Want Me

The parking lot was empty when I pulled into Watermelon Falls (the local people actually called it that) and I was already a little disappointed. Maybe it was too early for a Fourth of July swim in Appalachia. Or maybe the mountain water was too cold, even in the summer.

I put the windows up before killing the engine, a rattle in the machinery troubling. It really was a shame I was in so much debt. And divorced. Maybe it was for the best that Dan and I never had kids. Their innocent little lives would be shit.

I rubbed my face in my hands, acknowledging my sadness as it rolled through me.

It had been a year since I signed the divorce papers, ending an unhappy marriage to a closeted evangelical pastor. It was normal and healthy to experience negative feelings, but I got to choose how I reacted to them.

I was responsible for my own happiness.

I took a deep breath and smiled, blinking away tears and opening the door to my shitty Ford Escape. I ignored the rust as it crumbled away from the wheel wells. A pink bikini shifted over my skin beneath my loose t-shirt and gym shorts.

Dan was gay. He couldn't want me. Upon further research, Christianity turned out to be nothing more than another mythology. I was free. At thirty-one, I was still young enough to make my life into what I wanted it to be.

I grabbed a bag with towels, bottled water, and a novel I'd been struggling to finish. I could still have a good time.

Water rushed down the mountainside, steady and powerful as sound echoed up from the bottom of the gorge. It had been a cold, wet spring and early summer. The natural pools around the base of the waterfall would be deep enough for an adult to swim.

I wanted to be close to families on the holiday, even if it was just in passing. I wanted to be around people having fun even though the whole world was on fire. Maybe others would turn up.

Gravel crunched beneath my feet as I made my way toward the trail that led down to the base of the waterfall. The air cooled as I descended a path built to soften the slope's steepness. I followed its twists and turns, water dripping from leaves. Birds called to one another and the lush beauty of the ferns and rhododendrons growing from the rocky soil humbled me.

Feeling small used to be scary because it forced me to face my own insignificance. I used to run to God when I felt scared. When I needed to feel special. Like I had worth.

But after sitting in that fear, I came to realize there was freedom in a meaningless existence. If nothing I did mattered in the end, then I could do whatever I wanted. My life was my own. Not God's.

I didn't have to stay miserable in a sexless, childless marriage because divorce is a sin. I didn't have to forgive my ex for lying to me all those years, for blaming me for his lack of physical attraction to my body.

Thick branches and broken sticks littered the path, the park staff likely overwhelmed by the clean up from the previous storm. Maybe I could volunteer. I had the time.

I chuckled to myself, adjusting my bag on my shoulder as the waterfall came into view. No more Bible studies. Youth group. Women's ministry.

Just nature.

Watermelon Falls was humble as far as waterfalls go, but it made for a glorious sight as it poured over the cliff face, a relief cave opening up behind it. Beams of sunlight shone through gaps in the leaves and glittered on the water's surface.

It was hard to feel sorry for myself amidst the beauty of the natural world. I was grateful I got to be a part of it.

I paused and listened to the water crash into the deep pool below, ripples spreading along the surface as the water channeled into shallow areas. It would eventually empty into the larger river at the end of the gorge. In the summertime, people came from all over to play beneath Watermelon Falls. Sometimes they brought their dogs. Joyful shouting and laughing echoed up out of the gorge instead of rushing water. It was an unexpected delight to find it so peaceful.

I took a deep breath and turned down the path, excited as I rounded a bend, ready to have a good time even though I was alone.

A massive oak tree had fallen over the path, limbs and branches obscuring the way like a maze. I stopped dead in my tracks, stunned. That must've been why there was no one else there on the holiday. Maybe I'd missed a 'Trail Closed' sign or something. I closed my eyes, hands on my hips as I turned away with disgust. Watermelon Falls was part of the State Park system, so I couldn't even blame it on the current presidential administration.

I should've followed the rules or at least deferred to common sense. The old me would've done exactly that; stomped back up to the car all sad and pissed off. But I knew I could pick my way through that tree. I could still have a good time. There was no one else down there to see me do it.

And if someone did see me, what would they do? Yell? Tell me to get out? Write me a ticket?

They'd have to put me in jail when I couldn't pay, but then I wouldn't have to go to work.

I laughed as I made my way over to the tree and crouched, slipping between two branches. My bag slid down my arm and I swore, giggling. Why had I always been so afraid to have fun?

I pulled my bag back to my shoulder and brushed my hair out of my face, the answer lurking at the edges of my consciousness. I hoisted my leg over a thick branch with a grunt, cursing myself for wearing shorts.

Deep down, I'd always been afraid I would like having fun more than I liked God.

My other leg got caught in a tangle of broken sticks and I yanked it out, the force sending me over the otherside of the thick branch with a crash. I cried out, sharp points jabbing my arms and legs as they scratched my face. My bag got caught on a branch and I clung to it, knowing that if I let go I'd never get it back.

It served me right in a way. For abandoning the faith I'd been raised in. For divorcing my husband. For doing something foolish.

I shook my head. Religious trauma was a bitch.

Who cared if I did something stupid? I was having a good time.

I seized my bag tight in my fist and yanked it toward me, wood snapping as I wrestled it back from the tree. With a deep breath I hugged it to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut. No point in praying.

I rolled to my right, branches and twigs snapping beneath my weight and tearing at my skin and clothing. Mud squelched beneath my tennis shoes as I pushed up into a crouching position, branches pressing down on me. I saw my way through and I took it, diving through a gap in the broken branches. I landed hard on my belly, a burst of pain stunning me giddy.

I laughed as I wrapped my arms around my waist, drawing my knees to my chest. I'd only been having fun for ten minutes and I already liked it more than I liked God. I stood and put my bag on my other shoulder, smiling as I made my way down to the bottom of the path, water lapping at a muddy bank that curved along the edge of the relief cave.

Broken limbs and even a few tree trunks littered the bottom of the gorge, splintered ends poking up out of the water. Mossy boulders and the occasional patch of ferns made the place look enchanted. Somehow sacred.

I spread two towels on the driest bit of ground I could find and sat. Just listening. Being.

###

I gave up on the book I'd brought with a sigh, setting it down beside me. In an effort to be better-read, I'd begun adding non-fiction into my reading. I'd enjoyed many of the histories and biographies I'd picked up, but I was in no mood for the neuroscience behind emotions that morning.

The roar of the water and the stillness of the gorge made it difficult to be so analytical. Sunshine warmed my face and sweat trickled down the back of my neck, bathing suit clinging to my skin. I was ready for a dip in the pools just off the base of the waterfall.

I stood, smooth rock slick beneath my old tennis shoes. When my feet began to slide out from under me, I swore, clutching the hem of my t-shirt as I caught my balance. If I fell and hurt myself, there was no one around to help me.

I let that fear prickle over me and then I pulled my shirt up over my head, my bikini top riding up over my breasts. Sudden shame made me nauseous. Good thing no one else had shown up.

I forced myself to laugh. No one had seen. Even if they had, who cared? It was honestly an accident.

I pulled my shirt the rest of the way off, bikini top coming away with it. My heart hammered in my chest and I threw them to the ground. I'd never done anything so uninhibited in all my life. It was pathetic.

Tension eased from my muscles as I raised my arms high over head, sweat trickling from beneath my breasts. There was nothing wicked or evil about my body. It was healthy and strong. Most importantly, it was mine.

I let my arms fall to my sides and slid my hands over my hips, pausing at the button of my jean shorts. I'd never had a nice ass and Dan used to tease me about it.

Pancake butt.

He didn't say "ass" because he was a Christian.

A small smile played over my lips as I allowed myself a moment of bitterness. I'd always wondered why a self-professed "ass-man" married a woman with big boobies, but no booty. After we signed the paperwork, I looked him in the eye and asked. Dan didn't even have the guts to answer.

I undid the button and slid my thumbs under the waistband of my shorts and bikini bottoms, sliding them down my legs. The rock was rough beneath my knee as I knelt to untie my shoes, pulling my socks off and balling them up. There were sharp rocks hidden away beneath the water, but I wanted to be naked.

My sister confessed to me that she'd gone skinny dipping once when she was in college and I judged her so harshly for it. In reality, I was envious of her courage. She was even brave enough to get naked in front of other people.

I took a deep breath and stood up straight, shoulders back with my head held high. No more bitterness or judgement. Dan was born into a belief system that taught him to hate himself. He'd suffered in our marriage just as much as I had. My sister was one of the happiest people I knew. I could honestly learn a thing or two from her.

The water was dark below me, my skin shockingly pale. I stilled.

I would jump in the water and feel the cold against my body for a moment before I got out and put my suit back on. It would be fun. And no one would know but me.

Arousal sparked in between my legs as I pulled my hair loose from my short ponytail and ran my fingers through it, securing the hair tie around my wrist. I felt so sexy and free. Desirable. Mud seeped between my toes, the substance cold enough to make me shiver. I had to jump in even if I was freezing. I owed it to myself to follow through.

My courage faltered as I stepped into the water, gritting my teeth against the biting sting. But I pressed on, arms pumping as I hurtled forward. I leapt into the pool with a shriek, cold forcing the air from my lungs, stunning me. I couldn't breathe.

Just as panic set in, my bare feet slammed into the rocky pool bottom. The water was only chest deep. I burst out laughing, stretching out as water covered my breasts. It felt good to be free.

Water churned around my body, its icy touch against my bare pussy lips exhilarating. The cold didn't dampen my desire. I swam toward a large boulder with a spindly tree growing along its side and climbed up, the cool air making me shiver.

Water dripped from the ends of my hair and trickled down my back as I gasped for breath. My nipples twisted into stiff peaks and my own wetness was warm as it slid down the inside of my thigh. I owed my sister an apology. At that moment, I realized I hadn't had that scary, exhilarating kind of fun since I was a child accepting a cigarette from a friend.

With a whoop, I leapt into the water, knees drawn close to my chest. The cold darkness swallowed me whole and my feet hit the bottom of the pool, hard. I pushed off, taking a deep breath as I breached the surface.

Time slowed down as I floated on my back, limbs spread out. Leaves shifted in the breeze overhead. Whenever I began to feel a chill creeping into my bones, I reached between my legs, soft folds slick with my arousal, and teased my clit until my heart began to pound and my skin flushed hot.

Getting caught masterbaiting while swimming in a state park would've been the end of me. If I didn't die of shame, I'd probably end myself. A hard lump formed in my throat and I swallowed, pulling my hand from my groin. I rinsed the stickiness from my fingers, conflicted.

The thought of some hot stranger seeing my naked body turned me on so much, especially if he wanted me. Arousal flared from my core and my clit pulsed beneath my folds. I wanted to be desired more than anything. Even if such a public display of exhibitionism made me some kind of sexual miscreant.

I took a deep breath and slid beneath the water's surface, the cold helping me snap back to reality. One more jump. Then I'd head back up to my car. I'd had enough excitement for one day.

I stood up straight and made my way back to the boulder, shuddering as I climbed up. I'd jump one more time even if it was just another way to exercise my new found freedom.

The rock was slick beneath my hands and knees as I scrambled up, strands of wet hair clinging to my face. I held my breath as I stood, tense. Warm sunshine peeked through the treetops and the crash of the waterfall drowned out my ragged breathing. Instead of hiding from my fear, I leaned into it.

I was doing something really crazy. Indecent. Vulgar.

But I hadn't died.

No one had seen me.

Fear gave way to excitement and I chuckled very quietly to myself. I'd done something scary and it was fun. I pushed my hair away from my face as I crept toward the edge, wildly happy and proud of myself.

Something flashed out of the corner of my eye and I tensed so hard that I feared my muscles would tear. I twisted to my left and froze, dread rooting me to the spot.

A man stood several yards in front of me on the muddy bank, watching my display of nudity from behind a dead log. He wore a black baseball cap and a navy t-shirt. A thick, light brown beard obscured his features, but his blue eyes were wide and his mouth hung open.

It served me right.

I wrapped my arms around my chest and screamed with shame, panic setting in.

He turned away, hands thrown up in surrender. "Wait! I can explain!"

I leapt into the water, not caring when pain cut into the bottom of my foot, and swam toward my clothing. "How long were you standing there?"

"I'm sorry!" He cried, voice shaking. "I came down to see how fast the water was moving after all the rain and then I saw you."

Hot tears spilled onto my cheeks as I struggled toward the bank. I should've known better.

The man continued. "And you looked like some kind of wood nymph. Some kind of nature spirit. So wild and free."

I stopped, hands and knees sinking into the mud as I crawled up the bank. What a compliment. Wetness trickled down the inside of my thighs and I couldn't help but wonder how much the man had seen.

"I'm sorry, miss," he stammered. "I'll leave. I should've left as soon as I saw you were naked, but you were so lovely and I..."

His voice trailed off and the hair stood on the back of my neck, my body aching with arousal. I suppressed a grin as I stood up straight, shoulders back with my head held high as I faced him. Wild and free. Desirable.

I licked my lips as I trembled. "You think I'm lovely?"

He stopped, his back to me as he clenched his fists at his sides. The hair poking out from the back of his cap was the same light brown as his beard. I couldn't tell how tall he was from where I stood, but his arms were thick and his shoulders were broad. His waist was trim in his faded jeans.

He struck me as outdoorsy. Probably fit. Strong.

When he slowly turned, I froze, pulse pounding in my ears.

He stared at his feet. "I think you're beautiful."

My body flushed hot and my clit throbbed. "Do you want me?"

Bright and blue eyes darted to mine and I couldn't breathe.

"Of course I want you," he said.

I stumbled, legs giving out for a moment, excited and terrified all at the same time. I may not have been sexually attractive to my husband, and I was sure I wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I was hot enough to turn on a random guy in the mountains. That was all the encouragement I needed.

"What would you do to me?" I hoped I sounded confident.

He took off his cap for a moment, scratching at his scalp as he ogled my bare breasts. I ignored the sudden impulse to cover them. The man smoothed his beard and looked away, shy.

I swallowed hard, remembering my freedom as I slid my hand to my clit. "It's alright. I want you, too."

His eyes darted to my wonderful machinations and he shifted from foot-to-foot. He adjusted the crotch of his jeans and cleared his throat.

I kept my eyes on him as I walked backward to my towel. When I felt the soft material beneath my heels, I stopped. "Will you come to me?"

He hesitated, mouth agape as he fumbled for the words, tugging at the collar of his shirt. I teased my clit, pleasure blooming from my aching nub as I waited.

Finally, he spoke. "You really want me? For real?"

My heart softened at the vulnerability in his voice and I reached for him. "Yes. Very much."

We stared, unblinking, into one another's eyes for an agonizing moment. I could only wonder if he was as scared as I was; asking himself the same panicked questions. Was I crazy? Was he? Was I really going to have a sexual encounter with a stranger in the woods?

He took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists twice before taking a step toward me.

Yes.

I was going to let him touch my naked body and I was going to let myself enjoy it.

I held my breath as he approached and when our fingers touched, he took my hand in his. I gasped, heart racing. He was only a little taller than I was, but I could see the cords of muscle in arms as he raised my hand to his lips, kissing it.

His voice was low. "My name is-"

I pulled away and laid my hand over his lips, hushing him before I pressed my body against his. We didn't need to make that moment anything more than what it was. The anonymity of such an encounter was what made it so dangerous. So shocking.

He sighed and cupped my breasts, gently cradling them in his palms. I arched into his touch with a gasp, his rough hands teasing pleasure from my nipples as I fumbled with the hem of his shirt. He gave both of my nipples a gentle tug before pulling it up over his head, white undershirt getting caught over his face.

I laughed softly as I helped him, a sweet smile on his lips when I pulled it free. I planted a light kiss on his dry lips and he caught my face in his hands and kissed me hard, his longing evident.

My surprise lover's chest was broad and hairy, a husky build unable to conceal the muscle beneath. I slid my hand to the front of his jeans and gripped his crotch, my clit pulsing as wetness oozed from my pussy.

I'd never been so turned on in my entire life. Not even when I took care of my needs myself.

He rutted against my hand with a grunt and I slid my tongue into his mouth, struggling with his belt and zipper. As soon as I was finished, he slid his underwear and jeans to his knees, a fat cock with a bulbous plum-head jutting toward me. A pair of heavy balls hung low.

Raw desire flared through my loins, my throbbing clit poking out from beneath my slick folds. He held me close, his erection hot and smooth and against my bare mound. I gasped, my body tensing as he gripped my breasts much harder than he had before. I loved his passion, but I wasn't into pain.

I cupped his cheek, gently grasping his cock with my other hand as I planted another soft kiss on his lips. "Not so rough."

He closed his eyes, hands sliding to my waist as he moaned, precum smearing over his head and shaft as I pumped him with my fist. Pubic hair brushed my knuckles and wrist, its scratchiness thrilling.

His eyes flew open and he caught my wrist in his hand. "Hold on."

His cock flexed in my grasp as if it urged me to continue, but I let my hand fall away as I leaned against him. His body hair sent shivers of pleasure over my skin. He gripped my hip with one hand, pushing two fingers in between my pussy lips. My skin rolled beneath his touch, his fingers sliding back and forth over my clit. Intense pleasure fired from that little bundle of nerves.

"Oh," I whispered, leaning my head back as my hips flexed into his touch.

He kissed his way up my neck to my ear, breath hot. "I want you to fuck my face with your pussy."

I paused, laughter welling up within me as he rubbed me to the brink of a bone-shattering orgasm. But any humor in me died when he pulled his hand away from my pussy and took a step back, sniffing his fingers before stuffing them into his mouth.

I whimpered my protest, confused as my body ached for release. "I don't understand."

He laid down on my towel, eyes wide as he reached for me. Precum dribbled from his engorged cockhead into his stomach. He wanted me. I wanted him. When I stepped to his left side, he caught me by the thighs and guided me as I stood over top of him, legs straddling his shoulders.

My heart hammered against my ribs as I stared down at the wide-eyed expression on his face. "I don't know what you want me to do."

He didn't miss a beat. "Sit on my face."

I flushed hot with embarrassment and looked away, shame dampening my desire. Damn religious trauma.

"It's alright," he said, caressing my hip. "You're so sexy. Like a forest goddess. I wanna know what you taste like. I wanna feel your clit spasm on my tongue when you cum."

I nodded, drunk with lust. I would've been a fool to wimp out, not to mention a total coward.

He pulled me down into a kneeling position, my towel soft beneath my knees as he guided me over his face. My lover grunted and groaned with anticipation, breathing erratic as he pulled my bare pussy onto his face, tongue sliding over my folds as he searched for my clit.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned, bolts of pleasure coursing up and down my spine as I leaned back on my hands, fingers sliding into the muddy bank.

I admit I was shy at first, the sheer taboo of what I was doing not lost on me. Anxiety and inhibition dampened the pleasure I received from the eager mouth sucking on my clit.

But the mountain man, gentle and kind, was patient. He set the pace, rocking my hips back and forth over his face as he licked circles over my clit. It wasn't long before the intense pleasure welling up inside my body, pelvic floor tight with pressure, superseded any regrets or inhibitions I'd been experiencing.

Having my pussy eaten had been a regular fantasy of mine since I'd spent many a late night thumbing through a stash of romance novels hidden underneath my bed when I still lived with my parents, but it had never happened. Until then. And it felt better than I could've ever hoped.

My lover groaned beneath me as I took over, my own sounds of pleasure mingling with his as I rutted against his face. His lips formed a circle and he sucked my clit into it, teasing my throbbing bud with his tongue. My whole body tensed, powerful shivers shooting up and down my spine as my body hovered on the edge of bliss. Deep, guttural groaning sounded from my chest and with another lash of his tongue I became undone.

I cried out as sexual ecstasy flowed through my body, my sex swollen and engorged as it pulsed and twitched with the most carnal of all delights. He moaned and slid his hands to my waist, stroking my feminine curves as I rode out the aftershocks of the first orgasm I'd ever experienced with another human being.

I scooted away from his face, my wetness glistening in his beard.

He smiled up at me, the genuine warmth I saw in his eyes helping me to maintain my composure. No one thought I was a dirty, nasty slut.

His voice was low. "That sounded like a good one."

I laughed and leaned over to kiss him, my own essence heavy on his lips and tongue.

He traced circles over my cheekbones with his thumbs and ran his fingers through my hair before pushing me upright. "I wanna see your big titties bounce while you ride my dick."

My clit pulsed with renewed desire at the thought. I wanted to make him feel just as good as he made me.

He massaged my breasts as I scooted down the length of his body, twirling his body hair around my fingers. When his cock pressed into the inside of my thigh, he grunted, grabbing my hips as I sat upright on my knees. His cock brushed the opening of my silky entrance and I shuddered with anticipation.

Our eyes met and we both stilled, lost to our own thoughts.

I was done holding back. I was ready to be responsible for my own pleasure. Even if it meant having sex outside. In a state park. With a complete stranger in broad daylight.

I gripped the base of his cock, holding it steady as I took him inside my body. Pleasure permeated the walls of my wet cunt as it relaxed around his impressive girth and I moaned, his pubes rough against my sensitive area when our groins touched.

"Oh, Christ," he groaned, face slack. "Jesus fuck, you're so tight."

His words excited me in the best possible ways and I pushed up onto my knees, his rigid member sliding out of my soft, slick pussy until only his fat cockhead remianed. My eyes closed and I held my breath as I sank down onto his manhood.

We fell into a steady rhythm. He held onto my waist as I bounced up and down on his cock, his eyes glued to my breasts as they swayed along in time with our movements. Pleasure welled up inside me as I fucked myself with his cock, but I couldn't find my release. The pressure in my pelvis was almost too much.

"Oh, baby." His voice was ragged. "I'm gonna cum."

I wanted it in my pussy. Even if it was the stupidest, craziest thing in the world, I wanted to feel his creamy load inside me.

I took him balls deep, contracting my pussy around his cock as hard as I could. 'I'm so close, but I can't get there."

He massaged my clit with his fingers. "Keep riding."

His firm, yet gentle touch brought me to my release as I bounced along. I leaned back on my hands, head thrown back as I groaned like a wanton slut. With a hard flex of my hips, I came. Hard.

Electric pleasure rippled over my body as my pussy contacted around his cock, my clit twitching beneath his touch as I lost myself to the waves sublime pleasure cascading over my body. He cried out his own release and I swear I felt his fat cock throbbing as he released his essence inside me.

I moaned along with him, working his length in and out of me. I wanted every drop.

He gripped my arms with a strangled cry and pulled me down for a deep kiss, his tongue sliding into my mouth. We kissed like that for an indeterminable amount of time, the union of our sexes soaked with our desire as he slowly softened inside me.

He pushed me off his groin with a sigh, dreamy-eyed as a gob of cum leaked from my satisfied cunt and trickled down the inside of my thigh. I smiled and sprawled out beside him, massaging his chest as I planted light kisses over his skin.

He stroked my hair, his tenderness almost too much.

"Thank you." My voice was barely more than a whisper.

He opened his mouth to reply, but a car door slammed shut followed by high-pitched giggling. I froze with fear and shame.

He shoved me away and leapt to his feet, eyes darting over to the trail as he pulled up his underwear and jeans. I dove for my own clothes as he grabbed his shirt and ran off the way he came, sticks breaking as he fought through the woods without so much as a backward glance.

I didn't have time to be offended.

I pulled my own clothing on as quickly as I could, shoving my bikini, book, and towel back into my bag. Voices grew louder as I slipped on my sock and shoes, panic making me jittery and rash.

It was alright. No one had seen. I had time to compose myself and hike back to my car.

A Dad and his two young children met me at the fallen tree. I helped them through with patience and a kind smile, my lover's cum trickling from my pussy and soaking my panties. When I got back to my car, I flopped in the driver's seat and threw my bag in the back, heart racing as I figured out how I was supposed to feel.

I had just had great sex with a random man in the woods.

In public.

On the Fourth of July.

I didn't even get his name.

I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, giddy I'd done something wild. Completely unhinged. Dangerous, even. And the absolute best part about the whole experience was that I didn't even have to feel bad about it. No guilt. No shame. I wasn't going to Hell for it.

********** The End *********

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