Kani's Darkness

Chapter One:

The sky hummed to the waters below and the waves reactively clashed in excitement. It was the night before the winter solstice-but tonight in its stead- felt like the longest of the year.

For our tribe, on your 22nd year, you were permitted to begin courting officially. This allowed for heightened sexual maturity and governed time for young adults- mandated to serve for a period in the Raynassian armies.

In mere hours it would be the start of my first courting year and I could feel the nervousness map my cheeks. I've waited my entire life for this moment. Always waiting for the next step-but feeling choked up by the reality.

Tomorrow to honor the winter solstice-the entire tribe and adjoining nations are commemorating via the annual ball- this year a masquerade theme has been chosen by the elders.

Not a soul has seemed to match mine- in our village at least. Nothing more than a few notable friendships.

Razmus is a family friend-he is one of the best hunters I've seen in all my days. He's been seen taking down mountain sized predators with falcon wings, rays of sunshine and the instinct to listen to nature's secrets. His skills and heart I admire-he celebrated his 22nd year six months ago so this will be his first courting year ball as well. We will meet tomorrow at the beginning of the masquerade to join the rest of our rabble friends. It'll be a comfort to my nerves. With any luck, I can imagine getting to mumble a sentence or two so I'm not totally ostracized and show some effort before doing a mental walkthrough of my escape. Back left of tent? Spotted. Easy break way behind the bonfire smoke? Seen. Duck in the back of the maid's quarters? The smell of rotisserie game and the sounds of busy clamoring? They won't stand a chance!

The woven curtains in my chambers slipped delicately through my fingers. The moonlight traced my silhouette and my shadow twin danced on the cool floor below. The cold stone kept me awake-kept me here.

Do I know what this will make me? What if I never feel the connection and am forced to wrestle through this life alone? What if no one feels the connection with me? My scarlet lower lip trembles with the lonesome possibilities and perspiration dewed upon my neck.

"Kani! What did I say?!"

I jolted! The tendrils of my raven strands turned back in a rapid head spin only to meet eyes with Sunna, my house mate.

"You scared me!" I threw a local parchment half heartedly. "What did I tell you about barging in here?!" My voice trailed off into laughter as the tension eased. Sunny was a dear friend who was absolutely insane and I loved it. I embraced her apologetically.

"I'm sowwy," she mocked in reply. Rolling her eyes and crawling under the covers. Her mischievous copper curls bounced and framed her face- seemingly angelic behind a devilishly sharp smile. "But seriously, what's the matter? When I hear you pacing I know it's not good!"

I sat on the corner of the bed-unable to make eye contact at first sight. I felt weird. Like a coward. Which I was but still. "What if tomorrow ruins everything and I'm a total laughing stock?"

She giggled in unashamed amusement, followed by her face tightening. "Oh you're not joking?" She chuckled to herself. "There's going to be hundreds of people there, Kani! The chief! The chief's wife! The carrier falcon trainers. My great aunt! And she's almost 110 even she's going! You are so beautiful, smart and have a power all you're own-don't forget who you are." She placed her hand on my heart. "I mean it. You are adored."

I tackled her on the bed and taunted her with my pillow. "Why are you the best?" I grabbed her hand warmly and showed the gratitude in my eyes. "Thank you... You'll be there tomorrow too right?"

"Of course!" She replies with haste. But I haven't reached "the beloved age," she made a silly face. "So you'll be able to go in the restricted areas, but next year it's over for all the eligibles in this town!" She followed with a wink.

"Now go to sleep," she whispered before pecking my forehead. Her breath sang of lilacs and sunflower sunsets. I always admired our talks and her nurturing nature. I couldn't imagine a life without her presence and energy. I nodded as she blew out my bedroom candle. "I love you." She closed the doors and my eyes shut simultaneously.

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Chapter Two

The night led me on. Even though I had went to rest quickly after being mentally exhausted-my dreams bade me no peace. Nothing fully in motion, but flashes of pictures and scenes felt like relentless pressure and nails in my skull. Bloody trails. Flickering tongues pressed against warm tender flesh. A snowy desert with winds and reflective crystals all around. A feeling of uncertainty and nowhere to turn-only surrender or die. Completely helpless and at the mercy of any being.

I woke up in a burst from the imagery. The sun was barely hanging by a thread in the sky when i fully came to. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. My tangled hair fell loosely on my shoulders. All my blankets had fallen to the floor and my foot had become wrangled and trapped in the crossfire.

"Get this.." I struggled. I fought with it some more only for a nearby sheet to cuff my wrist. "How did I even..? Yep got it!" I tugged farther and hurled forward to the floor alongside my blanket maze. "Perfect- an image of grace-what all mates are yearning for." I puffed upwards and a tuft of hair flew out of my view and I finally planted my feet. Firmly.

"Come on sleepy head!" Sunna shouted from the floor below. "I drew you a bath! Can't have you smelling like fields when you meet the one!"

"I like the smell of fields," I mumbled. Tossing on the mercury and pearl robe before descending below, I trip on the second step and fumble into the bathing room. Petals of magnolia and chandeliers of eucalyptus adorned the room. Freshly rinsed and sparkling. With siren candles and suds all about. The pink bath salts studded the tub. The steam heaved inviting me in. Begging for me.

I slipped the robe off cautiously and wiggled my toes in the water to test. This time of the year the air is frost. I welcomed the heat always. The water was just tepid enough to turn my buttocks a playful pink and healthful to ease my aching shoulders, my nipples to redden and shape.

I hummed a fae's melody as I let the water take me under. I could scream or laugh-do whatever I wanted under here with no one to hear me. Could I escape to this place with you and get gone in the emerald waves?

As I gasped a quiet breath back to the surface--I accepted my fate.

This night was going to happen whether I liked it or not. And as Sunna had said 1,000 times before I did need to get out and socialize more. Not everything was bad... just sometimes overwhelming.

The cotton towel drapes my bodice as I looked in the mirror. Sunna had dawned my hair with some solstice celebration flowers and blooms- winter berries, snowdrops and scilla were woven into mine. Sunna said they complimented my sea blue eyes. Winter jasmine and heath ornamented hers in a tasteful firey blaze.

We parted ways for last breaths and touches until the sled was to arrive.

I sit in my room perplexed; falling in and out of will. Naked and honest I bare myself and step into the masquerade gown for the evening.

Despite my hesitation, the dress itself couldn't have been more mesmerizing. A midnight rush of sapphires and studded crystals-gave an illusion of a perfect night sky. I've always preferred the night. Unnoticed. Full of mystery. Silent peace and haven.

"Away we go!" Sunna snorted as she hid some booze in her satchel and hiccuped. "Oops don't forget this!" She handed me my satin mask. Matching our dresses almost to a t, our only customization had been beaded veils beneath the eyes. Our dressmaker acknowledged our longing for anonymity-- and that is why she is the best in the city.

As our sled crunched through the snow in front of our dwelling I turned to tell the house good bye and that I would see it soon. Sunna cocked her head back in laughter and nudged me forward. "The prisoner advances!"

The square was bursting with excitement. All sorts of players in makeup, heavenly harp notes and fiddles decorated the air. There was also a sense of sex and flame that was drenched and undeniable.

Everyone dressed in their best wear and after the mushroom tea we snuck before the event-it was a total mindfuck.

I skipped with glee peering at the heavily feathered harlems of the Heiunas. The soft snowy fox pets of the Sanine. And the crafty crocheted negligees of the Carms.

"You'll stay with me right? As long as possible?" I nodded my head in self-assurance. "Sunna? Sun..?"

I heard a victory yell and a wooting 50 meters south. Sunna shouted. "Meat! On a stick!" Waving me away with her mouth full of what smelled like braised ostrich with onions and flame broiled garden snake, she blurted out again, "I'll find you!"

Shaking my head and trailing past, I half complained. "Typical."

I turned a corner--still in the grounds. I shivered. My breath echoed in the snowy encampment. You could hear the crystals forming and breaking-anticipation building.

I would go back to the party soon enough- I just needed fresh air first. My lips felt pouty and pale from winter's bite. But just a second in the snow. I used my cape to form a barrier and looked up at the sky above thinking of almost nothing and letting the sky take me while I savored the festival's natural delight. I pressed my palms into the snow to get up when I was brought back down just as quickly. Quicker. Harder. I whimpered and thrashed violently as I felt a leather gloved hand tighten around my face cupping my mouth. "Shhh, princess."