Confessions of a Shared Wife

I know what people would say about me if they knew the truth.

Slut.

Whore.

But that couldn't be further from the truth.

One of society's greatest double-standards is this: if a man bragged that he slept with multiple women, he'd be saluted. But if a woman made the same claim? Without a doubt, she'd be vilified and demonized.

But that's a discussion for another time.

When I reflect on life in my late 30's, just several short years ago, my marriage was starting to unravel. It wasn't that I loved my husband Ryan any less. But we were both working 40+ hours a week while trying to raise our teenagers as best as we could.

And, I have to humbly admit, my husband and I did a fine job with both. We owned a beautiful home, had money in the bank, and possessed a healthy retirement. Most importantly, our son and daughter had matured into the responsible young adults whom we hoped and prayed they would become. Martin and Mikaela were smart and compassionate. And when they graduated from high school both were accepted into their first choice of colleges.

Ryan and I were so proud!

But the magic in our marriage had faded.

Yes, Ryan and I still oved each other dearly, but the physical aspect of our marriage was suffering. For years, I reveled in a wonderful sex life that I openly bragged about to my closest girlfriends. Ryan was my soulmate, and we completed each other spiritually as well as physically. Sex wasn't the basis of our marriage, but it was definitely a component.

But then things began to change.

WE began to change.

Ryan was as virile as ever, but I experienced changes to my body as I aged into my late 30's that my husband couldn't even begin to comprehend. Though I still craved action in the bedroom, my sex drive was no longer as active. It wasn't that I loved Ryan less or found him less desirable; he was still the tall, athletic handsome man who caught my eye over 15 years ago, and his graying hair made him even sexier. But changes in my hormonal levels were affecting me from a physical and emotional standpoint. Among other things, I was becoming tired and irritable more easily.

That, alone, greatly impacted our marriage.

I could blame hormones as the primary culprit for my diminishing sex drive, but the painful truth was, sex with my husband was beginning to bore me even if I still loved him the same. And though I know having less sex frustrated Ryan, I sensed that he felt the same, too. It was with increasing frequency that he didn't seem to be giving his best effort in bed.

I started to think that maybe not making love was better than simply going through the motions.

Perhaps most aggravating was that Ryan and I were having greater difficulty with what I refer to as "aligning our cycles". My hormonal changes didn't completely destroy my sex drive; it just narrowed the window. Or, if I wasn't in the mood for sex because I was on my period, then I was too exhausted from work and being a mother. After nearly 2 decades of marriage, Ryan sometimes still couldn't, or refused, to grasp that there were certain times of the month where I did not want to be touched, let alone have sex.

Unfortunately, when I finally wanted to get frisky, it seemed as though Ryan was now experiencing the same reasons as me for often not being in the mood.

He was too tired.

Sometimes, though it was hypocritical, it hurt when my husband didn't want me or rejected my advances, especially when I was trying hard to seduce him. Intuitively, I knew that he still wanted me. Ryan continued to remind me every day even if we no longer as physical which, as insecure as this may sound, was important for my psyche.

But we were frustrated.

And that began to change us.

Ryan, like all men, noticed the females around him. I never held that against him until his wandering eyes became more blatant. It was as if wasn't bothering to hide the fact that he was lusting after other women, which irritated me. Ryan was also was spending more time and texting more with his female friends, those who were married and unmarried.

My husband was looking to fill a void.

It hurt me deeply, but I couldn't fully blame him because I was aware that I could've easily filled that emptiness had I the energy to do so.

It circled back down to aligning our cycles.

Those instances when I wanted to spend a romantic evening in bed with Ryan but he didn't would often leave me in tears. I would wonder if my husband was having an affair, even though my heart knew that wasn't true. But, perhaps more profoundly, it made me question if I was past my prime and becoming an old hag. I would question if my husband still wanted even though I knew he did.

It may sound vain, but growing old can be a terrifying prospect for a woman in a world that puts a premium on youth and beauty. It especially hurt when I caught Ryan staring at females who were much younger than me because my great fear was being discarded for a shiny new object.

Being a petite Asian woman, however, had always given me the benefit of a youthful appearance. Standing at an even 5ft tall and weighing under 100lbs, my B-cups make me appear more like a coed than a middle-aged woman. There are still many times when boys would hit on me. One of my greatest "I still have it!" moments was when a trio of tall and exceptionally handsome teenagers approached me as I was shopping at the grocery store. They were blatantly undressing me with their eyes, and I loved it! And when they began flirting me, I was tempted to drag them home and show them, all at the same time, what it felt like to be with a woman.

But I had to settle for the amusement of casually revealing that I was their mothers' age.

Still, it was such an ego boost.

And yet, none of this translated positively into of my marriage.

I started regarding sex as simply a wifely duty to satisfy my husband. That led to horrible moments like pretending to be enjoying intimacy when all I wanted to do with sleep, or relax and read a book. That, in turn, left me bitter and wanting to make love even less.

I was unfulfilled, and Ryan was, too.

But then an odd and very unexpected thing occurred.

Our good friends Jakob and Sloane had invited us to dinner at their house. Our daughters had known each other since kindergarten, and had been close at one time. Though they were no longer friends, the girls attended the grade school and high school, and essentially grew up together. As a result, Ryan and I got to know the couple very well over the years. Because our lives were so hectic, they were in our miniscule social circle. We had even gone on several short vacations together.

I had long suspected that Ryan was attracted to Sloane.

Physically speaking, Jakob's wife was everything that I was not: she was a tall blonde with penetrating blue eyes, long legs, and a well-endowed chest, and was much more social than I could ever be. And though Sloane showed her age with some wrinkles here and there, it was clear that she had once possessed beauty-queen looks. Now almost 50, Sloane had to settle for "only" being good-looking.

I wasn't surprised that Ryan was attracted to our friend.

Sloane's husband wasn't bad-looking, either.

Jakob was similar to Ryan in terms of height and build. Both stood a shade over 6 ft tall--- towering over me by a full 12 inches--- with broad shoulders, brown hair with slight hints of gray, and an athletic build. My husband was much more serious, however, while Jakob possessed an inviting type of personality. He wasn't loud or boisterous, but a good conversationalist. I think I especially appreciated that last quality since I'm quiet and shy.

I didn't fantasize about being with Jakob, but we were definitely compatible.

There were smiles that Jakob and I would often give each other, subtle enough that our spouses didn't notice, that sometimes felt more than just friendly.

The looks he would give me may not have been as bold as what I might get from a random teenage boy, but there was something there.

Instead of ignoring Jakob's attention, I began to relish it, even encourage it.

But I never acted on impulsive; despite our issues, I loved my husband too much to ever betray him.

Nor did Jakob every act inappropriately to me, even when we were alone.

I respected him so much for that, and I attempted to convince myself that I was wrongly imagining his interest in me in an effort to avoid any unnecessary drama.

To be honest, I think I was just trying not to get my hopes up.

But then "the odd thing" happened when the 4 of us were seated at Jakob and Sloane's dinner table.

Martin, who was a year behind Mikaela, hand recently gone off to college, and now my husband and I were empty-nesters like our friends. That's how the conversation started, and it made me want to cry because not only did I miss my children profusely, but being an empty-nester made me feel ancient, as well. Mentally, I still felt good and I proudly looked like a young girl, but neither changed the fact that I was officially middle-aged. Furthermore, despite the fact that Ryan and I had more time and, theoretically, more energy for each other, we still had trouble "aligning our cycles".

From there, the conversation progressed in ways that I could have never imagined.

It was Sloane, who was often too open for my comfort, who lamented from seemingly out of nowhere that her marriage was borderline sexless, and that her marriage was being held together by a thread. Being an introvert, I was shocked that my friend would divulge the intimate details of her sex-life, or lack thereof, so casually. Stunned, I glanced at Jakob who was so embarrassed that he couldn't look at anyone.

My heart bled for him, and I wanted to reach out to console him.

But Ryan--- my husband--- was not shocked or embarrassed. In fact, he seemed reassured that our friends were experiencing the same type of marital issues, and was rather animated as he joined the discourse. I was horrified! Not only did I not want my personal life to be a topic of discussion, but I felt that my husband was somehow saying that I wasn't good enough anymore; that he was no longer satisfied with me.

I felt disrespected.

Ashamed.

But I couldn't believe how therapeutic it was for my husband to speak about these things openly and, though I couldn't get myself to be as open as Ryan or Sloane, I found myself being less and less angry because I felt the same way, too.

We all did, even if Jakob and I couldn't admit it as easily as our spouses.

To make a very long story short, Sloane abruptly proposed that we swap spouses!

My jaw dropped.

Not permanently, of course, but for a night.

Perhaps even a weekend.

It was simply to add some spice to our boring lives, according to Sloane.

It was merely for sex.

I immediately looked at my husband. Though his shock was only slightly less than mine, I instantly realized that he would be willing to trade me for Sloane. I didn't burst into tears as I would've expected because it was a poorly kept secret that he had long desired her.

I partially blamed myself because I wasn't satisfying Ryan to the extent that he wanted.

To the extent that he needed.

Then I looked at Jakob.

His face was still red with embarrassment, but he was more attentive now.

In that moment, I also grasped that this just a wasn't a spur-of-the-moment proposal from Sloane, and that she and Jakob had actually discussed it beforehand!

My disbelief was such that the situation was more comical to me than shocking or hurtful. It was so preposterous that I couldn't wrap my head around it. And yet, while my conscience told me that I should be angry, especially at my husband, another side of me was curious, even excited.

And when Jakob smiled at me in a boyish way that was very endearing, I experience one final revelation.

He really DOES want me!

The elation was greater than what a group of horny teenage boys could've given me.

As Ryan and Sloane continued to talk excitedly, Jakob blushed even more profusely, and opened his mouth to speak. Perhaps he was trying to stammer an apology or, at worst, explain himself. But words were failing him.

Jakob suddenly seemed unsure about his wife's proposal.

Looking back, I think that's why I agreed.

______________________________________________________________________________

In the days that followed, my perception of swapping partners with our close friends waffled between horror and gung-ho enthusiasm. If my husband wasn't trying his hardest to convince me then Sloane was frequently texting me trying to convince me that I had nothing to worry about when it came to her sleeping with Ryan. In a favorable twist, my husband had undergone a vasectomy about a year who while Sloane recently had an IUD implanted, so no one had to worry about getting pregnant. My mind was already made up, even if I didn't realize it at the time, but there were specific stipulations that I demanded, things that everyone had to agree to before we could proceed with Sloane's wild idea.

We had to keep our spouse-swapping a secret.

I did not want the local community at large, especially our friends and family, to discover what we were doing.

And, most importantly, I didn't want our children to find out.

Fortunately, all parties were in agreement.

The four of us then laid down the ground rules, and intentionally kept it simple: there would be absolutely no coercion, and our arrangement would be immediately called off if anyone felt uncomfortable.

Again, there were no disagreement.

Finally, all of us made a promise to each other, but especially to our spouses, that we wouldn't let emotions complicate what we were doing.

This was simply about adding some spice to our lives and having fun.

It's only sex.

Ryan, Sloane, Jakob, and I spoke about this at great length, and it was perhaps the most "grown up" conversation that I had ever been a part of.

Everything sounded nice and easy, and too good to be true, right?

But as the fateful day approached, I wondered if any of us could truly keep our emotions in check and prevent ourselves from forming attachments with another intimate partner.

What were we thinking?!?!

I feared the potential drama.

______________________________________________________________________________

Ryan pulled into Sloane and Ryan's driveway, and switched off the ignition.

Outwardly, I appeared calm and collected, as usual, but I'm sure that my husband could hear my heart pounding. He faced me and opened his mouth to speak, and I wondered what he might say. Would he offer me words of encouragement, or did he have a change of heart and realize that he didn't want to share me, or be with Sloane, after all?

Ryan eyed the slinky black dress that I was wearing, and looked me up and down. He then grinned wolfishly, and I was reminded of the man whom I fell in love with so long ago. "You look sensational, Kat. Jakob is one lucky bastard."

Given the situation and what was about to happen, it was an odd thing to hear, but I took it as the compliment that it was. "Thank you."

My husband continued after a brief hesitation, "Hey. I know I don't say it enough... but I love you. Always have, and always will."

My calm façade immediately crumbled as I begin to cry. I hugged my husband. "I love you, too! And I'm sorry that I don't... I don't show you enough anymore. It's just that... It's just that..."

Ryan pulled me to him, and I buried my face in his chest. "It's ok, Kat. You don't have to apologize. Not for anything. This is life." I could hear the quaver in his voice as he teared up, too. Despite his own misgivings, Ryan's stout body and warmth were as comforting as ever, and it made me wonder how we had reached this point.

"Yea," I squeaked between sobs.

My response trailed into silence, and Ryan waited until I had fully composed myself before asking, "Do you still want to go through with this?"

I was keenly aware of the wrongness of what we were all about to do. However, I was surprisingly confident as I answered in a detached tone, "Yes."

My husband nodded, though I wasn't sure if it was an agreement or resignation.

"Just promise me, Ryan, that nothing will change between us, no matter what."

He nodded again, and repeated, "No matter what."

We hugged each other one final time, and we could detect each other's doubt and excitement.

When we finally pulled away from each other, Ryan declared, "Well, then. Let's not keep out dates waiting."

______________________________________________________________________________

Sloane and Jakob answered the door together.

Sloane was wearing a bright-red dress composed of a satin fabric that was form-fitting, particularly when one noticed that the short dress barely reached below her thighs and resembled more like cellophane wrapped around her hips. The dress sported 2 thick straps and a neckline that was unapologetically intended to show off an ample amount of cleavage. The low cut of the dress performed its intent, but also highlighted the fact that Sloane's large breasts exhibited quite a bit of sag. I inwardly sighed sympathetically since gravity was the bane of all women.

Still pushing my harsh critique and cattiness aside, I had to admit that my friend looked rather ravishing in a dress that my daughter could've worn to her high school prom. I started feeling jealous. With her high heels, Sloane clearly looked like a woman whose sole purpose was to have sex tonight.

I didn't need to look at my husband to know that his eyes were bulging.

Standing next to Sloane was her husband. Like Ryan, he was wearing khakis and fancy dress-shoes, but whereas my husband was wearing a polo shirt, he was wearing a long-sleeve, button-up shirt that was neatly ironed and pressed. He smiled warmly when he saw me, and it one me feel at ease and aroused at once.

I returned the smile.

As usual, it was the talkative Sloane who spoke first. "My friends!" She embraced me and then Ryan. Her hug with my husband, I noticed, lasted a tad longer than mine. "I'm so glad you're here! Hopefully, I speak for all of us when I say that I'm excited for this evening!"

The rest of us simply smiled and nodded without comment.

We had decided beforehand that I would spend the at Sloane and Jakob's while Ryan took Sloane back our home. While I somehow accepted swapping partners for the night, I did NOT relish the idea of my husband sleeping with another woman in our bed. As a result, whatever they were going to do tonight would be done in the guest bedroom.

Sloane didn't have any reservations about her husband taking me into their bed.

We had also agreed that Ryan and Sloane wouldn't linger to keep any awkwardness to a minimum.

Sloane said gaily, "Let me grab my purse, and then Ryan and I will be on our way."

As the blonde woman disappeared, and I told the men hastily, "I need to touch bases with Sloane on something."

I hurried after her before either man could respond.

______________________________________________________________________________

I caught up to Sloane just as she was reaching for her purse that was resting on a hallway table.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and she jumped. Her expression instantly became guarded as if she expected me to threaten her. To be honest, I was feeling a bit hostile. Even though I was as complicit as she was--- as much as any of us--- she was about to sleep with my husband; that was enough to make any woman jealous.

But, having spoken to her at great lengths in recent days, I was aware that she was in many ways feeling the same way as me.

Unfulfilled.

Lonely, even though we weren't alone.

My expression softened, and I told my friend softly, "Be good to my husband. He deserves it. I know he'll be good to you, too.

Sloane understood what I was trying to tell her, woman to woman. She struggled for words, before nodding and saying to me, "Thank you for this, Kat. Frankly, I'm surprised that you're going along with it. This is so unlike you."

"I guess I'm full of surprises, huh?"

She laughed and gave me warm hug. "Have fun... and good luck."

"You, too."

We returned to where our husbands waited patiently for us with quizzical expressions. With tears running from my eyes again, I hugged Ryan again and held on tightly. So many conflicting emotions were running through me. Something profound was about to occur, and I questioned if my marriage would remain intact in the aftermath, and whether my husband and I would still feel the same way about each other tomorrow.

And our children... how could I face them knowing that I was hiding such a terrible secret from them?

Would this night change me into a completely different woman, one whom I wouldn't want to look at in the mirror?

I pulled away before Ryan did.

Sloane and Jakob didn't speak and as they gave each other a perfunctory hug.

Perhaps there was nothing left to say.

Then Ryan and Sloane were gone, and I suddenly found myself alone with my new partner.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the awkward silence that followed, I fidgeted uncomfortably. I had been critical of Sloane's unabashed attempt to appear much younger, but as I stared down at myself, I felt like a hypocrite because I was guilty of the same. Every woman wants to look and feel young, after all. Though my slinky dress was modest compared to Sloane's, it still left little to the imagination and flaunted my youthful looking form.

I had wanted the attention but now I felt fat and ugly and embarrassed for wearing a dress that I had stolen from Mikaela's closet.

Furthermore, my current situation seemed drastically different than it did a moment ago, and I was suddenly apprehensive.

Sex is a much different experience for a woman than for a man. Never mind that we view it more from an emotional aspect than a physical one. Women are almost always at a disadvantage in the sense that we're usually smaller and weaker than our partners.

We're the ones being penetrated.

Even when sex is with someone we know and love, it can still be intimidating.

And now, my husband had happily swapped me for another woman and was willingly sharing me with another man. It was appalling! How could I have possibly convinced myself to allow this, and humiliate myself in the process?

Yes, Jakob was one of my dearest friends, but the idea of allowing him to sleep with me suddenly seemed like a violation of my body which, aside from losing my children, was be my greatest fear.

His gentle chuckle brought me out of my dark thoughts.

"Do you feel as uncomfortable as I do?"

Surprised, I blinked and looked up to see the man grinning his boyishly, and it was enough to break the ice. My unease lessened as his smile broadened, and I found myself smiling, and then laughing, with him. "This is weird, huh?"

"Very weird."

"Yea, now that I'm here, I can't believe I actually agreed to this." Jakob immediately looked crestfallen, but tried to hide it with a brave smile. And when he opened his mouth to speak, I knew that he was going to comfort me... tell me that I didn't have to go through with anything of this... and offer to take me anywhere I wanted to go since returning home, with Sloane being there, was not an option.

In that instant, my respect for Jakob grew exponentially and the ice thawed almost completely.

I interjected before he could speak. "But I don't regret being here." Then, with a wry smile, I added, "At least, not yet."

Jakob laughed heartily, and gave me a hug that was not sexual or inappropriate, but a warm one that a person would give a friend. "How about a drink?"

I did not normally drink alcohol, but the current situation far from normal.

"That sounds perfect."

______________________________________________________________________________

Sipping wine a moment later and feeling much more relaxed, I sat next to Jakob on his living room sofa. I positioned myself in a way to signify that I was not ready let him into my personal space, but close enough to show that I was interested... very interested. It was a game of cat and mouse that men and women have been playing since the beginning of time.

Jakob, to his ongoing credit, respected my invisible barrier, and made some light talk. Casually, I would catch him studying me through the corner of his eye. Unlike teenage boys or other men who approached me in public, he was subtle, not brash or vulgar.

Though I wasn't close to being inebriated, the wine was definitely having a calming effect. I patiently waited for a pause in Jakob's conversation before I asked mildly, "So, how does this work? How do we... um, start?"

"Do you want the truth, Kat?"

"I'm not sure, but go ahead."

"I have no clue. I was hoping to follow your lead."

That surprised me. "Really?" His honest admission melted the rest of the ice, and drained me of most of my misgivings.

"Yes. I don't want you to---"

I interrupted him by turning his handsome, weathered face to me and kissing him. It was swift with no tongue and, to be completely honest, my actions probably surprised me more than it did Jakob. But it was enough to get things started, and let him know where I stood.

Jakob appeared stunned when I pulled back. "Wow," be breathed. "I've fantasized about kissing you for a long time."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I mean it. I've wanted to kiss you... and more... for a long, long time."

Normally, I would've been mortified or annoyed hearing those words from a male other than my husband, but there was genuine passion in his tone that made me feel alive.

The distance between us disappeared as we pulled each other close and kissed again.

This kiss last much, much longer, as we sighed into each other's lips. Jakob's tongue darted here and there to explore and test my boundaries. Emboldened, I shoved my tongue into his mouth without warning, and my new partner murmured loudly. We giggled like shy schoolchildren, but didn't break the passionate kiss.

I trembled when Jakob gently placed his hand on my hip. It had been a very long time since a man other than my husband had touched me intimately. It was wrong... everything about this moment, this situation was wrong... but I couldn't stop.

I didn't want to stop.

In response, I lightly stroked the inner portion of Jakob's thigh. There was an instantaneous stretching of his pants, and I was very curious about the source. My hand made its way dangerously higher, and the closer it drew to the obscene bulge between my friend's legs, the more he began to murmur and squirm.

"Fuck, Kat. You're driving me crazy." He panted the words between more kisses. Our lips and tongues were still intertwined when he begged, "Let me see you."

A sudden chill covered me in goosebumps, but my trepidation quickly gave way to arousal.

There is nothing more erotic, in my humble opinion, than a handsome man slowly undressing a woman.

I left myself vulnerable in every sense of the word as Jakob slowly peeled off my dress. However, the way he regarded my suddenly exposed body managed to instill a sense of comfort in me as well as make my heart flutter at the same time. He had gazed at me with desire before, but there was a raw, unbridled energy this time that was different. This man wanted me in a way that made me feel powerful and feminine.

Perhaps I had become so accustomed to my husband that I took being lusted over for granted.

Jakob drank in my nudity, and gently ushered me to my feet. "Stand up. I want to see you... all of you."

I let him guide me into standing, then took a step back. The male gaze can be unnerving and unwanted, but not tonight. I stood still as Jakob drank in my body, and when his eyes met mine, his smile was comforting as ever.

Then his gaze lowered to my chest.

Normally, my reaction would've been to cover myself. Though my breasts were still firm and proportional to the rest of my body, they were only B-cups and not the size that I assume most men prefer. In fact, that was one of my greatest insecurities, especially when I stood next to large-breasted women like Sloane.

But now, I instinctively raised my head and drew my shoulders back, giving Sloane's husband an unimpeded view of my chest. I stood proudly at full height, my breasts suddenly feeling large as heavily as they heaved while I breathed. Even sitting Jakob still towered over me. I, nevertheless, exuded confidence, something that was rare for me.

"Can I touch you?"

His words were thrilling!

"Please do."

Jakob sought my breasts, and his large hands engulfed them. He touched me delicately, treating me as if I was made of porcelain, trying to respect me while fulfilling his own need. When I didn't flinch in the slightest, Jakob swept toward my belly with his fingertips. He closely scrutinized my body, not like someone inspecting a slab of meat, but like a man enamored by the female form.

I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't an ego boost.

But then he eyed between my legs, and I felt uneasy for the first time.

"You... shave down there?"

"I waxed down there, actually," I corrected urbanely.

Jakob laughed. "After all these years, how have I not noticed your dry sense of humor?"

"What have you noticed about me?" I asked in my most sultry voice.

In retrospect, my question was cheesy, but I turned subtly after speaking the words, bequeathing Jakob my girlish profile. He cupped my breast again, but now his other palm rested on my bottom. His large hands practically enveloped me as he squeezed me gently in both places.

"What do you want me to do?" Jakob whispered.

This is where it REALLY begins, I thought with a surge of adrenalin.

I tried to remain in control as I replied calmly, "You can start by taking off your clothes and getting naked with me."

Jakob, a man who was several years older than me, tried to remain composed, but reacted like a schoolboy which was adorable and very, very endearing.

Jakob quickly undressed as if his life depended on it, and it was so comical that I had to suppress laughter. But when he turned to me, I did not hide my grin as his fully formed erection, literally, sprung into view. My friend's hard penis was an impressive size, perhaps even longer than Ryan's, and was wagging obscenely with movement. More impressive than Jakob's length, however, was his girth.

Because a thicker cock felt much more glorious inside of me than a longer one.

I petted Jakob's manhood as if it was a dangerous animal that might bite me.

"Ahhh... I like that," he crooned.

I responded truthfully, "That makes me happy to hear."

I studied Jakob's erection as I touched it. My mouth watered... my nipples stiffened... my clitoris was tingling and jutting from its hood. I momentarily forgot about my problems as I curiously wondered how my friend's penis would feel inside of me.

I also questioned why Sloane would be turning down such a well-endowed man.

I sighed ruefully. There was no rhyme or reason to how any of us felt. Sometimes, the human emotion was just too complicated to be explained.

Maybe we really are all in the same boat.

I looked at my kindred lost soul.

Jakob loomed over me, so much taller, broader and heavier that I was lost in his shadow. I would've been helpless had he forced himself upon me, but he stood there with a patient yet hopeful expression. I knew that he was being respectful and waiting for me to make the first move.

"Jakob, are you sure about this?"

"I think so." He was obviously nervous, but that preferable than hearing something like "Yes, I want to fuck you right now!"

It was meaningful to me that my friend was questioning himself and, for whatever reason, that made me feel better.

I suggested softly, "Let's have fun and be good to each other."

Jakob's smile was kind and caring. "Ok."

He leaned over to kiss me as we embraced, and I wondered one of us wanted and needed this more. I couldn't believe that I was about to be with another man. This was so out of character, and I experienced a moment of self-loathing.

Then an image of our spouses in the same position as we were in right now entered my mind, and a flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm me. It ran the entire gamut: jealously, sadness, and more. Most peculiar, however, was an admittedly juvenile need to get even with my husband: to making him regret ever swapping me for another woman AND allowing me to be with another man. But, with a surprising ease, I pushed those feelings aside.

I was with Jakob right now.

It was hard to explain my feelings for him, even to myself. He had long been a good friend, and though I had always taken a liking to him, there had never been any overt sexual tension between us save for the occasional innocent flirting and the many times I caught him staring at me. Neither was out of the ordinary.

The truth was, I had never fantasized about sleeping with him.

But Jakob WAS handsome, and perhaps it was as much the situation as the man that left me currently wanting him in ways that I never realized.

I kissed him with the full force of my impatience. "Make love to me."

"God, Kat, I can't..."

He kissed me back and swept me from the ground in one smooth motion. I was so tiny in his arms, feeling like a stuff animal or toy being carried by a child. We were still kissing when he carefully lay me on the sofa and crawled over me. My eyes fell to the large mass between his legs that he was currently stroking. My friend was BIG which gifted me a moment of giddiness.

Can I actually fit that thing inside of me?

There was only 1 way to find out.

I licked my fingers and lubricated my vagina.

Jakob spit on his hands and did the same with his junk.

And when he pressed his bulbous head into my vagina, my toes curled.

He pushed gently, sliding his tip, maybe only one-fifth of his entire length, into me, and I was flooded with a burning pain as my vaginal rim was stretched.

Jakob mistook my reaction for discomfort, and immediately stopped. "I'm sorry, Kat! I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll---"

I grabbed onto my partner before he could withdraw. "No, don't stop. I want you inside of me... I want to feel you inside of me." We looked in each other's eyes, and discovered that we were both equally vulnerable. "Don't stop... just go slow. Please."

Jakob nodded gravely.

Then he continued to penetrate me.

It's hard to articulate how something so painful can feel so wonderful.

Jakob continued to stretch me as he inexorably entered. The pressure of his girth and the friction of it rubbing against my inner walls combined for a beautiful sensation. I sighed loudly as I welcomed my friend and partner--- my new lover--- into my body.

Before I even realized it, Jakob had immersed himself completely in me.

I felt him retracting his hips to thrust again when I halted him once more. "No, wait. Just stay there. This feels so exquisite."

Jakob's tender expression never changed, but my affection only intensified. Despite the promise that none of us would allow things to get complicated, it was impossible not to feel an emotional connection with my dear friend in this particular moment. Being one with him changed my thinking in an instant.

I told myself that I would worry about the drama later.

Right now, I wanted to feel like a woman.

Right now, I wanted to feel beautiful and sexy.

Right now, I wanted to feel needed.

Jakob was over a foot taller than me and outweighed me by almost 100lbs. He seemed well aware that he could inadvertently injure me through our size disparity alone. Because of that, he was bracing himself on his arms, keeping the weight of his upper torso off my body so not to smother me. His thoughtfulness opened my heart to him even more.

"Come here." I reached for him, and pulled him onto me.

Being a tiny Asian woman, I had always been attracted to much larger men; not those who were morbidly obese, mind you! But athletic-looking guys like Ryan and Jakob who dwarfed me. There was an odd sense of security and an indescribable sexiness being with men like that.

Even now, as my partner blanketed me and literally had me pinned in place, it was a cozy feeling having his warm solid body on top of mine.

"Now fuck me, Jakob."

Jakob murmured an affirmation and started to thrust. He commenced slowly, still measuring my reactions, and cognizant of any signs of pain or discomfort. After a few slow thrusts, he slowly began picking up the pace, much to my satisfaction.

"That's it, Jakob... just like that... faster... go faster..."

When Jakob complied, it felt so incredible that I arched my back and moaned. "Oh fuck, yes... YES!"

"I've never heard you curse before, Kat. It sounds hot!"

I ignored him. "Fuck me harder... harder!"

Jakob was hammering me pretty well in no time, so hard that my cries and yelps were only barely more audible than the dull thud of his pelvis colliding repeatedly with mine. My vagina seared painfully, like someone had grabbed me by the ankles and was pulling me apart like a wishbone! I could actually feel his spearhead poking at my cervix! And yet, like an addict, I craved more.

Then, though he didn't completely stop, Jakob slowed down, much to my dismay. I was about to demand what he was doing, when he confessed, "I think of you all the time when I'm with Sloane."

I suspected he was attempting to be sweet, and even though I was in the midst of having sex with her husband, my intention wasn't to be a homewrecker.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not sure if that makes happy."

"It's true, Kat. When I'm with Sloane like this, I fantasize that I'm making love to you. I have for a long time. Sometimes, it's the only way I can do it with her."

We were in the heat of passion, and I knew that should've told Jakob the same... that I regularly thought of him when I was being intimate with my husband. But that wasn't reality and I couldn't bring myself to lie. Jakob stopped thrusting as I hesitated.

Before I could speak, however, he pressed a finger to my lips. "You don't need to say anything or pretend. I know your heart is with Ryan. I'm not trying to take his place, nor am I trying to replace Sloane with you. I... I just wanted you to know."

The smile he gave me was so tender and understanding that I sobbed. "Oh, Jakob!"

My friend tried to console me. "I'm sorry, Kat. I didn't mean to upset you."

I wiped away my tears. "I'm not upset. I'm just so grateful for you." I sighed. "I just ruined the mood, didn't I?"

He kissed the top of my head. "You couldn't even if you tried."

We lay together in silence for a moment. His penis was still inside of me, but was rapidly losing its rigidity. I knew that I was at a proverbial fork in the road, and that whatever happened next would affect all of our lives forever.

As if he were my conscience, Jakob asked solemnly, "What do we do now?"

To me, there were only 2 choices. And though they resided at the opposite ends of the spectrum, I did not find myself vacillating between them because either would lead to something that was both wonderful and terrible.

"We can get up and get dressed, go back to our spouses, and tell them that we never want this to happen again. Or... you can continue to fuck my brains out."

My friend's eyes widened in disbelief. Then his smile matched mine. "Um, I think I'll go with Option 2, if that's ok with you."

I smirked impudently. "Permission granted."

Jakob began pleasuring me again, pausing only long enough to share laughter and another hug.

It didn't take much for his penis to regain its diamond-hardness again.

I was grunting and moaning and whimpering once more.

I attempted to wrap my legs around my partner's waist as he thrusted. However, he was so much stronger than me that I failed miserably. Still wanting to increase the depth of his penetration, I slung one leg over the top of the sofa, stretching my vaginal entrance wider and allowing him greater access.

It provided the intended result.

Jakob pushed into me again, and I practically screamed.

"Don't stop! Oh god, don't stop! Keep going... fuck, oh fuck keeping going!"

Jakob leered as he doubled his efforts, pummeling me as if he had ill intent.

Jakob continued to give his best when his hands returned to my breasts and squeezed them rather harshly. It had been so long since Ryan had made love to me like this. Our sex had been routine and by-the-book.

Empty.

I told myself that this wasn't love that I was experiencing with my friend right now.

This was merely a good fucking.

But that was ok because it was what I needed right now.

Jakob face was red and he was sweating profusely when he growled, "I'm going to cum."

My initial reaction was to twist away and not allow him to deposit his sperm in me, but I lay there dutifully. Instead of egging him on with more sultry words, I remained quiet. Jakob, however pumped hard and moaned my name, much to my delight.

"Katrina..."

My partner's semen scalded as hot as the friction between our bodies as it boiled into me. But Jakob didn't stop pumping as he climaxed, seemingly intent on relieving himself of every last drop. I yelped as he pushed exceptionally hard, but rather than pull back Jakob pushed even harder and stayed there!

And when he started grinding heavily, it elicited one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, orgasm of my life.

I was writhed and squealed

My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head as I convulsed.

The lower half of my body felt as though it had detached itself, and was falling into an endless void. This exquisite sensation even lasted longer than my usual orgasms! My head swam, and I actually started seeing spots for a moment.

I couldn't recall if Ryan had ever induced a climax like this; I wasn't sure if he was capable anymore.

But, as usual, the glory subsided much too quickly.

Jakob was coming down from his peak at the same time, and collapsed next to me in an exhausted and sweaty heap, spent. He snuggled next to me from behind and kissed my neck, something that always made me weak in the knees. Basking in the wonderful afterglow, we didn't speak for a long time.

"I have no words to describe how that felt... how I feel right now." He held me close. "Thank you, Kat. I really needed that."

Perhaps it was a moment of clarity or perhaps it was the post-orgasm moment when I often found myself irrationally emotional. There could be times immediately after great sex where I cried tears of joy. However, the pendulum could easily swing the other way, where I felt irritable at the perception being relegated to a sperm receptacle.

Right now, my emotions slightly swung towards the latter.

"You're welcome," I replied somewhat brusquely.

Even though I had zero chance of getting pregnant, I suddenly felt the need to cleanse Jakob's semen from my body. Not to mention that I was experiencing a considerable amount of guilt for being unfaithful to my husband by having sex with another man; a man who was married to friend of mine, and who happened to be a friend to me himself. What felt wonderful beyond description a moment ago now left me anguished.

Perhaps the exhilaration would return, but right now I was feeling empty.

The giddiness, sense of adventure, and confidence that I had been experiencing all night was suddenly snuffed out, and I felt like a different person.

I felt like usual self once more.

My shoulders slumped.

I turned my ire towards Ryan for putting me in this position.

I hated him for not being there when I needed him... for agreeing to Sloane's crazy idea because he clearly wanted to be with her... for pushing me towards Jakob against my better judgment.

I suddenly hated Jakob, for betraying his wife and for what he had just done to me.

Most of all, I hated myself.

I was overloaded with unpleasant thoughts and emotions that were too much to process.

I threw Jakob's arms from me and fled to the shower where I frantically scrubbed and expelled from my body every trace of the man who was not my husband.

I cried.

______________________________________________________________________________

I was still feeling dour when I trudged into Jakob's bedroom. He lying in bed with the covers over him, waiting patiently and regarding me with that familiar gentle expression. His concern was not feigned.

It was hard to stay mad at him.

I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Kat. Maybe we should've taken things more slowly."

"Oh, gosh, Jakob. What am I doing? What are we doing? What are we all doing? This so insane! I shouldn't be here."

My friend nodded in understanding. "You're right, this is insane. I can call my wife right now to tell her than I'm taking you home, and bringing her home."

I had no doubts that Jakob would do what he said, which made me mad at him again, but this time for a different reason. "Goddamn it, Jakob! Why do you have to be so nice?"

I was being unfair and irrational, and I knew it, but it felt as though I was experiencing a different, conflicting emotion ever other second.

He spread his hands helplessly. "I don't know what to say or what to do. Tell me what you want."

I sat next to him with just a towel around me and pouted. "That's the problem! I don't know what I want." Without thinking, I lay my head on his shoulder, and I instantly felt a comforting arm around my shoulders. "I was horrified by Sloane's proposal. Horrified! I couldn't believe that she'd even have the gall to bring it up to me and Ryan! And I was so hurt when Ryan agreed to it so quickly. Like, he wasn't even bothering to hide the fact that he wanted to sleep with your wife! I felt betrayed... and so inadequate. The three of you all seemed so enthused about swapping partners, and I felt forced to go along."

Jakob listened patiently as I continued.

"But then part of me wanted you, too. And when I came here... you were so kind and good to me... and the sex was so... SO... incredible. Tonight ended up being so much more than I could've ever anticipated. You made me so happy that I want to be with you again, and I feel like a terrible person for admitting that."

I felt better for unloading on Jakob as I sobbed and sniffled on his shoulder.

"You feel guilty for sleeping with someone other than Ryan."

It was a statement, not a question, and I nodded.

"I feel guilty for being unfaithful to Sloane, too, even though I have her permission. Though maybe my conscience isn't weighing on me as much as yours is right now. Or maybe it is, I don't know. And you're upset with Ryan, too."

"Yes! He agreed to Sloane's idea so quickly. It's like they were planning it behind my back!"

Sloane's husband looked at me sternly. "That's not true, and we both know it."

"I know, I know," I grumbled. I swallowed as I tried to collect my scattered thoughts. "The thing is, I never wanted Ryan to be with Sloane, but I do want him to be happy, and the only reason why I let that happen was the possibility that she might be able to satisfy him in a way that I haven't been able to. I keep going back and forth about that just like I keep going back and forth and us, and it's tearing me apart!"

Jakob didn't speak for a long time, and I felt silly when I realized that he was expecting me to say more. "I'm sorry, Jakob. My mind is all over the place tonight. I don't know what I'm saying or trying to say anymore." I suddenly chuckled. "I've never spoken this much."

"Yea, this is much different than your usual one-word responses."

"I'm not that quiet!"

"Look, Kat. What the 4 of us are doing isn't normal, but what you're feeling now is. Being torn about what's going on... it was to be expected, right? I mean, which one of us didn't expect to feel this way? I will say this: if this is hurting you so much, then we need to call it off. You might not believe it, but Ryan and Sloane will understand. And so will I."

I studied the man before me. Even now, with his kind words and thoughtful advice, he was making no secret of his desire for me. And yet he was willing to give me up to make me feel better.

It was a cruel irony.

"Do you think our spouses are having a serious conversation like this right? Or do think they're just banging each other silly?"

"I honestly don't know, Kat. It makes me feel better to think that they're thinking of us, too."

"You know, when my husband dropped me off, I was anticipating that we were simply going to have sex all night. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be so romantic."

"Romantic? You think this is romantic?"

His tone was bitter, and I was mortified that I had offended him. "I didn't mean that in a bad way!"

He hugged me close. There were actual tears in his eyes, but they were quickly gone. "'Romantic' isn't a word that Sloane and I have used with each other lately. But hearing you say that makes me as happy as anything else that I've experienced with you tonight."

Jakob was clearly hurting. Despite being torn over my own actions and situation, I had to admit that I did have feelings for him. I couldn't say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was love, but it was enough that I wanted to be there for my friend again... take Sloane's place in their bed... be whatever he needed me to be.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Jakob."

"Did anything happen between you and Ryan? Or did your marriage just lose that spark?"

"It's an oversimplification but, yes, that's exactly what happened: our marriage just lost its spark. It seems like it should've been an easy fix, right?"

"Ha! If only marriage was that simple! The same thing happened to me and Sloane, and the solution wasn't simply a romantic dinner or a night of romance. But I love my wife; always will. I'll never stop trying to salvage our relationship, even if it means letter her sleep with other people." He finished with a mirthless chuckle, "As strange as that may sound."

I smiled warmly. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear, Jakob. That you'll always love your wife, and keep trying."

"Even if that means she's having ex with your husband right now?"

My answer was surprising swift and honest. "I do hope that Ryan is being as good to Sloane as you were to me... as strange as that may sound."

Jakob glanced at me as I repeated his words from moments ago, and we slowly smiled at each other.

Everything was a very weird dichotomy!

Jakob grew quiet again, and I feared that I overstepped my boundaries. But he revealed softly, "Sloane and I... we don't talk like this anymore. I mean, we talk... but it's more like 'Hi, honey, how was your day?'. Not like this." He made a gesture between us.

I nodded. "It's the same with me and Ryan. And I'm finally beginning to realize that's been a big part of the problem for all of us: a lack of communication."

Jakob started to chuckle.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"You can't laugh like that, and tell me that it's nothing!"

"Fine, I'll tell you. Just please don't be offended, Kat," he began, raising his hands in a placating gesture that was somewhat ominous.

"Oh, boy..."

"Ha! It's just that... it's just that..." Jakob looked at me, and set his shoulders straight, and then confessed, "I didn't think we'd be having a serious conversation about life and love, either. Like you, I thought we were just going to fuck all night." The boyish grin appeared again. "Maybe I was just hoping."

"Keep dreaming, then!"

We laughed.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Jakob, after everything we've said and done tonight, I don't think we need to hide anything from each other anymore. So, yes, you can ask me a question."

"How often do you and Ryan have sex?"

I blinked in surprise. I wasn't expecting such a personal query, but it wasn't altogether surprising. "Maybe once a month," I replied in a casual tone as if I was discussing what was for dinner. "Once every month and a half is probably more accurate."

Jakob made a rude sound. "Once every month and a half would be like winning the lottery! I'd kill for that! I'm too embarrassed to say long how it's been for me and Sloane."

I sighed. "Oh, Jakob... you're such a boy." When he looked at me quizzically, I tried to explain, "It's not just about how much time you spend with someone, but the quality of the time. My husband and I have sex every month, month and half; maybe you think that's often, maybe not. But when it's lacking passion... when it feels as though we're just going through the motions..." I spread my hands out helplessly.

Jakob shrugged. "I, personally, think boring sex would be better no sex at all, but what do I know?"

The abrupt new direction of our conversation triggered a sordid curiosity about my partner's sex life that had been only perfunctory. "What's the kinkiest thing you and Sloane have ever done?"

"Wow, getting personal, are we?"

"Hey, you started this."

My friend pursed his lips. "Kinkiest thing Sloane and I have ever done? God, I can't think of anything." After a while he finally answered, "Maybe doing her doggystyle?"

"That's it?" I blurted in surprise, and immediately regretted my reaction.

"Maybe your sex life isn't so bad when you compare it to mine, huh?"

"I wasn't implying that!"

"Goddamn, Kat. You're too easy to tease."

"That' not funny!" Still, my curiosity had been piqued. Not to sound slutty, but I was barely 18 when my boyfriend bent me over and took me from behind. Surely, Sloane and Jakob must've done something more exotic than that in their many years together? "Oral sex?"

Jakob guffawed. "What's that?"

Wow, I thought. I had received cunnilingus and gave my first blowjob before I had even lost my virginity! And while I enjoyed receiving oral sex, I usually despised giving it. I had given blowjobs to previous boyfriends and, of course, my husband because making them happy, in turn, made me somewhat happy. But I would NOT complain if I never had a penis in my mouth ever again!

I looked at Jakob again and could discern that my line of questioning was, in fact, bothering him. I immediately chastised myself for being too nosy. However, as I studied my partner more closely, I began experiencing something other than self-disgust.

Just like Jakob had pleased me earlier... just like I was hoping that Ryan and Sloane were satisfying each other right now... I suddenly felt a desire, born partially out of sympathy but mainly out of a burgeoning affection, to fill that emptiness for Jakob.

As much I as I Ioathed feeling indebted to any man, I felt like I owed my friend that much.

But I was fooling myself and trying to justify my actions.

What I was about to offer Jakob, I was offering willingly.

"Jakob?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like a blowjob?"

I kept my tone low, but it sounded deafening in the quietness of our surroundings. My partner's eyes came alive, and his hopefulness and thrill were palpable. He smiled gratefully, but cautiously replied, "Yes, oh my god, yes. But only if you're ok with it. And I sincerely mean that."

Strange that I'd rather him be truthful and admit that he wants me to suck his cock rather than lie to me.

Everything was a weird dichotomy, after all.

The temperature in the room seemed to change as I scooted myself between his legs. Or, perhaps it was just me... perhaps I felt confident and empowered again, and in control.

"I wouldn't be offering if I didn't mean it, silly."

With that, I pulled the covers from Jakob and threw the towel from my body.

We were naked again.

I joined Jakob on the bed that his wife rightfully shared with him, and positioned myself been his legs.

Then I gave the bulbous head of Jakob's fat cock a swift upward lick.

Whether it was residual semen or new precum, I wasn't sure; all I did know was that Jakob's bodily fluid possessed an acidic flavor. That was rather surprising. After all, though I had never swallowed a mouthful, I had given enough blowjobs in my lifetime to lead me to assume that every man's semen would taste salty.

Jakob spasmed as if he had been electrocuted. "Fuck, that feels so good!"

"I have even started yet!" I laughed

"And I'm in heaven already."

I laughed again then returned to the task at hand.

I planted a kiss on Jakob's penis in a show of affection, and continued licking all over with enthusiasm. Jakob's verbal and physical guided me... empowered me... informed me what he like and what he didn't. And though I knew what he wanted--- to climax as quickly as possible--- I felt almost cruel in deciding that I was going to take my time.

Every girl knows that the key to giving a good blowjob is a whole lot of teasing.

After I finished lathering the entirety of Jakob's tip, I began licking the length of his shaft in full sweeps, from the base up back up to the top, slowly and lightly, barely grazing him with the tip of my tongue, so light that it felt like I was brushing him with a feather.

"Like that?" I asked innocuously.

"Oh god, please don't stop, Kat! Please don't stop!"

I chuckled evilly. "I love it when boys beg."

"I will, literally, get on my knees and beg if you want me to."

I gave a dismissive "Hmph!" then took him into my mouth without warning.

Jakob bolted upright as if he had been propelled by a spring, but I planted my hand on his chest and forced him back down.

While my partner may have buried himself completely in my pussy earlier, I wasn't about to take him all the way down my throat. Instead, I sealed my lips tightly with his rigid circumference protruding halfway out and generously licked him all over again all while sucking gently. Jakob's erection twitched and emitted heat as if it were a lifeform on its own, and I hilariously realized how vulnerable a man truly was with his penis in a woman's mouth!

I could feel Jakob's eyes on me now, inducing me to murmur and growl as I continued to work. Then, very deliberately, I began slurping noisily to add to the sound effects as well as to his overall stimulation. I had learned long ago that giving oral wasn't about just sucking cock.

Men don't want to just feel a blowjob; they want to see and hear it, too.

I wanted to make this an immersive experience for Jakob.

In my mind, I was striving for this to be the best blowjob Jakob would ever receive. Though a very big part of me was still vacillating between guilt and glory, the knowledge that he often fantasized about me while he was fucking his wife WAS a major ego boost. However, I sincerely did hope for a happy future for Jakob and Sloane even as I serviced him orally.

Weird dichotomy, indeed!

Keeping Jakob in my mouth, I nudged his thighs further apart and then repositioned myself so that I was prostrated between them. I paused long enough to state boldly, "I want you to watch me as I give you the best blowjob of your life."

I felt silly for uttering those words. They sounded so cringeworthy! But things were running hotter and hotter between me and Jakob, and I wanted to maintain... no, intensify... the momentum, and make this a night to remember for both of us.

Fortunately, Jakob didn't view my attempt at sultriness negatively. "I knew it!" he cried triumphantly. "I knew it! You always act so quiet and so serious, but it's all a front, isn't it?"

I smirked coquettishly. "You tell me. Now, lay back and relax. I want us both to enjoy this."

His voice trailed off as he uttered, "Oh my god, Kat..."

As Jakob fixed his eyes on me, I knew I needed to add more layers to my performance before achieving the literal and figurative climax. I slipped my partner into my mouth again, taking him slightly more than halfway. Still prostrated between his legs, I tossed my hair over one shoulder so he could see what I was doing to his penis.

Forcing myself to relax and breathe through my nostrils, I commenced pumping my head up and down my man's pole to the same depth each time. I proceeded slowly, wanting Jakob to feel my lips, tongue, and walls of my throat gliding over his turgid flesh. I didn't forget to include the sound effects, cooing, and gulping loudly so he could hear me as much as he felt me.

But it always went back to the visuals.

I wanted to make sure that Jakob was watching as his manhood disappeared down my throat to only reappear over and over again.

Men are visual creatures, after all.

He muttered an oath. "What are you doing to me?"

I ignored him and continued.

However, I added yet another layer to Jakob's blowjob. I naturally salivate, as I expect all women do, when I give a man oral sex. Often times, I will swallow it back or wipe it away so things don't get too messy, but saliva can be a very useful tool during a blowjob.

I coated Jakob's shaft with a thicker sheen of wetness with each pass.

His eyes were boring down so hard on the sight of my lips vacuum-sealed around his slimy cock that they felt like laser beams.

"God, that's so beautiful!" he moaned.

I had one final trick up my sleeve.

Jakob's cock was an impressive size, and I was able to wrap both of my hands around it, fist over fist, while still keeping his fat tip in my mouth.

He let out an explosive breath as I massaged his manhood with a twisting motion of my wrists.

All while I continued to suck and lick and bob my head on his bulbous head.

All while I sucked and slurped and moaned

I think this all under Jakob's watching eye.

I was intent on making sure that this man would think of me whenever he was having sex with his wife AND receiving a blowjob from her.

As if his reactions weren't enough of a positive reinforcement, Jakob tenderly weaved his fingers through my hair. Soon, however, my head was palmed between his large hands. I was tiny compared to my partner, and was aware he could crush my skull like an eggshell with little effort. Strangely, I found that wildly arousing.

Part of the reason while I now loathe performing oral sex is due to dreadful experiences.

I've had men seize my head in place as they jammed themselves down my throat, or felt them push hard on my head in an effort to get me to deepthroat them. Blowjobs can be a demeaning for a woman even under the best circumstances, but these were experiences that scarred me.

But while Jakob was currently clutching my head, he was extremely gentle and cautious. He did not restrict or even guide my movements. Rather, he simply moved along with me as I maintained full control on how to pleasure him.

I had to admit that this was the best blowjob I had ever given.

Dare I admit that I was even having fun?!?!

Smugly, I arrived at the conclusion that even if I didn't enjoy performing oral sex, I was very good at it.

It wasn't long before Jakob began grunting louder. To my disbelief, his penis somehow managed to stiffen and expand further in my mouth which coincided with a sudden burst of heat. I suspected it was a telltale sign of what was about to come.

Or, perhaps more accurately... cum!

I was worried that Jakob would erupt in my mouth, something that I had never even allowed my husband to do, but he was kind enough to offer a warning.

Jakob blubbered incoherently and tapped my shoulders frantically.

Without hesitation, I wrenched his cock from my throat, and stroked him fast and furiously with both hands.

"Give it to me!" I hissed. "Give it to me! I want to see you cum for me! Cum for me!"

A single spurt erected from Jakob's penis, arched in the air, and landed on the floor with an audible splat.

Then another. And another.

And another.

Suddenly, my lover's cock was spouting cum like an obscene geyser. I milked him vigorously... wickedly... cackling gleefully and goading him with dirty words that I had never uttered to anyone else.

Not even Ryan.

I clearly hadn't drained Jakob completely when we had sex earlier; I wasn't let that happen again.

The sight of so much semen exploding from my partner's meaty head could only be described as mesmerizing. I had never seen a penis ejaculate at such a closeup view. It left me hungry and salivating all over again.

I began to question many things... about myself... about sex and oral sex... about power and lack thereof... about love and relationships...

About many, many things.

"Stop, Kat. Please stop."

Jakob had ceased spewing, but I still masturbating him with reckless abandon, wanting to make sure that he wouldn't have a drop left after I was finished.

"Stop, Kat," he repeatedly my desperately. I released him, and Jakob's entire body seemed to grow limp like his manhood. "Oh god, I'm so sensitive down there right now... oh god, that was SO good..."

I giggled, and lay on his chest. Jakob responded by sighing contently and wrapping one arm around me. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair. "You are positively a sexual freak disguised as a hot petite Asian woman."

I laughed. "If you say so."

After a while Jakob was still stunned by the blowjob I had given him, something which made me rather proud. "Dear god, Kat. That was incredible."

I shrugged flippantly. "I actually dislike giving blowjobs, but I know I'm good at them."

I mean to inject some humor into the situation, but Jakob asked in disbelief, "You don't like giving blowjobs, but you still offered?"

I shifted shyly. "I wanted to do things for you that you haven't experienced before." What I really wanted to say was, I wanted to do things to you that your wife won't do for you. I added truthfully, "I wanted to make you happy."

"You've done more than that, Kat." He hugged me with sincere gratitude. "Thank you."

"You're welcome... and thank you, too, for this evening."

A thought suddenly occurred to me, and Jakob noticed the change in my expression. "What?" he asked in amusement.

"I bet we had more fun than Ryan and Sloane."

Jakob peered at me more closely. "That's important to you, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Considered a friendly competition, I suppose."

"Between who? Between you and your husband, or between you and my wife?"

I had to consider that. "Both, I suppose."

Jakob was still regarding closely, when he chuckled and shook his head. "I've come to realize that I will never understand women."

"Just remember, Sloane was the one who came up with this entire idea. The rest of us just agreed to it."

"Oh, I know. I'm very well aware of that fact."

We lay together in silence, lost in our thoughts and enjoying each other's presence. Jakob was on the verge of dozing off when I asked, "Do you think Ryan and Sloane will want to do this again?"

Jakob pursed his lips as he pondered. "I don't know. I'm sure it'll depend on what their experience was like. I guess we'll find out in the morning."

"I guess so."

"Do you want to do this again?"

I didn't look at Jakob as I kept my head on his chest. I felt unbelievably cozy and comfortable. "I'm not sure," I answered in measured tones. "This was much more fun and, honestly, much more romantic than I could've ever anticipated. But I don't know if we should do it again. And I don't know how I'll feel like when I seem my husband again. Tonight was amazing beyond words, and I'll remember it and appreciate it for the rest of my life. I just don't know." I finally looked at him. "I'm just being completely honest with you, Jakob. Please don't be hurt or offended."

"Of course not, Kat. We all consented, remember? We all understood what we were getting ourselves into. I can compartmentalize what I need to, I promise."

Jakob's words made me pensive. I wondered what my husband and my lover's wife were doing at that precise moment. I wondered if they truly meant any of the sweet declarations of affection that they must've been exchanging all night.

I wondered if Ryan was feeling any remorse for sharing me, his wife, with another man.

It left me troubled.

But I drifted off, feeling warm and naked and extremely cozy with 2 strong arms wrapped around me, I wondered if I could push aside my rapidly growing affection for Jakob, my dear friend and married man.

The End...?

I apologize if my English and sentence structure are off. English is not my native language.

I'd love to know what readers think of my very first story... but please be nice!

If there's enough interest, I will continue because there are more stories to tell!

XOXO