Mourning Pt. 01

The days are darker... Reality is a blur. I honestly do not know the difference between this realm, or, whatever else is out there. The days are blending and it's making my head spin like a top. All I can think about is... him. I miss him so much. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. That gruesome accident that had taken my husband away from me. It's been six months... I have yet to find peace in the madness. He was my everything. I expect to come home one day and find him in the living room waiting for me. But I know now that will never happen.

Oh, Ian... Why did you have to leave me this way?

No one will ever truly understand my love for him. I swear, sometimes I can hear his laughter still echoing through the hallway.

It's another dull morning. I have absolutely no drive to leave my bedroom, much less this house. I release a deep sigh, practically flinging myself out of bed. My feet slide across the floor towards the bathroom. I turn on the shower, adjusting the water. I slip out of my baggy pajamas that pool on the floor. They're Ian's pajamas. I do not go a night without wearing them. I need something to remind me of his touch... His scent. Just him. I get into the shower, closing the door behind me. For the first five minutes, I just allow the water to cascade over my body. The jets of water hits everywhere... But mainly focuses on my neck, my breast, and even my thighs. I turn around, and the water sloshes down my backside. I release a satisfying moan. This feels so good.

I pick up my shower gel and begin to lather my body. I work the sponge over different areas of my body, before rinsing myself off completely... I then start washing on my hair. While washing the suds out of my tresses, I hear an undeniable sound.

Undeniable footsteps by the sink...

I lift from the water jets, quickly dabbing away any access residue that lingers around my face. I hear the footsteps again. I quickly turn off the water. I'm thinking something fell... stepping out of the shower, I fight my way through the thick fog that has consumed the bathroom. I neatly wrap my towel in place while I begin walking through the bathroom, particularly from where the noise was located. Nothing.

"Hello?"

I know I'm alone, and it sounds hella crazy to be calling out for something that isn't there. For some reason it feels right... Just as I turn on my heel towards the bedroom, I'm hit with something...

A familiar smell that used to drive me crazy. This scent, used to be the bee's needs for me. This particular aroma... Would make me become undone at the drop of a dime. There would be many nights I would smell this scent... And no matter what we were arguing about, or how long we would stay away from one another... Let's just say hours later, our bed was a mess, and the both of us sweaty from one another.

Ian's cologne...

But it can't be. The way I was raised, I am not to believe in such things. Growing up with two Pastors as parents, we didn't much acknowledge anything that delved into the subject of the supernatural...

I've heard numerous tales from former colleagues and acquaintances informing me of their own experiences from loved ones coming back from the grave; whether it's a relative, friend, or spouse... I can honestly say I've never had any of these encounters happen to me... Up until now at least...

Ever since Ian's passing, I've experience things... Strange things. I haven't outright saw him or anything dealing with the supernatural per say... But I have to say I always feel like someone is there... Watching me. Not in a weird, sinister way... Yet, in a protective, loving way. There are some days I'd be in the kitchen and out of nowhere something will fall off the counter. The most chilling part is, there's no way it could've fallen.

I've tried and wrote off a recent experience I had just two nights ago. Thinking maybe I was just so tired it was a dream... In my heart of hearts I know it wasn't...

I was jolted from my sleep. I felt a grip on my hip, as though he was sleeping behind me. That was always his favorite way to cuddle with me.

I cannot confess this to anyone. They would think I'm crazy.

Lock her in a padded room and throw away the key!

I dress for the day, in my tube dress and wedge heel. My makeup is done flawlessly. My hair in a cute bun, with some jewelry. This dress was always Ian's favorite.

Thirty minutes later, I am meeting up with Crystal, my best friend. She wanted to do some shopping at the mall. After hours of us talking and catching up, we finally sit at an outside booth of a nearby restaurant. We're waiting on the waitress to bring us our food.

"So, how you been?" Crystal asks while sipping her drink.

"I have my days." I answer honestly.

I do. I still miss Ian like crazy.

"I know, honey. He's in a better place though."

She reaches over, lightly stroking my hand. For some reason, it angers me, and I quickly snatch away. This shocks her, seeing she wasn't expecting this type of reaction from me.

"Why do people keep telling me that? What if I don't want him in a better place? What if I want him here, with me? It wasn't fair, and it will never be fair what happened to him. Everyone knows it."

It just blurted out. And before I know it, tears begin to leak down my eyes. What was supposed to be a girl's day out, turned into a disaster.

"I didn't mean to upset you." She starts. "All I'm saying is, I think it's time for you to move on. Look at you. I hardly ever see my best friend anymore. When was the last time you called your family? Your mother is worried sick. When was the last time you been on a date, and enjoyed yourself?"

"I don't have time to date. My business is booming. And as far as my mother... I love her dearly. But after she told me she was tired of me moping over my husband, I had to cut her off."

"He's not your husband anymore. He's dead."

"This was a big mistake."

I get up from the table with my purse... Crystal grabs my arm, guiding me to my seat. No need to cause unnecessary drama. I take my seat across from her once again.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

The waitress returns with our meals and we eat in silence. The tension was so thick between the two of us, that for the first half of the meal, we were quiet. Crystal then decides to break the ice.

"I was thinking. If you're free this weekend, maybe we can hang out. I met this guy, and he has a friend. I told him about you and he would really like to meet you."

"I'm not interested."

She becomes annoyed, practically throwing her fork in the plate. This causes me to look up at her.

"You don't even know the guy. Can you at least give him a chance?"

What could one date hurt? It's not like I'll be walking off into the sunset with the guy. I nod my head agreeing to her terms. She sighs with relief. I, on the other hand am very vexed. But if this will shut her up...

"Good! It's Saturday. Wear something elegant. We're going to a grill and lounge. I'll pick you up."

"Sure." I say dryly.

After a less than enthusiastic afternoon with Crystal, I'm honestly happy to be home. I start towards the kitchen where I check my answering machine. No new messages. I start through the living room, and into my study. I guess I'll bury myself in work for a little while.

I'm interrupted by my cell phone ringing profusely. I want to kick myself in the ass, for not putting it on silent mode while I work. I check the number and frown... I've never seen it before. I answer, thinking it maybe someone that has ordered from me on my online store. I do have my number displayed.

"Hello?"

They take a while to answer... So long, that I grow irritated immediately. I part my lips to speak again. They finally decide to say something.

"Hi, uh... Is this Nova?"

"Speaking." My tone very professional, thinking it's a client.

"I know this is awkward. But, hey. I'm your date for Saturday night. My name is Tyrone."

It's no surprise as to how he has gotten my number. I can kill Crystal. How dare she? I close a window on my computer before standing from my seat.

"Hello Tyrone."

"Don't beat up Crystal." He says as though he is reading my mind. "I just had to hear your voice. She showed me a picture of you. You're really pretty. I hope that isn't too forward of me to say."

"Thank you, Tyrone. It sounds like you and Crystal had a lot to discuss."

"We have. I won't hold you up, Nova. But just know, I'm really looking forward to Saturday."

"Wait."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think I at least deserve to know what you look like?"

He gives me his information to look up. Hanging up, I quickly head back to my computer. I pull up Facebook. There he is. My... I have to admit, he's quite handsome. Stands about 6'3" chocolate complexion, and muscular frame. He likes to travel and work out. He owns a fitness building.

Before I know it, it's late. And, I'm pooped. I decide to read a little of my novel before falling asleep. The room is awkwardly silent. I try and ignore it, as I continue to read. I flip the page. It's then I hear what sounds like someone walking from across the room.

Terrified, I throw the book down. Getting out of bed, I try and not panic... My nightstand lamp only lights but so far... However, there's no denying of the faint, masculine silhouette I observe by the door.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" I say shakily.

The "figure" doesn't move... Matter of fact, it just stands there, watching me. I must be going crazy... Am I losing my mind? Why is this happening to me? Though frightened, I do the unthinkable in a situation that would scare most...

"Ian... Is that you? Please. Talk to me. Tell me you're there."

And in that moment, I smell the cologne from earlier. It becomes all of the confirmation that I need. He's here. He's always been here for me. I close my eyes gently, while smelling the nostalgic aroma... I open my eyes and I see the silhouettes gone. And so is the scent...

He just wanted his presence known.