Photoshoot: Dave's Story

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THE PHOTOSHOOT: DAVE'S STORY

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This work is part of a series. Advised order of reading:

1. (Lea's) Photoshoot

2. (Lea's) Photoshoot: Dave's story

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#drama #cheating #forbidden #lovingwives #bareback #jealousy #emotional

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This is a work of fantasy, and all erotic participants are fictional and adults. In real life, please respect the people around you and ensure mutual consent at all times.

I apologize up-front for any typos in my story - yes I edit these myself - and yes, you guessed it - I'm not perfect... I'm used to writing in UK English, so please give me a bit of slack as I practice with American English.

Positive and constructive feedback is very welcome, thank you!

Please vote. Please leave your comments. I appreciate your constructive feedback. Any feedback and opinions - I like them, as long as it is respectful. Let me know what you think. Also feel free to let me know how I can improve.

Please be aware that cheating and cuckolding are themes in this story.

If you are offended by this, it's not for you. I write fantasies. I write what I like, and you can always read other stories, ones that _you_ actually like. Don't read on after this line; I don't need to hear about it if you read it after all.

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This story is a long one and a slow burner, and although there is smut here, it's not the intended main focus. If your preference is lots of smut, then best look elsewhere.

If you're still reading, I hope you enjoy : D

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THE PHOTOSHOOT: DAVE'S STORY

Companion story to: "THE PHOTOSHOOT" (Lea's point of view)

The narrative of Dave's story is not 100% in sync with Lea's experience from timing point of view, but I humbly think that Dave's story became better because of it.

Dave's story starts years before the photo shoot, and because Dave's background story deserves it, his story finishes well after, so it spans more time than Lea's story.

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LOVING WIVES

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*** Silent suffering

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???? From Dave's diary

I heard Lea cry in the bathroom tonight.

She didn't know I was still awake. She always thinks she hides it well. But I heard the sob. Just one. That was enough. I wanted to go in, hold her, tell her none of this was her fault. But I froze again. I always freeze. I think I'm so afraid of confirming that I've failed her, that I'd rather pretend I didn't hear it.

What kind of husband am I?

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???? Years prior to June

I'm Dave, 33 years old, and I'm married to the love of my life, Lea. She's 29 years old. We married young, when I was 23 and Lea 20, and being high-school lovers there were no prior lovers for me, and neither for Lea as far as I know.

Lea's petite, around 5 feet two, with a fit killer body that she maintains by running and in the gym. Her perky boobs are cup B and her nipples point slightly upward, as if she's continually aroused. Maybe she is. I never asked. I only worshipped them.

Any fashion magazine's clothing on the gorgeous models was something she could readily dress in, as if tailored for her. Sometimes she indulges and gets something like that and she enjoys the compliments she gets from me. But she rarely goes out dressed in this gorgeous and sometimes shape-revealing wear, and I'm glad she doesn't. She draws lots of attention, from both men and women, and it is bothering me more and more. The reason for this is me, myself and I.

I think I need to explain this one.

We had it all planned. Jobs, house, children! We were both raised in protected environments and had traditional beliefs about how things should work. I would be a model father. I had deep-seated beliefs about masculinity, family, and legacy. I saw fatherhood as my destiny, really. It is a part of the narrative I carried from my own upbringing: strong father figure, Sunday breakfasts, coaching little league. This traditional view positioned fatherhood as inevitable for me, and central to my identity, and key to my masculinity. Any normal man would ultimately become a father. There was no question, no doubt. Without this... well...

Despite us trying a lot in the past few years, we could not get pregnant.

I researched the topic and I tried a lot in the meantime. Fertility calendar, ovulation tests, nutrition for both of us, pills, vitamins. I don't think there is a test or trick on the internet that we didn't try.

Over time, this was eating away at me.

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???? April 2

I've tried the pills. I've tried yoga. I've tried smiling through it. None of it fixes the hollow feeling. I can't even get through a movie anymore without thinking: "They have a child. That was supposed to be us."

Sometimes I catch myself staring at her when she's laughing with her niece. The way she lights up. I want to give her that kind of laughter every day. I want to give her more than this... husk I've become.

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In the end I purchased one of these cheap DIY male fertility tests and it came back negative. At this point in time I was still convinced that it was just a cheap inaccurate test and it would probably be better to use a clinical test with the hospital.

I discussed this with Lea omitting that I had already tested myself. We both decided that perhaps ater trying for so long and the repeated disappointment, that it would be best to get tested, both.

We had the tests taken, Lea's were a lot more elaborate and took a few days. My results were available within a week. I told the doctor that I would discuss my results when Lea's results were available and we could come together. Lea's took almost 3 months.

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???? June 7 -- Midnight

Can't sleep. Again.

It's been so many years and I still catch myself hoping for something that isn't coming. The silence after trying, after hoping, is louder than anything I've ever known. Lea fell asleep with her hand on my chest. I envy that kind of peace. I pretend to have it too. But in the dark, I see the ultrasound photos that were never taken.

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I had the idle hope that my DIY kit would be a cheap non-functional dud, but when the time came and we visited the fertility doctor, my hope was quickly shattered. It turned out that they couldn't find a reason why Lea could not get pregnant, in other words, she was OK. For me, there was a different message. Although I was physically OK, I had a very low sperm count. The short and blunt message, as the doctor explained, was that I was shooting blanks.

In the car on the parking lot, I zoned out into my own world and misery. The pain hit me somewhere between exit 25 and 30 of the interstate. A pain which hurt even more knowing that Lea loved me. Lea indicated that she was not disappointed, and that it was good to have clarity. She said she loved me no less, and that maybe it wasn't in the stars for us. God I loved this woman. But I saw the love in her eyes and wasn't sure I could be enough for her.

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???? June 18

"Shooting blanks," That's what the doctor said, almost casually. It sounded like a punchline to a bad joke. I nodded and thanked him. I held it together until I reached the parking lot. Then I sat in the car and didn't move for an hour. Lea had her hand on mine, but I didn't dare look at her. I was afraid I'd see disappointment. I didn't. I saw love. That hurt more.

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Lea's mood cleared up after the verdict. At least we didn't have false hope anymore. Clarity instead of insecurity worked for her apparently. Contrary to my mood.

Over time this whole mess had played games with my mind, and I was losing my ability to have a prolonged erection more and more over a period of 13 months. My feeling of performance was fading, and more and more often I couldn't get hard anymore. I tried the blue pills, with varying success, and this hit or miss game played even more tricks with my mind. Apparently you have to be aroused for the pills to work, but my state of mind, progressively more often than not, was not allowing me to getting aroused.

That didn't sit well with me mentally. Not only could I not give her a child, but also I couldn't provide in her sexual needs. It made me feel less of a man.

I was in a negative mental spiral and I didn't realize it until I was too far gone.

One night I woke up in the wee hours and Lea was not in bed. Her side was still a bit warm but she must have left the bed for some time already. I needed to pee so I got up and walked to the bathroom. I could see the light under the bathroom door and I noticed the door was locked. Strange. She never locks the door. I could hear a faint humming and some moaning.

Shock. Disbelief. She was masturbating. With a vibrator. More mind-fucks inside my head. Even more thoughts about me not bringing it to the table in the department of masculinity, killing my self-worth even more.

I walked back to bed and pretended to be asleep when she returned to our bedroom. Her breathing was still a bit ragged, and she carefully hid the vibrator in her nightstand. She tried to be as quiet as possible not to wake me up, so I acted as if her movement woke me up, didn't notice her flushed face and I just needed to pee.

I got up and relieved my bladder in the bathroom, where I could smell her arousal still. This whole situation didn't do wonders for my state of mind and self worth.

When I got to bed, I acted as if I hadn't noticed, turned on one side and tried to sleep. Within minutes I could hear Lea snoring. Unfortunately, the whole situation had gotten me into repeated train of thoughts that led to a long period of insomnia as time progressed.

The whole situation was eating away at me, and I had lost my confidence and all self-worth, leaving me very insecure. I had to do something. I had to talk to someone.

*** A secret shared

It was maybe the fourth time that I had picked up the phone in a week's time. The other attempts just had me hang up the phone without dialing. I needed help, and I knew just the person. Aunt Annie. Annie was Lea's go-to person in times of distress. They got along very well, and she was a wise woman with exceptional judgement-free listening skills. More than once, Annie had helped Lea through difficult times, and I had no doubt our situation had been discussed with her more than once. My problem was that aunt Annie was her aunt and confidante, not mine. It really felt like I was backstabbing Lea, like I was stealing her go-to person from her.

I dialed Annie's number. It was a last resort from my point of view. It was something I felt necessary. But it didn't feel good. I asked whether we could meet as there was something we needed to discuss.

From my tone of voice she knew this was serious and I found myself driving over to aunt Annie that same morning.

When she opened the door, I saw a compassionate look in her eyes. She hugged me and held me close for a bit, before letting me in.

I got a cup of tea and she said, "Whenever you're ready."

We talked... a lot! Or I did, and aunt Annie listened.

She listened to me rambling on about Lea and me, about our love life, my infertility, my insecurity, my impotence and how often I couldn't get hard.

She listened when I told her about Lea's secret masturbation sessions, and the vibrator in her nightstand she thought I didn't know about.

I told her about the hollow feeling that gave me. I told her about the look in Lea's eyes when she thought I was not watching.

I told her about the times that I found Lea with red eyes, and I knew she had been crying, and me being too afraid to ask how she was doing.

I told her I felt ashamed about the whole situation and about my inability to provide for Lea.

I even told her about me being to afraid that I couldn't help with Lea's primal needs and I couldn't be a husband for her all the way. And that maybe, just maybe, she would feel better if someone else took care of her needs from time to time.

Aunt Annie listened to me, quietly, in an understanding and judgement-free way.

I must have talked for at least half an hour in one go without giving her a chance to talk back. She just quietly acknowledged that she was listening to me with her posture and an occasional nod or a hand on my arm.

As suddenly as I had started talking, I also stopped. There was nothing more to tell. I had spilled my guts and there was nothing I had left out.

Annie had a pensive expression and did not speak for a few minutes, but when she started, she struck a few chords with me.

"Ok Dave. I need to say a few things and I need you to hear me out, OK?

Let me start by telling you something that you may not feel very helpful.

You are not alone... I know that doesn't feel supportive, but I am very sure that many couples deal with similar situations. And a large portion of them overcome this. Some don't, but any of them don't even try to heal.

And I think you are trying to heal. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Otherwise you would not tell me the things you said to me.

That leads me to believe that you and Lea can also overcome this.

I know and I can see that you feel shame, and that it took a lot of courage for you to call me and tell me about all of this. So your mindset, whether consciously aware or not is already good.

But let me tell you one thing. This shame is not something you need to carry. This is not something you must experience. You're not meant to endure this, and you don't need to.

You are not defined my your performance in bed. Far from it. It's nice if that works, but there's so much more to life. So much more worth living and fighting for.

That you have challenges in the bed department doesn't define the whole Dave. I refuse to believe that, and so should you.

You don't need to be 100% perfect, but I know that in your mind, that's exactly what you expect, yet cannot achieve. And for that you consider yourself a failure. You're building a wall between Lea and yourself like this.

But you're not a failure. Lea isn't looking for a man that is 100% perfect at all. No woman does that. Lea needs you to be supportive and vulnerable at the same time. Lea needs you to ask her for help when you're hitting a rough patch. She needs you to confide in her instead of isolating her and taking distance.

Lea doesn't need what's between your legs. She needs your heart, your support, just you. She needs you. And she needs you to see her too.

She loves you and she knows that deep down you love her back, but you're too preoccupied right now to see it.

Confide in her and be honest. Talk to her. Listen to her. She needs the real Dave, not the perfect Dave. She needs the Dave that asks for help when he needs it, similar to when she asks you for help when she needs it. She does that, doesn't she?"

I nodded, but I couldn't speak. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I held my breath and felt nauseous.

I started crying. Crying, because Annie made things sound so simple. Because of how I had behaved and what it did to Lea when I shut her out. Because of everything that had happened and was still happening and I couldn't find a way out.

She held my hand as I cried for at least an hour or two. The last time I had cried was maybe 12 years ago. The last time I had cried in front of someone else much longer. I found myself curled up on the sofa with my head in her lap and her hand rubbing my head and back. She held me close.

I cannot believe how much I needed to cry. How much better I felt afterwards. How therapeutic crying actually was. How therapeutic my talk with Annie was. How I finally felt heard.

I wasn't ready to be heard by Lea maybe, but Annie had opened my eyes, and I knew the time had come to start talking about everything with Lea.

God.... Annie... I fully understood why Lea was so fond of her.

When I got home my eyes were still red. Lea saw it and asked whether I was ok. I told her I will be. But today was not my brightest day, and at the same time it was. That I needed a bit of time. That today I wouldn't tell her about it, but eventually I would. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. She hugged me and I hugged her back. She held me close.

"I will talk to you more about my struggles... just not today, is that ok?" I asked.

"I would like that," she said, and her hand rubbed my back.

"I... we... need that..." she continued as she kissed me on my temple.

She kissed me in my neck, planted her head onto my chest with her lips in my neck and held me close some more. Occasionally I could feel her kiss me.

"Thank you Lea," I said. "You can't believe what this means to me."

We held each other for several minutes.

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???? August 12

I had called Annie yesterday and met with her today.

It felt wrong at first -- like I was betraying Lea, going behind her back. But I didn't know where else to go. Annie listened without judgement. Didn't flinch when I told her about the nights I couldn't finish. About the look in Lea's eyes when she thought I wasn't watching. About the toy in her nightstand that I pretended not to notice.

She told me I wasn't alone. That men like me carry shame we were never meant to bear. That I'm more than my biology. That Lea doesn't need me to be perfect. Just honest.

I cried. She held my hand. I haven't done that in years -- cried in front of someone. I didn't know how much I needed it.

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*** Opening up to Lea

Several days later, we sat down and talked. I talked with Lea and she let me. She let me spill my guts and she could see the tears in my eyes. She told me the same thing as Annie. That she didn't want Dave's penis, but Dave himself.

She also spilled her guts and cried too. I listened in awe. Her struggles - I never realized them, mostly originated from me. Because she could see the struggles I was having and I was not involving her. Instead I was keeping her at a distance.

This gave me both doubt as well as hope. Doubt because I was causing her unintentional harm, and hope because now I knew and I could try to guard for such situations, simply by involving her more.

We agreed that I should be more open. That I should incorporate her in my struggles, and that she should incorporate me in hers. We held each other close and sobbed away.

It was a defining moment in our relationship. A moment we will not likely forget.

*** The mysterious envelope

September started by now. Our 10th wedding anniversary was coming up in a bit more than a month, and I was still figuring out what to give Lea.

Many things had crossed my mind, but nothing gave me a feeling of "fitness" for the both of us. With everything I came up, something was off.

My worst idea was a photobook / memory book with the memories of the past 10 years, but there was too much pain for that to be suitable.

Lea never liked travelling far, so a cruise or a trip to Hawaii was not for her.

In the end I settled for a long weekend of spa and massage treatments, which I readily booked after a long call with the lady owner, laying out all options to me.

I almost booked a luxury hotel on walking distance from the spa, but the spa lady offered a package with a room behind her spa, so we could walk to and from our quarters without caring how we looked.

On september 2nd we were about to head for our yearly family get-together. We were so glad to see everyone again.

Lea had chosen a particularly revealing dress, which she would never wear in front of strangers. Hugging her shape, it showed much of her legs. It was one of these tight fitting stretch fabric dresses. I approved very much and I could not keep my eyes off her.

"You're teasing me," I said. "It's almost a pity we have to go see your family today."

"Why's that?" she coyly asked, fully aware what would come next.

"How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you when you're dressed like that."

She walked up to me, hugged me tightly and our lips met for a sensual wet kiss. It had lasted for almost a minute and something stirred between us.

"Mmmmmm...," she said reluctantly breaking free. "Let's not get carried away. We're already late as it is."

We should have left half an hour ago. We both finished getting ready and went out to hit the road.

I was looking forward to seeing aunt Annie, in whom I had confided and discussed our predicament.

When we reached the farm of my grandparents, we realized we were the last ones to arrive.

"Shortest distance to drive, longest time to get here!" a female voice said. Annie.

I smiled, fully aware that she was mocking us. She gave me an inquisitive smile, and I nodded. That brought a smile to her face too and softened her face.

Lea turned her head to be greeted by the smile of aunt Annie. She ran over and hugged her. They had not seen each other in over 6 months. They kept hugging at least a minute, long enough for her to realize that Lea was in need of a good talk with her in private.

She looked her in the eyes. "I feel a good heart-to-heart talk coming up," she said with a loving smile.

Yeah I fully well know, that Lea has parents, but the bond between Annie and Lea was special. Certain things she only discussed with aunt Annie.

We said hello to everyone with the customary hugs and kisses, dropped onto a chair and it was a wonderful afternoon. We talked and talked. Everyone was helping out getting food and drinks served, relieving our grandparents of any work. Yes it was their house, but they had worked enough. Now it was our turn. We always looked forward to these family events. We were a nice tight bunch. Lots of laughter.

Towards the end of the day, when most people had already left, it was down to us, aunt Annie, who had her husband pass away a few years ago, my grandparents and my 22 year old niece Eline, who would drive home with aunt Annie.

Annie and Lea were taking care of the remainder of the dishes, as I was putting the last of the spare chairs to the attic.

"Don't you think we're overdue a talk?" Annie asked.

Her people skills were amazing. She always knew when Lea needed one.

They finished up and got a glass of wine.

"Lea and I are having a private talk upstairs," she informed everyone.

Lea looked at me and I nodded. They walked up along the stairs.

I was OK with it. I know she needs this from time to time. I would manage in the meantime. That would hardly be a torture. And I wouldn't be bored either.

Eline. At 22, she was one of my favorite persons to be around. Youthful, positive and joyous, and even with the struggles I was having, she never failed to bring a smile to my face. She was also quite good looking. She could not beat Lea but she was still quite easy on the eyes.

No I didn't fancy her, but I really liked Eline a lot. She could have been my little sister. To me she really felt like a sister. I would do anything to keep her safe.

Time passed easily while Annie and Lea were talking upstairs. Eline and I talked about lots of things. I got her a bit startled when I talked to her about boyfriends and whether she had gotten any yet. Her face was flushed and I dropped the subject, but her non-verbal signs that told me that she was not ignorant nor inexperienced.

They must have been talking for more than two hours. Gramps went upstairs two times to refill their wine, and ensured them that I was having a good time and that they not need to worry. He left the bottle after the second time.

As the evening came to an end, we all said our goodbyes, and kisses and hugs were shared. I hugged Annie really strongly and whispered "Thank you for being there for her... for us..."

She kissed my forehead and before we left she called Lea and myself to her. She pulled an envelope from her purse.

"Listen," she said. "I have been thinking about what you and Dave are going through. Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone, to help us discover each other in a new way.

It's not about replacing what you have. It is about reigniting what's already there.

I have a feeling that what I have arranged might help. Both of you, understand? Open it together on your 10th wedding anniversary. Not sooner. Promise me you will open it together ok?

Enjoy the experience, and perhaps it might open some doors for you. I think it could be a beautiful way to reconnect."

She was smiling with a truly genuine and loving smile. At the same time she had a serious look. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

In the weeks after her talk with aunt Annie, Lea and I talked a lot about the situation.

I had come to know that Lea had considered, but rejected the idea of being with another man to fulfill her needs.

We both felt the love for each other and temporarily, things were slightly better, but not good, in bed.

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*** Anniversary

Several weeks later, having stared often at the envelope on the fireplace top, we were both very curious as to what was in it.

Tomorrow was October 12th, the day of our 10th anniversary and we were looking forward to opening her gift. Whatever was in it, it must be special if she gave it to us in the context of what was happening in our relationship.

That night I couldn't sleep very well. I was awake often. It seems Lea had a similar issue. We were both tossing and turning all the time. We got only little sleep.

I got up very early as I couldn't sleep anyway, and as Lea had finally caught some sleep, I covered her with the duvet and decided to let her sleep in.

I quickly wrote a note: "Morning sunshine. Why don't you take a quick shower, get dressed casually and meet me downstairs," and put it on her nightstand.

I started preparing a luxury breakfast like I usually did every anniversary. But today was special, so I had gone all out, including champagne and lots of different small trays of hot and cold food.

I heard her getting up. By the time I heard the shower stop, I had all the baked goods on small plates and placed them on the table between the rest of the food.

As she finished getting dressed and came down the stairs, I quickly arranged a few things to make the table look perfect for her.

"Close your eyes," I called out. "I'm coming to get you."

When I got to her, she had closed her eyes and I took her hand, pulling her gently in to the kitchen.

"You can open them now."

Lea opened her eyes and looked around.

I stood there smiling, holding the most gorgeous flowers, white gerberas. These are her favorites.

"Happy anniversary honey," I said, sensually kissing her fully on her lips.

She licked my lips which made my tongue probe hers and we let them dart around each other for a while. This got me a little excited but that had to wait.

"Please have a seat milady," I said and pulled the chair for her to sit down.

We toasted with the champagne.

This was a good day. No worries about our marriage whatsoever. Not today.

We enjoyed each other's company tremendously during the breakfast. We were sitting close to each other. Lots of careless talking and an occasional kiss. God it was good to be totally unbothered. God I love this woman.

I told her what the wedding anniversary gift was, and the prospect of a weekend of pampering landed well with her. She hugged me and we held each other closely.

When Lea's eyes fell onto the fireplace, she noticed Annie's envelope was missing.

"Dave... the envelope..." she said.

With a smile I asked her to lit the tablecloth, and she found it there. I got one of the old gorgeous laughs I used to get from Lea when we first met. God I missed this version of her.

"Shall we open it now?" I said.

She took it and held it out to me. "Do you want to...?"

"No, go ahead. Annie's your special aunt."

"Maybe, but she was sure to express it was for the both of us."

I nodded. "It's OK, you do it," I said and she opened it.

Inside we found a colorful gift card and a letter.

She opened the letter first. It was handwritten. Lea started reading out loud.

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"Dear Lea and Dave,

Happy anniversary. You deserve it.

I really enjoy our good talks, especially when we are all doing fine.

Recently you both expressed challenges and you both expressed wanting to do something about it, but you are struggling how to.

Sometimes we are so busy worrying and trying to fix things that we forget to actually feel them. The answer is not always fixing things, but finding what makes you whole.

Knowing you well I am very much aware that neither of you will follow through with some of the things we discussed.

Please accept this gift in the spirit of our talks. It is not just a wedding anniversary gift. I hope you can enjoy it for years to come.

The card itself is help for the both of you, but Lea starts being the main subject - keep an open mind and learn to feel again - both ;) Ask for Mick when you make the reservation.

Hope it helps, love,

Annie XXX

PS: MICK & LEA: KEEP AN OPEN MIND!"

--

We looked at each other in a puzzled way, not sure what she meant. Lea gave the gift card to me. I opened it and looked at the contents, then back at her.

"Anniversary Photoshoot Deluxe," he said.

Neither of us were sure how a photoshoot would help. But knowing aunt Annie was serious when she gave it to us, it would surely be something.

We both had the week off, so Lea called to see whether we could make a reservation. A nice lady answered the phone. She sounded young.

"Hi I'm Effie, PA and studio assistant. How may I help you?"

"Hi this is Lea. We received a photoshoot as a gift, and I was wondering whether you have availability this week?"

"Let me see what we have available. Can you tell me what the gift card says?"

She read the text on the card. "Anniversary Photoshoot Deluxe" and put it on the table.

"Mmmmm... ok... Is there more text on the card?"

Lea looked at the card again, picking it up to inspect it closer. When she turned it around, we found that something was written on the backside.

"Password:", it read. And with aunt Annie's handwriting it said "extra - 2 phase - #092".

"Thank you," Effie said. "This changes matters. Someone must really like you. You have a priority booking. A slot was already reserved for you this coming Saturday at 1pm. Make sure you had ample lunch, and no alcohol please. Oh, and no makeup please. When you reach the studio, drive around the back to park and use the 2nd door on your right. We can agree on the second date when you are here."

We agreed on the day and time, and Lea hung up. A weird instruction. Eat plenty but don't drink. And a second date was mentioned.

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*** Beyond the frame

When the day came we both showered in the morning and went about our business like usual. Quick breakfast, some shopping, a bit of cleaning in the house and a lunch.

Around 12.30 we were ready and drove out to the studio. When we arrived, we could see two doors. We took the one we were told as instructed. The door had a large sign reading "Artists entrance", and little sign that said "Where discretion truly matters".

When we came in, a young gorgeous lady jumped from behind her desk.

"Hi I'm Effie, you must be Lea and Dave," she said.

She hugged us. No let me rephrase that - she h u g g e d us. Not strongly, but genuinely, like Lea and I do with each other. First with me, and then the same with Lea. It made me feel nice and welcome and slightly warm inside.

She locked the outside door.

"We don't want uninvited guests," she smiled at us.

"Follow me," as she walked down the corridor of what must have been a former theatre. Arrows were painted on the wall with calligraphic text saying "Stage" and "Dressing Rooms".

We came into the area where the artists would get ready for their performances in past days. She guided us into one of the dressing rooms. It was nice and warm in there. It was nicely decorated with a small table, sofa, and it actually looked very cozy. I was sure this was not the original interior.

"You can get undressed here Lea. There's a bathrobe up there. It's slightly cold in the hallways. You can meet me upstairs when you're ready."

I was puzzled. This was a photoshoot. Why would she need to get undressed?

Effie sensed our hesitation. "Sit down," she said with a gorgeous smile.

We were explained a lot, about it being a nude photoshoot. Lea hesitated with a worried expression and she could see it. She was not going to undress for another man she said, "Hell no!"

Effie explained that this was a place to make us both feel very comfortable.

There was no need to worry about the photographer she said as whe walked over to the intercom, pressed it and said "Nic, our guests are here. Would you come downstairs for a minute please?".

Hell no! I was definitely convinced that this was not going to happen. Not with this Nick guy. I looked at Lea and slightly nodded towards the door, indicating that we might as well leave.

Before we could react there was a soft knock on the door. When it opened we were greeted by a gorgeous lady. "Hi, I'm Nicole," she said. I will be your photographer today.

A sigh of relief on my end. A woman. A gorgeous woman. We talked a bit more about how Lea would be able to set boundaries at all times. And that if at any point in time I wanted the shoot to stop, it would end immediately.

Lea and I exchanged glances, and we agreed that we would try.

"Effie can you show her a few of our portfolios?" Nicole asked.

"Sure thing," while walking over to a cabinet and started browsing.

"Why don't you come with me Dave," Nicole said. We both left the room to go upstairs.

When Effie came back to Lea she was holding two folders both with a gorgeous picture on the front side.

"We do both men and women," she said, handing over the two folders. "Today it's your turn, and we will schedule a session for Dave as well".

One folder had gorgeous sensual pictures of a man. These were actually quite decent. The other of a very attractive woman. Same story. Very decent. No explicit stuff. In some pictures the models were dressed, in some they were wearing underwear, some showed nudity, but all very classy. It gave me a slight tingling still.

"We also do more explicit stuff, but that depends on the customer wishes," she said, and showed me a separate picture, representing a closeup of a gorgeous penis with clearly protruding veins, halfway inside a bald pussy, juices leaking from it.

Lea was handed a pair of very handsome underwear.

"Annie said this would be your size," Effie said with a smile.

Lea checked the label. Spot on.

Aunt Annie... how do you know all these things.

It was a pair of slightly elastic snug panties with a bit of lace and a very nice bra. Both off white. Very classy actually. This color would compliment her evenly tanned body.

"May I offer to help you change?" Effie asked.

Lea hesitated, but said yes anyway.

----

In the meantime Nicole took me upstairs.

We came onto what must have been the main stage of the theatre once. The curtains were closed.

"We keep the curtains closed for temperature sake," Nicole said.

"The main hall is out there, but it is dark and cold."

The main stage, had been converted into a rather large professional photo studio, with all kinds of props.

She showed me around in the studio while Lea was getting changed. She showed how the studio could be converted easily with props hanging on cables at the ceiling and many types of flooring, rugs and backgrounds could be moved into and out of the shooting area with the former stage mechanical and hydraulic systems.

I asked whether this has cost a fortune, but Nicole said she got lucky, as the theatre was closed and the site was marked for tearing down. She bought it for favorable conditions and a fairly low price, and made full use of all the facilities that were there from former times. Smart!

She guided me to a small area in the corner of the main stage, where there was a comfortable chair and desk with two monitors, and a small cupboard with folders and photo portfolios.

I was browsing the folders and the gorgeous pictures in the portfolios, impressed with the skilled photographs.

"We need to figure out what Lea wants, but these kinds of portfolios are there for inspiration." Nicole said.

I was mesmerized by the gorgeous pictures of a dark-skinned girl while I looked further in the portfolio I was holding.

"Just so you're aware, today's session is one of two, the other one is for you if you like, so perhaps also browse some of the male model portfolios already..." Nicole said.

When Lea and Effie arrived, Lea's face was flushed and she threw me a guilty smile. What was that all about I wondered, and I decided that I would ask about it later.

"Why don't you sit over here so you can get accustomed to the temperature while we give you a nice makeup for today's session," Nicole said to Lea.

Nicole and Effie worked on Lea for the next half hour. They worked together skillfully, and not only did her face, but her whole body and her hair too. They even applied makeup between her legs which left Lea flushed.

"Why don't you come over Dave and check if this is how we can do the shoot," Nicole said.

I walked over and watched Lea in awe. "You're... gorgeous!" he said. "Yes... YES! Of course this is how we can do the shoot.... Wow..."

I leaned in and kissed her.

"Dave, remember what we discussed earlier. You are a spectator and you will not be in today's shoot. Stay behind this line, pointing to a line of tape on the floor. Today is just for Lea, you get your turn in time if you want," Nicole said.

I nodded and walked back to the chair in the corner.

The bathrobe was taken off of Lea by Effie who led her center stage, and the shoot was about to start.

Lea was placed on a design chair, in all kinds of poses. Nicole gave instructions and she kept shooting.

I was in my chair watching the two large monitors on which the pictures appeared one after each other, alternating between the left and right monitor shortly after they were shot. I couldn't help but smile, I liked the pictures so much and I was proud of Lea.

Nicole told Lea not to watch Dave, as it would affect the photos.

All the while during the shoot, the three of them, Nicole, Effie and Lea kept talking freely and soon it felt like three friends having fun. As if they had known each other for a long time.

Lea was asked to pull the straps down her shoulders. I could see her hesitation and Nicole looked at Effie and nodded at her, who came over and pulled one strap just over Lea's shoulder, and the other one she said, was her own job.

Nicole was shooting all the time. Click.

"Nice." Click. "Gorgeous!" Click. "Look into the lens. Head down a bit." Click. Click.

Nicole was smiling a lot. I think it gave Lea confidence and slowly she started pulling the other strap down from her shoulder. Click.

After a while she was asked to take off the bra slowly. Click. Click. Click.

Again various poses.

"My god, her side profile is gorgeous Nic," Effie said.

Lea was asked to slowly pull down her panties in a seductive way - she would be repeating this in various poses.

I could tell that she hesitated. Reluctantly she pulled one side down a bit.

Click. Click.

Sometimes Effie came and rearranged her panties or pulled them up, preparing them for a next pose. Click.

"Now let's see you leaning over the back for one set." Nicole said.

Not sure what was expected, Effie walked over and made Lea sit on her knees, arms on the back of the chair, ass to the camera.

"Not into my face dear", Nicole said.

Lea was rearranged slightly diagonally, so her ass would be slightly to the side, her left boob would be in the frame and she was asked to look into the camera.

Click.

Slowly but surely Lea's panties came off more and more until her pussy was exposed. Click. Click.

"Effie, some help please?" Nicole said, and pointed her finger towards Lea's ass.

Effie came over, took a tissue and gently spread her labia, and removed some of the glistening moisture that had been forming there. Redness formed in Lea's face and suddenly she was sweating profusely.

Effie took the makeup brush and made sure all shiny reflections were gone.

Click. Click....

Then Nicole came very close with the camera and pointed it close-up to her pussy and asshole. Click.

"OK, time for a break!" Nicole suddenly said, quite loud.

*** Emotional turmoil

"May I suggest some wine?", Nicole said.

Lea and myself got a glass of red wine. Good wine. Malbec with a deep red, almost purple color.

Nicole showed us some of the pictures she had taken so far. "Not everything will be in your album," she said.

"But you will get all pictures on a USB stick. I don't publish what's on your stick. I do ask for some pictures for my portfolio. We can blur parts of the picture and your face if you like. We'll sort this out later. Nothing here happens without you agreeing. Nothing is published without your consent."

The pictures were gorgeous. Lea's pictures. They made me hard. What an artist, this Nicole.

*** Twist and turn

A short knock on the backstage door. I was confused. I thought the outside door was closed....

"Come in Mick!", Nicole said.

"Mick!!!" Effie said and quickly ran towards him, hugging him tightly and giving him a peck on the mouth.

Effie sure was the hugging and kissing type.

"Hi Nic!" he greeted Nicole and gave her a small wave.

"Hi love," she responded, blowing him a kiss.

Mick came over and introduced himself, shaking my hand, and then walking over to Lea kissing her on the cheek and hugging her, maybe a bit too long to be considered a decent hug.

With Nicole and Effie he seemed very acquainted and secure, very amicable anyway. With us however, he seemed very insecure, or shy, looking at the floor more than into our eyes.

I could tell that Lea wasn't very comfortable. Yes she was standing there in her bathrobe, her eyes shooting towards me and Nicole in an alternating way. She was fidgeting nervously with the bathrobe.

I noticed that Mick was wearing a similar bathrobe. Then it dawned to me. Aunt Annie. "Ask for Mick..." was what the letter had said.

Oh no... He was a male model. He was... young... maybe 19... SHIT... he was handsome, I had to admit, even for a guy.

"Mick is..." Lea asked Nicole.

"Mick is our actor for today," Nicole said. "You booked him for today's session, remember?"

"Allow me to introduce Mick," Nicole said.

"Mick's a second degree nephew to me. He has had his fair share of problems in life and has challenges reintegrating into society properly. I hire him occasionally for shoots like this helping to rebuild his self-confidence and his trust in people.

Mick needs to learn how to feel again and truly connect with people.

Funny thing is that his personality helps allowing my clients opening up in ways they didn't expect."

Mick was a bit uncomfortable I could tell.

I noticed that Lea glanced over at him. She had that shy but approving look in her face that I loved so much.

But this was something I didn't like one bit.

My stomach churned.

Lea looked at me. I kind of smiled at her, lifted my eyebrow towards Mick and then winked towards her. Why did I wink at her? Why did I do this? But I couldn't let her know what I was feeling right now.

This was something I didn't like one bit.

We finished our wine when Nicole announced the break was over.

I was directed back to my corner.

"OK Lea, listen.", she continued. "I know it can be intimidating the first time when taking a photoshoot with a stranger. Especially if it is your first nude photoshoot. You control the entire shoot, and everything that happens in it, OK?"

"We just give suggestions, but you decide what feels good to you, and what not. If you feel uncomfortable with something, please tell me sooner rather than later."

This was a strange thing to say 'everything that happens'. What would happen anyway. This is a photoshoot.

Nicole spoke again. "Why don't you and Mick stand here. Please take off your bathrobes. Mick knows the drill and he will suggest poses. If I'm not happy, I will give further instructions. You Lea, indicate when things are about to happen that you don't like, before they happen please."

I saw how Lea hesitated.

Mick took off his bathrobe. Thankfully he was wearing briefs. Effie took Lea's bathrobe off her. She let go of it reluctantly.

Mick stood opposite of her, looking at her directly. I could see him scan her body.

I couldn't see his front side, so I couldn't see his package. But I could see that Mick was a very fit young man.

Lea scanned his body and from the looks of her smile and her eyes lingering a bit too long at his waist level, I was not so amused.

Lea looked at me, and I could see her cheeks getting a bit reddish.

Mick was good looking without a bathrobe. He was at least 2 inches taller than Lea. He had a fit, but not too muscular build. Waves of blonde hair. Cleanly shaven. He had a hint of a triangle figure, where a man's shoulders are much wider than his waist.

"Come on, stand a bit closer dear," Nicole said. Click.

Lea froze slightly, looking at Effie.

Effie came over and whispered something in her ears. She pulled Lea forward and led her hands onto his hips.

They were suddenly standing very close to each other.

I saw how Lea inhaled. She was a bit unsteady there for a second.

Mick was looking slightly down at her. Lea looked up and I could see that their lips must be almost touching. She turned her head away. Click.

"Nice one Lea!" Nicole said. "Now look at his eyes again."

And she did.

She looked up at Mick. Click. Click... Click.

I looked at the monitors as Nicole kept shooting pictures, and yes, on some, there was definitely quite the package.

I am not sure how long they stood there like this, but Effie came closer and gently pushed their hips against each other.

I saw how Lea looked down with a flash of fear in her face.

Yes, he definitely must have a boner there. He was young and virile. Any boy his age would have a boner at this point.

Thank god he was wearing briefs. Thank god Lea was wearing panties.

But the thought of two thin layers of fabric between my Lea and his likely boner was... uncomfortable... for me.

Now that they were standing closer with joined hips, their faces were also closer to each other. She stared into his eyes. He stared into hers.

Their lips were not touching but... wait... was he closer than a minute ago? He was not trying to...?

Slowly but surely his lips came closer, it took him at least 1 minute to close the gap, which was not more than half an inch to begin with. Click. Lea turned my head to Nicole. Click.

"Look at him," Effie said. Nicole nodded.

Lea looked back, taking a bit more lip-distance.

Jealousy hit me like a brick thrown into my face. How could she look up at him so closely, so intensely when standing so close.

He was definitely coming closer very slowly. I think Lea tried shaking no with her head but that could be my imagination. My tension grew with every second.

It was then that I realized that Mick was pushing his hips into her with very slow and very small rhythmic motions.

Lea's body seemed to react though as I think I occasionally saw her push her hips back at him. Click.

He came closer to her mouth with his lips. Click.

I could not see directly what was going on from his angle, but I was staring intently at the screen in front of me anyway. And with Lea's pictures appearing on the two displays I had a front row seat, perhaps even a better view than the live view.

On the next picture, their lips touched. Click.

Lea kept her mouth closed. Click. Click. Proof on the monitor. Thank god she was not kissing him back.

On the next picture his lips had parted. Click click...

On the next his tongue licked her lower lip.

In the next few picture, I could see her closing her eyes. I looked over to them directly and I saw how Lea was getting more and more relaxed gradually.

Before I realized, on the next few pictures, her lips parted and he probed her mouth with his tongue.

I thought I heard a very faint moan emanating from Lea.

Her breathing was accelerating, and so was his.

No! No! She was getting aroused. I knew the signs all too well.

On the next picture I could see Lea's tongue coming slightly out of her mouth...

And then there was the picture where I could see their mouths open and tongues touching. And another few.

The brick in my stomach that had been there for a while now, suddenly felt twice as heavy.

"OK that's enough for now - I've got this series!" Nicole said suddenly.

Lea almost jumped and scooted back from Mick, looking at me in guilt.

Effie was there with Lea's bathrobe and Mick was also picking up his.

I looked back at the screen where Lea's tongue was caressing Mick's.

I was not amused. Not at all. I was... feeling... not even betrayed... perhaps inadequate.... I was feeling... her sensuality...

At the same time, this last picture was intensely erotic. I was in an internal turmoil. At one moment I was scared for what it meant for Lea and me, and in the other moment I was so happy for her that she could enjoy what I apparently could not give her. Then I was pissed with Mick again, and then... I didn't know what to think.

"Come and take a look at the pictures," Nicole said to Lea and me with a smile, handing both of us a glass of wine.

Lea was staring anywhere but at me.

God what had we gotten ourselves in to?

I went over to Nicole. My face was serious I'm sure, but in the moments I saw this as a positive thing, the corner of my mouth occasionally pointed slightly upward.

Nicole showed a few of her favorites. And then the last picture, showed Lea kissing Mick, tip of her tongue inside his mouth, eyes closed.

*** Unexpected heat

I was again -still- struggling with my own emotions.

Initially I found Lea's uncomfortable body language amusing.

When it started to become a bit less uncomfortable for her I thought that the youngster should have a bit of fun too. Nothing serious, after all he's just a kid.

But at the same time there was a profound feeling of jealousy. I, me, should be making her feel this way. My heart was racing.

Lea looked at me in horror after seeing the last picture, and I looked back at her with an intense look, not saying anything, unable to keep my eyes locked on her.

Lea glanced down and inhaled suddenly. Her gaze had settled on my waist area. I glanced down and I saw the rough outline of my own erection.

Did I really get excited by looking at her kissing another man just now?

My heart was racing. I was amused and pissed and excited and jealous and aroused at the same time. And then my feelings were replaced again with insecurity.

Lea looked at me expectantly. I couldn't say anything. Not now.

Lea decided that she needed another sip of wine, staring into the distance. We did not talk. I was also going eagerly at my own glass of wine.

Lea was moving away from me, unconsciously.

After a few minutes, Nicole had replaced batteries and memory cards and indicated she was ready to continue if we were.

My struggle kept manifesting in my mind over and over again. I considered ending the shoot, but something held me back... Lea's expression in the last picture, and her body language.

She looks alive, almost vibrant, in a way that I had not seen in a long time. I know that look. It's not just lust, but something deeper. She's connecting with Mick in a way that both excited and terrified me.

I saw her radiating emotions that I had not seen in a long time. Emotions that I longed for and felt sorry for not triggering these with Lea recently. I missed this Lea.

I decided that I loved her too much to hold her back. I realized that I loved her more than I feared losing her.

It was a moment of true surrender into her happiness. I wanted her to feel this happiness.

Slowly I walked over to her and whispered into her ear "You deserve this..." and kissed her gently and lovingly on her temple.

"Are we good to go?" Nicole asked?

Lea and I silently nodded OK.

Nicole whispered something into Effie's ear.

I was not sure whether she was fully ready, but Effie came to Lea and took her bathrobe off. In a very silent but husky voice she said, "Let's get these off, lightly pulling at her panties."

She froze, and grabbed the hem of her panties.

Nicole ensured her the pictures would be decent, and slightly in doubt she let go, slowly.

In the meantime Mick had shed his bathrobe and pulled down his briefs too, facing away from Lea.

Uhhh.... WOW... Mick was huge!

I was staring at his package. I had never seen such a large cock. I was in shock. It was semi flaccid, but even then at least 7.5 inches long, with a massive girth across the entire length, complimented with an even wider mushroom cockhead.

Then Mick turned to Lea and walked over.

She was in shock too. I could tell because she inhaled sharply and put a hand over her mouth.

Her entire head flushed into a dark share of red immediately. No ordinary blush, but one that made her radiant. Redness spread across her chest and boobs. No chance that she could deny having seen his member.

Mick was smiling. I was in distress. Lea was in distress. Lea was...

Nicole saw her reaction and said "We are going to do a few classy poses with the two of you. Nothing overly explicit. I mean we may occasionally see part of your vagina, or part of his penis, but in general, they are not the main topic of the pictures, you are Lea."

"Remember Lea, Dave, we can stop at any time. You just call it if you feel uncomfortable." she continued.

"Mick, why don't you get opposite of Lea and you start where you left off before?"

He came closer and I saw how Lea kept her pelvis turned away from him, which only resulted in her face being closer to him.

"Not like that Lea, can you scoot closer with your pelvis please?", Nicole said.

She was hesitant I could tell but in the end she complied slowly, until she felt his penis on her leg. I could see her twitch.

"Take a deep breath," Nicole said, "and another one."

Mick smiled, not saying or doing anything. He just kept still. Click.

Nicole started shooting. Click. Click.

Mick helped Lea take on various poses. He took her hands and placed them on his hips. Click.

He moved one of her hands to his ass. Nicole moved around halfway. Click. Click.

"Squeeze his ass," she said. Lea squeezed his ass and her face turned a darker red. Click.

Mick placed her other hand on the side of his chin. Click.

"Get really close!" was the next instruction. "Faces close together", Nicole added.

Mick stepped a bit closer and so did she, but she was making sure that their lips did not touch. I could tall. It did not look natural. Click.

Then two things happened at the same time.

Mick's lips started getting closer and I could see on the monitor that his cock had expanded and become very hard. I could see his cock starting to press into Lea's abdomen, very long, very hard.

It triggered something in her that made her lean in closer to his lips, and suddenly they met again. Click. Click. Click...

Mick took her arms and put them around his neck. No objection from Lea.

In the next picture I saw how she had closed her eyes.

I think she I couldn't help herself and slightly opened her mouth. Click.

Nicole came closer to their faces and zoomed in. Click.

Things just happened.

Mick's mouth opened slightly too and he extended his tongue onto her lips. Lea's tongue met his tongue too. She flicked his tongue with hers. He flicked back at her tongue with his. Click.

"Ok Lea, that's just gorgeous. I can see the passion in the pictures!" Nicole said suddenly.

Lea stepped back, flustered, slightly confused, looking at me, but I was staring at the monitor. I couldn't help myself but I just had to cover my lap with my hands.

"Why don't you turn around now Lea?"

I looked over at them.

Mick turned her around and pulled her towards him. Lea's front side was facing the camera. The camera could see her entire... private parts... She covered her boobs and her pussy with her hands.

I saw Mick's hand on her back, moving his cock onto her lower back. His member was not extremely hard, but definitely engorged. And large.

Not sure how to behave, Lea froze.

Effie noticed, signaling Nicole, who walked over to Mick and Lea.

With her casual and at the same time empathic way of doing, her hand was on Lea's thigh and on her neck, whispering something to her and giving her a peck on her lips.

It left her confused and in total redness. But her breathing seemed to slow down and she got into a more relaxed state.

Nicole indicated several of the poses we might take on. By the time she had explained everything, I think Lea had gotten slightly accustomed to feeling another man's cock in the crack of her ass and on her lower back.

"Are you OK to proceed?" she asked.

She nodded hesitantly, not entirely sure still I think.

They did some of the poses with Lea gradually uncovering her boobs and in the end, also her pussy. Mick was mostly passive for this time.

If this was what it is, I could live with the situation.

Then Nicole hinted for several of the other poses where Mick would be more involved.

He put his hand on her hair and pushed it slightly aside, brushing her cheek. Click.

Then on the side of her shoulders. Click.

Then on her tummy. Click.

Lea's breathing was getting faster.

I think Lea had a feeling where he was going as she quickly covered his hands with hers. Click. Click.

"Gorgeous!" Nicole said. "Now look up, back at Mick."

Lea did as instructed and turned her head, looking into his eyes. Click. Click.

He gave her a quick peck on her lips. She shuddered, this time from pleasure and anticipation.

Then his hands moved up towards the underside of her boobs. Click.

Then he cupped her right breast. Click.

What happened next is not something I would have anticipated nor dreamed of, ever.

While Nicole kept shooting, Mick cupped both her boobs and started kneading.

On the monitor, I could see his member grow even more with each picture, to what must have been at least 10 inches. To me it seemed that his girth had also expanded, but I wasn't sure.

Occasionally he would move his hand and touch her nipple. Sometimes he would flick them briefly.

Lea's knees weakened and her eyes closed.

I was watching the screen struggling with my true love he felt for Lea, and the jealousy that was peaking in my mind. From her body language I could tell that Lea was extremely aroused. She was in heat. The sight of her getting so intensely aroused was making me anxious, jealous and horny at the same time, and it made my cock stir even more.

"OK Mick, move to the side please", Nicole said.

He moved to her side and I saw his full erection for the first time. I was silent. I was staring. Lea was also staring at his waist.

"I'm right here sweetie," Nicole said.

Lea looked up, while Mick positioned himself so he was on her right hand side, with his member on her belly. He moved his hips back and forth slightly, rhythmically.

I could see his hand on her ass, kneading her buttock. Rubbing it, slowly kneading it again.

He moved his hand onto her lower back, then back to her ass, then under her buttock. His fingers must have been less than an inch from her asshole. Lea inhaled audibly.

His hardness was pressing into Lea. I could tell that she was very aware.

They took several other poses, until at some point in time he was no longer trying to move his hips with minimal visual cues, and openly used Lea's body for his own pleasure.

He had taken his cock, pressing his hips into her, rubbing his cock on Lea's belly. Up and down, up and down.

He had precum dripping from the tip, so there was a slick area on her lower belly, and on her pussy mound.

The pictures showed that Mick had lost all restraint.

Lea must have been getting wetter by the minute. Nicole took a few pictures directly between her legs and signaled Effie.

"I love that view!" Nicole said.

Effie came with some tissues and whispered into something into her ear. It was too silent for me to hear. Lea nodded and said said "yes please". She was breathing raggedly.

Effie made a cupping motion under Lea's pussy, then moved her hand up and seemed to wipe her pussy. Surely she wasn't so wet that... Apparently she was...

Effie took another tissue and wiped some more off and then ran her bare fingers along her pussy, searching for residual wetness, or at least that's what she said.

While she did that, her index finger must have brushed Lea's clit. A sharp intake of breath was the only proof I would get.

Effie looked at Lea and winked. "There, good to go," she said softly, looking at her lips, then leaning in and giving her a peck on her mouth.

Lea's hand moved to her mouth and lingered there for a bit. Her nipples were very erect.

In the meantime, Mick came back to the last position.

"No, stand in front of Lea again Mick," Nicole said.

They joined at the hips again. He put her arms around his neck again. His penis was pressing into her belly, hard, as Lea looked down, but Nicole indicated she should look at his face instead.

Suddenly Mick reached between them, and angled his cock downwards. He then pulled her back at him. His cock must be pressing between her pussy lips now.

A silent intake of breath on Lea's end told him and me that she was into it.

He started moving his hips back and forth, clenching her ass. I could see Lea pushing her thighs together and at the same time I noticed that she was pushing back at him. Click. Click.

Nicole shot away, occasionally changing her viewpoint. "Ohh.." she said.

She quickly got close and told us to hold still, so she could take a picture of his cock where it came out between Lea's thighs near her asshole. A drop of precum had started to produce a string downwards. It was glistening in the studio lights. Click.

"That looks amazing." Nicole said.

Another pang of jealousy traveled though my body as I watched the proof on the monitors, but I had to admit that this was a very erotic sight.

They started moving their hips again.

Mick cupped her ass and told her to jump up.

Lea did as she was told. This brought her pussy onto his cock.

His big mushroom cockhead was on her clit. The proof was on the two displays in front of me.

I looked over at them and I could see how she pressed her hips onto him. She pressed her pussy into his dick harder. She kissed him.

My head was spinning. She kissed him. It was not Mick trying to kiss her, but it was Lea actively kissing him.

All the time, Nicole was shooting more pictures. Click. Click.

Lea was humping his cock slowly, rhythmically. His hard mushroom head was rubbing her pussy all the way from clit to asshole.

Nicole continued shooting away, came closer, shot a few more closeups and called for a break.

Lea jumped off and looked at me, with a guilty expression. She had just all but fucked Mick.

There were pictures. There was proof.

She was wet. I could see a string of pussy juice running down the inside of Lea's thigh as soon as she turned towards me.

Mick and Lea put on their bathrobes, and we all gathered around Nicole. She showed a few gorgeous and sensual photo's of Mick and Lea's embrace.

"There now, THAT is passion, THAT is sensuality!" she said.

Lea looked at me but I was smiling insecurely. I tried to hide my feelings with a feeble smile, but I wasn't sure what was happening. I wasn't sure about Lea's feelings, about my feelings and about what this would mean... for us...

Again I was playing with the thought of asking Lea to end the shoot.

But I missed that passionate Lea. The girl with whom I fell in love ten years ago.

How could I take that away from her?

At the same time, how could I let that happen to us?

Then Nicole showed a closeup of Mick's cock rubbing her pussy.

"Now this won't be in the album." she said, "But boy you guys can put up a show."

"I am so glad that you are not stopping this. Have you seen how good the poses in these pictures are? They almost make me want to touch myself and cream my panties..." she said.

Now that's not something you hear every day, and both Lea's as well as my face was blushing with the remark and the pictures. Some of them also showed redness in Lea's neck and on her chest.

I could see that Lea was already turned on before, but now, from the looks of it, she was like a bitch in heat. I knew her well enough to recognize when she's like this.

I looked at her. "You're... so... sensual... so hot...." I said.

My mind was in overdrive. I think at that point I gave her the go-ahead.

Effie came with our wine. We started sipping the third glass in under an hour. It was not our brightest action that afternoon. And I was, so definitely Lea would start to really feel the effects of the alcohol. And red wine, when enjoyed in my company had made Lea and me land in the sack more than once. It just turned her on.

Mick and Effie started rearranging the stage. A large 3 person leather sofa was placed in front of the camera. Nicole was changing equipment and rearranging lights and soft boxes.

A gorgeous red velvet cloth was draped over the sofa.

"Come over here for some solo shots Lea," Nicole said.

Effie helped her out of the bathrobe. Then she said to spread her legs a bit and ran her finger along Lea's slit from behind. It made her gasp. She showed me a wet finger and said that Lea needed to be fixed first.

There she was again wiping Lea's pussy with a tissue, patting her engorged pussy lips when she was done.

"There you go!" she said and led Lea to the sofa.

Lea was asked to take on some sexy poses, starting by sitting in a quite decent way, but gradually getting bolder. She was asked to hold her boobs, pinch her nipples, spread her legs with a hand covering her pussy, and then a switch to a position leaning over the rear end of the sofa, with her ass towards the camera. Click. Click.

She was really getting into it without Mick, and the pictures we reviewed later were truly amazing. One of the last pictures showed Lea spreading her pussy lips, ass slightly gaping, and the shiny inside of her wet pussy, with a creamy trickle toward her asshole.

Both Lea and I liked them very much.

*** Turning point

After a little break and a sip from our wine, Nicole nodded at Effie and then towards a bottle. Effie walked over to Lea and said, "Time to get some oil onto you."

She put oil on her hands, said "This oil is already pre-heated." and started applying it everywhere.

Her neck, shoulders, arms, chest, and her boobs.

She lingered a lot on Lea's boobs making sure ample oil was applied. While doing so, she kneaded her boobs and twisted her nipples, occasionally pulling on a nipple very gently. It was actually a nice feeling, as far as I could tell from the rapidly increasing breathing on Lea's end.

She then proceeded to the back and made sure to work on Lea's ass a bit longer when she got down there. An ass massage is always nice, but Effie's hands were expert hands, and I could see Lea closing her eyes.

Suddenly she put a slippery hand between Lea's legs, turned her palm upwards, cupped her mound, and slowly and gently pulled back her hand. She kept repeating the process, making sure to lubricate Lea's pussy lips with oil and likely her own juices too.

"Ohhh....", Lea gasped silently.

Mick came over and started working on her legs in the meantime, working his way up. When he got to the top of her legs, he occasionally brushed her labia very gently, but I noticed. I also noticed his cock. If was pointing upwards, very hard and pulsating with every heartbeat.

Effie had returned to her boobs, saying she missed a spot. Lea was getting turned on more and more by all this attention to her genitalia and with Mick's cock less than an arm's length away. She exhibited all the signs.

"Ok you're done!" said Nicole. "Please recline diagonally on the sofa with your hair upward on the armrest, and your pelvis towards the camera."

Lea did as instructed. Mick came over and spread her legs, looking her over in a lustful, but somehow caring way.

He had applied oil to himself too and both of them had shiny skin reflecting subtly into the softbox lights. He had a raging boner again since he applied the oil.

He lifted her butt a bit and pulled her towards him.

Next he positioned himself between her legs.

I got a bit confused. Surely he was not going to...?

"Mick will only place his penis on your mound, OK?" Nicole said.

Lea went along. Mick did as instructed. Click.

She could feel his cock throbbing.

Then he leaned forward and kissed her nipples. Click. Click.

Next he sucked on one of her nipples, sending a wave of pleasure across my body.

He had started slowly grinding his cock on her pussy.

I didn't return to the monitor but just walked over to watch closer.

"Behind the line Dave, we don't want you in the shots," Nicole said.

I did a step back.

There was a tent in my trousers, and I couldn't help but rub my cock through my pants. I had to reposition my cock from time to time. Clearly this was affecting me a lot.

Mick started making bigger movements with his pelvis and hips, and started sucking Lea's boobs alternately.

Then he looked up and kissed her neck, followed by her chin, tracing upwards to Lea's lips.

He took her bottom lip into his mouth and sucked it in, touching her lip with his tongue. Lea was panting.

I moved closer. Nicole waved me off saying I needed to stay out of the camera's line of sight.

"Give me a second," I said to Nicole.

I walked over to Mick and Lea, and whispered into her ear, "It's OK to let go Lea." and I kissed her temple, stepped back and blew her a loving kiss.

In the meantime Mick had taken his swollen member and started rubbing it up and down. From her clit to her asshole. From her asshole back up. And again. And again.

Lea was sweating and she was very excited. Her pussy was swollen. her whole body had a shiny redness, and her neck and face were flushed with an even darker red color.

He was dripping precum and Lea's pussy was dripping with her own juice, some of her cream running out of het pussy.

Lea started breathing heavily.

Suddenly he angled his cock slightly downwards and his large mushroom head slipped into her love canal.

"Unggghh....". She tried getting up, not having expected this to happen.

He backed out, pulling his erection upwards as his cock flopped onto his belly.

She leaned back again.

Lea almost jumped when he penetrated her another time. His girth was impressive.

Even from a distance, I could see the tension on her pussy tissue as his head slipped inside. There was discomfort, reading from her face, but and excitement at the same time.

"Ohh... that's soo hot", Ellie whispered.

Click. Click. Nicole kept shooting pictures.

Mick asked if Lea was OK.

She looked at me, and I gave her a slight nod and whispered "Enjoy this".

Lea started to relax and leaned back.

Mick repeated the process of rubbing upwards repeatedly when it slipped in again, this time a bit deeper. Lea seemed was surprised by this although she could have expected it after the first few times. He kept it there, still, allowing her to get used to the feeling.

Lea's body shot up anyway and she looked into my eyes again, probably not sure how I would react with another man's cock clearly planted into her pussy.

And she knew me better than myself, as in that instant, I realized that my stomach still churned of jealousy, and I suddenly feared that I might lose Lea.

I also thought I needed to make sure that Lea didn't see me undergoing these emotions, so I gave her a small smile.

I had quite the emotional turmoil going on inside me. I was considering putting an end to this.

At the same time, they looked so beautiful. Lea looked so gorgeous, so sensual, so radiant, so in the moment. I couldn't take that away from her. She deserved this, to be desired.

She looked back at Mick and leaned back slowly, him taking this as a cue to continue.

Rubbing, slipping, flopping. Mick repeated this a few times, their bodies slick with juices where we joined, and him edging slightly deeper each time.

Suddenly he stopped the process and when his cock was in again, he kept it there, slightly pushing forward. He pushed and pulled gently inching forward with each slow push, allowing her vulva to accommodate for his girth.

Her pussy was overflowing as he pushed in deeper and deeper, with a stream of white creamy pussy juice down into her asshole, and in between her ass cheeks. The leather of the sofa was shining with her juices.

After a little while I think he was bottoming out. I mean, he seemed to hit a wall, meaning, he was probably hitting her cervix. From the discomforted look on Lea's face, that must be it. Wow he had a package.

He asked if she was OK and she looked at me again. I had had some time to digest what was happening so I could now look back at her and nod. I looked back at Mick and nodded.

Slowly but surely he began moving his hips back and forth. The movements his cock was making were bigger. He was pulling out further, and then pushing back in. And again, and again, until her pussy was accustomed well enough to allow him in.

I think the uncomfortable feeling was subsiding and slowly being replaced with pure joy, from what I could tell from the look on Lea's face and the motions she started making.

She started writhing in pleasure. She was so excited and so aroused. Her breathing was rapid and deep. She started thrusting back at him. Click. Click.

Until then, he had held back, but with every new stroke he pushed in a bit deeper until I heard their bodies slap together. I don't know what changed or how they managed this, but he was all the way in. Click... Click.

And then it began...

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

SlapSlapSlapSlap...

He was pistoning in and out like a steam engine. In and out, in and out... Continuously. Relentlessly.

Click. Click.

I watched in awe. It was almost a miracle.

I could see Lea's tension building and she seemed to be getting closer to her climax with his every move.

Suddenly it came to my mind that she wasn't protected. They didn't have a condom. Lea wasn't on the pill.

Since I was shooting blanks, there was never a need for protection.

This virile 19 year old youngster was hardly shooting any blanks. His babymaker would probably produce very potent baby juice.

To make matters worse, these were Lea's fertile days. This was probably why she was so receptive in the first place.

Shit, maybe his precum had already done the job.

"Don't come inside me please," Lea said hoarsely.

Mick nodded and kept pistoning in and out. Lea was experiencing joy and bliss.

"Yesss....." she hissed, "push it into my cervix!". It added to Mick's excitement. Probably also hers. Effie was rubbing a hand inside her pants. It all added to my own excitement too as I had to readjust my cock several times again.

The girth, the depth, the speed... His stamina was amazing.

Looking at Lea I saw all the signs of an imminent orgasm. Shortly after, she climaxed.

"OOhhhhhhhhnnnhhh...... Unghhhhhhhh..... OOOOoohhhhh.............. MMMMmmmmhhhhh......" Click.

She came sooo hard. Click. She came sooo intense. Click. Click.

Nicole quickly got closer and shot pictures of Lea's contorted face.

She pulled his hips in and started pushing back onto his cock, driving him deeper and deeper. Click.

Her writhing did not leave him untouched. He was building towards his own climax.

She pulled harder. Click. Click.

"Lea I...." Mick said.

"Shut up and keep doing what you are doing! Don't you dare stop!" she bitched at him.

She pulled him into her womb. She lifted her legs up and crossed them behind his back.

She arched her pelvis to get him even deeper.

Her fingernails were digging into his back. She left a few bloody marks.

"But I..." he tried again, tensing up.

"Shhh...." she whispered, pulling him closer trying to kiss him.

And then he let go. Suddenly he tensed up even more. Pushing his cock deep into her.

Mick groaned and he was undulating into my wife's womb. He began climaxing.

Nicole kept shooting pictures of the horny couple, and of Mick and Lea's faces.

He groaned a few more times and Lea kept pulling at him.

It was not enough for Lea. She told him to continue fucking her hard. And that's what he did.

Initially the pistoning was slower but soon he picked up his pace. He went even faster and deeper until she came again. She told him not to stop and came a third time after a few minutes.

The rest of the audience was watching in silence.

Effie was holding her breath, and Nicole had stopped shooting pictures.

I was... I think it was a bit too much for me. There was clearly some goo on the front side of my pants. I had enough fun to get myself a wet patch.

Effie stopped rubbing her pussy and with her eyes rolled back she let out a deep breath, indicating she also climaxed from seeing the carnal display.

Nicole was holding the camera with one hand, but her other hand was in her groin and she was moving her hips rhythmically.

Mick slowly pulled out. Nicole switched back immediately to full professional photographer mode and continued shooting. Click. Clickclickclick...

As his cock left her body, Lea's hole was gaping. A puddle of juice and cum was building inside at the bottom, slowly sliding outward, until some gobs of cum came out, slowly trickling down into the area between her ass cheeks, and onto the sofa.

Click. Click.

Lea panicked I think, and looked at me. I didn't get it at first but then she said "Dave look..." pointing to the puddle of cum between her legs and on the sofa. Her look of total horror made me understand.

Then reality hit me. What had she done? She likely was fertile and she let a young, no doubt very fertile man, cum into her, unprotected.

Oh god... What if he... What if he really knocked her up?

I looked back at her, and she could see I knew.

Nicole had caught on to what was happening in Lea's head.

"Are you... not... protected?" she said concerned.

Barely noticeable Lea shook her head no...

"What time of month are you in?"

Tears started welling up into her eyes.... She didn't say anything.

Nicole understood immediately.

"Then why did you....?" she asked.

"I don't know!!", she said. "I got carried away... I just had to have his sperm!"

I was looking at her now in shock too. "Honey..." I uttered, not sure what to say really.

*** Dawn

My thoughts were all over the place. Love, hate, jealousy, it was all happening at the same time. Fear of losing Lea. Fear of her getting pregnant from another man. Fear of not living up to the promise of fathering a child where a young handsome stud easily could.

This quickly spiraled into a profound sense of personal inadequacy. He was younger, fitter, had a huge cock, tremendous stamina, and he could bottom out in Lea. The pure lust and surrender I saw in Lea was something I couldn't give her.

I felt outperformed, reduced and possibly replaced.

My feelings were not rooted in rage towards Mick, but I was angry with myself mostly and my own shortcomings.

There I experienced a deep internal emotional fracture.

"I can't give her what he can."

It was an unsettling thought.

Maybe I never could, maybe I never would.

Seeing Lea with Mick like this, remembering how she surrendered and experienced ultimate joy, caused my deepest insecurities to surface, sending me into my own emotional crisis.

I had always feared that my inability to give her the family we wanted would push her away, and now, seeing the chemistry between her and Mick, my insecurities about me as a husband screamed louder than ever.

But between all the jealousy and fear, something unexpected stirred within me. I remembered how alive she looked when she was with Mick just now, how happy and unbothered, and it made me pause and rethink the situation.

Maybe, just maybe, I realized, it wasn't about losing her to someone else; maybe it was about giving her the happiness she deserved, even if it meant letting go of my own pride and jealousy.

Lea looked at me in distress, and she must have sensed my distress too. But my mindset and my expression slowly changed, into a look of understanding and love.

Lea started smiling at me. First in doubt, but then she started smiling back at me.

This brought forward a moment of such mutual love and understanding, and I felt my bond with Lea had just been strengthened.

The idea of another man fathering a child in Lea still terrified me, but as I watched Lea's radiant smile, I remembered that woman that I missed so much and I knew I had no choice but give in.

Slowly, painfully, my perspective was shifting, my love for Lea beginning to outweigh the jealousy and fear, allowing me to accept what I had never thought I could.

I looked into her eyes intensely, seriously, as I slowly walked towards her, and whispered into her ear so that no one could hear what I had to say. "Lea... do you trust me...?"

She looked at me and nodded. And then I said something I had never expected to say to her.

"Lea, my love, maybe... maybe... this is the way... for us to... have children..."

That was unexpected, and definitely something she needed to let sink in...

"No one needs to know... Just you and I..." I whispered softly.

"OK let's take a break," Nicole said silently, with a puzzled expression on her face.

I could see that Lea was trying to process what I had said. I could see that she was struggling with the emotions and the whole situation.

I think she needed some wine to calm down, as she took two big gulps. From the look on her face it wasn't a done deal. She looked confused and conflicted.

She looked at the remaining wine in her glass and downed the last bit.

I knew that more wine would just make her more horny. I wasn't sure whether this was stress and the need to calm down, nor if she needed this to..."

I knew fully well that she would not be able to resist more of what had just transpired with the amount of alcohol in her system.

Lea told Nicole she needed a private talk with me. We walked away from the others.

We discussed the situation in private, whispering. She told me that if we were going to do this, it would be all the way. All or nothing. Our easy going life would be over. Would I be able to cope with the fact that it would be someone else's baby? She told me than once she wasn't going to have the morning after pill, she sure as hell wasn't going to have an abortion.

If we proceeded with this, if we really let it happen and let nature run its natural course, her turning out to be pregnant after this, would not be a decision she would undo. She knew I brought it up, but was that really something I could live with?

Effie, Mick and Nicole were having their own conversation, whispering. It was a quite animated discussion looking at their rapid body movements, but we could not make out what they were saying. It was clear there was a certain level of distress over there as well.

Nicole came over to us. "I think we should not continue the shoot today..." she said. We discussed with Mick and he is as spooked by what happened as any of us.

I looked at Lea, moved close and whispered "A wholehearted yes!" into Lea's ear. Then I leaned back, nodded at her, nodded at Mick, and told her I would fully support my decision.

Lea called Mick over too. He started apologizing right away. "I'm terribly sorry..." he said, but she interrupted him.

"Listen..." she said. "We got carried away. Way too much. Not just you. Me too."

"But Dave and I discussed something and this may not be a bad situation after all."

For the next thirty to forty minutes we explained our thoughts and heard all of the involved' arguments, considerations, objections and contemplations.

In the end, we all came to one simple conclusion: if she was going to be knocked up, the semen already in her womb right now would have already done the job. Continuing the photoshoot would not make a difference.

The whole discussion, the knowledge that she had just gotten inseminated with a chance of getting pregnant, the outlook that his cock would touch her very deeply again, all of it just made Lea squirm and her pussy juice was flowing well by the time we decided the shoot could continue.

Mick was instructed to lie down on the floor. She knelt over him and started rubbing her pussy on his gorgeous and massive cock. She had never given me a pussy rub, but she just had to try it with his apparatus.

Nicole started shooting again. Click. Click.

She rubbed her pussy back and forth on his member, which got harder and harder by the minute. Click.

Nicole asked Lea to turn around with her ass facing Mick. I felt a bit of envy as Mick probably just got the best view in the house. Click.

Nicole moved around them. Click. Click.

Rubbing her pussy on his cock also stimulated Lea's clit and took her pleasure up a notch. I could tell from the non-verbal signs she was giving.

Lea lifted her legs and put her feet on the ground, lifting herself up, telling Mick to just keep it upright.

As he did so, she lowered herself onto his cock, slowly. She was visibly being stretch-tested again, from the look of white tissue surrounding his cock.

She inched lower, pulled back up, inched slightly lower again and repeated the process a few times.

I could see how Lea enjoyed this when repeatedly her eyes would be closed or rolled back and I would only see the white of her eyes.

I think she needed more time to accommodate his girth and depth again.

Slowly but surely she moved up and down allowing her pussy to relax and give in.

Finally she managed to take him fully again, and she could sit down on Mick with full body contact.

"God that's hot!" I said. "Every time you lift, a sheath of your pussy comes out and stretches half an inch out, going back in when you push down again. Your pussy and his cock are glistening with your juices."

Click. Click. Click.

After a few minutes she seemed to need more. Harder and faster.

She started lifting herself up and dropping back more rapidly. She lifted further every time she came up, until she could do full strokes out of her pussy, and back into it.

Mick was panting. His cock probably probed all the way into her cervix every time she dropped down into him. He was getting more and more excited with every thrust.

I could tell her excitement was building too, and the proof suddenly was there. Something I had never experienced with Lea. Her pussy was ejaculating creamy and sticky juice. She was squirting before I knew what was happening.

She let out a primal sound that I never heard her make before, ever. Myself and Effie were looking at her intently.

This had never happened before. Click. Click.

It was not enough for Mick however.

He asked Lea to get up, and put her knees on the sofa.

She moved over to the sofa, never taking her eyes off Mick's eyes or his massive cock. She knelt onto the sofa and spread her ass cheeks with both hands so that her pussy was wide open.

"Put it in," she said with a low husky voice. She clearly wanted him back inside of her. Badly.

Mick came over and pressed all the way in. It was astonishing to see how her pussy could take him in one go after the cream she just gave.

She sighed of pure pleasure. "Uhnnngggh....."

He started moving out and back in. And out. And in and out.

Slap.... Slap....

Slap.... Slap....

SlapSlapSlapSlap...

Within a few strokes he was pistoning in and out of her pussy, deep and fast. He grabbed Lea's hips and rammed his love meat into her, hard.

There was no gentle moving this time. He was ramming into her for his life. His hands clenched into her, her flesh turning white where his fingers were positioned. His pelvis slapped onto her ass.

SlapSlapSlap...

Click. Click. Click.

He was sweating all over his body.

She was glistening with all the sweat all over her body.

My eyes got bigger and bigger. How on earth could this boy last so long?

Mick sped up even more, thrusted stronger and he pulled harder on her hips, until he pulled at her one more time, pushing all the way in.

He groaned and let go, which also sent her over the edge again.

"Mhmmmhmmrmrrmmmm... mmmhmmmrmm... hmmm..." he groaned.

"Oh god!!! Unghhh. Ungggghhhh... GNGNNNNUhhhhhh..." she moaned.

Nicole was taking pictures where their bodies joined. Clickclickclick...

She was taking pictures of their faces. Click. Click.

He was filling her up again. His cock was pulsating inside. Rope after rope of cum decorated her cervix and the walls of her pussy. He was impregnating her... again.

Mick pulled out slowly. With a light popping sound his mushroom head came out.

Gobs of cum leaked out of her pussy, followed by a stream of pussy juice. A satisfied smile formed around the corners of Lea's mouth. If this did not do the trick.... I did not know what would.

The smile on her face told me she felt more than good.

The smell of sex was clearly in the air around us. I could smell it, Nicole could smell it and Effie even walked around inhaling the air while she kneaded her own boobs when she thought no one was looking.

This whole sensual display of Mick and Lea did something for all of us.

A small puddle of Mick's cum had splashed onto the floor. Juice was running down the inside of Lea's legs.

There was no denying what had just happened.

I had a tent in my pants. Effie was pressing her hands into her crotch and rubbing, pressing her pelvis into her hands. When she slipped both of her hands into her pants, she started moaning and convulsing and clearly was enjoying what must have been quite a strong orgasm.

For the next fifteen minutes Lea just laid back onto the sofa, totally spent. Mick was also draped onto the sofa.

"Now that was an interesting studio shoot,", Nicole said, when she started shutting down the lights and other equipment.

Mick and Lea hugged and got up to get dressed. I helped Effie and Nicole with making the studio look decent again.

Effie made sure the bodily fluids on the stage floor and the sofa were cleaned.

Thirty minutes later, there was no proof of what had happened, except for Lea's messy hair, still flushed face and her funny walk as we walked out of the door. Mick must have really done a number on her pussy with that large cock.

*** Aftermath

We sat in the car outside the studio. Lea had asked me to drive back home, but I was so preoccupied that I couldn't bring myself to start the engine.

Several times she and I inhaled to say something, but neither of us actually did, probably both afraid to tear open a can of worms.

The silence was heavy, filled with the profound weight of this shared experience end the echoing reverberations of every raw emotion laid bare.

I suddenly had an internal laugh and I snorted as I thought about Lea's funny walk and my own wet patch still clearly visible in my pants; and the predicament we would find ourselves in once we would get out of the car in the public parking lot across of our house. How were we going to hide that?

It illustrated the maelstrom of emotions and conflicting feelings inside my hear.

After about 25 minutes, I finally mastered the courage to ask the defining question for our relationship: "Are we good...?" I asked, "Are we still we...?"

Lea didn't answer immediately.

"I hope so..." she said with a deep sigh.

"Do you think we are?" she asked me.

"I hope so too." I responded.

"Are YOU ok?" she asked me after a few minutes.

I needed some time to answer.

"I'm not sure..." I whispered.

"No. Not okay." I continued.

"I was... I was a mess in there. I hated it. Every second. And then... I didn't. I hated myself for it, for seeing you... like that... and feeling... what I felt. I didn't expect to feel... so much!"

She looked at me and took my hand, touching me in the most gentle way.

"Look at me Dave," she said.

I was afraid to do so, but I knew I had to.

"I saw it. I saw you. And I kept looking at you... needing you to be okay. To tell me it was okay," she said, "When you whispered that I deserved this... my world just... tilted."

"I know. It was... I don't know where it came from. Pure terror, pure jealousy, but then... seeing you so alive, so vibrant... in a way I hadn't seen in so long." I answered.

"But Lea... the baby. The unprotected... I mean, you literally said, 'I just had to have his sperm!'"

"Oh God, I know! I panicked afterward. I just... I got so carried away. It felt so primal, so overwhelming. And then the fear hit me... but then you... you looked at me, and you said those words.

Her eyes dropped. "I didn't mean to..."

"I know," he cut her off gently, "you didn't do anything wrong."

That was the hardest part. She hadn't betrayed me. She hadn't lied. She had done exactly what they said they'd try. What I had even encouraged.

And yet here I was, sitting in silence, wondering what parts of her were now further away from me than ever before.

After a little while I spoke again.

"It still terrifies me, Lea. The thought of it. My deepest fears, my inadequacy... 'shooting blanks'... but then I saw your face. Your radiant smile. And I knew... I knew I loved you too much to hold you back. To take that happiness from you."

Lea's eyes found mine with raw intensity. "I'm not going to undo it, Dave. Not with a pill, not with... anything. If this is what happens, if this is our path... it's because we chose it. You chose it too."

I exhaled slowly and deeply. A sense of surrender washed over me.

"Yes. I did. Wholeheartedly. It's... it's a hell of a way to start a family, isn't it?"

"It's our way, Dave. And I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else but you. You're my heart. My home."

"What happened today..." she started.

"... it doesn't affect my feelings for you...

... it doesn't change that I love you and I want to be with you and only you...

... in fact, I think it just made me realize even more how much I love you and we are meant to be together."

We hugged and held each other for a long moment. I could still smell the lingering scent of arousal and sex on her and I got an erection. I was still so confused with my feelings.

"I saw a part of you today," I said, "that I haven't seen in so long. And it was beautiful. But it also made me realize how far away I've been from you... and from myself."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

A tear slipped down her cheek.

"I missed you," she whispered.

Dave nodded, finally squeezing her hand. "I missed me too."

The fault line was still there. Raw. Fractured. But maybe, just maybe, it wasn't the beginning of collapse.

Maybe it was the start of something new.

Not perfect. Not painless. But honest.

And that -- I thought -- might be the first step toward a healing I didn't even know I needed.

"There is one thing Lea I need to be sure of," I said.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Can you... please... not see Mick again?"

"Oh god no, I wasn't going to!" she said.

I looked into her eyes. She looked back at me. Our eyes locked for a minute.

Then we kissed, like lovers do.

I started the car and we drove home. Neither of us said a word while we drove.

---

???? October 16

It was strange walking into that studio, knowing I was the outsider today. This was for Lea. She looked radiant, even before the makeup. I sat in the corner watching her being transformed. I felt like I was watching someone I used to know, someone vibrant and unburdened. Someone I missed. Someone I still love.

Seeing her that confident -- it made me ache. Not with jealousy. Not exactly. But with longing. For her. For us. For the version of myself who could make her feel that way.

Then there was Mick. He... I felt like he had replaced me initially.

With Mick and Lea's coupling I did feel jealous and rage and insufficient. Maybe even replaced.

Mick and Lea coupled. I mean, they fucked. I could see how Lea enjoyed a decent cock after so long, and Mick didn't disappoint her. How could he with a sjlong like that. I could tell she needed it. Mick made Lea glow. She let go completely.

They did it without protection during Lea's fertile period. He came deep inside her. That was a shock to me. After my own internal battle, I told Lea that I loved her, and that they should to it again. To... make a baby.

---

*** Auntie's reveal

The day after the studio session, Lea called aunt Annie and put her on speaker. She thanked her from the bottom of her heart. Annie asked if Lea liked the present. She wholeheartedly agreed with her, not letting her get any hint of what had truly transpired the day before.

Then, after a slight pause she asked: "How was Mick...?"

Lea told her that Mick was a nice young man and that he was gorgeous in all the pictures.

"No Lea, that's not what I mean... I asked 'how was Mick'... Not what's he like.

Lea didn't respond, not sure whether Annie meant what she thought she meant.

"Did you at least let him fuck you senseless?" the voice in the phone said.

We were flabbergasted by the question. Lea wasn't going to answer that! So she didn't.

The silence was enough for Annie to know.

"Good on you Lea. I hope you enjoyed that. I hope that it did something beautiful for you and Dave.

I can personally confirm to you that I occasionally enjoy Mick myself. I need him from time to time to scratch a certain itch."

Again Lea was silent. Did Annie have sex with Mick too?

I wasn't sure what to say either.

"Dave are you there?" Annie asked.

"Uhm... yeah... yes." I said.

"Don't feel threatened by Mick please. He's not going to interfere in your marriage."

"How are you so sure?" I asked.

"Because he and I discussed this well ahead of your photoshoot. And he knows he has to answer to me if he so much as approaches Lea at all."

"Listen Lea, Dave, I have to run an errand. Let's get together for dinner next weekend Friday or Saturday, and we'll talk then if you need to, ok?"

We agreed on Friday and ended the call.

The days after the photoshoot passed in a strange quiet.

Not silence -- Lea and I still talked. We cooked dinner. We even laughed, occasionally. We kissed, even. But something lingered in the air. Not tension, exactly.

Something more vulnerable.

We went over to aunt Annie that Friday, but we just couldn't discuss it with her without having talked about it together first.

----

???? October 17

Last night I had a dream. Lea was holding a baby. I couldn't see its face, but I could feel it -- the warmth, the weight of it in her arms, the way she looked at me. Not as someone broken. Not as someone she had to forgive. But as someone who gave her joy.

And I woke up with tears running down the side of my face.

---

*** Recovery room

A week later we have received a photo album from Nicole and a memory stick. The pictures were amazing. The memory stick has all pictures and a few video's she shot that day. The photo album was an artistic and sensual expression of what Mick and Lea experienced that day. Some of these pictures could radily be published in an art gallery. Nicole was a true artist of photography.

We both looked at the album in amazement but at the same time some of the sensual pictures of Lea with Mick brought back my internal emotional turmoil.

Another week had passed and we didn't talk about it, bringing about a heavy atmosphere when we were together. But it gave me a lot of time again to live through my own emotions and thoughts.

The insecurity curled like smoke in my chest. I really wanted to blame Mick -- for his body, his youth, his effortless charm. But it wasn't Mick's fault. Mick didn't steal anything.

No, the truth was simpler. Colder.

I had been fighting a war within myself for years -- ever since the day I was told I couldn't have children. Every moment since had been a slow erosion of what I thought made me a man. I wore it like a coat until now: infertility, inadequacy, impotence. I had tried to redefine myself -- husband, partner, companion -- but deep down, I still clung to the myth that biology was identity, I knew this now. So that myth was collapsing.

I had watched the shoot from behind the soft lights and high-res monitors. I had seen her body respond. Her eyes closed. Her breath catch. Her hands explore. Not acting. Not pretending. Real. Radiant. Alive.

And through it all, I had stayed quiet. Smiling when I was supposed to. Nodding. Pretending.

Pretending I wasn't unraveling.

----

???? October 30

Lea hasn't said much about the photoshoot. Not directly. But I catch her looking at the USB drive sitting on the mantle. She stares at it the way you stare at a photo album from a different lifetime.

I think she's scared of what it means. I think I am too.

Not because of what happened -- but because of how alive she looked. And because a small, awful part of me is still terrified that she might feel more herself with someone who isn't me.

???? October 31

We're not there yet. But I see something returning in her eyes -- light. And in mine -- courage. Courage to redefine what love looks like. Courage to believe that parenthood isn't about DNA. It's about presence. About choosing love every single day.

And maybe, just maybe, this is what healing looks like: not perfect, not clean -- but real.

----

On Tuesday, Lea and I had agreed to take a day off and talk. A long overdue talk. And talk we did.

I found myself waking up earlier than usual. I sat by the window with a coffee that was almost cold before I took the first sip. I watched the light change as the sun rose. I tried naming the feeling in my chest, but I couldn't really pin it down.

It wasn't betrayal. It wasn't anger. It was... I don't know... I felt... erased.

When Lea got up we had breakfast. We talked about little things and by the time we finished, we cleaned up the kitchen table, we both got a cup of tea and sat down.

I explained to her what my internal turmoil was all about. That I didn't blame her, or Mick, or Annie, or anyone.

I told her I felt erased, by time, by reality. By the long, invisible erosion of the version of myself that I had never learned to grieve -- the man who was supposed to become a father "the normal way." The man who never needed help. The man whose worth was self-evident by fathering a child and becoming a dad.

That man was gone. And I had never given him a proper burial.

I let Lea read what I had been journaling that morning with a cold cup of coffee after the sun had risen.

"I am not defined by what I cannot do," she read aloud. Then paused. "That's... good."

I smiled faintly. "It's a work in progress..." I said, "I... I... am a work in progress..."

They sat in silence for a while. Then she whispered "I'm proud of you," and she got up and kissed my temple, hugging me.

I didn't respond right away. I simply turned to her, tears unexpectedly forming.

"Do you still... desire me?" I asked quietly.

She looked startled -- not offended, but sad.

"Every day," she said. "Even when you don't see it. Especially then."

That was when it clicked. The pain I had carried -- the fear, the jealousy, the shame -- none of it had ever really come from her. It had always been my own reflection in a distorted mirror, warped by silence, and the lack of me discussing it with Lea.

The photoshoot hadn't broken us.

It had shown me the walls I had built inside myself. It had made me realize that the only person to blame for the situation I was in, was myself.

"I'm sorry Lea...." I said, "for not involving you in my struggles. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you needed me to be. I'm sorry I couldn't be the husband you needed me to be... I'm sorry.... from the bottom of my heart."

We held each other in silence, both weeping.

"One more thing Lea," I said.

"I think the photoshoot hasn't broken us, but it has given us an opportunity to rebuild. I honestly believe that now."

We both started crying out loud.

My internal walls where there, but started crumbling. Brick by brick, I started taking them down.

----

???? November 2

We finally talked about it.

Over tea. No wine this time. I needed to be fully present.

She didn't apologize. She didn't need to. I told her I saw something in her I hadn't seen in a long time -- a spark. She cried. Not because she was guilty. Because she was relieved.

I apologized to her. For not being there for her. I had to. I owed it to her. I wanted to be the husband she deserves.

And I said something I didn't expect: "It might rebuild us."

----

*** Transformation

Over the next weeks I started making small changes and took time for myself. I walked. I took really long walks. Alone. No podcasts, no music, no distractions. Just my breath. My emotions. My thoughts.

I wrote three letters that I never sent. One to Lea. One to Annie. One, unexpectedly, to myself at age twenty-five. The last one hurt the most. I apologized for the arrogance. For the tight grip on control. For the years of pretending infertility was a vulnerability, and vulnerability was weakness. For the holding on to false beliefs. For the destructive attitude towards myself and what I did to our marriage.

----

???? November 6

There's a part of me I didn't realize was still grieving. Not just the inability to have children, but the death of the future I thought we were owed.

I keep trying to rewrite that future in my head. Add footnotes. Edits. Maybe this new chapter -- with its pain and its mess and its unconventional path -- maybe it's still a love story. Just not the one I planned.

----

I began exercising again, after so many years. Not to chase youth, not to make up for lost time, not to punish myself. I just needed to feel my body on my own terms.

I had associated my body as a failure. And it did me no good. Every workout became a rebellion and a struggle against that belief. I needed to unlearn.

Later that week, I noticed how Lea's behavior was changing. The way she moved, changed. The way she placed her hand on her stomach and stared blankly when she thought I wasn't looking. I think I sensed her thoughts. We didn't talk about it.

I feared this moment. And at the same time I had hoped this moment would come. I was torn between many emotions.

----

???? November 12

I think Lea might be pregnant.

She hasn't taken a test. But I can see it in the way she moves.

I can also see a new way she places her hand on her stomach when she thinks I'm not looking.

She hasn't said anything. And I haven't asked.

We're both waiting for the right moment.

And yet, I've never felt so suspended between fear and hope.

----

*** Biology

----

???? November 13

She asked me if I would ever be able to accept a child that wasn't mine biologically. She was cautious -- careful not to step on the fragile eggshells we've built between us. I didn't answer immediately.

But now, writing this, I know the answer: Yes.

If that child is raised with love. If it's hers. If it brings her joy. Then it will be mine too. In every way that matters.

I will tell her tomorrow as soon as she wakes up.

----

The room was quiet. Soft light filtered through the curtains, washing everything in a pale, forgiving gray. I had been awake for hours. Watching her sleep. Listening to the subtle rhythm of her breathing. Turning the words over in my head a hundred different ways, looking for the perfect version to break the news to her.

She blinked up at me, half-lidded and slow.

"Hey," she said softly, her voice still warm with sleep. "You okay?"

I brushed a strand of hair from her face, letting my hand linger just a second longer than usual.

"I've been waiting for you to wake up," I said. "There's something I need to say before I lose the nerve."

Lea's brows drew together. She shifted upright, the sheet pulled loosely around her chest. "What is it?"

I looked down at my hands. Then back up into her eyes.

"I know you're late."

She froze.

I continued, my voice low but steady. "And I know you haven't told me yet, because you're probably terrified of what it means... of what I'll think. Of how I'll look at you."

Tears welled instantly in her eyes, and she started to open her mouth, but I raised a hand -- gently -- not to stop her, but to say, Let me finish.

"You asked me the other day. I know it's not mine. Truth is... it doesn't matter. Not in the way you think it does."

Tears spilled down her cheeks.

Lea stared at him, breath trembling. "Dave..."

I reached out and took her hand.

"I don't care how it got here," I whispered. "If it's part of you, it's part of me. If it needs love, it will have mine. And if it's yours... it's ours."

She started sobbing now, burying her face in my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her like something sacred was breaking open.

"I love you," I murmured into her hair. "That's not changing. Not because of a this. Not because of biology. Not because of anything."

She looked up at him, eyes swollen, voice cracking.

"I was so scared I'd lost you."

"You didn't," I said. "You found a version of me I didn't know how to become... Until now."

We stayed like that, the morning light growing warmer across their skin.

In that moment, it didn't matter what came next. The truth had been spoken.

And love, at last, was louder than fear.

---

A few days later on the couchshe whispered, "I... I think I'm late indeed..."

I smiled at her. And I pulled her close, like in bed the other day. I put her hand on my heart, and I put my hand on hers.

"Then this is how it was meant to be for us Lea. Let's do this together."

She broke down in tears again as her last doubt about the situation changed, and her anxiety and tension broke.

----

???? November 14

She told me she was quite sure now.

We sat on the couch in silence for nearly an hour. Then she whispered, "I think I'm late."

We both knew what it could mean. I looked at her -- really looked -- and I saw the storm in her eyes. So I did the only thing I could think of: I took her hand, placed it on my chest, and said, "Then let's face whatever comes together."

It wasn't poetic. But it was true.

----

A few days later, we couldn't stand the insecurity anymore, and did a test. I went with her into the bathroom. I told her I wanted to help her all the way, so I held the stick for her while she peed on it.

I closed the lid and washed my hands. After 20 minutes, she said "Shall we look?"

I handed her the stick. My hand was on her shoulder. Her hands were trembling. Sweat had formed above her lip. She pulled the cap.

Lea burst into tears, dropping the test to the floor. I had not had a chance to see the result of the test.

"What does it say?" I asked.

She cried and cried and then I could see her demeanor change, and these were tears of joy.

"You're gonna be a daddy!" she shouted, and held me close.

I was experiencing a mix of emotions, unsure which came first. Awe, joy, fear, or grief.

But the strongest feeling that lingered for me, was love.

Love, not only for the child, but also for Lea, our relationship, and with that I acknowledged the ten years she had to... survive... with me. Love for the beautifully broken years ahead, of us, Lea and me... and our unborn child.

----

???? November 17

I helped Lea take the test. Positive.

We stood in the bathroom. Her hand was trembling. Mine was already on her shoulder.

I didn't know what to feel first -- joy, fear, awe, grief.

But the loudest feeling was love.

Not just for the child. For her. For us. For the ten years we've survived, and the new years ahead that we're stepping into -- in the most unexpected, beautifully broken way.

----

I needed a confrontation with the photoshoot. I could have looked at all the pictures on the USB stick, still untouched. But I needed to go back there. Back to the studio. Back to where one of the most defining experiences of our lives had happened. I called Nicole and we agreed to meet the next day and watch them together.

Nicole had asked if I wanted a specific setting. I told her that I needed to see the last stage setup, where Lea was taken on the sofa, where the proof of their coupling had seeped onto the leather.

When I arrived, Nicole had the studio lights radiating a cozy golden glow, lighting up the sofa.

The place felt quieter, without Lea. He stood at the edge of the studio setup, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, taking in the setting. The light was softer than I remembered.

Nicole stepped out into the studio. Her expression was open and calm.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey..." I whispered. My voice was a bit tighter than I intended.

I wasn't nervous. But there was some tension. I just needed to experience the place again. To get closure here.

Nicole offered my a drink and I asked for a water. As she came back with two waters, she also pulled on a cart with hew computer and a large display.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Note sure," I responded, "But as ready as I'll ever be..."

The hum of the computer filled the otherwise silent studio.

Nicole didn't sit. She just tapped a key and the screen came alive with the first photo.

"If you need me, I'll be right outside," she said and walked towards the door at the rear of the stage, next to the backdrops she used for Lea's session.

As she got to the door she turned, looked at me and asked "You good?"

I nodded hesitantly and she stepped through the door, leaving it open.

As I looked back a the screen, I could see that first picture. Lea, back arched slightly, eyes half closed, her bare shoulder lit by soft shadows. She looked beautiful. Strong. Alive.

I stared at the picture of my love before continuing to flick with a slow intention.

Nicole had curated the pictures carefully. It wasn't about the moments that might provoke jealousy. It was Nicole's way of telling a story. Lea's story. Our story, and how it became a turning point in our relationship.

I realized, with a sinking feeling in my gut, that this is a true story.

Frame after frame I saw her come alive. Her insecurity in the beginning of the shoot was unfurling into confidence, like time-lapse petals.

The way she looked at Mick, yes it was very intimate. It was very close. But it wasn't betrayal. It wasn't distance from me. It was Lea finding herself again, and giving in to that. Something she had hidden, or buried, to protect us both, was back.

I paused and stared at one particular image.

Lea was leaning back, lips parted. Mick's hand on her shoulder. It wasn't sexual. It was cinematic. Emotional. Sensual. Her face was raw. Vulnerable. Open.

She wasn't acting. She wasn't pretending.

I'm not sure how long I stared.

Nicole came back with a new glass of water.

"Is that the one?" she asked without looking at the monitor.

I took the glass.

"No," I said.

"They all are."

Nicole nodded, like she understood. Maybe she did.

"I don't know how to feel," I whispered.

"You don't have to..." she said.

"Feeling anything... is a lot more honest than most."

I let out a sudden breath. Almost a laugh. I didn't know if it was a relief or a release.

"I thought looking at these would make me angry," I said, "But I think.... I think I just needed to know that it was real. The she was real. That she was honest...

... that she's still in there... and I'm not losing her..."

Nicole's voice was very calm as she spoke up after a little while. "You didn't lose her. She just stopped waiting for permission to feel like herself."

That remark hit me in my chest.

I looked back at the screen. Another photo. Not a studio photo, but one captured in-between during the breaks. Lea, smiling off-camera. Not at Mick... Not at me... Just smiling. Like something had settled back into place.

"I don't think I realized how much I disappeared from her," I said.

Nicole put a hand on my shoulder. It wasn't pity. it wasn't sympathy. It was grounding.

"You're here now."

"I'm here now..." I nodded as I felt a tear run down my cheek.

When I left the studio while later, I stepped into the afternoon light and pulled out my phone. My fingers hovered... Then I started typing.

"I saw the photo's today. You were beautiful. But more than that - you looked whole. I'm sorry I couldn't see that before. I love you. I'm here."

I hit send and put my phone in my pocket. I walked over to my car and sat down, staring out the windshield.

A minute later, a reply buzzed through.

"I never stopped being yours. I just needed to remember being mine too."

I put the phone into my pocket, and drove. Slowly, steadily. Like a man who finally understood the weight I was ready to put down, and what it meant to carry love instead.

---

When I got home, I turned the key in the front door. Slowly. It was late afternoon and the sun hadn't set yet, but the house was dim. I stepped in, quietly, as to not disturb something delicate.

Lea was on the couch, legs tucked under a blanket., a book was resting in her lap forgotten. She looked up immediately, her eyes searching for mine. Not urgently. Just openly. Expecting.

"So you went..." she whispered.

"I did..." shrugging off my jacket.

I didn't sit down right away. I crossed to the table, opening the paper envelope I brought from the studio. I carefully pulled out the single photograph which I had requested Nicole to print. It was printed on thick matte paper, edges crisp and sharp.

"I want to show you something," I said.

I sat down beside her on the couch. Our knees touched.

Then I turned up the photo so she could see it.

She gasped, and her hand went to her chest.

It was a picture of her - not one of the posed photos from the height of the photoshoot, not one of the photos with Mick. Not even one of the sensual ones.

It was a transitional frame. Candid. Undirected.

She was standing off to the side of the set, wearing nothing but a gauzy wrap around her shoulders. Her hair was undone. part tousled, part controlled. She wasn't smiling, not exactly, but there was something in her eyes.. a quiet, anchored knowing. Her head was tilted slightly. as though she had just turned towards someone calling her name. Not distracted. Present.

There was strength in her stillness.

She looked unshaken. Whole. No perfect makeup mask. No performance. Just Lea, exactly as she was. True to herself, looking at the world with self-posession.

It was raw. But it wasn't fragile.

"I asked Nicole to print this one." I said softly.

"Out of all of them... this is the one that stopped me..."

Lea swallowed. "Why?" she asked.

I turned the photo studying it again.

"Because I think that this is the moment where you stopped apologizing for existing," I said, "and because I finally saw you... not as someone I had failed, or lost, or needed to protect... but as someone who never stopped being powerful, even when I couldn't handle it."

Lea was crying now. Not loudly. Just tears slipping silently down her cheeks.

I reached for her hand.

"I realized," I continued, "that I spent so long feeling like I had nothing left to offer you. Like my body, my failures, my infertility... made me unworthy of this love. But you never stopped showing up. And this--" I nodded at the photo, "this is proof that you didn't disappear. You just needed me to see you again."

She held the photo carefully, like it might dissolve if she breathed too hard.

"I don't even remember that moment," she whispered.

"But it remembers you," Dave said. "And now I do too."

They sat in silence. Long and full. The kind that doesn't demand filling.

Then Lea leaned against his shoulder. "You should frame it."

I smiled faintly. "Already bought one."

After a few moments, she asked, "What did seeing it change for you?"

I exhaled. Not as a man defeated, but one emptied of what I no longer needed to carry.

"It reminded me," I said, "that I didn't fall in love with the woman I wanted to rescue. I fell in love with you. And somewhere along the way, I forgot that love isn't about fixing anything. It's about standing beside someone, exactly as they are."

Lea closed her eyes, letting the words settle.

Then she whispered, "I see you again too, Dave."

That night, we hung the photo on the wall in our bedroom. Not in a corner. Not hidden. But centered -- where it belonged.

Not a symbol of what we'ld been through, but of what we had survived.

Together.

---

*** Undoing

The next day I had agreed with Nicole to go back for my own shoot. I didn't tell Lea. I needed to take on this shoot alone. I told Nicole I didn't want anyone there. Not even Effie.

I almost didn't walk in. The studio door felt heavier than before, like it knew what I was carrying along.

One hand on the handle, one breath still stuck in my chest.

I pushed through.

Nicole was there. She gave me a calm nod and said nothing when she locked the door. We walked through the corridors of the old theatre, and climbed the stairs towards the stage, which Nicole had masterfully turned into a very professional photo studio.

No music. No crew. As requested.

She walked out into the small kitchen next to the large studio. When she came back she was carrying two mugs of tea. She handed one to me.

"No wine today?" I joked, voice tight.

"No. Just honesty," she smiled.

"I didn't bring anything," I said.

"You don't need anything," Nicole said, "Just you."

I snorted.

"That's the part I'm not sure how to carry anymore."

Nicole didn't smile. She just gently pointed me towards the mirror.

"Go stand there..." she said.

I took a sip and placed the mug on the small side table. Mint and ginger. Calming. Grounding.

"Just look..."

I did as I was told.

I walked towards the mirror. The man in the mirror didn't look weak, exactly. Just tired. His posture slumped slightly, like there'd been some carrying of heavy weight. The lines on his face felt heavier than his age. They looked like they were still trying to forgive him, for not becoming the man he thought he was supposed to be.

I stood awkwardly at that mirror, wearing a crisp black button-down and dark jeans. Clothes I chose not for style but for safety. It had been years since I'd looked at myself for longer than it took to shave. Now, under soft studio lighting, I felt exposed -- and I was still fully dressed.

"You ready?" Nicole asked.

"Not really."

Nicole nodded.

"Good. Let's begin."

Nicole motioned me toward the chair in front of the camera. I hesitated. Then nodded. "Yeah. But I'm not here for glamour shots."

She pulled a stool beside the camera. "Then tell me what you are here for."

I thought for a moment, then said, "To see myself the way Lea sees me... before all this--" I motioned vaguely toward his midsection "--got in the way."

Nicole didn't nod. She didn't affirm or coach. She just lifted the camera and said softly, "Then let's begin, for real."

The first shots were ordinary. Simple poses. Head up. Shoulders back. A few awkward half-smiles.

But then she said something that stopped me.

"Stop acting and drop the performance. You're not here to prove anything."

I froze. Then let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

For the next hour, I let myself unravel.

I talked -- about the years of silence, the nights of failure, the dreams deferred. Nicole kept shooting through it all. Not glamorizing. Just witnessing.

I unbuttoned my shirt. Not as a striptease, but a shedding.

I stopped halfway.

Nicole didn't speak. The shutter clicked once.

I looked at her.

"I don't know what you're seeing," I said.

"I'm seeing someone showing up."

The tears surprised me. They rose fast, hot in my throat, not angry -- just tired.

I looked into the lens -- and for the first time, I didn't flinch. I looked down and saw the curve of my belly. I remembered the wear on my face, in the reflection I saw in the mirror earlier. The soft tension in my shoulders. Not flaws. Not battle scars. Just truth.

Nicole adjusted the lens and said gently, "Now close your eyes."

I did...

Nicole moved slowly, capturing the way my chest rose and fell. Not for effect -- just to prove that I was still breathing.

And that's when the most important photo of the day was taken -- not of my body, but of a man in stillness, not hiding, not apologizing.

In that moment -- shirt open, arms hanging loose, no expression to hold, no lie to keep telling -- I came undone.

I let myself be.

Not the version of me I had built out of guilt and silence.

Not the hopeful optimist from a decade ago.

Not the man pretending that watching Lea with someone else hadn't left a mark.

Just me. Just Dave.

Infertile. Grieving. In love. Still learning how to love myself.

I heard the shutter click again.

Nicole's voice came, almost like a prayer.

"There you are."

I opened my eyes.

No performance. No pretending.

Just a man, mid-healing, standing in the aftermath of everything I thought made me less -- and realizing it didn't define me at all.

Just being.

Just presence.

"You okay?" Nicole asked.

"No," I said softly. "But I think I'm me again."

And for the first time in years, that was enough.

Afterward, Nicole handed me a small envelope.

"Your proofs will come in a few days," she said. "But this one... I think you'll want now."

I opened it in the car.

It was a single printed photo -- myself, shirt half-open, standing with arms loose at my sides, eyes closed, face not smiling but peaceful.

On the back was a handwritten note from Nicole:

----

"You don't need to be whole to be worthy.

But you are.

Right now.

As you are."

----

That night, I showed Lea the photo. She read the note on the rear side.

She pressed her hand to her mouth. Not because of the way he looked. But because of what she saw: the man she married, returned to himself.

She whispered, "I've missed this version of you."

"So have I," I said. "And I think... I'm finally ready to live with him again."

That night, I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. I caught my reflection and didn't look away.

I didn't see what was missing anymore.

I saw what had survived.

I didn't see resentment anymore, but appreciation. Appreciation for... myself. For the father I was about to become.

----

???? November 18

Today went and did my own shoot.

I think I finally found myself, not defined by my infertility. Not defined by what I could not do. Defined by the prospect of becoming a father, and of being Lea's husband, again.

----

A few days later, we had agreed to visit Annie again, have dinner with her and talk about the photoshoot.

When we got there, Annie had heard our car pulling up and as we got out she was already standing in the door. She was grinning, and she had a broad smile. She winked at me.

As we walked over Lea and Annie hugged. She told Lea that "I saw enough," and winked at her. "Congratulations Lea."

Then she turned towards me and she hugged me, a lot longer than I expected. She rubbed my back and put two hands on my cheeks. She then gave me a quick peck on my lips and whispered "You're going to be a wonderful father, Dave." and she smiled again.

We couldn't help it but Lea and I both just had to smile.

"How did you know?" Lea asked.

"Ah... this old broad has seen one or two things in her days..." she said. Both your expressions gave it away, and you walk and move like you're... expecting...

We talked for hours over dinner, wine and a scotch, water for Lea. That evening was therapeutic again, for me. It made me realize that we had done the right thing, and that we had made the right choices. I felt alive, a first, in a long time.

----

???? November 20

We told Annie.

She smiled before we even said the words. I think she always knew. Or hoped.

She whispered: "You're going to be a wonderful father."

And for the first time, I believed it.

Tonight talking to Lea and Annie so open made me feel alive. Something I had not felt in a long time.

----

----

???? December 1

I bought a journal. A new one. For the baby.

I wrote the first words this morning:

"You won't have my blood.

But you'll have my stories.

You'll have my arms.

You'll have my protection.

You'll have my heart.

And that is more than enough."

----

*** Epilogue (Excerpts from Dave's Diary)

----

???? December 12

Lea's nausea has kicked in. Morning, afternoon, sometimes midnight. I'm learning to decode her sighs and silences. Ginger tea. Crackers by the bed. Light touches when words don't help.

She apologizes for "being a burden." I tell her every day: growing a life is the opposite of burden. It's everything.

But still... I see the guilt flicker in her eyes. Maybe it mirrors mine. Maybe we're both still learning to accept that this is really happening.

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???? January 5

We heard the heartbeat today.

Thump-thump-thump-thump.

I thought I was ready. I thought I would feel clinical, detached, like I was just there to support. But when that sound filled the room, something cracked wide open inside me.

I saw Lea look at me and for the first time in months, her smile reached all the way to her eyes.

That tiny sound -- that tiny rhythm -- it belongs to someone who will call me Dad. I think I've been waiting for that sound all my life.

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???? February 21

Lea's starting to show. Just slightly -- a subtle curve under her sweater. But it's real.

We've kept it private, just between us and Annie for now. There's a sacredness in the secrecy. A quiet joy that doesn't need the world's approval.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I reach out and rest my hand on her belly. I swear I can feel something stirring. Or maybe it's just hope finally waking up inside me.

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???? March 16

We told our families.

Lots of hugs. Some puzzled glances. A few unspoken questions. But mostly joy.

I could see my father doing mental math. Trying to reconcile timelines. I gave him a look that said: "Don't ask." And he didn't. To his credit, he just patted my shoulder and said, "You'll be great at this."

I wasn't expecting that. And it meant more than I thought it would.

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???? April 2

Lea felt the baby kick today.

She gasped. Then laughed. Then started crying.

She grabbed my hand, placed it on her stomach, and we waited... and there it was. A soft thump against my palm.

It's not just real now -- it's present. Moving. Alive.

This child, whoever they become, already has a piece of me. Even if it isn't in blood. It's in the quiet ways I'm learning to show up. Every day.

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???? May 10

We had a minor scare. Lea had some cramping and we rushed to the clinic. All's well. But in that hour of uncertainty, I tasted the fear of loss in its purest form.

I kept picturing the nursery we started painting. The tiny onesies folded in drawers. Her smile when she looks at the ultrasound photos.

I realized: I am already a father. The bond's been forged.

This love... it doesn't ask for proof of biology. It just is.

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???? June 3

Lea asked if I ever think about Mick.

I told her honestly: not much anymore. He was a part of this story, but not the center. We haven't spoken to him since, and maybe we never will. But I'm not angry. I'm not threatened.

What I see in front of me -- the woman I love, our growing child, our messy, miraculous story -- that's enough.

That's more than enough.

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???? July 22

We finished the nursery.

Cloud wallpaper. A shelf shaped like a crescent moon. I installed it slightly crooked. Lea says it gives the room character. I'll pretend it was on purpose.

Sometimes I just stand in the doorway, imagining holding them. Rocking them. Singing off-key lullabies in the middle of the night.

I hope they have Lea's laugh.

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???? August 13

False alarm tonight. Contractions that faded after an hour. Lea was calm. I wasn't.

But as we sat in the dim light, timing waves of pain, she looked at me and said, "You're going to be amazing at this."

I didn't believe her. Not completely. But I nodded. Because when she says it, I want to believe.

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???? August 24 -- 3:47 AM

It's happening.

Water broke. She's in the back seat now, breathing slow. Calm and strong.

I'm writing this at a red light. Hands trembling. The car smells like peppermint oil and courage.

We're about to meet our child.

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???? August 25 -- 6:11 AM

She's here.

A girl.

Seven pounds, six ounces. A full head of dark hair. Her fingers curled around my pinky and I forgot how to breathe.

Lea was incredible. Brave doesn't even cover it.

They placed our daughter in her arms and then into mine -- and I wept. Not because she looks like me. She doesn't. But because in that moment, she was mine.

Fully. Unequivocally. Eternally.

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???? August 27

We named her Elia.

An echo of her mother's name. A nod to new beginnings.

She fits perfectly in the crook of my arm. When I hold her, I feel small and infinite at the same time.

And here's the truth I never expected to write:

I thought infertility was the end of my story as a father.

Turns out, it was just the beginning.

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"You won't have my blood.

But you'll have my stories.

You'll have my arms.

You'll have my protection.

You'll have my heart.

And that is more than enough."

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