I Stopped Chasing Pitches Ch. 02

Please read chapter 1 before this. You know it's the right thing to do.

The stars in their courses

-------[]----[]-------

The funeral was an ordeal. Not only were my emotions raw, but I had two of my children beside me. Connor and Megan decided to attend. The two younger ones, with my encouragement, decided to stay home.

Connor and Megan were holding hands. It wasn't romantic. It was clinging together.

I gained a whole new appreciation for Kayla's father, Bill. He told heart-warming stories about Kayla, including some that elicited laughter. Even from me. However, I was glad when it was over.

Bill came up to me at the cemetery.

"Josh, I've never said to you what I should have said long ago. You were the best thing that ever happened to my daughter. The years you were together were the happiest of her life. Thank you.

"Now, please let us find ways to help you with the children."

-------[]----[]-------

The following week, I returned to work. I mistakenly thought immersing myself in work would prevent me from dwelling on my loss. I learned that's not how we're put together.

The death of a spouse is one of the most stressful experiences one can have. I woke up each morning and put on the hair-shirt torture of her absence in my life. Her side of the closet mocked my efforts to think of other things. All her clothes were silent witnesses to my loss.

I was carrying a burden and found concentration at work difficult. Our managing partner, Mark Anderle, came to see me about once a week. His wife had died of cancer ten years before. He knew.

"Josh, there isn't anything I can say, there's nothing anyone can say that will magically make the pain disappear. I know this sounds trite, but it is nevertheless true: time will slowly soften grief and pain. You will likely think of Kayla every day for the rest of your life. That's normal. Even if you remarry, and I hope you do, the love and joy you find there will not erase your memories of Kayla.

"I'm sure I don't need to remind you of this, but I will anyway, don't forget your kids. This is also their loss, and they need to be able to lean on you."

I took his counsel to heart, at least with respect to my children. Kayla and I bought life insurance about two years before she got sick. Her policy was only $500,000, but I decided to sell our home and buy something a little larger, with a pool and hot tub.

I also bought the Lexus I had wanted.

The sale of our home forced me to deal with Kayla's clothes. That alone was a huge step for me. A personal victory over grief.

The kids loved the pool. We spent time together in it once a week. We also picked a fun family activity once a week. Mini-golf, horseback riding, and picnics in the park. I bought a couple of tents and other camping gear, and we started camping out on weekends. I took everyone to a Rockies game. Beth's favorite thing there was a hot dog.

After a few weeks of that, I discovered my pain had receded. I knew it was due to my focus on the kids and the time we spent together. We were all healing. Somewhat, at least. Gradually.

One night Heath came into my bedroom.

"I miss Mommy."

"I know, Heath, so do I. She was wonderful, wasn't she? What is your favorite memory with her?"

"She would sit in a chair with me on her lap and read stories to me."

That answer prompted me to ask everyone in the hot tub a couple of days later.

Connor: "Mom went out and bought a dozen baseballs and we went to the park with my old T-ball stand. She would have me hit a dozen and then we would race around to pick them up. I always won. It wasn't until later I realized she had me doing all the work."

Megan: "Mom took me shopping one day. She had a list, and she would tell me to go find the next thing on the list. I got to know the whole store. I can find anything there now."

Heath: "She read stories to me."

Beth: "I helped Mom cook."

-------[]----[]-------

I had finally gotten my law practice running smoothly again. My income had rebounded, and I was back to my pre-cancer earnings.

I was surprised to look at the calendar one day to discover it had been seven months since Kayla died.

Mark was right. Time and immersing myself in my children's lives made it bearable.

I suddenly had a thought. "Is it time to start dating?"

"Hell no!"

That I spoke out loud. The thought of trying to meet someone in a bar or online was more than I could stomach. I could just see myself crying on my first date.

-------[]----[]-------

A few weeks later there was a knock on my door, which was open. I looked up to see a young woman standing in the hall, looking in.

"Come on in. What can I do for you?"

"We haven't met, but I was hired a couple of weeks before your wife died. I passed the bar about that time as well."

"Oh! You're an attorney with our firm. I'm sorry I'm so out of touch. Tell me your name."

"Jennifer. Jennifer Hogan."

"Ok, Jennifer. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I actually ... that is ... I wanted to meet you."

"Great. Mission accomplished."

"I've wanted to meet you, but I realized I won't know how to recognize when you are far enough along in your grieving."

"Wait! Why have you wanted to meet me?"

"Oh, I'm so embarrassed! In my mind this always went smoothly. Mr. Stevenson ..."

"Please, just Josh."

"Well, Josh, I was hoping to ask you to go to dinner with me."

"You mean, like a date?"

"Not like a date. A date. With me."

"Jennifer ... I ..."

"Look, Josh. If my timing isn't right, just consider this an introduction, with a hope you will consider asking me out when the time is right."

"No. I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because you already asked me out. My answer is yes, so where are you taking me?"

"Oh. Ok. Ummm, where would you like to go?"

"Oh, no! That's not the way dating works. The person doing the asking picks the place and/or the activity."

Jennifer blushed and was laughing.

"I see you're going to make me work for this."

"It's turning out to be wonderful entertainment."

"Josh will you go out to dinner with me to Indian Bites? Can I pick you up at 7 on Friday?"

"That sounds great. I love Indian. Let's swap phone numbers and I'll text you my address. How should I dress?"

"I thought I would wear a casual dress."

"Sorry, I only have a little black dress. How about if I wear business casual?"

Jennifer was laughing.

"I think I need to insist on the LDB. I need to see that."

'Touche'. It makes me wish I still had one."

"Still?"

"Kayla had one, but I guess it wouldn't have fit anyway."

My eyes filled with tears. Dammit!

"It's ok, Josh. I understand more than you would think. I'll tell you over dinner why I've wanted to go out with you. I think I owe you that."

-------[]----[]-------

Friday night I was getting ready for my date. Connor and Megan noticed at once.

"Dad," asked Megan, "are you going on a date?"

"I am. Does that bother you?"

"I think it's great."

"I do, too. Good for you, Dad."

"Neither of you are upset?"

"Not at all. We know you're lonely, and you told us before the last things Mom said to you. You know, about getting married again."

"Who is she?"

"Connor, she's a young attorney in our firm. She asked me out."

"Seriously? That's bold."

"Megan, I hope someday you have the experience of asking a young man out. It's scary!"

"I she cute, Dad?"

"I think she's beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Kayla."

My eyes filled with tears again. Megan hugged me.

"I just remembered, she's picking me up at 7. I made her do that since she asked me out. When she rings the doorbell, you answer it. Invite her in. Her name is Jennifer. Tell her you'll find me, and I'll wait upstairs. That way you can meet her."

The two were very excited.

Megan told me I looked very handsome. Connor rolled his eyes.

At 7 sharp, the doorbell rang.

I heard the door open and Jennifer's voice.

"I'm here to pick up Mr. Stevenson. Is this the right house?"

"It is," said Connor. "May I tell him your name?"

"Jennifer Hogan."

"I'll go let him."

That was Megan. When she appeared in my room she was grinning.

"Dad, she's beautiful. A babe."

I went downstairs and Jennifer was standing there, and I agreed with Megan. Jennifer was a babe. She smiled and handed me flowers.

"I realized what it takes to sweep me off my feet, so since it was my turn at the plate ..."

Connor started laughing.

"Did you know I played baseball?"

"I may have asked around and then looked you up on the Wildcats baseball page."

I took the flowers and Megan offered to put them in a vase for me.

Jennifer held her arm, inviting me to put mine through hers. She even opened the door of the car for me.

When she got in, I was laughing.

"You passed with flying colors. Even my car door. Legendary. Would you like me to drive now, so you can go back to being the girl?"

"I'd love that."

I had her park on the street while I opened the garage door. I had my new Lexus sedan inside, and I opened the door for her.

"You were a good sport to be the guy for as long as it took. I'm impressed."

"It felt so weird! But this date is important to me."

"Over dinner talk?"

"I promise. I also insist on paying tonight."

-------[]----[]-------

I chose Chicken Korma and Jennifer had Butter Chicken. Of course, we added Naan to that. The food was delicious, but I hadn't let on it was one of my favorite places.

"So, Jennifer, why did you ask me out?"

"Several reasons. First, you are incredibly handsome. Added to that is how much you clearly loved Kayla. I want to be loved like that someday. More important than those, though, was my history.

"When I was 10, my mother died of a brain tumor. Isn't that how old Megan is?"

"She turns 10 in a couple of months."

"After Mom died, Dad was lost, consumed with grief and loneliness."

"I can relate. Nothing can prepare one for the loneliness."

"I worried about Dad. I think I grew up in a hurry, because he needed help with ordinary tasks, like laundry, shopping and cooking. I saw no escape from how dreary our home became, until Dad met Heather. She was younger than Mom by a few years but had not been married. Dad was suddenly happy, animated, active, able to deal with life.

"He fell in love with Heather. That was wonderful enough, but then Heather took my sister and me under her wing and became mother to us. She loved us and we knew it. I owe so much to her love. She was the one who encouraged me to think about law school."

"Are you my Heather?"

Jennifer laughed. "I don't know about that. All I know is I want to get to know you. Tonight is a first step, and after this I'm officially out of the asking business. That was hard!"

"Jennifer, where did you grow up?"

"In Colorado Springs. Dad teaches math at the Air Force Academy. We lived in the Broadmoor area, and I graduated from Cheyenne Mountain High."

"Were you a cheerleader?"

"I was. Why did you ask?"

I told her my story about high school and Kayla and how she changed, and we got together.

"You wanted to know whether I was a cheerleader snob?"

"No, I doubt you were."

"You loved Kayla long before she loved you, right?"

"I was alone in that relationship for about six years before we ever dated. I was shocked when I opened the door, and she was standing there."

"How are you doing, Josh? I mean honestly."

"Probably better than your father, but it hasn't been a walk in the park. Hardest year of my life and the first year isn't over. I think what has helped the most is the last thing Kayla said to me. She was in terrible pain but resisted using her morphine pump so she could tell me something.

"She told me to remarry, because her children would need a mother. Then she said she was going to take morphine, and she had a feeling she would not wake up. She asked me to kiss her goodbye. She died about four hours later."

Jennifer's face was streaked with tears.

"Because of what she said, I've focused on the four kids and being active with them in fun things together."

"Tell me about them. I met Connor and Megan but start with them anyway."

"Connor was Kayla's son, by her first husband, Matt. A few months before Connor turned 2, Kayla caught Matt cheating on her and kicked him out and divorced him. When Kayla and I married, I called Matt--we had known each other in high school--and asked whether he would give up his parental rights. I pointed out he would no longer have to pay $750 a month in child support. That was all he needed to hear.

"I adopted Connor. When he was four, Kayla and I had Megan, who is almost 10, and Connor is 14. Two years after Megan came Heath, now 8, and then Beth, now 6 years old. Connor and Megan have become close friends. Nothing romantic, just devoted to each other. They held hands at the funeral to get through it together. They have a wonderful friendship."

"Does Connor know you adopted him?"

"He does. Kayla told him about a year before she died. He came and thanked me for his wonderful life."

"That's very self-aware for a teenage boy. It sounds like you and Kayla have raised four wonderful and strong children."

"It's an unfinished project, and one about which I am increasingly aware, I lack the skills to complete alone. I guess that brings us full circle, back to you and me."

"Josh ... I told you about my background in part to explain why I took a special interest in you, in your situation. I lived what your kids are living. In part, I'm offering to be available to talk if you think my advice is worth something."

"I hope that's not the only reason you asked me on this date."

Jennifer was blushing.

"Well, you zeroed right in, but I already told you I thought--think--you are incredibly handsome. I also read about your baseball career at Arizona. I won't pretend to understand baseball as well as you, but I know what it means to have an OBP of.450. You know you are still the single season and the career leader in that stat at Arizona?"

"Just so you remember that getting on base in baseball does not transfer to romance."

This time she turned even redder and was laughing.

"I love your humor. Yes, I'm interested in getting to know you and seeing if anything develops between us. Do you have enough interest in me to see me again?"

"Connor and Megan were excited about me having a date and insisted on answering the door so they could check you out. They asked whether you were beautiful. I told them you are, but they wanted to see for themselves. Megan came upstairs to confirm you are 'a babe.'

"Tomorrow is Saturday, and the forecast is for sunny and warm weather, a little above normal for October. Would you go play mini golf with me and then we can have a picnic in the park. I must warn you, Kayla beat me at minigolf every time we played."

"I've played my share of rounds. I'll take on that challenge, and as to the picnic, if you'll bring the drinks, I'll make sandwiches."

"Deal. What's your soda of choice?"

"Mountain Dew. Not diet."

"That's a good sign."

"Kayla liked the Dew?"

"No, I do. Kayla was always a Dr. Pepper fan."

"What time do you want to pick me up... I need to text you my address. It'll be nice to be the girl again."

"How about 10?"

We drove back to my house so she could get her car and drive home. I opened the door on her car and as we stood, I could see three faces peeking out a window of the house.

"Don't turn and look, but three of my kids are watching."

I wondered whether Jennifer would want to kiss, but she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Let's just give them a tease."

Of course, when I walked in the door, the questioning began.

-------[]----[]-------

The next day, Jennifer beat me at mini golf. I need to admit that I stink at it. I never beat Kayla in a half dozen or so tries, and Jennifer beat me by almost one full stroke per hole. Worse than any loss to Kayla ever.

When I dropped my final putt, two strokes after her on that hole alone, she kissed me on the cheek.

"Youth triumphed again."

When we got to the park, we decided to eat first and then walk together. The sandwiches she made were fabulous, but what got my attention was the bread. It was homemade.

"Did you bake this bread, Jennifer?"

"I did. Is it ok?"

"It's delicious. How did you learn to bake bread?"

"That would be my mom, Heather. We baked bread together a lot. She did it the hard way, kneading the dough by hand. I cheat and use a bread machine. I'm glad you like it."

"Do you ever make rye bread or sourdough?"

"I have recipes I love for both, and I have a good sourdough starter I got from Heather."

We were both enjoying our Mountain Dews. I told her the story of Kayla, and the Dr. Pepper I made sure to have for her when she came over to study a couple of times.

"You told me last night Kayla was a snobby, self-centered girl in high school. She really changed, didn't she?"

"Her marriage and divorce from Matt humbled her in a big way. She always said she learned patience and love from Connor, but I think it was always lurking inside her."

"I almost hate admitting I was a cheerleader in high school."

"Not all cheerleaders are the way Kayla was."

"I'm a little surprised you were able to forgive her, after the way she used you."

"I have to admit, when I opened the door 12 years ago and saw her standing there, that went through my mind, but she was so changed, and in tears asked me to forgive her for the way she treated me seven years earlier."

As we walked through the park, Jennifer held my hand. It felt wonderful to be with her and I was aware of my growing feelings for her.

"After Kayla died, I received the life insurance money, and we sold our home and bought the one we're in now. I wanted a house with a pool, so it would be natural to spend time as a family. Then we added a hot tub. It's our favorite place for the five of us to hang out together."

"That's smart of you. I know it sounds like I'm finding fault with Dad, but we barely hung together as a family until Heather came into our lives. You've been wise to make things happen differently."

"Would you like to spend time in the pool this evening? Before you say yes, it's all but guaranteed the four kids will want to join us and meet you."

"Are you sure you're ready for them to meet me? I guess the older two already have."

I stopped, put my arms around her, and we kissed. It was a first kiss, short on passion, but a promising future. When the kiss ended, she put her forehead on my chest.

"Whew! I didn't see that coming."

"Too soon?"

"Not at all. I was just thinking that I would like to see this day end with a kiss."

"In answer to your question, I'm ready for you to meet the kids. Be ready for the inquisition."

She was laughing, then looked up into my eyes. We kissed, and this time it was enthusiastic.

-------[]----[]-------

I called Connor on his cell phone. I had just allowed him to get one, but it also made me feel better, knowing I could always reach my most responsible child.

"Hey Connor. ... Yes, she beat me. More like whipped me. Worse than your mom. ... I know, I may have to hire you to take her on for me. The reason I'm calling, I invited Jennifer to come over and swim this evening. ... No, open pool. Tell the other kids and we'll all get to know Jennifer better. ... Probably about 6, I think. Ok, see ya later. Luv ya."

I turned to Jennifer, and she had tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I loved listening to you talk with Connor. You really love him, don't you?"

"From the moment I met him, when he was two, there's been a closeness between us."

I described some of our fun at the park as we played and how much he laughed. How he dragged me back to the swings because he wanted more of that.

"It's more than that now. He's the oldest, and I rely on him."

"The more I see you the more attraction I feel for you. We need to go by my place so I can get a swimsuit. A conservative one. While we're there, how would like to stream something?"

"That sounds fun. I haven't had time to stream much the last couple of years."

"Have you watched any of Ted Lasso? As a sports guy, I'm predicting you'll love it."

"Let's watch."

We sat together and watched the first episode, which I loved, as Jennifer predicted. I also had things I wanted to talk about, so we turned it off before starting another.

"Jennifer, I know we're on our first weekend--actually the second day----of dating, but I know we both feel a genuine attraction. Maybe it's not too early to make sure we're on the same page about what we want. I haven't even asked how old you are."

"I'm 26, and I never suspected I had a thing for older men."

"Wow, so that's how we're going to play this."

"Well, you are 10 years older. Maybe the real issue is your desire for young babes."

"May I remind you who initiated this?"

"Ok, we'll call it my older man fantasy."

"That sounds better. You were making me out to be a borderline pedo. However, getting back to what I wanted to ask, do you want children of your own? Please don't try to guess what I want. Let's be totally honest and transparent about things like this."

"I want to be a mother, including giving birth. Do you want more children, Josh?"

"Kayla and I would not have had more, but if you and I marry, my answer will change. I want us to have that experience together. I'm not sure I will want four more, but at least two for sure."

"Thank you for asking about this. For now, at least, I'll stop teasing you about being an old man."

"For now."

"Well, it may come in handy in future teasing."

"Are you ticklish?"

"Wildly. Please don't."

"It may come in handy in the future when you tease me about my age."

Jennifer turned towards me and kissed me on my cheek.

"I think one of the things I'm discovering I like most about you is your sense of humor. You make me laugh a lot and that's almost as good as your kisses."

"I must be doing it wrong."

I pulled her to me and kissed her. It was long and wet. When it ended, Jennifer was fanning her face.

"Experience triumphs over youth. That was a hot kiss, and you left me trembling. You're right, though. Your kisses are better than laughing."

"And hopefully laughing is never the result of my kisses."

There was silence for a minute.

"Ummm, Josh, I want to tell you something about me. It will probably surprise you when I tell you I'm still a virgin. A cheerleader who's a virgin."

"That's clearly the result of a decision you've made. Tell me about it."

"It began with Heather. About the time I got my first period, Mom was helping me understand the pressures I would face to have sex. She told me it was a valid choice to wait. The way she put it once was, 'Yes, I want to make love, but not now or not this way.'"

"So here you are. I'm impressed you've chosen to wait."

I told her about Kayla's desire to wait, even though neither of us was inexperienced. She wanted what it would mean to us.

"Jen, I'm glad you brought this up, because it was on my mind for a different reason. I'm the father of two young girls, a young boy, and a young man. They're going to face the pressures you spoke about.

"To make it thoroughly personal, I don't want to set an example for Megan that would suggest there is no choice but to have sex. I can tell her one thing, but act in another way, and my words will be drowned out by those actions.

"Whether my future is with you or with someone else, I want to wait for marriage."

Jennifer hugged me and put her head on my shoulder.

"We're on the same page. I appreciate that, but if we have a future together, your age and experience will be nice on our wedding night."

"You're not about to propose, are you? 'Cause I thought you were done being the guy."

"I'm perfectly happy leaving those things to you, old man."

"Wow, that didn't last long."

We were laughing together, until I kissed her.

-------[]----[]-------

When I pulled into the garage, I could tell Jen was nervous. As I was helping her out of the car, the garage door opened and Megan came out, ran straight to Jen and hugged her.

"I'm glad you're here to swim with us tonight. Come with me and you can put your things in my room."

Off they went. Jennifer was in good hands.

We gathered in the kitchen. I didn't want the stuffy formality of sitting on a sofa in the living room. I introduced Jennifer to the kids and suggested we all change into swimsuits and meet in the pool. As I walked down the hall, I heard Megan tell Jennifer she could change into her suit first.

I grabbed a stack of towels and put them by the French doors leading out to the pool. Then I went to change.

When I got out to the pool, Connor, Heath and Beth were already in the water, and one of them had brought the towels out. Since Beth was only six, she knew she was not allowed in without Connor or Megan or me. She had always carefully followed that rule. The rule said that when she could swim the length of the pool, she could get in without others. Heath had only recently accomplished it.

The door opened and out came Jennifer and Megan. Megan was holding her hand. Jen was wearing a coverup over her suit. She paused to remove it while Megan ran and jumped in.

Of course, I was watching Jen. Underneath that coverup was a very conservative one-piece black swimsuit. She came over, dove in gracefully and swam over to me.

The suit may have been conservative, but her nipples were prominent. I had to fight the desire to stare blatantly. She came next to me, and I put my arm around her.

"Connor, would you toss me that ball by you?"

Once I had it, I explained the rules.

"You toss the ball to someone, and they need to tell us one thing about themselves. It could be what food you like, your favorite class in school, favorite music, or anything else you can think of. Then you toss it to someone else and it's their turn."

I tossed the ball to Connor.

"Not everyone knows that Mom was my mother, but I had a different father. My original father was not a nice man, but Dad rescued me and became my father. I was only two, so I don't remember it."

He tossed the ball to Megan.

"I was Mom and Dad's first child together, but Connor was already four years old. He's a great big brother and I love him."

She tossed the ball to Jennifer.

"I'm Jennifer and I grew up in Fort Collins, and I was exactly Megan's age when my mother died."

"What happened after that?"

"Wait Megan. New rule. When you toss the ball you can ask one question or just let them tell us something."

Jennifer tossed the ball to Beth.

"What's your favorite food, Beth?"

"I love spaghetti."

She tossed the ball to Heath. No question.

"Mom and Dad had two girls and one boy together. I'm the boy between Megan and Beth."

Heath tossed it to me.

"Have you kissed Jennifer?"

I was surprised this came from Heath.

"Yes, Jennifer and I kissed earlier today for the first time."

I tossed the ball to Megan.

"Megan, you met Jennifer last night when she came to pick me up. Do you think she's beautiful?"

"I told you last night she's a babe."

Jennifer moved to Megan and hugged her.

Megan tossed the ball to Jennifer.

"Did you like kissing Dad?"

Jennifer blushed.

"It was wonderful."

Megan was smiling. The other three all said "Ewww!" I was laughing.

Jennifer tossed the ball to Connor.

"What is your earliest memory of your mom?"

"I remember sitting on a floor with her and she was showing me how to put Legos together. I think I was three years old, maybe three and a half."

Connor tossed the ball to Megan.

"Same question."

"I was standing on a chair by Mom, and she was making something for dinner. She had me used a big spoon and mix it."

We kept that up for about an hour. There were funny moments and emotional ones. We ended on one of the most emotional. Jennifer had tossed the ball to me.

"Tell us about your first experiences with Connor."

"Kayla and I had dinner. I think it was a Friday. The next day, she brought Connor to the park. Connor was the happiest little guy I've ever seen. I brought a beach ball, only about 8-inches in diameter. I tossed it gently to him and he chased after it, laughing all the way. I tossed it again and this time he was laughing so hard he rolled over the ball and lay in the grass, laughing.

"I put him on one of those swings shaped like an infant seat. Gentle swings back and forth. Then I put him down a kiddy slide. We were going to walk over the Kayla, but Connor took my hand and pulled me back toward the swing. I loved Connor from that day on."

I was wiping tears from my eyes. Connor waded over to me and hugged me.

"I wish I could remember those days, too. Thanks for everything, Dad."

-------[]----[]-------

When Kayla was dying and we were still in our old home, I was trying to work from home, but it was only a three-bedroom home, so I set it up on our dining room table.

When we bought our new home, I wanted four bedrooms plus an office.

After I had been dating Jennifer for a few weeks. There was a knock on my office door, and I looked up to see Connor. I smiled and waved him in.

"Hey Connor! What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to talk."

I put down my pen and shoved my papers away.

"Go for it."

"I wanted to talk about Jennifer. Do you love her, Dad?"

"I do."

"Do you plan to marry her?"

"That's what I've been trying to decide. It feels a little soon after your mom died, but what do you think?"

"I think Mom wanted you to marry soon."

"Do you like Jennifer?"

"I do. I think all of us like her."

"Do you want her as your stepmother."

"She'll be great, Dad, but I see you're worried about how soon it is. It doesn't matter to us, because we know what Mom wanted. Go talk to Grandpa Bill and Grandma Sue. Tell them how you feel about Jennifer."

"That's good advice, Connor. That's why I pay you the big bucks, man."

We hugged, and I resolved to follow his advice, and soon.

-------[]----[]-------

We were often at both grandparents' homes. My parents and Kayla's, Bill and Sue. I relied on both sets of grandparents to preserve family ties and a sense of that belonging in Kayla's absence.

I called Bill and Sue and asked to come over and talk. Just me. No kids. We sat around their dining room table, the very place where I tutored Kayla in geometry all those years before.

"My kids have probably told you I've been dating a woman named Jennifer. I love her. I want to marry her, but I don't want you to be hurt or offended, because it hasn't yet been a year since Kayla died."

"Josh," said Bill, "our grandkids can't stop talking about Jennifer and how much they like her. They love her. They want a mother. We loved what Kayla said to you right before she died. Our grandchildren need a mother. You need a wife.

"You go ahead and marry Jennifer, if marriage with her is what you want. No worries here, Josh. We want you and our grandchildren to be happy. Please bring her over to meet us, and make sure we're invited to the wedding."

-------[]----[]-------

For the next few weeks, I saw Jennifer every chance I could get, and we spent at least one evening in the pool, until the weather turned colder and it was time to winterize the pool.

There was still the hot tub, and I loved holding her in my arms. I also learned she had two swimsuits that were not conservative. One was a tiny bikini.

One night, after the kids had gone to bed, we were sitting in the hot tub. That was the first time I saw the bikini. We were kissing. Jennifer swung her leg over me and sat on my lap. As we kissed, she ground against my erection. We were both moaning.

I gently moved her off to sit beside me.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I got carried away. I've never felt such desire for anyone."

I laughed.

"Don't beat yourself up. Desire is normal between two people in love, and it's more powerful than we expect. I love you, so my desire for you is off the charts."

"I love you, too, Josh. I really do."

"Will you join me for dinner tomorrow night. Dress up for dinner at the Manor Chophouse. I'll pick you up at 7, ok?"

"That sounds nice. I think we should get out now and not push our will power too far."

-------[]----[]-------

The next day at the office, I kept running into Jennifer. Weeks before we had told HR about our romantic involvement but today felt awkward. I know it was for me, because I knew what was going to happen that night.

I rang her doorbell at 7. I had brought a dozen red roses, so she kissed me and invited me in while she put them in water. She was wearing a gorgeous black dress. Lots of cleavage and very short. That provoked immediate stiffening for me.

"You look so handsome in that suit."

"You mean, for an old fart."

"I would never say that to your face!"

"You thought it."

We kissed again. It was a long kiss.

"Jennifer, there are times I can't get enough of your kisses, and I love your perfume."

"Thank you, but I think my panties are damp every time I see you, including right now.

-------[]----[]-------

Jennifer held my hand all the way to the Chophouse. As I followed her to our table, I couldn't take my eyes off her fabulous figure.

We sat at adjoining sides of the table so we could hold hands. After we ordered, we talked about the kids and how they were doing. Jennifer was talking about how much she had come to love Megan.

"It's probably because I see myself in her. Losing our mothers at the same age. Having to grow up quicker, although she had a wonderful father, while mine was struggling."

"Jennifer, I have a question. When do I need to talk to Megan about periods?"

"I would start on her 11th birthday and invite any questions, because she will have heard things. I think you should also buy tampons and have them there for her. All of that will avoid a terrifying experience for her and embarrassment for you."

Soon our food came. We each ordered steaks. Mine was a ribeye and she had a filet mignon. Both were incredibly flavorful.

When we finished eating, I returned to our tampon discussion.

"Would you mind talking to Megan about this and picking out the tampons for her?"

"I'm happy to be there while you have the talk, but it needs to be a talk with a parent."

"Is there any way I can change your mind?"

"I feel strongly it should be a parent who will always be there."

"Well, what if I put it this way?"

I got down on one knee and held her hand.

"Jennifer Hogan, I confess to being completely, irrevocably and hopelessly in love with you. Will you marry me?"

She was wiping away the tears and managed to squeak out a yes. As I stood I kissed her and whispered in her ear.

"Will you come with me tomorrow to shop for an engagement ring?"

"Yes, should we go home and tell the kids?"

"I think we'd better."

When we walked in the house, the kids were scattered around the house. I called them and asked them to join us. Megan and Connor were last, and they were carrying something. They held up a sign.

"Welcome Jennifer, our new mom!"

Jennifer was crying, the kids were hugging her, except for Connor, who gave me a high five.

"Thanks for taking care of that, Connor."

Suddenly, Jennifer stopped and looked at me.

"Wait! How long have you been planning this?"

"I've known for about 10 days that I was going to ask you to marry me. I just wasn't sure when. I asked Connor about it a few weeks ago and he gave his blessing. Also, Kayla's parents. They gave their blessing as well."

"You've been busy."

"We're going to get busier. Tomorrow we're shopping for rings."

-------[]----[]-------

We also took a trip to Colorado Springs, to meet Tom & Heather. I loved them at once. Tom embarrassed Jen right away.

"I've wanted to meet the guy Jennifer couldn't stop talking about. I've never seen her happier. Not even after she passed the bar exam."

"I understand you have a 10-year-old daughter, Tom. Jennifer's probably told you that's how old she was when her mother died. I became her mother two years later. I got there just in time for her first period."

"It's funny but that was a worry Josh had and asked me about. He used that discussion to propose to me, because I told him he needed to have the talk with her, not me. It needed to be a parent who would always be there. He asked whether there was any way to change my mind. Then he knelt and asked me to marry him.

"We're going to have the talk with Megan together, about a year from now."

We had a wonderful time talking.

"When are you planning to marry?"

"Heather, we haven't decided, but we want it to be soon. I want Jennifer to have the kind of wedding she has always hoped for. We should probably have you and Tom up for dinner with my parents and talk more about it."

-------[]----[]-------

That was how it was that two weeks later, the six of us were sitting around the dinner table. Jen and I tried cooking together. Overall, we did ok, but there were rough edges to work out.

We discussed our wedding plans. That's the wrong way to describe what happened. Mom and Heather began planning our wedding, with an occasional question for Jen. The upshot was, we were getting married on January 5th, in Longmont. Since both of us worked there, most of our friends were there as well, so Heather agreed on that as the correct location.

Jen and I tried to stay out of their way. Jen's sister had not yet married, so it was the first wedding for Heather and Tom. It was also Jen's first wedding, so I was really focused on staying on the sidelines.

Jen and I focused on a honeymoon.

"Can we get away for 10 days or so? What will we do with the kids?"

"I'll work on putting together rides to and from school. Between the four grandparents here, I'm sure we can cover things. Where do you want to go?"

"I seem to remember you saying it doesn't work that way. Your job to plan."

"Honeymoons are different. Where would you like to go? What's your dream?"

"We're getting married in January. I want something tropical, with a pool. I want to make love there."

"I'm getting to you, aren't I?"

"Josh, I'll just admit it now. I'm crazy hot for your bod."

"I'm not sure which of us has worse case for the other. I honestly don't remember it being this ... difficult with Kayla. I was about to say, 'this hard.'"

We spent an evening looking at possible places and finally decided on Bora Bora. We considered Bali, but the flight itineraries were horrendous. We found a resort that had individual villas, each with a private pool.

"Will you make love to me in the pool?"

"And on the bed, the sofa, against the wall, in the shower and on a table, if we have one."

Jen was fanning her very red face.

-------[]----[]-------

I ultimately decided to spend our first two nights at the Ritz-Carlton in Denver, then fly to Bora Bora and spend five nights there.

Jen let me know she was shopping for lingerie and daring swimsuits. I thought the bikini nearly gave me heart failure, so I could hardly imagine what she had in mind.

Both Jen and I were working fairly long hours to get everything done we possibly could before leaving. We saw each other a little less, but she often came upstairs (our law firm occupies two floors) to my office to ask my opinion on something. Since our practice areas are different, she really wanted to kiss me.

Christmas was fun. Jen and I focused on the kids and bought presents together for each of them. We splurged a little but did so in the form of multiple presents each. We managed to get all six of us in the hot tub several times, even when there was snow on the ground outside.

Finally, it was January 4th, the night before our wedding. We were tired from all the planning.

"We should have eloped and told everyone afterwards."

"You're just anxious for sex with me."

"Can you blame me. Look at your gorgeous body. Mine is old."

"Josh, let me assure you, there is no more handsome man I know of, and I am thrilled that tomorrow night I get to feel you inside me. You know I need you to teach me about sex."

"I think I remember how. I just have to stop and think about where to put it."

That was about as red as I had seen her face yet.

The next day, we spent the morning getting ready, albeit separately. Bill and Sue insisted on living at our house while we were gone. Sue wanted to cook for everyone, and they promised to get the kids to school. And to the wedding, I reminded them.

-------[]----[]-------

The wedding went off smoothly. Jen was especially gorgeous with her hair, makeup and wedding dress. She was glowing and I couldn't stop smiling through a few tears of joy.

As is often the case, I'm convinced, the bride and groom struggle to concentrate on what is being said. We both heard, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Josh, you may now kiss your wife for the first time."

We kissed and then I held her tightly.

"Well, Mr. Stevenson, the waiting is over. I expect you to have your way with me tonight."

"Mrs. Stevenson, you look particularly ravishing. Are you wearing something incredibly sexy under that gown?"

"I am."

With that, we walked back up the aisle and headed for the reception area.

We were forming the receiving line. My parents were at the far left, the first to greet guests. Then came Beth, Heath, Megan and Connor, who was loving having just gotten his braces off. Then came me and Jen, and her parents.

My mother had a microphone and gave instructions for the receiving line and then for refreshments. I was standing beside her and asked for the microphone.

"Before we start meeting everyone, there is something I need to say.

"Many of you knew Kayla, my first wife. We were married about twelve years ago, and a few of you were at that wedding also. Years before that, while we were still in high school, I sat at the kitchen table in her parents' home, tutoring her in geometry.

"Bill & Sue Thomas, Kayla's parents, are here with us tonight, and they are living in our home during our honeymoon to make sure our kids are fed and get to school. They are my heroes. They encouraged me to marry Jen and not wait for more mourning of Kayla's passing.

"Bill and Sue, would you please stand, and everyone, please give them the standing ovation they deserve."

Sue was wiping away tears, but so was I. When I returned to Jen's side, I noticed she was, too.

Receptions are difficult for the bride and groom, whose minds are elsewhere. However, it was fun to see so many friends. My biggest surprise came when Matt Hendley came through the line, with a cute girl on his arm.

"I had to come and thank you, Josh, for giving Kayla such a great life. Also, for being a great dad to Connor. I was such a jerk back then, but I've changed, thanks to Ashley, my wife."

"Women will do that to you. I'm happy for you, Matt. Did you introduce yourself to Connor?"

"No, I wasn't sure how to manage that, but I can't believe what a handsome man he's becoming."

"Come on, let me introduce you."

"Connor, I want you to meet Matt, your biological father."

Connor looked unsure how to react. Matt stuck his hand out to shake Connor's.

"Connor, I wanted to apologize for being unable to be a good father to you. I have my act together finally, but I'm so glad Josh is such a great father, better than I could ever have been."

They hugged. I was wiping away tears, and hugged Matt. I was also glad I hadn't beaten the shit out of him for being such a bastard back then.

-------[]----[]-------

Finally, it was time to change our clothes and leave. We had a big send off, a lot of flying rice, and we were alone. On our honeymoon.

"Do you want to stream something tonight."

"The only streaming I'm interested in is out of you and into me."

I gave her a look of shocked surprise.

"You dirty-minded girl! Where did you learn to think like that?"

We were both laughing.

"I love you, Jennifer Stevenson."

I love you, Joshua Stevenson."

-------[]----[]-------

That night, when Jen came out of the darkened bathroom, she was wearing a scintillating ensemble. A lot of lace. Bra, thong, garter belt and stockings. All white. Her arms were crossed over her breasts.

"Is this what you were hiding under your wedding dress?"

"It is. Do you like it?"

"You're beautiful, but move your arms, Jen. I want to see all of you."

She blushed and lowered her arms.

I got off the bed and walked to her. She pushed the robe off my shoulders. I wasn't wearing anything else.

I knew I needed to warm her up, so we kissed passionately. I kissed her neck, her collarbones, then turned her slowly around and kissed her back. I loosened her bra, slipped it off her shoulders and kissed those as well, then turned her around.

I looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I know I shouldn't be scared."

"Hey, there's only one first time, and I'm going to make sure you love it. Can you trust me?"

She nodded.

I kissed down her chest, pulled her bra away and pleasured her nipples. She was gasping and holding my head in place. I thought of Connor wanting more swings.

I scooped her into my arms and laid her in the bed, then got in beside her. We kissed again.

"Babe, it's ok to touch me now. You know that thing that was rubbing against you a couple of months ago."

She started laughing but slowly reached down and held me in her hand. She exhaled slowly and moaned.

"It's so big and warm, Baby. Will this fit in me?"

"I guarantee it will, and it will feel better than anything you have ever felt in your life."

I moved over her and worked over her nipples again, and then kissed my way slowly down her body until I could pleasure her orally,

I began with her inner thighs, and she was sure sensitive there! With each lick or gentle bite, she twisted away and moaned loudly. From there I licked her outer lips. When I gently licked her pink inner flesh, she came. Her head rolled back, and she groaned loudly.

I held on. Waiting.

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"That was amazing."

"Stay tuned. That was a little one."

"Ohhhhh."

That was her reaction to my finger slowly sliding into her. I rubbed as a licked, then licked her clit as I rubbed. It was not long before she came again, much harder this time.

Her head turned toward the pillow, and she nearly screamed. Her body hung there, tense, for several seconds, until she collapsed, breathing heavily.

As I pushed my finger deep into her, I couldn't find her hymen. That was good news.

I wanted to coax one more climax from her. I reached up and squeezed a nipple as I licked her. Then I pushed my tongue inside her, in and out. Her breathing was becoming more frantic.

I sucked on her clit, and she exploded with a scream. As she was dealing with her climax, I moved up and positioned myself at her entrance. She realized what was about to happen and looked at me.

"Take me, Josh."

I did. Slowly into her a couple of inches, then back and forth to make sure I was lubricated. Then a slow but unstoppable descent through her marvelous folds as she cried out. It was an intensely wonderful feeling for me as well, and I'm sure I groaned loudly.

"It didn't hurt."

"Your hymen was gone. Probably sports or horseback riding."

"That's what worried me. The pain. You were right, though. When you entered me it was the best thing ever."

"Let me see if I can improve on that."

With that I began to truly fuck her. She was whimpering and groaning and crying out for the next few minutes as I pummeled her pussy.

I felt my cum approaching and pushed deep into her and roared as I came. She was holding me tightly. Her mouth was open, and her eyes closed as my spasms pumped cum into her. When they quieted, I slipped out and lay beside her, then put my arm around her and she snuggled against me.

"I love you, Josh. That was freaking amazing. I don't know whether it was your entry or you fucking me that was better. Can we do it again?"

She reached down and found I was hard.

"You are such a mess! Is that from me, or from both of us?"

"Both."

"You're mostly hard, though. Can I help you get harder?"

"Stroking me will do it. Often women love to take the penis in their mouth. That works faster. Plus, it's damned erotic."

"I haven't had a good look at you yet."

She pushed the covers down and moved down to explore. After a minute or so, she tentatively licked me and then put me in her mouth. It worked the predicted wonders.

She was all smiles when she came back to my arms.

"Let's make love again. Show me another position."

I showed her doggy, after first going down on her. When I entered her she screamed.

"You are so deep! Oh, baby, I love this."

When I came inside her, she slowly lowered herself to the mattress with me on her back, breathing heavily.

After a few minutes we started talking.

"You know I was never on birth control pills, right?"

"I know. I figured you were ready to get pregnant, and I had no objection."

I think I'm a few days away still before I can conceive, but we can practice a lot, huh?"

She said that with such a mischievous smile that I had to laugh. I held her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"I had no idea your breasts were that large."

"They're only 35B's."

"Larger than Kayla. I guess that's my frame of reference. I love them."

"I loved how it felt when you sucked on my nipples. I almost came from that. Speaking of which, three orgasms? Are you some kind of sex meister?"

I was laughing. "You know my baseball career. Get on base. Then score."

"Are you only.450 on base here as well?"

"What do you mean 'only'? You know that's still the school record. But in answer to your question, in bed with you I aim to be perfect."

"Do all women orgasm every time?"

"No, and some rarely do. Sometimes that's because their lovers are selfish and only worry about getting off."

By midnight, I had taught her cowgirl, we had showered together, and I pushed her against the shower wall and took her from behind. We were both exhausted.

-------[]----[]-------

When I woke up the next morning. Jen was sitting up in bed, texting.

"What time is it?"

"8:00."

"Who are you texting?"

"Megan."

"Why?"

"She made me promise to text her and tell her how it was."

"What?"

"I know. I was surprised by her question. I just texted her and said we had a wonderful time last night."

"It was only wonderful?"

"That's all Megan needs to know. For me, it exceeded all my most erotic dreams combined."

"Babe, we have all day. How about if we shower and go down for breakfast?"

"You mean physically go down for food, not you going down again to eat me out?"

"You have an amazingly dirty mind."

"Hey, that's what you get when you put 25 year-old and virgin together. Erotic literature."

"Are you telling me I'm competing against phantasies of ripped muscles, long flowing hair and massive cocks?"

"Not at all. I don't need them when I have you."

We showered together and had breakfast downstairs. Neither of us knows Denver well, so we went upstairs and talked about our honeymoon plans.

"Josh, I know you're going to think I was never listening when we talked about this, but the last month it was hard to concentrate."

"I get it. Tomorrow morning, we need to leave here about 6 am to take an Uber to the airport."

"Wait, your car is parked downstairs."

"Way ahead of you. Mom and Dad are coming down at noon to pick it up. I just texted them to come and have lunch with us in the hotel."

"That's nice of them."

"I meant to ask. How are you feeling today? Do your hips hurt?"

"Yes! Why?"

"Figure it out. This supreme specimen of the male gender wedged himself repeatedly between your legs last night."

Jen was laughing.

"Ok, the erotic lit guys have an advantage over you. No walking funny after reading of their exploits."

"Wear it with honor, babe. What position do you like best?"

"Wow, that's impossible to answer. I like everything you showed me. You?"

"In general, I love doggy. Power over you, you know. After our honeymoon, I want to get some restraints and tie you spread eagle on the bed and have my way with you. Including tickling."

She was fanning her face. "No tickling. You know how that drives me crazy."

"That, my dear, is precisely the point."

We talked about our honeymoon in Bora Bora, and what day we would be home. That part was confusing, because of crossing the date line. Repeat a day when coming east.

"Have you decided what you want to do about your work with the firm?"

"Yeah. A couple of days ago I talked to Mark Anderle. I told him normally I would wait until I was several months into a pregnancy, but I'm an instant mother of four, and that's more important to me right now. I know you told me you would support whatever I decided. I'm glad your practice is so lucrative. Mine is still small."

"I think that's a wise choice. The kids will love having you there when they get home. It means a lot."

"I know. Heather was always home for me and my sister when we walked in the door."

-------[]----[]-------

We weren't quite as out of control that second night, although I did get to use the table in our suite. Jen was on her back and holding onto the edges of the table as I pounded her. She wanted to know whether our table at home is sturdy enough. I told her it was, just not soundproof in a home with four curious children.

It was a long series of flights to Bora Bora, but when we arrived we were amazed by the villa and pool. We put on our suits and went for a swim to refresh for the travel. Within minutes, we were at one end of the pool kissing, then groping.

We laughed as we ran from the pool, stripped off our suits, and fell into bed to make love.

The resort was an all-inclusive and had a larger pool as well. We had dinner and then explored the grounds as the sun was setting. We were walking hand in hand and sat on a large rock on the grounds to watch the sunset.

"Josh, make love to me tonight, but this time I want you to handle me roughly. I might hate it, but I also might love it. I have a girlfriend who told me it's her favorite. I want to wear some sexy lingerie, too."

-------[]----[]-------

She came out of the bathroom wearing a mesh top. Big 3/4 inch holes. No secrets but wonderfully erotic. She paired it with a red G-string. Yeah, I was getting hard looking at her. What an amazing body!

I brought her over to the bed and pushed her face down onto it, then pulled her feet until her pelvis was just over the edge. Her knees were on the floor. I knelt behind her and spent time on her orally. After she came, I entered her. She was moaning. So far so good.

I reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled her head up.

"You wanted it rough. You still want that?"

She nodded. I spanked her. She cried out. I was still holding her head up. I changed hands and spanked her other side. She screamed.

I let go of her hair and grabbed her hands. so I could really ream her with my cock. I was pounding her, and she whimpered with each impact.

I paused to spank her again, both sides, then pummeled her until I came inside her.

When my spasms stopped. I leaned down and kissed her back. She smiled and shivered. I picked her up and put her in bed. She snuggled against me.

"You absolute beast! I loved that. So helpless against your onslaught."

"I have other ways of manhandling you, but I think it's best of you ask for it."

"I'm ok if you surprise me from time to time. Keep me guessing."

"Do you want to take a shower?"

We got in the shower, but this time I backed her up against the shower wall, grabbed her ass and lifted. Her legs went around me.

I held her like that, pinned against the tile wall, as I positioned myself and then entered her. I pounded her against the wall, and she was biting my shoulder as I pounded her. She came first and then I exploded inside her.

We stood under the shower as I kissed her and then helped clean my cum from her legs.

Later we were lying in bed. Her arm was across me, and she kissed my cheek.

"This has been so much fun tonight. I think the next time we make love I want missionary, just like our first time."

We slept through the night.

-------[]----[]-------

The rest of our stay in Bora Bora was relaxing and sexy. She had more lingerie, including an exotic black number that I loved. My favorite so far.

We swam a lot, and on our last night we went out in the black of night and made love in the pool. After we came inside, she gave me her first blowjob. When I came, she directed it all over my chest, then got a rag and mopped me up.

-------[]----[]-------

On the plane home, Jen talked about how much she was looking forward to seeing the kids again.

"It'll be so nice to wake up with you and we'll all be under the same roof for the first time."

"Are you aware my bedroom door doesn't have a lock?"

"What?"

I was laughing. She hit my shoulder.

-------[]----[]-------

Dad picked us up at the airport. When we arrived home, the front door flew open, and the kids ran out to hug us. Everyone was talking at the same time. Jen finally took charge.

"All right, everyone wait here. Connor, could you drag my suitcase back to our room and put it on the bed? I have something for everyone, so let me go get those things and bring them out."

A few minutes later she was passing out multiple small gifts for each child. Everyone got a T-shirt from Bora Bora. Megan was wearing a necklace with a heart pendant. I asked Jen about it later.

"That between Megan and me, but it's a reminder she can always come and talk to me because I love her."

Jen's resignation from the firm was announced in an email that cheered her instant motherhood. She quickly took charge of our home and gave each child one or more jobs. Soon she was teaching Megan to bake bread.

Three weeks after we returned home, we were lying in bed, out of breath.

"Josh, I didn't get my period. It's a week late. I think I'm pregnant."

"Shall we go to the store and get a tester?"

"Let me throw on some clothes and shoes."

Forty-five minutes later, she appeared with a negative test.

"While you were in there, I read the enclosed instructions. This may be too early for a valid test. Good thing we bought two."

Ten days later, the test was positive.

Eight months later, our daughter, Harper was born. The happiest person, next to Jen and me, was Megan.

I was at Jen's side in the delivery room, remembering so vividly being with Kayla when Megan, Heath and Beth were born. Jen squeezed my hand just as hard as she bore down on the last big contraction.

Less than an hour later, a nurse was helping Jen learn how to nurse Harper. I brought Jen and Harper home the next day and the kids gathered around Jen as she sat on the sofa with Harper.

Connor came over and shook my hand.

"Congratulations, Dad. Our family is growing."

-------[]----[]-------

It was only 19 months later that we welcomed Jackson to our family.

Connor was now 17, a junior in high school, and the starting shortstop on the school's baseball team. Batting second.

Megan was almost 14. She got her first period a few months after her 12th birthday. She came and got Jen who had prepared her anyway but sat with her and helped her. Megan is playing volleyball. She's a very good setter and we had a visit from one of the PAC-12 school coaches recently.

Heath was 12, playing soccer and was quite good. Within a year he was likely to start playing club soccer.

Beth was 10, also playing soccer. A defender who can take the ball away from anyone.

-------[]----[]-------

When Jen and I celebrated our 10th anniversary, we did so in Paris. That was right after Connor graduated from the university and entered medical school.

Jen and I made love almost every night of our second honeymoon. Megan called while we were there to tell us she was engaged to Jonathan. They plan to get married in about six months, after the national championship match for volleyball. Her team is ranked #1 in the pre-season.

As we lay in bed after the call, Jen surprised me with a question.

"Josh, am I crazy to want one more child?"

"I've thought you were crazy for ten years now, but wanting another child isn't crazy. Is that how you feel?"

"I do. I can't explain it, but I feel there's another child we're supposed to have. Tell me how you feel about it, Josh."

"Babe, you know that for over 10 years now I've been willing to do anything for your happiness, even to the point of shagging you doggy style and spanking you."

Jen was laughing.

"That's not fair. You're not supposed to joke about my kink. Besides, you're really good at it. Keep that up or I'll stop swallowing."

We were both laughing.

"You want to stop birth control? Do it. Let's have another baby. After all, we're soon going to have two out of the house, probably for good."

"I'm stopping now. I think I'll be ready to conceive in two weeks. Can we spend a couple of nights at that resort up the river? I want you to do me missionary, just like our first time."

I had my arm around her and held her tightly. A couple of weeks later, I had been married to Jen longer than I was to Kayla. It was hard to believe it'd been over twenty years since Kayla and I married. I was still in law school then. Connor was two years old. Almost three. I wondered where the years had gone.

Of course, there were signs of it. Kayla's father, Bill, had died, as had my father. Mom's health was bad.

The circle of life.

-------[]----[]-------

We celebrated our twentieth anniversary in Barcelona. It seemed appropriate to talk about our children and how old they were.

Connor was married, practicing medicine and had two little children. He and I were still close and talked at least once a week. He said he's trying to be the kind of father I was to him.

Megan had been married over nine years and had three children. She and Jen talk all the time, and each time they talk, Megan thanks Jen for being such a great mother. Jen cries. Then they share bread recipes.

Heath had graduated from college with a degree in political science and was now halfway through law school. He had a great college career in soccer, but just like me, knew professional play was not interesting to him..

Beth graduated from college and was engaged to be married in a couple of months..

Harper was halfway through her first year at Colorado and was living at home. Jackson was there, too, a junior in high school.

And then there was Amber. Now nine, spoiled rotten by me. Jen had to be the bad cop with Amber. I couldn't be anything but the good cop with my little girl. Twisted around her finger.

That night we made love again, missionary position, just as we did on our wedding night. I made her climax twice before entering her. After I came inside her, we lay together, my arm around her. I was 56 and Jen 46. Our bodies are older, but Jen is still a babe.

And we still love doggy style and making love in the pool when the kids are asleep.

I think of Kayla every day. I will always miss her, but Jen helped me raise those kids and gave me three more. She healed my heart, and she did for Megan exactly what Heather had done for her.

A lot of my joy in life came because I knew when to swing for the fences. I did so twice, by marrying Kayla and then Jen.