Claire. Part 3. She told Nadia.

Nadia is 33. She is a black, soft-spoken woman. A little nerdy -- a bookish vibe, thick glasses, box braids half-up. A girl next door type with that's polite and unassuming. Maybe she's blends into the background a little too much. But she does her best.

She works in IT support at a local college. She just drifts between contracts and side gigs making ends meet. She's not entirely passionate about her work. It gets the bills paid and she's able to buy a few nice things. That's really it.

She's had relationships, but they never stick -- her longest was a year, ending with ghosted texts and an unanswered doorbell. What really hurt was his car as at home and music was playing. But she's used to it.

She tells herself she's fine alone, but at night she scrolls dating apps she never opens fully. She knows she's adrift, but she doesn't know what to grab onto.

Claire and Nadia meet once or twice a month. They bonded in high school and stayed in the same city during college. Today, Claire showed up in jeans and a sweater, hair brushed, face clean -- She was passable. She is able to contain her inner goonette demon when she leaves in her cave... sometimes. This version of Claire was the version that can smile and sip coffee under fluorescent lights. This Claire can put clothes on and walk in the light and ignore some of pornographic thoughts that make her pussy throb. Not all of them. Deep down she would rather be gooning right now.

Nadia sees her and waves her over, hugging each other with all the warmth a deep friendship can provide. Nadia did notice something different about Claire though. Her complexion had changed slowly over time after the divorce... almost like she doesn't go out much. Also she had bags under her eyes sometimes.. but she didn't question things. Claire was very cagey about the details and Nadia didn't want to strain the friendship by probing. She knew something was off, but she also knew when to keep her mouth shut.

After they hug, Nadia says, "God, you're pale." While she was playful about it, Claire knew that Nadia has a hunch about something. She knew she would have to come clean eventually.

They catch up for the evening. They talk about old professors, bad Tinder dates, how Nadia's mom keeps asking when she'll find a "good man." Claire listens politely, stirring her tea. She actually was just daydreaming about porn. The more she heard Nadia talk.. the more she thought about telling her about her porn addiction.. eventually she decided to reveal her secret. Claire cleared her throat once there was a gap in silence. This was it.

"Nadia, I need to tell you something... weird... at least it's weird to most people."

Nadia leans in, half amused. She was half expecting something. She could tell. "Girl, what did you do?"

Claire begins her goonette confession. She tries to explain. "I'm really deep into porn, not on a normal level." She figured she would just drop the bombshell and go from there.

She talked about how she found porn in college, then how real sex fell away. She just had sex for his pleasure. She had to think about porn to maintain her wetness and passion. She actually got really good at gooning in her mind. She recalled how he thought it was all him and she had to just play along knowing that she was just using him to edge while she fantasized about her favorite porn. Then she talked about how she tried to quit porn and it didn't work. He really tried for him. To make her ex husband happy, but porn was always stronger.

Ultimately, her gooning habits were becoming disrespectful to his feelings and intentions and they decided it was best the marriage ends before they become bitter. She explained she spent the last few months of contact helping him find dates and set off on his way to find the woman that truly completes him. They are under the mutual understanding that porn completes Claire and her ex needed to find what completes him.

Claire then recaps moving out to her apartment and then using extra funds to retrofit everything to be perfect for porn and gooning. Then came the screens, more screens for porn. Eventually she learned she was pornosexual... How she realized she didn't need to get pleasure and connection from people -- not physically, and certainly not in bed. She accepted that watching porn and masturbating for hours felt better than any real intimate touch she's ever had.

Claire let her last few breaths trail off... Waiting for Nadia to respond, to accept, to reject... Despite the consequences of what happens next, Claire was very wet and horny. She was talking about porn and the very thought of porn makes her horny now. She had to control herself as to not rock her hips

Nadia blinks. At first she laughs a little -- "You mean, like, you don't date?" She really glossed over the "I worship porn on a fundamental level" part of the confession.. on purpose.

Claire shakes her head. "I has nothing to do with dating. In fact dating is the worse thing I can do to myself now. I don't want it. I only want... Porn. That's it. I'm not going to be a good partner to anyone because people want connection with other people. For me, pornography became better than people. I know mentally I'm ruined but its really the best path for me. Every day I wake up"

Nadia was listening intently, but her eyes getting wide. She thought she knew Claire. However, this person in front of her was not the Claire she knew and loved.

Claire continued, "I'm not straight or gay or bi. I'm pornosexual. While it's not a real recognized sexual orientation, it is the best way I can explain what I am now. I literally get all I need from porn. I get all I need from screens. I get all I need from compulsive and almost constant masturbation."

"As we speak right now, I am literally thinking about porn just to function. I'm literally pretending I'm touching myself and watching porn so I can talk to you. I have to force myself to get dressed and presentable. Everything about doing this feels fake and wrong. But here I am. What you see in front of you is just generic cosplay. This is me just performing a role I need to interact with this world so I can get back to porn."

Nadia just sat.. in stunned silence.. waiting on what more Claire had to say.

Claire was nervous but held her ground. This was her best friend. Nadia had to know her true nature. Claire didn't want to hide from her anymore.

"I do what to make it very clear," Claire said, "I came out of my place of porn worship for YOU. Because you matter to me. You have been through a lot and I want to treat you right. I felt the same thing you felt every time someone let you down. I can't do that to you. My porn addiction and my obsession with getting everything from porn was the ultimate reason why Ethan and I divorced. But I did everything in my power to send him off with a healthy amount of confidence and promise so I could be free to be one with porn. I'm still the same person you know. Just now you know my porn addiction defines me at my core."

Nadia fidgets with her drink. She wants to be supportive. However she was very very uncomfortable. She was scared for Claire.. shes never heard anything like this before.. She may have watched a little porn in the past, but that its because she caught her exes. All of them did it. She got numb and indifferent to porn because she felt devalued and betrayed. But here she is listening to her best talk about porn like its a diety.

"You know you can tell me anything," Nadia said with a quiet shaky voice, "but this makes no sense to me. So you don't want people? Just... screens?.. and porn?.. and all you want to do is masturbate to porn nonstop until you need to do something important?.. and only if it involves me, or money, or essentials? Just.... Only.. porn? How is this possible?" Nadia's hands were trembling. Claire reached out to hold them.

Claire nods, calmly. "It's enough. It's better than enough. Porn completes me."