All I Have to do is Dream

All I Have to Do is Dream

[Author's Note: This story is part rant, part therapy and far too close to being autobiographical for my own good. It is also a bit different from my typical stories. It has gone through quite a few revisions and I went back and forth about even publishing it, which is why the timing will seem off as a seminal event is now several months old. The story does not seek pity or acceptance, only understanding.]

I am not entirely sure why the announcement hit me so hard. Hadn't I always said that since I already knew the truth, hearing it out loud would not bother me and I just wanted some honesty? So, the recent announcement by a dating app service that it would be requiring men to list their height and putting a filter in place so women could sort out the shorter guys, it should have been relief I felt. If there had not been a significant amount of complaining about being stuck with short guys, why would the app have gone through the hassle of producing this feature?

As I said, I already knew this. Way back in the 1970s on one of the most feministic centric shows of its time, The Mary Tyler Moore Show had an episode with just this topic. Ms. Moore is a bit taller than the average woman. And her character on the show, Mary Richards, was put forth as the model of the modern woman. In one episode she meets a guy who is everything she wants in terms of his personality and who he is as a man and how he treats her as an independent woman. But he is also 5'2". So, all of his compassion and humor and intelligence and empathy loses out to his lack of height. I was seven or eight at the time and did not realize what this episode meant for my future. When I look back, I am glad I didn't for what I might have done.

Don't misunderstand, I do not blame women for this. It is instinctual, primal. Male Cardinals are very bright red. That's because no female Cardinal will mate with a dull red male. Evolution will out and the dull red Cardinal DNA dies out. For men, it is just better to be larger. I understand this is a generalization and does not apply to everyone but it applies to enough that the app went through the time, effort and expense to create this filter. I also cannot cite a formal study that proves my contention but just look around at couples walking through a park or at a mall.

There are exceptions of course. If you are a rich billionaire your height does not matter. Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg are both right at the line (5'7") but do you think that matters in their cases. Others might be less famous but occupy powerful or influential positions that get them invited to all the big parties and events with all the beautiful people. Don't kid yourself when someone with a short, less attractive guy at their side says, "I had no idea who he was when we first met." They met at some fancy Hollywood or Washington, DC party or in the Hamptons or Martha's Vinyard. They did not meet at a McDonalds in Bozman, Montana. They might not have known who the short guy was, but he had to be someone rich or powerful or he would not have been at that party.

Fortunately, the Universe has not left me bereft of all the joys of life, even if they were delayed until my later years. Life finds a way to provide the comforts and bliss that might otherwise escape someone in my size 6 shoes. And I was about to be the welcome recipient of that joy I had missed all those years. My safe harbor that protects me from life's troubled waters.

Coming out of a deep sleep, the first thing I notice is that my toes are cold. Then I quickly feel a soft hand on my penis. Even before I open my eyes, my mind has already processed what I am about to see. The sheets and blankets are off the bed (which is why my feet are cold) and my lovely Pamela is kneeling at my waist, her right hand slowly stroking my penis into an erection.

When I open my eyes, Pamela is staring right back at me, waiting for the moment I would awaken. "Happy Birthday." she sweetly croons and she smiles that smile which always warms my soul. She is the perfect woman and I really do not deserve her. Even with all the suffering over the years, it still goes way past squaring the ledger that she is even in my life, let alone in my bed.

"This is certainly a nice way to wake up."

"Don't get used to it."

"Why not?"

"I am only doing this because it is your birthday and I am only going to do it on your birthday. Not at any other time throughout the year."

"Why is that?"

"It's incentive for you to want to live longer." She had been talking my ear off trying to get me to eat and live healthier for a while now, to no avail. We both knew that I was now much more likely to start paying attention to my diet and exercise if I wanted to experience this more often.

She looks at me with that combination of playfulness and lust which lets me know I am really going to enjoy this. Pamela continues to stare into my eyes as she leans forward and sticks out her tongue. The second her tongue hits my skin, my entire cock twitches. Even though she has only touched one part of my cock, my brain knows what is about to follow and it is sending the impulses even before they happen.

Slowly, Pamela bends her neck and licks up the underside of my penis. She is going very slow on purpose, knowing how much she is driving me crazy. She is confidently aware of the power and control she has over me at this moment. But she is also very aware of the pleasure I am getting from this and it is the latter that motivates her actions.

Three times she repeats this process and I am fully erect as she completes the final lick. Now she tilts her head forward. I lose the eye contact, but the feeling of the moist warmth of her mouth is more than ample compensation. Bobbing up and down, sometimes licking, sometimes sucking, she continues to move in ways we both know will soon bring me to the ultimate point of sexual pleasure.

I run my fingers through her hair and let her know just how incredible all this feels. "Oh God, Pam! This is amazing. You are so good at this. You know just what to do to me." Every so often she will stop and look at me. She does not say anything, just smiles with the same playful/lust look in her eyes. She jerks me off and sometimes drools more saliva onto my hard cock before going back down and taking me back into her mouth.

As I approach my orgasm, I let her know I am close. Over time, we have developed our own awareness of what that means. There are three places where I cum at a time like this; in her mouth; on her tits; or on me. I don't need to ask and she doesn't need to tell me. If it is to be in her mouth, she just keeps sucking. If it is to be on her tits, she would take me out of her mouth and lean in, letting me explode onto the soft swells on her chest. If she just leans back and keeps jerking me, I know it will just be on me (and her hands). Today it is going to be in her mouth.

I am a firm believer in never asking anyone to do something that I am not willing to do. I have never had a problem kissing her after I have cum in her mouth. I have happily licked my semen off her nipples and breasts. When the cum ends up on me, I get to watch her lick it off my body which is an erotic vision that never gets old for me.

Pamela now throats me (I am not big enough for it to truly qualify as deep throating) and sucks in as hard as she can. She has created a tight seal of her lips around my shaft and starts slowly drawing back. The sensations are exquisite and she is not more than half-way back up when I finally reach the point of no return. "Now Pam." I say so she can be prepared. She releases the seal and takes a quick breath. Then she closes her mouth as I feel my release driving up through the inside of my cock and moan out loud as it explodes.

Four separate bursts fly into her mouth and she accepts them all. A bit more oozes out and she sucks it up the way you would suck the last of a milkshake out of a straw. She crawls up my body and kisses me. We end up sharing a bit of my essence as we embrace.

"Happy Birthday Buddy."

"Thank you very much Pam. Was that my present?"

"Well, it was a present. It wasn't the present. That comes later. Remember, we are going out to dinner right after you get home from work."

I really don't recall much of my day at work. It went by in kind of a blur. There was a cake for my birthday at the office and a "Happy Fiftieth Buddy" sign. Someone drew a hill on the whiteboard with a car just crowning the summit. I got the joke but it did register with me that I was not expecting to live to one hundred and thus was way past "middle" age. The car should have been further down the hill. Then again, if I was going to be awakened on all of my birthdays going forward the same way I was today, I'll might try to make it to one hundred.

I do remember my secretary, Kim, saying "Pamela told me to remind you that you are going out to dinner after work and not to get any cake on your tie."

I came home with a small bouquet of flowers. It is my birthday, but this morning's wake-up service deserves some token of appreciation. "I'll be down in a minute." I heard from our bedroom and I go to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers. "Where are you?" Pamela calls.

"I'm in the kitchen."

"Well, go in the living room and close your eyes."

"Do I have to?"

"Only if you want me to come down the stairs. And before you say it, you are not allowed to come up the stairs either."

Anticipating my witty retort and shutting it down, I do as she said and call out, "Okay, I am in the living room and my eyes are closed."

After a minute or so I hear her sweet voice about ten feet in front of my say, "Open your eyes."

"WOW!"

She smiles and says, "I'll take that as a compliment." I cannot even respond to that, I just nod my head. She has her red hair down and it frames her beautiful face. She has gone very light on her makeup. There is some to set off her lovely green eyes and her adorable round cheeks. The one exception is her very red lipstick which speaks to the kind of evening that is ahead.

Her blue dress is tight and shows off her figure well. She works very hard to keep herself in shape and she has earned the looks that dress will get her at the restaurant. The final piece of her ensemble (and the one that shows me how much she truly loves me), is wearing her flats.

As we walk to our table, the eyes are all on me, not Pamela. At first, this surprised me but I finally solved the riddle. They are all trying to figure out who I am. I must be someone rich or famous, otherwise how do I rate having this beauty on my arm? What they all fail to realize is that I don't rate this beauty on my arm, but she is there anyway. I am the luckiest man in the world.

With dinner over we begin our drive home. Pamela says, "Take the long way home."

"Why."

"You'll see." With that she unbuckles her seatbelt and turns toward me. Her slender fingers are pulling down my zipper and fishing out my penis. I knew the moment her seatbelt came off what she was planning and I started to get hard, my big head sending the proper signals to my little head. This also makes it easier for her to retrieve my cock from my pants.

As she begins to slowly stroke her hand along my cock I said, "Oh yeah. A little Pam and Tommy Lee action."

"Don't you wish." she says to me with a little bit of a tone.

Surprised I ask, "What do you mean?"

"I bet you wish it was that other Pam in this car right now, don't you?"

Smiling I respond, "Absolutely not."

She is incredulous and challenges me. "Give me one good reason you don't want Pam Anderson to be the one in this car with you right now instead of me?"

"She's not a redhead. And you know I have a thing for redheads."

I am rewarded for my quick thinking with her dazzling smile as she says, "Good answer." Then she leans over and engulfs me with her mouth. Her lips are gliding all over my penis and her tongue is running along its length as well. She is so into giving me this pleasurable gift, she does not realize I have taken the most direct route home and driven a little faster than the posted speed limit.

As I slow down and turn the car into the driveway, she senses the movement. She picks up enough to free her mouth and asks, "Where are we?"

"Home."

"I thought you were going to take the long way home. Don't you like what I was doing?"

"My dearest, I loved what you were doing. But if I had let you do it much longer, I would not have been able to return to you all this pleasure you are giving me. So instead, I came home quickly so we can adjourn to the bedroom."

Pamela sat up and when I turned off the ignition, she leaned back over and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Okay, Birthday Boy. Let's go because I still have on more present for you."

I followed her into the house and up the stairs, admiring my view as we climbed. As we walked into the room, she stopped, pulled her hair together and in front of her shoulder and said, "Will you unzip me?"

I moved right up behind her and put my arms around her waist. I began to plant soft kisses on her neck and shoulders and then nipped at her earlobe. Her sapphire earrings dangled against my chin and she let out an audible sigh.

A slight bump from her ass into my crotch was her way of letting me know she wanted to move things along. She felt my hard cock when she did this and added, "I see you are enjoying this as much as I am." I reached up and zipped her dress down to her lower back. She shrugged her shoulders to get the dress off. However, I put one arm back around her waist, catching the dress at that point. Her 34B breasts did not need a bra and so she was naked above her waist. I reached my other hand around and began to play with one of her nipples.

"I'll bet you wish they were bigger?" I was not surprised that she said this. Despite being an extremely attractive woman, Pamela seems to focus on the idea that her breasts are too small. And even though I have often told her how beautiful they are, it never seemed to convince her. However, I had prepared a new tact for the next time this came up and I was ready to use it now.

"Would the nipples stay the same?"

"What?" My plan had worked. She had not even contemplated that this would be my response. So, wherever she was planning to go with this, I had forced her off course. What I have not told you yet is that Pamela's nipples are wonders all on their own. They are thick and her areolas are practically the same size as her nipples. Just the slightest amount of areola peeks out from around her nipples. Pamela's nipples are also very sensitive. I have made her orgasm just playing with her them, sucking on one and stroking the other with my fingers.

"I said, would the nipples stay the same. You have the best nipples in the world. They are like candy gumdrops on your breasts and you know how much I love sucking on them. I really don't care about the size of your breasts as long as those nipples are there with them. That's why I think your breasts are perfect just as they are."

That seems to have been a pretty good answer because she got a huge grin on her face and said, "Get naked, now!" She did not say the last word loud, but it was strong and made it clear that there was to be no argument, only immediate compliance. So, I did what any smart man would do. I let her dress fall to the floor and began taking off my clothes. I just threw them wherever in my rush to be obedient. I was down to just my socks and underwear and I sat on the bed to get these last items off my legs.

I looked over and Pamela was at the dresser taking out her earrings. Her hair was cascading down her back and her luscious ass was right at my eye level. I stopped what I was doing to take in the view.

She turned over her shoulder and said, "Are you done yet?" This roused me into completing the task at hand.

"Yes, ma'am. As ordered."

"Good. Now you get to see the final birthday present." She turned to face me and I looked into her eyes. Her smile seemed to falter a little and she looked down. That caused me to look down as well and that was when I saw it. A little sapphire jewel was now gracing her belly button. I had told her that I thought belly button jewelry was sexy and I thought she should get one. After a few comments and her abject refusal, I had let it drop several months ago.

Now, she knew I had seen it and was waiting for some kind of reply. I was so turned on I had been rendered speechless. "Well?" she asked.

Knowing I had to say something I rallied enough to say, "I don't know how you did it but you are even more sexy." Maybe it was cheesy, but she seemed to like it. She walked toward me very slowly and I just stared right at the little blue jewel in the middle of her taut stomach. My dick, which had been deflating a bit as I was getting undressed, was right back at full staff.

Pamela stepped right in front of me and I leaned forward to kiss her stomach. I flicked the little gem with my tongue. Looking down at my fully erect penis (such as it is) Pamela asked me, "So do you like your present?"

"Yes, Pam. Very much." I looked up to answer her but I saw she was still looking right at my cock.

She continued to look at it, not me, when she added, "I wasn't sure about it, but after I got it, I thought it looked nice. And seeing you ogling it makes me think I might keep it for a while. I know it is your birthday but I see you have a present for me."

Without ever looking at me, Pamela stepped in between my legs and shoved me hard, pushing me flat on my back. She was clearly taking control and I was happy to let her. As she began to climb on the bed, I scooted back. Now lying completely prone on my back and my dick sticking straight up, I watched as Pamela got over top of me, aimed herself at my rigid penis and slowly lowered herself down. I felt her lips spread and her pussy slowly envelope my rod bit by bit until I felt her thighs touch mine.

Pamela had learned how to work her Kegel muscles and she was using them to good effect. The walls of her vagina were wrapping around my erect penis with every up and down movement of her body. The tactile sensations that were being transmittal up my neuros from my cock to my brain were coming at such a rapid pace that I could feel an orgasm approaching.

When Pamela did this, she would also feel pleasure. Her efforts gave her a feeling of being more full that my shorter staff would normally provide. But it came at a cost. Her efforts required work and concentration that would also detract some from her own pleasure. Two steps forward, one step back as it were.

I wanted to very much hold out as long as I could. This morning and in the car ride home from the restaurant she had given me so much pleasure and I wanted her to get some of that back. She had enjoyed what she did mentally and emotionally, but I wanted her to have the physical sensations to go along with it. I had to do something to help me hold off the inevitable. Maybe if I tried to talk it would distract my mind enough to delay my approaching orgasm.

"Pam, you are making me feel so good. It's like this velvet glove is wrapped around me and stimulating me. You are just so sexy and I am so lucky to have you here with me."

"What... are you... doing?" she asked around lunges, sounding a little out of breath.

"I am trying to distract myself because I don't want to cum too quickly."

"Well... you're distracting me... from cumming at all. It's hard enough... to do this... and you're making it... harder for me."

"I can think of something that will get you your orgasm, shut me up and put off my own orgasm all in one."

She knew what I meant and she seemed to like the idea based on the smile I got from her. The next time she rose up, she kept going. My cock felt air now hitting it as Pamela knee walked up my body. She was soon hovering right over my face. Our hands clasped as she lowered herself down to my waiting tongue.

This is my favorite position when we are together. I am much more able to read her body with my tongue. It is easier for me to concentrate on her sounds and her movements. It is also more emotionally intimate, at least in the beginning. Eye contact allows us to know the love coursing between us without having to say a word. Like now, our hands often find the other's which is another non-verbal way we share what this moment means for us. What we mean to each other.

My lips and tongue move and touch her folds sending pulses through her body and into her brain where they register pleasure. She is patient with me, waiting for me to find the spots that she wants stimulated. If I start to take too long, a gentle roll of her hips will help me along.

There is a certain pleasure I get when I lick across her clitoris. The eye contact is broken as Pamela's eyes close, her head tilts back and there is usually a soft sigh or moan. When she looks back down at me with a smile as bright as the sun, I have such an overwhelming sense of joy inside me.

After a time, I remember that Pamela is sitting on my face because she wanted her orgasm and I had promised I would give it to her. So, I put my other thoughts aside and get to it. I now begin to focus on her clit and take the hard nub in between my lips. I suck on it, lick it and generally move my tongue and lips around it trying to stimulate Pamela as much as I can.

Sensing the change in my tactics, Pamela responds as well. The loving tenderness we had been sharing is now replaced by that need for release. No longer being patient, Pamela begins to buck her hips, moving her wet vagina all over my face. Her hands pull away from mine and she leans forward, her hands on the wall behind the bed. Using this for better leverage, she grinds herself down, turning my head into a mortar for her to grind against with the pestle of her sex.

My hands are not idle. Once she released our grip, I bring my arms up and begin using my fingers, hands and palms to fondle her breasts and play with those sensitive nipples. The pleasure she had been feeling from her groin is now magnified by the pleasure coming from her chest. This just causes her to move her hips even faster.

Now she is approaching the orgasm she had been seeking. There are no longer any soft moans or sighs. There are grunts and the occasional four-letter expletive. I hear the one that begins with "f" the one that begins with "s" and the one that begins we "d". As she nears her final release, the expletives take on a pattern I have learned over time so I am able to tell just how close she is getting.

First, the "s" one will get paired with "Oh." ("Oh, s#^$"). Then she invokes a higher being and the "d" one and I know she is getting there. ("Godd@#&! it."). When the "f" one starts coming in rapid succession ("f*&%, f*&%, f*&%, f*&%, f*&%!) and her pitch goes up an octave or two, I know she is right there.

At the moment, Pamela is moving far too quickly for me to intentionally pleasure her with my mouth. Her pussy is moving so fast that I just stick my tongue out and hope for the best. But as much as her hips and legs are moving, her upper body is mostly still. This allows me to keep a good grip on her breasts and I latch onto her nipples with two fingers each and squeeze.

The swear words are now replaced by a high-pitched squeal and girl cum pours out of her in a torrent. It does not squirt out but just keeps flowing and flowing as my face is drenched in her nectar. It is a wealth of sexual ambrosia; my reward for helping her reach the mountaintop of her orgasm.

When the tide finally ebbs, Pamela slumps forward. Now her crotch is completely covering my nose and mouth. I shimmy upwards to get air as the top of my head runs into the headboard.

I look up and Pamela is totally spent. Her forearms, from wrists to elbows are flat against the wall keeping her from collapsing on top of me. Her eyes are closed and her chest is heaving as she slowly tries to regain a normal breathing pattern.

Finally, I feel her weight move back to my chest as she pushes off the wall with her forearms. She still has not opened her eyes as she pivots on one knee and brings her other leg over my body. She is now kneeling next me and she starts to lean down. Her eyes open as she seeks a course to bring her lips to mine. Her gaze is still a little vacant as she locks her eyes to my lips. I have to confess, I feel a little proud of myself because of that look.

Pamela kisses me and tastes herself in the process. When she pulls back from the kiss, she does not say anything but she does continue to smile at me. Then she pivots on her other knee and brings her other leg back over me. She is now facing away from me as she leans forward and begins to crawl on all fours, down my body.

Just as I am thinking I am about to get a reward for my efforts, her head goes right past my semi-erect penis and she continues to crawl until she is almost at the foot of the bed.

Pamela turns her head to the side but we are still not in line of sight when she finally speaks. "I was hoping to get you off one more time but that was before you completely worn me out. I know it's your birthday but I really wanted to feel you cum inside me. So maybe you can help us both out?"

Pamela then turns her head back and lays it down on the bed, pushing her ass a little higher into the air. She was correct that we both really wanted what she was asking for and it was enlightened self-interest that got me up and on me knees behind her.

I wrapped my right hand around my cock and pumped back and forth a few times to get me fully erect. Her love hole was still soaked inside as a result of her orgasm and with her being so tired, Pamela could not fire up her Kegels. However, just thinking about everything that had happened that day and also watching my dick disappearing and reappearing from inside Pamela's body was more than enough stimulation to bring about my own orgasm.

The sensations building in my scrotum begin to radiate and I can feel my body reaching that point of no return. Once I know that my orgasm was inevitable, I thrust my hips forward as far as I can. My thighs ram into Pamela's butt and push her down into the bed a little more. Just then I feel the first spurt of cum burst out of the head of my dick inside Pamela's womb.

"Oh yeah." Pamela exclaimed as I felt the second shot running through my shaft. "Mmmm." was her response as the second shot touched inside her. "Uhhhh." followed that. As I withdrew from her, Pamela let out a contented sigh and a deep breath.

I got out of bed to get some towels. We were going to need them if we were going to go to sleep on the bed. When I walked back into the bedroom, she was still in the same position; head down, ass up and eyes closed. My approaching the bed seemed to rouse her a little and she opened her eyes. "Thank you." she said to me.

I knelt down on the floor at the foot of the bed and gave her a peck on the lips. I said, "No, I need to thank you. This was a perfect day for me and everything that made it perfect connects back to you."

I got up and started spreading the towels on the bed. I had to spread two towels and layer them three deep before I could lay on them without feeling the wetness below. Pamela had gotten off the bed as I was laying the towels and when I was done, she turned off the light and came back to bed.

I was lying on my back and Pamela came up to the side of me. She cuddled her body into me and laid her head on my shoulder. I brought my arm around her and held her tight. Without looking up she said to me, "Buddy, you're an easy person to love and I do love you, very much."

"Pamela you are such an amazing woman and I love you very much as well. I am so very lucky to have you in my life."

We held each other tighter and very soon thereafter I heard her breathing become steady and shallow and knew she was asleep. I could feel myself drifting off as well. And just as I felt that last bit of consciousness leaving me and slumber overtaking me...

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I reached over and turned off the alarm on my phone. I woke up alone in the same bed I had woken up alone in for the last eleven years. My perfect birthday had been a dream. It had all happened in my head. But to steal a line from Harry Potter, "of course it's all happening in your head. But that doesn't mean it's not real."

My body thought it was real judging from the mess in my boxers and on my sheets. The pleasure that I was feeling in my mind had a physical manifestation. "Pamela" may not be real but the thought of Pamela gave my body a significant amount of pleasure judging by all the spunk.

Do I wish Pamela was real and that I would get to see her in my waking hours? Of course I do. Unfortunately, that is not my reality. And I am not delusional and pretending that my dreams are real. But I ask you dear reader, isn't there some sexual adventure of yours that was so meaningful, so powerful that you can recall it now just as if you were reliving it. Your mind replaying every feeling, every sensation, every bit of the memory and your body reacting to it? The only difference for me is that I did not get to go through it the first time.

This was not my first "encounter" with Pamela. The Universe made sure that if my reality was going to be bleak, at least my mind could conjure up something for me. And something is almost always better than nothing.

I cannot really control when I will see Pamela next. However, she always seems to come to me when I need her. The feelings that overcame me when I heard about the height filter on the dating app were no longer bothering me. Pamela saw to that.

Each night when I go to sleep, I know there is a chance that I will get to see her again. I will see that lovely face and that beautiful smile and my mind will be filled with all the pleasure, joy and love she brings me. Even at 5'5" there is a woman who loves me for who I am. And if I want to see her, all I have to do is dream.