How My Sexuality Changes as I Age Ch. 07

As my marriage ended and I became a free woman I'd accepted and in many ways had welcomed the changes to my sexuality and sexual attitudes that had occurred over the past few years. I had enjoyed more adventurous masturbation, using chat rooms, cam watching with a few guys and there'd been a number of near things. I had got used to being touched and hit upon and after my divorce having periods of promiscuity where the near things became the real thing with, probably, too many partners, but I had never thought that it would come to this. For now, in my early fifties, my attitude towards sex and how I thought about it had changed again and I didn't any more want, love, longer-term relationships, or the same thing all the time as my yearning now was for variety and, I almost giggled to myself when I thought about it, fun. I wanted different things, new adventures and fresh experiences, without attachment and commitment, in short I wanted more and varied recreational sex!

Although unaware of it at the time, I first discovered my liking for that in Spain with Gordon when I had sex with him purely for enjoyment and nothing else. Being a stranger, who I'd known for just a day or so, the holiday spirit and my desire for fun sex, as I thought of it then, all combined to provide me with my introduction to sex out of doors as we sex on two nights in a small shelter on the beach near the hotel where we were both staying.

Over the next few days, I thought a lot about what I'd done with Gordon and that I hadn't bothered exchanging contact details with when he and his group of golfers went home. In my mind, it was just a sexual adventure with no meaning other than pleasure, although it did give me a liking for sex out of doors in places where there was the danger of being seen or caught. I also thought about whether not exchanging contact details really made me rather uncaring, cold and distant, but I couldn't find and answer to that.

Back home, I had time to take stock of my life. It was all becoming a bit messy. Here was I, on the one hand acting like an out-of-control nympho getting laid regularly with a changing rota of men, yet on the other I was trying to fulfil my duties as a mum and an employee. Logistically and physically I could just about make it work, it was the emotional bit I couldn't hack so well. The lies to my daughter, the recall when she came home from college that just previously her loving, caring mum had been in bed with a man her legs wrapped round him as he took her to heights of sexual joy and pleasure. The memory when she came home one morning that the previous night I'd had sex with Tom on the very sofa on which she was sitting. And the guilt. I simply felt so guilty about the loose way I was behaving and wondered just where my sex life was going and where was it taking me?

Many aspects of my sex that was dominating this stage of my sexuality worried me. The way that I'd gone with Gordon so easily on that beach and the way that purely for fun I went with Tom, a sort of old flame, and Peter a new flame for whom I had no real feelings and the times with that 'mechanical fucker' Stuart. I was concerned at what I was becoming and at my appetite for sex that seemed to be increasing with age. I was worried about where I'd end up if I didn't either, settle down with one guy or, find a way of suppressing my sexual appetite, but when I thought about it, I didn't want either of those options. Also the morality of sleeping around the way I had recently was getting to me. It had never been a topic that I'd thought much about, as after all for most of my life, I'd been happily married to a man with whom I'd assumed I'd spend the rest of my life. During the happy times of my marriage, say the first ten to twelve years, I never seriously even thought about another man sexually let alone did anything. So moral rectitude came easily and it was then quite a shock to suddenly realise that I was now on the looser side of average in my attitudes and thinking and, even worse, with my behaviour.

It wasn't just my increasing need for sex, the variety of partners and the frequency that worried me, but also what I did with others and let them do to me. In short as I had more partners and thus, more sex, I needed something more than just a fuck, I wanted adventure as well. Gordon had been a prime example of providing me with more than just sex when he had me in that little shelter on the beach and Rob was another. I'd known him for some time through an evening class I'd attended and we bumped into each other one Sunday afternoon whilst shopping in Knightsbridge and he asked me to have a drink with him, which I did. That drink extended to a long three-hour lunch cum early dinner in a restaurant in Covent Garden where he flirted with me quite outrageously even telling me how he'd fancied me so much at the evening class and in the pub where a group of us used to go after the class

Without really thinking, I replied, "So just at the evening class was it?"

"Huh?" he queried.

"Where and when you fancied me?" I flirted back to him.

"No not at all, Jay, why the hell do you think I'm sitting here with you and not watching the football on TV that I do every Sunday?"

"No idea, you tell me?"

"Want me to?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well, being absolutely honest it's trying to work out the best way of getting into what I bet are your very sexy knickers."

I had no reply to that and we carried on in that vein that for some time before he paid the bill, although I offered to go Dutch, but he declined and we wandered out into the early evening dimness of the still quite warm Autumn evening making me wonder why I'd bothered wearing the yellow, flowing, thin rain mac. Walking across Lincoln Inn fields, which is a fairly large open space in Holborn where netball is played most days, he slid his arm around my waist and I snuggled up to him. As we got to a fairly secluded area he stopped, turned as so we faced each other, pulled me to him and said, "I've wanted to do this since the moment I saw you in Harrods," as he leaned forward and after brushing his lips across mine he kissed me full on the lips. Although slightly surprised, though quite welcoming it, I responded, so he kissed me deeper and I responded deeper.

"Oh shit Jayne I so want you," he muttered his hand going to my breast outside my coat, which again came as a bit of a surprise, but I did nothing to deter him.

"Oh, really?" was all I could think of saying as his fingers squeezed my boob. We kissed again and he slid his hand inside my coat right onto my boob outside the pink, cashmere cardigan I was wearing unbuttoned over a white, quite low-cut tank top. Alright, it was quite dark, but for God's sake it was a very public place and several people had walked past us as we embraced and kissed.

"No Rob, no," I said holding his wrist before uttering those words that are so easy to misconstrue. "Not here," really meaning ok but somewhere else! As he was married with children and my daughter Sara was at home with a girlfriend he knew we couldn't go to either home.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Jayne," he said crushing me against him again, but this time I felt his erection pressing suggestively into my stomach.

"What?" I gasped.

"I want you so much, I always have and now I need you badly and you want me don't you?" I didn't reply and he persisted thrusting his hard-on more firmly against me as he said in almost a growl, "Don't you, come on admit it, you want me to fuck you now don't you?"

The wine I'd drunk, the events of the afternoon, where we were, what we were doing and his cock against me all combined and a low, "Yes Rob," slipped out of my mouth, although I wasn't quite sure just what he was suggesting with the now.

He solved that with, "OK, it's too late for a hotel so we'll just have to find somewhere else won't we?"

"What do you mean?," I whimpered, partly frightened and partly excited by whatever it was that he had in mind. Taking my hand he strode off taking me with him around the high wire surrounding the court into an area away from the main route through the field. He found a place where we could stand up against the high wire fence and would be able to see and hear anybody approaching, although glancing around the width of the fairly dimly lit netball court, which separated us from the walkway we probably wouldn't be seen in much detail.

He took me in his arms again, kissed me and his hands were quickly all over my breasts, both in and outside my coat then, after opening that, on and inside the cardigan up inside the tank top and onto my bra. Whilst a little worried about what we were doing in such a public place, the fact that we were outside also gave me a buzz. It was similar to how it had been with Gordon, but in some ways it was more exciting as then we'd been in Spain on holiday and now we were in the throes of having sex in the centre of London.

"Let me see them Jay?" he croaked into my ear.

"What?" I rather naively answered.

"These," he said squeezing my boobs and adding, "Your tits Jayne let me see them."

"We can't here."

"Yes we can, we must, please love please, nobody can see us across the courts, come on," he went on trying to roll the tank top up, but I grabbed it and stopped him. Kissing me again he went on, "Have you not had sex out of doors like this Jay?"

"No, no of course not," I lied, conveniently forgetting about Gordon.

"Not had your tits out or been naked in the open either?" he asked as his other hand grabbed my bum in the black, skin tight leggings.

"Well I've sunbathed topless of course," I replied between us kissing as he grabbed the neck of my top and yanked it down uncovering one of my boobs.

"Stop it, you silly bugger," I said part annoyed, but also, as the wine got to me, part amused and excited.

At first, as we'd started kissing, I'd thought we'd just embrace and snog and I'd wanted to keep my clothes in place, but I'd let him go further and he was now easing both of my boobs out of my bra. At the same time he'd slid his hand down inside my leggings and was now squeezing the cheeks of my ass that were bare as I was wearing a skimpy thong so that there wouldn't be any unsightly vpls through the leggings. Then, I felt his hand inside the thong pushing that and the leggings down and I tried grabbing them to stop him, "Rob no don't, we can't."

"Can't what? he asked completely ignoring my plea.

"Can't go further, not here, not now."

"Why not no one can see us, we can do what we want."

"Well I don't want to."

"Don't want to do what?"

"Take anything off it's crazy."

"No it's not crazy, it's brilliant, fucking outside is brilliant, you wait, you'll see," he told me pushing my leggings and thong over the cheeks of my bum before I could grab it to stop him. "Let me take these off Jay, you'll feel great."

"No it's fucking mad, stop it."

Laughing he replied, "No, you got that wrong it's not fucking mad it's mad fucking, you've got that coat on so nobody'd see if we take those and your tank and bra off. It'll feel great I promise." I could hardly believe what he was suggesting, but unbelievably to me the idea excited me, although I was trying desperately to resist and overcome that. However, as he continued his arguments and combined them with pushing the leggings further down, kissing me, fondling my bottom and boobs and pushing the tank top up and over my boobs I felt my resistance waning, just as it had with Gordon and that time in the car with Ken, "Tell you what let's just take this off," he said taking hold of the bra strap around my back.

Obviously. I should have stopped him there, got myself together and stormed off. That's what I should have done and what I probably would have done up to about a year or so ago and certainly what I would have done pre-Gordon and the sex in that shelter on the beach in Spain. But I didn't do that. Something other than decorum and common sense seemed to have taken me over, something that never used to affect me but, as I'd got older and had more and different experiences had become a driving force in my sexual make-up was at play. So, I didn't stop him as he fiddled the clasp on my bra undone and somehow between us we fumbled it off my shoulders and down my arms. I grabbed it from him and shoved it in the pocket of the coat as he rolled the tank right up around my neck and whispered, "Oh fuck Jay they're bloody lovely as his mouth descended on my right boob immediately finding the hardened nipple. I couldn't stop myself grasping his face with both hands and pulling it more firmly onto my nipple that I knew was pulsatingly hard and throbbing with the need to be sucked exactly as he was doing it.

I couldn't believe that I was now not just letting him take me into situations where I'd never been before, but that I was also welcoming and almost encouraging that. I was holding and stroking his hair and neck and pushing my boobs against his face and mouth as I squirmed against his hand that was roaming all over the cheeks of my ass and fumbling between my legs from behind as he whispered, "Let's take these off," as he pulled the thong and leggings down further.

"No, no we can't we mustn't," I groaned reaching to grab them, but missing both.

"No one will see, 'cos we can, and no one'll come, apart from us," he grinned.

Although having had a lot to drink I was still, just about, in control of my senses and that made me giggle and I responded with, "In your dreams maybe," just as his hand slid around me inside my leggings and found my pubic mound the sharp shock of pleasure making me gasp.

"See what I mean? So come on let me see the rest of you, take them off, you'll be all covered up with that coat, won't you?"

Whilst I knew that what he was suggesting was mad, I also realised that what he said about the coat was true and that it would hide my beneath the waist nakedness, for even with anyone up close to us I could easily pull it around me. That said, the idea of taking my leggings and panties off was crazy and I grabbed them and said, "Look you can me now," as I let the coat flap open baring my body from just above my tits to beneath my pussy. But he wanted more. More of my clothes off, more of my body being revealed and more of me to see.

"No come on you'll feel great and look great to me. Let's get that tank and the rest off

"No Rob, please you can't take them off."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll be naked."

"Exactly love, that's precisely how I want you, but not really you'll still be wearing your trainers and the coat that's all you need? Don't you want to be naked for us?"

"For us, what do you mean?"

"Come on babe, you know you're like me, you know you want to show me everything and boy do I want to see it," he went on unzipping his jeans and pushing them down a little so his erect dick popped out.

"You're not going to take them off are you?"

"Why do you want me to?" he replied pushing both his jeans and boxers down around his hips. He actually looked quite sexy as somehow his shirt had come unbuttoned as he said, "Touch it Jay, get hold of my cock please."

I did nothing at first, but slowly something, and to this day I don't know what it was, made me reach and take hold of his cock making him groan, " Oh fuck yes, that feels lovely Jay doesn't it?"

Involuntarily a quiet, "Yes," slipped past my lips as without thinking I started to wank it.

"Careful babe, not too much of that otherwise you never know what might happen," he said nevertheless thrusting it in and almost out of the surrogate cunt my hand was providing for it. So focused was I on doing that I'd taken my eye off the ball with my panties and leggings that I realised he'd pushed down nearly to my knees. As he slowly thrust his dick in my hand with the tip of it pressing against my bare stomach just above the top of my pubic hair, he pulled my coat wide open and said, "Now let me take them off Jay." With my bra off, the tank bunched around my neck and my leggings and thong well down my legs I was as good as naked to his gaze. Part of me knew that I should stop him, but another part, was so aroused. It was something I'd never done before and the sheer wantonness of doing this out of doors in such a public place was doing crazy things to me, so again without thinking or knowing why, I muttered, "Okay go on," and I helped him slide them further down and lifted my feet in the trainers one by one so he could slide the two garments off me and push them into his pocket.

"Now, don't tell me you don't feel excited," he said grinning as I started wanking him again as his gaze ran over my near nudity. I could hardly believe it, but as he held the long coat open and gazed at my body I had such a strong surge of feelings that I felt that I might cum there and then. But I didn't for he suddenly let go of the coat and fumbled in the pockets of his jeans that were now almost down to his knees. "Got one," he told me showing me a condom in a packet adding with wink, "Okay, ready Jay?" as he slid the rubber onto his erection.

I still couldn't believe that I was going along with this craziness for, although we were the width of a netball court away from where people were walking by, the court was lit and I knew they would be able to see that we were, at least, kissing. But Rob was now taking it up to a higher level as clearly he was about to fuck me and that made we wonder if they would be able to make out what was happening. 'And that,' I thought to myself 'just made it even more exciting!' I started to object as he slid his condom covered cock between my legs that I involuntarily opened for him, but my body's demands overcame my mind's caution and I leaned back against the fence so, at least, my back would be towards any peeping Toms. Then it went in me and I got that wonderful sensation of a cock sliding up inside me making me gasp and slide my arms around his neck as we kissed, open mouth to open mouth with our tongues plunging and duelling as he started to fuck me with deep, long thrusts.

I was now gone. As such powerful sensations roared through me I was totally putty in his hands. I groaned and sighed, squirmed against the wonderfully hard thing that was between my legs doing such incredible things to me and I slobbered kisses all over his face that he returned with wonderful fervour. I knew that I wouldn't be long and guessed from when I'd been squeezing and rubbing his cock that he wouldn't either and I felt pleased when he confirmed that with, "Fuck yes you lovely fucking slut you've done me, come on I'm getting near," and considerately added, "Are you? Come on baby come with me."

I moaned back that I was near and tried squeezing my internal muscles against his lovely cock as he pushed himself right up me and, just as Kevin used to do in the dim and distant past of our successful sex life, held himself rigid and still. Then, grabbing the shoulders of the yellow mac covering me, he yanked it open and pulled it down my back so that it was bunched around my hips. I was so far sexually gone that my mind was out of it and it didn't strike me for a moment or two that I was now effectively naked and anyone walking past would surely see and might work out what was going on. But as I felt him filling the condom and my climax surging through me that didn't seem to matter and, in a way, I revelled in being naked and fucked in the open where we might be caught.