a few tournaments to watch them play. They're overall great. But maybe I do need to figure out what I want to do with my life. My mom still hasn't stopped referring me to all these different positions that I have no interest in. It would help get her off my back too.

"I'm too old for this shit." Trinity falls on her stomach and tightly closes her eyes. "I got three hours of sleep last night. Rosa is teething."

"Yikes." I sit down next to her and take a deep gulp from my water bottle. "You sure you even want to join this season?"

She nods. "I know I'll miss it. It is my thing. The one place where I am part of a team and can contribute as an individual. I'm sure I'll miss it when I actually do give it up."

"I know what you mean." I wipe the sweat off my forehead. "Who are we when the jersey comes off?"

She looks at me sideways. "Don't get all gloomy now." She moves closer and pushes her knee against mine.

Only she has seen me at my lowest. If it wasn't for her unconditional love and support, I don't know how I would have gotten myself out of the slumps. Her little family have become my rock and I owe them the world. I have always felt like a part of them but these last few months have made me cherish them in a whole new way.

"Not gloomy, just nostalgic." I sigh. "It'll be a good way to wrap up our playing career."

She chuckles. "I'll still play you one-on-one whenever you want your ass kicked."

I bark a laugh. "Two curse words in one sitting, you must really be sleep deprived."

She glowers. "Have I told you how much I hate Frozen?"

I laugh and help her up. "What is it now, three times a day?"

"Try all day." She groans. "It is the only playlist that gets Rosa to stop crying."

"She has great taste." I stick up for my little bambina.

"Remember that next time you babysit." She trudges back to her car. "Still got that date tonight?"

I snort. "You know it's not a date. Just a parent who wants to thank me for training their kid."

She nods sarcastically. "Right."

"She's married!" I hold both hands up.

She gasps at this. "A sordid affair. Never thought you had it in you."

I flick her off and get in my car.

No way in hell I was ready to start seeing anyone. Let alone a married woman.

***

Connor's mom smiles at me from across the nice table setting.

What was supposed to be a quick thank you dinner has turned into two hours of her pouring her heart out about her current situation. What I thought was an okay marriage turned out to be a pretty bad one. She's decided to leave her husband and has finally pulled Connor from soccer. None of her friends know yet, I'm the first to hear the news. While I hate that her life seems to be falling apart, I am secretly happy my pupil is getting what he has been wishing for all these years. It is tough and messy but I'm sure they'll come out better for it.

I reach over and hold her hand when we're into our second bottle of wine.

"I know it may not feel like it now, but you're doing the right thing. For both of you." Connor's dad sounds like a real piece of work.

She sniffles and nods. "I wish I would have done it sooner. Connor is such a great kid."

I nod.

We're deep into praising him when out of the corner of my eye I see a figure approaching us very quickly. One moment I'm holding her hand, giving her words of encouragement and then next my glass is snatched from my hands and wine is dripping down my face. I wipe my face and see Jade standing a few feet away, chest heaving in her powder pink dress and black pumps. Half of her hair has been braided away from her face and the other half falls on her shoulders. The shock of seeing her has me glued to my seat, unmoving.

"You don't sleep with your student's parents?" She shoots the woman across from me an annoyed look. "She's old enough to be your mom!"

"Excuse me!" There is commotion in front of me but I finally snap out of my trance.

I stand and grab Jade by her elbow, pulling her through a crowed that has gathered around the main entrance. They all part way for us to get through but not before taking their phones out and whispering behind their hands.

"Let me go." She yanks her arm away when we turn left and out of sight of any onlookers.

"What-?" I put my hands on my hips and stare at her in disbelief. "What the hell was that?"

"I caught you!" She's fuming, not at all caring that she was yelling over the traffic noise behind us.

"Caught me?" I look down and see my sweater is still dripping with wine. For fucks sake.

"All that bullshit about mixing business with pleasure!" She starts to pace in front of me. "You're sleeping with her and don't even care that she's married."

I wipe my hands on my pants, half listening to her rant.

I've pictured running into Jade again. Seeing her after my wound has healed. Praying to the higher power in the sky that it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as the last time did. I stare at her now, half pissed off and half disoriented. In ever scenario that ran through my head, having her angry with me did was never a possibility. I don't think I've ever seen her so angry before. I don't think she's ever spoken this loudly before either. She has no problem meeting my eyes, especially glowering when she realizes I'm not listening.

"And now you're not even listening!" She throws her hands up.

"I'm sorry but I just had my crazy ex-girlfriend just throw a drink at my face because she assumed I was on a date with one of my student's mom." There is disbelief in my tone.

"Crazy?" Her nostrils flare. "I may be crazy but I'm not stupid. I know what I saw."

I huff a laugh and shake my head. "Oh yeah? What was that?"

"You held her hand!" She steps closer to me. "You were looking into her eyes. You were practically close to kissing her!"

"Oh, fuck off!" I start to get angry.

All of my techniques on managing my anger start to replay through my mind. I know I'm in dangerous waters. I need to take a beat. This is exactly why I took these classes. So that I can never make a fool out of myself again. I got this.

"Did you start fucking her as soon as we ended things? Or was she always there?" The anger in her eyes begin to dull and her eyes turn misty. "Was it always just a fling for you?"

"Do you hear yourself?" I make my tone even. "I never ended things between us. It wasn't something we decided."

"You walked away." She bites down on her trembling lip. "You gave up."

I scoff. "After the way you looked at me that day, I would never put you through that again. I never want you to fear me, Jade. I couldn't bear the thought of you being afraid of me." I run a hand through my hair and growl under my breath. "Why are you here?"

The stitches around my heart are bursting open being in her presence again. What was once a numbing soreness is full on painful again and I don't know how I'll force myself to get through it again. She's ruining everything I've worked so hard to mend. Being away from her was unbearable, being near her again is absolute agony.

"It doesn't matter," she looks off to the side and tries to walk away. "Go back to her."

I grab her wrist and pull her into me. "Oh no, I'm not letting you off easy this time." I'm shaking with anger and need.

She slowly looks up at me. "I hope she makes you happy."

"Cut the shit." I lean down to get a really good look at her. "You broke up with me. You ended things. How am I the bad guy?"

"You promised you would never leave me." She bites back and then looks surprised by her confession.

My eyes roam her face. My grip loosens but she remains close. "You were scared of me." I convinced myself she was. I told myself walking away was the right thing. The fear I witnessed the day in the café was the last stab to my heart.

It is her turn to look puzzled. "I have never been scared of you." She huffs. "Maybe afraid of how you have made me feel but never afraid of you."

I drop her hand and take a step back. "You looked terrified of me the day in the café. When I got up to leave you looked scared."

"Because you were leaving me!" She sniffles. "Because my biggest fears were coming to life."

I'm at a complete loss.

"I know I messed up." She wipes her eyes. "I know I ran away and shut you out. And I really did believe I could never get over what my ex did to me which is why I thought we should take a break."

"You ended things." I argue weakly.

My head is spinning and my jaw keeps working overtime. It should be easy to voice my thoughts and tell her all the ways this wasn't my fault but none of that seems to matter now. Right now, I am just trying to pick up what she's putting down. But that is nearly impossible with my hands tied behind my back. I am always at a disadvantage when it comes to her.

"And I regret doing that to us. Every day." She puts her hands on her chest, applying pressure to her own wounds. "I thought letting you go and letting you live a life without my messes would be best." Her voice catches. "It didn't take me long to realize I was severely mistaken."

A familiar warmth spreads through my chest. A tingling sensation that I haven't felt in a long time. I think back to the café and see it from her point of you. I think about the fear in her eyes and try to look past the twinge of pain. Anytime I think about that day I hurt. But I try to think without my emotions leading. The way her eyes widened when I stood, the tremble in her hands. She wasn't scared of me. She was afraid of me leaving. And I did.

"I've been beating myself up for putting you through the day on the field." I've been living my personal hell.

She lowers her head. "I'm sorry. It was just a lot to take in that moment."

"I know," I shake my head. "You did nothing wrong."

She shakes her head in return. "I should have been honest with you. I should have talked to you. I should have listened to Harper." Her gaze raises until she meets my eyes, determined. "I was afraid."

I flinch.

"But I wasn't scared of you. I was scared for you." She hugs herself. "The thought of anyone hurting you made me so upset. I ran after you. I was going to make sure no one put their hands on you. She bites her tongue briefly and then her shoulders drop. "I have never felt so much fear and anger within myself. I was terrified. The things I could do. I got flashbacks to her. I was going to turn into her."

I reach for her, looking for any signs that she does not want me to touch her. My arms wrap around her and I look into her bright eyes. How could I have been so wrong? Months of trying to make amends and change my ways. And all of it was wrong. I have never been more relieved to be so wrong.

"I'm sorry." She sounds miserable. "I knew I should have cleared the air and I should have set things straight. I was just ashamed and I was a coward."

"I look anger management classes." It sounds funny now but it was anything but then.

Her face clears for a moment. "I know you did it for me."

I nod.

"And I want to thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. But you were never the problem."

I shrug. "I learned some cool tricks. Like how to stay calm when someone throws wine in my face."

There is no trace of laughter on her face. "I'm sorry." She drops her head on my chest and I have to lean down to hear her grumbling. "One of the things I'm trying to work on is controlling my emotions. I was so good at hiding them that now that I can express them, I sometimes go overboard."

"You said she was old enough to be my mother." I chuckle.

She tries to pull herself away but I hand on tight.

"She is!" She looks up at me. "She's ugly and she will never make you happy."

I nod in agreement. "She's not ugly but you are right, she will never make me happy." I lift her chin up. "I thought you were someone else. I've never heard you yell before."

She cringes. "Something about you makes me senseless."

I hide my smile, not to well because she frowns. "I'm really not sleeping with her. She's leaving her husband and pulling her kid out of soccer. I think she just needed a listening ear tonight."

She looks away and shrugs her shoulders. "I don't care what you do."

"Hm," I pull her just a little bit closer. "And if I was seeing someone, what then?"

Her eyes flash when they clash with mine. "Are you?"

"No," I thought it was pretty obvious that I am nowhere near being over her.

"Good." She finally wraps her arms around me. "I may be at fault here and I will make it all up to you. But you cannot be seeing anyone else."

Dear lord, this is the first time I am smiling without force. My heart is fluttering and my hands are tingling.

"Does this mean we'll be friend again?" Baby steps.

"No." She frowns.

My heart stops.

"I want you to be my girlfriend." She wraps her arms around my neck, timidly. "Even if it takes months, I will be patient until you're ready."

I smirk, sure that she can heart my heart bouncing around in my chest.

"Okay," I kiss her forehead.

"Okay?" She looks vulnerable. And entirely kissable.

I nod. "Can I walk you home?"

We're a few blocks away, plenty of time to catch up.

"Yes." She takes my hand and starts walking toward her apartment.

******

My fingers are deep inside of Jade.

Her legs are wide open for me and she is kissing me uncontrollably. Her hands are behind her head, hanging on to the headrest. I can smell her want. I can taste her desperation. My car is mostly quiet, just her shy whimpers and my grunts whenever she bites my lip. I have no doubt when we step out of this car, everyone within a few feet will know what we were up to but my girl does not care about that.

She is coming out of her shell and I love it. Her demands and what she considers a selfish phase has been a reward to me. Doing things in public is very new to the both of us but I can't say I hate it. I mean, we're still very careful, which is why we parked a block away from Trinity's place. But we're still in my car, my fingers deep in her folds, and her body second away from cumming.

"Mia," she arches and freezes as her body uncoils around me.

A deep sigh escapes her lips and every tension in her muscles leaves her. I pull back and watch her glazed eyes focus on me. The breathless smile on her lips makes my heart jump and I kiss her again. She clenches around me and I can't help but go in for another round.

"Wait, we can't." She pulls my fingers out and digs them into her mouth.

My face flushes and I lick my lips.

When she finishes cleaning me off, she pulls out wipes from her purse and cleans up her mess. On my hands and on my car seat.

"Can't have you smelling like me, can we?"

"We can be a few minutes late." I frown when she puts her panties back in place.

"We're already late. Terrible first impression on your friends." She frowns back.

"But I didn't get to taste you." I pout.

She pulls me in and kisses me deeply. Traces of her sweet nectar flow from her lips to mine. I groan again and want to pull her into my lap. She jumps out of the car before I can make it happen and goes to the back seat to grab the cake and balloons. It is Rosa's first birthday and I was on cake duty. Jade couldn't help herself and went all out with a huge present and balloons. She wants my friends to love her as much as I do. I don't see how that is possible when she is literally my universe.

I step out of the car, sad that we can't continue, but excited to see her around my people.

"How is my hair?" She stands tall in front of me.

Like you were sweating it out as I fingered you in my car.

"Perfect." I help her with the rest of the things. "Just go to the bathroom as soon as we get it." Her lipstick is mostly gone and although I think she looks beautiful, I know her critical eye will catch something out of place.

We hear music in the background and Tristen flies down the side walk as soon as he spots us.

Jade is quick to jump in front of me and get a big hug from him.

While she may still have reservations about seeing him outside of school, she finally admitted that she feared falling for the little guy too. She knows how loveable he is and while it may be sad not to have him in her classroom next year, she feels blessed to still be part of his life through me.

I watch both of them hug and feel my heart fly up to the sky.

My two favorite people are finally meeting again on the best possible terms.

How did I get so lucky?

How did I win at this game called love?