Shady Jaye 02

Shady Jaye 02

Hey there, it's me, Shady Jaye and I'm back with my revenge in 5 easy steps plan because that straight8 knuckleheaded jock, Cooper, ruined my non-existent relationship with my dork crush, Leon and that weirdo jock needs to pay for that!

Also, it's probably more than 5 steps, but that's okay since the only number you will really be worried about by the end of my story is my phone number. (Giggles) or at least my work number at the Choked Chicken Shack.

Step 1, send an anonymous photo message to his coach informing him that his frat boy star football player has been messing around with a 'chick with a dick' because...

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out original step 1 because the coach is questionable]

Step 1, wear fake vampire fangs for when your foolproof plan backfires and that knucklehead gets yet another blow job from you because guy's always get what they want, but make him feel the pain of revenge sex because...

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out previous step 1 because you might bite your inner cheek]

Step 1, snag two buckets of fried chicken and all of the sides from your work at the Choked Chicken Shack and head to the guy's dorm building and run your dainty finger up and down the string of door buzzer buttons until the main entry doors buzz open, while being careful to not chip nail polish.

Step 2, while carrying the freshly fried chicken and sides 'to go' bags that have begun scenting the air, head directly to the west side elevator and push the button because...

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out previous step 2 because you missed a side step]

Step 2, while carrying the freshly fried chicken and sides 'to go' bags that have begun scenting the air, stop at the 'break glass in case of emergency' safety closet and write 'mwahahaha' on the glass in blue crystal glimmering lipstick and underline it twice. Use glass as a mirror and pin your 'babysitter' hair style behind your ears and then head directly to the west side elevator and push the 4th floor button.

Step 3, take the elevator to the 4th floor because working downhill is always best. Hum along with the soothing elevator music and take a selfie. Exit elevator and walk fast paced east towards the zig zag staircase doors, all the while scenting the 4th floor air with the revenge scent of golden fried chicken. Walk with vigor and listen for the 'click, clank, creak' opening of dorm room doors, but don't look back before disappearing into the east end staircase to head down towards the 3rd floor.

[Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff. Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff. Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff.]

Step 4, repeat the revenge air freshening tricks on the third floor from east to west, while again, scenting the air with freshly fried chicken scent and while listening for the familiar click, clank, creak opening of dorm room doors and disappear into the elevator. Only look back to see that Ernie from dorm room 317 caught a whiff of the scent because he's not afraid to tell you that he chokes his chicken bone over you because he has a thing for chicks with dicks and because he's a developing 'yuk, yuk' dork.

[Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff. Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff. Clink, clank, creak, sniff, sniff, rub, rub.]

"[Sniff, sniff], Shady Jaye? Are you here somewhere [yuk, yuk, crotch rub, crotch rub], huh? Shady Jaye [sniff, sniff]? I just enrolled in Dork 101 class, so? Hello?"

Step 5, from the elevator, send Ernie a text to inform him that you'll be back because it's literally the second Tranny Trap rule in the playbook that one must have a boyfriend and not a faked photo boyfriend like most of the Trans community posts on social media and because you always need a backup plan. Take the elevator down to the second floor all the while taking a few more elevator selfies while re-evaluating your fashion decision to wear 'hate fuck me now' shorts while implementing the revenge plan and blame your annoying and cigar chomping boss for encouraging it.

"[Ping, a text to Ernie] Ernie, I make a mess out of everything!"

"[Ding, like Erne cares reply] Shady Jaye, I'm going to make a mess on U! Come back!"

Step 6, when the elevator door opens on the 2nd floor, OMG, OMG, smash, smash, smash the emergency 'door close' button because a hoard of dorm frat guys outsmarted you and they were waiting right there for you with one hungry eye and one horny eye! Then, smash, smash, smash the 'go, go, go' button back up to the 4th floor to start over...

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out previous step 6]

Step 6, when the elevator door opens on the 2nd floor, OMG, OMG, smash, smash, smash the emergency 'door close' button because a hoard of dorm frat guys outsmarted you and they were waiting right there for you with one hungry eye and one horny eye! But risk ankle injury by quickly sticking foot in closing elevator door to hand off one of the bags of chicken goodies because you would never deny any guys the opportunity to eat and at least they get half of they wanted anyways, but then, smash, smash, smash the 'go, go, go' button back up to the 4th floor because you need to regroup and rethink this stupid plan.

Step 7, while quietly gliding back up to the 4th floor, check vampire fangs positioning in the mirrored wall surface because blow job sex without pain is just messy and gooey sex and...

"[Ping, an incoming text] Shady Jaye, I winked at you as the elevator door was smashing UR ankle, so?"

"[Whoop, a quick reply] I saw that, Charlie and I winked back, but it was too late, so?"

"[Ping, keep it going] um, Shady Jaye, um, are you spending the night with me????"

Step 8, almost pass out because nobody ever took it that far before! Re-check text to make sure that Charlie said 'spend the night' because that's a big deal. [Rechecks his statement and is at a loss]

"[Whoop, uh-oh] Charlie, I'm dating (being dumped by) a dork & a jock and I'm already making a mess of things, so, I'm sorry, I cannot spend the night with you, xoxo, SJ."

"[Ping, bitch] when I said all night, Shady Jaye, I meant 32 mins. U choke my chicken while I eat two of those chicken legs that you're flinging around, so?"

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out previous step 8]

Step 8, flag Charlie's phone number at the Choked Chicken Shack for two 'under cooked' orders in a row. Look around for 'go faster' button to smash and go because...

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out other previous step 8]

Step 8, flag Charlie's phone number at the Choked Chicken Shack for two 'under cooked' orders in a row. Look around for 'go faster' button to smash, but send Charlie Charleston a previously taken elevator selfie because he was honest and it's literally the thirteenth rule in playbook to be aware before slamming the door on a nice guy, especially since you're already playing the field.

"[Ping, Charlie is shocked!] Yikes, Shady Jaye, yikes! I take it all back!"

Step 9, OMG, invent an App that retrieves sent texts because OMG, OMG, you sent Charlie the elevator selfie of your vampire fangs on full 'hiss, hiss, hiss' display and that caused his crazy 'yikes, yikes, yikes' response! But forget about that for now because the elevator is moving and you didn't smash a button! Let vampire fangs hit the floor behind you and smash them with uninjured foot, lean into corner and aimlessly glance upward as if to say 'what, I'm not doing anything' while whistling the shop's motto jingle and prepare to be cornered again when the elevator door opens!

"[Ding, the elevator door opens on the basement floor] oh, um, (yuk, yuk) um, hello, I mean, I started to comb my hair a year before coming to college, so [eye spies the bag of fried chicken], what's up?"

"Oh, I'm not doing anything, um, I saw you at the beer pong battle the other night, you know, holding up the wall and all, but we didn't meet. Um, but it's Derek, right?"

Step 10, get out of the basement because that's literally the ninth rule in the playbook because...

"(Yuk, yuk) and I saw you too [peeks behind Shady Jaye's booty and spies the smashed vampire fangs and thinks 'yikes' to himself] and it's Dirk, Dirk the dork. And you're, um, it's Shakey Jaye, right?"

Step 11, rats! A double 'yuk, yuk' dork named Dirk and he combs his hair! Just when you promised your followers in the last chapter that a double 'yuk, yuk' dork named Dirk was going to get everything that he wanted and more because you thought you were safe because there is no double 'yuk, yuk' dork named Dirk in the world, I mean, now what?

[Scribble, scribble, scratches out the other previous step 11]

Step 11, you said it and now you have to go with it. Also, Shakey Jaye is better than 'chick with a dick' and Fruit Cup combined.

"Well, it's Shady Jaye, but my knees might be a little shaky right now, but listen [peeks around gym equipment basement to make sure that the knuckleheaded Cooper is not there pumping iron], just why would a dreamy double 'yuk, yuk' dork be in the basement, hmm? [Catches wording] oh, and when I just said dreamy, I meant something totally different because of some reasons that just don't matter right now, so, confess, Dirk, confess that you stash your step sister porn in the dorm basement!"

"(Yuk, yuk) you have that all wrong, Shady Jaye! I was checking that the washer and dryer machines were open because...

Step 12, rats again because not only does the dreamy 'yuk, yuk' dork named Dirk comb his hair, he does his own laundry too and he doesn't have a step sister! Be prepared to give this guy whatever he wants and turn a blind eye if he has a blowup doll hidden somewhere!

"Well, Dreamy, I mean, Dirk, I still cannot go back to your dorm room with you because you probably have three dorm mates and even though I lied a little bit in the first chapter, I learned my lesson about getting caught in the middle of a group of dorks, so?"

"(Yuk, yuk) well then Shady Jaye, that works in my favor because my dorm mate, Dave, he got kicked out because he was actually registered at a college in Alabama. And my other dorm mate, Dave, left for home because he realized that he only meant to crash overnight with his buddy like five years ago and then, my other, other dorm mate, Dave, is actually a cheap blowup vinyl doll named Dalia, that I keep under the covers to make the registration office think that I had a full dorm room, so?"

Step 13, how many times can someone say rats again because not only does the dreamy 'yuk, yuk' dork named Dirk comb his hair and does his own laundry and doesn't have a step sister, he admits to having a secret plastic girlfriend named Dalia! [Looks back at smashed vampire fangs] if vampire fangs are smashed beyond use to bite holes in vinyl Dalia, check back pocket for nail file. Um, be prepared to be asked to engage in a weird 3-way at least once or poke holes in her before the funky 3-way can come up.

"Well, Dirk, I should tell you something because..."

Step 14, lie, lie, lie because re-read all the positives listed in Step 13!

"Dirk, I'm a chick with, um, I mean, Dirk I'm having a little trouble with a couple of guys in this very dorm building and I'm in fear of riding the elevator up to your dorm room or taking the stairs because..."

"Oh, we'll take the freight elevator in the back of the building because nobody ever uses that elevator and I know all about how you're a chick with a dick, Shady Jaye. I'm just happy that you're not a sissy fruit cup because..."

Step 15, freight elevator sex is a real thing and y'all can just shut it.

End Shady Jaye 02