Chapter 20: Catching Up with an Old Friend

"What are you doing here, my friend?"

Ahmed had put up his horses at an inn close by and I'd followed him, hoping to get a little news from back home. Ultimately, we found ourselves in the tavern, Shari sitting by my side. I'd noticed my friend's eyes linger on the weapons on my belt for a moment or two too long. Shame spread out in my stomach anytime his eyes would drift to them. "Everyone back in your village was worried when you disappeared.

"Yeah... I..." I briefly considered explaining everything to him, but two things gave me pause. One, Ahmed is a gossip. Anything I tell him will be heard by everyone across the continent. But even that reason was small compared to the second reason. I don't know how to explain any of this. It's still surreal, even if I've come to just accept this hysteria. Ultimately, I decided to hedge, "It's hard to explain. I was... conscripted for a special job up here. I wasn't really allowed to refuse."

"Well, you seem to have done well for yourself," the merchant replied diplomatically. He's never spoken to me like that before. I frowned as he continued. "Who is... your... friend?" Ahmed gestured to Shari. I glanced at her, and she was examining the merchant who I knew from my old life. Gods, both of us in a capital city tavern. Ahmed's probably used to this kind of thing, but I don't know that I'll ever be used to it.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry," I said, trying on a smile, hoping it would cut through some of the awkwardness. "I wasn't thinking. Ahmed, this is my... friend Shari. Shari, this is Ahmed. He's a merchant that passed through my village sometimes. He always made sure to keep a few books for me. So you can thank him for how clever and erudite I am.." Neither picked up the silence immediately. I watched them. No humor had colored their expressions. I shifted uncomfortably.

"The pleasure is mine, Merchant Ahmed," Shari broke the silence finally. "Tell me, when was the last time you visited the continent?"

"I just got back a few weeks ago, Miss Shari," the merchant replied a little too formally. Maybe he just feels more at ease with us country folk. But he'd been like that with me too. Have I changed that much? He continued on. "Lots of things have been happening there. But you know how people from that part of the world can be. Things are always moving much faster than here in Bayfield. People to see, things to do." I got the sense that there was some subtext that I wasn't picking up on. I put my hand on her thigh and squeezed it in what I hoped was reassuringly. She looked at me, brightening some.

"Johann, I'm going to go check on our drinks and freshen up some," Shari announced, shifting out of my grip. I nodded at her and let her out of the booth. Ahmed waited until he figured she was out of earshot before he spoke again.

"Johann, what trouble have you gotten yourself into?" He asked in a desperate whisper.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, instinctively matching his whisper. "I'm not in any trouble."

"Do you know who that woman is?" He asked.

"She's a thief seeking political asylum from her people on the main continent," I responded with a shrug. I didn't see it as a big deal. At least not compared to what I'd gotten up to. "She says she stole some jewels."

"Did she tell you she killed people to get those jewels?" I shrugged at his words.

"With the way she fights, I don't think many people could just survive," I said without heat. But the way my friend was staring, it dawned on me how callous that sounded. I hedged, "She's quick and doesn't take chances in fights. Just gets the job done."

"My friend, what has happened to you?" Ahmed asked, his voice had dropped low. "You're walking around the capital city wearing weapons. With a thief." He paused and leaned in. "With a murderer. Never would I have imagined such a thing."

"Do you remember that curse you told me about?" Ahmed's face drained of color. After a moment, he nodded. Shame and regret battled in my stomach and I swallowed. "Yeah, well, I am cursed now. And there's nothing I can do about it. But I have found that the world is much more complicated than I thought it was. And now I'm involved in many things you wouldn't believe if I told you. Shari's the least of it. But she's kind to me. And that matters more than her past, for what it's worth."

"And if your friend isn't as kind as you think she is?" Ahmed asked somberly.

"Then I have other friends to help me," I said with a shrug. "And I have learned how to defend myself." I wilted under the sad way he regarded me. "A-at least a little."

"Johann, my friend," Ahmed said, voice cracking. There were tears in his dark eyes. "I never thought I'd see the soft-hearted tinsmith from Sofen like this. You could barely look at a sword just a few months ago. You're... so... Different. I'm sad to see it." He took a moment to gather himself. "Come with me. I have business in Babrycg, but after that, I can take you back to Sofen. I know Daniel misses you."

"Can't," was all I could manage, shaking my head. The mere mention of Babrycg had sent the shame and guilt roiling violently in my stomach.

"W-why not?" He asked, trying to keep his voice neutral. It still quavered a little.

"Firstly, I probably shouldn't go anywhere near Babrycg," I replied, avoiding his gaze. "Secondly, even if I wanted to go back, and I don't, I couldn't. I... am building a life here. I've... I'm engaged."

Ahmed searched my face for something before letting his gaze fall. "Can I..." He hesitated for a moment, finding a different question to ask. "Do you want me to tell your friends anything? Daniel? Stella?"

"Yeah." I dug out three platinum from my purse and slid them over to the man. "Give one to Stella, another to Daniel. Tell them that I'm safe and that I'm happy."

"Are you?" He asked, his voice barely audible, as he fingered the coins.

"Yeah," I replied, smiling at him. "My life is different than what I thought it was going to be. But in some amazing ways. You... You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

"I suppose I must be happy that you have found good fortune in the curse, then." He got up to leave, throwing some coins down on the table; he didn't sound happy for me. Or at all. He gave me one last look, then shook his head and left the tavern.

As soon as he was gone, Shari rejoined me, taking his seat. I sat there for a while, considering the man's words. The drinks we ordered never came. After a few minutes, Shari collected our stuff and pulled me from the booth and scooped up the coins he'd left behind into her hand and pocketed them. I didn't even chastise her for it, as I tried to not to focus on this encounter.

We headed back to the castle. We didn't talk on our way back. Shari was a comforting presence, pushing into my side. But my dour mood wasn't so easily allayed. I hadn't thought thoroughly about how the people who knew me before would see what I'd become. Ahmed took one look at me and knew I had changed. Knew that I had been cursed by violence. That I was a murderer. A pang of pain wrapped around my heart. I abandoned my old life. I didn't even think about Stella or Daniel or anyone else anymore. My stomach shifted uncomfortably. I felt like hiding away in my room. I felt like avoiding people. But it wouldn't do me any good. And I had other things to do.

We stopped off by the kitchen first. Mrs. Johnson glanced up and smiled at the two of us. I tried to return it, but I wasn't entirely up to it. "What can I do for you, Master Johann? Need another snack before dinner?"

"Uh, no. Nothing like that," I said, unable to bring the proper cheer into my voice. I put the nice wooden case on a table and stepped back. "I really appreciate all that the kitchen staff does. So, while I was out, I got you all a gift."

The elderly cook frowned at the box, but the rest of the staff were eyeing it curiously. She chided me, "Johann, you shouldn't have done that."

"Dull knives are dangerous," I replied softly. "And it's my money. Please, just consider using them," I started to walk away.

"Wait," Mrs. Johnson called after me, putting a hand on my shoulder. Her expression had changed. She was smiling at me in the way that only old women knew how to. "At least get a look at our faces when we look at your gift. That's the best part, right?"

The women all gathered around the box, and Mrs. Johnson flicked up the two tabs holding the box closed and slowly opened it, revealing the set of twelve knives. They were all a matte black that had a soft gleam to them. She took out one of the knives and examined it under the light. She flicked it with a thick nail. "This ain't iron. What is it?"

"It's a special dwarven make. Godsteel," I explained. The chef watched me, trying to get a read on my expression. I shifted uncomfortably and continued. "A friend in town had an order fall through ages ago and wanted to sell them. We were working together to... make some other gifts for the Queen, the First Knight, and the Head Maid, and I remembered that I wasn't satisfied with your knives." I shrugged, trying on a weak smile. "He had some available. Gave them to me at an excellent discount." Shari snorted at that, and I glanced over at her. She met my eye and raised a judgmental brow.

"You need to learn to bargain, my dear Johann. I'll teach you," she promised, confidently, brushing up against my shoulder.

"I always hated people who came into my shop to bargain," I said with a grimace. "As though I don't have anything better to do than to quibble about a few gold. Those are beautiful knives. He deserved a fair price for them. And he was already taking a loss."

"And how do you know that?" Shari asked. I pointed to her choker.

"I'm a smith," I began. "I can make a necklace, I can make swords or a ring in a few hours. A day or two." Then I gestured to the knife in Mrs. Johnson's hands. "And I know that I couldn't have worked with that material. It's not fully metal. Like I said, it's a special material, very complicated. He crafted them into a set of knives that humans could use. He may not have been able to sell them to many people, but the rarity alone could have bumped up the price by as much as double."

"And how much did you pay for them?" Mrs. Johnson asked, brandishing the knife at me.

"Enough," I said simply. "I got a fair price for them. And you don't need to worry about it. Just... consider using them."

"Of course, m'lord," she replied, in the way one might dismiss a willful child. I sighed.

"I'm not a lord," I managed to say without heat.

"You're bestowing gifts like one," she countered.

"I... I'm giving a gift to my friends who help me more than I deserve," I retorted before making my way out of the kitchen. I glanced over my shoulder, smiling genuinely at her. "Thanks for your time. I have more lordly gifts to bestow."

We met up with Carmella next. She wasn't in her armor but still looked prepared to attack as soon as she saw me. Which was immediately, like she knew I was coming. How the fuck did she do that? I asked myself, before a much more reasonable voice pointed out, If you know where she is, then she'd know where you are. I wilted under the intensity of the glare and the annoyance I could feel pouring off of her. "You missed practice."

"I-I did. And I'm sorry," I replied, holding up a placating hand. "I was off doing something important. Do you have a little time? I... I have something for you and the others." She narrowed her eyes at me, considering. Her eyes crawled over Shari, and I saw them land on our matching chokers. She raised a brow.

"I'm not wearing one of those if that's what you're thinking." She gestured to the choker Shari was wearing. Shari looked pleased, fingering her new jewelry.

"It's not. I made something else for you. I-I think you'll like it." I tried to smile reassuringly at her, but I don't think it was that convincing.

"We'll see," she said, strolling out of the room. I followed her. I thought about asking someone where Meryl and Emilia were, but the First Knight never slowed down long enough for me to get a chance to. We found Meryl in her library. She was humming to herself as she read. "Ryl. Our blacksmith has made us a gift. But I think he wants all of us to get them simultaneously."

"A gift?" Meryl asked, placing a finger at her place in the book, before looking up at the group that had assembled in the threshold. Her eyes fell on my throat and then Shari's. I shifted uncomfortably, my heart speeding up. She's been pushing me to include Shari. She can't be mad about it, right? I couldn't read her face, so I tried to reach out to judge her emotions through the bond. There was a little jealousy and then a stony wall, blocking me from getting anything else. She met my gaze and smiled mischievously. "What is it?"

"It's a gift," I replied evasively. If she's going to screw with me, I might as well screw back. "You'll see. But we have to find Emilia first. I was told by a wise woman that the fun of a gift for the giver is seeing the reaction."

Meryl pursed her lips at me. Carmella rolled her eyes, but I thought I saw the hint of a smile there. Shari was not hiding her enjoyment at all. We gathered and hunted around for Emilia, who was on a ladder, directing some of the servants to clean the castle's ceiling. Something that she probably shouldn't do given her lack of willingness to wear underwear. Though it would be quite the show, I thought, trying and failing to suppress a grin. Maybe they're right about me. I am kind of insatiable. As we turned a corner, she turned to us, having predicted our arrival, apparently. I have to learn how this magic works. She greeted us, smiling warmly. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Johann has gifts for us," Meryl said. I noted that her voice was a little higher than usual. I shifted my mind to the part that she now inhabited. She was actually giddy about it, having dropped her wall. This is amazing.

Carmella was casually curious. She actually just seemed happy that we were all together. There was still some annoyance crawling under the surface. Probably because I missed practice. She likes her routines. I should probably still ask and clarify. It's just another tool. Not a replacement for actual communication.

Emilia wore a stony expression, giving away nothing, but when I checked her emotions, she was excited too. I smiled and dug out the box. It was longer than it was wide, which made sense. The three women gathered around. Shari was nearby, observing, but she had made room for them.

I handed the box to Meryl, who was in the center. I could sense their heartbeats quicken a little, which was a little disorienting and made me feel flush. Or maybe it was my own emotions getting swept up. It was hard to distinguish, especially with all of them so close. Gods, if Shari was in the mix... I halted that thought in its tracks, shaking it away with my head.

The queen delicately opened the wooden case, revealing the four rings. Each one was a match for the others, albeit slightly different sizes to accommodate the different finger sizes. They were interwoven strands of four metals, one representing each of us. The red Bloodsteel for my cleric. Glowing Celestial Mithral for my valkyrie. Shadow Adamantine for my queen. And a thread of Myrnil running through each of them, tying them together.. Emilia gasped. Carmella actually let a full smile grace her lips. It was rare when she did that; but because of its rarity, it dramatically transformed her face, increasing her beauty.

I took one of the rings, knowing which was for who, and took Meryl's right hand. She didn't resist as the ring slid over her finger. After it was there, she took a step back, covering her mouth. I held Carmella's up for her, and she took it and slid it on and flexed her hand a few times to see how it moved with the four-banded jewelry on it. She then reached over and stole my dagger from my belt, testing to see how it felt with a weapon in her hand. I jumped back and eyed her cautiously. Her smile twisted into a sharp grin at me, twisting the blade in her hand.

There were only two rings left. Before I could offer Emilia hers, she grabbed the one obviously meant for me and held out her hand. I relinquished my own, finding a smile spread across my own lips, and she slid it onto my finger. I returned the favor with hers.

Shari watched us all, a small smile on her face. Not her predatory smirk, but just casual enjoyment. She caught me looking and her expression faded into one of casual disinterest. I gave her a smile.

The four of us gathered again, all holding out our hands. I looked at each of their faces in turn; Meryl was blushing; Emilia wore a huge smile; Carmella nodded sternly but fingered the ring fondly. I checked the bonds. They were all pleased. Carmella was especially elated. I got the sense that she didn't get a lot of gifts, and every one that she did get meant a lot. Especially something like this that reaffirmed her as a woman over a warrior. But I could be wrong. It did give me an idea, though. I'd have to find an incredibly ductile material to make that though. I shook my head, trying to focus on the moment and not on more crafting, but that didn't quite work. Myrnil might work, if I could get it thin enough.

They all closed in and hugged me tight. I squeezed each of them in turn, and we broke apart. Thanks to this, I'd almost forgotten about Ahmed's words. Almost. Shame and guilt were still eating away at my stomach. Meryl and Emilia took off and started chatting about something. I didn't join them. Carmella stood next to me and handed me back my dagger. "What was going on with you earlier?"

"I... Uh... It doesn't matter." My voice was small and I bowed my head, avoiding her eyes as I took the blade and returned it to its sheath. Shari walked up and shook her head.

"He's lying," the Ipet-Mau declared, unable to fully keep the annoyance out of her tone. "He saw someone from his village. A merchant. This Ahmed disapproves of his new life. Probably you and I more than the other two, though, seemingly not as much as our Johann, himself."

"You heard that?" I asked, trying to find the will to be angry with her for eavesdropping on us and failing. It's just too impressive to be mad at.

"I wanted to know. And what have I said about the things I want?" Shari asked with a condescending lilt to her tone.

"That you get what you want," I responded, rolling my eyes, not quite able to keep a straight face. Even if she's annoying, it's interesting.

"Exactly." She beamed at me. "He would not speak with me there. So, I moved things along. Neither of you noticed that I was sitting in the booth behind you." She sobered some. "He had a few things on his mind regarding you."

"Yeah, he did," I muttered, shoulders slumping.

"And what did this merchant say?" The First Knight asked. Her tone was neutral, but I got the sense that she wanted to... talk to Ahmed herself.

"He... He was just surprised that I was walking around carrying weapons. That I was with a... with Shari." Carmella glanced at the Ipet-Mau, considering. Shari met her eye, crossing her arms.

"That's not quite what he said," Shari began, shaking her head. "He derided you for engaging in violence. He said that it was sad to see what you've become."

"Yeah, he did," I admitted somberly, looking at my feet.

"Is that how you feel, blacksmith?" I searched myself and found it far harder to read than the sense of the women in my soul.

"I... I don't know." Carmella's emotions came through to me. Concern, fear, anger, pity. I tried to shut them out.

"You need to figure it out," the First Knight insisted softly, reaching out and putting a hand on my shoulder. "Either you fight, or you die. Those are your options now."

"No, that's not quite it," I replied darkly, bitterness mixing in with everything else in my chest. "I kill, or I die. Those are my real options. I've tried to be nonlethal with those two the other day and turn them in. And I almost died because of it."

"Distinction without a difference, Johann," Carmella said, squeezing my shoulder. Her ringed hand. I looked at it. The four strands braided together. If I die, they won't be happy. Carmella might follow me into the afterlife just to drag me back out and train me some more. A smirk spread across my face at the thought. I shook my head.

"I... don't know that I regret killing those men," I admitted for the first time to myself. It didn't quite quell the guilt in my stomach. "I regret not having another option. But it doesn't change the fact that I didn't have another one. And I just have to live with it."

"But you get to live with it," Carmella murmured, fingering the pendant around my neck. "You get to spend your time making rings for your lovers. And necklaces." Shari touched hers as well. "Does this mean that you've accepted our darling cat here?"

"I-I just wanted to give her a gift," I insisted. "I-it's not like that."

"Johann... yes, it is," my valkyrie chided, with a smile on her face. She reached over and pushed Shari into me. Which the Ipet-Mau allowed. I knew she could've tried to resist. Maybe even succeeded. "For the record, I've grown fond of her."

I raised my eyes to meet hers, mouth working. Trying to find words to voice the questions I had. Then my eyes fell onto Shari, who also looked taken aback. "You have access to my feelings. You should already know this. She's changing you, as we all have. Meryl taught you to stand up for yourself. I taught you how to stand up for yourself. Emilia is teaching you when to stand up for yourself. And Shari has a lot to teach you. Like maybe how far you need to go when you're doing so."

"He'll learn well," Shari promised, wrapping an arm around me. I glared at them both, working hard to keep the heat in it.

"You're all ridiculous, you know that?" I muttered.

"And yet you're here with us anyway," Carmella countered, grinning.

"That's not fair!" I shot back. "You literally dragged me to the castle. And when I tried to leave, Meryl brought me back through one of her portals."

"Yes. Because this is where you belong," the knight pointed to her feet. "With us. And with her," Carmella gestured to the catgirl, who pressed more into me.

"You did promise me dinner," she said with big eyes. I grimaced.

"Did you?" Lady Carmella asked, her back straightening further. "And yet you're standing here, being obstinate. Remember your duty, blacksmith." The order in her voice was absolute. But it softened a little when she continued, "Take the girl out."

"I..." I hesitated, shrinking down. "That might be a little more complicated now. The materials for all of this stuff was... a little expensive. So, it'll have to wait a little while."

"You should've bargained with the dwarf," Shari chided.

"He's just trying to make a living," I said dismissively.

"Dwarf?" Carmella asked, then looked at her ring. "Were these rings really that expensive?"

"Yeah, but he let me slide on them for the moment, but I have to figure out how to pay for them eventually." I sighed and slipped out of Shari's embrace. "Between that and the cutlery I got for the kitchen, I'm kind of out of savings."

"Cutlery?" the First Knight asked, her tone icing over. "For the kitchen?"

"Y-yeah," I stuttered before stumbling over my justifications. "The knives there were dull and chipped. So, I got a good deal from Barmion on replacements."

"That's not your responsibility, blacksmith." Carmella's voice was stern, brooking no argument. Which wouldn't stop me, but it was a good attempt. "That's the responsibility of the kingdom."

"It's a gift. No big deal." I shrugged, trying to sound unconcerned. "I'll figure something out."

"How much was this cutlery?" She asked in that way that brooked no argument.

"Th-thirty platinum," I muttered, hoping that, just this once, her amazing hearing would fail her. Even knowing that wouldn't save me.

"Thirty... platinum?" Carmella looked at me aghast. "You spent three hundred gold on kitchen cutlery!?"

"It's fine," I insisted, putting up another hand. "I'll make more money."

"The kingdom will reimburse you... eventually." Carmella rubbed her temple, already working up a plan to save me. Again. I don't need the bond to know that.

"No," I replied firmly. "It won't. I'll figure something out. But it wasn't the kingdom's decision. It was mine. I'm not a lord. My only attachment to the kingdom are you, Meryl, and Emilia. And I pay my debts."

"And how are you going to do that?" Shari asked. "From what I hear, you could make a half decent prostitute. I might be willing to pay for the... pleasure." Carmella snorted.

"N-no. Th-there are quest boards," I began, just saying the first thing that I could think of. Which was incredibly stupid. But now that I've said it, it's the only option I can see. Adventurers were always coming into tons of money. To the extent that they forgot the actual value of it. One tipped me five gold for some cookware once. I continued on, trying to justify the idiocy I was considering. "They have rewards. I can probably do something small and build up. It'll take a while, but it'll be fine."

"You barely know how to hold a sword, and you're going to be an adventurer?" Carmella asked, a frown overtaking her features. "Despite all of your misgivings about killing people? If you take a quest for it, it can hardly be self-defense."

"Th-there are non-killing missions." I looked away from both of them. "I'm pretty sure."

"I think this would be good for him, Lady Carmella," Shari cut in, watching me. "Teach him how the world works for those between the peasantry and the nobility."

"I have to see this," Carmella muttered. "It's going to be hilarious. And I've missed seeing you in your recent fights. I always come in on the aftermath, where you're bleeding out and Ryllie and Em are panicking."

"Naturally. We both will accompany our Johann," Shari said with an air of finality. I sighed, realizing I had stepped into a trap. I don't know what the trap is, yet. But I know it's going to end with me being humiliated. Somehow.

I bade my First Knight goodnight and grabbed a light snack for dinner, took a bath, which Shari actually didn't join me for. She went off to talk to Emilia and Meryl about something. It's good that they're getting along better. At least, I think it's a good thing.

She was back in time to cuddle in bed, though. She undressed entirely, except for the choker. I stripped down to just my small clothes and took the necklace off and was about to set it to the side, when something slammed into my back. I started forward but managed to catch myself. Shari slithered around me and made a grab for the necklace. I pulled back and held the jewelry out of her reach. "What are you doing?"

"Why are you taking it off?" Shari whined, still trying to get at it.

"I don't want to be choked to death in my sleep," I replied, trying to slip under her grasping arms. She pushed me and I tripped over the bed. And in the next instant, she was on top of me and was reaching over me. Her chest jiggled pleasantly over my face. I tried to avoid them but it was difficult. After another moment and countless breaths later, she had pried the necklace from my hand. She leaned back, straddling me, wearing an expression of supreme satisfaction, and, as my libido was all too aware, nothing else.

"I want you to wear it to bed," she whispered, leaning down and beginning to slide her arms around my neck. I reached up and wrapped my hand around her relatively tiny collar bone, and pushed up. She resisted, but I was still a blacksmith, still strong. She froze and stared down at me, pupils overtaking most of her iris, which was the whole of her eyes. Her body was pressed entirely against me and the only separation I had were thin breeches that hid basically nothing. I need to do something. This needs to stop. I shifted and flipped her onto her back, thinking that'd be the end of it. But she clung to me, arms around my neck and legs tightening around my waist. She licked her lips and whispered, "Have you finally decided to give in?"

I swallowed, trying to ignore... everything. "N-no."

"I'm not giving up on the chase, Johann." The Ipet-Mau bit her lip and arched herself against me. Doubt spread up from my loins all the way to my other head. "It'll be less of a struggle if you give in."

"I-I know," I muttered against her lips.

"Then give in," she whispered back, almost kissing me. "We both want it."

"Not..." I began. It wasn't the word I had meant to say, but when it came out, I knew it was the more honest of the options.

"Now?" Shari asked, leaning back just enough to read my expression. "Yet?" I nodded and she grinned broadly. "See? We're making progress. Do you have a time chosen?"

"I... need to understand you better," I admitted. "I need to know... why?" She watched me for a long moment.

"Why is always complicated," the Ipet-Mau responded cryptically. "But I will try. For now, let us get some rest."

"That seems a little easy." I studied her suspiciously, as I pulled back. She shook her head.

"No," she clarified. "Easy would have been indulging. As always, you've chosen hard." She reached out and clutched my lust, stroking it. "But I like hard."