Chosen Family Pt. 02

Author's Note:

This is part two of five. If you have not read part one, you will probably be very lost.

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Olivia

Olivia slept like the drunk. Fitfully, waking up for several dizzy trips to the bathroom, and finally finding herself staring at the ceiling as dawn light peeked through the curtains, wishing her head would stop throbbing.

6:30. Fuuuck - never drinking again.

She turned over and wormed her head beneath the pillow, hoping the cool side would be soothing, but it only made her head spin. Throb, spin, throb, spin. Yeah, definitely never drinking again. This time she meant it. All those other hungover mornings she'd said the same thing? Those didn't count. If Rose could live a sober life, so could she!

That made her smile despite the ache. Rose might have had everybody else fooled, but Olivia knew better. They were both junkies, the only difference was her vice came in bottles and Rose's body produced the chemicals she was addicted to. Then again, maybe Rose had the right idea. At least she never woke up like this, head on fire, regretting her inability to learn moderation.

Ah well, she was up, and getting back to sleep wasn't happening, so she gently swung herself out of bed and hobbled for the kitchen. At least she could make a nice breakfast for them. Hopefully, it'd make a good apology for dragging Rose out of the party early, yet again.

Sunlight slowly crept through the apartment. Olivia eyed it advancing across the carpet warily, like she half expected it to turn her to ash once it reached her. The brightness wasn't helping her headache in the slightest, so she tried to focus on chopping peppers and onions for omelets instead.

Honestly, she'd expected to find the kitchen the same mess they'd left it in before leaving for the camping trip, but it wasn't. Rose must have done chores while she'd been waiting for her to finish getting ready yesterday. Not only had she run the dishwasher, she'd unloaded and organized everything, then reloaded the dishwasher with everything out of the sink and wiped down the countertops.

She'd really come a long way. When they'd first moved in together, Rose would have just left all the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Not because she wasn't willing to help with chores - she'd always been more than willing. She just genuinely didn't see any difference between keeping clean dishes neatly stacked in cabinets, and leaving them in the dishwasher and taking one out at a time when she wanted to use it.

But Rose did see it meant a lot to Olivia, so she did things like that to make her roommate happy in their common areas, and Olivia loved her for it.

Rose's room itself was a totally different story. It was like something out of a sitcom of a stereotypical college guy's bachelor pad. For just one example, she had the simplest clothes organization scheme Olivia had ever seen. They were arranged into two piles, one clean and the other dirty. When the clean pile got too small, she'd take the dirty pile and stuff it into the laundry, and then dump it directly back on top of the clean pile.

Olivia watched the omelets cooking without really seeing them. She couldn't decide if she regretted telling Rose why Amy broke up with her. It was definitely nice to have it off her chest, just... What if Rose got the wrong idea? What if she thought the reason she'd kept it to herself for so long was because Amy was right, and she really did have romantic feelings for her? That'd be fucked up for about a million different reasons, Rose's intimacy thing first and foremost. Rose was convinced all her sexual relationships had expiration dates - like they were some kind of time bomb that would inevitably blow up in her face.

And the worst part was, knowing Rose's history, Olivia couldn't really blame her. She'd had some terrible luck with girlfriends, but it had morphed into this self-fulfilling prophecy where Rose was afraid to get too close to potential girlfriends so the breakups would hurt less. Which, of course, made her partners feel shitty, and fed the cycle.

It was heartbreaking to watch. That somebody like Rose, who made everybody around her so happy, was convinced of her own unlovability.

Somewhere out of the back of her head, a soft voice wondered. Would loving her THAT way really be such a bad thing?

Olivia shook her head, hard, almost welcoming the hangover pain to drown the thought out. Of course it would be. For just one thing, a big part of the appeal of their chosen family was that there never would be any romantic tension. That they could bond over all their common life experiences, lesbianism included, without worrying about it ever getting weird. Sure, it wasn't a written out law or anything, and they'd never said anything like that out loud... But sexualizing one of their relationships felt like it would be like betraying their trust, in some incestuous way. Especially Rose's. After everything they'd been through together, the last thing Rose deserved was being forced to tell Olivia that it could never work between them.

She was just feeling shitty because of another failed relationship. That was it. Right. Another thing she had in common with Rose, the uncanny ability to convince their girlfriends that they'd be better off strangers.

This wasn't working, not for either of them. Simply being a shoulder for each other to cry on afterwards wasn't enough, they needed to break the cycle. Otherwise, they'd just be two miserable single bitches clinging to each other for comfort forever.

Olivia flipped the omelets over, then brought the burner down low to keep them warm until Rose was ready for them.

It sounded good and all, but what would "breaking the cycle" look like? Both of them in happy, long term relationships? How would they know they'd succeeded until years from now? It was like a game with no victory condition or end credits, where you just had to keep playing forever. But it seemed as good a path as any, so that's what Olivia thought about.

She herself would be the easier one. All she had to do was finally not fuck up a relationship. She could do that! Hopefully. Probably. Rose would be harder - she'd need to coach her through her ingrained fear of emotional closeness to people she was attracted to. And pray that whoever she convinced Rose to open up to was a good person and didn't break Rose's heart.

Maybe with this DJ Rose met last night? Vaguely, Olivia thought she remembered something about a dinner being talked about? Olivia shifted her weight nervously. Maybe she should scout Rose's girlfriends first. Just to see if there were any red flags Rose was too oblivious to notice. Then, once she'd found a keeper, work on healing Rose's traumas. Somehow. Because everything she'd tried so far had been oh, so very successful.

Right on cue, Rose appeared out of her room, looking bright and fresh and as far from Olivia's hungover self as possible. "Morning," she said with a wave. "That smells amazing, is it almost ready?" Then immediately jumped onto their hangboard - the climbing exercise piece set above the hall doorway designed to simulate hanging from your fingers for grip and forearm strengthening, while simultaneously working core and lats. It made Olivia's head throb again just watching her. Nevertheless, she made her way over and waited her turn.

"Actually, they're good. I've just turned the heat down to keep them warm, they're ready whenever we are."

"Amazing, thanks so much."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're the one who did all the chores and carried my drunk ass home last night." Rose waved it off like it was nothing, which it most definitely wasn't, especially because she let go with one hand to make the motion and had to hold all her weight on the other. "Showoff," Olivia muttered.

"What? You can do it too."

Olivia smirked. "Never said I wasn't also a showoff."

Rose's hair always did a thing when she worked out. It would come loose from whatever she'd tied it back with around the sides, and would fall down around her cheeks, framing her face in a really cute way. Olivia's eyes lingered on Rose's features, enjoying watching as her hair fell and she started to flush with the effort of holding herself up. Slowly, deliberately, Rose flexed her arms and engaged her back and shoulders, pulling herself all the way up so her chin touched the board. She held there for a few seconds before slowly lowering herself back down to hanging, then pulled herself back up, repeating the cycle.

Apparently, there hadn't been many options in the clean pile that morning, because she'd opted for a short, loose top that fell to one side, showing off both her abs and a shoulder. Seeing Rose's muscles in action was--

Olivia realized she was checking out her best friend at the same time as that annoying voice in her head whispered that Rose was really hot. For fucks sake! Olivia quickly turned before Rose could see her getting angry with herself. What was wrong with her? But just as quickly, embarrassment flooded her. Wasn't she overreacting? Of course Rose was attractive, it wasn't exactly a fucking secret. Kinda hard to see her every day and not notice. Besides, tease-flirting had always been a staple of their banter. Why was she suddenly so sensitive about it now?

Whatever. With an effort, she shoved it down. Think about it later. Or preferably never. Yeah, that was healthy.

Instead, she made herself focus on the huge poster of El Capitan they'd put on the wall beside the hangboard setup. It was meant to be motivation. Keep their eyes on the prize, that kind of thing. In the world of outdoor big wall climbing, El Cap was pretty much the biggest and most iconic spot in the world. 3,000 feet tall, the poster showed dozens of routes to the top in good detail. Some of them were still outside their experience level, but most of them were possible. Especially if they did a bit of aid climbing for a section here or there. The Nose, for example, with aid climbing gear was more about physical strength and stamina than virtuoso level skill.

The Nose was also, statistically, the most dangerous route. Mostly because its reputation as the most iconic big-wall climb on Earth drew the most idiots who weren't ready for it and got hurt.

It was more than three years since the five of them had started this adventure together. What had started out as a fun bit of motivation to make it seem like they were doing something with their gym gains had morphed into something far bigger than a hobby. Two years since their first big outdoor climb, and since then, they'd conquered most of what the east coast had to offer. Still, though, El Cap was a league above anything on their side of the country, and Olivia couldn't help wondering if they were some of those inexperienced overreaching idiots.

Rose, of course, was just the opposite. She wanted to free-climb The Dawn Wall someday, which was impossible. Never mind that it was so absurdly difficult that only three people in history had ever done it, it was literally impossible because Rose was at least four inches too short, and correspondingly didn't have nearly long enough arms. That didn't deter Rose in the slightest. When they'd pointed that out, she'd just laughed and said that, less than ten years ago, everybody thought the climb was completely impossible, full stop. Now, three people had done it. Who knows what the next ten years will bring?

"Whatcha thinking?" Rose asked, some strain finally showing in her voice.

Olivia smiled slightly and hid the honest answer - wondering how it's possible for you to be so optimistic about everything in life except your own worthiness for long term affection. Instead, she went with: "You really think we're ready for August?" while motioning to the El Capitan poster.

Rose breathed hard, held herself up for another few seconds, then dropped and joined Olivia. "Yeah! I'm sure it won't be easy, but we've done something similar to every part of that before." Rose turned to look over the piles of equipment they'd unloaded after Cathedral Ledge and not reorganized yet. "Maybe need to replace a thing or two, but nothing too big."

Olivia followed her gaze, landing on their portaledge resting against the wall in the corner. She shivered slightly. The portaledge was just what it sounded like - a portable ledge. A platform that could be mounted with a tent like enclosure that could be hung from their ropes so they could sleep while up on the wall. As insane as it had originally seemed to her, they were actually fairly common for big wall climbs.

They all liked to joke about being afraid of heights as a little tongue in cheek way of bonding over how absurd some of the things they did were. In reality, that fear had mostly been beaten out of them. Except for stunts like the one Rose had pulled hanging upside down and looking down backwards that still gave her the rushes she loved so much, years of being up in high places had made them comfortable in situations Olivia would have been petrified of before.

But even so, Olivia was pretty sure no amount of experience would ever fully prepare her for sleeping overnight on a tiny frame suspended in the dark more than a thousand feet up in the air. Sure, their harnesses always stayed on, and there were many layers of protection between them and any danger. But, as the sun set and the wind started whipping around them, there was always that voice in the back of her head reminding her that the void was mere inches away on either side.

"I can guess which part you're looking forward to most, you damn adrenaline junkie," she said, and Rose followed her gaze and laughed.

"You've gotta admit, it is a unique experience."

Unique. That's one way to put it. "It is that. Just sucks having to haul the fucking thing up."

"Totally worth it, though!"

Olivia grumbled, but couldn't disagree. After all, they had a bunch of jaw droppingly beautiful videos from that portaledge to prove it.

-------------------

Rose

In terms of raw talent and aptitude, Olivia was probably the best climber out of the five of them. She came up with route simplifications and better handhold transitions Rose would never have seen. However, unlike the rest of them, she hadn't grown up playing sports or doing gymnastics. When the group got into climbing together as a fun way to get back into shape, Olivia was getting into shape for the first time - going from scrawny to building muscle from nothing, rather than dusting off existing strength. It definitely wasn't easy for her, but despite her grumbles, she'd joined Rose with her daily workouts for more than three years now, and she was unrecognizable from her old self! Things she'd sworn were impossible at the start were now easy for her, and she could play with her body weight like it was light to her. Watching her hang from the three-finger grip with her arms bent at right angles and her abs engaged to hold her legs straight out in front of her made Rose so proud of her.

Of course, trying to tell her that would only make her flustered, so Rose supported her friend in a different way. Distracting from her hangover with the texts she'd woken up with. "Lydia watched our videos!" Rose held her phone up right in front of Olivia's face so she could read the text chain while hanging, but she flinched and jammed her eyes shut.

"Too bright!" She hissed.

"Oh - sorry - but she says she's impressed with your camera work!" Rose scrolled through, found the spot and quoted, "I was expecting just some bullshit on one of those ten foot walls at the gym, but this stuff is amazing. Whoever is flying the drone does a fantastic job."

Rose glanced up in time for Olivia's pained attempt at a dramatic eye roll. Her body shook and she held her breath, fighting through it for another ten seconds before dropping.

"You mean to tell me," Olivia panted, "the sexy DJ who conned you into giving her your number rushed home to watch our climbing videos, and texted you at two in the morning just to say how much she liked my cinematography and video editing?"

"Well, she miiiight have said some other things." Rose passed Olivia her phone and jumped up to take her turn on the hangboard. "Take a look."

Olivia did, turning the brightness way down first, and quickly scanning over Lydia's texts. Rose grinned to herself, knowing what was there, and watching Olivia's eyes get wider by degrees.

"This is the woman you THINK likes you," she finally said, emphasizing 'think' to rub it in Rose's face. "The one who said, and I quote, 'I love that focused look you get when you're up there, with your hair in that ponytail and your gear on.'"

Surprising. Rose hadn't thought that one stood out, she'd been expecting Olivia to get to the bits at the end before teasing her. "And you're gonna tell me that means she wants to sleep with me? She only just met me!"

The sarcastic response Rose was expecting didn't come. Instead, Olivia paused and closed her eyes thoughtfully. "Put it this way. Imagine it wasn't you. What if Ivy or Alex was telling you all this about somebody they'd just met. What would you think then?"

"But that's different!" Rose protested, dropping from the hangboard and swapping with Olivia again.

"Why?"

"Because they're both really cool, and they've got interesting lives, and there's so many reasons to find them appealing."

Olivia tried to laugh, but she couldn't manage it while straining her muscles, and it came out somewhere between a grunt and a groan. She hung as long as she could, thoughtful silence between them until she dropped down and looked Rose dead in the eye. "And it's really so unbelievable that somebody might find you appealing?" Rose felt herself instantly flushing, and she jumped up to the hangboard to cover it, but Olivia wasn't done. Her look turned mischievous and she eyed Rose in a teasingly flirty way that made her flush even more. "Especially when she sees our videos of you in nothing but a sports bra, some yoga shorts and a climbing harness - showing off how much more of a daredevil you are than the rest of us, flexing those abs, and with your ass bent out more often than not in the most eye-catchingly slappable way possible."

Well, when she puts it like that... "But we're all wearing the same things, in the same positions" Rose protested again. "And besides, you're such a smarter climber than me. You find so many brilliant easier routes and holds, the only reason I look like a daredevil is because I--"

"Sure sure," Olivia cut her off. "But your hot DJ doesn't know anything about climbing, and your stunts look badass to everybody. You're the one she was hitting it off with last night, not any of us. And besides," again with the mischievous grin, "none of the rest of us have figured out how to look sexy while covered in sweat like you."

Rose grumbled something about Alex having a thing or two to say about that, but she did it with a smile. Biased though her best friend undoubtedly was, the vote of confidence still felt good.

But Olivia surprised her again when she got to the bottom of the text chain, to the bits that were pretty flagrantly flirty, by holding back her usual teasing. They made their way over to eat breakfast, Rose wondering what she was thinking, until Olivia finally asked, "how do you feel about her being aggressive like this?"

Ah. That's where her head was at. Rose fidgeted in her seat, wondering herself what the honest answer to that was. "I don't know," she finally settled on. "It's nice to feel wanted, I guess, even if I don't really understand what I did to deserve it. But still, it feels a bit like Zelda," she said. Zelda was her most recent ex-girlfriend, who had showered her with love bombs right up until the day she'd ghosted her and blocked all her attempts to contact her. She knew it was stupid, and she was being unfair to herself in a way she would never have let any of her friends do to themselves, but Rose still blamed herself, and wouldn't let the little core of pain she felt at the memories together entirely fade. It was just that she'd finally felt like she was starting to understand Zelda! That she'd finally worked through the stage of figuring out who she was and what made her tick, but just before getting the chance, Zelda had disappeared from her life completely.

She felt Olivia's hand on hers, and realized she'd been staring at her omelette without seeing it for a while. "Hey!" Olivia said, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "You know what you said last night goes both ways, right? I'm always here for you, no matter what."

Rose shook herself. "Yeah. And I know you're going to tell me Zelda was a bitch and Lydia is a totally different person, who may be amazing or may also be a bitch, and the only way to find out is to go out there and give her a chance." Rose sighed, trying to articulate the conflicting emotions that still had her squirming uncomfortably in her chair. "And I know you're right. I'm excited about her! There's so many things about her I love, and I really want to do things with her! It's just... I don't know. It's hard for me to see things between us long term, I guess...?" she trailed off, looking up at Olivia and hoping she was making some kind of sense.

Olivia understood - Rose saw it in her eyes. Her eyes did a thing where they seemed to smolder, and it had always warmed Rose somewhere inside. "You're thinking about people like they're climbing," she said, an amused slant to her voice that Rose was pretty sure was deliberately intended to draw her spirits up.

"What?"

"You don't need to see all the way to the top - or into a long term relationship - just to get started! You can feel your way along, and you're free to jump off if you don't like where it's going because you've got me belaying you."

"Now who's mixing climbing analogies?" Rose chuckled.

"Hush, you! My point is, you can go chill with Lydia at--" Olivia glanced down at Rose's phone "--her bartending gig, and - wait, what? You're the only one of us who doesn't drink, how the fuck are you always the one who gets invited out to bars!?!"

"I don't know!" Rose laughed.

"Anyway, you can just think of it like chilling with a new potential friend. Don't put the girlfriend or sex pressure on yourself yet, just go and have fun. That wouldn't feel hard for you, right?"

"That does sound pretty nice," Rose admitted, but then realized a snag. "But you've seen those texts!"

"Alright, so she wants to - what was it?" Olivia glanced down at Rose's phone again, and smirked. "So she wants to find out what else those strong fingers might be good for." Olivia shrugged, as though Lydia implying she wanted her fingers up inside her was perfectly normal banter for somebody who'd be fine with a few weeks of Netflix and chill before becoming an item. "So you get to have some fun with her while you're figuring each other out!" Rose's skepticism must have shown, because Olivia quickly added, "Or no pressure! There's nothing saying you have to dive into bed with her. Or anything saying you can't dive into bed with her. Plenty of people have sex without becoming girlfriends. I'm just saying because you seemed like you were into her last night."

"You're not wrong," Rose admitted with a little wink. "You didn't see her last night, did you? She's really cute."

"I didn't. I just heard the music she was playing." Olivia made a gagging motion that made Rose laugh. "Let's just say I'm happy she's hitting on you, not me."

"She plays other stuff than just EDM!"

"Suuure she does," Olivia's sarcasm joined her eye roll in a way that perfectly communicated what she thought about the music tastes of somebody who was as crazy about EDM as Rose was. Rose smiled, and quickly hid it behind a mouthful of food before Olivia could see. Olivia liked to pretend she was too cool for it, but when she let herself go, she loved getting her dance on too. Apparently she hadn't been fast enough, because Olivia narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"You were thinking it!"

Rose stifled a smirk, barely, then gave in and let it out. "Well, I'm sure if you'd asked her, she would have put on some emo rock--"

"It's called symphonic metal, bitch, and you know it!"

They kept going like that, teasing each other about their music tastes and whatever else came to them. Olivia insisted that enjoying dancing to EDM while drunk meant nothing because everything is fun with alcohol - and no, her present hangover was also irrelevant to that analysis. The sillier it got, the more they both laughed, and it fed on itself. It wasn't until they were rinsing their plates off to put in the dishwasher that Rose realized how well Olivia had distracted her agonizing about past and present relationships.

Think of Lydia like she was any other friend... just with maybe some kissing and fingering? Honestly, it sounded a little idealistic, but hey. Why not? Just... if it was going to be like a regular, no stress night out with friends... Rose watched Olivia clearing away leftover cooking stuff from behind, still feeling giggly, loving the inner warmth her best friend always gave her. "Liv?" She asked, a little hesitantly. "Would it be weird if you came with me when I meet her?"

"Um - probably?" Olivia said, then turned and saw she was serious. "But you know I've never turned down a bar invitation in my life."

"I just want to make it feel more casual than a date," Rose said, quickly, and Olivia nodded her understanding.

"I'm down."

"Great! I'll tell her - Wednesday night is good for you, right? Great!" She grabbed her phone, and was about to respond to Lydia's invitation when new notifications from their family group chat caught her attention. She ran her eyes down, making a note to ask Alex how her night with Regina went after they left the party and what Ivy and Hazel had gotten up to while she'd been off dancing, before getting to a short note from Hazel at the bottom.

Hazel: I'm gonna ask Mary out to lunch today. Wish me luck!

"Wow, finally shooting her shot." Olivia said, looking over her shoulder.

"Yeah!" Rose exclaimed, excitedly typing Good luck! into the text chain. "I really hope it goes well for her."

"Hope Alex is right, and she's not a straight girl they've both been confusing signals on."

-------------------

Mary

She wasn't having a good day. Or a good week, for that matter. In fact, the entire month was probably best left forgotten.

Mary paused at the stop sign long enough to contemptuously swipe away the "Missed call from: Kathleen" notification, painfully aware that Keith had already seen it. It was just a matter of time before the questions began. Why was she avoiding their mother? Why had she renamed her contact entry from "Mom" to her name - her full name, no less? What were they fighting about this time? Breaking up with Austin? STILL? But wasn't that, like, ages ago? Why couldn't--

"So--" Keith began, but Mary cut him off.

"Not a fucking word," she growled.

"Okay--okay!" He waved his hands between them like he was attempting to ward off a swarm of wasps. "I was just--"

"Making me regret driving you to work," Mary muttered to herself.

"--going to say, whatever it is, she'll end up calling me to get to you eventually."

"Surprised she hasn't already."

Mary tried her best to communicate tactfully that she wasn't interested in talking. She detached herself from the conversation and let Keith go, responding only with a few halfhearted words here and there. No nods or inflections at all, that would only encourage him. But it still wasn't enough to shut him up, so she turned the music up. Still nothing - he continued the monologed conversation without missing a beat. For all her brother's good traits, the man did absolutely adore the sound of his own voice, and he'd never let anything so trivial as Mary's irritation get in the way.

"Dude, are you even listening to me?"

"Would it change anything if I said no?"

"Of course it would!"

Mary pulled into the parking lot, and spared a second from badging through the gate to flash her brother a disbelieving eyebrow raise. "Really?"

"Well... okay, maybe not, but I would at least feel bad."

Mary's eyebrow went up even further. "Bad for subjecting me to all that drivel, or just sorry for yourself?"

"The second one, obviously."

Well, at least he was honest. Unsurprisingly, Mary felt her mood improve dramatically after getting off the elevator two floors ahead of Keith and walking between the cubes of her fellow developers. People who spoke her language - and better yet, who understood that having something interesting to say should be a prerequisite to opening their mouths. Her people. Keith could learn a thing or two from them.

Roberto smiled broadly at her as she passed, which was obnoxiously normal. If he'd ever been depressed coming into work on a Monday, or hell, by anything ever, he'd never shown it. Beth also gave her a smile, but hers was much more restrained from underneath her layers of hoody. Also typical. They liked to joke Beth was basically a reptile, her ability to maintain body heat in the office's air conditioning was non-existent. Hazel... didn't smile. She gave Mary a quick, almost apprehensive look, then quickly dropped her eyes back to whatever she was working on. Huh, weird. Maybe some meeting she hadn't been able to figure a way out of?

Mary glanced over to Hazel's desk again while settling into her own, considering whether to go over to chat or not. She really liked her. Admired her too, but not envy like Keith kept saying. Hazel had her shit figured out. She looked great and super fit, was a brilliant programmer, and knew what she liked if the rainbow flag sticking out of the equally colorful unicorn mug on her desk was any indication.

Okay, maybe she was a little jealous of that last one. But, in her spot, who wouldn't be! She'd thought she had the entire sexual discovery phase of her life figured out years ago. Done, sorted, no need for any more frustrating days feeling out of place everywhere or long nights of soul searching.

It took a lot longer than usual for her mind to sink into the relaxed productive-at-work mode she actually enjoyed. Plotting out how to fit bits of code together into functions, weave them into packages and modules, up through crafted layers into larger portions that would finally come together into her finished whole. An application that would be... well, probably not used to its full potential by the customers. If there was any population out there less qualified to say what was good for them than her end users, Mary had yet to meet them. But whatever! It was all about the process. Getting to feel like an artist, in perfect control of her environment, creating something beautiful.

The meeting Hazel had apparently been dreading was on their calendars for 9:30, and they hadn't received the Outlook invite for it until 6:30 Friday night, after everybody had left for the weekend. Mary laughed, darkly, eyeing it on her screen. Sent from: Travis Wilkins, Project Manager. Apparently, Travis knew he was going to hell, and didn't mind everybody else knowing too. Which, in fairness, would have been apparent just from the Project Manager job title in his email signature.

Fortunately, there were at least 20 people also on the invite, so they probably wouldn't have to do more than listen. Unfortunately, their boss was one of them, so they couldn't just duck it and ask Roberto for the abridged version later.

"Thanks for joining, everybody! As you can see from the invite, we're just going to be going over some updates to the requirements for the end of Q3 app deliverables. I've got some slides I'd like to quickly go over--"

Mary's messenger app pinged from Hazel.

Hazel: do you think he knows what 'quickly' means?

She smiled and typed back.

Mary: Not a fucking chance. Just like there's not a single chance in a million that this needed to be a meeting, and couldn't have just been an email.

Hazel: but anybody could send an email. Project managers need to justify their existence by scheduling meetings. After all, if they're not in meetings all day, people might start questioning why they never actually do anything.

Mary: Lol yeah, can't have that.

Maybe it was petty, but she and Hazel had always been on the same wavelength, and it made the time pass more bearably. In the end, they were both right. The meeting went over time by 15 minutes, nothing of any value was said, but Travis still insisted it had been "a good call."

Truly, a special place in hell...

Mary replaced her headset on its charger, closed out of Zoom, and looked up to see Hazel standing over her. "Wha--oh, hey. What's up?"

"Hey! When--um--when were you thinking of getting lunch?" Hazel asked.

That raised an eyebrow. Hazel always brought amazing looking food from home, which was another thing Keith insisted she was jealous of her for. And... okay, maybe there was something to that one too. Hazel's cooking smelled glorious, but she always went off to the break room at 10:30 like clockwork because she woke up super early to work out and her internal timetable was all shifted forward. If that was a package offer, Mary would pass. She liked sleep too much. "Um, not for another two hours?"

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all. It'll be nice to finally break the monotony of just me and fucking Keith." Hazel let out a relieved little sigh, and it hit Mary that she'd been just as tense as when she'd first seen her that morning. What? Why? It was just lunch. "Did you forget yours at home?" She asked, teasingly.

"Something like that."

"Okay, well, I hope you don't mind that teriyaki place across the street. Keith always insists on it on Mondays."

"That sounds great!" Hazel agreed, then turned and skipped irrationally happily back to her desk, leaving Mary to wonder if her people reading skills were going haywire.

Two hours later, her brother turned up looking hungry, and his wolfish expression when Mary told him about their guest made her instantly cautious. "What?" She demanded.

"She's the one, right? You're finally introducing me to her?"

"Keith, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"She's the lesbian you've got the hots for?"

They'd been talking quite low, and most people wore headphones as an office norm, but Mary still darted a frightened glance at Hazel. She hadn't looked around. Whew. Mary rounded on Keith and hissed at him, "Keep your fucking voice down. I do not have the hots for her! She's a coworker, it would be totally inappropriate--"

But Keith wasn't listening. He was following her gaze, and gave an appreciative little chuckle. "Gotta say, good taste, dude. Totally get why she's got you questioning your bisexuality." Mary spluttered, torn trying to decide which of a hundred things to yell at him. "Certainly much hotter than any of the jackass men you've dated. And smarter too, if she's got you all gaga like this. I get it, cock really can't compete with pristine feminine appeal like hers."

Mary finally found her tongue. "Keith, I will literally murder you if you tell her--"

"Oh don't worry! I know she's all yours, I won't hit on her."

"And that's the only reason you'd choose not to hit on a lesbian?!?"

"Well, I mean," he flashed her his most infuriating smirk. "Just because there's a goalie, it doesn't mean you can't score."

Mary fumed, half knowing that he only did these things to piss her off, and half not caring and wanting to smack him anyway. The side telling her to take a deep breath and not play into his hands won out. She sighed and told him, almost pleadingly, "Just don't embarrass me too much. Please?"

"No promises."

Thinking about it, Mary wasn't sure which was worse. Keith being his typical self, or being forced to admit he wasn't completely wrong. Most of her ex-boyfriends were idiots, but her most recent hadn't been. Austin was... well, just sort of meh. Nothing really wrong with him as such, he'd just been incredibly mediocre. Boring. After nearly a year together, she'd finally relented and taken him to meet her parents. Of course, her mother had fallen in love with him on first sight, and had wasted no time making pointed anecdotes about how cute babies are and how the neighbors recently showed them pictures of their grandkids.

Real subtle, Mom. Really fucking subtle - and it had the exact opposite effect she'd intended. Mary spent that night picturing what a lifetime with Austin would look like, barely holding back her nausea, and breaking up with him the next morning.

A crime for which her mother still hadn't forgiven her. Of course, trying to explain that he'd been boring and uninspiring hadn't satisfied her. Which was fitting because he hadn't satisfied Mary either, which her mother hadn't found funny, and the fight had spiraled from there. But, unlike most of the hundreds of arguments she'd had with her mother in her life, this one didn't roll off Mary's back. Something about it stuck with her. Something about not having an answer to why she'd stayed with Austin for months and months if she'd hated it so much, and why she'd dated him in the first place if she'd known he was lame.

The best she'd come up with so far was mostly the same reason as why she'd dated all her ex-boyfriends. Because it'd always seemed like the thing to do. People dated, searched for love, tried to fuck, all that? Right? But, if she was forcing herself to answer, what about any of her relationships with men had she actually enjoyed? She'd always considered herself bisexual, because women were undeniably hot and she found plenty of men attractive, but she'd been exclusively dating men because... well, she'd only ever been asked out by straight men. There were so many more of them in the world than openly queer women, after all.

But did she actually enjoy men? Sure, the companionship wasn't always terrible, and feeling desired was nice, but other than that? What if she wasn't as bi as she'd always believed, and her entire life up to this point had been a colossal mistake?

"Is she ever going to come back to Earth?"

"She's just buffering. Give her a few more minutes, she'll finish loading."

Hazel and Keith were both looking at her amusedly. "What?" Mary asked.

"There she is!" Keith exclaimed, Hazel laughing with him.

"You got pretty inside your head there. Thinking deep thoughts?"

Hazel's smile was pretty. Very pretty. "Something like that," Mary muttered, feeling an embarrassed flush creep across her cheeks. She turned quickly to cover it, waving for them to follow her. "Come on, I'm hungry."

-------------------

Brittany

What she'd said at the party about moving out of New York City to Northampton because of work might have been stretching the truth a little bit. A more honest answer might have included that she'd finally succeeded in talking her manager into letting her work remotely full time, and Northampton was high on the lists she'd googled of places to find lesbian community. Sure, all her friends had said she was crazy. Leaving New York to try to find gay people? Everybody else in the world came to the city exactly for that reason! But hey, most of her friends were straight guys. They were a lot of fun, and she loved them, but they didn't really get it.

For everybody who thrived on dating apps, hookups and what amounted to speed dating, New York must be heaven. Brittany wouldn't miss it.

She'd been really excited making the move, but after a few weeks of trying to rebuild her social circle from nothing, little shadows of doubt circled in around the edges of her mind. Especially when the old crew asked how she was doing while they played Final Fantasy 14 together late at night.

What are you doing gaming with us? Aren't you supposed to be making out with some hot babe?

Yeah, haven't you replaced us yet?

Yaknow, if you miss us, you can always come visit. You can crash on my couch as long as you want!

Tempting. And, even though he'd said it jokingly, Anton would have opened his door for her in an instant if she'd asked. Any of them would have. One of the benefits of being "one of the bros."

So it had been fucking sweet logging on the night before to finally be able to tell them she'd met some new people. It was late and she'd still been a little tipsy, so she couldn't quite remember perfectly, but she was pretty sure she'd described them as fun and very friendly. Somehow, before she'd collapsed into bed, Olivia, Hazel, Ivy and Alex had become Brittany's harem of sexy as fuck playthings. One of the reasons being "one of the bros" had never felt right to her.

Which left her here today, staring at Olivia's Discord contact on her computer, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to without seeming desperate. Hey! Remember me? We were drinking together last night. So, I need friends. Ones who do more together than bond over video games and objectifying tits and ass, I've already got more friends like that than I know what to do with. Can I hang out with you guys? Please?

Yeah... with charm and charisma like that, no wonder she was desperate.

Work emails popped up on her other monitor, a blinking icon on her taskbar reminding her that she needed to call a client back, but her attention wouldn't budge. Brittany's eyes were glued to Olivia's Discord, where her automated status kept updating what music Spotify was playing for her.

"Elan" by Nightwish, "Cry For The Moon" by Epica, "Dancing In The Dark" by Beyond The Black - it was like a top list of bands she wished she could go see live, but couldn't because they spent so much time touring around Europe. Then the next song appeared, and Brittany felt her jaw hit the desk. "To Die For" by The Birthday Massacre. No way! THAT WAS HER JAM!

Her mouse hand moved automatically, opening a new message to Olivia before her brain could stop it.

Brittany: You've got great music taste!

Brittany: I thought I was the only one in the world who loved TBM, it's nice to see somebody else is into them.

Brittany: And Ghost and Nightwish are two of the seeds for my favorite Pandora station!

She grinned, hearing the song's slow, airy melody float around her head, before she realized what she'd done. Fuck! Why had she just told Olivia she'd been stalking her? Brittany watched, hands over her mouth, half hoping for a quick reply and half dreading one. Usually, she liked to avoid advertising the sad reality that she had nothing better to do than sit around and watch her screens all day.

The phone rang, making Brittany jump in surprise. Right! The world hadn't stopped spinning just because she was busy being an idiot. Guiltily, she forced herself to close Discord - not just minimize it, full quit the program to stop herself checking for messages every 5 seconds. Got to at least pretend she was an effective remote worker, or the boss would leave her no choice but to move back to the office.

Hours later, munching on the Chipotle she'd just had delivered and thumbing through her phone's notifications, she apprehensively eyed the Discord notification icon. New message from Olivia. Warm little butterflies battled against anxiety crows flapping around her stomach, and it made her feel silly. Just like a high schooler with a crush, trying to decide whether to open a love note now or savor the anticipation a little longer.

If the only thing riding on this was a bit of flirting at a party, it'd feel easier. But she didn't just want to get into Olivia's pants. She wanted in with her whole circle of friends! High fucking stakes!

Well... Olivia and company's images flashed before her eyes, in all their stylish, super fit attractiveness, making the flapping in her tummy intensify. Those buff looking forearms, and their strong fingers... Brittany unconsciously squirmed in her seat, imagining what they could do to her. Okay, maybe she was lying to herself if she tried to pretend making out with somebody as hot as Olivia wouldn't have her freaking out on its own. Maybe trying to tell herself she was only after friendship was a bit of coping. But playing for two prizes never hurt anybody! Double the odds of winning something!

Finally, curiosity won out, so she tapped the message.

Olivia: Dude! You're my hero. My goddamn knight in gleaming golden armor

Olivia: Rose was literally just giving me shit about my so called 'emo rock'

Olivia: Bad news is she'll probably never dance with you again if you admit you've got other musical interests beyond electronica noise. But I won't judge you for liking that shit too! Much...

Olivia: What are you listening to right now?

Brittany's eyes, which had been getting progressively wider with each new message, felt ready to pop out when she got to the bottom. She wasn't listening to anything right now!

Quick! Think of something to claim she had on. Some hidden gem that would impress Olivia, so they could keep bonding over music. She literally had thousands of songs she loved, but her brain stubbornly refused to supply any of them. It was too busy gushing over being called a knight, and unhelpfully imagining what she'd look like mounted on a horse.

Focus!

Both work and her food completely forgotten, Brittany loaded up Pandora and scrolled through all the stations she'd built. Unhelpfully, it defaulted to her Trance station, which was exactly the sort of music she didn't want to advertise, so she started typing in filters. Metal, strong female vocal. Her The Pretty Reckless station ended on top, maybe something from them? Maybe "25"? Great song, but that was more rock sounding than the metal Olivia had been talking about. She kept looking, discarding options until finally coming to her Amaranthe station. Great fit with what she'd seen from Olivia, while still being niche enough to seem like a sophisticated metal head. Hopefully.

Brittany: Amaranthe. Their cover of "82nd All The Way." I love the original Sabaton version, but Elize Ryd's voice is also kind of perfect for it.

It wasn't until she'd hit enter that she noticed the timestamps on Olivia's messages. They'd been sent an hour ago, so there hadn't been any need for urgency getting a fast response turned around. Olivia was probably not even paying attention now, so--

Olivia is typing appeared on screen almost as soon as her message had been sent.

Olivia: Dude, "Razorblade" is the most hype song on my workout mix!

Olivia: Great for getting pumped for cardio or lifting, but terrible for the climbing gym. I've tried to make it work so many times, but getting pumped up for a fast beat always makes me fall.

Holy shit! Brittany couldn't manage to consistently go to one gym, but Olivia had multiple? She looked down at her arms, feeling like they were pencil thin beside what Olivia was packing. Any of that group could probably toss Brittany over their shoulder and do squats with her, without breaking a sweat. Talk about being a shitty knight.

If she did manage to start hanging out with them, would that mean she'd have to join all their gyms too? When in Rome, do as the lesbians do, and all that? Her insides did the nervous flapping thing again. What if she couldn't keep up?

Brittany: Very fitting! I can imagine that fast beat chorus gets you running faster on the treadmill.

Brittany: Let's see if I can guess what else is on there. Hmm... Probably more of Nightwish's faster stuff, like "Poet and the Pendulum" and "Storytime"

Olivia: 1 for 2! Not bad, but you have to guess which one.

She lost track of time as they went back and forth like that, delving into the depths of each other's musical souls and exchanging recommendations. Her only cue that she'd wildly failed her mission to be an effective remote worker was slowly realizing her Chipotle was cold. That was saying something, it took a lot to get between her and her burrito bowl.

It shouldn't have been possible, but after listening to a few of Olivia's suggestions, Brittany knew it had happened. Olivia had managed to make herself even hotter in her eyes.

Olivia: By the way, sorry I had to bail on you last night. I swear, I don't usually get that drunk.

Brittany's head raced. This was her chance! Should she turn flirty? Say something like: "well, what are you gonna do to make it up to me?" With some kind of smirk emote on the end. Or just play it cool and say it was fine? She fidgeted indecisively in her seat, absent-mindedly pushing her food around with her fork, as if hoping that would magically warm it up without having to go all the way to the kitchen.

The part of her that hated how nervous she'd become balked. Hard. For fuck's sake, after all this obvious shared chemistry, how much more of an invitation did she need? Did she move all the way here from her old life just to sit around being too afraid to shoot her shot? Fuck no!

Brittany: It's fine! Or at least, it will be fine as long as you're sober enough to take me home with you next time : wink:

Olivia: Oh my, whatever will the neighbors think?

Olivia: Are you still interested in game night? We've got it at our place this Thursday, there'll be a few people over playing D&D

Olivia: And then you could stay after they all leave. You know, so we can... listen to music : wink:

Brittany couldn't type "YES!!!" fast enough.

-------------------

Mary

"So I've got this friend named--" Keith gave Mary a momentary sidelong look "--Carrie." Mary rolled her eyes at him, but he'd looked back to Hazel too fast to see. Keith's friend Carrie didn't exist. She was code for Mary herself, and Keith had invented the name so he could mess with Mary without people realizing he was talking about her. "And she keeps bitching that there's nothing good to eat around here. Like, she won't come with me to Subway anymore because she says the sandwiches all suck. I'm like, dude, you told them what to make! If it comes out bad, whose fault is that?"

Hazel laughed around a mouthful of chicken, swallowed and said, "In fairness, there's only so much that customization can do to save food from that place."

Mary had been a bit nervous bringing Hazel to lunch here because everything she saw Hazel bring to work looked really healthy, but Hazel was devouring it like she'd been starving for weeks. Which, in fairness, she probably felt like. If Mary ate healthily enough to maintain a body like Hazel's, she would also probably go crazy for chicken, caramelized vegetables and rice covered in sinfully sweet and delicious teriyaki sauce too. "Yeah, Carrie," she ironically spun the name, feeling the strangeness of talking about herself in disguised third person like that, "sounds like she's got good taste."

Keith leaned towards Hazel and conspiratorially fake-whispered, "she's always taking Carrie's side. You'd never guess they actually can't stand each other."

"We do not!" Mary exclaimed, not sure whether he meant it as her hating the dumb code name, or if there were some kind of self-loathing implication in there.

"Weren't you just telling me recently how you hate the way she can never make up her mind about basic stuff?"

"Her shit isn't basic! It's really hard!"

Keith laughed and repeated the theatrical fake whisper to Hazel, who was apparently his new best friend, "see what I mean?" Then turned his attention back to Mary. "She's been dating men forever now, pretty much since high school, and she still can't figure out if she likes them or not? I mean, dude, that'd be like if I was still debating whether I'd ever actually enjoyed bowling league, after doing it every week for five years."

"Did you just compare sexual self-discovery to fucking bowling with the bros!?!" Mary screeched while Hazel and Keith both laughed at her outrage, Hazel struggling to avoid choking on her chicken. "Besides, it isn't even about the bowling for you. It's just an excuse to get drunk with your friends. Of course that's easy to figure out!"

"It does sound a touch easier than finding out who you are, deep in your soul," Hazel agreed, still chuckling at what must have seemed absurdist humor to her, but what Mary knew was just standard Keith.

"Right!" Mary smiled wide at Hazel, then rounded on Keith. "Like, how do you know you're straight? How do you KNOW?"

"Easy," Keith fired back. "I own a mirror."

"What?"

"I see this in the mirror," he motioned down at his body, "and then I see what women have going on," he motioned vaguely at the two of them, then shrugged. It's not exactly a close contest. I've always said, heterosexuality among women makes zero sense."

"You're not wrong!" Hazel laughed again, which kind of set Mary on edge. She wished she could be as sure of herself as Hazel seemed to be.

"Well, fortunately for you, heterosexual women disagree," she told Keith, who wasn't impressed.

"Do they, though? I mean, have you ever watched any sitcom ever made? Straight women don't exactly seem thrilled by being consigned into relationships with men."

"Riiiight, because sitcoms are a bubbling font of truth and not playing at stereotypes for excuses to roll the laugh track." Mary turned to Hazel, about to apologize for their lunch together turning into an argument with her brother, but stopped short. Something about her expression caught her off guard. It was the same thoughtful look she sometimes got reasoning through a complicated bit of logic while working, except it was directed right at her. Too late, Mary wondered if the way they'd been talking about straight women as distinctly other than herself, combined with how heated she'd let herself become, might have tipped Hazel off.

Half of Mary worried immediately. The other half put off anxiety for a few seconds to wonder. Maybe Hazel was exactly the sort of person who'd understand her? She could help!

But that was pretty fucked up. What, just because Hazel was gay, that automatically made her perfect to act as her queer issues therapist? If it'd been reversed, Mary would have been pissed! And on top of that, Hazel was a coworker! Sure, they were friends, but asking for sex life advice was really inappropriate. Right? The annual mandatory company training on workplace culture had just come around, and she was pretty sure one of the example scenarios of sexual harassment went something like that.

But, before that brain half could finish its train of thought to its dubious conclusion and rejoin the first half, Hazel's voice floated across it. "You know, in seriousness, taking a while to figure yourself out and making mistakes along the way is actually a lot more common than you'd expect. It wasn't quite like that for me, but I've got a few friends who... well, I think Carrie would identify with them. I--"

"Hold that thought," Keith interrupted. "I gotta use the bathroom. Back in a second." He got up and, right after moving behind Hazel's seat, flashed Mary a wide smile and a thumbs-up.

That little--had he done all this deliberately? Brought this up just so she would be forced to talk about it with Hazel? Fucking presumptuous little--

"I like him," Hazel said, happily. "He's funny. Seems like good company."

"I suppose that is one grammatically correct way to describe him," Mary muttered, making Hazel chuckle again.

"You're funny together."

"Please don't say bicker like an old married couple!"

"Oh. You get that a lot?"

"You have no idea. I swear, if everybody didn't know he's my brother, they'd all assume we're dating." This time, Hazel's reaction was so intense, Mary thought she really had choked. "Hey! You okay?" Hazel waved affirmingly, gulped down some water, then said something inaudible. "What?"

"I - uhm - I miiiight have... you know..."

"What?"

"I might have thought that before Alex clued me in," Hazel admitted, making an adorable attempt to hide behind her water glass.

Mary couldn't decide whether to be amused or offended. "You're not serious."

"He always comes around to your desk to get you for lunch! I just thought... well... anyway! Weren't we supposed to be talking about sexuality?"

"Um--yeah? Hey, you know, if you'd rather not - it's just a thing Keith--" Mary stammered, her briefly sidetracked worry coming back.

Hazel slid her hand across the table and placed it reassuringly over hers. "I'm getting together with those friends I was talking about Thursday night. You could come with, if you like. No pressure to open up about anything, or anything like that. It's just, you know, just nice to be surrounded by people who get you. You know?"

Hazel's hand was nice. Warm. Mary focused on that to try to distract herself from the emotions flooding through her. "That Carrie bullshit never fools anybody," she muttered.

"In fairness, you gave it away, not Keith," Hazel said, smile in her voice. "Don't worry, you don't have to tell me yet. Just think about it."

"I will," Mary said, relieved she could put it off a few more days. At least long enough to get home, finally be alone, pour herself a big glass of wine and unpack everything.

Still, she already knew she'd end up deciding to go. Something about the way Hazel was looking at her, her eyes seeming to connect with hers and see into her, made her feel... well, seen. As obvious as it sounded for somebody facing her with her eyes open, but it felt different than Mary had felt before. Reassuring, after all the feelings compressed into today. Maybe just reassuring enough to make her brave enough to walk into a room full of strangers and try to find herself.

It had to be better than just questioning her existence inside her own head forever.

-------------------

Rose, Wednesday (two days later).

"Can you get closer in on her hand when she adjusts her grip for the transition?" Rose asked, watching over Olivia's shoulder as she finished up editing the video of their most recent climb.

"Nah. I tried already, but it gets a little too blurry."

"Awww, too bad."

"Yeah. Still, we're the only ones who care about the real technique stuff like that. All our fans just watch for the hot bodies."

"Fans?" Rose laughed. "What fans?"

"The last one broke 1k views!"

"What? Really?"

"Yeah."

"And you think it's mostly people looking for hot bodies who clicked on a climbing video with Poke-O-Moonshine as the thumbnail?"

"Well... when you say it like that," Olivia conceded. "Who the hell names these mountains anyway?"

"It got the name because--"

"Yeah yeah, I read the plaque too. I'm just saying, even if you're going with the moonshine theme, how is that what stuck?"

"Well, what would you change it to?"

"Fucking anything that isn't hyphenated!"

Rose smiled. She should have guessed - it was one of Liv's pet peeves.

For about the hundredth time, her eyes flicked down to the clock in the corner of the screen. 7:35 pm. About half an hour to drive, maybe less because it was a Wednesday night, plus maybe five minutes to park, aaannd still too early. Just like it had been three minutes ago, and two before that.

Olivia, who'd been doing a heroic job distracting her for hours, must have sensed her doing the mental math yet again. "Relax," she said, in the same voice she used when they were watching somebody being silly on TV. "It's not a date."

"We're having dinner together!"

"She is serving us dinner at a bar, where she will simultaneously be serving whoever else happens to be there," Olivia continued, quite patiently considering how many times she'd had to remind Rose. "If anybody can be said to be having a date, it would be the two people actually eating. Us."

She was right, and Rose did know it. At least, her brain did. The rest of her? Maybe not so much. The restaurant Lydia bartended at wasn't one they'd been to before. Apparently, it mostly cleared out after 8:30, so Lydia should be fairly free to chat. As long as they didn't mind her mixing drinks for tables and pulling beers and the like. Rose didn't mind. Far from it - she was actually looking forward to seeing Lydia work again, albeit in a much different capacity than her previous DJ artistry.

"Should I invite her back here afterwards?" Rose asked, anxiously.

"Do you want to fuck her?" Olivia responded, amusement clear on her face even from behind.

"Yes!"

"Then go for it."

"Liv! I'm being serious!"

"So am I." Olivia spun her chair around and looked up at her with a sudden intensity that surprised Rose. "You're attracted to her, but that feeling almost frightens you as much as it excites you. I get it, Rose. I really do, it makes sense for you, you've been burned by people you're attracted to enough times. I'm not going to try telling you to get over it or something like that, I'm just..." she trailed off, pulling at her hair in a familiar searching-for-inspiration gesture. Rose had seen it a million times, but still, something about her friend seemed slightly different. Maybe more feeling? Liv was really worried for her, and it made Rose feel incredibly lucky to have her. "I guess I'm just saying you should give yourself more credit," she finally continued. "If you explain where you're coming from, she'll get it. You can totally tell her that you'd like to hold off rushing into an emotional dramatic official relationship for a while, but you're also into her and totally down for some physical fun while you build a connection together." Olivia shrugged, starting to look uncomfortable with what she'd feel as uncharacteristic seriousness. "Or she won't get it, in which case I know you're more than capable of finding an even hotter DJ to fuck. Who knows, maybe even one who plays real music."

She tried to spin her chair back, her cheeks starting to color around the edges, but Rose quickly grabbed her and wrapped her up, lifting her into a tight hug. "This is why I love you!"

There it was again. That strange thing in Olivia's eyes, just for a second. Seeing it again, Rose thought it seemed sad. Almost lonely. But then it was gone, leaving Rose wondering if it'd been her imagination, and Olivia was futilely trying to pretend she didn't love hugs. "Aren't we supposed to be leaving now?" She protested weakly, hugging Rose back with just enough squirming to maintain the illusion of duress.

"We'll be early."

"It's fine, I'm too sober. Take me away, bitch."

Rose laughed and gave her friend one last squeeze before setting her free. "Fine, but I'm telling Lydia what you said about another DJ with real music."

"You don't have to, I'll tell her myself! By the way, Brittany sent me another great song earlier today! It's been stuck in my head, it's--"

Olivia continued chatting happily through the car ride over, like she'd been doing since connecting with Brittany online a few days ago. Once they parked and got inside the restaurant, however, both of them fell silent together. One look around was enough to make it obvious why they'd never been there before. Expensive looking art decorated the walls above leather upholstered booths, crisply dressed waiters flitted between tables of equally presentable patrons, while somebody in an alcove played light music on a full bodied piano. The place positively oozed class.

"We're so underdressed!" Olivia hissed, half crouched like she wanted to bolt back to the car and find somewhere to buy a new outfit.

"We're fine," Rose reassured her. Lydia had mentioned to wear something nice, and they'd both picked outfits similar to what they wore to work. They were... okay, maybe not quite as elegant as some of these, but at least they didn't stand out too much.

"I can't believe I'm in flats. Why didn't I wear heels?"

"Because you hate heels and everything they represent."

"Well, yeah, but I should at least have brought earrings."

Rose exchanged a few words with the maître d, who guided them around a corner and through an archway, into a space dominated by a huge pair of bay windows. The view looked out on mountains in the background and a stone porch area just outside with lawn chairs and firepits, probably for private parties. The bar was set to enjoy the view, with the customary towering shelves of bottles in the space between windows, and Lydia waving a greeting just behind it. She looked completely different than she had DJing weekend, much more formal in a white collared shirt, black vest and tie that hit Rose's fondness for masc presentation right on.

Rose ignored Olivia's continued fretting over her lack of eyeshadow and the state of her hair to rush over and take the space immediately in front of Lydia. "Hey!"

"Hey yourself!" Lydia gave her a quick once over and... Rose frowned, trying to read her expression. When she was around Olivia, or her students at school, or their other chosen family members, it came so easily to her. Their body languages were so familiar, she could sense their thoughts and emotions without conscious effort. But new people, like Lydia, made her feel lost. Like watching a foreign film and having the subtitles suddenly stop. Building up that familiarity took time for her, and a lot of effort. Sometimes it was worth it. Other times... well, the closeness made breakups that much more crushing.

If Alex wore that smile, it'd mean she liked what she saw. Then again, from Ivy, it could just mean she'd remembered a funny line from whatever book she was reading. Was Lydia more of an Alex or an Ivy? Nerves crept in as the seconds ticked by awkwardly and Rose's mind felt stuck.

Olivia settled into the spot beside her and broke the silence, igniting a rush of gratitude in Rose. "What's good here? I'm starved," she asked, eyeing the menu the maître d handed her.

Lydia flashed the maître d a quick smirk. "I'm contractually obliged to tell you everything is great, nothing is bad, and you'll love anything you get," she said, then added, "but once Bruce here goes away, I'll suggest you look at the salmon or the duck."

The maître d, evidently named Bruce, rolled his eyes and walked off towards the front again.

"Not salmon," Olivia groaned, and Rose agreed.

"We practically live on salmon at home. I swear, it feels like we spend more money on fish than rent," Rose explained, internally thanking Liv for giving them something to talk about.

Lydia chuckled. "Makes sense. I read something about it being basically impossible to get fit if you don't like salmon."

"That's kind of an exaggeration--" Rose began.

"But it's also kind of not," Olivia laughed.

"--It depends what your goals are."

"How about the climbing you guys do?" Lydia asked.

"Well, it's not IMPOSSIBLE," Rose laughed. "But, if you want to build muscle without gaining a ton of weight, and salmon isn't an option, you do kind of have to be willing to eat so much chicken, you risk turning into one."

"Canard confit," Olivia read out loud from the menu. "Roasted potatoes and haricots verts in porto sauce." She gave Rose a quick worried look. "I only know like half those words."

"It's the French way of saying that it's good," Rose told her.

"Oh. Great! I'm sold, that for me, please."

Lydia raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure, I can describe--"

"Too late! I've already made up my mind."

"She's very stubborn," Rose giggled to Lydia, filing away her present look under 'Amused'.

"I am not stubborn! But I would take a glass of whatever your driest white wine is," Olivia requested. "As long as it costs less than a hundred dollars."

She said it jokingly, but after seeing the prices on the menu, Rose wasn't shocked when Lydia told her, "That actually does rule some of them out."

Olivia was shocked. "What? That much for just a glass, not even a whole bottle!?!"

"Yep."

"What kind of place is this!?"

"Most of our clientele are parents visiting kids at one of the schools," Lydia said, which made sense. Most of Northampton's economy was built around being a college town, and while that usually manifested in businesses aimed at the 18 to 24 year old demographic, their parents had to eat somewhere.

"Is that why you picked here to work?" Rose asked.

"Yep. Turns out, old people with money tip better than penniless students."

"Do you have any jobs beyond this and DJing?"

"Isn't that enough?" Lydia made the 'Amused' expression again, making Rose feel good about her read. One look down, only a few thousand to go! "I do a bit of this, a bit of that. A bit of photography too, when I can find somebody crazy enough to hire me. Depends where I am, I get more music work when I'm in LA, but there's enough people who know me here that I get a bunch of parties like last weekend."

"Wait wait, you spend time in Los Angeles?"

"Yeah! Sorry, I thought I told you. I go back and forth, summers here, winters there. I usually Airbnb out whichever place I'm not living in, it makes the money for the starving artist lifestyle a lot less stressful."

That meant she'd be gone at the end of the summer. So, if they had anything together, it would only be for a few months. Temporary, no expectations or pressure for anything big. Rose felt her nerves dissipating like a weight dropping off her shoulders. Perfect!

"That sounds really cool!" Rose said, excitedly. "What's it like there? I bet it's really different. I've always wanted to go."

After that, conversation between them flowed. Olivia made a show of bringing out her phone and turning her flirty message chain with Brittany into a group activity. It worked really well, giving her the perfect excuse to stay quiet while Rose bonded with Lydia over the places Lydia had been and the gigs she'd worked, and fill any conversational lulls with advice for crafting her next suggestive message. Liv was amazing like that. She'd been invited to be a third wheel, but somehow, she went with it and turned it into exactly what Rose needed. A low stress, relaxed environment where the illusion of a night with friends could be embraced by all.

Time flew as Lydia shared stories, and Rose pestered her with questions. What was the biggest party she'd played? Any Airbnb renter horror stories? How did LA feel different to her, as a local, versus a potential tourist like Rose would be? At some point, a plate of delicious braised short rib that she must have ordered without remembering appeared in front of her. Lydia's hands were constantly busy pouring and mixing drinks that were carried away to the tables in the main dining room, but as she'd predicted, they had the bar to themselves the whole time.

Finally, the topic shifted back to her, which would normally welcome a fresh wave of nervousness. After all, as a teacher, she could hardly offer anything as interesting as Lydia's dual coast musical artist and sometimes bartender lifestyle. But tonight, Rose didn't feel the normal pressure to make an impression, and that uneasiness didn't come. It was all happy, carefree grins, especially when Lydia swapped roles with her as the questioner while Rose walked her through an average day at school. And then the wildly contrasting average day on a climbing adventure, which brought Liv back into the conversation, and so around the circle they went until Rose blinked and realized they were the last guests in the restaurant, and the rest of the staff in the dining room were stacking chairs onto tables.

-------------------

Olivia

Whatever canard confit meant, it was absolutely delicious. Shame about the exorbitant price tag, but hey. Cheat meals are meant to be yummy. Go big or don't bother.

The evening was winding down. She'd spent most of the time quietly texting flirty banter to Brittany and keeping a running commentary of Rose's definitely-not-a-date in the family group chat. Rose would see it all later, which made Alex's jokes about the way to her heart being through her stomach all the funnier, along with Ivy's insistence that, if it didn't work out, Rose pass her Lydia's number.

She sat back and stretched, heaving a very contented sigh and draining the last of her wine. It also tasted amazing - almost upsettingly so. Knowing how fantastic rich people wine was would make dropping back to her sustainable price range suck.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom. Be back in a second," Rose said.

Olivia was about to get up to follow her when Lydia caught her eye. "How am I doing?" she asked, low enough that Rose's departing back couldn't hear.

Huh... what to say to that? Something empty like 'great' felt safe, but also like a cop-out. Like missing an opportunity to help Rose by helping Lydia woo Rose. But it was a risk, too. She'd only just met her, what if she ended up hurting Rose? Helping bring them together would make her an accomplice!

Olivia hesitated, but only for a second. She'd been thinking along those lines the entire evening, looking for red flags Rose wouldn't see, and not finding any. Lydia seemed like good people, and even though she felt a tiny little bit of misgivings, she decided she was worthy of her endorsement. So, Olivia gave a quick look over her shoulder to make sure Rose was out of earshot, then quickly said, "you're doing great. You might not have noticed it, but she relaxed a ton when you mentioned going to LA."

"Really? I was nervous about that. For a lot of people, it's a bit of a dealbreaker. They don't want to start anything with me when I'm going to be thousands of miles away in a few months."

"Makes sense, but Rose is--" Fuck, how to say this without making her sound like damaged goods? "--Rose feels better when things feel more casual. It's why she brought me here, so she could feel like it was just a girls night out. If you want to make Rose happy, don't go for sappy romantic stuff because that'll make her anxious. Treat her like you've been friends for years. Like, you should invite her to your place tomorrow night and just do regular shit. Cook some food, watch TV, maybe show her how you mix music, she'll love that. Then you can take her to bed with you and she'll be all over you. Make sense?"

"Yeah... I think so," Lydia said thoughtfully. "Less fancy date stuff," she motioned to the high-class main restaurant area, "and more sweatpants and t-shirts on the couch?"

"Yep! And about the taking her to bed part, remember she's absolutely terrible at recognizing flirting. If you're sending her signals hoping she'll send some back so you can figure out if she's into it, it'll go right over her head. Just trust me, she's into you. Go for it!"

"Okay, got it. Thanks so much."

"No problem." Olivia turned to rush off after Rose before she was missed, but stopped herself again as an idea hit her. "Oh and also, she's a complete adrenaline junkie. If you can tap into that, she'll absolutely love you forever."

Lydia raised an eyebrow. "Get her adrenaline spiking, but also just do chill stuff around the house?"

"Well, when you put it like that..." Olivia shrugged helplessly.

"Actually, I think I've got an idea."

"Great!" Olivia spun and chased after Rose. She suddenly felt like she needed the bathroom, there was a tiny sick feeling deep inside her that must have been the wine.

Must have been.

Fucking rich people wine. Why do delicious things have to be bad for you?

But it was all worth it for the ecstatic look in Rose's eyes after she said goodnight to Lydia and they got back to the car. "She wants to see me again tomorrow!" Rose squealed, high enough to pass for one of her own students.

Olivia hoped to god that Rose was too distracted to focus her mind reading powers and find out it had been her feeding Lydia the idea. "Really? Great!"

"Will you be okay if I leave game night halfway through? I really wanna go!"

"Of course! Dude, don't worry about it, I got it. You go get her."

-------------------

Brittany, the next evening.

The place Olivia shared with Rose wasn't what she'd expected. She wasn't quite sure what she'd been expecting, but this wasn't it. It seemed like part meticulously organized functional space, part gallery of all their interests, part storage unit. And that was just the common area! She hadn't seen their bedrooms yet, but Alex said they were very clashing. Apparently, Olivia's was what one would expect from a reasonable adult, and Rose's looked like it belonged to a small child rebelling against her mother's attempts to make her clean up.

The first thing to catch her eye were the walls. They were covered in posters of pretty much every kind with no noticeable continuity between pieces. Like, they had a huge diagram of a mountain with climbing routes detailed all along it, then beside it a school picture of Rose with her class. Above that was a band picture of Nightwish on stage, and beside those was a huge collage style collection of small pictures of cats being cute. There were tons more, barely any sections of wall had been left open, and it felt like a visual representation of the insides of Rose and Olivia's heads.

She thought she recognized some of them. Like, she was pretty sure the climber posing high up on a wall was Janja Garnbret, because Olivia had mentioned both of them idolizing her. Also, there was an iconic Skrillex poster for a tour Brittany had almost gone to, despite the tickets being far outside her reasonable price range. It must have been Rose's - Olivia wouldn't have been caught dead at that show. Brittany made a mental note to ask Rose if she'd gone.

It made for a very lively, colorful space that probably felt active even with just the two residents around. With the noisy chatter and constant motion of everybody else who'd come over for game night, however, it was a little overwhelming.

This was what she'd wanted! To get the chance to be surrounded by people like her and make friends with them. It was a golden opportunity, even more so than the party had been because she'd already gotten an in with them. She wasn't just one face in the crowd, she'd become a face with a name! Still, there were about a dozen people packed into the space, and after a solid hour of hard work putting in time with the people she hadn't spoken to much before, she was starting to feel worn out.

It was a good sort of social tiredness, though. All good interactions, positive vibes received. After months of feeling isolated and moving her life hundreds of miles away, she finally felt like it was paying off.

Still, her social stamina was terrible, and she was desperate for a break. Or, at least, a more familiar face. Most people had gathered around the kitchen where she'd been, but some sat around a big circular folding table in the middle of the space that looked like it usually lived against the wall near the piled collection of climbing and camping gear. Olivia was busy playing hostess and Rose was setting food out along the countertop, buffet style. Alex was there, eyeing the food hungrily and campaigning for Jeff to let her character back into the game. Apparently, she'd been killed off because she couldn't stop scrolling Instagram between rounds and holding up the game. Hazel was off to the side with a friend she'd invited along, but Ivy was on her own at a quiet, mostly unoccupied section of the table. Hopefully she didn't mind a little company.

She seemed engrossed writing in a notebook, but she surprised Brittany greeting her by name without looking up or slowing her hand.

"Hey," Brittany replied.

"Looking for some shelter from all the new faces?" Ivy guessed, and Brittany gave a nervous little chuckle.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Don't worry about it. Soon, all these nerds will be too wrapped up arguing about rules and who stole who's dice to bug you."

"Sounds like quite the show?" Brittany said, not sure if Ivy was being serious and making it sound like a question.

"That's the goal."

"Isn't the goal to solve the clues, beat the villain, save the kingdom and get the loot?" She asked, thinking about her experience playing Final Fantasy 14.

Ivy laughed, actually looking up from her book to do it, which Olivia had said was a rare honor. "What? Actually playing the game? Oh you sweet summer child. Nope. The goal of D&D is this." She waved around the room at all the people milling around. "Get people together for a few hours every week, and generate some entertainment without actually killing each other, no matter how tempting it gets. The game itself is mostly irrelevant, despite how intense you'll see us get. If we ever actually beat the game, what would we do next week?"

Brittany didn't have an answer, and a comfortable quiet opened between them. Ivy went back to her notebook, which turned out to be a pencil sketch rather than writing. It was--

Brittany did a double take. It was unbelievably good. Ivy had drawn herself in so much detail, Brittany would have thought it was made with some kind of camera filter, not by hand. And the most astonishing part, she was duplicating the image of herself just beside the first, from a different angle, and the whole thing barely took her five minutes.

As Brittany watched, her jaw slack, Ivy finished filling in details on the second profile, then slowed considerably. Had all she'd done so far been easy for her? Much slower, as if she was imagining it on the fly, she began filling in a truly beautiful design of ivy leaves and vines, winding around her body from her calf up and around her thigh, all along her side and up to her shoulder.

"I can never decide if I want it to go down the arm or not," Ivy said, conversationally, as if this kind of talent was totally unremarkable, and the only thing worth discussing was this potential tattoo design.

"Wha--oh, what would that look like?" Brittany asked, hoping Ivy would keep drawing. Instead, she flipped a few pages back in her notebook, selecting one that showed a close up of her left arm with the ivy stem and leaves design wrapping all around it. Again, there was so much distinctive detail, there seemed no difference between the image on the page and Ivy's actual arm holding the notebook, besides the absence of the tattoo on her skin.

"What do you think?"

Which one? The tattoo, or the art overall? Doesn't matter, same answer for both. "Beautiful."

Ivy made a humming sound, as if she didn't quite believe her. "Do you think it's too pretentious?"

"What? No! Why would I?"

"Somebody named Ivy covering themselves in an ivy tattoo?"

"I think it'd be amazing."

Brittany felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to see Olivia had come to join them. "We've been telling her that for years," she said, leaning in to see over her shoulder. "Amazing as always! When are you going to let us have some of these to frame and hang up somewhere?"

Ivy fidgeted embarrassedly. "When you two figure out which of those you can bear to take down," Ivy waved around at the poster decked walls.

It must have been a frequent debate, because Olivia kept teasing her. "Has she told you why she keeps holding off getting any body art?" she asked Brittany, still watching Ivy's reaction. She glowed red and ducked her head into the notebook.

"Because covering half your skin with permanent ink is a huge, life changing decision?" Brittany guessed.

Ivy said something too soft to hear, and Olivia laughed. "Almost. It's because she thinks it'll mean giving up her dream of acting."

"What?" Brittany asked, not sure which of them to face. "But don't tons of actors have tattoos?"

"Usually only small ones," Ivy said, still hiding. "You have to spend hours in wardrobe with makeup covering them up before every shoot."

"Oh." Ivy was clearly shy about her art and compliments, so Brittany left the subject be. "How have you been?" she asked Olivia.

"Busy. I usually don't mind our turn to host, but I'm sorry I can't pay more attention to you yet."

"No need to be sorry! It's fine, I've been enjoying getting to know everybody better," she said, stretching the truth a little. She'd enjoy it more when the work of getting to know them was over and she could just enjoy their friendships.

"Great. I should have some time now--"

Hazel materialized beside Olivia. "Hey, Liv. Do you have a second?"

She gave a dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes so only Brittany could see, which made her chuckle to herself. It's always just when you think you're free. "Sure. What's up?"

"This is Mary," Hazel presented the stranger next to her, who looked like she more than half expected a piano to drop from the sky and crush her. The name must have meant something to Olivia, because she instantly lit up.

"Hey! Welcome, sorry we're so all over the place, I swear it isn't always like this."

Mary gave a nervous smile. "It looks great. I'm always a headless chicken when I try to host anything."

"We were hoping you could give some advice," Hazel told Olivia, firmly, like she was trying to project enough confidence for both of them to make up for Mary unconsciously edging behind her like she was trying to hide.

"Oh? The kind of advice you'd prefer to get in private, or--" Mary tried to say it was fine, but her face so clearly said otherwise, Olivia pointed them toward the hall anyway. "Go on, I'll be there in a second."

"Yeah, just give me a second to grab Valorie."

Understanding dawned on Olivia's face, and she gave Mary a kind smile. "Oh. That kind of advice."

"Yeah," said Hazel.

Brittany felt completely lost, and worse, she wasn't sure if she'd be intruding asking to be clued in. The others turned to go, but before she followed, Olivia quickly swooped in for a hug and whispered in her ear, "again, really sorry. I can't wait until everybody leaves."

Brittany started repeating that it was nothing, but stopped herself. Their message chain from the last few days scrolled before her mind's eye, with all its barely restrained sexual tension. "Is it bad if I can't wait either?"

"Of course not!"

-------------------

Mary

She wasn't sure which bothered her more. The way she couldn't stop herself acting like a frightened deer in the headlights, or the way everybody kept treating her like she was a frightened deer they didn't want to startle, and she couldn't reasonably blame them.

The good news was, despite the tremendous awkwardness she felt having her sex life be the central point of discussion for all these new people, they didn't seem to think it was weird at all. Actually the opposite, it felt like these kinds of discussions were as normal to them as what to eat for lunch or where to find parking.

"I identified as bi, but I dated exclusively men all the way through college," Olivia was saying. "I knew I liked women too, but I'm sure you know what it's like. There's straight men fucking everywhere! It's basically impossible to avoid them, but it's hard to hook up with queer women unless you're actively seeking us out."

A clip show of all the times she'd been hit on played through her head, and Mary felt herself smile despite herself. "Yeah, I know a thing or two about that."

"Don't we all," Hazel laughed. "I've been a fully out lesbian since high school, and I still get approached by men."

"That's because you dress more fem than most of straight women, even if you are a muscle momma" Olivia gave her a playful nudge, then continued her story. "Anyway, it wasn't that I hated men or anything. They were fine, just like, not really exciting. I thought it was normal. I mean, name a more iconic duo than straight women and bitching about how men don't know how to get them off. I just sort of assumed finishing myself off in the bathroom with a vibrator after he'd gone to sleep was a part of the feminine experience."

Well, if they were fine being vulnerable and opening their bedroom histories, she might as well trust them too. "You have no idea how much that's me," Mary admitted.

"So yeah, you could kinda say my first relationship with a woman was an eye opener."

"It was amazing?" Mary guessed, and the other three shared a knowing look before cracking up.

"Nope! It was a complete fucking disaster. Easily the most embarrassing four months of my life, and I make myself laugh about it now to avoid being horrified at myself. Without going into details, let's just say I was so obsessed with her, I completely smothered her. It was like discovering a brand new world for me! Like, everything was bright and wonderful, and I was feeling all these emotions, I couldn't help myself. I think she understood what I was going through, which is why she waited four months to end it, but it was kind of charity from her. Of course, afterwards, I thought my world was ending, and that was also totally different. Every breakup I'd had before was easy because I didn't care. Not really, anyway. I thought I knew what romantic connections felt like, but I realized this was different. With men, it was more like friendly camaraderie with a side helping of them lusting over my body. And I mean, as much as it's a bitch from strangers, having your partner think you're hot feels good. I confused those feelings with romance and attraction, and it wasn't until I actually felt those things for real that I realized how wrong I was." She gave a little chuckle and a shrug. "I've been living my best lesbian life ever since."

Wow. That hit so very, very close to home, it was scary.

Valorie spoke up next. "My bi experience isn't nearly as dramatic. I never had a big gotcha moment like that, and that's probably the point. I've dated mostly women, but I'm going to get married soon to a man. Travis - he's out there, you've probably seen him, he's the one a head taller than everybody else." She paused to tuck her hair behind her ear, gazing thoughtfully into space.

Mary didn't want to interrupt her, but she was curious. "But if you're bi, why mostly date women before?"

"Honestly? Mostly peer pressure. There's a frustrating amount of people in the community who give me shit for not being queer enough whenever I'm with a man."

"That sucks!"

"It's not the best."

Hazel shook her head sadly. "There's really no way to win. Be bi and date a man, and a few annoyingly vocal people will say that. Or be like Liv, and they'll say you're complicit in bi erasure, justifying the stereotype that bisexuality is a gateway drug to lesbianism."

Valorie came back to herself. "But I got sidetracked. What was I going to say?"

"History dating women, marrying Travis," Hazel helpfully jogged her memory.

"Right! So, at least for me, I've found the two are really different experiences. But even so, the way they make me feel is the same. Like, it's different paths to get to the place, if that makes sense?"

"Maybe," Mary said, hesitantly.

"She means she gets just as worked up sucking cock as eating pussy," Olivia explained, earning a playful shove from Valorie.

"Eloquent as ever. But honestly, not even that. Maybe this sounds dumb, but I feel like people put too much emphasis on sex when it comes to sexuality. I know it's a big deal--"

"Sex is the main part of the word," Hazel giggled.

"--but I think it's more important to ask yourself who you can see yourself being happy with. Who can you imagine being together with for years?"

Mary's mind raced. That's exactly why she'd broken up with Austin! The thought of being joined at the hip to him for decades was enough to make her sick. "That totally makes sense," she said.

Hazel smiled at her in that deep, genuine way that always made Mary feel warm inside. "Yeah, it's more about compatibility than sex. Like, Liv was obsessed with her first girlfriend because of what she made her feel, not because of her breasts and vagina." She gave Olivia a sidelong smirk, "as you've probably figured out by now, she would have said so if that was it."

"I mean... yeah," Olivia admitted. "I think it's a bit of both. I don't know, it's hard to separate the two for me."

"What I'm trying to say is you should aim for whatever makes you feel good, and try to worry less about how to label yourself. Give yourself permission to try something new, and who knows? Maybe you'll like it and never look back, or maybe you'll meet a man who makes you happy down the line. Either way, it's totally fine!"

"But we understand it's really hard." Olivia said, seriously. "We know it feels like your whole identity is wrapped up in this one thing. At the same time, part of you feels like, if you do discover you're gay, you'll hate yourself for wasting so long on relationships you could never enjoy."

"You got that too?" Mary asked, a little helplessly. Had anybody ever seen through her so completely?

"Oh yeah. Trust me, you get over it quick." She wrapped an arm around Mary's shoulders, then the other around Hazel and Valorie, pulling all of them into a group hug. "It's all just part of the journey! And you're in good company here, we all get it. Even the most secure in our homosexuality have had the odd embarrassing heteronormative thought." Her smile turned downright mischievous. "Isn't that right, Hazel?"

"NO!" Hazel exclaimed, far too quickly.

"I don't think I've heard this story," Valorie said, amused.

"It's a great story!" and "There is no story!" Olivia and Hazel said at the same time.

Mary and Valorie exchanged raised eyebrows. "Well, now you've got to--"

"ARE YOU GUYS EVER COMING OUT? We're trying to start!" Somebody called from the main room.

"We'll be right there!" Hazel called back.

"Oh, you lucky bitch," Olivia laughed, then quickly turned to Mary. "Hope that wasn't too much of an overload for you. We're always around if you wanna chat more, she'll hook you up with our contacts."

"Yeah, thanks so much guys. I definitely will."

And just like that, Mary was relieved to find herself no longer the center of attention. They reentered the living room, Hazel pulling out a seat for Mary beside her around the big game table, and she settled in to quietly observe. Everything afterwards was a bit of a blur of dice being rolled, terms she didn't understand, and over the top voice acting, merging together into background noise for her thoughts.

Olivia's self-description felt a lot closer to Mary than Valorie's depiction of bisexuality. At least, the bits of it she had the experience to identify with. Would her first girlfriend send her into the stratosphere like that? Of course, they were only one data point each. Hardly a trend, and asking them to represent their entire demographics wasn't fair at all, but still... a lot to think about. She kept going back and forth, feeling like she was on the verge of something amazing, but worrying she was setting herself up with expectations that could never be met.

But either way, she knew it was inevitable. She would end up taking the plunge. How could she not?

"You're really quiet," Hazel said during a break in the action.

"Sorry," Mary quickly replied, guilty for not paying more attention. "Just--um--a lot to think about."

"Yeah, I can imagine. You don't have to stay, you know. If you'd rather head home and get some space to yourself, I totally get it."

Instinctually, she would normally have said it was fine and stayed with her host. Except, this wasn't exactly normal circumstances. "Do you mind? I mean, it's fun watching you guys play, I just kinda have no idea what's going on."

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Hazel gave her that smile of hers, and Mary felt herself warm inside. "Will I see you for lunch tomorrow?"

Puzzle pieces churned in Mary's brain and fitted themselves together into a solid image. Hazel's demeanor asking to join her for lunch the first time, her interest introducing her to her friends, their mutual respect and admiration for each other from working together. It clicked in her head, and before she could overthink it like everything else in her life recently, she jumped on it. "Hazel, are you asking me out?"

It was nice seeing somebody with the startled deer look she'd been feeling for hours. "Um--well--are you saying yes?"

"That's not an answer!" Mary laughed.

"Fine!" Hazel half exclaimed, half pouted. "I'd really like to have lunch with you, together, without your brother or anybody else."

She was adorable when she made that face. "I'd like that."

"And maybe we see where things go from there?"

Mary grinned. "What, like back to the office after lunch?" she teased.

"You know what I mean!"

-------------------

Brittany

When the game began, Brittany had given her spot at the table up to one of the players and joined Rose beside the kitchen. They had a little island with some bar stools set around it, perfect for a quick meal, or setting up a mini-buffet like they had tonight. Also perfect for watching this game! Ivy had been right, it was high quality drama entertainment.

Playing Final Fantasy 14 as much as she did, Brittany was used to role playing games focusing mostly on the 'game' parts, with the role playing mostly taking a back seat to it. D&D was different. It felt reversed, with the role playing front and center, and the game mechanics supporting it.

Following what was happening was a bit like trying to start an epic fantasy novel from a random spot in the middle, but like Olivia had told her coming in, it didn't really matter. It was mostly about the characters everyone was playing bouncing off each other.

"Remind me, why are we even looking for this goddamn egg again?" Ivy said, her voice in character significantly higher than normal.

"The golden egg laid by the golden goose?" Travis asked, rhetorically. He was incredibly tall in person, so naturally they'd made him role play the group's dwarven leader. "You need reminding why we want a golden--"

"Is it actually gold, or is it that just some bullshit metaphor for morality or something?"

"Of course it's gold. It was laid by the golden goose."

"And about that. Is the goose made of gold, or just got some bright yellow feathers?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters! How could a flesh and blood goose lay a metallic gold egg?"

"Well, it wouldn't make sense the other way around, would it? A metal bird couldn't lay any eggs, gold or otherwise."

"Then we're agreed! We should turn this party around and find ourselves a real payday!"

Brittany leaned into Rose and whispered, "She's really good at playing the contrarian."

"Yeah, she's great," Rose said, a note of pride for her friend in her voice. "You should have seen her a few weeks ago. They had to get information from a rich guy, so naturally they targeted him in a brothel."

"Naturally. Only reasonable thing they could do," Brittany laughed.

"So, as the group thief, she had to infiltrate and pose as an employee."

"Polite way of putting it."

"She played straight girl seductress so well, you'd think she'd been doing sultry dirty talk her entire life. I swear, the guys weren't acting at all playing the characters wanting to employ her."

Brittany tried to imagine chill, quiet Ivy like that and failed. But then again, as the argument around the table continued and Ivy's put on high pitch voice insulted everybody dumb enough to be drawn in on this literal wild goose chase, she wouldn't have imagined her like this before tonight either.

"And why is it only one egg!?!" Ivy demanded. "Don't geese lay tons of eggs?"

"I think that's just chickens--"

"I THINK WE'RE GETTING CHEATED! We should hold out for more eggs!"

It wasn't just her voice either. Even sitting behind a table, Ivy's whole bearing had changed to match her character. Not much - enough to be noticeable, but subtle enough to seem natural. More forward and direct, meeting everybody head on and communicating emotion with her body.

"I can see why she wants to be an actress."

"Yeah, Jeff has offered a few times to introduce her to some of his contacts, but she always turns him down."

Jeff, the dungeon master, was half laughing with the players and half trying to get them to pick a direction and go with it. The way he swapped between character voices as he handled multiple NPCs at once was just as impressive as Ivy's embodiment of her character. Most everybody else didn't quite go for it in the way those two did, though. Mostly their own voices with maybe some more fantasy novel style vocabulary choices, but that was about it. Good thing too. If everybody here was a pro artist level talent, on top of everything else like the core group's insane fitness level, that'd be pretty intimidating.

"By the way, sorry about last week. I didn't mean to make things awkward for you." It took Brittany a second to realize what Rose meant. Their miscommunication after dancing at the party. Right.

"No need to be sorry! It was nothing, just a misunderstanding."

"I'm happy you found Liv. She's been really excited since you started chatting."

"I--um--thanks?" Brittany momentarily floundered, not sure what to say, which Rose seemed not to notice.

"She's been down about a breakup not too long ago, and it's great to see her so upbeat again."

Brittany turned to face Rose, and was surprised by the depth of sincerity she found gazing back at her. "You really care about her," she stated the obvious, once again annoyed by how substantive responses eluding her.

Rose smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Has Liv told you why she, Hazel, Alex, Ivy and myself call each other our chosen family?"

"No. I hadn't even heard the term before."

"There's that old saying that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. Well, we decided whoever said that wasn't queer and didn't spend most of their lives searching for a community who understood them. The five of us have been together through a lot, and we got tired of saying things like oh, she's like a sister to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and my brother, but it's not the same. Those four are the ones I connect with, mind and soul. We're family, and it feels even more meaningful because we don't stay together because we're obligated by blood. It's because we love each other."

That was it. Exactly what she'd been looking for, without knowing it had a name. They had it, but what could she do? Ask to join, like it was a club and all she needed was to fill out an application? They'd built their dynamic over years! Right then, trying to capture that magic for herself felt about as hopeless as climbing to the moon. Emotion swelled inside her, surprising her with its suddenness and intensity, and she already felt burning behind her eyes. Quickly, she got up and turned, pretending to be interested in the remaining food options so Rose couldn't see if any wetness appeared.

"So--um--I hope you're not an overprotective sister," Brittany mumbled, trying to cover herself with comedy.

"Depends what I'm trying to protect her from," Rose said, amused. "But in this case, well, I'll leave that for you to decide." Brittany braced herself, expecting some kind of warning about breaking Olivia's tender heart after it'd been broken so recently, but it didn't come. Instead, Rose smiled at her warmly. "Liv is usually the initiator. The one who has to get everybody moving. She doesn't mind it, but when somebody else initiates things and makes a move on her, she absolutely loves it."

Brittany blinked in surprise. Rose was helping her? Had she made that good an impression already? When? How? "Thanks. I'll try to do that."

"And, as much as she sometimes makes it seem like nothing bothers her, she's not a rock. She cares, it's just hard for her to let herself be vulnerable." Again, the warm smile. "Be kind to her."

Does she think we're already a formal couple or something? This is only our second time seeing each other! But, she supposed, Rose had probably seen their messages... and, if she were the type who would blow Rose's advice off, that'd probably mean Rose wouldn't want her near Olivia. "I will."

"Great! Sorry, but I've got to go now. Good luck tonight!" She gave Brittany a wink that left her in no doubt what kind of luck she meant, then hurriedly said her goodbyes around the table.

Brittany ended up sitting by herself, watching the game with Rose's words echoing around inside her head. What would it be like to have a family like this? Part of her felt guilty, like she was imagining replacing her parents and brothers, but it wasn't quite the same. She didn't want a replacement family... maybe more like a second one? At least she'd managed to keep her emotions under control. How embarrassing would it have been if she'd teared up here?

But the game was so entertaining, it was hard to keep brooding for long. Brittany watched as the party progressed on the quest for golden goose's egg, and the mood around the table shifted from loud banter to more team based problem solving as Jeff tossed threats and traps at them. She knew most of the terms and mechanics from listening to Critical Role as background noise while she played FF14, so all the dice rolls for skill checks, initiative, perception, and everything else wasn't too dense. They'd brought out a diagram and a bunch of painted figurines, and were moving them around to represent the final battle with a big ape type thing Jeff had apparently just finished the last colors for. Finally, with a few groans about Travis and Ryan spending far too much time on their turns trying to perfectly optimize what spells they wanted to cast, the session ended in victory for the party, and the discovery that flesh and blood geese can, apparently, lay metallic eggs.

Brittany wanted in next week. Not just because it looked like a ton of fun, but after her first gut emotional reaction, being forever an outsider didn't seem such a foregone conclusion. While Olivia was seeing people to the door and saying goodbye, Brittany asked Jeff about it and he seemed thrilled.

"Won't it be hard to add a new character into the story now that you're so far in?" Brittany asked.

"Are you kidding? Do you know how much I normally have to beg to get new people to play? Don't worry about it, I'll figure it out."

Just like that! Easy. She inwardly gloated, imagining teasing the FF14 crowd later about them actually being replaced.

Wanting to feel like a helpful guest, she started gathering up the chairs so they could fold the big table back up and put it away, but Olivia stopped her. "I'll do all that tomorrow."

"Are you sure? I'd feel bad coming over and making you do all the work."

"And how do you think I'd feel inviting you over and making you clean?" she laughed. She crossed the room and plopped down on the couch, opened her laptop connected to the TV, and brought the big speakers beside it to life. "What's your pleasure?" she asked, cursor hovering over her Spotify search bar.

She likes it when somebody else takes the initiative, eh? Sure, it was the first time they'd been alone together, but they'd been chatting online pretty much constantly all week.

Okay, maybe 'chatting' was giving them too much credit. Maybe flirting like the thirstiest of feral lesbians was a bit more accurate. Point being, it was obvious where they both wanted this evening to go.

Why not dive in?

"Something heavy," Brittany said, and didn't take the spot beside Olivia. Instead, she waited just long enough for her to pick an album, then swung one leg over top of Olivia's legs so she was straddling them, kneeling on the couch facing her, and gently placed her arms around Olivia's shoulders almost like they were dancing. On cue, music started up. An airy sounding guitar, combined with rhythmic drums and jarring, almost discordant bass. It was like three different styles and time signatures going at once, but somehow, it worked really well. "This is awesome, who is it?"

"Animals As Leaders," Olivia, who'd been wearing a delightfully sloppy grin after Brittany planted herself on top of her, said.

"Can't say I've heard of them," Brittany admitted.

"Not surprising, not a lot of people have. They're super niche, even within niche metal."

Brittany took a deep breath. Up close, Olivia's scent filled her, fresh and vibrant in a way that took her excitement up a level.

"I heard you talking to Jeff," Olivia continued. "You must have made his day."

"Yeah, you'd think I'd just asked for his autograph or something."

"Good comparison. He's a DM, this shit is his baby."

The music thrummed around them, pulsing through them and making it impossible not to bob their heads to the beat. The motion made Olivia's hair flow, its silky smoothness cascading over Brittany's hands like luxurious scarf. She ran it through her fingers, petting Olivia like she was a cat, and getting a similar purring response.

"You like that?"

"Yeah. Just above my neck there feels great." Brittany probed and found what must have been the sweet spot, because Olivia gave a contented sigh and closed her eyes. "You know what this means, right?"

"What?"

"You're going to have to do this after every game night from now on." A burst of laughter erupted from inside Brittany, surprising even herself with its suddenness. "Something I said?" Olivia asked, opening one eye and cocking a grin.

"It's just--" Brittany began, but had to stop for another fit of laughs. "It's just, ever since I've moved here, I've felt like I'm totally out of my element. Like, everybody is new and I'm trying to get my foot in the door, and the whole time I've been feeling like it's impossible to be myself. I'm always second guessing everything, and I swear I'm usually much more confident, but it's hard when I feel like I'm constantly interviewing."

"Yeah?"

"And just now, the way you said you want me around all the time, all casually like it's nothing, when it's been my whole life's goal for weeks, just hit me in a funny way." She continued rubbing Olivia's neck, really enjoying the feeling of her hair. "I don't know, it's just like, now I've finally got permission to stop overthinking everything and feel good in myself again."

"Great!" Olivia closed her eyes again and let herself lean back to enjoy Brittany's neck massage to the fullest. At the same time, Brittany felt her hands sliding up from the couch, over her legs to rest on her sides. Softly, tentatively, as if she were asking permission. "This is pretty new to me too, you know."

"It is?"

"Yeah. I've never had somebody achieve self-actualization while being my lap-dancing masseuse before."

A lap-dancing masseuse!?! Brittany's laugh returned. "Wow! I pour my heart out, and that's what you call me?" She took her hands out of Olivia's hair and batted Olivia's hands away from her sides. Olivia's eyes flew open, a hasty apology on her lips, but it died when she realized what was happening. Deliberately, meeting Olivia's eyes with her best playful smile, she unbuttoned her shirt and tossed it aside before taking Olivia's hands and putting them back onto her now bare skin. "I think I like it."

Olivia certainly liked it! Her eyes went wide, just for a second, before they went pure lust. To keep teasing her or not to keep teasing her? That was the question, with pros and cons to each side. That bug-eyed look she'd pulled from Olivia was adorable, and she wanted more of it. But then again, it was kind of like teasing herself, and Brittany could feel her heart beating fast and hard within her. Or maybe that was the music? Hard to tell.

She leaned in, slowly shuffling her knees up and her body closer and closer to Olivia until they nearly touched. Her eyes darted down to Olivia's lips, close enough that she could feel her breath against her own lips, but didn't kiss her. Not yet. Instead, she let the moment hang, let both their excitements build, then took Olivia's hands again. Up her back, loving their rough and rugged feel against her skin, all the way to the clasp on her bra.

"Oh," Olivia exhaled.

"Surprised?" Brittany teased. "I thought it was pretty obvious what I was doing."

"Are you sure you're the same person who nearly shit herself at the party when I asked how Alex would seduce you?"

"Yep! Like I said, this is me liberated from worrying about whether you like me back or not."

"I love it!"

"How about you? Are you sure you're the same woman who sprung that question on me? Because I'm pretty sure she would have had my boobs out by now."

"Oh, fuck you!" Olivia laughed, then closed the remaining inches between them and kissed her.

It was soft at first. Their lips pressed together, tasted each other's warmth, and came apart just long enough for both of them to take a breath. Then Olivia came in again, just as slowly, but surprising Brittany by changing gears completely when their lips met. Just as they met, Olivia opened her mouth, parting Brittany's lips with hers and slipping her tongue between them to find Brittany's.

Whatever happened to her liking following her lead?!? Caught totally off guard, Brittany froze for a few seconds while Olivia had her way with her, before pulling herself together. She swirled her tongue around Olivia's, absolutely loving the feel and taste of it, while wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tight.

Or at least, she thought it was tight. A very welcome loosening around her chest signaled her bra coming off, and Olivia barely waited long enough to get the straps over her shoulders before returning the hug. She'd known Olivia was fit. Obviously, it was impossible to miss, but she looked more like an athlete than a bodybuilder. Holy fuck! The arms Olivia wrapped around her were so strong!

She pushed back against Brittany's tongue, broke free of the kiss, and let the wave of arousal sweeping through her shine in her eyes. "I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can."

"Mmm, kinky," Olivia teased. "Just tell me if it's too much."

This was probably what running into a boa constrictor was like. Olivia went slowly, letting Brittany feel her muscles flexing, warming and expanding before firming to solid rock. The pressure inside her mounted and she held her breath, afraid that if she let it out, she'd never get it back again.

"Too much!" She squeaked, and almost fell back as Olivia released her.

Olivia looked supremely pleased with herself. She reached up and, very gently, circled her fingertips around the edges of Brittany's bare areola. Around and around, electrifying but tantalizing, making Brittany tremble as the feelings inside her soared. After that display of how awesome Olivia's body was, it felt fantastic to have her looking at Brittany's chest like it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen! "Looks like somebody likes me," Olivia teased, again.

She was right. Brittany's nipples were both as hard as Olivia's muscles had been. "That's what happens when you crush them like that!"

"Oh yeah?" Olivia stopped her circling to flick over Brittany's nipples, sending an immediate burst of pleasure through her chest and making her breath catch.

"Well... maybe it's both," she admitted, sheepishly. "Keep doing that, it feels amazing."

Despite her roughly calloused climber's hands and powerful strength, Olivia's touch felt tender and gentle. She drew Brittany's breasts out, filling them with erotic heat and making her tips sing. Brittany tried to return the favor petting Olivia's hair the way she'd liked. She really tried, but she kept getting distracted! She couldn't seem to get further than feeling up Olivia's arms and shoulders, and the way they moved as Olivia played with her. They were just too hot, feeling the muscles ripple very slightly beneath her fingers! In the end, she found herself fondling Olivia's muscles harder than Olivia went at her boobs.

"I know it's bad to compare bodies," Brittany said. "But I wish mine was a bit more like yours."

"I'm really glad you like me like this. Not everybody does."

"Other people are crazy."

"If you mean it, you could do it, you know."

Brittany laughed. She was kidding, right? Being this close together, her stick-thin arms seemed even more pathetic than usual. "You have any idea how long that would take?"

She'd meant it rhetorically. Obviously, it was impossible, but Olivia gave her an appraising look. "About a year and a half for you to get where I am now."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. It'd be a lot of work and commitment, but you'd be surprised. After just a few weeks, you'll feel more energetic and capable than you have in your life. Give it a few months, and you'll start feeling powerful. Then, after that, the real fun begins." As if to emphasize the possibilities, Olivia guided Brittany's hands under her own top, to rest on her core, then took a breath and flexed her abs.

"Holy shit," Brittany murmured.

"I used to be built a lot like you. If I could do it, you can too."

"You were not!"

"I'll show you pictures later!" Olivia beamed, once again clearly loving the way Brittany's eyes had gone wide as dinner plates. "Just something to think about, no pressure or anything."

Brittany caught herself pawing shamelessly at Olivia. She'd started out as the one in control! How had things gotten flipped like this?

She swooped back down onto Olivia's lips, smothering them with her own just as Olivia gave a surprised, happy little squeal. They kissed hard, letting their building passions go wild, Olivia's hands returning to Brittany's breasts while Brittany struggled to decide between continuing to enjoy Olivia's abs, or journey upwards to her chest. She pressed harder into their kiss, like Olivia's mouth was a magical land she wanted to explore, and felt a huge rush of pleasure. Olivia had squeezed her nipples, and at the same time, she'd worked her thigh up and had it pressed right between Brittany's legs. It was too much for her! Just that bump and grind against her pussy, even through her jeans, sent a wave of energy through her that joined with the storm in her chest and burst out of her in a moan directly into Olivia's kissing mouth.

She wanted more. Wanted to feel that again, but much more. Frantically, she fought against her belt, but made no progress because most of her brain cells were caught up kissing Olivia. Multitasking is hard! And Olivia wasn't making it any easier, sending wave after wave of sex into her like she wanted to make her burst.

Counter attack. That's the way! Brittany broke off making out just long enough to pull Olivia's top up and off her, free her breasts from within their bra prison, and press her own into them. She breathed in deep, reveling in the feel of her chest expanding into Olivia's, the twin coals of Olivia's nipples smoldering against her just like her own nipples had found homes in Olivia's softness.

"Mmm," Olivia purred, making no words, but still perfectly understandable.

"Yeah."

They held there, makeout session devolving into repeated short kisses, as they held each other's eyes and wordlessly synchronized their breathing. Deep breath in, feel their boobs and cores flood into each other. Hold, just long enough for a quick kiss, then exhale, feeling their breath against their wet lips. Steady, in synch with the beat of the drums, bringing the music into themselves. It felt like merging together, joining up in an almost spiritual way. Like both of their spirits were enjoying the pleasures of both their bodies at once.

Olivia must have felt it too. Maybe she read Brittany's mind and knew what she wanted most, maybe she acted on instinct, or maybe she was just fucking horny and wanted some pussy. She undid Brittany's belt, opened her jeans, and slid her hand inside her underwear. It was almost impossible to stay in pace with her and the music! Olivia's fingers slid between Brittany's labia, easily sliding directly over her clit with a distinctively wet schlicking sound that was loud enough to be heard above the song, and it sent her into overdrive. Her heart rate spiked, her breathing went haywire, and she thrust herself forward without conscious thought, yearning for even more.

"You like that?"

"Yeah," Brittany managed to half say, half groan.

"Should I focus on your clit?"

"Just to start with, but then I really want to feel you inside me. Not too directly on the clit if you can. Try to get close, but around it."

Olivia shifted, and the sensations disappointingly ebbed. "Like this?"

"Not quite that far off, a little closer."

"How about now?"

"Just a little more."

"You know," Olivia laughed, "this would be easier if I had more room to work with."

"Oh?"

"Like, if you had these pants off."

"You perv!" Brittany returned the laugh.

"What!" Olivia bent her fingers and curved them down beneath Brittany to the entrance to her vagina, bringing the sounds of her wetness up to merge with the music surrounding them again. "Who are you calling perv!?!"

Rather than answer immediately, Brittany stood up, her knees protesting from how long she'd been kneeling over Olivia. She raised her arms over her head, gyrating her body to the music, dancing herself around working her hips seductively. Already opened, her pants slipped a few inches down, which definitely added to the naughty feel. Made her feel bolder. Bold enough to do this! She glanced over her shoulder, gave Olivia a wink, then slowly bent at the waist and brought her pants and underwear down, treating her new lover to the most intimate view possible of her ass and pussy from behind.

"Holy shit," Olivia breathed.

She straightened and turned to find Olivia licking her lips, hugely dilated eyes darting all over her naked body like she couldn't decide what she wanted to devour first. It made her heart sing! Her body, already tingling from Olivia's touch, felt the attention like the heat of the sun. Her skin warmed, her blood beat hard and fast in her veins, urging her for more.

The original idea was to clear the way for Olivia's fingers, but looking down on her from above, having her topless just wasn't enough.

"Your turn," Brittany told her, kneeling down again, but this time on the throw run in front of the couch, her body between Olivia's legs. She reached up and undid Olivia's pants, then pulled at them. "Help me out!" She laughed at Olivia, who looked like a wolf who'd just been invited to dinner at sheep village. "Raise your butt up."

It shouldn't have been a surprise at this point, but Olivia's abs flowing down to her mound and vagina, and then to her chiseled thighs and muscled legs, were like a painting of what women wished they looked like. Brittany stared, pretty sure she was mirroring Olivia's hungry look and trying not to drool. Focus!

She glanced up and licked her lips the way Olivia had done, then lowered them to her thigh. "How do," she kissed her thigh, "you," another kiss, slightly further up, "like," kiss, "your," kiss, at the very top of her thigh, "pussy," she passed over it to the other side and planted a kiss on the other thigh, "eaten?" She made out with Olivia's thigh, loving the way Olivia's eyes far above her were dilating even further, and she could barely stop herself moaning out loud. Sucking slightly, the taste of her skin covered her lips, while every breath through her nose made it clear exactly how wet Olivia was.

"You're such a fucking tease!" Olivia cried.

Brittany shifted, brought her mouth barely an inch from Olivia's very puffy pussy, and breathed on it. "Yeah, but you love it!" And, instead of diving in, she passed over and started making out with her other thigh.

Olivia started petting her hair. "You're not wrong," she confessed. "But right now, I'd love you sucking my clit even more."

"No penetration, just your clit?"

"Yeah, suck her hard, use your tongue and don't be gentle." Olivia wasn't kidding. As soon as Brittany licked her labia open, planted her lips around her engorged clit and sucked, Olivia's thighs clenched and her hands in her hair pulled. "Harder," she half instructed, half pleaded.

Well, as you wish. Malicious compliance time! Brittany sucked, pulling on Olivia's clitoris as much as her jaw would allow, while mashing down with her tongue. She'd meant to overwhelm Olivia, catch her between hammer and anvil, but the deep throated moan she gave was pure bliss. "Oh my god that's it!"

It really was true about different people liking different things. If their spots had been reversed, Brittany would have been writhing in agony at the overstimulation. She could only hope this wasn't the only thing Olivia liked, because her mouth was already starting to feel the strain! Oh well, worry about that later. For now, sex!

Sucking and licking Olivia as hard as she could brought her taste to the front and center of Brittany's existence. Strong, but not overpowering, and divinely erotic as only a soaking wet pussy can be. It was a full body experience! Every flick of her tongue brought a new wave of wetness, while every breath through her nose flooded her with Olivia's scent. Brittany felt every spasm of Olivia's pleasure through her thighs clamping the sides of her head, and the sounds of ragged breaths, grunts and stifled moans was the perfect vocals for the metal instrumentals.

Olivia's clit rhythmically throbbed, pulsing out her heartbeat between Brittany's lips, making her feel amazing. Brittany loved giving head. Being able to make Olivia feel like this - so good she was losing control of herself and pulling at her head even while trying to be gentle, just to get more of her? Yeah, fucking awesome! Sure, her jaw was burning, but whatever. It was all worth it. She shifted her angle lower, so she could look up and enjoy her front row seat to Olivia's orgasm. Because even though she hadn't been eating her out very long, the signs were obvious. Olivia was about to cum, and judging by the strain in her legs to either side of her, it wouldn't be small.

Brittany threw herself back into it, determined to make it as big as she could, but she immediately messed up and accidentally let her teeth graze Olivia. Sorry! Brittany cursed in her head, trying to lick hard enough to make up for it. Fuck--sorry! But, far from hurting her, Brittany suddenly realized Olivia's pelvic floor was clenching uncontrollably. She'd pushed her over the edge! Holy shit, this woman! Brittany had been with people who liked it rough before, but she'd never had somebody cum from an accidental nibble.

"You're amazing at that," Olivia said, breathlessly, after she'd finally come back to coherence.

"Really? Dude, I thought I'd ruined it when I accidentally bit you! You're a goddamn freak, you know that?"

Olivia kept running her fingers along her hair and down to her cheek, like she was lazily petting her. It felt really nice, and Brittany slowly stretched her overworked mouth while nuzzling herself into Olivia's hand. "You call that a bite?"

"Are you saying you want it harder next time?"

"Um... okay, well, maybe I'm not that much of a freak!" Olivia laughed. "But I did love it that time."

"Are you sure?" Brittany teased. "It felt like it got you off pretty good, I can chew--"

"I'm positive!" She gave Brittany's cheek an affectionate little pinch, then added, "weren't you saying something earlier about wanting to feel me inside you? Let's go back to talking about getting you fucked."

What a wonderful idea! Brittany grinned, but couldn't help herself taking one last dig at Brittany. "Let the record show, I'm fully aware you're trying to distract me from sinking my teeth in your clit, and I'm only going along with it because you're right." She gave Brittany's caressing hand a soft kiss. "I do want to feel what you can do to me with these powerful things of yours."

Olivia got up and stretched her back, raising her arms over her head and flexing to give Brittany a view of her body she wished she could take a picture of, then bent and easily lifted Brittany onto the couch. Literally lifted her - she took her full weight without apparent effort and easily plopped her down on the couch where she'd been. It took will power for Brittany to roll her eyes and avoid giving away how much that turned her on. "Showoff."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying the deception. "What? That? Nah, if I wanted to show off, I'd jump on the hangboard."

"The what?"

"Hangboard," Olivia pointed over her shoulder to the wooden thing attached above the hall doorframe. "It's for pullups and grip exercises."

"Now you've got to show me."

"I will! But later," Olivia gave Brittany a little push onto her back, then slid down to spoon into her from the side. "I wanna fuck you, baby."

If any of the heat in Brittany's body had dissipated, feeling Olivia's skin all along her own, their legs rubbing against each other and their fingers playing together while they talked about sex brought it roaring back with a vengeance. It was like feeling her heartbeat all throughout her body, starting in her chest then rippling out and pinging off her nipples, then down to throb hard between her legs. She let Olivia's legs get between her own and gently guide them apart, Olivia's hand tracing patterns down from her chest along her stomach towards her pussy.

Brittany gazed into Olivia's eyes even as both of their focus was on what was happening below them. "Go slow with me," she whispered. "I want to make it last."

Olivia nodded, her hair coming between them to tickle her face. "Tell me when I've found your sweet spots."

Feeling Olivia split her open and slip inside of her was like a release all of its own. Brittany's whole body seemed to relax at once, like a sigh, welcoming her lover into her. "I love my g-spot," she said, voice blissed out even to her own ears. "And I also really like short in and out motions."

Olivia moved, making Brittany scrunch her eyes up as pleasure surged through her. "Like this?"

"Yeah. Keep your fingers firm--yeah! Can you do a little deeper in?"

It took a bit of coaching for Olivia to find the perfect angle to hit Brittany just right, pushing in deep and slightly upwards to press the front wall of her vagina, but the first time she hit her g-spot was like the couch dropping out from under her. She didn't need to say it, her moans and involuntary clenching around Olivia's fingers made it clear. But just in case Olivia somehow missed that, Brittany also felt her eyes roll back in her head, and Olivia wrapped her up in a one armed hug as tight as her spasming pussy.

"That's it, baby," Olivia's husky voice whispered in her ear. "I've got you, just lay back and enjoy the ride."

And what a ride it was! Olivia did exactly what Brittany'd wanted, fucking her in a steady rhythm that had her hips rocking to meet her as one wave of ecstasy after the next cascaded from deep within her all the way through to her brain and back down again. She didn't realize it until the song changed and Olivia shifted he pace with it, but she'd been thrusting into her in time with the music. Everything physical had taken up so much space in her head, she'd completely forgotten they had music on! As good as it sounded and perfectly it matched the mood between them, she only had so many brain cells to go round, and they were occupied savoring everything happening to her body.

Slowly, the waves built on each other, turning into a storm in her pelvis that whipped outwards and ballooned in her breasts and legs. The heat from Olivia's fingers inside of her radiated through her, practically forcing her pussy to clench and pulse and draw her deeper inside. She kicked feebly, chest heaving, trying to contain all the pleasure and make it last, even as she knew it was futile. Olivia was going to make her explode, and it was going to be glorious.

Minutes passed, one after the next, and still she pounded her. Every stroke pressing deep, rubbing against her most sensitive spots in her vagina, steady and consistent as a ticking clock. Olivia was like a machine, her strong muscles never getting tired or weakening, stirring up all this chaos inside her like it was effortless.

As the waves inside her crested, Brittany opened her eyes and focused them right on Olivia's, gazing deep into her and feeling herself unravel. Normally, orgasms felt like something she had, but this one was different. It felt like it was happening to her. Like it was a storm she'd been overtaken by, with nothing to be done but be tossed around in the wind.

Olivia's eyes were really pretty. Shades of brown that got slightly lighter around the edges. Brittany kept shifting her gaze slowly across them, getting lost in the gently changing color. Maybe it was weird to be suddenly obsessed with her eyes in the middle of an orgasm, but whatever. She was scatterbrained at the best of times, and flooding hormones only made it worse.

"You're so beautiful when you cum," Olivia murmured huskily in her ear. "I love feeling you clenching on me, it's so hot."

"I love - love your eyes," Brittany choked out.

"Really? But they're so plain and boring."

A few more shudders of pleasure, and Brittany finally felt herself coming back down to reality. "Fuuck, that was good."

Olivia beamed. "Everything you hoped for?"

"Dude, ever since I first saw you at the party, I've been imagining what you could do to me with those fingers."

"Well, that's what you get for hooking up with a climber!"

"What was I going to-- right! Your eyes are not boring. They're really deep and I love them."

Olivia had things to say about that, and they went back and forth for a bit as they cuddled into each other, Brittany's post orgasm glow filling her up with joy even as the warmth of their joined bodies, and the beat of the music surrounding them, completed the mood. It was perfect. So much better than she'd dared to hope for. They nuzzled, their hair getting mixed up between them and their legs slowly rubbing up and down each other.

"Move to the bedroom for round two?" Olivia eventually asked, and it was the best thing Brittany had ever heard. The night wasn't over yet!

"Yes please."

-------------------

Rose

It was a good thing none of the others had come to Lydia's house with her. Alex especially would probably have died of jealousy on the spot. It was like the perfect Airbnb place, which made sense given Lydia's dual-coast lifestyle where she rented out whichever home she wasn't in. It had a ton that must have made advertising for a higher price point easy. Like, on the deck overlooking the Connecticut River, she had a grill, a metal elevated fire pit with lounge chairs set up around it, a picnic table, and a hot tub. The sort of things that make great novelties, but people tend not to use for themselves when they always have them.

Still, the place had a strange feeling to it. Impersonal. Like, there weren't any pictures of Lydia's friends or family anywhere. All the decorations were generic. The kinds that nobody renting the place could be offended by, or notice beyond a first glance. As much as it made sense for what the space was, it didn't help Rose trying to get more of an understanding of what made Lydia tick at all.

Rose lounged, legs up on the empty fire pit, half enjoying the view of the boats out on the river and half using that as cover to stare at Lydia cooking chicken and veggie skewers on the grill. Okay, maybe that grill wasn't just novelty. Lydia worked with confident ease, flipping each skewer individually as she judged them ready rather than doing them all at once based on a timer, and transferring them around the hot spots accordingly. Probably safe to assume she got a lot of use out of it.

She was really striking in profile like this. Her neck, her chin, her nose...

"I like mine a bit more burnt around the edges. That okay for you?"

Rose shook herself back to reality. "Yeah, I like that too."

"Cool. They'll be ready in a few minutes, would you like to eat inside or here?"

A cool breeze rolled in from the river, carrying distant sounds of laughter from one of the boats and wafting the wonderful smell of food over fire to her. "Definitely out here."

"Then could you grab my laptop? I think it's by the kitchen somewhere."

Yeah, the house was missing something. Walking through the living room, Rose was struck again by it. The feeling that this was a temporary space. Like Lydia was a traveler in her own home. It made her a little sad. Maybe if there was just a bit more clutter? Just some clothes tossed on the couch, or dishes in the sink to make the place feel lived in?

But then, Rose could almost hear Olivia's voice in her head. Right, that's your solution to everything, to make a mess! Not everybody's a slob like you!

Rose smiled and shook her head. How Liv had managed to stay sane sharing an apartment with her for years was a mystery she still hadn't solved.

"Found it," Rose said when she returned.

"Great," Lydia turned from the grill to flash her a grin. Speaking of Olivia, it looked pretty similar to the one she used when she was plotting something devious. Maybe the same? "I was thinking, since you said you don't know who Shane is, you should probably see The L Word episode 1. It's the one where she's rocking the vest your friend said looked like yours."

Rose perked up. She'd been worried for a second that this would turn into traditional date night dinner and a movie, and they'd only get more formal and official from there. But Lydia's idea was better. More relaxed, just like she'd been hoping for. "But then Alex wouldn't get to tease me anymore for being the only lesbian on earth who's never seen the show."

That smile again - definitely Olivia energy in that. "Then it can be our little secret."

Unsurprisingly, the chicken skewers were delicious. The peppers and onions on them had caramelized just right, and there was a hint of sauce that had burned and infused everything wonderfully. More surprisingly to Rose was how much she enjoyed watching the show. It had a reputation, and she'd always been uncomfortable watching sex scenes. Specifically in TV shows, that is, as distinct from porn. Porn at least knew what it wanted to be about. On TV and in movies, sex always seemed like badly integrated breaks from the plot. They felt forced, broke her immersion, and left her feeling awkward, especially when watching with other people. They'd all glance around at one another, somebody forcing a laugh, like, yep, there's some naked people! Oh my, they're really going at it.

Watching with Lydia was different. She must have known the show pretty well, because she had an endless stream of fun trivia about the cast and production. She tried to keep it spoiler free, but couldn't help groaning when Rose said she liked the look of Mia Krishner's character, Jenny. Apparently, after episode 1, she went on to be an unlikeable bitch.

"This sequence, Tim playing tour guide, that's all really Los Angeles," she said, while on screen Tim drove Jenny home from the airport. "He's taking a few liberties with distances, though. The Hollywood Sign is actually nowhere near LAX. It's like, an hour and a half drive away."

"I've heard everything feels farther away than it is because of the traffic there."

"That's totally true! It's terrible. Like, I love LA, I really do, but that's one of the big reasons I spend half my time here. There's only so much time I can spend in park on The 405 without falling out of love with the city."

Rose smiled, making a mental note to put 'the' in front of highway numbers if she ever got to visit. Try to sound more like a local. On screen, Tim and Jenny were pulling into the house they'd apparently be sharing together for the first time. "Oh! That's so pretty."

"It is! My place there is actually pretty similar. But," she laughed, "they jumped sets during that camera swap."

"They did?"

"Yeah. That house is actually in Vancouver."

"No way!"

"Yep!"

"So they flew thousands of miles just to film driving through LA for a few minutes?"

"Well, they did a few of other scenes at the same time... but yeah, pretty much."

"God, I hope all shows don't work like that, or Ivy is going to lose her mind," Rose said, thinking of her friend and her ambitions of acting on a show like this.

"She doesn't like to fly?"

"Hates it. We were actually worried she might not come to Yosemite with us because of it, but thankfully she likes climbing more."

Shane made her first appearances longer than a few seconds, and Rose finally got a decent look at her. She was... hot, and being compared to her was definitely a compliment, but they looked nothing alike! "Her hair is so much--um--"

"Gayer?" Lydia suggested with a laugh.

"Yeah! And her build is different too. Sure, we've both got abs, but she's much skinnier. And the way they've done her makeup," Rose watched, thoughtfully, while Dana made a point about how Shane's presentation screamed lesbian. "I think I like it. Maybe if I had darker hair, I could do mine like hers."

"I think it'd look great on you now," Lydia said, giving her an appraising look.

"Really?"

"Yeah, just maybe not as much around the eyes."

A few scenes later, and Rose found herself immersed in spying on Shane and her lover vicariously through Jenny. They were skinny dipping in the pool next door, swimming and making out in a show of eroticism that was far from the worst Rose had ever seen on screen.

"Have you ever done that?" Lydia asked.

"No."

"Would you like to?"

On screen, Shane had her lover backed against the pool wall, and was hungrily making out with her. Looking back at Lydia, Rose felt her eyes drawn to her lips. So close, her own lips tingled. "I think so. If the opportunity presented itself."

Lydia's eyes twinkled in a way that matched Olivia's scheming expression perfectly, and her lips twitched at the corners. Wordlessly, she got up and took a step towards the hot tub. Before Rose realized what was happening, she had her top tossed aside and had bent to kick her sweats down after it. Totally naked, she flashed Rose that smile again over her shoulder, then climbed into the water. "Coming?"

Oh my god, that escalated quickly!

Rose felt her heart beating faster and faster in her chest. They were outside! There were people - Rose could see two boats full of them passing by their deck right now! And the sun was setting over the house, so anybody wanting to watch the colors in the sky would be looking their direction. Still, Lydia lounged back, arms relaxed along the lip to either side of her, bare breasts proudly presented to the world. And that look! It wasn't from any of her friends, but Rose knew it immediately because she recognized it from herself. It captured how she felt diving into something exciting that got her adrenaline pumping. The calm feeling in the middle of a storm, when she was at her happiest.

It was like a switch inside her had been flipped. Excitement flooded through her like a drug, one part sexual because how could she not be turned on by Lydia right now, one part fear because she couldn't believe she was about to do this, and three huge parts pure thrill, for exactly the same reason.

Rose cast one more glance towards the water, though she wasn't sure if she wanted to see danger there or not, then stood up. Her senses felt sharper as she undid her buttons, the way they always seemed to while doing something daring. The sounds of the water on rocks, the little breeze brushing her hair across her shoulders, even the rays of the sun. As more of her came uncovered, the sun's heat on her tingling skin felt much more pleasantly substantial than it had a few minutes ago.

Somebody from a boat laughed, loud enough to sound distinct across the water, and Rose's adrenaline spiked. Had they seen her? Were they watching? God, what the hell was she doing!

But, even as fear and excitement battled for control of her mind, Rose felt herself smiling wide. She had absolutely no desire to stop, even for a second. In fact, she wanted more. Her fingers kept working, unhooking her bra now and tossing it aside, then quickly dispensing with her panties. There now! Naked! Bare to the world! She squealed in excitement, tilting her head back and closing her eyes to revel in her emotions. Slowly, she spread her arms and turned, loving the feeling of everything in her life and wanting to imprint it in her memory forever.

"You took your time," Lydia teased when Rose finally stepped into the hot tub. "I was--" she started saying something else, but Rose was done going slow. The storm inside her needed release! She bent, slipped a hand beneath each of Lydia's arms, and easily lifted her to her feet. "--Oh," Lydia gasped mid sentence. "Nobody's ever done that to me before. You're really strong. It's hot."

Her eyes were doing a thing, and Rose really hoped it meant she liked this because it was very pretty. "Thanks. Nobody has ever taken me into her outdoor hot tub naked before either. Turnabout has got to be fair play." She inched forward, leaning Lydia into the wall of the house behind her and trapping her there.

"This is crazy," Lydia breathed.

Rose was about to agree with her, when realization hit her and she couldn't help laughing. "What do you mean it's crazy? You started this!"

"I know! But still...." She bit her lip, her eyes doing that same pretty blazing thing. "Alright, can I make a confession?"

"Sure."

"I might have cheated a bit. Your friend Olivia said you'd like it if I did something crazy, and I guess I've always been a bit of a freak like this. I really hoped you'd be as freaky as me." She wrapped her arms around Rose, bringing their lips closer together, just barely not touching.

Of course Liv had been talking to her. If anybody in the world wanted the best for Rose more than Rose herself, it was Liv. "So this isn't your first time being an exhibitionist?" Rose asked, coyly, the tingling in her lips reaching a fever pitch as she barely held herself back kissing her.

"You think this is exhibitionism!" Lydia laughed. "If you like this, oh my god, have I got a world of thrills to open your eyes to."

Any reasonable person would probably have been nervous. Or at least wary. Rose, however, was not any reasonable person. Minutes ago, she would never have dreamed she'd be into this, but now her heart greeted the invitation with open arms. "I'll hold you to that."

The thing in Lydia's eyes doubled on itself, their intensity making Rose want to drown in them, then she kissed her. Hard, passionately, like she was trying to get back at Rose for picking her up before. Rose maintained coherent thought just long enough to decide the eye thing definitely translated to something good, before she gave up the effort and let herself go into the moment.

The moment lasted for hours. From one kiss into another one, and then Lydia's thigh was pressing up between Rose's legs and Rose realized Lydia had been grinding herself against her thigh while they made out. From the hot tub, then into the shower, then all around her house. Rose going down on her, Lydia caressing her clit between her fingers, their lips never far from another kiss. It was a whirlwind of sex that kept going and going until they finally lay, breathless, tangled up in each other beneath the covers in Lydia's bed.

"Shit," Lydia said between heavy pants. "We never finished the episode."

"We what?" Rose thought back, then remembered. Right! The thing that had sparked everything. "Oh yeah! Well, if they all go like this, I'll definitely watch as much of it as you want."

-------------------

Olivia

It was probably a dream. Probably. The stars were the giveaway, there were far too many of them. Like somebody had gone crazy with sparkling white paint in the sky. Not that she was complaining, it was really pretty! Just a shame it might not be real.

She flew above Rose, watching her as she climbed a difficult overhang just before the top of a high wall. Of course, leave it to Rose to go climbing at night. The goddamn adrenaline junkie probably thought it was fun, not suicidal. As she watched, the spot seemed familiar. Olivia adjusted herself, swooping effortlessly through the air to see - yeah, the same climb from that last day at Cathedral Ledge. Rose would tilt her head backwards soon, so she flew to meet her there.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself!" Rose giggled. "You're upside down."

"Dude, you spend too much time around middle schoolers if you think that's funny," she said, trying and failing to hold back a smile.

"What did you do at this part? I was going to brute strength my way around, but you're better at finesse than me."

"Get your heel in that crack there," Olivia floated around Rose and pointed. "A little further, there, yeah. Now you'll be able to shift your grips and use the hold over your shoulder as a between spot. Much easier, but you'll still need a bit of muscle to get out and around the lip." As she was saying it, Rose was moving. Fast and confident, and she was up around the edge over the overhang and sitting at the top when Olivia flew up to meet her again. "You didn't need my help, showoff!"

"I still like having it, though."

A warm breeze came up the wall Rose had climbed and drifted between them, making Rose's hair dance the way Olivia always found hypnotic. Luckily, the starlight was bright enough to see her face clearly. She was really pretty. Flushed from the climb, wearing that half calm, half euphoric expression she got whenever she did something that really got her blood pumping the way she loved. Maybe Olivia sometimes gave her shit, but they both knew it was just teasing. She loved seeing Rose at her happiest like this.

Suddenly, Rose leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulders like they were dancing. Her eyes filled Olivia's, little sparkles of starlight dancing around in them as they got closer... closer... Rose's breath on her lips, and something deep inside Olivia realized what she was about to do, and roared her longing for it.

No! Olivia pushed her away. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to kiss you," Rose said, as casual as anything, as if it wasn't fucked on a dozen different levels.

"What!?!"

"You know? Kissing?"

"I know what kissing is! I mean, why do you want to kiss me?"

"Because you want to kiss me."

"No, I don't," Olivia insisted, even as that thing inside her tried to force her to agree with Rose.

"Oh, come on!" Rose teased. "Not even just once in a dream?"

Well... "But what if it's not?" Olivia worried.

"Um," Rose motioned beneath them. "You're flying."

Oh. Right, that wasn't normal, was it? For fucks sake, and she'd felt so terrible clever noticing the excessive stars, but she'd missed that! "It's psychological association because I'm always flying the drone while you're climbing," Olivia said, hoping it sounded clever, but having no idea if dreams actually worked like that.

"Mhm," Rose grinned in the same way she did when one of her students gave an amusingly wrong answer. Like she wanted to laugh but knew she shouldn't. "So that means you psychologically associate me climbing with wanting to kiss me?"

"Bitch, you're the one who made a move on me!"

"And I'm a construct of your subconscious. I want what you want. Explain that one away."

Yeah, definitely a dream. That snarky bit in Rose's speech didn't sound like Rose at all. Much more like Olivia herself. "I--" Olivia started, then shook her head hard against the panic rising through her. Not this. Anything but this! Rose - not this one, the real one - would kill her!

Actually no, she wouldn't. It would be worse. After getting over the shock of somebody she thought of as a sister professing her love, Rose would be confused and conflicted, but she'd try to make Olivia happy because that's what she always did. But she'd hate the situation, and she'd hate herself no matter what happened. Rose would feel like she had to give her what she wanted, because rejecting Olivia would be losing her friendship forever, and Rose would rather die than that. But to do that, she'd have to break off whatever situationship she'd just gotten into with Lydia, and she'd hate herself for it. Dumping Lydia to be with somebody else? She'd see herself as just as bad as the ex-girlfriends who had broken her heart.

And then Rose would feel like being Olivia's girlfriend to save their friendship would be just delaying the inevitable. She'd be convinced that something terrible would happen, Olivia would end up hating her, and losing her would be all her fault in the end. Rose would spend all their time together trying to put a brave face on her fear, just to make Olivia happy, while instinctually emotionally distancing herself and pulling away from her to brace herself against the pain of their breakup.

Just imagining it made Olivia want to puke. It was a non-starter. She could never put Rose through that. She'd honestly rather die. "Please," she begged the fake dream Rose. "How do I stop this? Can't I just bottle it up and go back to being normal?"

As soon as she'd said it, she knew exactly what dream Rose would say. It was so obvious. That's what she'd been trying to do for months. All those emotional swings, those twinges inside seeing Rose with other women, and she'd been so far in denial she hadn't even realized it. Somehow, even when Amy threw it in her face before she broke up with her, she'd kept up the illusion. Even to herself. How fucking pathetic. She braced herself, waiting for Rose to say as much... but she didn't.

Olivia turned to find herself alone. Rose was gone. She--

But a second later, she wasn't alone anymore. The stars, the ledge on top of the wall and the lightness of flight were no more, and she was laying in the dark while somebody stealthily shielded a phone light making their way back to bed. For one stomach lurching second, Olivia thought it was Rose, but then she saw a flash of distinctive blue hair. Brittany. Of course, the woman she'd just spent hours fucking and cuddling to sleep.

As if just to prove it was possible, her spiraling intensified. Around and around, dizzying and overwhelming, the whirlpool grew inside her, rushing around as thoughts and images from her dream battled each other to be first for her attention. But it didn't really matter, they were all basically the same, barraging her with the inescapable truth.

She was totally, desperately in love with her best friend, and there wasn't a fucking thing she could do about it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Brittany whispered, sleepily. "I just had to use the bathroom and--" she cut off, looking hard at Olivia through the darkness. Fuck! Please, oh please, just once, don't be crying. Don't be crying, don't be--"Hey, are you okay?" DAMNIT!

"Yeah," Olivia tried to say, but the burning in her face and choked wail that came out with it made it impossible. She screwed her eyes shut. Hopefully that'd keep the tears back. "Okay, no, I'm not. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I swear it isn't you. It's just a--a bad dream! I just--fuck, I can't believe this is happening right now. I'm sorry!" She was babbling, half desperately wanting to look to Brittany for reassurance, half afraid to open her eyes and face the hurt and disappointment she must be feeling."

"Shhh, it's okay." Brittany's arm wrapped around her. Almost... comfortingly? What?

"But I'm ruining everything!"

"Shhh, no you're not, it's okay," she started rubbing Olivia's back, the same calming way Rose had done barely a week ago in this bed after the party, which of course only made her cry harder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

NO! Sure, Brittany was understanding now, but once she realized she was crying her eyes out over somebody else after they'd just had sex? But also, yes. Oh god, she desperately wanted to talk about it. To try to unload a little bit of the feelings destroying her. And she couldn't tell Rose, or anybody else in the family because they were so close to Rose and she couldn't ask them to lie for her. But they were her whole world! Without them, that left... nobody. Just Brittany here, who she'd only met a week ago, and who she was already emotionally betraying.

"Or, if you like," Brittany's voice drifted through her indecisive paralysis, "I can hold you, you can take all the time you want, and I won't ask any more questions until you say you're ready."

A tiny little bit of hope shone through Olivia's darkness. "That sounds good," she sniffed and forcefully wiped at her eyes. "Why are you being so good to me? I really don't deserve it."

"Of course you do," she responded. Her hand felt good, steady and calming, up and down, like a rocking boat she could set her mind to following away from her problems. It felt like minutes passed in silence like that, and Olivia had almost forgotten her own rhetorical question when Brittany finally answered. "Earlier tonight, I was talking to Rose. She told me about how you've built your chosen family. I guess I just thought, if they were here, this is probably what they'd do for you."

Olivia started in surprise. She was totally right, and even in that moment of emotional overload, Olivia loved her for it. "You're a goddess. I don't deserve you."

To be continued