Please, Don't Do This to Us

Please, Don't Do This to Us

This is a well-worn theme usually identified by the words, "we need to talk." Regardless of how overused and how unlikely it might be, such stories still manage to stir me. So, I want to see what I can do with it. Not really a burn the bitch, but close enough for me...

It was Wednesday evening. We had just finished a special meal cooked by my wife, Vera. As we went to sit in the living room having just finished up the dishes, I told her how good dinner was. She smiled.

"Tom, I have something to ask. It's really important."

"Okay, what's up, dear?"

"Kyle, my co-worker on that project we finished on Monday, wants to go out this Friday and celebrate."

"That sounds nice, where does he want to go?"

"Kyle has in mind the Marriot downtown. They have that nice restaurant on site, and even that club with music and dancing that we haven't been too a long while ago."

"Yeah, I think we'll enjoy that. You haven't wanted to go there in quite a while."

"No, no, hon, you don't understand, he wants to take me, not us."

I was stunned. After a pause, I asked, "Just you and Kyle? Without me? Do you think that's appropriate."

"Tom, you know I love you and only you. But Kyle and I have worked hard on this project for three months now. We spent a lot of time together and we have developed a special thing between us. This will only be a one-time event to celebrate our accomplishment. Like I said, yesterday, management is very pleased with what we accomplished on this project, and bonuses and maybe even promotions seem likely for us. We both need to celebrate this. I swear, it will be a one-time thing. I know I'm asking a lot, but I'll be home Saturday, good as new, and it will be all over."

I couldn't talk.

"Tom, say something."

After a few seconds I came to my senses, realizing I had been staring at Vera with my eyes wide and my mouth open. "Spend the night? You are asking me if you can go out Friday and fuck some other man?"

"Oh, Tom, please don't say it that way. It is something I want to do. I don't know, maybe it's something I just need to get out of my system."

"Vera, this... this isn't good. I can't believe you are asking this." I was desperately searching for words. The shock of it was beginning to overwhelm me.

"I know this is a big ask, but it is only a one-time thing, and on Saturday I will be back with you and I'll make it up to you."

"No. There is no way I can agree to this. I mean, just asking me this is so very wrong. What about our marriage? Just you asking this tells me our marriage is in trouble."

"Tom, this doesn't change anything. It's a one-time fling. On Saturday morning when I return, I'll be what I have always been: yours forever.

"You won't be mine Friday night. You'll be giving yourself to another man."

"Tom don't look at it that way. It's just a diversion, a little giggle for me. After that, I promise, it will be over."

"Vera, you already promised me when we married that you would forsake all others. Just as I promised you. If you break that promise, what value will this new promise have? You'll be mine forever until the next time you want to fuck another co-worker?"

Vera looks at me as if I had slapped her. "No, Tom, it's not like that, Kyle is special. It's not like I want start making love to other guys. Kyle's a good guy. You would like him, I'm sure of it."

"Good guys don't fuck married women. I am sure Kyle and I ought not ever be in the same room together."

Vera sighed. Then a certain determination appeared on her face. "Tom, I didn't really have to ask you, I did that because I love you and don't want to sneak behind your back. But this is something I have to do. I can see that this will hurt you, but it will be over quickly, you'll see, when I come back on Saturday, everything will be okay, nothing will have changed.

"Vera, this changes everything. Our marriage is hanging by a thread, and if you do this, it will destroy everything we have together."

"You don't mean that, Tom, you love me too much. You can't leave me. You'll see. We are meant for each. This is nothing."

I had not yelled or screamed. My voice revealed my anxiousness, my deep angst, but I was trying very hard not to sound angry. Vera and I had been married for 25 years. We bickered occasionally, but never really had fights, and even when we bickered, it was over in twenty minutes or so and we would calmly talk out our differences. We were now in a new place. This conversation, although not angry, had a tone all its own. A desperate tone from me, an insistent tone from Vera.

After sitting there numb for a minute or so, both of us silent with me staring into space, I got up, turned to Vera, and said, calmly and with a firm and determined voice, "you cannot go and expect to come back as my wife. You will have ended our marriage."

I then walked into my den and slammed the door. Then through the closed door, there was a crash, the sound of breaking glass. Vera ran to the den, opened the door, and saw that I had thrown the framed wedding picture on my desk against the wall breaking the glass. Vera gasped.

"Get out! Get out of my sight, bitch! I can't look at you now." Never had I spoken with such anger to my wife. Never had called her any offensive name. She looked at me in shock and ran out of my den.

I didn't go up to our bedroom that night. I stayed in my den until well past midnight, then slept on the couch in the living room. While in the den, I cancelled all our credit cards, and transferred half the money in our savings account, which was in joint name, into my investment account which was in my name alone. I then went to my employee web site and transferred my automatic deposit information to begin deposits to the bank site of my investment account. Most of my investments were in stocks and index funds, but I used their bank site to deposit dividends. I also had autopay put in a percentage of each paycheck in the bank.

While I guessed that Vera's bonus would be significant from this project she had been working on, even with it, I would still earn much more than her this year, just as I had throughout our marriage. I went online and looked up what divorce would do in the division of marital assets, which told me pretty much what I expected, and decided I would not resist her effort to get her fair share. But I needed to protect myself from her trying to get more than what was fair.

The next morning, she was up early. I had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep on the couch, and I expect I looked it. I was still wearing yesterday's clothes, but as I was up early, I prepared breakfast and coffee. She sat down at the breakfast table silently, and I served her silently. Neither of us bothered with a morning greeting, a first after 25 years of waking up together.

Finally, after finishing her coffee, she spoke. "I have decided I am going to do it. You have no right to control me" she said sternly. "I hope your little terror tantrum last night helped get this out of your system. Come Saturday morning, you'll see, everything will be just as it was."

"I don't control you. Do what you wish, but I will not be here on Saturday morning."

"Oh, get over yourself. This is not a big deal. All will be back to normal come Saturday."

I just shook my head, got up, went upstairs to shower and dressed for work.

As I dressed after my shower, Vera came up to dress for work. We proceed in silence. As I finished dressing and started to leave for work, I finally said, "Vera, please, don't do this."

With that I turned and left.

First thing at the office I told my boss what was happening in my marriage and told him I needed some time off. I was told to take all the time I needed. He then gave me the names of a lawyer he had used when he and his wife had hit a "rough patch," describing him as easy to talk to, and that he gave a good balance of legal advice and life advice. He was also more than reasonable. Then he gave me the name of a marriage counselor. He said, "between these two, we were able to save our marriage, although our crisis wasn't anything like what you have described."

I thanked him and went to my office, called the lawyer and got an appointment early that afternoon, luckily catching the office staff right after a cancellation.

I then went to a co-worker, Jim, our security guy. He was also a good friend. I asked him for a big favor, and after hearing how my marriage was turning into a giant crater, he readily agreed. He called his wife and got her on board too.

The appointment with the lawyer was very informative. I had prepared all the information I thought he needed on a spreadsheet with all the extra time I had last evening, and we went over each item one by one. He also gave me some very important practical information on what not to do.

After the lawyer, I went straight home, so I was home some three hours before usual. I drew up a rough division of property and then cooked a special dinner for Vera and me.

Vera arrived a good hour later than usual. As she walked in, I asked if she had been spending a little time with her special friend and that was why she was later than usual. She ignored me.

I told her supper was ready, she sat down at the dining room table and was surprised at how nice the table had been set, with candles, the nice dinner settings, the works. She said, "if this is your apology for how you've been acting, then apology accepted. I understand how difficult this must be for you."

"No" I said, "this is not an apology. This looks like it will be our last meal together as husband and wife, so I thought I'd make it special. If you go through with this, there will never be an us again." My comment soured the mood, and we ate in silence. Afterwards we both cleared the table, I then asked her to sit back down, I handed her my rough proposal of a division of our assets, told her I had talked to a lawyer, and this is my understanding what a fair divorce might look like.

"Oh, would you stop it. You aren't going to throw 25 years of happiness away over something trivial like this. It is only sex."

"I'm not the one throwing it away."

I then handed her the name and contact information of the marriage counselor. "Mr. Philips said good things about this counselor. If you come to your senses before tomorrow night and decide you want to save our marriage, we might start with her. And there will be one more condition, but only if don't walk out on me tomorrow."

"Oh? What might that be?" She poised her question with more than a little hostility.

"You're going to have to quit your job. I won't have you spending days with a man you have openly declared that you want to fuck."

"Stop the bullshit, you won't leave me, you love me too much."

"Sweetheart, that is exactly why I will leave you. I love you so much the fact that you will be sharing what I had always thought was ours alone with someone else will be more pain than I can bear. After your sleep-over with your lover, I will never be able to look at you the same, and we will never again share a truly intimate moment again. My mind will flash back to the night you stabbed me in the back. Indeed, the pain I have felt these two days is more than I may ever be able to recover from."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic.

I then sighed, and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I wish that this was only melodrama. It's not, it is my life."

With that her demeanor changed. Her face fell slightly, and a glimpse of sadness appeared. But it lasted only a second. "Fuck you, all of this is on you!" She picked up my papers, got up and ran upstairs and slammed the door.

I went to my den and shut the door. I was running out of time. I didn't sleep well that night.

In the morning, I was up again before her, I fixed breakfast and coffee. I served her, but neither of us had anything to say. We usually alternated making meals, but she hadn't prepared a meal all week.

After dressing for work, and as she started to leave for the day, I asked her if I would see her this evening again. She told me she was going to come home after work to shower and change. I promised I wouldn't make a big fuss, but that there was still time to change her mind. She just nodded and turned and walked out the door. There was no kiss goodbye.

I went to work late. I spoke with my friend; we discussed my request that he help. His wife was also going to take part. Even though I considered him my best friend at work, he and my wife had never met. I left him with several photographs of her to assist him in recognizing her. I then went to my attorney's office and picked up my Settlement Agreement paperwork which was my formal offer on the division of marital assets. Then I returned home and spent the afternoon moving some of my clothes and personal items into my car.

I then set up my final, desperate stunt to save my marriage, or at least that was what I told myself what it was. Perhaps it was just a shallow, angry effort on my part to inflict some of the pain on her that I had been feeling.

She returned from work early. She came in and went straight upstairs. I quietly sat in the living room. She was up there for quite some time, and when she finally emerged, she appeared stunning. As she descended the stairs, I told her that, commented that the dress she was wearing was very striking, that she looked fantastic. She thanked me. I then added I wished it was for me. She responded that she would look even better for me soon.

As she got to the bottom of the stairs, I asked, "please, my dear, it's not too late, don't do this to us, don't leave me to spend the night with your lover. This will destroy our marriage."

"Michael, this is going to happen. You have to accept it."

I then pointed at the cell phone propped up on the table, "Vera, then please, explain yourself to your daughters. The phone is on a live feed with Kim and Cathy."

Then from the phone came the tinny voice of our eldest daughter, Kim, "Mom, don't do this. Your hurting dad. You're destroying our family."

Her face reddened, her eyes stared at me with fire. "you bastard, you did this just to hurt me!"

Camly, I replied, "no dear, the kids have a right to know. It's their family too."

She then turned face on the phone, "Kim, this is between your father and I. This is none of your business."

"Don't do this, Mom. You're destroying everything."

"Sweetie, everything will be fine. This is a one-time thing. It will be over and forgotten about soon and everything will be fine, trust me. I still love your father, and he still loves me."

"If you love him, how can you do this to him?"

She stepped over to phone, ended the call with a swipe, and put it face down on the table. She then angrily spoke to me, "you little coward, how could you do this to me, using our children to hurt me.

"Ashamed?" I asked. "Over a little giggle? Why is that?"

"Fuck you, you son of a bitch!" And with that she stormed out.

I followed slowly out the door and stood on our landing as I watched her get in her car to drive away. Once behind the wheel she glanced up at me, seeing me staring at her so sadly, so beaten. She then broke her gaze, backed out of the driveway, and drove away. I then went inside, spoke briefly to my daughters on a call back, then gathered up the last of what I would take with me from this former life, put them in the car, took out the envelope with formal Settlement Agreement proposal in it, and wrote on the envelope, "I truly hope you have a good life. I loved you so much." Then I laid it on the dining room table and left.

I drove to a nearby motel and checked in. It would be an hour later that I got a call from Jim, my friend from work. Our plan worked as expected. He had tipped the hostess beforehand to seat him near Vera and Kyle, telling her that his brother was going to propose tonight and he wanted him close by to record the happy moment. He also told her that Vera and him had never met, so their presence would be a surprise to her.

Jim told me that they observed Vera's arrival to the hotel, and how Kyle was waiting for her and met her in the parking lot with a passionate kiss. Vera was clearly kissing him back. They walked into the hotel lobby with Kyle's arm around her and her looking up at him adoringly. They went straight to the restaurant and were seated, and as arranged, Jim and his wife were then seated at the next table over.

Jim and his wife could not make out the initial conversation, but they could tell it was warm. Their arms were stretched across the table and their hands were joined. Vera would giggle occasionally at something Kyle would say.

But after they added ordered their drinks and sipped on their wine for a bit, their volume increased and reflected a tension in their conversation.

"I am beginning to think he is serious about leaving me. I believed you when you told me he wouldn't," said Vera.

"And I thought it at the time, but that was because of how you described him to me. Weak, passive, compliant. You told me he was a wimp."

"Yeah, well, he wasn't. But his reaction to this was direct and decisive. He is fighting back. And now he has brought my girls in on this. I am so angry that he secretly shared live video of our conversation with my daughters."

Kyle's smiled broadly. "Yeah, that was well played on his part. Not at all what I would have suspected from the man you described as your husband. I don't think you fairly read this poor bastard."

"You sound like you actually approve of how he is handling this."

"Well, I'm going to enjoy crushing him all the more. The fight only adds to the pleasure of it. You were the one that wanted to design a world where we could have each other openly and you could keep his deep pockets, too. I just appreciate the fight he has put up. You should too, babe. He is fighting for you."

"What!?! Is this a game to you? This is my life we are talking about. I don't make enough to support myself like I want without Michael's money, and you don't either!"

"Fuck that, I have never said that anything about supporting you. Your plan was to introduce your husband gently to the idea of sharing you. Next month we'd fake another weekend work trip, then the month after month maybe we'd start every other weekend and still continue our midweek trysts under the obviously transparent veil of a work event. But I never said that I was in it for anything more than these booty calls. If you misread your husband, that is on you, sweet tits, not me."

A long paused followed. Vera stared into her half empty wine glass as if she was trying to figure out the state of her plans. Apparently, Kyle had the good sense to keep quiet.

"Sweet Jesus, what have I done. I have ruined a marriage to a good provider and may have destroyed my relationship with my daughters." At that, Vera burst into tears.

Kyle reacted to his lover's outburst with disgust. He just got up and left. Vera watched him leave between her tears, tried to get hold of herself, and then called the waiter over to pay for the wine. That's when she found out her cards were no good. After a fair amount of wrangling, the manager came over. My friend Jim then approached.

"Ma'am, you aren't Vera Miles, the wife of Michael Miles, are you?" asked Jim.

"Yes, I am. Do I know you?"

"I'm a friend of your husband, if it is okay, I'd like to help you out with this little problem credit card problem."

With that, the manager took the card and disappeared.

"We couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You know your husband loved you very much. I recognized you from the photo he keeps on his desk. He always spoke of you with such tenderness and affection. I guess I understand why this week your framed photograph was tossed in the trash. I am afraid to tell you, but I think you traded down."

Vera looked at Jim with tears starting again.

"Thank you for helping me with the check. I think you're right; I have very much screwed up. I think I'd better go home and try to fix this." With that she raced home to find an empty house.

Jim had recorded the conversation on his phone and sent it to me. I started to spiral. Jim and his wife drove over immediately from the restaurant to my motel, took me to a nearby tavern, made sure I ate and drank enough to dull the pain, then took me back to my motel. They agreed I was going through a nightmare and that I had wasted more than 25 years of my life, but Jim reasoned that while that was a long chapter, it wasn't the last, and there was plenty of time to write many more chapters. And they encouraged me by reminding me how loyal my daughters were.

I later learned that after leaving me, they called my daughters. They got their numbers off my phone while I was distracted in the bathroom passing a few pints of beer. They told them how much pain I was in, told them where I was, and asked if they could visit me in the morning.

They were still with me later that evening when I passed out.

One Month Later

Jim turned out to be a real stand-up guy. Not only did he spend a lot of time with me during my low point, he also did a little free style vengeance on my behalf. At the Marriot he noticed that Kyle had arrived in a classic 1966 Corvette in mint condition. A week after the episode at the hotel, he found Kyle's car in the back of the employee parking lot where no one would clip his precious car with a carelessly opened door. Jim quietly drove to the car and poured several liters of very sugary Mountain Dew into the tank. Somehow Jim knew that Mountain Dew had the most sugar of all the soda drinks, and that sugar was not a good fuel for cars. The car drove like shit for a couple of days then wouldn't go at all. The mechanics at Chevy place couldn't figure out what it was, finally concluded it was contaminated gasoline, they replaced the fuel pump and filter and cleaned out the gas tank to the tune of several thousand dollars.

After the incident, two weeks later he repeated the process at Kyle's apartment complex. He also scratched "asshole" in the paint on the driver's side door. By then Kyle was tapped out financially and had to beg rides from work colleagues, most of whom had caught on to his shenanigans with the women employees and few were inclined to assist.

I had blocked Vera from my phone, but she texted me frequently repeating that nothing happened that night, that she had dumped Kyle and that I should come home. I responded telling her to hire an attorney and show him my proposed divorce settlement agreement.

Fully a month after I had left Vera, I had finally settled on a 34' sailboat that I would live on in the marina. I paid for it with the money I had in my investment account. I had always loved boats, but Vera couldn't stand them. Buying a boat to live in was a wonderful distraction from dwelling on my failed life.

Then she showed up at the marina.

"Hello, Vera, I see you found me." I tried to sound pleasant.

"I just followed you from work. We need to talk. It's time for you to come home."

"Do you want to come on board?" I asked, ignoring her statement.

She gingerly stepped on board, and I showed her into the cabin.

"How much did this little toy set you back" she asked with the slightest bit of sarcasm.

"Not as much as you would think. New, this baby would cost upwards of $400,000, but twenty years old, a whole lot less. And I got this one at a steal. The previous owner had gone through a divorce and needed money quickly. Ironic, isn't it?"

I then continued, "so what brings you here, I feel honored that you could part with your lover to spend some time with me."

"Michael, please, don't be like that. Kyle and I were never together. I didn't go through with it and I broke it off."

A disinterested "oh" is all I managed.

"Look, I was wrong. I want you to come back. I am sorry that I hurt you. I was lost and confused and made some selfish choices. I didn't think I could hurt you as badly as I did. Please, forgive me."

"Whether you fucked the slimeball Kyle or no longer important. I told you what would happen, and you walked out the door anyway. I told you and our daughters told you that by walking out the door you would be destroying our family. You didn't care; you walked out the door. You broke the egg; there is no way to unbreak it.

"But we didn't do it. In the end, I listened to you and came back."

"Jeez, you are good. How long have you been cheating on me. How many before Kyle?"

"I have never cheated on you. Kyle was the first one who I was tempted to be with, and I didn't."

"I wish I could believe that, but even if it were true, it doesn't change what happened. For all I know, you have been cheating on me for our whole marriage. Don't worry, they are my daughters, and even a DNA test wouldn't change that fact one dot."

At that, her eyes grew big, and she sputtered, "no, honest to god, they are yours I swear it!"

"'Honest to God?' Is saying that a bigger guarantee than vowing to forsake all others before God and in His house before a hundred witnesses? I'm not sure it is. But it doesn't matter, I know I am their father, it's a fact of love, if not biology. Truth is, I loved you too, until you knifed me in the back and killed that love."

"But... but I didn't do it, I came back for you... you have to forgive me."

I pulled out my phone, swiped to the appropriate icon, then clicked on the correct file.

"No, I don't have to forgive you, maybe I would have what you said had morsel of truth to it, but it is lie. Everything you said is a lie."

I clicked play and the conversation at the restaurant came on. When she realized what was going on she covered her face and hid her eyes and froze. She hardly breathed the whole time.

"You didn't change your mind; you were ready to fuck Prince Kyle up to the very last minute. And this wasn't going to be the first time you were going to fuck Kyle. My guess is that you have been lying to me and fucking him for months. And it was Kyle that left, not you. You didn't break down crying about losing me, you broke down crying for losing your daughters and the deep pockets of your good provider..."

At that she began to cry, a whimpering cry.

"You wanted me to hang on to me because you need the money I made to continue to live well. All I am to you was a good provider. What Kyle said was even worse, that you described me as a weak, compliant wimp. You should be happy to be rid of me. Instead, you want me back. Think on that, you are offering me the scraps of sex so long as I paid for it. Vera, you are a whore."

"That's not true! I do love you. I was lost. I was confused." At this point, she was sobbing. I handed her a face cloth to wipe away the snot and tears.

"If that's true, then more's the pity. You see, I'm not convinced, and don't think I ever will be. Even if I thought that was true, I would always have doubt." I then moved outside and sat in the boat's cockpit waiting for the crying to subside. It took a while.

She finally emerged from the cabin, sat next to me in the cockpit and said, "I am so sorry. You are right, I am a horrible person. I have been living a fantasy for so many months that I wonder if I simply forgotten how to tell the truth, or even at understanding reality. Those things I said about you to Kyle were not true. I said that to convince Kyle that you weren't a threat. And to convince me that what I was justified in doing what I was doing. I was lying to myself. I didn't realize until just now that the reason I was giving to keep you on a string while I had my fun with Kyle was just as you said, it meant I would be whoring myself out to you. But I am no whore. I do love you and always have. I am just not a decent person."

She then added a bit more subdued, "Don't worry about our girls, they are yours. My,... ah... cheating only started with Kyle. He was charming, handsome, and, well, dangerous. I guess I wanted some danger in my life to keep from getting older. Yeah, I know, that makes no sense. But Michael, I never cheated on you before Kyle. And I am truly sorry I hurt you, the man I loved deeply. For what it's worth, I have hurt myself more; I have destroyed my place in my family."

After a few moments as her eyes began to dampen again, she added, "I won't ask you to forgive me. I don't deserve it. But I will ask you to help me with our daughters. I have no right, but I must ask, because Michael, I will die without my babies."

I quickly responded, "yes, of course. I should never have put our daughters in the middle of this. I did it partly because I hoped it might change your mind, but also because I wanted a measure of vengeance. I am sorry. Vengeance is overrated. Nothing is gained by it. Making you feel like shit doesn't really make me feel better, it only makes us both miserable. Vera, I promise to work on the girls, get them to let you back into their lives. Not to help you but because cutting a mother out of the lives of any child, even an adult child will hurt the child."

Then I added after a second, "On that vengeance thing, I have to admit that hearing about Kyle's troubles with his precious Corvette did cheer me up a little."

Vera smiled at that.

We then parted with a handshake.

EPILOGUE

Vera hired her own lawyer and signed the agreement shortly after her visit. She got the house and all the furnishings; she bought my half interest in the house by waiving any claim to my boat and most of my investment account. She got a piece of my retirement once I retired and some alimony for a period of ten years.

Jim proved to be a great sailing partner. His wife tagged along always bringing a friend she wanted to fix me up. I always let it be known I was gun shy about marriage, but I always liked new friends. We did a lot of overnights, thanks to the two-cabin set up. And even though the cabins were at opposite ends of the boat, I quickly learned that Jim and his wife were very vocal lovers. It always inspired whatever friend Jim's wife had selected for me.

It took an effort, but I did patch things up between my daughters and their mother. And they kept me informed on how she was. She was in therapy and on anti-depressants for a long time.

The next time I saw her was at my oldest daughter's wedding. We sat together for our daughter's sake, Vera on one side of me, and my current "friend" on the other. Vera was alone. We got along okay. Afterwards she tried calling me some, but I finally had to tell her that unless it was about our kids, or an emergency, I'd prefer she not call. She quit.

I'm not sure what happened to Kyle. I heard that he had to sell the corvette for a fraction of what it was worth since he couldn't afford to get it repaired. And then he was fired from his job because of too many complaints from women employees about inappropriate remarks and unwanted touching. Without references he had trouble finding work and finally just disappeared.