Under Blue Idaho Sky 03

I woke to the gray breath of dawn curling at the edges of the pickup bed, the blanket damp with dew, my neck stiff from all the tossing and turning. The air had that end-of-summer bite, the kind that settles in your bones.

I hadn't really slept. Just drifted in and out, mind pacing the same stretch of memory. Like a broken record, playing voices, smells and afterimages of the night that passed, all over again.

Barely alive, I dragged myself out of the pickup. Squinting against the sharp morning sun, I grabbed the coffee thermos and shuffled toward the shoreline.

The cabin windows shimmered with morning dew - dark, lifeless. The crew was no doubt still sleeping off last night's drinking spree. I wondered how Jack was. And a part of me hoped for him to be miserable. After that kiss? He didn't deserve better.

As I came down the slope, I noticed a silhouette emerging from between the trees. Jared... I froze for a second, debating whether it was too late to go back, when he turned around and welcomed me with a cold smirk.

"Didn't sleep well?" He patted a sand-covered stub beside him in an inviting manner.

I didn't answer. He sure as hell was digging. He had seen something. The question was - how much. Approaching him slowly, almost paralyzed with overwhelmedness.

"What? Stargazing didn't end the way you'd hoped for?" He sent me a nasty stare, taking a sip of coffee from his metal mug.

"You know nothing." I muttered.

"I've known him since kindergarten and never suspected a thing, you know?"

"You haven't known him well enough it seems." I unscrewed the thermos, avoiding Jared's gaze.

"Mary always felt something was wrong." He went on, more to himself than to me. "I think Jack's tongue slipped. Either drunk, or between the lines. She thought it was just a phase, high school curiosity. You were just a part of that, back then."

I took a long sip, waiting for the hammer.

"So whose idea was it? Bringing me here?"

"Not hers." Jared looked at me finally. "Jack was getting distant as the wedding got closer. Weird. Nervous. Mary came to me. Asked for help. Told me about her suspicions. Wanted confirmation."

He paused. Smirked faintly.

"At first I didn't buy it. No signs. No secret meetings. No gay bars. Nothing to hold onto." He leaned back a little. "But then I remembered you. If there was still something buried, you'd be the one to dig it up." Another pause. This one longer. "And now I know Mary was right."

I nodded, fixing my gaze on the lake. I had to ask...

"Have you told her yet?"

"She should hear it from Jack, don't you think?"

I let out a short, bitter snort.

"He's better at running than facing things. I know something about that."

Jared's tone sharpened.

"You don't feel bad, do you? Coming between them."

I looked at him flatly.

"I'm not the one who built a life on lies." I kept my voice even. "I'm not responsible for his actions."

"Fair enough. But do you still hope he'll choose you?"

He didn't wait for an answer.

"Leave his career, his house, the wedding? For what?" He gestured toward the thermos in my hand, the pickup parked beyond the trees. "For a guy who lives in the woods and doesn't own a goddamn thing?"

"I hope Jack picks a life that makes him happy. If it's a life spent with Mary, so be it." I finished my coffee and shook out the last bitter drops. "It's not about me. It's about who he is - and whether he can live with it."

"What's in this for you?" I asked him after a short pause.

"I'm not a fan of folks destroying other people's lives. Especially when it comes to friends. And Mary is a good friend of mine."

"Or is this about you? About feeling like the third wheel all those years?"

His jaw twitched. "Maybe. Maybe I just got sick of playing audience to his lies."

The lodge doors slammed. Sounds of footsteps and scattered voices filtered out into the morning light. I glanced at Jared. Briefly. He was scheming something.

"What are you planning to do then?"

"Relax, pal." Jared smiled cheerfully and waved to the others now gathering by the fire pit. "As you said - it's not about you."

He gave me a firm pat on the back, then walked away, laughing easily like nothing had happened.

I turned around, jaw tight, forced to play along.

Kevin and Patrick were at the table prepping sandwiches. Jack sat apart, staring into the steam rising from his tea. His hands trembled. Hair unkempt. Shadows under his eyes. He looked like a man already mourning something. And for a second, I almost felt sorry for him.

I wondered what he was thinking about. Was it our kiss on his mind? Or was it the inevitable homecoming? One more day and he would be back to Mary, as if nothing ever happened. Or would he?

His secret was no longer safe. Though he didn't know it yet. An impasse. Whatever he did, he was lost. His facade - shattered. His love life - exposed. His future - uncertain. Everything was in Jared's hands now.

Should I tell him? Or leave a warning at least? Did he deserve to know? I exhaled slowly, and took a step toward him.

Jared's eyes followed my moves, and before I could reach Jack, he was already beside me. Phone in-hand, he tapped a few times on a screen.

"Barry." He said, plain as ever. "My iPhone is allergic to these woods. Can I borrow yours?"

I froze. It was a trap.

"If you go uphill, you should get a bar or two." I replied, trying to sound casual.

"Oh come on. Just a quick call, domestic. Won't put the bite on your plan."

I was cornered yet again. All eyes one me. I hated being a centre of attention. Especially in such situations.

"What are you up to, Jared?" Patrick asked curiously. "Not doing work on Saturday, are you?"

"You'll see, Pat." Jared smirked like a man who already knew the ending. "Come on, Barry. Don't be a jerk."

"A jerk?" I slowly handed him my phone. "Look in the mirror sometime."

Kevin laughed with his mouth full. "Facts man, facts."

Jared gave me a cold stare, and then turned away, dialing. He walked back to the group. Effortless gait. Loose gestures. Like he was doing a solo performance he knew all too well.

The moment he asked for my phone I knew exactly who he was going to call.

"Hello?" A soft voice filled the speaker.

I saw Jack freeze. He straightened slowly, his back stiffened. He looked at Jared. Then, at me. In that instant he unwrapped what was happening. Panicked, like a mouse caught mid-scamper.

"Boys, kindly welcome our bride-to-be on the line," said Jared with a jaunt smile.

He sat at the edge of a table, brushing his hair back with nonchalance. Kevin and Patrick gathered around, smiling and craning to hear. Jack slowly placed his mug on the table and moved closer toward Jared.

"Hey, hun!" Jack put on a smile, and I felt my stomach tightening. His act was like a punch in my face. Calculated. Fake.

"Hey, Mary!" Patrick chimed in.

"We have a no-girls policy." Kevin grinned. "But we'll make an exception for you, sweetheart."

"Hi boys!" Mary giggled. "So good to hear from you!"

Her voice immediately made me recall that petite blonde. Well-behaved, shy, always running across the campus with her bag full of note sheets. Hurrying either for a choir rehearsal or a piano class. Many adored her. But she only had eyes for Jack.

"Are you having fun? Is everything alright?" She went on.

"Yeah, the weather is great. Tetons beautiful as ever." Jack started off with simple facts, probably hoping for this confrontation to end as quickly as possible.

"Your fiancé almost died the moment he set foot in the park." Kevin crowed.

"Oh my God! What happened, Jack?"

"Nothing serious..." Jack began but Jared didn't let him finish.

"Your clumsy oaf of a fiancé almost sank in the lake. Luckily, Barry was there to intervene. Thank God, no mouth-to-mouth was needed, right Jack?"

The jab landed. Jack's face turned pale. He looked exposed. Betrayed.

"Yeah." He stammered. "I'm fine, babe. Don't worry."

"You sound exhausted," May said gently. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"We've been snuffing coke and watching strippers till down, of course he's tired." Kevin joked, laughing a little too loud.

"Shut up, Kev!" Patrick joined the conversation, trying to laugh it off. "Don't listen to him, Mary."

"Jack is a saint," added Jared smoothly. "He'd never touch another woman."

He lingered on "woman," just enough to slice skin. Jack flinched. The others didn't catch it, but I did.

"Oh my, you guys are chimeric." Mary chuckled. "Are you having fun at least? Jack?"

"Yeah. Feels like college." Jack's voice was tender now. "This place is amazing. Hiking, fishing, kayaking. Sunsets by the water. Just scenic."

"We should go together some day." She laughed.

"Honeymoon spot, maybe?" Jared suggested.

"Maybe." Jack murmured.

"So, Mary. Tomorrow we'll bring Jack back to you. Don't miss him too much, okay?" Jared was wrapping it up.

"I always miss him, Jared," Mary bridled. "He's my honeybun."

"Aww, honeybun Jack!" Kevin whooped, messing Jack's hair.

"See you tomorrow, baby." Mary's voice softened. "Love you."

"Love you too." Jack's face turned red, his voice cracked.

When Jared ended the call, I found myself holding my breath, with fists clenched inside my pockets. He did it... He betrayed us both. Publicly.

Our eyes met at last. His expression was pitifully blank. His face looked as if someone sucked life out of him. And I was sure others noticed. Patrick and Kevin looked at each other, bemused. They knew something was off, but couldn't name it.

Jared was triumphing. He threw me a phone with his head raised high.

"A quick call, just like I told you."

I looked at him, then at Jack, who was now gazing at the ground. Resentful. Resigned. Ashamed. Something boiled inside me, shattering the walls I was meticulously building through the years. Anger. No... Rage.

"You really are a Jerk." I shoved the phone into my pocket, and turned towards the house. "I'm done with this circus! Have a wonderful life, Jack!"

My words sliced the air like a knife. Kevin and Patrick looked at me disoriented. I didn't care anymore.

I stormed into the lodge, grabbed the charger, my wool sweater, headphones - whatever I had left scattered. My hands were trembling. I was sick of this place, sick of these people.

I nearly threw my stuff into the Ford. The moment I reached for the door, I heard the frantic beat of footsteps closing in behind me.

"Wait!" Jack yelled at me, breathless.

"What? Now you're ready to talk?" I didn't even try to keep composure. "I've heard enough."

"Please, don't." He caught my wrist, desperately. Ignoring the curious stares watching us from a distance. "Please don't go."

His voice crackled. I looked at him at last. His eyelids turned into dark rings. His eyes glassy. Mouth slightly open, like the words weren't coming fast enough to save him. It was the face of a man about to lose everything.

For a second, I felt something old and raw twist in my gut. But I shook him off.

"Don't touch me. I'm not some plan B you can pull out when everything else goes to hell."

"You're not. You never were." He was almost crying.

"And you're doing it again." I crossed my arms, furious. "Saying whatever you think the other side wants to hear. You're a great performer."

"It's not like that..."

"No? First you're apologising, almost begging for a kiss. And now what? Pretending we never happened - again! Playing house with her. Are we both toys to you?"

He didn't answer. Shame painted all over his face. I nodded, lips tightening into a cold grimace, and turned for the truck - but in a flash, he stepped in front of me.

"Don't."

"Move, Jack."

"No."

I tried to sidestep. He blocked me again. My grip on the keys tightened.

"We're done, man."

"Give me the keys."

"Like hell I will..."

He lunged. Not violent, but determined. His hand closed over mine, and for a second, we were locked there - breathing hard, chest to chest, keys clenched between us. Then, with one sharp tug, he yanked them free.

"Get in the car." He said, calm but firm.

I stood there still, shocked he really did it. He cornered me like a child.

"Get inside." He repeated more violently, each word like a command. "Now."

I hadn't seen him like this in years. Maybe ever. He was always the passive one. The maybe-guy. The one who took what came. Now he was a wall.

His tone caught me off guard. In different circumstances, I might've found it thrilling. Now I was just taken aback.

"I'm not going to repeat myself." He marched past me, slid into the driver's seat, and shut the door.

I glanced back toward the firepit. The others were still watching us - openly now. Kevin looked baffled. Patrick worried. Only Jared seemed satisfied. As if Jack's reaction was exactly what he'd hoped for.

"Fine," I replied, dry as sand. "Just don't make me regret it."