I Stopped Chasing Pitches Ch. 01

To those who forgive and find love

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Baseball was my obsession from T-ball through my college playing days. At one time or another, I played every position except pitcher or catcher. The one constant: I almost always batted first or second in the lineup.

I didn't hit for power, but my batting average was always.275 or better. My skill was getting on base. I learned to extend my at bats by fouling off pitches near the edge of the strike zone, and earned a lot of walks. My on base percentage (OBP) always hovered between.370 and.400. That's why I was at the top of the batting order. Get on base. A man in scoring position.

I suppose my dating was like that in some ways.

I played different positions, from the helpful class tutor to the fun guy to be with. I had found ways to get on base, but I didn't realize I was in the wrong park. I was in the friend zone.

I was great at being a friend to cute girls. That's where the baseball analogy broke down. In baseball, I could get on base and then score when another batter got a hit. Dating doesn't work that way. I would become a friend, but someone else would score.

Case in point. As a senior in high school, I loved Kayla Thomas. The problem was, she didn't know that. I was nearly a straight-A student, so one day Kayla called and asked me to help her with her geometry homework. I was in AP Calculus, so geometry was easy for me.

Kayla lived a block away from me. When I went to her house, she told me she was in danger of getting kicked off the cheerleading squad if she didn't get her grades up, and her worst class was math. I felt sorry for her, so I agreed to help.

In baseball, that's called chasing an outside pitch.

I realized in a humiliating way she wasn't interested in me. We were studying together one evening and her phone rang.

"Oh, Josh, I need to take this. I'll just be a minute."

Off she went, into the next room. The call lasted ten minutes and she came back with a big smile.

"Matt Hendley just asked me to prom. I'm so excited!"

I had hoped to ask her to prom.

I was a good athlete but didn't look like other athletes. I was scrawny, with a serious case of acne. I loved being on the baseball field. I hated trying to get a date.

Once Kayla's grades came out, I never heard from her again.

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After high school, I got a D1 scholarship to play at the University of Arizona. The Wildcat baseball team ranks in the top 10 for all-time wins, so I was thrilled. I worked my butt off for four years, and had a solid career, although not one likely to lead to major league play.

That was fine with me. I had decided on a career in law by then, and chose to attend near my home. I grew up in Longmont, so Colorado Law in Boulder was only about a half hour away. I shared an apartment with another law student in Boulder, but I often went home on weekends to spend time with my family.

I no longer had an acne problem and had filled out, adding a lot of muscle during my Wildcat playing days. To my great surprise, I was third on the team hitting home runs my final year. The friend zone was a thing of the past, and I dated a lot of cute girls.

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I loved law school. When grades came out at the end of the first semester, I learned I was in the top 10% of the class. One of the strange things about law school is few classes have any sort of grades other than the final. The first semester, no one knows how they are doing. All one knows is the entering class was made up of people who got nearly straight A's all the way through college.

After Christmas, I started the second semester with a lot of confidence. I had settled into a routine for class preparation that worked for me, and at the end of each day, I updated a class outline that would be my source for preparing for the final.

My roommate loved it when I went home for the weekend. He had the apartment to himself. Well, he had it to share with a different roommate: Jennifer.

It was early March, and I had left Boulder about noon on Friday. I was sitting at home, updating my class outlines on my laptop, when the doorbell rang.

I opened the door. It was Kayla.

"Kayla! I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?"

Yeah, I was likely to take another swing at that pitch out of the strike zone. The one I could never seem to hold back on. Kayla was prettier than in high school.

"Josh, I saw you drive by and I had to come and see you."

"Come in. Let's sit and talk."

"Ok, but I don't have much time. Mom's watching my baby,"

"You have a baby! Congratulations."

"Thank you, but ..."

Then she started crying. That was one of those pitches I had to swing at, even though I knew it's probably high and wide of the plate.

"Kayla, what's wrong?"

"Josh, I've owed you an apology for a long time."

"For what?"

"For that night when Matt Hendley called and asked me to prom. I was so excited and had no idea how much that hurt you. The next week, Taylor told me you had planned to ask me out. I've felt terrible about it ever since, so I'm here to apologize."

"That's nice of you, but that was a long time ago."

She was still crying.

"That isn't all, is it?"

"No, I married Matt--I'm Kayla Hendley now. I have a two-year old son, and six months ago I caught Matt cheating on me. So look at me, cheerleader, popular in high school, a single mother living with my parents again."

"I'm so sorry, Kayla. What's your son's name?"

"Connor."

"Tell me about him."

"Oh, Josh, he's so darling. I love being a mother, but chasing him around is exhausting. He's so busy all the time, but he's so cute."

"I'd love to see him. You said your mother is watching him. Would I be out of line to ask you and Connor to come over here for an hour or two? We could both watch him and catch up on things since high school."

"I'd really like that, Josh. Let me go home and I'll drive back over here--I have the car seat in my car, of course."

"Would you like some pizza? I can order some for delivery."

"Thanks. That sounds fun."

"What's the best place here now?"

"I like Urban Field or Mama Mead's."

"What do you like for toppings?"

"I like a combination pizza that includes meat, or Hawaiian."

"Will Connor eat a piece?"

"Hawaiian might be best. I can pick off the toppings and give him a cheese pizza. This is nice of you Josh."

She kissed me on the cheek. Yup, I was willing to go down swinging.

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A half hour later, she was back.

"Kayla, I forgot to tell you, my parents are at some big dinner tonight, so we have the place to ourselves. I ran down to the basement and found a box of old Matchbox cars. Would he like to play with those?"

"He loves cars."

The doorbell rang. It was the pizza.

"Kayla, we don't have a high chair."

"That's ok, We can sit at the table with him between us on a chair and give him small pieces to eat. Thanks again for doing this."

"It's nice to see you again, I'm glad you came over."

"Josh, you've changed a lot since high school. I mean, no offense, but back then you were skinny ..."

"Don't forget my acne."

"I wasn't going to mention it. Obviously you grew out of that, but you've put on a lot of muscle."

I told her about my baseball career at Arizona.

"Did you consider playing pro ball?"

"Not for long. I had a solid college career, but I would probably have spent several years in the minors, with no guarantee I would ever be called up. Besides, I wanted to go to law school."

"You always were one of the smartest kids in our class."

"I know parts of your story aren't fun to talk about, but tell me what you've done since high school."

"I stayed home at first and went to Front Range Community College in Fort Collins, to study nursing."

"So, did you get your RN?

"I decided to get my LPN first. That's licensed practical nurse. I got the course work done in three semesters, and then I passed the license exam."

"Congratulations. I'll bet that felt good."

"I haven't worked as a nurse. I got pregnant, and when I took the license exam, I was already five months along. Matt agreed we should marry, so we did, right before Connor was born."

"What was Matt doing? Was he in school?"

"No, he had almost completed his apprenticeship as an electrician."

"You never had a nursing job, right?"

"I was planning to apply, but then my marriage fell apart."

"I'm sorry, Kayla. Life can be tough."

We had been feeding Connor little pieces of pizza. I got a wash cloth and got it wet, so we could use it to mop up his fingers and face. When we finished, I used the chairs to wall off the open end of the living room. We sat on the sofa while Connor played.

"I suppose both of us have changed a lot since high school. I wanted to be a pro baseball player, but during college I realized I wasn't quite good enough, but I also wanted to go to law school. Good grades were easy in high school and college. I'm still getting good grades, only now I have to work my butt off."

"I've definitely changed. Cheerleading was my world, and I didn't give much thought to the future. I'm glad I got my LPN, but now there isn't much I can do with it. I've had trouble finding a job."

"What are you doing now?"

"I get $750 a month from Matt for child support, and $250 for alimony. I'm working part-time in a doctor's office, so at least I get a chance to use my LPN and I'm getting experience. I pay my parents $300 a month for utilities and food. I'm getting by."

"Do you like work?"

"I love it. I'm trying to balance my time with Connor and work. Mom watches him when I work, but I know it's hard on her."

There was a silence for a minute. Suddenly she turned to me. Her eyes were full of tears.

"Josh ... I want ... Can you forgive me?"

"Of course! We all make mistakes, but you had no way of knowing that I had a crush on you. I was an awkward skinny kid with acne."

"It goes deeper than that. I was just using you to get through geometry. I knew you had a crush on me and I ignored it. I'm so sorry."

Now she was crying. One of the pitches I had the most trouble laying off was a slider, low and away. That and a crying woman. Especially one as pretty as Kayla.

I moved closer to her and put my arm around her. She turned and cried on my shoulder.

"My life is so messed up. I've often wondered how it might have been different if I had gone to the prom with you."

"You didn't have a chance to make that choice. I never asked."

"I wish you had."

There it was! A pitch over the plate. I had to swing at it.

"Would you like a chance to make that decision now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you go to dinner with me tomorrow evening? I don't know Longmont as well anymore, but there's a great place near campus in Boulder--the Dark Horse--great burgers in a place decorated with lots of old stuff."

"I'd love that. I'll find a babysitter."

Connor had crashed on the floor. Sound asleep.

I had my arm around Kayla, something I could only dream about five years before. Now, it felt comfortable as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

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The next night, I saw her parents for the first time in five years. Old memories.

As we drove to Boulder, Kayla was holding my hand. We were talking about mutual friends and what had become of them. There were two who had died, that we knew of. A lot of marriages. Some surprising ones.

When we got to the restaurant, I asked Kayla to wait so I could open the car door for her. When she got out of the car, she put her arms around me.

"Thanks, Josh."

She was thrilled I opened the door. I was thrilled to get a good look at her legs. She wore a short skirt, even though it was March, the weather felt warm, at least for winter in Colorado. There was a hint of Spring in the air.

Kayla was older and more beautiful than I remembered. She was still holding my hand.

I was different than in high school. I had gotten accustomed to dating pretty girls in college. In high school, they were off limits, unattainable. High and inside. The brush back.

I ordered the Hickory Bacon Burger and Kayla got the Swiss & Shrooms. Appropriate for Colorado. I smiled.

"What are you smiling about?"

"I was thinking how appropriate it is for a place in Colorado to refer to them as shrooms."

She laughed. "You're right. Perfect name."

As we sat and talked, the distance melted away, whether measured in years or high school cliques. We laughed a lot, reminded each other of funny things from our past, but also shared funny and embarrassing moments since then.

I loved watching Kayla laugh. I got the impression she hasn't had a lot to laugh about recently.

As I drove her home, we were both silent for a few minutes.

"I had fun tonight, Josh. Thank you for asking me out. I wish we had done this years ago."

"I agree, but don't act like we don't get another at bat. Sorry for the baseball metaphor, but would you and Connor come to the park with me tomorrow afternoon?"

"You want to see me again?"

"I do. Nothing that went before matters. That's a lesson from baseball. A guy could go 0 for 10 at the plate, then hit the next three out of the park. You and I have another chance to get to know each other, and I think my parents are going to see more of me on weekends."

Kayla was wiping away tears.

"Thanks. I went 0 for about 10 with you. That's about how many times you came to help me with geometry. I like your analogy. Maybe there's still a chance for something between us."

"Well, I like Connor."

"Do you like me, too?"

"I do. I hope this doesn't offend you, but you're a nicer person now."

"I'm not offended. I was a stuck up snob in high school. Karma has a way of teaching you that. The funny thing is, you've changed on the outside, but not on the inside. You're still the same, sweet person you always were. You know, I came to a couple of your baseball games in high school. You were very good."

"Did you really? I wish I had known."

"You'd have struck out due to the distraction."

"I always felt I struck out socially back then. Then I discovered how petty high school students can be. College was way different."

"I was one of the most petty ones, I'm afraid."

"That isn't at all what I meant."

"I know that, but I still think it was true. Connor has taught me to be more patient and loving."

"I look forward to being a dad."

As soon as I said that, I realized it was possible Kayla and I were thinking the same thing: Connor needs a father.

Later, I walked Kayla to her door. She turned and put her arms around my neck.

"Thank you so much for tonight. Tomorrow will be fun, too."

I hugged her. We stood like that for several seconds. She felt wonderful against me.

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The next afternoon, I drove over the Kayla's home (actually, her parents' home). We left my car there and Kayla drove us to the park. I had gone to the store earlier and bought a bouncy ball, about 8-inches in diameter, that Connor might be able to pick up. I had watched him the day before and he was starting to run.

I had also made a couple of sandwiches and put a couple of sodas in a cooler. That was in the back of Kayla's car now.

When we got to the park, we dragged the cooler and other things Kayla had brought for Connor to a nearby picnic table.

"I didn't know if you would be hungry, but I made us some sandwiches and I brought some sodas. Do you still like Dr. Pepper?"

"You remember that?"

"I was always a Mountain Dew guy, so I had to make sure I had some Dr. Pepper for you when you came over to study."

Kayla started to cry.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing. I was such a fool then. I didn't even notice you had Dr. Pepper just for me. I know I already said this, but I'm so sorry I was so self-centered then."

"I think we need to declare a statue of limitations on high school snobbery. That's in the past and not who you are now. That's all that matters, Kayla."

She was wiping away tears.

"What I can't understand is how I was so blind to what a great guy you are."

"Also in the past. Kayla, you said something yesterday, that I had a crush on you in high school. Absolutely true, but it was my fault I never did anything about it. We can both moan about 'what if,' but what matters is 'what now?'"

"But it does matter, Josh. What you did wrong was failing to act. What I did wrong was how I acted. You're right, though. So what now?"

Just then, Connor started to wander off. I had been keeping an eye on him, so I bounded after him and scooped him up. I put him on my shoulders and ran a few circles while he laughed.

I found the ball I brought and set Connor down and tossed it to him. He was chortling as he chased after it. He bent over and carefully picked it up and tried to throw it to me. I chased the ball and then tossed it back to him.

Connor was laughing so hard he collapsed on the grass.

I looked at Kayla. She was smiling and crying.

"Connor's Dad never played with him that way."

"Kayla, you asked me a question. What now? I changed in college. I put on weight, filled out, became a much better ballplayer, and for the first time, pretty girls wanted to go out with me. Now, the prettiest girl I've ever known wants to go out with me. I'm flattered, but I realize you've changed as well.

"What I'm trying to say is we need to learn about each other again. I want to do that and will spend weekends here. Plus, I can play with Connor."

Connor had just brought me the ball. He handed it to me with a big smile and then ran about three feet away and turned around. I tossed it to him. He was laughing as he chased it.

Kayla moved next to me and put her arm around my shoulder.

"Are you just blowing smoke when you say I'm the prettiest girl you've ever known?"

"Kayla, that's exactly how I feel about you."

She sat and thought.

"I love how you relate to Connor. Would you have a problem raising another man's son?"

"Not at all, but I would want children with you as well."

"Josh, I don't want to scare you away, but I feel the need to be clear about a couple of things. I'm genuinely attracted to you. This isn't about me feeling lonely. However, I also know Connor needs a father in his life. I have no desire to date anyone just to get out of the house. I want a husband. I want to date you, get to know you again, and see where that leads us."

"Then I think we should plan to do things together each weekend, some of it with Connor and some just us. I will commit to you to be here, so we can explore this."

Kayla hugged me.

"Thanks, Josh. Maybe this is the last time I'll say this, but I hardly deserve your commitment to spend time with me."

"Yes you do. By coming to see me you proved that. Because of that, I'll be back Friday afternoon. I hope you and I can spend next weekend doing things together."

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Once I got back to Boulder late that night, I kept thinking about Kayla and how different she was inside. I wanted to reassure her of my interest. Some romantic gesture.

Tuesday evening, I drove the 40 minutes to Longmont and her house. I parked around the corner, left a dozen roses on the porch, rang the door bell, and ran to my car. I had left a note:

Dear Kayla:

I wanted to make sure you understood how much I look forward to spending time with you and Connor. Would you like to dress up and go out to dinner with me Friday? I'll wear a suit. Pick you up at 7?

Josh

As I drove home, a text message pinged my phone. I pulled off the road so I could read it.

Dear Josh:

I've been sitting on my porch, looking at my roses, and realizing how wonderful you are. You melted my heart with these. Yes to dinner Friday!

Kayla

On Thursday, I received another text from Kayla:

Dear Josh:

I've been thinking of you every day this week, wishing Friday to come sooner. I get to be with you tomorrow!

Kayla

Dear Kayla:

Do you have a recent photo of you and Connor? Please send one to me to put on my phone. We just dated for the first time last weekend, so why have I missed you so much this week?

Josh

The next night I arrived at her home at 7. When she answered the door, I handed her a bouquet of flowers. She started crying and smiling. Before we left she needed to fix her makeup.

Kayla was wearing a sexy dress that accentuated her beauty. I was mesmerized, and remembering feelings of inadequacy in high school. When she came back to the entryway of her home, she kissed me on the cheek.

"Thank you again for the roses and for these flowers. You have no idea how much that means to me."

"You look amazing tonight. I stand by my statement yesterday that you are prettier now than you were in high school. Maybe it was having a baby that did it."

"Thank you, Josh, but you wouldn't believe the work it took to get my figure back."

I took her to dinner at a wonderful place in Longmont called Sugarbeet. Kayla ordered Sea Bass and I had the Rack of Lamb. We shared tastes and both were spectacular.

"Tell me about your baseball career at Arizona."

"Well, all my life I've been good at getting on base, but the coaching staff helped me become a better hitter. I raised my batting average to.302 and my on base percentage to about.450."

"So you were on base about half the time. That's impressive. Pitchers must have hated seeing you in the batter's box. How did you raise those?"

"Mostly I learned to lay off certain pitches. The coaches looked at what pitchers were throwing to get me out, and I learned to lay off those or just foul them off to stay alive. My senior year I was third in home runs on the team, but first in runs scored."

"What was your best game ever as a Wildcat?"

"That's easy. We were in Corvallis, playing Oregon State. The Beavers had won the College World Series the year before, and they were expected to at least win the PAC-12 title that year.

"I hit the first pitch of the game over the center field fence. On my next at bat, I got a pitch on the outside edge of the strike zone and pushed it down the first base line for a double. I walked the next time and singled the time after that. Then I tripled deep into the alley between center and left, a ball that took a brutal carom off the wall."

"You hit for the cycle!"

"You know what that is?"

"I've always loved baseball. I used to watch games with Dad. How many RBI's did you have in that game?"

"Six. We won 9-5. Of course, the Beavers smoked us in the other two games to win the series, but still, I had my shining moment of glory."

"I can't believe how ripped you are now. Not at all like the scrawny kid I remember from high school."

"I put on 40 pounds, but I needed the weight."

"It looks good on you. You're truly a handsome man, and you also have an irresistible confidence now. I like that."

"Thanks, but let's talk about what you and I can do on weekends to get to know each other? Going to dinner is nice, but we should do other things, too."

"I like jogging, hiking and horseback riding. Mini-golf. Do you like to dance?"

"I'm not a huge fan, but if you ask whether I would like to hold you in my arms and dance, the answer is an enthusiastic yes."

"We could also put Connor down one night and then dance in the living room."

"That would be nice, especially if we kick out the parents for a couple of hours."

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We decided to go play mini-golf the next day and then take Connor to the park. Kayla was a lot of fun golfing. She beat me, and I wasn't trying to lose. Since I'm one month older, she declared a victory of youth over age. I hugged her as we laughed, and that became a moment when our eyes met and we kissed.

This first kiss wasn't a hesitant, brief thing. It was full on, passionate kissing. In baseball, it was like looking for a fastball and lining it deep to an alley. Our tongues were involved and Kayla was moaning.

When we broke, we stood with our foreheads touching.

"I missed out on several years of great kisses. Josh, that was really nice."

We kissed again. It was better than nice.

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When we took Connor to the park, we found a children's play area and I spent time swinging him gently and then putting him down the small slide. He is a happy boy, and laughed at these fun experiences. When I started to lead him away, he pulled my hand in the other direction, back toward the swings. One more go.

A few minutes later, he was kicking the ball around. I sat next to Kayla on the bench of a picnic table as we watched him.

"You are so sweet with him. I think he adores you. Did you see how he wanted more and pulled you?"

Just then, Connor stood, picked up the ball and brought it to me. Then he ran a few steps away and held out his arms. I tossed it gently and he almost caught it. He was laughing so hard, when he bent down to pick up the ball, he just rolled over it and lay on the grass laughing.

I kissed Kayla.

"I love you, Josh."

"I love you, too."

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The next day, Sunday, Kayla wanted to hike to a nearby small lake, and that afternoon, we danced in our living room. She had queued up a playlist of slow songs. I held her close and smelled her perfume. She felt fabulous in my arms.

After a couple of dances, we stood still and kissed.

"I am so addicted to your kisses, Josh, but please tell me it doesn't remind you of a baseball analogy."

I started laughing. "There will be no pinch hitters tonight."

It was her turn to laugh.

We kissed goodnight, and I drove back to Boulder for another week of law school.

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Over the next few weekends, we went horseback riding, went to an axe-throwing place--I won that one--and usually danced on Sunday evenings. We went to dinner on Friday nights, mostly casual places, but once a month we went to a dressy place.

Often, during the week, I drove back to leave her flowers. We talked almost every night.

I got to finals for my first year and then returned home for the summer. A few law students had clerk positions, but most law firms were not terribly interested in first-year students, and I had important business in Longmont.

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"Kayla, we've been seeing each other for almost three months. Where do you see this leading?"

"I know we're in love. I should be clear about how else I feel. If I remarry, I want to wait for the wedding night."

"I think that's wise. It's often a problem to rush into something. I don't want you to think I'm anything like Matt. Baseball taught me patience."

"Although I want to wait, in all honesty, Josh, I want to make love. The desire is there."

"It is for me too. Kayla there's a bigger issue, and I don't know what to do about it. I would love to kneel on one knee and ask you to marry me, but I have two years of law school left and no way to support you and Connor."

Kayla put her arms around me.

"Here's what I know, or at least think I know. I love you, and Connor loves you. You love me. Now, the moment we marry, Matt stops paying $250 per month in alimony. How are you getting by with an apartment, your car, and school expenses?"

"My parents, mostly. I have a full tuition scholarship at the law school. They pay the rent on my apartment, about $750, and another $500 a month for living expenses. I pay the cost of books. A year from now I expect to get a clerkship for the summer that will pay modestly, but good money for a student."

"What if we moved into my parents' home? You'd have more commuting expense, but would your parents still help with money?"

"I don't know."

Kayla put her arms around me.

"Josh, I know I'm getting a little ahead of you on this, and I'm not trying to propose. I want to marry you, so I think it would make sense for us to sit down with my parents and yours and discuss this with them. Once we know where they stand, the ball will be in your court."

The next Friday, I called Kayla and asked her to see whether she could leave Connor with her parents for an hour.

"I'll pick you up in 10."

We drove over to a neighborhood park and sat on two swings to talk. I stood and pushed her on the swing. Once she got going really high, I walked way out in front of her swing, beyond her path. I knelt on one knee and held out a ring.

Kayla was screaming and dragging her feet in the dirt, trying to make the swing stop. Finally she ran and stood in front of me.

"You threw a pitch down the center of the plate for me, so I'm taking a swing. Will you marry me, Kayla?"

She was crying and held out her left hand.

"Of course, Josh. I love you."

We stood and hugged.

"Let's go tell our parents, but I think there's one thing we need to talk about. I want to have children with you. Do you want more children?"

"I do, I really do, but I'm thinking we should wait until you graduate. That way I can keep working, because we need that money. Is that how you see it?"

"I hate to wait, but I think you've got it exactly right. Of course, that also gives us two years of great sex together."

"There is one other question. When do we want to marry?"

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We got the four parents together and told them we were engaged, They were thrilled, but Dad jumped right on the hanging curve.

"Josh, how are you going to support a family and stay in school?"

Obviously, that opened a discussion we wanted. Kayla told my parents how wonderful I was with Connor. All four parents seemed in agreement with us marrying. After some discussion, they suggested we go for a walk and let the parents talk.

"Give us 30 minutes," said Dad. "We'll watch Connor."

When we came back, Dad summarized what the parents had decided.

"We all are thrilled you want to marry, and we're all committed to make that possible."

He went on to summarize from his notes. We would live with her parents. My parents would pay for my books, and each set of parents would give us $750 a month in support. Kayla would continue to work and both mothers said they would help with day care.

"Now, the mothers want to talk about your wedding."

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On June 20th, Kayla and I were married. Our parents pitched in and sent us to New Orleans for a five-day honeymoon. We were spending our wedding night in a nice hotel locally and then flying to New Orleans the next day.

After the reception, we drove to our hotel. Kayla was holding my hand as I drove.

"Josh, I'm so happy. On my first wedding night, I was only about three weeks away from delivering Connor. It wasn't the kind of wedding night I'd dreamed of. Tonight's going to be wonderful with you."

When we got to the room, I carried her over the threshold, of course. We stood and kissed, holding each other tightly.

"It's you and I now, against the world. We're both all-in."

Kayla hugged me tighter, then took her small suitcase and went into the bathroom.

About thirty minutes later, I was sitting in bed, wearing only the hotel robe, when she opened the door.

Kayla had always been one of the most beautiful girls in high school, and even more so now, but as she stood there, offering herself to me, I was stunned. She had chosen a black sheer bra and G-string and had added black stockings.

She came into my arms and we kissed.

"You are beautiful, Kayla."

She pushed the robe off my shoulders and held me in her hand. I was beyond hard and she was stroking me.

I helped her into bed and followed, putting my arm around her. We kissed, touched, caressed and moaned a lot. I removed her bra and G-string and pleasured her breasts.

Kayla pushed my over and took me in her mouth, as I gasped. I'm not sure what she intended, but I was determined to cum inside her the first time, so I pushed her back and went down on her. She moaned as I pleasured her pussy and then froze as she came.

"Please make me yours!"

I moved up and slid smoothly into her, both of us moaning at that first penetration. As I settled deep inside her, she clung to me.

"You feel so good, Babe. Do me now."

I began thrusting, now and then only shallowly, but mostly bottoming out balls deep. She cried out softly with each deep thrust. Her thighs and arms pulled me as she rotated her pelvis to meet me.

I was moving faster now. I could feel my cum rising. Suddenly, I pushed deep three times rapidly and held myself at my deepest penetration. I groaned as I came inside her.

My pulses started rapid and violent, then eased slowly. Kayla's head rolled back as she concentrated on feeling my cum enter her. I stayed there, in her and on top of her.

I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. She was smiling.

"I love you, Josh. That was wonderful. So much better than my first experience."

Tears filled her eyes.

"Are you alright? Is something wrong?"

"No. Everything's perfect. The love of my life just made love to me for the first time and I'm realizing how great sex with you is going to be."

We made love three times that night before falling asleep. She slept in my arms most of the night.

When I opened my eyes, it was light outside. The clock said 6:20 am. I turned to look at Kayla. She was smiling.

Without saying a word, she moved under the covers and gave me an incredible blowjob, forcing me to cum in her mouth. When she emerged from under the covers, she swallowed and moved up to kiss me.

"Did you like that?"

"Stupid question. That was incredible. Did you enjoy me going down on you?"

"Equally stupid question!"

We were both laughing, and I was holding her next to me.

"Last night when I came inside you, I couldn't help but think about getting you pregnant in a couple of years."

"I was thinking the same thing! Oh, Josh, I want a baby with you. More than one."

-------[]----[]-------

Our time in New Orleans was a lot of fun. We didn't do a lot of sightseeing, but we spent a lot of time in our room, talking about school, making love, and sleeping. It was a great time to get to know each other's bodies and experiment. I discovered she loves doggy. She even admitted to craving me doing her that way.

Our talks were wonderful as we set some goals, how we would keep our romance fresh, spending time with Connor. On our last night, Kayla returned to the question of children together.

"I was thinking last night after we made love. You had fallen asleep. I realized we don't have to wait for your graduation to get pregnant. What if I got pregnant about that March? I would be at about four or five months when you take the bar exam. You're likely to have a job already, knowing you and your grades.

"What do you think?"

I held her in my arms, this beautiful woman who was now my wife.

"I love the idea of getting you pregnant. The sooner the better. Our love will just get stronger."

She was snuggled inside my arm. Her arm across mine.

"Do you have any idea how many times you make me cry happy tears?"

"I love watching your joy."

"One of the best things is what it has already meant to Connor. He's going to grow up thinking you're his father, and that's fine with me."

"Kayla, would Matt ever relinquish his parental rights?"

"You want to adopt Connor?"

"I'd love to."

"I mean, I know it means a loss of $750 each month for child support, but I think my parents would love it if you adopted him. They have never cared much for Matt."

"Let's find a good moment to talk to them."

I kissed Kayla and that turned passionate and led to me filling her with cum. Afterwards, we were still gasping for breath when I rolled off her and pulled her into my embrace.

"I'm so happy, Josh. Thank you for giving me a second chance."

"I'm grateful to have had any chance with you."

"You really had a major crush on me in high school, didn't you?"

"I was in love. It was a shame I never told you and gave you a chance to participate in that love."

"I knew, at least to some extent, that you had a crush on me. I was too superficial then. Too silly to see the difference between you and Matt. I'm indebted to you for all this happiness."

"This kind of joy isn't a solo thing. We're experiencing joy together."

-------[]----[]-------

When we got home from New Orleans, we both rushed to pick up Connor and hug him. He had a cookie and offered it to me, a little mushy from being in his wet hands and being sucked on. I took a bite anyway, because it made him happy. It was his treasure and he wanted to share it.

Part of the reason we were living now with her parents was all the other kids were married and out of the house. Kayla and I had two bedrooms upstairs. One for Connor and one for us. It was tight in our bedroom, because we had a queen bed. Of course, most nights, we could have fit in a twin. We slept naked a lot and she was snuggled against me.

Soon, my second year of law school started. I was driving to and from school each day, but I had a parking permit, so that was no worry. It was a wonderful feeling to kiss Kayla each morning and as soon as I walked in the door late afternoon. There were some days when I got home before her, but I made sure to be there to welcome her with a kiss.

Kalya's parents were Bill and Sue Thomas. Although I had kind of known them from high school, it was great to get to know them better.

One day I invited Bill to lunch on a Saturday. I took him to a local sandwich shop and we sat and talked about Connor. I asked his thoughts about adoption. He was all smiles.

"Josh, this is music to my ears. I tried to be supportive of Kayla and Matt, but I never cared for him much, and once his infidelity came to light, I've wanted nothing to do with him. I'm not happy at the thought of Connor having to spend time with Matt. You have my support, and that includes replacing the child support, at least until you and Kayla no longer need it."

That night, I talked with Kayla, and told her what Bill had said. She was crying. No surprise there.

"How do we approach Matt? Should I meet with him?"

"That might work. I'm afraid I would just get pissed by having to talk with him. I think if you remind him it means no more child support, he'll jump on it."

Kayla gave me Matt's cell number. I stewed over it for a couple of days, then called him one evening.

"Matt, it's Josh Stevenson. Yeah, how are you? ... You know Kayla and I married. I'm sure you appreciated ending alimony payments. ... The reason I'm calling is just to get your reaction to a thought I had. I would like to adopt Connor. That would mean two things for you. It would end child support payments and you would need to give up your rights as Connor's father. Tell me your thoughts about that."

"To be honest Josh, I feel like I got forced into marrying Kayla because she was pregnant. I resented that. For an end to child support, yeah where do I sign?"

The bastard, I thought. He gets her pregnant and then feels forced into marriage. I wanted to smack him.

"Matt, I think it makes sense for you and for me. I'm going to have an attorney prepare the papers, so I'll get back to you to have you sign. I'll try to make this happen soon, ok."

"Great! Thanks, Josh."

-------[]----[]-------

I told Kayla what Josh had said. I held her tight as she came close to exploding in anger.

"That SOB got me pregnant and he felt forced into something? You were kinder than I would have been."

"I kept thinking about Connor and trying to remain friendly to Matt."

"Thanks, Josh. I keep learning this about you, but you are a better person than I. This will mean so much to Connor growing up as a Stevenson. Matt's parents haven't even kept in touch."

Bill was thrilled. He said he had a close friend who could handle the adoption if I wanted. I did.

It took about 6 weeks to have the county social services do its things. It wasn't much because Kayla and I are married. I arranged to meet Josh in front of a notary at a bank, and got his signature. I told him child support was over. He was happy.

The next week we had our court date, and Connor became my son and his name was changed to Connor Stevenson.

Kayla cried. Of course. But I understood.

Bill paid our legal fees and handed me a check for the missing child support. Then he hugged me. Kayla's eyes went wide in surprise.

That night, we made love. We were officially a family of three.

A couple of weeks later, an amended birth certificate for Connor arrived in the mail. Kayla cried again as she stared at it.

"I can't believe how wonderful my life is now. Josh, I can't fully express my gratitude to you."

"That's ok. We both have strong reasons for gratitude."

-------[]----[]-------

That year at law school flew by, and soon it was May. I had applied for a clerkship with a couple of different Denver firms, and one of them hired me. The pay was decent, two grand a month, so we were going to have a little extra money at the end of the summer.

"Kayla, before school starts again, do you suppose you and I could get away on a Friday and spend a weekend together?"

"I'd love that. Where?"

"I'll do some checking."

The next day I showed her a listing in Pine. Just over $300 for the two nights. A one bedroom cabin in the foothills southwest of us.

"That looks so romantic. I'm buying new lingerie to celebrate properly."

-------[]----[]-------

We loved our summer together. Connor was talking and running a lot. We played at the park a lot. I bought him a big plastic bat and a T-ball stand, and taught him how to hit the ball. He laughed every time he hit it.

Kayla and I went out for dinner once a week, but sex was free, so we did that a lot.

Finally, the end of summer was near, and we were driving up in the mountains for our weekend.

Kayla loved the cabin and wanted to make love immediately to "break in the bed." Like it had never been used for that!

That night, she appeared in a black lace garter belt and stockings ... and nothing else. She wanted it doggy style, and I was happy to oblige. Of course, first she insisted on giving me a blowjob to get me hard. I was close to cumming when she stopped and presented her ass to me.

Once I entered her, I pulled on her hips as I thrust hard into her. She was crying out with each impact.

I had to stop to regain my control, so I kissed her back tenderly as she moaned. Then I grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her head up, and told her I was going to fuck her hard and drive her into the mattress.

"Yesss!"

So I did.

She screamed as I came inside her, pushing so hard she went flat on the mattress. I lay there on her back and kissed her neck.

"I love you, Kayla."

-------[]----[]-------

My third year of law school was wonderful and a lot of fun. In January, a law firm in Longmont asked me to interview. I was surprised, until I met the chairman of the hiring committee. It was the attorney who handled our adoption. They offered me a job, in writing, so I told them I needed to discuss it with my wife.

When I went home, there was a letter from the Denver firm where I had clerked. They also offered me a position as a new attorney. It was about 20% more guaranteed money.

Kayla and I sat together on the bed and went over the letters.

"If I take the Denver offer, it'll likely mean a one hour commute, each way, and higher auto expense. The Longmont job is a 10 minute commute, max. virtually no auto cost. More time with you and our kids. Is the Denver offer worth losing that?"

"Kayla, I can tell you my thoughts, but this is your decision. I would prefer to have you close. More time here. But I'll support your decision."

I called the Longmont firm the next day and asked for another appointment, as a follow-up. We discussed how the firm handled new attorney mentoring, who their two most recent hires were. One had left, moved nearer to family. The other was there and we visited for twenty minutes.

I accepted their offer.

That night, Kayla was thrilled. Then she gave me a great blowjob.

-------[]----[]-------

Two months later, Kayla and I were lying in bed. We had just put Connor down.

"Babe, I want to stop taking my birth control pills. You have a job waiting for you, and they're going to pay you while you prepare for the bar exam. Let's say I get pregnant two weeks from now, which is when I should be fertile. Our baby would be born in December. I could quit work at about six months, or in September. It all works."

"I like it. Are you asking me to knock you up?"

"I want your baby, Josh."

-------[]----[]-------

I took my last final the morning of graduation. Kayla and my parents were there to cheer when I walked across the stage and received my law degree. Connor was with Bill & Sue.

That night, Kayla showed me her positive home test.

"I'm pregnant, Josh. You hit one out of the park."

About six weeks later we saw our daughter on the sonogram screen.

-------[]----[]-------

Studying for the bar exam is a pain, as is the test itself, a two-day affair. I felt great when I walked out on the second day, though. I knew I had done enough to pass. That was confirmed three weeks later. My law firm held an impromptu celebration in one of our conference rooms.

One of the reasons I chose this firm was my specialty--estate planning. A senior partner was expected to retire soon, and he was one of the gurus of EP in the state. He was also my mentor.

Longmont is a wealthy area. Far smaller than Denver, it was that concentration of wealth that I expected to produce a lot of clients.

My mentor--Sam Hoskins--did something exceptionally generous. He co-sponsored a seminar on estate planning and allowed me to have all the new clients. I was off and running.

In December, Kayla gave birth to Megan, and Connor had a little sister. We also bought our first home and moved in the week before Christmas.

The next year, Sam retired and turned all his files over to me. It is often the case that the retiring attorney is paid 10%-20% of all billing on those clients for the first year. Sam refused any payment.

"Josh, I don't need the money, but you do. I have complete confidence in you, but if you need to ask a question, don't hesitate to call. He mailed a letter to all of his clients and introduced me that way.

My income shot up that year, and Kayla was also pregnant again. In November, she gave birth to Heath, and two years later, Beth joined our family. Four children. Two of each.

Connor was now playing organized T-ball, and he could hit the ball a mile. For T-ball.

Of course, Kayla was no longer working. She was busy beyond belief with our kids, and often tired at the end of the day.

We had a regular date night Friday night, and we always made love that night as well. We managed to keep more frequent than that, never fewer than twice in a week.

-------[]----[]-------

One night we were making love and I had just entered her, missionary style. Suddenly she cried out, in obvious pain.

I froze. I could see in her eyes she was scared.

"Something hurt a lot, Josh. Last week I felt a little pain, but not like this."

"Please go see your doctor right away, Babe."

That first appointment led to two more.

My phone rang at the office and it was Kayla. She was sobbing.

"Josh, please come home. I need you."

When I walked in from the garage, Kayla was waiting for me. She collapsed in my arms, and I walked her to the sofa. I held her as she cried.

"Oh Josh, I have ovarian cancer. It's bad."

That's a chilling statement no one wants to hear. She started trying to explain, but couldn't remember details about planned treatment.

"My doctor wants to see both of us tomorrow in her office. She wants to go over treatment."

I called our firm's managing partner that night and explained what was happening. He told me not to show my face in the office for a few days, and he would talk to my secretary.

That night, I held Kayla in my arms in bed.

-------[]----[]-------

The meeting with her doctor was alarming. Kayla had invasive epithelial ovarian cancer, which is the worst kind. Survival rates depend of how localized the cancer was. She was using the Surveillance, Epidemiology, and End Results (SEER) database from the American Cancer Society. Unfortunately, she felt Kayla's cancer was not Localized and was at least Regional, and possibly Distant, meaning how far it had spread.

The difference in 5-year survival rates between Regional and Distant was 75% versus 31%. Kayla and I were both wiping away tears.

I had several questions for clarification and I prefaced them by asking Doctor Anwar to give it to us straight. I asked about survival rates beyond five years, about recurrence, or the occurrence of other cancers. It was a gloomy discussion.

We sat in the car afterwards, talking. Our primary concern was the children. Connor was now nine years old, but Megan was 5, Heath was 3 and Beth 1. In my mind I was asking how I could possibly raise our children without Kayla.

We didn't say anything to Connor yet, but a few days later we got terrible news. The spread of Kayla's cancer was Distant. The first stage of her treatment would begin the next week, with surgery to remove her ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus.

It was Kayla who tried valiantly to inject humor: "Good news! No more periods."

I held her tightly as she sobbed.

-------[]----[]-------

I wish there had been a happy ending. Perhaps a recovery without a recurrence.

For Kayla there would be no recovery. She fought it valiantly for nearly four years, when it became apparent no treatment was working and the end was near. I was working about two-thirds of the time in the office, and the rest of the time I sat with Kayla.

Kayla and I had already talked with Connor. He was now 13. We told him what was happening, that his mother was going to die. He hugged Kayla and then hugged me, refusing to let go.

Now we knew we needed to talk to Megan, who was nine, and Heath, who was seven. Beth was just too young to comprehend much. That was a tough evening as we all sat on Mom's bed. They had known she was sick, but were afraid to ask. Now they knew. There were a lot of tears.

Through all of this, I knew I had to step up to the plate and bravely face the nasty pitches that were surely coming. I wasn't at all sure, or even confident, how I would face it all, how I could make life more normal for our kids over time.

Toward the end, Kayla was given a morphine drip she could control. She was in an out of consciousness.

One night, as I sat beside her, watching her breathing, I thought about how I had loved her since I was seventeen. I was now almost 36. A young parent. Too young to be a widower and single parent of four young children. I knew how to face a good pitcher. I didn't know how to face this.

The next night, she was lucid.

"Josh, I'm in a lot of pain, but I have something to say. Thank you for the great love we've shared. I am so grateful for your willingness to forgive me and love me.

"You need to remarry, because my babies need a mother. Please choose carefully and don't spend a long time mourning. The kids will sense your grief and that won't be healthy long-term."

She paused to take a couple of shallow breaths. I had learned that meant the pain was bad.

"I'm going to take some morphine, and I'm worried I may not wake up. Please kiss me good-bye."

I kissed her and hugged her.

She was right. She died a few hours later.

[end of chapter 1]