BTB : A Variation

Tate had only driven about 30 minutes when the check engine light came on. He pulled over and listened for any suspicious sounds. None. He checked under the hood. He found nothing. He was disappointed. He was driving out of town to some hilly running trails as he did every Saturday morning. Rain or shine. In sickness and in health. It was his well earned respite from the busy workweek.

Tate was an avid runner. He was six foot two and had a fit runner's body. He was 35 and happily married. No kids, yet. His runs usually lasted over an hour, and with the driving he was always gone until noon at the earliest. He had told his loving wife Lea where he was going and when to expect him back. She too worked and appreciated the Saturday morning times alone to unwind. Lea wasn't, in the beauty department, a 10, but she was a firm 7, encroaching on 8. She was pretty. She was fun to be with. Others enjoyed her company. Tate considered himself lucky to have her.

Tate's car seemed to be running well enough to drive home. When he arrived at his house he had been gone about two hours. He noticed an unfamiliar car in front of his home. He wasn't overly concerned but it struck him as a bad omen. He quietly entered his home. He heard his wife. Having sex. He walked over the carpet to his bedroom door. It was closed. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. Lea, his loving wife, and her sex partner didn't see or hear him. They were much too... engaged. She was on all fours getting pounded from behind. Tate marveled at how beautiful she was. Long black hair, long lithe body, smallish B-cup breasts that didn't so much hang down from her chest as they did protrude from it, still firm. Her lovely small breasts didn't undulate with each stroke of his cock, they playfully jiggled like a gob of Jello.

Her face expressed the voracity of their passion. Her eyes were squeezed closed, as if experiencing great pain... or pleasure. She was taking his cock up her ass. Her lips were pursed. She was huffing, sucking in each breath then blowing in out as thought she was running a race. She was vocal.

" Ooooooooh. Ooooooooooh. Oooooooooh" She kept the rhythm of his strokes. Then her entire face tightened. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggg!!. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!" She exulted as she orgasmed. Her partner joined her in orgasm. Her grabbed her hips and forced his cock in her as deep as it could possibly go. He howled as he ejaculated.

They both went limp. She let her arms relax and her head dropped. "Whew!" she exhaled. The paramour pulled his cock out of her ass. That's when he glanced over and saw Tate watching them. He didn't say a word. He nonchalantly patted Lea on her buttock and stepped off the bed, gathered his clothes off the floor, and walked past Tate. He got dressed in the hall and left.

Lea turned her head to playfully acknowledge the pat on the ass. She saw Tate. Her facial expression was indescribable. Fear. Astonishment. Sorrow. Regret.

She jumped out of the bed still naked and ran to Tate. She hugged him so tightly he couldn't breathe. "Honey... Honey... I.... it's nothing. He's nothing. It's not what it looks like. You've got to believe me. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..." She was blubbering.

She became unintelligible to Tate.

Tate was rendered speechless. Even if tried to say something he didn't have the wits to utter a sound. His mind was overrun by competing thoughts. Competing emotions. Her ululations were lost to him. He barely had the strength to stand.

"Why?" He managed to whisper. "How did this happen? Why would you do this? "

He was regaining his wits and ability to speak. "Lea, I just found you fucking another man. In our house. In our bed. Fucking."

He is mind followed a certain train of thought. He needed her to tell him everything about the affair. This was the first time he became aware of anything going on but Lea didn't know that. He bluffed " I've known about this for a while. Now I finally catch you in the act. If you want any hope of staying together you'd better tell me everything. Everything. I already know a lot about what you've been doing so don't leave anything out or lie."

Lea was trembling. She cast her eyes down. She now realized the magnitude of what she had done. The destruction it caused. She too did some quick thinking and decided to be 100% open and honest with Tate. It hopefully would bring her some satisfaction by telling the truth plus she believed Tate when he said if she lied it would certainly be an acrimonious end.

"I'll tell you everything, Tate. Please give me a chance ".

Tate removed her arms from around him. With a blank stare he said no more and turned to leave the room.

Before he left Lea cried " Tate, I love you. Please let me clean up and get dressed. Don't leave me. I'll be right with you".

She took a quick shower and hurriedly dressed so that she could talk things out with Tate. To incept rebuilding his trust, there marriage, and hopefully his love. But she could not find him in the house anywhere. His car was still outside but she saw that her car was gone.

She frantically called him. The calls went straight to voicemail. First she pleaded for him to please call her so she can tell him whatever he wanted to know. Then she texted him and begged him to respond. She waited 10 minutes and got no response. Then she left a voicemail apologizing for what she had done. When she still got no response she would not give up. She texted the following:

"Tate, please call me. Please. Let's talk. I love you. What I did was unforgivable. What happened is this: I was stupid. I was weak. At work that guy you saw me with began being nice to me. We enjoyed talking at work. Looking back now I can clearly see he was flirting with me. Hitting on me. I enjoyed talking with him at work too much. He playfully touched me a few times... on my arm, my hands. I was a sucker for the fun attention he paid to me. I was attracted to him. I let my guard down. I wanted to go further with him. Three weeks ago I told him you were gone every Saturday morning and that I could be with him alone for a while. He invited me to his apartment. I almost backed out but by that time we... he and I... knew that something sexual was going to happen. I was crazy to go to his apartment. I knew what I was about to do was wrong. So horrible. But I was weak. I was determined to go. The first time at his apartment I was so afraid. I almost came to my senses and backed out. But once he started touching me... I didn't want him to stop. The first time I was in way over my head. I am too ashamed to go into detail but we did have sex. I did my best to hide it from you and I guess I did hide it from you except you said you know everything. After the first time at his apartment we continued to meet at work and we both couldn't wait to meet at his apartment the next Saturday while you ran again. We had sex again. I was so wrong. So selfish and stupid. I completely gave no thought to what I was doing to you. To us. Again after I left his apartment I hid it from you. That brings us to today. Instead of going to his apartment we met at our house. Tate, what can I do to make it up to you, to be worthy of your love and trust? Please let's work things out. All my love, forever, Lea. "

That was the text she sent to Tate. It surprised her, though, that when she reread the original text before she sent it she deleted several things. She didn't want to further aggravate, insult, or demean Tate. To wit : she did become emotionally involved with the other guy. Their sex was fantastic. She had every intention of continuing the affair if she had not been caught. And finally, she enjoyed the relationship with another man.

Tate had taken Lee's car since his was on the fritz. He left without saying anything to Lea because he was so turmoiled. He was indecisive as to what he wanted. What he wanted to do. It will turn out that that was a trait that could work for the better... or the worse.

To say that he was shocked and upset at catching his wife in flagrante delicto would be putting it impossibly mildly. After he had been gone about 15 minutes the phone calls and texts from Lea deluged him. He was so anxious to hear from her that he pulled over and listened to the voicemails and read the texts. He was unimpressed. He hated Lea for what she did and he was going to make sure she suffered. He wasn't so sure if he would even take her back. She didn't deserve to be married to him.

He thought about the other guy. At first he wanted to kill him. Literally. Then kill him figuratively. Tate was aware of the term "cuck". To Tate Lea was as culpable as the guy was. Maybe more so. He didn't see assault as the answer. It was not so much that he was afraid but he was repugnant of pugnacity. He contemplated: what would he do? Really? There was a plethora of ways to hurt the guy. Go up to him and call him a nogoodnik? A stinker? " Hey, Bad Guy, you are a Meanie! You've got a meanie weenie." That 'll hurt him. Slash his tires? Kick his dog? Challenge the guy to arm wrestle? A fight? A duel? Poke him in the eye? Both eyes? Break his kneecap? Both kneecaps? Sneak up on him in a dark place and biff his head? Cut his nuts off? Stuff his dick down his throat? Hire some ninja assassins? Recruit some navy seals to gut him alive? Pay some local ne'er-do-wells to funnel molten lead down his asshole? Burn his car? Firebomb his apartment? Hell, firebomb the entire apartment complex. The entire block. Collateral damage and innocent deaths? Too bad. They all deserve the punishment. The guy put his cock up another man's wife's cunt goddammit! Forget about the fact that it was consensual. At least go back to the good old days when both the adulterous respondent and corespondent were stoned to death. That's justice for sure.

And if he did one or more of those things what would prevent the other guy from exacting like punishment back on Tate? The retaliations could be endless.

Not to mention that he would forever be on the lam from the law. Evading the police. Avoiding prison.

This matter of payback was serious and bore consequences.

And for what? His honor? His pride? Two sayings come to mind: " The greater part of valor is discretion " and " Seeking revenge is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemy." Did the other guy deserve to be hurt in some way? Deserve Tit for tat? Quid pro quo? Ad infinitum. Ad nauseam. Deserve some vengeance? Absofuckinglutely yes. Also the preeminent two Delphic oracles came to mind: "Know thyself.": what did he want to do, not what did other people want him to do. More aligned would be Shakespeare's "To thine own self be true". Then the second oracle: "Nothing to excess". If he did decide on castigation don't go overboard. Was physical payback for an emotional effrontery the answer?

Was Tate going to get it done? It wasn't on his priority agenda. Some will label Tate a wimp. A pussy. A cuck (willing or unwilling). Others will label him as sapient. C'est la vie.

Lea's flood of calls and texts inundated Tate's phone. She recited all of the cheater's handbook: "It was only sex. He meant nothing.

I'll never do it again. " Blah blah blah. After a few hours it tapered off. But it didn't calm Tate down. He had had all afternoon and evening to mull things over.

First and foremost, he was in charge. Whether they stayed together or broke up would be his decision alone. And he would do it when he wanted to. He was the innocent victim. She owed him.

His plan was this: he was so angry at Lea that he would return home but he would ignore her. That'll teach her a lesson for now.

Lea tried as hard as she could to open communications with Tate. She didn't know if he had read her texts or listened to her voicemails. She really did love Tate and planned to do anything to regain his love and trust. She clung onto her phone like her life depended on it. She was at her wit's end when Tate came through the door about 11:00 that night. She ran to him crying. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him. She sobbed and blathered " Tate... Tate... Tate" just speaking his name and holding him gave her hope.

But Tate didn't hold such hope. As soon as she loosened her hug Tate nudged away from her. Without speaking he went to the guest bedroom and locked the door.

" I deserve that" Lea thought. This was going to be a tough battle, but one she would win as long as she put all of her effort in it.

Sunday morning Lea cooked Tate's favorite breakfast. The aroma was mouth watering. Tate didn't leave his room. The same for lunch. Lea prepared a feast. Still Tate didn't leave his room. Lea went to his door repeatedly and in the softest, kindest voice she had she asked him to please come out and talk. And eat.

No response.

Mid afternoon Tate finally came out. He was hungry. Lea was in the kitchen waiting but Tate saw her and went directly to her car without saying a word. He left in Lea's car and went nowhere in particular. He was just enjoying ignoring Lea.

Lea on the other hand was still committed to rejoining Tate. She kept trying to apologize. She kept calling and texting him sporadically. She kept trying to get him to at least acknowledge her attempts. She cooked his favorite dinner. It ended up untouched in the refrigerator. Tate returned home about 10:30 and went straight to the guest room.

Lea was very worried. What more could she do? She decided she would not only tell the paramour their affair was over, she would quit working there so that she would no longer have to see him at work. She was very proud of taking such a bold step to please Tate, especially since he didn't even ask her to.

On Monday Lea got up early and again cooked Tate a great breakfast. She waited for him even though it would make her late for work. Later, after he left. She did go to work. She did quit, or rather she gave her two week notice. She did talk to the guy and told him not to speak or contact her any more because it may have cost her marriage.

Tate got up that morning and left without acknowledging her. He dropped his car off at the repair shop. All day at work he seethed. He festered. He moped. He read and listened to the contacts from Lea. After work he avoided going home. When he finally went home he walked right past Lea and the special dinner she had prepared for him hours earlier. He again went straight to the guest bedroom. He rather enjoyed ignoring Lea. It gave him the satisfaction of hurting her. Of being in control. He was the victim. She was going to suffer on his terms.

This continued all week. Even after Lea voice mailed and texted Tate about her quitting her job and ending all contact with the guy it had no effect on Tate. This continued until Friday.

Friday came and Tate had seethed, festered, and moped all week. He decided Lea wasn't suffering nearly enough.

Lea thought about the situation. She still loved Tate. She still did, and would continue to do anything to regain their marriage. She told Tate she was sorry multiple times each day. The one thing she couldn't do is change the past, and that was the only thing that could change Tate's mind.

She was terribly hurt.

Tate seethed and festered and moped. He avoided her as much as possible and when they did cross paths, even when Lea was doing all she could to placate Tate, he would snub her and find happiness that she was feeling his wrath. She deserved it. He was the innocent victim.

She continued to leave voicemails and texts expressing her love and desire to reconcile. In every one she admitted it was her fault and that she was profoundly sorry.

She was well aware that she was persona non grata. No... she was hated.

On Friday he was getting nothing done at work. He got to leave early so he drove to a park. There he seethed, festered, and moped. He mixed with that sulking and whining. His blood began to boil. He was the victim. He needed to punish her harder. Cause her pain like she caused him pain.

It is noteworthy that Lea had done all she possibly could to apologize. To accept all of the blame. To hold their marriage together. She spent a tremendous amount of effort. But Tate was oblivious to all of it. All of it. In his mind she never apologized. Never admitted guilt. Had made no effort to keep their marriage intact. His impervious wall of hate completely skewed his perception or lack thereof. All he could see is that he was the victim. He owed her nothing. She owed him everything. Forever. He could do no wrong. She could do no right. She deserved his hatred. He alone held the prerogative of their future.

For the first time since he caught Lea cheating he sent her a text. The text simply said they would have a talk at their home at 8pm on Friday.

Lea was exuberant.

Finally they would converse.

Before their meeting Tate sat in his room. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say to Lea. The only thing on his agenda was to hurt her. Badly.

Lea dressed casually but well. She looked beautiful. She patiently sat in the living room. She was nervous but could not be more hopeful. More happy.

Tate made his entrance. He barely looked at Lea. He didn't smile. Lea stood to meet him. She smiled and moved to meet him. He sidestepped her. She made no attempt to speak. She wanted him to begin the conversation unimpeded.

Tate instantly laid into her. "Lea, this is all your fault. I loved you and treated you like a queen. We had a wonderful marriage. But you... you burned it all down by fucking that shithead. Not just once, like a one time fling, but repeatedly. You planned your multiple fuck sessions. Premeditated. You must have really hated me. Took me for a fool. And you never said you are sorry. Never apologized. ". He was almost shaking. His lips quivered. He spat his words as he lost control: " You fucking cunt! You shit whore! You just couldn't keep your legs closed. Fucking pussy. Did he fuck you good, you whore? Are you happy for what you did, you piece of shit? And here you are still hanging around. Hanging around like a stupid ass. Why are you here? I'm the victim here. You did this to me. And nothing from you. No sign of remorse. Fuck you." He held nothing back.

He did it. He hurt her almost as badly as she had hurt him. He saw in her eyes the same overwhelming pain she had inflicted on him. For a moment he felt vindicated. Victorious. It was short lived.

Lea was decimated. His words devastated her.

For a few moments she was paralyzed by their impact. Numbed. Her face was lifeless. Tate could have slapped her as hard as he could and she would not have noticed.

But then Lea mirrored Tate's feelings; first of pain, then of shock, then of hate.

At this point she could probably have saved the marriage if she had been able to accept the blows and profess, for the zillionth time, her apology.

This time was different. She was the cause of Tate's pain. Who can blame him for dishing out some retribution. But his actions, his words, had caused her overwhelming pain. She snapped:

"While you wallowed in your self pity every day I did some thinking. I reassessed our marriage. I reassessed me. I came to the conclusion that I would, and did, do everything I could to get back in your good graces. But I failed. You made me fail. You put up an impenetrable wall. You gave me no chance. No choice. "

She continued: " Tate, I'm pretty. I'm young. And fun. Men like me. Men want me. I'll have no trouble pairing up with someone new. Maybe someone better.

And do you think I'm going to announce to any new partner that I got divorced because I had sex outside my marriage? Of course not. I'll say my ex husband didn't want to keep our marriage alive so I let it die a natural death and moved on. I'm through with you punishing me. Hating me. I'll not do penance for you any longer."

"Tate I want to say this one last time. Please hear me and believe me. I know I fucked up. It was 100 percent my fault. You are the victim. You did nothing to deserve this. I did everything I could to atone for it. You wouldn't let me. You hated me and treated me like you hated me. You wished that I would vanish. No longer be a part of your life. Be careful what you wish for... your wish just came true. "

Tate was stunned but sated. He finally got his punches in. He unloaded his wrath. His poison. He hurt her. It felt good. She earned her pain. Yeah, she got mad too but she would get over it. She even used the "D" word: divorce. She would never. She's an idiot.

Now, with a clearer mind, he could decide their future. He, the innocent victim, would seize the day.

Deep down he still loved Lea. He loved her and he hated her. It was because he loved her that he hated her. It was a conjunction of opposites. syzygy.

As he lie in his bed he could hear her crying.

It was late Friday night. They both got no sleep.

Tate surprisingly felt relieved. Even after Lea's tirade he knew things could be mended. He would now allow it. He felt that a great weight had been lifted from him by his expressing his anger and Lea expressing hers. Now they were on the same wavelength with the common goal of recovery.

Saturday morning Tate got ready for his regular run. It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the birds sang. The perfect day to get away, to start anew. For the first time he softly tapped on Lea's door and said where he was going and when he would return. She didn't answer. She must still be sleeping.

After his run he looked forward to getting home to his new/renewed life.

When he arrived home Lea's car was gone. So were her clothes. So was she.

That Friday after the fight Lea cried most of the night then lie awake until morning. At sunrise she looked out her window. It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the birds sang. The perfect day to get away, to start anew, for Lea too. Her new life would be without Tate.

Friday after the full blown nuclear exchange they went to their separate rooms. They both chose new paths, a new way forward, that night. They totally switched roles: Tate was open to, in fact wanting, reconciliation. He finally allowed a opportunity for forgiveness. Lea on the other hand discarded any want of reconciliation. She now hated Tate as Tate had hated her. He hurt Lea to his satisfaction and he was assuaged. He felt purged. Refreshed. But as they lie in separate rooms, Lea had no idea of Tate's change of heart. She had done everything she could to comfort Tate, to express her remorse, her guilt. But he would not hear it. Instead she saw a future with Tate as one of eternal hate. He was the victim. He never deserved anything bad to happen to him. He did deserve retaliation. He had the right to "BTB". Absolutely. But She could not continue to live like that. She had tried her best but failed and decided to move on. She left him and his hate.

Now it was Tate who frantically called and texted Lea. He wanted her back terribly. He left messages begging her to come back, or at least contact him. Again he was confused about what he wanted from her. He loved her. She had cheated on him and hurt him. He could never recover from that or trust her. He still held some hatred. He wanted her to come back and he wanted her to go away. But she couldn't do both and she couldn't do neither.

Epilogue:

Lea did leave Tate and felt a great relief in so doing. However the real world consequences cut her newfound freedom short. She read Tate's texts and listened to his voicemails and reluctantly gave him another chance. She moved back in with Tate after just one night apart.

When they rejoined they and their relationship had changed. They both knew it couldn't work. They agreed to a quick uncontested divorce. They separated within days and broke contact with each other.

Lea was not only permanently hurt by Tate's vitriol, she was convinced that, just as she had told Tate, she was desirable to other men and could easily replace Tate. Just as Tate had shut out all of her attempts to apologize and work things out, she now had as her sole goal finding someone new. When she separated from Tate she got her previous job back and rented an apartment with one of her female coworkers. She quickly started dating again. The divorce came through soon enough uncontested. She learned a lot from her marriage with Tate: what to do to keep the marriage robust, caring, and positive. Only three years later she mated with her ideal man and happily married him. They enjoyed a full and long lasting loving life together.

Tate, unfortunately, did not fair as well. Not only did Lea ruin their marriage, she ruined Tate. Forever.

When he tried to reconnect with Lea he immediately hit an obstacle: he had to have Lea be 100% his. He became obsessed with her. He demanded her attention always. He not only had zero trust in her, but he also incessantly checked up on her whereabouts and situations: where she was and with whom, especially when he was the one away from home and she was supposed to be at home. Alone. That much effort to keep up with her fatigued them both. Tate greatly suffered a real type of PTSD. One brought on by Lea's cheating. He was driving himself crazy.

He tried dating other women but his obsession to not trust them, to control them, ruined every future relationship. He eventually did remarry as a matter of financial necessity. They lasted a few years before they stayed together only to split expenses. An absolutely loveless marriage.

When he and Lea were happily married for a while they both foresaw a long wonderful life together. That ended when Lea cheated. For no good reason. She cheated because she had a time of selfishness combined with weakness. A proven poison for a marriage.

Tate was the innocent victim. It was all Lea's fault. Tate had to have his vengeance towards Lea. He accomplished his BTB by his verbal onslaught on her. It had the devastating effect he wanted. But the aftershock, the repercussion, was much more than he intended. It was a different form of BTB: It was Burn Them Both. Neither of them recovered from the hatred they dished out and suffered from each other.

Post Script: It is ironic that Lea, who instigated this whole affair, was prolific in her apologies and could not accept that Tate would rebuff, even deny, her apologies completely.

Yet when Tate hurt her, then tried to apologize, she, just as Tate did, totally refused his apologies.

Moreover Tate, the original innocent wronged party eventually did find forgiveness yet was forever broken by the misdeed done to him.