Weren't We Life Partners

Author's Note: I've been reading Literotica for a long time and as many people have said there's nothing new and when there is, it gets rehashed (See George Anderson's February sucks). The sex scenes are the most repetitive and I wonder if people are copying stuff they wrote before or other people's shit. I can't even read them anymore and usually skip those parts. So there's no sex in this story like many of my others. EOUL jsps

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My wife Jesse and I met during our first week at college and quickly became inseparable. Many of our friends would council us on how college years were the time to go wild. Neither Jesse nor I were interested in going wild. We were both nerds and going to college on scholarships, Jesse for math and me for computers.

Our parents were concerned on how deeply we were involved with each other, they were more concerned when we announced our intent to live together for our sophomore year. We needed our parents buy in since they would be paying the rent. They had concerns, valid concerns, most importantly that we would spend more time fucking instead of studying and lose our scholarships. They reluctantly agreed as long as we kept out grades up.

Jesse and I always fucked a lot, but we also studied a lot and helped each other when one of us struggled with a piece of the curriculum. Jesse's math skills bailed me out numerous times. But most importantly we liked to play games, we were both avid dungeons and dragon enthusiasts. Sundays were spent snuggled in bed working on the New Your Times crossword. And we weren't opposed to playing some practical jokes on each other. I had installed a program on Jesse's computer one time that would make letters in any word document start falling off the screen. My favorite was one that let out a fart sound when she hit enter. The sound of, "Oh Jack, get your fucking ass in here," made me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself.

We also liked playing with each other's cell phones when they came out. I changed the ring tone on her phone to "oh my god Jack," whenever I called. It was her voice which I recorded one night during some intense love making. We both enjoyed a good practical joke.

I never really asked Jesse to marry me, it was a given. Instead we spent our senior year discussing the 'when' and 'what' it would look like. We decided to get married right after college, wedding and graduation parties wrapped in one. Children became a frequent topic of conversation. Jesse started out looking for four, I only wanted two. We decided after two we would revisit the subject after we learned how hard two would be. The 'when' to have children became the next discussion point. Jesse was clear she wanted to be a stay at home mom, like her mother, at least until the kids were in school. I wasn't opposed to the idea but turned to the math genius to figure out how to make it work.

Jesse's plan at the end of our senior year was that we would work our asses off until we hit thirty. Our birthdays were only a few months apart. Hopefully by thirty we would have enough money for a house and would have advanced enough in our companies that our salaries and jobs were secure.

Saying we were going to work our asses off and actually doing it are completely different things. We were both working 80 hours a week and sometimes we barely saw each other. Dungeons and Dragons was the first casualty of our work schedules. Sex became less frequent but we were both too exhausted to complain. Jesse insisted I was going to fuck the daylights out of her on Saturday nights even if she had to rape me.

And in a blink of an eye, Jesse and I were turning 30. We had bought the dream house we were going to raise our children in. My birthday was a few months before hers and we laughed that we made it. I had slipped into a good job, with good compensation that didn't demand crazy hours and allowed me to work at home at my discretion. Jesse was going to work her old job until her pregnancy forced her to quit. She was going to stop taking the pill on her 30th birthday as we had planned during our senior year.

For the most part, Jesse and I were still getting along great after eight years of marriage. We had our arguments like most couples, usually over stupid shit, who forgot to turn on the dishwasher or other mostly flash arguments that were over as quickly as they started. We argued about where to invest our money, I wanted to diversify, Jesse had found a financial advisor who she felt would serve us better. When we sat down to discuss it, Jesse came to the table with charts, graphs and spreadsheets showing that the funds the guy was recommending did better that the overall market but not outrageously better. Sometimes there was a downside to marrying a math genius. We also realized that if we didn't like how things were going, we could move our money elsewhere. As a compromise, 25% of my earnings plus any bonuses or raises would go into my own investment fund. That was the way we worked, we could try something and if we weren't happy we could change our minds, like how many kids to have or what color to paint the bedroom.

While Jesse was still working a lot of hours, I was acclimating to my new job. Usually trying to decide whether to go in the office or not was a challenge. I liked having eye contact with my staff but the commute always seemed like wasted time. Plus if I worked at home I could get dinner started or a few loads of laundry out of the way.

Life was good until it wasn't as the saying goes. Jesse had turned 30 a couple of weeks earlier and I noticed she had started a new bundle of birth control pills. Something I planned on asking her about over the weekend, maybe Saturday night. There was no rush, we had already waited eight years.

I was planning on heading into the office on a Wednesday morning which I discussed with Jesse as she ran out the door in a chaotic fashion which had become the norm lately. She also reminded be for the thousandth time that she had a girls night out scheduled for this Friday. I was on my way out the door when saw her cell phone lying on the floor unlocked and I immediately decided another phone prank was in order.

As I picked up the cell phone, Jesse was receiving a text message from Jimbo, telling her he was looking forward to consummating their relationship on Friday night. I really don't know what I was thinking as I sat on the couch, maybe I wasn't thinking. I let my admin know I was sick, taking the day off and to clear my schedule for the rest of the week.

I wrote computer programs which required a logical thought process, what came before, what comes next, what was the end. It seemed obvious that Jesse hadn't stepped out yet, at least with Jimbo. Do adult men still allow people to call them Jimbo. I worked my way backwards through their text massages as I forwarded them to the cloud and my company's servers. Jimbo was the financial advisor she hired years ago so there were a lot of legitimate text messages mixed in.

The killer text was two weeks old with Jimbo telling her happy birthday and then discussing their 'wild night of passion' they were planning. Jesse told him how she was supposed to go off birth control on her birthday but was going to keep taking them so she could feel Jimbo come inside her. For months earlier the text messages were full of flirting and sexual innuendos. But outside of an occasional cup of coffee they didn't get together too often until a month earlier when the kissing began. Jesse also allowed him to feel her up. The killer, if I needed another one, was a selfie of Jesse in some sexy lingerie she sent Jimbo to help get him 'warmed up.'

Another disturbing point was how Jesse had rounded up her girlfriends to cover for her. They were really going to a girls night out and if I asked, Jesse was with them until ten, when they realized she was drunk and Ellen took Jesse to her home to sleep it off. It was the only mention of an Ellen.

I attached the relevant text messages and sent them to my phone and then to our lawyer. I asked him to start divorce proceedings and to schedule an appointment for me to come in as soon as possible. Then I sent a separate text message to each of my wife's cohorts reminding them of their promise to cover for her. All but one wholeheartedly agreed, the one exception reminded Jesse that she wasn't going to help her cheat on her husband. I was still going through Jesse's phone and looking at Jimbo's Facebook page when Jesse came in. Jumbo would have been a better name for her paramour. I felt insulted that she was trading me in for him.

There were pictures of Jimbo with his lovely wife and their three beautiful kids. She wouldn't be happy for long.

Jesse saw me looking at her phone, "Oh good Jack, you found my cell phone. I've been going crazy looking for it. I thought you were going into the office or I would have called you and asked to look for it. My phone wasn't locked Jack?"

Jesse had started that with a smile on her face, maybe real or fake. I realized when I glanced up at her that I had no idea who she was. Halfway through the smile cracked, faded and the tears began.

The tears were really flowing when she said, "Please stop going through my phone Jack, I started some stupid shit but it's not too late Jack, I haven't crossed the line. Please stop Jack."

Somehow I wasn't angry, cold maybe a better word for how I felt. I barely looked at Jesse except when she collapsed to her knees at me feet, begging me to give her back her phone. I had to finish the logic. 'What came before, what comes next, what is the end.' Finish the cohorts were easiest, I sent those text messages to the cohorts' husbands, letting them know their wives were willing to help someone cheat on her husband.

What came before, what comes next, what was the end? Our parents came before so I sent them the package of text messages I sent the lawyer. Jesse was still crying at my feet, she was saying stuff, maybe I wasn't listening, maybe she was speaking gibberish. I really didn't care.

What came before, what comes next. I was staring at her phone when it began ringing. It was Jesse's parents, I sent the call to voice mail. My phone started ringing at the same time.

Jesse picked the phone up, "It's your parents Jack, should I answer it."

I snatched the phone away from her and sent my parents' call to voice mail.

"Jack, did you tell your parents about my plans for Friday night? Is that why they were calling? Was that why my parents were calling my cell phone and did you tell them too? Please stop Jack, nothing has happened, I didn't cross the line. It's probably a gift from God that you found my phone and stopped me from doing something incredibly stupid. I can see the pain on your face Jack, I know I was planning on fucking up but it's not too late. We can fix this Jack, we don't need everybody knowing, it won't help us overcome my temporary insanity."

I was looking at Jimbo's Facebook page when Jesse climbed onto the couch next to me, she was looking at her phone over my shoulder.

"Not his wife Jack, please don't tell his wife. She doesn't need to know Jack. Please, I'm begging you. She has three kids Jack." Jesse was trying to get her phone away from me. I pushed her away.

"She probably has three more kids then I will ever have Jesse. Touch me again and I will physically hurt you. This is your only warning. You should start packing."

Instead a deeper wave of sobbing overcame her but she remained sitting next to me, just watching what I was doing as she cried. I hit send to Jimbo's wife. Jesse's phone started blowing up with calls and text messages from her cohorts.

Jesse saw some of the texts, "You're ruining their marriages Jack."

My phone lit up with a message from my lawyer, "Sorry to hear this Jack, can you come in at 7:30 tomorrow morning?" I told him I would be there.

What came before, what comes next, what was the end

It was time to talk to Jesse, I handed her back her phone. "You're seeing a lawyer Jack, please, we need to step back a bit. I can see your angry and have every right to be angry but I haven't crossed the line. I'm begging you Jack, we can work through this and we can still have the kids you want. Please let's just step back for a bit and let our heads clear. I haven't broken our vows."

"You do not seem to understand that you broke your vows when you agreed to meet Jimbo for a wild night of passion. You broke your vows when you sent him a picture of you in your new lingerie that I never saw you in. You broke your vows when you let him caress your tits. So stop you're your argument that you haven't crossed any lines."

Jesse was back on her knees by my feet, I have rarely heard her cry and never with the heart wrenching sobs I was hearing now.

"I agree that we should step back a bit. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted Jesse and I think you should go stay with your parents before I do or say something that I'll regret later."

"Okay, I'll go to my parents. Jack, please don't divorce me or please don't file until we've had a chance to talk. Maybe counseling, I'll find a counselor. Your right, I crossed a lot of lines. I'll find a counselor to help me understand why I thought that stupid shit was okay. I'll find a counselor who might be able to help us fix this."

Jesse headed upstairs and I stayed on the couch, 'what came before, what comes next, what was the end.' I hadn't a clue on what comes next. My brain started telling me I was hungry, I was thirsty, I was tired, my head hurt, my neck hurt, I needed to move.

Jesse was coming down the stairs with a suitcase as I stood up, she still had on the skirt she wore to work.

"Show me your panties Jesse." She shook her head no as a fresh round of sobbing began.

"Jesse, show me you panties or I'll rip that skirt off you."

She pulled the skirt up and showed me a sexy, bright red pair of lace panties. I took a picture.

"Does the bra match?"

Jesse dropped the skirt and nodded yes.

"I'm guessing you bought those for Jimbo since I have never seen you in them."

She didn't answer me and instead headed for the door. As she was leaving my mother was coming in. Jesse looked at my mother, maybe hoping for some woman to woman compassion. The look my mother gave her scared me.

My mother's ability to assess me always amazed me, she is where I got my logic from and my father would kid me that I was my mother's clone. Mom stared at me and I could see her mind sorting through the various emotions I was feeling.

"You're hungry Jack, let's go eat. Would you prefer breakfast or lunch?"

"Let's do breakfast, I don't want anything to heavy."

"Breakfast it is then, let's go to Angie's and you can drive."

"Are you sure you want me to drive mom?"

"It'll do you good Jack."

We sat down in the restaurant, after the waitress served our coffee and took our order, mom asked me to download my morning. I told her about finding Jesse's phone and my intent to prank her until I saw Jimbo's text message. She asked if I knew him and I told her Jimbo was Jesse's financial advisor. I went through the messages I sent to Jesse's cohorts.

Mom periodically stopped me and asked me questions, "I'm not second guessing you Jack, in a way that is ancient history and pointless. But many of the people you touched this morning will second guess you, especially her cohorts. I was a cohort once and your father found out. It was the darkest period of our marriage and for the longest time I didn't think we would survive much longer before I felt you father trusted me. I don't think I have regained the trust we shared before then. I remember my girlfriends and I thinking it was just some harmless fun. It was anything but harmless, four divorces counting the woman who cheated on her husband. My marriage with your father was permanently scarred along with marriages of two other of the cohorts."

I told her about my decision to send the texts to Jesse's parents and to Jimbo's wife.

"The other spouse is always a difficult choice, some do it because misery loves company and they need to share the pain they are feeling. Some do it because the other spouse has a right to know. Half of the people in the world would agree with your decision, the other half wouldn't, I know if I was the other spouse I would want to know. The same with sending the texts to Jesse's parents. Some people may take exception to the lingerie shot, wherever this ends, it's good to get out front that you're not the bad guy here, but if she was my daughter I would want you to give her a second chance. I'm not telling you to, that's your decision and you need to be comfortable with whatever you choose. Jesse's parents will want you to, no doubts."

"Mom, Jesse kept insisting that she didn't cross the line. I insisted she broke her vows when you agreed to meet Jimbo for a wild night of passion, when she sent him a picture of herself in lingerie and when she let him caress her tits. Do you agree?"

"I do Jack, but you're going to hear the argument from many people that she didn't. I knew a woman once who was going to cheat on her husband with a coworker. They were on a legitimate business trip and had made plans for her to come to his room. She had dressed in some sexy lingerie and with just a raincoat over her ensemble, she headed to his room. She stopped at his door and realized what she was giving up, headed back to her own room and tossed her outfit into the trash. We'll never know how far Jesse would have gone this Friday."

"So are you thinking divorce Jack?"

"I'm all over the place mom, I do have an appointment with our attorney tomorrow morning. Jesse is pleading for counseling."

"Are you willing to try counseling, it helped your father and I when he found out I was covering for someone else. I think it helped. Sometimes just venting your anger, your frustrations, your disappointments with a third party helps, especially if Jesse is there and understands the pain she caused. But I see doubts in your mind."

"I have loved that woman for so long I can't remember a time in my adult life where I didn't. Counseling gives her a chance to manipulate me into taking her back. Manipulation is too strong a word there, but I know that's what she wants from the outset and I always have a hard time saying no to what she wants. Do you know how many times I painted the god damn bedroom because she didn't like the color after it dried."

"Even if you think agreeing to counseling as agreeing to take her back, its best if you go through the process, vent your anger and frustration instead of carrying it around bottled up inside you."

"There's another point in my head mom, Jesse has made the decision to have sex with another man, a wild night of passion as she called it. This one was derailed but other opportunities will present themselves in the future. Maybe this one was driven by turning 30 or our decision to start a family when she turned 30. What happens when she turns 40, obviously stepping out is okay with her."

"Jack, you could twist yourself into a pretzel easier than going through all the scenarios your thinking about. The Jesse I saw leaving this morning was a woman who realized she fucked up the most important part of her life. I know she was looking for some compassion from me which is why I gave her my darkest death stare. Sometimes I think your father is going to piss himself when he's on the wrong end of that stare. I disagree with your conclusion that since she made the decision to cheat once doesn't mean she'll make the same choice again. You decided once to try and jump the pool with your bicycle and a homemade ramp. You ended up with a broken arm, some bruised ribs and turned your bicycle into a piece of trash. Not to mention the damage to the pool. Would you ever do that again?"

"Well considering you refused to buy me a new bike, I never had the chance. But I do see your point."

My mom and I talked for a long time, she felt bad about occupying the table for so long and gave the waitress and exorbitant tip. I was feeling pretty good until we turned onto our street until I saw a bunch of flashing lights near my house. There were several police cars, an ambulance and two fire trucks. We had to park five houses away. As we walked closer we could see my mom's car was destroyed. I had to show two different police officers my license before they would let us cross the tape they had around my house and property. I saw Jimbo in the back of a police car and it all made sense. Jimbo became very agitated when he saw me and began smashing his head against the window.

I explained to a sergeant about Jimbo planning on fucking my wife on Friday night and that I let his wife know about his plans. The officer told me and my mom that Jimbo took a baseball bat to my mother's car, maybe he assumed it was mine. After he beat the shit out of it, he tossed a Molotov cocktail into it. Then he asked if we wanted to press charges. "Fuck yeah," said my mom. The officer said Jimbo was also charged with assaulting two police officers as they tried to take him into custody. That's not the first time for Mr. Jimbo.

Jesse called my mom a few minutes later. One of the neighbors called her to tell her what was going on. Jesse had seen from the doorbell camera that it was my mom's car. Jesse was apologizing profusely and then she fucked up when she told my mom it was my fault for sending the text messages to his wife. I could see my mom turning a bright red as soon as Jesse said it was my fault.

"Jesse, you stupid fucking bitch, absolutely none of this or whatever happens next is Jack's fault and I'm not saying that because he's my son. You are the stupid cunt that agreed to spread your legs for some fat piece of shit. Once you made that decision, you own all the dominos that fall. You may want Jack to reconcile with you, but if you for a second think any of this shit storm you created is his fault that will never happen. So get your fucking head out of your stupid ass while you still have a chance to save your marriage. Do you understand me?"

My mom had been screaming into the phone with spittle flying everywhere as she paced back and forth. The police officers were staying clear.

"I asked you a question Jesse, answer me or I'll be at your parents' house in minutes. Do you fucking understand me?"

I'm assuming Jesse said yes because my mother's blood pressure dropped significantly. I don't think I ever saw my mother so mad.

"Jesse, you and Jack have been madly in love for a dozen years. I truly hope you guys can get past this but trying to push some of the blame to Jack will kill any chance of reconciliation and I hope you guys do reconcile and give me the grandchildren I want so badly. Hopefully I'll see you again Jesse." My mom ended the call.

"Are you going to be okay mom? Do you need a drink or maybe something stronger?"

"I'm fine Jack, do you think I scared the shit out of her?"

"You scared the shit out of me and several police officers."

There was a cop standing next to us who said, "I pray I never get on your bad side lady."

Since my mother's car was destroyed and the police wanted to take it in for evidence, I drove my mother home while bringing my laptop and a few days of clothes with me. I wasn't sure if any other crazies were going to show up.

My father was unusually quiet when we got back to my parent's house, also the house I grew up in. I set up in my old bedroom. It was hard to believe my six foot plus frame fit in that twin.

My father was standing in the doorway, "You have to remember Jack you were only five eight when you went off to college."

"I came home on breaks didn't I?"

"Everything looks smaller when you haven't seen it for a long time Jack. How are you holding up? Do you want a beer?"

"How about some of that fancy scotch you've been hiding in the garage?"

My father started to laugh and I followed him to the garage. I don't think he was really hiding it but it was very expensive and there were some people he didn't want to share it with. Fortunately, I wasn't one of those people."

"I'm not going to give you any advice Jack, your mom and I played rock, paper scissors and she won. We did agree that too much advice is worse than none so I'm going to keep my opinions to myself. Probably wouldn't be much different than what she had to say anyway."

"She told me about the time she helped a woman hide an affair."

"I thought she would, those were dark times for us Jack, and for you guys. You were too young to understand but kids know when their parents are wading through shit. In the end it made us stronger I think, we managed better than some to escape the collateral damage and there was a lot. It was tough on your mother and tough on me. I still loved your mother as much as I always did and watching her suffer was killing me. But how could she think that helping woman cheat on her husband was okay. I don't think any of them thought it was a big deal because they never thought the cheater would get caught. Either way it was a disaster. Your mother and I got past it, a few dents and scratches."

"The cheater and her husband ended up reconciling a couple of years later. They had both moved out of town in different directions when the scandal hit the neighborhood gossips. I ran into them about an hour north of here. They were embarrassed to see me so we didn't chat long. They were both wearing wedding rings. If I was a curious man I would have checked to see if they ever got divorced. I was furious, all the pain she caused or they caused, the pain you mother went through and they're sitting there smiling at each other. I reminded me of a book I read a long time ago, Gatsby or something like that."

"Your mother and I were still barely speaking. I came home and took her in my arms, she cried, I cried and we were able to move on."

"Do you think I should reconcile with Jesse Dad."

He laughed so hard he ended up in a coughing fit, "Slick there Jack, trying to squeeze that in when I'm all melancholy thinking about the past. You have to figure that out on your own. My only advice is things like this require cool heads, which are hard to come by in things like this. And with that, it's time for this old man to go to bed."

My father gave me one of his bro hugs and we headed into the house. Maybe it was the scotch but the weight of the days emotional roller coaster caught up with me and I fell asleep with my clothes on.

The meeting with the lawyer was upsetting, I wanted to sue on the grounds of adultery but he said that really wasn't a thing anymore except with some old time judges who were getting pushed off the bench and since Jesse did not consummate the act, I didn't have a case to begin with. So we were looking at a 50/50 split of all assets. He would never have condoned blackmail but I could have possibly negotiated a better deal if I hadn't gone nuclear on everybody involved. And since Jimbo is sitting in jail, there was nothing to gain for suing him.

I asked him what would happen if I asked him to prepare divorce papers and changed my mind. He told me I would save a lot of money, it would be mostly the cost for the law clerks preparing the papers and they charge a much lower hourly rate than he did. He gave me the number of a counselor friend of his who should be able to help decide what to do.

I stopped at a dinner for breakfast and realized I had turned my cell phone off when I sat down with my mother at some other dinner. I turned it on a I thought it would literally blow up. There were a dozen voicemails from Jesse, all very similar, begging me to forgive her. Jimbo's wife called me, first to thank me for sending her the text messages, this was far from the first time he cheated on her but he was always able to talk her into taking him back. Maybe the same way he talked all those other women into dropping their panties. He ain't much to look at and I'll tell you he's not well endowed below either. The second call was to warn me he was on his way over.

The cohorts left a dozen messages, blaming me for fucking up their marriages. I told them about the woman who said no to Jesse. That didn't go over well either.

The worst call was from my father-in-law. I always liked the guy it killed me to hear him crying on the phone, pleading his daughter's case, she was a good girl and has learned her lesson, you'll never have to worry again Jack, I'm begging you to give her a second chance. Fuck, I fought to keep the tears back after that call.

There was another call from Jesse, "I remembered you were going to see a lawyer this morning, I don't blame you. Just let me know what I need to do so we can end this soon."

Looking at the words doesn't say much but you would have had to hear her say it, like a person on death row when the last chance of a pardon gets rejected.

I called Jesse, "I spoke to the lawyer and he recommended a counselor for me to see. As you said yesterday, you should find a counselor to see and then maybe if we can get our own shit straight, a marriage counselor can help us try and find a way forward."

Jesse was screaming "thank you" into the phone.

"Please don't get ahead of ourselves here yet Jesse, we may never make it to a marriage counselor."

There was a long silence on the line, I wasn't sure if she was there but maybe I heard her sigh and then the floodgates opened, "Jack, can I come home please, I'll sleep in the guest room or on the couch, I don't care, as long as we're in the same house again." Then she repeated fragments of those sentences for another five minutes.

I finally had to break in, "Jesse," I yelled, "It's okay Jesse, you can come home, but I didn't sleep there last night either after the shit show from Jimbo. I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"Thank you Jack, I love you, please believe me," and she hung up, maybe I had something else to say I thought to myself and laughed. My laughter caught me by surprise.

I was till laughing when I received a text from my father-in-law. I didn't think those old flip phones could send text messages. It was a simple text saying, "thank you." I was hoping Jesse didn't oversell what we agreed on.

Back at my parents I told them about my phone call with Jesse. They weren't giving me any clues on what they thought about my decision. We also discussed my call with Jimbo's wife.

"Well we can pray that predators like him have an accident while in jail," said my mother.

I had gone into the office the following day, the ring camera told me that Jesse was home. After a full day in the office I returned home and found Jesse sitting at the table. She didn't look happy, rubbing her hands together and fidgeting.

"Dinner is almost done Jack, but I wanted to talk to you first please."

I sat down across from her, other than a momentary eye contact, her eyes were focused on her hands.

"Thank you for letting me come home Jack, in most ways I'm happy to be here. I moved my stuff into the guest room at least for now."

She paused to look at me and I tightened my stomach waiting for the gut punch, I had no idea why.

"My parents argued about me coming back, like I haven't seen in years. My mother described it as a water stain on the ceiling from a leaky roof, coming home now was just painting over the water stain without addressing the real problem. My father argued that you were a good man and the longer I stayed away, the more likely you will have moved on."

"I have an appointment next week with a shrink, hopefully to fix the roof. I'm scared Jack, I almost blew up all my dreams. What if I hadn't dropped my phone Jack, where would we be now. Maybe you would have found out after the fact and we would have been done, what if you never found out and I would have to live my life full of guilt. I need to understand why I would do something so self-destructive, when I say self I mean us. Please give me space while I'm here Jack so I can sort through my shit with the shrink."

"I'm not sure what you mean by space Jesse."

"Don't throw me on the bed and ravage me or anything like that."

"Okay Jesse, go fix your roof."

Jesse and I ate dinner in almost complete silence. I thanked her for cooking and took care of the dishes. Jesse locked herself in the guest room. We had coffee together in almost complete silence before she left for work. It was clear to me this wasn't working, to have her that close and that distant. I convinced myself to try it until the weekend. Every night and morning were the same, limited conversations, the only thing that changed was who cooked dinner.

On Friday at dinner, I said, "Jesse, I need you to move back in with your parents. It's too hard for me having you so close but so far away. I promise I won't move on."

She started crying as she nodded her head and then fled the table. An hour later her mother was knocking on the door and I helped Jesse load some of her shit into her mother's car. I didn't say goodbye to Jesse or her mother, maybe I was being childish, but I decided I needed to focus on me for a bit. I did update my parents who offered me no opinion.

On Monday I had my first visit with the counselor, we spent most of the time talking about my background, and then my relationship with Jesse and then her fuck up or almost fuck up. I told him about asking Jesse to move back in with her parent. He asked how I felt about the almost fuck up, to sum it up in one word. I told him I felt betrayed and made another appointment for the following week.

I started going into my office more often, mostly to get out of the house. The fucking house we bought to raise our kids in. I didn't need a four bedroom house or the mortgage that came with it. Jesse was still contributing her half but for how much longer so I contacted a real estate agent to explore my options.

My father-in-law was on the phone before the agent's car was out of the driveway.

"Jack, you sent Jesse into a tizzy with the real estate agent."

"Sorry, I forgot about the ring camera dad. I have no idea what Jesse is thinking. The Jesse who begged my to let her come home was not the Jesse that showed up. I just wanted to talk to someone about the market."

"I understand Jack and all of us appreciate you patience. It seems I'm in the business of asking you favors in these times but could you give me a heads up so I can pave the way with Jesse. She was screaming at her mother, 'fuck the goddamn roof mom, I'm losing my man.' Jesse's mother doesn't take too kindly to the f-bomb being dropped and I tend to avoid getting between two angry women."

"I'm sorry dad, I'll try to warn you next time, hopefully there won't be one."

The counselor surprised me the following week. We talked for about half of the allotted time when he asked me to stop.

"Go home Jack and save your money. Basically my job is to help people understand what they really want and you know you want Jesse. Give her a month to work things out with her counselor and if she doesn't, come back and see me. Unfortunately you're in a waiting game for Jesse. You could tell her to fuck off but that's not what you want, the only option left is for Jesse to fix the roof. And don't burn any bridges in the meantime.

Not burning bridges was hard. The incident with Jimbo's car had made the news in our little town, front page news along with Jesse's intended infidelity. There were attractive women introducing themselves to me at work every time I went into the office. My admin was trying to set me up with her sister. Even Jesse's friend, the one who refused to cover for her, began texting me. One night I went out with a couple of friends from high school and several women hit on me. I was flattered and I realized there could be a life after Jesse.

Three weeks had passed since Jesse moved out the second time before she called me. She had been crying.

"Jack, have you moved on? Somebody told me you were in a bar last Friday talking to a beautiful woman."

"Jesse I have not moved on, I'm waiting for you to fix the roof remember. Yes I was at a bar with a couple of old friends and yes a beautiful woman came up to talk to me. We went to high school together and chatted a bit about old times."

"Jack, will come to my next counseling session on Wednesday at 7:00? Please?"

"Certainly Jesse, just send me the address."

Jesse said thank you and ended the call. She didn't give me any details on why she wanted me there and we never discussed a time frame before I would move on. I felt sorry for Jesse, the beautiful woman I was talking to must have sent her into a tizzy or maybe I was kidding myself. The woman did give me her cell phone number.

Jesse looked like shit when I met her in the waiting room. She had obviously been crying and instinctively I went to hug her. She wrapped her arms around me and started to sob heavily. Since she asked me to be here I was assuming Jesse wanted me to meet with her and the counselor because she was going to drop a bomb on me. Maybe the counselor was for moral support or to help her stay strong whatever the fuck my simple mind meant when it came up with that idea. The one thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to be happy on my way home. Smart me scheduled an appointment with my counselor for the next morning.

Jesse introduced me to the counselor when we went in, she seemed nice. Jesse had a bunch of notes scribbled on some pieces of paper. The counselor turned the floor over to Jesse, I tightened my stomach muscles waiting for the gut punch but felt calm when I realized this was it, there would be no more waiting after tonight after over a roller coaster of a month. Jesse began to talk without making eye contact. I wondered if we would be done before the liquor stores closed.

"Jack, when we met I couldn't believe I had met my life partner. Occasionally doubts would cross my mind but you were perfect. We were born to be with each other. We made our life plan when we graduated and everything fell in place, almost as if god intended it. Those 80 hour weeks that we worked paid off and we own a beautiful home, perfect to raise the children we planned. And it was time to have those children and become a stay at home mom liked I always dreamed."

"Jimbo was just a suicidal diversion from accepting the fact that I changed over the years since we graduated. I love my job, I love the challenges and the feeling of success when I conquer those challenges. I began dreading the idea of having children which is why I stayed on birth control after I turned 30. Somehow I couldn't find the balls to tell you. I knew how much you wanted children. You already built a swing-set in the backyard. I didn't want to lose you and I didn't want to lose me."

"I would understand if you got up and left right now, I would hold no hard feelings."

All eyes were on me, I felt like they were boring into me. So if I understood what had just happened, Jesse gave me an ultimatum, give up her or give up having children. She was not offering any compromises. I got up and left without any goodbyes. Just before the door closed behind me I heard Jesse begin to wail. Fuck her, in the dozen years we've been together neither of us had given the other an ultimatum. I went back to the office.

There was a glimmer of hope in Jesse's eyes as I walked in she realized before I started talking that there would be no hope.

"We've been together since the first week of our freshmen year Jesse and not once in all that time have either of us given the other an ultimatum, until tonight. Maybe we weren't born to be with each other, maybe you have changed because the woman I married, the woman I fell in love with so long ago would never give me an ultimatum. I'm done, I'll set up another appointment with my attorney and I recommend you find one too."

On the way to my house I called my parents and invited myself over and told my father to get his bottle of scotch out. My parents knew I was furious from the phone call and the way I acted when I came in removed any doubts. I love my parents as they calmly sat at the table listening me rant as I paced around the dining room, sucking down my father's scotch. I don't know how long I ranted, I do know that the scotch was kicking in and I had put a serious dent in the bottle.

I finally calmed down enough to sit down. My mother asked questions, making sure she understood what happened in the counselor's office. She offered no opinion as to whether she agreed with Jesse or me. My father kept my glass full.

"Are you trying to get me drunk dad, I won't be able to drive home."

"We weren't letting you drive home any way, angry driving is worse than drunk driving unless its angry drunk driving."

My mother's cell phone started ringing, she looked at me and said it's Jesse's mother. They talked for a second, my mother ended the call and went to the front door to let Jesse's mother in. Jesse's mom sat down at the table and asked for a glass. My father filled it with scotch.

"I'm sorry Jack, I haven't agreed with one thing that counselor has told Jesse since she started seeing her. She started telling me what she was going to say to you tonight and I said so your giving him an ultimatum, take the new me or leave. She refused to acknowledge that. I knew you would see it for what it was and I knew you weren't going to give in. I don't blame you, if my husband tried that I would cold cock him. I feel partially responsible here because I pushed her into counseling."

"Up until the time she left I told her it was going to play out exactly like it did. She couldn't drive home and I had to go pick her up. I gave the counselor some counseling believe me. And I talked to Jesse at length and she finally opened up to me."

"I just want to put this on the table and then I'll let you guys be, and this isn't an ultimatum Jack, I'm thinking of it more as a compromise like you and Jesse use to do before she lost her mind."

Jesse's mom paused for a moment and sucked down the rest of her scotch.

"Basically, it's the idea of being a stay at home mom that has Jesse on edge, not the idea of having children. I don't want an answer tonight Jack, but would you be willing to consider day care, a nanny, grandma care or being a stay at home dad. There are other options here instead of Jesse's ultimatum and I think once Jesse holds her baby in her arms for the first time, she may never want to put the baby down. Just think about it please."

She gave me a hug and said goodbye.

"What do you think Jack," my mother asked.

"It is certainly something to think about. Jesse and I never discussed alternatives and tonight was the first time I heard her say anything about not having kids. She specifically told me he didn't want to have children when we met with the counselor tonight. The subject of being a stay at home mom never came up. I'll sleep on it and I have a meeting with my counselor tomorrow morning."

At the counselor's the next day I explained what happened the previous night, Jesse's ultimatum and her mother's alternatives. He asked if I considered the alternatives and I said I wanted to try being a stay at home dad. If that didn't work out we could try day care or something else.

"Jack, somebody is wrong here. I am not familiar with the counselor and I would never push a client to deliver an ultimatum to their partner unless it was something like drinking or physical abuse. I think Jesse's mom might be confused or thinking with her heart. You need a face to face with Jesse. You're welcome to do it here if you want a referee but I don't think you'll need one."

I called Jesse as soon as I got in the car, I expected her to be at work and was waiting for the call to go to voice mail. She was crying when she answered and barely said hello.

"Jesse lets meet face to face, no counselors, no parents, just the two of us like we've worked through everything before. We can meet at the park and I'll bring you a latte."

"Okay Jack, a half hour okay."

I was looking for Jesse's car and was surprised when she got out of a ride share.

"My parents won't let me drive Jack, they said I'm too emotional."

I was emotional too, the more I thought about being a stay at home dad the more I liked the idea, John Lennon could do it, why couldn't I do it. I think my happy thoughts were contagious because I saw Jesse crack a smile.

"I'm assuming you know that your mom came over to my parents last night while I was there."

Jesse was shaking her head no and the smile disappeared. Clueless me started to ramble on, I didn't think to look at Jesse as I talked.

"Your mom said it was the idea of you being a stay at home mom that you were really opposed to and she suggested that we explore some alternatives. One of the things she suggested was that I be a stay at home dad. The more I thought about it the more I liked the idea. I could still keep my fingers in programming if I wanted to and if I decided I didn't like it we could explore other options, like day care or a nanny."

I turned to look at Jesse expecting to see her smiling but instead found more tears.

"Jack, I tried to be clear at the counselor's that I don't want to have children. I could never leave my child and head to an office even if it was you staying home with our baby. Maybe my mother was hearing what she wanted to hear but I never said anything like that."

Jesse's face turned to stone and the tears stopped as she played with her phone.

"The ride share will be here in a few minutes and I'm sending you my lawyer's information. You can sell the house or keep it, I don't want any of the proceeds or any of the furniture. I'll be by over the weekend to get the rest of my stuff if that's convenient."

Then she got up and left.

We saw each other at the final divorce proceeding months later, which was a non-event, just signing the papers. Jesse barely acknowledged me and never smiled. She came in, she signed and she left.

It took me another year to start dating. The beautiful woman I met in the bar that night was in a serious relationship when I called, fortunately for my ego she had no problem remembering me. I dated a few women from work but that never went anywhere. I skipped my admin's sister.

It was almost two years after the divorce that I literally bumped my shopping cart into a woman in the grocery store.

She turned to look at me and said, "You could have just said hello Jack, you didn't have to assault me with your cart."

She had a smile on her face when she said it but I could not remember who she was.

"Obviously you don't recognize me Jack and my ego is bruised. I was a friend of Jesse's, to narrow it down for you I was the one who refused to cover for Jesse. My name is Nancy if that still doesn't do it for you."

And it finally clicked, "I'm sorry Nancy, its been a long time."

"I'm sorry to hear you and Jesse got divorced. Instead of pressing charges for assaulting me with a shopping cart, I'll let you buy me a cup of coffee. There's a café next door."

Nancy gave me a smile and my mind said, 'here we go again.' When she turned to lead the way to the coffee shop I fell in love with her ass. There was also a bunch of kid's cereal in her cart.

Over coffee we swapped stories, she was five months pregnant when she caught her husband cheating on her. They tried to reconcile, when the labor pains began she tried calling him but there was no answer, she looked at his location and he was with her again. He showed up at the hospital two hours after she gave birth to their son by herself. That was the end, he's perfect about paying his support payments but hasn't seen his son since the boy's first birthday.

Nancy had heard that Jesse and I had reconciled and then was shocked to hear that we divorced. I gave her the short version of Jesse not wanting children, my suggestions of alternatives which Jesse rejected so divorce was the only option. I wanted kids, she didn't, that was the deal breaker.

"You would have really been a stay at home dad?"

"I was positively giddy about it as I was suggesting it to Jesse, and when I looked at her face I realized we were done."

We were on our second round of coffees when Nancy had to leave to pick up her son from preschool.

My window of opportunity was closing so I invited Nancy out to dinner on Friday night and by the look on her face, I knew I was going down in flames.

"I'm sorry Jack, I would love to go out to dinner with you, I can't remember the last time I did. Although my ex pays support, it doesn't leave room for luxuries like babysitters. With the exception of my mother who just headed to Florida, my son has never had a babysitter."

"That's okay Nancy, thank you for not pressing charges."

As I turned to leave she said, "You could come to my place for dinner, a late dinner so I can have my son in bed first. I have never dated since he was born so I don't know how he'll react."

"Your son is four, so you haven't dated in four years?" I can see by the look on her face that was a bad question.

"I would love to have dinner with you Nancy, send me a time and place and I'll be there."

I fell in love with her smile.

I bonded with Nancy's son Jason I met him the first time a few weeks later as did my parents. Nancy and I married a year after the shopping cart incident and our first, a little boy was born a year later and then a girl a year the year after that.

There was a moment when I was pushing Jason on the swing, Nancy was nursing our daughter as our son laid in a playpen and I looked at Nancy and thought how perfect my life was. Nancy was my real life partner, fortunately we found each other before it was too late.

Maybe a year later, Nancy and I were out to dinner with the kids and I was walking back from the men's room when I ran into Jesse and her parents. Her parents were very cordial and wanted to meet my wife and kids, Jesse didn't acknowledge my presence. They were very nice to Nancy and Jesse's mom had to hold our little girl. Jesse's father was completely smitten by Jason and the two of them were playing with the toys we bought to keep Jason entertained.

In the confusion I lost track of Jesse, she was looking everywhere but at the table. She had cut her hair really short and there was a lot of grey in it. Nancy reached for my hand and I stopped looking a Jesse who went into the other room. Jesse's mom was reluctantly handing my daughter back to Nancy. Jesse's parents were looking at each other, communicating like old married couples do. I knew her father was going to speak.

"Jack, it seems I'm not done asking favors, do you still have that swing set in your yard?"

"A very well used swing set, it's Jason's favorite. Why don't you guys come over for a barbecue, maybe this weekend and you could take a turn pushing Jason?"

I looked at Nancy, I wasn't sure how she would respond, she had a big smile on her face, "We're free both Saturday and Sunday, which ever you prefer."

We agreed on Saturday with Sunday as a rain date. Jesse's mom volunteered to make my favorite macaroni salad.

After we got the kids in bed, Nancy and I were in our own bed.

"I saw you staring at Jesse, are you okay, are we okay?"

"We are definitely okay as long as you're okay, I hoped you didn't mind me inviting her parents over. They are really good people."

"I never knew them that well but I could sense that they are good people and I could sense like you did that they were looking for an opportunity to spend more time with our kids. I'm glad you invited them. Maybe you should invite your parents over too?"

"Maybe next time, Jesse is their only child and I think they were as unhappy as I was when Jesse decided she didn't want kids."

"And what about Jesse, any thoughts."

"Jesse's face turned to stone that day in the park when we agreed to divorce and it hasn't changed. I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out, I'm married to a beautiful woman, my true life partner and I have three beautiful children."

"Well then, your true life partner wants her true life partner to make love to her," Nancy said as she slipped her hand into my shorts.

Epilogue -- Sort Of

That day in the park with Jesse, when I watched her face turn to stone left me in a deep depression. This was long before I met Nancy. Sometimes I felt Jesse cheated me out of the twelve years we spent together. At the strong urging of my mother I found another counselor, a grief counselor. My mother said the end of my marriage was the same as a death and should be treated the same way.

The counselor suggested I write it all down which is what started this. I left the sex out, out of respect for Jesse and it would have made the story twice as long. As I said, I started this before I met Ellen and years had passed since then.

I was going to call it done but Jesse came back into my life, well sort of.

Jason was turning ten and his brother and sister were every bit as active as he was. Nancy and I loved taking them to the park and playing with my kids in the park was the highlight of my life. Occasionally the age gap between Jason and his siblings made things a little difficult but Jason was a really good kid. Nancy was always happy to watch her four kids play and I didn't mind her referring to me as a kid. Usually when I was playing with the kids in the park, I would lose track of Nancy and usually find her chatting with one of the other moms.

Maybe it was the latte, maybe it was the second time I saw Nancy on one of the benches, talking to a woman wearing large sunglasses and holding a latte in her hand, just the way Jesse would hold her latte.

I didn't say anything at the time but brought it up after the kids were in bed.

"How's Jesse doing," I asked Nancy.

"I'm sorry for not telling you Jack. That was only the third time I've spoken to her but she has been watching us in the park for some time."

"I'm not mad Nancy, but I am curious why she has been spying on us."

"She wasn't spying, and today was the first time we got past polite niceties. You told me she was a math genius or something like that. In short I would say Jesse believes she made the best decision for herself at the time your relationship ended. She recognized the changes in herself and didn't understand them or how to deal with them. Jesse devoted herself to her work and her job, which was one of the first ones erased by AI. She's cold, maybe she wasn't always so cold but she is now. Since she no longer wanted children she considered you redundant and didn't care that she was going to lose you. With the advent of AI, Jesse's company considered her redundant and didn't care they were letting her go."

"Does she wish she could undo losing me," I asked.

"I don't think so, she never said that to me and I don't think she would. Jesse loves watching you in the park playing with our kids, it alleviates some of her guilt that you found the happiness you deserve. We both laugh how you are all in when playing with the kids, the world outside the playground could come to a screeching halt and you wouldn't notice. I'm surprised you noticed me talking to Jesse."

"I always keep track of all my children," I said.

"There's only four kids in this house Jack, and you are the oldest. What do you think about inviting Jesse along the next time her parents came over? The thought occurred to me today and I have not said anything to her."

"I'll think about it, there was a time I think where neither Jesse nor I could imagine a life without the other. Jesse obviously changed and found that life without me was acceptable. Now I have changed and I find life without her acceptable, I knew how much her parents wanted grandchildren so I'm glad they are involved with the kids. Besides, I thank god I have you in my life, Jesse is redundant."

"I think you still have some bitterness buried inside you Jack."

"I won't disagree, and you still have some bitterness in you from when your husband let you deliver Jason by yourself while he played around with his mistress. I am bitter but its not something I dwell on, there's too many great things in my life to waste time thinking about Jesse."