To Rebuild a Shattered Heart Ch. 05

Thanks to all the readers who are leaving comments. I read them all and am making small tweaks to my writing style. Thanks for all the feedback.

**Chapter 5**

Over the next 3 months I went through the absolute wringer. Between the hours and hours of therapy, both mental and physical, I was a wreck. After most of my sessions with the therapist, I left with tears in my eyes. Between seeing how my actions and overall attitude affected those in my proximity, to facing some hard truths about my own life, it was hard. Sometimes our hardest critics are ourselves. I was usually in tears, and ALWAYS drained mentally after these sessions,

The crazy thing, was just how much they were working. of course I didn't see it at first. We usually don't see differences about ourselves, but it was pointed out to me in smaller doses.

My brother, in one visit, brought up how I was talking about the future for the first time since I discovered the affair. My daughter brought up how I seemed to be smiling again. And Becky, oh sweet Becky would sit and talk to me. Sometimes for a few minutes. She was asking general life questions, like hobbies or about my daughter, to more specific questions about life plans, pets and so on.

I was dense, ok. I didn't even realize at the time, but Becky would stay after her shift to talk. It was about 2 months after I was admitted that I came to a realization. My daughter, my sweet loving daughter, and the person who became a close friend over the last couple of months, were becoming thick as thieves. They were meeting, under permission and sometimes accompanied by my brother and his wife, for the occasional ice cream, McDonald's in the break room, or just girl talk in the lobby.

Did I mention that I was dense.

One day, approaching the 3 month mark of my stay, Anna and Becky came into my room, giggling like they had a secret. I glanced over and gave them a quick smirk.

"You two look like you've been having fun. Anything you want to share with the class" I asked.

Anna and Becky glance at each other for a second. Becky started to blush a bit and Anna looked like the cat that ate the canary. Becky nade quick excuses about needing to get to work and hurried out of the room, bumping into the door frame.

I glanced at Anna and asked, "OK, what's going on. You two are acting like besties, and you have a secret you don't want me to know."

Anna glared at me with a look that I swear she learned from her Grandmother (my mom) that shut me down quickly. Then with as much attitude that a 14 year old teenage girl could muster, she said "Dad, I love you to death, but you have the attention span of a brick and have an IQ to match. First off, I have someone that I can talk to about whatever. Yeah I know I have you and all my Aunts and Uncles but sometimes I need to talk to someone about things I feel awkward talking to you about. Secondly, and I know you are too blind to see it, and still hurting from the betrayal, but that woman is totally smitten with you."

Yeah, did I mention I was dense.

I was totally lost, all words just evaporated on my lips. I couldn't respond. Hell, I couldn't even form rational thoughts.

While I was trying to remember how to talk or breathe, Anna continued. "I know you don't see it because you are working on stuff, but she spends all her spare and break time in here with you. She does her job when it comes to other patients, but lingers in here. She stays after her shifts are up, just to spend a little more time with you. Im not sure you know, but both me and Uncle Paul have been meeting up with her every now and then, ostensibly to discuss you and your progress, but she is always asking questions about you. Your likes, hobbies, opinions on stuff. You can't see it and I don't think she is allowed to as you are a patient, but she has it bad for you. I know you are hurting and that's not something that you are expected to get over unless its on your time, but please be open to, at the bare minimum, friendship with her."

Ok, now I was getting light headed. I had to sit down and get a drink of water. Breaths were starting to become a little shallower. Anna immediately noticed the signs of a panic attack and called for help. She got into my face, talking me through my breathing and focus. Thank god for those sessions and that she was such a quick study. Becky and aither nurse ran into the room, but thanks to Anna I was calming down. I thought about everything Anna told me and glanced at Becky.

She was trying to cover up her panic and keep her professional demeanor.

Was Anna right. Did she have those kind of feelings for me, or was it hopeful banter if a young teen who was hurting with loss just as much as I do.

After I has calmed down, the pulse of the room returned to normal. Anna breathed as she sat back on her chair and Becky exhaled sharply as she turned around and walked out, stopping to glance at me. She smirked briefly and walked out.

Did I see that? Anna then said "Whew thank god for those classes with the doc. What happened to bring that on. was it me talking about Becky, or was it something else." Then she started to get alarmed and panic herself. "oh my god, did I do that to you. was I pushing too hard." and I saw her eyes starting to well up. I finally was able to find my voice and held my arms open and she ran in for a hug.

"Anna, honey, please remember. Despite everything that we went through with your mom, I NEVER want you to think that you can't talk to me about whatever. I was in shock when you dropped that bombshell and didn't know how to respond. Im learning and getting better about it. I'm not really considering romance now, until I get my head screwed on right, but friends with Becky, well, I hope we already are. Im glad you feel as comfortable around her as I do and love the fact that you have an adult woman to talk to you about the stuff Dads and daughters shouldn't discuss. I love you. Never forget that, ok. Never feel like you can't talk to me about anything, ok."

Anna wiped a few tears away with the palm of her hand and said "When we get you out of here, we need to go on a vacation. Just us, somewhere to get away and relax and reconnect."

"That's a great idea. Come up with a few ideas where you want to go and we can discuss them during a visit, ok." I said.

I noticed the evil smirk immediately pass over her face and she covered it up just as quickly. "Alright dad, ill come up with a few and we can decide in a few days"

After the visit was over, I had another appointment with the Dr. I knew I needed to discuss what happened with the "almost" panic attack I had.

"How was her relationship with her Mom?" the dr. asked. I thought about it for a while. "Since Anna was 8 her mom was always sick. She had Gillian Barre syndrome. Some days were better than others, but they weren't too close during that time. In fact, I can't recall anytime that just the 2 of them went anywhere by themselves, whereas me and Anna were always doing something. I didn't want her to feel neglected, so we were always going and doing something."

The Dr. glanced up and said "She is starving for female connection and companionship she didn't get. There is an old saying that it takes a father to teach a boy to be a man. Well in the same breath, it takes a Mother to teach a girl to be a woman. You were trying to take on both roles in the absence of one parent, and Anna saw that. She knows you were there for her always, but there are just some things she just cannot talk to her dad about."

He changed the subject back to me. "As far as your near panic attack confirms, you aren't ready for romance again. You still associate betrayal and romance and that's completely normal in this case."

I felt better and then the doc gave me the best news I've had in a while. "As long as we don't see any further negative signs, we will look to discharge you next week, but I still want to follow up with you on a regular basis."

"That's great news doc. I need to get to work and I kinda promised my daughter to take her on a vacation. Its time I start to heal and get my life in order " I said, with a look of determination, that I truly felt.

I returned to my room, and as usual, was mentally drained, so I took a nap.

I was woken up by a gentle voice, singing a light tune. I couldn't make it out, but the melody was enchanting, as well as the voice. I noticed Becky, who was cleaning a little and hadn't noticed I was awake yet. I just laid there and listened for a few minutes.

She turned around to get something, and was startled to see me awake. She blushed and immediately apologized for waking me up. I shook my head at her and asked her to sit for a few and talk.

She say down and was still blushing a bit. My mind kept replaying the conversation with Anna earlier, so I just jumped in before I could overthink things.

"Ok, so I wanna say a few things, and please let me get it all out before I lose my nerve here." I forced the words out.

Becky immediately looked worried and alarmed, but I reached out and took her hand. "Please, i need to do this ok."

Becky just nodded and looked like she was putting up her defenses, expecting me to lask out or hurt her or something.

I sighed" So, the last 3 months have been the worst and some of the best periods in my life. You know about the betrayal and what Anna suffered through, and how I crashed. Well that was the lows. Now, the people here, along with all my family have circled the wagons and dragged me out of my shell to face the issues head on. This has really taught me my own self worth and shown me who really cares about me and the lengths they would go through to see me whole again."

I took a deep breath and composed my next thoughts. Becky looking confused and intrigued as to where this was going. I went on...

"Other than Anna, I think the person I have the most to be thankful for, is you. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you have gone way above and beyond to help me with this journey I have been on. You have become such a crucial part of my life and recovery over the last months, that It hurts me to go and not see you anymore."

Becky's cheeks were definitely becoming flushed and her breathing was noticably different.

"I am not in the mindset to start a relationship, however I would be hurt if we couldn't remain friends and hang out more, outside of here. I know you are already one if Annas best friends. This alone is enough for me to want to keep you around more, if you will have us."

There was what felt like a long permeating silence in the room, until I noticed a single tear starting to run down her cheek. FUCK, I said to myself. I screwed it up.

Just as I was starting to really tear into myself, Becky leaped across the bed and absolutely crushed me with a hug.

Yeah I was shocked. I just hugged her back and waited it out, hoping it wouldn't end, as it felt amazing. Human contact with someone i wasn't related to, for the first time in a long time.

After a minute or so, Becky pulled back, eyes red with unspilled tears. "Ok my turn. No interrupting me this time." she smirked.

I smiled back, nodded, and gave her my undivided attention.

"From the first day you were here, I admired you. Everything you went through, in such a short period of time. After I got over the initial bias of attempting suicide, and started to understand what you and Anna went through I was crushed. Over the last 3 months I have gone through every emotion known to man, and I may have even nade a few up along the way."

I Nodded along with her, she continued " as I got to know you, and eventually Anna, I kept asking, almost daily to myself, and even other nurses how anyone could hurt you like she did. You are both some of the most amazing people I have ever met and have overcome so much. The more I talked to you, the more I wanted to. I was captivated by your words and just wanted to keep talking."

I was getting a little worried and started to interrupt, but was stopped by Becky.

"I realized that I was starting to fall for you, but then get mad when i did, because that's not fair to you. Then one day, I ran into Paul and Anna, coming from a visit and overheard them talking about you, so I listened. Yeah, sneaky I know. I came to realize that the one thing that everyone agrees that you need right now is a friend, not a relationship. So, yes Aiden, I want to continue to be your friend. Hopefully I can help you recover and continue to be a friend and confidant for Anna, but yes."

She offered me her hand. I looked at her quizzically and took it. "To friendship" she said.

I replied, with a genuine smile "to friendship"

Then, being the complete goof I am I asked her about the singing from when I woke up. She blushed and said she needed to make her rounds and hurried out. I smiled. A friend in the most unlikely of places.

2 days later, my daughter came for a visit and had a list of 4 places she wanted to visit, with pros and cons listed.

2 of them were out because they involved overseas travel and I wasn't working yet. The other 2 were a mountain cabin and Orlando. After discussing for an hour and seeing that she really wanted Orlando, that's what we decided.

After we talked for a while, I told her about the conversation I had with Becky. She kust smirked and said, "Dad, its so sweet to think you are telling me something new here. I told you, Becky is my friend too and we talked about this that night."

Sighing, i realized that I couldn't confide in these 2, but apparently, between them, I was fair game.

Resigning myself to my lot in this life I sighed. If she was happy, then I was happy for her.

The next week, discharge day finally, I had my last meeting with doc. we scheduled a few weeks of appointments, with a promise that i would video appointment him when I went on vacation. I met Paul, Anna and Becky outside.

"So, where, to. I hope its good food that's really bad for you" I said with a smirk, genuinely tired of hospital food

Everyone piled into the vehicle and we went to Woody's burger joint. Now if you've never been there, they have pretty good, but not amazing food. That burger though, that day was probably the best thing I've eaten, ever.

Conversation flowed freely and we had a great time hanging out. As we were paying the check, that little troublemaker Anna dropped a bombshell.

"Hey dad, I was thinking, when we go on vacation, Becky should come." Both of us were shocked and just stared at each other for a minute, but I finally broke the silence.

"Ill think about it sweetie. Gotta make sure she doesn't have work or anything, plus reservations and all. We can look at it, ok" and I realized that I really wouldn't mind Becky coming along. The idea was growing on me. When we left the restaurant, Becky immediately started stammering apologies, but I shushed her. "We are planning mid October for her birthday. A week. Let me know if you can get off work. We'd love for you to come "

A shocked Becky just stared for a second and nodded. "Ill check, but im paying my way if we do this." She said with a look that dated me to argue.

I smiled and nodded, making a gesture at Anna and said, "the boss has spoken."

We all laughed and called it a night.

Time goes by and it's now October. 2 weeks before we go on vacation. Becky has the time off and we reserved 5 theme park tickets. Looking forward to this trip, but oh how that bitch fate loves to play games.

I got a phone call Tuesday before we leave from an Aunt of my late wife, Elaine. She was crying a bit and I calmed her down. The news she dropped on my made my legs give out and I fell on the floor.

Her son, my cousin Wally, and the man who happened to be my daughters godfather, was arrested for manslaughter. Apparently he heard what my former friend did to all of us, including his god daughter, and decided to handle it himself. He drove to the house where the ex friend was staying, saw him outside working on a car, and proceeded to empty 3 clips of his Beretta M9 into him. That's 45 bullets. No doubt, no chance. He then called the cops, sat in driveway by his field stripped pistol and sat and waited to be arrested. went without any fuss.

I was shocked. I didn't know that the animal made bail, didn't know that he knew as it wasn't something I advertised, didn't comprehend the level he would go to, to protect his family. For the first time I cried.

I cried that I wouldn't be there to see the light fade from his eyes. I cried because my cousin was bearing my burden. Mostly though, I cried with relief.

I knew that my daughter would have had to testify, dredging up all those painful memories, and now she wouldn't have to look in his eyes as she described what was going on.

After a few hours Anna and Becky returned from wherever it is females of the species disappear to for hours on end. One glance and Anna and Becky ran to me and immediately got worried.

Both of them hugged me and started talking over each other, just trying to make sure I was ok. I hugged them back and just let out a short laugh at the situation. "I'm fine gurls. Really. just git some news. Anna can you disappear for a split second. Need to tell Becky something. I'll fill you in shortly." Confused, Anna nodded and gave us the room.

Becky just looked confused. "Ok, you have definitely been crying, but you ask Anna to leave. What's going on."

I just put it all out there. Becky knew what Anna had been through so to gear what happened, she started to tear up.

"This is gonna go 1 of 2 way's. She is gonna hide it and pretend everything is ok, or she is going to lash out that she didn't get her closure." Becky explained.

"Figured something like that". I said. "Gonna call her therapist and see if we can get her in ASAP."

I called and they had a last minute cancellation that afternoon, so I bid Becky a good day and called for Anna to get dressed.

That afternoon was a complete roller coaster. I gave the therapist a quick rundown about what happened. Then called in Anna and told her what happened. She was quiet for a very long time. The first thing she asked about was Wally. "What's gonna happen to him." I told her what Aunt Elaine explained and said that we would do everything in our power to assist.

The therapist talked to her for a bit alone. I was in the waiting room and texted Becky while waiting.

Me: Hey there. Shes in with therapist now. Call u later.

Becky: OMG, tell her to call me. Gotta look out for my BFF.

Me: BFF huh... lol. You two seem like besties. Glad you are there for her

Becky: Im there for you too goofy.

Me: Aww, well thanks Becks. Will call u shortly.

Becky: Becks huh, so you are giving me nicknames now, lol. Guess I need to think of one for you now. And yeah, call me when you are done there.

Becky: BTW, I like the nickname.

After they came out, I asked Anna to sit for a split second. I spoke to the therapist and asked if she thought it was a good idea for us to postpone our vacation or to go as scheduled.

She said play it by ear, but we should go. Anna needed the escape and a little fun would be right what the doctor ordered.

I thanked her and we left.

In the car I asked Anna "Hey there munchkin, wanna talk about it?." She just stared out the window and said maybe later. "Oh, and by the way, Anna, Becky wants you to call her."

I thought I saw a little smile and she said she'd call at home.

When we got home, Anna grabbed her phone and ran off to her room, probably to call Becks. I sent her a quick text to let her know the vacation was still on, but we would be keeping an eye on things.

Becky replied back with a thumbs up and texted she was on the phone with Anna and would come by in a few hours.

I put my phone down and settled back in my recliner, and dozed off.

I awoke to a warm sensation on my cheeks, and groggily opened them to catch both Anna and Becks pulling away from kissing my cheeks. My sleep addled brain couldn't comprehend it so I just sat there, staring, and just listening to them giggle and carry on.

We talked about plans for vacation, as well as other things like dinner plans for that night. It felt so good and just.. right with this dynamic.

Days go on by until its time to depart for our vacation. Sunny Orlando, here we come, but, as much as I should have seen it coming, Fate FINALLY decided to cut me some slack, but the girls.... hah, yeah right.

To be continued.

**Not much to say about this chapter. Got a lit of feedback to make the chapters longer, so I tried it with this one.

As usual, please be mindful of peoples mental health. A little compassion from you could mean the world to them. **

Donec Iterum