Mitchell's Story Pt 6 "Diary"

It started with a journal I had students keep in class. That was an assignment I soon regretted giving as it risked piling more work on me. Acting preemptively I soon let the students know they could expect no feedback from their teacher on the contents of their work, no grammar correction either. I would read and might pen an occasional comment, reaction. And so I did. Otherwise it would be hours each night spent with the twenty-odd notebooks. Some students wrote a lot, once they got started wouldn't stop- kind of like me with this piece of verbiage ha ha. People seem to have a need to get things off their chests, as in therapy ha ha!

But she- we'll call her Rachel- and her writing stood out. She spoke from emotions and imagination and got personal in descriptions of her days, could make even the smallest incidents compelling, like an encounter with a squirrel in a park earlier this week. I felt privileged she let me read her private thoughts, observations, saw a growing intimacy between us. I sensed she was appealing to me, and was flattered, as she was really really attractive, mind, face body.

And yes, I did give her feedback, penned some sentences of reaction, advice what have you, indicating if not quite laying bare my feelings in turn- no, I didn't correct her grammar either. I didn't want to work with her as a teacher any more than with the others. It was as a human being, a man, that I meant to enjoy our correspondence. And it spilled off the page. A flirtation started for sure.

But that afternoon I was in the cafeteria not to see Rachel but Akemi, my wife.

I hardly thought Rachel would notice what was going on between us. I'd never spoken to her about my marriage. She may have assumed I was single. And it's doubtful it would cross her mind that the woman at the table with others meant anything more to me than the rest did. Akemi takes courses too; that's why she's there sometimes; taking advantage of free tuition I get for her from my job. "Too good to pass up." I agree.

But it was hard talking to my wife with Rachel present, not easy to achieve our purpose of planning our next meeting. We'd meant to touch base, agree on a time and place for later but now seemed to be talking around each other. Definitely Akemi's problem with English was a reason. But so was my distracted state. I really preferred keeping Rachel in the dark about Akemi and me. Call me a lout. That knowledge might put her off, spell the end of our flirtation, the one that could lead somewhere if allowed to continue- and even if not the fun of it was considerable.

Akemi looked at my face, shook her head, half-amused. It was as if I'd been talking in riddles and she didn't know why.

Yes, it was possible Rachel had stronger feelings about me than I did about her. She might have hoped for something real between us. She was young, after all. People fall for their teachers. I did like Rachel, considerably, but of course she posed no real threat to Akemi. Different ball park. Maybe in her absorption with her own feelings Rachel couldn't see those between Akemi and me. Young people with crushes can be myopic. It might have been unimaginable to Rachel that someone else and I enjoyed a rapport on a level with hers and mine- what's more, simultaneous with it. People are complex, you learn as you get older. At least I am.

At a point, Akemi seemed to be saying she couldn't meet me, her plans had changed. My emotions erupted during those moments. Shows how deep they go and how easy to reach, to rupture, bring spilling to the surface. Then I saw, heard I'd misunderstood.

No she wasn't leaving me because she'd caught me flirting with a student!

"Painting teacher is coming to look at my work so I'm not sure exactly when I'll be finished." Akemi glanced at her phone as if the time shown there might somehow bring clarity. Was she a little exasperated by my unaccountable behavior? Talk more clearly, she seemed to say- still with amusement rather than annoyance really or suspicion, though a little of the latter may have started creeping in.

Was said painting teacher flirting with her, she with him?

I said I'd wait at the Greek restaurant. We'd been there before.

So our plan would come off after all. Of course. It had never been in question.

"I shouldn't be any later than five," Akemi said. I nodded quickly, wanted to move the conversation on, better yet end it, lest Rachel tune in, the scales fall from her eyes- or however that phrase goes.

But she had heard and said she'd never eaten at the Greek restaurant in question, though it was near, she'd passed by many times, asked if it was any good.

"Do you want to go?" She put this to a friend among the other people at the table.

Obviously Rachel still hadn't gotten wise to Akemi's and my connection. Oblivious, as people get when they have a crush? Only seeing what they want? Dangerous.

Good for me and potentially bad.

I really didn't want to be at the restaurant when she was there, even if we sat at separate tables, I with Akemi and she with her friend or friends. Akemi's sharp. Rachel and I would at least exchange greetings. She might even come over to our table. Her keen friendliness hadn't sparked Akemi's curiosity yet but might when she saw it a second time. Not that she'd be jealous. She just is a stickler for honesty. The one thing she can't stand is being treated like she's stupid, which, as I've said, she's not.

Akemi left to do whatever was next on her schedule, getting her paintings ready for teacher review. I thought better of running after her and proposing a change of venue. "Not Greek. I don't feel like Greek."

"But you suggested it!"

And of course there was no certainty Rachel which restaurant Rachel would show up at. I hadn't expected her in the cafeteria then either. Place and time, time and place all out of my control, mine or anyone else's, a roll of the dice.

Funny how complicated things get when you cheat, even only in a flirting way, stupid really.

I had a dream last night about terrorism. There was a sound from the city beyond our living room. A boom. I looked and saw an aircraft suspended in the sky at an angle. It seemed to shoot something down and then a white flare came up from the city blocks below, a moment interval between cause and effect, the link between the two obvious. You couldn't see the actual explosion because buildings blocked the view but cause and effect was evident. The plane or whatever it was- a thing that could hover! drone? it looked bigger, armored- would fire and the spear of light would jump skyward- intense flame so hot it turned white. The aircraft would take a few shots in one place and move to inflict its deadly damage on another.

"Terrorism. Extremist terrorism," I told Akemi. No surprise given what was happening in the world, how many enemies this country has made with its policy decisions that have resulted in countless fatalities, massive destruction, in the name of what? But this was not the time to talk about politics. Danger was imminent. The attacking craft might next move right above us for all we knew, make our blocks and those surrounding its next target, incinerate us too.

"They're shooting from the sky," I explained to Akemi, describing the vessel used for the attack.

"Osprey?" Akemi asked. That was an aircraft deployed from U. S. military bases in her country, a source of resentment among Japanese bothered by its loud noise in residential neighborhoods and its record of accidents, some resulting in injuries and property loss. All in all, a badly designed piece of equipment. I agreed with Akemi's assessment of it. But this was not that. Needless to say. This enemy would not have advanced military hardware from our country. Indeed, it was surprising they had their own, given they lacked the wealth we bring to bear.

"No, I think, but similar," I told Akemi. "They look like a helicopter but can move like a plane."

We evacuated quickly, were led out of our building through a basement area. The process was impressively efficient. We came down a chute, were even dressed in suits designed for safe swift exit, sleek black ones with utility pockets and masks. In the dream I found this unlikely considering the mess this country faces under the new, inept administration. Smooth rescue operations that would look good in a Hollywood action movie are no longer a given. What I dreamed differs from the reality we now experience.

I wonder what Grace would make of this.