The Headhunter Ch. 01

The Headhunter

Hello again folks. Here's a nine chapter story with a couple trying to survive hard times for each other. It's just here to entertain you. Not much sex. Hopefully just a fun rollercoaster ride for your enjoyment.

All chapters are written and finished. I'll submit each after the previous one clears.

Thank you for reading!

The Headhunter

Chapter 1

Barb Has Been Keeping Secrets

Jack could tell his wife, Barb, was agitated as soon as he walked in the door. He knew the regular "Welcome home, Honey. How was work?" ritual was right out the window.

Barb was an interesting mix of flushed and ruddy grey, like she'd run hard until she got lightheaded. "Jack, I've something to talk to you about. Things moved quickly and I don't like filling you in after the fact, but I was on the run. You know I was approached by a headhunter who thought they had a position I'd be much happier with. We spoke of that, and you know I sent them my resumé."

Jack nodded as he sat at the kitchen table across from his wife, wondering why this story would cause Barb such consternation.

"Well," she continued, "they called back today wanting an interview ASAP. They asked if I could get away for a long lunch. I went, thinking we were arranging the interview. It turned out to be the actual interview! I never would've done that without your knowing, so I wanted to tell you asap."

Jack nodded dutifully still not understanding the problem. He asked happily, "Did you accept the job?"

"Oh no. They haven't offered anything yet. I don't even know what the position is exactly. That's why I thought it would be okay to have the interview at noon but wait to tell you after work. Plus, I didn't want the folks at my job to know what I'd done on my lunch hour." Barb folded and unfolded her hands on the table not knowing what to do with them. "I haven't made any sort of commitment to anyone. But I did want you to know all of this; I never wanted to keep it from you. I hate keeping things from you!"

Jack couldn't escape the awkwardness of Barb's words or the nervousness that caused it. Especially the energy she put into that last phrase.

She looked up suddenly, finally noting the silence that had enveloped them.

Jack was already looking at her with an expression that said he would not be deterred. His wife had said she hated keeping things from him. Barb didn't have the look of a woman who was talking about Christmas gifts.

Jack's eyebrows raised. His countenance displayed a don't-mess-around-with-this-next-question seriousness.

With a furrowed brow he asked, "Have you ever kept something from me?" He couldn't imagine the like. He and Barb seemed like a single piece of fabric. He trusted her implicitly. She was the best part of him.

They both felt the situation change. Barb was certain they were both having the same thoughts. To not be forthright about a mistake was one thing, lying to cover it was another. Horribly that possibility was front and center now. Barb wanted to swallow and found she couldn't. Keeping something back was horrendous enough, she just couldn't lie about it.

Quietly she answered, "Yes, Jack."

"A lot of stuff?" he asked, his eyebrows reaching for his hairline.

"No. Just one thing," Barb's head tilting to look in his eyes. "Just one thing ever," she looked away.

Jack knew he was on shaky ground, also that letting this ride would be to their detriment. "Do you want to tell me now?"

Barb shaking told Jack this was a big one. What on earth could it be? Barb croaked, "J-Jack, I love you more than words allow. I'd rather die than face life without you. C-Could I mention something please?"

Jack nodded, his demeanor that of a man determined to root out a problem.

Barb pled, "You know how much I love you. You do! So, if I decided once, only once, that something should be withheld for the good of us, maybe I truly do have your best interests in mind. Perhaps it's been hell not being completely up front. Perhaps I'm paying a penance for that, one I would gladly pay f-for you. So maybe you should consider, j-just consider, knowing how much I love you ... that we should leave it in the shadows."

Perplexed Jack quietly answered, "You know I can't do that now."

"I know." Barb seemed so small.

"Want to tell me about it?" Jack offered the prompt as an olive branch.

Barb was just pale now, even the ruddiness had fled her pallor. "That event for my cousin I went to, with all her friends and extended family?"

"The bachelorette party?" Jack heard himself ask. Warning buzzers began to chime in Jack's head.

"Yeah, that," Barb said looking at the floor.

"Two years ago?"

"Yeah, almost." Barb stopped speaking. The silence in the room hung so thickly it threatening to suffocate them.

Jack's voice firmed up, "We're growing old, Barb, you need to develop the plot."

"One of the dancers."

Now Jack was on full alert. What was she saying? If a dancer was involved what else could she be saying? He never thought this situation was a possibility.

"It was a full-on pleasure palace, Jack. It was huge and amazing and built to mess with your senses."

'Then why didn't she leave?' he thought. However, this wasn't the time to ask; he wanted to hear her story.

"We were one of many groups there. The normal lights were low, but spotlights constantly searched the crowd in fast sweeping arcs. Lasers pierced the billowing clouds of smoke to a syncopated beat with loud rhythmic music. There was lots of booze and the place reeked of pot. Even those of us who didn't partake had a strong contact buzz."

He thought to himself, 'And THAT would explain why she didn't run for the hills; she was already polluted.' He abandoned his thoughts as Barb kept speaking.

"I'm sure there was coke and X and all sorts of stuff, but that stuff wasn't filtering through our group. The pot in the air was defiantly getting in everyone's lungs though." Barb's eyes looked a thousand yards away while her features drew into an intense frown, "And ... they had dancers."

Dancers. Jack's thoughts ran to the Rockettes at Thanksgiving Day Parades. What was the problem there?

Barb saw he didn't understand and explained, "Women's parties are much raunchier than most men's. These dancers were in thongs and that's about it. They had to keep them on. Many women were enjoying watching that fabric "strain to contain". At some point it seemed all the guys sort of ... pulled them to the side, and no pun intended, just hung there. T-They were pretty impressive, Honey. I-I'm sure that was a job requirement."

Jack sat back quickly muttering, "Male dancers." With his understanding the landscape of their conversation changed.

Jack's hollow stare upset his wife. He now understood she was ogling the equipment of the male entertainment having explained to him how extraordinary the men were. Barb felt awful. Too late to turn back the only direction left to her was forward.

"We got used to the men being there, circulating with muscles rippling and cocks swaying. Sometimes they would brush up against you. On purpose, I'm sure. You know I'm pretty uninhibited. I liked the eye candy, and you weren't there."

Barb was thrown off by Jack's expression changing so rapidly. She told him earnestly, "I hate this, I really do. I love you: I am your woman!"

Barb saw how tight Jacks mouth and eyes had become. 'Damn. Damn!' she swore in her mind.

"I actually removed myself from the dancing because while the guys danced with women, they rubbed, uh, "themselves" against them. Looking is one thing, touching is another. So, I got off the dance floor. I sat to the side with a lot of the older ladies, meaning the women over twenty-five in our group. We were lined up against the wall in folding chairs." Barb ducked her head before making the explanation, "Buuut, that didn't remove us from the bad behavior; it was a great place to watch the guys in, er, full swing." She looked away.

"The guys were apparently used to that, so they danced over to the wall like we were part of a receiving line." Barb swallowed nervously. She spoke in a low tone like she was telling a ghost story, "And some of them were real specimen. They were standing and we were sitting, so we were getting a real eyeful." Barb tried hard to swallow again, "And this one guy, he was really ... unusual. I mean he stood out. You know?" She couldn't look at Jack as she described, "He was long and thick. But he had this really large bulbous head. I remarked that he looked like he had a baby brontosaurus peeking out from between his thighs. And he was right there in front of me. I ... ah. I mean before I knew it ... I mean I didn't think. As soon as I did think, I stopped." Tears welled in her eyes.

"Barb, in English please."

"I didn't mean to," Barb was close to inconsolable.

"Barb, tell me." Jack's tone was quiet yet inflexible.

"I sucked the guy. I-I just did."

Barb saw Jack grow tense; his eyes clamped a little tighter in a discerning squint. The corners of his lips drew tight, his breathing shallower. Jack tried to hide it though Barb wasn't sure of the point in that. She felt herself shake.

"Why?" He demanded through clenched teeth.

"Because his dick was out, and it was really big, with a great big bulbous bloated head." It was obvious she was castigating herself, shaking her head ruefully, looking at her feet. Jack was sure she'd assumed this pose regularly when remembering that night. This wasn't a new reaction because he was there, this was deep seated guilt. She added quietly, half ashamed and half pissed at herself, "And I was drunk."

Jack felt his anger rise, he tried to deflect it as he commented, "It was just out there, huh? Was that a stripper or a date technique? Or perhaps spring cleaning? You know, air drying. Or perhaps it was a metronome to help set the beat of the music?"

Even though Barb heard the sarcastic bent, she appreciated her husband trying to use the same techniques they frequently used to entertain each other. They'd always enjoyed a good turn of phrase or twist of verbiage. She explained she didn't feel she deserved the effort, "I've been crushed about it, Jack."

"Just like his head in your tonsils."

Barb nodded, "This is why I didn't want to tell you." Her eyes were huge with sympathy. She loved him deeply and knew he felt the same about her. They were truly best friends and understood each other very well. She knew he threw up defenses, like sarcasm, when he was really hurt; it gave him time to digest the pain bit by bit, instead of choking on it all at once. The humor gave perspective and let him master the difficult situation ... eventually. She could tell he was choking now; she'd cut him to the quick. She hated herself for it.

"You didn't want to tell me, eh? You didn't want to pay the piper? Ah yes, the piper: another person famous for blowing. I think there's also a Peter Piper joke there somewhere, already pickled, you pecked his peppered pipe!" Despite his ridiculous words Jack was very angry now.

"No. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd be hurt. That's also why I stopped what I was doing right away. My thoughts weren't to cheat on you! I just wanted to know what it was like, having that ... big head in my mouth. I couldn't do anything further."

"Why not? You'd done the deed; you apparently knew you were going to deceive me over it. Why not up the ante?"

"Yes, and no. I didn't think about how, or if, to tell you until later. I also knew, even if I didn't tell you that I'd already hurt you. I'd marred my perfect record of fidelity, a record you deserved. I'd marred myself, and you love me, so you'd hate that. I'd hurt you in all sorts of horrible ways. And that stopped me dead, even through the alcohol and pot fog. I didn't finish the guy! Fortunately for him there was another lady happy to take her turn. I'll admit something more, to prove to you I never kept anything from you before and never will again."

"Oh great," Jack spat, still obviously stung.

Barb was miserable seeing the depth of her husband's hurt. He was bracing for even worse news. She cursed herself, especially as she had to head down that exact road.

"In order to make you believe me I have to make it worse first."

"Oh great," Jack repeated, his anger abating towards defeat. This time his words had little strength. Had she done the bloated bastard? Had his beloved wife saddled the brontosaurus?

"You know I'm an unusual girl. Not unique, just rare. I'm a twenty percenter: I like giving head. But I'm an eighty percenter when I see a dick that big. It may make my mouth water, but thinking about actually, taking it, you know ... down there, makes my poor little kitty ache. Not in a good way. More in a cringing, "I don't even want to think about it" way."

Barb would never know what bit of sarcasm Jack was about to launch, as her last statement cut him in half. She loved Jack's cock, it put her into orbit. Why did men compare cock size to this degree? She felt like kicking herself, the reason why she lost control for a moment that night, and what led this conversation, WAS the size of that bloated cockhead. Clearly, humans notice a difference in size. She'd just told her husband that she saw a larger one than he possessed and was so impressed she had it in her mouth before she was capable of thinking of him or anything else! Speaking of size, she felt only two feet tall.

"S-So while it's true I didn't fuck him, I popped him in my mouth wanting to know what it felt like there. I didn't finish him; I didn't add any technique for his pleasure. I didn't play with it. But I put that head in my mouth and savored it. The momentum of the situation, whatever chemicals were in my system, booze, a contact buzz from pot, which may have been in greater quantity in the place than oxygen, and the general atmosphere of wanton sexuality, removed any thought about not doing it. I just acted. As soon as I did think I practically spat him out. I couldn't believe what I'd done, yet there was no taking it back. I'd already done it!

"As I thought about it later, I was scared for what else could have happened. If I'd stayed longer or been any more polluted before this happened, I fear I would've tried to ... fuck him." She wanted to glance up badly but just couldn't bear seeing what Jack's expression may display. "If I were single, I'm pretty sure I would have tried. And that wasn't what I was like when I was single. I'm happily married, I thought I'd be a steadying presence on our group of women. Boy, did I mess that up. Those places should come with warning labels."

Barb did glance up now. Jack looked like he'd just seen his country conquered. Worse, like he'd failed to defend it.

"B-But then I thought of you, and this eventual conversation, and it stopped me dead. The guilt was immediate and crushing! The girls saw it overtake me. I think my reaction stopped a lot of impending debauchery in its tracks. My guilt compounded; I really didn't want to fuck him. I mean my jaw hurt from sucking him. Worst, and I hate this part, I'd already gotten what I really wanted! I'd slaked my greed. I wanted to know what that huge knob felt like in my mouth. I wanted to suck on that monstrosity for a while. And both of those things happened. The guilt became incredibly worse because I'd gotten what I wanted.

"While I'd stopped cold, I was no hero, because I still got what I'd wanted most. I didn't want to taste his cum, I didn't want to make him cum. I didn't want an experience with him. I didn't want to share anything with him. I didn't want an orgasm, and on and on. So yes, I stopped before I hurt you worse. He didn't cum in my mouth. I didn't swallow. I didn't coo or cum. We didn't have full-on sex. But I didn't sacrifice because I didn't want those things! Damn it all to hell, I'd already gotten what I wanted; something I shouldn't have had; something that would hurt you. It's all a damn mess - a tumbleweed of turmoil. I can't adequately explain how sorry I am!"

Jack sat there withdrawn, which was not like him at all. Barb cursed herself knowing she'd enjoyed having that huge knob in her mouth, and now her mate, her true love, was thinking of just that. He'd know how much she enjoyed it and that he couldn't provide her with the same sensation. After all, the unique size is why she sucked the other guy in the first place. Damn her, damn her, damn her!

"Fear. That's why I didn't tell you. I'd done something horrible. I can barely believe it, but I did it, I'm guilty. I didn't go far or long, but I went too far and too long." Barb sighed heavily. "Jack, you're a formidable man. I'm drawn to you and your attributes like a moth to flame. It's precisely because you're a no-nonsense guy, it's precisely because you are fair, that I'm afraid."

Barb paused sorting how to explain her feelings. "You communicate better with a broader spectrum of people than I do, and I consider that one of my strong points. You lay out the rules early. If someone goes astray, they know why you're calling them on the carpet.

Her gaze intensified as she brought her reasoning home for him, "You expect me to be a one-man woman. That's what I want to be, but even more specifically I want to be with you. You're THE man I want. Now that you know that I broke the rules you'd be well within your rights to kick me to the curb. Worse for me, you'd be well within character. I didn't tell you mainly for fear you'd take precisely that decisive action. Then I justified not telling you by saying when this day came, I could look you right in the face and tell you I was completely faithful since. I'd have a new, if secondary, track record of fidelity. Which doesn't sound great, because it isn't, though it's the best I can do. I never should have done it. I wish I hadn't."

Barb couldn't face him now, lowering her head she continued, "But I did do it. I-I was completely faithful before too. There's been no general slipping since. I don't want to slip!

"I'm hoping that you'll see it as firing an accidental discharge in your general direction instead of dropping napalm or arming the nukes. I didn't want to have sex with ... "it", and I never decided it was okay to cheat on you. Thinking of you stopped me dead in my tracks. I've regretted my action ever since. And I've cherished every minute I've been able to spend with you. Make me pay a price Jack, I will! Please don't leave me, I couldn't stand it. I know I have no right to ask, but I'm begging you not to send me away!"

Barb didn't believe Jack had ever feared that she'd cheat simply because of a guy's appendage. Hell, she never would have the one time if it weren't for the atmosphere, the booze, and the stuff in the air. She was certain most of her husband's pain was from comparing himself to the other man. Yes, she'd positively scrambled to suck Jack at times, but there had to be an extra-large desire for her to do it to an unknown phallus, especially being a faithful married woman. Jack would conclude he didn't have what she so obviously wanted. He wouldn't be able to see it was a one-time thing that she wouldn't want a steady diet of, or that it being served up on a platter, so to speak, was what made it so imminently doable that she did without thinking. Barb would rather suck Jack's cock for a thousand years than the dancer's for a minute. But her husband's pain and insecurity wasn't going to let him see that right away. Instead, he'd see himself as her baseline, and that her every desire and instinct sent her flying, literally salivating, at a chance to fit that distended knob in her drooling mouth. Jack's ultimate conclusion would be that he didn't take her to that same high. His poor heart would make him see and feel it that way, without reason. She was making him suffer, and only because he loved her!

"Please say something, Jack, you're so quiet. What are you thinking?"

He answered flatly, "I'm wondering how to integrate into conversation the phrases that are suddenly buzzing around my mind: "Head of the class." "Some dickhead forced his policies down your throat." "King Dong on Skull Island." "You bit off more than you could chew." "You were salivating for it." "That's hard to swallow." "Well, spit it out." And the overly appropriate, "Once she puts her head to something she wants, it's as good as licked."

Barb was horrified, she knew his habit of thinking up sarcastic replies or puns when he was really pissed off. In the entire time she'd known him he'd never bothered with more than three. Jack had just rattled off eight!

"I'm so sorry, Jack! I knew it would be bad. I knew it would hurt you. I had no idea this badly," She continued through tears, "It's so unfair. It was more stupidity than lust. I over indulged as I already had my ultimate man; the girls get pissed at me because of it. I don't look at guys out of the corner of my eye. We're so happy and secure with each other I don't have to hide it if I do find a guy attractive. I can stare at him as he walks all the way across the room, and all the ladies know I'm going to be with you that night. Because as hot as I find that guy, I find you mesmerizing."

"Is that better than intoxicating?"

Barb knew he was taking a dig at her admission that over-drinking was a component of her mouthing the exotic dancer. "Damn strait!" She answered.

"Well, I guess I go right to the head of the class." He tried to smile. "That's one, but frankly, it was kinda lame. Hmmm, I guess I should have said flaccid because that description is pretty damn appropriate right now too."

Barb struggled to keep her growing desperation in check, "I love you; I adore you. I appreciate you trying. Jack, we have something all those ladies want, but don't know how to get. None of them want to make themselves vulnerable, so they won't give of themselves past a certain degree. Their men respond in kind. It's a self-defeating prophesy. You and I are part of each other, open books to each other. Baby, you know that. You know I want you and want what you have more than any other."

Pissed Jack groused, "You haven't thrown yourself at my feet to polish my knob."

Barb was emphatic, "Yes, I have. I've been desperate to polish your knob! And I think I've done a darn fine job of it. Ever since my ghastly mistake I've practically worshipped your knob. I've paid particular attention to it. I've been devoted in my service to it. Because I feared I might never get to polish it again. Think Jack, several times you've commented on the amount of time I've spent on the brass-work and how messy I've made it."

Thinking he nodded, "Yeah, a few times I've had to pull you off so I could take advantage of your other charms." He rubbed his chin. "I remember. It explains your earnestness bordering on desperation."

Barb winced at Jack's description, "Don't put it so mildly. It explains my latching on to it with the tenacity of a starving octopus! Because I'm desperate to keep you. I'm desperate for you to know I love you. I'm desperate for you to know that yours is the one knob that rules them all, yours is the knob I want to polish more than all other knobs combined!"

Jack stared her right in the eye daring her to back down, "Even the knob you wanted so badly you stuffed it in your mouth before thinking?"

Barb heard herself groan before she answered, "Think about it Jack: I'm especially desperate for you to know that answer!"

They stared at each other for a while like old west gunfighters. Barb wanting Jack to make the first move because she owed him that. Jack not really sure what to do though aware of the growing awkwardness.

Watching her husband's discomfort grow Barb jumped in, "You always wanted a mid-sixties Corvette. Its attitude seemed to be all you. It had the style and the vibe, and it sure won its fair share of races, even against the Shelby Cobras. You certainly wanted to take one for a spin. You did and it was ..."

"Agricultural," he finished, adding, "Especially compared to the rare BMW we have."

Barb nodded, "Perhaps the '67 has more panache but driving that the Beemer is sweet. There are other things to consider too. We already own and love the Beemer. We drive it everywhere we travel. We took care of that car, brought it back from disrepair. We're good at fixing things together. We've made love in it, and on it, beside it, and with me half through the door."

"And the sunroof," Jack added.

Her eyes lidded, "Yeah, that was just fucking hot!" Barb looked at him pointedly, "I know what I want. The point is: this is no time for you to make sweeping changes in your life, Jack. The most stressful things in life are moving and starting to live with, or leaving, your loved one. Don't pull the pin on that grenade, Jack!" Barb's plea seemed more desperate than the humor she was trying to disguise it as.

When Jack didn't respond she sadly filled in the silent air again, "We genuinely enjoy that car, it fits us, we found it and brought it back together, and the truly discerning fans spot its options and know it's rarefied stuff. It just plain works on every level, like us. It's not just image, it feels better driving full tilt than a lot of the more expensive stuff with electronic, um, doodads." The word made them both smile.

"You drove that Vette Jack, and it hurt your fantasy image of the car. You know now you'd never own one unless we had money to burn. You know now you want to drive the Beemer more than take another spin in the old Vette of your fantasies. It's all about what you love: is it fantasy or real? That's what's wonderful about us, we have what we want most and are deliriously happy with it; each other, and every aspect of us too. No, we aren't physical perfection, but I can assure you your, er, Tally Wacker is the finest most luscious cock in the world to me. It's the one of my dreams, the one I fantasize about, and the only one I want to race around my curves."

Jacked exhaled saying softly, "Barb, part of the issue right now is the separation of fantasy and real life. You were both to me and I'm forced to sort through the layers which sort of delaminates them."

Barb collected her thoughts, "I think I can address that problem with my own experience. That awful night, drunk and contact stoned, I saw something that was suddenly there. It wasn't even a yard a way, hell, it was only a foot away. I know for a fact I never would've gotten up and walked to it to put it in my mouth. All I had to do was lean forward. I did it in less time than it just took to explain. Had I thought at all, I never would have done it! I was curious about a sensation. That sort of thing can kick start the imagination, and the imagination can get the motor running ... but it didn't.

"Instead, I was happily humming away and then it kicked in, "Shit, this guy is going to want me to fuck him, or at least finish him." I didn't want that. I hadn't thought about what he wanted at all. I hadn't even thought of the guy, he was just life support for that damned appendage. It was horrifying realizing there was a guy attached to it. Then I thought, "You can't fuck anyone else! What about Jack?!" That was also about the time that I thought, "This damn thing will NOT be pleasurable, it will hurt to fuck it." And then I thought, "The only guy I would hurt myself that much for is Jack!" Then I finally thought what I should have all along, "Oh My God, you have some guy's cock in your mouth!" Finally, I thought about how much this would hurt you! And that was the end of that.

"Jack, I haven't had a pleasurable thought about that cock since. It isn't my secret fantasy. Thinking of it makes me ill.

"To show you how instinctual it was, my stopping didn't quell the activities. As soon as I stopped feasting, other woman lined up for their shot. I'm sure one of them got a sore pussy to cause her grief the next day. It's some solace to me that I stopped immediately upon thinking of you. I'd suddenly become a selfish cock sucking bimbo, then I snapped out of it just as quickly. I'm sure you're still horrified I have the capacity to be a brain-dead, selfish, cock sucking, bimbo. You deserve better, and I've been trying hard to be worthy of you and super alert not to fail you again ever since. You may not believe it, but I'm so disgusted with myself, so guilt ridden, that I know I'll never make the mistake again. In fact, I won't even put myself in that situation.

"I love you; I want YOU. I used to give you a pretty mean hummer. I've become a full-blown worshipper, but only of yours. And that's because I'm so thankful to still have what I truly want. It drove me crazy keeping this from you. The fear's been palpable. I appreciate you and your wedding tackle even more. Adonis would be concerned having to compare himself to you. The shape, the texture ... your veins are superb, and your glans proud! And you have a big ole set of balls I like to lick so much it would make a male dog blush." Her eyes filled with tears, "I mean every word of that. I'm so thankful to have you. I can't help but love that too. It really is a great one on its own. You take a back seat to none. You are, "the head of the class" to me!"

Although he appreciated her earnestness, Jack was unconvinced.

Barb used the time to try to generate some saliva for her poor dry mouth. She had to change the subject too. Talking about Jack's genitalia was only reminding him that she sampled another while they were married. "Honey, it drives the ladies crazy that I don't join in their bitch-sessions about men. I think my love has empowered me and my femininity. When I really want to blow up some gender-bigoted man-hater I tell them I love to suck cock, but only one. I found the ultimate, and somehow got a ring on him.

"I tell them a woman that can give good head can stop a man dead in his tracks and make him weak in the knees. She doesn't have to manipulate her man; once she's shown her desire to do things for him, she can just ask and if it's within his power he'll do for her. Which I tell them seems like actions that would make a woman weak in the knees wanting to go down on him again. I tell them it's a system that sure works for me. That's when I sneak in the haymaker asking, "Why wouldn't you want to be that much in love?" Then I nuke them by telling them a good cock, or better yet the cock of a good man, is the ultimate pacifier.

"I tell them my hubs is the biggest, most beautiful, best tasting man I've ever had. If I'm upset or worried or scared, I can go home and curl up next to you with my head in your lap, and just having you in my mouth makes it all okay. In the rare eventuality I can't handle the problem entirely myself, I know you will defend, protect, and love me like no one else can. More than my own mother when I was a baby."

Barb paused, tears running down her cheeks again.

"I messed up. Badly. Horrendously. Terribly. I always thought you were better than me. I'm not even the woman I thought I was. That night I was a bad person before I even saw the danger signs. I'd sinned before I knew it. I'd ... bitten off more than I could chew."

Jack nodded at the last phrase, "Thank you for that one."

Barb smiled brushing the hair out of her face with a delicate finger looking at him with such sorrow. "I really do think of you. I really do want to make you happy."

"Yeah, but only with a loaded pun at your head?"

"I thought that was more an entendre than a pun."

They looked at each other for a while before both shrugging their shoulders.

"Jack, I have a lot of character building to do before I can even think of forgiving myself. Because of my lack of discipline, I can't say you're the largest I've had in my mouth. I don't know if this helps but you're very definitely the one the has been deepest in my throat. Only you have crushed my tonsils." She looked at him a portrait of absolute misery. Barb knew that would sting him, but she couldn't stop telling the truth now. The tears that flooded down her cheeks proved to him he was not alone in his pain, and she carried the shame of visiting both of them with that sad reality. Hurting him cut her deeply as well. "Yet all the other things I said are still true with all their attributes enhanced. My dalliance haunts me, I don't like its memory. It doesn't fill me with satisfaction, rather regret and shame. But it really, truly, does make me savor you all the more."

She gave him a wry smile that told him she was going to try to pay him tribute. "I'm dead nuts serious, Jack."

Barb saw the corner of his lip curl up. She added, "That's not just lip service, Jack"

His eyes lit at her attempt to sooth his pain and make him happier.

"It's no gag, either."

He reached out and cupped her cheek. It was warm and wet. Barb stopped crying and pushed her cheek deeper into his hand, bringing one of her hands up to cup his.

She whispered, "You know when I went on that trip. It was some time ago. You know I worship the ground you walk on. You know I'll never stop trying to prove my worth to you or stop loving you. I love you more than anything, more than I know how to explain."

Barb's brow furrowed at what was next, "I have to ask you for something. Terrible timing, huh? And a worse juxtaposition. I lay all this on you, then hit you with the corporate headhunter details that I didn't fill you in on. I'm not in a good place to ask for something, but I really, really, need to."

Jack nodded knowing Barb was considerate to a fault. He wondered what could possibly be coming.

"That thing about your being the ultimate pacifier is one hundred percent true and I'm in need of one as I'm scared to death. I don't know how my interview went. I don't know what they'll offer compensation wise, but I want the job they described. I'm scared to not get it, however coming on top of everything I've laid on you tonight I'm scared to get it. I don't think I can ask you to uproot your career, or yourself, especially after tonight."

He turned to face her directly, "What are you saying? You plan to leave me here?"

She pulled him in close, "Nooo! I never want to be without you, but don't you see what I've done? Did you see your reaction? You've lost faith in me! You don't know that you can count on me or that I'll be there for you, protect you and love you, and do right by you. You don't believe in me like you did this morning."

Barb lost it. She finally choked out, "I-I threw all that shit on you by telling you I cheated on you. Then I had to tell you I'd not only given my resume to a headhunter, but actually interviewed. What sounded innocent initially, changed completely in light of my confession. There was too much you didn't know. It compounded your dismay and your doubt.

"I-I've been diligently working to prove myself since the night I made that terrible decision to indulge myself practically two years ago. I wanted to be able to prove myself to you if this discussion ever happened. I've put enough time in being around possible temptation and not tempted to feel confident in saying I'm a good wife, a better one since I failed you. I've stayed out of possibly compromising situations because I know I can never ever have a slip like that again! I can tell you I'm a safer bet for you than ever before. I'm upset and overwrought at my own actions and yet only your opinion matters." She stalled, tried to regroup and faltered, "So, so ..."

"Come on, spit it out," Jack laughed hoping his quip would calm her.

Her eyes shot open with relief, "Oh baby, I'm sorry," she composed herself, "I-I know this is a lot to swallow." She forced a smile through her tears. She shook her head then held out her arms, "May I?"

He crushed her to him.

"Barb Honey, I'm not so worried about the headhunter. I don't see where that could do much harm. I'm pretty secure personality wise, and at work I expect a promotion shortly, hell, imminently. The upside is once that comes though, we could even afford for you to stay home for a while if you want to find a different job. The downside is I don't want to move because I want and deserve this promotion. So, you'll have to temper any job offers with that in mind. Although if my company screws this up somehow, I really don't think I want to stay in town. There are other places I'd rather live. So, your headhunter thing may come in handy."

"Jack, I'd happily work at McDonalds if you are mine. I want you first and foremost, way out in front of any of the rest of this stuff, the career, the house, and one day the kids. So, I'm beside myself at hitting you with the double whammy."

To put his raised eyebrows at ease Jack asked, "To verify: the double whammy consists of not only sucking a guy off, but possibly wanting to move away right when the job I've been working towards for years is almost mine?"

Barb was flummoxed. She decided which point she had to address first, "I didn't suck him ... off." She clenched her eyes hard because she had indeed sucked him. "H-He was in my mouth less than a minute, maybe half that, very likely half that." There was no way to say any of that and sound good.

Jack's eyelids came down halfway, lidding caustic eyes, "Oh, I guess this is much ado about nothing, if we're talking only thirty seconds of infidelity. Except for thirty seconds you forgot I existed, and in that short amount of neglect you literally stuffed a guy's hammerhead in your mouth. One picture is fairly benign, the other is enough to rip the fabric of what I thought we'd woven together.

Jack looked at his wife appraisingly, "I've heard your pleas and I believe them, Barb. I don't think you want to fuck around on me. If you did, I guess it would be happening already, as you've admitted starting to blow other guys a couple years ago. I guess I wouldn't have much say until the day I realize all the info was there and I'd chosen not to believe it because I love you. The problem is discerning if today's revelation makes today that day. Of course, if you cheated despite knowing how much I love you, it would be pretty good proof you don't love me back. There wouldn't be much left after THAT revelation."

Barb was very scared, barely breathing out, "I would never do that to you."

"I didn't think so but look at what I've found out today. You were honest with me so I should be with you too, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

"I've just found out you can fall for a guy just because of his size. You told me that wasn't true, then admitted it was. You know exactly how true it is because that's exactly what happened. Yes, you stopped, but you had to start first. I guess it's my choosing to trust you, despite your telling me you haven't been trustworthy, that makes this work.

"I have to look at what's more damning. Even if you're telling the truth that you polished his knob for thirty seconds and then got yourself out of harm's way, you still hid thirty seconds of cheerful, benign, yet wanton, indiscretion with two years of purposely keeping it from me. That really muddies the picture.

"Then again, I was hurt, am hurt I guess, but you've convinced me that you love me and want to stay. It's confusing. You've introduced the concept of "degrees of misdeed" into what I thought was unlimited love. If its various shades of grey, I guess the conclusion is you love me less than I hoped. If it's all or nothing, then you had a guy's cock in your mouth and you committed adultery." He pondered for a second before announcing, "You know what? That IS how I see it."

Barb gasped as he further explained, "But I don't see thirty seconds of adultery as a case for the marriage executioner. If that's the outcome you wanted from me, you didn't have to hide things for two years. The decision to hide it, seems out of proportion to what you did - if that's all it was."

Barb was finally able to swallow, "I-I'm getting dizzy."

Jack shook his head, "Complains the woman who started the merry go 'round. I think I'm trying to say I believe you. I see your grief. Analytically though it looks worse. And the ... lying ... to hide it makes it much worse. So now something I wouldn't have batted an eye at, the headhunter, seems to reinforce the bad conclusion even further."

Barb was almost breathless, "What does that mean, Jack? Please tell me how that makes you feel? What are you thinking?"

"That the bright gleaming aura I always see you in is a little dimmer, your polished personage a little less so. I'm not trying to hurt you, down you, or rebuke you, I'm being honest. It makes me wonder exactly where you get off keeping all this stuff with the headhunter from me? More importantly, why? I've found things out one or two steps late the entire way. I never would've looked at that twice until I found out you cheated on me. There's a pattern of not telling me important things in a responsible time. Worse, I only know because it converged in such a way that the guilt that you've been able to manage for almost two years finally got the better of you. You claim a supposed thirty second indiscretion blaming it on your animal nature. What worries me is you then used your higher human functions to further decide against me by keeping me in the dark about it. Add the headhunter as the third card and it's a pattern now. Perhaps those are the only things you purposely decided it was alright to deceive me about. Or maybe there are other things you're still concealing. It's insidious once you introduce doubt. You love me, but are you completely on my side?"

Barb's hands shot over her mouth.

Jack was slowly losing control of his emotions. The pendulum now swung toward disappointment, "I'm sorry, Barb, this next is illustrative, not an accusation, but I would pretty much have to interrogate your family members who were at the bachelorette party to find out if you sucked the guy off, got screwed by him, or spent the entire night screwing him. I have no other way to validate your claim that you didn't go farther. I'm pretty sure calling your family members to grill them about that night would be catastrophic."

"A-Are you going to do that? Yes, it would ignite a firestorm. There weren't any family members I knew well sitting along the wall with me. None of my family that know you know what happened. I've kept my close family in the dark like I have you. It's been living like a fugitive. I won't stop you from calling, but the folks you know won't have any formation for you."

Jack's resulting gaze withered his forlorn wife. He finally spoke, "Were your actions benign or major? I swing back and forth like your bloated dream cock at the Dancing Bear." He glanced at her to see if she understood his use of humor meant he was still trying to work with her. "It's all tantamount to nothing or terrible. Either you were concealing a mistake, which doesn't sound like the relationship I thought we had, or you were concealing regular bad behavior, which means the relationship is nothing like I thought. But why? You could have just told me you weren't into me, and we'd call it a day. Have you been deceiving me or were you bending over, backwards this time, to do your best by me? What's certain is you haven't done right by me that night or ever since!"

Barb, who'd grown white with fear, now went grey as her stomach began to churn.

Jack kept his withering gaze, "Are you really saying the corrective measures have largely negated the negative actions you took? For poor kept in the dark me all this has come out of nowhere at once. It's converging on me as it catches up with you. Did you come clean because you were finally trying to do right by me or because you knew you couldn't hide it any longer? Damn, you've filled me with questions you aren't in a position to credibly answer. Is this the extent of it? Or are you setting me up to cram what I don't want down MY throat?"

Jack noticed Barb didn't get that one either.

"Please, Jack, I can't cope. You're home to me, where I'm safe and secure. My home is in your arms. Please let me come home. Let me curl up beside you and suckle you: I NEED my pacifier."

Jack shook his head, "I guess that's progress of sorts. Same fixation, but finally the right member." Barb wrapped herself around him with a tenacity that made him marvel how apt her remark about the octopus was. He shook his head to himself. This was a hell of a mess.