The Snow Turned into Rain

(All characters are over the age of eighteen in all described sexual scenarios.)

He had heard it hundreds of times but had never really listened to the words. In the early 80's, Dan Fogelberg released the song, Same Auld Lang Syne -- a beautiful but rather sad melody about something wonderful that had been lost years before, never to be found again. Just another song on the radio whose lyrics are often not really understood or are simply ignored by the casual listener as the familiar tune plays in the background.

Met my old lover in the grocery store

The snow was falling Christmas Eve...

It was another snowy December 24th, Christmas Eve, and he was alone. His parents were gone and his wife -- correction, ex-wife -- had finally given up on him and left to start a new life in another part of the country. It was a good night to drink, and so he stopped at the local grocery store just before it closed to buy a bottle of a better-quality bourbon to self-medicate while watching Die Hard on Netflix. There was no Christmas tree, no decorations or presents, and no gathering of loved ones. It would be just him, the bourbon, and Bruce Willis on the TV. As he reached for his favorite poison, he saw her standing near the frozen food section at the end of the aisle. It had been decades, but she was unmistakable, and even more beautiful than he remembered.

He had no idea if she would recognize him or if she would even want to. And if she did, would she be happy to see him or would she turn and head the other way? So, he nonchalantly shopped the aisles near her, trying not to look too obvious, but hoping that maybe, just maybe, she would see and recognize him as well and initiate a conversation. His mind flooded with memories. Memories from a lifetime ago when things were simple. Before mortgages and bills and careers and responsibilities. Back when his biggest decision was where he would take her on a Friday night date and if he could impress her enough to be rewarded with some intimate playtime before the night was over.

She had dated a few guys before she found him but had kept the physical part with them fairly innocent, and she had uncovered red flags that ended those prior relationships fairly quickly. But she had dated enough to know what she wanted in a boyfriend. When their lives finally intersected and they became a couple, it was clear that she wanted him, and they fairly quickly became each other's first real loves. For their first few months together, life was fun and full and playful, and soon intimacy entered their relationship as well.

Like what happens for so many young couples, theirs had begun in their senior year of high school and continued into college. It had started as a good friendship a couple of years earlier, but shortly after reaching eighteen, they saw each other differently. She was suddenly sexier. He was more handsome. There was a stirring that each felt when they saw each other that was new and that was real. She had made the first move, inviting him to a Sadie Hawkins, girl's-choice dance at school that Fall. It was the beginning. The relationship moved slowly but deliberately forward, and neither had eyes for anyone else. She had enjoyed a little prior backseat experience, he had none, but when opportunity finally presented itself and the two found themselves alone and uninterruptable at last, she took charge. As their lips explored, her hand drifted to the front of his pants, loosening his belt and probing under his waistline until finding his rock-hard erection and rubbing him with her palm over his underwear. His hands found the clasp on her bra-strap and with some amount of clumsiness, finally released her breasts to the night air. She softly moaned her permission as she continued to rub him, his mouth finding and sucking on her sensitive nipples. Moments later he came for her, the fabric covering him capturing his load. It ended sooner than either had wanted it to, but it was wonderful for them both. The pair-bonding had begun!

Over the next few weeks and months, their sexual journey proceeded down the familiar and normal path for two people whose lives were melding. Her petting of his cock to orgasm had opened their floodgates to exploration. They quickly became comfortable being naked with each other, and bolder in their efforts to both give and receive pleasure. Soon her palm against his underwear was replaced by her grip surrounding his naked erection as she coaxed him to cum for her. He learned her preferences when stimulating her breasts and she invited his fingers to explore her womanhood. He needed a bit of guidance to find her clit but was a fast learner and anxious to please, and when her first orgasm from another human being finally swept over her, the feeling of her spasming body climaxing against his became like a drug for him.

Oral sex followed for both. They had heard about it and had a vague idea what it was. A few weeks before Prom, alone in his room one afternoon after school while his parents were still at work, she gave him her first blow job. When he came, she pulled away and let him erupt onto her naked breasts. After a brief recovery and cleanup, he moved down to her sex and replaced his fingers with his tongue, exploring her labia and dancing about the nub of her clitoris. Orgasm approached her quickly. So quickly that it actually scared her. She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly, his tongue continuing its ministrations, and when she came it was as if her entire body exploded. More orgasms, more pair-bonding. They were falling in love.

Prom night brought their first intercourse. It was the next step on a special night and each was ready. In the backseat of his car parked along a gravel road south of town, all final reservations were set aside. It was slow and it was tender. He respected her and didn't want to hurt her, so he inched his way inside, giving her body all the time that she needed to adjust to him. Slowly, lovingly, they began their dance. She didn't cum that first time, but for him, his dick was inside of what must be Heaven, and after just a few strokes he unloaded his semen into her, pregnancy prevented only by the thin membrane of his condom. Now there were no further apprehensions between them, and the two carried on their sexual journey as often as they could be alone. More orgasms, more pair-bonding. They were in love.

For the next year or so they learned together about life and love and intimacy. They were the couple that was outwardly committed, but privately, there were a few problems. He was still learning how to be a boyfriend and didn't always treat her the way that she wanted to be treated. But she was patient and hopeful that over time he would figure it out and that the trust that she had shown by sharing her body with him would be validated. Then he really blew it.

She was his first girlfriend. He hadn't experienced any other girls before her and decided that he needed to find out what he might be missing before fully committing to her -- just in case. He thought that she might be the one, but he had no one to compare her to, and worried that maybe there was someone better out there. Or at least he wanted to have some intimate experiences with a few other girls like all of his friends had before settling down. Big mistake! The night that he tried to explain this to her and asked that they take a little break, he hurt her terribly! He didn't realize that during the time that they would spend apart his failings as a boyfriend would be further exposed to her and that she might actually start to look elsewhere herself. He figured that once he had sown his wild oats, she would welcome him back and things would go right back to where they had been. What he didn't anticipate was that another, better guy would come along while he was out fucking with other girls and would win her heart, and that she would be gone from his life for good. Once he realized his mistake and that she was falling for another guy, he made a strong attempt to try to win her back and almost succeeded, but it turned out to be too little too late and he eventually lost her forever. Even though she still held strong romantic feelings for him, the new boyfriend was offering her the life that she had always wanted, and she ended up marrying the guy.

The smile on her face confirmed that she was thrilled to see him and the pair warmly embraced in aisle twelve. Awkward small talk ensued between two people who had once been the most intimate of lovers, who had been naked and uninhibited with each other both physically and emotionally. Two lovers who had solidly pair-bonded and who shared a history and a connection with each other that could never fully break. She was in town celebrating the holidays with family -- family that he once thought would be his as well -- and her mother needed some last-minute things for the Christmas dinner the following day. She was thrilled to see him! Even though he had hurt her badly, she had once truly loved him. Memories of the good parts of what they had shared together were still carried in the recesses of her mind and often recalled privately to help her arousal during intimate times either alone or with her husband. This moment was awkward, as she knew that her husband would feel threatened that they were alone together, but here was a chance to catch up and to maybe, just maybe, experience that connection again that was so missed. If only for a few minutes.

Went to have ourselves a drink or two

But couldn't find an open bar

We bought a six-pack at the liquor store

And we drank it in her car

It was Christmas Eve, and the bars had closed early for the night to give their employees some much deserved time with their families. He remembered that she wasn't a bourbon girl, so they grabbed a six-pack of beer and headed to her car to drink it together and to talk some more. The conversation was fairly benign, and both were keenly aware that the clock was ticking. Cans were raised and he offered a toast. "Cheers! Here's to us and to who we once were!" They each took a long draw of the beer and their eyes locked onto each other's.

If ever there was a time for honesty, it was at that moment. "I never stopped loving you, you know," he said quietly, the words tight in his throat. Full admission of one's deepest emotions can be really hard.

"I loved you so much back then. You crushed me -- you know that, right?"

"And I am SO sorry! I was young and stupid, and I gave up the best thing I ever had in my life. Can you ever forgive me?"

"I've always loved you! We had fun back then, didn't we? When it was good it was really good! And yeah, I forgive you."

"Life was a whole lot simpler for us then, wasn't it?!? I'm really sorry for what I did to you!"

The two sat in silence for a few moments as they each privately recalled the good times. Privately recalled the passionate times. Privately recalled the intimate times. Both felt but neither shared the arousal that they were experiencing at that moment, and the desire that they each had for the other that had never really gone away. Awkward conversation broke the silence once again, interrupting an introspective moment that needed to be interrupted.

She said she'd married her an architect

Who kept her warm and safe and dry

She would've liked to say she loved the man

But she didn't like to lie

He asked her about her husband, the guy who had replaced him in her life. She confessed that he was a good husband overall. Not nearly as good in some ways but he didn't make her cry either. Her husband had given her a great life - including financial and emotional stability, a nice home, vacations, and children. She acknowledged that she knew he really loved her and that she was happy that she had married him -- mostly. He asked her if she loved her husband the way she had loved him, and her reply sounded more like she was trying to talk herself into it rather than an emphatic 'yes.' She confessed that her husband wasn't the most exciting guy but that he tried hard and was faithful to her and that he truly cared that she was satisfied with her life.

"I never stopped loving you, and my ex-wife always knew that. It was probably part of why we finally fell apart. I think she knew that she really couldn't compare to you. I accidentally called her by your name once while we were having sex. She cried for a week. I felt really bad, but you were in my head and I guess it just kinda happened."

"Ouch! I get it though. I've learned not to say much in bed so that I don't slip. It would be too painful for him if I did."

He asked her if she ever thought about their intimate times together and she confessed that she did -- and often. Theirs had been the best sex that she had ever had! Exciting! New! Passionate! They had orgasmed a lot together back then, so both felt free to talk candidly about it now.

"You were a master at oral sex," she confessed. I loved it when you went down on me! Made me cum every time and I really miss that!"

"Remember that time when the police pulled up behind us while we were out parking? I had just cum on your cheek when the cop knocked on the window!" The two laughed hard at that one.

"And on Prom night when we finally had sex? I thought it was gonna hurt a lot, but you were so gentle with me! You made my first time so nice! I really do miss that cock of yours, and your tongue!"

"I loved playing with your breasts! You made me realize way back then that I was a boobs-guy!" More laughter. "And your pussy felt and tasted so good!" She blushed, vividly remembering how good it had been with him.

He told her that she was even more beautiful now than she had been back then and she blushed again. He could see a longing in her eyes and knew that for a moment she was tempted and was fighting within herself, knowing that she just couldn't allow herself to act on it.

She sensed that she had better change the subject before she made a very poor choice. So, she turned the conversation to be about him, what he was doing and how things were in his life. He told her briefly about his job, that his marriage had ended a year prior, that they never had kids and that his parents were gone. His parents always loved her too and he confessed that they had never really forgiven him for screwing things up with her.

Once again, the conversation waned. There was a thick sexual tension in the air as they reached back in time, fondly recalling the things that they had done with each other in a parked car, but both knew that they couldn't act on it. Both wanted to attack each other at that moment, but both knew that it would be very wrong if they did. So, after a long pause, they raised another beer and toasted to mutual friends from their past. But it didn't take long for the conversation to turn again back to them, what they lost, and the excitement of what they once shared.

"I really loved making love with you!" she said softly, her eyes lowing demurely and her mind drifting back again to their beginning.

"I really loved you!" he said, stating what he now knew was fully understood and mutually felt.

The beer was empty, and our tongues were tired

And running out of things to say

She gave a kiss to me as I got out

And I watched her drive away

They both sensed that it was time for her to go. Her husband and family were waiting for her and if she stayed out any longer, her time away would be hard to explain. They had caught up. They had reminisced. Silently, longingly, they looked into each other's eyes. He moved partly toward her, praying for her reciprocation. Her body moved part of the way toward his, indicating her receptiveness. They embraced and they kissed. Tenderly. Desperately. Lips and tongues remembering. No hands. No grinding. Just two former lovers passionately kissing and reliving just a little of what once had been. It was familiar. It was sensual. It was loving. Neither wanted it to stop but each knew that it had to. Finally, she leaned back in her seat and quietly announced that she really needed to be going. She knew that she had just crossed a very serious line that would devastate her husband if he ever found out, but she also trusted that it probably was ultimately a forgivable sin if he ever did. Probably. Anything more definitely wouldn't be. He got out and watched as she drove away into the darkness of Christmas Eve, only the colors of the scattered decorative lights illuminating her car as it rounded the corner. And she was gone.

Just for a moment, I was back at school

And felt that old familiar pain

And as I turned to make my way back home

The snow turned into rain

He stood there in the deserted parking lot for several minutes looking down the empty street to where the love of his life had just disappeared from him once again, trying to process what had just happened, the falling snow gently dusting his head and his shoulders as he gripped the unopened bottle in his hand. She was again gone from his life, and it felt like he had just lost her for the first time. She was returning to the man who had bested him all of those years ago -- a nice guy and a good man perhaps, but he now knew that her heart was still his. For a brief moment he actually felt a little sorry for her husband. But then the enormity of his mistake overwhelmed again. All of the pain of loss returned, and his spirit was once again crushed. Not yet wanting to return to the sad reality of his life, he stood there thinking about their time together back in high school and in college, about how much in love they had been, and then once again felt the heaviness of having lost her. It was one very bad decision made by a very young man. One that he had paid for dearly for the rest of his life. He had had her first. He could have had her forever. He had thrown it all away. The pain in his gut and in his chest was as strong as it had been when he first realized that she was gone from his life. He slowly turned and walked to his car for the lonely drive home to his bourbon and to Bruce Willis. Dan Fogelberg's song was playing on the car radio, now with a whole new meaning for him. He pulled over to the side of the road and wept uncontrollably.

The snow continued to fall outside of his car, but inside, the tears fell from his eyes like rain.