Locum Tenens 17

~~~ Chapter Notes ~~~

Loki and Rilla are crossing the mountains to reach Furgrim's kingdom. All chapters in this tale are complete and have been submitted. Hopefully, the admins will release a new episode every day or so.

~~~ Furgrim's Kingdom ~~~

As we ate breakfast, Kira let us know that they had stopped for the night when they had reached the outposts - figuring that was the safest place to camp before heading into Sven's kingdom. She also informed us that she had sent a messenger back to her father - making sure that he understood what we wanted done on Valeri's behalf.

We finished eating our food, packed up the camp, and completed our descent down the north side of the mountains that separated the two kingdoms. We both breathed a huge sigh of relief when we finally escaped the foothills and were back on reasonably-flat ground.

The terrain seemed to fly by now - but it was still nearly midday by the time we got to the capitol city - and after lunch by the time we got to the palace. We were admitted through the gate after identifying ourselves. We were held there, however, until the king's guards could come get us. I handed over the letter from King Korl. The guard read it and then guided us to the receiving hall.

We waited for an opening in the docket and then were presented to the king. He read Korl's note and then announced to the court who we were and why we were there. He said that he and his guards would be traveling with us - starting the next day - to head out to deal with the goblins and hobgoblins.

I was a little frustrated. Rilla and I had busted our asses to get this far and now we were chilling our heels while King Big-britches got his shit together to give us the royal escort - which was going to travel at probably a quarter of the speed that Rilla and I could move. Rilla squeezed my bicep and cautioned me to keep my cool.

Once the king found out that we hadn't eaten lunch yet, he had the cooks bring us some leftovers that were still warm. We ate in a small side-room just off of the court. There was a guard posted outside and I couldn't stop thinking that we were either being studied or held prisoner. Rilla reminded me that they didn't know anything about us and were probably just being cautious.

After we had eaten, we joined other spectators of the court and observed as the king heard the petitions from the people. Rilla gave me a side-eye as I continued to sigh and fidget. I knew that she was thinking that he was just finishing his regular business before heading out. I was still frustrated that we weren't moving.

While the petitioners were still presenting their cases, a pair of advisors - sitting on either side of the king - continually leaned over to whisper into his ears. What made me most nervous was that one of the two - the one on the king's left - couldn't stop his eyes from flitting over to Rilla and me every so often. I couldn't tell if he was talking about us - or just checking out my wife.

I decided that I wanted to hear what they were saying. I imagined my little spirit spy-bird - but smaller. I tried a finch at first (instead of a raven). I made it appear at my feet. That worked well enough - so I tried to think of something smaller. I tried a hummingbird but it was too noisy. The wren that I created was almost larger than the finch - if shorter and squatter. I wondered if it had to be a bird and tried a butterfly. That worked but I decided that it was too colorful and would be noticed. My next attempt was a horsefly - but that was too noisy as well. In the end, I went with a housefly.

The housefly left my position, rose into the air, and flew along the wall until I could come in behind the king. I kept my face passive as I split my vision between watching where the fly was and looking through the eyes of the insect. I finally gave up trying to use my human eyes when Rilla nudged my shoulder to let me know that my eyes were crossing.

I flew in behind the throne and landed inside of one of the small ornamental sections that was carved completely through the intricately designed seat-back.

"The signature on the letter matches Korl's," the man on the left whispered.

"You're sure?" the king asked.

The man nodded - but the movement was barely noticeable - and could easily be interpreted to be related to the case that the petitioners were presenting.

"The petitioners are concluding," the man on the right told Furgrim. "Have the accused fined three silvers - which will be awarded to the plaintiff."

The king announced the verdict and then chatted with the pair while the seneschal dismissed the first group and brought in the next group.

I had almost decided that Rilla was right about the mountain king - that they weren't stalling or plotting - they were just doing the business of the court.

"This man's description matches what the spies told us?" the king asked.

"Yes," the man on the left said. "He's the one who nearly wiped out Brant."

"And rode a dragon against Sven," the other added.

"But neither have declared war?" Furgrim asked.

"Word is that he just returned from saving Brant's ass from both the giants and the orcs," the advisor on the left said.

"Sven's son is living in Korl's palace - as a hostage - though without chains," the one on the right said.

"So, if I act against him, I'll be chained, if I fight him, I'll be destroyed, and if I let him deal with the goblins, I'll be castrated."

"We needed Korl's help," the left one said.

"We didn't think this one would return in time to be sent," the right added.

"We can't defeat the goblins without him?" Furgrim asked.

"Possibly," the left said. "We had hoped to receive regular troops."

The right continued where the other left off, "We planned to put them at the front with our forces but then tell our men to let Korl's fighters take the brunt of the damage."

"That would help ensure that we're still strong when the battle is won," the left finished.

The king frowned.

"You've caught me in the middle of this mess," he fumed. "I suppose the two of you will be sitting safe inside the palace while I risk life and limb to babysit Korl's champion at the front lines?"

"We'll keep the masses pacified while you're away," said the left.

"We'll send along any fighters that Brant and Sven manage to provide," said the right.

"There won't be any," the king fumed, "you've already told me as much. They'd have to cross the mountains first. How did this one get here so fast anyway?"

"Only the gods know," the right answered.

The conversation died off as the petitioners began stating their case. When the advisors spoke again, all of their comments had to do with the case in front of them.

I decided that I was sort of okay with Furgrim. I was not okay with the other two. They were either scheming to get rid of me - or scheming to get rid of (or hamstring) their king.

I left the fly where it was and turned to Rilla. As quietly as possible, I relayed the information to her. I went back to listening in on their conversation while she communicated with Kira and the girls - seeing what their suggestions were. Hanna was a tactician - highly useful on the battlefield. I was hoping (and maybe praying a little) that she'd be able to come up with a solid plan for dealing with the situation.

Hanna didn't have an answer. Kira suggested suborning one or both of the advisors. If I couldn't figure out how to get them to answer to me, she suggested killing one and letting the other know that they were next if they fucked up.

I worried that I'd be opening Furgrim up to internal politics by removing his advisors but Kira basically said that they were neutering him anyway and that he'd be better off without them.

I asked her if I could demand that they accompany us to the battlefield as advisors. She said that she thought they'd find a way to weasel out of it but that it might be worth a try.

The rest of the afternoon passed slowly. The king and the advisors didn't talk about us anymore - but the one on the left still glanced at Rilla and me every now and then. Finally, the king sent a messenger over to us to invite us to a private dinner with him and the advisors.

I had the housefly land on the king's back and crawl up his clothing to hide under his collar. I warned Rilla to keep me steady as I tried to multitask - listening to the king without smacking head-first into any walls.

The king wasn't talking about anything useful. As we passed the kitchens, I noticed one of the advisors seemed to be sending visual cues to one of the cooks. I sent the fly from the king's shoulder to the shoulder of the cook that seemed to be in on whatever was happening.

I listened to the conversation - passing back and forth among the kitchen staff. It was some good shit - if not related to what I needed - but it was distractingly juicy and Rilla had to adjust my course a couple of times to keep me from making a fool of myself.

As I watched the cook, however, she took one bowl - the one with the green rim - off to a quiet corner. She pulled a pouch from her chest wrap and sprinkled the powder that was inside of it into the stew. She used a spoon to stir the powder into the food and then surreptitiously dropped that spoon into the sink on the way back to place the green-rimmed bowl with the others.

Depending on who got the doctored bowl, I would have a better idea about what was happening. Rilla jostled my shoulder and then helped me sit down at the table. She snuggled close and warned me that I was getting looks from the king and his advisors. I tried to do a better job of paying attention but it was all hugely distracting.

The cook who had put the powder in the green-rimmed bowl was the one who carried the tray of food. A different cook had the goblets of wine - or whatever it was. I hadn't been able to watch the drinks. If those were poisoned as well, I was still screwed.

As the cooks brought the food and drinks in, another swept through the room and distributed flatware and cloth napkins.

I pulled my napkin to my lap - which earned strange looks. Apparently, they don't do that here. Rilla snickered. I grabbed my spoon and eagerly waited for the green bowl to be placed in front of me. I tried to keep the shock off of my face as it was placed in front of the king. I caught a brief look between the left-advisor and the cook who'd doctored the food but - if I hadn't already been watching closely - I would have never seen it.

The king picked up his spoon and I frantically ran through my options - trying to figure out what to do. I was certain that he was about to be poisoned - whether fast-acting or slow. I was sure that the powder that had been added to his food wasn't a libido-enhancer to give the king a fun-filled night.

"Ah! King Furgrim!" I exclaimed. "Care to switch bowls?" I asked.

"Why?" asked the advisor I suspected.

"Er ... uh ... green's my favorite color ...?"

"I guess," the king said, "if you insist ..."

"Perhaps he's poisoned his ...," the other advisor whispered.

Now I couldn't decide if this motherfucker was actually in on the whole plan as well - or if his comment was just a random coincidence.

I reached out and traded bowls with the king.

The left advisor frowned and switched them back.

When I switched bowls the second time, I switched his with the king's.

He scowled at me - immediately suspicious.

I held out my hand and said, "Surely the king is important enough that someone should ensure that his food is safe. Why don't you make sure?"

Now all three of them were staring at me. I waited two heartbeats and then switched the green bowl to me. As I did, I tried to see if I could "heal" the green bowl - and send the poison (or whatever) to the advisor's bowl.

I wasn't sure that it had worked but I figured I could heal myself if I messed it up. I immediately took a spoonful of the stew and popped it into my mouth - before anybody could switch bowls again. Every eye was on me. I noticed that the cooks were gone. I chewed the food - not detecting anything nasty - and swallowed.

Either I had successfully healed the stew - or the powder hadn't done anything - or my regeneration was high enough that it healed me even before the poison had time to affect me.

"I guess it was safe," I said to the king. "Wanna switch back?"

"I'm not certain that I'm hungry any longer," he replied.

"More for me," I told him, pulling his bowl my way.

"I think not," he objected, taking it back again.

The monarch glowered at me, picked up his spoon, and took a bite. He glanced around at the others - and then me - and then took a chunk of bread and began to eat.

The left advisor was watching me without trying to make it look like he was watching me. Rilla covered a giggle with a cough so that I'd know that she saw it as well. I continued to eat my stew. I grabbed a chunk of bread as well. Rilla began to eat her food.

Halfway through my bowl, I realized that I probably should have just let the king eat the damned stew and then found a way to heal him afterwards.

By then, the left advisor was the only person at the table who hadn't taken a bite of his food. The rest of us were busy eating. He finally picked up his spoon and took a bite. He squished the food around in his mouth - like he was tasting it - or tasting something in it.

"Aha!" I exclaimed. "I switched the poison to your bowl. You're fucked!"

"What?!" he gasped. "What are you talking about?"

He pushed the bowl away.

I looked at the king.

"Bring in the cook - the one with the tray of food," I told him. "She was in on it too."

"He's mad, sire! He's lost his mind," the man said.

"We'll see, won't we?" I told him. "What's the poison do?"

"There's no poison," he said, glaring at me.

"What was in the little pouch then - what was the white powder?"

"I have no idea what you're going on about?"

"When we passed the kitchens, you nodded to her. She took the bowl with the green rim and added the powder. I switched with the king so that he wouldn't eat it. When you were trying to switch it back, I moved the poison from the green bowl to yours. Mine's not poisoned - yours is. You've been watching my face the whole time. You know I'm fine. How long does the poison take to act? Will you be bleeding from your ass later and they'll find your dried out husk in your bed in the morning? Does it make you vomit your insides out?"

I turned to the king.

"I can probably resist the poison anyway, have the cook bring the rest of the pouch and pour it in my stew. I'll let you know how bad it is."

"Guard!" the king called.

The guard stuck his head in the door.

"Bring the blonde cook in," the king ordered.

"She left," the guard replied. "She said her son had taken ill and hurried away - just after delivering your food."

The king spun to look at the advisor.

"What did you do?!" he accused.

The advisor moved before the guard could react. He pulled a dagger from somewhere and slashed it across the king's neck. Then he slammed the blade into the king's chest at his heart.

The guard was already in motion but - in my haste to help the king - I knocked the guard aside, while getting up. He smashed into the wall and growled at me. I grabbed the advisor by the throat and pulled the knife from the king's chest. I healed the king's neck and his chest.

He gasped, looking down at his body, feeling his throat and his chest through the hole in his shirt.

The second advisor stood, jumped forward, and slammed a blade into my chest - glaring at me.

I smiled at him.

"That was stupid, bud," I told him. "You just earned yourself the injuries that your buddy gave to the king."

He stumbled back and I pointed my left hand at him. Suddenly, a gash tore his neck open - and his chest began bleeding through a hole that hadn't been there a moment ago.

He blanched.

"My king?" the guard asked, his sword in his hand.

"I'm fine," he answered.

The king looked at me.

"How are you still standing?"

"I have a really high tolerance for pain," I said.

"Pain or not, you're bleeding to death ..."

I reached up, pulled out the blade, and laid it on the table - which pleased the guard.

"It'll heal," I said. "What do you want to do with this one? I can kill him quick or slow. We can take pieces off until he talks. I hear the eyes of a traitor taste delicious. Can I see if it's true? I'll let you have the other if it is ..."

The advisor began retching and convulsing. His saliva began foaming from his mouth. I released him and set him down on the floor by the wall.

"What did you do to him?" the king asked.

"I think the poison finally kicked in," I answered.

The advisor's eyes were as big as dinner plates. He looked back and forth between the king and me.

"Want me to heal him?" I asked.

The king glanced over at the guard.

"I'm just curious enough to watch," the guard told the king. "Let's see how this plays out."

"Good enough for me," Furgrim answered.

I sat down next to Rilla and glanced up at the king.

"What's a guy gotta do to get dessert around here?"

He started laughing.

He sat down and glanced at the guard.

"Fine," the guard said. "Can I wait to see how this ends first?"

"Sure," the king answered. "You might as well sit. It looks like it might take a bit."

I was really surprised. I expected the traitorous advisor to ask to be healed. He took it like a man. I would've been impressed if I hadn't been so repulsed.

When the advisor's chest stopped rising and falling, the guard decided that it was over and headed for the kitchens. The dead man was still staring at me - like his death was somehow my fault. Whatever. As far as I was concerned, the man had simply reaped what he had sowed.

"Is it always so exciting around here, or did I just get lucky?"

"I think I'm the lucky one," the king answered.

The guard returned with four small plates. He served Rilla first - then the king - then me. He sat down with the last one. I grinned at him as he took a bite.

"Good shit," he told the king.

"Yeah. We'll need to find the blonde."

"I told the captain. He's looking into it."

"You don't need to take Rilla and me out to the goblins if you need to stay here and deal with this shit," I told the king. "I don't expect any real trouble. I'll leave the goblins for your men while my wife and I deal with the hobs."

"This is Korl's daughter?" the king asked.

"No, Kira is escorting Sven's kid over to visit him. Sent a raven and said he was dying or some shit. Kira and my girls and the baby dragon should be more than enough to deal with Sven if he decides to be stupid again."

"Again?" Furgrim asked.

"He was holding the baby dragon hostage to control the mother," I told him. "Kira and I freed the hatchling and returned it to its mother. Once the baby was safe at our place, I went back with the mother dragon. She was gonna level the place but Kira suggested taking Sveth hostage like Sven had done with her cub. Sveth actually likes it better at our place. He's dating one of the cooks. She rode with them to see Sven."

The king looked at the guard and shook his head.

"Either these two intentionally lied - or they were too ignorant to get the facts straight," he said. "Considering that they were planning to hang me out to ... well shit ... they just tried to kill me."

It was funny - seeing the lightbulb finally come on in his head.

"There's a slight chance that the second one was defending you - but that's not the read I got on the situation," I told the monarch.

"No, I agree with you. Seeing him with the wounds the other gave me ... How do you do that?"

"Weird gift from the All-Father," I told him.

He just nodded, obviously still rolling it around in his brain.

"Rilla and I will get your hobgoblin problem dealt with and report back to you before we head home, if that's alright," I told him. "I've got a guy back there that I need to deal with and I'd like to wrap things up as quick as possible so I can castrate him before I feed his carcass to the birds."

"What'd he do?" the king asked.

Rilla said, "It's our seamstress' husband. We commissioned a bunch of work. She did a fabulous job. The ceremony was gorgeous because of her skills. While we were busy helping Brant, he kicked her out, threw her shit into the street, and stole her money. He plans to file for divorce. My husband intends to kill him before he has time to waste all of his widow's money."

"You don't fuck around, do you?" he asked me.

"I tend to get angry when people fuck with folks I care about," I told him. "The woman he threw in the street was the first person I met when I came to this world. I was dressed in dirty rags. She offered me a cold drink of clean water and a piece of bread. Her soon-to-be-dead husband is a worthless piece of shit. She'll be better off without him. We already moved her in with the royal seamstresses and I've sent a message to the king to find the bastard and lock him up until I can get there. If Kira gets to him first, I may not be needed. She was the one that commissioned the dresses."

"Nice dresses then?" the king asked.

"I came to the palace with two dozen orphans and two or three adults. Kira had Valeri make matching dresses for all of them - from the five-year-olds to the adults. They all looked like queens."

He nodded again.

"If you don't need me to tag along, I probably should figure out what to do about finding some new advisors. I'm sure the captain can deal with the rest of the traitors."

"We've got provisions," I told him. "If you don't mind, Rilla and I will hit the road. We can probably get halfway there before we quit for the night. Depending on how bad things are, I'd hope to be back by tomorrow night ..."

"It'll take you that long to get there," the king said.

"Not us," I told him. "Got blessings from the All-Father and an appreciative dragon. We move probably four times faster than most folks."

"That's how you got over the mountain so fast ...," the king said, shaking his head.

"We've got a few other secrets too," I told him. "Kira said I need to keep most of them to myself though."

"You should probably listen to her," Furgrim said. "I do appreciate you intervening on my behalf. I'm not going to ask how you figured it all out. I'm just going to accept that you have my best interest at heart and move on."

"Like I said, I just want to kill the goblins so I can get home to fuck a feller up."

"I can respect that," he replied, glancing at the dead advisor and standing.

He held out his hand. I took it and shook it. He nodded his head to Rilla.

"I will look forward to your return," he said.

"Thanks. We'll be back as soon as we can. Point me towards the exit and I'll get out of your hair."

The king and the guard guided us most of the way out - and then turned back when the guard captain came hurrying in with an update. He made to stop us but the king told him that we were cleared and should be released to go deal with the goblins.

We headed north, came to a wall with no gate, raced up the stairs, confirmed that we were headed in the right direction with one of the guards who was patrolling the top, teleported to the ground on the other side, and continued on our way.

Dusk turned to dark and we made it to a wide river - about another two hours - before we decided to camp.

I stripped off my clothes, rolled onto my back, and told my wife that it was her turn to fight to get my cock inside of her. She giggled and bit my lip and then ground her quim around and around on my penis until she was slick and needy. I got all of the way inside of her before I came. I squeezed her butt in my fists and accused her of making it harder when I was the one on top. She giggled and gyrated on my still-rigid prick - churning my cream into butter once again. The second time I came, I squeezed her breasts hard enough to leave bruises on her where my fingertips dug into her supple flesh. I told her that I'd heal them but she informed me that she had earned those battle scars.

I shook my head at her and accepted tender kisses. She lay her cheek on my chest, slid her arms around me, and closed her eyes. I kissed the top of her head and followed suit.

~~~ Furgrim's Kingdom ~~~

Thank the All-Father that the river was just narrow enough that we could teleport across. I didn't want to take the time to investigate what lived in those murky, fast-moving waters. I wanted the goblins dead so I could get home. Rilla and I raced across the grassy tundra - and through trees and underbrush when we couldn't avoid them - to finally arrive at the front lines around mid-morning.

I quickly found the field commander's tent and checked in with him to find out where we could do the most damage. In my hurry to get out of the capitol city, I had failed to get a letter of any kind that told the man who I was.

I spent several minutes answering his questions (after finally getting past the guards). Of course, my answers - especially with relation to the status in the palace - raised more questions than they answered. I finally held my hand up to stop the questions and informed him that I was going to kill hobs and goblins and it would be in his best interest to point me at the biggest, nastiest bunch - or where his troops were stretched the thinnest.

He huffed at me in annoyance but pulled out a map and showed me where the points of contact were. Furgrim had set an outpost here because the terrain lent itself to bottlenecking the attackers - a good move which normally allowed him to defend with fewer troops.

There were, basically, three passes through a range of plateaus. The central pass was the largest. The two flanking ones were narrower. Furgrim's troops were holding well enough at those points. The problem was that the hobgoblins had apparently built ladders or scaffolds on the backside of the plateaus and they were harassing the king's forces from above. The commander told us that we could do the most good if we could get up to the tops of the plateaus and remove the enemy's overwatch. Once that was done, he needed us to destroy whatever they were using to get their fighters up there. I threw him a quick salute (which confused him), turned, and left the tent.

Fifteen minutes later, we could see the battlelines. Furgrim's troops were farther back from the chokepoints than they should have been - but that was because archers (both regular and hobgoblins) were holding the plateaus. There were one or two hobs in each group that were just standing there. They were either the commanders, or they were mages - holding their energy in reserve until it was needed.

The two armies were, essentially, at an impasse. Furgrim's fighters were dug in - defending. The goblins couldn't get enough troops through the passes fast enough to overrun them.

I found the head man in charge, introduced myself and Rilla, and then told him what I planned to do - flank left, gain the heights, and teleport across the plateaus to remove their ranged units. He basically informed me that he wasn't moving his guys unless the field-commander ordered him to do otherwise. He waved his hand at the goblins and told us to have at it.

I understood where he was coming from - and would probably do the same if I were in his shoes - but I told him that I'd be back to chat when I had things looking a little more in our favor and that I expected a nice sit-down chat with some quality mead - because I intended to push the little shits back hard enough that they wouldn't be back in a while. I suggested that he get runners headed back to the field-commander to get the authorizations set up or I was going to simply knock out their archers, tear down their scaffolding, and then head for home - leaving him to deal with the rest. When he understood that I wasn't kidding, he nodded and told me that it would be done.

Rilla and I quickly ate some food and got hydrated. While we recharged, we watched the byplay between the two armies a little longer. The extra hobgoblins were still mostly just standing there - but there seemed to be some sort of communication (hand signals) between the groups - that suggested that they were planning to try to escalate things.

"Time to fuck some shit up?" Rilla asked, grinning.

I grinned, leaned over, and kissed her.

"Yeah, beautiful," I said. "Let's dance."

Keeping an eye on the watchers, we vanished into the trees on our left and made our way to a ledge that looked like it would get us halfway to the top. My teleport range was just a bit short - from my visual estimate - of getting me to the plateau in one hop.

Just as I was about to jump, Rilla bumped my elbow and pointed to a spotter they'd somehow gotten to the place where we were headed. I nodded, turned invisible, and moved to the base of the sheer wall of rock. A second later, I was on the ledge. I was out of sight of the spotter so I reappeared. Rilla signaled to me that the goblin scout hadn't moved.

Once my teleport cooled down, I went invisible again and made the last jump. The goblin was lying on his belly, watching Rilla. I looked around the 100 foot square space. There was a rickety bridge that ran to the next plateau. Just looking at the thing, I knew it would never hold me. I was surprised it had held the goblin. Seeing no backup, I walked over, sent a magical knife through his back into his heart, grabbed his ankle, and pitched him over the side.

Still invisible, I watched Rilla run for the base of the plateau that I was standing on. When I lost sight of her, I moved towards the sketchy bridge and waited for her to join me. So far, the fighters on the next plateau hadn't spotted her. I was kind of hoping one would see her and try to cross the bridge so that I could kick it off and watch him tumble to the rocks below.

The chasm that we needed to cross was right at the limit of our ability to teleport. I kicked the crude bridge into the gap between the two rocky ridge-tops and backed up to get a running start. I turned off my invisibility so that Rilla could watch my attempt and adjust - based on how my experiment worked. I ran as fast as I could, leapt into the air, and then teleported across. I made it with no problems - and with plenty of room to spare.

{"Just teleport,"} I told her. {"Try to land right in front of me and I'll grab you if you're a foot or two short."}

{"What if I'm shorter than that?"} she asked, grinning at me. {"You've been spotted!"}

{"Ignore them and jump!"} I told her.

When she landed beside me, she already had her bow in her fist and an arrow nocked. She let it fly. It took the attacking hobgoblin in the eye - dropping him almost instantly. He cried out and suddenly we had a couple dozen goblins and hobgoblins turning our way.

{"How are you guys doing?"} Kira asked.

{"We're in the shit now - just got spotted,"} I answered.

{"Gotta do it naked or it doesn't count,"} Kira said.

Beside me, Rilla laughed. Her clothes started disappearing.

"Fuck ...," I groaned. "Seriously?"

She cried out as a goblin arrow pierced her stomach. I moved in front of her, knelt, pulled the bolt out, and healed her.

{"Get naked,"} she ordered. {"Stay there and I'll use you for cover. While you're busy not doing anything, you can suck my tits and finger my pussy."}

I wondered why she was speaking into my mind instead of talking until Kira started egging her on. I growled and stored away my clothes. I hugged her body to mine and she missed a shot as she stumbled. The hobgoblin she hadn't shot released his bolt - which speared into my left ass-cheek.

{"You are a literal pain in my ass,"} I told her.

Her giggle echoed in my mind.

{"Suck my tits, meat-shield,"} she demanded.

Kneeling in front of her, I shielded most of her body except for her chest, shoulders, and head. I wrapped my left arm around her waist and held her. I licked and sucked her right nipple and slid two fingers up and down her slit until she was wet enough for me to penetrate. She groaned as I worked my fingers up into her twat.

{"Yes!"} she gasped.

{"Fuck her, husband,"} Kira ordered.

{"Where are you guys?"} I asked the princess.

{"Just entered the city,"} she answered. {"Nothing interesting to see. Give me the play-by-play."}

{"Loki's fingers are in my cunt but he's slacking off on making me cum. I've got most of the archers down. There was a mage starting some kind of spell but I took him out. The last one seems to be trying to communicate with the fuckers on the next summit."}

{"Pop him,"} Kira said. {"Crowd control first."}

{"He's slightly beyond my range."}

{"Move up or loft your shot into him."}

Her next shot went higher. It wasn't perfect - but it did the job.

{"Got him. The group on the next plateau is watching us now. We'll need to clear them before we can jump across."}

{"There's a range of these things?"} Kira asked.

{"Yeah, three passes below that the goblins are coming through. We're removing the overwatch."}

{"Fuck some shit up ...,"} the princess said.

{"Working on it. Now if our husband would just work those fingers a little higher ..."}

Kira laughed.

{"This peak is clear, husband,"} Rilla sent, {"we need to move up."}

{"You distract them with your feminine wiles and I'll go invisible and jump across,"} I told her. {"When they react to me, scoot up and pick them off."}

{"Wait ...,"} Rilla yelled.

I didn't wait. I heard her growl behind me as I raced across the top of the plateau. I jumped high, teleported just behind the line of fighters standing on the ledge, and turned to see them looking around for me and watching Rilla. A whole bunch of them were standing right at the edge of the drop-off.

I got an image of the movie poster for "300" in my head and grinned like an evil bastard. I started booting the fuckers in the ass over the side of the cliff. The air filled with the screams of the falling, grim wet smacking sounds as they reached their destination, and then the wails of the dying.

It took the closer goblins and hobgoblins a minute or two to figure out I was right there with them. When they did, I became visible and started throwing magical damage at them.

I somehow got a mage behind me and he launched one of those purply electric orbs at my face. I struggled to understand why I had to take these in the face every time. At that point, my eyebrows were just starting to grow back.

The blast from the sparkly orb knocked me back and I teetered on the lip of the ledge for a moment before falling backwards. I teleported back to the top just as the caster came over to admire his work. I grabbed him by the throat and pitched him over my shoulder. His scream was highly satisfying.

The remainder of the fighters on the plateau top were now focused on me. The closer ones pulled knives from the belts of their ratty loincloths and raced at me. Those farther back tried to get a clear shot to stick an arrow in me. A couple of the archers took out one of their own fellows when I side-stepped and the knife fighters moved to counter me - putting themselves in the line of fire.

Rilla used my distraction to teleport across. One little shit was behind her. He opened his mouth wide - showing rows of pointy teeth. It looked like he was going to take a big bite out of her perfectly shaped ass. I sent a magical slice across his throat and dropped him without him even making a sound to let her know that he'd been there.

{"Coming to the palace gates,"} Kira said. {"You two fucking on a pile of broken goblins yet?"}

{"Two plateaus to go ...,"} I answered. {"Remind Sven that he's a baby-snatching dick-weed."}

{"Dick-weed ... I like that one."}

{"Ass-hat works too. It's equally good for smart-asses or dumb-asses."}

{"Definitely a dumbass,"} Kira sent back.

{"Think these things are worth looting?"} I asked.

{"I probably wouldn't fuck with it unless you see sparkly rings on their fingers,"} the princess responded.

{"The only sparkly things keep hitting our husband in the face,"} Rilla told her.

{"Very funny ...,"} I complained.

Kira laughed and told us she was closing the connection to focus on what was happening on their end.

I glanced back at Rilla and noticed a new group of goblins climbing up to the first plateau that we'd cleared.

"Shit!"

She glanced back and cursed as well.

I went to the north edge of the plateau we were standing on and found a column of fighters climbing a crude ladder. I sent stabbing and slashing wounds down the line - clearing them off. I tried pulling the ladder up but it was too heavy. I couldn't shove it over either - it was too big.

I pulled a dagger, climbed down twenty feet, and hacked at the thing, chopping it off short. I got shot in the back and the ass while I worked. I turned around and flung damage down at them but there were too many. I went back to working on my lumberjack skills.

Once the ladder was too short to reach the top, I teleported up. Rilla pulled the arrows from my ass and my back. I healed the damage and ran back to the previous plateau to deal with the new arrivals. I made short work of them, climbed down the ladder, and ruined it as well. I teleported to the top, waited for my timer to reset, and then jumped back to Rilla. She removed two more arrows from my body that I had picked up while I was distracted with chopping wood.

The next three plateaus were cleared in much the same way as the previous three. The first two had hobgoblin casters and archers - and goblin archers. I didn't get knocked off this time - but I did get another purple sparkly thing thrown at me. I managed to dodge that one, though. Thank the All-Father.

After removing the fighters and ruining the ladders, I went to the last peak and took out the scout at that location that mirrored the first one we had killed.

Rilla and I looked down at the fighters waiting to push through the passes - and a few others that were trying to build new ladders.

{"You two still alive?"} Kira asked.

{"Yeah, deciding on how to jump down on top of these motherfuckers to fuck some shit up. How's tricks on your end? Sven really dying?"}

{"I think he just got some bad wine,"} Kira answered. {"He's weak enough to be bedridden - but I don't think it's fatal. He's talking to Sven and Nadia."}

{"How's he reacting to Nadia?"} Rilla asked her.

{"He's a little twitchy,"} Kira replied. {"We'll see. The guards didn't find her blade - but I don't think it'll come to that."}

{"That's good, then,"} Rilla told her.

{"Yeah."}

Rilla stepped in front of me, rolled to her tip-toes, and kissed me - while groping my cock.

"Can we get dressed now?" I asked her.

"You don't enjoy this?" she asked, pouting.

"I enjoy looking at you - and fighting with you - but I could use a little more protection against arrows ... I'm also trying to decide whether to just slide down this cliff and then teleport to the ground when I'm close enough. I'd rather not have to dig gravel out of my ass."

"Second option is to go back down the way we came up and push through a pass," she suggested.

"I'd prefer we were clothed if we take that option as well," I told her.

She huffed at me, but said, "Fine."

Just for shits and giggles, I went to the south edge of the plateau to see what Furgrim's men were doing. They were holding steady. The goblins were still pushing through the passes but the entrenched humans were having a much easier time of holding the line now that they didn't have to duck away from falling arrow shafts.

"You see any ledges on this side?" I asked Rilla.

"No. Jump to the ladder and go down that way?" she suggested.

"I'm putting some clothes on first," I told her.

"Spoilsport," she replied with a grin.

I pulled on some leather armor and looked down again. There were a half-dozen goblins on the ladder - trying to figure out a way to climb higher.

"I'm going to try jumping down on top of those little fuckers," I told Rilla. "I'll use them for a buffer between me and the rungs on the ladder. I'll just grab one and ride him to the bottom."

"Won't be that simple," she replied, "but go for it. The body will catch on the ladder and you'll get flipped heads over asses."

"Probably right. I think I'll be low enough to teleport before the world goes to shit though ..."

She laughed and said, "You clear a path and I'll be right behind you."

"You putting clothes on?"

She gave me an evil grin and her bikini top and panties appeared.

"Fuck, you're so damned hot ...," I complained.

"I love your gift," she said. "I can't wait for you to pull it off of me and fuck me on a pile of dead goblins."

I stepped close, pushed the crotch to the side and slid a finger into her tight channel as I kissed her.

"Mmm ... Yes ..." she moaned as we separated. "You're fucking me just like that when this is over."

I spun around, took a step, and dove over the edge of the cliff. A moment later, I hit the line of bodies about twenty feet below. Things went well for about the first half-second. After that, I turned into a human snowball - tumbling head over heels down the rest of the ladder - leaving wrecked and mangled goblin bodies in a path behind me.

I'm pretty sure I broke my back when I landed on my right shoulder at the bottom of the ladder. I looked up to see Rilla laughing at me.

"Nailed it," I yelled at her - although it came out as a groan instead.

I rolled onto my back and sent healing through my body - waiting for everything to be realigned and restored. A mass of enemy fighters surrounded me and began trying to turn me into a human pincushion.

High above, Rilla teleported to the top of the ladder and climbed halfway down. The bikini-clad angel pulled two daggers into her fists and leapt off of the thing - falling the rest of the way - her feet pointed at the heads of two of the bastards that were stabbing me with their spears.

I would never suggest that my waif-like but battle-toned new bride was heavy - but the weight she added to the two fighters' bodies really fucked them up in a not-good way. Rilla cursed as her feet touched down on the packed dirt but she stuck the landing and I quickly healed whatever she had strained. The auburn-headed vixen turned into a whirlwind of blades and began dicing and slicing goblins and hobs.

I healed my wounds and sent the damage into those around me - adding some attacks of my own. Soon, my body was surrounded by a ring of the dead and dying. Rilla came over and offered me a hand up. I accepted it. She pressed herself to me and kissed me hard. I stumbled back and fell over the heap of dead bodies.

She saw that the front of my trousers were tented and yanked my pants off of me. She turned around, pulled the crotch of her bikini bottoms to the side, and sat down on my lap - spearing the tip of my cock into her entrance. Then she ground her pussy around in little circles as she worked to get my penis shoved in deeper and deeper.

She stowed her blades and groped her breasts, moaning loudly.

I heard a battle-cry behind me and leaned my head backwards to see what was coming. A new group of fighters were running our way. I yelled at Rilla but she was too busy sliding my prick in and out of her tight cunny to be bothered.

Suddenly, her bow appeared in her hands and she started firing in front of her. I looked back, behind me, and began sending spears of magical damage into the approaching forces.

I lay there - bent backwards over a pile of corpses - as my auburn-headed wife ground, gyrated, and bounced her pussy on my shaft. An arrow flew past me from the rear and she grunted - and not in a good way. I glanced up to see the shaft sticking out just beneath her shoulder blade. I pulled the arrow out, healed her, and killed the bastard that shot her.

{"Having any fun?"} Kira asked.

{"Fuck, yes!"} Rilla reported. {"I've got his cock inside of me. He's on his back - bent over a pile of the dead. He's wasting goblins behind us and I'm picking off the ones in front. I'm about ten more thrusts from cumming."}

{"Good girl,"} Kira said. {"Nothing makes me cum harder than battle sex."}

{"Fuck some shit up ...,"} Rilla told her.

{"Fuck some shit up ...,"} Kira agreed.

Rilla came soon after - and I wasn't far behind her. I didn't really even get to enjoy it - but it was still amazing. I lost concentration for a second and a hobgoblin caster sent a purple sparkly at me - missing me - but hitting Rilla in the back - at her kidneys.

I nearly blacked out as her pussy suddenly clenched around my penis - from her entrance to her womb. It felt like it was sucking me in like some kind of blackhole ... When I was once again able to focus on what was happening around me, the enemy mage was a lot closer. I sent the damage from Rilla's body at his face. I chased it with a slash to the throat. He didn't survive.

"I squirted," Rilla reported.

I already knew that she had. Her slick warm nectar was running from her pussy, down over my balls, thighs, and ass.

Fifteen minutes later, everything around us was dead. My wife finally climbed off of me, pulled the crotch of her bikini bottoms back over to cover her coochie, and then offered me a hand so that I could get to my feet. I called some water and washed myself up. I told Rilla to get dressed.

When she was presentable once again, we headed through the pass to tell Furgrim's fighters that we were heading back. I suggested to the field commander that he collect their ladders, drag them to this side of the plateaus, fix them, and then use them to put scouts and archers on the ridge to help control the pinch-points better.

I wanted to just teleport home but Kira told us that they wouldn't wrap up for another hour - and would probably spend the night at Sven's palace before heading home. Rilla told her that we would be returning to talk to Furgrim and then we would teleport back home to deal with Valeri's husband.

Kira said she hadn't heard anything. I had Rilla stop and I sent out my spy-bird. I focused on her husband's face and found him in Korl's dungeon. He looked pretty fucked up. I wondered if he'd done that to himself or if the king's men had beaten him up. I reported the status of things to Kira and told her I planned to take care of it before she returned. She made me promise to wait for her, reminding me that he wasn't going to be able to piss away the coins if he was chilling in a cell. I finally admitted that she was right and agreed to wait.

Rilla and I headed south again - making for the river that we'd cross that morning. We got there as the sun was dropping towards the horizon.

"Let's cross now," Rilla said.

"Yeah ...," I agreed.

She ran at the river - moving so quickly that she made it a half-dozen steps before she began to break through the surface of the water. She giggled and teleported to the other side. I was just starting my run when I heard her give a shriek.

I looked up to see a square area covered in leaves begin to fold in on itself. Rilla disappeared from view - falling into a pit that hadn't been there when we had come through earlier in the day.

I raced forward - across the flowing river - and teleported over the hole. Probably not my best idea - but I wanted to get to her as fast as I could. Just as I began to plummet, I caught sight of invisible foes appearing from the thicket around the space that held the pit trap.

I fell twenty feet and landed on two-foot tall stakes that had been sharpened to a point and covered with poison. Rilla had piercing wounds in her feet, calves, hands - and her left side. She had pulled away from the pain by instinct and damaged herself even more.

I yanked the spikes from my body and began regenerating health. The poison was nasty but I could beat it easily enough. It was already affecting Rilla, however. I pulled her off of the spikes - onto my body - and tore the splintered fragments from her flesh - tearing the wounds open worse. I had to get the source of the poison out before I could start healing her.

"Loki ...," she moaned, her eyes glazed with pain.

Her skin was already starting to look and feel badly because of the poisons that were even-now beginning to move through her bloodstream.

A dart whistled past her shoulder and stuck into the dirt beside us. I rolled her to her back and crouched over her. I looked up to see the three invisible foes using hollow tubes to fire more darts at us. I poured healing into Rilla and sent her injuries at one of the fighters. He cried out and tumbled into the pit - skewering himself in several places as he landed badly. He twitched a few times and then stopped moving. The other two took cover but continued to try to snipe at us.

I kept working to heal Rilla. My body was whole again - although my system was still breaking down the rest of the toxins. I pulled the poisons from her body again. The next fucker that peeked at us over the edge of the pit, got that shit in his eyes. He screamed and disappeared from the edge.

Somewhere, the poison was still entering Rilla's system. I searched her hands, arms, feet, legs, and torso. My magic wasn't that good at telling me where the bad shit was. It just healed it. I got the bright idea to transfer it to me and feel it in my own body. Left foot.

I lifted her foot and checked the ankle. There was a thick splinter stuck there. I pulled it free and healed the wound. I purged her system of poisons again - pulling them into my own body - and she began to breathe easier. Her eyes were closed and she was shaking slightly. I sent healing into her again.

A dart stabbed into my back. I reached behind me, yanked it out, teleported to the edge of the pit, and slammed the thing into the eye of the fucker that shot me. He gasped. I grabbed him by the neck and demanded to know who he was and why he was attacking. His body convulsed and he began to vomit. I pushed him away and he lay on the ground - convulsing harder and harder until it suddenly stopped - along with his breathing.

The other one - the one that I had blinded - was still barely alive. I wrapped my hands around his throat and ordered him to tell me who had sent him. He said something like "soon". He died a minute later. I went back to the edge of the pit and teleported down to check on Rilla. She was improving.

It took until dark to get her feeling better enough to teleport out of the pit. She looked at the bodies and said, "They worship Zuun."

She pointed to scarification on the men's arms and explained her rough understanding of what the symbols meant. She pulled Kira into the conversation and the princess was able to explain more to me about who they were. When I described them, she told me to see if I could store the corpses in my store-room. She said that Furgrim might want to see them but she knew that her dad would.

Kira told us that Zuun's followers practiced human sacrifice. She said they would offer up their own people if they had to - but that they preferred to capture others and sacrifice them. She said that they focused on stealth, traps, poisons, and ritual sacrifice.

I successfully stored the two near me so I returned to the pit to get that body too. I grabbed all of their weapons and things and stored those away as well.

We made camp by the side of the pit. I got more food and drink into Rilla and tried to get her to sleep but she demanded that I make love to her first. I ate her to climax as she ran her fingers through my hair and looked down into my eyes.

"I thought I was going to die," she whispered. "I felt like my body was on fire - my veins burned throughout my whole body."

I crawled up her gorgeous frame and kissed her gently. She pulled my hips down and guided my cock to her entrance.

"Make love to me, husband," she ordered. "I feared for my life today and I need to feel your warmth filling me."

"You're better now," I assured her.

"We need to talk to Mila," she said. "I'm anxious to have her start carrying our children - Kira's first and then mine. I want someone to survive me if I don't come back from our next outing."

"Stop talking like that," I told her.

She was shaken, though, and didn't stop talking about it until I exploded inside of her. I made love to her while constantly kissing her and speaking gentle and reassuring words to her. When I finally began pumping my load inside of her, she came as well. She held my face in her hands, kissing my lips again and again, and telling me how much she loved me.

I lay on my side. She was wrapped around my body from behind - wanting to feel all of me within her embrace. She refused to go to sleep until I did.

~~~ End of Chapter 17 ~~~

There are 18 chapters in this story series.

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