Finding Inspiration Pt. 03

Finding Inspiration

A Ladies in Love Romance

By Magda McKune

Part Three

CHAPTER 9

I woke up early and decided to get up and let my sweet companion snooze a little longer. Tammy looked so adorable when she slept and I always wanted to hug her tightly to my breast. But there was plenty of time for that later. Plenty of time for cuddling and making love with my hot sensuous blonde female partner.

I stood at the kitchen counter and poured hot water over the teabag in my cup. As much as I loved waking to her in the morning, I thought I'd be good and let the girl sleep a little longer.

I stared at the swirling dark cloud in my teacup as a feeling of dread began to wash over me. In reality, we didn't have all that much time left together. In a few days, Tammy would be gone and I would be all alone once more. No more cuddling, no more laughter, no more late-night love sessions. My heart ached at the mere thought of her leaving. I wanted the girl to stay longer but Tammy had a life of her own. After all, our agreement was only a temporary arrangement. I knew someday it would be over, but I didn't want it to be over so soon.

Tammy padded up behind me in her bare feet and bathrobe and wrapped her arms around my waist. She rested her cheek onto my back and sighed with contentment. "Good morning, my love," she lilted happily. "I missed you terribly when I woke up and found you weren't there."

I turned my head to her. "What did you say?"

"I said I missed you terribly --"

"Before that."

"I said good morning, my love."

I turned in her arms. "You never said that to me before."

Tammy beamed brightly. "Perhaps it was because I never realized I was in love with you until now."

I stared deeply into her eyes with earnest. "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes, darling. I do."

I wrapped my arms around her back and held her tightly to my bosom. "Oh God, Tammy! I didn't know how to tell you, but I've been madly in love with you for days. I was scared to say anything because I was afraid you would reject me and turn away."

Tammy smoothed her hands over my naked back. "There's no need to fear, sweetheart. It took me awhile to accept my true feelings because no one has ever been so good to me as you have been. I was scared that I was receiving the wrong signals from you about me."

I kissed her passionately and reached down to untie the belt of her robe. "Let me feel your body," I rasped lustfully. I opened her robe and reached inside. Her flesh felt so soft and warm to my touch. I slid my arms around her waist and groped her perfect ass. "God, you are so fucking beautiful," I panted.

Tammy kissed me softly on the lips. "Come back to bed and I can show you how much I love you. That is, if you prefer to have an actual demonstration."

I leaned back and gazed lovingly into her beautiful face. "I love you, Tammy Taylor. I worship and adore everything about you." I kissed her. She expelled her breath into my mouth and I felt the girl melt in my arms. My heart swelled with pure desire for this lovely lady. I had set out to find what it love was and I certainly found it. The answer was right here in my arms.

I finally let the girl up for air and she hugged me. "I don't care if you only love me for a minute or a day or a week or forever and ever. All I know is that I love you right here and now and that is enough for me."

I pressed my cheek to her face and held her in my arms. "I know my love for you will last for more than a day, my sweet darling."

Tammy leaned back and smiled into my eyes. "Come back to bed, lover. I want to make love to you and satisfy you over and over."

I smiled and took her hand in mine. "I have a feeling this is going to be a very long and special morning for us."

"Me too."

The morning passed quickly. Tammy and I rolled in the sheets for hours; kissing, fondling, licking and loving. No more lessons on intimacy and romance. My training was over. The time had come for sheer joy and passion and unrestrained love. Neither of us was the student or the teacher. We were simply two women expressing our affection for one another. It was an intertwining of bodies, spirits, and hearts. Neither of us had anything to prove, only the honest expression of adoration for one another.

I was amazed that my partner was the first to use the "L" word. I fought against saying it to her so many times over the past few days. I wanted to tell the girl that I loved her, but was too afraid -- afraid she wouldn't love me back. Or perhaps I was afraid she might laugh at me and call me a silly romantic. After all, what did I know about love? I had never been with any partner but her. I was merely confusing sexual intimacy and desire with true love.

And yet, I knew beyond a doubt that this was the real thing. I was deeply and genuinely in love with the girl with all my heart and soul. For Tammy to feel the same way about me was far beyond anything I could possibly hope for. I had found the love of my life in Tammy Taylor and my heart swelled with joy that she was here with me in my arms.

Tammy rolled on top of me and smiled into my eyes. "You're crying."

"I can't help it," I whimpered pitifully. "I've never had anyone tell me they loved me before. Here I am, 34 years old and have never been loved."

"Well, you are now, sweetheart," Tammy whispered tenderly. She kissed the salty tears from my cheeks. "You are now."

"Please tell me again, baby."

The girl smiled down at me. "I think I can do better than that. I can tell you and show you at the same time."

Tammy lay naked on her back, utterly spent and content. "Hoo, baby!" she sighed dreamily. "You wear me out!"

I shifted up onto my elbow and smiled down at her. I brushed away a few stray strands of blonde hair from her face. "You make me so indescribably happy," I murmured.

"You look happy."

I leaned down and tenderly kissed her lips. "Tell me that you mean it."

"Mean what?"

"You know."

Tammy smiled up at me. "I love you, Jules. I really mean it."

My smile widened. "Sorry if I seem so amazed at such an admission, but I don't recall anyone ever saying that to me before. Oh sure, my parents did when I was young, but they sort of have to say that, don't they?"

The girl grew thoughtful and caressed my arm with her hand. "People tell me that all the time, but I know they don't mean it. They say 'I love you' when I'm dancing, but that's just lust talking. And when I'm having sex with a partner too. But that is merely an outburst of the moment, you know?"

I smiled and smoothed my hand over her bare breast. "I seem to recall shouting it myself in the throes of passion once or twice myself."

Tammy giggled. "But that wasn't lust. That was for real."

I bent down to kiss her. "I must admit that part of it was pure lust, darling."

"Well yeah, I'll grant you that."

I smiled into her beautiful eyes. "I do love you, Tammy. I really do."

"I know, Jules." She offered a wry smile. "How's about we have something to eat? I'm starving!"

"I can make you breakfast in bed if you like."

The girl laughed and caressed her hand down my side. "You don't want me to leave this bedroom, do you?"

I chuckled and gently fondled her pretty tittie. "It would be a great time-saver keeping you in here. No need to be running back and forth."

Tammy hooked her other hand behind my neck and pulled my mouth onto hers. "You want to keep me as your personal love slave."

"No darling," I exhaled into her mouth. "I want you to be my lover. Now and always."

CHAPTER 10

I cracked one eye to the beams of morning sunlight peeking through the window curtains. I smiled and sighed with contentment. Yesterday had been the most perfect day I ever experienced in my entire life, a day filled with love, laughter, and lots of wonderful sex. Tammy was incredible. She made me feel and do and say things I never imagined possible. I finally discovered what love and romance and intimacy was supposed to be.

What a shell of a woman I had been all my life. A shell was an apt description, since I was hollow and empty inside. Tammy opened up a whole new world for me, one filled with love, desire and contentment. I knew that I would never want to go back to the loneliness I had known before she came into my life. We had revealed our love for one another and expressed it in as many ways as we possibly could. I never dreamed of loving a woman before I met Tammy and now I could not imagine a single day of my life without her in it. Tammy Taylor was a large part of my world, regardless of what anyone thought or said about us. I didn't care what other people thought; only the way she made me feel when I was around her.

I rolled onto my side and reached to touch my lover. She wasn't there. I opened my eyes to discover her side of the bed was empty.

"Tammy?" I called.

No answer.

I sat up and glanced about the room with the bed sheet clutched to my naked chest. "Tammy?" No reply. I didn't hear any sounds coming from the kitchen or the bathroom. Had she gone out very early in the morning without waking me?

I glanced at her side of the bed to see a folded sheet of paper on her pillow. I felt an icy chill creep up my spine. I knew I had to read what it said but was terrified about its contents. I stared at it a long while, finally working up the courage to pick up the note and read it.

My dearest Ju-Ju Bear,

This last week and a half have been the best days of my life. I never imagined I could share so much joy and laughter and love with anyone. You are the kindest friend and most sensuous lover a woman could ever hope for. I love you dearly and can scarcely imagine how someone as wonderful as you would ever be attracted to me.

I realized in the middle of the night how vastly different we are. You are such a classy sophisticated lady and I'm an immature dumb kid. I lay in the dark and watched you sleeping and knew that you loved me but I feared that someday the novelty of having a young lover would eventually wear off and you wouldn't want me anymore. You would say that such a thing would never happen, but I can't seem to suppress this fear I have that I may someday lose you.

We made an agreement from the start for me to stay with you for two weeks. This next morning will be day twelve. I can't bear to live the next two days with the fear that you will be telling me it was over and you won't be needing me anymore. I love you too much to endure the agony of having you tell me to go, so I will spare you the trouble. I want to leave knowing that you still care for me. As for our agreement, you don't owe me anything because I am going before our two weeks are up.

Please don't try to contact me for a while. I need time to sort out these feelings I have for you. If what we have is real, it can withstand our being separated for a spell. And if we find it was merely a lark, then so be it. I will cherish these memories of our time together in my heart forever, knowing we both are a tiny bit happier and loving because of this experience.

Please know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will love you always with all my heart.

Tammy

I dropped the paper into my lap and held my face in my hands. My body shook, my chest racked with sobs as tears flowed down my cheeks. How could Tammy leave me like this? It was selfish I know, but I needed her and wanted her in my life. Oh, dear God, don't leave me, baby! Tammy and I were perfect together. Sure, we were very different, but we were in love and that made all of our differences irrelevant. We were perfect partners and lovers and that was all that truly mattered.

I picked up the letter and reread the most painful words of all -- don't try to contact me. Maybe she was right -- a short spell apart would not affect our feelings for each other if our love was real and true. But I didn't know if I could endure it. I couldn't bear to be separated from my sweet darling Tammy for even a single minute.

God, I loved her so much.

I curled my body into a fetal position under the sheets and wept inconsolably. What irony! Just when I found the love of my life, she leaves me to test our commitment to one another.

The tears rolled down my face as I wept. God, I needed her with me. I needed to feel her naked body in bed with me. Two weeks ago, I did not know what it was like to have someone share my bed, or make love to me, or let me give my love freely to someone.

I never felt so utterly lonely and alone.

I opened the door to find Marsha Bowers in the hallway. She winced slightly at the sight of my puffy red eyes from crying. "Hi."

I moved to the woman and took her into a loving embrace. "Hello sweetie."

Marsha was probably used to my overt expressions of affection by now. "I came as soon as I could."

"You are so good to take care of me." I removed the paper sack containing two bottles of vodka from her arms. "Please, come in."

My friend closed the door behind her and followed me into the kitchen. "You're not going to get drunk and do something crazy are you?"

I set the sack on the countertop. "Only the drunk part." I opened the refrigerator and removed the pitcher of orange juice. "Screwdriver?"

"It's ten o'clock in the morning."

"Close enough to happy hour for me."

Marsha slid onto a stool at the kitchen island. I handed her Tammy's note from my robe pocket. I had read it so many times I could recite it word for word. Marsha scanned the letter as I took a water glass from the cupboard and mixed myself a tall cocktail. "So what are you going to do?" she asked.

"Get stinking shitfaced drunk."

"I mean after that."

"There isn't a whole lot I can do. I have to give Tammy some space, I suppose." I took a hearty gulp of my strong drink. "I can't blame her for being scared. I imagine it came as quite a shock to the both of us to realize we were so much in love. I mean, I was such a cold fish for so long I didn't even think it was even possible. And me falling for a pretty young blonde girl on top of it."

Marsha raised her hand to stop me. "Whoa! Wait a minute! You are in love?"

"Madly."

"How does Tammy feel about this?"

"She loves me too."

"So what's the problem?"

I took a hearty gulp. "I'm the problem."

"I don't get it."

"I'm rich and famous and sophisticated and worldly. I'm also ten years her senior and boring as hell."

"I see."

I took another drink. "Tammy is so beautiful and sensuous and such a wild free spirit -- not at all like me. She told me she had sexual partners since she was fourteen. Talk about your odd couple! A promiscuous exotic dancer and a dull aging novelist. You can't get much stranger than that."

"But you said you love each other."

"Yes. That's the strangest part of all. I can't get over the fact that she actually loved me back. Tammy is such an incredible girl." I took another gulp. "You want a drink?"

"No thanks. You want me to keep you company for awhile?"

"That would be very nice of you." I moved to her side and stroked my fingers through her dark hair. "I could really use a friend right now."

Marsha gave me a wry smile. "You're not coming on to me, are you?"

"No darling," I sighed dejectedly. "I just want you to know you are the very best and dearest friend I have."

"I love you too, honey." She patted me on the rear. "Let's sit on the balcony in the morning sunshine and you can tell me all about how wonderful that girl is. You told me she taught you about how to be romantic."

"Oh God, did she ever!" I moved around the counter and mixed myself another strong drink. "We would stroll hand in hand through the park and sing love songs to each other. We even made out in my car as we went through the car wash."

"I'm sure you were very happy with one another."

"We were." I took a drink and looked at my guest. "I paid her to be with me. We both understood it was a financial arrangement from the start. Tammy taught me about love and romance and sex because that was what she was hired to do. Neither of us expected to fall in love." I took another swallow and moved to the woman. "It was a crazy scheme from the start, I admit. But if we hadn't made such a pact, I never would have met her or learned from her or fell in love with her. In that respect, I am glad we did it."

Marsha wrapped her arm around my waist. "Let's sit outside and you can tell me all about her. But please leave out the hot juicy sex parts. It isn't fair to get a frustrated single divorced woman all worked up so early in the day." Marsha expelled her breath in a doleful sigh. "Or at any other time of the day for that matter."

I draped my arm across her back and kissed the side of her forehead. "I am so lucky to have you."

The first few days after Tammy left all I did was cry, get drunk, cry some more, and get drunk again. Then I began to write. The words poured freely from my broken heart as easily as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to tell the whole world my sad story. I wanted to share with everyone what I had learned about love and loss and how much I missed that dear sweet beautiful girl with all my heart.

Tammy taught me about lust and desire. She made me crave the human body more than I dreamed possible and gave me more pleasure than I could ever imagine. The girl showed me what romance was all about and revealed to me the many ways of unlocking my heart to all the beauty and tenderness that having a loving relationship with someone can hold.

We learned together about the tenderness of loving affection in the quiet hours of the night as we held each other in our arms. The joy of sharing a cup of coffee on the balcony watching the sunrise together, or holding hands and gazing up at the stars at night.

Tammy also taught me about the pain that accompanies the loss of true love. I knew in the depths of my soul that she was the desire of my life and that I would never ever be complete without her. Tammy taught me all too well the gut-wrenching despair one feels when their heart's true love steps out of their life forever.

Tammy taught me about love -- the lust, the romance, the tenderness and the pain. Little did I realize how thoroughly and effectively she would complete her task. I wanted to know about love and learned my lesson all too well. I knew that my writing and my life would be changed by that sweet darling girl forever.

Marsha Bowers raised her hankie to her face and covered her nose. "My dear Lord," she wept pitifully. "This latest book of yours is the most beautiful thing I have ever read in my entire life."

"You liked it?"

"Liked it? Look at me! I'm blubbering like a baby! It was fantastic!"

I took a sip from my glass of merlot and stated dryly, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

The agent set the manuscript aside. "This is far and beyond the best work you've ever done."

"Thanks. Now take it away. I never want to see it again."

"What?"

"It's too painful to me. I hoped that by putting our story down on paper it would deliver me some peace. But the agony is still there, as fresh and as tangible as ever."

"You still love her, don't you?"

"With every fiber of my being."

"Then why don't you tell her?"

I took a drink of my red wine and shook my head. "Because Tammy was right. We come from two different worlds. She is a free young spirit and I'm an old stick in the mud."

"She did not say that."

"I'm paraphrasing."

"Tammy loves you dearly and you know it."

"Yes, I know she does. But she deserves better."

"Better than what? A person who cares for her more deeply than anyone she could possibly imagine? Better than a sweet loving woman who wants to give that girl her heart and soul forever? Nobody could ever do better than that."

I sighed dolefully and twirled the stem of my wineglass on the table. "It's been three weeks. She hasn't called or written or stopped by. She's probably forgotten all about me by now."

"That isn't true and you know it."

"Perhaps."

"Look girl, I'm a thirty-eight-year-old divorcee. I haven't had sex in... hell, I can't remember how long. I am so envious of you I could scream. You found a person who satisfies you sexually and loves you dearly. And you love her in return. If I were you, I wouldn't let a girl like Tammy Taylor slip away. I'd run back to that hot little honey as fast as my feet could take me."

"I know I should, but I need to give her some space. If I run back to her now, it'll appear as though I was needy and selfish. I want her to make up her mind about whether she loves me enough to make this relationship work."

"Well, don't wait too long. Girls like that don't come along very often."

"You sure got that right." I finished my drink and rose to my feet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go home and have a nice long cry."

Marsha took my hand in hers. "Tell me where this club is where you met her. I'll go talk to Tammy for you."

"No darling. I need to deal with this in my own way in my own time." I bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "Cheer up, sweetheart. The experiment was a huge success. I believe I finally learned how to love."

"It hurts me to see you this way."

"I'll be fine. See you later, sweetie."

I sat on the balcony staring up at the night stars, dreaming about my lost love. Perhaps Marsha was right; maybe I should run to Tammy as fast as my feet could take me. Would that make me look needy? I didn't want to smother the girl and have her think I wasn't able to allow her the space that she needed. I wanted to honor Tammy's wishes and not contact her for awhile, but I didn't want her to slip away from me either.

I took another swig from the bottle of red wine and gazed at the millions of twinkling stars above me. Tammy Taylor was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew that if I didn't get her back into my life, I would regret it forever. I knew she loved me, and when the time was right, we would be back together again. But why did we both have to suffer in the interim? Why did we have to stay apart, especially now that we finally found each other? I guessed it was to test our love for one another. If we could endure some time apart, then we would know for certain that what we had was more than mere infatuation.

I drank some more wine and expelled a doleful sigh. Why did love have to be so damn difficult? Perhaps this was simply one final lesson Tammy wanted me to learn. Sometimes people didn't just fall in love and live happily ever after. Sometimes being in love was painful and difficult and hurt like hell. I grunted in disgust. I wanted my characters to feel the whole gamut of love and intimacy. Well brother, I certainly learned my lesson there. I learned the sweetness and the pain, the tenderness of intimacy and the wild savage lust. I learned that if you loved someone dearly, you had to be able to let them live their own lives and not strangle the life out of them by holding them too tightly.

I took another swig from the bottle. Love isn't all flowers and poetry and candle lit dinners, sister. Sometimes love totally sucks to the max.

I stood in front of the long mirror in the bedroom staring at my body. I felt so frumpy and old in my cotton blouse and slacks. I missed my lover to grope my tits and ass and tell me I was sexy and beautiful. I caressed my hands over my breasts and remembered how it felt when Tammy touched me that way.

God, I missed her so much. I groped my tits through my top, recalling the time we made out in the car wash and how I loved to touch her body every time I was near her.

I unbuttoned my blouse and bared my braless tits to the glass. Tammy liked it when I didn't wear a bra or panties. It made it easier to make love on the spur of the moment. I caressed my fingers over my nipples, recalling how gentle and tender she was. I missed her voice, her smile, her touch. I never knew how wonderful intimacy and sex could be, and how much I would miss it when it was no longer a part of my life.

The man opened the door to my knock. He was slightly taken aback to see me standing in the hallway. "Jules!" Benny smiled somewhat puzzled. "What are you doing here?"

"May I come in?"

"Of course! Please! Come on in." I stepped into the apartment and glanced around as Benny closed the door behind me. "What brings you around here?"

"I'm sorry for stopping by unannounced like this. I was sitting at home all by myself and thought I'd go out for a drive. I passed by the club and noticed it was closed for renovations."

"Yeah. They're replacing the water lines to the bar. We're all off for a few days. Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, anything is fine."

"Screwdriver?"

"Yes, thanks." I wandered into the living room as my host stepped to the kitchen to mix us a couple of drinks. "I was hoping you would be home. I felt like talking to someone and didn't know anyone else I wanted to be with except you."

"Why not Tammy?"

"I'm afraid to see her. I love her terribly and I don't want to throw myself at her like some crazed stalker woman."

"Tammy was pretty shaken up after she came back to work. I wondered what it was all about. She told me she fell in love with someone but that it didn't work out. I didn't know it was you."

"Yes, it was." He brought me a glass of vodka and orange juice. "How is she doing, by the way?"

"Better, but I can tell she hasn't been the same. She misses you, you know."

"I miss her too." I sat on the couch. Benny sat on the cushion beside me. "It's all so confused and mixed up. Did she ever tell you how we got together?"

"No."

"I'm a novelist. I hired Tammy to teach me about love and romance." I stared down at the glass in my hands. "She sure did a good job of it. You might say the student fell in love with the teacher." Benny tenderly caressed his hand over my back. "That's why I don't want to call her. I don't want to come off as if Tammy owes me anything or that I only want to be with her for the sex."

"I'm sure you two will work it out."

I nodded to the floor. "I don't have a lot of friends. You and Tammy and my agent Marsha. That's about it. I felt like I wanted to talk with someone about this and you were the only one I could turn to."

"I'll always be here for you whenever you need me, Jules."

I smiled at him. "The name is Julie. Julie Jensen. Tammy called me Jules as sort of a pet name."

"I won't call you that if it bothers you."

"No. I like it." I took a hearty gulp of my drink. It was stronger than I thought. "I like you too, Benny. You're the only male friend I have."

"I want to be your friend, Julie. And more, if you want that too."

I turned my face to him. "I've never made love to a man before."

"I'm here for you if that's what you want."

"That's sweet of you to offer, but I sort of want to remain true to Tammy, you know? That sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it?"

"Not at all." He leaned back into the sofa cushion and pulled me back to rest against his chest. "I think it's sweet."

"And hopelessly romantic. Tammy taught me all I know about that subject." Benny wrapped his arms around my tummy. I sighed with contentment and lay my head on his shoulder. "You don't have any other plans for tonight, do you?"

"No."

"I wanted someone to be with me and hold me just like this."

"I don't mind. In fact, I like it a lot. You could probably tell from that night that you really turned me on. I like older women as you may have guessed."

I lolled my head on his shoulder to him. "I'm not that old."

"But you're sexy as hell."

"That means a lot coming from someone who watches women take their clothes off every night."

"Not women... girls. They lack maturity and confidence. Not like older gals. They know exactly what they want and how to get it. Young girls just tease for the fun of it and wouldn't know a good thing if they saw it."

I tilted my face to his and gave him a peck on the cheek. "You are definitely a good thing, Benny."

"So are you, Julie."

I straightened and finished my drink in a couple gulps. "Thanks for letting me unload on you," I sighed.

"It was my pleasure."

"I just needed to be with someone and feel loved, you know?"

"You can always come here when you need to feel loved, Jules."

I rose to stand and turned to him. "I know you find me attractive, but I'm saving myself for my one true love."

"I know. I can respect that." Benny stood and faced me. "You want me to talk to Tammy for you?"

"No," I sighed dolefully. "I will talk to her myself when the time is right. For now, let me deal with it in my own way, okay?"

"Okay." Benny caressed his hand over my back. "In the meantime, come visit as many times as you need."

"You are very sweet. I'm grateful to have you as my friend, and flattered that you desire this old body so much."

"You're not so old."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I suppose I'm not so old after all."

CHAPTER 11

Tammy gathered her clothing from the stage and climbed down the stairs to the audience. She stopped short as she noticed me sitting at a table all by myself. I wore my salmon silk blouse knotted over my navel and my cut off short black skirt. The girl crossed to me, holding her garments to cover her bare chest. "Hello, Jules."

"Hello, Tammy. Is there somewhere we can talk? I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to."

"You don't owe me anything."

"That isn't the only reason I came here."

The girl shrugged a shoulder with indifference. "Okay. Come with me." She led us to a hallway leading to the back. We entered a room used by the girls to change into their costumes.

Tammy's dressing room looked nothing like I expected a dancer's dressing room to be. I expected a long brightly-lit vanity table along one wall with rows and rows of bulbs around the mirrors and plenty of makeup items scattered about. Maybe a poster or two of some fancy Paris cabaret show or old movie decorating the walls. Instead, I found the room to be dark and dreary. It was little more than a converted storage room. A naked bulb hung on a cord from the ceiling. There was a small vanity table on the left side of the room and two metal racks of costumes on the right. Numerous feathery boas, assorted hats and some glittery capes hung from hooks on the walls. A row of shelves on the far wall held the girls' street clothes, purses, and shoes. It felt cluttered and cramped like we were in some carnival trailer or somebody's walk-in closet.

Somehow, I expected a dancer's life to be a bit more glamorous than this. I guess show business tended to focus more on the illusion shown to the audience and less on the harsh reality that these ordinary girls had to go through to put on a performance.

Seeing Tammy in such stark and humble surroundings made my heart ache for her even more. I could see what she and her fellow dancers had to endure as they stripped and danced every night for drunk strangers. To Tammy, this was more than a job, and a poorly compensating one at that. For my darling Tammy to exhibit such excitement and enthusiasm night after night was truly a rare gift. This was more than mere employment for her. This was more than simply shedding her clothes and shaking her tits and ass for a bunch of horny strangers. This was a way for her to share her light with the world, to spread joy and happiness to some lonely slob who desperately needed it. Tammy overlooked the hardship and humiliation that came with the job, the degradation and insult that came with having to peddle your flesh for cash. She considered herself an artist, offering what she had in the best way she knew how.

Viewing my darling lover in such a meager setting made me feel ashamed of myself. And in that very moment I truly envied her. Tammy Taylor had more courage than I would ever have. I had always hidden myself from life, sheltered myself away from the real world. I wrote about fantasy settings and fictional characters without really knowing what life was truly like. I hid myself from life where Tammy embraced it and made it her own. She didn't shy away from life -- she loved it with a joy and zeal to do the best with whatever the world threw at her. She didn't bemoan her fate and wallow in self-pity about her existence. Tammy didn't hide from reality the way I did. She accepted life, embraced it, and loved the person that she was. The girl had infinitely more courage than I ever had and I felt small and insignificant compared to her.

Tammy set her clothes on a lighted makeup table and turned to me. "So what brings you here?"

"I still owe you the balance of our agreement."

"You don't owe me anything. I left before the two weeks were up. I broke our contract."

"Not the way I see it. I hired you to teach me about romance and love. You did that. Quite thoroughly, I might add. I fell so deeply in love with you that I suppose I will be in love with you for the rest of my life. That wasn't my original plan, but I can't help the way my heart feels about you." I handed her a check. "Here's the balance. Twenty-five hundred dollars. I hired you to show me how to love and you did that to perfection."

Tammy lowered her eyes to the paper in her hands. "Jules, you don't have to do this."

"That isn't all. Since you were so instrumental in its creation, I believe you deserve part of the royalties from our latest book."

She looked at me. "Our book?"

"I gave you credit on the inside flap as creative consultant."

The girl smiled. "Actually, I believe I was your research assistant."

"Sorry. My bad." I stepped up to her and took the girl into my arms and kissed her passionately on the mouth. Tammy softened in my arms, her hands smoothing over my back. I held her tightly to my bosom feeling wave after wave of tender emotion wash over me like an ocean tide. All the desire, all the passion and the love came rushing back as though it had never left. I kissed her, knowing that this sweet darling girl was all I ever needed to be happy for the rest of my life.

I finally let her up for air and my lover smiled dreamily into my eyes. "Wow!"

"You taught me that sometimes we have to fight for what we love. I'm not willing to give you up -- not now, not ever. I want you in my life, Tammy Taylor, on whatever terms and conditions you set. You can keep dancing if you want and have all the sexual partners you need in order to be satisfied. I don't care. Only please, please, please, don't shut me out of your life."

My friend smiled with amusement at me. "Silly girl! I don't need any other partners to make me happy. All I need is you."

"Really?"

"Yes, my love. I knew after our first week together that I would fall deeply and madly in love with you. You were always so kind and gentle and loving to me. I knew I could never find anyone who would be so good to me if I searched for a hundred million years." She smoothed her hands over my back, her face expressing a tinge of sadness. "But I knew we came from totally different worlds. I didn't think it would work out between us. I left you because my heart couldn't bear you telling me on that final day that it was over and that you didn't need me anymore. I wanted to get out while I still felt that you loved me."

I smiled adoringly into her eyes and smoothed her blonde hair along her scalp with my fingers. "You never have to worry about that ever again, my darling. I will never ask you to leave me, not ever."

Tammy held me tightly to her chest and kissed me. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. It was a kiss of love, a kiss that told me we would be together forever. In that very instant I finally realized what love was all about. Love as not something painful and sad and depressing, but joyous and tender and eternal.

"Come stay with me, Tammy. Move in with me. Share my bed and be my lover forever. I want you to be with me. I can't bear the thought of spending another night in our bed all alone."

"Our bed?"

"Yes, my love. It will always be our bed. And our apartment. Unless you want to move somewhere else. We can live anywhere you want. Anywhere in the world, so long as we are together."

The girl frowned. "Hmmmm. You want me give up that shithole apartment of mine? That's a tough decision." She laughed and slid her hands down to grope my butt in the short skirt. "Do you promise to let me still do my strip tease act? For a limited audience of one, of course."

"Every night, my love."

Tammy giggled. "In that case, I accept!"

I kissed her again, the tears rolling freely down my cheeks. "God, you make me so incredibly happy!"

"I love you, Ju-Ju." She smiled into my eyes. "Now, about this royalties check you mentioned? How much are we talking about exactly?"

"Enough that you can pay your own way to college if that's what you want."

"I might just do that. I wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life with a dumb blonde."

"You are not a dumb blonde. You are the wisest, most insightful woman I have ever met." I caressed my hands up her bare back. "I've been wanting to do a bit of traveling lately, but never had anyone to go along with me before. Seeing Europe sounds so boring without a gorgeous woman to share it with."

Tammy giggled brightly. "Europe?"

"Anywhere you want. Everywhere you want. We can start with a cruise along the Mediterranean and see where it leads us."

My partner grinned happily. "You are much too good to me!"

I smoothed her blonde hair along her scalp and touched my lips to hers. "Not yet, my love," I murmured softly. "Not yet."

CHAPTER 12

Marsha Bowers grinned across the table as she sipped her red wine. "Sales for Taming Tammy are going right through the roof."

"I'm so glad." We sat at a table in the posh Bombay Bicycle Club restaurant. My lover Tammy had excused herself to visit the ladies' room.

"You seem so much more relaxed and content these past few months," Marsha observed.

"True love will do that for you," I commented casually. "That, and plenty of wild savage animal sex."

The agent chuckled. "I'm so happy for you." She set her wine glass aside. "So how does that work exactly?"

"What, girl-girl sex?"

"Yes."

I gave her a wry smile. "Why don't you come join us sometime and find out?"

Marsha flushed slightly. "I couldn't possibly."

"I didn't think I could either until my first time with Tammy. But in my opinion, it's much more tender and loving than with a man. A woman knows where another woman wants to be touched and stimulated."

Tammy joined us and sat at my side. She looked fantastic and very desirable in her tight dazzling white form-fitting dress. I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. The girl's eyes twinkled with merriment. "What was that for?"

"Because you look so incredibly delicious."

Tammy sighed ruefully as she picked up her wineglass. "I suppose this means I have to jump your bones again when we get home, you insatiable minx, you."

"Absolutely." I reached under the table and squeezed her thigh.

My partner turned her face to our companion and offered a weary sigh. "Thanks a lot, Marsha. You made me turn this quiet respectable lady into a craven wanton woman."

The lady raised her palms defensively. "Don't blame me if she can't get enough of you!"

I smiled playfully at my young lover. "Marsha and I were just talking about maybe making it a three-way sometime."

"We were not!" the agent guffawed.

Tammy gave Ms. Bowers a demure grin. "Curious about kitty-licking couples, are we?"

Marsha shrugged sheepishly. "Well... perhaps a teensy bit interested."

My lover set her glass aside and placed her hand on Marsha's atop the table. "You can come watch us sometime and even join us if you like."

I grinned and slid my hand up the girl's leg to the hem of her dress. "Kinky."

Tammy smiled at me. "I take it, you're not going to wait until we get home, are you?"

"I hear they have rooms in this hotel, lover-girl."

My partner laughed and turned to our agent. "How's about we get a bottle of wine to go and take it up to a room. We can get naked and discuss our next book."

"Your next book?" Marsha asked.

She slipped her hand under the table to stop my hand from inching under the hem of her dress. "It's called Educating Julie. It's a bona fide love story."

I leaned over and gave her a smooch on the cheek. "It most certainly is."

Tammy turned her face to me and met my lips in a soft kiss. "It's a team effort."

"It most certainly is."

My lover smiled at the agent. "So Marsha, care to be a part of the team?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come to our room with us and you'll find out first hand."

The woman chewed her lip with hesitation. "As tempting as that sounds, I have reservations about joining my two best friends in a wild lesbian sex romp."

I waggled my eyebrows lecherously. "You don't know what you're missing!"

"I may be a frustrated divorced woman," Marsha grunted, "but I still prefer a male partner over a lady lover. No offense."

"None taken." I tilted my head and looked at Marsha thoughtfully. "Actually, I have an idea about that."

Ms. Bowers gave me a quizzical expression. "About what?"

"Let's get a room here and we can discuss it."

Marsha held her palm up to stop me. "I'm not into watching you two get it on, either."

"That isn't what I had in mind."

Tammy gave me a playful grin. "What are you up to, girlfriend?"

I grinned knowingly and rose to stand. "As I said, let's get a room and we can discuss it."

The hotel room was spacious and comfortable with a desk, three cushioned chairs, and one king size bed. There was a sink and countertop on the right and the bathroom on the left. "You two mix us some drinks while I make a phone call," I said.

Marsha looked at my partner and asked, "What is she up to?"

Tammy looked at Marsha as she set the paper sack of bottles on the counter. "I haven't the faintest idea."

The three of us sat in the lounge chairs sipping rum and cokes. "What is it you have in mind?" Marsha asked.

"I've decided to take on a new project," I confessed. "A new research experiment, so to speak."

Tammy gave me a startled look. "What now?"

"It has to do with older women and how they can still be attractive to younger men."

Marsha laughed and sipped her drink. "Is that what you got this room for? To get it on with hot young studs?"

"Not exactly." We all turned our heads to a knock on the door. "I'll get that!" I hopped up and scurried to answer it.

"What on earth?" Marsha grunted to Tammy. "That lady of yours is up to something."

"Look who I found!" I grinned brightly.

My two companions turned to see Benny standing by the door with a paper sack in his arms. "Did someone call for a booze delivery?" he laughed. "I have vodka, orange juice, and a bottle of merlot for the more discriminating palette."

Marsha grinned with delight. "Now that's what I call room service!"

The man looked at the two women and back at me. "Am I interrupting a party?"

"No honey," I grinned brightly, taking the bag from his hands. "You are part of the party!"

Tammy sprang to her feet and hurried over to him. "Benny, sweetie! It's so good to see you!"

The man took the girl into his arms. "It certainly is a pleasure seeing you!" He kissed her on the mouth and smiled. "You look great!"

Tammy giggled and gave him a hug. "That's what true love will do to you!"

I set the bottles aside and joined them. "Benny, I have someone here I would like you to meet." I took his elbow and led him over to my agent. "Benny, this is my dear friend Marsha Bowers."

The woman rose to her feet and cordially extended her hand. "Pleased to meet you."

Benny took her hand and smiled with a twinkle in his eye. "The pleasure is all mine."

"Benny is part of my research," I explained. "In fact, you both are."

Marsha gave me a puzzled look. "We are?"

"Yes. You see, Benny has a thing for older women."

The lady scowled at me. "I am not that old."

"No, you're not." Benny smiled. "But you are very sexy and very hot!"

Marsha softened to the young stud's ardent attention. "You think so?"

"You're absolutely gorgeous."

Her face brightened. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

I audibly cleared my throat. "Tammy and I will leave you two alone to do your... research."

Marsha gave me a bewildered look. "You're not staying?"

"This room isn't for us, darling." I picked up the bottles of vodka and orange juice and gave her a playful wink. "It's for you."

Tammy figured out what my intention was. She moved to Marsha and gave her a warm hug. "Have fun, you two." She kissed the woman on the cheek. "Time for you to do a little research into sex and romance of your own."

Ms. Bowers gave a wide smile and nodded with glee. "I believe so!" She moved to Benny and caressed his upper arm with her hand. "It would be a shame for us not to use this big comfortable bed, now, wouldn't it?"

Benny grinned and stroked his palm over her hair. "I believe so."

I found Tammy standing alone at the ship's railing gazing out across the yellow and gold shimmering waves as the evening sun set low over the Mediterranean Sea. She looked so incredibly sexy in her scant pink string bikini. My heart swelled with pride knowing the girl of my dreams was here with me and loved me as much as I loved her. I moved beside my lover and wrapped my arm across her bare back. "You okay honey?"

Tammy sighed with contentment and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm wonderful."

"But are you happy?"

"Extremely."

"I just got off the phone with Marsha Bowers."

"Oh, that's nice! How is she?"

"She said book sales are still going great. She and Benny are still together after these past three weeks and they totally adore each other."

"It seems you're quite the little matchmaker."

"I can't take all the credit. I think it was love at first sight for him."

"And it was love at first screw for her!"

I laughed. "Marsha told me she can't believe that handsome young stud is so completely smitten with her."

"I'm glad they're together. It just goes to prove that there is no age difference when it comes to true love."

"How about you? Any regrets over taking an older woman as your lover?"

"None whatsoever. How about you?"

I held her to my side and we watched the sun dipping low over the horizon. "Six months ago, after we got back together, I remember saying to myself, 'Who do you think you are to deserve such an incredibly beautiful woman and fantastic lover as Tammy Taylor?' I didn't think we would last because I didn't think I was good enough to deserve someone like you."

Tammy wrapped her arm across my back. "You are more than good enough for me, darling. I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I mean, despite my faults and wild past and lack of education, you still love me anyway. I could never find anyone as loving as you if I searched the whole world over for the rest of my life. You love me unconditionally. No one has ever cared for me like you do."

I slid my hand down her back and into her bikini bottoms to grope her perfect ass. "You forget that I also lust over your sensuous body twenty-four hours a day too."

Tammy giggled happily. "Lucky me!"

I held her close to me and gently groped her soft butt cheek. "Do you regret giving up everything to be with me?"

"What do you mean? I don't think I gave up anything."

"Well, having a lady lover does have certain drawbacks. Not having sex with men, for instance. And giving up the chance to raise a family."

"A family? You mean like kids?"

"Yes. Ever since the day I told you I loved you, I pictured us being together forever. But I was worried that you would regret not having children. Maybe I can talk Benny into knocking me up so we can raise a little girl together."

"You're crazy!" Tammy laughed. "First of all, we don't need a baby to be a family. You are more than enough for me to love for the rest of my life. Plus, knowing Benny, he'd probably fertilize you with a boy. Imagine how much that kid will be teased in school if he was raised by two mothers."

"You may have a point."

"I want to be the only one who has sex with you, lady. You are all mine, forever and ever. Even though Benny is a great lay, there are certain things I want to keep all to myself."

I chuckled and gave her body an affectionate squeeze. "It was just a thought. I only want what's best for you and make you happy, darling."

"I am happy." She sighed with contentment and caressed my back. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

I turned my face to her. "You let me love you, Tammy. That is the most precious gift I could ever possibly imagine. I am so blessed to have you in my life that I give thanks every morning when I wake up by your side. And every night when we go to bed together and I feel your beautiful sensuous body in my arms."

Tammy giggled and kissed me on the cheek. "You should have been a poet."

"Sorry, babe. You'll have to settle for a best-selling novelist."

"Speaking of novels, how is your next romance coming along?"

"I'm at a standstill at the moment. I need a good love scene between the two main characters."

My partner gave me a wry smile. "Perhaps we can work on that scene together."

"I was hoping we could."

Tammy hooked her hand behind my neck and pulled my mouth to hers. "It'll be steamy with lots and lots of hot wild sex."

"It always is with you, my love."

Tammy kissed me passionately. "God, I love you so much, Ju-Ju Bear."

"I love you too, baby." I groped her butt in the scant bottoms. "Let's go back to our cabin before I rip this bikini off your sexy body right here and now."

The girl giggled with glee. "Your next novel will have to be a love story about us. I'm sure I can come up with plenty of lusty scenarios for the hot sex scenes."

I smiled adoringly at her lovely face bathed in the fading orange and yellow sunset. "Darling, I don't have to write a bestselling novel to know that our love story will have a very happy ending."

Tammy took my hand and turned to lead us to our cabin. "We don't need a happy ending, sweetie," she cooed. "Our love story is just beginning."