She's Gone

British English language and spelling. In some stories the processes or facts may be incorrect, it's only a story and in my world that's how it happened. A warning to those who steal stories to use on YouTube channels, I am watching and will hit you with a copyright claim.

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She's Gone

I'm Brian Fuller. I met my wife, Julie while we were at university, we shared a class as we were both studying accounting. After sitting beside each other for a few classes I plucked up the courage to ask Julie out on a date. Initially we dated and also dated other people. After several dates we settled on being exclusive.

I was the youngest of three children, Julie was an only child. My brother Joe died on active service in Kosovo, my sister, Liz, lived in Australia with her husband and two kids. Julie's father had died of a heart attack several years before we met. My Dad passed away just before I graduated, my Mum passed away fourteen months later. When Dad passed away, Mum's health went downhill rapidly.

Mum left the house to me in her will. A four bedroom house without a mortgage was a godsend for a young couple just starting out in life. We discussed and agreed that we would have the larger bedroom at the front of the house, two other rooms were a similar size, we set those aside for children. The last room was going to be used for an office or storage.

Julie's Mum, Diane, became like a mother to me as well. For a woman in her early fifties she has boundless amounts of energy. I found a job with a local firm of accountants, overall there were about fifty employees. Julie accepted a job with Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs, formally known as the Inland Revenue. Initially she had to travel into London every day, six months later she was working locally.

We were both twenty four when we got married. Julie's uncle walked her down the aisle, my close friend Steve was my best man. Julie looked stunning in her low cut wedding dress. I considered myself the luckiest man alive, Julie was a beautiful woman. A year after we married Julie fell pregnant. Our son Tommy arrived into the world nine months later, one year after Tommy our family was complete with the birth of our daughter, Penny.

Diane became our childminder when Julie returned to work. Soon after Penny's first birthday I started my own business, I had grown fed up with lining other people's pockets. With Julie's blessing, and occasional help my business became established.

As a family we had a good lifestyle, both of us avoided working on the weekend. That was our time to be spent with the kids, we included Diane where possible. As far as I was concerned everything was perfect, Julie said she felt the same way.

With both of the kids at school, Diane had time to herself. We greatly appreciated the help she had given us over the years.

She still looked after Tommy and Penny when they got out of school, now she only needed to watch them for a few hours each day. Julie usually arrived home before I did, as such she collected the kids from her Mum.

Recently Julie hadn't been her usual self. She was still a great Mum to the kids, our sex life had not suffered, she just seemed different, like there was something on her mind. Concerned for her well being, I spoke to Julie one evening.

"Julie, is there something wrong?"

"No, what made you ask?"

"It's just that you seem a little different recently, not towards me or the kids, but you definitely have been acting differently."

"It's just work. We are really busy right now, I'm sure it will pass." I accepted Julie's explanation. Diane asked me if Julie was feeling okay?

"Yeah, it's just work stuff. She has been really busy, I guess it's taking its toll on her."

I started doing more around the house to help Julie. I usually helped with the kids anyway, now I put more effort in to help out. Julie didn't make any sarcastic or demeaning comments about my helping out. She did tell me she appreciated the help.

Things changed dramatically about a month later. It was a slow Friday in the office, I closed up early and headed for home. My plan was to have a coffee, get changed and go get the kids from Diane. Going into a quiet house wasn't unusual. I turned on the coffee machine and went upstairs to get changed.

Back in the kitchen I made my coffee and turned towards the table, that was when I saw the envelope. A small plain white envelope, my name was written on the front, it was Julie's handwriting. I sat down and opened the envelope, my first thought was 'at least it's not divorce papers'. Slowly I took out the sheet of paper, again it was handwritten. I paused before I read the letter, I was dreading reading the letter.

My Dearest Brian

Please believe me when I say this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I am leaving you and the children, you will never see me again. I love you with all my heart, believe me when I say there is nobody else involved. I can't say why I am leaving, but know this, that it breaks my heart to have to do this.

If you contact Jonathan Thatcher, at Thatcher, Wilson and Simmons lawyers, he will explain the finer details.

I know this will come as a shock to you, I am sorry I have to do this to you, Tommy and Penny. I beg you not to try and find me, it won't do any good. Take care of my children for me. Jonathan has the divorce papers that I have already signed, I want you to find someone else to love. Move on and forget that i ever existed, please find someone else, you are too good of a man to be alone for the rest of your life.

With all my love

Julie xx

"What the fuck!" I sat and stared at the letter. None of it made any sense. Divorce papers, find someone else to love. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I jumped up when the phone rang, I prayed it would be Julie.

"Hello."

"Brian, It's Diane. I have just found a letter from Julie that was put through my door, what's going on?" I could tell Diane was almost in tears.

"I have no idea, Diane. I have just come home to a letter from her as well. I am on my way over."

I raced over to Diane's house, Tommy and Penny were watching television. I greeted them and joined Diane in the kitchen.

"Brian, what's this all about?"

"Good question, Diane." I replied as we handed each other the letters. Diane's letter was similar to mine, in it Julie asked her to help me with the children, apart from that it was the same apologetic manner as my letter.

Diane turned to me with tears in her eyes. "Do you have any idea what is going on?"

"No, nothing at all. This has completely blindsided me, I literally never saw it coming. What makes it worse is that Julie states there is nobody else. I have no idea why she has left, no idea at all. She has asked that we not try and find her, not that I would know where to start. I will file a missing person report with the police, I can't see the point if she doesn't want to be found."

"Surely we can look for her, between us we might come up with an idea." Diane replied.

"No offence, Diane. This is a massive planet we live on, God alone knows where Julie is. We don't even know if she is in this country or not. I am not doing anything until I speak to the Thatcher guy on Monday. Now my immediate problem is what do I tell Tommy and Penny?"

"Tell them Mummy has to work or something, it will give you time until you see the lawyer on Monday."

Acting as if everything was normal, I took the kids home a while later. I promised to let Diane know what I found out on Monday. On the drive home I told the kids that mummy had to work and wouldn't be home for the weekend. Penny asked when she would be home?

"Monday, I guess. After dinner we can think of something for us to do this weekend."

"Can we go to the big zoo?" Tommy asked. He meant the safari park.

"Sounds like a plan, what do you think, Penny." Penny never spoke, she smiled and nodded her head.

I spoke to Diane later that evening, I asked if she wanted to join us. I wasn't surprised when she declined. "I'm sorry, Brian, I'm not in the mood."

"I know the feeling, Diane. If it wasn't for the kids, I don't know how I would be handling this."

When the kids were in bed I sat and read Julie's letter. I read it three times, it still made no sense to me. The two biggest questions I had were 'why? And where?'

Why did Julie leave? Where did she go?

If there was nobody else involved, why did she leave? I couldn't think of an answer. As for where she went, that was anyone's guess. What bothered me was Julie said it would be pointless looking for her, usually people with bottomless bank accounts say that.

We had savings, but nothing that would cover the cost of Julie disappearing forever. I turned and looked at our wedding photo hanging over the fireplace. "Why Julie? Why?" I muttered to myself.

Our day at the safari park was a distraction for me, the kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves. They had no idea of what was going on. It suddenly struck me as we walked around, how the hell am I going to explain this to them?

Diane joined us for dinner on Sunday. We did our best to make things as normal as possible for Tommy and Penny. Before she returned home, I asked Diane to bring the kids straight home from school on Monday.

I dropped the kids off at school. "I'll see you later, be good in class." I watched as Tommy and Penny ran inside the building. Their world was about to change, God knows how they were going to handle it. If they had been babies then it might have been easier for them to forget Julie, Penny was six and Tommy was eight. I drove away and headed to the office of Jonathan Thatcher.

Thatcher was a tall, smartly dressed man. "Mr Fuller, I'm Jonathan Thatcher. Please take a seat, may I call you Brian?" I nodded okay.

"I am sure you have many questions you want answered, I will do my best to answer them. Before we start, I want to state two things, I do not know why your wife left, additionally I have no idea of where she is." That pissed me off, I was hoping for some sort of clue as to why or where.

"Your wife, Julie, first approached me a few months ago. She explained what she wanted to do. I have the divorce papers, your wife has already signed them. She has given you full custody of the children, Tommy and Penny. Your wife has relinquished any claim to property and assets accrued before or during the marriage. She also left this for you, Thatcher handed me a building society passbook. I took the passbook and flipped it open, the account was in my name.

"Where the hell did my wife get this sort of money?" I stared at the book, there was two hundred thousand pounds in the account.

"I have no idea, Mr Fuller. Your wife left that for you, she said it would make things easier for you."

"What would make things easier for me, was if my wife was still here. Tell me Mr Thatcher, do you deal in family law?"

"Yes. I am the firm's family law specialist."

"Have you ever dealt with anything like this before?"

"No, no I haven't. Brian, I am sorry I don't have the answers you want. I can assure you that whenever I spoke with your wife, she gave me no hint as to why she was leaving or where she was going, not the slightest hint. All I do know is she was heartbroken by it all."

"See, that's what I don't understand. If she is heartbroken about leaving, why leave? She has assured me there is nobody else involved, male or female. Her mother has no idea why she left, or where she has gone. This whole thing is so confusing."

"Mr Fuller, I am sorry for what has happened. I understand it's tough for you. In my experience it's hard when a partner leaves for someone else, in your case it appears that's not the reason."

"Julie stated to me and her mother that there was nobody else involved, I believe her."

"Brian, I am going to do something for you, something I am not supposed to do. Should your wife contact me in the future, I will let you know. If I get any hint of where she might be I will pass it on to you. I don't want to raise your hopes as she may not contact me, but if she does, I will let you know."

I sat and went through the divorce papers with Jonathan, after he explained a few points I signed them, as Julie requested. I sat in my car, none of this made any sense to me, more so since I spoke to Thatcher. It got me so wound up, I was beginning to wish Julie had left me for someone else, at least that would have explained things. I called Diane to let her know I had spoken to the lawyer. I went to my office for a few hours. I employed five staff, one of them had keys to lock up.

I was standing in the lounge when Diane bought the kids home, they both rushed indoors. I could tell by the look on their faces they expected Julie to be there.

"Where's Mummy?" Penny asked.

"Why don't you and Tommy get changed and then we can sit and talk." Both of them ran to their rooms.

"Brian, I have an overnight bag in the car. I'll stay here if it will help." I nodded and thanked Diane. We heard the kids come running downstairs, I was dreading telling them the news. Diane sat with the kids on the sofa, I sat beside Tommy. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.

"Tommy, Penny, I am about to tell you something, something terrible."

"Is it about Mum, where is she?" Tommy asked.

I gestured for Tommy to be quiet. "When I came home on Friday, your Mum had left me a letter. In the letter she said she was sorry, but she had to go away, I don't know why she went away, or where she has gone. All she said is that she loves us all, but we will never see her again."

"If she loves us, why did Mummy go away?" Penny asked.

"I don't know, I really don't know." I replied.

"I hate Mum for leaving." Tommy yelled out.

"No Tommy, no, do not hate your Mum. She loves you."

"I hate her for leaving." Tommy burst into tears and ran upstairs, Diane was holding Penny as she cried.

I walked to the kitchen, holding the counter I stared out of the window. "Damn you Julie, damn you for leaving." Diane consoled Penny, in the lounge, I went to speak to Tommy. He was lying on his bed crying, I picked him up and hugged him. I carried Tommy downstairs, the four of us sat in the lounge. Diane and I were also crying. When Tommy stopped crying he sat quietly staring at the window, Penny cuddled into Diane.

As a family we were never big on take-away food, Julie preferred the kids to eat healthy food. Tonight was going to be an exception. I sent out for burgers and chips for the four of us. The kids were deeply upset, I had never seen them so quiet. Despite the obvious distress they went to bed as normal, both of them were asleep in minutes.

I sat and explained my meeting with the lawyer to Diane, like me she was amazed at the money Julie left for me.

"Where did she get that sort of money from?"

"God knows. I'm starting to wonder if she was involved in a crime of some sort."

"Never. Julie, a criminal. No way, Brian, she doesn't have the nerve to carry out a crime." Diane replied, I had to agree with her. The Julie I knew was honest, too honest to be involved in crime.

Diane stayed the night in case I needed help with the kids. She took my bed, I slept on the sofa. Actually, sleep is not the right word, tossed and turned all night is more appropriate. Diane stayed for a further two days to help with Tommy and Penny. I paid a visit to their school and explained the reason for them being absent. The headteacher was brilliant, she told me the staff would keep an eye on them when they returned to school.

I thought about trying to find Julie, despite her asking me not to do so. I left my staff running the office while I started my search, my first port of call would be the Police station. I filed a missing persons report. Then I drove across town to a small seven storey office building, Whitcroft House.

After parking my car I stepped into the foyer and looked at the board with company names on it.

"Can I help you, sir?" I turned to look at the doorman.

"I'm looking for the HMRC office. I thought it was on the sixth floor."

"It was, been gone for a few days now." He replied, looking at his computer screen. "Yeah, been gone since Friday. He told me the date they moved, it was the same day Julie left me the letter.

"Do you know where they went?"

"No idea, I'm afraid. I did my rounds on that Friday night, as usual. I check all the fire doors are secure, that sort of thing. Their office was all in darkness and locked up, not unusual for six o'clock on a Friday. An hour later as I got ready to hand over to the night guy a crew turned up with two large vans, they cleared the office out in less than an hour. Took everything they did. Desks, chairs, cabinets, they even took the plants."

"You have no idea where they took the stuff, or where they went?"

"Sir, I didn't know they were leaving until the crew turned up to clear the office."

"Does their mail still get delivered here?"

"Never did. They had a post office box, one of the guys used to collect it a couple of times a week, normally on a Monday and Wednesday if I recall."

"Okay, thank you." I walked back to my car. I leant against the car and stared at the office building. I wondered what the hell was going on. It sounded like Julie left me the same day the HMRC left Whitcroft House. I drove home and thought about what I had found out.

I put my coffee cup in the sink and picked up my phone. I googled the number for HMRC. It took ages to get connected. After speaking to several people, I got nowhere, nobody would tell me where the staff from Whitcroft House had relocated to. I kept trying to find out what I could, three months later I knew exactly the same as when I started looking. I had the money Julie left behind, I soon got to realise that wouldn't last long if I used professionals to locate her. The Police had no leads either.

I spoke with Diane. "I have given up, Diane." I explained what I knew about Whitcroft House, after a long talk we agreed it wasn't worthwhile to carry on looking.

"Julie didn't want to be found, Brian. Sadly, it looks as if we have no choice but to respect her wishes. I just wish I knew why she left."

"So do I, Diane. So do I. This would have been easier if she had run off with another man, or woman for that matter. Jesus Christ, I dread to think what caused her to disappear like this."

Our first Christmas without Julie was tough, especially on the kids. Diane stayed over again, we did the best we could to make it a happy occasion. Both of them were happy with the gifts they received, it was easy to see that what they really wanted was their Mum. To be honest it was what we all wanted.

Penny was going through a period of waking up with nightmares. Several times she woke up screaming, in the end I got her to see a child psychologist. I met with Jean Masters before she saw Penny, I explained what had happened with Julie. Jean was great with Penny, she managed to get her to explain what she saw in her nightmare, something she wouldn't do for me.

"Mr Fuller, Penny has told me that in her nightmares she sees her mother. When I asked what her mother was doing, she replied 'nothing, she's dead'. From what I have learnt so far, Penny sees her mother in a field of flowers. Her mother is facing her and smiling, when Penny runs to her mother she is laying down. I asked Penny if her mother was asleep? She said no, if she was asleep she would look nice, in the nightmare her mother looks hideous, from what she described."

"Could this be because her mother abandoned us, or does Penny really think she is dead?"

"Hard to say at this stage. Penny could be thinking her mother is dead because she left, it could be her way of coming to terms with it. Can I ask, is her brother having any issues?"

"None that I am aware of. When I first broke the news that Julie had left, Tommy said he hated her. I told him not to hate her. I explained that even though she had left, she still loved him. I don't know how much he understood, but since then he hasn't said much about his Mum. I know he misses her, we all do. He just seems to be dealing with it better than his sister."

"I'll see Penny for a few more sessions, hopefully we can get to the bottom of the problem." I left Jean's office, I was upset, more for Penny than myself.

After six sessions with Jean, Penny started to sleep better. Jean had managed to convince Penny that Julie leaving wasn't her fault. As to whether she was dead or alive, we didn't know. Jean somehow got Penny to think she was alive, at least until we knew otherwise.

Four years later

Tommy was now twelve years old, Penny was ten. My girlfriend Jenny was living with us, she had a daughter, Milly. I met Jenny at a school parents evening, she was Tommy's class teacher. Jenny told me that despite what had happened Tommy was doing well in school, it was as if he had shut it out.

"He seems okay at home, most of the time." I replied.

"You're lucky." Jenny muttered.

"Pardon me?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Fuller. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Please, carry on. What do you mean I am lucky?" I sure as hell didn't feel lucky, so I waited for Jenny to answer.

"My husband abandoned me and my daughter for another woman. He promised Milly he would keep in touch, she has seen him twice in two years, each time for less than a few hours. The problems it causes are not worth him seeing Milly. As I said I am sorry, it wasn't my place to comment."

"That's okay, I guess you know more than most people how I feel." I replied as Jenny gave me an awkward smile. I have no idea what prompted me to do what I did next. "Jenny, would you like to meet for a drink or coffee sometime, just for a chat?"

Jenny looked at me for a few seconds before smiling. "Yes, yes that would be nice." Jenny scribbled her number on a slip of paper and passed it to me. I left soon after, I promised to call her very soon.

At home I praised Tommy for doing well in school, as usual Diane was looking after them while I was at the parents' evening.

"Brian, you look different, happier than normal. Do you know something I don't?" Diane asked.

"No, not at all. I was talking to Tommy's teacher earlier. She is in a similar situation. Her husband left her for someone else, he promised to keep in touch with their daughter. From what she said her ex has seen his daughter twice in two years, each time for less than an hour. Don't ask me what made me do it, but I asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink or coffee sometime, just to talk."

"Good." Diane replied. "Julie is my daughter and I love her, you love her, or at least you did. You need to meet someone, you need a partner. So long as you pick a decent woman, you'll hear nothing from me about it."

I met Jenny for a drink in a pub near the school, we sat and discussed our respective divorces. Jenny had to get home to her daughter, I asked her for another date at the weekend.

"Sure, what do you want to do? A drink or maybe the cinema?"

"Actually, I was thinking of dinner, if that's okay?"

"I'll see if I can get a sitter for Milly. I will call and let you know."

Jenny did get a sitter, we had a nice evening. I had only seen Jenny dressed in smart casual clothes for her teaching job, she had gone all out tonight with a figure hugging dress. The dress reached mid-thigh, and what thighs they were. For the first time in ages I felt attracted to another woman.

The following weekend I invited Jenny and Milly to join us for dinner. I also invited Diane as I wanted her to meet Jenny. Milly was six months younger than Penny, they got along like a house on fire. Diane and Jenny spent ages talking as I prepared dinner, Tommy was the only quiet one, I asked if he was okay.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He grumbled.

"Don't you like Jenny?" I asked.

"She's okay. I know you like her and all that, it's just that she teaches at my school. The other kids will have a great time teasing me."

"They won't, if you don't tell them."

"What about when you and her get married?"

I laughed. "Give me a chance Tommy, this is only our third date. Let's not run before we can walk."

"Okay, I'm sorry, Dad. Jenny's nice, I just wish she wasn't a teacher at my school."

Tommy eventually accepted that I was dating one of his teachers, thankfully the other kids thought it was cool, rather than weird. Mine and Jenny's first serious date was about a month later, apart from kissing we had gone no further. That weekend Diane stayed at my house and babysat Tommy, Penny and Milly. After a nice meal out. We returned to Jenny's house, within minutes of stepping in the door we were in bed.

My sex life with Julie was always good, with Jenny it was even better. I wondered if it would be strange at the next parents evening, sitting talking about my kids academic achievements with a woman I am having sex with. Jenny was occasionally vocal during sex, what she lacked in noise she made up for with enthusiasm. She had several orgasms that night, Jenny got three loads out of me before we both fell asleep.

Six months later Jenny and Milly moved into our house. We cleared the fourth bedroom out and decorated it for Milly, six months after that Jenny and I married in a small registry office ceremony. My friend and work colleague Jack was my best man and witness, Diane was maid of honour and witness.

As time went on my two kids totally accepted Jenny. Penny started calling her Mum almost straight away, Tommy followed her example a few weeks later. Milly started to call me Dad the day after we married, I heard her tell Penny 'it would be great having a Dad at home'. Although both of them still had a picture of Julie in their rooms, they didn't mention her very often.

Tommy became very protective of his 'sisters', he got into a few scrapes when some boys stepped out of line at school. Jenny and I reminded him several times that it was okay to look out for them, but to try and avoid fighting. After getting hauled in front of the headteacher, Tommy calmed down. From that day forward, there were no further incidents.

Family life carried on as usual, Diane was having some health issues. We were selective in the family stuff we included her in, Diane had arthritis and struggled to walk too far. We later discovered that the arthritis was the least of her problems. Diane was diagnosed with cancer, by the time it was discovered, it was too late for treatment.

Diane was sixty-two when she passed away, it was two months before Tommy turned eighteen. The funeral service was for family and close friends, I wondered if Julie would attend, that was if she was still alive.

Tommy didn't want a party to celebrate his eighteenth birthday, he said it was too close to Grandma dying. I understood what he meant, so I suggested that we do something for his twenty-first birthday instead.

Tommy left school that summer. He had good exam results and settled on being an electrician. The school careers service helped him secure an apprenticeship with a local company. Penny and Milly still have a further two years before they could leave school. Every year on the anniversary of Diane's passing, the five of us visit the cemetery. One evening Jenny asked me about Julie.

"Do you think Julie is still alive?"

"I don't know, I have often wondered the same thing. Knowing how close she and Diane were, I half expected to see her at the funeral. Maybe she's alive and doesn't know, maybe she's dead and that would explain her absence. I really don't know what to think, Jen."

Strangely my love for Julie had faded away, all I had now was a friendly concern for her safety. I explained to Jenny that I didn't love Julie anymore, I prayed she was okay, wherever she was. Jenny said she understood my feelings.

Our next big family milestone was Tommy getting married. He had met and started dating Rachel, a girl he met while working at the office she worked in. Penny was now out of school and working in the accounts department of a local construction company. Milly had decided to follow Jenny and become a teacher; she was currently at university.

Rachel's parents were nice people, her Dad was a former director of the company where Penny worked. The church Rachel picked for the wedding was about ten miles from where we lived, it was close to a village green. It was a lovely warm summer day when Tommy and Rachel married, the service went off without a hitch. As we waited for Rachel to arrive at the church I did a quick scan of the guests.

"Do you think Julie will be here?" Jenny whispered to me.

"Not sure, I was looking just in case. As she wasn't at Diane's funeral, I have no reason to think she will be here." I relaxed and waited for Rachel to arrive. I wasn't angry at Julie for not being there, it was like sadness that she was missing an important day.

Everyone was gathered outside the church for the photographs. As I waited, I looked across the green, a lone blond woman was standing on the corner of a junction. She appeared to be watching intently. I asked the photographer to do me a massive favour.

"Can you get a picture of me and my wife with the happy couple? He agreed. I want us to stand over there, now here's the favour I want you to do. Can you take a few shots and then discretely raise the camera? I want you to zoom in on the blond woman standing over the road."

"I can manage that, from here I should be able to get a decent shot of her."

"Thank you, don't mention it to anyone. Can you let me know when the picture is developed? I want to take a look at it without anyone knowing." He smiled and nodded.

Two days after the wedding I got a call from Jason, the photographer, letting me know the picture was ready. Despite it being a good shot, it was hard to make out the woman's face properly.

"Hang on, let's try something." Jason loaded the picture on his computer, the screen was massive and had a good resolution. "I assume it's the face you want to see clearly?"

"Yes, yes please." I watched as Jason loaded the picture. He clicked a few buttons on screen and tapped a key, the picture zoomed in and loaded clearly "Fuck me, it's her, Sorry, excuse my language."

"No problem, nothing I haven't said or heard before. Would it help if I printed that out for you?

"Yes it would. I would be grateful if you can print that as it is on screen, don't worry about the cost, I'll pay you for it now." I stood back as Jason printed out the picture. When he handed it to me I stared at it, no mistake it was Julie. Her hair was a different colour, but it was her. I paid Jason and asked him not to mention the picture.

As we ate dinner that night I must have been giving off a vibe or something, Jenny knew I had something on my mind. "What's wrong Brian?"

"Let's finish eating, I'll explain afterwards." Both Jenny and Penny looked at me before shrugging their shoulders. I cleared the plates away and sat back down.

"Jen, do you remember the question you asked me on Saturday? It was when I looked at the guests."

Jen nodded her head. "Yes, I asked you if you thought Julie might be there."

"I looked at all the guests and I couldn't see her, not inside the church anyway. When the photographer took the picture of you, me, Tommy and Rachel, I asked him to do me a favour. He tilted the camera and took a picture of the blond woman standing over the other side of the green. I wasn't sure at the time, I just had a strange feeling it was Julie."

"Was it?" Penny asked.

"You tell me." I skid the picture across the table to her.

"That's Mum, absolutely, that's her. Thank God she's alive."

"Thank you. I thought I was going mad on Saturday. When I collected the picture this afternoon, I still had my doubts."

"At least she saw her son get married, in a roundabout way." Jenny added, as she stared at the picture. "Will you try and find her?"

"No. Julie left not wanting to be found, I'll respect her wishes. If Penny or Tommy want to try and find her they can."

"There was a time when I did want to find Mum, but now I am not sure." Penny replied. "Jenny has been more than a Mum to me, it would be an insult if I went looking now."

"Penny, if you want to find your Mum I will understand, I'll help you where I can." Jenny replied, she placed her hand on Penny's shoulder.

"Sorry, I know this is a shock. Seeing her standing over the road was bugging me, I knew if I walked over she might run away. Now I am starting to wonder if she was at Diane's funeral or not?"

"I didn't see her there." Penny replied.

"She may have been there, she could have been standing out of the way. Unlike the wedding day, I didn't have time to look around."

The four of us discussed it some more, in the end we agreed not to search for Julie. She had avoided us for years, why should now be any different? I assured Jenny that I wasn't going to try and find Julie, knowing she was alive was good enough for me. When Tommy and Rachel returned from their honeymoon I told them about Julie. Like Penny, Tommy knew it was Julie as soon as he saw the picture. Tommy agreed with me, if Julie didn't want to be found, why waste time looking. I put the picture away and never bothered looking at it again.

Milly graduated from University, she found a teaching position twenty miles from home. Penny was dating a guy she met through some friends, I could see another wedding on the cards very soon. One night I lay in bed and thought about Tommy's wedding, how did Julie know when and where it was. As I turned over to try and sleep it hit me, Rachel's parents had placed an announcement in the local paper. I toyed with the idea of doing the same for Penny. When Penny finally announced she and David wanted to get married, I raised the idea of an announcement in the paper. Penny scuppered the idea, she said people she wanted there would get an invite.

The church Penny chose for her wedding was on a main road, I had driven past it many times. If Julie turned up to see Penny get married, there was nowhere for her to hide close by. As the wedding day neared, Jenny knew something was bugging me.

"What's wrong, Brian. Is it Julie?"

"Yes. Not in the way you are thinking. Now I know she is alive I want answers. I want to know why she abandoned us. I want to know what was so bad that she ran out on her family. I don't want her back, I just want answers."

Jenny hugged and kissed me. "You said it yourself, she had her reasons. Please let it go, Brian. Let it go before it drives you mad or spoils Penny's big day." I sighed. I knew Jenny was right.

Penny and David chose to use the same photographer as Tommy and Rachel. Jason called around to chat about the pictures they wanted on the day. He was surprised when I greeted him at the door. After we had sorted out what Penny and David wanted, they excused themselves and left to catch up with some friends. Jenny was in the kitchen making the three of us a coffee.

"Do you want to do the same as last time? I can try and get a picture if there's a stranger hanging around."

I nodded. "Please, but as before, it stays between us." Jason nodded in agreement.

Penny and I arrived at the church, everyone else was already inside. When I got out of the car I walked round to help Penny out, the last thing she wanted to do was ruin her dress. Jason took a picture of us by the car, he stopped and took another by the church door. Penny and I waited nervously until the music started. I was nervous and proud as I walked my daughter down the aisle. David turned to look at Penny, I don't think I will ever forget the smile on his face. After I had given Penny away to be married I sat next to Jenny, she took my hand and smiled.

The happy couple walked outside into the sunshine, the rest of the guests followed. As we stood outside I had a quick look around, I couldn't see anyone standing in the distance. Jason took all the pictures before we headed off to the wedding reception, he whispered that he hadn't seen anyone hanging around. I wondered if maybe I should have put an announcement in the paper without telling Penny.

Ten Years Later

Jenny and I were now empty nesters, and grandparents. Tommy and Rachel had two boys, Penny had a girl and a boy. Milly was dating, but still single. Both of us had retired early. We divided our time between travelling and seeing our grandchildren. Despite Jenny and the kids trying to keep it from me, I knew they were planning a party for my sixtieth birthday. My birthday is in November, they wanted to hold the party during the summer months.

I played ignorant and acted surprised on the day. Somehow all of our extended family and friends fitted into the local community centre. Jenny had employed caterers, they also manned the bar. It was a great night. During my speech I thanked Jenny and my kids for surprising me, I also thanked them for their strength many years ago. That was the only reference I made to Julie.

"I love you." I whispered to Jenny as we danced to a slow song.

"I love you too. I knew how I felt about you after our second date, I prayed we would end up together." We kissed as everyone cheered. My grandchildren all rushed to hug me, Tommy and Penny joined them.

The following day Jenny and I flew to Italy for a week's break. We had a relaxing time sitting in the sun doing very little, the house was shielded by trees giving us privacy. Jenny said as we couldn't be seen she was going to sunbathe naked, I did the same. Her body still turned me on and several times we made love outside by the pool.

When we returned home we planned a few days at home before going to see Tommy and Rachel, Penny and David would have the pleasure of our company in two weeks time. I answered the doorbell as Jenny made us lunch, I looked at the man standing there. Suddenly I realised it was Jonathan Thatcher.

"Good morning, Mr Fuller. This letter was sent to me last week, inside was a note asking me to pass it to you." He handed over an envelope.

"Oh God." I muttered, I recognised the handwriting immediately, it was Julie's. "Thank you, Mr Thatcher." We bid each other goodbye, I turned and joined Jenny in the kitchen.

Jenny saw the envelope. "What's wrong?"

I held up the envelope. "A letter from Julie, I recognize the handwriting." I put it on the table.

"Are you going to open it?" Jenny asked.

"Not sure. I mean all these years with no contact, now I get another letter. The last one wasn't exactly good news, there's nothing to make me think this one will be."

"Brian, you have to open it. This has driven you to distraction several times, it could be the answers you seek."

"What if it isn't an answer? What if it is another apology and no more? I'm not sure I want to read it."

"Brain, please. You have to read it. It could be important. Maybe Julie wants to see you and the kids, well adults now. Whatever it was that drove her away must have been important. Please read it, you owe her that much."

"Really. I don't think I owe her anything. We know from Tommy's wedding that she is alive, why did she not contact us then? Why wait any longer?"

Jenny moved over next to me. "You have to read it, if not for you, then for Tommy and Penny, if it's closure they deserve to know."

I sighed and sat down. "I suppose I should read it." I picked up the envelope and carefully opened it. I slid the sheet of paper from inside, Jenny watched as I hesitated before reading it.

Dearest Brian

If you are reading this letter then I am safe, what caused me to run away cannot hurt me now.

I am so sorry for any heartache I caused you. When Mum was buried I wanted to run down and stand with you, sadly I couldn't. I risked everything by just being there. It was the same at Tommy's wedding, I knew you had seen me. When Penny got married I managed to stay out of sight. Yes I was there, she looked beautiful on the day.

I know you married again, I am pleased for you. Jenny is a lovely person, you deserve to be happy.

As you know I started working for HMRC when we graduated. When I had to travel to London in the beginning I was seconded to a specialist team. I couldn't tell you but the team was being managed by MI5, yes we were seconded to the British Secret Service.

We were working in conjunction with the American and German authorities trying to smash a multi-billion dollar money laundering organisation. You would not have heard about it as everything was done in secret, we knew who the major players were. They were not going to stand trial, people above my pay grade wanted them 'removed'.

Two days after we passed our evidence over, the team was compromised. Somehow our identities and faces were revealed. The Americans informed us we were at risk, as per the agreement the five of us fled into hiding. We were given new identities and money, money was also put aside for the spouses we had to leave behind. When I signed on for this I was told if it happened we would have to disappear, not for a few months or years, we would have to disappear forever. Naturally none of us ever imagined it would happen, we did all we could, but it was no good, I had to leave.

I'm sorry I lied when you asked me what was wrong, I know I said it was work. I couldn't tell you what was about to happen. I hated myself for lying to you, I hated myself for leaving.

If they traced me it would have put you, Tommy and Penny in grave danger. I couldn't do that to you, I loved you too much to risk your lives.

I know it was hard on you, trust me I wish it could have been different. I wished I never had to leave. I spent years hiding under a different name, I lived in three different countries in six months. In all the time we have been apart there has been nobody else in my life.

I know my Mum was hurt as well. I want to thank you for looking after her when she fell ill, you always were a great person, I know Mum loved you like her own son.

Sadly, what took Mum also took me. As I said I cannot be hurt now, my pain is over and done with. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, I hope you will do me one last favour. Please tell my children I love them, please explain why I had to leave.

My funeral was planned before I died, I wouldn't have asked you to attend. I had already hurt you more than you deserved.

For years I lived under the identity of Mary Appleby. The same name is on my headstone. If you or the children want to visit my grave, please contact the office at Rowan Fields Cemetery.

Please forgive me for all the pain and anguish I caused you. I loved you then and I love you now.

With eternal love

Julie xx

I sat and stared into space, the tears welled up in my eyes. I passed the letter to Jenny. I wiped my eyes and held back more tears as Jenny read the letter, she was in tears when she had finished.

"My God, that poor woman. I can't imagine what she must have gone through. Leaving her family behind and constantly looking over her shoulder, it must have been awful for her." Jenny wiped her eyes.

"Will you do as Julie asked and tell Tommy and Penny?"

"Yes, they deserve to know why Julie disappeared like she did. They are old enough to understand this letter, I have to tell them."

I called Tommy and Penny that evening, I said it was important that we met and spoke. Tommy drove to Penny's house and collected her. The two of them sat and read the letter from Julie. When they finished we all hugged and cried, including Jenny.

The following weekend the four of us visited Julie's grave. I stood silently with Jenny as we stared at the headstone, Tommy and Penny held each other's hand as they stood silently beside me. Penny knelt down and placed some flowers on the grave, attached was a card she had written.

'To the bravest wife and Mum. Love Brian, Tommy and Penny xx'

The four of us walked around the cemetery in silence. I had finally got the answers to my questions, albeit many years later. I knew in my heart that Julie would never have cheated on me, I certainly didn't expect the explanation I ended up with. We stopped in at a pub for lunch, Tommy asked us to raise our glasses.

"To a brave woman, rest in peace, Julie Fuller." Penny started to cry. I moved over and hugged her.

Tommy looked over towards me. "Dad, do you think Mum knew what she was getting into?"

I paused for a moment. "Yes and no. I think she knew what she was getting into, I can only assume she never thought she would ever have to leave us and go into hiding, per se. I am basing that on the fact that I know if someone had tried to separate your Mum from us under any other circumstances she would have raised hell."

Finally I had closure. They say life is what it is, you make the best of it. Jenny and I spoke about it one evening.

"Brian, would you have stopped Julie from taking the job, If you had known back then?"

"If Julie had spoken to me years ago when she was offered the job, I would have probably advised her to turn it down. Whether she would have taken my advice or not, we will never know."

I knew there was something on Jenny's mind, so I waited for her to ask. "This might sound insecure of me, Brian do you still have feelings for Julie?"

"I do, but not how you think. Yes, I did love her, very much. As time has passed by my feelings have morphed from love into something like concern for a very dear friend. I don't think I ever hated her, I hated what she did." I stood up and offered Jenny my hand, I hugged her reassuringly. "Whatever feelings I have for Julie, pale into comparison with the love I have for you."

Jenny smiled and extricated herself from the hug, I watched her assuming she was going to the kitchen. Jenny stopped in the doorway and turned to me. "Fancy an early night?" I could hear her giggling as she ran upstairs to the bedroom, I wasn't far behind her.

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