The Pointless Pleasure of Sex 02

The Pointless Pleasure of Sex Part Two

Do the Untrustworthy Deserve Love

THE BACHELOR

James Connelly's marriage had come to an abrupt end when his wife, Emma, abandoned him for a lesbian, Nicola de Acosta, who by chance had been James' girlfriend in the past before she came out as Lesbian. The end may have been abrupt but the divorce process lingered until becoming final after two frustrating years. Emma had disappeared along with Nicola to Australia. Apart from some minimal Email traffic with James' lawyer nothing more was heard of the pair or even if they had stayed in Australia.

James was a high flier in an engineering firm which he had helped launch into the space age and was now called Cuthberts Aerospace. The firm had once been dominant in New Zealand manufacturing engineering and had now grown to international proportions in an alliance with global partners. Due to his central role in developing the firm's new direction it was assumed that James would shortly be taking the next step as New Zealand CEO on the retirement of the current CEO, Ken Baxter.

It was just after the divorce came final that James was in a discussion with his CEO Ken, that the old man served a dose of reality on him. Finally, Ken was due for retirement and there had to be a successor acceptable to the board. As it was his habit he began a delicate meeting by reminiscing.

"I don't know whether I ever told you. I knew your mother when we were young. She was a little younger than me. We weren't close but I had a bit of a crush on her. She certainly seemed to have a good time, always happy and smiling with her friends. I wanted to but could never bring myself to ask her out. You see I came from a strict Christian family. My father would never have allowed me to go out with her. Over the years we would still socialise from time to time. When your father, her first husband died it was tragic. I knew your stepfather well, and although business rivals were close for a while. I realized then that although she was not a follower of Christ, she had values that my father and, indeed myself, would approve of.

The moral values of ethics, fairness, empathy and compassion are part of the social responsibility of our business as you are well aware. Men are social apes and I believe that empathy bonds us together and is a prime cause of our survival as a species. On the other hand, lack of empathy creates enemies and impacts negatively on our lives, threatening our existence. For example, I believe historically the lack of empathy in governance got us into the second world war and empathy got us out of it.

Empathy is important not just for the individual but for a group. One cannot underestimate its enduring value in forging strong links with likeminded partners. Take for example our firm. Some see empathy as weakness but our values as a firm in ethics, morals and empathy encourage powerful bonds with our partners who know we are upfront and can be trusted by them. Using the strength of such a powerful team we can easily take on those transactional and combative firms that can only compete individually. Of course I am not talking about cartel behaviour, just operating a group, as an entity. That is what our alliance is all about. Combining resources and knowledge with our tight group gives mutual support and reach. You cannot go past it. So, take that and apply it to your personal life. Encourage this with your family and friends

Ken freely discussed this sort of thing with James. He and James concurred on this as neither saw their business relationships as purely transactional; they were often on friendly terms with their rivals knowing that at times they can better support one another beyond the fortunes of their business.

However, this time James was wondering where Ken's meandering was taking them when he finally got to the point.

"I saw these values in you when you were recruited and they were a factor which swung the board. Unfortunately, sometimes our personal need to do the right thing can cloud our judgement. I know the events around Nicola and the breakup of your marriage caught us all by surprise but I am afraid the memory of them has stayed with the Board and may undermine any decision to elevate you as my replacement. You know the circumstances did not really align with our business values and your being here is a reminder of that."

This was a shock to James and he coughed in surprise. Ken continued.

"I know you are now officially divorced. Is there any prospect of you remarrying in the near future?"

"Er no, I have not dated anybody since our breakup."

'Why not, do you still think of Emma?"

"Perhaps I do. We were in love. It's hard to shake off wondering whether her leaving was of her own decision."

"The trouble is James; I don't think you never allowed yourself full closure, really. You never sought her out. You didn't want to know, did you?"

James was surprised at his boss's insight. His next statement indicated a little annoyance at his boss's intrusion into his private life. "Well, I don't really indulge myself in introspection."

Ken came straight back. "You may not but I would advise you to start thinking about moving on. It would certainly help the Boards thinking if you had a stable and suitable partner. You may have noticed our wives are prominent in our social interactions."

"With all due respects, sir, finding a suitable partner is not that easy. I don't really know what I want."

"If it is any help, I do think Emma lacked the patience and tolerance it took to sustain a long-term commitment like marriage. She, too easily caved in to a love for another and the pleasure, I suppose, that brings. I think you want a woman that needs what you can give beyond status and wealth. I saw what you did for Nicola. I know in the end she took you for granted and even used what you gave her against you but in future your partner should be one that truly shares your values.... like your mother."

There was stoney silence after that statement until Ken meandered in his thoughts again.

"It's a pity my two daughters are married. You would have made a fine son in law."

The statement broke the air of seriousness. James laughed.

"I am not exactly a Christian."

"Ha, I am sure Lucrezia would help you with that."

"Perhaps she would, sir, perhaps she would."

Ken then leaned closer to James. "Look my commiserations that the divorce is now final. I'm sorry that I am being a little insensitive, but I do feel for you. Perhaps Emma was immature in that way, needed to see a little more of life before she settled down. It's a shame what she did to you at such a critical time and it will be her ultimate loss; I can tell you."

James just nodded in appreciation to his kind words. After further discussion of work issues James left. Ken's words had left a serious thought in James' mind that he needed to act to secure his future. He reflected on his limited interaction with women. He suspected the motives of women that flirted with him. His recreational activities generally were solo or with family involving limited interaction with eligible women. His friends and family respected the fact that he did not want matchmaking or blind dates. He discussed his situation with Cyn and his mother who were both overjoyed that someone who had power over James was driving some sense into him.

*******

The closest James ever came to closure over his relationship with Emma was one late night conversation with his mother. Despite his determination to move on his mother still noted the pain in his eyes whenever Emma was mentioned. His mother sagely suggested that as an only child she probably saw herself as an equal with her parents. They were both busy professional people, and despite being an only child she privately lacked their undivided attention despite their open displays of affection. A feeling of rejection because of that might explain her teenage behaviour and the friends she was keeping then.

In her discussions with Emma, James' mother got the impression that she was desperate for some undivided attention from James but he was unable or in willing to divide his life to give her the attention she craved. To make the relationship work James would have to recognise this.

James reflected," I suppose I was so excited about my work, so focused, I let what I did get away from her. I just trusted that everything was OK. She would quibble about it but I took it as her way."

Patricia reflected on her own husbands," I think your father and stepfather were both very good at this, then again, unlike Emma I was quite assertive about getting their attention. If you are closely engaged you understand one another a lot more."

"You are probably right. Whenever we were together my mind was always drifting back to the problems at work."

Patricia replied, "You know she was carrying all the household responsibilities; housework, finance, everything. She had her own ups and down without your support. She talked to me about it. I tried to defend you saying it was only temporary, I'm sure, but I don't think she believed me."

"I guess I had become too remote from her, she just drifted away from me and I could not see it, I was too busy and she looked for that attention from Nicola," James pondered.

James took pride in listening and understanding his staff but he had failed with the one person closest to him. The break up was a severe blow to both his pride and his confidence in dealing with people. He understood what his mother was saying but had taken Emma for granted for too long. He had not been giving her the appropriate attention and Nicola stepped in and did.

This lack of recognition of Emma's need was a major factor in the relationship failure but recognition came all too late and would result in James carrying an unresolved guilt about the break up. He wondered whether he had ever been the right guy for her. Maybe on this point they were incompatible. The passion and satisfaction he got from his work would always consume him. Could he be disciplined enough to compartmentalise it for the benefit of his wife?

Emma was a young wife used to a carefree life. She had time on her hands and without the distraction of a baby was vulnerable to a predator like Nicola. It was James' first grand failure in his perfect life. He never saw his earlier experience with Nicola a failure, just an unfortunate fact of life, her being a lesbian.

He could never see the longing in Emma's eyes. He bore the carping and the goading. 'Women are emotional, right,' He thought. 'Anyway, she had a duty to be stoic like him, didn't she?' He could not understand why she did not realise that it was for their mutual benefit. But James did not have enough time on his hands for Emma's needs, he being wholly distracted. The outcome in some shape or form became an inevitability for Emma to succumb to someone who could command her time while her husband was absent.

Perhaps it was no coincidence then that while with his friend and now brother-in-law, Adrian, over a beer, Adrian mentioned that he and his father were looking for a crew member for his father's keeler being prepared for an upcoming racing series on Lyttleton Harbour.

"Have you done any sailing since college," he asked.

"Yeah, nah, only the fill in on a trailer sailer. I took a cruise with clients up the Bay of islands a few years ago. I was never as competitive as you in those regattas. I was shit really, so I never carried on."

"I can't believe you are not competitive. You are in business for chrissake."

James chuckled, "Ah well. I delegate that to my competitive staff. That's my strategy. The thing that drives highly competitive people is ego. They think you are the same and they try to hit you head on with it but I attack their flanks with my people. They never see it coming."

"You really are a Machiavellian bastard then aren't you. So where is your strategy in finding a mate?"

"Has Cyn been talking to you?"

"Guilty as charged. You are avoiding the question."

"Fuck, I don't have one."

"Well anyway we need a crew member for the Celeste this upcoming regatta dads entering."

"I don't know his keeler. What size crew are you looking at?"

"We have the keeler moored in the Lyttleton Marina, go down and check it out if you like. We'll need a crew of four. We have Dad, me, Cyn was going to crew but she dropped out because of her playing commitments, and there is Siobhan, my sister.

"Siobhan? I had completely forgotten she was your sister."

"Yeah, that's weird. She kind of vanished from family when she was at Uni but is now back in the fold. She keeps pretty much to herself so I don't know what she got up to. She has become a very serious academic. I suspect she is married to the University. We don't see her much and I am surprised Dad has got her out but she did sail in her teens."

"I only remember her vaguely really. She was about 3 years younger than Cyn wasn't she. I never really noticed her much when we were racing 470s. I remember she had a mop of curly hair and was cute."

"You should join the yacht club too. It is a great social scene and it would be good for you I think."

"You're right. You and I can be bar flies again."

"I don't know about me; I'm a married man these days."

"That's amazing, Ad. It's hard to believe that you'd ever become that respectable but since it's my sister, I wholeheartedly approve."

*****

They all got together on a bright Saturday for the first come-together cruise. There would be no racing and the day would be pure leisure so the keeler was crowded with James' stepfather and Cyn as well. The day was gloriously fine with only a light breeze

The plan was to sail around the harbour then pick up a mooring on Quail Island and go for a picnic and swim on the beach. As they boarded the keeler in the marina James was briefly introduced to Siobhan but although she was polite, she turned out to be aloof to the point of unpleasantness. His initial thought was simply, 'oh well, nothing there.' Once sailing, the intended crew moved about trimming sails, shifting sides, tacking etc to accustom themselves to roles that they would eventually be taking.

When James inevitably came in close contact with Siobhan, he found she had a curious effect on him. She seemed to radiate a warmth and a slight aroma that aroused him. He put it down to his recent past lack of closeness to women. He found the interaction slightly disturbing.

However, it served to draw his attention to Siobhan and he could not help glancing at her or discreetly watching her as she quietly and seriously went about her tasks. She did not seem very chatty.

On the beach at Quail Island, Siobhan and Cyn left the main group and moved up the beach for a private chat and to sunbathe in their bikinis. Siobhan O'Doherty, as Adrian, was of Irish descent. As such, she was an Irish beauty from her curly hair, freckled complexion to her green eyes. Her body, James noticed, was fit with a slight chubbiness giving her very attractive curves culminating in breasts that well filled out her bikini top.

He watched her on the beach with Cyn pondering why she had disappeared for so long and why she was not attached or married. For James she was a true erotic beauty, and in his current philophobic condition this was a cause for slight panic.

After that first cruise James found himself thinking about her often but since he was too frightened to flirt and Siobhan showed no inclination, nothing had developed on that nor the following sailings. Whereas the rest of the crew, after a day's sailing, would pack up and wash down the keeler before heading to the bar, Siobhan would leave early. As a new boy at the bar James found himself the centre of attention with many of the club women but none fascinated him like the mysterious woman he was sailing with.

It was one practice sailing when things began to change. Adrian's dad, Eoin, had wanted a practice run using the spinnaker. The day was slightly overcast but there was a fresh breeze coming down the harbour. Cyn was with them as an extra crew member as she had wanted to learn how to sail with the spinnaker. All went well as they tacked up the harbour but, on the run, down and with Adrian on the helm they broached badly. This sent James tumbling over Siobhan who was beside him.

"Fuck me days!" Adrian was the first to speak, "Sorry ladies, that should be oops!"

Siobhan was untangling herself from James when she replied, "Shouldn't that be, aarrgh shiver me timbers." She smirked when she said it and everyone turned toward her. Did the ice queen crack a joke? Seeing she was on a roll, she followed up with, "Arrgh ye blaggard we should be having ye keelhauled." A bad joke it may have been but any humour coming out of Siobhan was a novelty let alone a smile and it sent everyone into fits of laughter leaving Siobhan giggling at her own joke.

Siobhan and James were close together following the upset and she looked into his eyes and smiled. The sight of her smile so close to him produced an urge inside James to kiss her. He resisted but Siobhan saw the fleeting pursing of his lips. She understood the urge; she had felt it too.

Eoin brought them back to the task, and they proceeded to drop the spinnaker. Siobhan and James gathered up the sail and stowed it. As they worked together, they glanced and smiled at one another.

Eoin decided part of the problem was the following breeze which was getting up and therefore they should reef the mainsail. He took the helm while Adrian positioned himself at the mast. Again, Siobhan and James worked together, this time, at the winch as they dealt with the halyard and sheets.

Once set they made their way to the mooring. With the adrenalin rush of the broach and the resetting Siobhan and James found themselves animated, chatting and giggling with one another until it was time to moor at the marina.

From then on, their relationship began to relax and they would chat pleasantly but always inconsequentially. Through this James found his feelings toward her began to deepen. She was always resistant about revealing anything about herself. Adrian was no help so James talked to Cyn about her and she revealed that Siobhan had a son and was an ecologist with a doctorate in Environmental science. She held the position of Dean in her department at Canterbury University. Cyn said that between her work and her son she was extremely busy. She added that she was single but if James was interested, he might find her impenetrable. James' immediate unkind thought was 'damn another Lesbian. I can't handle that.' Cyn noticed the look on James' face and straight away twigged, adding, "And no she is not a lesbian." Noting that she was accomplished, peaked James' curiosity more and he started to think of her as a challenge.

The regular nights at the yacht club were beneficial for James's meeting boat owners, crews and their family members. He found himself in the flirting game with the odd woman after a few drinks but without serious results. It was fun for him and after a few drinks he returned to his former relaxed self. Social occasions since Emma left had been formal and he could only relax with family and close friends. Now he found himself with his guard down and returned to the egregious self that had once existed. He learnt that there were a few women and guests that frequented the club who were single but none took his interest enough to build up the courage to ask out.

Instead, he found himself thinking more and more about the mysterious Siobhan. He had noticed on that day on the beach with Cyn that she was relaxed and laughing with her; she hardly smiled when they were on the yacht. This beautiful accomplished and available woman astounded him so James took the plunge one day and invited her to stay on at the club. Head down she seemed to think for a while, then looked up directly into his eyes, smiled warmly but declined without explanation. At that point James was both utterly smitten and crushed.

The emotional effect took him totally by surprise but being the man he was he became determined. At the next opportunity he spoke to Cyn who said she would go into bat for him. She said if she offered to babysit her son, Mason, then maybe she would accept.

It worked and on the next Saturday Siobhan came with them to the club. In the bar James noticed that she was very uncomfortable and stuck close by him the whole time. She also did not drink alcohol but drank ginger beer. It crossed James mind that she was a recovered alcoholic but when he enquired why she was drinking ginger beer she said she only drank wine at home and dinner parties and she was not comfortable in bars.

James asked her to a dinner and movie instead and that started a number of dates but never in bars. He had no idea whether she was seeing someone else as well. Cyn said it was unlikely but could not be sure. Siobhan was reluctant to talk about such things and just said she was not emotionally attached to anyone. It was not a complete answer and it seemed to leave open a number of possibilities. Maybe she had a friendship with benefits. She must have a libido, thought James' but how she derived pleasure through it was a subject he was loath to bring up. Such a personal discussion was an intrusion that James feared, as their relationship seemed fragile.

Sometimes he would meet Mason, her son after sailing. He was cute, looked like his mother but had blonde hair. James wondered about his father but Siobhan was reticent to talk about anything in her past. Mason seemed to like James who enjoyed talking and playing with him in their brief encounters and it was Siobhan who suggested that they have a picnic outing one day. It was the first time Siobhan had taken the initiative which James regarded as a milestone and looked forward to the day with some nervousness. She was difficult to read and as she was reticent to talk about personal things he did not quite know what her expectations of the day were.

James collected her from the yacht club, as to date he had never been to her apartment and she was reluctant to give him her address. They walked through the bush along the coast from the yacht club to Corsair Bay. The three of them picnicked, swam and played in the sand with Mason. James asked about the name Mason thinking it might have something to do with the father. For the first time Siobhan divulged something about her past. She said she had never appreciated her father as an architect until she stayed in Cambridge in England for the first time. Although born in New Zealand Mason was conceived there and she just thought of all that lovely stonework and architecture and she named him in honour of that.

Siobhan mentioned that she had a sailing dinghy stored in a private garage at Cass Bay. It had been breezy earlier so she had not thought it safe for three of them to sail that day but as the wind had dropped, they set out to walk around the bays further to at least have a look at it.

Long story short they took the yacht out for a short sail and after washing it down and packing it up wheeled it back into the garage and set off back to the car. It was a perfect day. Siobhan allowed James to drop them back at their apartment. As Mason collected his little colourful backpack he looked up at James with his big blue eyes and asked if James wanted to be his Daddy. James almost cried. He looked at Siobhan who just nodded. James looked back at Mason and asked, "Can I?" Mason replied, "yes please."

James smiled at Siobhan and she responded, but she did not invite James in and there was no parting kiss. Their relationship was developing in tiny steps and to this point had been chaste and platonic. Being close to Siobhan was always an excruciating turn-on for James and he yearned for her but was afraid to push it. If he got too close, she would react strangely with a cringe or a wince. There just seemed to be a barrier.

James still had a natural reluctance to commit himself in any way. Neither did Siobhan encourage any intimacy but eventually she acquiesced to holding his arm or giving him a peck on the cheek as they parted. Despite their reticence, they continued to maintain an unspoken relationship.

At the beginning Mason was an inhibiting factor but James came to use friendship with Mason as an emotional link. He enjoyed talking with Mason about the things that interested him. When James was finally invited into the house, he would find himself playing cricket or football with him in the backyard and they connected over Mason's love of Lego.

Family and friends began to note James growing infatuation with Siobhan. Cyn, remembering Emma, was amused by the way James would bring her name into conversation at about any opportunity. They were rapidly being accepted as a couple by all. To Adrian's family it was another sign that Siobhan was coming in from the cold and welcomed James's influence on her.

Things grew to a head with the advent of a gala charity concert. It was to be attended by the king who had travelled from the UK for a national series of fixtures in New Zealand. A keystone event for the Connelly's was the inclusion in the symphony orchestra's repertoire of Vivaldi's concerto for two Cellos in G minor. The Cellos were to be played by Cynthia and her mother Patricia Connelly. Patricia, had been an international Cello player before marrying her first husband. She was coming out of retirement to support her daughter's career.

On top of this James firm was the major sponsor. This was as big a glittering occasion as it would ever be for the Connelly's.

All the Connelly women were to be turned out in their finest and even though Siobhan was at a very early stage in her relationship with James she was included as well. It represented the acceptance of Siobhan into the family.

Siobhan was so caught up in the joy and excitement of the occasion she never thought that there could be consequences. She bought an expensive black evening dress and Patricia leant her some jewellery. All the women prepared themselves with makeovers and on the day had their hair especially done. Final dressing was at the Connelly's. James arrived at his parents dressed in a tuxedo just as Siobhan appeared. She literally took his breath away in her long black gown and sparkling brooch composed of a cluster of silver ferns and matching earrings. He felt a rush, his heart pounding as he approached to kiss her on the cheek. He yearned for more, he knew he was now caught, he was already addicted to her and there was no going back.

When they arrived at the event in the Douglas Lilburn auditorium, the men in their Tuxedos and the women all stunning and confident were a picture of a power group and they mingled with a collection of friends and those who wanted to be their friends in the entrance foyer before proceeding to their seats and for the arrival of the King and his retinue.

James spotted and waved to Ken who was with the group of company board members. Ken ushered his wife over to James who was standing with Siobhan. She was standing latched onto James' arm, nervous but still exuding an outward confidence. This time she had her head resting on his shoulder. To this date this was as intimate as Siobhan had ever been with James and he was quietly thrilling to her warmth and closeness.

On the sight of Siobhan, Ken gushed through their introductions. On being introduced to Professor Siobhan O'Doherty he remarked how lucky James was to have such an accomplished and beautiful partner and looking at his wife remarked, "We must have these two around for dinner sometime soon." Ken glanced at Siobhan and his heart sank when he noticed a look of alarm on her face.

Following the concert they all gathered in the function hall. The players were gathered together including Cyn and Patricia to be introduced to the king as soloists along with the conductor. In another group were the major sponsors and their wives. James and Siobhan were not included with Cuthberts group as it included only the internal board members. However, Ken rushed over before the king arrived telling James and Siobhan that the Board had requested, they join them. This was a major symbolic act that could only portend James' elevation to membership of the board and his replacing Ken when he retired.

The King's entourage included the governor general and several local members of Parliament. They moved slowly down the line of board members chatting to each one. When the King met Siobhan and was introduced, he asked what she was a professor in. The king had a special interest in environmental matters and paused for some time discussing these with her. This drew the attention of photographers and when the group finally left the auditorium Siobhan was accosted by a couple of journalists asking what they talked about.

When they reached their cars James noticed that Siobhan was totally unsettled and was now not gripping his arm. She asked that she skip the after party and instead wanted to be dropped off at her apartment. She left without a kiss or hug for James.

And disappeared.

*****

ABANDONMENT AGAIN

The fact that Siobhan had left early without explanation was a topic of concern for the others at the party. She had returned Patricia's jewellery to James but was unwilling to discuss anything. It became more of a concern when he tried to call to see if she was all right the next morning. He found his call going to voicemail but got no reply to his messages. He went around to her apartment and neither she nor Mason were there. Through Cyn and Adrian, he learnt she was with her parents and was planning to go away for some time. At the moment she was not able to discuss it. According to Cyn her parents were as much in the dark about why she was doing this as anybody else.

She took a sudden extended leave from her position at the University; she and Mason simply seemed to vanish from the face of the earth.

As she had not given any explanation, it was devastating to James. His abandonment seemed to be all happening again. He looked to his closest confidant which was Cyn. "Don't grieve," she suggested, "I know she is in love with you. Something terrible has happened in her life, I am sure it has something to do with that. Just be patient"

It was clear to James that he knew so little about her. When it was revealed, she had gone to the UK James suspected that Mason's father was involved. His fear seemed so likely he began to think the worst and he felt a growing anger toward Siobhan.

Cyn, Adrian and his mother Nanette were all confident of her return. Nanette divulged little, but expected her return before too long. She also acknowledged that Siobhan had spoken kindly of James and just asked that everyone be patient. James' brother Tom and his father were less effusive about the possibility of her return and more circumspect. His father's view was hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

The last word from the family was from Cyn, "I don't know whether she has another man somewhere overseas but I've seen the way she looks at you when you're not watching, she is besotted, even obsessed with you I'd say. Give her some slack. I think she has something to settle before committing to you. That's my theory."

Cyn was his closest member of the family; therefore, James trusted her opinion, painfully giving Siobhan the required slack. In this period, he would swing between anger and despair but with a growing acceptance in the anticipation that Cyn's prediction will be true.

The worst was from the old man, Ken. He pressed for dinner with James and Siobhan. James put him off saying she would be away for a while and as soon as she returned, they would contact about dinner. Apparently, she charmed the international members of the board with her elegance and grace. Ken complemented James on her intelligence and the way she confidently engaged the King in conversation. "There are reasons," James said proudly, "for a start she was the youngest person ever appointed to her position." James outwardly displayed a hopeful confidence while inwardly he was fighting the dread that she may not return.

It was a month or so before James received a call from Siobhan. His relief overcame his initial wave of anger. Siobhan sounded matter of fact, "James would you be available for a tramp up Bealey spur for a few days next week?"

"What? What the hell for?"

"I hear some rock wrens have been seen up there. I have never seen a rock wren; I am curious as to why they are appearing there."

James was confused and sounding irritated, it was not quite the first words he was expecting after Siobhan's long unexplained absence. "What are rock wrens to do with me? I have commitments at the moment. Listen, is this very necessary?"

Siobhan charged on, "Is our relationship very necessary?"

A bell went off in Jame's head,' undivided attention' rang loud and clear. He was not about to make the same mistake that he made with Emma. It dawned on him this trip was about more than rock wrens.

James was immediately contrite. "Look, I am Sorry Siobhan, it is clear this is important for us. I'll adjust my commitments to suit. What days would suit you?" Said James trying to calm himself down.

After the awkward start they settled down and agreed on days and spent the interim organising the trip without meeting up.

Finally on the day James was outside Siobhan's apartment. They loaded her pack into the SUV and the first task was taking Mason to Nanette and Eion's Town house. After that they set forth to Porter's pass on the road to Bealey.

As James drove, Siobhan opened up a little. "James, I am sorry for disappearing like that, I will explain later. I am really mixed up at the moment as my life has flipped upside down. I know I am everybody's mystery and there are reasons for that but trust me at the end of this trip you will know more about me than anybody. Some of it you will not want to know. My feelings for you have caught me by surprise. We have spent very little time together yet I feel as though I have known you forever. Even more surprising is that in the little time we have been together we have not been intimate in any way.

You must understand I have never felt this way before so I am in uncharted waters and are very dependent on you being honest and open. From what others say, and believe you me, I have been doing research, you are the type of man which people admire and trust. On the strength of that I am taking the risk and putting my trust in you."

The way Siobhan talked appealed to the way the engineer in James's thought, so he was not taken aback at all at Siobhan's approach. He told her, "I don't know how much you know about me but I guess I should give you a bit of my life's story, especially my relationships with my ex-Emma and Nicola. It's fair to say that I have suffered some damage in my relationships and it is probably the reason I have been cautious with you."

Siobhan picked up on that, "I think it did not do you any harm being cautious. I am damaged myself but you will get to hear about that."

James continued discussing his ill-fated marriage and what led to it. Siobhan had heard Cyn and Adrian's take on it but hearing James' account emphasised the personal tragedy it had been.

James began with how he got together with Nicola and how she eventually came out as lesbian.

Siobhan was fascinated. "You don't seem to have been that shocked about Nicola, do you mind me asking what your experience was with women before getting together with her."

"Ha, well, a lot of non-experience you might say. I had never been in love and never had any kind of enduring relationship. It started for me in my last year at high school, Adrian and I were a bit wild, work hard, play hard, like that. I really was not looking for a girlfriend, just sexual experience really. I turned into a bit of a manslut. A lot of one-night stands and short hook ups. The girls I met did not really interest me. I did not seem to have any trouble attracting anyone so I did not see the urgency."

"You must have left a lot of broken hearts in your wake."

"I wouldn't know. I don't think I stayed around long enough. Nicola was different. She had lived with us for two years and being at work we were kind of in each other's face. I guess she was persistent as well, she seemed to be looking for a long-term partner. Oddly, although I was devoted to her, I now don't think I was ever in love with her. I did then. I definitely fell in love with Emma but it was different. I suppose Nicola was more like a sister. When she came out as gay, I think I was more concerned for her than seeing it as the end of a great love affair. More shocking was her betrayal of our friendship, I guess. I had to handle that and the loss of Emma who I truly loved."

James went into detail about Emma, his life with her and the events leading to the breakup. He talked about how he had felt, even the humiliating experience in front of the staff on a day that they should have been celebrating the win and his promotion. He told her how he bottled the hurt and just drew a line under the experience. He put his attention into his work and did not allow the experience to distract him."

Being able to chat freely about his past was liberating for James. It was a long time since he was able to get a lot of hurt off his chest and he found it cathartic. Although he was close to tears, they were not shed, wanting to impress Siobhan he was afraid tears would be perceived as weakness. Siobhan was deeply moved by the tale and she desperately felt for him. She reached for his arm and reassured him that in developing a relationship together there is no way under heaven that she would want to hurt him intentionally and she expected that he would feel the same about her.

It was a good start for James and by time they reached the car park for the Bealey spur track the stress of the last few weeks had left him. At the carpark Siobhan came around the car as James was getting out. As he stood up Siobhan asked for a hug. It started out formally but both relaxed into a warm embrace and finally James kissed her. It seemed so natural to do that, Siobhan responded by kissing in return, adding her tongue. 'Boom! To James this was a breakthrough causing a rush of desire through him that almost made him dizzy. As they let go James shuddered in joy, in anticipation for their developing togetherness. He saw a future.

On her part Siobhan felt a confident hard-on as she pressed him to her. There was not reticence, his desire was plain and the growing dewiness in her undies was her approval.

They parted and donned their packs. Siobhan waved away James' help on donning hers. Checking everything was in order Siobhan led the way at a smart pace along a vehicle track then onto a path through the beech forest and up the hill.

Arriving at some tarns they took a break. They shed the packs and sat back on a couple of tussocky mounds. James had his water bottle out as Siobhan fossicked about in her pack, finally bringing out two mandarins. She tossed one to James.

James glanced at an unmade-up Siobhan in her curly haired glory, her face red in the biting breeze. Some freckles across her nose made her look younger than she was. Her tramping gear and clothing were all expensive and durable chosen from experience. Her heavy boots seemed more military, chosen for rugged safety over being lightweight.

She noticed James and they both smiled at one another. The smiles lingered and Siobhan spoke up. "We now have each other alone."

"I wonder where this will lead," James replied with a smirk.

Siobhan laughed, "Well, don't hope for too much this trip. I will give you a challenge you won't believe. If you pass that, you will have me."

"Ah, a mysterious challenge, the stuff of fairy tales, methinks."

"I'll leave it there but you will not find my tale in any fairy story."

They filled a flexible bladder with some water from the tarn and from there on to the spur hut they walked chattering about sailing, tramping, themselves and their work. A cool drizzle had set in as they arrived at the small green corrugated hut, set in surrounding tussock land. It was to be their destination and base. Siobhan noted that the following day would be clear and calm, good weather for venturing onto the high rugged spur.

The ancient framed green ironclad hut was cold and gloomy, the atmosphere smoky from fires of ages past. It had once been a musterer's hut serving generations of shepherds tending the sheep roaming the surrounding tussock lands. James had the open fire going as they shed a couple of layers of their damp merino sweaters and hung them to dry from an overhead rack near the fireplace. Lunch was some packaged freeze-dry prepared with water and tea. They sat close to one another on a bench at the small table dimly lit by an ineffective skylight. Siobhan's proximity seemed to exude a feminine warmth. James felt drawn to her with an urge to embrace her but was restrained, it was not yet right. His feelings for her were both sexual and affectionate. Her hints at her past he imagined demanded protection and love from him but more needed to be revealed.

******

THE DISCLOSURE

Siobhan studied her phone for a while appearing to be engrossed in that before looking up at James and taking a deep breath. "I know you are developing an attachment to me and I admit I have disturbing feelings for you. Disturbing because despite my background I don't think I have felt like this before and with my history you may not want to know me."

James was intrigued, but did not say anything.

'It's the mysterious challenge I mentioned before, I suppose. I have an affliction that I have learnt to control but falling in love might unravel. I am a bit like a recovering alcoholic except I am a recovering hypersexual."

James raised his eyebrows in shock, "Isn't that nympho..." Siobhan cut him off in annoyance. "If you must call it that, yes, I have been a nymphomaniac since Uni, and with the help of Mason I hope I can now lead a normal life. That is until you came along. James, I think I have fallen in love with you but it has reignited my feelings and desires and if we are to have a future you will have to work with me so that we can have a normal relationship and keep my urges to a level that is sustainable for us both. I can't afford to go off the rails for your sake as well as for Mason and myself."

"Is this the reason you withdrew from the family for all those years?"

"Yes, and I have not told them why, exactly, not even Adrian. I came back for Mason's sake and I have kept it a secret to protect him. But Mason needs a dad, I have come to believe that so I have allowed myself some vulnerability, I suppose. If this thing works out with us then I can open up to them as well as having a dad and a normal family relationship for Mason. This is my dearest wish. I am afraid while there is just Mason and I, people will not understand and I fear my family will not understand."

James did not know what he was expecting but certainly not that. He may have been perplexed but he replied thoughtfully, "You are then putting a lot of trust in me."

"I hope it is not love clouding my vision, but what I know of you and what you have experienced I am prepared to take the risk. Even if it does not work out, I believe you are a caring person who will respect me. Everybody speaks well of you in this."

"Maybe not Emma and Nicola," James uttered wryly. "Well, you had better explain it all to me and I will think and do what I can. I do have strong feelings for you, you've seen that and although we have not actually been to bed I believe I am strong enough to work something through with you. I just hope my libido can keep up with yours."

"It might not be that easy. I will start at the beginning to give you a full picture with the sequence of events in my life that has got me here.

I was a late starter when it came to sex. The reason was that in my teens I would be so aroused when I was close to boys, I would wet my pants. It was so embarrassing. Although I wanted a boyfriend I could not get near them. I learnt to masturbate and that at least kept my desires in check. I got by absorbing myself in my work and I became a bit of a loner. In my second year at Uni, I went flatting with a girl I met on my course. She was a top scholar and we got on really well. She was also very promiscuous and I did not know how much until we flatted. Her name was Beth Goneril and the boys called her Beth the bonker. That's when I lost my virginity. It was at a small drunken party at our flat and to this day I do not know who to. That started a year of my sex education. Between us, Beth and I experimented with all sorts of stuff; positions, places and combos."

James started at this, "Don't tell me you are bi?"

"Oh no. Beth and I tried, but no. We would just do it for the boys. To tell you the truth, the smell of an aroused woman actually makes me feel queasy. I don't know why, maybe something happened beyond memory. No, I am not a lesbian despite any spectrum I may be on."

"Thank heavens for small mercies," muttered James, remembering his own catastrophic experience.

"That went on until toward the end of my bachelor's year. Beth and I discussed a competition where we shagged as many men as we could over an entire year. We put together a set of rules. We would go to pubs, or whatever and pick someone up. We found that pretty easy once we mentioned that we were up for a shag. They had to wear a condom. We would keep track of how many each were doing by the used condoms we collected. We had an idea that the condoms would contain DNA evidence if we needed it. We decided to limit it to one a night. After all we had our work to think of.

The fucks would only be quickies and we would try and keep our clothes on. We would get checked for STDs each quarter and we would never bring them to our flat. Also, we would not do Uni students or staff. In fact, we kept clear of anyone who would know us.

Well, that's it. I spent over a year fucking every cock imaginable. Any race, creed or occupation. Firemen were good. We liked truckers, we would do it in the cabs. We did cops. They were useful as they could protect us if needed. In fact, it was with cops I did two in one go. One of the only times I broke the rules. There were two of them in a squad car. I couldn't leave one out, could I? They had the door open and took me from behind as I bent over the seat.

We would fuck in a lot of different places. Alleys, parks, beaches, conveniences. There are many walls I fucked against, front and back.

We like tourists and overseas business men where we could fuck in the comfort of their rooms. We fucked in cars, on bonnets, in the back of vans, in carparks or down quiet lanes and laybys. A few we even fucked in their beds while the wife was away. We fucked a lot of married guys. It seems when you are offering pussy on a plate they can't resist.

We didn't like sales guys. They would spring you a line and always expected more. We learnt to avoid motels with them.

I usually took it in doggy fashion in some way, on hands and knees, bent over, propped on chairs or at the wall. I preferred not to look at them while we did it. We did it a lot standing up. Occasionally I would take it lying down outside on grass if it was dry but not usually in the missionary position. If I did that I would prefer to spoon or prone on my stomach...."

"Wait, Siobhan," James interjected, "Why are you telling me this detail?" James was visibly shocked.

"Because if there is a future for us you have to know every detail. I want to be an open book and I am not going to sugar coat anything. I have to know you will trust me, that I hide nothing. You cannot hear a story from someone else and believe that over me. So, I have been a slut in some others' eyes. I want that to be in the past and you have to know why I did it. I have to tell you my whole story for you to understand it and you have to know why I need you and how you can help me and Mason. I am not after you for wealth and status.

In terms of disability, I could have a brain tumour or be in a wheelchair, but in my case, I have been a hypersexual. We both crave a normal home life, we can both help each other with that. Intellectually and emotionally, we connect but in future we would need to connect in the most intimate way; to harmonize both of our libidos

A stunned silence ensued, followed by James's muttering, "Ok, you better continue. But I do not understand. What sort of satisfaction did you get out of that? You would hardly ever orgasm from a quickie surely. Besides there were incredible risks"

"The risk was part of the experience, that was the turn on and yes, the turn on could be so great we did orgasm from time to time but mostly we would finish ourselves off back in the bedroom recalling the experience. Remarkably nothing critical happened. Beth and I were in communication and occasionally one or other of us was required to calm things down but most importantly we were in control. We were the predators. We could eye up and judge our prey before sidling up to them and offering them a line. It was a freebie and no transaction to quibble with and it was usually over and done with pretty quickly. We did not choose drunk guys or dubious types. The thrill was in doing it and we would get back together, Beth and I, to compare notes and get ourselves off on what we had done.

We had done all sorts of shit before we started this right up to a gang bang with a visiting cricket team. We were not after romantic attachment. Even when we were doing it with Uni boys before then we were never that attracted to them and most were not that good in bed anyway. Some guys might be physically attractive and we would have some good sex but after a few sessions I would become bored with them and move on."

"But it must have physically taken its toll."

"Not really, not when Beth and I were in competition. Before that we were just playing the field. Beth was a scholar as well. She taught me discipline. We were able to divide our work from our play. When we were competing, we would generally go out after dinner. Our chat up line and the act could be all over in an hour. We would often spend more time getting to and from the hunting ground than doing the deed. The times we retired to rooms, homes and motels would take longer but we were always back by midnight no matter what."

"So, you were never abused, or suffered injury or an STD."

We used condoms and we never did oral sex or anal sex. Some would try or get a bit rough but we would call the other if things got a bit out of control. But no, I suppose we were lucky. Most were happy to have the freebie and were very polite about it all. I did get a bruised cervix from time to time. Usually, it was a bad position or the guy's dick was big or curved and they didn't take care. I was sensitive to that. I didn't mind being stretched but, on the whole, there were very few super large cocks.

I was hurt a few times in my earlier experimental days especially when we did the gangbang as those boys could get rough. Fortunately, I was well schooled on anal from Beth. We had butt plugs we used from time to time which used to excite the boys."

While all this was being explained James sat on the timber bench, his chin propped off the table with his hands, wide eyed in wonderment. "This is extraordinary," he gasped, "I am sorry, I really don't know what to think."

"OK I get that, I will continue. We continued to the end of our master's year and into the New Year before tailing off. In that time, I must have fucked well over 200 to 300 guys total. Beth a little more but she would break the rules about only one a night more frequently than me."

"What happened to all the condoms?"

"Beth used to dry them out and label them with their dates. She kept them in some kind of container but I have no idea what she did with them. She would not have taken them overseas. Beth picked up a scholarship for study overseas. I did some waitressing work before joining the Department of Conservation. This was the period that my hypersexuality hit home.

Beth left for overseas. The guys I was with, I didn't care for. I could have several on a string at a time. None of the guys seemed to have the libido that I did. I was never in love with any, not really in lust with anyone in particular. I just needed sex. There were guys who wanted relationships I just couldn't give. I was very lonely, depressed and creeping toward despair. Without Beth there I did not have a close female friend I could confide in. Any other potential friend would see a threat in me, I suppose. Finally, it all blew up in my face, which in the end was just as well.

As a part of my graduate programme with the Department I had to lead a field trip in the Coromandel. We were to be based in a remote hut for a week. There was me and three guys. We could not initially start for the first two days because we were rained in. I was as horny as hell and I could not masturbate in the way that I wanted so I fucked one of the guys. Well, that started a four-way orgy that lasted pretty well the week. Two of the guys were bi and the other was married but we just went for it. I had guys up all my apertures all week and gave them all of my playbook. Unfortunately, when the rain cleared my libido did not settle down and we did not achieve our work target for the week and besides I could hardly walk after the first two days.

To top it off the married guy got an STD and his wife complained. We were all hauled across the coals. We all got tested for STDs. As it turned out the rest of us did not contract it and the guy had been infected somewhere else.

I thought I would be fired but they put us on a performance management review. I admitted that I had a problem and as part of that review I was put into psychological counselling. I joined a self-help support group. I tried some drugs SSRIs initially, prolactin and Naltrexone. I was diagnosed with ADHD. Sometimes hypersexuality is linked to ADHD. My case is more extreme than most but have no other causal factors identified like bipolar disorder. There is nothing in our family and I have no other addictions. It's been there since puberty, I guess I have been overdosing on my own dopamine. I certainly received the full force of psychological gobbledegook. Mindfulness has been good but I have been through something called psychodynamic psychotherapy which has helped me a lot in finding out what motivates me. So, I have been doing as much as I can to put a lid on it.

I guess my libido coupled with my association with Beth channelled me into habitual behaviour. I finally managed to stabilize myself with a regime of masturbation so with the widescreen TV at the end of my bed and my range of toys I could then manage a relatively normal social life and begin to make friends."

Siobhan paused at this point. She looked at James who was staring at the table. "Are you Ok, how do you feel about it so far?"

James replied, "Oh numb really."

Siobhan reached across, taking his hand. They stared into each other's eyes but Siobhan could not read what James might be thinking. He did not recoil at the taking of his hand so he was not feeling revulsion.

"Are you disgusted? Do you want to run?"

"Uh, no. I was disgusted with Emma. She must have taken all the disgust out of me. I am more concerned with you. Were you feeling suicidal when you were depressed."

"Thank you for that concern, James. Not suicidal but I thought of suicide a lot. I guess I am not naturally like that. I am like you, I always see hope, just the same, I did not know what true romantic love was, could not see a man who would want to be with me. I was not interested in women so I was contemplating a life alone and what that meant."

Siobhan resumed her story, "With the advice of my counsellor I set out to make friends. I joined a sailing club in Auckland. I bought myself a small sailing dinghy and filled in on crewing keelers and trailer sailers in regattas. I also got cautiously involved in tramping, largely through work. The department kept me away from fieldwork in the meantime. I also managed some cautious dating. Cautious I mean platonic. That was tough, I was pretty mixed up about it. I was also afraid someone might recognise me from my more promiscuous days so I changed my appearance. While at Uni I was pretty much a goth. At Uni I had straightened hair and wore it jet black. When I started at the department, I let my hair go curly and natural. I got it cut into a bob and wore less extreme make up. I got the department to back me in undertaking a PhD and got started on that. At school I had always been called Shiv. In my promiscuous days at Uni and when I started at the Department of Conservation everyone knew me as Shay. I know... I know. I shudder at that now. Anyway, when I was giving my full time to the PhD my social circles changed and I took the opportunity to revert to Siobhan. My family always called me that.

All this time I kept in contact with Beth. She never let up her promiscuous ways but seemed to handle it better than I ever could. She used to sext me with excerpts from her latest escapades. Sometimes they were short videos. She would send them for me to masturbate to and they helped. For example, she sent a pic of a black guy with the largest cock you ever saw, and a video of her servicing it. I had my life fully disciplined at the time but occasionally I would blow out on something totally impulsive which did not help any relationship I was trying to build. Then it would be back to the psyche to get some subscription drugs or my support group. I decided to avoid drinking in public places at all costs and that seemed to do the trick.

I decided I would never be able to marry but I desperately wanted a child. I used to fawn over other people's children which brought out maternal instincts I previously never thought I had. That seemed to help me psychologically but I didn't even manage a boyfriend so it wasn't going anywhere. As I was completing my PhD over 3 or so years Beth had this bright idea. She invited me to visit her in Cambridge. I had not seen her for years so I thought that would be really cool. She knew I was clucky so she suggested a group breeding party. A sort of gang bang, I suppose. She called it the great Shay breeding experience.

When I arrived In Cambridge I stayed with Beth in her apartment. I absolutely adored Cambridge and Beths Idea sounded so right to me. Beth took a short-term rental of another apartment for the deed and we arranged a date to coincide with my ovulation. I had already gone off the pill before I arrived. Beth had recruited some willing participants. They had to be high achievers and good looking; they were also ethnically diverse for interest's sake. We decided to do two sessions then I would do a euro tour and come back for my second ovulation cycle. Beth would join in too; she wasn't going to be left out and she arranged for a couple of gay blokes to act as minders. So, for each session we had 6 blokes each and they would fuck one at a time for as many times as they could manage.

The first evening started with the whole group gathered in the lounge over a few nibbles and wine then one by one they would visit Beth and I in our respective bedrooms. I lay at the end of a plastic covered mattress with a cushion under me and each would approach between my spread legs and pump away. Sometimes I turned over and took them from behind. Between each guy I would clean up for the next one arriving. As the evening wore on things got pretty chaotic and I think there were a few crossovers. They also started to get a bit rough and I called in the gay minders to calm things down. In the end I was full of the precious DNA but I could hardly walk. We waited two days and did it all again although this time I was still sore and not entirely enthusiastic.

The experience triggered a real binge in fucking. I left England and fucked my way around France, Germany, Denmark and Iceland. Then I arrived back for my next ovulation followed by another binge in Spain and Italy. I arrived back in New Zealand horny as hell but pregnant unlike Beth who probably couldn't anyway. Ok, so I had to go back to counselling and my support group and was properly chastised for it but I didn't care. I was pregnant! Furthermore, the pregnancy and the birth of Mason settled me down. On return from the UK, I took up a position at the University of Canterbury and I have worked my way up there as well as giving Mason a good home.

However, I am still vulnerable to triggers setting me back and that could be disastrous. I would like to have someone look after me and help me look after Mason. I have decided he needs a dad but the trick is having someone who can cope with my past and make sure I don't regress.

So, there you are up to date."

There was a silence broken by James, "Your family know nothing of this don't they?"

"Ahh, Adrian knows a little but not to the extent that would explain me not contacting the family. I have given him the sanitized, abridged, reader's digest version."

"Do you know who Mason's father is?"

"I do. But all the participants had to sign an agreement. I don't know how binding it really is in the UK, but it was essentially signing away their rights and giving them anonymity. Beth arranged for samples if we required them for future DNA analysis. She scribbled down their essential features along with the sample. But there was the possibility that the father was someone who was not one of the selected group or someone I went with on the continent. I thought in the end it was one of the participants. I remembered one who had similar features. I had never checked with Beth to put a name to him. She had photos of all the selected participants.

That brings me to the prime reason I disappeared for a month. I went to the UK and saw Beth. We had the sample analysed and found the one I thought it was matched Mason's. I contacted the guy, I won't say his name, and he was not pleased to hear from me. He is married with children and does not want to have anything to do with Mason. His wife knew nothing of what he got up to. She was very religious and he did not want her knowing about Mason. Since you and I were becoming serious I wanted it to be clear that nobody was going to claim paternity. As far as he was concerned the original agreement stood but he arranged with his lawyer a document reaffirming that he was giving up all claim to Mason."

James thought about this. He had feared that she was having some liaison with some former friend. He decided he was going to have to clear the air on that but was afraid Siobhan would take it the wrong way. He delicately asked, "As I did not know anything about your past, I was afraid you might have someone else. You travelled all the way to the UK for just that. There was not anyone else?"

"Not at all. Beth was keen for me to relive our old days but I was adamant not to. I just caught up with some of our female friends. I'll admit it would have been tempting so I had some prescription drugs with me to control my libido."

James accepted her at her word. His other concern was the reputation she must have developed while she was at Auckland Uni. "Has anyone ever remembered you from your promiscuous days in Auckland?"

"Nobody has spoken about it. That is another reason I left after I met the King. With all the publicity I was sure someone would come out of the woodwork. I constantly checked social media but no one commented. I think I looked so starkly different it would be difficult to tell and of course that person was Shay, not Siobhan.

"Well, I have to say it, fuck me dead, what a surprise." The comment was inane as James' mind was scrambled by the totality of Siobhan's admission.

Siobhan was suddenly frightened, "Are we a dead duck then?"

"No, I wouldn't say that straight off. What made you think I would be somehow sympathetic and tolerate this?"

"I have done my due diligence I have to say. Your friends, the company you work for, your boss, your family all reflect your values. Our discussions have convinced me from politics to our view of the world all seem to align. Then there are your own difficult earlier relationships and how you handled them. You are great with Mason, he really likes you and we both want the same things in life. I feel if we weren't made for each other who would?"

"There are some lofty assumptions there. But you are right, I do feel for you, but I have to think about it. And there is a lot to think about how we could make this work and keep you on the rails and that includes for Mason and any children we have.

Siobhan's heart seemed to jump for joy at that statement. James had not discounted the relationship and was looking for the future. "Well James we have a few days to think about it and plan how our relationship might work. And we might just get to see a rock wren as well."

James ended the conversation for the evening with his last thought. Smiling, he just said, "Siobhan, I have to commend you for being very clever. You have got me up here trapped so I can't run off and you have brought all this up on the first afternoon and now I am obliged to spend the rest of these days with you discussing our future."

Siobhan's face dropped, "I'm sorry, James you can go if you wish, there is no compulsion to stay."

"Not on your nelly, Shiv. There is something else you probably know about me. I am always up for the challenge and I have a beauty here, so give me a kiss."

With that they sealed the conversation with a passionate and heartfelt kiss across the wooden table.

******

They spent the afternoon exploring the vicinity of the hut, collecting a meagre selection of firewood to feed the smoky fireplace. The weather was beginning to break, affording them glimpses of the mountain ranges about them, the larger ones still covered in snow. In the evening, they hung up their damp gear to dry close to the fireplace, the room taking on the cloying smell of their drying clothing. Dinner was pasta boiled up with freeze dried veggies.

That night they slept with their sleeping bags in separate bunks. James lay there thinking through Siobhan's incredible story. Adrians former girlfriend, Gabrielle, came to mind. He remembered Adrian's last comments about her. James had not really known her but recalled her surprise tearful phone call had affected him at the time. He had believed her story. He had caught gonorrhoea from her. He did not give her a chance to explain. But she had been raped and infected that way.

He knew some of Adrian's friends were arrogant and could be cruel. Adrian himself could be arrogant. He was very attractive to women and he knew it. It would be easy for his friends to turn him against Gabrielle. She was something of a catch herself and there would be jealousy and rivalry among his friends. He felt that they had wilfully destroyed her reputation by playing her up as some kind of slut but she had not sounded like that to him. He could almost bet she would be approached after the break up by one or two of them fancying their chances with her.

Knowing Adrian, he felt the only thing she could do was forget him, and told her so. She obviously did not mean as much to him as to defy his mates. He did not bother Adrian about the phone call, and he could not help feeling profoundly guilty about doing nothing to help her. He could have convinced Adrian to get her to report the rape to the police. But he elected not to. He too held some prejudice about her reputation.

After Siobhan's tale that guilt came back to him. How ironic that he should behave the way he did, but he was young. He did not know what really happened to Gabrielle and how she had suffered. He did know she had gone overseas, perhaps to escape her reputation that resulted from the cruelty of Adrian and his friends. Now it was Adrian's own sister that had a tale to tell that would dwarf anything from Gabrielle.

*****

James awoke the next morning after a fitful sleep to the smell of bacon Siobhan was preparing breakfast on her small gas cooker set up on the bench. Noticing James awake, Siobhan laughed, "Still here I see, that's promising."

"Ha!" Replied James," the opposite could have happened. I could have leapt on you in the dead of night."

"You missed your chance then, better make do with bacon. Teas over there. I will make some porridge shortly."

Siobhan eventually served the porridge with a little brown sugar. With their steaming camp bowls in front, Siobhan snuggled in next to James.

"You know," she said. "When I first saw you on the keeler I thought you so handsome, and when I saw you on the beach in your togs, the way your body moved, the rhythm, and the confidence," She drew in her breath, "it was like that old saying poetry in motion. But I thought you would just be another of these suave good looking arrogant shits that I have met. You know, they have money and self-entitled importance and they think they are god's gift to women. But you are not like that, are you? You are different from the men I have met. I think you are really rather nice, not what I expected at all."

She waited for James, who was sitting speechless not knowing quite what to say. Finally plucking up the courage to respond." I remember after that first sailing, I could not get you out of my mind. You seemed so mysterious and wow... in that bikini. So different from the little girl I knew with the mop of curly hair. I have had so little to do with women socially I was really rather afraid of you. Getting hurt I suppose."

After breakfast they dressed and bundled up for the freezing trudge up the spur making for the summit. Siobhan thought that best, to get the lie of the land. Both had their phone GPS devices. They were also linked so they could track each other if need be. The morning was brilliantly clear but that could change in an instant at this altitude. At the moment as long as they were in sight of each other they were safe.

As they finally reached the summit a couple of green Kea Mountain parrots swooped down, curious to who these trespassers on their territory were. They landed close to them and hopped about keeping their distance. Siobhan remarked, "the rock wrens probably won't show their little beaks around here with those two hanging about."

They sat down on a suitable rock outcrop to watch the parrots who eventually got bored with them and in a flash of red and yellow underwings took to the sky to find some source of food.

They studied the stupendous mountain views right down to the braided expanse of the river Waimak. Siobhan took out her binoculars to examine the rocky terrain around them. Finally, she referred to the day before, "I hope you have recovered from the shock of my tale yesterday."

"I'm cool," James replied, "You got me horny thinking about it."

"Get that out of your mind if you think you can get a shag out of me here. In fact, let's not talk about that or you will get me going. It sounds like you think we have a future."

"I think we do but there are no guarantees. We have yet to be intimate and it will be interesting how that goes when it happens. We also need to discuss how I can help you. I don't want to be controlling or dominate you. You've mentioned children and that comes into the equation. The trust aspect is going to be huge. How do we engender and maintain trust especially at the risk of something triggering an impulsive act. I also wonder about Beth. She is very much a wild spirit by the sounds of it and to me represents a real risk. However, I do understand that you are loyal to her as a special friend. How do we manage that?"

"You are right about Beth. I will show you my message trail when I get back to the hut. She thinks you are one helluva dude on steroids and has already put in a request to share you." Siobhan laughed at James' reaction; "Don't look like that, I put her off." She continued. "For a start all of my communication's will be open to you, I don't want to give the impression that I am hiding any facet of my life from you."

"Another thing," Continued James, "I don't really understand this hypersexuality thing. What do you really feel, what are your symptoms?"

"God where do I start? Before I had any treatment, I suppose it was my compulsive phase. I just felt horny all the time; I was on a plateau of horniness with a desperate urge to orgasm. If I could not get relief, I would get cranky. If I ever got relief usually there was a respite but that was temporary."

"How did you get relief?"

"Masturbation mainly. I would be constantly fantasising scenarios; it was very hard trying to keep my mind on the job. That was how I was when I was first at the Department of Conservation. I was like a Karen, angry about everything. If I was ever with a guy and he couldn't perform or wouldn't I would go right off. At more than one party I stormed off and fucked somebody else. I was barely functioning at my job and the blow out came when I was in the field with those guys. It must have been a huge surprise to them. That blow out saved my life really. That got me my treatment."

"OK, so what happened once you had your treatment?"

"I had to organise myself into a regime of regular habits; worked out mechanisms to distract myself. The drugs lowered my libido but that's when I began to be more impulsive than compulsive. Certain things would trigger a relapse. Drinking in bars was the worst thing. I could get pissed and go on a bender. Or it could be just some random guy I met who would get me insufferably horny. It could happen at work. I have been at meetings where I would have to excuse myself and have to go to the toilet to wank so I could carry on."

"So, some random guy you casually met could make you horny? What happened when you met the king?"

"Oh yeah, I was uber horny. I was wet, wide and wonderful. I could have shagged him on the spot. I had to keep talking, to take my mind off it and that was one reason why I had to leave later. It was too difficult for me with the people I met that night. I just rushed home and wanged and wanged. I felt awful and shameful afterward."

James was entranced, and sympathetically murmuring, acknowledging her pain, then he remembered something she said. "Wet, wide and wonderful," he snorted and began to giggle, setting Siobhan off, both giggling, trying to catch their breath. Finally settling, he caught Siobhan's eye, "And do you get wet, wide and wonderful from me?" Their gaze was now fixed, Siobhan paused, "since first we met."

Their gaze remained fixed, James could feel his heart beating. He finally whispered, "Do you feel what I feel?" Siobhan nodded, and quietly replied "Yes." paused, then broke the spell to continue her story.

"I have now got myself down into a regular habit. I usually masturbate three times a day but I can still have impulses. I can usually retire to a toilet and I have a small noiseless dildo which helps me. One of my issues is that I can get very wet. Before I got it under control I wore special undies at times. Now I just carry pads in my purse in case I need them. At the University I have a small shower toilet, an en-suite attached to my office. Since what I have is a disability and as a professor, I was able to organise that with my office. It really is a god's send; it keeps me sane."

"It sounds like a huge embarrassing burden. What about your relationships?"

"It is difficult. I might find a guy with a high libido but the relationship becomes difficult to control. I don't want to be a swinger, I am not into polyamory, I want to have a normal relationship. I don't usually like Guys with high libidos, as people. I will use them and that's it. Having Mason has been my attempt at normalcy. He is my rock, my biggest distraction. I have to make life normal around him."

"If we have a relationship, how do we handle it? I don't have a huge libido. Nothing to match that."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Ah huh. I guess you are being incredibly personal yourself, how can I refuse?"

"Do you masturbate?"

"Of course."

"How often?"

"Er well, um This is a little embarrassing. I suppose about once or twice a day or when the urge or opportunity allows me. I generally keep it under wraps. My libido obviously increases depending on who I am with. When I am under stress I might wank more as a form of procrastination or distraction from a task. At night I do it to help me get to sleep and in the mornings if I have morning glory I might jack off."

"It sounds to me you function very well. I think we can be compatible but it will require discipline on my part and understanding, tenderness, and sensitivity on yours. I might get frustrated and cranky at times and frustration may be the cause. Keeping away from alcohol when out socializing is important and guys flirting with me, even subtly, can be a problem."

"Shit it sounds like I would have to be on my guard the whole time. How could I ever trust you."

"I have kept it under control. I have not fucked any guy for year or so. But for me to have a sexual relationship with someone I love is uncharted territory for me."

"Well, it would certainly be uncharted territory for me."

"James, I'm scared about this. Our love might be a catalyst for me to lose control of myself. I might drive you away with anger if I get too frustrated. And then there is always the possibility that my past gets exposed. I would be asking a lot of you."

"Shit, no pressure. Ok I think I understand. It would have to be a kind of lifestyle based on an addiction disability, I suppose. Let's see how we go. Maybe love conquers all as the cliche goes."

"I am hoping there is truth in that."

A good sign for James was that during conversation he was never repulsed or disgusted, on the contrary he got hornier and hornier. The conversation ended with him taking her into his arms, an affirmation that he was willing to try. She could feel he was hard and she gently pushed him away, murmuring, "we have to think where we are going, I am wet as hell here with you, but we cannot let our libidos solely do the thinking for us. We both have to be willing and committed."

Before getting up he repeated idly, "wet, wide and wonderful." It would be a phrase, an amusing phrase that would echo into their future together.

Later that night when they retired to their bunks as distant as the small hut would allow. James lay there for some time finding it hard to sleep. For a while he heard movement, a rhythmic rustling of Siobhan's sleeping bag ending with a gasp and a sigh. It was not hard to imagine what Siobhan was doing; his wish was that it was he she was fantasizing on.

'Wet, wide and wonderful,' he chuckled to himself.

******

Over the next couple of days, they ranged around the spur and it was obvious that Siobhan had thought long and hard on how a relationship might work. On her suggestion, they decide as a sort of engagement that they will establish a signed commitment document and get Adrian and Cyn to witness this. It would set the boundaries of acceptable behaviour for both with particular emphasis on Siobhan's condition. There would be James' commitment to engage with Siobhan's counselling and treatment and there would be a protocol in case of emergency.

Critical was flirting behaviour. This was Siobhan's weakest area when her condition could be triggered.

She would have an emergency fast dial on her phone so that James could respond to a situation where Siobhan was having difficulties in controlling. She suggested she wear a tracker in addition to their linked phone so that James could always reach her. He was not to use these as a way of micro-managing her. It would be she that would initiate the emergency.

There were other aspects of the commitment document concerning Mason, possible children and financial sharing that all amounted to a draft prenup agreement. On the final evening, they completed the draft, ready for Adrian to peruse it. They celebrated with a late cup of tea.

But they still had not sighted a rock wren. The following morning, they proceeded to the remaining area Siobhan had planned to map. They would then return to the hut for lunch and leave. They found a comfortable place amongst some tussock that had good visibility but a modicum of shelter from the biting wind. In the days they had been there the weather had held up but it was forecast to close in later that afternoon.

It had been Siobhan's intention that she would not allow full intimacy until they had a signed document. The sexual tension between them had been increasing intensely. So much so that Siobhan had begun to refrain from touching James. She had also closed down their flirting behaviour with all its sexual innuendos. She explained this to James and he understood, but he could not help being hurt and resentful over it. The completion of the agreement the night before had been such a relief that this morning the touching and playful verbal sparring returned as they made their way to their now established forward base.

It was mid-morning when Siobhan finally spotted not one but two tiny rock wrens through her binoculars; they waited in excited silences as these hopped and flitted toward them finally giving them an unrestricted view only metres away. James had a camera constantly ready and was able to take some excellent shots and videos as the tiny pair of birds fossicked about seemingly oblivious to them.

When the birds finally left, James and Siobhan turned to one another to high five and embrace. The embrace lingered and became a passionate kiss. It seemed the sexual tension had been building between them, their discussions compounding feelings of mutual lust. Their libidos reached the limit finally boiling over into an uncontrollable sexual frenzy. James found himself on top of Siobhan between her legs as she was cushioned against some soft tussock. As they kissed, their tongues entwined and caressing, James slipped one hand up Siobhan's layered tops finding her naked breasts. He began stroking and softly pinching her large stiffened nipples. Siobhan began pressing his own stiff bulge between his legs, fumbling with his fly then slipped a hand through his long johns to seize his long-suffering hard appendage. Siobhan withdrew her face from his then returned to lick his ear and whisper, "Fuck me James, fuck me hard."

Those words, so unlike the Siobhan he had come to know, set him off in a blur of sexual delight. If he had been secretly repulsed by Siobhan's previous life it did not show in his ardour. His sexual desire for Siobhan was fully intact and they rolled and made love and lust in that exposed rocky wilderness. Their restraint had resulted in a tsunami of sexual frenzy. Siobhan desperately forced down her pants and her merino long johns. In her haste she could not undo her gaiters and boots and still wearing them she did her best to widen her knees to give James access to her body. James loosened his pants and they slipped down to half mast, stabbing his pole into the wiry mass between Siobhan's legs. He burst through easily into the lush interior of her body, fucking hard and rough. Soft pinches became forced and twisted, Siobhan bit and scratched. They fucked hard and furious, hardly noticing their exposed skin being scratched and bruised by the ragged rocks between the clumps of tussock. Their gasps and cries echoed in the mountains around them. James could not restrain himself and finally exploded into Siobhan while she vigorously brought herself to climax. They collapsed and lay exhausted side by side, briefly enjoying each other. Siobhan laid her hand on James' cock. Finding it recovering and rigid. The sexual tension over the past days had given James the stamina for another quick round.

Siobhan sat up and finally relieved herself of her boots and gaiters. She turned onto her stomach and opened her legs. James arranged himself behind. In her passion Siobhan could only croak saying, "Take care of yourself, I'll take care of me," as she slipped a hand under. Round two began as James aimed his erection toward her sticky light brown bush jutting from between her buttocks. Using his dick, he searched for her slit and finding it, slipped easily into the warm liquid interior of her vagina. Feeling it enter, Siobhan clenched her buttocks and with that James used their friction to pump his way to climax. The fucking this time was not as vigorous but nonetheless they both orgasmed quickly James collapsing onto Siobhan. He lay there a while nuzzling her neck and ears, catching his breath before pulling out a cleaning up. Both were smarting as they became conscious of the scratches and the bruises. James remarked on how quickly Siobhan had come to orgasm. "I have been on a plateau since we left Christchurch, it was never going to take much to go over the edge. We can begin again if you are up for it."

"Nice thought but I think I need some recovery time."

Siobhan turned over and they stared at each other silently until Siobhan uttered, "James Connelly, if what I am feeling is true then I think for the first time in my life I am in love with someone." James thought briefly then replied, "And I have no doubt how I feel. Somehow, we will work a way to make this succeed together and it will be with my wholehearted love, don't you fear. Yes, I love you too."

*****

On the ride into town Siobhan spoke of the challenges they would have ahead. "I was adamant that we would not fuck until we had the commitment signed but we did anyway and it was wonderful. but and it is a big but, the breaking of my resolve is a warning.

We fucked because we had been close and turned on for days. The triumph of seeing those damned birds put me over the top. The triumph was a trigger and I felt powerless and continue to feel powerless to stop. When I get back to my apartment, I am going to fuck you silly before we go and collect Mason.

This is what we face. Imagine if we had been married a few years and this same situation occurred but I happened to be with someone else. This is exactly what our challenge will be."

James' heart dropped at the suggestion but thinking about it recovered. "Well, according to what we have already written you would have already reported the flirting behaviour, and I could have joined you or you could have withdrawn from the situation.

Anything we do has to be based on our commitment. If not, it becomes a wilful action and would be our deal breaker. If your feelings were becoming too strong it would be back to the support group or counselling."

They moved on to the other big challenge. Both were professionals in high level and responsible positions. Both had come through a building period where they had been consumed by the need to establish themselves. In James' case his 100 or so hours a week to do this was a dominant factor in the demise of his marriage. He would not do this again. In Siobhan's case she had to juggle her position with the responsibilities of a mother and her condition. At least for the later they could now share.

Both were now in a position where they could control their responsibilities at work, juggling it with their private lives. Both would still have to travel which would take precedence over what was happening at home. However, both had already had to make sacrifices, paid their dues, so to speak, and for that reason fully understood one another's position. As their lives together evolved it was something they would continue to work on and negotiate.

During the drive back they established between them an agreement on this. Both needed one another to fulfil their life's ambition knowing that there would be sacrifices to their professional lives in order to maintain the health of their home lives.

James did not want to make the mistakes of his first marriage. They agreed that they should enthusiastically share their interests. This would always underpin their communication. They would always have something to begin a conversation.

They had their draft document which would guide their future, and with a few adjustments it will be signed off. Part manifesto, part pre-nup it would be their own personal charter for their partnership of love.

******

They arrived back at Siobhan's apartment and after dropping her gear and they retired to the kitchen for coffee. Siobhan's promise for their arrival was preying on James' mind. 'Bugger the coffee I need to fuck was all he could think.'

Siobhan noticed his distraction. "Come to my bedroom I will show you something." James needed no prompting.

The bedroom was relatively plain. There was a super king-sized bed and huge wall mounted tv screen. On the other side of the bed was a space that led to a dressing room and ensuite. The furnishing was plush with large curtains concealing floor to ceiling windows down one wall.

Beside the bed was a large cabinet. Siobhan opened the lid. "These are my toys. These are what have kept me sane. I also have a sybian, I call 'Phar Lap,' but that's packed away elsewhere. I haven't used that for a while."

She fossicked around pulling out a wand, rabbits and bullets. One looked like a set of antlers. "This one is a three in one rabbit I call Rudolph and with this," she exclaimed happily, "I can hit my arse, vag and clit with one go."

Siobhan put it against her crutch and motioned a couple of quick thrusts James was staring speechless.

"This one is my thruster, I call... I call... Listen I need to change the name of some of these. They are guys I have known. And this!" She motioned in a flourish, "Is the beast. It is a vibrator in the mould of an actual cock." She drew out the dildo which was shaped to what would be the largest cock James had ever imagined."

"What the fuck. Who did you fuck with that?"

"Not me, Beth. It was from a mould of some dude in England she fucked. She gave it to me. I have a digitized photograph of her standing with the guy and a video of them fucking as well."

"Do you have fun with that?"

"Not really. Too big and unwieldy for me. I use the video though for a bit of pleasure. He, Beth and I made a few of these from actual guys. I have thrown them out now. I could make one out of yours, if you like. Something to use if you got run over by a bus."

James laughed, "Ok I would go with that."

"And this," She hauled a belt attached to a dildo, "Is my old strap on. I haven't used this since my Uni days. Beth and I used to do 3-somes with the boys, I would do Beth or one of the boy's arses while they were fucking."

"Hey, Siobhan, I think I am getting too much information here."

"Sorry James, you have to know. If we are to be together you need to be aware of where I have been and what I have to do to stay sane in all this."

She pulled out a small folder and opened it. These are some photos of Beth and I. I have digitized them but they have never been online and I intended to destroy them but I decided keep them to remind myself of where I was. This one is a trophy photograph, I suppose I could not go much lower than this but that was where I wanted to be.

She dropped the photograph down onto the floor. It showed the goth version of Siobhan, Shay, curled on her back on what looked like the tray of a truck. She was staring at some guy fucking her, her legs lifted around him. The guy's head was cut off but you could see several bare legs waiting for their turn on her. It was the grimace on her heavily made-up goth face that shocked James. The piercing and tattoos most of which had since disappeared. The eyes had pointed multicoloured shadow, the countenance was of a wiccan she-devil. The grimace was one of control. She seemed to be saying, "Go on fuck me!" She was an evil vixen spitting fire at the boys submitting themselves to her.

It was probably a deliberately posed photograph taken from the side. There were several others of both Beth and her in various candid and posed photographs. Naked and hardcore. There was one that caught his eye of Shay taking two guys at a time. He paused at it. "How does that make you feel, James?" Siobhan asked sardonically, catching his eye.

James replied putting it back on her, "How did it make you feel?"

"Very full and very sore. The boys would get over excited over doing that. Very little coordination and a lot of enthusiasm. It was not necessarily something I enjoyed, but..." Siobhan trailed off enigmatically.

There was a picture of Beth and Shay servicing some guy. Shay was sitting on the cock and Beth on the face. They were French kissing. "I thought you were not into Lesbian action?" James seemed concerned at this.

"As I have said, only for the boys. I am not interested in tasting random women." Was the abrupt reply.

"You have no photographs directly of the boys. I don't see any faces clearly," It was a point of wonder for James.

"Actually, the boys were nothing to me. I was incapable of romantic love I think."

"Some must have tried."

"Yes, but they would never last. Nobody looking for a wife wants to share." Siobhan could not hide a look of sadness.

James just nodded sagely.

There was another picture of just Siobhan. She was naked and bending over her arms were supporting her off something in front. Her legs were slightly bent and splayed, her vulva engorged and revealed through her wiry mass of hair. Above, her cheeks were perfectly round inviting globes, her anus barely visible at the apex above the hair. Her head was turned, that evil vixen look, with its unabashed smirk challenging the camera man and whoever else was in line waiting to take her.

"Do you remember this?" asked James.

"It could have been any of a number of times," replied Siobhan, strangely matter of fact.

Through all the pictures the vixen of the gang bang was the stand out, perhaps it was the clarity but it also exuded a determination of purpose. This was one man she was taking and there were more to go. She was on a mission.

This was a take no prisoners view of where Siobhan had been, to the depths of sluthood. James could only see these visions as some stranger called Shay. It did not equate with the slender, graceful and sophisticated Siobhan. The professional and academic University Dean and mother of Mason.

"Do you regret being like this?" James was aghast.

"Regret? No, not at all. If you have cancer, do you regret it? You don't like it but you are afflicted with it. You are determined to cure yourself of it but it does not go away. It was like I had a constant urge, a compulsive desire within me that I could not satisfy."

" How did you cope?"

"I didn't really, but I had Beth and Beth kind of normalized it. We just learned to function with it and share the lifestyle. I am amazed that we achieved academically while this was going on. We were both Jekyll and Hyde about it all. Although that is all in the past, I still, deep down, have this urge boiling away below the surface. That said, I am a woman who wants a normal life with a man and to have intimacy without it all going out of control. I want you to help me."

To James, the photographs appeared to be someone else. He could not equate them with who he was looking at now. That was Shay, this is Siobhan. James replied quietly., "I think I understand, Siobhan, and yes I do want to help." The experience and her plea caused a protective desire in him as he stood over her.

Considering James' experience with Nicola and Emma one would expect James to be utterly repulsed by Siobhan's disclosure. In fact, James' feelings were the opposite. It seemed nothing could surprise him. Siobhan was a person who could examine herself logically, she was mature, sincere and she was brought to ground by Mason and her determination to be a responsible mother. That gave James the necessary comfort. He was already developing those feelings we call love for her and somehow, they were not undermined by all this talk of hypersexuality. She had a plan and was determined to overcome them and to have a normal relationship. After the long sexual drought James felt an undiminished and even strong sexual desire for her and if anything, the disclosure added to the intensity.

Siobhan rose and turned back to James and slowly began to disrobe her tramping gear layer by layer. James responded the same until both stood naked before one another. Siobhan pushed James back a little so that he could have a good look at her nakedness. "James, I want you to know I have ached for this moment since the first time I set eyes on you."

Before him James perceived perfection, from the curly bob of hair, the freckled nose, the mouth set in perpetual smile, those wonderful erotic chubby breasts with pronounced and very aroused nipples, her stomach roles and profusion of light hair of her delta. Her inner thighs were already showing the wetness that so used to embarrass her as a teen, all atop her long slender legs.

This woman's body was seductive enough and he was hers. And likewise, she was his. She sported two tattoos. One across her left shoulder, a cascading branch of flowering Puawhanga, the New Zealand white clematis. The other was under her right breast of a flying albatross swooping over the ocean with a script underneath, a Māori Proverb, He Toroa Whakakopa, 'the albatross staying the course.' Siobhan explained that the two represented her love of the ocean and environment and 'staying the course,' her determination to live a normal life.

Pointing to a photograph of her and Beth when they had been goths, Siobhan said that she had some earlier tattoos removed by laser treatment. James thought that in no way would he recognize the girl in the photo with who was standing before him now. The tattoos, her deathly pale face, eyes adorned with bizarrely coloured make up and the lips painted black matching her jet-black straight hair belonged to some alien Universe.

They each took separate showers to wash off the grime and sweat of the last few days. After drying off they collapsed together naked onto the bed and so began the most intense, multi sensual, love making. Siobhan's intoxicating aroma and their sex permeated the room. James reached down between her now splayed legs, feeling for her vulva and discovering something he had not noticed. Her clit had become erect and was projecting beyond her bush. It was exceptionally large and as James discovered extremely sensitive, as Siobhan reacted to his touch, she closed her hand on his. James tried another approach, slipping down and taking the appendage in his mouth; Siobhan reacted, jerking her legs closed. "My vagina, try my vagina." Her voice was rasping. He then slipped one then two fingers into her vagina and began to caress the lubricating interior. Success as she responded, breathing deeply with each thrust of his fingers.

They paused and James lifted his head; it occurred to James that Siobhan had always had hard sex. The men that fucked her were seldom interested in her satisfaction. It was something she just expected. This was not James' way and decided on a new approach, saying, "Your clit is amazing and extremely sensitive. Do you want me to try something very special for you? I can work with your tumescence and see if I extend your orgasm."

"Is this something like tantric sex?" Siobhan enquired.

"Kind of."

Siobhan nodded. James motioned Siobhan to lay back and relax and to not move her hips. As he approached her, she seemed to quiver in anticipation and he laid his hands flat onto her stomach and gently rubbed her until he slowly settled into the wiry hair of her mons letting her clit get used to the motions.

He took some lube from Siobhan's squeeze bottle and gently parted her hair and slit exposing her huge erecting clit. Siobhan reacted, but instead of closing her legs she spread her legs wide. James then started with a gentle squeeze to stroke the lubricated shaft of her clit upward so that her sexual tension rose to a plateau, her face flushed and trembling.

Then he gently let her down pushing his thumb into her now contracting anus, he followed returning to the shaft and working it with one hand while using the other to finger under the hood. This he did patiently through cycles for half an hour never letting her go over the edge and giving her no respite until he changed, vigorously rubbing off her clit.

Siobhan's body began to shake, then explode into orgasm, repeatedly spasming, her body seemed to snap and she began squirting. "Hell! Hell! hell!" She cried repeatedly, finally gasping, "When Have I ever done that before." She collapsed back onto the sheets, "Now I have got one helluva mess to clean up." Still panting she started giggling. James chuckled in reply. "No matter, I'll give you a hand."

Siobhan stared at James, "Oh my God, James, what have you done to me, I hope we have not started something we can't control."

"I am just going to have to make sure we can then," James replied earnestly. "Now I think it's your turn for me."

"I am not sure I can follow an act like that. I suppose I am more used to taking care of myself."

James laughed, "What with your experience?"

"I think you are going to have to educate me on pleasuring guys. I have never had to try hard at that before. Most guys I have been with have been happy to blow and go."

They lay there for a while then he slipped back between her legs into the bramble-like profusion of her bush, James delighted in her taste as though it was the finest wine. Initially she was still sensitive from James' earlier ministrations but gradually Siobhan relaxed. Their bodies and their skin seem to wrap around each other in unison, the slipperiness of the perspiration lubricating their loving and writhing dance. The room was full of their grunts and sighs as their union squelched in the gelatinous depths of her sex. Siobhan gasped out, "James's darling, I may have been a slut once but now I am only a slut for you!" Her posh accent seemed incongruous with her plea to be a slut.

James eased between her legs and began grinding and pumping, she lifted her legs and the vision of that photograph flashed in his mind. He impulsively called "shay," continuing, "Yes! Be my slut, I am your only one, be a slut for me!" He was that boy fucking her, was he the fourth or fifth, he did not care.

"Fuck me James, Fuck me hard... harder." James opened his eyes and there it was that grimace, that same look of determination. And he exploded into her. Siobhan followed as her back arched and she shuddered, paused and shuddered again, collapsed and followed with a brief respite, then returned, lifted off her plateau of desire with another shudder, finally collapsing, exhausted.

James deflated slipped his cock from her engorged vagina, rolled over and they both lay a while in silence. James' mind was shattered from the intensity of it all, the most tumultuous orgasmic experience of his life. He breathed deeply to bring his mind down, back to reality, Siobhan panting beside him.

Siobhan looked at James, "Yes you are the one. I thought you might be put off by what I just told you but despite a tale that would be disgusting for some, you were there for me."

James replied, "I might not condone, but I do not get disgusted easily. You have explained your background to all this and I understand there is an affliction there. I understand the challenge, and yes, I am here for you."

Siobhan turned to James, "I just want us to sleep together every night, I am sick of waking alone in the morning."

"You have Mason for company," James smirked

"You know what I mean," she replied as she playfully hit James on the arm. "So, what do you think? Can I be hopeful?"

"I think you can." replied James.

"Look at it this way, at the very least you would not have to worry about a lack of sex. It won't take you much to get my juices flowing," Siobhan smirked.

******

THE COMMITTMENT

Thus began their relationship in earnest, but it could never be a normal relationship. They completed their commitment document and had Adrian and Cyn sign it.

They did so on a Saturday afternoon at Adrian and Cyn's house. The Friday night before Adrian and James met in a bar. Adrian knew Siobhan had a problem with hypersexuality. He did not know the full story and was obviously puzzled and concerned for where this was going with his sister and best friend James.

"James, before we sign this commitment document, I need to know how you really feel about this. You told me that you love her, right? I know this is not an official engagement but you are saying you cannot trust her because of her condition, yet you intend to marry. "

"That's OK, if things work out following our commitment we will get engaged and do all the normal things. I have no problem with the idea," James replied.

"But, how can you marry someone you don't trust? It's a big commitment."

"Siobhan and I have discussed this at length. Really it is a myth that someone cannot love someone they do not trust. So many people in marriage are in the situation where they can't trust the other person. I am not saying it is a good thing. It's a matter of circumstances. Success is a matter of how you protect yourself and the marriage in those circumstances.

I am sure most marry because they think they trust the other but they are more in denial. I mean, with anyone infidelity can always happen. Nothing is given or ever certain. Siobhan and I are just not in denial about it. Listen, trust is like religious faith, it is not a factual thing it is a belief. You know I am not religious so I go on what I know and am wary of what I don't know."

Adrian frowned, "Yeah but you are marrying, accepting something is going to happen."

"I am not accepting anything. That's the point. We are just fully aware that we are both responsible for each other's fidelity." James continued, "Look at it this way, are you voting in the coming elections?"

"Of course," Adrian replied, a little confused where this was heading.

"Do you trust politicians?"

"Of course, not"

"I rest my case!" James cried triumphantly.

"Ha! I get your point I suppose."

James continued again. "People marry and have open marriages, I mean, there are all sorts of ways to swing. Siobhan and I are not accepting those sorts of marriages. We want a stable conventional nuclear family for Mason and whatever children we have. Trust is not about one side trusting another it is about both of you understanding one another and that requires constant open communication.

We both understand Siobhan's affliction. I don't have trust but I do have confidence in Siobhan that she is doing all she can to manage and overcome it and in getting married to her we have agreed that I am there to help her."

Adrian sighed, "well, you two have obviously thought it through. I have to admit I am pessimistic about the risk you are taking. I would still advise you to hope for the best and plan for the worst."

James could not help feeling annoyed at Adrians attitude. "Adrian, she is your sister. Don't you want her to be happy?"

"It's not her I am thinking of, it's you. Can you stand the distance?"

"Adrian, can you remember in our teens, when I said I intended to be an engineer to work in space technology."

"No, but I take your word for it."

"You said I was dreaming. So, what am I doing now, Adrian? It's all about will. I am going to put my all into this relationship and the vibe I am getting from your sister is she is up for the same. Together, we will make this work."

"Ok, ok, James, I get it. I really did not come here to pour cold water on it. The document certainly surprised me. It was a helluva conversation starter for Cyn and me. She asked me to have this chat with you tonight. I can safely say that both of us will be on board when you and Siobhan come in tomorrow. All I can say is good luck with that, we'll be watching with interest.

*****

After the signing James made a special trip to see his mother the following Saturday morning at his family's old rambling two storied timber villa in the Cashmere hills. The purpose was to announce his intention to become engaged to Siobhan. He knew his mother Patricia had met her several times and Siobhan had told her something of her background. Naturally his mother was concerned. James had already discussed his intentions with his father. His father trusted his son's judgment, as from his point of view his son had to learn through his own experience whether by success or failure. His father knew his wife Patricia would be the perceptive one. If there were any issues, she would be the one to convince.

James and his mother sat over tea at a small table on the upstairs veranda enjoying the morning Canterbury sun. They looked out over the lush green garden hemmed in long ago by the housing of those wishing to have a piece of the status of the upmarket suburb.

Patricia began earnestly after their family pleasantries, "You have to realise, James, you are taking a big responsibility. You are going to have to look after her. It will not be easy. I believe she is quite fragile. If it does not work out, it will destroy her. I am amazed that her background does not phase you especially with your experience with Nicola and Emma."

"That's just it Mum, if nothing else Nicola was an education that has strangely opened my eyes to others lives."

"That may be so, but what is the attraction?"

"Siobhan is somebody who honestly needs me, Mum. I believe she shares our values one hundred percent. She has had her issues and desperately wants to overcome them. I want to help her achieve that, I want to look after her, protect her, I do."

"I don't think there are many men that would take on what you are doing. By any standards some of her tales are appalling. Why not someone more conventional?"

"I know, but I know she is honest. She is not interested in money or status. She wants stability for Mason. She comes from a respectable family, she has an important position and she is determined. She knows she needs me and she wants a stable family. That's what I want."

"But how can you trust her? Isn't trust the cornerstone of a marriage."

"Of course it is, but Siobhan knows that is a critical issue for her and she knows that to get a stable family relationship she has to be open with me in a way most women would not allow. To help her is my challenge and my sacrifice. She understands that and is committed to it. I believe what we lack in trust will be overcome by her commitment. The trust issue is what is going to make our relationship work, I think."

"Well, you better know and not just think." His mother wryly suggested. "I do like her, James, and I see the determination she has. You must really love her to attempt all this."

"I do, with all my heart"

Patricia smiled as she suggested, " I know you; you like to collect waifs to work on, and who you think you can help. Hopefully you have learnt from the past as you are going to have to make an intensive effort. Your career, no matter how important, is going to have to come second to her. Can you really do that? Your position carries huge responsibilities. She has the potential to be a wonderful mother and wife. She is already an accomplished woman and very much your equal. I know your father approves" Patricia paused then smiled," you have my blessing then. Are you up for it?"

With his mother's approval, an elated James ended by teasing his mother as he stood up, clenching one fist and saluting with the other, "Yes ma'am, I am up for it."

Patricia smiled again, "Yes James, I believe you are."

******

Taking the risk James bought a ring and Siobhan accepted it as their engagement. He approached Siobhan's own parents who were effusive in his relationship with his daughter. There would be no barrier there. They thought him the best thing that had ever happened to Siobhan because there had been times in the past that they had almost been in despair with her.

As far as James was concerned, he put any doubts to the back of his mind, he was committed and in love. He believed her to be the same. His love for her prevailed.

Siobhan was totally accepted by James' family. Siobhan came particularly close to Patricia. She could be open with Patricia in a way she could not with her own mother. Patricia became her confidante. She disclosed her history in its entirety. Patricia was never judgemental and let Siobhan know she was ready to assist her in any way she could. Patricia was a highly intelligent and perceptive woman and Siobhan could easily see where James got his DNA from. Siobhan took from Patricia her values of kindness and caring for others to the extent of joining her on Christmas day at the City Mission serving the homeless and destitute.

Siobhan was used to controlling her desires by regular routine. The relationship had reignited what she had been previously able to suppress. She needed a new regime that included James. Normally Siobhan would relieve her desire in the morning and evening. If any interactions during the day at the university excited her there was always a discrete private staff toilet she could use. She found the mere presence of James would stimulate her but with Mason at home that would be awkward.

James initially took to visiting regularly and once Mason was in bed they made love, unfortunately by that time Siobhan would be near climbing walls. They wanted James to maximize his contact with Mason so it was not practical for them to meet without Mason entirely.

James attended Siobhan's support group and visited her psychiatrist to better understand her. The psychiatrist prescribed a drug to help stabilize her. It was not what they wanted but after taking it for a period she was able to live without it.

When socializing, Siobhan would always be close to James, holding his hand or arm, maybe. People noticed this and remarked that she seemed clingy and asked James how he coped with it. Initially it was a little disturbing for him but he knew she did it to ensure he was there as her anchor especially if they were drinking.

Obviously, it was not possible for James to always be with her so they worked out a number of strategies. These were as much for James' peace of mind as they were to protect Siobhan from herself. They went ahead and linked their phones. Siobhan also carried a supplementary tracker. They had an emergency number so that James could be immediately alerted. Siobhan undertook to communicate her feelings about anything, her desires, and her temptations. In respect to her, James did the same.

This was all about fear. James entered the relationship nervous about her past. He could get jealous but not obsessively, it was more about being protective but even so it could not be allowed to become stifling. Unlike other relationships their critical issue was always that James could not ever fully trust Siobhan hence their commitment was based on this point. Paradoxically this is what gave the relationship strength. James would always be intuitively vigilant to her social interactions and her needs. On Siobhan's part she was well aware that any transgression would be terminal for the relationship. Her condition gave her vulnerability so it ensured that on her part she would always be consciously there for James to ensure he was for her.

The trust issue arose in an intense discussion in bed one night when James asked who she fantasized about when she masturbated. James was afraid that if she masturbated over someone in particular then she might be drawn toward fucking him.

She was adamant that that was never a problem, "No way, It's the opposite, James, Sometimes I feel an attraction to a cute guy and I wang a few times over him to get it out of my system. It works for me. Jeez, it does not matter whether I am fantasizing about fucking anyone from Chewbacca to his imperial highness Tsar Peter of Russia it does not mean I actually want to fuck him in reality."

"But how am I ever going to learn to trust you? I can't read your mind."

"I'm sorry James, we have to live with the fact you may never trust me. We have talked about that being our strength. I don't want you obsessing about who I am fantasizing about, perhaps being totally open about it is a way for you to understand me. We could both even get off on it. You could share your fantasies; let's be honest, I am sure you would do exactly the same thing when masturbating."

James coloured at that, begrudgingly admitting he did, "OK, I get it, let's do it. I'll start and you tell me what you feel about it. I'll start with your mother!"

"What! Mum, you're kidding me. There has to be boundaries."

"There you go, it's not that easy, is it? No, I don't think that we have boundaries at all. We just go with how we feel, otherwise we will just get more secretive about stuff. If it gets too extreme, we can review."

"Ok, I see your point, we have to do it, no hold barred. What do you want to do with my mum?"

"Ok, she looks good in that green cocktail dress she wears, how about lifting that for a quickie in the accessible toilet in the air terminal concourse?"

James pushed the sheets down, licked his hand and started stroking.

Siobhan leant over and reached out, "How about I help you with that."

And so, the strategy began.

*****

A critical situation for Siobhan might be someone who was flirting with her who was handsome, charming and predatory. Siobhan was a woman that was attractive and a challenge for many men. She was adept at flicking off unwelcome advances and steering some more benign interest away. The danger would be when she was drinking, so in public occasions she did not drink anything alcoholic. That was reserved for private occasions when James was present.

So, this became their way of life. James was never going to be controlling so the regime they had in place was something they just did. James did not spend time checking where Siobhan was and so for a time there were no emergencies that James had to take care of.

Her colleagues at the university regarded her as a cold fish. Although she retained a cordial relationship with her them, she was not seen regularly at the staff club and although she had received advances from student and staff on occasion, she let it be known anything other than professional interaction did not interest her. As Dean she operated on a zero-tolerance basis in staff student affairs and kept an eye on any below-the-line behaviour. She was known for coming down hard on a couple in one incident. As a result, the culture her department was scandal free.

*****

When James told the Ken Baxter, his boss that Siobhan was back and that they were engaged he was over the moon and invited them both to dinner. Ken made it a family occasion and his two daughters and husbands were invited as well. Somehow Siobhan had him entranced and he monopolised her all evening. His wife was taken aback at his uncustomary rudeness so invited Siobhan to a women's only lunch to get her piece of Siobhan.

It was not long before James and Siobhan were invited to a cocktail party for the corporate board members and wives including the overseas partners. Again, Siobhan was the centre of attention. She scrubbed up well for the meeting. Wearing a slinky but demure black long cocktail dress with a single sparkling broach. The dress was off one shoulder, displaying the tattoo spray of clematis. It was a talking point as she confidently discussed it and her environmental credentials. At the end of a successful evening, it was formally announced that James would be replacing Ken as CEO when he retired in 6 months' time. A toast was raised to James and Siobhan, the new figure heads at the helm of a newly reconfigured company.

******

MARRIED LIFE

Things continued on track for James and Siobhan as they settled into their new life. Marriage was next on the list. Theirs was a small largely family marriage ceremony. Ken and his wife were invited. Siobhan wanted Beth to be matron of honour. This resurfaced a worry for James and as agreed any such concerns were always discussed between them. Siobhan admitted that when she announced the marriage to Beth she asked if she could share James. Beth was in earnest and Siobhan shut it down. Siobhan could not help teasing James about it, which backfired and did not go down well with James who was appalled and began to question whether it was appropriate for her to come at all.

It struck his deepest fear that Beth could invoke the Shay in Siobhan. He would never stop her attending as he was sensitive enough to realize Siobhan's loyalty and longstanding friendship, however, he requested that Beth had to understand the context of their marriage and there could be none of their former behaviour around the celebrations. Siobhan fully understood his position; it was her worry as well but considering her few long-standing friends she felt she had no choice.

Going right back to Siobhan's performance management plans at the Department of Conservation, she had been forbidden to consort with Beth which she did not wholly keep to at the time. In the end Beth came. They need not have worried. Dr Beth Palmer was the pillar of morality. The hen party was an elegant high tea affair where Beth impressed Siobhan's friends and family. The reception went smoothly with no embarrassing disclosures but during the two weeks following the wedding Beth spent enjoying herself out of sight and out of mind in her accustomed manner.

James had no constraints but Adrian ensured that the nights celebration did not include any unfaithfulness on James's part.

Their wedding was not the affair that James's marriage to Emma's was and was held at Siobhan's Parents house in Akaroa. Of course, it was not a Connelly wedding without a musical performance from their string quartet. In the circumstances James and Siobhan's wedding vows were quite conventional. Yes, they promised love, loyalty and companionship. Yes, it was for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until parted by death. But it said so under the confines of their agreed commitment to one another. For James and Siobhan, getting married was the final act of commitment for them both and by stating the standing commitment in their vows they obliquely addressed the consequences of concealed wilful transgression while recognising with some compassion the possibility of those things that could not be controlled such as coercion or force.

Following the small wedding and reception James and Siobhan set off on a honeymoon. They elected to hire a trailer sailer from a friend of Siobhan's father and sail the Marlborough Sounds. They left Mason with Siobhan's parents and drove from Christchurch up to Marlborough, picked up the trailer sailer and using their own vehicle launched it from a club boat ramp. They took with them a classical music playlist provided by Cyn, with pieces from Debussy to Listz and a pile of books, but little was read.

They were lucky with the weather, sailing up the sounds past the myriads of islands and bays in bright sparkling sunshine and soft breezes. Eventually they found an anchorage in a remote tiny uninhabited bay with a small beach. They moored the yacht and settled into fishing, bathing and since both had PADI certification they spent time scuba diving in a nearby marine reserve.

For Siobhan this would be a serious sexual binge. She was insatiable whether it was on the yacht on the beach or in the bush. It was easy to believe that they were alone together on some far-flung desert island. For the first time she felt free. Having sex with a man free of the guilt and shame of her addiction, to fully express herself and please her man. In the flush of love James could meet her desire head-to-head. There would be no crankiness of frustration by Siobhan. The blue cod which swam below them were safe, at least for the time being.

The sojourn was the pinnacle of their romantic love with one another. James loved her worldliness, her sophistication and intellect. Above all he loved her Irish beauty and sensuous body. She loved his care for her, the fact that he loved her. She loved his confidence and stability, his unaffected suave demeanour. Nothing seemed to perturb him greatly, problems were to be resolved, without blame or angst. He weathered her emotions patiently and was always available when needed. He was conscious of his experience and did not wish to revisit the past.

Returning to everyday life was the first challenge of their marriage. One day he was collecting Siobhan from the university. He was to collect her from outside the university of Canterbury club. Sitting in his SUV he saw Siobhan come out under the porte cochere of the old two storied historic house. A tall greying distinguished gentleman in a suit held the door open for her and as they stepped out, he put his hand on her shoulder in an overly familiar way. Immediately Siobhan saw James and called to him. The man pulled his hand away quickly, and they made a quick farewell. James hopped around and opened the passenger door for Siobhan. James, being a little suspicious, used this bit of theatre for the benefit of this stranger.

As they were connecting their seatbelts James couldn't help but comment, "Who was your gentleman friend, he was a bit familiar wasn't he?"

Siobhan replied with annoyance, "That James, was the vice chancellor, and yes, he would love to get into my knickers but he won't. James, I am proud that I have achieved what I have by never sleeping my way up with neither man nor woman. Whatever I do in future I will never stoop to that, especially the vice chancellor, I believe my strong moral stance on that issue has helped me. The vice chancellor knows that, in fact I think he did what he did to wind you up."

"Does he know about your condition?"

"No, he does not and never will. That would only be asking for him to take liberties. He is a dick, I know, but he is the vice chancellor and I need to give him a certain amount of respect and that means tolerance."

It was obvious that Siobhan was now on edge. Her relationship with James had brought her sexual desires back and were difficult to control. She would often have students one-on-one in her office. There was one who inexplicably turned her on. He was young, fresh and cocky. He would flirt with her and find excuses to move in close so that she could feel his warmth and the pull of this young man's attraction. She pushed him back but he was insistent. Finally, he touched her hand but it was enough to call a halt to the tute and after he left, she retired to masturbate in her ensuite. As agreed, she brought this up with James over dinner that evening.

"Is this the first time it has happened," Asked James.

"The first couple of times he came he did not come on so much but he seemed to get bolder. This time he was right over my shoulder and made an excuse to touch my hand."

This worried James. It was a problem he had to nip in the bud. "When you masturbated, I suppose you fantasized fucking him."

Siobhan reddened, embarrassed thinking this could badly affect her relationship with James but she was honest as they had already discussed that they would be open about this. "Yes, I imagined him bending me over the desk, lifting my skirt and giving me a quickie then, worse, I imagined him shagging me from behind in the ensuite."

"Why is the ensuite shag worse?"

"That's my neutral space. A place I can retreat to."

"I suppose we should just ride with it. As we agreed you should be free to fantasize at will; I get your point that will reduce the chances of you acting otherwise on your desire.

I have an idea I should come and we should have sex in your ensuite then it will be our neutral space. We should do it in your office as well. We should act out your fantasies with those guys or situations and you could replace me with them in your mind."

Siobhan shifted the subject, "There is one thing I should mention. I don't know why so many men come on to me. I know I sometimes unconsciously flirt when I'm turned on but it is not usually that, it just happens and I don't ask for it. I do excite easily in the presence of other males and I wondered whether they detect my aroma or pheromones or something. Anyway, your help is critical. I wish there was an easy way of prevent my nether regions becoming wet. "

James frowned, "Listen we can discuss this sort of thing ad infinitum. Let's just get on with it but keep trying new ideas, if necessary."

That sparked a new regime. Whenever something similar happened they would act on it themselves at the first opportunity. It even occurred at a couple of parties when someone would flirt with Siobhan. Once it necessitated calling James over and they disappeared into the locked bathroom for a quickie.

******

To get some regularity they organised their work schedule for a daily long lunch. They would pre prepare lunch but often Siobhan's desire was so great lunch was not eaten.

Often, they would couple in her locked office, but mostly at home and occasionally in summer in a secluded picnic spot. The office fuck usually was as a result of Siobhan interactions in the morning. Occasionally Siobhan would ring James who would come after work if something happened in the afternoon.

For a while an after-work session occurred regularly over successive days. The reason was a visiting American guest lecturer. He was handsome and was clearly attracted to her. He had been trying to invite her down to the staff club after work for drinks but so far Siobhan had refused. James suggested inviting him and his wife for dinner and they accepted. James thought that they should find out what exactly was going on and foil his game. The man's wife was not beautiful but she had attractive and sensuous Mediterranean features. At dinner it was clear they were both flirtatious and his wife was coming onto James and after a quick consultation in the bedroom, Siobhan took the woman aside and asked if they had an open marriage. Siobhan nodded to James and he did the same for the lecturer telling him diplomatically that they were not the sharing type and were not interested in couple relationships with benefits. The friendship died after that dinner as the American couple looked elsewhere to fulfil their New Zealand Fantasy.

The interactions with the vice chancellor, the student and the lecturer invoked in James an emotion that he was not used to, anger and hostility, toward them. He had grown up with the idea that these emotions were not to be tolerated and he struggled with them. 'How dare these people take advantage of my wife,' he thought. His emotional jealous ownership seemed at odds with his principles. Was it a primitive welling from deep within his limbic system; a primitive urge to protect his wife by whatever means? He rationalised it as a delayed response from his experience with Emma and Nicola and this thought help placate the guilt he had at experiencing the emotions. The open communication he had with Siobhan helped as well. She became his counsellor. Although intellectually she would not openly approve, her own limbic response was that it deepened her love for him, as he was there for her no matter the cost. At the most primitive level he would ensure their survival.

******

Their married life settled in and there were no incidents invoking Shay. Privately James would call Siobhan, Shiv. The nickname she had been given at High School. Siobhan had shown a photograph of her in her mid-teens, wide eyed and innocent. James loved the picture and had it framed. To him it was the real Siobhan before her life had been subverted. James became 'darling' to Siobhan in their private conversations.

They moved into a new architecturally designed home in Tai Tapu, a hamlet just outside of Christchurch. The house was sized in accordance with their planned family and with plenty of room for socialising.

James and Siobhan were now a couple that stood out socially and a force to be reckoned with. Outwardly they appeared confident, tall and elegant. James began to notice at these events where wives were present that a certain type of woman would look at him in a very particular way. It would be a side stare with her head slightly lowered. He knew straight away by experience who these women were. To them he represented wealth and especially, high status. It was well known that he would become chairman of Cuthberts Global aerospace in a matter of time. They were women that would have no compunction in forsaking their husbands for a quickie, a night, an affair or to supplant Siobhan if they could. They desired his sperm; his DNA; his child.

Siobhan seemed to be the gatekeeper and was always close to James. They misread her intentions. They saw her as protecting him from them, and that she saw him as her possession. They had no conception of her history, only that she was the daughter of a well-known and successful retired architect, the sister of a high-profile lawyer and daughter in law to a famous cellist. The fact that she was Dean of the Faculty of Environmental science meant nothing to them. They would never dream that she was using James to protect her from herself.

Siobhan believed that there was no other man of his status and position who would accept her past. On James' side there would be no woman as accomplished and elegant that would share his interest, values and aspirations. It would not enter Jame's mind to ever risk that.

It did not stop some women trying but they only learnt very quickly how they could be diplomatically put in their place. Siobhan had intellectual smarts and experience over these women. They would have to be content with fantasizing any connection with this man. She took comfort in knowing how important fidelity was to James, after all he had been hurt once but she warned James that in her experience women did not include marital faithfulness in their romantic fantasies. They would always be there to tempt him to enter their fantasies.

Any of these women would be ecstatic at the discovery of the connection between Siobhan and the goth Shay but Siobhan and James remained stubbornly private people. Their media minders ensured they did not ever appear in the media. No photographs together at events and media releases would be taken. They would only be presented as individuals related to their professional lives. Even their professional bios did not mention either spouses or children. But still the risk of exposure remained a shadow on their lives.

*******

When they decided to go ahead to try for a baby, Siobhan went off the pill. They began by renting a bach, a holiday house by the beach for a week. The reason being that Siobhan's desire for sex accelerated exponentially. They were hopeful that a good week might do it but were realistic that it might take a while for Siobhan to get pregnant. A week's holiday alone together seemed like a good way to kick it all off. Adrian and Cyn agreed to take Mason for a week so they could have some time alone. They went for a beach location on a good surf spot where they could both surf together as well as walk the beach and swim in between doing what it takes to procreate. They settled into a small but comfortable two roomed bach. It was older and furnished as so many beach houses were, with discarded furniture from home, old books and magazines going back about 10 years. It also had a wood burner for warmth and a well-equipped kitchen.

Siobhan was beside herself to get started and once unpacked they were at it on the only tired old queen side bed. The first morning at sunrise they were out with our boards and dressed in their wetsuits to catch the tide on the beach break. There was a light South easterly breeze and a decent swell, the sky was clear blue and the water sparkling with the rising sun. The only other occupants of that beach that morning were a couple of oyster catchers, some noisy scrapping red billed gulls and two other surfers further down the beach at the point.

Eventually the two made their way towards them. They turned out to be a couple. A tall lanky Aussie guy with a mop of unruly blonde hair and a week's growth on his face. The girl was tiny and her accent sounded French. She was stunningly beautiful with dark eyes, full lips and long blonde hair tied in a loose plait. James and Siobhan found out later that she was a model and he, apparently a world-famous musician from some group they had never heard of. From the start the lanky Aussie exuded a charisma borne of someone who was cock sure of himself. Just the same, he was warm and friendly and seemed genuinely interested in them.

They invited them up for a morning coffee and ended up spending the day with them. James unpacked his wing and they spent much of the day wing surfing, drinking beer or just generally hanging out. The Aussie exercised impressive surfing skills, his lanky body looked like some weird long-legged crustacean as he controlled the board through its manoeuvres.

The Aussie brought their ute up from down the beach to park beside the bach. They had been sleeping in a folding roof top tent attached to the ute. After a barbecue they spent the night together around a fire drinking wine. The Aussie pulled out his guitar and the girl a flute and gave an impromptu jam under a very starry sky. They felt so remote, far away from the glare of the city lights. As the night wore on both their guests got more familiar with them. James began to feel like they were outstaying their welcome. He was conscious of what Siobhan and he were there for and was starting to feel they were becoming obtrusive.

This was especially so when the Aussie began teaching Siobhan chords on his guitar he crouched behind her his arms draped over her shoulders as he directed her fingers to the various chords. During the evening there had been a mild flirtation between Siobhan and the Aussie. She was responding to him in her gestures and signs of submission. James easily recognised what was happening and was on high alert.

The Aussie interpreted from her playfulness and behaviour that Siobhan was someone who fancied him and he was in with a chance. Siobhan was indeed turned on, was fascinated by him and was not conscious of her subtle impulses she was signalling with her growing sexual desire. Her body language was transmitting all the wrong messages. James could tell from the increased change in her body odour when she was turned on and tonight Siobhan's sweet aroma would be evident to them all.

James was up taking some bottles to the recycling box when he felt the Aussies girl standing closely behind him, he could feel her warm breath on his shoulders. His thought was she was trying to distract him by trying to catch him in some inane conversation. He turned and looked toward Siobhan whose face was flushed and was looking uncomfortable with one of the Aussies hands dangerously close to her breast. Catching Siobhan's eye James lifted his head and raised his eyebrows in a gesture toward the bedroom. She immediately understood and announced she was tired and going to bed, breaking the spell and the party until the next morning.

The experience led to some intensive night time sex, just what the doctor ordered for James and Siobhan.

The next morning sunrise was a repeat of the day before, with clear skies as the sun rose above the sea on the horizon. James heard a noise in the kitchen and found the girl there making coffee. The Aussie was not there and neither was the ute. The girl offered to make breakfast while James went for an early morning surf. He arrived back to find Siobhan up and blinking in the sun's glare over a mug of coffee while the girl was sharing out bacon, tomatoes, and avocado with some toast.

The Aussie still had not arrived back and the girl was worrying about some medication she was supposed to pick from Amberley. They were due at a ferry sailing up north that evening, she said, and did not know how long the Aussie would be. She could not phone him because he left his mobile behind. She asked if James could take her to Amberley. It was an hour's drive one way and James was a little suspicious about the whole scene. After a chat with Siobhan who was inclined to default to kindness he agreed and he set off with the girl.

As they were driving the girl put her hand on James' leg. He pushed it away. " What are you doing?" He hissed at her but she did not say a word and did not repeat the action, however it rang the alarm bells inside James head. He was almost a half hour into the ride when the predetermined alert went off on his phone. He then tried to call back and it went to voicemail.

"Shit!" James exclaimed, "I have to go back."

The girl started to complain but James explained that it was an emergency alert and he had no choice. He glanced at the girl who looked distressed and was mouthing something silently in French.

Arriving back at the bach, the ute had returned but no Siobhan or James. Their boards were also missing. He ran onto the beach and he could see a couple of boards far down the beach close to some cliffs, but no sign of anyone. He ran down the beach labouring in the soft sand in a desperate rush while the girl stayed back at the car.

Arriving at the boards he could see between two dunes that the Aussie lying between Siobhan's legs trying to kiss her as her head was turning this way and that to avoid him. James ran in an angry rage toward him as the Aussie was getting onto his knees, he had one hand on Siobhan pinning her as he was trying to ease his baggy shorts down. Neither saw James coming as he barrelled into the Aussie, catching him totally by surprise. The Aussie scrambled up, and faced James as he stood. The Aussie was exceptionally tall but James although not stocky was solid and fit. The Aussie was trying to gather himself to retaliate but James was too quick and took his legs out from underneath him. Then every time he tried to stand James kept shocking him over, while doing this he threw his phone to Siobhan, yelling at her to call the cops. The Aussie Stopped and was clearly afraid of James, he started yelling back 'No!' Siobhan paused, then James ordered him to start walking back ahead. The Aussie started yelling that it was consensual. James looked at Siobhan who was shaking her head. She said they were surfing and after he suggested sitting out of the breeze he started hitting on her. The Aussie then claimed that she came on to him, and she wanted it because he could feel she was really wet and begging for it.

James yelled at him to shut it. It was obvious that he and the girl had planned this. And they should get in their ute and leave for the ferry. As soon as the Aussie and his girl left in the ute James and Siobhan retired to the bedroom and fucked.

It was a torrid, desperate and intensely emotional fuck. Siobhan was vocal like never before sobbing and crying, "I need you, James darling, I really need you, protect me, don't ever leave me. I couldn't survive without you. Fuck me go on fuck me like you never have before, I want your child, Mason and I want it." She clung on to James as he slammed her. "I am here Shiv, I'm here, I'm not ever going anywhere, we'll get through this." There was never any doubt in James' mind about what happened and there was no doubt in his mind about how much they needed each other. The intense exhausting sex and love that day, paradoxically cemented their marriage as though the couple had been there as a test. It could so easily have gone the other way but the experience caused them to reach for one another in their fears and insecurity. And in the end, the day strengthened them. In James mind he was up for what it took to support Siobhan. In Siobhan's mind if she lost James there would be no second chance for her and Mason. They were set to leave their individualism behind and become a fighting pair to take on the world whatever it slung at them.

The event became a near miss as far as Siobhan and James were concerned and there appeared at the time to be no lingering side effects. Perhaps the following sex had a positive effect. But Siobhan could not ignore her memory of the excitement, the feel of the Aussie's stubble, as he slid up her thigh and pulled back her bikini bottom, seeking her flesh with his tongue. The Aussie was right, her juices were readily flowing and matting her wiry bush. She was so wet he was certain she wanted him, in his lust he could not hear the word no. The juice was the word 'yes' to him. He had heard they were trying for a baby and in his lust driven mind there was an opportunity. As he prepared to take her, he told her so, he would present her with a blonde bastard for her cuck husband. To Siobhan's regret she never told James the full story, and her feelings of guilt would in time come back to haunt her.

*******

Somehow it was not surprising that it took only that week for Siobhan to become pregnant. Their sexual activity through the pregnancy remained intense. James maintained a supply of blue pills in case he could not rise to the occasion, but as they were still in their romantic phase it was never a problem. There was no cause for cranky frustration from Siobhan.

Through all this Siobhan had to balance pregnancy and childbirth with a demanding job. Following the birth, they tag teamed on maternity leave but they were both in positions that would not leave them alone. Their ability to work from their own home office was limited. Siobhan's position as Dean and James as CEO had some discretion and delegation in their hands but their positions were still demanding. They still loved each other intensely but they consciously had to keep communicating and catering for each other within extremely busy lives.

They called the baby Fleur. Thankfully the birth was straight forward with no complications. With the baby they passed the first phase of married life. The romantic phase where they could not get enough of one another, where they yearned to be together every waking hour. Now it was into the reality of married life, attending to the baby, in the backdrop of the humdrum rhythm of juggling working life with needs of spouse and family.

****

Later when Fleur had just finished breastfeeding, Siobhan had to attend a 3-day symposium. On the first night there was to be a general social get together for out of town and in town participants to network. Normally James would attend such a social event with Siobhan. If the conference was out of town he would also travel with her. It was part of their commitment.

Unfortunately, on this particular night James was giving a paper to the local Institute of Engineers.

Since the birth there was little opportunity for incidents to occur and breastfeeding had dampened her desires. Life was proceeding well and a degree of unconcern had set in. This loss of vigilance had led to an unwary Siobhan taking risks for granted. The same complacency affected James. Although James did not entirely trust Siobhan, ironically by default James began to assume trust in day-to-day decisions.

As it was in town there did not appear to be a need for either to sacrifice. They would be a short distance from each other and Siobhan and James could use their phones. Additionally in this case Siobhan would have a buddy, a colleague who would keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, her buddy for the night was called away unexpectedly and she delegated her task to another who was not familiar with Siobhan.

Siobhan had been feeling lethargic and in a funk all week and on the morning of the symposium she did not even want to look at Fleur and James took up the baby duties. Feeling down, she was not enthused about the symposium. She felt an irrational resentment toward James and his paper which he was plainly excited about. Because of secrecy surrounding the developments at Cuthberts he had never had the opportunity to present any of the technical innovations to his peers. This would be the first and he knew he would be well received.

As Siobhan put on her blouse and skirt she felt a gloom, a sadness that seemed to portend some downturn in her fortunes. It seemed to take longer than normal to get ready and she, unusually for her, skipped breakfast.

The social event on the first evening of Siobhan's symposium was being held in a restaurant bar in the conference centre where the symposium was being held. There was a hiatus of about an hour to allow participants to get changed and catch up on work. Most were staying in the hotel nearby and would gradually arrive at the scheduled meeting place in the bar. Siobhan and her buddy, a woman named Liz, stayed on in the bar as locals for participants to link up with as they arrived.

Liz and Siobhan settled at a table with high chairs, Siobhan was drinking non-alcoholic ginger beer as she commonly did, Liz drank chardonnay. They quietly chatted about the symposium until Liz noticed a suave looking guy by himself at the next table who had been looking their way.

"Excuse me," she enquired, "are you here for the symposium?'

He didn't appear to hear what she asked and approached their table with his drink, "Sorry, what was that you asked?"

Liz spoke up thinking he was partially deaf, "Are you here for the symposium?"

"What symposium is that?"

"The endangered seabird symposium."

"Oh, are you two ladies attached to that? No, not me. I am here on business. Sounds like an interesting subject though. I recently concluded some legal work related to a big fishing trawler that had not been recording their by-catch property. It seems along with everything else they had taken out three albatrosses."

That got the two women's interest and they began an animated discussion on the subject. The man was attractive and well groomed. He was wearing a suit but had a fine woollen sweater rather than a dress shirt. He obviously was a regular visitor to a barber as he wore a phased haircut and a trim moustache. Liz was obviously taken with him and leant close to him. Meanwhile he kept peering at Siobhan until during a break in the conversation he asked, "Don't I know you?"

Siobhan was surprised and slightly alarmed, "Me? Where from?"

Oh Auckland, Uni, a few years ago now. Is your name sh, sh, sh....?" He was trying to recall. Siobhan was now on high alert and with quick thinking tried to put him off.

"Sharon?" she suggested.

"No, is that your name, it was Sharona I was thinking of."

"No, it's not my name and it's definitely not Sharona," She was slightly relieved but she had to be wary. She knew exactly who this guy was.

His next question was equally disarming, "Do you know a woman named Beth then?"

"No, never," Siobhan lied, this was too close to home. She wanted to somehow get rid of him but could not think how.

"That's a pity. Beth and Sharona were goths, back in my Uni days. I went with Beth for a while but Sharona was the real looker. You look a lot like her but her hair was straight, she looked a lot like that girl from that song. 'My Sharona' when I think of it."

Siobhan remembered exactly what was going on. Yes, he did go with Beth but he was dodgy. Beth had introduced her as Sharona as a joke.

While he was saying this, he moved closer to Siobhan. This peeved Liz slightly as she obviously had designs on this seeming unattached male.

The man spoke up, "Oh, I am sorry I should have introduced myself, I am Chris, Chris Marks, and you?" He gestured at Liz.

"I am Liz, Liz Burton." Turning to Siobhan, "This is professor Connolly, she is Dean of Environmental Sciences at Canterbury Uni. Liz was inflating Siobhan in the hope that her status might turn his attention back to her and it worked.

"And you, you are not a professor?"

"Me, I am only a lowly lecturer at Lincoln University."

Siobhan was relieved on two counts, "She preferred the attention on Liz and Liz had not mentioned her first name. She was thankful also that she had elected to professionally take on James' name rather than her maiden name to reduce just what she feared here. Exposure of her former life as Shay.

"Well Chris gushed, "It seems I am in the presence of two intelligent women as well as being very beautiful." This elicited a frown from Siobhan but Liz beamed at the complement." Chris then offered," Can I buy you both a drink? I am drinking whisky." He looked hopefully at them both, but Siobhan was shying away from anything alcoholic and Liz just nodded at her chardonnay."

He came back with the ginger beer for Siobhan, chardonnay and a whisky for him. They continued with Chris inserting himself into the pair's conversation. He was very engaging as he regaled them with tales of his business dealings throughout Asia. He was never specific about what he did but he was amusing and very charming. He listened very intently to them and never missed an opportunity for a little compliment here and there. He seemed very informed and expressed a lot of interest in their symposium and the environment in general, even suggesting that there could be reciprocal advantages for his firm linking with research programmes currently being undertaken by their respective universities.

Siobhan in particular was captivated by him, being taken by his charm and there seemed to be a mutual attraction as well. The man was very funny and Siobhan found herself giggling at his stories of working around east Asia. Their heads moved closer and he took to touching her upper arm before offering both women drinks again. While he was getting drinks Siobhan realised what was happening. She was getting very turned on. It was not just him; she was getting flashes of memories of those days when she first met him when she was Shay. While he was at the bar she pressed the emergency call text code to James. When James received this, he would reply and as planned, track her whereabouts by GPS and come directly to her.

There was no reply to this first attempt. Siobhan and Liz had been drinking for a while and had taken the drinks offered, Siobhan was still choosing ginger beer, and Liz, wine. All three became quite animated, especially Liz. They were drinking on empty stomachs so the drink quickly went to Liz's head. Without tracking what they were being offered the charming gentleman had bought them 3 drinks before Liz became uncomfortable with being a third wheel to what seemed to be developing between Chris and Siobhan. She knew someone at the other end of the bar and decided to go and greet them. At this point Siobhan went to the restroom where she sent another emergency message to James. Eventually she returned to her drink.

The man continued to charm her, but she started to feel woozy. His conversation began to get less circumspect.

"Are you sure you are not Sharona?", he asked, "You look so much like her. I mean girls change their hair just like that. Yeah, that girl Sharona, she had nipples like the girl on the album cover too. " He gestured as though he was pinching his own nipples. Then he broke into a little air guitar, going " bom bom bombom bom bombom,' my Sharona," Then, "ooh, my little pretty one pretty one, when you gonna give me some time, Sharona? Ooh you make my motor run, motor run...." He was singing this at a low almost whisper as he leant into Siobhan. She could feel his warm breath his aftershave and she desperately wanted to fuck him.

Liz arrived back, finding Siobhan with her head against the man. Liz asked Siobhan if she was OK who replied slurring that she was and then turned to make a phone call to James. It went to voicemail and she found it hard to leave a sensible message.

Liz, not realizing Siobhan was married and not wanting to inhibit a developing romance, went to revisit her friends.

Siobhan was now starting to leak badly. She looked into Chris's eyes, "H, h, how did you know this, Sharona?"

"Oh, she was one horny bitch. Beth rooted like a rattlesnake but Sharona was something else. Sharona would take it any which way but she turned it up for me, she said that I was Beth's man. Sharona could be a stuck-up bitch, so one night we got her really pissed and a bunch of us lined up and gangied her. Fuck, she took it like a trooper, loved every second of it. Funny... we did not see her after that. Beth pissed off on me, as well."

His crass bragging of what he had done to her so many years ago did not turn her off, in fact it had the opposite effect. she found herself pressing her mons into his legs and their tongues met passionately.

Across town James was finishing a question-and-answer session after presenting his paper. He took a swig of water as the host was winding down proceedings and turned on his phone. James was horrified to see two emergency message calls and a voicemail. He called voicemail and he could not make out what Siobhan was saying. He then tried to call her phone but that went to voicemail and he left a message that he would be on his way. He had been given her buddy, Liz's phone number, so he called that.

"Hey is that, Liz Burton?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's James, Siobhan's husband."

"Shit! Husband?"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Err nothing, what do you want?"

"Are you with Siobhan?"

"No."

"Where is she?"

"She is at the other table."

"Can you get her please, her phone is turned off, it is an emergency."

"OK I am already on my way... Oh shit she is not here."

"Do you know where she might be?"

"She was with some guy and was getting quite drunk. I am afraid they might have gone someplace together." She added, "I'm so sorry."

"Drunk? What was she drinking?"

"I don't know, oh it's here on the table. She was drinking ginger beer."

"Look at the label. Was it alcoholic or non-alcoholic?"

"Non-alcoholic."

"Are you telling me she was drunk on non-alcoholic beer?"

"F... f... fuck."

"Yes, the drink may have been spiked. Check the rest rooms. I am able to track her so I will try that."

There was a pause as Liz checked the restrooms nearby. Back on the phone she announced the all clear.

"Right, I have her tracked and she is in the Midland hotel next door. I am thinking she has been abducted so I am calling the police. Can I meet you in the foyer of the hotel? I should be there in twenty minutes max."

"Are you sure? I mean you read about this stuff but you don't expect it to happen to you."

"I am deadly serious, please get to the hotel reception and warn them."

James arrived at the same time as the police. He and Liz gave them their version of events. From the tracker they had the location of the room on plan but could not identify the floor. They discussed with the reception the possible floor and decided on the ground floor rooms most likely. Siobhan and the man had not come past reception but could get in by a rear public door. The group proceeded down an adjacent wing accompanied by the hotel security. Security used a master card to unlock the door allowing the police to rush in with James and the others closely behind.

There they found Siobhan totally naked, lying on her back, her breasts exposed, skirt pulled up and her legs splayed. The man was naked between her legs appearing to be engaged in fisting her, his head was buried in her very furry mound. Siobhan's body was spasming with rhythmic jerks.

The police were initially stunned and a hotel security officer was the first one to speak. "What the fuck does that shit think he is doing? Some kind of gyno exam?"

The man's head shot up exposing her large erect clit for all to see.

James could see the man had discovered her clit. Saliva and her prodigious juice were literally dripping from his mouth. An unpleasant vision that would reoccur in James' mind for months afterward. He turned in shock, a wave of nausea overtook him and he gagged. Liz caught up in the chaos gave a howl of guilt and fled to the corridor. The two police officers rushed and grabbed the man whose arm seemed to be trapped in Siobhan's vagina.

Siobhan was totally out to it in fact the police were checking for life signs now finding her fast asleep. The guy was arrested and an ambulance called. When the ambulance finally arrived, Siobhan was taken away in a gurney.

After giving her statement to the police Liz returned to the social event. James followed to the hospital to keep vigil with Siobhan until she came to. Luckily there was little physical damage but there were signs of semen, meaning she had already been raped before they got there. Tests would show she had been given Rohypnol which he must have added to her ginger beer while she was in the restroom.

The next morning Siobhan was still groggy and had no clear recollection of what had happened. James had called Siobhan's parents who accompanied James in his vigil. Adrian called in for a while and returned the next morning with Cyn.

The perpetrator did not turn out to be as grand as presented himself. In time he was duly convicted of abduction, sexual violation, possession of and administering a class C drug. He pleaded guilty as he had been found in possession of the drug and the case was open and shut. He was jailed and eventually extradited as he had been in the country for years but not naturalised.

*******

CRISIS

Siobhan never could explain completely what happened but with the information from Liz it seemed pretty clear. Obviously, Siobhan could not be blamed for what happened but their plan had failed the most severe test to date. Complacency meant that James had turned off his phone, not willing to have the presentation disturbed and he took the blame.

The issue with the phone led to some discord between James and Siobhan. The trust issue was now all on James. By admitting that he should not have turned off the phone, James had attempted to take the guilt pressure off Siobhan which led to his diminishing as a protector in the eyes of Siobhan. Their sex life after the birth of the baby had been sporadic at least. The experience had further affected the rhythm of their sex life, reducing it to occasional mechanical sex. For the first time James was having trouble rising to the occasion. The fisting seemed to have induced some disgust in his mind. Siobhan retreated to solo intimacy. Siobhan took this harder than the event on the beach, where James was able to catch her in time.

There were lingering effects of the Rohypnol and Shiobhan was frustrated at not remembering much of what had happened. She considered that she must have been aroused and well lubricated to enable the perpetrator to do what he did. For what little she remembered she had succumbed to his charms and questioned whether she would have left with him had she not been drugged. There was no answer to that.

Prior to this happening Siobhan had assumed that she might be cured and this had allowed her to lower her defences. She now had to wear the guilt and the shame of failure and this affected her self-worth. She became nervous of spontaneous sexual stimulation in social situations and became reclusive.

The comfort of James as a social protector no longer worked for her. She questioned if she was a fit person to be a wife and mother? This was now the second serious incident, and a total breakdown, James wondered whether he could sustain the marriage. Siobhan lost her characteristic optimism in her future and in despair considered that she would never be cured.

The fact that she had not actually crossed the line set by the commitment document seemed irrelevant beside the pressure she was putting on herself. Again, she began thinking about suicide but this time it was real.

Through all this there was no loss of love from James but she did not recognize it as she indulged in an orgy of self-pity. She felt like a burden to those around her, especially family and friends who were desperately reaching out to her. One positive was she did not turn to Beth whose influence could have led her down a totally destructive track.

Sexual intimacy between James and Siobhan simply disappeared, in fact all affection dried up and Siobhan retreated into a silence and her bedroom. It seemed impossible to discuss anything with her. The only one she would communicate with was her mother, Nanette, who kept the content of their discussion close to her chest. Siobhan lost interest in Fleur, and it was left to James and his mother to look after her.

It was back to the realm of psychiatry, support groups and counselling for both. She was most likely initially suffering an onset of postpartum depression which may have increased her vulnerability and triggering her impulsive behaviour in the bar. The trauma of the drugging and violation served to deepen the depression. Compounding her shame, the attempted violation that day at the beach returned to her thoughts.

She was put on antidepressants. Her world became one of cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness and yoga. Over this period James stepped back temporarily as CEO, supported by Ken coming out of retirement. Things took a turn for the worst. She was not responding and had a change in psychiatrist overseeing her treatment.

Both went to the first visit to the psychiatrist, Dr Agatha Hindley. She saw them both separately.

As James entered the room after Siobhan he walked into the biggest shock of his life. Dr Hindley ushered him to sit down, then after introducing herself announced the first step in Siobhan's treatment. "I have told her that she will need to be separated from you in order to make any progress toward recovery."

The statement put James into shock and he took a little while to find his voice while the doctor sat patiently. "Finally, he uttered, "Why?"

"I believe the past approach to her treatment of the alleged hypersexuality was totally wrong. She has become totally dependent on you and with the postpartum depression and sexual violation she has been left unable to cope. She clearly has lost confidence in your support."

"I don't understand. First you say alleged hypersexuality. What's her condition if not that."

"I agree she has a heightened Libido but you seem to have convinced her she is some kind of nymphomaniac...."

"Jame, angry, cut her off, "I did nothing of the sort. It was she that described herself as a hypersexual. He met with her counsellors and support group and that's what they all assumed. I made no assumption."

"I'm sorry then, but she seems to find you controlling, you have some kind of written agreement, she had to sign."

"Hell. That was her idea. We have always been at pains to make our relationship equal. The one thing that would be different was that our relationship had to accept that I could not and may never be able to fully trust her, that was in the agreement. If the agreement did not exist, by her account, our relationship could not."

"Well, in my opinion that was an appalling idea which has led to this." She waved her hand dismissively.

James felt utterly deflated by her remark. The whole basis of their marriage seemed to go down the tube. He spoke weakly, "how long does this so-called separation need to take."

"Until she has sufficiently recovered to have a normal relationship with you. It is not a legal separation but I should warn you that it may lead to a legal separation. If your marriage is to continue it is going to require a reset. You cannot go back to the relationship you had."

"It worked OK for us while it lasted. The postpartum depression was not caused by our relationship. My concern is for Fleur and Mason. In getting together, Siobhan wanted Mason to have a father and stable parents. We worked hard for that and Siobhan so wanted Fleur. We were deliriously happy until everything went awry."

"Dealing with her relationship with Fleur is another complication. I have suggested she move in with her mother and when she was able Fleur would join her. Her mother is coming to collect her now. It is important that you are not to have any contact with her, whatsoever until she is cleared."

"Did you make any suggestions about us getting back together with the children."

"Not at this stage, it would not be appropriate."

James fixed the doctor with his gaze, he noticed she did not return it. "Doctor, are you married, do you have children?"

"That's not here nor there, my task is to get Siobhan back to full health."

James was fuming, 'of course she doesn't' he thought. 'Who would marry the fucking psychopath?'

James kept his anger in check and left quietly, neglecting to say good bye. He entered the waiting room. Siobhan was no longer there and he assumed that Nanette had come and taken her. It seemed a waste of a trip as she we would have to collect her things from home and he could have taken her. Now she was gone and he could not even say goodbye. He felt utterly devastated as he dialled Adrian, "Hey man, when are you off work for the day, I really need a male ear, I have been fucking ambushed."

*******

Adrian was already standing at a table when James walked into the bar.

"Hi James, I already got you a beer," he said point at the pint handle sitting in a puddle.

"And I see you have already spilt it."

"Sorry about that, Bro."

James tried to wipe the drips off the bottom. "You would not believe what has happened. Apparently, Siobhan and I are officially separated."

"What the fuck nobody has told me."

"No not legal, Siobhan has been told by her new psychiatrist to live with Nanette, without any contact from me. Can she do that?"

"Um yes, has she put it in writing? If not get it. How long is the separation supposed to be?"

"Indefinitely."

"Fuck me, this is serious."

"I am not allowed to Communicate with her in any way."

"No messaging or social media?"

"Nope."

"Sounds like you've been cancelled again."

"Don't even joke about it. She said that agreement we had was appalling."

"Yeah, well it was innovative, I have to say. I did have my doubts about it."

"The new psychiatrist is a woman. I am not happy about it."

"What's her name?"

"Dr Agatha Hindley."

"Oh Aggie, yes, I know her. Listen suck it up, bro, she is competent."

"Yeah, a competent lesbian psychopath."

"Steady on, you are being a bit paranoic here. She comes with a good reputation. She maybe a bit stiff and direct. She works a lot with criminals."

"That's how she seemed to be treating me. At least she did not lecture me about the failings of the patriarchy."

"Thank heavens for small mercies. No, she is not of that ilk. She will be fair. You will just have to ride it out."

Adrian let James vent for a good hour before dropping him back at his house.

*******

It took only two days later for the next event. Siobhan's father Eoin rang with the bad news that she had been admitted into hospital and she was on suicide watch. James wanted to go immediately but Eoin told him that only Nanette was allowed.

James was so agitated he could not sleep. At the time his mother, Patricia had moved in to help with the children and he had decided to go back to work. Work and the kids kept him on an even heel. Nanette would call and update him with what was happening.

Apparently, Siobhan had not actually attempted suicide but her state of mind was grave and so the decision was made to admit her. James was left thinking that the separation was a bad idea however she was out after a week. There was no change to the separation idea.

Every time Nanette rang, he wanted to know when Siobhan was coming back. But Siobhan would not even talk about James let alone returning home. After about a couple of weeks she asked for Mason, but pointedly, not Fleur.

After a month the psychiatrist released her to go to work but she still could not have contact with James. Nanette told him that the reason was the psychiatrist was trying to build Siobhan's confidence for normal social contact. She seemed to blame James for what had happened so work relationships were seen as benign.

James asked how they were dealing with her hypersexuality, he was imagining what would happen when she resumed contact with her work colleagues. Nanette did not seem to know, she said the Dr did not acknowledge that condition to her. Although she knew Siobhan was taking a cocktail of drugs and maybe that was suppressing any resumption of her former condition.

As this went on with no let-up in sight James was beginning to have serious doubts about the marriage. He and his mother were both taking care of Fleur but James could not hide is feelings for Siobhan and Mason. He still cared for them and felt very guilty that he had somehow contributed to the problem. At the same time, he felt she was getting bad advice from the psychiatrist. Talking to Nanette was useless. She would just advise him to be patient and James was fast believing she was covering for her daughter.

*****

It had gone on so long that he was considering making the separation a legal issue. He planned on meeting up with Adrian. There was an all-Black test with the British Lions being televised that Saturday and he was meeting with Adrian to watch the test on his extremely large TV. He would take it up then.

He was in town that Saturday afternoon when he ran into one of Siobhan's lecturers. They had barely said hello when he launched into James about Siobhan.

"Hey James, is it true that you two have separated?"

"Well, it seems that way."

"So, in two years that means you will be divorce."

"It's too early to say." James was non-committal wondering where this was going.

"I gotta say she has changed since she came back to the department."

"In what way?"

"It seems the ice queen has melted."

"What are you saying?"

"She now makes a regular appearance at the club."

"You are kidding me. Is she drinking."

"Yeah, that to. She seems to have a man on the go. Is that what broke you two up?"

"No, sorry that is all news to me. Who is he?"

"Some English ornithologist. He is here related to a planned expedition to the southern islands."

"Is she sleeping with him or something?"

"Shit, maybe I am talking out of school. I wouldn't know, however I wouldn't put it past the vice chancellor though. He is a bit of a sleaze bag and has been hanging around her."

"Fuck me Graeme, are you winding me up or what?"

"No, it's all true; I take it you haven't seen her lately. She is a very attractive lady and you have got to believe there has been a bit of interest."

"I hope you haven't asked her out."

"Hell no, I have a wife and two kids. I wouldn't risk that."

"I thought the same thing until recently... listen I have to rush...." James was suddenly in a state of panic forgetting what he was even in town for, he just strode around aimlessly, his mind trying to make sense of what he had just heard.

******

"Hey you got the pizzas, thank god, I was about to pass out from hunger." Adrian had just opened the door for James and was shepherding him to the sitting room. "Kick offs in half an hour, grab a beer from the fridge.

James dutifully went the fridge as Adrian was opening the boxes. The TV was on mute with the usual selection of rugby celebrities giving their penny's worth on the teams and the sort of game expected. James was not interested in the rugby just then, desperate to spill what he had heard about Siobhan that day.

He collapsed onto the sofa next to Adrian and hardly touching the beer let it all out.

Adrian was shocked, "Holy hell, James you must have been devastated. What are you going to do."

"I guess I just have to go down the divorce route."

"Hell no, James, don't do that. You need to find out what's going on."

Adrian was so adamant that he startled James and in a highly emotional state, gagged trying to express himself. "I fucking blame the psychiatrist. Nobody will let me speak to her. Your mother is like a gatekeeper. Siobhan is sitting in an echo chamber and nobody can get to her. I can't ring her, message her anything. Can you...?"

"I am in the same boat. Even dad has limited contact with her."

"What about Cyn?"

Adrian went quiet, paused and choosing his words carefully, "Cyn is not speaking to mum or Siobhan at the moment, but not because she can't. She has heard Siobhan is going with someone and is pissed off with them. She has excommunicated our family at the moment and I am starting to worry about our marriage."

"What the hell is going on?"

The conversation became circular with James's venting until Adrian resorted to reason.

"Look, for a start I would not sit back. Do you love her?"

James exploded. "Of course, I fucking do or I would be long gone."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them broken by James.

"Remember Gabrielle...."

"Fuck James, don't bring Gabrielle into this..."

"Yes, I fucking will. She was raped for god's sake, just like Siobhan. We could have helped Gabrielle; we should have got her to report it to the police. Got her some help."

"Oh, Fuck James I didn't know. I'm sorry, I know, I never gave her a chance to explain. I was so pissed off I got the clap."

"Do you know what happened to her? She went over seas or something. Do you know if she was OK."

"No! Damn it. I just cut her off. Hell don't get sanctimonious with me. You could have helped but you didn't"

"OK truce. Let's not make the same mistake with Siobhan O. K."

Adrian took a deep breath to calm down. "Leave it to me, mate, I will explore the situation with another psychiatrist. Find out what they make of the situation. I might suggest to Mum and Dad that you are in crisis and is seriously looking at legal options. That'll shake their tree.... Now shut the fuck up, the haka is about to start and I am not missing that.... and eat your pizza, it's going cold. Let's just watch the game and forget what a shit world we are in for a while."

*****

CAN THEY RECOVER?

The following day he was on the phone to Nanette. She acknowledged that Adrian had already been on the phone to her and had told her that things might get legal and he was looking for a second opinion regarding the treatment. "What are you planning on doing?"

James replied," I have not decided yet but I have heard rumours that she is seeing other men."

Nanette gasped, "No that can't be true."

"Apparently it is, surely Cyn told you. I can't believe this is part of her treatment," James replied sarcastically, "As soon as I heard she was going back to work I knew there would be trouble. Where is she now."

"I don't think you should be bothering her until Adrian gets back to me; anyway, she is not here."

"Where is she?"

"She has taken to sailing by herself. She has gone down to Cass Bay to take out her dinghy."

James left it at that. Ringing off he was consumed by suspicion and decided to drive to Cass Bay to see for himself. Driving into the bay he saw her little dinghy sailing back into the beach. She was the only one on board and there was no one waiting for her. He sighed with relief. He felt a wave of longing and joy; it was the first time he had seen her in weeks. He so wanted to rush to her but restrained himself. He had put his trust in Adrian and decided he would have to wait and reluctantly drove on.

*******

Adrian was as good as his word. There was obviously some fur flying behind the scenes and the psychiatrist backed down on her approach on the basis that the marriage was in peril. Siobhan was now talking freely with family but was still reluctant to meet with James. Adrian seemed to think she thought she had failed James and she did not know how to reconnect. She did not know if she still loved him.

The first step taken was for Fleur to move to her mother's house and she reconnected quickly with Fleur. It appeared that side of the postpartum depression had past and all agreed that her reuniting with Fleur should have happened earlier.

The effect of the reunion was for Siobhan to relent on meeting James, agreeing that they should take small steps and see where it led.

One night James was invited for dinner at Eoin and Nanette's and they would take the children somewhere to enable them to have some privacy. Nanette let James in. Eoin had already taken the children. Nanette had prepared a meal and was about to leave, herself. He followed her into the kitchen where she poured him a glass of wine and they chatted briefly. She suggested he go find Siobhan and ask if she was OK with the meal she was making. James wandered out looking for Siobhan and heard some soft electronic music through the partially open door of her bedroom. He quietly stepped up to say hi to her. She would be engaged in her yoga meditation. Normally he would not disturb her when she did this at home. He poked his head around the door, "Sorry Siobhan, are you all good with the beef and mushroom stew Nanette made for us for dinner?"

Siobhan opened her eyes and looked at him startled, then a smile settled on her lips. This was the first smile toward James from a normally unresponsive Siobhan in months. The smile was infectious and it was returned by James. "Yes darling, that's fine," she replied softly. James' heart leapt. A breakthrough. Following that, James felt things were going to be all right.

The dinner though would be awkward, with Siobhan not really knowing what to say. The big issue for James was that fact she was seeing someone but he dare not bring this up tonight. What prevailed though was a lack of antagonism. It was obvious that both yearned to reconnect, but how? Siobhan could not bring the words to explain herself and James felt a deep compassion for her despite the apparent infidelity.

The next meeting was organised by Adrian and Eoin. They were coming up for a regatta and they needed a crew. Suddenly, it was back to how Siobhan and James first met, and on the morning training run they began to relax with one another as they busied with their role as crew on the Celeste. Following training they went to the sailing club and had lunch., from there they walked by themselves around the coast to Corsair Bay. Siobhan was now fully relaxed after lunch having had wine while she ate.

In the walk she explained the programme she was on. The psychiatrist wanted her into a regime that gave her a more natural life. There were too many unresolved issues and she thought that Siobhan was trapped by them and it affected her work life and the marriage. She felt it contributed to the breakdown. So, step by step Siobhan was to create a new self for herself, one that enabled her to enjoy her libido but avoid a relapse into promiscuous behaviour.

"She saw our marriage as reinforcing the issues we had and that I needed to reestablish confidence in her new self to be assertive in the marriage."

James had to be diplomatic as he did not want to scare Siobhan off at this delicate stage. "Did Agatha think that I would somehow resist the programme?"

"I suppose she did,"

"It does not sound that she would have total faith that we would find ourselves back together."

"I think you are right. She seemed to think you were dominating me and holding me back."

"What do you think?"

"At first, I agreed with her but eventually I realised that was never true. It was me. You were only doing what I wanted but she seemed to not want to believe that. I suddenly realized in accepting that from her I might have destroyed our marriage. I became afraid of you. I didn't know what to do about it or how to approach you on it."

By this stage they were walking casually through the people, dressed for the beach, in their swimsuits, swimming, frolicking in the sand and sunbathing. James could feel their eyes on this strange pair in their street clothes deep in conversation wandering through the undressed crowd.

It came to the point in the conversation where James had to press the point that was eating away at him.

"Just one thing I have to ask Siobhan, because it is hurting me terribly. Is it true that you have been seeing someone else, from the university?"

Siobhan stopped dead in shock, she struggled to reply, "wh... who told you this?"

"It came from more than one source, some ornithologist."

"Oh my god, non... no... no. He is just visiting; he is gay for God sakes. He knows nobody here and he is waiting for his husband to arrive and he is joining an expedition to Auckland and Campbell Islands. He is an expert in sea birds and obviously his work is entirely in my court but fucking him... No way! I think I know how this started I have opened up at work and I think my colleagues are quite shocked. The rumour mill must be working overtime."

" Yes, I get the impression they think we are getting a divorce."

"Oh no, oh my aunt Daisy. That explains a few things. The vice Chancellor has been hanging around like an oily rag. I have taken to going to the club, and shock horror, I have been having a few drinks. It is all part of the programme and of course since professor Grady knows no body it has been a chance to introduce him around."

"Well, that's a relief, so how's the condition?"

"OK I guess, it seems to be working, but I think Agatha is relying on the drugs more to keep things even. I think a couple of guys fancied their chances but I haven't felt the urge to dash to the nearest accessible toilet for a quickie."

It's fair to say that James was relieved but not entirely trustful. Time will tell. Their conversation drifted as they made their way across Cass Bay up the slope to pony point, the place the Maori call Otuherekio, where a great pou whenua stands, a statue, a carved figure marking the transition to their land.

They stood beneath the pou looking across the grey green of the harbour expanse in front of them. There was a warm breeze from behind them feeding the muted sky from arch cloud formation above them, the Canterbury arch, shaped by the winds that journey across the Southern Alps.

Siobhan seemed to be charged, effected by the tranquillity of the soft breeze and slipped easily into James arms. Their familiar protective warmth returned to her. There was nobody around but the carved figure looking benignly down upon them, they embraced, they kissed. Siobhan whispered, "After all we have been through, James do you still love me?"

James replied, "of course I do and you?"

"Now I do; I may have questioned it but I now know your love never left me," and she added emphatically, "absolutely!"

Then Siobhan chuckled, leaning back and looking down. "I feel that you are not lacking in desire at the moment. Perhaps it is time for me to move back in. Come on, let's go back down to Cass Bay for a sail. I'll get the dinghy out."

"I am not sure I'm dressed for it," James nervously replied.

Siobhan laughed into the breeze, "who cares I feel like a bit of fun."

With the laugh, any doubts in James' mind evaporated, it was a long time since he had heard Siobhan so carefree. There was hope in the air.

*******

TOGETHER AGAIN

The sailing that day had James and Siobhan back to where they first met and slowly the barriers continued to come down. James' love for Siobhan continued to be supported by his natural empathy and compassion for her knowing her history and the decisions they had first made in coming together. It was different now as James was having to learn to trust her. But somehow, this time it seemed easier. On Siobhan's part she had to shake off the scepticism of the psychiatrist toward James while accepting her part in her recovery. It seemed that the psychiatrist doubted that her hypersexuality was any kind of affliction preferring to see it as a condition brought on by habitual behaviour. She saw James as an influence reinforcing the behaviour hence limiting his contact with her. To her, Siobhan simply had a high libido. Something to be managed and enjoyed.

The children made it difficult for Siobhan and James to fully reconnect but Siobhan's parents offered to take them for a week while James and Siobhan simply went bush. They tramped the beech forests of the Nelson lakes and into the tussock lands of the surrounding mountains to camp next to a large tarn. It was a combination of forest and mountain therapy. Alone under the stars they reconnected, pouring out their frustrations, doubts and the guilt that had been building in their married and working life; all coupled with the past struggle to keep Siobhan's libido under control.

Their previous good communication back and Siobhan again opened up in the way that had endeared James at the outset of their relationship. With Siobhan affection restored passionate. fucking under the milky way was a rejuvenating experience leaving their flagging intimacy behind. Siobhan's violation was a profound challenge for both but rather succumb to it their love and strength had finally prevailed and they were again planning their future as they had once done on that first trip up the Bealey Spur.

They settled for a new normal in their sex life. Sometimes she would be Shiv, the shy demure schoolgirl who was happy to see herself off whether James was with her or not. Sometimes she would be Shay, exercising her kink of quickie hard sex in semi-public places or just about anywhere around the home, even in the kitchen while preparing dinner. But usually she was Siobhan, elegant and confident, with romantic, slow deliberate sex, ensuring both maximised their pleasure. Siobhan was never interested in domination and submission; they were not interested in experimenting with bondage or pain. Siobhan was always there for oral, anal or conventional sex. The atmosphere, the location, the timing was always the key, whether in the home, on a yacht, in the bush or some public toilet somewhere. But was she out of the woods just yet? Could something trigger her to regress? She had been tested in the past; would she survive another test?

With renewed confidence in their relationship James felt curiously unaffected by the predatory challenges of other men but although he cared deeply for Siobhan still could not bring himself to totally trust her. He still thought that their previous approach had been vindicated despite what the psychiatrist thought. He suspected it could happen again and wondered how Siobhan was quietly enduring the risk of relapse given she was now acting more socially.

At the same time, he understood the merit of the Psychiatrist's approach and the need to allow Siobhan her space for a more normal interaction socially and with her colleagues at work. She would no longer be the ice queen. So, he was always prepared and would not be surprised if something happened. Although they kept their emergency procedures in case something happened, he had noticed that Siobhan did not get as intensely aroused as she was before. It was cause for some relief and was reflected in that they were now more relaxed about social interaction. Normally James was not prone to knee-jerk reactions, and Siobhan knew this and she expected he would always respond reasonably if an emergency arose.

Without incident they both grew in confidence with their relationship and were optimistic about their future. James never lost faith. Untrustworthy she might remain but he knew it was not for lack of trying. James' love and devotion ensured she got the support she needed to overcome her past. She deserved his love and her new found freedom.

It is no surprise then that a few months later Siobhan announced another pregnancy. They would now have their planned family of three. Siobhan's rape had opened a crack in the marriage. Although they worked hard to paper over it, they could never undo what happened and only time would tell if it was totally repaired. It showed their marriage was not perfect and despite her new treatment and her apparent lowered libido, she was still not cured. Her vulnerability could be exposed at any time and the risk of the postpartum depression reappearing after the birth of their new baby hung over them.

But even before that baby was born an unexpected dramatic event would again shake their assumptions about their relationship.

*******