Dildo, Beads and Vintage Porn

Just a short little piece, more humorous than erotic, but true...

I have three new toys to play with. The first is anal beads in orange protective silicone, a scissor handle at the end. There are ten beads, the size increasing from five millimetres to twenty. I have washed and disinfected them, and all ten can squeeze together in my mouth with the scissor-handle projecting from my lips like the tail of a fish. They smell, a little bizarrely, of tea leaves.

The lubricant gel is cool and odourless. It's a struggle to get the small beads to go in and stay in, but it's so much fun persuading them to do so, and then to make room for the next, and the next. I love the oddly ticklish sensation of the beads inside me, and my hips squirm restlessly.

On the television, a free-use fantasy is playing. A very pretty young woman is yawning and checking her nails as she murmurs indifferent encouragement to the lusty stud hammering away at her with vocal enthusiasm. I wish I were her.

As fun as these beads are, they're just a tease, but they do feel really good inside as I play with myself. My climax is intense, perhaps because I haven't come in a while, but afterwards the beads feel uncomfortable within. I remove them a little too quickly to enjoy the sensation.

Vintage Italian porn is almost more enjoyable to listen to than to watch. Then again, there's a hypnotic beauty to breasts with implants that make them into perfect domes. I wonder if all Italian women keep a drawer full of dildos. Do they all love anal too? (According to Statista in 2019, one in three young Italians enjoy anal sex; the same statistics suggest one in six fantasise about their partners fucking someone else.)

My third toy is a dildo. It's a bigger dildo than any I've had the pleasure of before. It's a realistic dildo, but only in the sense that it's a realistic copy of some imaginary alien's cock. Pink and blue, yellow at the base. A round head poking out of a long foreskin; a thick lower shaft that doesn't reach my lips yet when the head nudges at the back of my mouth.

The base is a suction cup. I love the way the cock hangs when stuck to a vertical surface. The silicone is very flexible. I love wrapping my lips about the shaft and blowing my imaginary alien lover - but attempting deep throat has me gagging. Need practice there.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. My second toy is another set of anal beads. These ones are glass. Seven identical glass marbles on a cord. Twenty-eight millimetres diameter, so each one is bigger than the biggest bead on the orange toy. This is my first ever glass toy.

Some American vintage porn now. Loud synthesizer music, slower to get into the action. Bored with it. Switching to some other vintage Italian thing. A pretty redhead is taking two cocks at once. Of course, they pull out at the last moment to spurt cum over her cheeks and her red suspender belt.

So... glass beads. They're heavy. And cool. And big - I'm struggling to get five in, and meanwhile the one redhead has another redhead's two hands filling her, stretching her. Six. Seven... come on, seven. Stay in. That's right. Just the ring pull dangling as I walk around. Italian film, but fucking in German. I love fucking in German.

Wow, he lasted ten seconds in her ass before finishing. Ironically, when not dreaming, he gets dubbed into Italian by a female voice actor.

Mmm, yes. Tugging gently on the string until a glass bead escapes is a sweet pleasure. Sucking on the dildo as I watch this daft delight. Different lassie, gangbang ending with one guy pile-driving her ass and then all the men pissing on her. I'd love to be her too.

The ring came off the pull - eek! - but: ... six, ... five, ... four. Some resistance, but the string holds. The last three slip out easily. Too easily, really. But I love these glass balls. They're fun going in, they're fun coming out, they feel good inside. I am, however, doubtful about long-term hygiene. Where the cord goes through the balls, it's difficult to clean, and ultimately anal play is dirty.

Finally time for the main event. But, let me tell you, a heavy, floppy, well lubricated dildo does not like to be pushed into a tight hole. I have had to do some wild acrobatics to line it up for entry, and then...

Ahh, that's quite a stretch! And I've only got the first part in. Take a minute to adjust...

I love this dildo. It has length, girth, ridges for extra sensation. It really feels like a good fucking. Deep. Delicious.

Another Italian clip. A magician working on a woman's ass: fist, mega dildo, wine bottle. And I've found a nice position that lets me really fuck myself with the dildo. If nothing else, maybe it counts as daily exercise. Wow, now she's taking two cocks in her ass. She's so beautiful.

They have a zodiac wheel, the signs with phallic designs. This is the second pair of red fishnet stockings I've seen tonight. Suspender girl falls asleep after a double stuffing, only to be awoken by a fisting.

I can't come just from anal. Oh, well. It was fun while it lasted, and I will do it again.

Toys clean now, but I'll be leaking lube for hours...

Addendum

Having tried the silicone beads a few times now, I've found I do enjoy easing them out of my ass. They lack real girth - the glass beads are better - but twelve inches of beaded silicone still feels good as it slowly slips out, and it is a nice way to start an evening of anal toy play.

Practice has not yet made perfect, but I'm getting better at deep-throating the dildo. I think the shape of the head makes it awkward, but that's what I get for choosing an alien dildo. The best place for a fuck, I've decided, is perhaps obvious: in the bath/shower with the dildo against the tiled wall.

I still haven't come from anal alone, but that's not from lack of trying. I've just spent half an hour with my alien lover, taking him deep and hard, taking every bit of his nine-inch insertable length.