My Straight Best Friend, Ch. 05

This story takes place in March 2001. All characters are over 18.

Thanks to three incredible beta readers who took my 32,000 word chapter, internalized the story, and each came up with meaningful ways to improve it. To Arcadia, RawSilhouette, and SpotintheSand, I profoundly thank each of you. All three are Lit authors who are actively publishing stories right now, so do yourself a favour and check their work out when you're done here.

I expect chapter 6 will be the last one, but who even knows?

"From the sound of it, I think you need to break up with her."

I stared at my best friend Eric across the cafeteria table, and my heart sank. I'd already reached the same conclusion on my own, but I hadn't wanted to believe it. Him saying it made it feel real.

"You okay, Justin?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"You obviously really like Emma. You don't think you two can get there?"

"It's all on her, and I don't know that she can. I wanted her for five solid years of high school. But I just don't think it's working out the way I had wanted."

I'd asked Emma Desmarais out a few weeks before Christmas. We'd been boyfriend and girlfriend ever since - my first girlfriend ever - and I'd gone into it wanting nothing more than to let my heart loose and fall in love, to explore romance and relationships and sexuality with her.

It hadn't gone that way.

Emma and I had had a lot of fun over the nearly three months we'd been dating. Emma's libido and uninhibited attitude in private were still capable of surprising me, proving to me once and for all that teenage girls were just as perverted and hormone-fuelled as teenage boys. We hadn't gone all the way to having sex, but we'd explored right up to that line together. We'd also met each other's families, hung out together often on weekends and evenings, and had a genuinely good time.

But she was a genius, single-minded and goal-oriented, working hard with laser focus towards her lifelong dream of getting into Oxford University in England for her undergraduate degree. Right from the beginning, I'd had misgivings knowing that Emma was moving to England in September. I'd held back, just slightly, waiting to see signs that she was going to be able to leap into the relationship the way I'd hoped. But over that time, I'd realized that her heart was closed, unavailable. Every time I tried to do something romantic for her, she bristled or resisted. She didn't ever want to talk about her emotions.

My older sister Carly had told me that three months was a good trial run for any relationship to see what was working, and with our three month anniversary coming up, I didn't see any signs that Emma was ever going to see me as anything more than a friend with benefits. We might call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but she was emotionally unavailable, and the more unavailable I realized she was, the more my own heart resisted letting itself grow closer to her.

I'd told Eric that I believed that Emma wasn't capable of letting herself fall in love with me, and after three months I didn't think I was capable of falling in love with her, either, unless something changed. I doubted at this point that it would.

"Is Emma going on the Spring Break trip to Quebec City?" Eric asked, knocking me out of my thoughts. "It's hard to believe we leave this weekend!"

"No. She's going to England to see her grandparents and tour a couple of schools with them," I answered. "It's the only week off we get between Christmas and graduation, and she wants to check everything out over there."

"So are you going to try to keep making it work?" Eric asked, looking me in the eye as he bit into an apple.

"I don't know," I said quietly.

"Did you ever get any signs from her that she might be wavering? That maybe it could work out the way you want?"

"No." I felt the finality in my answer, and my heart sunk as I said it. "Mia even warned me before I started dating Emma that she wasn't going to be able to let go and fall in love. But I didn't want to see it. Emma even said back then that she didn't care if I kept fooling around with her friends - that should have been a massive red flag that she wasn't going to take it seriously."

Eric stared at me. "I didn't know that. Did you ever stray?"

"Never. It seemed disrespectful for one thing, but also I could barely keep up with Emma on her own sometimes."

"That was probably a good idea," Eric said sagely. "So what now?"

"I think we need to have a long talk about it, and if she can't commit to being in a real relationship, then I think it has to end. I can't risk falling in love with someone who'll never love me back. I can't build a relationship based on the hope that someday she'll be able to give me something she's never even given off the slightest sign that she'd be capable of."

"Well, I'm not trying to push you in one direction or another, but if you're going to break up with her, keep in mind that the Quebec trip would be a good opportunity for you to be single and rebound, eh? Don't wait until she gets back, and especially don't cheat on her up there."

"I don't want a rebound. I want what you have. You and Ashley fell in love with each other. You fit together so well. I want a real, loving relationship, like yours."

"You're 18, Justin. I'm sorry it didn't work out with Emma. But you're not meant to marry your high school sweetheart."

"What about your high school sweetheart?"

Eric shrugged. "I love Ashley, and she loves me, and whatever comes next, comes next. We're not worrying about it. Do I think we'll get married someday and spend the rest of our lives together? Probably not. But I also don't see us breaking up any time soon, either."

I sighed heavily, staring at my plate of uneaten food. "I wasn't expecting forever, but I really thought Emma could commit to now."

"So have a conversation with her before we leave, confirm what you've always known, and then end it. You went into this on hope, and it hasn't worked out, so get out before you're in too deep."

"I guess."

"Justin, you can plan to have fun as a single guy in Quebec. At the very least, all the girls in school know you're straight by now. The drinking age there is 18, there's going to be no chaperones, and it's going to be a blast. It's a celebration of finishing high school in a couple months. We're going to party every night and get laid."

I looked at my best friend. "Really? You and Ashley..."

"Yessir!" Eric interrupted me. "She wants to lose our virginity with each other in Quebec. We're going to go all the way! And that actually leads me to a favour I wanted to ask of you. If now's not a good time, I can wait, but..."

"It's okay, buddy. What's up?"

Eric looked at me slyly. "You know how this trip is organized by the students' council, not the school?"

"Sure."

"Since it's not an official school trip, there's no chaperones, but the school still has to make sure they can tell parents that their precious sons and daughters are going to be okay up in Quebec. So you know how we're sleeping four to a room?"

"Of course." Eric and I were going to have to share a bed, and we'd arranged for our friends Adam and Mike to share the other one.

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind secretly trading rooms with Ashley? She wants to actually sleep together, you know, after we sleep together."

"I don't mind, but won't that put me in a room with three girls?"

"I knew you'd figure it out." Eric grinned like the Cheshire cat. "Ashley's thinking of signing up to share with the girls in your harem. You already do sleepovers with them, so I'm sure they won't mind."

I'd long ago stopped arguing with Eric about the use of the word 'harem' to describe my group of female friends, despite the fact I still didn't agree with the description. Instead I brushed it off and said, "I'm sure they won't, but there's only two of them going on this trip. Emma's going to be in England, and Allie wouldn't be caught dead going somewhere where people are drinking, letting loose and having a good time."

Eric frowned. "Well, can you talk to Mia about finding a fourth? She's got a reputation as a miracle worker."

"Sure." I sighed, thinking Eric's idea over as he stared at me, drumming his fingers on the table in anticipation.

"I like the idea of sharing with Mia and Shauna a lot," I finally said, warming to the suggestion. "I just hope there's a fourth girl out there willing to share a room with some random guy, otherwise it'll just turn awkward."

Eric laughed. "Can't fault you there."

The bell rang just then, signifying the end of the lunch period. I gathered up my stuff and headed to my last period history class - we were well into the second semester by now, and my class schedule was now instrumental music, writer's craft, French, lunch, and 20th century history.

As I settled into my history class, taking a seat beside Shauna, I started thinking about the future. I realized to my great surprise that I was feeling like a weight had been lifted. Truthfully, I'd had a great time with Emma the last few months, in the context of a friendship with benefits. I'd enjoyed spending all the time together that we did, to the point that I'd never cared if it hadn't worked out to hook up when we got together. She'd become a good friend.

That said, I'd also really enjoyed hooking up. We'd both gotten really good at getting each other off, and we'd done it often. But every time, after we'd cum and were lying there together, I'd have the same intrusive thoughts, feeling like we should be telling each other that we loved each other. We had a great relationship in our heads, and a great relationship in the sack, but our hearts just weren't in sync, and I'd kept myself from feeling anything deeper for her as long as I could tell she was holding back.

I'd first started really having misgivings a month ago. Emma and I had been together for Valentine's Day, but she'd abjectly refused to let me do anything special for her. I'd tried to make a reservation for us to go for dinner, but told me she already had plans with her family that night, and when I'd presented her with flowers and chocolate at school that day she had seemed embarrassed and slightly annoyed at me. I contrasted that to how Ashley's heart had melted when Eric had done the same thing, and I longed for that kind of reaction.

If Emma wasn't big on performative gestures of love, I could accept that about her, but it was an illustrative moment in a relationship that so far had been short on any kind of love, performative or otherwise. It also had really hurt that she hadn't seemed to notice how disappointed I was that my first Valentine's Day in a relationship had been such a bust.

We needed to have a serious conversation about it. Emma had always resisted talking about our relationship, but I knew that it was the only way that we were going to be able to move forward. I needed to lay out my misgivings to her, and if she wasn't able or willing to commit to being in a real relationship with me, with all that involved, then it had to end. It was too hard for me otherwise, trying not to fall in love with a girl who couldn't love me back.

And hey, maybe there was something to this rebound business after all. I didn't want to be single by the weekend, and I was perfectly happy to be faithful to my girlfriend even while potentially sharing a room with three other girls. But if I was single by then, then I'd be going through sexual withdrawal by next week. A random hookup or two might not be a bad idea.

This semester, Emma and I at least shared a lunch period, so seeing and talking to her wasn't nearly as difficult as it had been in the last term. I ran into her after my French class the next day, and we headed for my house. It wasn't at all uncommon for us to fool around on lunch hours when I knew my parents wouldn't be home. I'd gotten used to sitting through last period basking in the pleasant afterglow of a recent orgasm from Emma's hands, but today was going to be different.

I was quiet and withdrawn on the walk, and Emma must have noticed, because once we reached my house, she didn't make her usual beeline straight to my bedroom.

"Everything okay, Justin? You seem really distant."

"I don't know. Can we talk?"

Emma shrugged. "If you want. But I think I know where you're going with this."

We sat together on the couch, and I looked into her green eyes. Did she realize?

"If you're about to ask me what I think you're going to ask me," she began, "the answer is yes."

I stared for a moment. I didn't know what she'd been thinking, but it clearly wasn't what I had on my mind. "What do you mean?"

Emma blanched slightly, looking suddenly unsure of herself. "Well... you know... I was thinking you were going to ask me about you-know-what."

"You-know-what?"

She put her hand on my knee. "If this isn't what you had in mind, then I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but... I thought this was going to be about us having sex. If you were going to ask me, I think I'm ready."

My jaw dropped as I immediately reconsidered breaking up with her. Emma wants to fuck me. I need to hang on a while longer. I immediately grew hard in my khakis. But I shook it off, just as quickly changing my mind. You can't lose your virginity to a girl who doesn't love you. Focus, Justin.

"We haven't said the L word yet," I pointed out.

"I know. But sex and love aren't the same thing."

"No, but they are connected a lot of the time. How do you feel about this relationship?"

She shrugged. "It's good. I like you, I like your body and your talented fingers and your big sexy brain."

"But... what about the L word?"

"I really like you."

"That's not the L word I meant."

Emma's eyes narrowed. "I know."

"So..."

"Look. I told you when we first started dating that I wasn't looking to fall in love with anyone. I've been enjoying everything we've done together over the last few months, but I'm moving to England in September. This relationship has always had a shelf life, ever since our first date. You know that. You knew that at the time."

"You told me back then that you were going to take it a day at a time and not think about the future. It sounds like that wasn't the case. You'd already decided to close your heart to the possibility of falling in love with me."

Emma's body language had completely changed, and she was now leaning away from me on the couch, arms folded. "Do you love me, Justin?" she asked, point-blank.

I sighed deeply. "No, I don't. I really like you. I was on a path to falling in love with you a month or so ago, but that seems to have stopped. And despite your offer, and no matter how tempting it is, I couldn't have sex for the first time with a girl I wasn't in love with."

Emma considered this. "Well, I guess that's good you haven't developed feelings. I never wanted to hurt you. That's why I was so up front from the beginning about what I was offering, and not offering. I wanted to be your girlfriend, but both of us knew from day one that our relationship was going to turn back into a pumpkin at midnight."

"Sure. But you also said we'd take it one day at a time and see where we wound up. Is this where we wound up? There's no possibility of anything deeper between us?"

She said nothing.

"Emma?"

"You really do want to fall in love with me? Candy and flowers and all that junk?"

"Yeah. I do."

"I'm sorry, Justin. That's still not where I am, and I don't think that's going to change."

I stared back at her, speaking the words I never thought I'd say. "Then I think we should end this."

Emma stared, shocked. A single tear escaped her left eye, rolling down her cheek. I reached out and tried to brush it away, but she swatted my hand away.

"Why?" she finally asked.

"I wanted a girlfriend, not a fuck buddy. If you're not capable of being my real girlfriend, then I have to put my heart first. It's too hard to keep hooking up with you and trying not to fall in love. I don't want to fall in love with a girl who'll never love me back, and if we keep going I might not be able to stop myself."

"I really do like you, Justin," she whispered. "I wasn't lying about that."

"I like you too. I liked you from the first day I met you, all those years ago. But you never wanted a boyfriend. You wanted a friend with benefits. I thought it could become more than that. But evidently not."

"I wanted a boyfriend," she said sharply. "I said I wasn't lying, and I meant it."

"Did you?"

"Yeah."

"Did you really?"

"Yes! I wouldn't have dated you if I didn't want to."

"That's not what a boyfriend is. A boyfriend is a partner. You're too independent and too focused on England to want an equal partner in your life."

Emma considered this. "Is your mind made up?"

"No, of course not. I want to keep going. But I can't keep doing this to myself if your mind is made up."

"It's been made up since I was a little girl. You know that about me. We talked about it on the first date."

"Then why did you let yourself get into a relationship with me if you knew you weren't going to be able to let go?"

"I didn't know if I could or not, actually," she answered. "You're my first boyfriend, remember? I didn't know what to expect, or what my heart would be capable of. I really did think that there was a chance I'd catch feelings for you the deeper we got into this, and I was fine with it if that happened. But this is where we are, and I don't see it changing. If that's not what you want, then I'm sorry, but once again, I've been honest since the beginning."

"You keep saying that," I interrupted, "but you also said at the time you'd take it one day at a time and see what happened."

"You're the one repeating yourself," she pointed out. "I did say that, and I followed through. You're upset that 'seeing what happened' didn't lead where you expected it to. I'm sorry this relationship didn't turn out how you wanted. But I didn't fucking lie to you."

We stared at each other for what felt like a long time. The finality of the moment started sinking in as I stared at her. Her beautiful green eyes looked sad, but resolute.

"I'm sorry that I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be," she finally said, her voice cracking. "I'll always have good memories of being with you. But if you need a girlfriend who's going to fall in love with you and have your babies and shit, then maybe it is for the best that we break up."

I decided to let the babies comment go.

"If it's not too hard for you," Emma added, "I'd like it if we could still be friends."

"I'd like that, too."

"I'm going to head back to school, okay?" Emma said after a long pause, during which another tear escaped her eye.

I nodded. We stood up, and headed for the door.

"Emma?" I asked as she was putting her shoes on.

"Yes?"

"Go kick butt in England next week. Show them what you're made of. I know how much you want this. You're going to kill it."

Emma half-smiled, though she still looked sad. "Thank you, Justin. I'll miss what we had together. I'm sorry that it wasn't enough for you."

"Safe travels."

"You too. Have fun in Quebec."

I kissed her goodbye, one last time, just long enough to remember it. Then she was gone.

I took stock of myself once I was alone in the house. I hadn't cried, nor did I feel the need to. I couldn't figure out how I was feeling. Disappointed, sure - this was the girl I'd wanted forever, after all. But there was something else.

After a few minutes, I finally figured it out - it was relief. I'd been feeling trapped, and now I wasn't. I liked Emma a lot, and on some level I always would, but over the past few months I'd felt like I was stuck, locked into a relationship with most of the pleasant trappings of having a girlfriend, but with one crucial thing missing.

I didn't feel any emotionally closer to Emma now after nearly three months of dating her than any of my other female friends, and if I was now single again, I had no reason not to pursue something else if it landed in my lap. As Eric had said, the girls all knew I was straight now, and tomorrow we were leaving for a week-long spring break trip where alcohol and sex were likely on the menu. I'd heard of people needing rebounds to get over relationships - maybe this would be a good place to have one.

I got through the rest of the day just fine, taking the time to run Eric's plan about room-sharing by Mia in last period. The story about Emma and me breaking up clearly hadn't spread yet, because she sounded excited to have me joining her and Shauna in a room and didn't mention anything about my breakup. Mia also wasn't sure about what to do about the fourth bed. She asked me to leave it with her.

It wasn't until that night, after I'd gone to bed, that the emotions of my first breakup finally hit hard, and I bawled. I wasn't mourning the loss of the relationship, per se - I'd chosen to end it. I was mourning the end of possibility. Emma Desmarais would never be my one true love the way I'd long dreamed about, and once I admitted that to myself, the floodgates opened.

It took some time, but I eventually fell asleep on my tear-soaked pillow, feeling devastated. My first relationship is over before it ever had a chance to get started. Maybe someday I'll find someone who'll love me.

I had a full day shift at the men's wear store the next day, which was just as well, since it functioned as a distraction. I knew Emma was on her way to the airport, and I tried my best not to think about it. If anyone at home that night noticed how depressed I was, no one said anything. I packed my bag for an early Sunday morning departure and then went to bed early.

The next morning dawned before I was ready. I managed to continue to fake feeling okay so my parents and sister wouldn't notice, and Mom dropped me off at the school where a crowd of kids were already milling around. We were all waiting for a bus to take us on the ten-hour ride to Quebec City. I'd never been there before, and I'd been looking forward to going, but now I was feeling depressed as hell and I didn't really want to go anymore. But my parents had paid for the trip, so I was trapped.

I sidled up to Eric and Ashley, huddling together for warmth on the front lawn of the school and waiting for the coach.

"Hey, Justin," Eric greeted me. "You all right?"

I nodded.

"Sorry, dude. I know how much you liked her."

"What happened?" Ashley asked.

"Justin broke up with Emma."

"Oh, that sucks." She gave me a hug.

I shrugged. "It was the right decision, even though it definitely sucks."

We stood awkwardly in silence for a minute. I didn't know what else to say, and it seemed like they didn't, either.

"Did you have a chance to talk to Mia?" Ashley finally asked hopefully.

"She's working on it, but no, no update."

Ashley and Eric exchanged a hopeful look. I was positive they'd no longer be virgins before the week was out regardless, but I was really hopeful that I could help make it the best possible experience for them.

The coach finally arrived a few minutes later. I loaded my suitcase under it, then climbed aboard, gratefully warming up. I sat in a window seat about halfway down, not really thinking much about what was to come. Then, a flash of blonde appeared in the aisle, and Shauna Day sat down beside me.

"Hi, Justin. This seat taken?"

"Nope. Help yourself."

Shauna reached around me and gave me an uncharacteristically long hug. I felt her right breast press into my torso, and I breathed in the slightly floral scent of her hair. She finally pulled back, snuggling into me and wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"I heard about you and Emma," she said quietly. "I'm so sorry it didn't work out."

"Yeah, me too." I shrugged helplessly.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Not now, but we've got ten hours to spend on this bus today, so I'm sure it'll come up at some point."

Mia appeared just then, dropping into the seat directly in front and kneeling to face us.

"Morning," she called out brightly, just as the bus pulled away from the curb. "I've had a genius idea about this room-sharing thing. You can thank me later."

"You heard about Emma and Justin?" Shauna interrupted.

"Oh, right. Sorry to hear, Justin. You okay?"

I nodded.

"Good. Anyway, it's going to take some work, but my friend Helene Pedersen is fine to share a bed with me, if you two don't mind sharing with each other."

"Who's Helene Pedersen?"

"Does Helene still go to St. Anthony?" Shauna asked.

"Yeah, she does," Mia explained. "St. Anthony is running their grad trip concurrently with ours. It's going to take some wrangling, but what I figured out is that we should officially put down that our girls' room on paper is you, me, Ashley and Cindy McKeown. Then Ashley can trade with Justin, and Cindy will go to St Anthony's floor, where she's going to share with her old friends."

"Cindy transferred in this year, right?" I asked. "I don't really know her."

Mia nodded. "She did. It works out perfectly."

"You really put a lot of thought into this," I commented.

"Thanks. It was worth putting in the leg work to play wingman for Eric and Ashley."

"How do you know this Helene?"

"Helene and I go way back. We lived next door in the same housing complex when we were preteens. She's always been in the Catholic school system, but if she had been in the public school board like us, she'd be the fifth in our girl group. You'll love her. We've now got a week's worth of sleepovers ahead of us." Mia flashed a big smile.

"And how do you know her?" I asked Shauna.

"Through Mia. Her and I have never been close, but since she's been Mia's friend since they were twelve, she's been around since then," she answered. "Like if it was Mia's thirteenth birthday party or whatever, Helene would always be there. I'd say for me she's more of a friend of a friend. I like her just fine, but we don't have anything in common."

"And is Helene going to be okay sharing a hotel room with a guy she's never met?" I asked dubiously.

"That girl is a total free spirit," Shauna interjected. "She'll be fine."

"Have you told Eric and Ashley yet?"

"Not yet," Mia explained. "I wanted to run it by you two first, before we committed."

"Well, if you're convinced Helene will be okay with it, then I like the plan."

"Me too," Shauna added.

"Great. I'll go tell the lovebirds that their spring break fuckfest is on."

Mia got up and headed away to where Eric and Ashley were sitting, and Shauna snuggled into me further.

"Do you mind?" she asked. "I'm going to try to sleep a little more."

"Not at all."

The bus pulled out onto the highway just then, and within a few minutes Shauna was asleep in my arms. I didn't really understand why she was being all lovey-dovey with me, but I wasn't going to turn it down. Between the early morning and the pretty blonde girl sleeping beside me, pretty soon the motion knocked me right out as well. When we both came to again, we were creeping across Toronto in morning rush hour traffic.

Shauna stretched wearily. "I hate long bus rides," she whined.

"Oh, me too, but having friends with you makes the journey a little more bearable, at least."

She smiled at me, then got up to use the bathroom. When she returned, she snuggled back into my arms.

"So I'm not against the snuggles," I began cautiously, "but I'm curious if there's a reason. It's just out of character for you."

"I know, but I've been in your shoes before," she replied.

"What do you mean?"

"When I broke up with Jake, for the most part the world didn't give me a huge amount of sympathy, because I dumped him. People assume that if you're the dumper and not the dumpee, then you're good. But it broke my heart doing that to him, because I really liked him, and I wanted it to work out. Just because I was the one who ended it, and with good reason, doesn't mean it didn't hurt me.

"I know how much you liked Emma. I respect you for recognizing it wasn't working and ending it, but I can't imagine you're feeling pretty good about it."

I felt a wave of emotion flood over me, which I swallowed hard. "Yeah," I finally managed. "It sucks. Has Emma already told you what happened?"

"Pretty much. She said it came out of left field for her, she wasn't expecting it, but she's not broken up about it or anything. She was really excited to get on that flight yesterday and 'go home', as she puts it. I don't think anything would have killed that good mood for her."

"I'm glad she's not too sad."

"You are?" Shauna's brown eyes gazed up at me.

"Yeah! I mean, I didn't want to break anyone's heart."

"Well, she was pretty angry that you told her that she didn't want a real boyfriend. But here's the thing. I agree with you."

"What do you mean?" I was surprised.

"Emma would never agree with this, but she doesn't want a boyfriend, or maybe a better way to put it is that she isn't ready to have a boyfriend. She's curious about sex and about boys, but that doesn't mean she's ready for everything that a relationship involves. You told her she only wanted a friend with benefits, right?"

I nodded.

"You're absolutely right, and I knew that even when you guys got together."

"Mia warned me about the same thing before we even started dating. I just... I guess I wanted it to work out so badly that I convinced myself that it would."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You learn from experience, right? When you first got together, Emma only talked about wanting to gain some sexual experience, since to her it was, I don't know, pre-season? Exhibition games? You know, like in hockey, the games before the season that are only about getting in shape and ready for the real season to begin?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"She wasn't emotionally available to be in a relationship for real, and she won't be until she moves to England. She's waiting to start her grown-up life until then, and everything leading up to it is practice. I've never told her I believe she's like that, because I don't think she'd be open to hearing it from me any more than she was from you. But it's the truth."

I sighed deeply. At least Shauna can see it. And Mia always did, too.

"We're actually worried that she's going to disappear on us after high school," Shauna continued. "Allie and I have talked about it, and while I'm hoping for the best, I can see Emma totally turning her back on everything back here at home. Some people do that, you know - move away and leave their old lives behind. I hope she stays in all of our lives, but she may not. She'd be capable of it."

I swallowed hard. I could see the same thing in my now-ex-girlfriend's personality. How did I not see it before? Why did I only see what I wanted to see?

"Are you okay, Justin?" Shauna interrupted my mind running away with itself.

"Okay enough," I mumbled.

"Yeah?"

"At least I didn't ever fall in love with her. I wanted to, but I guess when you can tell your feelings aren't going to be reciprocated, your heart protects itself. Or at least, mine did."

"And I can tell how much this is hurting you. You said she was your dream girl. Like I told you, I didn't get a lot of sympathy when I broke up with Jake, since I dumped him, but I could have used it at the time. So, I'm here for you now. Unconditionally. That's what friends are for."

I reached around her and hugged her, and I felt the tears coming on. Not now, I tried to tell myself. Not on a bus with the whole class. But my emotions didn't listen, and I lost the battle, starting to sob uncontrollably.

"There, there," she cooed, stroking my hair. "It's okay. Let it out."

I held onto Shauna tightly. The bus was showing a copy of The Blues Brothers on the VHS machine and no one was really paying us any attention, so I just let my feelings leak out. Despite everything, despite my hurt and my pain and everything else, I was feeling something like 90% devastated sadness and 10% focused on Shauna's massive right boob pressing into me. Before long I had a very confused boner, which I was grateful she wasn't in a position to notice.

I finally pulled back, grabbing a tissue and mopping my eyes. "Thanks," I whispered.

"I feel for you, Justin," she responded. "I wanted you guys to work out, but I never really thought it would."

"Really? You too?" I felt even worse. "Fuck."

"I'm sorry," she immediately said. "I didn't mean it like that. I just... well... you liked a girl that wasn't interested in a relationship. I love Emma, but she is who she is, and she wasn't going to change for you. She wouldn't change for anyone."

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked. "I'm just going to get upset again otherwise."

"Sure." Shauna squeezed me. "We can change the subject. How's the university application process going?"

"Pretty well," I answered, grateful for the distraction. "I applied to social sciences at Western, Queen's and Ottawa, now it's just a waiting game until offers come out."

"Western is your first choice?"

"Yeah. It's close to home but not too close, great school, lots to do locally since London is a big enough city. You?"

"Funny story, that," she said, smiling. "At the start of the year, I was dead set on going out to Alberta Bible College out west. I'd been wanting to be a pastor for my entire life, and everything I did in school was just leading up to that. But now... I don't know if I want to do that anymore."

"Did you at least apply to other stuff?"

Shauna nodded. "I have no idea what else I'd want to do, but I've applied for general arts and humanities at a couple different universities, as well as a couple different community colleges. I got accepted to Bible College, of course, but I haven't accepted the offer, and I don't think I want to. I'm waiting to hear back from everything else before I make my decision."

"Oh, that's surprising. What's going on?"

"Well, I still believe in God," she began, fingering the golden cross around her neck that I'd never seen her without. "But I'm doubting some of the tenets of my faith for the first time."

"Do you want to tell me about that? I had no idea. I always assumed you were the good little church girl until I got to know you, and I've never seen any signs from you that you weren't totally committed to your religion."

"I was a goody two-shoes church girl. Or at least I always tried to be."

"What changed?"

Shauna finally disentangled herself from my arms and turned to face me. I could see her blue eyes staring me down, and I momentarily got lost in them. She's still such a fox.

"You look like you've been crying," she observed. "Hold on."

She reached into her purse, grabbed a wet wipe, and quickly cleaned me up in a tender, almost motherly way.

"Thanks," I said weakly.

She nodded. "You're welcome." She sat back in her seat, collecting her thoughts, before speaking.

"I belong to a youth group through my church, every Wednesday night since I was 13. I've basically never missed one, and I have an entire second group of church friends. Youth group often separates the boys from the girls, and so much of the girls' instruction is about being the best version of yourself for the benefit of your future husband. We get taught how to look, how to act, how to keep yourself pure so that a boy might someday want you as his wife.

"But most of all, it's how to be submissive. How to submit to the will of the Lord, which indirectly also means the will of your husband as head of the household. I may be a church girl, but man, I'm no submissive. I've got opinions, and even after five years of indoctrination, they couldn't beat that independent streak out of me."

"I think that's a good thing."

"Thanks." She smiled. "That's not what actually broke me, though."

"What did?"

"Pastor Richards got a sixteen-year-old girl in the youth group pregnant."

"Oh, shit."

"Yup. It's a big scandal, and of course he's been shoved out the door to another parish, but he'll land on his feet somewhere. Meanwhile, poor Liv's life is ruined, not just because abortion is a horrific sin in our faith, but because no godly man's going to want her now. Her family will probably make her give the kid up for adoption once it's born, but she'll still be treated like used garbage by the boys. It's like they believe that it's her fault, that she somehow led on a 35-year-old man with a wife and kids, a man in a position of power over her, to knock her up. Like she brought this on herself. It's horseshit."

"I, uh, agree," I stammered. I didn't have much else to add.

"Pastor Richards was always super creepy, anyway. Always volunteering to lead Bible study for girls, loads of closed-door one-on-one meetings with young women. I'm sure this isn't the first time it's happened. He's a predator, and the church protects men like him."

"Did he ever try anything on you?"

"No. Predators look for easy targets, and even at my most devout, I think I was still way too opinionated to stand out as the kind of girl who'd be susceptible. I stayed out of his way, and he mostly stayed out of mine."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"It's the culture that's the problem, though," Shauna continued. "We get modesty beaten into us from puberty, otherwise it's our fault for leading men into temptation. It's the original sin of Eve, tempting Adam to eat the apple. I apparently tempt men into sin merely by existing, by having the face and the body that God gave me.

"My faith in the Lord is unwavering, but my faith in the men - and it is almost all men - that run our church is shattered. I go back with my family every Sunday, of course, but only because I'm too scared to have that battle with Mom and Dad just yet. I don't believe in any of it anymore. The church is an institution of men, run by men, and I don't want any part of it. I'm done. I don't want to be a pastor anymore."

"So what now?"

"Well, the truth is that I've been wavering for a while now, so while that was the straw that broke the camel's back, there were other straws. Dating Jake last year was the first step. You know we fooled around a bunch, in a way my church wouldn't approve of, and I never felt like it was in any way inappropriate, deep down. Like my conscience constantly was telling me that I should feel like it was wrong, but I didn't ever believe that on a core level.

"I also never felt like that time in my room with you last fall was inappropriate, either, nor was it really wrong to do what we all did as a group at that sleepover."

"I swore I'd never bring that up with you again, but I agree. It was fun. I've got so many good memories."

Shauna paused, staring at the ceiling as she played with the cross around her neck. "It's hard for me even to admit this to you, but I have good memories of those two nights, too, and I think about them often. I was so regretful at the time, so full of guilt and shame. But we didn't do anything wrong, it's the church that's wrong for trying to indoctrinate us into believing that we did."

"Are you still waiting for marriage to go all the way?"

"My first time has to be special, and with a guy I'm in a loving relationship with. I don't want a one-night stand. But no, I don't care about waiting for marriage anymore."

"That's great!" I said with a little more enthusiasm than I meant to let on. Fortunately, Shauna either didn't notice, or let it slide.

"But that church youth group," she continued, "trying to beat our hormones out of us. You wanna talk about a bunch of repressed, horny girls? It's full of them."

"Yes," I deadpanned.

Shauna looked confused. "Yes, what?"

"Yes, I want to talk about a bunch of repressed, horny girls."

"Oh, stop," Shauna said, laughing. "You know what I mean. We get told that we need to dress, act, think and be a certain way, but all that indoctrination is against human nature. Now that I'm 19 I'm finally ready to say it, maybe not out loud to the entire world, but to say it quietly to people that I trust." She leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "There's no conflict between loving God and loving orgasms. He wouldn't have given us the capability of having them before marriage if He didn't intend for us to have them."

She leaned back, looking flushed. I reached out to Shauna's chest, touching just above her breast. I could feel her heart racing under her rib cage.

"That must not have been easy for you to say."

"It wasn't." She took me by the hand and led it off her chest, into her lap. "But I said it. I believe it. Most of the time, anyway."

"That's amazing. I have two follow-up questions, if that's okay."

She took a deep breath, readying herself. "Go ahead."

"First, orgasms by yourself? Or with a partner?"

Shauna's fair skin turned red. "Well," she said hesitantly, "you know I haven't had any partners lately, so... you can draw your own conclusions. But I'm not against the idea of having a partner, even though I don't want a boyfriend right now."

"Out of curiosity, why not?"

"I feel like I need to figure myself out first. The entire foundation of who I am as a person feels different now than it did a couple months ago, and I don't think I'd be capable of being in a relationship until I find my footing."

"Totally fair."

She nodded. "Mia thinks this spring break trip is going to be good for me. I've never had a rebellious period in my life, but I'm really..." She trailed off, looking at the floor of the bus, her embarrassment palpable. "I'm not against the idea of starting one," she finally said quietly.

"Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for." With me, I thought about adding, but didn't. I'm sharing a bed for the next week with a girl who's looking to act rebellious. For the first time since Emma left my house two days before, I allowed myself a small smile.

"What's your second question?" Shauna asked, interrupting my train of thought.

"Oh, right. When did you turn 19? I can't believe I missed your birthday!"

Shauna visibly relaxed. "Oh, don't worry about it. I was born January 1. Everyone always misses my birthday in the hubbub and busyness of Christmas. It's fine."

"It's not fine," I countered. "Let me at least buy you a drink at the bar in Quebec, if not a piece of cake at dinner one night or something."

"Sure, Justin. I'd like that. Thank you. You're a sweetheart."

We fell into a long, easy silence as the miles flew by. Shauna and I weren't snuggling anymore - she dug into a novel while I watched whatever movie was on the bus's TV - but I still felt incredibly close to her. My other friends had all said basic platitudes about my breakup, but Shauna knew from experience that just because you're the one ending a relationship doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I so much appreciated that I had someone like her in my life that cared about me, who knew what I was going through and was sympathetic about it.

I was also finally excited again for the week ahead. This week was supposed to be about having a party to celebrate our impending graduation in a couple of months. I wasn't that interested in the idea of going to a nightclub, and I'd never had an alcoholic drink except for occasional tiny glasses of wine at family holidays, but I was ready to let loose. If there were girls in my grade open to the idea of helping me rebound from losing Emma Desmarais, I was ready to take them up on the offer. I still wanted to wait to have sex, but anything else I could get was on the table.

I guess Mia still technically owes me a blowjob, I thought to myself just then. I wonder if it's possible to collect on that offer.

It was well after dark by the time the coach rolled into Quebec City. Shauna was once again asleep in my arms, and a couple of the kids around us clearly noticed, but no one said anything. The word about Emma and me breaking up clearly hadn't spread through the gossip mill yet. I resolved to try to tell a few more people, putting the word out indirectly and tastefully that I was available.

The hotel we were staying in was a modern concrete block on the Grande-Allée, and in the darkness of a winter's night I couldn't see much except that there was clearly a lot more snow here than at home. We trundled off the bus groggily into the frigid, biting air. Mid-March in southern Ontario was usually starting to feel like spring might just be around the corner, but here it was quite clearly still winter.

We filed into the lobby, where Luke Hutchinson, the student council president, was holding court.

"We did a group check-in in advance," he announced to a group of weary high schoolers. "I've got everyone's room keys here. When I say your names, please grab your keys and head for the elevators."

As he started going through the names, I approached Mia, with Eric in tow.

"Are we going to try to swap tonight?" I asked quietly.

"I don't think so," she replied. "St. Anthony's bus isn't here yet, and we're all exhausted after a long day. Let's just go have a quiet night and actually sleep, and we can do all the moving around tomorrow."

Eric looked disappointed, but he nodded.

"Eric Hoekstra, Justin Murphy, Mike Parkinson and Adam White?" Luke called out just then. "Room 718."

Adam grabbed the envelope with our room keys, and we headed upstairs, where we spent a quiet evening unwinding while watching the Montreal Canadiens game on TV in French and then going to bed early. So much for the craziness of Spring Break, I thought as I gazed over at Eric in the bed beside me, uncomfortably close for another straight guy. At least the view is going to get better tomorrow.

The next morning, Ashley appeared at our door just as we were finished dressing. Eric welcomed her into the room, giving her a big kiss that appeared to make her weak at the knees. Once he finally released her, she put her suitcase in the corner, then reached into her purse, handing me a room key.

"Room 702," she said happily. "Glad this is going to work out."

"No trouble?"

"Nah. No one cares now that we're checked in. I'm pretty sure a couple of other couples have already swapped around."

"Well, I guess I may as well get moving," I volunteered.

"Just a second." The redhead came over to me, wrapped me in a big hug, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. "We really appreciate this, Justin. We've never had the chance to sleep in the same bed together. It feels like a relationship milestone, and we couldn't have pulled it off without Mia and you."

"Oh, no trouble at all," I said happily. "I'm happy to help out. I just hope these two aren't third and fourth wheels." I gestured at Adam and Mike.

"We know the rules," Mike piped up. "They can bang only when we're out of the room, and we'll make sure we don't come in without knocking."

Ashley's embarrassment was easily discernible on her pale skin. Eric, meanwhile, looked like the cat that had just caught the canary.

I made my exit, heading down the hall with my suitcase. Our school occupied most of one entire floor of the hotel, but the girls were down at the far end of the hall. I considered just unlocking the door with my keycard, but I momentarily thought better of it and knocked, not knowing what I was walking into.

Shauna answered, fully dressed and made up for the day. "Hey, Justin. Sleep well?"

"Yeah, you?" I entered the room, seeing two unmade beds and clothes strewn everywhere. I cleared myself a spot on the carpet and set my suitcase down.

"No. Cindy snores like an idling tank. I'm so glad she's not sharing with us again."

"Did she leave already?"

"Yeah. Mia's in the bathroom getting ready. Helene hasn't come up yet, but I assume she'll be here eventually."

"Which bed is ours?"

"This one." Shauna pointed at the bed closer to the bathroom and the door.

"And you're really okay sharing with me?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she asked, surprised.

"I'm glad you are! I just feel like you're the one I know the least well out of the four girls."

She smiled. "I know I'm the quiet one, the introvert, but we've slept over together before. I know I can trust you."

"I also so much appreciate you being so caring yesterday. You made a bad day a lot easier."

"You're welcome. Are you feeling a little better today?" She reached out and touched my arm.

"Yeah, better enough. It'll be good to have the distraction of a day out in the city."

Just then, the bathroom door opened, and Mia stepped out, completely nude apart from a towel wrapped around her head.

"Oh, hey Justin," she said nonchalantly. "I thought I heard you come in."

It had been a couple months since I'd seen Mia naked, but I hadn't apparently lost any attraction to her tight body. I tried not to stare too obviously at her perky little tits, her round ass, or her long legs as she dressed. Once she was finished, she turned to face us.

"Well, I guess we should go start seeing this place, huh? Just gotta dry my hair before going out in this cold."

We headed down to the lobby and out into the icy air as a threesome for the day. Quebec City, as we discovered over the next few hours, was enchanting. I'd never been to Europe, but Quebec's old walled city reminded me of pictures I'd seen of medieval French towns, with narrow streets, ancient stone buildings and towering church steeples throughout. We ate lunch at a créperie and wandered aimlessly, sightseeing, going for a ride on the big ice slide outside the Château Frontenac, and taking the funicular down to the lower town by the St. Lawrence River. It was a winter wonderland, and we were well done with the cold by the time the evening rolled around.

We finished our day with a lovely French dinner at a local brasserie, and I felt very grown up drinking wine with a meal while out in public. I wasn't drinking age at home yet, but I was here, and being carded by the waiter and then passed was a novel experience.

I hadn't thought that the wine had really affected me, but when I got up at the end of the meal, I discovered my head was already spinning slightly and I felt wobbly on my feet. I tried my best to brush it off. I wasn't sure how I felt about drinking yet, but I knew on some level that this probably wasn't the last drink of the night for me.

When we got back up to our hotel room early in the evening, we discovered a tall, lanky girl with a dark pixie cut sitting on one of the nicely-made beds. She was pretty in a Nordic way, with sharp features and an athletic body.

"Helene, you slag!" Mia erupted, running to the bed and jumping into her arms.

"Mia, you skank! So glad to see you again." Helene embraced Mia and the two girls started almost play-wrestling a bit.

"You know Shauna," Mia made the introductions once they'd separated. "This is our friend Justin. Justin, Helene."

"Hi," I said, feeling very much like a boy in the middle of a girls-only space. I'd never seen girls trash-talking each other before.

"Nice to meet you, Justin," Helene responded. "Mia's vouched for you, so I wasn't worried before I said yes about sharing a room. But I've gotta ask you first - I can trust you? You're not a creep?"

"I'm not a creep. Cross my heart and hope to die," I responded.

"Cool. Mia told me to treat you like one of the girls, so that's what I'm going to do. I trust her judgment, so I'm gonna trust you."

"Sounds great. How do you know each other?" I asked.

"We're friends from way back," Helene answered. "This bitch and I grew up together. We used to throw snowballs at boys in the woods and stuff when we were kids. If my parents weren't so very Catholic, we'd probably have even been at the same school, but that religion class wasn't going to teach itself in the public system."

"Not that it did you any good, you whore," Mia interrupted.

"I'm Catholic, I can be both Madonna and a whore," Helene shot back. She turned to face Shauna and me where we'd taken a seat on the sofa in the room. "How was your day? You manage in French okay?"

"Okay enough," Shauna replied. "Most people in the service industry speak English here. But we could speak it okay enough between the three of us."

"It's too bad Emma's not here," Helene added. "She's fluent in French, it would have been handy having her around."

I swallowed hard, and Shauna instinctively put her arm around me.

"What don't I know?" Helene asked, sensing the chill in the room.

"Justin and Emma were dating," Shauna explained. "They just broke up a couple of days ago."

"Oh, shit. Man, I'm sorry for putting my foot in my mouth," Helene apologized.

"It's okay," I said sadly. "You wouldn't have known."

"Well, I'll make it up to you. I hit a dépanneur on the way back to the room today. There's a case of beer in the bathtub with some ice. Go help yourself."

Mia bounded up and headed for the bathroom, returning a moment later with four brown bottles of beer, which she distributed. We had some difficulty getting the caps off, but we managed.

"Cheers!" Helene toasted, once we were all ready. "To old friends, and new ones."

I tipped the bottle up experimentally, tasting the bitter liquid as it entered into my mouth. It wasn't like anything I'd had before, but it wasn't awful. I could see myself acquiring the taste for it.

"Gross!" Shauna retched, making a face as she pulled the bottle away from her lips. "It's so bad!"

"You liked the wine at dinner," Mia pointed out.

"I did, but I'm used to wine from church," she responded, eying the bottle as if it were poison. "If we're going out tonight, maybe we can find some girly drinks? I don't know if I can handle beer."

"I'm sure we can, but this is pre-drink," Helene explained. "There's a nightclub just down the road, the Dagobert, that a bunch of people from my school are going to tonight. But the drinks at the bar are so expensive that you can't really get drunk there, or if you do it costs a fortune. So you drink up before you go out, and then only drink to stay drunk in the club."

"You've been to nightclubs before?" I asked.

Helene nodded. "They're not quite as big on the idea of checking ID at some of the clubs in Norway I've been to. I go every summer to visit family, and my cousins and I like to go dancing."

"Well, I don't know if I want to get drunk..." Shauna trailed off. "I'm already feeling it a little."

"Suit yourself, but if you don't ever smash way over the line in a drunken stupor, how would you ever know where the line is?"

"I've never crossed a line in my life." Shauna looked momentarily anxious. "But I've been meaning to rebel and grow up a little, so what the hell?" She impulsively turned the bottle upside down in her mouth and struggled to choke down a few more gulps of beer. "God in Heaven, it's awful," she managed, coughing.

Helene laughed. "It's an acquired taste. You like it, Mia?"

Mia nodded. "I could get used to this."

Just then, the phone in the room rang. Mia was sitting closest, so she picked it up.

"Hello? Yep. Just hanging out. Yeah, you can come down. 702. See you soon."

"Who was that?" I asked as she put the phone down.

"Eric," she answered. "Your guy friends are coming over."

A moment later, there came a knock at the door, and Eric, Adam, Mike and Ashley entered, carrying another case of beer and all looking like they were dressed to go out clubbing. The guys were all in nice polos and had clearly done their hair, while Ashley looked like a million bucks, with glitter makeup, dramatic blue eye shadow, and a form-fitting faux leather outfit that showed off her curves. My best friend's girlfriend looked hot.

"Damn, you look good!" Mia exclaimed. "Ash, can I see your outfit up close?"

Ashley went over to Mia, and I quickly grabbed my best friend.

"Well?" I asked in a low voice.

Eric shook his head. "Not yet."

"I figured you two would be all over each other at the first chance you got," I remarked, surprised.

"She wants it to be perfect. The first time has to be special and all that. We had an opportunity this afternoon that we could have done something, but she didn't want to try to fit it in while the roommates were out of the room, since we didn't know how long they'd be, and she wants us to go to sleep together afterwards. So we fooled around a bit, but we didn't cum, because she wants to save our strength. That was fun."

I patted him on the back. "You'll get there. You know she wants to."

Eric nodded. "Maybe tonight, if I'm lucky."

We sat around the hotel room for a while, getting deeper into the beer. I didn't know everyone else's previous experience with alcohol, but for me it was my first time really consuming anything in greater amounts than just a sip, and I tried to pay attention to how it was affecting me.

By the second beer in I was definitely feeling less inhibited, and when I got up to use the bathroom, I noticed I was much less steady on my feet than I was used to, with my head swimming. Did I find it fun? I hadn't decided yet.

Evening turned into night, the sounds of parties happening around us on our floor grew louder, and soon the three girls I was sharing a room with took turns in the bathroom getting dressed up for a nightclub. Shauna was last, and when she emerged I couldn't help but admire her. I'd never seen her in anything other than conservative, church-going clothes and full coverage pyjamas, but for tonight she'd put on a miniskirt and a low-cut red top that contrasted beautifully with her blonde hair. The plunging V-neck accentuated her cleavage without being too revealing. I noticed similar stares from around the room, from the other girls as well as the boys.

"Damn, Shauna," Mia let out a low whistle. "You look fuckable! You could coax a priest into sin with that outfit!"

Shauna seemed unsure of herself, but she still smiled, weakly. "I decided it was time to start showing off a little."

"Well, you know how jealous I am of your boobs," Mia continued. "They're two of your best features; you may as well show them off!"

"Thanks," Shauna said shyly. Her face looked hesitant, but she really did look fabulous.

We headed out of the room and down the elevator, running into a group of kids from St. Anthony in the lobby whom Helene clearly knew. The group, by this time growing large, went for an icy cold walk without our winter coats. We hurried the couple of blocks to Dagobert nightclub, which turned out to be located in a building that looked not unlike a castle from the outside. There was a small queue to get in, but it moved quickly, and soon we were inside.

My first impression of the nightclub was that it wasn't that different from the school gym where I'd been to the dance last fall, except way better decorated, way cooler, and full of drunk people. The music was ear-splitting, the room was stiflingly hot, and I could have done without the haze of cigarette smoke hanging in the air, mixing with the dry ice to create a dense fog.

I still felt unsteady in a completely alien environment, but we went to the bar, procuring drinks. Shauna finally got the girly drink she'd been wanting after drinking beer like a trooper all night, then once we'd all finished drinking, we headed out to the dance floor.

Was it fun? I still couldn't decide. The unfamiliar feeling of alcohol in my system was throwing off my judgment and lowering my inhibitions, so I had no trouble dancing like a maniac with the group to a song that was so loud I couldn't identify what it was. In the maelstrom, an image of Emma intrusively jumped into my head, and I swallowed my emotion yet again, impulsively grabbing Mia and pulling her in close to me.

"Having fun?" she yelled into my ear. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"Sure! You?"

"Yeah! Dance with me!"

She turned around, grinding her ass into my crotch as she danced with one arm above her head. My cock immediately responded, hardening and filling the gap between her ass cheeks, which I knew she must be able to feel. I put my hand on her waist and started rubbing back against her a little bit.

I looked around and noticed, with a sense of sudden realization, that the rest of the dance floor was at least as sexually-charged as I was suddenly feeling. No chaperones, I immediately thought to myself. I noticed Jenn Bradshaw and her boyfriend Alex dancing nearby, familiar faces from high school, and I then noticed Alex was unashamedly feeling her up on the dance floor, his hand cupping her breast over her top as her face wore a look of blissed-out pleasure.

I then turned to the other direction, seeing Eric and Ashley dancing closely with each other, and although it was tough to see in the low light, I was pretty sure her hand was somewhere between his legs. They both looked as turned on as when Heather and I had seen them get each other off at the drive-in a few months back.

It clicked for me there as Mia bent over, putting us into what would have been a standing doggy-style position if only we had been naked. She started bouncing her ass into my crotch, mimicking sex. It's like a school dance, but with no chaperones and plenty of booze. The limit here isn't what'll get you a detention, it's what'll get you arrested.

As the song blended into the next one, Helene grabbed Mia from me, and I immediately paired off with Shauna. Helene and Mia very soon wound up embracing as they danced, each with a leg between the other's legs, and from their movements, it looked pretty obvious they were at least getting some pleasure in their sensitive areas from grinding against each other. Helene's skirt had ridden up to the point I could see her underwear whenever the strobe lighting got bright enough to catch a view.

I moved my hand to the small of Shauna's back, pulling her in close. I could feel the sweat on her back already. "Having fun?" I yelled in her ear.

She nodded, but took me by the hand, leading me away from our friends and back towards the bathrooms. It was noticeably less crowded in this corner of the nightclub, and while it wasn't quiet, it was at least quieter to the point we could sort of hear each other.

"Yes, I'm having fun, but I need a minute," she answered. "Thanks for coming with."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just that I've never been tipsy like this before, and I'm feeling super overwhelmed by all the heat and noise and hormones out on that dance floor."

"Me too. It feels like a lot, huh?"

"Yeah. I don't like feeling out of control, and I feel on the verge, between the alcohol and the atmosphere. I like it, but it's making me uneasy. Good girl Shauna wouldn't approve of being here, but I'm trying to tell her she's not in charge anymore."

"I feel on the edge too, but we're here for each other." She'd never released my hand, but I squeezed hers now.

"Baby steps," she answered with a small smile. "I thought I was dressing like such a slut before we got here, but compared with all the other girls, I could go to church camp in this top."

"You look so good!"

"Thanks." She smiled. "I think I do, too."

"Mia and Helene took to clubbing like ducks to water, huh?"

"They've got a history, those two," Shauna answered.

I looked at her, unsure what she meant. "History?"

"Well, girls sometimes practice kissing with each other at sleepovers and stuff. Those two have practiced kissing and a few other things, from what I've heard."

A mental image of Mia and Helene naked and fingering each other instantly jumped into my head. I knew Mia was bisexual, but I didn't think she had any actual sexual experience with girls, not that I'd ever asked her. Sharing a room with those two after a night like this might get interesting, I thought.

"I'm not used to this," Shauna continued while I thought. "But... I think I like it?"

"I like how uninhibited it is," I replied, "but I could do without the smoke and heat and noise."

"Oh, me too. Smoking is disgusting." She took a deep breath, mentally resetting herself, then finished her drink. "Okay, I'm ready again. Dance with me?"

"Let me buy you a refill first? For your birthday?"

"I'd like that." She kissed me on the cheek.

We went back to the bar together, where I paid for another beer for me and another of whatever it was she was drinking for her, then I led her by the hand back to our group of friends, who were also taking a breather.

Once we had all finished our drinks, we headed back onto the dance floor Mia and Helene immediately started acting hot and heavy with each other again, occasionally kissing each other, but mostly just dancing in a way that would have gotten them thrown out of a school dance.

Eric and Ashley soon were about as close to fucking on the dance floor as it was possible to be while still fully-clothed. Meanwhile, I noticed that Adam had paired off with a girl I didn't recognize, and Mike was dancing closely with Jacqueline Kerrigan, a curvy brunette from school. Neither appeared to be quite as far gone, but they were both over the line that chaperones would have drawn back in the school gym.

Shauna and I danced face-to-face at first, then she turned around, grinding her ass into me, which got my cock hard again. I let my hands roam her body, avoiding sensitive areas but otherwise going wherever I wanted. She seemed to respond to my touching her waist and hips in particular, so I kept going back there. I had gained enough experience with Emma over the past few months to start to develop a sixth sense when something I was doing was turning her on, and I was interested to note that my instincts seemed to be just as sharp on another girl as well.

In this sexually-charged atmosphere, it started creeping in again how much I missed Emma. It was the right decision to break up with her, but I knew that if she'd been here tonight, her pervy side would be running rampant. In my intoxicated, horny state, I suddenly fully understood why indiscriminate rebounds after a breakup were a thing.

I had the thought as we danced that Shauna had called me a rebound from her breakup with Jake all the way back in the fall, when she'd unexpectedly dry-humped me to an orgasm in her bed during a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. I didn't know, and I dared not ask her right out, but I wondered if her being so kind and caring to me extended to helping me rebound in return.

I let my hand brush up and over Shauna's breast, experimentally, just to see what she'd do. The answer, apparently, was to back up into me, pressing her ass into my dick, which I knew she could feel hard against her. I leaned over, brushed her blonde hair behind her ear, and started kissing the nape of her neck the way Emma had liked. Shauna immediately responded with a moan loud enough that I could hear it even over the sound of the music.

Shit, guess this is happening.

The night progressed. In a public setting we were limited in what we could do to each other, but judging by body language alone, the couples in my group were all about ready to burst after a couple of hours. I hadn't wanted to feel up the good little church girl on the dance floor too overtly, but I'd definitely kept sliding my hands past her heavy tits, over her nipples, and I could tell she was very into it.

It was so hot in the club that I wasn't totally sure about it, but every time my hand brushed even close to Shauna's crotch I could sense radiant wet heat between her legs. I mostly no longer second-guessed myself if girls around me were turned on - their signs were subtler than boys' signs, but they were still there. While I supposed it could have just been the hot, sweaty nightclub, I was pretty positive that Shauna was just as turned on as I was.

We occasionally traded partners, and I danced with Mia too, with Helene, and briefly with Ashley, but we kept returning to the same pairings. Anyone watching would have assumed Shauna and I were together, and I was treating her no differently from how I would have treated Emma had we still been dating, apart from actively avoiding kissing her on the lips.

All around us, couples were in similar states of high arousal. There was a lot of perfectly chaste and normal dancing going on, too, but for the group of us 18 and 19-year-old high schoolers, clubbing for the first time in a state of chemically-lowered inhibitions and overflowing teenage hormones, it was all we could do not to start stripping down.

More time passed. It was now quite late, I was feeling quite drunk, and Shauna and I were dancing face to face with extreme body contact when the moment finally overtook me and I reached my hand down between her legs, fiddling with the hem of her miniskirt. I looked at her face, wondering what to do, and seeing nothing but arousal and attraction in her eyes, I slid my hand higher, up her skirt. My fingers made contact with her panties, which were sopping wet to the touch. She stared at me with true hunger in her eyes as she reached down and grabbed my dick in return, stroking it through my trousers.

I wondered to myself if I should move the gusset of the panties out of the way, but instead Shauna reached around me, leaned in and kissed me, hard and passionate, jamming her tongue forcefully into my mouth. I could taste sickly sweet fruity alcohol in her mouth as I kissed her back, wrapping both arms around her. Her body was hot to the touch, almost dangerously so, and as she pulled out of the kiss, I noticed her face was almost as red as a tomato.

"I don't feel so good," she yelled in my ear.

I pointed at the exit and she nodded, so I took her by the hand, leading her out of the club into the frigid night, where she sat down on a snowy bench despite her exposed skin. She looked dazed, breathing hard, her breath easily visible in the icy air.

"Première fois? First time?" The bouncer, a huge French-accented Black guy wearing an enormous winter coat and woolly hat with an incongruous pom-pom, was making his way over to us.

"Yeah," I answered. "I think she got overheated."

"March Break is amateur hour," he laughed. "My job this week is breaking up fights and giving first aid to a bunch of vomiting kids who've never learned to pace themselves. What's your name, mademoiselle?"

"Shauna."

"I'm Baptiste. How much water have you drank tonight, Shauna?"

"Uh... none."

"Okay. Listen to me, Shauna. Alcohol dehydrates you. I know it feels like you're constantly drinking, but you must keep drinking water too, especially in a hot environment like Chez Dagobert." He handed her a sealed half-size bottle of water. "Drink the whole thing."

Shauna cracked the bottle open and turned it upside down in her mouth, chugging it in one long gulp, before burping audibly. She laughed to herself, covering her mouth.

"Oops. Sorry," she whispered, seemingly powerless to stop her sudden case of the giggles. "Not very ladylike of me."

For the first time, I could see in her expression just how hammered she was. I wasn't feeling far behind, but I suspected either she was a couple drinks ahead of me, or her smaller body didn't take quite as much to get way over the line. Or both.

"Now Shauna," Baptiste continued, ignoring her. "Ma soeur, do you trust this young man to get you home to bed safely? Or shall I call you a taxi?"

"Justin's just a friend," she mumbled. "I trust him."

"Okay. You cannot stay out in the bitter cold for too long so underdressed. It's hard enough for me out here with this coat on, but then again I am Haitian. You may be used to it, but anyone can get hypothermia in a Québecois winter. This weather is dangerous, and you are vulnerable with so much skin exposed." He turned to face me. "Justin, your 'just a friend' Shauna needs you to take her home to bed. And then you must drink some water yourself. Tomorrow's you will thank you for it."

"I'll get her back to the hotel safe and sound," I promised.

"Thank you, Mister Baptiste," Shauna added.

"Just Baptiste. De rien, et bonne nuit."

I helped Shauna to her feet. She suddenly seemed unsteady. Mia and Helene were just leaving the club at that point, and I saw them both visibly recoil at the shock of the bitterly cold night air. The four of us quickly walked in silence back to the hotel, where we each chugged multiple glasses of water. We were all feeling disgustingly sweaty, so we took turns in the shower cooling off, with the girls helping Shauna go first as I sat by myself in a chair, begging the room to stop spinning. After my quick shower, I ultimately crawled into bed in just my underwear. The euphoria had worn off by this point, and I was starting to realize that I was probably going to experience my first hangover in the morning.

I looked over at Shauna's blonde hair beside me in bed, facing away. She was already asleep. I had been in the shower when Mia and Helene had put her to bed, but I'd seen her club outfit on the floor of the bathroom and I had no idea what, if anything, she was wearing. I briefly looked under the blanket, but I couldn't see anything in the darkness of the room.

I suddenly felt incredibly sleepy as the bed rocked and swayed, or at least it felt like it was. As I was drifting off, I heard giggling from the other bed, and the last thing I felt before sleep took me was an onrush of jealousy. An hour ago, I was sure I was going to score tonight on some level. Now I doubt I could get it up even if I had the chance. But it sounds like something might be going on over there.

And then, right before I lost consciousness: I wish it was me instead of Helene.

I slept fitfully, getting up several times in the night to pee or to guzzle water. My mouth felt like sandpaper, I was still dizzy, and I kept waking up either too hot and drenched in sweat or freezing cold and shivering. Around 7:30 I woke again, way too early, feeling sick, head throbbing, though fortunately I didn't feel the need to throw up. I lay there for a moment, not wanting to get up or to move, not thinking about Shauna beside me, not thinking about Emma, not thinking about sex or girls or rebounding. Truthfully, all I was thinking about was debating if it was worth it. I'd had a great night, but I wasn't sure it was worth paying the price of how I was feeling now.

Just then, I heard a toilet flush, and then Helene walked into the room, stark naked.

I couldn't help but look. She looked like hell, truthfully, her hair a mess, her face betraying that she was probably feeling at least as sickly as I felt. But I still let myself take in the sight of her body. Mia was petite but still had curves, whereas Helene's body was downright boyish, with breasts that barely registered as swells on her otherwise flat chest, a taut stomach, and a barely-there ass. But she was still distinctly feminine, with large pink nipples and no body hair apart from a black patch of pubic hair hiding her intimate area. Should I let her know I'm awake? I wondered. I thought better of it as she climbed back into bed.

They slept naked over there, it suddenly occurred to me. Helene and Mia had a history together, according to Shauna, and they'd certainly looked pretty friendly with each other at the club. Did I miss watching two girls hook up last night? Fuck! And then, more jealousy. Why am I feeling jealous?

I drifted off to sleep again, still feeling like death warmed over. When I came to again, it was nearly noon.

I looked over where Shauna was lying, still facing away from me and apparently not having moved since last night. I hope she's okay, I thought. I'd heard alcohol poisoning was a thing, and while I had no idea what the threshold for it was, I was suddenly seized with panic. I reached over, probably too quickly, and grasped her bare shoulder, feeling immediately relieved that her soft skin was warm.

"You awake?" I whispered.

"Yeah," she rasped, without rolling over. "Feeling like I'm gonna die, though."

"Me too."

She carefully rolled over to face me, looking pale. "Did you throw up?"

"No. Did you?"

"Yeah. A couple times." She closed her eyes, squinting at the light coming through a tiny gap in the curtains. "It's too bright in here."

"Agreed."

"Justin..."

"Yeah?"

"I vaguely remember you getting me back here safely last night. Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome. You'd have done the same for me."

"I would have, but still. You and that bouncer both were very kind to a hot mess. I went way over the line, and you kept me safe and sound. I really, really appreciate it." She smiled weakly.

"Thank you for letting loose with me. It helped. I'm feeling better today about the whole Emma thing."

"Rebounding helps. I get it."

I thought about asking outright if there was a possibility of further rebounding with her, but I thought better of it. I'd just about fingered her on the dance floor last night before she started making out with me. The possibility was probably there, I just had to see where the rest of the trip led us. And besides, now didn't seem like an appropriate time to ask.

"Can I ask you a question?" she interrupted my train of thought.

"Sure."

"Are you... um... naked right now?"

"I'm wearing underwear. You?"

"Just my panties. Did you put me to bed last night?"

"No, I was in the shower. Mia and Helene did."

Shauna nodded. "I figured. You're too much of a gentleman to strip a drunk girl down to her panties."

"I don't think any of us are wearing much. I saw Helene naked a few hours ago coming back from the bathroom."

"Well, we're all girls here. Mia used to sleep naked the odd time we'd have a sleepover with no Allie there, but Allie's such a prude that I know she wouldn't have been okay with it."

Maybe they didn't hook up, I immediately thought. Maybe they're just super comfortable with each other. And with me, too. That's a compliment if it's true.

Shauna burped loudly, interrupting my train of thought, then suddenly sat up in a flash. "Gonna throw up again."

She made a beeline for the bathroom, and I deliberately averted my eyes despite knowing she was nearly naked. A moment later, I heard vomiting.

"Justin?" she called out a moment later, her voice sounding weak and unsteady.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come here?"

I sure can.

I got up as I heard the toilet flush, looking over at the other bed to see Mia and Helene still sleeping, both fully covered by the blankets. I entered the bathroom to see Shauna sitting on the tile floor near the toilet, looking rough. She only had on a pair of black panties. I don't care if you haven't seen them since September, don't stare at her tits, I ordered myself.

"Can you get me some water?" she asked, her voice gravelly and unsteady. "And maybe some Tylenol? There's a bottle in my toiletry bag."

I filled up a glass from the sink and handed it to her, rubbing her bare back as she drank it. She swallowed the painkiller before she finished it, then handed me the glass, which I put up on the counter.

"This sucks," she muttered weakly.

"Worth it after last night?"

"From the bathroom floor and feeling this awful, no. But I had so much fun last night."

"Oh, me too. How's the Christian guilt?"

Shauna looked up at me. "Trying really hard to get in, but I'm fighting it. It's so hard, though. There's a reason they start with teaching you shame so young."

"You've got this." I caught her eye and smiled at her.

"Thanks. I hope so. No regrets," she replied sincerely. "Except maybe that last drink."

I took her by the hand, helping her back to her feet, and led her out of the bathroom where we both collapsed back into bed. Impulsively, I rolled over to her side of the bed, and she grabbed me, snuggling in. Her skin was hot and sweaty, and the bedsheets were definitely going to need changing once the maids came in, but as soon as I felt those absolutely spectacular naked G-cups press into my chest, nothing else mattered. I still felt like shit, but I was very happy.

I don't know how long we lay there for, but I don't think either of us got back to sleep. In some time, there finally was movement from the other bed, and then Mia sat up, rubbing her temples wearily. She was also completely naked.

"How are you two feeling this morning?" she asked once she'd noticed we were awake.

"Awful," Shauna mumbled.

"Me too. You?"

"Hung over, but what a fun night, huh?" Mia came over and sat down on our bed, again seeming completely blasé about her nudity.

"So much fun. I could do without this morning, though." I wanted to ask if she and Helene had had sex last night, but I decided against it.

"Shauna? How's the morning after treating you?" Mia continued.

"I'm okay. Justin's taking good care of me." She squeezed me under the covers, then kissed me on the cheek.

"Cool. I'm going to go for a shower," Mia said, standing back up. "If anyone needs in the bathroom while I'm in there, help yourself. I'll leave the door unlocked. Don't need anyone throwing up all over the room."

She disappeared into the bathroom, and shortly we heard the water turn on. A few minutes later, she popped back out, dripping water onto the carpet. I loved how her body looked dripping wet.

"I'm going to go get some coffee to fight this hangover once I'm dressed," she announced. "Anyone else want to come with?"

"I will," I volunteered. "I'd love some coffee."

"No thanks," Shauna said wearily. "I'd rather stay here in bed and try not to die."

Helene said nothing. Evidently she was still sleeping.

"Okay, so that means you're next, Justin," Mia ordered. "Come hop in the shower while I'm doing my hair and makeup."

I got out of bed and went into the bathroom, noticing Mia's eyes following me as I stripped my underwear off. Once I was in the shower, letting the hot water cascade over me, I started feeling more human. We had a shower curtain between us, but just knowing Mia was naked on the other side of the curtain, even if it wasn't sexual, felt really special. I liked the feeling that the curtain, metaphorically in this case, had fully come down between the three of us, and I was hoping that the sleeping fourth girl in the room, the one who didn't know me that well, wouldn't spoil it. We'd all been sexual before, but this was intimate, and I appreciated and liked the difference.

Once I was done showering, I joined Mia at the counter, brushing my teeth as we took turns with the sink. I could see her entire body in the mirror through the coating of fog, and I knew she could see mine. She had a couple of days' worth of stubble on her mound, and on some level I appreciated that probably meant she was comfortable enough around me not to care about being perfectly shaven. I caught her eyes lingering on my dick at least once in the mirror, which I pretended not to notice. She smiled at me as we locked eyes in the mirror at one point, and I smiled back. The domesticity was nice.

I wandered out of the room fully naked, not really worried about being seen, and hoping it might mean that I'd at least get to see Shauna fully in the buff too sometime, as I'd still never seen her without at least a pair of panties on. If Mia and Helene were comfortable being naked in front of me, then I was going to return the favour. When I got back into the room, Shauna was sleeping again. Helene was up, though, sitting up in bed with the blankets pulled to her neck.

"Whoa!" she called out, averting her eyes when she realized I was naked.

"Sorry," I immediately apologized, second-guessing myself. "I thought you were still asleep." I quickly started dressing to cover up.

"It's okay," she replied. "I don't mind. It's just unexpected."

"We're all girls here," Mia's voice came calling from the bathroom.

"I've got a face full of evidence that that's not even close to true," Helene laughed. "But I get it. It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't mind if you saw me naked either, as long as you're not creepy about it."

"Uh, I've already seen you naked," I pointed out, hesitantly.

"What? When?"

"You got up at one point in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. I was awake."

Helene thought for a moment. "All right, I guess we really are all girls here. I usually sleep naked, and besides, incidental non-sexual nudity really isn't a big deal in Nordic culture. Just don't interpret this gesture as anything more than that." She let the covers fall to her waist and revealed her tiny breasts. I tried to be grown up about it, but I couldn't help but look a little bit in full light. They were cute, and I liked them. In full light, I could definitely tell that the right one was slightly bigger than the left one.

"You want some coffee if Mia and I are going?" I asked politely as I pulled my shirt on while still trying to avert my eyes respectfully.

"Sure. Double espresso, please and thank you."

"You seem like you're feeling okay," I observed.

"Not bad. It's not my first hangover, though. Yours?"

"Yeah. I think it was the first for Shauna and I."

She nodded. "Fun night last night though, huh?"

"It was amazing."

Mia finally came out of the bathroom at that point, fully dressed and ready. "Coffee time. Let's go."

We headed out and down the elevator. It was already after 1:00 in the afternoon, and the hotel restaurant was full of lunch guests. The smell of food made me a little ill, but we quickly made it outside, turning in the direction of a coffee shop down the road, just outside the old city walls.

"Hey, wait up!" came a voice from behind us. I turned, and there was Eric, jogging in the heavy snow to catch up.

"Hey, Eric," Mia said as he arrived. "How was sex?"

Eric glared at her, out of breath. "Still a virgin."

"What? How?"

"Well, the first night we slept in separate beds, and last night, we got too drunk. You probably saw us dancing at the club, right?"

"Ashley looked about ready to suck your dick right on the dance floor," Mia giggled.

"She was pretty wound up, that's for sure. But by the time we got back to the room, we were all so tired and so drunk that we couldn't in good conscience throw Adam and Mike out, and besides, we were kind of feeling out of it by then anyway. So we just went to sleep."

"You've still got time," I pointed out.

"I'm not worried. I know she wants to. But she's waiting for it to be perfect, and she's also wanting us to save our strength until we get that perfect moment, so not only have I not had sex this week, I've been sleeping in the same bed as my horny girlfriend and neither of us have gotten off. The blue balls are becoming terminal."

Mia laughed. "I'm sure she's feeling it too. It'll just make the first time that much sweeter when it happens."

"I sure hope so."

"Or you'll both last less than twenty seconds," I elbowed my best friend in the ribs.

Eric shrugged. "That too."

We reached the coffee shop at that point, where we ordered coffees for all of us and a double espresso for Helene.

"So I've noticed you've looked pretty cozy with Shauna the last couple of days," Eric began as we started the walk back to the hotel.

"She's been great," I agreed, briefly explaining how Shauna had been through the same situation with a broken heart that she had initiated, and how her bottomless and unconditional empathy was a big reason why I was feeling as okay as I was today. Mentally, at least.

"Aww, I never even considered you might be feeling broken-hearted," Mia said, wrapping her arm around me as I finished the story. "Every time I've dumped a guy, I've just about thrown a party for myself afterwards."

"For better or worse, she was the dream girl," I replied sadly. "I recognize now that liking someone from afar doesn't mean you're going to fit together perfectly in a relationship. We weren't right for each other, and ending it was the right call. But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck."

"Sorry for not realizing either, man," Eric said. "Do you think Shauna could be a potential girlfriend?"

"I don't think so. We still don't have a lot in common, she's not looking right now, and I think I need some time to really figure out what I want out of a relationship before dating again. Emma wasn't it, but I don't know who is."

"For what it's worth, I still haven't figured that out, either," Mia said empathetically. "Every time I try dating a hot guy that makes me weak in the knees, it turns out he's a gigantic douchebag."

"Maybe you should try looking with other parts of your body," Eric said drily. "Your knees keep letting you down."

Mia shrugged. "I have been looking with other parts, but they're all equally unreliable. I guess I'm still figuring this all out, too. At least I've been single this year, right? No more hot boyfriends, at least, not until I figure me out first."

"That's a good idea," Eric approved.

"By the way, regardless of if you wind up dating, are you and Shauna going to hook up on this trip?" Mia asked me. "You were all over each other last night."

"I'm not entirely against the idea of a rebound," I said carefully. I thought about mentioning that she had once promised me a blowjob that I'd never collected on, but I decided against it with Eric there.

"Well, I think the timing is right for her, too," Mia explained. "Did she tell you about her crisis of faith?"

"She did."

"Good. The girl's ready for some sweet, sweet teenage rebellion. She's ripe for the picking, if you decide you want to."

"Speaking as a guy dating a girl from a conservative background who's decided to rebel through the medium of sex... go for it," Eric piped up smugly. "I can personally recommend it."

"Guys seem to just love good girls who figure out late that they like sex after all, huh?" Mia complained. "Nobody seems to want a girl who always knew. I never had to rebel to figure it out."

"You just needed a hot Norwegian neighbour chick?" I asked innocently.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Eric looked dumbly at us. "You mean that Helene girl? You guys dated?"

"We never dated, no. Beyond that, I'm not one to kiss and tell."

"That implies you've kissed," I pointed out.

"Of course we have. You saw us kissing last night on the dance floor."

"Was that the first time?"

"I already said I'm not telling." She stuck out her tongue. "Why, have you two ever jerked off together?"

Eric and I looked at each other in disgust. "Fuck no."

"Too bad. I'd watch you two going at it, stroking each other's dicks." She looked us both in the eye in turn. "That would turn me right the fuck on."

"Gross," Eric said, retching. "Stop it."

"Don't tell me you've never fantasized about sucking each other off?"

"No. Fucking stop it already," Eric looked really uncomfortable now.

Mia mimicked male masturbation with her hand that wasn't holding a cup of coffee, jerking off her invisible dick. "Two girls making out on the dance floor makes me jizz all over the place," she grunted in a deep-voiced male impersonation, "but it's gross if girls fantasize about two guys doing the same thing. That's so gay."

Eric looked ill, but I just laughed. Mia's talent for pushing buttons was sometimes otherwordly. Thankfully, we reached the hotel again at that moment, and she was forced to stop.

"What are you guys up to tonight?" Eric asked, grateful for the subject change once we were back in the lobby.

"Stay in, go to bed early," Mia answered. "Tomorrow's the skiing trip to Mont Sainte-Anne, so we shouldn't party too much tonight. You?"

"Try to get laid," Eric said wistfully. "I'll see you later."

Shauna and Helene were both finally up and dressed by the time we got back upstairs. The rest of the day passed quietly. We stayed in the room, watching movies on the in-room TV. Shauna stayed snuggled in with me in bed for hours, and even if it wasn't sexual, I still really appreciated the physical closeness. I was still sad about Emma, but things seemed like they were maybe starting to look up a little.

By supper time we were all finally feeling pretty much better, so we headed out for some food, winding up at a greasy spoon diner for all day breakfast at 7 PM. After supper, we hit up a liquor store and bought some vodka coolers for a grateful Shauna, before heading back to the hotel. That night, since we'd been out late last night and none of us had slept well, we all had a single drink together and then went to bed early. Mia and Helene slept naked again, but Shauna put on pyjamas, and for decorum's sake while sharing a bed I decided I probably should, too. Maybe I'd try to talk to her about it tomorrow, but now didn't seem like the time.

I put earplugs in to drown out the noise of drunken revelry in the hall, and was asleep in no time. For the first time, a sleepover with the girls for me really meant just sleeping.

The next morning dawned early for all of us. Mont Sainte-Anne was about half an hour east of town. I'd never skied anywhere other than the glacial moraines of southern Ontario before, so I was looking forward to skiing a real mountain for the first time ever. Eric was a skier of about my skill level, and in fact we'd taken lessons together since we were twelve, so we'd been planning to go together since the grad trip was announced back in the fall, back before either of us had girls in our lives.

We boarded the bus early for the ride out to the mountain, sitting in a group. Adam and Mike both hadn't come, nor had Ashley, but all three girls in my room had joined us, as had about twenty-five other kids from our class.

"So," I asked once the bus pulled away from the hotel, "what's everyone's skill level? Anyone skied a mountain like this before?"

"This will be my second time on skis," Mia answered.

"Third," Shauna added.

"I'm a certified ski instructor," Helene said nonchalantly.

"Really?"

She nodded. "I have family in Bergen, which isn't far from Kvitfjell. I've been skiing since I could walk." She turned to face the other girls. "Do you want a lesson? I don't mind."

"That sounds amazing. I'll be honest, I was a little nervous about today," Shauna said.

"Guess we're pairing off boys and girls today, huh?" Eric asked rhetorically.

Once we reached the mountain, we quickly got our rental skis and headed out, with Eric and I skiing to the chairlift as the girls headed for the bunny hill. I was glad not to have to worry about them slowing us down, and equally glad they were going to get some good instruction and still have fun today.

The day was overcast, with a little snow in the air, and a cold that was present but not biting. Between that and the fresh powder that had fallen overnight, the skiing conditions really couldn't have been much better.

We loaded onto the chairlift and it carried us up into the air. As soon as we were in private, I asked what I'd been patiently waiting to ask all morning.

"So? How was it?"

Eric sighed heavily. "It motherfucking didn't happen."

"Oh." There was a short pause. "I'm sorry, dude."

"Me too."

"What happened?"

"We had a perfect opportunity last night. Adam and Mike both weren't in the room, the door was locked, full privacy. It was the chance. But she just... I don't know. She decided she didn't want to." Eric sighed again. His frustration was evident.

"So nothing happened? That's it?"

"Nothing. Balls still blue."

"What do you think it is? Did she tell you?"

"She keeps saying she wants it to be perfect, but she won't tell me what that means."

"Have you asked her?"

"Yeah. I have."

I considered this. "Do you think she still wants to have sex with you?"

"It was her idea!" Eric stared up at the heavens. "All this orchestrating a room swap was because she wanted to have sex with me in Quebec. Now, we get here, and she doesn't anymore. I don't understand women."

"Tell me the story."

"So we've been together since the school dance last October, as you know. Five months. We've said 'I love you' to each other. We've gone all the way except for sex, but she's always said she wants her first time to be special. You know how conservative her family is; she used to believe she wanted to wait until marriage, but she doesn't think like that anymore."

Just like Shauna, I thought.

"But she told me she wanted to sleep together in the hotel in Quebec and have sex every night. We're three nights into a five night trip, and we still haven't done it yet. I haven't even seen her naked since before we left. There's three guys in the room, so she changes in the bathroom. Last night I was so revved up I'd have been fine with a blowjob, even just jerking off together, but she just shut down."

"It's a big step," I said, just as the chair lift reached the top of the hill. We stepped off, chose an easy run for a warmup, and set off down the mountain.

If the first run was any indication, it was going to be a good day. The Wednesday morning crowds were light and the hill was massively larger than anywhere I'd skied before. I carved my way down the mountain, savouring a ski run that wasn't over in twenty seconds for the first time ever, before meeting Eric at the bottom. We shortly got back onto the chair lift for another trip up the mountain.

"Losing virginity is a bigger step for girls than for boys, I think," I began once we were back in private. "You're actually going inside her body. She could get pregnant. I don't think it's unusual to be hesitant."

"I've fingered her so many times, though," Eric countered. "Sure, it's not my dick, but it's not like I've never been inside her vagina before. Plus, she's on the pill, and we brought condoms. I don't think there's anything to worry about."

"Well, you know she's from a repressive background, too. Did you go into last night gently? Did you make her feel special?"

"No..." There was a long pause, and Eric suddenly looked sheepish.

"What?"

"Uh, I basically just shoved her down on the bed and whipped my dick out."

"I don't think that sounds like making it perfect," I pointed out.

"In my defense, since that makes me sound like an asshole, um..." Eric was hesitant. "Don't tell her I told you this, but she likes being pushed around a bit, you know? Play-wrestling and stuff like that normally makes her super horny. But this time, she just kind of shut it down."

"Her secret is safe with me."

"I know it is. I wouldn't ordinarily tell tales like that about my girlfriend, but I really didn't want you thinking I'd turned into the kind of guy who'd do something like that without her consent."

"I'd never think that about you."

"Good, thank you."

"Have you asked her how she wants her first time to go?"

Eric grimaced. "No. We haven't really planned it. I kind of wanted it to be spontaneous."

"I think Ashley and you need to set expectations for how you both want this to happen," I advised. "It doesn't sound like you're on the same page."

"Hmmm. You may be right."

"Remember," I continued. "Every girl has a little bit of that romantic side to her, the princess side, the fairy-tale wedding side. I'd bet that what she means by perfect is that it matches the expectations she's been building up in her mind since she found out what sex actually is. And I don't think that the fantasy ever included a guy shoving her down on the bed and whipping his cock out, even if she is normally into that sort of thing."

We had reached the top of the mountain again. "I'm sure you're right," Eric said as we prepared to disembark from the chair lift. "But at this point, I'm almost kind of tired of having sex hanging over our heads. I'd be fine to give up on it for now, even, if she doesn't want to. I just want my nymphomaniac girlfriend back."

"Talk to her."

"I will."

We split up again for another run, tackling a fast black diamond run and then meeting up again at the bottom.

"You're right," Eric said as soon as we skied back within range. "If she wants it perfect, it's my job to make it perfect. I've been approaching this from the perspective of it being all about the physical peak of our relationship, but I think she's looking at it as the romantic peak, an expression of our love for each other. I've got a way forward for tonight. Thanks, Justin."

"Don't mention it. Happy to help."

"You've come a long way this school year. I never could have talked to you about stuff like this before, let alone you having genuinely good advice for me. It's nice."

"Thanks. It's hard talking when we keep splitting up, though," I observed. "Let's get some skiing in, but then I want to talk to you about something else, something to do with me."

"You got it, buddy."

We skied for another ninety minutes or so, exploring the mountain, trying out steep black diamond runs and long, meandering green circle runs. I'd never skied anywhere that it took a genuinely long time to get from the top to the bottom, and I loved being out in nature, out of view of any urban development, just me, the forest, the mountain, and the snow.

We finally took a break and headed for the chalet for a cup of coffee to warm up. Eric bought, then we grabbed a table. It was between the breakfast and lunch rushes, and the place was mostly empty.

"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" Eric asked.

"Well, to start, about Emma," I began.

"You okay?"

"Getting there. This week is helping."

Eric nodded. "Glad to hear it."

"So I always called Emma my dream girl. But I've realized that my old idea of a 'dream girl' was only based on physical attraction, as well as liking her brain and her personality from a distance."

"Emma's definitely a cutie," Eric agreed.

"Once we got into a relationship, I realized just how emotionally walled-off she is. She's so goal-focused that she's got no capacity to open her heart, and I don't think that had anything to do with me personally. It's just the way she is. Do you want to know what she told me just before I broke up with her? What she thought I was there to talk about with her?"

"Sure."

"She thought I was going to ask if she wanted to have sex with me, and her answer would have been yes."

Eric let out a low whistle. "And you turned that down, huh? I'm actually proud of you."

"Really?"

"Of course. You recognized that it wasn't working and you walked away. It's an important life skill. It was the same thing with me and Caitlin when we dated last year. It wasn't working, so I ended it. I just didn't realize the Emma thing was bothering you that much. You really did have feelings for her, huh?"

I felt a welling of emotion within me, which I stifled, swallowing hard. "Yeah. I wouldn't say I loved her. But it was heading in that direction."

"I never had that with Caitlin, which is why I didn't pick up on it with you. Again, I'm really sorry. I should have been a better friend."

"It's okay. You're here now. And that leads me to my question."

"Shoot."

"How did you know Ashley was the one?" I asked. "Like I know what you've told me about her, I know you love her and she loves you, but... superficially, when we used to double-date, I don't think you'd have picked out the difference between us as couples. But I'm single now, and you're going to woo your girlfriend into having sex with you tonight."

Eric smiled to himself. "Knock on wood. And I don't know if I can explain it. You just know what your heart feels. I like hanging out with her. She's great to talk to, and she's basically become my other best friend. We have really good chemistry when we hook up. She's beautiful and she's perfect. A guy couldn't ask for more."

"I had all of that with Emma," I insisted. "But she didn't love me, and because of that, I couldn't love her."

"You'll know it when it happens, Justin. I'm sorry to give you such a bullshit answer. But it's the only one I've got."

"So what should I do?"

"Well, first of all, don't make the same mistake I did. When Caitlin and I broke up, because she'd completely fallen into my lap unexpectedly, I think I believed on some level that that was the only way to get a girlfriend. I was single for a while after and had no idea how to get another one."

"Is this the 'plenty of fish in the sea' pep talk?" I interrupted.

"Yes. But more than that, I'm telling you to keep the confidence that allowed you to date Emma in the first place. You'll have another girlfriend someday, but only if you believe you will. It's not like there's only one girl in the entire world that likes you enough to fuck you, and that you happened to have met her in high school."

"I believe it, I promise."

"Second of all, rebound. I saw how Shauna was looking at you at the Dag the other night. You're sharing a bed with her, for Christ's sake. What do you have to lose making a move?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. There hasn't been an opportunity. Too drunk after the Dag, too hung over yesterday, and we had to get up early today. But I'm going to try. Success or failure, I'm going to shoot my shot while we're here in Quebec."

"Good. The only reason not to do it is if you like her as a potential girlfriend. Don't start a new relationship so soon after ending a previous one, and don't rebound with a girl you actually like like that."

"I don't think she's a potential girlfriend, just a friend. She's great, she's so kind and empathetic..."

"Great tits," Eric interrupted.

"Great tits," I agreed. "But she's working through a lot, getting past her upbringing as she grows up, and she's not interested in dating anyone right now, either."

"So then it's perfect."

"Don't think I hadn't thought about it. We'll see how the next few days go."

"So assuming it does, after we get home and you're ready to try again... what about Mia? She obviously likes you."

"She doesn't like me like that," I insisted. "She's only told me so a hundred times."

"Maybe, but she also appointed herself as your sex tutor back before Emma and you got together, and I know you guys hooked up a couple of times. What has she been like since?"

"Well, the sex tutoring stopped," I laughed. "Emma sort of took over that role. But Mia's been great. If I had a female best friend, it's probably her. We still hang out a lot. We've gotten super close as friends. I don't even know if all the girls in the group have been over to her place, but I have, a few times. I've met her mom, and she's met my family. I cherish what she brings to my life, and I wouldn't want to ruin it." I'd still take that blowjob, though, I thought to myself.

"She said she hasn't dated anyone else since Bryce last year, right?"

"Nope."

"That's strange, eh? That girl always used to have a boyfriend."

"I agree, but she keeps talking about not wanting to keep making the same mistakes by dating terrible guys. I don't know if she knows what she wants anymore, but it's better for her not to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results, I guess."

"And if she's your female best friend, what about the previous holder of the office?"

"You mean Allie? It's been weird. Ever since the last sleepover back in the fall."

"What happened?"

"Uhh... I'm not proud of this."

"Uh oh. What happened?" Eric asked again.

"Keep this secret, please, since nobody else knows this."

Eric nodded, leaning forward expectantly.

"We had a sexual encounter together in the middle of the night. No penetration or anything, but we saw each other have orgasms."

"Fuck me, you didn't." Eric's jaw hit the floor.

"I did."

"Allie? That girl is so repressed, I wouldn't have thought she even knew what an orgasm was."

"I promise you that she does. But she got really distant after, and when we finally had the chance to talk it over, she let it slip that she used to have a crush on me."

Eric let out a low whistle. "Whoa. I didn't see that coming."

"Neither did I."

"So why aren't you proud of it?"

"I was so shocked to hear it that I, um, immediately told her how much I liked Emma."

Eric's face processed this. "Well, let's call that reaction 'not ideal'," he finally said.

"I know. I felt awful. You know Allie, she doesn't show a lot of emotion, but I think I really hurt her. Then Emma and I started dating right after that, and ever since, Allie has been cold and distant with me. The friendship has changed, and I don't know how to change it back."

"Is she mad at you, do you think?"

"I don't think so. She hasn't acted angry, and when we've had a reason to talk she's been fine. She's mostly just been avoiding me."

"Do you think she still likes you?"

"I talked to my sister Carly about it, and she thinks so. But I don't know. Even if Allie does like me like that, I don't think I like her in that way. It's just too weird, there's too long of a history there."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but if she has caught feelings, I don't know if the friendship will ever be the same."

"I was afraid of that. But we also never really had an in-depth friendship, either. My old friends, you and her both, were just people I liked spending time with. You and I never would have had a talk like this a year ago. As I'm getting older, I'm gravitating more to people I connect with emotionally, people like Mia and Shauna. And you, too, apparently."

"Never saw that coming when we used to have a friendship based only on riding bikes and playing Nintendo together, eh?" he laughed.

"We spent so many hours on River City Ransom and Battletoads," I said wistfully. "We should get the old console out again sometime and play it together."

"I wonder if you can still beat the Turbo Tunnel," Eric mused. "Your reflexes were so damn fast."

"Still one of my proudest achievements," I said modestly. "But you could beat Mike Tyson, and I never got past Mr Sandman."

Eric smiled to himself. "He's never seen such finger speed before."

We sat for a moment in silence as I reminisced about our long history as friends. I was so glad that we were still close as we grew older.

"I guess my advice would be to try not to overthink it too much," he finally said as he finished his coffee. "Every girl and every relationship is different, but it sounds like you and Emma had everything you needed except her emotional availability. And you said Mia warned you about that beforehand?"

"Yeah." I felt stupid.

"Trust your instincts going forward, and don't ignore red flags. But it sounds like you got some great experience with her, dating experience, sexual experience, romantic experience. I think in the end it'll have been worth it for you. Once your heart is healed, maybe you can look back on this as a good life experience. You got more from dating Emma than I got from my first girlfriend."

"I'm sure I'll come around to that perspective with time," I agreed. "But I'm going to see what I can do with Shauna tonight. And then we've still got another night tomorrow, too."

"Two chances left, for both of us," Eric agreed. "I don't want to bring the box of condoms I packed home unopened. But I think I know what I have to do. Thanks again for your perspective on that."

"Let me know how it goes with Ashley?"

"If it works out for me, you're going to hear all about it, buddy."

We left the chalet and put our skis back on just as the girls were finishing a run nearby. Helene had graduated her students up to the big hill, so for the rest of the day, we skied as a group of five, occasionally splitting up so that Eric, Helene and I could take on a more challenging run while Shauna and Mia went down one of the easier ones, but always meeting up at the bottom. By later in the afternoon, Shauna and Mia were both done, so the three advanced skiers teamed up and took on some black diamond runs while the two novices went for an apr ès -ski hot chocolate.

I wouldn't have said by the end of the day that Helene and I had become friends, but I did like her. She shared Mia's devil-may-care attitude and was easy to get along with, but the conversation never strayed beyond the absolute basics like family (she had divorced parents, and was the middle child of three) and skiing. She was clearly a way better skier than Eric or I, and I admired her skill as she carved her way effortlessly down the mountain run after run.

Once the light was fading, we finally returned our skis and boarded the bus back to the hotel. I instinctively took a seat next to Shauna, but Mia approached me before we left the parking lot.

"Come sit with me?" she asked. "We haven't had a chance for any one-on-one time this whole trip."

Shauna nodded and gestured that I should go, so Mia and I moved up a few rows and grabbed two seats together as the bus pulled out.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think so."

"I feel terrible, Justin. I'm so sorry I didn't realize your heart was broken. I owe you such an apology."

"It's okay, really. I get it. I'm not upset."

Mia nodded. "Thank you for understanding. I had really wanted to apologize to you on the coffee run yesterday, but we ran into Eric. And I promised Helene I'd go up to the tenth floor to hang out with her friends tonight, so we weren't going to get the chance later, either."

"No worries. Helene seems like a cool chick."

"She really is." Mia smiled at me. "Second base, by the way."

"What?"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Eric, but you asked me about my history with Helene. We used to make out with each other, and one time we took our tops off and compared boobs. It was pretty innocent, though."

"First scratch of the bi-curious itch?"

"Yeah, though I wouldn't have thought about it that way at the time." She sighed wistfully.

"Speaking of scratching itches, I heard giggling from the other bed the other night, after the bar, when I was falling asleep. Did you two..."

"Just drunken idiocy," she promised. "We were pretty wound up, but nothing happened."

"And the sleeping naked in the same bed is..."

"We're just comfortable in our own skin, that's all. The first night we all just crawled into bed after the club, but after that, I knew Shauna wouldn't care, and I knew you wouldn't mind, Mr. Straight Guy."

"You've got me there."

"But we've never hooked up, and we're not going to. We're friends."

"It sure looked like you were going to from the way you were dancing together," I pointed out.

"You and Shauna looked the same, but didn't either," Mia retorted with a smirk.

"Fair. I can't argue with that."

"Besides, why do you care about my non-existent sex life?"

"I know you've had some terrible relationships in the past," I said, thinking quickly to cover up the low-level jealousy I'd been feeling. "I just want to see you in a relationship with someone who'll treat you like a queen. Like the amazing person you are."

"That's sweet of you," Mia said, putting her head on my shoulder briefly. "Helene's my oldest friend, and she does treat me like a queen. She'd be a great partner, but I can't date her. I don't want to ruin the friendship, and I think it would just feel weird when we've known each other so long."

"Like me and Allie."

"Exactly. It's the single life this year for your girl Mia," she groaned. "Sexual frustration aside, it's been a better year for me. I'm really getting more comfortable with being me, instead of looking for validation from toxic boyfriends."

"That's awesome." I hugged her. "And now that I'm single, I can help with the sexual frustration again."

Mia covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, seeming a little embarrassed. "Thanks, Justin. I'm sure there's nothing else I can teach you after three months of Emma, huh?"

"Even in my limited experience, every partner is different," I replied hopefully.

"Yeah, good point, the guys I've been with have all been into different stuff."

There was a pause in the conversation, where I pretended to look out the window, but I actually was admiring Mia's reflection in the glass. She'd gotten a little windburnt today and her cheeks were rosy. I thought she looked beautiful.

"I guess I still owe you a BJ, huh?" she finally volunteered. It was all I could do not to pump my fist.

"I don't think you owe me, but if you still want to..." I trailed off, too self-conscious to come out and ask.

"I'd liked the idea of being your first one," she replied, smiling. "But Emma obviously beat me to the punch."

"About that..."

She regarded me curiously.

"No judgment on this at all, but, um..." I briefly debated whether or not I wanted to go there, and I decided to be honest. "Emma never figured out how to suppress her gag reflex. She definitely tried, but she couldn't ever blow me properly without breaking out into a coughing fit. I've still never really had a good blowjob, and never to completion."

"Hmmmm." Mia looked thoughtful. "Okay. Not in Quebec, because I don't want to try to figure out a way to get the room to ourselves; not when we only have one night left where I don't already have plans. But once we get home, sure."

"You're serious?"

"Yeah. I still feel bad I couldn't return the favour that night I..." she trailed off.

"Don't feel bad. It was a really good night. I'm glad you came."

"Three times," she reminded me. "Did Emma think you were just as good at eating pussy?"

I grinned smugly. "You could say that."

"Okay. Sometime in the next little while, we'll find a time, and I'll suck your dick into another dimension. You have my word on it."

Mia was trying to lock eyes with me as she said that, but I couldn't meet her gaze. She finally grabbed my face in her hands, wrestling with me in the bus seat while laughing. I felt a surge between my legs, and I was suddenly acutely aware of the fact I hadn't had an orgasm since the last time Emma and I had hooked up, a week ago now and counting. I'd felt too depressed to want to jerk off when I'd had the chance before we left, and I'd had no privacy since, but my body was definitely feeling the layoff now.

Mia wound up sitting in my lap, and I knew full well she could feel my hardness with how she was sitting on me.

"I missed fooling around with you," I said quietly.

"I did, too. I respected your relationship with Emma, but..." she trailed off. She didn't need to finish the sentence.

I kissed her on the cheek. "I'm so glad this all worked out for you to come on this trip and share a room with me. It's been a great week so far."

"It was a sacrifice, but it's been so worth it."

"What sacrifice?"

"I'm the poor kid at the rich high school, remember?" Mia asked indignantly as she moved back into her own seat. "I've been saving my tips for months to be able to afford this."

"Oh, right. Sorry." I felt like an idiot.

"I know no one here means anything by it, but this rich man's school's class-blindness is definitely annoying at times. But I don't want to talk about being poor. I'm having fun. And tonight, Helene and I are going to get drunk and flirt with some cute Catholic boys upstairs."

The jealousy shot through me again, but I swallowed it. "Sounds like fun," I said unconvincingly.

"That also means you'll have the room to yourself with Shauna," she added. "Lock the door if you don't want us coming in. We can wait."

I looked at her. "What do you know?"

She shrugged. "I saw you two dirty dancing at the club the other night."

"I had the time of my life," I interrupted, singing the line from the movie.

Mia smirked. "Clever. Shauna and I haven't talked about it or anything. It just won't surprise me if something happens tonight, that's all. "

"Well, rebounds are good for you," I said hopefully.

"They sure are." Mia smiled broadly.

We pulled into the hotel shortly after 6:00. Eric made a beeline for his room as soon as the bus door opened, heading to talk to his girlfriend. Once the rest of us had put our winter gear away in our room, Mia and Helene left for the St. Anthony's floor, and Shauna and I were alone.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked.

"I don't think I want to go out clubbing," she replied. "Is there a place we can go to have dinner and drink, but just to hang out?"

"You mean like a pub?"

"I guess so? My family doesn't really drink much, so I don't know what the options are."

We went back out into the cold, walking back down the Grande-Allée towards the old city, and eventually finding a sports bar. I felt very grown up ordering a pint of ale along with my dinner, and we had a second round after eating, lingering for a while and enjoying each other's company. While neither of us said it, it felt to me like a date, like a chance to really get to know each other. Shauna had always been more talkative one-on-one than in a group setting, and we mostly spent the meal chatting about school, our families, and our futures.

Having the opportunity to finally get to know her a little better, Shauna still struck me as a little naive and innocent, but ready to discover what the world had to offer beyond her cloistered upbringing. About midway through her second drink, she started getting a little more boisterous, and it was fun to see her truly relaxed, comfortable and speaking her mind.

We opted for a third round of drinks before finally paying the bill and walking back to the hotel. It was well past ten o'clock when we made it up to the seventh floor to find parties in full swing. The entire floor was taken up by high schoolers, us and another school from somewhere in the Greater Toronto Area. I saw drunken kids in the hall that I both knew and didn't know as we headed for our room. I was nervous about what was to come, before I absent-mindedly looked in an open door en route and saw Renata Szydlowski completely topless.

Wait, what? I stopped involuntarily in my tracks. The door to the room was open, and a big crowd of people were gathered inside. Shauna had also noticed, stopping and staring into the room in wonder.

"Hey, Justin, Shauna, come on in!" came a male voice from inside that sounded like my friend Adam. "Party's in here!"

Shauna and I exchanged a look, then entered.

The tiny hotel room was jammed with people. Three guys and three girls were playing a card game around a table; poker from the looks of it. Apart from Renata, I recognized Mia's ex-boyfriend Bryce with cards in his hand, along with my classmate Jacqueline Kerrigan and my pal Mike. There was also a girl called Lindsay that I didn't really know, and a guy I'd never seen before.

Adam was indeed among the observers, sitting on a desk chair, as were two couples, Jenn Bradshaw with Alex Broadfoot lying on one bed and Lucy Tsai with Calvin Lum on the other. There was also a girl I recognized from school but couldn't place her name sitting on the desk, and the girl I'd had a single date with back in the fall, Heather Schwartz, who was just sitting down at the foot of Jenn and Alex's bed after closing the door behind us.

Five of the six card players were in various states of undress, with only the guy I didn't recognize still fully dressed. Renata was the only girl who was topless, but Mike and Jacqueline also had lost shirts, with her in a conservative white bra. There was also a pile of several socks on the floor.

My anxiety spiked a little as I took the fact that there were a couple people in the room I'd never felt comfortable around. Renata, the most popular girl in school, was blonde, blue-eyed and clear-skinned, supermodel beautiful, bubbly and friendly to everyone, charismatic and impossible to dislike. But she belonged to a popular girls clique and had a couple of bitchy, judgmental friends, and while I didn't think I had any reason to distrust her, I'd always kept a wary distance. I'd never seen her topless before - obviously - but the divine sculptor that created her flawless body clearly had spent lots of time perfecting her exquisite breasts. I gulped and forced myself not to stare as Shauna and I stood awkwardly in the vestibule.

Bryce, meanwhile, was Mia's ex-boyfriend, a tall, muscular guy who had a reputation as a bit of a bully. I'd never been one of his targets before apart from one moment at the school dance last fall where he'd apparently thought I was getting too close to Mia, but I still also had never let my guard down around him. If only he knew I made his ex-girlfriend cum three times my first time performing oral, I thought to myself smugly. Guy could apparently use some lessons.

The rest of the kids in the room were varying degrees of popular, but nearly all were at least more social than I was, and all the girls were pretty. I didn't feel like I belonged, but I'd been invited in, so I decided to stay.

"Mike, Adam, what's up?" I asked with a casualness I didn't feel.

"Strip poker," Mike answered matter-of-factly, before turning back to Renata. "Hit me."

"Justin, Shauna, where's Mia?" Bryce added. "She might want to be part of this."

"We need to go over the house rules first," the guy from the game that I didn't know interrupted, loudly. "Game's full, so no new players unless someone quits. If you want to watch, you can, but you're..."

"I said, 'hit me'," Mike interrupted.

"Sorry, little distracted here," Renata apologized, sliding a card to Mike before turning to face us. "These guys told me they'd teach me how to play, but I'm starting to think it was just a ploy to get my top off."

"And your bra," Lindsay added helpfully. Renata nodded, seeming a little shy.

The original guy turned back to face us. "I'm Gary, by the way."

"Justin."

"Shauna."

"So if I can explain without being interrupted, the house rules are, if you're in the room and watching, you're on a team with the girls or the guys at the table. If they all lose something, you have to, too. So if me, Bryce and Mike here all lose our shirts, then all the guys in the room have to, too. If Renata, Jacqueline and Lindsay all lose their bras, all the girls have to, too. And your drink must be full at all times. You good with that? 'Cos if you're not, you should go, no voyeurs allowed."

"Sure," Shauna answered before I could even think about it.

"I am, too," I decided. If Shauna's in, I'm in. Can't chicken out alone like a loser.

"Take a seat so we can finally keep playing," Lindsay ordered with a hint of annoyance. "No cards, I'll stand pat."

"Perving is allowed," Jacqueline added, "so long as it's equal opportunity perving."

There was only one remaining chair in the room, a skinny armchair by the window. Shauna and I looked at each other, then she gestured I should sit. I did so, and then she sat in my lap. Adam handed each of us a beer, which Shauna took, sighing dejectedly once she realized what it was.

"Do you have anything else?" she asked.

"I've got vodka coolers," the short-haired girl sitting on the table beside us volunteered.

"Thanks, Nadia." Shauna took a bottle from her. I was glad Shauna remembered her name - I knew Nadia was an out lesbian, and we'd had a class or two together at some point, but I didn't know anything else about her.

"Where's Eric and Ashley?" I asked Adam quietly once he'd sat beside me in the room's desk chair.

"Getting it on, I think, I hope," Adam answered. "They seemed like they might actually do it this time. I don't mind clearing out of the room for them to bang, but clearing out for them not to bang was getting to be a bit of a drag."

"God, I hope they get out of their own way and do it this time."

"Me too."

I settled in and wrapped my arms around Shauna's waist as she took a big drink of her cooler. I was getting more and more used to Shauna's body pressing into mine this week, but her scent, the warmth of her body against me, familiar though it was, was always more than welcome. I'd worried about going through a sort of physical withdrawal after breaking up with Emma, but Shauna was making me feel cared for every day.

She leaned over just then and whispered in my ear. "A high schooler called Gary?" she asked, giggling.

I shrugged. "Maybe he's a time traveller from the 50's."

"Does he even go to Central?"

"I don't think so." I'd never seen him before, and there was something in the way he'd introduced himself that made me think he wasn't expecting us to know him.

"Full house!" Jacqueline announced triumphantly. "Shirt off, Bryce."

"How do they decide who's stripping?" Shauna asked Nadia as Bryce took his shirt off, exposing a muscular torso with well-defined abs.

"If you fold, you're safe, but if you play the hand to the end and lose, you strip," Nadia answered. "Gary hasn't lost a hand yet."

As Jacqueline dealt the next hand, I turned back to Shauna. "You're okay with this?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea. I'm a little nervous, but I'm trying to do things this week that the old me never would have considered doing. So let's stick around for a little while."

From where I was sitting, I had a perfect side view of Renata's spectacular body. I'd admired her from afar over the years - every guy in school had - but she was so far out of my league that she may as well have been a professional athlete. In addition to her physical beauty, she was apparently also a good sport, brushing off the stares around the room from guys and girls both, and making no move to cover up her chest.

"God, her tits are incredible," Shauna whispered, reading my mind.

"So are yours," I replied, surprised.

"Yeah, people say that... but sometimes I wish they weren't quite as big and heavy. She's got perfect perky B-cups. I bet she can wear any cute bra or swimsuit she wants. I have to wear industrial-strength over-the-shoulder boulder holders to lug these girls around."

"I'm jealous of both you and Renata, so there," Nadia whispered. I hadn't realized she could hear us, and Shauna immediately reddened.

"Oops," Shauna said quietly. "Sorry."

"Don't be, girl, your rack is just as incredible," Nadia replied. She shimmied closer to us from her perch sitting on the desk. "At this point I'll even be fine if I have to get my tits out tonight, if it means I get to see yours."

I thought I saw a little flash of pride in Shauna's expression, but she didn't respond.

"So where's Mia?" Bryce asked again, turning around to face us after folding a hand.

"I'm not her Mom," Shauna said defensively. I only shrugged, apparently unable to speak up.

"She should be here for this," he added. "If you figure out where she is, invite her down, okay?"

Neither of us answered.

"Justin? Do you know where Mia is?" he pressed.

"Hanging out with other friends tonight," I managed to spit out hesitantly. "I think they went out."

I had no idea if they'd gone out or not, but Bryce seemed to accept that answer, sighing heavily and turning his attention back to the game.

"Is he still on about them getting back together?" I whispered back to Shauna after Bryce turned back around.

"Yep. And what's worse is he already has another girlfriend. But he's still holding a candle for Mia."

"Two pair," Lindsay showed her cards just then.

"Nine-high straight," Mike replied happily. "Tops off, ladies!"

Lindsay shrugged and removed her sweater, revealing a sexy black bra holding up average-sized breasts. Around the room, other girls started removing their shirts as well. I could feel Shauna tense up a little on my lap, but after a moment of uncertainty she joined in, taking her heavy sweater off and glancing furtively around the room. She was wearing a purple sports bra underneath that I assumed she'd worn skiing, which meant there was absolutely nothing on show, not even a hint of cleavage. A couple of the guys looked disappointed as she tossed her sweater on the floor.

I then looked over at Heather, my partner in a bad double-date last fall, who'd removed her bulky black hoodie and was now wearing a lacy hot pink bra. She seemed completely nonchalant about it, which surprised me given how reluctant she'd been to engage with me on the date. I then had a sinking thought. I guess maybe she just didn't like me. Well, that sucks. The irony of the fact I hadn't really liked her, either, wasn't lost on me, but it still stung just a bit.

Jenn, sitting on the far bed with her boyfriend, was wearing a sheer baby blue bra through which I could just about make out the shape of her nipples. I'd admired her tits for years, and I was secretly thrilled she was here in the room. If she hadn't always had a boyfriend, I might have tried to make a move on her at some point... or at least, I might have if I hadn't always been so shy.

Nadia beside me was wearing a maroon bralette, and her small chest barely filled it. Meanwhile, apparently Lucy Tsai hadn't worn a bra at all, because the number of topless girls in the room doubled unexpectedly as she nervously peeled her top off. Her breasts were tiny, but her dark nipples were erect and disproportionately large, sticking way out. She noticed the eyes on her and shrugged as her boyfriend Calvin squeezed her waist.

"Apparently I should have worn a bra tonight," she said quietly. "Oh, well."

Mike dealt another hand just then, and Shauna leaned back into me. "How are you feeling?" I asked her.

"Ridiculous," she answered.

"We can leave if..."

"Not like that," she interrupted. "If I'd known people were going to see me like this, I'd have put a cute bra on. Who goes to a party in a sports bra? God, I'm such a loser."

"You're not a loser," I argued back. "Who'd have expected you'd wind up showing it to people?"

"I guess that's true. I just didn't build up much of a sweat skiing, and I didn't think to change after."

"Well, you might not have it on for that long," Nadia chimed in. She'd apparently joined our little group. "Gary's the only good card player here, so don't count on the guys losing clothing any time soon. Renata's a total novice, but once she figured out they're not helping her, she's folding almost every hand. The other four are average at best. I've figured out Mike's and Lindsay's tells, but I'm not helping anyone win. We'll see if anyone else notices them."

"You're a card shark?" I asked.

Nadia shrugged. "I'm a decent player, anyway. But I missed buy-in. I'm just here for the tits and ass, plus it's my room we're in, so I've got nowhere else to go."

Shauna held her bottle up, and we clinked them together.

A few more hands passed where either everyone folded, or guys who weren't Gary lost clothing. Mike was soon down to his underwear, and I could tell the girls in the room all noticed the bulge in his boxer briefs was sticking out some, but thankfully the modesty of the rest of the guys in the room was saved by Gary's sharp play.

The next deal, Gary bet aggressively, and Nadia leaned over to Shauna and me.

"He's bluffing," she whispered.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I figured him out. Watch."

"And you're not helping the girls out?"

Nadia shrugged. "I'd prefer a bunch of naked girls in my room than a bunch of naked guys; sue me."

Lindsay took him up on the hand, and Gary continued to bet aggressively, but Lindsay called him every step of the way. When the time came for the reveal, sure enough, Gary only had a pair of sevens, while Lindsay had a full house, queens over threes.

Lindsay cackled. "I knew it, liar! Get your shirt off!" She then looked around the room. "That means all of you men!" She high-fived Jacqueline.

The guys in the room all started stripping down, and it suddenly hit me like a bucket of ice water that I'd have to do the same. I'd been so excited about potentially seeing so many of my female classmates topless that I hadn't ever thought about what might happen if the boys lost.

I felt anxious about going shirtless in front of so many popular kids, but I knew it was somehow worse to be a party pooper, so I took my sweater off, feeling incredibly self-conscious in comparison to the muscular bodies around me. Both Bryce and Alex were jacked, and apart from Calvin, I was definitely the skinniest guy in the room.

"You okay?" Shauna asked me privately. I don't know if I'd tensed up or what, but her intuition had always been sharp.

"Yeah, I think so," I answered, desperately willing myself to believe it. "I've just never done anything like this before, except with you girls. The whole school thought I was gay for years, and I think I'm just nervous being in a sexually-charged situation with other people."

"We can leave, if you'd like," Shauna offered.

"Do you want to?"

"No. Not until my bra's come off."

"You're serious? Who are you, and what have you done with Shauna?"

She shrugged, smiling. "I'm still me. People have been complimenting my boobs for years now, guys and girls, but no one apart from the sleepover gang and my ex-boyfriend have ever seen them. Even in gym class, I always changed in private. But I kind of feel like giving them a thrill. It's something the old me never would have done."

The memory of Shauna admitting to being something of a closeted exhibitionist at the tell-all sleepover last fall flashed through the back of my mind, but I kept the thought to myself.

"Well, I'm ready to see them," Nadia muttered under her breath. I looked over and exchanged a glance with her. I don't think Shauna had heard her, but clearly I wasn't the only one in the room in love with her body.

"You didn't answer the question," Shauna pointed out. "Are you okay to stay?"

"Yeah," I answered, squeezing her hand. "I'd like to."

"Don't be self-conscious," Nadia added. "I'm not really into guys, but if I had to pick, your twink body is exactly the type I'd be into. Muscles just turn me off."

"What's a 'twink?'" Shauna asked.

Nadia just laughed. "Somebody clearly isn't into porn. Do a Yahoo search sometime. But it's basically Justin's body type, only gay."

Well, at least word's gotten around that I'm not, I thought.

Renata had actually joined in the next hand, and she was triumphant when she set her cards down just then. "A straight flush!" she exclaimed proudly. "I know that's good!"

Lindsay had been in the hand with her, showing three of a kind, and she regarded Renata's cards with suspicion. "Aces are high, dear. Not low."

"What?"

"You've got the 2-3-4-5 and the ace of clubs. Ace isn't worth 1, it's worth 14. One above king."

"So I lost?" Renata looked dejected. "Really?"

"Afraid so."

"Dammit!" She stood up, unbuttoned her jeans, and slid them angrily to the floor. She had been wearing a thong underneath, and I involuntarily sucked in my breath at seeing her shapely, toned ass cheeks split by a tiny red piece of string. To my right, I heard Nadia do the same.

Renata did a little twirl for the room, posing and showing off, before sitting back down. I felt a surge between my legs as my cock really responded to what I was seeing, and I'm pretty sure Shauna noticed, because I heard her sigh just then and shudder to herself on my lap.

A few more hands passed. Jacqueline was the second girl at the table to lose her pants, electing to drop them instead of her bra. She was wearing a matching white bra and panties set, and I noticed Mike staring hungrily at her as she stripped down. I realized I'd barely said two words to my other guy friends this trip, and I had no idea if Mike and Jacqueline were dating or hooking up or not, but they definitely seemed more friendly than I'd realized, both tonight and at the Dag the other night.

Meanwhile, Bryce lost his jeans on the next pot. His erection was obvious through his boxers, and while it wasn't something I was interested in seeing, I was very interested in watching the stares from the girls around the room. I followed the eyes of Jenn and Lucy and Lindsay, the girls who were facing me directly, and I noticed each of them checking out his package when they thought no one was looking. Girls are so much sneakier and better at acting pervy than guys are, I thought, but they do it just like we do.

As Mike dealt the next hand, I realized that no matter who lost the next round, either all the guys or all the girls in the room were going to have to lose something, or one of the card players was going to expose themselves. Renata only had her thong on, Jacqueline was in bra and panties, and Lindsay still had a skirt on with her bra. I presumed she was wearing panties underneath. On the male side, both Mike and Bryce were down to their underwear, with Gary in jeans and presumably underwear, too.

I'd also noticed the guys had stopped betting against each other. While we had a built-in disadvantage of wearing one fewer article of clothing than the girls did at the start of the game, the men obviously were still losing.

The hand wound up being Lindsay versus Mike, and I silently willed my friend to do well. When it came time to show cards, he just barely beat her, with his two pair, queens over 5's, beating her 8's over 4's. The men in the room all cheered, with Alex clapping Mike on the back.

"Okay, okay," Lindsay said, standing up. "Ladies, I'll put it to a vote. Bra or skirt?"

"Skirt!" came the response from a bunch of the girls around the room. Shauna stayed silent.

Lindsay sexily lowered her skirt, slowly, turning around so the guys at the table could watch it come down over her ass. She was wearing matching black panties, not quite as revealing as a thong, but high-cut, so her ass cheeks were half hanging out the bottom. I knew nothing about women's underwear, but I liked these. Emma didn't own anything like them, that was for sure.

A bunch of the guys in the room cheered again as she sat back down. I finished my beer just then, and Calvin, sitting by a cooler, quickly handed me another one. Meanwhile, Shauna got up along with the rest of the girls in the room, and each one quickly removed their bottoms. Before long, every girl in the room was in bra and panties, except Lucy and Renata, who were both already topless.

I gazed around the room once again at the skin on display as Shauna sat back down in my lap. She was wearing a workaday pair of skin-toned panties, nothing sexy about them, but as she took her place back on my lap, I could feel gentle warmth against my thigh for the first time. I wrapped my arms back around her, and she sighed deeply, squirming a little on my lap, seemingly unable to sit still. My own erection was still hanging around, not throbbing, but definitely there enough that I was positive Shauna could feel it.

I'd noticed at the nightclub that Shauna had responded positively to my touching her hips, so I moved my hands, gently stroking the sides of her bare hips with a light touch. I felt Shauna stiffen as I first ran over them, and a barely-audible whimper escaped her lips. I found a hot spot, I thought to myself. She obviously likes being touched there.

As my fingertips glided over Shauna's hips, I took stock of what I could see. Jenn in particular was wearing the same expression she'd had on when I'd seen her secretly touching herself in English class last autumn, a distracted, faraway look, her pupils dilated, her legs spread in a distinctly unladylike fashion. I scouted out the gusset of her black panties when she was looking away, but I couldn't detect a wet spot.

Mike and Bryce, the two guys without pants on, were both obviously hard, though neither of them were poking out indecently, just creating significant bulges. Heather's panties were a matching set to her bra, hot pink and sexy as hell. I wondered incidentally to myself whom she was attached to, and voiced that to Nadia beside me.

"Do you know how everyone in the room fits together?" I asked.

Nadia nodded. "This room belongs to me, Heather, Jacqueline and Lindsay. Lindsay and Gary are a couple, though he goes to St Anthony. I think his room is upstairs somewhere. Everyone else is either friends on some level, or were just walking by an open door and got invited in."

Meanwhile, another hand had been dealt, and once again, the stakes seemed high. Anyone but Gary losing would mean more private areas on display; a Gary loss would have every remaining guy in the room in his underwear. I was a little nervous as the cards were dealt, and sure enough, Gary was in.

"Hit me," he said confidently.

The hand turned into a three way split between Gary, Renata, and Jacqueline. I was surprised Renata was in, as she hadn't bought into a hand since losing her jeans, but I wasn't going to complain if the prettiest girl in school wound up fully naked. She seemed confident about her chances, which seemed to give Gary and Jacqueline pause, but they both ultimately went in for the reveal.

"King-high straight," Gary announced, showing his cards.

"Damn," Jacqueline said, dejected. "Only three of a kind here."

All eyes in the room turned to Renata.

"I've got all hearts!" the blonde announced happily. "That's good, right?"

"A flush?" Gary asked incredulously. "How did you..."

"Yay!" Renata interrupted. "I won! I actually won! I wanna see some bulges!"

Gary stood up, and the guys in the room all reluctantly got up along with him. I could feel Shauna's eyes on me as I unbuttoned my fly and adjusted my package, making sure I wouldn't be giving anyone an inadvertent show as I took them off. I slowly slid my trousers down, feeling extremely self-conscious, before realizing no one in the room was watching me except Shauna, who'd seen me in the same pair of underwear as recently as this morning. The girls with boyfriends were watching their men, Heather's eyes were glued to Gary (who was unquestionably fit and good-looking), and Nadia was staring at Jacqueline.

Oh, my God, Jacqueline.

I'd almost forgotten in the anxiety of the moment that the brunette had also lost the three-way hand, but a third pair of naked breasts were now on display in the room. Jacqueline was a curvy girl, and her slightly saggy boobs had huge areolas with dark pink nipples. I noticed Mike in particular checking her out.

From the way they're looking at each other, they've gotta be hooking up, right? I thought to myself.

I sat down, adjusting my cock again to be as comfortable as possible given the circumstances. I was now almost fully hard, with the tightness of my underwear being the only constraint on springing to a full erection. Shauna sat back down on my lap, and I'm not sure if she was even conscious of doing it, but she kept surreptitiously squirming, just a bit, enough that I was pretty sure it counted as humping me.

The silence in the room suddenly felt overwhelming. I could hear my pulse in my ears, and I could sense the collective arousal among the seven men and eight women in the room. Bryce hadn't paid me any attention since I'd convinced him Mia wasn't around, and I was grateful of that. Despite sitting around in my underwear, I was finally starting to feel comfortable.

Gary cleared his throat and picked up the cards. "Big hand next," he commented. "Lindsay's the last one with two pieces of clothing on, so I think the rest of us need to gang up on her."

"Some boyfriend you are," she replied, sticking out her tongue in jest.

Gary shrugged expressively. "We've got a lot of female fans in the room wearing far too much clothing."

Shauna leaned in and whispered in my ear. "I agree." Her voice was absolutely dripping with sex.

Gary dealt the next hand. All incidental conversation in the room had stopped - the stakes were now as high as they'd been all night, and we all paid close attention. There were four girls still wearing bras in the room, and I longed to see them all topless, but most of all, I'd gathered that Shauna really wanted to take her bra off. I could tell she was turned on, and if she wanted to show off, I hoped she'd get the chance before losing her nerve. Despite her bravado, I knew her sexual self-confidence was fragile. Come on, Lindsay, I thought to myself as I kept gently rubbing Shauna's thigh. Lose the next one.

The hand wound up being a dud, despite the tension in the room, as everyone but Jacqueline folded before the last deal. Gary passed the cards to his girlfriend beside him, and Lindsay dealt.

Shauna had started almost bouncing on my lap, whether from nervousness, arousal, or more likely, a combination of them both. Lucy and Calvin, lying in each other's arms on one bed, looked as turned on as it was possible to be in a public setting. He kept gently brushing his hands up and down her body, including over her breasts every now and then. He had the most obvious erection in the room, tenting way out from his boxer shorts.

Lucy's pastel peach-coloured panties, the only ones in the room with a visible wet spot, were clinging to her slit like a camel toe, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. From my angle, seated at the foot of the bed she was lying on, I had a head-on view between her open legs. She must shave, I thought, because I can see the outline of her clit and labia through those panties. Fucking hot.

"Lindsay's in," Nadia whispered. I noticed her eyes also staring at Lucy's crotch, and she licked her lips.

Meanwhile, Bryce had decided to join Lindsay for the hand, with both of them exchanging cards a couple of times as Lindsay dealt. Then, finally, came time for the reveal.

"Two pair," Bryce revealed. "Kings over jacks."

"Also two pair," Lindsay said evenly, not showing her cards. She let out a big sigh, tossed her cards face up on the table, and reached behind her back, unhooking her bra and letting it fall off her chest. Her breasts were average-sized, with small nipples that swooped upwards slightly. She shrugged. "I lost, girls. Sorry."

I barely even knew where to look. Over on the far bed was Jenn Bradshaw, one of the first girls in school to get breasts in the first place, whom I'd been attracted to for a long time. I watched her bra come off in awe, finally getting to see the boobs I'd admired for so long. Hers were big and heavy, with huge pokey tan-coloured nipples I longed to suck on. I tried hard not to stare, but I kept looking back at her, barely able to believe what I was seeing.

Beside me, Nadia had a beautiful toned body and the perkiest little tits in the room. Over on the edge of the bed was a view I'd tried my hardest to get at the drive-in last fall - a topless Heather Schwartz, fidgeting nervously, but still looking absolutely terrific. We may not have clicked when we dated, but man, did she ever have a great body, with curves in all the right places.

But all the eyes in the room were on my chair, as Shauna Day, the girl with the biggest tits in school, slowly removed her sports bra.

The entire room fell dead silent.

"Dear God," Adam whispered from beside me.

"I am so jealous of your body," Lindsay gushed. "Unreal."

Bryce cleared his throat and crossed his legs under the table, and over on the far bed, both Jenn and Alex leaned forward unconsciously to get a better view.

Even Renata got in on the act, biting her lower lip and staring, open-mouthed. All three girls at the poker table were squirming in their chairs a little bit, while the guys were sitting absolutely still.

"Your stares make me feel sexy," Shauna said quietly, arching her back to press her chest forward, then cupping both breasts with her hands, running her thumbs over her nipples. The warm spot on my thigh was rapidly growing much hotter.

Gary finally cleared his throat. "Uh, should we deal again?"

Bryce nodded without breaking his gaze. Gary handed him the pack of cards, but he made no move to deal them out.

There was suddenly a knock at the door to the room. The knock seemed to break everyone out of their trances, and Heather, closest to the door, got up, threw her sweater back on, and went to answer it.

"Yes?" she asked, opening the door just a crack. "Okay, I'll tell them. Thanks."

She returned back to the room, taking her sweater off again as soon as the door was closed. "It was Eric. Adam and Mike, you guys are free to go back to your room any time you like."

"Did he seem happy?" Adam asked hopefully.

"Very happy, yes," Heather replied, clearly not getting why Adam, Mike, Jacqueline, Shauna and myself all exchanged happy smiles with each other. What a legend, I thought. I hope my advice worked. I want to hear all about it tomorrow.

As Bryce finally dealt the next hand, Shauna leaned over to me. "I think I'm ready to be done soon. This has been fun, but the old me's trying to get in the longer I sit topless in front of everyone, and I'd like to shut her down before she wins."

"Baby steps," I said. "You did good tonight."

"Thank you. I feel good. Are you staying here?"

"No, we're together," I answered, squeezing her. "If you're ready to get out of here, then I am, too. Where you go, I go."

"Thanks, Justin. You're a good guy." Shauna stood up. "Well, it's been fun," she announced to the room, "but I think we're going to head out."

"Aww," Nadia said, standing and motioning to give Shauna a hug. I knew a pervy gesture when I saw one, and sure enough, the look on Nadia's face when Shauna's naked rack dug into hers confirmed it for me.

As the girls were embracing, I looked down at my bare leg where Shauna had been sitting, and I noticed that yep, there definitely was a wet spot there. My cock throbbed in response, and I prayed silently that our room would be empty when we got back. Whatever Mia and Helene were up to, I hoped they were still up to it.

We threw our clothes back on haphazardly and made our exit, with Shauna carrying her sports bra.

"You okay?" I asked as soon as we were out in the empty hallway. It was after midnight by now, and there was throbbing music behind at least one of the doors.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay," she answered. "That was a lot of fun. Scary, but fun."

"It was fun for me too, as you can tell by my trouble walking right now." I indicated between my legs.

"I can imagine. It's not exactly comfortable as a girl, but at least there's no third leg sticking out," she said, smirking.

We reached our room and swiped the keycard, discovering to my immense relief that the room was dark and empty. Despite everything, despite Shauna's obvious arousal, despite how we'd been growing closer this week and flirting with each other, I still didn't feel like I had a total green light to just pull her into my arms and kiss her. I wrestled with how to proceed as Shauna stepped into the bathroom. If it had been Emma a week ago, I wouldn't have hesitated, but this was still a new partner, and one with a long-standing reputation as a good girl.

Momentarily we traded off in the bathroom. I decided while I was brushing my own teeth that I would strip down to my boxer briefs, and I arranged my erection to make my bulge as obscenely obvious as possible without exposing myself. Shauna could feel that I was hard during poker, so while I knew it was a bit of a risk if I'd completely misread things, I could play it off if necessary that I couldn't help it.

I walked out of the bathroom, my cock feeling like it was a yard long and straining my boxer briefs near to their breaking point. I saw Shauna sitting up in bed, wearing nothing but the same pair of panties as before and her ever-present golden cross necklace. The bedside light was on, she was biting her lower lip, and I noticed her gaze immediately dart to my six-plus inch protrusion. Her legs were spread wide open, and her eyes appeared to be beckoning me.

"I'm going to go lock the door," I said quietly.

"Good idea."

That's a green light.

I bolted the door, then went back to the bed we shared, climbing into Shauna's arms and kissing her. Her body felt tense, almost overwhelmed, but she kissed me back fiercely, wasting no time on warmups but rather jamming her tongue straight into my mouth. I mounted my weight to her side, feeling her left breast dig into my chest, and I placed my left thigh between her legs. Shauna, wasting no time, responded by immediately beginning to grind against me. I could feel her pussy, hot and wet through her underwear, pressing into my leg with real force.

I thought back to the last and only time we'd ever hooked up before, during Seven Minutes in Heaven. For a self-described introvert and a good Christian girl, Shauna hadn't been even the slightest bit shy last time we'd gotten together, and clearly she wasn't going to be this time either. I liked how forward she was when she let herself be forward.

I felt my dick break free of my waistband as I ground against her, exposing it. She didn't seem to notice, so I just kept on with trying to use her thigh to relieve at least some of the sexual tension I was feeling. It had been a week since I'd jerked off, and I was horny as all hell as we kept aggressively making out. I didn't know how far this was going to go, but come hell or high water I needed to cum tonight.

After a few minutes of this, I felt her hands dig into my underwear, grasping my ass as she kissed me. With my left hand, I slid up her body and cupped her perfect breast, feeling her suck in air sharply as I made contact. I gently circled her nipple with my fingertip, then broke away from the kiss, moving my head down to start licking and sucking.

Shauna kept her hands moving through my hair and over my back and my ass as I worked away at her breasts. She was moaning now, little sighs of passion with every exhale, and I loved the feel of her nipples erect in my mouth. I could easily have stayed an hour if she'd let me, working on the most incredible breasts I'd ever seen. Even a week ago, I'd never have expected this to happen, but somehow, I'd been unexpectedly invited to visit a slice of heaven.

After quite a while of this, I finally pulled back, kneeling up on the bed.

"Oh, my God, it's your cock," Shauna said, surprised, as she finally noticed that I'd popped out.

I looked down. "Yes, it is," I said dumbly.

"I've never seen one in real life." She had originally averted her eyes, but then curiosity got the better of her and she looked.

"No?" I was surprised. "Never Jake's?"

"We never got that far. He wanted to, but I always said no."

"Is it okay?"

She nodded, her furtive looks turning into a lascivious stare. "Take it out. I want to see it."

I pulled my package out of my underwear. "It's all yours."

Shauna stared. "Oh, God in Heaven. Wow." She reached out tentatively, taking it in her hand and experimentally stroking it up and down. "I bet there are a few more of these on display back in the poker room by now, huh?" she asked.

"Don't tell me you want to go back?" I asked, smiling. "There's probably a few pussies hanging out by now, too."

"No. I was done in there. One cock at a time is enough for me."

I reached down at the same time, sliding my hand into Shauna's panties. As I parted her outer lips with my middle finger, I discovered that she was as wet as I'd suspected back in the poker room, just stunningly, overwhelmingly so. I rubbed up and down her opening a couple of times, soaking my fingertips, seeing her face betraying surprise, unease maybe. But a moment later, I found her clit, and her expression immediately changed to one of supreme pleasure.

"Oh, wow," she breathed as I circled my fingertip around her button. "No one's ever done that to me before, either."

"I can stop if-"

"Don't you dare," she interrupted.

We touched each other for a bit. Shauna's enthusiasm was infectious, but her skill at giving a handjob was about what could be expected for her first time. I kept trying to subtly give her little pointers without outwardly criticizing what she was doing, and she picked up on what I wanted fairly quickly.

After nearly three months together, Emma and I had become experts at getting each other off, but this was a new partner again, a new body to learn. Shauna had never been the type to openly talk about sex in the same way as some of the other girls, so I decided against asking too many questions. I would try to learn from her reactions.

I'd gotten used to rubbing Emma's clit as gently as possible, but I quickly figured out from Shauna's hips pressing into my hand that she liked a firmer touch. I rubbed in circles as she writhed on the bed, occasionally dipping to collect moisture from her hole. She was barely able to keep still, and was moaning loudly enough that I was sure she could be heard in the next room.

I finally pulled back from her, positioning myself further down her body. I wanted to see her pussy, so I grasped her soaked panties with both hands, ready to pull them down.

"Stop," Shauna suddenly ordered.

I let go of her underwear immediately. "No problem, you can leave them on if you want. Sorry."

"It's okay. You can take them off if you want to. It's just... well... no one's ever seen my pussy before."

"I'd be honoured to be the first guy you trust with seeing her."

"No, Justin, you don't understand. I mean no one has ever seen my pussy before, except maybe my doctor. Not even me."

"What?" I was shocked.

"I mean, I know you know where a girl's vagina is. You know we can't really see it, right?"

"Yeah. Emma and Mia both have talked about using a hand mirror to get a view."

Shauna nodded. "Let's just say in repressive, woman-hating religious circles, using a hand mirror to inspect your sinful bits isn't exactly encouraged. I don't mind if you see it, I trust you. But can we try something first?"

"Anything."

"Come here."

Shauna spread her legs, and I took my own underwear off, then she gestured for me to climb on top of her. Once I was in place, she rolled me over slightly. I could feel her fighting with her panties in the awkward position we were in, one leg at a time, but finally, I felt her legs kick them away. She wrapped her legs around me, pulling me down face-to-face.

"OK, I'm naked, Justin. Will you kiss me some more?"

I kissed her again, feeling her breasts press hard into my chest. I was resting my weight on my shoulder and my knees, and I could feel my pubic hair brushing against hers, my cock dangling between her legs. I adjusted my position until... yes, there it was. I felt the head of my dick make contact with Shauna's bare, sodden pussy.

"Oh, God, I can feel you down there. I want it in me so bad," she whispered in my ear. She kissed me hard again, dragging my free hand onto her breast.

This is dangerous, I thought. We'd each had at least four drinks tonight, and unless she was more of a ninja than I'd realized, Shauna probably also hadn't gotten off since we'd left for Quebec.

I adjusted my body position slightly, then Shauna wrapped her legs more tightly around me so that my cock was standing up and lying across the opening of her pussy. I could feel hot wetness from the base of my dick to most of the way up my shaft. We sort of awkwardly moved against each other for a bit, with the excitement of knowing my cock was touching Shauna's bare pussy almost, but not quite, offsetting the fact that I didn't think either of us were getting much stimulation from it.

In frustration, I reached down with my hand and aligned the head of my cock with Shauna's opening, intending only to rub it against the soaking wet softness down there that felt so damn good. But as soon as I lined up with the entrance to her vagina, her possessed hips surged forward, and just the head of my cock parted her lips and entered her. I almost - almost - pushed the rest of the way in, but something within me seized control just long enough to reconsider.

"Too far," I yelped, immediately separating from her and pulling back. I kneeled between her legs, breathing hard, and I could feel my cock throbbing. I looked down and I could see her wetness coating the head. I was immediately as hard as I'd ever been in my life, just absolutely throbbing. Get back in there, my dick seemed to say to me.

"Ohmigod, I'm so sorry," she apologized immediately. "I don't know what just came over me."

"I want the same thing, and it's so hot to be wanted like that," I answered. "But I don't think either of us want our first times to be like this."

"No, I really don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just lost control for a second."

Shauna looked on the verge of panic, so leaned over and held her for a moment. "It's okay," I whispered in her ear. "I promise. Nothing happened."

It took her a minute of heavy breathing, but she finally calmed herself down and nodded. "Okay. Let's keep going."

I sat up and pulled back from her, and I couldn't help looking down between her legs. I'm the first one to ever see it, I thought. Shauna's outer labia were prominent, pillowy almost, and I couldn't see any of her internal bits, only a puffy mound covered in light blonde hair split by a deep crevasse. She clearly trimmed her bikini line, but otherwise it looked natural.

She reached down between her legs, splitting her slit with her middle finger and frantically starting to rub her clit. I could see the top of her cleft moving in circles, but I had no view of what lay beneath.

"Everything look okay down there?" she asked as she rubbed.

"Yes, it's absolutely beautiful," I answered as I grabbed my cock and began stroking. "Can I finger you?"

She nodded, and I slid two fingers on my free hand into her molten opening, feeling her tiny pink inner lips grip my fingers. It was a tight fit, despite how wet she was, and I quickly found her swollen G-spot, starting to stroke it as I jerked off.

"Can I do that to you?" she asked.

I let go of my cock and she grabbed it, stroking me with her left hand while still rubbing her clit with her right. With my right hand now free, I started gently kneading and squeezing Shauna's breasts, one and then the other, tweaking her nipples and feeling their incredible soft weight in my hands.

"Am I any good at touching you?" she asked, out of breath. "I've never done it before."

"Yes, your hands feel so good... but I haven't cum in a week and I've been wanting you since last fall, so it wouldn't take me much anyway."

"I haven't cum in a week either," Shauna said between moans, rapidly losing coherence, "but I'm about to!"

I felt Shauna's entire body tense in my arms. The veins in her neck were bulging and she was clearly holding her breath, not making a sound, holding absolutely still, then she started shaking, almost as if she was having a seizure. I sensed it in my hand, as her vaginal walls clamped down hard and started pulsing on my fingers. The noise started then, an absolutely primal, guttural scream as she shook her way uncontrollably through the biggest, most powerful orgasm I'd ever seen anyone have. From appearances, it looked like my own best orgasm of my life at least quadrupled in strength. I'd seen her cum once before, but it wasn't like this. This felt like an epic release, like a dam bursting, and if I didn't know better, I might have actually worried if she was okay.

Even though she'd stopped jerking me off, she was gripping the head of my dick hard, almost involuntarily squeezing it, and I'd been close anyway, so the sight of her finished me off as I thrust my cock into her tight fist. I came, a few seconds behind her, not nearly as epically, but still hard, blasting spurt after spurt after spurt of semen onto her chest. I had noticed in the past that the longer between orgasms for me, the more cum I seemed to produce, and this was an absolutely massive load all over her tits. The relief and pleasure I felt was indescribable. I needed this so badly.

Finally, at length, it was over. My ears felt full, and I could barely hold myself up, so I collapsed back into the bed, hearing Shauna still whimpering to herself.

"You okay?" I finally asked, catching her eye.

She nodded, still incoherent.

I draped an arm across her chest and held her until her shaking finally stopped.

"Oh, my God," she finally whispered. "I don't swear often, but fucking hell."

"That was amazing," I agreed.

"I've never cum so hard in my life."

I smiled. "It looked incredible. Thanks for sharing it with me."

"You need to cum too, though," she said rolling to face me, and then suddenly noticing the streaks of semen all across her stomach and boobs. "Oh. How on earth did I miss that?"

"You seemed preoccupied?" I guessed.

She snickered. "You could say that. Next time I'll make a point of watching!"

"It's a deal. Let me grab you some tissues."

"Man! I can't believe it. My first time jerking a guy off, and I completely missed the ending."

She rolled back into the bed, staring at the ceiling, as I went to the bathroom. I grabbed a few tissues, then cleaned up the deposit I'd left on her body. Shauna didn't move the entire time, appearing lost in her own head.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked once I was back.

"I don't feel guilty," she answered.

"That's good, right?"

She finally sat up, leaning against the headboard. She pulled the covers across her lap and looked me in the eye. "Justin, I've never had an orgasm in my entire life that I didn't feel guilty about afterwards. Not a single one, not ever. Not my first time ever, not my most recent one before tonight, and not one of the hundreds between those two. Not until now."

"Jesus, I'm sorry." I knew Shauna had a lot of religious repression in her, but man, I couldn't imagine how hard that must be to deal with.

"Thank you. I don't want to talk about it now, in case it wrecks it. Go unlock the door for the other girls, and let's get to bed. After cumming that hard, I feel like I could sleep for a month."

"Do you want pyjamas?" I asked.

"Nah."

I walked naked to the door, where I unlatched the deadbolt. Within seconds, the door clicked, and Mia and Helene entered, both absolutely wasted.

"Oops!" Helene said upon seeing both of us in the buff. "We'll join you for the naked party in a minute, but man, I need to pee." She headed into the bathroom.

"Did you guys just fuck?" Mia asked loudly, staring at each of us in turn.

"We didn't quite go all the way," Shauna responded matter-of-factly.

"Too bad. We could hear you out in the hallway, and you guys sounded so hot. Justin's made me cum just as loud in the past, so I know how exactly you're feeling right now."

I eyed Mia suspiciously. Sure, I'd done that to her before, and I'd happily do it again as long as I was single and she'd let me, but it was odd timing bringing it up now, when Shauna and I were both naked and had just hooked up.

By the way, I really love your boobies." Mia casually walked over to where Shauna was lying in bed, reached out and shamelessly groped her.

"I know you do," Shauna answered, swatting Mia's hand away. "You tell me that all the time. Let's get you to bed."

Shauna got up and helped Mia undress, then tried to point her towards her bed while Mia kept trying to feel her up. I kept my distance, sitting on the bed, not wanting to interfere with two naked girls half-wrestling with each other. As soon as Mia was put to bed, Helene, also fully naked, appeared from the bathroom.

"Wooo!" she yelled, way too loudly given the late hour. "Everybody's naked!"

"Bedtime," Shauna ordered firmly. "You too."

"You're no fun." Helene, thankfully, didn't argue, instead climbing into bed with Mia.

Shauna turned to face me. "I guess that's our cue."

We climbed into our own bed and turned the light out.

"Shauna?" Mia asked in the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"He's a pretty good fuck, isn't he? Like, really good?"

"Go to sleep, Mia," Shauna said wearily.

A few minutes passed in silence, then suddenly Shauna rolled over, wrapping me in her arms beneath the blankets. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice tinged with emotion. "I can't even begin to tell you how much tonight means to me."

"Thank you, too. It means the world to me just the same," I whispered back.

She gave me a long, passionate kiss, not the kind of kiss that would be trying to turn me back on, but just to share a moment, to put the cap on the night. She finally pulled back and gazed deep into my eyes in the twilight, smiling, before snuggling into my arms. She didn't seem inclined to move, and after a moment I realized she was going to try to sleep that way. I kissed her on the forehead, feeling at peace. I could feel Shauna's breath against my chest, the warmth of her naked body pressed into mine, the soft heaviness of her breast resting on my torso.

Time passed. Shauna eventually fell asleep in my arms, but my brain was still active. I thought about my best friend in another room down the hall, hopefully sleeping in the arms of a woman who loved him, hopefully no longer a virgin. It hit me just then, and I could see in a way I hadn't been able to before, that that was the answer to my question. I'd asked Eric earlier this week about how he knew that Ashley was the one, about what they shared that Emma and I lacked. While he hadn't really been able to verbalize it, I could see now that the answer had been intimacy. My relationship with Emma had been sexually explosive, and we'd become great friends, but we were never intimate. I felt emotionally closer to Shauna right now than Emma had let me get to her in almost three months.

I wondered idly to myself where Emma was at the moment. It was approaching 7:00 in the morning in England. I'd had her schedule memorized when she planned the trip, but now I couldn't remember where she was today, and I didn't particularly care. Was I over her? I didn't think so, not after less than a week. But I'd proven to myself that it would happen again. I could find another girlfriend, another partner. Whatever I was looking for, there were plenty of fish in the sea, and for the first time in my life, I felt confident about my fishing skills.

Rebounding had done me good tonight. Shauna had hinted that there was going to be a next time, which excited me, though I still didn't think either of us were ready for a new relationship. But she was exactly what I needed for tonight, and tomorrow would bring what it brought. And someday, I thought, I'll find a girl who'll fall in love with me.