The Botched Marriage Ch. 05

CHAPTER 5. GOING THROUGH WITH IT.

Why did he let me twist his words? Why didn't he simply say no, categorically? Call me out on my obvious distortion of what he had said?

It's the only thing I can fault him for. I was evil. Despicable. Disgusting. But Danny was an idiot for giving me any shape of a yes. Looking back, and knowing where it all ended up, he overthought it. It would have been so much better for him, for me, for the kids, for everyone, if he had acted on whatever instinctive reaction came to him first, no matter how base. Instead, he played some 3D chase with himself and lost. Not to me. I lost too and I've hardly started to really lose. That's all down the line when I'm over 50, invisible, and alone.

He should have just spit on my face. He should have called me a worthless whore and told me to get out of his life forever. He could have called mom and dad, put me on speakerphone, and told me to explain to them exactly what I was asking of him. Maybe even just tell me that I could always cheat if I was so inclined and go play a round of golf. Any option would have been better.

But he did none of those things. He treated me with respect. Never respect a whore.

He believed I had lost my mind by asking but imagined that, maybe, I would not go through with it. That if he let me think it through, try to do it, that I would regain my senses. Ultimately, he believed I would not be able do this to him, to the man I called my true love. He was wrong. He overestimated me in every way imaginable. Never overestimate a whore.

Even then, Danny tried. The next few days should have been a massive wake-up call for me, if my mind had been well enough to see it. In fact, I know now that Danny wanted it to be a wake up call. That he acted with the specific intent of letting me know where this idea would lead. But the unrecognizable distance he created for us was just what I needed to work on my objective. I even convinced myself he was just giving me space, trusting me to set up "our" fantasy so that he didn't have to think about it.

He even told me the next morning he was ready to forgive if I stepped off this path. It would require work of course. While I was preparing my betrayal, he had already been reading up on marital counseling and figuring out what resources our church would have for us once I came back to my senses. I laughed it all off. He would see, I told him, how it was all going to be great.

For my part, I convinced myself that even though he wasn't into this like I was, he would come around. I knew he was unhappy, so I just sped forward. The sooner its done, the sooner we can come back to being in love again. The sooner he can stop being jealous, angry. The simple fact is, I didn't notice his reluctance because I didn't want to notice it. I wanted this to happen.

And it all happened so fast, I didn't have to maintain the fantasy of his consent for very long. Three nights after I made the second biggest mistake of my life by asking him to let me engage in this fantasy, I had reserved a hotel room downtown, arranged for a reputable bull with sterling references to meet us there, and scheduled a babysitter for the evening.

The bull, a man called Tyson, rearranged his calendar to make it happen after seeing my pictures and a quick video call on the home desktop usually reserved for the kid's homework. He wasn't a pro, but it was not his first rodeo by any stretch. He clearly had a ton of experience, the right paperwork, and, based on his pictures, all the right equipment. I was nervous, but almost delirious with excitement.

Perhaps if it had not been so easy, if it had not all fallen into place so quickly, Danny's faith in me would have borne fruit. I would have had time to snap out of it. But there was no time, and so that Friday night we drove together towards the greatest mistake of my whole life.

HELL ON EARTH.

We were at the hotel for a bit over 3 hours.

Danny was there for all of it and recorded the whole thing.

And if I am totally, disgustingly honest, the sex was beyond my wildest expectations. Tyson was everything I could have hoped and more. Confident, naturally dominant, charming, aggressive. He took me without apologies, like Danny was not even there and like I had always belonged to him. His ownership of my body was absolute, comfortable, almost familiar.

Tyson was not just dominant. He was equipped for dominance. His muscles rippled with explosive power. His balls were enormous, vibrant, filled to the brim with load after powerful load of cum. His cock. I can't do it justice with words. It wasn't just long, or thick, or hard. Sure, it was all those things, but most of all it was... powerful. It was potent in a way I could barely comprehend. It was magnificent.

From his first kiss, I was his and his alone, just for that night.

The act of penetration was long, charged, challenging. But I was in ecstasy from the first contact of my delicate pink lips against that massive cockhead to the glorious moment when I felt his huge balls press themselves wetly against my ass. In that moment, a low, desperate scream escaped me as my insides ached with the depth of never before experienced intrusion. He raised himself over me then, monstrous in his power and size, and holding me by my hips, pushed me down further into his groin, letting the fullness of his massive head push aside my organs to make room for him. I screamed louder. My eyes rolled back, my body shook like I was possessed.

When Tyson set me back down on the bed, the penetration phase was over, and the fucking began. It was like a second miracle that after taking his impossibly large cock into me, I would now be fucked by it. Not gently either. The love making lasted for only a few minutes. By the time I had reached my second soul shattering orgasm, he started to speed up.

Our bodies were slapping against one another, more and more urgently. I was incoherent, babbling, my head rolling from side to side, my whole body convulsing as he powered into me.

It went on forever. I lost count of my orgasms. I lost any sense of anything, completely forgetting Danny was even there at times.

At one point, Dan was so worried, he must have gotten past his anger and hurt and humiliation and shock enough to ask if I was OK, if everything was still alright.

His voice startled me, which must have been a clear sign to him I had no idea he was still there. I located him with my unfocused eyes, and he looked so out of place then, by the side of the bed, I couldn't help it, I giggled. Tyson chuckled too, and my gaze focused back on the huge black man's dark, dangerous eyes. He asked again, and not looking back, keeping my gaze on Tyson, I replied, "Oh Danny. I'm way more than ok, I'm loving this! I have never been so good."

Danny shrank back further then, all the way to his corner. I didn't even look, my eyes locked together with Tyson's as he resumed his fucking, even harder now, making me scream out once, then again.

It was on purpose, I'm sure. Putting the hubby in his place is something bulls are expected to do. And making me scream in agony while I kept my adoring gaze fixed on him, well, it was not my intent to hurt Danny then, not ever. But I'm sure it was a knife through his heart.

At the two-and-a-half-hour mark, my dark fantasy finally wrapped up. I was pretty much passed out on the bed, exhausted, twitching, exultant, broken wide open. Tysone looked like he could easily go another full round, but thank heavens, he was expected at a party somewhere that night. He had made time for us, but he could not miss the entire event. If he had been able to stay all night, God only knows how much more damage I could have done.

As it was, I then dodged a second bullet. As Tyson was collecting his stuff and getting ready to shower, he hesitated a bit. He looked at us for a few seconds and said, "I don't mean to be rude by not inviting you to this thing later. I'm sure you get that it's a lifestyle event. I normally would have zero problem bringing you guys. You are both more than hot enough. But... I can tell this is not something you have a ton of experience with. To be perfectly honest Dan, I would be a bit worried about bringing a guy like you there. It's sort of an advanced event, for experienced lifestyle people. It would be on me if I brought you there and you freaked out."

I was wise enough to keep my stupid mouth shut as he turned to me. "I would take you in a heartbeat, Carrie, you'd fit right in. But I feel like you guys need to spend some time together now talking. I don't like to be responsible for bad vibes. It's not my business, I guess, not exactly, but you two may not have talked this out fully before jumping in. So, anyway, that's not my business. I'm just telling you why I'm not asking you to join me. I wanted to be honest."

"We appreciate your honesty Tyson," said Danny then, in the voice of a total stranger. "You read me right. I'll be heading home after this. However, I have never treated my wife like property. She is free to do as she pleases. If she chooses to extend the night at another party, I will just go home now. But I won't try to stop her."

Danny then turned around and started gathering his things, like he expected to leave in a few seconds. Tyson turned to me, still totally naked, his massive cock hanging semi erect between his thighs, and made a questioning gesture towards me.

"Well, it sounds like it's up to you, Carrie. Are you interested in coming to the party? I'd be honored to take you as my date."

I froze for too long. Several long seconds passed as my eyes darted between Tyson and Danny, who was not even looking at me. He was corralling the long charger cable into a backpack, ignoring me like I had already said yes.

"I'm sorry Tyson. It's really cool of you to ask. But, I would never do anything like what we just did without my husband, and I would certainly never go to any sort of lifestyle party without him. And you are right, Danny and I need some quality time together now. Maybe next time, we will be up for it."

Tyson nodded at me, and immediately turned to head into the shower.

I saw no visible relief in Danny's face at my choice though, but he did stop gathering stuff. What relief was I possibly looking for?

"Danny, I'm sorry to ask, but did you get ice? I know the ice machine is just a couple of doors down. Any chance you can get us some? I don't want to get dressed before I jump in the shower."

He didn't acknowledge me at all, but he did go get some, and a few minutes later I was gulping down ice cold water like I had just run a marathon, while silently watching Tyson collect his stuff, get dressed and leave. It was awkward for sure.

I seriously had thought that we would end up of calling my mom and asking her if she would go relieve the babysitter and stay with the children overnight. She was often game for that sort of thing, plus she would have the kids all to herself for breakfast.

After all, we had the room until 11:00 am the next morning, why not use it? Was that why I had said no to Tyson's invite? Because I thought we would stay? Danny thought so, because when I mentioned the possibility of spending the night, he looked stricken.

"I have Tyson's cell number. I can call him now. He's probably still in the building."

Without letting me explain or say a word, he fished his phone out and dialed it.

"Danny no!" I screamed, but he just shushed me, like my intention was so obvious it was not even worth discussing.

For whatever reason, I dodged a third bullet then. Maybe Tyson got a bad vibe from Danny. Maybe he wanted nothing to do with us after the awkward exit from our room. Maybe he forgot to turn his ringer back on after our date. But either way, he did not answer, and he never called back that night.

And once again, Danny did not look relieved.

"Maybe he will call back when he sees the notification," Danny shrugged. "I don't need to wait here for him to call. I can just go home. You can stay here since you were hoping to stay anyway. If he calls, I will give him your phone number, assuming you didn't sneak it to him already when I went to get ice."

"Danny..."

"It's OK. Well, it's not OK, of course, but I'm too tired to get into that now. I know this didn't go the way you thought it would. I think we both had ideas about what this would be like, and we ended up both being wrong."

"I'm not going to some party with Tyson. I need you to wait here because you are my ride. We came here together and we are leaving together. Right?"

It was like I hadn't spoken at all. "I can wait a few more minutes to hear back. Why don't you jump in the shower. You will need to shower either way, whether you go home with me or go to the party with Tyson."

I ignored his idea.

"I'm going home with you, Danny. To our home. I was just asking if YOU wanted to stay here with ME so we could process what we just went through. What we just went through together. That's how this works. Couples go through this together and then they process it together. We can go home, but we will need to talk about tonight either way, lovingly, openly. I can't wait to do so, and I figured since we paid for this room, we could do so most comfortably here. But if you want to go home, we can do that. I was never going to go to that party with Tyson on my own. That's out of the question."

Danny scoffed. "Give me a fucking break Carrie. You took a full five seconds to decide if you were going or not. Now that you are stuck with me, you are pretending like you never considered the alternative. That's not what happened. You thought long and hard about it and if you had decided to go, you would have not given me another thought until you made it home tomorrow morning."

I felt like I had been slapped.

Danny Miller had scoffed at my statement and dismissed it as obvious bullshit without a second thought. When was the last time he had dismissed me that way? Back in Middle School perhaps? Certainly, never as an adult.

But was he wrong?

Still smarting, I decided against trying to push for spending the night. There was obviously not going to be any "reclaiming" sex, as they call it. No tender kissing. Certainly, even in my deranged evil mind, I had enough post-nut clarity, as they say, to not dare even think of asking for a cleanup ceremony. I had fantasized about all those things too, but I cut my losses. Despite all my sunny predictions, it was obvious Danny was not "all better" yet.

He just wanted to go home and maybe that would be most comfortable for him. So, I told him I would shower quickly and did so as he finished packing up. As we exited the room, he was stubbornly quiet. He was carrying both our bag and my purse. I could barely walk but was doing my best to hide it. I figured any reference to how sore I was would be like rubbing salt in his wound.

I was already starting to worry. All of the hints, signals and red flags of the past week were blaring at me now. Wave after wave of moments, statements, and facial expressions were rising in my mind, like out of a thick mist. All the things I had refused to see or hear.

Yeah, I was in deep shit.

He was walking quickly down the carpeted hallway, looking at the ground, clearly trying to get away from the crime scene. I was so sore I could barely keep up, and for the first time in my life, I felt like if I didn't, he might just leave me behind. Danny, whose strong hand on my waist had been my life's anchor. The man who had held every door, always looked after me first, always kept me safe and warm, was now walking 20 feet ahead of me like he was embarrassed to be with me.

"Danny, you're so quiet," I said, a bit embarrassed that I was almost needing to shout, he was so far ahead. "Is everything ok? We had a good time tonight, didn't we?"

"I sure hope you did," he said, speeding up even more.

As we walked through the lobby, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had dressed provocatively for the occasion. And now I looked like a hot mess, bruised wrists, choke marks around my neck, clearly visible bite marks on my neck and shoulders. I looked like a hooker who'd had a bad run in with a pimp. A couple of men leered and "whispered" something nasty at me as we passed by in the lobby. I doubt Danny even heard it, he was so far ahead.

It was truly a walk of shame.

We rode the elevator down to the parking lot and he nearly jogged to the car. He'd not said a word to me in the ten minutes it had taken us since we'd left the eight floor. For the first time in our lives, he did not open the passenger door for me, even though I was obviously in pain and struggling on my heels.

At that point, I got a bit mad. Why was he being so petty? Is this some bruised male ego bullshit?

When I got in the car, I snapped. "Danny, can you stop being an asshole please? You've been treating me like shit!"

And that's when the next crack appeared. The next sign that something had fundamentally changed, that we were in unexplored territory.

He just smiled. A smile I had never seen him wear before. A wicked, nasty smile. Like Jack Nicholson had taken possession of my sweet Danny's soul.

"I'm sorry, Carrie are you not getting the experience you expected?"

I decided to be the adult in the car and answered him straight. "It's fine. I know you didn't mean the question that way, but that's OK. I do want to thank you for making this fantasy happen for me. For us. I'm sorry I just snapped at you. I know you might be feeling weird and I should let you process all this without being a bitch about it. I just also want us to soon process this together, OK? I know, once we process it together, it will all start to make sense."

He just chuckled a little, started the car, and we drove off.

And since I had just said I understood he needed to process things, I had to sit there with my heart racing as we drove home in absolute silence for 25 minutes.

COMING HOME.

When we got home, Dan helped the babysitter get her things and head home. I went in and used the bathroom, and by the time I came out, he was already in the study, viewing and editing the hotel recording. I had already showered at the hotel and just wanted to go to bed. Tomorrow was another day with the kids running around, errands to run, maybe some fun Saturday activity. I suddenly was so ready to put the night behind us and get back to our lives.

"Danny, come to bed. You can work on that some other time, it's late. We've had our fun, time for bed."

He didn't look at me. He just kept staring at the screen and trying to get the video editing program to work.

"What do you care if I go to bed, Carrie? I assumed you were gonna stay up for a while watching black cock porn anyway. We've not gone to bed together in a week."

I stopped cold. Almost like I remembered that was true.

"That's over now. It's done. We got that fantasy checked off our bucket list, and now what I need is my husband in bed with me. I need you to hold me. Please Danny?"

At that point, Dan turned to me and flatly said, "Carrie, just go on up to bed. I want to work on this a bit more. You do look exhausted, though. Go up to bed and I'll be up when I'm done."

I did not want to go to bed without him, though, particularly since something was so way off, "Dan, are you, ok sweetie? With all this tonight? Are we still good?"

Dan returned to his editing but in the same flat tone replied, "Carrie, you got what you wanted. You said when it was done, I would see how you were right, and I was wrong about it. That everything would be better. Well, don't put it on me now. Are we still good? Go to bed, get some rest, and hopefully tomorrow we wake up and our relationship is magically better than ever. That's what you said would happen."

I walked over to where Dan sat to hug him goodnight, but he turned when I approached and stood, "Actually, let me hit the can before I get further into this." With that, he walked to the bathroom and locked the door.

I decided to sit down and watch a bit myself. The video told the whole story. I was sore but there was no denying that Tyson had rocked my world like no one ever had before. Seeing myself submit to that black cock, I started to feel my thoughts clouding again. Like my post nut clarity was leaving me, not even two hours after the encounter. Was this the black cock addiction some people talk about? Is that what would happen to me? I was suddenly afraid. I mean the sex was mind-blowing and I didn't cheat on Dan because he was there, but something was different with my husband. Something had gone wrong during those 3 hours.

I watched it a bit more but managed to shake myself loose, and then nearly ran off to bed.

I tried to wait up for Dan to come upstairs, but I was totally exhausted. That big black cock had worn me out, just like the internet said it would. It really had been amazing.

I told myself it was a just an experience, something that Dan and I could grow from, but not a permanent desire. Never an addiction. Maybe we would do it again, but not in the near future. That would be for Dan and I to discuss some day far from now, if ever. I repeated to myself, this dangerous fantasy had to be over for me, at least for a while.

When I awoke in the morning, I could see Dan hadn't slept on his side of the bed. I still ached a bit as I walked to the bathroom. I examined myself in the full length mirror. I did not look like the same woman. My skin was marked with bites. I had light bruises on my neck and wrists, and deep, dark bruises on my thighs and hips, like I had been viciously spanked all over. I felt myself moisten slightly at the sight, my nipples hardening as the hazy memories flooded back. He had really rocked my world all right, and nearly torn me to pieces in doing it. Had all that really happened last night?

When I got downstairs, I found Dan was sleeping in the study, which doubled as a guest bedroom. "Hey, wake up sleepy head, its Saturday, the kids will be up soon."

Dan rolled over away from me, "Listen, I don't think I can handle being with them today. I already called mom. I lied to her and told her I had to work today and that you were sick. She seemed perfectly happy to take them off our hands. If you don't want to take her up on it, I can call her and tell her you feel better."

I sat down on the couch beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. I felt him try to shrug my hand off but I didn't let him, "I will call Marie and talk to her about it. We'll figure it out, you don't have to worry. I will keep the kids out of your hair today if you don't feel well."

He turned around then. I could see he'd been crying.

"Baby, please tell me what is happening. You have been crying."

"Just allergies. Something in this room, I guess. Look, don't tell my mom I lied about you being sick. Make sure we have our stories straight, ok? And don't tell her what happened."

"Don't tell her we went to a hotel and had a cuckolding threesome with a stranger last night? Why not?"

He didn't smile.

"Just don't let on there is anything going on, OK?"

"What is going on Danny. Can you tell me? Maybe I can do a better job of hiding it if you tell me what is actually happening."

Without bothering to respond, Dan squeezed past me out of the bed and left the room.

This didn't feel right at all. Ignoring me like I didn't exist? Just leaving me sitting in the room without a glance back, like I was a fucking piece of furniture? This was not Danny. This wasn't in the same zip code as Danny. Was I just still tired? Was I being too sensitive? Was this normal after a night like the one we had?

I decided some coffee would do me good. As I went to the kitchen to start a pot, I could hear the shower upstairs running. By the time there was enough coffee to pour myself a cup, the shower upstairs stopped.

I walked into our bedroom and caught Dan coming out of the bathroom, only to see him visibly react to my entry by turning around and walking back, closing the door behind him.

What the fuck?

I put my coffee on the nightstand by the lamp and stood by the bathroom door. Dan was behaving so out of character, the alarm bells going off in my brain could no longer be ignored.

Leaning against the door frame I asked, sweetly as I could, "Honey, are you ok? Do you need something? Do you want a cup of coffee? I can bring it right now. Are you hungry? I can make you breakfast. Anything you want. Want me to stand on my head? Anything at all."

"Excuse me, Carrie," he said, walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He got a couple of things out of his drawers across the room and sped back towards the bathroom. "I just need to get dressed now," he said, as the door clicked behind him again.

No, really, what in the actual fuck was going on?

In that moment, I had the strange suspicion that, maybe, for the first time in our married life, my husband didn't want to dress in front of me.

I did not know at that moment that him walking by me in a towel would be the closest I was ever going to come to seeing my husband naked again. Had I known, I would have tackled him. I would have gotten on my knees and begged, washed his balls in my tears while wailing for mercy. But I didn't know. I still had only an inkling of just how badly I had fucked up.

"Danny Miller, why do you need to go in the bathroom to change when you know full well seeing you naked is my favorite part of living together. Or do you think it's because I enjoy picking up after your dirty socks? What is going on Danny?"

I waited by the door for a reply and got none. Ignored again. Is this how the other wives lived?

A few minutes ticked by. Finally, the bathroom door opened. Dan avoided looking at my face and had to walk around me because I was fully standing in his way, "I'm going to try to start doing better with the socks, OK honey? I'm sorry about that."

He headed back downstairs. I grabbed my coffee quickly and rushed to follow him immediately.

The kids would be up soon. I could not live like this, whatever it even was. I could not stand to think I had hurt Danny, or worse, that I had hurt our marriage. Or worse, that I had driven Danny off the edge of sanity. He felt wrong, like a polite, but still somewhat scary stranger. Like he was someone else, not my Danny. Like I had... like I had killed Danny last night and he had been replaced by a body that looked just like him, but didn't care for me or want me in his life.

He walked to the study and, checking the kids were really not downstairs yet, began finalizing his edits of the 2.5 hours of video. Nothing in the whole world could have been less important to me than that cursed video. I needed to be clear with him. I needed him to understand, before the kids got up. I could not let this fester any longer.

I pushed in between him and the desk, making sure to turn the computer screen off so that the stupid video was not playing behind me while I talked. I pushed his chair away a bit to make room for myself and got right on my knees. No, I was not too proud, not when it came to Danny.

"Danny, I know we have not talked about last night yet, but I need you to hear me please. It's obvious it hurt you. It was a onetime thing and now that I can see how much it hurt you, I can promise you with my whole soul that it will never happen again. Never again. It was a horrible mistake, and I clearly had no idea what I was doing. I had all these wrong ideas about how it would go and they were all bullshit. I clearly was wrong about all it. Please, I am literally begging, don't let what happened last night do anything to us. I know it hurt you but please, know that I love you more than life itself. We can talk about this as long as you want, whenever you want, for as many years as you want. But I need you to hear me. It will never happen again. I will do anything. I mean it Danny I will do anything to earn your forgiveness."

To my surprise, he pushed his chair back and got on his knees, right in front of me. This is not how we did things. He'd not gotten on his knees like that since he proposed to me. I preferred it that way. I did not enjoy seeing him do that, like he was mocking me.

"Carrie, we don't have too much time. I can hear the kids stirring. So you need to stop wondering if something is wrong with me. You have nothing to be sorry for. What you did was not wrong. I'm much more at fault than you. I will explain my thoughts to you fully later on, I promise. But we need to take care of the kids now and we need to put a brave face and we need to be strong for them. And after that we will talk, OK?"

Without waiting for my response, he hugged me, kissed my forehead, but before he headed upstairs he looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you, Carrie. Always and forever."

Put on a brave face? Be strong for them?

Holy fucking shit. I was so fucked.