Evening of Surprises

I was chilling at my desk in my classroom on a Friday after school. I was cleaning up after a super hectic week. I usually take this time to get everything sorted for the week ahead, so I can kick back and enjoy my weekend. I am not sure how I got to this compulsion, but after 10 years of teaching, it was part of my routine that I couldn't escape from.

This particular weekend I would be be a bachelorette. My boyfriend Marcus, who I have this on-and-off thing with, is currently enjoying a golf trip with his buddies. I lined up some chores and a little revenge shopping to keep myself occupied.

"Hey Laurel, I heard you're flying solo this weekend. Wanna go out tonight?"

Christine and I were both English teachers at the local high school. We started our careers at the same time. We're more than colleagues; we've become best friends.

"I'm not sure. I've got a bunch of chores I want to tackle while Marcus is gone."

"Come on Laurel, chores can wait. You have all weekend. Let go of your OCD tendencies and channel your inner Wild Weekend Laurel. Remember her?"

Christine wasn't wrong. I keep creating these schedules and timelines that I feel like I must stick to. I hate when she's right.

"Alright, I'm in, but you really should feel guilty for making fun of my OCD. Wild Weekend Laurel is kinda cool; I like how it sounds."

"Wear something fun. I may need an attractive wingman tonight."

"You're inviting me out so I can help you get fucked," I answered sarcastically.

"I said, I may need a wingman, as in just in case. Just dress in your best Wild Weekend Laurel outfit. I'll swing by to get you at eight."

It's been a long time since Wild Weekend Laurel was unleashed. I'm going all in. I got to my condo just after six. I had two hours to transform myself from OCD Laurel to WWL; this would be an huge task.

I jumped in the shower; it was just what I needed after such a tiring week. I pumped some lavender body wash into my hand and began lathering it up, starting with my arms, then moving to my armpits, and finally across my tits.

"Oh, my!"

My nipples were hard and erect, and it felt really good.

"No, no, no, no!"

Friday isn't masturbation day; it's Tuesday. Friday is getting fucked day. Damn.

I squeezed more body wash and made my way down my tummy and then to my pussy.

"Mmm."

Next, I gave the clit a quick flick.

"Whoa!"

"It's Friday, Laurel, it's Friday...!"

I squeezed out a bit more body wash and worked around my ass, my ass crack, and around my asshole.

"Fuck, that feels good."

You've got this, Laurel! Just wash up, dry off, and throw on some WWL slut wear.

I grabbed the shower head and washed off the body wash. Rookie mistake. God, I love it when I spray my nipples, pussy, clit and asshole.

Self control, Laurel, you can do it.

Sheer determination kept me from

coming. Too bad it wasn't a Tuesday, but with no Marcus around, getting fucked is not in the cards.

I entered my walk-in closet looking for my best wingman outfit. If I'm not getting laid, I'll see to it that Christine does. You can't go wrong with fluffy hair, a snug little black dress, matching lace lingerie, and some killer stilettos as your wingman look. I checked myself out in the mirror.

"Perfect."

My whorish look would attract any man. Christine was for sure getting fucked tonight.

Christine parked by the curb. As I strolled over to the car, I noticed her eyes getting big and her hands clapping like a little kid. I imagined her thought bubble was, "I getting laid tonight, I'm getting laid tonight."

"Holy shit girl, you look fantastic!"

"This is all for you. You look pretty fantastic yourself. We'll have men lining up."

Christine said, "Alright, here's our plan. Armando's for dinner."

"I love Armando's."

"Then clubbing at the Redtail."

I gave Christine a high five. I haven't hit the clubs in ages. This was going to be a fun night. Armando's was awesome like always; we drank more than we ate. Early returns on our outfits from the male clientele were more than positive. Christine went whorish also, a navy blue sleeveless top with a short form-fitting skirt, but skipped the stilettos. Instead of the usual ponytail, she just let her long hair hang loose. She sported bright red "fuck me" lipstick with matching fingernail and toe polish. Not sure what she had underneath, but if it was anything like I was wearing, it would be an excellent night.

The wine loosened us up, and our conversation turned to relationships and our sex lives.

"What's the deal with Marcus? Is he the one?"

"Oh God, no. He satisfies my needs but doesn't embrace my quirkiness."

"What does satisfy your needs mean?"

"I'm not sure, but we have great foreplay, mix it up with different positions... you know, it's just good sex."

"Does he fuck you in the ass?"

"Holy shit Christine!"

"I'm just getting started, lady. Does he fuck you in the ass, slap your ass, tie you up, come on your tits, come in your mouth, do you use sex toys, any threesomes, watch porn or read Erotic Novels or stories?"

"Wow, just wow, did you leave anything out?"

"Oh ya, does he pull your hair while taking you from behind, pretending to be a Pirate?"

"Pirate?"

"Yes Pirate, Doctor, Dentist, Tennis Pro..."

"Holy Hell, Christine, I don't think you are pulling any of these ideas out of your ass."

"Done them all."

"Christine, you little Jezebal. How long have we known each other?"

"Come on, Laurel, you haven't done any of this stuff?"

"Well maybe..."

"I'm all ears."

"I used to have one of those bullet vibrators until it died. The only thing I've had in my ass is my finger on Masturbation Tuesday."

"Before we get to Masturbation Tuesday did you like a finger in your ass?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever ask a partner to stick their finger, cock or sex toy in your ass?"

"Nope."

"Lady, you need a sex intervention, and quickly. Masturbation Tuesday?"

"Masturbate on Tuesday, sex on Friday, and Sunday morning."

"Sunday morning?"

"Just negotiated with Marcus for Sunday morning."

"Oh girl, you need help."

Did I? I always assumed my sex life was really good. I've read or heard about those other things. I have no clue why I haven't tried them yet, could be that I'm afraid to ask, not really into it, or just the wrong partner. I must confess, while Christine was giving me the 'Sex Quiz', I noticed my thong getting soaked. Is that a good sign?

We finally arrived at the Redtail. Before we knew it, the men were all over us, getting us drinks and inviting us to dance. I kept directing the men to Christine for final approval, but she continued turning them down. I thought about grabbing one for myself, especially since it was Sex Friday. Maybe I could have one come on my tits. I can't see these guys needing too much convincing. Maybe I should.

"Christine, you keep rejecting all my A-list choices."

"My standards are high."

"Really? From what you told me tonight, you will get fucked every which way."

"Nothing wrong with taking it up the ass Laurel. Hey, let's dance."

Christine and I took to the dance floor. Considering how much alcohol we consumed, the two teacher whores were dancing up a storm.

We were having a blast dancing to the vintage late 70s hits Rock Lobster and Love Shack when Christine screamed in my ear.

"Do you want to fuck?"

"What?"

"Do you want to fuck?"

I motioned, "These guys?"

"No! Me!"

"What?"

"DO... YOU... WANT... TO... FUCK... ME?"

Christine had this goofy smile on her face, just waiting for me to say something. Wow, she's not joking around.

"Like fuck you?"

"Yup."

I don't even know how the following words came out of my mouth.

"How would that even look like?"

She tilted her head and said, "Seriously?"

The fact I didn't say no right away opened the door wide open for Christine. I discovered she doesn't hold back when it comes to sexual talk.

"I want to take you back to my place and fuck your brains out. The only thing I can promise you, I can't shoot loads of cum over your tits, but my pussy can drench your mouth."

"TMI Christine! I've never hooked up with a woman before. I love cock."

"Being with a woman is really not a big deal and if you like cock, I can arrange that."

I feel like I'm at the crossroads. In my mind, I haven't said no and definitely not said yes. I felt there needed to be some clarification.

"So just to be clear, you want us, me and you, Laurel and Christine, to fuck each other, presumably tonight at your place?"

"Yes, and I'll fuck you anywhere and anytime, preferably shortly."

"And to be clear, there will be cocks involved?"

"Well, yes, in a manner of speaking."

"Oh, please don't tell me we are having a threesome with Phys. Ed. Phil."

"No Phil, but I wouldn't mind a threesome with you."

"One step at a time Christine, my head is spinning."

"Laurel, I booked an Uber and it'll pull up in three minutes."

Christine headed for the exit and got lost in the crowd. Holy Fuck, what am I getting myself into? I propped myself up against the wall.

"What do I do?"

My brain was saying no fucking way, but what was my body telling me? I reached into my dress and playfully tugged at my nipple.

"Oh god!"

I lifted my dress and slid a finger into a dripping wet pussy. I circled my clit, BOOM!

I ran to the exit as fast as I could.

Christine was standing holding the back door of the Uber open.

"Are you coming?"

"It's Fuck Friday, isn't it?"

I threw myself into the back seat. Christine hopped in next to me and we took off.

Christine said, "I'm so happy you're coming," and then she kissed me passionately.

Instinctively, I slipped her the tongue.

Christine pulled away from the kiss. "That's the spirit!"

I was so horny, I reached behind her neck, pulled her towards me, and kissed her with abandon.

"So, Laurel, you want some cock?"

"Now?"

"Yes, right now."

I looked towards the Uber driver.

Christine burst out laughing, "Definitely not him, I've got something even better!"

Christine dug into her purse and fished out a big black dildo. She pushed a button, and it started to vibrate.

"Oh my, that's not Phil?"

"I've fucked Phil, this is definitely not Phil, it's Juan, as in 'I Juan' to fuck you."

"Ha, Ha. Wait, you fucked Phil? Does that mean that if I fuck you, I've also fucked Phil?"

"No, and you really don't want that image seared into your brain."

Christine handed me 'Juan' the vibrator and said, "I know it's not Masturbation Tuesday but give it a whirl."

"How about the driver?"

"Let me handle it. Hey there, Uber driver Lawrence! My friend here has a very large black vibrating dildo, and she is going to fuck herself with it until she comes in the back seat of your car."

Christine took out two $100 bills from her purse and waved them around so Lawrence could view the bills in the rear-view mirror.

"$200 is yours if you keep your eyes on the road. Take the long way to my place and don't get us killed with any distracted driving."

Lawrence snatched the bills from Christine's fingers.

"Of course, Ma'am."

"Please don't tell me you've done this before," I asked.

"I've done things in the back of Ubers that would make your panties wet."

I squinted and shook my head slowly at Christine. "Who are you again?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

I took the vibrator and placed it along my slit and moved back and forth along the length of my pussy. Oh god, it felt awesome. Christine undid her seat belt and turned towards me, spread her legs and pulled her skirt up and circled her clit. She was commando.

"Oh God, Christine."

"Place the head of the vibrator gently against your clit and slowly circle it."

My legs trembled and I let out a quiet moan, "Oh fuck!"

"Let me watch you fuck yourself."

I took 'Juan' in two hands found my opening and inserted it gently into my pussy. I felt totally overwhelmed by the stretch and the vibrations. I saw Christine playing with her clit while also teasing her nipple with her other hand. I really wanted to give them a suck. What's happening to me?

"With one hand, fuck yourself with the vibrator and with the other play with your clit."

I played with my clit as Christine asked.

"Very nice Laurel. You're so fucking hot."

I can't believe how big and hard my clit is right now. I tenderly navigated my fingers around the extremely sensitive base. My thrusting with 'Juan' became more frantic and deeper.

"Look at me Laurel," she moaned.

I've never watched another woman masturbate before. It was outstanding and, oh, so fucking sexy. Each time I thrust 'Juan', I couldn't help but moan.

"Come for me Laurel, come hard."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm going to come!"

Suddenly, my thighs pressed tightly while I crammed poor 'Juan' in as far as he would go. I bent forward at the waist, "Oh fuck!"

My body went through five or six convulsions, each time yelling, "Oh fuck!"

I looked up to see Christine arching her back, eyes closed, reveling in her own orgasm. I leaned against the back seat with 'Juan' vibrating in my hand. Holy shit, I'm getting one of these.

"Ladies, we're here and thank you very much."

"Glad you enjoyed it, Lawrence. Don't spend all my money at once and the next time you are pulling on that cock of yours, please think of us."

"I'll make sure I do that Ma'am."

We grabbed our stuff and headed to Christine's front door.

Once we were in the townhouse, Christine took my hand and brought me directly to her bedroom. She stepped back away from me, lifted her blouse over her head, and pulled her skirt down until it fell to the floor. She stood there in nothing but a navy lace bra. With a smile, Christine reached back and unclipped her bra, letting it fall to the floor with her other clothes. She was gorgeous.

"If I had a cock, it would be rock hard."

"That sounds like a compliment to me!"

Christine came closer, grabbed my hand, and put it on her bare pussy.

"So soft," I uttered.

Christine took hold of my dress and pulled it over my head and tossed it into the corner.

"Man, you are smok'in hot Laurel."

She spun me around and took off my bra, tossing it onto the mess on the floor. I turned back toward Christine, our lips met and with our tongues dancing and exploring each other's mouth. Her fingers ran along the waist of my thong, and then softly caressing my ass.

I softly said, "Christine, that feels amazing."

I nibbled her neck and shoulder as my fingers traced a path down her spine, along her ass...

"Whoa, what do we have here?"

I circled my fingers around Christine's butt plug eliciting a light moan. She kissed my shoulder, neck, then whispered, "I want you to fuck my ass tonight, Laurel."

I was smacked by a wave of horniness. I tackled Christine onto the bed, climbed on top of her, and went wild sucking on her stiff nipples.

"Oh, my fucking God Laurel!"

Christine ran her fingers through my hair as I sucked and played with her tits. I've never felt such stiff and perky nipples apart from my own. I settled my head on Christine's chest and caught a glimpse of her other nipple. It was was so hard. I gently ran my finger over it, and Christine sighed in pleasure. I traced it with my finger, softly circling her aereolas, along the side of her nipple until I got top and gave it a tug.

"Ohhhhh."

I edged nearer and let my tongue dart out, sweeping across her nipple. Christine toyed with my hair and moan in pleasure.

I adjusted my thigh so that it was between her legs. I played with her nipple using my thumb and finger, rolling it around. Christine's hips slid up and down my thigh leaving a trail of her wetness. Fuck, I was so horny, Christine was enjoying my attention. I was enjoying giving it, I could feel my pussy dripping cum.

Christine subtly pushed my shoulders; she desired something else. I've always enjoyed being going down on. Obviously, I've never been with another woman, I've never seen a pussy up close but I know what I like. I been blessed with a long agile tongue, I intend to drive Christine wild.

Her pussy was so soft, so wet. Christine was toying with my hair again, which was becoming a turn on for me.

She whispered, "Place a pillow under my ass."

I reached for a pillow and placed as she instructed. I could understand why, I had better access to her pussy, from her clit to her butt plug. Why have I never thought of that?

The lighting in the room was just right, and I could see her pussy. Wow, her clit emerged from its' hood, erect like a small finger. I couldn't imagine how sensitive it was. I was about to find out. I flicked her clit with my tongue, prompting her to push her hips up and release a passionate sigh. Her taste and smell were exquisite. I circled my tongue, spiraling up and down from the base to the top of her nub.

Christine moaned, "Amazing!"

It was time for a tongue tour of the rest of her pussy. As lightly as possible, I traced my tongue down one side of her labia, to her bedazzled butt plug back up the other side of her labia and flicked my tongue across her clit.

"Jesus Christ," as she pulled my head deeper into her pussy.

I was ready to check out her vagina next. I found her juicy opening with my tongue. I pushed my tongue in deep and twisted it around, teasing her inner walls.

"Fuck me, where did you learn that?"

I guess from giving head. Who knew blow job skills were transferable?

I reached up with both hands, tweaking her nipples while my tongue fucked her. I was driving Christine wild, and I enjoyed every minute. I was fucking awesome!

"Pull it out, take my butt plug out. Just pull gently as I relax."

I pulled gently on the bedazzled jeweled end, and it slid out easily. Looking at an asshole was another novel experience for me tonight. I've never engaged in any anal play or sex with my male partners except for a few fingering attempts on Masturbation Tuesday. Her rose bud was pulsating as if inviting me to play. It was covered in Christine's juices. I was definitely in uncharted territory. I lightly touched it with my finger.

"Oh, fuck ya, Laurel."

It seemed like her asshole was grabbing my finger, encouraging me to penetrate further. Christine rocked her hips, and my finger found its way inside.

"Ooooo, so nice."

Now what, wiggle it, slide it...? Christine sensed my delay, "Fuck me with your finger!"

I could do that.

I stroked my finger along her rear passage.

Christine pushed my head toward her clit, letting my tongue lightly touch it.

"Oooh! More," Christine moaned.

Every time my tongue touched her clit, her asshole gripped tightly around my finger.

"So, so nice Laurel."

I looked up at Christine and saw her playing with her nipples. I was so turned on!

"Your turn, Laurel."

We both sat up and kissed. Christine eased me onto the bed, brushing her lips and tongue against each nipple before moving down to my belly button.

"You won't need these."

She lowered my thong, slid it down my legs and tossed it on the bed. She tenderly sucked on my clit and traced the tip with her tongue.

"Oh my, nobody has ever done that before."

"Turn over."

I turned over and laid on my belly. I spread my legs and extended my arms above my head.

Christine was giving my ear a little nibble with her lips and teeth.

"Do you trust me, Laurel?"

"Yes."

Christine ran her tongue, between my shoulders, along my spine, between my ass and discovered my puckered asshole.

"Do you like this?"

"Yes."

I was blown away by how her tongue danced around my asshole. I lifted my hips, craving more. Her finger discovered my clit.

I murmured, "That's so good."

"I'm just getting started. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Excellent."

Christine held my hand and guided it to my pussy.

"Have some fun with your clit."

I caught the sound of Christine shifting next to the bed and rummaging through her nightstand drawer. She fumbled around and found what she was looking for.

Not long after, she got close and murmured, "I'm going to take you from behind."

"Oh, dear God, I'm so fucking ready."

I assumed she had another vibrating cock; I was so wrong.

I arched my back and rose my ass up. I loved being fucked from behind.

"Fuck me now Christine!"

She knelt behind me, put a hand on my ass. I could sense the dildo searching for my opening. Then...

"Oh god!"

The dildo entered me gently, both Christine's hands were on my hips drawing me closer. She was wearing a strap-on. I brought my finger to my clit as she fucked me slowly.

"I love fucking you, Laurel."

"More...."

"More what?"

"More everything!"

I couldn't tell her what I wished exactly, but she had a good idea. I felt lube spill between my ass, then her thumb entering my asshole. That's what I desperately wanted.

"Fuck me hard Christine!"

Christine slid the dildo in and out. I could hear and feel her hips slapping my ass. My finger rapidly brushed my swollen clit, her thumb moving in and out my asshole.

I screamed, "I'm coming Christine."

As I rocked my hips against the dildo, every part of me quivered, and I pushed my hand firmly onto my clit.

I screamed again, "Oh, fucking God!"

My body felt like it was on a wild ride. I kept shaking and shaking.

"Keep coming baby, I love making you come."

Finally, my body collapsed on the bed. I found myself sweating and out of breath, struggling to come up with the perfect thing to tell Christine. I felt a hand caressing my back, my ass, the pleasure still coursing through my body.

All I could think of was, "It's your turn. What do you want me to do?"

"Use your imagination Laurel, look around the room. You'll know when you see it, be daring."

Time to take a tour! I took Christine's hand and brought to her pussy.

"Wait for me."

She started playing with her clit.

"Don't be too long."

I surveyed the room, immediately noticing things I didn't see when entered Christine's bedroom.

"Oh my, this is your boudoir, The Love Shack!"

There was a stand alone garment rack that organized Christine's lingerie. There were four leather cuffs tied to the corners of the bed. Her nightstand was packed with three drawers of all sorts of sex toys and accessories. A long table against the far wall had all sorts of BDSM implements organized on top.

"Christine, you have been busy, your ARE busy."

"Hurry Laurel, I'm so fucking horny."

"Let me see. What would a an unusually naughty girl like you want?"

"Hurry!"

"I'll take one of these, I'll take that, and I'll definitely take one of these. That should do it."

"I can't wait."

I made my way onto the bed and stood above Christine.

"Ms. Martinez, you have been very, very naughty. Turn over."

"Yes, madam."

I took a small flogging whip and feathered her ass and then gave each cheek a slight smack.

"You seduced your best friend and subjected her to carnal acts and debauchery. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty."

Smack! I whipped each cheek harder. What the fuck has gotten into me?

"Oh my, you're hot Laurel. Guilty as charged."

"That's more like it, Ms. Martinez! I will now commence with my punishment."

Christine giggled, "Please do!"

Oh fuck, I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm role playing a fucking Judge for God's sake. A better question who have I become?

"Ms. Martinez, you are to be placed under house arrest and will be shackled to your bed, naked."

I took one restraint, slipped her hand through it, and pulled it tight around her wrist.

Christine looked at me with a wry smile and winked, "I like this Laurel, so much sexy fun."

I chided back, "Fuck You Martinez."

I tightened all the restraints. Christine was face down naked, spread eagle, on the bed. Fuck, was her ass so beautiful. I came up behind her, kissing her toes, ankle, calf, behind her knee, up her thigh, and finally her ass. I spread her ass open and swirled my tongue around her asshole.

Christine's back arched. "Oh Lord, you are such a naughty judge. Punish me more."

I complied swirling my tongue around her asshole and flicking inside her entrance. Her asshole was beckoning me.

"Please, Laurel, take my ass!"

"The prisoner will not speak," as I whipped her twice more on the ass.

Christine let out a loud moan.

Deep inside Christine's sex toy drawer, I found a very large black vibrating cock with rabbit ears. I switched it on and held it by Christine's mouth so she could suck on it. Fuck, what a turn on. I lost focus and started to masturbate. Watching her take that cock in her mouth was amazing. I'm jealous of the lucky guys who are

on the receiving end of Christine's BJs.

I grabbed the vibrator and ran it down her spine, between her and brought the tip to asshole teasing her.

"You want this?"

"I do. Please fuck my ass with it."

"NO!"

I took the vibrator and inserted it as far as I could into her pussy. I placed the rabbit ears on her clit.

"Oh man, that feels crazy good."

I opened the lube and ran it down the length of her crack. I messaged her slick ass with both hands, brushing and teasing her asshole with my thumbs.

"Oh, my, God."

I straddled her further down and slid my strap on cock between her slick crack while tweaking my tits. I am going to come again.

"Oh Laurel, please, please, please, I beg you, take my ass."

I guided the strap on cock to her rear entrance and slowly inserted into her ass.

"Slowly fuck me."

I leaned forward until I was lying on top of Christine, my breast touching her back, my hand holding hers, slowing moving my hips, my strap-on cock in and of her ass.

I whispered, "Is this what you really wanted?"

"Yes."

"Do like your pussy filled, your ass filled, your clit tingling."

"Yes."

I reached underneath and found her tit, squeezing and shaking it and kneading her nipple.

"Do you want to come? Do you want to come hard?"

"Yes... kiss me."

Christine turn head toward me, our lips and tongues met.

Christine groaned, "I'm coming Laurel, oh Fuck, I'm coming!"

Her hips raised, pushing the strap-on cock further into her ass. The restraints became taunt, her hands clenched into fists.

"Fucking hell Laurel," her body spasmed over and over, then silence.

The strap on cock slid out of her ass. I released Christine from the restraints. The vibrator was still buzzing, laying in a puddle of her cum.

"Oh my god Judge Laurel, you whipped my ass, fucked my ass, a big black vibrating cock obliterated my pussy, and my clit is still buzzing."

"I think I may have got carried away. Your room is like a sex store. Do you actually use all this stuff?"

"It's kinda like hobby for me."

"I'm going need a proper tour."

"You can come back anytime."

"What the fuck happened tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure, things I did tonight came so easily. For Christ-sake I got off in the back of an Uber on a Friday, no less, I stuck my tongue in your ass?"

"Ya Laurel, you need to ditch Masturbation Tuesday. Wait until you fuck Marcus next. You are going to scare the shit out of him."

"I kicked off the night as your wingman and somehow I ended up taking control of you. Wow, that's insane, Christine!"

"To be honest, my plan was a nice after school dinner with you, go clubbing, have you help me pick up some guy, bring him back to my lair and fuck him. You looked so incredibly sexy at the club as the night wore on, I decide to take a chance on you. I wasn't sure you'd actually come."

"My brain was like 'no way', but my nipples and clit were definitely interested."

"Laurel for me, sex is all about cranking up the fun and ensuring me and my partner get as much pleasure as possible. Bringing in restraints, BDSM accessories, vibrators, anal play, and role-playing, definitely adds an air of excitement. Doesn't matter if you're male or female, pleasure is pleasure. Each experience is unique, but the orgasms are always amazing. Look how 'Ms. I like Cocks' easily transitioned into a girl on girl, angry judge, ass whipping, cunnilingus giving, toy playing, ass fucking, Super Wild Weekend orgasming Laurel. Did you ever think we would ever fuck?"

"No, not in my wildest Masturbation Tuesday dreams!"

"Would you do it again?"

"Absolutely."

"Good, come here!"