The Fucking Truth

"Marian, your long hair suits you!"

I laugh as the hard shots of tequila started to come onto me. Yin, the girl who just gave the complement, was grabbing my arm to support me.

It's the nth time I got that complement. I've had my hair short for god-knows-since-when. I decided to grow it out for the last 11 months.

And within those 11 months, I didn't really go out that much. I worked in the same laundry shop, went for long walks... and other things that kept my mind away from bad memories.

It felt good, distancing away from people. Now I understand why people in the past did it to me.

The bitterness seemed to subside and now, I can go out dancing and dress up nicely.

Yin was a community college friend, she knew a little bit about my story. Even with all the noise, she tried to explain to me that she just suddenly got all too busy and that she's sorry she wasn't there enough. But to return a favor, I embraced her and said that I totally understand.

"I'm really glad to see you here. You've been dancing all night!"

"Yeah," I said.

Then, she pulled a guy that happened to pass by. He was taller than most of the crowd and had thick eyebrows.

"You remember Dustin?" Yin asked.

"Hey Marian," he said in a booming voice.

I jogged my memory for a second and remembered that he was Yin's ex-boyfriend. But apparently they're back together.

"Oh yeah, it's cool you remember my name," I reply.

From behind Dustin, another guy emerged. Yin flashed me a look clearly telling me, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't know he's gonna be here."

The guy's name is Lucas. He's the last guy I kind of liked, and he somewhat rejected me. Everybody thinks he's the reason why I crashed down, but to be honest - it's not about him. It's about his rejection that added up into my fine collection of people-who-withdrew. That consists of friends, neighbors, and maybe, potential lovers.

"Nice to see you," I said to him.

"Marian, hey," he said. He looked mostly just the same, slightly shorter than Dustin but wide shoulders.

"I'll head to the bathroom and uhh-- can I sit with you guys?" I asked the couple.

Yin and Dustin said yes, and I walked coolly to the bathroom to wipe off the sweat from dancing. I dried my face, neck, and shoulders with scented powder. I tidied up my clothing -- I pulled my bra top and short velvet shirt down.

I combed my hair. Then, I went outside but I had to stand, holding myself up with one hand on the wall. I think I'm not that drunk yet but it's the flashing lights that made me dizzy.

"Marian," someone said. He sounded near, and I saw Lucas standing in front of me.

"How many drinks have you had?"

"Oh, not that much -- it's just -"

"The lights," he finished my sentence. He came up a bit closer and his shoulders, being on the same level as my sight, shielded the lights that were bobbing on and off now.

I could only see his lips as he spoke. But he was also close enough for me to smell alcohol on him. It was actually strong, like they were drinking plain soju or gin before even coming here.

He offered to walk me back to Yin and Dustin. I edged away as he tried to grab my arm.

"No thanks, you smell like you've been drinking too yourself," I said.

And then he laughed. Inaudibly, but I could only see from his mouth. I resisted the temptation to look into his eyes too, but I did anyway. God, he's such a looker. The fine crease on his eyelids, and his kind eyes. That could have been the reason why I liked him romantically before.

"You know, people will take that as an insult, but I'm sure you don't mean it," he commented on my speech.

"I always aim to be polite but I guess I have to try harder," I said with a straight face.

What am I doing here, still looking at him smirk?

I looked at the surroundings and both the lights and my tipsy feeling, won't seem to subside. We were in a small gap between the walls, where this club apparently keeps extra seats.

Suddenly, Lucas' expression turned a bit serious.

"So how have you been?"

"Fine, thank you," I answered. I grew more anxious as my stomach felt warmer even without enough clothes to cover it. And like a wall, I asked him to leave me alone.

He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He looked away for a moment, then back at me.

"I wonder what lie you've made up on your head about me," he said.

I shook. I'm being confronted suddenly, when I have let things go and get lost in the void without me complaining.

"Marian, I never rejected you. I'm sorry I couldn't get you the answer that you needed. Silence isn't a no all the time."

He continued. "I know that some friends, some guys have left you hanging -- but I had some shit too."

I wanted to sink, or disappear. With my understanding, he was basically telling me he just needed time to think and that I was impatient.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

Lucas freed his hands from his pockets. He slowly reached for my arms, and to be sincere with my apology, I tried not to flinch. He bent down to my ear and I can hear him breath. The crowd seemed to shut up.

"I still want you," he whispered.

Like impulse, I immediately reached into his jacket. He took it as a sign to move closer. He brushed his thumbs on my cheeks.

"You know, if you ever thought I left you, that's a lie." He smirked. I smiled a bit, too. And he kissed me softly. I crumpled his jacket.

From my arms he moved his hands on my back. I shivered at him touching my skin. I held onto his inner shirt. He tried to part my lips as he kissed me deeper.

I felt smaller and more vulnerable. I tried not be conscious of the people.

"Touch me," he said.

I ran my fingers on his chest, down to his stomach, and reached up for a kiss. He crashed down, slightly slamming my back on the wall. He grew-- literally, under his jeans. But I was getting conscious of being here.

I guess he felt that when I pulled away slightly. He squeezed my hand and we walked out of the club. We took a few turns and there were many couples making out already. I wondered how lucky I am today.

"I should have made you wear my jacket," he said at the front door. I grew conscious again of my exposed lower torso and thighs.

Before jamming his keys in, he asked if I'm sure about this, and I gave him an embrace.

I didn't get much view of the apartment, because he pulled me straight to the room after closing the door. He flicked a table lamp on.

He removed his jacket and his pants. I was still fully clothed. He kissed me, covering the corners of my lips, and even my chin. He suddenly humped into my panties and I moaned.

That kind of egged him on. He pulled my panties down with my help, and he inserted his dick in between thighs, just beneath the vulva.

"Ohh..." My eyes widened as I'm new to thigh fucking.

His dick is horribly hard -- it felt so rough beneath my mound. As he thrusted into me, I felt the tip reach the curve of my buttocks.

He was groaning and huffing, and I was moaning too.

I tried to kiss him during the motion. I moaned in his mouth and he tried to be more rapid.

I almost pushed him away, which is ironic because it felt so good. "I'm so wet," I said. "F-fuck me, please."

He cupped my face and kissed me hard. He spun me around and pushed me to lie down on the bed.

I felt like I wanted to keep my skirt on. He inserted his dick now into my slick pussy, almost balls deep and I wailed. There was a slight pain when he pulled out.

"I'm sorry baby," he said. He kissed me again, slowly this time, and tried to go in again from the tip.

It took around five slow thrusts until we was balls deep again. He pulled my thighs and pounded. I curled and I wailed. I thought I could never get any wetter than this. "Fuck..."

He removed his shirt then he mounted his torso above mine. I loved hear him groan, he made a lot of sounds.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked.

"Mmm... yeah," I replied. And he kissed me. We remained in that position for long. Mostly, I moaned in his mouth. I came once.

I became curious if I would like moaning with his dick in my throat instead.

When he pulled away, I sat up and clung into his thighs. He understood it and let me grip my hands on his dick. Then, I tried what I see them do in the videos. I opened my mouth and took his tip in, trying not to get my teeth on the way.

It was slick and it slid willingly inside. I noticed him humping it in, a bit more deeper after the one previous. I was scared a little bit, because I was worried if that large of a dick can fit inside. But he was gentle and I moaned uncontrollably when I felt it on my limit.

He pulled away. "Are you alright, baby?" I looked into his kind eyes and I realized I had my eyes closed the whole time.

"Yes, I think I'm okay."

He pushed me down again, and we went back with him on top of me. He was trying to be faster this time. When he paused for a bit, I felt myself moving to have his dick all the way. We took turns like that. Finally, he finished.

He sat in front me, and I clung into his chest. He kissed me again and I suddenly felt shy so I flinched.

"No, come back," he demanded, and pulled me for a kiss. His dick sprang hard again. "Should we continue? You're not finished yet. I can still go on for you."

He shook his head. "Not today Marian, don't push yourself too hard. I know you're not used to this."

"You were amazing," I said.

"I know," he said and smiled. "Stay here, we have a lot of time, okay?"

"Okay."

"I want you, and that's the fucking truth."