The Loser Takes it All - Alison

Early Monday morning, following a tumultuous week on many levels. I woke at 7:00, still a little tired after getting home from Alison's house a little after midnight. She had fallen fast asleep, and I crept out of bed, kissed her softly and departed. I laid my head flat on the pillow and visualised what I had planned to work on that day. At 7:45 I rose, showered, and dressed for the day, went downstairs, and put a pot of coffee on to perk. My phone rang at 8:30, it was Devon.

"Hey, Dev," I said.

"It's Collette, Des. Can I see you this morning?"

"Yes, of course," I said, "I'll be up at the site at about 9:00, I can call around to you then."

"What? You're working today?" she said.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"It's a fucking Bank Holiday, Des!"

"What? Really?"

"Yes, it is. Did you forget about it?"

"I must have, it's been busy, and my mind's been elsewhere, as you know."

"True. So, you've no plans for anything."

"No, but I can make a start on clearing the house out I suppose."

"Can you give me a bit of time this morning?"

"Of course, I can. What time?"

"Twenty minutes?"

"I just put some coffee on."

"Great. I'll see you in a bit."

"What's wrong, Collette?" I asked.

"Nothing, I need to see your kitchen again in the daylight in any case."

"Oh. Grand."

She arrived with a knock at the door shortly after and I let her in with a smile and a theatrical bow. She carried a hardcover book with her and placed it, the keys of her car and her handbag on the kitchen island. I poured her a coffee and we moved to the sitting room and sat beside each other in a settee beneath the front window of the house.

"You look tired, Colette," I said.

"I was up late, Des.

"Ok."

"Are you not going to ask me why?" she asked.

"I wasn't going to."

"Well, if you must know, I was over at Alison's for most of the night."

"Is she alright?"

"No, Des, she isn't. You sneaked out on her and went home."

"She was fast asleep, Collette. I had to get home for work this morning."

"There is no work this morning, Des."

"I know that now," I said.

She handed me the book.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's a notebook."

"I'd never have guessed."

"Alison's thoughts."

"Ok, so why are you giving this to me?"

"I went to see her last night and we spoke about it for over three hours," she said, "and then I read it."

"Ok."

"I think you should read it too."

"No, that's a private journal, or a diary or something," I said. "Just tell me what you want to tell me."

"It won't have the same impact as reading it for yourself."

"Why not?"

"I'll ask you this first. How do you feel about Alison?"

I paused and made a face. I stood up and left my cup in the kitchen before coming back and sitting down.

"I like her, she brilliant."

"Is that it? She's brilliant?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me how you feel, Des."

"I like her a lot, Collette, more than a lot."

"I'm going to run into town for some stuff. I'll be an hour," she said. "I want you to read this and then we'll talk. Is that ok?"

"Yes, sure."

I filled my coffee cup, made some toast and marmalade, and sat at the dining table with the book sitting closed on the tabletop. The notebook looked brand new, and Alison had written her name and the date along the spine. I was a sucker for books like this and have several in my office desk that I never really get around to using. I stood and went to the kitchen for my smokes, lit one and returned to the table. I slid the book off and walked to the settee to settle back and read it.

"Alison Young - Journal Volume 16

Friday

17:50 - Collette Clarke called to invite me over to her house for a 'get together' with drinks and Chinese food. I will finally get to meet Des Boyd, Collete's friend. She thinks we'd make a good match. If I had a Euro for every time I heard that, I'd be rich. Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed.

20:30 - Arrived at Collette's with Will and Janey Moore. Collette was off out somewhere with Des, and Devon was at the door with the Chinese delivery guy from The Good Fortune Takeaway. There was quite a lot of food, and we helped carry the bags. Mick and Avril Mooney were already seated beside the fire with a glass of wine each and they said that Timmy and Gemma O'Brien were on their way. It looked like I was the spare wheel again.

21:20 - Collette arrived back with Des and he disappeared into the kitchen with Devon. I fancied him immediately. He's about six feet tall, dark hair and nicely built. Not too big and not too small, a man's man, by the look of things. He has a kind face, handsome and rugged. He has a cute little bum too.

21:30 - Collette did her hand clapping thing and told us that the food was ready. Devon came out and four of us went in. The food was laid out in trays across the kitchen counter. It was buffet style and we had to help ourselves. She introduced us all to Des and he just grinned and said hi to everyone. I thought he was a little bit shy, but he has a nice smile. He seems confident in himself without being arrogant. The others filled their plates and left until it was just Des and me in the room.

I decided to flirt with him a bit and play a little game. I took my time choosing food for my plate and I noticed him watching me closely. I asked him if he was ok, and he just smiled and made some kind of little joke about pouring concrete. But he was definitely watching me. I smiled to myself and walked over to him. I handed him the food and he doubled over with laughter. I had surprised him, and it felt good.

But then he surprised me by turning the tables on me, taking another plate, and choosing food that he thought I would like. He asked if I liked Szechuan chicken and took a small piece over to me on a fork and fed it to me. I touched his hand as he fed me. My heart was racing at his proximity. My world was closing in.

Some of the sauce remained on my lips, he gently wiped it off with his finger, then licked it from his finger with his tongue. I could feel myself burning up. It was such a sensuous moment, and it took every fibre of my being not to melt right in front of him. The food was delicious, made more delicious by the way he stood close to me and seemed to encourage me to like it. I don't know why, but I wanted to kiss him then. His eyes were smiling but I could see that there was something else behind the smile.

He was reluctant, so I encouraged him to join us in the main room, he shrugged and accompanied me to a settee off to the side of the group. We chatted about this and that, building work mostly. I told him about Colin and our split, I told him about Sally, and he told me about being cheated on. It was a longwinded way to find out if we were both single. We had a drink or two and he seemed to relax a little. We were touching and flirting like crazy. I joked about how long it was since we both had kissed someone properly and I offered to cure him of that. I felt myself blush as I said it. I would have been mortified if he'd refused. But, he was a perfect gent, and we flirted some more.

Eventually, he offered to take me home so I could make good on my offer, my heart fluttered in my chest, and I got butterflies in my stomach. I could barely stand up, but he helped me to my feet. He joked about my neighbours and, when we stopped outside my house, he said he wouldn't hold me to the kiss. My heart fell. Although I was actually shaking, I wanted so much to kiss him and him to kiss me. I think he noticed my disappointment and our lips brushed against each other.

It was a deliciously romantic moment which almost made me swoon. My heart burst open, and I threw my arms around him to kiss him properly. It lasted for ages. It was hypnotic. Our lips and tongues only. I love his tongue. It's so soft and agile. It was as though he was holding my hand and lightly stroking it. I didn't want it to end, and I quickly became aroused. His hand was on my knee the whole time we kissed, burning a hole through me at his deft touch. I prayed he'd touch my breast, but he was the perfect gentleman. We kissed and flirted for the better part of two hours until I couldn't stifle a yawn. He said I should go to bed as I was tired.

He looked equally as tired, so we agreed to call it a night and go our separate ways. We made arrangements to eat out the next night and he asked me for my number. I texted it to him the very second I left his car.

01:10 - Lying in bed, my thoughts racing, my body on fire. I thought about my small vibe but resorted to my favourite instead. My fingers. I don't think I've ever been as wet as I brought myself to the quickest, most powerful orgasm I've had in years. I fell asleep for a while afterwards but woke again soon after.

3:01 - Wide awake again. Thoughts and regrets raced around my head. Why didn't I ask him to come in for a drink? Why did I let him leave on his own? Where was he now? I wonder if he's awake too. Should I try calling him on the off chance? I don't remember much after that.

4:30 - I woke again. Should I try a text? It wouldn't wake him if he's asleep, but he'd hear it if he's awake. My mind was a hell to me over a guy I had known for less than eight hours. I opened my TikTok and watched stupid videos for an hour before drifting off to sleep again.

7:00 - I woke again and decided to get up and make some tea. I laid on the sofa and covered myself with a coat. I fell asleep there.

8:20 - I woke with the sunshine. I felt groggy and filthy, so I showered. I plucked up the courage to text him. Invite him for coffee. He sounded happy to hear from me and offered to bring croissants.

What should I wear? I chose a light, pink summer dress that I'd bought in the sales a year previously. It was a sexy little dress.

I rummaged through my underwear drawer and found a little pink lace lingerie set that still had the tags attached. They fitted me like a glove, and I let the dress fall over my head to find its proper settling point. Looking in the mirror, I felt good. The doorbell rang just as I closed the wardrobe door.

9:30 - He was here. I assembled a little tray for coffee as he placed a bag of warm croissants on the dining room table. I'm sure he heard the rattle of the cutlery on the tray as I carried it to the table, as my nerves were clearly on show. I had this speech prepared for when he walked in, but he beat me to it. He asked me what was wrong. I don't remember what I actually said, or how I said it. I was confused and very nervous. The feeling of my thong as it rode up into my ass crack heightened my arousal to the point that I was liable to say anything. I heard myself asking him to make love to me.

I felt my face burning as I looked anywhere except at him, but I think he felt the same way as he took my hand, and I led him to my bedroom. I didn't know whether to fling myself at him or wait for him to make the first move. My desire was palpable, I felt the heat between us as he took me in his arms and kissed me lightly, all the while looking deep into my eyes.

I felt his hands on my body as he held me closely. His arousal more obvious the closer our bodies became. I felt a cool breeze on my skin as he pulled the zip of my dress open. I lifted my chin to offer him my neck and I felt my dress slip from my body and onto the floor, pooling around my feet. I felt his eyes on my skin as he appraised my body. I hoped he found me attractive. I prayed he found me beautiful. I could see desire building in his eyes. I was sure that this was going to happen. I needed it to happen, I wanted it to happen.

He took my hands in his. I think I mentioned my overall inexperience then he whispered that I was beautiful. I reached for the bedcover and sat down as he quickly undressed. He joined me on the bed as I laid on it, moving aside to make room for him. He kissed me then, it was soft and open mouthed, our tongues lightly touching. Brief little kisses, extending and lingering a little longer each time. It was heaven.

He kissed under my chin and down between my breasts, I felt my bra releasing and my naked breasts feeling the cooler air as he removed it completely. My nipples screamed their arousal as he kissed one, then ran the edge of his teeth across it. The fire in my loins burst into flames as I felt a rush of fluid soaking my thong.

His hand drifted along my skin, down over my stomach and to the inside of my right thigh. I was highly agitated as he touched me and felt how wet I had become. He kissed my stomach and down to the waistband of my thong before gently easing it over my raised hips and down over my legs and away from my body. He touched my mound with his tongue. I was so happy that I had shaved the night before. I became worried about what he planned next. I placed my hand on his face. I had never had anyone perform oral on me and I was completely in fear of how I would react.

I stopped him and told him. It was something we could talk about later. I wanted him inside me. My body craved him. This wouldn't take long; I was almost having an orgasm when his tongue touched my mound. He got off the bed and pulled his shorts off. He had an erection; the biggest one I had seen up close. I feared I wouldn't be able to take him, but his touch reassured me that he would never harm me.

I took him in my hand and led him to my entrance and he slowly slipped his erection inside me, stopping every so often to ensure I was comfortable. I was in heaven. He felt wonderful inside me. I felt full and there was no pain or discomfort. I had missed this congress, this sensation of stimulation. It had been so long, and now I was with this beautiful man, fully inside me, comfortably fitting together. I could feel every sensation, my entire being felt every little nuance of erotic joy.

He began to move inside me as I moved against him. It was so beautiful, so fulfilling. I didn't last more than five seconds before I felt as if my head was going to explode, and my body tear itself apart. I hoped I hadn't deafened him with my cries. I heard him say he was about to come. I begged him to come inside me. I needed to feel that explosion of his sperm and have our fluids mingle in my vagina. It was a very strong ejaculation and it caused some minor tremors inside me as another, quieter orgasm coursed through me.

I held him in place until I felt calm enough to speak and move sensibly again. He rolled on his back, and we cuddled up together. He said I was amazing. I felt my eyes close, and I drifted off to sleep. I knew that I was in love."

I realised that I was holding my breath as I read Alison's journal. My heart opened as her words jumped from the page. She had a beautiful turn of phrase, and her feelings were laid bare for all who read them to see. I wanted to jump into my car, drive to her house and take her in my arms. I wanted to just hold her to me and be with her.

"I knew that I was in love."

The phrase rocked me and calmed me simultaneously. My heart yearned for her. I regretted my offhand reply of earlier to Collette. But how was I to know Alison's inner feelings? Maybe I couldn't see something as beautiful and pure as that. Maybe I was the type who required evidence for everything. I was beating myself up over something I had no control over.

I remembered the moment I saw her first. Our interaction was slightly flirty and, now I had a little more insight, I could see something in her eyes as I held the food to her lips, remembered the infinitesimally slight inflection as I touched her lips and the disarming cant of her head as she watched me lick my finger of the stray sauce. I remembered how our lips brushed together for our first kiss. It was, as she said, sensual and beautiful.

I recalled everything she had mentioned in the journal and the look on her face, along with her soft voice as she asked me to make love to her. That would remain with me forever. I thought of how peaceful I felt when we woke together, her snuggled in my arms, insinuating herself into my heart and soul.

I read on.

"6:00PM - I woke in Des' arms as he slept. I watched him sleep and heard him breathe as I gently touched his skin and rested my hand on his chest. His eyes drifted open, and he smiled at me. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live. His words were earnest and true,

"You're an amazing lady, Alison."

They jolted my heart and made it somersault. I don't remember if I kissed him then, if not, I would kiss him forever to make up for it. I asked if he'd show me how to perform oral and his words will live with me forever.

"A man could so easily fall in love with you."

Des ordered a Chinese takeaway while I was in the shower. When I came out I was in a hurry to join him downstairs. I wrapped a towel around myself and heard him on the phone as I reached the bottom of the stairs. When I walked into the room, he was trying to get the TV working. We got it working and there was something on the news that concerned him. He paid rapt attention as the report played out. When it was finished he told me all about it and his role in it.

He sat back in the seat and held my hand. He seemed at peace, suddenly, as though a great burden had shifted from him. A knock at the door made us jump. It was the food delivery guy. Des joked that it'd be better if he got it, given my state of undress at that moment. It was so funny. I didn't want food. I wanted him and, I knew that he wanted me as we kissed hungrily.

"I need you, Alison," he said.

He lifted my hand and led me upstairs. I needed him more. I was unsure, searching his eyes for a sign. I wanted him again, needed to feel him inside me. I was still feeling high from two orgasms this morning. I dreaded to think how I appeared to someone looking through the window.

He said hadn't been kissed in over two years and for me it was longer. Much longer. I hope he didn't think me a slut, I hope he sees me for me. My thoughts were full of conflict and doubt. My heart was beating hard and fast. I felt the wetness between my legs as he kissed me when we reached the doorway of my bedroom. I never noticed the towel dropping to the floor as I lost myself in his kiss.

We sat on the bed in the darkness of my room lit only from an overspill of dim light through the frosted glass of my bathroom door. He took my hand and kissed it, just where my wrist became my hand. He asked me what I liked. I didn't know what he meant. I asked him.

He asked if I liked to be touched or kissed anywhere in particular. I could barely speak as I felt his hand on my naked waist, caressing me, his touch like a feather but firmly in place as his thumb gently stroked my skin. I kissed him then, leading his hand to my breast. His lips kissed my throat as we moved slowly to lie flat on the bed.

I asked him to use his fingers on me, I told him it was my favourite thing. He smiled as he leaned over to kiss me again and I felt his hand on my breast as it began to slide over my stomach. My lips were on fire as he kissed me, my tongue couldn't get enough of his as I held his head in my hands. I felt a soft touch of his hand between my legs and my breath caught as his fingers parted my labia and stroked inside my vulva.

I heard myself groan at his tender touch. He asked if it was ok. I felt as though I was on fire. I could feel myself soaking his hand. I hoped he didn't think I was peeing. I remember the comforting feel of his finger as it entered me. I wanted to scream but I stifled it instead. His lips held my left nipple and his tongue curled around it. I was losing my mind.

I'd never had this feeling. My body betrayed me. My legs couldn't stop moving as a tingling feeling slowly built inside me. He was stroking inside me with his finger, and I was lost as I felt myself at the point of a climax. I held my hand to his and he slowed down. I begged him not to stop, he lifted his head without pausing and my lips devoured his as I heard my cries when the dam finally burst, and my body seemed to disintegrate into a soft pink mist.

He eased his finger out and I felt empty. I closed my eyes and saw nothing except pinpricks of light popping in the darkness. He asked if I was okay, whispered reinforcement of his presence beside me. I opened my eyes and saw a mixture of concern and happiness in his. I was wonderful, elated, I couldn't stop smiling. I touched his face.

He asked if he could taste me, I felt a knot in my stomach. I didn't know if I should, nobody ever had. I could refuse him. I whispered that he could, hoping he wouldn't think less of me. My thoughts were everywhere until I felt him lifting my knees and his tongue lapping the wetness from my thighs.

It was an excruciatingly wonderful feeling. I felt my hips rise as I opened myself to him. His tongue was everywhere except where I expected it to be. He was kissing and sucking the soft pale skin at the tops of my legs. I felt his thumbs as they parted the lips of my labia, and I was about to beg him to stop when I felt his soft warm tongue float gently along my inner lips. I was in heaven. It was such a sensual moment, and I could feel it building something inside me. I felt his warm breath as he exhaled before slipping his tongue inside me as I lost all control.

I pulled him in to me with my hands as my body was shaken by a tumultuous orgasm that crashed like a wave on a sun kissed beach, smaller waves following on as Des kissed my vagina softly, slowly helping me come down. I held him in place as he lapped up my essence. I had ejaculated heavily and covered his face. I tried to apologise but he calmed me with a touch of his hand. I released him and he moved his tongue to my clit. I felt safe. I had no fear of him hurting me. He stroked me with his tongue, and it became too much. He smiled as I begged him to stop for now.

He stroked my skin as we lay together. It was heavenly and affectionate. We spoke in whispers, not wishing the mood to change. He asked me several times how I felt, if I was ok, if he had hurt me. I kept reassuring him that I was never better. I asked him if he'd show me how to do the same for him. He told me to just make sure my teeth didn't bite, that it was the same as eating a popsicle.

I asked him about what I should do when he climaxed. He said it was entirely up to me. I could swallow it, spit it out or just take my mouth away as he peaked. He wouldn't feel offended or slighted in any way. It didn't sound too difficult, but I wanted it to be perfect for us both. I felt his erect penis and there was a pool of fluid around the tip. I rubbed some onto my finger and tasted it, it wasn't too bad. A little salty but there was something in the background that made me want to try it.

"I want to taste and swallow it, Des." I whispered. He kissed me as I reached for him. On my knees I bent my head to his genitals and slowly massaged his penis before closing my eyes and taking him between my lips. The sensations it aroused in me were incalculable but the most immediate was the contrast of just how soft his hard penis was to the touch of my tongue as I ran it slowly around the very head. I could hear him groaning with pleasure as he gently pushed into my mouth and withdrew it slowly. I was in raptures as he reacted so beautifully to my touch. It wasn't long before our instincts overtook us, and I moved my mouth a little quicker to alleviate the extreme state of his arousal.

His penis flexed as his hips rose involuntarily and he ejaculated several large amounts of semen into my mouth, almost filling it completely. I caught most of it and swallowed it gratefully, only missing a few small drops that escaped as my mouth opened a little to allow me swallow. I licked the remaining semen from the tip, kissed his penis tenderly and then kissed his lips deeply and lingeringly. It was a thrilling experience and one that I wished to repeat over and over again. I had never been so aroused in my life and the deep connection I felt with Des at that moment was awe inspiring and bottomless. We clung to each other like survivors on the Titanic. I felt signs of resurgence as Des became erect again.

"I want you, Alison," he whispered. I was overjoyed and moved with him as he rolled on his back and carried me with him. I straddled his hips and felt his tip connect with my vagina. I reached down and brought him inside me. We lay like that for a long time. It was a beautiful feeling to share this intimacy with someone. We kissed then and began to move against each other, he used slow and methodical motions to penetrate me, making me want to scream out his name each time he re-entered my vagina. I felt my vaginal muscles begin to contract as the first indicators of an impending orgasm appeared. I had lost count of them all but still wanted yet another. It arrived with an explosive impact as it left me shaking in its wake. I felt Des' hands on my bum as he held me in place and increased the speed of his thrusts inside me. My vagina was beginning to become sensitive as he groaned and released another flood of semen inside me, filling me up and making me weak. I drifted off to enjoy the deepest sleep I think I have ever had, safe in the arms of this wonderful man."

I sat back in the chair and breathed out. My cigarettes were beside me, so I grabbed one. My hands shook as I lit it. Collette would be due back soon, so I closed the book and kept my hand on it. How should I proceed? What should I do? I wanted Alison in my life so much and I couldn't allow what happened with Sue to contaminate those thoughts. I was always one to put my heart on the line and damn the consequences. Why should Alison deserve less of me? Was it too early to even consider it? I heard my phone ring, it was Collette.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, did you get through it?"

"Yes. I want to keep it."

"Why?"

"You know why, Collette."

"Tell me."

"I can't live without her. I love her," I said.

"I'm ten minutes out. You can't keep the book, it's not for you."

"What should I do, Collette? Have I fucked it up?" I asked.

"We'll talk when I get there. I think I might know a way."

I hung up and stuck another pot of coffee on. Collette liked my coffee and I needed to get her back onside quickly. The doorbell rang and I went to answer it. I pulled it open and smiled with relief. Alison was there as Collette reversed out of the garden with a wave and a smile.

I took Alison's hand and brought her inside. I took her in my arms.

"Hi, beautiful girl," I said.

"Hi, my beautiful man. I love you."

"I love you, Alison. Can I keep your book?" I asked.

"No. You'll never get to read it again, even after I finish it."

"Why?"

"It will never be finished, love."