My Freaky Freshman Year Pt. 02

My Freaky Freshman Year

Chapter 2 of 4

All characters are over the age of 18 at the time of any sexual activity.

We continue with Theo and Lily's first months at university, a competition that raises the stakes, and some bad news.

A huge shout out to my beta readers and editors: thatsbogus and SpotInTheSand, both Lit authors more experienced than me. Consider browsing their author pages for some great stories. And to Rose, your editing skills are legendary.

* * *

I roused the next morning, immediately appreciating the comfortable warmth of Lily's big spoon behind me. The black bodysuit lingerie I'd worn to the frat Halloween party that was somehow supposed to be a Sexy Witch costume still clung to my body, and my breasts hung out of the stretchy cups. She'd draped an arm over my chest in the night, covering my exposed mounds.

We'd switched places a few times over the summer since that fateful week before Senior Prom, and even woke up together in a similar, wonderful state, but today was different.

Today started No Nut November.

I wasn't excited that our respective roommates had essentially challenged the four of us to be voluntarily celibate for a whole month, but of course... it was a challenge, and Lily and I were involved. So... obviously.

When Lily insinuated that I had essentially zero chance of winning due to my base guy-brain urges, of course I had to take it up a notch, regardless of the consequences.

Switch bodies for the month and make it fair! I said, immediately regretting my words but obviously unable to take them back at that point. I'd existed as her for as long as a week, a month was only four or so of those strung together.

Be a girl for a month. Don't let myself rub one out. Don't let Lily use my body to make me lose... I got this.

I was mentally chanting the words to myself as I forced myself out of bed. I knew there was a good chance she'd win anyway. Just being around her, in either body, was a constant source of delicious sexual frustration that until now I'd been allowed to relieve on a whim.

I maneuvered over her, still asleep, and grabbed one of my own hoodies and a pair of boxers from my dresser. I glanced at myself in the mirror and admired how adorable I was, as her of course, even in too-large guy clothes.

I fetched Lily's laptop from her room across the hall, quietly tip-toeing by Adam and Chrissy, still asleep on her bed.

Making sure the door was locked, I woke her and we spent the next several hours going over details for our November side quest. No sex, no getting off alone, but do that while inhabiting the other person's body and life.

Most of our classes had virtual options, so we could simply attend via Zoom with cameras off, assuming it was a lecture where we didn't have to interact. For the others, we'd actually have to trade places. A couple of classes were in person and small enough that we'd be recognized, so we made sure the other knew enough about the subject to at least take appropriate notes. Finals weren't until December, so tests wouldn't be an issue.

We'd both spent a week as each other in high school, so this should be no big deal. Right?

* * *

As timing would have it, we started Cross Country practice the next day. It was apparently a late start to the season, but the previous coach had left over the summer and the college was late finding a replacement. Despite the new staff, the team was far more organized than our high school version. We even got two full sets of outfits and shoes. The trail system the team used was a couple of miles from the university, so we had to load up into vans and drive out there. The vehicles seemed to naturally split between boys and girls, so I didn't get to see Lily until we arrived.

"Hope you were friendly to your teammates," she said quietly as we all warmed up.

"Most seem nice. This Vanessa girl seems kind of bitchy though," I added, lobbing a glance at a red-headed girl doing lunges on the other side of the small clearing. "Made sure she told everyone her PR stats and that she was here as a walk on." I appreciated the appropriate cattiness in my voice. "You in good with the guys?"

"I tried, but it's mostly just hey bro, and crush that trail, dude."

"I told you making friends isn't hard," I grinned. "We're not all that complicated."

She laughed. "Indeed. So we're gonna do basically the whole season... like this. I know this doesn't impact our scholarships or anything, but try and do well, okay?"

I cocked my head and crossed my arms. "Like we're all of a sudden gonna get lazy and not compete at everything?"

"Alright," she said with a sideways smile, "just making sure. Remember, you'll only run 6K, so you'll have to time your finish kick a little differently."

"We got this, Theo." I made sure to emphasize my own name in case someone overheard.

We had a good run, the trail the university maintained was way nicer than our high school's beat-up path through some trees. I quickly got used to running in Lily's body again, especially having worn a proper sports bra this time. Sweaty and pulsing with endorphins, we all piled back into the vans for the short drive back to school. Lily and I locked eyes as the vans unloaded, the gender groups of our teammates heading for their respective locker rooms. Sharing a subtle shrug, we just followed them in.

I'd already seen Chrissy in the buff the day before, but I wasn't prepared for the reality of the enticing bounty of bare flesh that quickly filled my eyes. I tried to keep my gaze natural and focused on the task of simply undressing and getting to a shower, but it wasn't easy. A dozen or so other girls with lithe runner's bodies... I was again glad not to currently have a penis. I silently compared my own borrowed body and decided that I was top two or three in the group. I think I tied for nicest tits, but Gretchen managed to pack in some extra curve in her tight spandex bottoms.

Washing in the communal showers presented all kinds of material that I was actively trying to forget as quickly as it came in. I was doing a poor job. I had a brief pang of guilt as I perved on my teammates without their knowledge, but watching Gretchen scrub the suds off her shapely ass quickly banished the thought.

Lily was waiting for me when I exited the locker room, of course having finished far earlier. We shared another look and both grinned rather wide as we walked back toward campus hand in hand.

"So that was awkward," she said once we were out of earshot.

"Did you look?"

"Of course I looked. It's hard not seeing all these schlongs just hanging there. Do you guys just like... stare at each other?"

"Not really stare," I said, "but yeah, we look. Compare."

"Thanks for giving me a leg up there," she said with a smile. "I kinda thought I had a few jealous looks."

"You didn't get..."

"Hard? No!" she tutted. "I was in a locker room with a bunch of sweaty guys! Do you think that would arouse me?"

"Well, you seemed to like it when I was naked and sweaty after a run."

"That's because it's you, doofus. And I was a girl... I don't really know any of those guys, let alone have any kind of relationship."

"Interesting," I said, trailing off.

"Are you saying you got all hot and bothered showering with a bunch of random naked girls?" She flashed me a look like there was a single correct answer.

"Uhh... maybe a little." I looked into her eyes for some kind of understanding. "I mean, there were twelve sets of tits and asses, Lily... runners asses! Plus yours-- er, mine, which I still like looking at in the mirror, by the way." I smirked unapologetically.

"When we switch, you do find guys attractive though, right?"

"Well, yeah," I said with a sideways glance at her. "I figured it kinda came with the body."

"Yeah, I kinda get that. I mean I can still look at a guy and be attracted, but the girls now? Holy shit, Theo... it's almost scary."

"Confusing, isn't it?" I said, letting out a sigh and taking a minute to let the strange experience normalize a little.

"Maybe it's one of those things like me not being able to drive stick until I'm... you," she said, probably triggering our memories of that first panicked morning we switched.

I thought about taking the obvious driving stick joke she had teed up for me, but thought better of it.

"Have you seen Adam naked yet?" I asked.

She looked at the pavement as we walked. "Well, yeah, we're roommates. And I'm guessing you already experienced Chrissy's... lack of modesty," she chuckled.

"Maybe," I said noncommittally. "You feel a little guilty doing this without them knowing?"

"Yeah, kinda. I hadn't really thought about it when we agreed to this." Lily exhaled loudly. "Gonna be an interesting month."

"Just wait until my hormones take over all the way and you see the blonde girl in my Psych class..." I expected a shove to the shoulder or at least a verbal jab, none came.

Lily's mouth stretched into her signature evil grin, which somehow was just as unnerving on my face.

"What?" I asked. She just shook her head and kept walking.

* * *

As that first week progressed, we had to have a few impromptu emergency texts to clear up details we hadn't discussed. I'd forgotten to tell her that Fridays were Grand Theft Auto nights for Adam and I, which she obviously had no idea about or desire to play.

A couple of in-person classes demanded surreptitious photos of a classmate so we could get names or details of some earlier conversation. I even had to fend off a rather insistent but cute guy in one of her classes that had obviously asked her out at some point. The prospect gave me a weird tingle, but I responded with a hopefully-repeated I have a boyfriend, dude.

I found getting to know Chrissy fascinating, not wholly unlike the time I'd spent with Zoey. She seemed to look up to me and value everything I said, but with the stark difference of cussing like a sailor when nobody else was around. She always wanted to paint my nails when we were finished studying or otherwise had nothing else to do. I couldn't think of a reason to say no, so I let her, and ended up appreciating the time to talk.

I felt a little bad for Lily, not that Adam was a bad guy or stupid by any means... but as I'd come to grips with years ago, we males often don't go very deep. In three days living with Chrissy, I had a pretty good picture of her hopes and dreams, her biggest fears, and what she would and would not eat on pizza. Thank God she was content staying largely on the giving end of the conversation, because I would likely have failed spectacularly at being Lily.

Lily and I were sitting on her bed one evening, having quickly agreed to stop our very brief makeout session to watch something on Netflix instead. I leaned backwards between her legs with my head on her chest.

"See, we can be together and keep our clothes on," I said, actually meaning it. I snuggled into her body and let her hold me.

Not five minutes had passed before I felt her erection beginning to press against my back. She leaned her head down and whispered in my ear.

"If we don't actually cum, it doesn't count, right?"

"Theo!" I hissed, surprising myself that I used the name appropriate for the body I was yelling at. I batted her hand away from the breast she'd been not-subtly cupping for the last few minutes.

"If you wanna lose, I'll help you lose right now..." I parted my lips in a wide O and flashed her some bedroom eyes.

She sucked in a breath like she was strongly considering it.

"God, this is harder than I thought," she said. "Huh-huh, hard..." she giggled.

"Ohmigod, the transformation is complete," I laughed. "Where's all your control now, miss iron-clad self restraint?"

She huffed and gently pushed me away so I could spin and look at her.

"Listen, I'm sorry I made fun of you and your stupid guy urges, I get it. Need to spread my seed, ooga ooga!"

"You just can't not, can you?" I said with an arched eyebrow. I had a visual flash of what my current face looked like, having seen this very expression many times before. "You haven't lost yet, on your own, right?"

"No," she huffed. "But God, I wanna lock that door and do things to you right now..."

Her words started the heat between my legs, which I knew in more than one part of my brain needed to be suppressed. I inhaled and released a deep breath. "I should go back to my room now, before we do something dumb."

Lily did some deep breathing too before she spoke. "We're good, we need to let this play out so it's all fair and we learn what we're supposed to learn here."

I laughed. "Did we just switch bodies back and I didn't know it?"

"Hilarious. Come on, kiss me goodbye and send Adam back. I need to watch him steal cars and kill hookers, but convince him my thumbs are sore so I don't have to play."

Lily lunged at me, but gently took my head in her hands before pulling us together. I melted into the kiss, sweet and tender and urgent all at once. Half of me wanted to say fuck it, and do just that. The other half wanted to curl into a ball and let her hold me until I fell asleep. By the time I realized we were finished, she'd hopped off the bed and was turning on the TV.

* * *

The four of us quickly began to regard the people in the room on the opposite side of the hall as our own personal kryptonite. While the ultimate choice to abstain and fight our urges was of course up to us, it was our significant others that held the ultimate power over our horniness.

While my current state as a rather attractive female gave me some advantages, it only took a few days of wearing cleavage-baring tops and tight jeans to have it shut down. The boys started actively avoiding us, especially in the evenings.

I knocked on Lily's door one night, quite honestly just craving some contact, but deviously hoping to give her some uncomfortable feelings to fall asleep with if it worked out. I changed into some stretchy cotton shorts and just a tank top, then padded across the hall. I put on my best sexy pout as I knocked on the door.

"Hey you," I said as the door opened. I sucked in a breath as she opened it, wearing just a pair of boxer briefs. We both took an extended look up and down each other's bodies.

"Hi," she said awkwardly, apparently trying to look away from my chest. "You goin' to bed soon?"

"Yeah." I said, realizing my plan was backfiring. "Could I... have a goodnight kiss?"

Go big or go home, I said to myself as she pulled me into the doorway. Make her want it.

As Lily wrapped her arms around me, I slowly palmed the front of her shorts as our lips pressed together. I could feel her hardness almost instantly, but it was met with a proportionate level of heat between my legs.

Dammit.

The kiss lasted for a few more seconds and I sealed it up, pulling her lower lip between mine and nibbling on it. I backed away and grinned at her obvious arousal.

"Thanks," I said in her sexy voice, "I just missed you. G'night."

I desperately wanted to look over my shoulder as I walked into my room, but held it together. Falling asleep that night was torturous.

One of Lily's classes the next morning required in-person attendance. I didn't mind it, going to lectures via Zoom had already lost its appeal. As I sat there taking notes, my phone vibrated on the tiny desk. I swiped open the text from Lily; she'd attached an image.

I inhaled deeply as I stared at the screen. She was obviously standing in the dorm bathroom and had taken a selfie in the mirror. The frame showed her bare, nicely defined torso, and it was somehow timed with a muscle flex that didn't look like a stupid gym pic, just strong and sexy. The pair of underwear she wore was pulled down to show the top of her hips, and gave a definite hint of... other things.

The girl sitting next to me glanced over and obviously saw what I was looking at.

"Ooh, thirst traps..." she whispered, "gotta be careful, that shit's addictive."

"It's my boyfriend," I sighed, closing the screen.

"Oh, well lucky you then, girl!"

"Yes," I said, raising an eyebrow at her, "lucky me."

I didn't take any more notes during the class, and limited myself to only a few... okay, half a dozen peeks at the text.

Even waited till I was in class... harsh. I walked back to the dorms for my lunch break. If she wants to play dirty, I can play dirty.

I began to cogitate on my retort. It almost wasn't fair as a girl. You could just pull your shirt up and get a jackoff-worthy photo. I needed to do something better, something classy. My brain ground its gears for an hour before the idea popped into my head. After returning to my room, I waited until I knew Lily and Adam would be gone for class, leaving their room empty.

I'd pulled my hair back and put in the largest pair of Lily's hoop earrings. I quickly penciled in dark eye liner and dramatic shadow, finished off with a coat of bright red lipstick. I stole into their room and stripped my shirt and bra off. After setting the phone camera on a self timer, I grabbed their video game controllers and pressed one into each of my bare breasts. I pushed them together, making sure to create some nice cleavage. The camera light flashed and I stuck my lips out in a dramatic kiss.

Click. I checked the photo. Fucking nailed it.

I waited until Friday night to send it. We'd all had dinner at a sandwich shop on campus that was admittedly better than dining hall food. I'd held her hand and didn't make any comments about her bathroom pic, but grinned mischievously as we separated into our rooms. I gave them twenty minutes or so to get their game going before hitting send.

I wrote a message just before adding photo of me, naked from the waist up and my tits barely obscured by the plastic controllers.

Think about me next time you're playing Grand Theft Auto.

I hit send and waited for the Delivered message. I saw the bubbles start and stop several times, each bringing me a little extra satisfaction. There was ultimately no response that evening, and I fell asleep with at least a little satisfaction.

The next volley in our escalating sexy text war hit me hard. I'd been waiting, almost on pins and needles for what I knew would be the next salvo. It didn't come until I was sitting at her desk Monday morning, watching the tiny grid of faces on the Zoom class. The largest was the view of the lecture hall, backs of heads and the slightly out of focus view of the professor.

The instructor droned on about marketing to people's tastes, how specific patterns and styles of presentation could sell or turn people from a product. Even colors that mean different things to different cultures played into the equation. It was honestly interesting, but after half an hour of hearing about colorways and artistic feel... I'd halfway tuned out.

At that moment, the phone's pleasant ding pulled me away. I saw the notification, Theo Harper on the screen and considered ignoring it. I turned off my laptop camera and swiped to open the photo.

I sucked in a breath as the image filled the screen. She'd obviously set the phone on my headboard, angled to get a view of my bed. She was laying on her stomach, face adorably posed with chin resting on her crossed arms and staring into the camera with a smoulder that would have been at home in a cologne ad. Her hair was mussed just right, playful and messy like I just needed to run my fingers through it. The real clincher though, was just over her strong, round shoulder. There was just enough angle on the shot to see the round of her taut, naked ass in the warm, unfocused light beyond.

The photo was art.

I wanted to race across the hallway, flip her over on that bed and just impale myself on her hardness. She'd reach up and rub my tits while I rode her, saying cute and naughty things while we fucked. I'd watch her strong chest start to heave as she got close. She'd start panting and I'd tell her I wanted her to cum inside me. Please, Lily...

"Hot fucking damn..." I said out loud, still staring at the picture. It took a moment to realize it was coming from my lips.

"Excuse me, Miss Whitlock?" blared the professor's voice from the tinny laptop speaker.

"Sorry!" I stuttered out, internally cursing the different settings on her laptop. "I just really like that contrasting herringbone... way better than the houndstooth."

"Indeed," the professor answered, along with an unrestrained cacophony of laughter from classmates.

I clicked angrily on the mute button and closed the laptop.

Glancing back to the phone, the screen had just dimmed on Lily's adorably sexy photo.

Alright, game on.

I stood up and stripped out of all my clothes, railing against every instinct to take advantage of my privacy and do what I so badly wanted to do. I set the phone against the wall at the foot of the bed and framed the photo. I leaned back against the wall opposite and spread my bare legs. Not wanting to quite show my most intimate parts, I snaked a hand down between them to barely cover my wet slit with my fingers. I stared at the screen as the camera focused.

As I watched the countdown timer, I reached up with my free hand and pinched at a hard nipple. The genuine gasp as the pleasure rippled through my body made my lips part involuntarily, just as the shutter snapped the photo. I had already gone through several seconds of deep breathing before I thought to look at the screen again. A mischievous smile turned my mouth upward.

If this doesn't make her bust a nut, nothing will.

I debated on an opportune time to send the photo, but hoped she was still in bed with her bare, adorable ass out.

Send.

A good sixty seconds passed before the bubbles lit up the text thread.

Goddammit Theo. We have to stop. Please. Truce?

A wicked grin turned my mouth up.

Fine. But remember, you started it.

* * *

Another in-person class morning, I decided to treat myself to a latte on the way. I left early enough to detour to the Starbucks on the edge of campus nearest the building I was headed to. The store wasn't busy and I walked straight up to the counter. The barista turned around from the little oven warmer thing and smiled at me. He was about guy-me height, and adorable. The black t-shirt under his green apron stretched nicely around defined but not massive arms, and his smile made dimples on his cheeks.

"Good morning, what can I get you?" he said in a smooth, deep voice.

"A grande whole-milk latte I think, maybe a couple pumps of caramel." I deserve a treat.

"Maybe?" he asked with a sideways smile.

"Definitely," I grinned. God, he's cute. "Let's see, do I want anything else..." I deliberately looked up at the menu board and away from his face.

"How about my phone number?"

A breath caught in my throat and my stomach did a little flip. My brain knew I was in Lily's body, and in a relationship that I had no intention of straying from... but the rest of me ate it up. I can't lead him on, I thought, realizing I hadn't answered. Lily would have something clever to say...

"I don't think that's on the menu... Jared," I added, reading his name tag.

"Eh, it was worth a shot," he said jovially. "You still at school here, or graduated?"

I laughed brightly. "Freshman, first term."

"Wow, okay... I'm a junior. Construction Engineering."

"That's the same program my boyfriend is in," I said.

"Ahh..."

I paid for my coffee, but had fun ratcheting up the flirting with Starbucks guy. He seemed content to ignore his coworkers making my latte and talk idly to the pretty girl who decided not to leave the register. I briefly considered giving him my digits anyway as a joke, but Lily getting a random text from a cute and very interested guy would probably be counterproductive in the long run. I waved and smiled as I left.

After class, I spent most of the day studying in the library. I'd already taken plenty of notes for Lily's class and thought I'd get a leg up on the math final I'd have later in the term, back in Theo world. I'd read the same equation about twenty times without understanding it when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Lily standing there behind me, wearing my favorite sweater and smiling.

"How studious of you," she whispered, rounding the table to sit across from me.

I stared into her eyes, way past the point in our body switch where I was simply looking back at myself. They were hers now, beautiful and deep.

"Hey," I said quietly. "Missed you."

She reached across the table to take my hands. "Me too. I didn't think this silly bet was gonna be so hard," she said. "I'm sorry we haven't been able to be around each other much. It's been..."

"Yeah, it has."

Good, not just me.

"Do you think we could go get dinner and manage to not have sex on the way?" she whispered with a smug grin.

"Well I'm not gonna make any promises," I said demurely, "especially not with you in that sweater."

Lily laughed probably loud enough to irritate a librarian. Without speaking, she simply mouthed I love you. I packed my books up and followed her like a puppy toward the dining hall.

"I like your nails," she said casually as we ate.

Chrissy had painted them a shade of violet that I didn't much care for, but it gave me an excuse to wear a matching top I'd found in Lily's closet.

"Thanks," I said. "Is that what's left of Lily in there liking them, or is purple a testosterone trigger I didn't know about?" I felt the spite in my words and regretted them immediately.

She stared at me for a minute before answering.

"I'm not sure. I appreciate doing my makeup and looking pretty as much as anyone when I'm a girl, but I think I actually notice it as a guy. I mean, I can tell when a girl is okay in her own skin. It doesn't mean she has to dress a certain way or wear makeup or whatever, I know it's all biological--bright colors to attract a mate, all that."

"We do notice," I said, taking a bite of my pasta. "But commenting on your nail polish seems kinda..."

"Feminine? Attentive? Evolved? Kind?"

I felt eighteen years of conditioning starting to get turned a bit sideways. "I guess we're kinda just wired to see the whole package," I said, dropping all pretense. "Cute, good body, not dumb, dresses okay." The words sounded strange in her voice even though I'd been using it for a while now.

"Was that it?" she asked, surprisingly without detectable irritation. "I had the whole package and you just decided to go for it?"

I felt myself getting defensive and a little hurt. "No, I..." I reached across the table and grabbed her hands. "I mean yes, Lily, you have the whole package. I think it just took our little mixup to see you differently."

"Well, I guess that's fair," she said, a pained look starting to show on her face. "I think we were both guilty there."

"I've always thought you were beautiful, by the way," I said quietly, realizing we were having what was turning into a very private conversation in the middle of a loud dining hall. "Even when you're a pain in the ass."

She grinned widely. "Well thank you. It is okay to notice the little things and tell me," she added. "Most of this girly stuff we do is kind of tedious, and we appreciate it when you notice. You're allowed to tell us our fingernails look pretty."

"All of the hot girls with pretty fingernails then?"

Lily craned her head back in a genuine laugh. "Sure, why the hell not?" She took a deep breath and gazed back into my eyes. "But next time you notice something new or interesting about me specifically, it's okay to comment."

"I will, I promise," I added quietly.

"Alright then. Anything uh, you wanna speak up for on behalf of dude-kind?"

Her lopsided grin was adorable. I abandoned all pretense that our words were for others, some future relationship or dating wisdom we'd pass on.

"Every time you touch me, even if it's just my hand or arm, it's like... magic love electricity or something. I can barely even explain it. Touching is good."

"I think I understand," Lily interrupted, reaching out to grab my hand again. "There's something different about it on this side, isn't there..."

I could only manage a nod in response. I tried to reason whether or not we'd be having this conversation if we'd never switched bodies and got to experience life from the other side. As I stared into her eyes, I knew it didn't matter. She was the person that through whatever twist of fate, had ended up with me. I was stuck in the quandary of whether to crawl into her lap and never leave, or take her back to our dorm room and show her just how much touching I was willing to give.

Several minutes passed before either of us said anything.

"Well that didn't make things better," she said with a grin, obviously having ended up in some similar head space. "We can still do this, right?"

"Trying my best."

I fell asleep that night, grateful for what we'd shared, but horny as hell.

* * *

Almost two weeks had passed since November the First. The first week without any kind of sexual relief was bearable. Busy schedules and just general fatigue could cause that.

No problem.

As the second week started, and with likely two more to go... that's when I started to struggle. I had restless nights each time after I'd spent time with Lily. Some cute thing she'd said or the way she touched my arm or shoulder... the goodbye kisses we allowed ourselves a few times were the worst. I began to try and convince myself that I could rub a slow, quiet climax without tipping Chrissy off, but managed to shut myself down each time the temptation grew.

I bustled around her dorm room late one evening, making sure I put everything back where it should be. Laundry folded properly, everything in its place. I smiled to myself as I neatly put panties and bras back into her dresser, knowing how she liked things to be just so. I didn't want Lily to have any regrets that I occupied her life and space for the month, despite the obvious lack of physical intimacy that was the whole reason for the challenge.

On one hand, being a guy came with very intense but temporal urges. As long as you could keep yourself from getting too worked up, all was good. Keep the balls from getting blue, right? Living as a girl though... I was struggling with even explaining it to myself. When I'd been in Lily's body previously, every moment we spent together before having sex was like foreplay. It could be hours, or even days. Every dumb joke we shared, a few minutes holding hands walking somewhere, even our spirited competitions at inconsequential things, all of it added to a slow build of this crazy mashup of affection and love and lust.

Once I was satisfied that Lily wouldn't come back to her body and room and chew me out for making a mess, I changed into my pajamas early. I sat on my bed and read for a while, trying to keep myself awake. After realizing I'd read the same sentence over and over, I finally put down the book and shut off the lamp. I snuggled down under the covers and appreciated the way my smooth skin felt against the sheets.

Despite my body being tired, my brain wouldn't rest. I quickly flashed to the last sexy picture she'd sent me. The way her eyes were practically making love to the camera, her cute bubble butt just a tiny bit blurry in the background... I fought the overwhelming urge to grab the phone and stare at it.

I didn't need the phone it turned out, my imagination quickly took over. Images of guy Lily began to take over my thoughts. It quickly changed into something more like a movie.

She slowly stripped the clothes from my body, then hers. We kissed a little standing up, my breasts flattening against her hard pecs as we began to use tongue in our increasingly steamy makeout. Eventually we broke apart and I laid down on the bed, where she slowly and luxuriously caressed my entire body with her fingers and lips before we finally started. Our sex was tender and prolonged as we stared into each others' eyes.

Stop, I'm getting horny.

Here in the real world, I felt the heat between my legs where my narrow panties were certainly getting wet.

Forcing myself into a different frame of mind, I thought about the time we spent together over the summer. Late nights driving around and having fun with friends, the vacations we took with both families, waking up in the tent the morning I admitted I was in love with her. I sighed out loud as the emotions swirled around and added a rose-colored tint to every interaction we'd had since that fateful April the First, almost eight months earlier.

Then, BAM, the scene changed again. Lily was on top of me, the hungry look in her eyes both arousing and almost scary. She was absolutely railing me, I could feel her hard cock sliding deep inside my body in tempo with my breasts bouncing from the force. My legs wrapped around her, forcing her harder and faster into my needy pussy.

Another episode. I was in my own body and Lily was on top of me. A little less frantic this time, but she used her hips to make delicious little circles, keeping me buried to the hilt inside her. She was completely in control, and I stared in lust at her perfect tits, swaying on her chest.

Jesus, you gotta stop this.

Lying in my dorm bed, I had begun to unconsciously rub my thighs together, realizing that I was pretty effectively stimulating myself without using my hands.

Could I cum like this? Can't find out, can't find out...

BAM. I was on my knees, staring at a nice set of abs. I was obviously in her body again, because my mouth is full of cock. It stretched my jaw wide and my throat was almost painfully expanding around her. I wasn't exactly giving her a blowjob, as her hands are gently gripped the sides of my head while she more or less fucked my face. My eyes watered and I couldn't breathe very well, but God, I wanted her to keep going. My throat protested with stifled coughs around her as she went balls deep on every second or third thrust, making me choke and cough on a mixture of saliva and salty precum. I could tell she was getting close and grabbed onto her muscular ass, pulling her again as far into me as possible as her cock swells, ready to erupt...

"I'm back," Chrissy called as I finally realized the squeaky noise was our door opening.

My whole body went rigid as I used every ounce of restraint to stop writhing against myself in my bed. I could tell I was sweating and hoped the lack of light in the room hid my likely crimson cheeks. I knew I was probably only thirty seconds from liftoff.

"You already in bed?" she asked casually.

"Yeah," I answered, forcing my voice to be calm.

"Okay babe, I'll let you sleep."

Sweet baby Jesus, like I'm gonna sleep now.

I took several deep breaths and exhaled them, hopefully quiet enough that my roommate wouldn't intuit that I had just jumped off the express train to O-Town and was walking myself back to Reality Bummer City.

* * *

I woke up Monday with a headache. It wouldn't have been so bad by itself, but it seemed to spread to my stomach and lower back as I got out of bed. I grabbed a bra from the drawer and pulled it on, which I was getting very good at thank you very much, and gasped as I stuffed my breasts in.

"Ugh," I said aloud, wondering if I'd put it on inside out or something. The material felt scratchy against my nipples and the whole thing felt small. I glanced in the mirror and said it again, "Ugh." My eyes looked puffy and my normally clear skin was a little blotchy.

I'd been in a low-key bad mood for days, but I'd assumed it was largely due to the lack of sex. Today, it had ramped up. It might have been the aches, but everything about the last few minutes irritated me. I thought about the classes I had to attend that morning and got even more grumpy.

"Mornin'," Chrissy croaked from the other side of the room. "You wanna get breakfast before class?"

Food? I thought, ugh again. I somehow felt already full and starving at the same time. What the actual hell is going on?

"Oh, sweetie, that's right..." she said, giving me a sympathetic look as she hopped out of bed. "I'm due Wednesday."

Wham. Everything came into focus. Despite the pain in my head, breasts, and body in general, I mustered enough brain power to put the pieces together.

I'm about to start my period.

I hoped my face didn't give away the ire that the bordering-on-treasonous girl currently occupying my body across the hall, somehow thought it would be hilarious not to warn me about this.

I know how girls' plumbing works... how could I forget this was coming?

I envisioned Lily's smugly pleased face, probably looking cute and sexy anyway.

Grr.

I had what was probably in reality three and a half seconds of panic, realizing I had no idea what to do, how to treat this obviously horrible condition that was about to overtake me. I hoped desperately that the part of Lily's body that I so cherished and enjoyed previously wasn't gushing blood and other unpleasantness onto our floor right now.

"Here, babe," Chrissy reached into her purse hanging on the back of the door and handed me a little plastic package that looked like half of a fat drinking straw.

"Oh, thanks." I grabbed it from her and quickly pulled on a shirt and sweats. Good, no bleeding yet, I confirmed, glancing at the creamy skin of my thighs. With some tiny forethought, I grabbed my phone and let myself out before stealing down the hall to the bathroom.

I'm gonna kill her, I thought, glancing at my reflection in the mirror before ducking into a stall. Preparing myself for some kind of gushing wave of crimson as I sat, I was a bit relieved to see only a small spot of red on my panties. Checking the stalls on either side of me, I unlocked my phone and typed in a search I never would have thought I'd need.

How do I put in a tampon?

I steeled myself, switching between the clinical public service announcements and internet influencers describing the entire process in unpleasant detail. Plugging an orifice that had brought me so much pleasure on both sides of our bizarre equation was a strange experience, but I let out a sigh of relief as I came to grips with the fact that I could at least keep myself from bleeding to death with this little cotton thing. Right?

I giggled bitterly as I looked down, the limp little string hanging from my cooch.

Guess it's better than having to go in after it later. I took a few deep breaths and pulled my panties back up. Still gonna kill her.

After a handful of ibuprofen and some breakfast and coffee, I felt a bit closer to human. I deliberately avoided the boys' dorm room as we got ready for our first classes. There was no guarantee I wouldn't unleash my current mental state on an unwitting Lily, even though she was probably aware of what I was going through and was almost certainly enjoying it from afar.

You got this, don't give her the satisfaction. It's a few days of being uncomfortable and grumpy. You got this. God, I was so wrong.

I woke the next morning in a better mood, but had apparently traded it for awful, gut wrenching cramps. I laid in bed in the fetal position, briefly wondering if I needed medical attention. I'd been kneed in the nuts a few times playing basketball. I guessed that approximately the first second and a half of that was worse, but then it was tied with period cramps. That just kept going.

The space between my belly button and my previously favorite area of Lily's body twisted like someone was reaching in with a hand mixer. A few moments passed where I thought I might throw up, but I deep breathed through it and wrangled enough thought to take more ibuprofen.

Steeling my resolve, I finally got out of bed and pulled on the too-small clothes, but skipped the bra altogether. I waddled down the hall and into the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, watching and smelling the flow of ick coming out of my body, I felt like I was in some bizarre horror movie.

I even had to load up my backpack with tampons and pads. I'd always assumed it was a once a day kind of thing to change them out... again, so wrong.

Half of me wanted to find Lily and do nothing but let her hold me and stroke my hair. The other half wanted to go find a cool hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere and just lay in it until this was over. I knew the first one was doable if I asked, but I was still pissed that she didn't at least warn me about Aunt Flow and her parade of awful gifts.

Chrissy came back after class that afternoon, finding me half conscious in my desk chair, my last Zoom class long since ended. I stared blankly at the wall just above the screen, willing the pain in my lower abdomen to go away. I turned around to look at her, her cute skirt and knee-high socks were an adorable foil to my probably smelly slob-wear.

"Bad one this month, huh?"

"Oh, it's alright..." I lied. I honestly had no idea if this was a bad period or not. I genuinely hoped for Lily's sake that it was. Even though she was rotten for not warning me, I wouldn't wish this on her.

"Sweetie, those are the same leggings you had on yesterday. You haven't even taken them off, have you?"

I sighed out a deep breath. "God, it sucks... everything hurts."

"Oh, honey, I know..." Chrissy dropped her bag and crossed to my side of the room. She laid her hands on me and started massaging my neck and shoulders.

I relaxed into the chair and closed my eyes. "Oh... that's nice."

"You just sit and relax. Can I get you something, some tea?"

"Just keep rubbing," I mumbled.

Chrissy gently but firmly worked over my shoulders and neck, then up to my temples as I sat there. I began to feel the pain and fatigue start to dissipate from my body while she massaged me.

"Guys have it so easy," I said after a while, "they just feel normal all the time."

"Tell me about it. Adam barely even notices when I'm on the rag. He'd probably be oblivious if I didn't cut him off for a week every month."

"Right?" I said, not actually having remembered actively noticing Lily's cycles.

Maybe our busy summer schedules were just coincidentally good...

"Not gonna lie though," I continued, "this no nut nonsense is hard. I've missed being with Theo," I said, making sure I used the right name, "especially right now. Not that I don't appreciate your massage, but..."

Chrissy's hands began to shake against my neck and I heard her breathing become ragged.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I spun my chair around to see her eyes misting up.

"Adam is right across the hall and I can't trust myself to be around him, even just to let him hold me," she sniffed. "And it's only for a month!"

Oh... she's only a couple days behind me. Two of us in one room, this isn't good.

"Come 'ere, we got this," I said, willing my own emotions to simmer down. I opened my arms and she jumped onto my lap and hugged me. Now it was my turn to rub her back as she nuzzled her head into my shoulder. Her smaller frame fit against me nicely as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Adam's my first real boyfriend and even though he's such a dumbass sometimes, I just miss him so much," she said, letting a stray sob out.

"I know, this has been hard." My eyes started to water as I held her against me, wishing I was the one being cradled. "Even just talking and holding hands... I wonder if they're having as bad a time as we are."

"The idiots are probably just playing video games," she said crossly.

Chrissy's hip had been digging into my thigh and was causing my leg to go numb.

"Can you..." I pivoted a little and gently took one of her legs to spin her. She easily straddled me with her legs now on either side of my chair. Our chests pressed together as she was now able to hug me around my back. Her skirt spread out over us.

She sighed deeply and relaxed into me again. Our tits pressed together, mine only covered by the thin sweatshirt.

"Ohh... that's nice," she purred. "Maybe we don't need those dumb boys to feel decent during our periods," she added.

I closed my eyes and slowly massaged her back, appreciating the affection and warmth of another person holding me. We sat like that for a few moments, just soaking up the kindness we shared with each other.

"Although I wouldn't say no to a few minutes of making out, assuming Theo could keep it in his pants," I said wistfully.

Chrissy giggled and sat up a bit so we were looking at each other. Her hands draped over my shoulders.

"Kissing's the best," she said dreamily. "It's so personal and intimate and sexy, and you can do it just about anywhere without getting into trouble."

I focused on her pretty eyes as her expression changed. The way she looked at me, the slight droop to her eyelids as our faces got closer, I knew what was happening, but had only a weirdly confusing frame of reference.

What's going on... Is this something they do? Do girls kiss when they're sad or angry or... does my girlfriend make out with her roommate?

My eyelids drifted shut as our lips pressed together. The absence of vision enhanced my other senses, the taste of her lip gloss and the way she smelled. I immediately equated it to kissing Lily when I was, well, me--soft and beautiful and delicate, but not exactly the same.

My arms stayed around her back and I slowly squeezed her closer as our kiss deepened. Our heads finally tilted in opposite directions as we got into it, moving against each other as our mouths opened to each other.

What the fuck is happening here?

Part of my mind had envisioned a scene much like this countless times, two sexy girls making out, simply for my pleasure to observe. This was very, very different though. This felt like a hug that had simply been taken up a level, an intimate sharing that was amazingly making my whole period-abused body feel better.

Chrissy took my lower lip between her teeth and nibbled gently, evoking a memory of Lily doing the same thing to me and immediately turning a different knob. I could feel myself becoming aroused, but very differently. It wasn't the unstoppable freight train kind of horny, but a gentle, almost familiar connection that I was rapidly surrendering to.

This can't be normal, right? I thought briefly as our tongues began to intertwine. If it wasn't for the obvious relief we both seemed to be taking from this exchange, I probably would have gently pushed her away. As it was, I could feel the uncomfortable pressure in the different parts of my body begin to melt away.

Chrissy's smaller body wrapping around me began to flip the script on my current, vulnerable state. The feeling of protection and caring swelled in my chest, spawning a few interesting emotions that I hadn't felt in the weeks I'd been a girl.

This is what it's like when I kiss Lily... and I'm me. She doesn't have to worry about anything in the world. I'm here, I got this.

Our kissing slowly became more intense. She began to make happy little moans as our tongues danced between our mouths and our bodies started to react to each other. The warmth where her legs spread around me was obvious, especially when she started pushing against me.

"Chrissy, honey," I said between kisses, my eyes still closed. "Feels like you're getting a little worked up."

"Please Lil', I need this so bad..." She shifted in my lap a bit, scooting back to straddle one of my legs instead of my waist.

Well, shit. My brain reasserted itself. Didn't see this coming.

Chrissy started to grind against my leg in earnest. The thin fabric of my tights and her probably-soaked panties didn't shield my skin from her wetness and heat. She laid her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her again.

I froze, wondering if I should put a stop to this.

I had experienced firsthand how it felt to be under the influence of a girl's monthly cycle... the hormones could make my whole existence feel different, cause my body to endure awful pain, and was topped off by the excitement of being happy about something one minute and ready to commit murder the next. I quickly decided I didn't want to derail Chrissy's need, but even more so not to make Lily the roommate that was cold-hearted during her friend's time of the month.

Just let this finish. Don't take it anywhere else, I'm not driving.

Adorable whimpers began to accompany the movements of Chrissy's hips, along with my desk chair starting to squeak. As her urgency ramped up, I felt my own emotions swell, more like when I rubbed Lily to orgasm or licked her beautiful slit until she came. I was barely participating in what was happening now, but only because I wanted this for her, I wanted her release to make her feel better.

Chrissy sat up straight and kissed me again as her climax began to peak. I snapped my eyes shut and kissed her back fiercely, our tongues wrestling between open lips. She stopped moving and moaned into my mouth.

"Ohhhhh..." she finally cooed.

She broke the kiss and collapsed against me again. I simply let her stay, honestly still enjoying the closeness and warmth and contact as her breathing began to slow. My own brief arousal had already tapered off.

"I'm sorry..." she said after a few minutes. "I kinda crossed a line there."

I'll say. Girls are...

"It's okay. You obviously needed to blow off a little steam."

"Can you imagine if the boys knew about this? Jesus, they'd probably cream their jeans."

My eyes snapped wide and I was relieved she couldn't see them while we hugged.

Oh shit... I have to tell Lily about this. Right?

I had a brief but spirited argument inside my head.

I'll tell her. I'll tell her.

Later.

I gave Chrissy one more squeeze and tried not to imagine the visual of Lily and Chrissy making out and grinding against each other.

Another one for the spank bank... the small part of me that was still quite a dude offered. Not cool! the other part yelled.

"Oh, for sure," I giggled. I gently motioned to get up and helped her stand. "I uh, should probably change and shower."

"Ohmigod, let me wash your leggings for you. Ick, they're all..."

"It's okay, I need to do laundry anyway." I flashed her a contented smile and touched her arm. Just saying the word laundry flashed the thought into my head.

Lily wouldn't let this go.

"Thanks for the back rub sweetie, but you know you just lost No Nut November..."

"Worth it." She grinned widely at me. "Let me tell Adam first, okay? And don't worry..." she added, probably seeing the look on my face, "I won't tell him how I lost."

* * *

I felt somewhat human again when I woke the next morning. I was still pissed at Lily's obvious power play in our secret competition, but I certainly wasn't going to let her know how badly I suffered through her body's various attempts to make me miserable. Not that it didn't try by any means. I softened a little as I imagined her in my body, trying to not stroke one off for even a few days... she's being punished appropriately, I reasoned.

While I was certainly not alone in my desperate desire for December the First to arrive, I'd again gotten used to being her. Knowing I'd eventually be back in my own body allowed me to overlook the shitty period week, and again appreciate the better parts of existing as a girl. I got to wear cute clothes, sexy underwear, even do my makeup a little heavier if I wanted some extra attention from the guys that did nothing but buoy my self esteem.

Lily and I had begun the habit of walking home from Cross Country practice together. It gave us a little alone time that was still public enough to discourage anything naughty. We took the time to make sure we compared and shared class notes, and filled each other in on anything our swapped roommates might have said or done that we'd likely need to know about in the future. I nearly brought up the Chrissy situation a few times, but couldn't work up the courage or find the right moment. If anything, I was probably sparing guy Lily from popping a major hard-on in the middle of the sidewalk as she imagined us making out. I knew I would have.

As we got back to the dorm and separated to grab clothes and hit the showers, our roommates were waiting for us. Both wore similar expressions, goofy grins with a tinge of embarrassment.

"Hey guys, how was practice?" said Adam.

"No complaints," said Lily. "What's up with you two?"

Chrissy pursed her lips and glanced around the group. "Well, we have some bad news and good news."

"Well, spill," said Lily with an oddly knowing smile.

"The bad news is that we lost No Nut November," said Adam.

Wait, did he say -we-? Did they just get done doing it?

"The good news, of course," Chrissy continued, "is that you celibate dorks get laundry service for a month."

"And uh, well-- we already failed the challenge, so..." said Adam quietly.

"We can have sex again," said Chrissy under her breath. "Well, at least we can. I guess you two can keep on for the rest of the month."

I glanced at Lily, still flushed from running. She was staring at me hungrily, likely doing some mental calculus. I could almost hear the thoughts running through her head. The first two competitors were out, and we'd be getting our reward, such as it was. But there were still two people in this race.

I could still win. She could still win. Would my monkey hormones make it any harder for her? Do I have a shot? God, I hope so.

I flashed her a demure grin and kept my mouth shut, feeling the familiar rush of the challenge.

"I guess we'll see," she said offhandedly.

Not shut down. She's cracking, she's thinking about it...

I quickly jumped to the outcome Lily was apparently leaning towards, and could feel myself getting hot and wet in my thin running shorts. Glancing at her, I could see her shifting her weight.

If she wants to, will I let her? God I miss her. But breakfast in bed and bragging rights...

"Well good timing for us," I said with an eyebrow raised. "It just so happens Theo and I have some sweaty clothing that'll need to be washed right away. Don't wanna stink up our rooms..."

"Fine..." Chrissy huffed. "Go get your baskets and we'll go down to the basement."

We split up into our respective rooms and quickly stripped. Chrissy took my laundry and stood in the narrow opening in the doorway before leaving.

I crept to the door and peered out as she and Adam took off. The door across was similarly cracked. I could see a narrow sliver of Lily's face, grinning back.

"They'll be gone for a while," she whispered across the hall. "We uh..."

Oh thank God, yes. We're done, we'll just be co-winners. I can live with that.

I'd bolted out my doorway and covered the brief span between them before she could finish her sentence. I dashed inside the boys' room and shut the door behind me. We took a few protracted seconds to give each other head-to-toe stares at our nakedness.

The dams broke at the same time. We rushed together, Lily quickly pushing me against the door as she locked her lips on mine. We made out wantonly for a few moments, a flurry of sweaty limbs pawing at hot flesh.

"God, I missed you," she said roughly, wrapping her powerful arms around my waist.

"Don't you wanna shower first?" I said, offering no real resistance to her hands or the lips on my neck.

"Maybe in a minute."

"Well we're not jumping in my sheets, I mean -- your sheets like this!" I tutted.

She arched an eyebrow and grinned. "Fine with me."

She dropped to her knees and sucked in a breath before attacking my thighs with kisses. Her finger quickly went to my pussy, already wet for her. I groaned my appreciation back as her digit slid inside me. I leaned against the door and spread my legs a bit wider.

"Little different as a guy, isn't it?" I said as she pleasured me.

"Uh huh," she said from her place below me. "I couldn't wait any more."

She stood, her obscenely hard cock sliding between my thighs as we kissed again. Our sweaty chests rubbed together as she pushed me harder against the door. I could feel the top of her shaft parting my lips.

"Please," I moaned, "in me." I spread my knees apart and wrapped my fingers around the end of her tool.

Lily adjusted her stance and scooted between my legs. The height difference made it a bit awkward, but not impossible. She finally found home and slowly opened me.

"Oh, fuck," she breathed. "Ahhhhh..."

The feeling of her parting my insides was euphoric. I sighed out a ragged breath as my gash gripped her skin. After a few short thrusts, she was buried to the hilt. I smiled widely and kissed her again as we began to rock our hips together. The sensations radiating out from the hard flesh inside me seemed to traverse my entire body.

Our barely-adult bodies took over and did what they were designed to do. Aside from the delicious feelings radiating from the spot where Lily thrust her cock into my willing body, I began to notice our breathing beginning to match our tempo. Little sighs and moans became intertwined. Despite loving the sensations and closeness, I wanted nothing more than to please her, to have Lily use my body to satisfy her need. The usual comparison to my real body in the back of my head was nearly gone, I was an eighteen year old girl who desperately wanted her boyfriend to fuck her silly.

The universe was not without a sense of humor.

"Ugh," I grimaced, "cramp!" I'd been holding one leg up a bit to give her better access, and the other was threatening to give out.

Without warning, Lily pulled out and roughly spun me around. I steadied myself and bent slightly at the waist, facing the door and leaning against it. She grabbed my hips and quickly slid back inside me from behind.

"Is this okay?" she said, not waiting to start her thrusting.

"God yes," I panted. I popped my ass out a little further to meet her. I couldn't see her as I leaned my forehead against the wood, but could imagine the look on her face.

"I'm getting close," she said, staring into my eyes. "Sorry, we'll have to switch later..."

"Just fuck me," I whimpered.

Lily began to pump into me faster and harder. Our skin slapped together in the telltale pattern. After twenty or so more feverish strokes, she was moaning in rhythm. Then all of a sudden, she stopped, her swollen head just barely at my dripping entrance.

"Theo," she said almost breathlessly. "Did you take my birth control?"

My brain rallied and pulled in a torrent of thoughts and images. The empty little circle blister pack, me dutifully swallowing the tiny pills every morning at breakfast. My perspective shifted gears, tampons and miserable cramps and headaches. Finally was the image of her in my body, running not five paces ahead of me across the cross country trail finish line with a smug look over her shoulder.

I simply couldn't resist.

"Oh shit..." I whispered, hoping I'd sold it.

You're horrible, dude. Going to hell for this.

I heard her gasp and completely let go of me. I immediately regretted my stupid joke, but it was too late. I looked over my shoulder, ass still pointed at my girlfriend as she feverishly stroked her cock, slippery with my juices.

"Fuuuuck!" Lily grunted as her orgasm tore through her.

I felt the hot ropes of cum begin to paint my skin. The first landed between my shoulder blades, her subsequent spurts covering my lower back and top of my rear end. If she was truly worried about my answer, it didn't seem to impact her pleasure center. The gruff, sexy moans that accompanied each warm addition to my back were like a drug. I waited till her last weakening jets dribbled out onto my presented ass, then screwed up my courage.

"Just kidding," I said with a smirk. "I took them all."

Lily laughed heartily and let her cock flop against the top of my butt crack.

"Jesus, Theo," she panted. "That wasn't funny," she said, despite still giggling.

"I'm sorry," I said genuinely. "I don't know what came over me," I added with a bit less truth. "You'll have another opportunity, as I obviously didn't cum yet."

My own words hit me like a lightning bolt.

I briefly considered letting it go, just getting down to the enjoyable business of letting her satisfy the growingly needy slit between my legs. I flashed to what she would probably do if the situation was reversed. Well, reversed from where they were already reversed. I grinned to myself.

There's no way I could leave the win on the table. I didn't want to ruin her afterglow either, but a race is a race.

"Lily," I added slowly, "I said... I didn't cum yet."

It took a moment, but the realization finally dawned on her adorable, post-climax face.

"I went first..." she croaked out.

"We didn't agree that the competition was over yet, did we?"

Her face slowly morphed from shocked to adorably awkward. It felt like a full minute passed before she spoke again.

"Alright," she said, grinning. "I'll give you this one." She sucked in and exhaled a long breath. "Theo Harper, you won."

The words were like a symphony playing just for me.

"What did I win, Lily? Remind me?"

"You won No Nut November."

"Thank you." I kissed her cheek and pulled her in. "Looks like you may have been right about the monkey hormones," I said playfully in her ear. "I love you."

"I love you too, even though that was bordering on cheating."

"Cheating?" I said, feigning offense, "I believe someone rather roughly pushed me against that door and had their way with me without tending to my womanly needs first."

"Sorry, not sorry," she whispered. "Also, I'm not done..."

I glanced between us, her firm cock was wedged between our thighs.

"You're still hard," I noted.

"Gonna need more than one to take the edge off of two weeks of misery," she said with a smile. "You down for one more?"

"I'll cramp up if I stand like this much longer. And yes, we're still not getting my sheets all gross."

Lily backed up a half step and flashed me a dramatic pout.

I tried to look irritated and arched an eyebrow at her. God she's hot, I thought, giving her tall, lean body an unabashed eye grope. I felt bad, having just given her a one-two punch of mean-bordering-on-evil.

I can be an attentive girlfriend for a few more minutes.

"Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you. I can wait."

I seductively stretched before dropping to my knees in front of her. Lily's cock still glistened with our shared coupling. I reached out and cupped her balls in my hand before looking up into her eyes. Her mouth sagged a bit as I took her head between my lips, the taste of our sex on my tongue intoxicating.

As I knelt there slowly taking Lily's quickly growing hardness in my mouth, I could feel the first load she'd sprayed on my backside began to drip down my skin. I lavished attention on the top half of her shaft for a few minutes before taking her completely down my throat. She gasped as my lips stretched wide around the base of her cock.

I want her inside me this time when she cums.

Her first load had begun to make its way south, painting my tight rosebud as it continued to drip down to my very wet pussy. As I continued to suck her, I could feel the rivulets graze my lower lips before falling to the floor.

God, I'm so damn horny, I hope she appreciates this.

I wanted badly to reach down and rub my clit while I continued to deep throat her, but I knew I wanted my first to be with her. It didn't take long before my efforts got me another volley of boy juice from her lean body, this time directly into my throat.

"Fuck you're good at that," Lily moaned as the last of her spurts tapered off. I stared up at her, the lusty look in her eyes shifting into something warmer.

I finally pulled off and stood.

"I don't deserve you," she said, holding me against her. We shared a cummy kiss and I laid my head on her shoulder. "Have you ever gone that long without getting off?"

"No," I giggled. "How about you?"

"I don't know if I've really kept track."

"Fine."

"How about that shower now?"

We grabbed bathrobes, me stealing Adam's from his wardrobe with the assumption he wouldn't mind. We made our way down the hallway, glad to find the larger handicap-accessible shower stall open. We scrubbed each other head to toe in the steaming water. Lily even washed my hair, giving me an indulgent scalp massage that threatened to put me to sleep. The anticipation of the rest of the evening however, kept me motivated to finish.

We agreed to go eat before continuing our long-awaited rendezvous. Not wanting to disturb our roommates, I borrowed some of my own sweats and a hoodie. Neither my outfit or the flip-flops I stole from Adam's closet fit great, but I didn't really care at that point.

We made the trek do the dining hall. In the elevator ride down, I was questioning our decision to eat first. By the time we sat down with our food, I was gritting my teeth and staring with lust across the table at her. Lily had already had two climaxes, I was at zero. The funny-but-mean birth control joke had almost ruined one, so I mentally agreed to one and a half. Math aside, by the time we'd finished eating, I was ready to lunge across the table and rip her clothes off. We hurriedly mad our way back, almost running down the last stretch of our hallway. Lily pulled me into the room and shut the door behind.

"Sorry for being all selfish earlier," she said. "Your body for two weeks... yikes."

"Glad you were right about guy hormones?" I asked.

She smiled widely. "Not really. So many times I wanted to come steal you in the middle of the night, or even just rub one out in the shower. Was gettin' desperate..."

"Well, you don't have to be desperate any more, I'm right here."

Her eyes lit up like a pack animal spying prey.

"But now it's my turn," I said, seeing the look on her face.

"Yes ma'am, at your service."

God, she's cute.

I gestured to the bed. She had stripped and laid back on it in a matter of seconds. I took my time and worked the oversized sweatpants and hoodie off, leaving them in a heap on the floor. She drank in my body as I runway-walked to the bed. She giggled until I hopped up with her and straddled her stomach.

"Now listen, I get to cum first, and maybe second. You already had two, and I wanna at least catch up. 'Kay?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, grinning.

I leaned down, dragging my breasts across her firm chest as I kissed up her neck, ear, and finally lips. Her cock was at full attention in a hot minute, poking me in the butt cheek. I sat up and palmed her round, firm pecs. The rise and fall of her chest managed to further telegraph her arousal. Tweaking her nipples, I was treated to a surprised gasp and another lusty grin. The heat between my legs was becoming insistent and I really wanted to get this going.

I scooted forward and gazed down at her adorable face. I licked my lips, hoping my intentions were clear. She mimed and nodded. I watched her excited expression slide out of view as I scooted further up.

Slowly, deliberately I crawled into position above her. Lily grunted appreciatively and finally grabbed my thighs with her hands, pulling me down. The furious lapping I expected wasn't first on the menu. As I sank down a little lower, just the tip of her tongue grazed my outer lips. She slowly licked the length of my slit several times as my body shuddered in response.

"Jesus, Lily, yes..." I leaned my forehead and arms against the wall.

She continued teasing me with just her tongue, going a little deeper each time as I opened to her. It felt like an hour went by before she finally flicked across my clit. My sensitive button hadn't been touched like this since I'd occupied her body this round, and seemed to transmit her oral attentions around my entire nervous system.

I got to the point I couldn't stand her teasing any longer, and more insistently ground my now very wet cunt against her face. She responded appropriately, using her lips and mouth all over me. I began moaning in earnest as she full-on made out with my pussy, pushing her tongue into my folds and sucking my engorged lips between hers.

I began whimpering as she paid more attention to my clit, delicious little tongue swipes or sucking gently on my fleshy nub. I was headed off the deep end, and she was there to push me.

"Making me cum," I moaned, "so good, don't stop..."

My body shook as I toppled over the edge. I could feel my wetness spreading and covering her face as the orgasm spread through my body. I had a brief thought that I was squeezing her head too hard between my thighs.

I finally opened my eyes and realized Lily had somehow extricated herself from under me. She was kneeling behind me and had her arms around my stomach. I spun around to face her, she was indeed quite soaked.

"Ohmigod, I'm sorry about that." I hopped off the bed and grabbed the hoodie I'd worn to dinner. "Sorry, not sorry," I said as I patted her face off with the shirt.

"You seemed to like that," she said with a smile.

"What tipped you off?" I didn't wait for an answer and lunged forward to kiss her. "I want you in me now."

Lily gave me a tentative look. I scooted back and pushed playfully against her chest. She took the cue and fell backwards onto her back again. I stared at her cock, painfully hard and flopped back against her taut stomach. Straddling her legs, I grabbed the base of her smooth shaft and aimed it upright.

"My turn," I breathed, getting into position above her. I brushed her swollen head against my lips, easily parting them. I let go and sank lower. With each flex of my legs, she slid further into my warm tunnel. The satisfied look on her face was priceless as she was finally all the way inside.

"Damn, I love this..." She reached up to grab my sides but I slapped them away.

"Uh uh," I tutted, "gentle this time." Slowly rocking my hips back and forth, her hard tool barely left its confines between my legs, but caused the most delicious friction against my insides. I could feel every inch of her spreading me apart as I moved. In this position, I could feel my sensitive clit rub against her pubic bone each time I pushed down.

"You're so fucking gorgeous," Lily growled.

The comment made my hairs stand up. I gazed at her hard chest, her labored breathing pushing against her pecs as we slowly made love. I flashed back to the first time in the parking lot under the moonlight. I'd lost my virginity in Lily's beautiful body, and was again similarly enjoying her turn in mine as I rode her.

Slowly but surely, the friction between us began to break down my slow restraint. I leaned back, holding myself up with my arms behind me. The new angle pushed her sizable cock toward my stomach and against my g-spot. Even the same short strokes I created just by rocking against her was firing my nerves on all cylinders.

"So good..." I murmured as I began to thrust against her a bit faster and with more amplitude.

Lily had crossed her arms behind her head and was just watching me intently. I'm sure the change in angle gave her a beautiful view between my legs, her cock obscenely stretching my needy pussy lips around her. The lusty hunger on her face drove me even further.

I panted as I felt it building. I considered reaching up to play with my clit, get me there faster, but this was better. Lily's tool was rubbing my other button just right and the tingles were beginning to radiate from my core outward. Another thirty seconds and it was inevitable.

"Almost there," I mewled, now practically bouncing on her. "Fuck... cumming..." I mewled.

The warmth spread out and away from the place our bodies touched. My breathing shuddered in halting gasps and I slowed my pumping as it overtook me.

I realized I'd stopped moving as I opened my eyes. Lily still lay under me, and her hardness was still in me.

"You didn't yet, did you?" I croaked out.

She shook her head.

I rocked forward again and leaned down to kiss her. I briefly thought about hopping off so we could switch places, but I didn't want her to leave me empty, even for a moment. My breasts were glistening with sweat and grazed her chest.

"We're even now," she said between kisses. "Is this the one?"

"Yessss," I said, starting to move my hips in little circles to restart our lovemaking.

I resumed riding her lithe body below me. Lily started to participate, thrusting gently up to meet me. Our movements were still slow and delicate.

"I'm not gonna be long," she said, staring into my eyes. "Are you close?"

"I'll get there," I panted. I reached down with a finger and rubbed some of our shared juices around my clit.

Our bodies increased their tempo just a bit, the sounds of skin on skin and our breathing now more insistent in the otherwise quiet room.

Lily reached up and cupped a hand under each of my tits as they began to bounce more enthusiastically. She squeezed my sensitive nipples, the nerves revving up the three-way pleasure from her hands on my tits, my own finger at my clit, and the hard tool currently filling me.

"Oh fuck, Lily, you're gonna make me cum again," I panted.

"Yes," she said excitedly. "Me too baby, gonna cum in you..."

Our instincts took over as our climaxes began. I flopped forward against her, my head on her shoulder as our hips continued. She began to thrust powerfully up into me, each push lifting me off the bed. My vision and consciousness began to fade into the strange blackness as the climax overtook me. The last sensation I registered was the extra heat and volume expanding deep into my willing body.

I was aware of warmth and wetness and exhaustion when I finally came back. I rolled off her in the tiny space still free on my bed. I felt the smooth skin of her softening cock leave my confines as it pulled out. I flopped an arm over her chest.

"Well," she said quietly, "Chrissy wasn't wrong. Some time off made it really, really good."

"Dunno if I wanna go weeks without it again," I said, feeling the tiredness threatening to overtake me. "But yeah, it was worth it." I turned my head to kiss her. "You're staying tonight, right?"

"Sleepover on a school night? Aren't you a naughty girl..." she said with a smile, then a kiss. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

I shivered, a combination of being bare-skinned and cold, and the odd but good sensation of waking up in my own body again. The familiar pressure of morning wood was the rather insistent difference I noticed first, followed by the leg hair roughly rubbing against my sheets. I stretched and sighed contentedly when I felt Lily lying next to me.

My own brain felt weird. I could tell that after weeks spent as the fairer sex, this was different. Images and feelings flashed through my head as I took mental stock of the longest time we'd ever spent swapped.

Lily roused a few minutes later and snuggled against me.

"Brr, we didn't pull the comforter up."

I used a long leg to snag the blanket before grabbing it and pulling it over our exposed bodies.

"Mhmm, thanks." She pecked my cheek and opened her eyes. "Well, we did it. We finished that stupid challenge."

"Which I won."

"Yes," she sighed, "which you won."

"But seriously, I'm glad it's over. I missed you."

"Me too," I said, holding her against me.

My brain immediately flashed the memory of Chrissy sitting on my lap and the aftermath of our shared period breakdown.

Dude, you have to tell her. Right moment, not now. Divert.

"I'm still amazed you were able to keep your horny hands off this." I thrusted my hips and poked her in the butt with my currently engorged member.

"Yes," she tutted. "I do like being in your body, Theo. It's nice. And strong, and sehhhhxyyyy..."

I laughed out loud, still adjusting to hearing my own voice follow my words. "Yours is nice too," I said genuinely. "I only played with your boobs in the shower, like... every time."

"I'll allow it. Just remember you still gotta play when I have them."

"I like playing with you whatever body you're in." I gave her closest nipple a playful pinch.

"Not right now naughty boy, we have class this morning." She sighed and draped an arm over my chest. "Well, maybe just a little while longer."

I lay there contentedly, still taking mental stock of the last couple of weeks. "I know what you did with the whole don't warn him about periods business," I said. "Well played."

"I almost did..." she giggled, "so how'd it go?" she asked with a sly grin.

"Lily..." I glared at her unconvincingly, "I had to YouTube how to put a tampon in. But hey, joke's on you, now that's gonna be in the search algorithm on your phone forever."

She laughed and pursed her lips. "And you obviously weren't kidding about the blonde girl in your psych class..." she said seriously, "she's got a thing for you."

"Even after I shut her down the first week of school?"

"Oh, I mean she didn't try to jump me or anything, but she flirted like I was the last dude on earth."

"You didn't shut her down?"

"Eh, it was kinda fun. And, God... she is painfully hot."

I guess we're sharing, okay...

"I may have paid some extra attention to a guy working at Starbucks the other day, the one on Maple. If you happen to get a really cute smile along with your coffee, it might be my fault."

Lily arched an eyebrow at me like we were both having the same thoughts.

It's okay that we can be attracted to other people?

My brain spooled up faster than it normally would minutes after waking up.

We love each other, and we're together, but we can flirt with other people?

I considered the situation with the cute barista and knew nothing would have come from it. It was just... fun. I'm sure my Psych 101 girl making eyes at Lily would have been the same.

"No harm in a little casual flirting, I guess," she finally said, of course reading my mind.

We shared an understanding smile.

"Anything else interesting from your couple of weeks as a slightly evolved monkey?"

"I did finally man up and got decent at Grand Theft Auto. Killing hookers was way more fun than I'll ever admit."

"I won't tell your mom."

"Oh, and I showed your first text photo to Adam."

Whoa.

I tried to workshop myself through that situation.

Would I have done that? I don't think so... right?

"What?" I gasped, recalling the picture. "But that's -- you!"

Lily giggled. "Yeah... I kinda regretted it the moment I turned the screen on. I may have been a little caught up in that stupid game. Did you know there are naked tits in that game, Theo? Tits!"

I laughed and held her against me. "Yes, I'm aware. I still can't believe you showed him..." I giggled.

"Well, as owner of the tits that weren't even visible in the photo, I'm gonna say 'worth it'. I thought he might stroke out for a minute..."

I belly laughed, imagining my roommate staring at an admittedly sexy picture of my girlfriend rubbing his PS4 controllers on her wonderfully curvy lady parts.

"Oh, and you also neglected to mention," she added, "that Adam farts all the time. Like for real, every few minutes, it's disgusting."

"Maybe it's the dorm food," I added seriously.

Lily's face cracked into a grin. "You know what the worst part is?"

"The smell?"

"Well, that's awful too, but it's that I laughed. Every. Damn. Time. It was like I couldn't help it!"

"We do kinda think farts and poop are never not funny."

Lily sighed loudly. "I guess we should get up and dress for class. I love you, Theo."

Hearing her say my name in her beautiful, God-given voice gave me goosebumps. I squeezed her against me and kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Lily."

* * *

The remainder of November passed without ado. Since our competition had ended early, both couples resumed regular... relations. Lily and I agreed to keep my win-by-technicality between us, as our roommates would never believe that Lily had voluntarily lost only minutes after learning that two competitors had been knocked out. Explaining that she was dealing with a two-week case of actual blue balls, because at the time she had actual balls... obviously not something we could share.

Lily and I took to having Adam and Chrissy deal with our laundry at the same time. We'd wait until they headed to the basement and have sex in whichever room we wanted, feeling a little extra satisfaction that they were performing their loser duties at the same time.

The short week of Thanksgiving ended the month. We'd all planned to drive home, but discovered the Friday prior that Adam's family were going to be visiting relatives out of state over the holiday. He predictably didn't want to leave early to join them, but wasn't crazy about going home to an empty house either. I invited him to come to my house, but the four of us ended up deciding to stay at school and have our own Friends-giving. With the dorms largely cleared out, we did our best in the shared lounge kitchen to make something approximating turkey and mashed potatoes. The key to choking it down turned out to be copious amounts of jarred gravy.

I sat on the couch in the rec room after we ate, the button on my jeans open as I watched the girls in a spirited game of foosball. I contentedly watched them laugh and chatter as they played. Even through my oncoming food coma, I felt an itch in the back of my brain about the Chrissy incident. I went in all sorts of directions as my nerves began to threaten some hopefully unfounded panic.

Maybe they've kissed before? Some college girls do that kind of thing, right? Would I be okay if they did kiss? Would Chrissy even have reason to bring it up? She has no idea she's living with a different person than she was a couple of weeks ago. You're just being paranoid. Lily wouldn't be mad anyway, she's loosened up so much this year. Maybe she'd think it was funny, or hot.

A small part of me suggested I was trying to guy-reason my way out of telling her. My inclination to spill the beans changed directions as often as the tiny ball getting kicked by the tiny soccer players.

* * *

Dead week and the finals following were weird. Not weird in that we knew we had to cram and take big scary tests, but just the idea that all the schedules changed and we were somehow just supposed to manage our own time and do what we needed to do. It really hit me that week that even though I didn't feel like it, we were adults. Nobody was going to tell us what to do or when to show up. It was all on us.

I walked out of my last final on Wednesday evening, Chemistry. It was my hardest class and the one I was most worried about, but I thought I had done okay. I was pretty pleased with everything else, and a brief ping of self-actualization got a stream of endorphins flowing. I walked back to the dorm in the chilly December air, wondering if my parents were wondering what I was doing at that moment. I smiled to myself, aligning memories of all the good and unexpected things that had happened to me in the short time of being officially an adult.

I wouldn't have imagined any of it.

* * *

I woke Thursday morning, already feeling relaxed like it was a Saturday. Adam was already up, hunched over his laptop across from me. He and Chrissy both had their last finals this morning.

"Still studying, huh?" I croaked from my bed.

"Dude, college is not like high school, they didn't tell us!"

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure they did," I laughed, hopping up. "Whatchya need help with?"

We worked through the calculus concept he'd been struggling with while I got dressed. I was amazed I could actually explain it, but his face relaxed into genuine relief when the light bulb moment happened.

"Just think, only an hour and a half of this is all that separates us from real food and beds that don't suck."

"Dude..."

"You got this! Finish up and we can go get some chow before your test."

The girls were already at the dining hall when we walked in. Lily appeared to be helping Chrissy as well, a thick textbook and a laptop arrayed in front of their untouched bagels and cream cheese. We got our own food and joined them, everyone eager to get on the road and head home. Lily and I gazed at each other across the table after they'd left, each quite pleased that we were already done.

"You wanna go for a walk while they're taking tests?" she finally asked. "Might be good to stretch our legs before hours in the car."

"Good call. Come up with me for a minute? I need a different jacket."

After a brief detour to our rooms, we strolled out into the bright, frigid morning. Our breath fogged in little wisps as we walked through campus. We began to chat about our first term at college, now in the books. We were both of course pleased with our grades and overall experience, even though Oakmont wasn't either of our first choice of schools. We held hands despite the air chilling our exposed skin, not saying out loud that the person next to each of us was a pretty significant part of the decision to be here.

Our cross country team hadn't done well enough to get into any invitationals or regional meets, but neither of us were too broken up about it. Despite our natural bent toward over-achievement, we knew the real focus was on outdoor track in the spring.

The conversation eventually drifted toward non-school related things... us.

"Gonna suck having to do our own laundry again," said Lily with a smirk.

We hadn't talked much about No Nut November since switching back into our own bodies. I'd harbored a small but significant fear about the Chrissy incident, but had let myself think that today would sort of be the finish line, the safe zone. If she hadn't found out by now, it wasn't going to happen.

I can't be like that, my brain protested. You have to tell her.

"I'm actually kinda glad we did NNN," I said, hoping my voice didn't betray my nerves. "I mean, I'm glad it didn't last the whole month, but..."

"Right?"

We shared a grin.

"I think we learned even more about each other, which is good." I said, trying to steel my resolve. She gave me an appraising nod. "I am really sorry you have to deal with lady week every month, that does suck ass to have to go through that. I had no idea."

"Thank you for admitting it, and yeah, it does suck."

"I'm just glad Chrissy was there," I continued, working up what little courage I had.

It wasn't even really my fault, she initiated, right?

"I thought you got tampon instructions from the internet?"

"Oh, I did. But the second day after I started bleeding, I got this ridiculous headache and all crampy and sore. She gave me the best back and shoulder rub, even got into my temples."

"That was really nice of her," said Lily, "she's a sweetie. And real... affectionate like that."

"About that," I stuttered. I tried to ignore the concerned look forming on her face. "We were really missing you guys, then she got a little weepy about it..."

Just tell her.

"And she'd just given me this great back rub," I continued, "then I hugged her, and... we might have made out a little."

Band-aid ripped off.

"Made out, like... kissed?" she asked, confusion blooming on her face.

Lily didn't stop walking, which was good, but I could feel the grip on my fingers tightening.

I took a long blink and a deep breath.

"That's not something you guys do?" I said, trying to make it sound reasonable.

"No!"

"Oh. Well, I mean, she kinda just leaned into it, so I figured it was normal." I turned to look at her, her face didn't telegraph that I was about to be murdered. She released my hand.

"You didn't think to stop it?" Lily tutted.

I stopped on the sidewalk and took both her hands in mine. Deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I was just missing you so much, and was in the middle of that horrible -- it just felt nice that someone cared for me."

"There was someone across the hall that cared for you," she said quietly.

"I know, but that someone was probably dealing with a two-week case of blue balls, and I didn't want to tempt him, er-- her."

That seemed to appease her somewhat. She furrowed her eyebrows, but released one of my hands and started walking again in silence.

"I'm sure you and Adam shared some girlfriends-won't-let-us-touch-them smooches, right?" I said with a goofy grin, hoping to diffuse the situation at least a little.

Lily chuckled derisively. "Oh, totally. Every time he wasn't farting, we were totally making out."

Thank god, if she's joking about this, we're good. Right? What about the...

I screwed up my courage again and exhaled another long breath, watching the fog dissipate. I thought back to the look we shared the day our roommates told us NNN was over.

"You didn't seem surprised that Adam and Chrissy lost our bet," I said.

Lily gave another bitter chuckle. "I think Adam made a valiant attempt... but I'm pretty sure he lost in our room, middle of the second week. That was hard to hear," she added with a distasteful frown. "I can't believe you two do that in your room. Together."

"Yeah, guys are gross," I said, trying to shield the guilt in my voice. Before November, Adam and I had a kind of unspoken agreement about jacking off. You didn't hear it, you don't ask.

"I just wasn't sure if he was gonna cop to it. I figured he and Chrissy would be able to keep themselves apart, but..."

"About that..." Just do it, whole truth. "I'm pretty sure she lost the challenge while we were kissing."

Lily stopped again and stared me blankly in the eyes.

"Lost, as in..." she cast a shifty glance up and down the sidewalk, "had an orgasm?"

I nodded rather submissively.

"Jesus, Theo," she said, shaking her head. She trailed off before adding, "that girl..."

Oh thank God.

"Yeah, I didn't really know what was happening," I fibbed a bit. "I guess she just couldn't resist this hotness..." I said, using my free hand to gesture at Lily's body. "Which I totally understand by the way."

She flashed me an icy stare. "That's still not okay. How am I supposed to look her in the face again?"

Dammit, this isn't good. How do I explain how different everything felt, I couldn't just push Chrissy away, right? I'd feel like a complete bitch.

"You've been looking her in the face for a month since then, nothing's different," my stupid guy brain offered instead.

"Hmm," she said noncommittally and we continued walking.

I could tell her mind was going a hundred miles an hour, analyzing the situation. After a few minutes of silence, I wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. By the time we made it back to the dorm, we hadn't spoken again.

"Still leaving about ten?" I asked as we separated into our rooms. "I can drive if you want."

"Yeah, thanks," she said coolly.

I caught her eye as we stood in our doorways across the hall from each other.

"See you in a while." I could hear the dejection in my own voice.

The ride home was quiet. Adam and Chrissy each seem to be worn out from their last finals, despite it being mid-morning when we got on the road.

I was grateful to be driving, focusing on the road instead of the other swirling thoughts that could have been going on in my head. The miles passed in relative silence before we finally turned on the radio, which helped the mood a bit. Our roommates in the back seat eventually started up a quiet conversation, leaving Lily and I in the front with our thoughts.

By the time our town came into view, I had a pretty good no-fault apology worked up. I'd mentally practiced it at least five times by the time I turned Lily's car onto our exit. We dropped Adam and Chrissy at their houses, promising to catch up over the holidays and get together for hot chocolate and cookies.

As we pulled into my driveway, I steeled myself for my speech. I glanced at her in the passenger seat as we stopped. Her face was almost blank. Not angry, not sad, just kind of... blah. That unnerved me more than anything, and I quickly second guessed my plan. Instead, I let my heart lead, and just leaned toward her across the center console.

She gave me an appraising look that seemed to last forever. Eventually, her mouth turned upward and she leaned toward me and pressed her lips softly to mine. In a few seconds everything felt better.

"Lily... I love you."

"I know," she said with a half smile before pulling away.

Did I just get Han Solo'd, or is she pissed?

I walked inside and dropped my bag by the stairs.

Well, at least I'm home.

I laid on my bed in the quiet house, marinating in my own stewing emotions.

I mean, I was in her body when the infraction occurred, I thought, wondering if that somehow shielded me from some blame. Shit, that probably makes it even worse. But I didn't start it! I didn't stop it either.

It felt like I was more angry at myself than she was at me.

I was home all of about half an hour before my mom cornered me. I'd hoped to have the better part of an afternoon to get out my largely self-inflicted funk, but my mom took the afternoon off work to welcome me home. Not that I wasn't excited to see my parents, because I was.

I thought hiding in my room under the pretense of unpacking would have saved me, but no. I flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling, my mom strolled in and sat down next to me.

"Theo, what's up?" she asked in a tone that clearly indicated there was no getting around the upcoming inquiry. "I saw your grades on the university's portal thing, which we're super proud of by the way, so I'm guessing this isn't about school."

I sighed out a long breath. "No," I said quietly. She just stared at me expectantly. "Lily and I..."

How do I even tell her?

I let out a long sigh.

"Well, I guess I let something happen that I should have stopped." That was as diplomatic as I could make it, but the shape of my transgression was probably painfully obvious to her.

Mom gave me a knowing nod, combined with a half-glare that suggested she was already judging me on behalf of womankind. The harsh words didn't come though.

"You wanna tell me about it?"

I chuckled ironically. "Not especially."

"Alright, I guess I wouldn't either. Would you indulge your mother in suffering through a little advice?"

My ears perked up. Aside from the bizarre situation that was the genesis of everything in my life for the last nine months, I hoped that some mom wisdom would be just the ticket to fix my current situation. I only nodded back.

"You and Lily are each other's firsts." She put her hand on my chest and smiled at me. "There is nothing in this world more magical than the first time you fall in love."

"But?" I asked after a moment of quiet.

"Sorry, no but. I was just thinking back..." she said wistfully.

"To how you and dad managed to keep the magic alive through dozens of years?"

She gave me a sideways grin. "Oh, Theo... your dad wasn't the first person I was in love with."

My mouth sagged open a bit, realizing I'd never even asked how they met. "Wait," I said, putting the pieces together. I tried to skip right over the parts where my mom was with some other guy and focus on where this was going. "Is this the plenty of fish in the sea talk?"

"Well, that is true, but no." She paused and gave me a wide mom grin. "Your dad and I had a rocky start. We fought like cats and dogs for a while, then broke up a few times before we got back together for good. We were young too."

"So... people fight? That's the advice?"

"Not exactly. Yes, people in relationships have to work through things. Sometimes it tells you what you want and don't want in a partner. Sometimes it tells you that you need to work on yourself. Sometimes it tells you things about yourself you didn't even know."

I tried to internalize what she was saying. It all made sense, but didn't seem to apply to my current funk I'd put myself in. How was I supposed to apply this? She must have seen the look on my face and regrouped.

"What I'm trying to say is... you're a baby, sweetie. You don't know what you want yet."

I bristled at the assertion and sat up on the bed to argue.

"And that's exactly where you should be," she continued, putting her hand on my forearm for a squeeze. "You're in college in a new town, surrounded by new people, learning to do a job you might not even like. This is the time you have to do all the things you'll realize later were stupid... that's how you'll know."

"Know what?" I asked, getting frustrated.

"To know what you do want," she said warmly. "You have to make mistakes, Theo. Everyone does, it's the only way we grow. I know you're not used to making mistakes... you've been a pretty driven, amazing person since you were little."

Make mistakes, nailed it, I thought. I tried to give her a grateful smile but was sure I didn't sell it well. She squeezed my arm again and got up to leave.

"Oh by the way, there's a little package for you downstairs. Got delivered yesterday."

My stomach lurched as I thought about the necklace I'd ordered as a Christmas gift for Lily. I'd spent all my burger flipping money and then some on it.

Maybe jewelry will help? Certainly can't hurt.

I thought about texting Lily later that evening, but ultimately decided I'd let her be the one to initiate. I eventually drifted off to sleep well past midnight in a melancholy fog of my own making.

* * *

After a night's sleep in my own bed, I felt much better. I got downstairs in time to have breakfast with my parents before they left for work.

As I stood in the shower, my mom's advice started replaying in my head and making more practical sense. My own experiences needed to guide me on my path, whatever that was. Sometimes I'd take the wrong path, but it would help me see the right one. I knew that whatever direction I headed, I wanted Lily beside me, so that's where I needed to go. I got dressed and dug mom's box of wrapping paper out of the guest room closet.

Saved by YouTube again, I neatly wrapped the long, narrow box and even tied some ribbon around it. I'd debated about getting her an expensive gift, but when I saw the emerald-studded pendant while browsing online, I knew she'd love it.

I bundled up and left the house, walking the few blocks to the Whitlocks' instead of driving. I hoped she'd be awake, but figured she had probably been up for hours anyway. I knocked and was greeted by a cheerful Zoey.

"Hey Theo, Merry Christmas!"

"What's up, Z?"

She bounded out and hugged me around my chest. "Come inside, it's freezing out here."

"Is she home?" I asked in their entryway, holding up the gift. "Brought her present over to stash under your tree."

"Uh, no," said Zoey with a funny look. "I think she got a shift at the driving range."

"Ah, okay. Did she seem... grumpy when she got home yesterday?"

"Well, maybe more sad than grumpy. I tried to talk to her while she was unpacking but she was kinda mopey. Did you guys..." she trailed off.

"I dunno," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm tryin' to figure it out."

"You could probably go see her, she might give you a free bucket o'balls."

She'd probably want to kick me in the balls.

"Yeah, maybe. Do you know what time she gets home?"

"Huh uh, sorry. Hey Theo, are you like... busy?"

"No," I chuckled, "this was kinda my one thing for today."

"You're good at math, right?"

I sat at the Whitlocks' kitchen table for the rest of the morning and into the early afternoon. Zoey had been failing trigonometry, but her teacher had given her the opportunity to make up all the work and tests over the break. I helped walk her through each concept, then a couple of problems from each chapter until she understood how to continue. About halfway through I got up to make us sandwiches, bustling around their familiar kitchen. Zoey scarfed hers down while I tried to explain inverse functions.

It was nearly two when we heard the front door open, and my favorite voice wafted through the house.

"Hey Zoey, I'm home."

"Hey sis," Zoey called back. "Theo's here, he brought you a prehhhhh-zent!" she added in a sing-song voice.

Lily strolled into the kitchen and gave me a timid smile.

"Hey. I was just at work, dad managed to get me some more shifts over break."

"I heard," I said warmly. "Have to deal with lots of balls?"

Zoey and I chuckled, Lily just shook her head and sat down at the table with us.

"So I was gonna call you when I got home. Maybe we can talk up in my room?"

"Oh, you guys can stay," Zoey blurted, grabbing her book and papers. "I'm gonna go study on my bed. Thanks Theo, you're the best," she added with a grin before disappearing up the stairs.

"Were you helping her with homework?"

"Only a little. She just needed some things explained, I don't think her math teacher is very good."

Lily smiled warmly at me. "That was nice of you. I probably woulda gotten frustrated with her."

We stared at each other for an expectant moment.

"Can I go first?" I said tentatively. She nodded. "I'm sorry." The words hung in the air for a moment while I tried to read her. "I shouldn't have made out with Chrissy, plain and simple."

"I thought she started it?"

"She did, but it takes two to kiss, right?"

Her expression softened at my admission.

"And I should have told you right away," I continued. "She's your roommate. Coulda been real awkward later if she thought you guys were-- you know, and you didn't know and--"

"I know," Lily cut in. She seemed to be taking a minute to process. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?"

"I should have warned you about what it's like to have a period, that wasn't cool. The hormones are..."

"I made the stupid bet, I had to accept the consequences," I cut in, puffing out my chest a bit. "I'm still glad we did it, your horny roommate shenanigans aside, obviously."

"Obviously," she said, cracking a smile.

"When we're switched, we... I need to be more careful. Things we do can can have a big impact on the other person."

"Yeah, they could."

I gazed into her eyes, hoping I saw the same glimmer that was usually there.

"So are we... good?"

Lily let out a long sigh and nodded. "Yeah, we're good."

I sprung out of my chair and rounded the table. I rather forcefully pulled her up and lifted her into the air, pressing her body against mine as we spun in place. I nuzzled my face down into the swell of her chest before letting out my own protracted sigh.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she responded, squeezing her arms over my shoulders.

I finally put her down and grinned widely. She reflected it back and I felt the world right itself.

"So whadjya get me?" Lily craned her neck to glance into the living room, their Christmas tree in full view. "Necklace?"

"Jesus, how would you know that?"

"You left it in the original box, silly. Girls know jewelry boxes..."

"Well, you don't know what the maybe-a-necklace looks like, do you?" I said, feigning irritation.

"No, but I'm sure it's beautiful though."

"So did you get me anything? You have to tell me now, obviously."

"I certainly do not," she tutted. "Besides, I don't have it yet. Need a few more shifts at the range."

"Oh. Well, I mean, you don't have to get me anything."

"I know," she said brightly, "but I am. So just be patient and be amazed when you open it."

I leaned forward and kissed her deeply. The delicious buzz of holding her while we made out had wiped away all the funk I'd been accumulating. Our tongues lapped at each other and I could feel her breasts pressing into my chest. My pants were beginning to get appropriately tight when I had the feeling someone was watching us.

"Oh don't mind me," said Zoey, who had apparently ninja'd into the kitchen. "Just getting a Christmas cookie."

"Ohh, I want one!"

Lily arched an eyebrow, but finally smiled. "Me too. The wreath one, with the icing."

* * *

Our first stint back at home after a term away was as good as could be expected. Adam and Chrissy met Lily and I for coffee one morning when she didn't have work, and we all compared notes about how overly happy our families were to have us home. While it was weird surrendering a bit of our newly-found adulthood, we all not too secretly craved the extra care and homeyness of the people and places we grew up with.

We got together as a group a couple of times, and even went out on the fancy double date we'd promised ourselves if we'd all managed to control ourselves for the month of November. I was sweating as the topic came up over dinner, hoping that Chrissy wouldn't bring it up -- but I was spared having to talk about the incident again.

Christmas Eve finally arrived. The entire neighborhood had been covered and lit with lights, and everything looked as festive as I'd ever remembered. As it got dark, people's decorations buzzed to life. The evening had always been a low-key affair at my house. My parents always cooked a nice meal and let me open a present early, but that was about it.

I'd just demolished a really good steak and a pile of roasted potatoes when my phone rang, Lily's smiling picture on the screen.

"Have you looked outside?"

"No, what's up?" I scooted away from the dinner table toward the living room and the large picture window. "Ohmigod, it's snowing! Guys, look!" I called to my folks. They gathered around and leaned toward the glass.

"So cool, right?"

"I can't remember the last time it snowed at Christmas," I said, watching the fat flakes fall. I craned my neck either direction down our street to see people leaving their houses with hats and coats.

"You wanna come over and open your gift?"

"Absolutely," I said excitedly. "Lemme just change real quick."

I ended the call and dashed up the stairs. I was dressed and back down in a flash.

"Assume you're going to the Whitlocks'?" said Mom.

"Yeah, just gonna exchange presents."

"Okay sweetie," she smiled, "don't be out too late. Love you."

"Love you guys," I said, pulling them into a hug before heading out the door.

I hadn't grabbed a hat and the snow was starting to stick in my hair and eyebrows. I grinned at the kids already running around the neighborhood, a few even futilely trying to roll snowballs from the almost unmeasurable flakes just beginning to turn the lawns white.

The Whitlocks' house came into view, their Christmas tree lit up through their front window. I could see the outline of someone standing near it and watching the street. I waved and got one in return.

"Merry Christmas, you," said Lily as she opened the door.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at her. She wore a stunning cocktail dress, simple but elegant. The champagne gold material sparkled and shimmered as she moved, and the fit left absolutely no mystery to her beautiful curves. A pair of dangly silver earrings, studded with green stones, hung lower than the simple studs she normally wore. The bright red lipstick gracing her lips was almost certainly the one I chose the first week I was... her. Lily's chestnut hair was swept up dramatically, but still framed her face perfectly.

"Wow..." I said, trying to form the words with the minimal brainpower I had left. Seeing we were almost eye to eye, I glanced down her legs to see the strappy heels she was wearing. I took a step back and again, quite unabashedly stared at her. I became very aware that my jeans and hoodie were woefully slobby in comparison.

"We go to my dad's boss's house every year, they throw this big fancy Christmas Eve party. It's kinda fun, but... this," she said, gesturing to her outfit.

"You're gorgeous," I mouthed.

"Thanks." She smiled widely. "I got a pass to show up late, so come on in." She took my hand and pulled me inside.

"Your family already gone?" I asked.

"Yeah, they left a few minutes ago."

We made our way to the Christmas tree, Lily went around behind it and pushed a large box out into the middle of the floor.

"This is for you," she said with a proud smile.

"Whoa..." I said, gawking at the size of the gift. "What is this?"

"Open it and find out."

I dropped to the floor and began tearing at the paper like a kid. The plain cardboard underneath was emblazoned with the contents. I gasped in shock as I recognized what was inside.

"A 3D printer? Lily..." I said, slowly turning toward her.

"I talked to one of your TAs, I guess you guys start using them next term, but the makerspace is crazy hard to get in to for freshmen, and most of the printers are pretty beat up. He said this is the same model they have there, so you can mess with yours while everyone else has to sign up to get a time slot.

"I don't know what to say," I said, truly in awe. "This must have cost--"

"Don't worry about it," she said, grinning. "It's a gift. So can I open mine now?"

"Yes, please!" I spied the tiny package under the tree and fetched it for her. "Merry Christmas." I leaned in for a kiss, but got a playful shove on my chest.

"I have to leave soon and don't wanna redo my lipstick. Here, cheek."

She turned and presented it to me, I let my lips just brush her. I sighed and pulled away.

"Go on then. I mean, it's not a 3D printer, but I hope you like it."

Lily carefully unwrapped the box, somehow not damaging the paper. She slowly lifted the lid from the matte black box and sucked in a breath.

"Oh my God Theo, it's beautiful... and it matches my earrings!"

I smiled at the lucky coincidence.

"Totally planned that," I giggled. I held out my hand for the box, and nodded toward her bare neck. "May I?" She nodded. I carefully extracted the necklace from the box and unclasped the delicate chain. I leaned forward, again wonderfully close to her as I reached my hands behind her neck. We shared an adorable awkward moment as I fumbled with the clasp. Finally, it clicked.

"How's it look?" she asked, pushing her chest out. The silver and emerald pendant hung down to maybe an inch above the cleavage her dress showed off nicely.

"Beautiful," I said slowly. I stepped forward again and held her against me. "I love my gift, but when you opened the door, I was really hoping this was my present." I pulled her even closer to me, my rapidly growing cock becoming uncomfortable in my pants.

Lily took a step back and gave me an appraising look. She glanced at the clock and smirked.

"I suppose I have enough time for one extra present."

She struck an alluring pose, then made a little show of gracefully sinking to her knees in front of me. My jaw sagged open again as she glanced up at me, hands working on the button of my jeans. She deftly undid them and pulled my tool out, wrapping her fingers around my width.

Lily flashed me a seductively cute smile before kissing just the head of my cock, her hand slowly working its way up and down my quickly hardening shaft. Her eyes shifted to focus on the piece of meat in front of her and I watched in lust as she licked her ruby lips. They slowly parted and took me inside, the warmth of her mouth better than all the hot chocolate and sweaters and Christmas cookies in the world.

I stared raptly as her red lips spread wider, sliding slowly down my length. She stopped about halfway down and pulled back, leaving a bright ring of color on my skin.

"Thought you didn't wanna ruin your lipstick," I managed to breathe out.

She pulled off to look at me.

"Oh, I can stop if you're worried about it."

"No!" I said, cursing my stupid mouth. "I'm sure you can just touch up."

"That's the spirit," she said, slowly going down on me again.

After a few delicious strokes, she took me into her throat.

"Oh, fuck..."

Glancing down, the sight of her red lips stretched widely around the base of my cock while she stared into my eyes... it took everything in my power not to blow right then.

I quickly surrendered to the amazing stimulation she was giving me. I wanted to let my head loll back and close my eyes, but couldn't tear my gaze away, especially when she looked up to meet it. She bobbed up and down on my tool, slowly rocking on her knees. The gentle sllllk, slliick was the only sound in the empty house aside from my increasingly labored breathing.

I came out of my fog just enough to see her other hand between her legs, the dress hiked up just a bit.

"Lily," I panted, "I can take care of you, baby. Just... don't stop yet."

Not heeding my plea, she pulled off again and arched an eyebrow at me before pulling her hand out from between her legs.

"Oh fuck it... it's fine."

Lily gestured to the floor and I dropped down to join her.

"I'm on top," she said with a domineering tone that excited me a bit. "I'm definitely not letting you ruin my hair."

I quickly flipped onto my back and pulled my pants down a bit. My painfully hard cock, still slick with her saliva, flopped onto the bottom of my hoodie. Lily wasted no time in hiking the shimmering dress up to straddle me. She pulled the narrow band of her panties aside with one hand and grabbed my shaft with the other.

With a practiced ease, she rubbed my head along her slit, coating it with her own slippery arousal. I didn't complain when she took a few deserved strokes around her clit before parting her lips wide around me.

"God, you feel good," she cooed.

I watched my cock slowly disappear as she sunk down. She stopped about halfway and gyrated her hips for a moment, but then fully lowered herself, taking me in to the hilt.

I let out some kind of noise, I could barely hear over my own heartbeat in my ears.

Lily began to raise and lower her hips while I lay there, content to simply watch her. I didn't dare pull at her dress or try and kiss her, but the gorgeous, sophisticated woman riding me was more than enough visual stimulation to go along with the sight of her tight pussy slowly gripping my tool.

"No cumming together," she panted after a few moments, "I wanna have Christmas with my family. No offense," she moaned quietly.

"None taken. I'm getting kinda close," I said through labored breaths. "Can I go first?"

"Uh huh," she nodded. Lily began rocking her hips in wider movements, letting me slide out further before plunging back into her warm depths.

Ten more strokes and I began the unstoppable cycle. The pressure began to build as I took in everything about her, the feel of her body on top of me, the sounds she made when I bottomed out, and God... the way her bright red lips opened just a little as she panted above me.

"Yes, Lily... about to cum, almost there..."

I started lifting my hips off the floor and thrusting to meet her.

"Yessss..." I hissed as the fluid coursed through my insides. "Fuuuck!" My juice exploded out, almost nowhere to go inside her tight, willing body. I stared at where the dress clung to her taut stomach, knowing my seed was filling up the space just behind a layer of stretchy fabric and her beautiful flesh. I allowed a few long blinks as my climax tapered off.

"Best Christmas ever," I said, probably grinning like an idiot.

Lily looked down at me, flexing her core muscles against my still-hard tool invading her.

"My turn now."

She glanced down to look at the spot where we were still very primally connected. My load had begun to ooze out around my shaft.

"Wow, you came a lot," she said, rather pleased.

Lily dipped a finger into the pool forming between us. She rubbed it upward, taking the milky slickness to her clit with a finger. I only just now noticed the bright red polish that matched her lipstick.

"I'm just gonna drive, I'm super late," she panted. She didn't wait for any kind of agreement before beginning to rub at her button.

Maybe thirty seconds passed before she was bucking her hips again, writhing against her finger and my shaft, still hard and filling her tight tunnel. I'd crossed my arms behind my head, laying still to just watch her as she pleasured herself on me. Six-months-ago-Theo might have been worried about not being an active participant. Tonight, I just drank it in. I was getting all the benefit of watching this stunning creature use my body, having already made sure I was satisfied. This is gonna be the top entry in the spank bank, I thought as she began to squirm uncontrollably.

I grabbed her hips as she climaxed. I pushed back as deep into her as I could, briefly wishing I had a few more minutes for another round, but glad knowing we ended on a high note. Her convulsions finally slowed and stopped after another minute, only then did she open her eyes.

"You're a bad influence on me, Theo Harper." Her smile didn't try to hide her obvious fail at being perturbed.

"Sorry, not sorry."

I kissed Lily goodbye before she went upstairs to fix her makeup. As I strolled home, the snow now crunched under my feet and I was transported back to elementary school snow days.

Mom and Dad were waiting for me in the living room when I got home, waiting for me to pick a present to open early. I nearly lost it when my mom asked me if Lily had gotten me a gift. A few deep breaths and willing the stupid grin off my face, I told them about the 3D printer and that I'd go over with my car tomorrow to pick it up. They gushed at her thoughtfulness and generosity. My mom nearly cried when I described the necklace that I'd somehow not thought to show her before wrapping it up. By the time I'd opened their gift and we'd all had our hot cider and cookies, I'd calmed down and was ready to fall asleep.

* * *

Christmas morning was still magical and sweet. I wasn't sure if becoming a legal adult was just supposed to flip some kind of switch or what, but I still woke up just after five with way more energy than should have been possible. I texted Lily a Good morning, merry Christmas! and she responded immediately. We both looked out our bedroom windows to see the snow still falling, quickly trading blurry phone pics of our views.

We spent time at both houses that day, eating way too much and generally enjoying each others' families. Lily's parents got me a super nice backpack, completely waterproof, pockets for my laptop and an insulated lunchbox compartment, even a built-in battery bank. My parents got Lily this cool tablet thing, kind of like an iPad but the screen looked like paper. She could use it to hand write notes in class, read textbooks, all the academic things without the distractions. We finally parted that evening, pleasantly tired and bordering on uncomfortably full.

* * *

I asked my parents if I could have some people over for New Year's Eve. Watch the festivities on TV, eat some bad food, just hang out. Nothing rowdy. They agreed of course, without any expected provisos, or even warnings to make good decisions. They just made it clear that anyone can and should stay at our house if they needed to. I assured them there wasn't even going to be drinking, because of course we were all underage and weren't supposed to do that kind of thing. My dad chuckled and gave me a knowing look under his raised eyebrow.

Mom gave me her card to go shopping that morning. Adam had stayed the night the evening before and we had entirely too much fun wandering through the grocery store tipping nutritionally questionable food into the basket. By that afternoon, we'd prepped most of the snacks and got the basement setup for watching the ball drop, playing darts or video games, or just hanging out on the variety of mismatched furniture. We spent probably more time than necessary on a carefully curated playlist to set just the right tone for the evening.

I'd told the ten or so people to show up about six, so of course it was nearly seven when they started to trickle in. Chrissy arrived, her and Adam promptly making out on the stairwell before joining the half dozen of us who'd already settled in.

I glanced at my phone, wondering where Lily was. Showing up late wasn't in her DNA, and I was beginning to worry. Likely reading my thoughts from a distance, my phone lit up with a text.

Can't make it tonight, sorry.

This wasn't like her, no advance notice, missing an event where we could be together. I quickly tapped out a response.

You not feeling well? Want me to bring you some food?

I watched the reply bubbles appear and disappear several times. Finally, her picture lit up the screen with a voice call.

"Hey you," I said. I'm sure the music and conversation were background noise over the call. "Everything alright?" I heard her ragged breath over the phone and immediately knew it wasn't.

"Theo," she choked out, "it's... my mom."

"Oh god, what is it?" My brain drowned out the low sounds of the gathering and I could hear her holding back sobs. It took a moment for her to answer.

"Breast cancer. Stage four, they just found out."

I'm sure my face fell and I began to notice people staring at me. Instinctively, I trotted toward the stairs. I absently waved off a few questions I really didn't hear as I climbed. My parents, sitting on the couch as I cut through the living room, flashed me similarly confused looks. I put my hand over the phone mic.

"Lily's mom is in the hospital," I said, grabbing a coat from the rack by the front door. "I'll text you later. Please tell everyone I'm sorry."

I didn't wait for a response as I dashed out the front door.

"I'll be there in a minute," I said into the phone.

"You don't have to do that," she sniffed. "I just wanted you to know why I wasn't coming."

I couldn't think of a response, so I just repeated. "I'll be there in a minute."

I ended the call and jogged the few blocks to the Whitlock's house. I realized I knocked way harder than I meant to as I stood there in the cold, panting. Jeff opened the door after a moment, looking predictably horrible. I didn't know if I should try to hug him, or just wait for him to speak.

"She's in her room," he croaked out, gesturing toward the stairs.

I shared brief eye contact with him and shuffled by.

Lily was lying on her bed when I walked in. She was turned away from me and I couldn't see her face, I knew it was probably red and puffy like her dad's. I kicked off my shoes and jumped in next to her, snaking an arm under her neck so I could pull her close. She snuggled in against me and I worried that I was trying to squeeze her too hard. I sighed and released a little of the tension around her, she mirrored my breath.

We lay there in silence for I don't know how long. I could feel a few sobs catch in her throat, and by the third or fourth, I was right there with her. The wet spots on the pillow we shared were growing, but nothing mattered right now more than simply being connected.

When I woke early the next morning, we were still just like we'd fallen asleep. I hadn't even seen her face yet, so I risked a quiet "Lily?"

"Hey," she answered back. "Thank you for coming, I..."

I responded with another squeeze around her chest, I was honestly unsure how to respond.

"You didn't have to, she added."

"I know. Do you wanna talk?"

"Not yet," she said with less emotion that felt right. "I just need some time, okay?"

"Yeah. I'm here... like, whatever you need."

Lily finally rolled over and looked at me.

"I know, thank you."

Her eyes were already dripping, and my heart was breaking for her. I wanted to ask so many questions, what had happened, was there some kind of prognosis, did they need any help? I knew now wasn't the time, though.

"I just kinda ran out last night, I should probably tell my parents where I am."

"It's okay, you should go home. I need to talk with my family. Call you later, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, reaching up to wipe a tear off her cheek.

I reluctantly slunk off the bed and found my shoes. I couldn't say anything else without risking just jumping back up and holding her, so I pulled them on and waved a weak goodbye.

My parents were waiting for me when I got home. I was about to steel myself to tell them what little I knew, but mom spoke first.

"Jeff called us last night," she said, her face mirroring what I expected mine looked like. "How's Lily?"

"I dunno, I guess... like you'd expect. Did he say anything else?"

"Only that they're going to talk about treatment options today. Theo..." she said darkly, "it's not good."

I rushed forward and pulled them into a three-way hug, willing myself not to choke up.

"I'll be in my room. I'll clean up the basement later."

"Don't worry about it," said my dad, "your friends are good kids. They didn't leave a mess. Adam even vacuumed."

I snorted an involuntary chuckle. "Wow. Thank you guys. I love you."

They flashed me looks like they were also on the edge. I pulled away and trotted upstairs.

I waited all day on pins and needles, obsessively checking the time on my phone and the abrupt end to our last text thread. I remembered around noon that it was the first of January, and that we'd need to pack up for school tomorrow, and leave the next.

Lily didn't call.

I clutched my phone to my chest as I lay in bed that night, pushing away the selfish thought that she owed me some kind of update, news, anything. I quickly however came to grips with the reality that this situation had absolutely nothing to do with me, nobody owed me anything. A few bouts of near-tears came when I thought about the reversed situation and if it were my own mom dealing with this. The gratitude that it wasn't her was ferociously battling with sadness for the Whitlocks in my head. I finally fell asleep to unpleasant dreams.

I woke up with a text from Lily on my phone. My heart leapt as I opened it, before my brain could reason that aside from a miracle, there would be no good news.

Come over when you wake up?

I got dressed and went downstairs. My folks had already left for work, but had left some hot coffee in the pot. I poured a to-go mug and trudged outside.

Lily was sitting on her front porch, bundled up when I arrived. She flashed me a weak smile between foggy breaths. She stood as I walked up their path.

I walked straight to her and wrapped my arms around her. I risked a kiss, and even her cold lips transmitted the warmth and connection we were probably both craving.

"You wanna walk maybe?" she asked. "Dunno why, but I can think better out here."

"Of course," I said, pulling away and offering an arm.

She let out a deep sigh as we turned onto the sidewalk. We'd walked nearly a block before she spoke.

"Theo, I'm just gonna say this now. No point in being all polite, cause there's just no easy way to say it."

Oh, here it comes... her mom is literally dying and she's giving up time to walk with me.

I felt horrible taking even a moment away from the dozen other things she should probably be doing right now.

"We can't be together anymore."

I felt my legs stop, and all my muscles just go slack. I registered the sound of my coffee mug hitting the pavement and the gurgling of the liquid pouring out onto the sidewalk. I somehow crouched down to pick it up, the steam rising in wisps off the frozen ground.

"I don't... what?" I realized we'd stopped walking.

The look on her face was oddly passive, like she didn't really care about what she'd just said. I couldn't force myself to reconcile what was happening. She took a deep breath and began to speak again, but like someone rather dispassionately explaining a handful of details about some mundane thing.

"Mom has stage four metastatic breast cancer. The doctors don't know why they didn't catch it at her yearly appointments, but it's already spread."

What in the actual hell does that have to do with--

I pushed the thought away, but a quickly growing portion of my consciousness was beginning to rally the troops toward demanding something that made sense.

"She's gonna have months of chemo and radiation to try and combat it. My dad can't take that much time off work, and it's his insurance that's gonna pay for it."

I felt my open jaw beginning to tremble. I'm sure she saw the utter dismay beginning to pull at my facial expression.

"I have to stay here," she said quietly. "Zoey needs to go to school, and if..." she trailed off.

I could feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes and was becoming incensed that hers were still dry.

Oh shit... my brain finally worked out. If she doesn't make it... Zoey would be without a mom. They would be without a mom.

I choked back the tightness in my throat and just stared at her. Only one reasonable question had entered my consciousness.

"But what about your scholarship? College?"

"I dunno. It's not important right now."

Her face had finally begun to crack.

Yes it's important! I wanted to scream. Your future is important!

The thoughts warred in my head until I was able to flip the situation again, knowing if it were my mom and I had a little brother or sister... I would drop literally everything. Except...

"But... us? What do we have to do with this?" I heard the hurt in my voice and regretted projecting it.

Lily chewed on her bottom lip and stared at me.

"Theo... I don't know how this is gonna turn out, but I have to have different priorities right now. You'll go back to school tomorrow, four hours away, and be awesome. You'll start training for track, I know it'll be just as amazing as you hope."

She flashed me a forced grin and I got the feeling she'd been practicing what she was saying.

"Just because we're not gonna be in the same city... it doesn't mean --"

"Yes it does," she cut in. "And it's not just that. You just started the most exciting time in your life. Forcing you to come along with mine... now, it's not healthy. And not fair to either of us."

My mind railed against her words. How could she keep just saying me... my life... fair. How is any of this fair? Part of me thought it was her parents speaking through her, like they'd had the conversation already. That was probably true.

"You need to be free to enjoy college and all the experiences you're gonna have."

The look on her face suggested most of her didn't believe it.

But I could help! We can talk on FaceTime and I could come home on long weekends. You don't have to do this by yourself!

The arguments and reasons that all of this was wrong stacked up in my brain. I registered her watching me, waiting for me to speak. I forced my brash, inner over-communicator to shut the hell up and think before I said anything. Psych 101 briefly made an appearance, long enough to tell me that nearly all of my objections were about the same thing.

Me.

Her world just got turned upside down. Don't make it worse, you're being a selfish asshole, dude.

My brain spun up with multiple thought threads. People I knew that had died from cancer, those that didn't, long distance relationships, people that could deal with tragedy and still be functional humans... I quickly came to the conclusion that I had precisely zero experience with any of it. I was somehow becoming resigned to the fact that this was happening, and that it probably wasn't up for discussion anyway.

"I dunno what else to say. Can I... stay with you today? I don't have much to pack, I could probably even --"

"Theo," she said, finally losing her battle with tears. "I need this to be it. We're going back to the hospital today and I don't want you to be there."

I couldn't do anything else but pull her toward me. I worried that I would make it worse, but I allowed one last selfish thought. She came willingly and wrapped her arms around my back as we stood there. I don't know how long the hug lasted, but my freezing fingers pressed into the back of her coat finally pulled me back to my new reality.

She pulled away and just nodded at me before turning around.

I wanted to say three more words to her, but I couldn't. She didn't deserve any more guilt than she'd already shouldered.

I turned the opposite direction and began to walk toward home. My train of thought flopped repeatedly as my legs took over navigating. Half of me was angry and hurt. The world, Lily, cancer... I was utterly pissed off at everything that played a part in the series of events that put me in this place. The other half righteously scolded me with the hard truth that I was not the victim in this scenario by any stretch of the imagination.

I slowly climbed our front steps, feeling physically tired. It felt like I hadn't been home in hours, despite it still being relatively early in the morning. I was glad my parents were at work and wouldn't see me while everything was fresh. I took a shower and tried to watch some TV. By late that afternoon, all my raw emotions had been cooked down and I felt simply numb.

My mom stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she got home and saw me. I was mildly amused at the thought that she was reading my expression and probably deciphering exactly what happened without asking. Her powers were confirmed as she just came over and wrapped her arms around me.

I wasn't, however, prepared for her to just bust out frustratingly perfect mom advice at the drop of a hat.

"Theo..." she said, gazing at me with a warmth that was somehow as good as a hug, "what you're feeling is good. I know it hurts like a sunnavabitch..."

I croaked out half an involuntary chuckle through my tight throat.

"But the fact that you've had the experience that made you feel like this, it's a gift. Everything that got you here is part of you now, and forever. Please remember that whatever happens, you will be better because of this."

I sighed loudly and stared at my mom, hoping to God she was right.

* * *

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