How My Sexuality Changes as I Age Ch. 04

Some thoughts from Jayne.

By the time that most women are in their mid to late forties, they should have worked out the sex thing. After all, if they've had sex, say, twice a week for twenty years of marriage, they will have been fucked over two thousand times, so they should have learned a lot. They'll now know what it's all about and what it means and they tend to take one of two options. Either, they stop doing it as much as possible and only open their legs when he really demands it because they're easing themselves into the dryness of the menopause, or they go for it and revel in the wetness of the last few years before she dries up. And going for it can mean with people other than her longer-term partner or husband.

To get to that point she will probably have gone through the return to masturbating stage and maybe enjoyed the use of toys, chat rooms and cybering to help her along the way. As she sidles into her forties she's also likely to have been hit on, ogled and been surreptitiously touched more often, adding fuel to her fire of understanding that sex is now not the dark, secret, restricted and special thing she'd been led to believe it was all her life. With that fire still burning inside her, she may have been in situations where, either she's been accidentally on purpose touched, or she's been purposefully fondled.

The combination of all of these, together with her impending big M could be signalling the end of her active sex life, which causes many women to want more than just what she gets from her partner, so she may go through a few near things, where she almost, but not quite, has sex outside her marriage. After the kisses, breast fondling and maybe fingering of those incidents, the next step, going all the way and having sex, doesn't seem to be at all the huge step that it once was and the most frequented arena for that is the workplace, which can be both pleasure and disaster areas for all, especially ageing women. That's because it throws married men and women together for lengthy periods without their partners and helps them cosy up to their bosses or come onto their PAs or colleagues. And, of course, the inevitable all too often happens as it's the place where more illicit assignations take place and where more men and women seem to forget their marriage vows as both 'dip their pens in company ink.'

Enjoy.

Jayne x aka westjayne 495

Thomas was not exactly my boss, but he was member of the senior management team and as a research assistant I handled projects for most of that group including him. Like many women I am attracted to men with prestige and power and Thomas certainly had both of those within the advertising agency I had gone back to work for and, indeed, within the entire advertising industry.

It was a classic office affair. Two people away from their partners attracted to each other as they spend time working together in the office and then out of it travelling and entertaining clients together. The build-up had been so typical. More contact and talk than was necessary during the working day, coffees and lunch together in the company restaurant, moving onto drinks outside it, which escalate to lunch in restaurants or pubs, sometimes with clients and seemingly possibly innocent 'dates.' But then comes the big move, the heavy stuff, dinner. That means lying to partners and is the thin end of the wedge as it involves lying, making excuses and ensuring when they get home that there are no tell-tale smells of perfume, or aftershave, smears of lipstick or, stray, in my case blonde, hairs on his jacket or shirt.

In some ways the lying, the excuses and the clear deceiving of the partner is a bigger step than the almost inevitable next one, climbing into bed. It took Thomas and me less than five weeks from being introduced to having sex, one month to get to know each other well enough to go to bed together, thirty-one days from shaking hands to fucking and having a workplace affair. It didn't last long, such affairs rarely do, as it wasn't love and we both had our heads in place. It wasn't the sort of thing where we wanted to run off and spend the rest of our lives together at the expense of existing relationships and families. But then it was not just lust, although there was plenty of that. There is a state somewhere between those two that encourage people like Thomas and me to risk all for a few months of excitement together.

Office romances seem to break down into three categories. Long term affairs that just go on endlessly, serious shit where the couple ditch their partners and quickies where the pair have a few shags and find the sex just isn't worth all the guilt, lies and cheating. Ours was in the latter category although whilst it went on the guilt, lies, cheating and, of course the awesome, illicit sex were key parts of the show and for both of us were major turn-ons.

It was after the first time we went to dinner that we kissed, well kissed properly that is for he had pecked me goodbye on the cheeks a couple of times. We lived in different directions from the central London offices where we worked, so we said our goodnights at the tube station where the trains took us in opposite directions. Had I have given such things much thought beforehand, I might have assumed that being in his arms would have worried me, but it didn't. I could well have felt that being pulled against his body might have surprised me, but it didn't. And I would surely have believed that being kissed, open mouthed with lips squirming by him, a man I'd only knew a few weeks would have shocked me, but that didn't either. I guess the wild fantasies I'd had when masturbating, the lurid cybering in chat rooms and the near things with Ken and James had prepared me for such things with Thomas.

On top of that, when I got home and Kevin asked if I'd a nice time with the 'girls from the office,' I felt hardly any guilt and no remorse. And when he fucked me later I loved it. Contradictions I know, but that's what cheating's all about, I suppose!

The next week one of the girls from the office was having birthday drinks and a dinner and it was after the dinner that he suggested we go back to the office, 'for a nightcap.' Being senior, he had keys to the main doors of the building and his own, rather plush, typically ad agency office. It was on the his standard issue, six-seater, black leather sofa that we first kissed fully and where he undid a button or two on my blouse, slid his hand inside and soon after eased my tits out of my bra, pinched my nipples and stroked the smooth flesh of my breast.

"God I so want you," he whispered, gently squeezing my breast then putting his hand on my knee and running it up my leg and discovering my hold-ups. "Oh my God Jayne what are you wearing?"

"You must have seen hold-ups before," I said as he slid the thin skirt up my legs and stared at the lacy stocking tops.

"Not for years, though, they look fantastic."

"I thought you'd like them?"

"Why did you wear them for me?"

"Not for you really, more because I was seeing you."

"What and thinking this might happen?"

"Not exactly no, but well you know, they make me feel sexy."

"And is that how you feel now?" he asked sliding his hand further up my legs so that it pressed right against the wet patch covering my pussy and clit. As a surge of lovely sensations went through I imagined myself lying flat on my back on the black, leather couch with my tits out of my bra., my skirt around my waist, panties off and Thomas between my legs screwing me. Amazingly, though, those thoughts brought me to my senses and I found myself moving my body out of his embrace.

"Not here, not now," I mumbled as his lips pressed against mine.

"What wrong Jay, what have I done?"

"It's not what you've done it's where Thomas, it's doing it in the office, it's tacky and sordid."

"Oh shit yes, I'm sorry, so sorry Jay, I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Is that why you did?"

"Yes I suppose it is really, I do apologise."

"That's okay just the wrong place."

"But was it the right time."

Taking his face in both hands, I kissed him full on the mouth and whispered, "Yes love, right time but wrong place."

"Where then and when?"

"A hotel perhaps?"

"Yes. That would be perfect," he breathed, "When Jayne, when could we do that?"

"Up to you really Thomas, you're the one with the busy diary."

"You mean an afternoon I take it."

I smiled at him as I replied sounding far more casual than I felt with the excitement building up in me, "Afternoon, evening, night, Kevin's away most of the time?"

Thomas pulled his phone from his pocket and said, "I know this sound a bit hasty, but how about the day after tomorrow, Thursday?"

Feeling remarkably unfazed by it I smiled, "That would be fine Thomas," as I shrugged my boob back into my bra.

That had been the start. The beginning of my new life, which went onto lunch in a West End hotel restaurant, the lift up to the room Thomas had booked and sex for the rest of the afternoon. I was home by six, which was well before Kevin got back so I didn't even have to make any excuses. Again oddly, I felt no guilt, well not much as I was almost able to put my affair with Thomas out of my mind as I developed the knack of only letting it come into my mind when we were, or were about to be, together.

I have always found hotels sexy. Even if alone, or with my husband, they have something about them and some of Kevin's and my best sex has been in hotels. The idea of checking in one just for an afternoon and evening of sex with a lover was a massive turn on for me I was thinking getting ready for the big, first date. Choosing what to wear to be undressed in had not been a concern for such a long time as Kevin rarely undressed me nowadays. Luckily, the weather was quite warm and my legs were still tanned from our recent holiday in Italy, so I didn't have to confront the tights or stockings issue, but then I remembered how excited Thomas had been with my hold-ups.

It was quite a posh hotel so I decided to wear a smart, pale pink, silk blouse and a white pencil skirt with a white, cashmere cardigan that I wore draped over my shoulders. My problem, I realised, the day before the liaison, was underwear. As a long-married woman who did not play around and only had sex with my husband in our marital bed, I had little need for sexy underwear. Although I knew that Thomas would need little encouragement and certainly no seducing, I felt that as a lover, I should wear the appropriate gear, and that meant sexy lingerie. Luckily, I had time to pop to a shopping centre just a few miles down the road and had a surprisingly exciting time selecting a couple of bra and panty sets. It was more the thought that I was selecting underwear that a man with whom I was cheating and who would most likely take off me that made for most of the excitement. However, the fact that I was buying lingerie purposefully to impress and titillate a man who was not my husband and that that man would then fuck me, did add to my tingling arousal as the girl in the shop wrapped them up for me.

The whole of Thursday was a totally new experience and a major arousal for me. From getting up in the morning and thinking, 'Today I am going to commit adultery,' to going to bed with Kevin that night after knowing that I had done that twice during this amazing day. Getting ready, slipping into my new black thong and bra. and, of course, the lacy top hold-ups that Thomas had drooled over the other evening, painting my finger and toenails deep scarlet and trimming my pubes, were all, for a change, thrilling actions. I applied just the lightest of make ups and hardly any perfume as, I thought to myself, 'I'm already thinking like a mistress.'

I was nervous all the way on the tube to the Mayfair area of Central London. I was even more so as I walked into the five-star hotel desperately looking for directions to the bar that Thomas had said was off to the left from the reception. After he had kissed me on the cheek and as we had a drink at the bar and looked at the menus we were both tense and nervous, there was a strain between us and our conversation didn't have its usual easy flow. As I learned later it was almost as new an experience for him as it was for me. He was not a serial adulterer, just a typical man who likes a bit on the side now and then and how many of them could look the relative gift horse in the mouth that in some ways I suppose, I represented?

The meal, though lovely and horrendously expensive, hardly registered with me or, him I thought. We talked a lot, but said nothing and certainly wouldn't have given an eavesdropper any indication of why we were there and what we were shortly going to do. The wine was the ice breaker as it relaxed us and prompted Thomas to slide his hand across the table and rest it on the back of mine.

"You are sure about this aren't you?" he asked considerately as he held my hand.

"Yes Thomas, yes I am, it's fine," I replied, hesitantly, but then adding as we looked into each other's eyes. "How about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you sure about this?"

He held my hand and said, "Yes Jayne. Yes I am sure."

"And Beth?" I asked mentioning his wife who I had not met, but would soon at the corporate party.

Smiling he said. "Well I have not asked her, but I am pretty sure she would be fine."

"Don't be silly," I said smiling.

As we walked to the lifts I, certainly, and Thomas I suspected were anything but sure. I had doubts and concerns, I felt guilty, in the wrong and disloyal to Kevin just as I think Thomas did to Beth. So what was driving us? What was it that made us seek sex outside our marriages, why were we being unfaithful and just what was it that drove us down this road of having an affair? I no more had the answer to that than I did for the meaning of life. It was just what some men and women do, what they felt the need to do and how they gained something that was missing in their lives. What that was for me, though, I had no idea, perhaps I had a rogue gene? What I did recognise, though, was that the changes to my thinking and attitudes that had been going on over the past couple of years had been leading me along the path to having an affair. The route that takes a woman into the arms of man other than her husband and following that into his bed and that was exactly where I was going as we went up in the lift up to the tenth floor and into a room where Thomas kissed me and caressed my breast.

"I've wanted to do that since the moment you walked into the bar," he muttered.

Later, when looking back on breaking my marriage vows, I concluded that it wasn't actually the sex with Thomas that was the prime excitement. I think it was as much the buzz I got from the whole thing. The buzz from doing something I probably, no certainly, shouldn't do. From being almost anonymous and taken for granted as Jayne the wife, but not as Jayne the lover where I was put on a pedestal and treated as something very special all because I was having illicit sex. It was not just the sex itself that gave me such a buzz, it was also where we were doing it for my first time. Just as nearly being screwed in the office at night put me off, having sex in a London hotel in the afternoon made it deliciously wanton and thrilling, added to the buzz and turned me on manyfold.

That's not to say that when we kissed in the room and Thomas cupped my breasts, unbuttoned my blouse and pulled me onto the king-sized bed that it didn't excite me. Equally, when we rolled around on the bed fumbling his shirt off and removing my bra, it would be ridiculous to claim that didn't arouse me even more than I had been from the moment we entered the room. Similarly, when his hand went up my skirt, rolling it up until it was bunched round my waist making me so pleased that I had bought the sexy undies and was wearing the lacy, top, black hold-ups, I was, of course, thrilled.

When I was naked, apart from the hold-ups that he'd asked if he could leave on me, I found yet another oddity with this sort of sex. I was as excited at the fact that I was nude and that I had let a man other than my husband strip me, than I was by what he was doing to me. My rather dormant exhibitionist side perked up when, after ogling at every inch of my nudity, Thomas caressed my breasts, sucked on each nipple and rubbed between my legs as I flaunted my body at him. My first orgasm exploded when he slid his fingers into me as I held and stroked his cock firstly outside, but then, as the sensations grew, inside his tight boxers. Although, rather embarrassingly quick, it was a good orgasm. It built up fairly slowly and exploded quite suddenly, lasted a reasonable time and then gradually subsided as I clung to him with my hand inside his boxers holding his cock. He had a nice cock, although he didn't ask my opinion of it as James had of his, but it looked more appealing, if that's what makes for liking, than the last one other than Kevin's that I'd seen. It felt nice in my hands, it responded to my stroking and when he pressed it against my stomach, it sent tremors through me. There were even more tremors when he slid it between my legs that I willingly, enthusiastically even, opened for him and even more so when the tip of his erection snuggled up against my lips and I knew that just a slight surge of his hips would mean that I was cheating and committing adultery.

It was just as well he remembered, for I doubt that I would have thought about him wearing a condom, even though I was on the pill and I was sure that he was clean, but he considerately slipped one on making me think how many years it had been since one of those was inside me! The actual fuck was fine. It was ok. It certainly wasn't any worse than most I had with Kevin, but then, also it wasn't much better. The main issue was that it was different. It was wrong, wanton, illicit, done in the afternoon in a hotel room and most significantly, it was another man doing it to me. And that made that fuck one of the most exciting and memorable I had ever experienced.

It was a remarkable feeling lying naked in front of my mirror just a few hours later after having had sex two times that afternoon. It was not the memories of Thomas shagging me from behind as I knelt naked in the middle of the bed, but more the feeling of empowerment and the sense of freedom I felt. Sure, I had gained substantial sexual pleasure from the afternoon, but that was more emotional than physical, I realised. The satisfaction was more between my ears than between my legs.

Over the next few days and after a second hotel visit with Thomas, I thought a lot. That wasn't just about what it meant being unfaithful, but also what it meant for my future and, possibly more relevantly and importantly, what it meant to my marriage. The fact that, even without me being unfaithful, it was broken and possibly irreparable played a large part in my thinking as did my almost total conviction that Kevin was also 'playing away from home' along with pretty much living away as well. Adding all these factors up and, I have to admit when being total honest with myself also thinking about what I wanted in the future, divorce loomed large in my ponderings. But now, just after having spent my second afternoon in four days in a hotel in bed having sex with Thomas, wasn't the time to reach such a conclusion. It was, though, the time to think about it and weight up the pros and cons. or maybe put it out of my mind and just go with the flow of life and see where it takes me.

'Was it an accident?' I wondered looking up and across the table at him. He smiled. I smiled back and then felt it again, his foot touching mine. I looked up again and he raised his eyebrows and mouthed.

"Sorry."

I looked away. I turned and talked to the guy next to me a boring older man probably in his late sixties or seventies dressed far too conservatively for this neighbourhood BBQ dinner party. After a few minutes I felt it again. This time, though, it was firmer and lingered. I turned and looked at Mark who was sitting opposite me. He raised his eyebrows and I shook my head making sure that none of the other ten guests around the table on the large patio beside the swimming pool saw me. He smiled and pressed harder.

"No," I mouthed, "Stop it," making him grin.

"Enjoying yourself?" Mark asked as we stood chatting by the pool an hour and four or five glasses of wine later.

"Yes it's good."

"Yes the Monktons dos always seem to go off well. They used to run swinging parties years ago, you know."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Did you and Kate come to them?"

"No, no way would Kate do anything like that," he said rather blatantly looking at my fairly low-cut, sleeveless, black tee shirt type top I was wearing with white shorts and strappy heels. "Would you and Kevin?"

"Well we never have."

"Would you like to?"

I was getting a little embarrassed so I sipped my wine. "Not sure."

"Well if you need a partner, let me know, I'm sure I could find a swinging circle for us to go to."

We had moved into this upscale, gated community several miles to the north of London before we'd decided to downsize and we'd been to a number of these neighbourhood get-togethers including one we had thrown last New Year's Eve when Mark and I had kissed, quite passionately and later when we danced together he'd started getting hard. A few days later he came to my house and apologised and I thought something might happen, but it didn't. Although we got to know most of the couples it was Mark and Kate who we knew best, mainly because Mark and Kevin were Arsenal season ticket holders and occasionally travelled to the Emirates stadium together, although during the past two or three seasons Kevin had missed most matches, so he gave his ticket to other 'gooners.'

After that brief, but rather provocative chat we both circulated and didn't talk again until near midnight when he pulled me up to dance with him. It was a Lionel Ritchie number to which most of the dancers, who I noted like us were not with their partners making me think momentarily that perhaps the Monkton parties had reverted to their earlier theme! Mark held me a little too tightly for a non-lover, but there was nothing I could, or if I was honest, wanted to do about it.

"God you smell gorgeous," he whispered as he rested his face against my blonde hair.

"Thanks, but be careful with your head on my glasses," I told him pushing them back into place.

"Oh sorry."

I was a little drunk by now and my inhibitions had slipped, they may actually have disappeared altogether as I replied. "And thanks for the messages at the table."

"And what do you think they were saying?"

"You couldn't keep your feet still?"

"No Jayne, much more than that."

At home in bed a couple of hours later I pressed my body against my husband's back, reached round him and grasped his cock. He turned, we kissed and then then he fucked me. As we finished and he rolled off me Mark's face came into my mind!

That neighbourhood barbecue was the watershed. Things moved quite quickly after it during the next few weeks. Mark and I seemed to bump into each other more often at the supermarket, petrol stations, arriving home at the train station, leaving our homes in our cars and at neighbours' parties. We talked more, we got on well, we found interests in common and we flirted, "How about a quick one in the Crown?" Mark said as we bumped into each other leaving the station one evening a few weeks later.

"Mmmm not sure of quick ones in such public places," I smiled to him.

As we were leaving he put his hand on my shoulder and leaning forward making me think he was going to kiss me said, "I probably won't mention this to Kate."

"Oh, okay then, I won't tell Kevin either," so that became our first secret. Having lunch a week or so later when Kate was in London shopping and, as usual, Kevin was travelling with work was the next and him popping round the next week mid-afternoon became the third. And that led to the fourth.

"What time you expecting Kevin home?" he asked as we were standing in the hallway by the front door as he prepared to leave after borrowing an old video of the Beatles I had promised to lend him.

"Oh not until late this evening and Kate?"

"She's out for the evening, how late this evening, is he out on the ras?"

"No from the airport, he's in his new playground, Singapore."

"Oh still travelling as much as last year?"

"Probably more."

"You okay with that?"

"No Mark, to be honest I'm totally pissed off with it," I said rather bitterly.

"Yes I can imagine it must be a pain and pretty lonely for you," he said moving closer to where I was leaning back against the wall. He put his hand on the wall just above my head and to the side. Leaning forward he said quietly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sorry for what?"

"You having an absentee husband," he said, my mind starting to whir as his face was almost touching mine when he went on with, "I have thought a lot about what we did on New Year's Eve Jay."

"Really what was that?" I said trying to be cool by making a joke of it.

"I thought you remembered that at the Monkton's do, but perhaps I should remind you?" he said putting his hand on the back of my head and adding, "What would the delicious Mrs. West say if I kissed her to say just how sorry I am?" which made my heart started to pound faster for I'd been envisaging this moment since the dance at the BBQ. I had no clear plan in mind, but increasingly I was reaching the conclusion that we would do something, but I was not sure just what that would be?

Looking up at him I smiled and said, "Maybe the handsome Mr. Baines should kiss her to find out." When he did that, all hell broke loose in my mind and body. The kiss started slowly, tentatively almost as we explored and enquired about each other. His hand slid down from my head and went around my waist as he put the other around my shoulders, and pulled me against him. I slid my arms around him and let him squash my breasts against his chest. Probing my mouth open, he slid his tongue inside and licked all around the inside of my mouth as I responded by pressing the tip of mine against his. He sucked my top lip then my lower one and then breaking the kiss, he licked both lips, kissed my chin and slipped his mouth down onto my neck.

"Oh Jay I have been fantasising about this for so long."

"What since last New Year's Eve?"

"Yes exactly," he muttered as we kissed again. This time it was not just with our mouths but with our entire bodies and hands. He squashed my breasts against his chest and I writhed and wriggled against it. One of his hands slid from my waist down onto my bum. He grasped the cheek and pulled my stomach against his. He was unashamedly erect and that was pressed provocatively against my pubic mound and stretched up the soft, flatness of my tummy almost to my navel. I let my hand slide down onto his pert, five-a-side football and gym toned arse and I gripped that as he eased his chest away from mine, slid his hand upwards and cupped my breast. We were both wordlessly, but with gestures confirming that we wanted to fuck.

I was wearing a mid-blue skirt that was tight round my tummy, buttocks and hips and a skinny knit, blue and white hooped sweater. The hem of that ended at the waistband of the skirt thus, when I stretched I revealed a strip of flesh round my stomach. Being a full D cup at the time, when I moved that slid upwards and was pushed away from my body almost showing my boobs. The feeling of his hand on my breast made me jump and I pressed back against it as a low moan slipped from my mouth, "Oh Jay, this okay?" he sighed as, feeling no resistance from me he slid his hand up inside the sweater and onto my bra and above that my bare breast.

"Yes Mark, yes," I moaned back loving his hand and fingers on my bare flesh.

"God I want you so much," he whispered as without any further hesitation he slid his other hand up the back of my leg and onto my arse that was as good as bare for I was wearing a skimpy thong. I was gone now as I had no resistance, not that I wanted any, for I was as much into this as he seemed to be. I started undoing the buttons on his shirt as he pushed my sweater up above my boobs exposing them to his gaze and, of course to his mouth. As I ran my fingers through the covering of hair on his chest he shrugged his shirt off and let it fall to the floor. As he did that I took hold of the hem of the sweater and in one movement pulled it up, over my head and off, "They are beautiful Jay and just as I have imagined them so many times," he said as he unashamedly slipped his fingers inside my panties right onto the wetness of my labia.

"Come on," I croaked taking his hand and picking up my sweater. He picked up his shirt and followed me upstairs. At first I went to turn left towards one of the guest rooms, but something told me to go to my marital bedroom. And it was there that Mark fucked me for the first time.

I guiltily admit that in a way I revelled in the fact that I had made love to someone other than my husband in a place where really I should not have. Coincidentally, Mark felt the same as, a week or so later when I was on my back in his marital bed lying exactly where Kate slept, he told me. "The difference is, though, Jayne," Mark said as we were making love, "Kate never wraps her legs round my back as I fuck her."

After that first time in my house with Mark, I felt uncomfortable, but excited when Kevin eventually got home at just after midnight. It was difficult when he asked what I had been up to today and of course I lied. Mark had stayed all afternoon until six or so after phoning his teenage kids and telling them some story that didn't involve me to explain his absence. We had gone to bed at around three and we stayed in there until just before he left. We had loads of foreplay including extensive oral and we fucked twice, something Kevin and I had not done for years.

The uncomfortable feeling and the excitement increased when Kevin and I went to bed and he laid down exactly where my afternoon lover had been just a few hours earlier. Although I didn't anticipate any issue from him, I had changed the sheets and washed the ones I had taken off the bed, just in case. I toyed with starting something, but as he showed no inclination I didn't and went off to sleep fairly quickly.

I thought that I would have a really big guilt trip the next day and that when I met Kate again I would feel awful. Mark had said that he thought in a similar way. However, when we met again a few days later when I popped into his and Kate's house, we both agreed that seeing the other's spouse and being with our own had not been the enormous challenges we had both felt they might be.

We had an occasional affair for the best part of a year during which we probably had sex roughly monthly. There was never any chance of us leaving Kevin or Kate for neither of us wanted that. What we both wanted was illicit sex and lots of it and that is what we had.