Awakening Ch. 01-05

One

As I looked at the colour of my hair in the mirror, I tried to accept the effect of the passing years in a positive light. I was perhaps wiser now, more seasoned, and more confident in who I was. Even so, I plucked out one gray hair in a momentary act of defiance.

The day was just beginning and while that meant a potentially long and sometimes boring day of emails and spreadsheets, I would at least be spending this work day at home, working remotely. There was to be a service technician coming by the house, so someone had to be home to let him in and, no matter how brief that visit would be, they refused to narrow down the window of their arrival beyond a four-hour window. I was hardly going to complain, however. It was the perfect excuse to be able to do my work from the cool quiet of my home office. According to those in charge at his office, people had become too spoiled by getting to work at home and they had started to limit it once again, but today I had a perfectly good reason.

Working at home had other advantages besides a more casual dress code and avoiding public transit. It also meant that I was free from workplace computer usage filters and prying eyes. There had been a time when I'd been far too attached to a whole range of porn sites and online communities where men, and even some women, who found each other through a mesh of shared kinks came together to chat, trade images and role play, all while melting their minds while stroking and edging over over, stretching their arousal over hours and hours.

Thanks to some life changes and attempts and self-control, I'd mostly pushed all that into a much smaller part of my life. I was happy for that most days, and it had allowed me to be more present outside of it, and in other relationships. That change had occurred too late for me to salvage the marriage I had been in then, but those issues hadn't been our only ones, and now I was dating again and quite seriously, with someone a bit more open to the hints I had offered about my more kinky interests.

There was just something about that day, however, knowing that I'd be alone all day, that made me remember the draw of that community. With my coffee at my side, I logged in to my work accounts on my office-issued laptop, and started up my personal laptop to rejoin that perverted world, even if just for the day, to check in on my gooners and kinksters. I vowed to just have the words and images drifting by in the background, adding a low level buzz of arousal to my day, rather than completely sacrificing my productivity to it, and therefore proving the corporate overloads right.

The morning went so well, it was just making me smile. I was getting my work done, I had a good baseline of low level arousal constantly maintained, and the service call that had required my presence was wrapped up before noon. I had the whole afternoon stretching ahead of me, including a well-deserved break for lunch.

I pushed aside my work and, after having pulled together a quick collection of foods I could eat in front of the screen, I turned my full attention to the stream of porn and the messages coming along from those who shared it. The connections with the others, as fleeting as it could be at times, was my favourite part. I could look at porn anytime on my own, but there was something incredibly arousing about sharing fantasies with others who were getting just as excited by them as I was. That is where the surprises came. That was where my fantasies were developed and grew, and where I found whole new kinks to explore.

Over the years -- and it sometimes amazed me and shocked me just how many years I had spent in online spaces like this -- I had made a few lasting relationships. There were always more submissives, like me, than there were dominants, which was frustrating at times. Even so, I had made some real connections.

Some lasted a few days or weeks, and others, if there was something special, could last for months or even longer. There had been a few -- a very few -- that had lasted for years, off and on. Those were the kind of people that I felt my thoughts returning to over and over again, and using as a basis for future interactions, especially when the interaction was within the dynamic of Dominance and submission. I was almost embarrassed to admit the kinds of things I had done, in real life, at the bidding and request of people like that. It was humiliating in some light, but then again, when talking with others who understood the world and shared in its thrills, I could tell the same stories with price, and have other subs be jealous of what I'd been permitted and required to sacrifice.

A few of the people in the chat room recognized my online name which, for better or for worse, I had not changed since my earliest days there. It was perhaps a bit silly for me to be sticking with "sissybound" but those whom I'd formed those relationships with here knew me as that, and I still liked how it made me think of my paired kinks of bondage and hypnotic helplessness.

Over my self-defined lunch hour, I chatted with a few other subs who had shared images that resonated with me and had even flirted a bit with some of the Dominants online. It was no secret, even when people's online names were a bit ambiguous, that most of us here were men, or were at least assigned male at birth. Rigid heterosexuality didn't last very long, not in this gooning community at least. Each person here seemed to find their own way to navigate those waters. Some just ignored it and took on feminine names and identities, and others fully embraced that their kinks were "turning them gay" or getting them addicted to the emasculation of pleasuring other men. I had come to understand myself as a submissive first, with my sexual orientation feeling secondary to that need and urge. If it pleased a male Dom to have me caress him or stroke him or even suck his cock in chat, then I could feel that translating into a very real excitement for me, even if I would never walk around in my real life and give the men on the street a second look. I was straight, and my girlfriend was very beautiful and had no trouble at all turning me on, but submission was something different.

I was starting to think about making myself return to work when the images being shared in the sharing channel caught my eye. Before I even fully recognized them, the look and content of them connected with me, making me tingle and twitch. I realized that I had seen them before in the collection of a very special person from the past. I just had to look at them, scrolling past, seeing that combination of images of stunning women and taunting captions and feeling their effect on my mind, and then on my body. I was rock hard without touching myself.

I didn't recognize the name of the person posting them and, according to a quick check of their profile, they had been on this app for a while, but had only joined this particular gooning server in the last few days. The images he was posting now had been widely shared at the time of their creation and had been very popular then, but I hadn't seen them in years, and certainly not so many of them at once.

I found some of my collection of those same images deep in the depths of the hidden folders on my own computer and started sharing them in response. We began to go back and forth with them, adding emojis to each other's posts, and I added a few monosyllabic comments to some of his images. It was fun, and the man posting them, who called himself "MinedOwner" seemed to keep replying steadily, so I took a chance and decided to DM him.

"I love the images you're posting, Sir, as well as your nick," I said.

"Thank you," he responded after a few moments. "How are they making you feel?"

"They are making me feel rather warm inside, Sir."

"Oh wonderful. Is that all?"

"They are starting to make me leak, Sir," I added, blushing even while alone in my home office.

"Good girl," he replied.

There was something about those words. I knew that I was not alone in that, as many of those of us who called ourselves sissies or subs felt a powerful response to those words used to describe us. It was almost instinctive for me now, making me remember some of my earliest training as an online sub. My body tightened and my asshole clenched.

I moaned in reply, actually typing out my reaction as "Mmmmmmm."

"Did your pussy just clench, sissy?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir It pulsed," I replied, using the term that I had once been taught to describe the practice of squeezing myself tight whenever I saw those words.

He started to flirt back with me after that with confidence and imaginative joy.

"Wouldn't you like to be here, with me?"

"Yes, Sir, I would."

"Good girl. Good sissy."

Again I felt my body pulse.

"Such a good little bimbo. Such a good slut," he said. "It's a shame you aren't right here, feeling your sissy pussy pulse while in my lap. Perhaps even feeling it pulse around my cock."

"Oh yes, Sir. Such a shame. To be there and be devoured by you. Feeling you use me as I obey."

"Feeling your sexy, sissy body pressed against my chest as I kissed you hard."

"Oh yes, Sir. Feeling your arms wrap around me and your stiffness growing inside me."

"You would moan and whimper, wouldn't you? Aas my cock coated your insides with precum."

"Mmmm oh yes, Sir. Yes I would. I would moan and whimper and leak as I writhed in your lap. Please fill me up, Sir."

I peppered our conversation with more images from my collection of the same images we'd been sharing in the public channel."

"You're a well-trained little fuck animal, aren't you?" he said.

"Mmm, thank you Sir. I try to be," I answered. "I was trained by 'The Instructions.'"

I imagined that if he had so many of these captions, created by this icon of this channel, that he would also know if the audio hypno files that same Master had created.

"I seem to remember that Master Quinn had a bit of a stable of well trained sluts and sissies," he said, referencing this Dominant by name for the first time. "Were you perhaps one of his special little projects?"

It was true. It was all so long ago that most everyone else had forgotten, but for such a long time, Master Quinn had been one of those long-term relationships. We had found each other online, in one of the previous incarnations of this online community. He had known how to push my buttons like no one before, and perhaps no one since. He remained, in the back of my mind, the standard against which all others were judged.

"I was, Sir. He knew how to make me feel in a way that very few others ever could."

"It's been a while, but I did seem to remember him owning someone with an online name like yours."

"Yes, Sir. That was me."

The truth was that Master Quinn was the real reason why I kept this same online name. He had been gone for years now, but I still wanted to feel that connection in any way that I could.

When he'd left, years ago, he'd sent me a very kind note, explaining his reasons and giving me enough time to say goodbye, rather than just disappearing into the aether the way so many others did -- not answering messages and then seeing their online name change into "deleted account."

"Tell me, fuck animal. Have you creamed your panties in public on a train platform since those times you would speak with him?"

My fingers froze. I could hear a buzzing in my ears and I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

"How do you know that he did that to me, Sir?" I finally managed to type.

He seemed not to notice my question, and he kept on with the little virtual scene we had started.

"You'd love to feel me thick and hard inside you, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Sir," I answered in a kind of daze, my arousal mixing in with my other confused emotions"

"Lick your lips for me, slut, and whisper out loud that you want to feel me inside you."

I obeyed, licking my lips and feeling the tip of my tongue dragging across them. They had suddenly gotten very dry.

Out loud, to myself, I obeyed his instruction and said in a low, nervous whisper, "I want to feel you inside me."

Indicating my obedience, I typed out the words as well.

"Such a good little fuck animal," he replied.

"Fuck animals need fucking," I replied, as if by rote, repeating one of the repeated refrains from both the captioned images and the audio file.

"Good girl," he said, and I pulsed again. "Are you at work or at home?

"I am working from home today, Sir. Normally I work in an office."

"Working amidst men and women?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You probably toil away at your desk like a good office drone, but you'd be better suited for a different kind of job there, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Sir. I would, Sir."

"You'd rather be the office bimbo and slut, wouldn't you? Getting down on your knees under the desks of those men you work with, pleasing them with your hungry slut mouth, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Sir. I want to be the office bimbo slut, sucking their cocks."

Something about repeating these words back to him, even just typing them, made the desire even more real. I could picture myself, transformed into some blond, big-titted bimbo, on my knees under those desks, feeling warm, throbbing cocks between my lips."

"Just imagine that, coming home to your wife or your girlfriend, your belly full of their cum and the taste of those men in your mouth."

I moaned in shame while also intoxicated by the idea of his control in guiding me to do it. These feelings were so wicked but familiar.

"Your mind is tingling now, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir."

"Lick your lips again. Reach down and tug your nipples. Say out loud that you want to be a good little cocksucking fuck animal."

I obeyed, saying the words out loud, just a bit louder than before, while typing them back to him.

"You asked me before how I knew about you cumming in your pants, on that train platform."

"Yes, Sir. I did."

"You know the answer to that question, don't you?"

"Can it really be true? Is that really you, Master?"

"It is, my dear little cumslut. I know it has been a very long time. I want you to take a deep breath, reach into your thoughts, and let me know how you feel."

In a moment, it all came rushing back. My heart was pounding and my fingertips were tingling. Emotions that I'd tried so hard to push back were front and centre in an instant.

"I'm... I'm tingling and leaking, Master."

"That's my good girl."

I felt my body pulse. Years ago, he'd trained me through repetition to squeeze my ass tight whenever he spoke those words. That conditioning was right back, if it had every left. I could feel myself spirally, right back where I was, helpless and his.

Two

"So my good little sissy just happens to be working from home today?"

"Yes, Master," I answered, wondering how fate had conspired to make all this happen.

"Good girl. So you can obey without prying eyes so close to you."

"Yes, I suppose so, Master."

"Good girl. Breathe. It's so good to see you again, baby."

"I... I searched for you, Master."

It was true, perhaps to my shame. I had felt so totally owned and controlled, more than I would have thought possible, and he had become expert in playing with my mind -- but then it had stopped. He had explained to me, so kindly and thoroughly, that his life had gotten to the point of complication that required him to step back and then, eventually, step away altogether. I'd been able to say my thanks and goodbyes, but the hole in my life had lingered.

Every few months, it seemed, I'd search online for his online name only to come up empty. His email address had been long since closed, but I would send messages just in case, only to have them bounce back each time. I moved on, so to speak, but I never forget how he had become an icon in my life and a milestone against which I'd measured all other online relationships since.

"I am touched. I have been back online for a little while, but it took me some time to find my way back to all of the places where we used to meet. In fact, it was only through one of my other toys that I was able to find you again."

"Oh really? I... I kept this name, just in case, Master. I wanted you to be able to find me."

"And so you were. She remembered your name and let me know where you were."

"I'm so proud to be remembered as yours, Master."

"That's my good girl. You will always be one of mine."

"Always," I repeated back, saying the word out loud and feeling the scary truth of it.

"Feel my hand on the back of your neck. Feel my lips against yours. Feel my hand reaching down to squeeze your tits."

Master had a way of making me feel his presence, though he was untold miles away, and in his hands my body was transformed into that of a big-tittle bimbo plaything. He was so adept at shaping my thoughts and emotions that his virtual control of my body seemed just as natural. I moaned out loud.

"That's my good fuck animal," he said.

"Fuck animals need fucking," I replied back without thinking, repeating back the call-and-answer phrase I'd been taught.

"You are still the same good little bimbo sissy doll that I made, even now. Good girl."

"Thank you, Master."

"Tell me, bimbo: are you still married to that pretty wife of yours?"

"No Master. We split up a couple years ago."

"I'm sorry, pet. Was that a difficult time?"

"I suppose it was, but it was for the best. I think that my time with you showed me that we weren't a good match for one another."

"True, I suppose. You wanted so badly to be taken beyond that relationship, didn't you? You were guilty about it at first, but giving in made you feel so good."

His words brought me right back to my earliest conversations with him. I'd been attracted to his power and his imagination so quickly, but when I'd tried to set boundaries regarding cheating on my wife, he'd simply laughed. He had simply told me that I was going to cheat on her, for him, and that I'd do so eagerly and willingly. Many times I told myself that a wise man would have stopped things right there, but I didn't. I came back to him, over and over, proving him right -- and not for the last time.

"Giving in to Master feels so good," I said, feeling how my pattern of communicating was falling into the old format of reinforcing his words, to him and to me.

"I know it does. I'm sure there is nothing in your life, even now, that feels as good as that."

"Oh yes, Master. Nothing feels as good as obeying Master. Obedience is Pleasure," I moaned, whispering the words as I typed them, amazed how these trigger phrases held their place in my mind.

"You probably thought that you'd start over with this new girlfriend, didn't you? You promised yourself that things would be different this time?"

"Yes Master."

"But have you been honest with her? Have you told her how much you crave to be used and controlled by men like me? Have you confessed that you ache to feel them own you and command you, and how you want to suck their cocks so badly?"

"I've tried to tell her some of my kinks, Master. I'm trying to, so that she knows me more truly, but it is embarrassing to admit all those things."

"I know it is, baby. But I also know that you love that humiliation. The humiliation arouses you."

I squirmed in my chair, feeling the truth of his words now, and having it all come back to me that those same words had the power to push new truths into my mind.

"The humiliation arouses me, Master. Being so helpless with Master arouses me."

"Good girl."

My ass pulsed by instinct, just seeing those words and imagining them in his voice. I moaned softly.

"Thank you, Master."

"You can feel it all coming back, can't you? Those feelings of yours. All the things that I taught you. All your wonderful triggers and memories."

"I can, Master."

"Do you know why that is?"

"I'm... I'm not sure, Master."

"It is because, even though we were separated for so long while I was away, you never stopped belonging to me. My ownership of you endures. The changes I've made to your mind are permanent. You belong to me, and you always will."

"I belong to Master."

"Good girl. Yes you do," he answered, and I could almost feel the smile on his unseen face. "I'm going to have to go in a bit, as I am still working to be more intentional about the time I spend online, but I have some homework for you."

"Yes, Master."

"Tell me your new girlfriend's name."

I could feel my chest tighten. I knew that I shouldn't share this. I shouldn't taint my new relationship with Master's touch.

"Her name is Cheryl, Master."

"Good girl. Such a good, obedient girl you are. Now, the next time you see Cheryl, I want you to fuck her. Do you two generally have sex on your dates?"

"Yes, Master. I would say that we see each other about two or three times a week, and we have sex at least once a week as part of those dates."

"My silly sissy. Only getting sex one third of the time, and you're so happy with the improvement in your sex life. The next time you see her, you're going to try to fuck her with me. Before that, when you shower, you're going to do a good job of getting your fingers all soapy, and you're going to finger your ass in the shower for me. After that, you're going to tease your little sissy clit, thinking of me, until you start to leak. Take your sissy juices on your finger, and trace the line of your collar around your neck. That way you will know you're wearing my collar when you fuck her. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Master. I understand."

"Good girl. After you cum, after you calm down, you're going to come online and send me a message. As soon as possible, while you're still in that afterglow, before you go to sleep, with your horny little urges satisfied for the moment. I know you're all horny right now, but once you've spurted inside your pretty new lover, you'll be able to think clearly for a while. At that headspace, I want you to send me a message. I want you to tell me that cumming doesn't change anything, and I want you to tell me, honestly, that you still want all of this. You still want to be mine. You still want to surrender everything to me. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Master. I don't think that cumming will change how I feel."

"Nevertheless, this is your homework. This is what I want. I want you to be able to pledge yourself to me when you're at your least horny. This will be your ritual of reunion and ownership. You, fucking your pretty new girlfriend on command, and then still returning to me to tell me honestly what your desires truly are."

"Yes, Master. I understand."

"Good girl. That is all for now. I look forward to hearing from you."

I logged out as well and tried to get back to work, but all I could think about was him.

The truth was, when he had left before, I had almost been relieved. I could feel how total his power had been over me. He had been able to turn me on with a word and, beyond that, he seemed to be able to affect even the way my body reacted. I had often dismissed all the sissy hypnosis talk as fantasy and playing along -- stories that people would tell each other so they could live out their kinks in new ways. I had learned to reply to his statements in the ways he'd wanted, without imagining that new pathways were being formed in my mind.

It wasn't until one of our conversations online that he opened my mind to the truth.

"Have you noticed, my sissy slut, that when you get turned on, your little clit leaks, but you don't really get hard anymore?"

I hadn't noticed it consciously, but now that he'd said it, the truth of it hit me like I'd run into a brick wall. He explained to me that my body was reacting that way because he willed it. He'd been conditioning me, bit by bit, to react in arousal like a sissy instead of a man. He made it clear, in that conversation and in many others afterwards, that his control extended to my mind and my body, and to every other part of my life he wished to touch.

I'd known it was true from that moment and yet he still kept demonstrating that truth to me over and over. It was one day on my way home after work that he sent me a message. I'd vowed so many times before that I'd never give anyone online my phone number, but when Master had asked for it and explained to me how happy it would make him for me to obey, I found that my fingers were just typing out the number and clicking send.

I froze with thrill and excitement when I saw his name pop up on my phone. I was perhaps two thirds of the way home, with my wife waiting for me, standing in a transit station, getting off the subway and waiting for the bus.

"Call me," he'd instructed. "Your wife can wait."

I obeyed, as I'd loved to hear the sound of his voice. Hearing him call me a "good girl" felt even better than reading it in his messages. He'd teased me, making me say back the phrases he wished to hear. I'd confessed his power, his control. I stood there, trying to avoid being overheard, repeating back that I was his pet, his plaything, his fuck animal. I stood there, getting more aroused by the moment.

"Edge for me," he'd instructed. "Pulse and edge."

Over and over his commands came, and I felt myself getting more and more helplessly turned on. When he finally just told me to cum, as though he was telling me to take a deep breath or to lick my lips, I could feel the sensation rising inside me and then, right there on the platform, without me so much as touching myself or grinding against anything, I came in my pants. I moaned over the phone and confessed it all.

"Good girl," he had said so proudly. "You may go home to your wife now."

I had felt so humiliated, travelling the rest of the way home with my underwear stuck to me and then not being able to find a time to discreetly change out of them for hours. I'd kissed her hello and we'd chatted and eaten dinner together, all with my pants full of the cum I'd spurted for my Master.

I knew in that moment that I'd completely lost any of the control that I had been pretending to have. This man controlled me. He had made himself a part of my life and of my marriage, and I'd welcomed him in every time. Him deciding to leave had freed me, in a way. I didn't have to try to exercise the free will I knew I no longer possessed.

Of course, even with the freedom to try to be a better man and a better husband, the truth was too much to overcome. The fact that I had been where Master could find me made it plain that I had needed something else. My wife's complete inability to allow any kink into her desires wasn't a failing of hers, but it doomed us as incompatible. I blamed myself far more than her, as I had never shared any of my desires when we'd been dating. Some of them I hadn't understood, some of them hadn't fully developed or been given space to expand, and the rest I was just too ashamed to talk about.

His absence had given me the illusion that I was in control again. Now, it seemed he was back, and the readiness of my mind to melt for him made it crystal clear how tenuous that masquerade was.

A smart man in charge of himself would have run away as fast as he could. A responsible, free-thinking person would simply stop making contact and perhaps smile now and again at a fun memory from a previous relationship. Rather than doing any of that, I texted Cheryl to let her know how much I was looking forward to our date.

Three

I don't know if it was guilt or something more sinister that made me go all out with my preparations for my date with Cheryl. I changed our reservations to a nicer restaurant and, in addition to Master's directions regarding my shower, I also shaved and put on my best cologne. We had talked about just meeting downtown, but I asked instead if I could pick her up. She was so pleased with that, and even more so when I arrived at her door with flowers.

The whole night was magical. She was so happy with all of it. I waited patiently as she put the flowers in water, and then we started our night together. The food was wonderful and even the weather cooperated, so that we could take a little stroll in the high-end neighbourhood of the restaurant afterwards, hand in hand.

There were times I tried not to think about the invisible collar around my neck, traced in leaked precum. Any scent of it was masked by my cologne, but I know it was there. I tried to focus on her beauty -- and she was very beautiful -- to convince myself that I was seducing her for my own reasons, and not because my Master had tasked me with having sex with her to alleviate my lusts and allow me to make decisions free of that hunger.

I knew the truth, however. It humiliated me but it aroused me as well. I could feel Master's power over me as we talked and laughed. There was nothing I was really doing differently than I would have any other night with her, but I knew the truth of my intentions. When we finally got back to her place and she invited me in, I could feel my heart pounding.

Everything felt different. There was a different taste to our kisses. My fingers were more sensitive as I reached to unbutton her blouse and groped her beasts. I was so aware, in my mind, that it was all for Master. It was as though I could feel him watching through my eyes. With Master in my mind, everything felt supercharged. I felt harder than usual, and it happened faster, and she noticed. I moaned out loud when she pushed her hands into my pants, grinding against me.

I could feel my arousal boiling up inside me. It had been at such a heightened state all day and now I felt close to losing control at any moment. I had to slow things down somehow, at least for myself, so I shifted my position, kissing my way down her body until my face was between her thighs. She was so wet that she'd dampened her panties, and they were wet as I pulled them down her thighs.

With my lips and tongue, I brought her to her first orgasm. She was so turned on by my attentiveness, urging me on with dirty talk and gentle direction as to how she specifically wanted to feel my tongue inside her. As she started to shake and tease with release, I pressed my open mouth against her, taking in every drop of her nectar. I licked her so gently as she came down, which only got her excited more quickly.

She pulled me up onto the bed, threw me onto my back, pulled what remaining clothing I was wearing off of me, expertly rolled a condom onto my erection and then straddled me and mounted me. She rode my cock with abandon as I reached up to cup and caress her breasts. She took control, riding me hard, bouncing on top of me and squeezing my cock tight inside her velvety wet pussy. I came hard, moaning and gasping, fighting against speaking words, as I was afraid of what I might say.

She lowered herself down and kissed me hard, pouring her emotion out through her lips and hands. Afterwards, as she stroked me and pulled the full condom from me, I had this flash of a vision of Master presenting it to me, so that I could empty the load into my mouth and swallow it all as he watched.

"What are you thinking, baby?" she asked.

I noticed she was looking at me intently, seeing the faraway look in my eyes.

"I'm just happy," I lied. "You're amazing and that was incredible."

"It wasn't too vanilla for you?" she asked.

"Oh god no," I said. "I hoped that my reaction to you showed that."

"It did," she smiled. "I was just wondering. I know we've talked about other things."

In an attempt to avoid repeating the same mistakes as I had with my wife, I had tried to introduce topics of kink into our discussions about our sex life and interests. We'd talked about toys and some bondage play, and even a bit of role-play, but I'd not yet dared to fully open myself up. What woman would want a man who dreamed of being dressed up like a sissy, craving to be dominated and teased? How could she react to the ache inside me to be taken so far as to suck another man's cock? Since she had not shut down these first things, I'd allowed myself to believe more could be possible, but I wasn't quite confident enough to suggest that she find some male friend of hers for me to blow while she watched.

It was getting late, and it was becoming clear that I was going to be expected to stay the night, so I excused myself to visit the bathroom. I picked up my clothes on the way out of the bedroom, knowing my phone was still in my pants pocket. Alone behind the locked door, I logged in and composed my message.

"Master. I have obeyed as you wished. I have just had sex with Cheryl. I came inside her, as you instructed."

I stared at the words on the tiny screen. What a perverted confession it was.

"I can confirm that I want to be yours, Master. I want to feel your control and be subject to your wishes and desires. I give myself to you willingly, Master."

With the words sent out, my heart was pounding. It was done, and it was true. Even then, right after orgasm, I could feel how much I wanted it, no matter the consequences. One thing I knew from our past is that I could trust Master. He did everything with intention, and he would keep me safe. I would be his plaything, but I would be cared for.

I washed up and returned to Cheryl. We kissed some more and murmured a bit of pillow talk, but it wasn't long before we were both drifting off to sleep. I felt her warm, naked body against mine, but still secretly wished for dreams of Master.

In the morning, after a quick breakfast, I made my excuses and said goodbye with a kiss. My mind was full of feelings of guilt and shame and excitement and anticipation. The weekend stretched ahead of me, but I wanted nothing more than to see Master's reaction to my message and pledge.

I raced home, changed my clothes, forcing myself to do at least some normal things before rushing to the computer to hope for a reply. I needn't have hurried, as there was no reply yet. I had errands to do, rooms to clean and laundry to do, so I could keep myself busy, but I stayed logged in, so that I would get notified of any replies immediately.

When my phone finally vibrated, hours later, Master replied simply.

"Good girl," he answered.

I saw the words and pulsed.

He repeated those words in text three more times before I could reply.

"Thank you, Master."

"Lick your lips, baby, and think about what I'm going to send you."

I obeyed, tracing the tip of my tongue around my lips. As I did so, an image popped up in our chat. It was a photo of Mater's cock, stiff and erect. I stared at it as my tongue finished its circuit.

"Oh, thank you, Master."

"You are welcome. You are my owned bimbo once again, aren't you?"

"Yes Master. I am your owned bimbo."

"You know, don't you, that this means that you are all mine. You were given permission to fuck your pretty new girlfriend, but your Master is in control of your sex life now."

"Master is in control of my sex life now."

"Good girl. Do you still have your chastity cage?"

"I do, Master," I answered, thinking of the little box of toys that I'd kept, hidden away, even though I lived alone.

"I want you to go get it and lock it on. Do you have any outings planned for today?"

"I do, Master."

"Good girl. You're going to wear your cage all day. It is good for you to wear your cage around other people."

"Yes Master. It is good for me to be caged."

"That's right. I want you to feel my control, and I want you to start remembering that your little sissy clit belongs to me."

"Yes, Master. My sissy clit belongs to you."

"Such a good girl you are. Remember that. When you're walking around near other men, remember that you're a sissy slut who has given their clit to another man. You're not a man any more. You are something less than those men."

"I am not a man any more, Master."

"Good girl. Go put your cage on now."

It took me a few minutes to unearth the box, but once I did I had myself trapped inside the tiny device in no time at all.

"It is locked on, Master."

"Good girl. Now, as I recall, you told me that you and Cheryl have sex about once a week normally. That means that she will likely not really begin to wonder about anything until you've not fucked her for an entire week."

"I guess not, Master. We might have another date this weekend, so she might be expecting more, but it isn't always."

"Who do you think is going to decide that, bimbo?"

"Master decides," I answered, blushing.

"That's right. Good girl. Don't you worry, I'm going to take good care of you, but you are right that I will decide if and when you get to try to push your little sissy clit inside that pretty woman."

"Yes Master. Master decides."

"It all comes back to you so quickly, doesn't it?"

"Yes Master."

"You were always mine, baby. My ownership of you is eternal. You are mine forever."

"I am yours forever, Master."

"All that time, just waiting to be owned and used and taken, the way that Master knows you need."

"I need it, Master."

"You tried with your girlfriend. You might have even tried to tell her about some of your perverted kinks, But you were still right where I left you, weren't you? Trolling those chat rooms, looking for men to obey and pleasure."

"Yes, Master."

"You need to be controlled and owned, don't you, pet? You need to obey."

"I need to be controlled, Master. I need to be owned. I need to obey."

"You told yourself you were going to be good, didn't you? When you started dating, you told yourself those lies, that you didn't need these things. But you do, don't you?"

"I do, Master. I need it."

"You're not going to be good, are you? You're going to obey your Master, and you're going to let me take charge of your sex life again, aren't you?"

"I'm going to obey Master. I'm going to give Master control of my sex life."

"I want to be clear about something, my good little fuckdoll. Just talking with me like this is cheating. You've already begun to cheat on your girlfriend, with your Master. You're going to continue to cheat. You've made promises to her, I'm sure. You haven't made vows like you had with your wife, but you're still going to be betraying all those commitments you've made to her."

"I.. I am going to cheat, Master."

"Good girl. I've been watching you, seeing the kinds of messages and photos you've been posting. It is so obvious to me that you need this."

"I need this," I replied, trying to think back to all those flirty and sissy and slutty words and images.

"You need to have a Master. You want your Master to take control of your sex life."

"I need to have a Master. I want Master to take control of my sex life."

"Good girl. I'm going to sign off now, but I want you to wear your cage all day today. You have one more bit of homework though."

"What is that, Master?"

"I want you to be very aware of the men around you today, while you are caged. I want you to take very special note of at least three of them. Remember what they look like. Remember what they were wearing. You are going to imagine yourself with each one of those men. Obeying them in person. Sucking their cocks. Bending over to let them fuck you. The next time we talk, you're going to describe each one of them to me, and tell me all your depraved fantasies about them. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Master."

"Good girl. I know you're going to do such a good job fantasizing about pleasuring men while you're walking around caged. That is all for now."

"Thank you, Master."

And then he was gone.

I looked down at myself. I looked down at the cage. I felt it enclose me and I realized that just talking with him had gotten me leaking, and there was a wet spot in my underwear.

I was nervous and scared, but I was also thrilled and aroused and my mind was sizzling in a way that it hadn't felt in years.

"You are so fucked," I said out loud to myself.

Four

Before, I'd put that part of me in a container, limiting it and restricting its reach. I hadn't let it touch the rest of my life in a long time. Now, all of a sudden, it had escaped that box.

I willingly and eagerly let it out. I was back to signing in online every day. I ached to see words from Master appear, and I craved whatever direction or instruction he gave me, large or small.

I repeated tasks like that homework over and over again. I became very observant of all the men around me -- men I worked with, men on the street, men in stores that I visited. Every time I was near them while caged -- which was often -- I could hear those words of Master in my head. I was less than them. They were men and I was not. My sissy clit, not even a cock, was locked and given away, while these men felt the power and masculinity of theirs.

Master was so pleased with me when I would share my descriptions of these men, and of how I'd imagined them making use of me.

"You wish that serving men could be your true job, don't you, pet?" he asked, one time when I'd stolen away during a work day.

"I do, Master."

"You'd so much rather be a slutty bimbo. You want to be the office slut and cocksucker. Every man there would know what you were for."

"I want it, Master. I want to be a slutty cocksucking bimbo."

With every word, I could feel a new truth sinking into my mind. I dreamed of it, having a body like the women in the photos Master would send me, and in those that I in turn would send back to him, having learned so well the kinds of things that would please him.

"I know you do. Good girl."

As always, his words made me pulse.

My new reality was framed with new ground rules. I was required to be caged unless I was on a date with Cheryl. Even then, no matter how many times I saw her, Master only allowed me to have sex with her once a week. There was no question of my obedience. My devotion to him seemed absolute, and I knew I could never lie to him. If things got too heated on one of our non-sex dates, I had to find ways to diffuse the situation.

In truth, it didn't take that long before the pattern that Master wished became our routine. We would have sex on our weekend dates, but never during the week. We would still get together, go out for dinner, see movies, and all the rest of it, but in time I could feel that she no longer expected more than a kiss on those nights, even if she stayed over at my house.

Under Master's guidance my sexual thoughts, other than those about Cheryl, were redirected towards men. Imagining getting down on my knees before them could instantly turn me on but, as before, that arousal was making me leak rather than triggering an erection. I started to worry if I would soon be unable to get hard for Cheryl, but so far that hadn't happened.

It was almost shocking to me how quickly and easily I fell back into the routine of Master's control. It seemed all too easy, and so mentally rewarding. Other than sex, nothing seemed to make me feel like just talking with Master did, and the deeper I got, I wasn't sure if sex was really hanging on to that number one spot. The sheer power he seemed to hold thrilled and terrified me.

I would often lose track of time when we chatted online. There were even times that I felt a bit dizzy or tired, afraid that I would nod off. My head would feel heavy and my concentration drifted. I would check my watch and be so surprised that whole hours seemed to have just slipped away in a fog of bliss. Master had this way of keeping me so aroused that I would leak constantly. At his instruction, I would reach down and gently take the ooze of my precum onto my fingertips and trace it around my neck as a virtual collar, or pat it onto my lips as sissy lipgloss.

During one of those long chats, stretching deep into the night, he asked me for a memory.

"Tell me about the first time you had sex," he said.

I obeyed, of course, telling him every detail that I could remember. I was a late starter, sexually, which I often blamed on a very conservative, religious family. Jane, who I met my first year at college, was a very pretty girl, and a fiery redhead. She was a revelation to me. She was from a small town where her father and brothers operated a dairy farm, and was very adept, and more experienced than I was.

I was so proud to tell Master the story, as when we had first had sex, it was during a holiday weekend away, when we had gone to visit her family. As if out of a B movie, she had literally taken me up to the barn's hayloft. As I was telling Master about it, I could feel the emotions and sensations coming back to me. The smell of the barn, the feel of the soft yet scratchy padding of hay under an old blanket, and the firm feeling of her young, full breasts in my hands and against my chest. I remembered the silly pleasure of seeing the patch of red hair above her pussy as she stroked me and guided me into her.

"That isn't really what happened, is it?" Master said, confusing me.

"Think back. Don't you remember the real details?"

"I don't know what you mean, Master."

"Think back, think clearly, and remember that when she took you there, your cock wouldn't perform for her. Can't you remember that, feeling her touch and then not being able to get hard?"

He seemed so sure and confident.

"Think back. Remember it. You were with Jane, so pretty and sexy, baring her body to you and for you, but you weren't able to perform."

I could feel the rise of a blush, as though I was recalling that exact humiliation.

"Tell me the name of her brother. The one you thought was the most handsome," Master said.

I searched my mind. Jane had had four brothers, all of them wiry and strong, thanks to their work, but there had been one who had seemed the most traditionally good looking, with wavy hair and a ready smile.

"His name was Gerrit, Master."

"Good girl. Don't you remember, you tried and tried with Jane. She stroked you and even sucked your cock, but it wouldn't get hard enough for you to fuck her. Eventually she left you there, so disappointed. You were so humiliated."

As Master spoke the details aloud, I could feel the mental image of it all forming in my mind. I would have been so mortified and humiliated, and as I sat there, I could feel the effect of those emotions hitting me.

"Wasn't that when you realized that her brother Gerrit was there, emerging from out of the shadows? You must have been so embarrassed that he saw you trying to fuck his sister, and so humiliated that you coudn't."

Somehow from the past I felt Gerrit's eyes on me. The details of his face came back, and I could almost taste my humiliation.

"He must have taken one look at you and known the truth about you. He must have seen that you were a sissy and a cum-hungry slut. It must have been so obvious to him what you needed instead of pussy."

"You... you think he could see that, Master?"

"I saw it in you from the say I met you, slut."

"Yes, Master."

"Remember it now. You lay there, ashamed and humiliated, and then he approached you. He was handsome and strong. He opened his jeans for you, didn't he?"

"Yes, Master."

"What did you do when he pulled out his cock, sissy?"

"Did I get up on my knees and suck him, Master?"

"Good girl. What a good girl you are for finally remembering the truth. Yes, my slut, you got up on your knees and, in that hayloft, while his sister and your girlfriend was consoling herself, you sucked his cock. You stroked him and kissed him and took his thick, hard cock in your mouth."

"I... I sucked his cock, Master."

"That's right. You couldn't fuck your pretty girlfriend, but you gave her brother head."

"I sucked his cock, Master."

"Good girl. Good girl. Yes you did. And when he came, you swallowed every drop."

"Yes, Master. Yes. I swallowed every drop."

"Good girl. What a good girl you are for finally remembering the truth. You've told yourself for so long that your first sex was with a pretty redhead, but that isn't what you remember now, is it?"

"No, Master."

"Good girl. That's right. You remember that you couldn't get hard with her, despite how pretty and eager and sex she was. Instead you were humiliated, and in the midst of that humiliation, you were discovered as a slutty little cocksucker. It's no wonder that humiliation arouses you, my good little gooner."

"Yes, Master. Humiliation arouses me, Master."

"How long did you date this Jane girl after that?"

"We dated for about ten months, Master."

"It must have been challenging, to keep dating her after that humiliation, and after sucking Gerrit's cock instead."

"Yes, Master," I answered. I felt so confused and strange, feeling my memories trying to rearrange themselves in my mind, to accommodate this newly revealed truth.

How could I have kept dating her for so long after that? How would she have wanted to stay with me? I remembered going back to her family home at least three times after that trip. I must have been so awkward there, with him around.

"Did I suck Gerrit's cock again, Master?" I asked.

"Of course you did, slut. You are a cocksucker and a good obedient sissy. I'm sure that you took advantage of every chance you had to sneak away from Jane and her family to be alone with him and to take his cock in your mouth. To drink down his cum, after you made him spurt on your tongue."

"Yes, Master. Sneaking away and hiding, just to be able to kneel down and suck his cock."

Of course that's what I would have done.

"I discovered you, Sally, but you have always been a cocksucker, haven't you?"

I blushed, seeing him use the name he'd given me when he had proclaimed that my given name, Stephen, was a man's name and since I was not a man, I should no longer use it.

"I have always been a cocksucker, Master," I answered, feeling myself speak the words aloud.

It was so confusing to reconcile my life and history with this spoken truth. I'd had a string of girlfriends and then a wife, and then another girlfriend. I recalled so vividly that one of the things about my early conversations with Master that really affected me was that he was the first male Dominant I'd talked with who seemed to so effortlessly cut through my supposedly heterosexuality and make me want to submit to him. I didn't just want to complete humiliating tasks under his leadership, but I wanted to serve him and obey him and service him and have me desire his absolute stranglehold over my will.

I didn't know how to reconcile that feeling of him being the first man like that with this new memory, which became stronger and more detailed the more I focussed on it. I could feel my humiliation at my own impotence, and I could feel the confusing arousal I'd felt, as this man stood before me with strength and confidence, accepting my mouth on him, and seeming so content with his position above me, both physically and sexually. With my eyes closed, I could almost reach out and touch him again, to feel him and taste him as though it was all happening again.

I knew Master. I knew his skills with conditioning and I had, over and over again, felt his fingers in my mind. I knew, on one level, that he was writing these memories. It just didn't matter, and it certainly didn't make them feel any less real. I knew it... or did I? There was no doubt in his tone, and no winks of acknowledgement -- no hint that we were playing a game with each other. Quite the opposite in fact.

I could hear another one of his mantras starting to echo through my mind, and I found myself whispering that aloud as well.

"This is real."

"Yes it is, pet," he replied, and I looked up and realized that I'd typed the words as well as speaking them. "It makes me wonder if you ever had a rewarding sex life with Jane, or if you were a continual disappointment to her. Could you ever get hard for her, or were you always thinking of her brother? Surely that wasn't the only time that the two of you returned to her family home."

"It was not, Master."

"Think back, and remember how perverted and wicked and naughty it must have felt, to be taken home by your girlfriend, only to sneak away to find your real lover. Meeting again in the barn perhaps, or just tiptoeing into his room in the deep dark of night, not saying a word but just lowering yourself down to get what you wanted so badly."

"Yes, Master."

"And what did you want, more than anything, slut?"

"I wanted to suck his cock, Master. I wanted to taste his cum."

"Have you always wanted to suck cock, slut?"

"I have always wanted to suck cock, Master."

"And you love the taste and feel of cum in your mouth?"

"I have always loved the feeling and taste of cum in my mouth, Master."

"Have you always been a disappointment to the women you've tried to date, pet?"

"Yes, Master. I have always been a disappointment to women, Master."

"I know you have, Sally. Don't you worry. Master is going to help you rediscover your true self and your real place."

"Thank you, Master."

"I'm going to send you a photo, and I want you to focus on it. Are you ready?"

"Yes Master. I am ready, Master."

"Good girl."

The photo arrived, displaying itself in our chat thread. It was a photo of Master's cock. He was hard, and his cock head was glistening. I moved right from my pulsing to a soft moan.

"Do you remember this, Sally?"

"I do, Master," I answered, as it had now been years, but it was not the first time I'd been shown an image of his manhood.

"This is the cock you really want, isn't it?"

"Yes, Master."

"I know you love it. My wife also loves it. Since you know that you have always proven to be a sexual disappointment to the women that you try to be with, you must know who would also love it."

"Yes, Master," I answered, feeling the warmth of a fresh blushing rising over my cheeks.

"Say it, slut."

"It is Cheryl, Master. Cheryl would love your cock, Master."

"I'm sure that you try, Sally, and I'll bet that you are attentive and kind. I'm sure you even go down on her as much as you can, but in the end you know that she deserves a better lover than you can be. She deserves more of a man than you can be."

"She deserves more, Master."

"Good girl. That's right. Good girl."

With every repetition, I felt my body pulse and clench. Humiliation and pleasure mixing together to overwhelm my mind.

"Thank you, Master."

"You're going to keep trying, as you have been. Once every week you will try to pleasure her as best you can, but I know that you're going to start realizing that she deserves more. You're also going to remember that what you really want, and what you really crave, is something else as well. What is that, baby?"

"I want to suck cock, Master. I crave to suck cock and swallow cum, Master."

"That's so right, baby. Good girl. I'm sure you love her, and you want her to be happy, so you will keep trying your best, but you know the truth."

"Yes, Master. She deserves a real man. She deserves a cock like Master's cock."

"She really does. Good girl. You've done so well today. I'm proud of you."

I felt a wash of joy fill my chest with his praise.

"Thank you, Master."

"You are welcome, my good little cocksucker. I'm going to leave you with some more homework. I want you to think back, regularly, and remember those feelings with Jane, and with Gerrit. Remember how frustrating it was to be with a pretty girl and to even get to kiss her and touch her, when you were tormented by the truth that what you really wanted was something else. What you really wanted was to suck cock and obey men. I want you to try to remember every time that making out with Jane led to attempts at sex, and how you could not satisfy her. Think back at how that felt, and how you took that humiliation into Gerrit's room at night, and found your real purpose there."

"Yes, Master, I will. Thank you, Master.'

"Good girl," he said. "That is all."

And he was gone, leaving me with my twisted confusion of memory, and the taunting humiliation that came from these new memories, and the very real wet spot of leaking precum in my pants.

Five

Every day, it seemed, I could feel myself giving just a little bit more of my time and my mental space to Master. I checked in each morning. I stayed logged in during the work day, so that I could receive messages from him whenever his schedule might allow. I could feel myself sinking right back to where I had been, as though he had never left.

He had left, however, for his own reasons, and we were not ignorant of that fact. We discussed it one day, when our discussion of the feelings around his return had elicited a confession from me.

"There was part of me, Master, that felt relief when you had to leave. I think I knew that I didn't have the strength or desire to do something like that, but I was also afraid of what it could all mean, or lead to."

"I know, pet. I felt it then, and I am aware of it now. I know the responsibility that comes with the control you've given me. I want to be clear about this. We are, both of us, going to take in the lessons we've learned from before. We know who we are. My power over you is total and, as I think you've learned by now, is eternal. That doesn't mean that it has to be constant, and it doesn't have to be so emotionally intense as to feel overwhelming."

"Thank you, Master. It is a great relief to hear that."

"You are welcome. We are not going to be jealous, and we are not going to let this wonderful, sexy fun become damaging, not to either of us. You are too important to me. Even though we both know you wear my collar permanently, that doesn't mean that you cannot share your emotions with me. If you feel something too intense, or are afraid of it, speak with me, and we will resolve our fears together."

"Thank you, Master."

"I want you to be honest with yourself, though, as I am with myself. Remember what I said. You are cheating on your girlfriend with me. You are giving me a part of your mind and your heart that can never be hers. You want to do it, but it is cheating."

"I understand, Master."

"Say it to me, slut."

"I... I want to cheat on my girlfriend, Master. I missed the feeling of cheating for Master."

I hadn't planned to add that last statement, about missing that feeling, but it was perversely true. It was wrong, and it was a betrayal, but it also just felt so wickedly good. Master was in control. Master was my priority. Promises made to Master overrode all others.

"Speaking of your attempts to have a sex life with Cheryl, and your inevitably doomed attempts to please her, I'd like you to tell me more about what you two have talked about. You said that you'd been trying to be more open about your kinks and fetishes, as you've understood them."

"Yes, Master. We've talked about submission, and we've talked about some other things, like some use of toys, and a bit of bondage play."

"Does she know that you want to be the submissive? Does she know that you want to be the one tied up? Does she know you want toys like a plug in your sissy pussy and a cage locked onto that little sissy clit of yours?"

"I've told her that I see myself as submissive most times, Master. She doesn't know those things about the toys. It's embarrassing and harder to talk about the sissification."

"You're afraid of what she might think of you, if she knew that you really want to be put in panties, with slutty lipstick and big fake tits."

"Yes, Master."

"You think that she'll question what she's doing with you, if you confess how much you want to be dressed up to suck men's cocks."

"Yes, Master. How could she not?"

"Of course she would, pet. She's a beautiful woman and she has needs. Needs that she needs a man for. But you're hardly a man, are you?"

"No, Master. I'm not a man."

"Good girl. That's right. You don't even really want to be one. Think how much happier you are serving your Master, and dreaming about pleasing men. That feels so much better than trying to have a sex life as a man."

"It does, Master. It feels so much better to be Master's sissy slut."

"But you care for her, I'm sure. You don't want to hurt her."

"I don't want her to be hurt, Master."

"She deserves more. She deserves a man. She deserves a cock like Master's."

"I want you to start thinking about Cheryl bringing home another lover. Imagine if she had a real man in her life, that she could bring home to fuck her properly. Then you could perhaps lick her pussy and lap his cum from her afterwards. Who knows, perhaps she might even enjoy watching you suck his cock directly."

"I... I don't know that she's that kinky, Master."

"One thing at a time. Just start imagining it. Picture those moments in your mind. Start to understand how much you'd love it."

"Yes, Master."

"After all, don't you want her to be sexually satisfied?"

"I do, Master."

"You don't really believe that you're the one to do it, do you?

"No, Master," I blushed. "I know that I am not a real man, not like she needs."

"Not at all, I'd say. You were made to please men, not women. You get more aroused by the thought of kneeling before a man and stroking his cock into your mouth than you ever do about having sex with your own wife."

"Yes, Master. I get more aroused by thinking of sucking cock, Master."

"Did you know, slut, that in the past, when I first took control of your mind, I used to have second thoughts about owning you so completely -- about making you so dependent on me for your orgasms and your pleasure?"

"I didn't know that, Master."

"To be clear, I don't anymore. One thing that looking up all your posts since I was gone has shown me is that you need this control. I see your public chats, and the way you've been acting and serving since I was gone, and I realize that you don't need to cum -- not as a man, anyways. You're so ready to offer up your chastity, or to lock yourself in a cage. As we chat, I see how ready you are to give up sex with your pretty new girlfriend. My control gives you a much better sex life than you could have without me, doesn't it?"

"Yes, Master. Your control gives me a much better sex life."

"That's right, it certainly does."

"Thank me, Sally. Thank me for limiting your sex with Cheryl to once a week."

"Thank you, Master, for limiting my permission to have sex with Cheryl to once a week, Master."

"You understand, don't you, that I control your sex life now? You know that I could simply tell you that you weren't allowed to fuck her anymore, and that would be that?"

"Yes, Master."

"Do you doubt it? Do you imagine that it would be any different than my wishes?"

"I... I don't doubt it, Master."

"Good girl. I could simply deny you permission, knowing you'd obey. I could also, with a word or desire, take away your ability to get hard with her, or with any woman."

"Yes, Master," I answered.

It sounded so extreme and impossible, but I still didn't doubt it. He seemed to be able to get me hard with a word, and there was no doubt in my mind that over the time I'd known him that he'd shaped and conditioned my sexual desires and fantasies. It was confusing, as it was hard to trust my own memories of what porn I'd tended to look at during different parts of my life.

"Good girl. I like that you understand all that you've given to me, and so willingly. I warned you, didn't I, that if you wanted to submit to me that I was going to demand complete and total submission?"

"You did, Master."

"You probably didn't quite believe it at first, did you? You thought it was all fantasy -- all a game. But that changed, didn't it?"

"Yes, I did -- and yes it did change, Master."

"Tell me when you knew it was more than just a game."

"I could feel it, Master, when I felt the truth of me not getting hard like I used to, when I was aroused. I would just leak instead."

"That's right. I remember you feeling so shocked and surprised that day. It didn't stop you, did it? You didn't run away that day. You just kept coming back to me, didn't you?"

"I did, Master. I kept coming back."

"No matter how overwhelming and complete my control feels, you just keep wanting more, don't you?"

"Yes, Master. It's true. I just keep wanting more."

"Even now. You told me you were almost relieved when I left, so you could try to have a normal life again. Perhaps you even thought that you could rebuild your marriage, and give your attention to her. How did that work out?"

"It didn't, Master. I tried. I tried to forget. I tried to be a good husband and a normal man, but I just kept coming back. I looked for Master, or for men who were at least a little big like you. We just grew further apart."

"I know it must have been difficult, pet. It was for the best, however, I'm sure she's happier now, free to find a man that can be what she needs. And still, you tried again, with another woman."

"Yes, Master. I've tried to correct some things, and to communicate more, this time."

"Perhaps, but even so, look where I found you. You were right where I left you, still wearing the same name, and still flirting with men, hoping that they would see you as a pretty little sissy slut, so you could please them and serve them and suck the cum from their cocks."

"Yes, Master," I answered with shame.

"Don't you worry, pet. Your Master is back, and I'm going to take very good care of you. This time has taught you a valuable lesson -- that you never stopped belonging to me, and that you need my control. You need Master to own you, so that you can be happy and complete."

"I... I need Master to own me."

"Yes, you do. Lucky for you, slut, I am here, and I do own you."

"Thank you, Master. Thank you for owning me."

"You are very welcome. Good girl. You have said that you've told Cheryl of some of your kinks, is that correct?"

"Yes, Master."

"You've told her about things like bondage and toys?"

"Yes, I have."

"How did she react?"

"She seemed open-minded, Master. She was interested. She didn't shut the door like my wife used to."

"Good for her. What kinds of toys have you mentioned?"

"I think we talked about things like vibrators and blindfolds and paddles. We looked at a couple adult toy store websites together."

"Oh how adventurous. Did you buy anything together?"

"Not yet, Master."

"No time like the present then. I want you to have a bit of a shopping spree today. You are going to buy one or two items from each category that you and Cheryl discussed, but you will also buy more. You can use some discretion and your imagination, trying to think of things that you imagine she will enjoy. You will also, however, ensure that a few items that I chose are on that list. You will buy a leather collar and leash. You will buy a bondage kit including wrist and ankles cuffs. You will buy a vibrator and you will buy a strap-on harness and dildo. You will buy a new chastity cage, and a set of butt plugs. I'm sure you already have those items, but having new, unwrapped ones will help you avoid difficult questions."

"Yes, Master," I answered, trying to take in the size of the order, and how I would face her with such a haul.

"Good girl. Do you have any questions?"

"Am.. Am I going to have to show her all of this?"

"For now, you will just purchase the items. You will eventually be showing her everything, and more, but I will decide the pace and the specifics in time. You are quite the pervert, so it will be best to reveal that carefully."

"Yes, Master. Thank you, Master."

"You can trust your Master to take good care of his property, slut."

"I do. I know that Master will take good care of his property."

"It is true. Now, since we've talked about your pretty little girlfriend, so oblivious to the true nature of the person she is dating, let's also chat about your true desire. Do you know what your true desire and purpose is, sissy?"

"Is it to obey and please men, Master?"

"Good girl. That's so right. You were made to please men. I know that I've helped you awaken to this truth, but as I think you recall from your earliest sexual experiences, you've always wanted to suck cock, haven't you?"

My mind flashed back to that barn, my thoughts filled with the memories that only seemed to become more vivid and detailed, the more than I let them in and replayed them.

"I have always wanted to suck cock, Master," I heard myself replying.

"Good girl. Yes you have. Refresh my memory, my little cheating slut. Back when we were chatting before, back when you were married, I believe you told me that you'd given in to your naughty, kinky desires. Is that true?"

"Yes, Master," I confessed.

"You got all kinky and horny and you went to see a professional, didn't you?"

"Yes, Master."

Years ago now, I had spent so much time online indulging in my fetishes and kinks, and I had gotten very deeply down the rabbit hole of submission and bondage, along with my then-flowering interests in sissification. I had wanted it more and more, and there didn't seem to be any way to feel those things for real without being with someone else. Even the most basic self-bondage games were far too unsatisfying compared to how risky they felt. I searched and found a Dominatrix who seemed trustworthy and established, and who also just happened to be stunningly beautiful. It took a slow buildup of courage, and at least one false start, but I finally made an appointment to see her, and had one of those intense afternoons of my life. I had felt a fair bit of guilt and shame immediately after, but I hadn't regretted it. In a strange way, I think it had prolonged my marriage, as I had gotten so much from that experience that it satisfied me in my situation for some time.

"She took control of you, stripped you out of your silly boy clothes and put you in panties, didn't she?"

"Yes she did, Master."

"She dressed you up as a little sissy, and she saw the truth behind your eyes. Thinking back, I'm sure you have one regret about that whole experience, don't you?"

"What... what would that be, Master?"

"I would imagine that you must wish that you had had the courage to see a male Dom instead. Just imagine what it could have been like if you had been dressed up like that, and then get to suck a real, live, flesh and blood cock."

I moaned softly. As Master had developed my hunger and need to serve men and so pleasure their cocks, I certainly had wondered what that would have been like.

"Given that you more fully understand how much more it pleases you to service men, I'm sure you'd much rather submit to men as well, in such kinky settings. Isn't that true, slut?"

"Yes, Master. I would prefer to submit to men."

"Good girl. You love serving and sucking men, far more than you could ever enjoy fucking a woman. Isn't that true?"

"I love serving men and sucking cock so much more than fucking women, Master."

"Good girl. Such a good girl. It's so healthy for you to understand these truths about yourself."

"Yes, Master," I answered, even though I couldn't quite separate new desires from past memories.

"We know, from your memories of your earliest sexual encounters, that you want to suck cock. We know, from your perverted fantasies, that you're full of fetishes and kinky desires. We know, since you've actually paid to see a professional Domme, that you're a naughty, cheating slut. You've already confessed that you loved to cheat on your wife with me, and again how much you've missed it, now that you get to cheat on a whole new girlfriend with me."

"Yes, Master," I repeated, feeling a shame that was making me tingle and leak. "I want to suck cock. I am full of kinky desires. I am a cheating slut, Master."

"Good girl. Good girl. I know you are. I'm sure it feels so good to let those truths out. You are already cheating with me, as we have discussed. We know that you need to please men, and that you want that much more than you could ever want to have sex with a woman. So here is some more homework for you. You are going to use those skills you used, in searching out a proper Dominatrix to go visit, but this time you are going to find a male Dom to go see. You have three days to look and investigate and research, and by the end of that time, you will send me the names and information of your three favourites. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master. I understand."

I was squirming and tingling. I could feel myself leaking. My heart was pounding in my chest, almost like I could hear it with me in the room.

"Good girl. You understand, and you will obey."

"I understand, and I will obey Master."

"Very good. That is all for today."

There were quick good-byes and then Master was gone. I was nervous and scared, and I was also feeling that twinge of shame and humiliation. Here I was, a man with a second chance, dating a stunning and lovely woman, and it felt inevitable that I was going to squander it. This was also my second chance with Master, though. No one had made me feel like he seemed to be able to.

I was tingling and throbbing, feeling the inexplicable sensation of deep joy that came from obedience. I may have been doubting the wisdom of my actions, but my fingers were already on my keyboard, completing my online order of the toys Master wanted me to own, while opening even more tabs and windows, to search for the kinds of kinky men that I might serve, to please Master even more.