The Plumber's Mate

Author note: This is my entry for Heroism - the Oggbashan Memorial Event 2025.

Being a plumber who works for yourself means no long, luxuriant lie-ins where you have nothing planned all day except further idleness.

Being a plumber who instead works for your dad means getting to do all that, plus a short walk to the pub and a short stagger back.

Hence, when I emerged from my acres of Egyptian cotton and eiderdown to the dulcet tones of my phone ringing, I was expecting it to be well past noon. So imagine my surprise when the clock on the screen told me it had not yet passed seven a. m.

"What the fuck do you want at this unholy hour, Tyler?"

"Harvey, mate, I wouldn't ring if it wasn't really serious."

I rolled onto my back and slapped my hand across my face. Probably the only person (aside from my dad) in the world who could drag me out of bed at this time was my best mate Tyler, and only because we went back as far as nursery.

"What is it?"

"I've gone downstairs this morning and the kitchen is a flood. At least an inch of water everywhere, carpets are sodden, fucking nightmare."

"You've got a burst pipe?"

"You're the plumber, mate. You tell me."

"Fuuuck. Alright. Give me half an hour to put some trousers on and I'll bring round the van."

"Lifesaver, thanks, mate. And listen, could you not park blocking the drive; Zoe's going out this morning and she'll moan if she's blocked in."

"Alright. See you in a bit."

"Tosser," I said as I hung up. I was tempted to park the van in his front room for ruining my blissful day of nothing.

It wasn't even half past seven by the time I pulled up outside their house. On autopilot, since I hadn't even had a sniff of caffeine yet, I blocked the drive. But, halfway to the front door, I remembered, and went back to move the van back three yards, grumbling the entire time.

"Harvey, mate, thank you so much," Tyler said as I approached the door, toolbag in hand. He was gangly and unshaven, his dark hair clearly still untouched since he got out of bed.

"You owe me about fifteen pints and then some."

"Yeah, of course, mate of course. It's fucking bad in there."

I thought I would make my own assessment and not leave it to amateurs, but when I got to the kitchen, I had to admit, it was fucking bad.

"Right, start by getting some towels and making a barrier to stop it seeping into the carpet any more," I said, pointing to the area where the kitchen met the carpeted hallway. "Luckily it's not done too much damage there yet."

"I'll get some from upstairs."

I took a tentative step into the swamped kitchen and was pleased to note that it wasn't overwhelming the soles of my boots. Splashing across to the sink, I opened the cupboard and peered into the horrors beneath.

"Got some towels. Is it alright if Zoe has a shower? She's supposed to be tarting herself up for some brunch today," Tyler said when he returned.

"Obviously not, mate. I've turned off your water at the stopcock to stop it leaking any more."

"Alright. I'll tell her."

"Do the towels first."

"Oh, yeah."

By the next time he came back, I'd worked out the problem.

"You see this mass of soggy chipboard here?" I said, gesturing at the pulpy mess.

"Yeah?"

"Some clown decided to glue this lot in place around the mains inlet. It's started leaking from the valve, then because it was so damp in that little space it's corroded and now you've got a proper leak."

"Right. Can you fix it?"

"Yeah; it's just the bother of getting all this corroded stuff out and fresh pipes put in. Probably take me most of the day; plus there's all this room to get dried out."

Tyler breathed a sigh of relief. "That's great. Zoe's been losing her mind about needing to replace the entire kitchen and the carpets everywhere."

"Nah, there's no waste water in this lot. I'll get the windows open and the wet vac from the van."

There was always a nice logical element to plumbing that appealed to me. You did step a; then action b; then step c. By step z, it was fixed. I was mentally working my way through the steps as I went backwards and forwards to the van, walking along a trail of old towels to protect the carpets, lost in thought. So I nearly bumped into Zoe as she came downstairs, and she was looking fit as hell.

"Oops, sorry," she said, leaping back up a step before she clattered me.

"No, my fault, I wasn't watching," I replied, glancing at her. "Wow, what's got you all done up like a-"

"If you say the words 'dog's dinner' I'm going to clout you."

I grinned. "Never entered my mind," I replied as she leant over to hug me.

Zoe was gorgeous. There was no point denying it or trying to be gentlemanly about it: every bloke who spent more than fifteen minutes with her fancied her. She was a redhead, for a start, with masses of curls that she carefully maintained. Her big brown eyes and big smile were always the next thing you noticed, and she was very pretty. The rest of her was all curves in perfect proportion. Most the time all I saw of her was her lycra-clad arse on the way out of the door to the gym to maintain her figure. But when she did dress up, like today, the whole effect was jaw-dropping.

She was in a knee-length blue dress that was not short of cleavage, and as I let her past I admired the uninterrupted view of her back that the dress afforded, right down to almost her waist.

"Tyler," she half-shouted, trying not to step on the greasier bits of carpet in her bare feet. "I've texted to say I'm going to be early; no point hanging around this disaster zone."

"Alright Zoe," Tyler shouted back from his home office.

She turned and gave me a big smile. The shade of pink lipstick she was wearing suited her perfectly and was impossible to miss.

"Thanks so much for coming at short notice, we really appreciate it," she said.

"Not a problem. Anything to help out a mate."

"Well, if it means I can still go out to my brunch, you're my hero." She gave me another quick hug and I tried to put my arm around her without touching too much of her.

She carried on in the direction of the office to find Tyler and I left her to it.

Now, the glaring question is how a perfect ten like Zoe came to be married to a sea slug like Tyler. And the answer is that nobody knows: not even Tyler. He just realised that his reels had all come up sevens and cashed out immediately at the altar. My theory was that Tyler was the Pope in a previous life and now God was rewarding him. Zoe just told me that Tyler makes her laugh, which is strange, because when Tyler makes me laugh it's because he's trodden in dog shit.

In any case, I envied him for getting to wake up next to Zoe every morning. She really was a goddess. As much as I'd love to be in his place, though, mainly I was just happy for him: he'd always been a bit of a fuck-up but Zoe seemed to ground him and kick him up the backside when he needed it. Now he seemed to be moderately successful at whatever he did in an office all day.

To keep out of the way, I headed back to the van and took a fag break. Once again, I ran through the steps in my head to make sure I knew what I was doing. The cardinal sin of plumbing was fucking about in someone's house when you didn't know what you were doing. Dad had drilled that into me since day one. That's how you got sewage coming out of the taps.

When I'd done that, I leant on the bonnet and admired the front aspect of the house. It was a nice house, when the kitchen wasn't underwater. It was the perfect kind of suburban paradise that couples always seemed to want. It was a surprise that they hadn't already started having kids, although Zoe seemed to enjoy her job and probably didn't want to rush into a house full of sprogs.

And finally, to kill the last couple of minutes, I texted Dad to let him know what was going on.

Harvey: Over at Tyler's, burst pipe in kitchen, everything underwater. Needs new pipes and everything drying out.

Dad: That lad's a magnet for bad luck. How long will it need?

Harvey: Should be finished today, it's mainly the drying out that will take time

Dad: As usual then. Are you coming over for your tea?

Harvey: Might as well since I'm out in the van. Do you want me to charge him for the job?

Dad: Nah, not Tyler. He might not be able to tell his arse from his elbow but he's a nice lad.

Decision taken, I stubbed out the ciggie and chucked it in their wheelie bin as I passed. Walking through the house to pass on the good news to Tyler, I couldn't see or hear them anywhere so I guessed they were still in the office.

As I approached the half-open door, I heard Tyler say the word 'fuck' in a pleased kind of way, like he'd just had a bit of good news, which sounded like he was doing some work. Otherwise I still couldn't hear either of them, so despite having my boots on, I crept over the carpet, planning to barge the door in and give them a fright.

But when I got right up to the door, I froze. Zoe was on her knees and her pink lips were wrapped perfectly around Tyler's cock, sliding up and down his shaft, her hair bouncing with each movement. Her eyes flicked over in my direction and we looked at each other for a second, but she never stopped sucking him off.

Then I left just as quietly as I'd approached, my face hot with embarrassment. I felt like a fucking idiot. What kind of overgrown kid went creeping around other people's houses? It was a miracle that Zoe hadn't been angry. But I could hardly apologise without making it even more weird. I'd just have to face the consequences.

To try and avoid any more awkwardness, I went back outside and waited by the van until someone came outside. I tried very hard not to think about what had happened. And especially not about how hot Zoe had looked giving a blowjob. But Zoe looked hot doing anything. She'd look hot eating a bowl of mashed potato. But today with her hair done and her makeup and everything...

I spent a few minutes with the more disgusting bits of the van to try and get my mind off it. It was working, too, and I was enjoying scrubbing some oil off a spanner when Zoe came out of the house, totally composed, car keys hanging from her fingers.

"I should be back this afternoon," she told me as she came over.

"Right. See you then." I tried not to look too closely at her, but I failed. Our eyes met for a second, and then I was unable to stop myself from briefly looking at her lips. Fuck.

Without missing a beat, Zoe ran her finger over her lips, slowly and deliberately, and finished by biting her bottom lip with her front teeth.

"Much as I'd love to stay and play with your... tools, there's bottomless prosecco with my name on it," she said, glancing down meaningfully.

I glanced down too. I was still holding the spanner.

She got into her car and drove away with a wave. I was left trying to work on what on earth had just happened. And whatever it was, my underwear had suddenly got uncomfortably tight.

A wise man once said that the best thing to get a woman off your mind is hard work. And luckily that was available in abundance. After mopping up the kitchen and setting up fans and dehumidifiers, I got to work replacing the corroded pipes. Then I had the joy of piecing together the soggy kitchen cupboard as best I could, cutting away the bits that had really no hope of recovery. Tyler, grateful as ever, kept me supplied with coffee from the garage up the road.

By late afternoon I was done; the water was back on; and the kitchen floor was already beginning to feel dry in places.

"I'll leave you the dehumidifiers and pick them up tomorrow," I told Tyler as I chucked wet towels back into the van. "I won't need them in the meantime."

"Really appreciate it, mate," Tyler said for the hundredth time.

"Don't worry about it. I reckon I'll get going, then."

Tyler looked disappointed. "Oh, well, I got a few beers in and thought you might want to stick around for the match, you know."

A wise man also once said that the best things to get a woman off your mind were football and beer. Drinking for free on Tyler's sofa beat a crowded pub, I thought.

"Just a couple. I've still got to drive back."

And that's exactly where we were when Zoe got back: beers in hand and eyes glued to the pitch. The proverb was right and, in truth, I'd forgotten Zoe even lived there.

"Having fun?" she asked, giggling to herself when she came in.

"Did you leave the car at the station?" Tyler asked, hardly looking away from the screen.

"Yes, and got a taxi back. I'll get the car tomorrow morning." As I watched, Zoe wobbled slightly on her heels on the carpet, her earrings and necklace rocking backwards and forwards and catching the light. She'd clearly had a few drinks and didn't look quite as put-together as she had this morning, but she still looked fantastic.

"Harvey's sorted the kitchen out. Looks good as new," Tyler said.

"Oh, wow! Well, thank you so much. You've saved the day," Zoe said to me, flashing me another one of her smiles. I tried to brush it off and look back at the TV, but she leant over the arm of the sofa to kiss me on the cheek, her hand sliding onto my chest and lingering just a second longer than really appropriate. Then even as she withdrew, she stayed leaning over, watching the action on TV, and I was very aware of the view she was giving me down the front of her dress.

At this point I should clarify: Tyler may be an idiot, but I'm not. Something fishy was obviously going on, either because Zoe had been drinking or because the awkward walking-in-on situation had given her the wrong impression. It goes without saying that even if Zoe was the last woman on earth, I wasn't about to start carrying on with her behind Tyler's back. Or in this case, right in front of him.

So I just ignored Zoe in the hope that she'd get bored and go away. There was a free kick in a dangerous position on TV anyway, so I watched that and had a long drink from my can. Zoe circled around and sat herself down on the sofa between Tyler and I, although she was quite obviously closer to me than him. She tucked her legs up under her, her dress riding up her thighs. God, she had sexy thighs.

I began focusing very seriously on the match.

"Centre-half is flagging; he needs to pull him before he lets a man get past him."

"The manager doesn't like making early subs. Give it another ten minutes, maybe, and see if he introduces a tactical change too," Tyler replied.

"This is what I don't understand: what good's a tactical change if you're a goal down because you were holding back on your bench?"

"I agree, mate, I'm just saying. Really he should be making changes based on who's performing today, not who's lacking in fitness."

"It's a problem when you've got a few off injured. But the manager should adapt to that."

My train of thought was interrupted when Zoe slid her arm around my shoulders, shuffling closer and putting her other hand on my chest again. This was getting ridiculous: if a stranger walked in they'd think it was Zoe and I who were a couple. I grabbed my can, almost knocking it over in my haste, and I downed what was left while her hand snaked down onto my abs and her manicured nails brushed the top of my work trousers.

"Listen, mate, I think I'd better make tracks," I announced, putting down the empty can loudly. "Might catch the end of the game in the pub if I get moving."

"Before you go," Zoe said, pointedly not moving her hands, "Has Tyler paid you for today?"

"Ah, nah, it's alright. No charge for mates." As politely as I could, I pushed her off me.

"Are you sure? Your dad might want you to get something." She was persistent.

"I already checked with him. It's all good. I'll just have a few rounds on Tyler and we'll call it square."

"But you came all the way here on your day off. Surely there's something I could do for you?" Her hand was back, this time starting on my knee and going upwards.

"I'd really better go," I said quickly, heaving myself up off the sofa and dislodging her hand again.

Just as quickly, Zoe pushed me back down again with surprising force. Before I could work out what was happening she climbed onto my lap, straddling me as her dress slid right up her legs. There was no sign of any knickers and she pressed herself down onto my lap.

"But I don't want you to go yet," she purred, slipping the shoulder straps of her dress off. Then she rolled the dress down and her tits fell out. I really began to panic when I discovered that her nipples were the exact same shade as her lipstick.

"Tyler, mate, seriously, I didn't say anything," I began babbling, looking over at him, which was just about the only place I could look without seeing... something.

He briefly looked at his wife sitting on my lap with her tits out and then went back to the match. "I don't mind."

"What the actual fuck?"

Zoe giggled and put her finger on my lips. "Look, either you can go home, if you really want, or you can take me upstairs and I'll show you my gratitude. Up to you."

I looked at her with disbelief. Fuck; those nipples. Those lips. Those thighs. Spoilt for choice, I tried a bit of everything before I looked back at Tyler.

"I'll stick here and watch the match. You take her and have fun," he said, smiling.

"Uhhhh."

The part of my brain that handled rational thought had ceased operations and the brain cells all rushed to my eyes to get a look.

Zoe gave me another of her smiles, melting whatever was left of my resistance, and climbed off me. She tugged her dress back down over her arse, but only just, and then took my hand to pull me up.

It only really sank in that this wasn't an elaborate joke when we were going up the stairs. I could see every inch of Zoe's gorgeous long legs from the bottom of her bum to her feet, and she was still wearing her heels. Her red hair was falling down her back, hiding and revealing the skin there as she went up step after step, and I became aware that I had never wanted to fuck anyone so much in my life. And somehow this was about to really happen.

Still holding my hand, she led me into their guest bedroom, where I occasionally crashed if I'd been drinking with Tyler. Once I was in, she turned and closed the door, brushing her tits against me as she leant past, and then pushed me firmly up against it.

I had absolutely no idea what the rules of engagement were here, and I still wasn't sure exactly why this was happening, but Zoe knew what she wanted. She took a step forward so she was pressing against me and then kissed me, her head tilted up. She tasted of booze and her tongue was quickly in my mouth, so I tentatively put my hands around her shoulders. My fingers were on the base of her neck, under her hair, brushing against the fine chain of her necklace. She put her hands on my shoulders at first, but then moved them down onto my chest. My hands went to her bare back, then hers found my waist, and at the same time as I ran my hands over her arse for the first time, she rubbed hers up and down my hard cock through my trousers.

Pulling her dress up, I got a handful of her arse and confirmed that yes, she was not wearing underwear. I couldn't stop myself.

"No knickers?" I asked between kisses.

"Took them off when I got home and saw you were still here," she said, making me groan as my cock surged. Was this for real?

Her fingers undid my trousers and pushed them and my underwear down hard, my cock bouncing out. She took hold of it and stroked it twice, then kissed me hard and broke away.

Dropping to her knees, she looked up at me and made deliberate eye contact.

"I've been horny for you all fucking day," she said in a low voice, her lips just inches from my cock now.

"Really?"

"Mm hmm. When you almost walked in on me earlier..." She paused to stroke my cock a few times with her hand. "I wished you had walked in. Then I could have sucked you off as well and spent all day thinking about the taste of your cock."

As the effect of those words sank in, she licked carefully from the base to the tip; wrapped her hand around it; and then pushed the tip between her sexy pink lips and began to suck.

I'll admit it: I'd fantasised about this more than a few times, especially before Zoe and Tyler had got engaged. She was every bit as beautiful when she was sucking my cock as I had imagined. And she was really fucking good at it. Her eyes never left mine as she slowly worked my cock into her mouth, then began to slide those lips slowly and agonisingly up and down. The warmth, the wetness, the suction...

I put my hands on her shoulders and felt her hair against my fingers. Zoe leant forwards to take a bit more of my cock into her mouth and I could see right down her back to her arse, resting on her heels. And behind that, across the room, was the built-in wardrobe with the mirrored front. I felt a new rush of arousal when I looked at the reflected image of her, kneeling and moving gently as she kept sucking my cock. She really was incredibly hot and with a blowjob this good, it was only a matter of time.

"Zoe..." I said softly, moving my gaze back to her face. She looked up at me, answering wordlessly as she continued making me feel amazing. "Do you want me to... finish... uh, fuck, here?" Stringing words together out loud was a lot more difficult than usual.

Carefully, Zoe took my cock deep into her mouth, her lips touching where her hand was holding my cock, and then pulled back with a gasp and a deep breath. She looked up at me again and giggled, letting go of my cock and bouncing up to her feet.

"No; I want you to fuck me," she said, blasting me with another huge smile.

Well, I had absolutely no problem with that. She stepped away from me and touched her finger to the tip of my cock, so lightly I almost couldn't feel it.

"Be right back," she said. A string of precum came away when she took her finger away and I watched, utterly hypnotised, as she licked it clean and left the room.

There was no time for introspection: only time to kick off my trousers and underwear and pull off my shirt. In seconds she was back, moving quickly with her tits bouncing, one arm wrapped around them. She closed the door behind her and then handed me a condom packet.

"I don't want any surprises," she giggled, stepping close to me again.

I wasn't there to waste time. I ignored what she'd said and grabbed her around the waist, making her yelp as I lifted her bodily off the ground and took three big strides towards the mirror. She wriggled, her tits pinned against my shoulder and a great view of her arse and legs in the mirror, until I put her down and spun her so she was facing away from me. Our eyes met in the mirror as I dropped the condom onto the bed, now within reach, and then traced my other hand down from the back of her neck, following her spine, until I could push it between her thighs.

She was already so wet that it didn't take me a moment to find her clit and start rubbing. In response, she put her hand down there and adjusted me to a slightly better angle, then after a few seconds of gasping moans, pushed my fingers to her entrance instead.

"I want you inside me," she whispered.

First one, then a second finger pushed into her pussy and she moaned louder, pressing her forehead against the mirror, shifting her legs apart. I began moving my fingers, focusing the pressure downwards towards her g-spot, and that really caused her to begin moaning loud. She kept rubbing her clit with her own hand, her thighs beginning to tense, and the room filled with her noises. I hadn't realised until then just how unbelievably sexy it was when a woman moaned loud like this. And what a physical reaction I would have: my cock was hard and throbbing just from hearing her. She arched her back to make the angle better and pressed her tits into the glass too, lying the side of her face against it. It was sexy as hell and I wanted to fuck her, but I also wanted to wait until she was desperate for it.

Moving my fingers more rhythmically made her respond even more, and soon she was locked in place, grabbing desperately at the wardrobe with her free hand as I fingered her hard. She was rubbing her clit just as hard in response, her body gathering tension, the muscles in her thighs and calves standing out. Then she shouted: "Fuck!", like, actually shouted it, and a second later she let go of her clit and her arse and thighs began to shake. She held her breath and then gasped out again, moaning happily.

"I can't believe you just made me cum," she said, all pretence of whispering abandoned.

"I want to fuck you, Zoe," I said, basically unable to say much of anything else.

"I want it too."

Reluctantly, I slowed down and slipped my fingers out of her, then put on the condom. She watched in the mirror, the tiny hairs around her face already darkened with sweat. Seeing her gorgeous eyes hungrily fix on my cock was a sight I would never forget.

Positioning myself behind her, I pushed the head of my cock inside, and she gasped again. Then I began making smaller thrusts, slowly working it deeper, letting her move her hips to control it, but it really didn't take long before I was fucking her deep and hard, holding her hips in place.

And once my cock was inside her, it seemed to unlock something in her.

"Fuck, I've always wanted to do this with you," she moaned, clawing at the mirror as my hips slapped against her arse.

"Really?" I was already breathless from the sensation of actually being inside Zoe's pussy. Fucking her.

"God, yes. It was fucking torture when you were going out with that hairdresser tart. All I could think was, 'I bet I can fuck him better than her'."

"Fucking hell, Zoe."

"Fuck me harder. I can take it."

I obliged.

"Fuuuuck, yes, that's it, keep fucking me like that. You are going to cum inside me, right?"

I managed a laugh. "Oh, absolutely."

"Good. I can't fucking wait to feel you do it. Fuck me like you mean it, like you're taking out all those years of when you wanted to fuck me but couldn't."

"Was I that obvious?"

It was her turn to laugh, but a moan cut it off halfway. "When the best man can't take his eyes off your tits in your wedding dress, you know he wants to fuck you."

"Well, you're right."

"Now you can fuck my married pussy as hard as you want, so do it!"

I pushed myself into her over and over as hard as I could. She orgasmed again, shaking and barely able to hold on to the wardrobe door, moaning incoherently again.

"I'm going to-" I started.

"Cum in me, please..."

When I came, I clenched hard, deep inside her, to force out every drop of cum that I could. She more than deserved it.

"Fuck," I exhaled, still holding her hips. She carefully pulled herself off my cock and stood up straight, tossing her hair out of her face and combing her fingers through it. Then as I grabbed a handful of tissues to sort out the condom, she pushed her dress back down to her knees and shoved her tits back into it, and looked (almost) as presentable as when we'd started.

Zoe held my hand as we went back downstairs, but didn't say anything, and just led me straight back to the lounge where Tyler was still watching football. If he'd heard anything, which seemed more than likely, he didn't let on.

"Did I miss a goal?" I asked, halting by the door and employing the typical approach of humour to defuse an awkward situation.

"Nah, still nil all. Hasn't been a good game, altogether," Tyler said casually, slipping his arm around Zoe's waist as she walked over and perched herself on his lap.

"Well, someone definitely scored," Zoe giggled and Tyler grinned at her. Despite what had just happened, they looked like a good couple again. I had no idea how their dynamic worked: if I'd married Zoe I'd barely let her near another bloke. But then maybe that was why I was still single and Tyler was hitched: he could be open-minded.

"Enjoy yourself?" I heard him ask her, putting his hand on her thigh.

"Mm, yes. Both of us did," she said, smiling first at him and then at me.

All my years of life had somehow failed to prepare me for the social etiquette of leaving someone's house after you've just cum inside their wife. Should I say something? Should I just make an excuse and leave? Or should I sit myself back down again?

In the end, Tyler was my best mate. I couldn't leave it with any strangeness or it wouldn't be right.

"So, ah, are either of you going to explain about... all this?" I asked.

It was Zoe who spoke first. "I'm sorry if it was a bit unexpected but it was just too priceless to see you squirm," she said, giving me a smile. A man could forgive anything for that smile.

"We'd talked about something like this before and we both thought you might be a good person to do it," Tyler said, finally dragging his eyes away from the match as they prepared for a corner kick. "Deciding to go for it today was a bit of a last-minute thing."

"We only decided this morning, before you, um, saw us," Zoe added. "Which was a happy accident, by the way. And when I got back I was still in the mood so... there you have it."

I made a half-laugh. "Right. Okay, then."

Zoe gave Tyler a kiss and half a second later he and I erupted.

"YES! GOAL!"

When I got home, I couldn't really be bothered going out to the pub. But I didn't have a great deal else to do, so I returned to my ocean of bedding and pillows and stretched out full-length. Just as I was beginning to feel completely relaxed I heard my phone buzzing and, irritated, I rolled over to get it.

Zoe: Thanks again for today, you really saved us this morning. Bad news though, the water pressure is a bit low in the kitchen

Harvey: Probably just the inlet valve, get Tyler to adjust it with a screwdriver

Zoe: If I let Tyler near it we'll have another flood

Harvey: Good point. I'll have a look when I pick up the dehumidifiers, but you'll incur my call out fee

Zoe: We'll have to see what I can do about paying that ;) x

THE END