Kate Rehabilitates Herself

disclaimer: all persons, places, events, conversations, promises, dildos, bands, birds, lies, and authors are either entirely fictional, or absolutely true, or their reality status has not been confirmed with an acceptable level of uncertainty, or I'm keeping it a secret. Any similarity this story has to good writing is purely coincidental and I make no promises as to whether it will or will not happen again in the future or in the past. No space alien iguanas were used in the production of this story. Almie, the Minor Goddess of Unnecessary Carbohydrates, arranged for deliveries of all the donuts.

Chapter 4: Kate Rehabilitates herself

When the movie was over and they had cleared away the empty popcorn bowls and wine cooler bottles, Anna gave Keisha a hug.

"Thanks for inviting me over tonight, Keisha. This was fun. Goodnight." Then turning to Kate she said, "Come with me."

"Why?" Kate asked uncertainly.

"Because you want to." Anna opened the door and looked expectantly at Kate. Kate followed her out the door.

Keisha continued cleaning up the kitchen, putting dishes in the dishwasher.

"What the fuck just happened?" Amelia was standing in the middle of the room, mouth hanging open, looking back and forth between the closed door and Keisha.

"Kate bit off more than she can chew," Keisha started laughing.

"Why is that funny?"

"Well for one thing it's the name of a story that I read a while back, but what's really funny, is what's going to happen to Kate next."

"Yeah, you need to explain."

"You know how you keep saying that Kate is totally cool, right? Except she isn't. She's an absolute bitch. You didn't see any of that because you were gone, getting the pizza. So Anna is going to 'cure' her."

"She's really not a bitch, though," Amelia protested. "You just need to get to know Kate better. I mean, you've barely met her, and I've known her since we were 13."

"Are you sure that you're talking about the 20 year old Kate right now? And not the 13 year old Kate that you remember?"

"I mean, you do have a point. The last year or two she's been kinda... well it's been hard for her... she sometimes acts out."

"Since she broke up with Caroline?"

"Yeah, that was rough on her. They were really close. We all expected them to get married, even after they'd barely been dating for six months. So yeah, it's just gonna take her a while to work that out."

"Unless I miss my guess, she's getting that work out right now."

----

To all external appearances, Kate looked like the same person that she had been four days earlier, except that her aggressive posturing seemed now to be replaced by a casual confidence. And she was tightly clutching a letter. After she and Amelia left for South Bend, Keisha asked Anna about it.

Anna stared at her for a long time, it wasn't clear whether she was breathing. "Do you mind if I hang out here for a while. I need some company."

After Anna had been sitting on the couch for a very long time, with her legs curled under her and her head in her hands, she finally spoke. "That was the hardest thing I have ever done."

"Really? But you've broken a lot of people, and made them put themselves back together."

"That is why it was so hard. She was already broken; I put her back together myself. Breaking is easy. Fixing is hard."

About an hour later, Anna had finished crying enough to continue. "Caroline was right. Katelyn is in love with her, really in love with her. They broke up for no good reason, and then both of them refused to apologize; very childish. Whether it is true or not, Katelyn felt like she has to prove something, earn her respect, or deserve Caroline's love, whatever. She did not know what she was trying to accomplish. She is intimidated by Caroline, to some extent, and believes that Caroline does not consider her to be a worthy match, because she is a blue collar worker. And that is very odd, considering... well, Katelyn's circumstances. So I made her write letters."

"You didn't fuck the shit out of her until she couldn't see straight?"

"She was already broken." Anna was silent again, for a long time.

"Like, a love letter? To Caroline?" Keisha inquired.

"Not just a love letter, it had to be the perfect love letter. It had to be perfect, no spelling errors, grammar, everything needed to be correct, and hand written. Katelyn's spelling is atrocious and her grammar is worse. I insisted that if she wanted to prove something to Caroline, then her letter needed to be flawless. It took her 172 attempts before I let her keep it, to give to Caroline tonight. Now she is proud of herself."

"I don't get it. Why is that the hardest thing you ever had to do?"

"Because I had to read them. Every. Single. One of them." Anna curled up into a ball.

Keisha pulled the tiny woman onto her lap and held her tight.

"Nobody will ever love me like that. You know what they say about me... what Carrie says. Nobody says anything good. I am a psycho woman, the one who destroys relationships and reduces men to pathetic losers. Except that I do not. I show them only the truth of what they really are. They beg me to do it, and then they blame me for what they are.

"I read 172 letters about how much Katelyn is in love with Caroline.

"In my entire life, no lover has ever told me that they love me, and meant it.

"And then you ask me why that was hard."

-----

When Keisha got out of bed the next morning and came out of her room, Anna was already awake and reading something on her phone. She had been in no condition to be alone the night before, so Keisha had insisted that she stay over and crash on the couch.

"Morning Keisha. Hey, what do you think of your story so far?"

"What are you talking about?" Keisha needed a few doses of coffee before dealing with questions this early in the morning.

"On Literotica. The third chapter was posted a few days ago, I am just now reading it."

"What? I didn't know any chapters had been written yet. Let me see." Anna offered her phone, and Keisha read it for a minute or two. "What's going on? This chapter has your name on it."

"You need to start at the beginning, otherwise it doesn't make sense," Anna advised. "I'm not sure it makes sense even then," she muttered under her breath.

Keisha got out her laptop, "What is it called?"

"The name of the series is Random Wanderings, except it always shows up as Chapter. This is a strange author, where did you find her?"

"She did FnD's story.... Wait.... what? How does this make any sense, what does Random Wanderings have to do with me?"

"The name might be the only thing about this story that does make any sense," Anna said wryly.

As Keisha read, she started to mutter, then to cuss, then to curse vehemently. "That stupid fucking cunt! Where the FUCK does she get off writing this shit! I am so going to have it out with her."

She pounded her keyboard furiously for a few hours while Anna read another story, took a shower, watched her amusedly, made breakfast, read another story, and sent a few emails.

"There! Take that, bitch!"

"What was that all about?" Anna asked.

"I just wrote a scathing rebuke of that stupid twat's complete lack of any story telling skills, and posted it on my account. See how she likes that!"

"Scathing rebuke, huh? I'm looking forward to reading that one."

Keisha slammed her laptop shut, picked up her phone and walked to the kitchen to find some breakfast. "Oh my god!!!" she screamed. "Did you see this?"

"Probably not," Anna didn't look up.

"Look at your Instagram. Look at what Caroline just posted!"

"I don't have Instagram."

"Seriously? How do you not have Instagram. OK. Here, look." Keisha had returned and now handed her phone to Anna.

"Ooooohhhhh, they are just so adorable. They probably should have put some clothes on first though, before they took this picture. It is pretty obvious that they barely finished fucking. Actually, I am not sure they are finished. Katelyn is looking a little dazed."

"Oh my god, I can't believe it! Kate and Caroline are back together!"

"Well yes. That was the whole point. I told you that."

"But already? So fast? Kate only just got back there last night. How did they get back together already?"

"I told you I am good," Anna shrugged. "I am really good, when I want to be."

-------

"Hey Keisha!" Anna greeted her, and sat down at their customary table for their customary Thursday coffee time. "I still haven't seen your scathing rebuke. Is it up yet?"

"No, the moderators rejected it. They said something like it's against their policy to allow things that appear to attack real people."

"Must have been pretty good then!"

"OK, but here's the thing... how do we really know that this DawnDuckie person is real? Maybe she is just a character in somebody else's story."

"Girl, you've been reading waaayyy too much EmilyMiller and FreyaGersemi."

"No but seriously, has anyone actually ever met the bitch?"

"Um," Anna looked uncharacteristically nervous.

"Ok, you know how HobokenSweat invented Flat Hat to be the author of your story? What if she also invented DawnDuckie?"

"HobokenSweat did not invent DawnDuckie."

"OK, but how do you really know? OK, maybe not HobokenSweat. I'll bet it was Rambling_Chantrix. She would totally do something this meta and fucked up." Keisha thought for a moment. "No, I know. It's somebody who doesn't write stories under her own account, and she just invents fake authors. Then the fake authors write the stories. That's what it is. I'm totally sure that DawnDuckie is a fake and doesn't really exist."

"Keisha get hold of yourself. I am quite sure that DawnDuckie is real. Quite sure."

"But you can't be totally sure if you've never actually met her... oh wait, what? You have? Have you actually met her?"

"Listen Keisha, I can not say anything about that. OK? But if you pay close attention, you will detect that she does not hide her identity very well. And you already know that I travel a lot. It is advisable to just drop that subject."

"Huh," Keisha huffed. "Easy for you to say, but I'm supposed to have a 'Love at First Sight' story. And this?" Keisha waved all of her hands very aggressively everywhere, "I don't even know what this is!"

"OK, if you insist," Anna sighed. "Do not write a 'scathing rebuke.' Instead, write a story that takes place in The Land Of Hypothetical, and make it a satire. Like what Clemens did with Huck Finn." Anna took a bite of her donut. "Also, I hope you like vampires."

-----

Friday evening Keisha got a phone call from Anna.

"Hey Keisha, are you doing anything tonight?"

"No, not really. Just writing my satirical story that is totally not a scathing rebuke."

"OK, I will be over there in few minutes then."

"Why, what's going on?"

"I want to be there before the vampires show up."

The vampires actually got there a few minutes before Anna did. Anna didn't bother to ring the buzzer, she just went straight in.

"Sorry I am late, I got a speeding ticket on the way over; 105 in a 45. That car is fun to drive though. So, you two are the vampires? Marcilla and Enid?"

"Yes, pleased to meet you. And you are the witch we have been hearing so much about lately?"

"I am Ralitsa. I will not comment on what you may or may not have heard about me, but I advise you to treat that information skeptically. Carrie is a profligate liar and an unapologetic gossip. But, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"OK wait!" yelled Keisha. "This is not a pleasure at all. I am totally not cool with two vampires showing up in my apartment unannounced. Anna, do you know them? What the fuck is happening?"

"I know of them. And Keisha, I did warn you that they were coming. But really, you should have figured it out for yourself when you saw Anna_Roid's comment."

"Maybe you mentioned it in some vague way but that is hardly a warning."

Anna shrugged impassively, she didn't bother to deploy her stare.

"Keisha, child, if I may?" Marcilla said gently. "When a witch of Ralitsa's power mentions something, it's best to take heed. But now let's have a look at that story of yours, shall we? We would all like to see you get that finished up and submitted tonight."

"Oh, Marcilla," Anna interrupted. "Before I forget, you should avoid California for a while. A team of hunters was looking for you, I gave them reason to believe they should look for you in California. Two women and a man, they looked rather amateurish, but it still would be best just to avoid a mess."

"That it certainly would, Ralitsa. Thank you. I hope one day to be able to return the favour."

-----

Keisha went to bed that night frustrated, irritated and feeling not the slightest bit avenged at having unleashed her invective against her incompetent author. Everyone was having sex except for her. Caroline and Kate were evidently burning a hole up their bed; out on the couch Marcilla and Enid were going at it like nothing she'd ever heard. Charlotte and Hannah were probably getting it on at their Uni in Bath by now, even though the latest chapter hasn't been posted yet. Even Anna was probably getting some; although maybe not, considering how Anna had said she is the slowest of slow burns. But Keisha certainly was not. And of all the people in this story who should be having sex tonight, she felt justified in thinking it should be her.

-----

Saturday morning Keisha was making coffee a little before dawn when her door cracked open and two vampires slipped into her apartment.

"Coffee will be ready in a minute. Do you want breakfast? I could make... um... waffles maybe? I have flour, eggs, sugar... waffles then?"

"No thank you dear, that's very kind but we've had our breakfast already."

Keisha looked a little more closely at them. Enid had a definite look to her of being 'fatisfied'. (That's a word that Keisha had invented to mean the feeling of being fat and happy after eating a large meal, and just wanting to pass out in some warm comfy spot. She had thought that word up while listening to an episode of "A Way With Words" on her local public radio station, when someone had asked if there was a corollary to the word "hangry" that meant the opposite.)

"Oh, right, I keep forgetting... it's just that you look so normal... shit sorry, that was rude, sorry. Uh, well I'd tell you to make yourselves at home, but you seem to already have, sooo... I'm going to get dressed and stuff and then I'm meeting my dance team at 8 for practice. You probably want to take a nap. You can probably use my roommate's room if you want, she is never here; I have no idea where she goes. It's in here."

Keisha opened the door for them. Marcilla started to lead Enid into the room and then stumbled backwards as if struck. She shrank in horror from the open doorway.

"Close it!" Marcilla squawked. She was barely able to stand; Enid was holding her up.

The two vampires stumbled to the couch and collapsed onto it.

"Who the fuck is your roommate?" Marcilla asked, when she could speak again.

Keisha shrugged, "Her name is Angelina, I don't know much about her. Except that she's kinda weird and is never here."

-------

The vampires were gone when Keisha got home, but Anna was there.

"Anna, why are you here? And where did they go?" Keisha waved her hand vaguely.

"The vampires went to my place, they do not like your roommate. I came to meet your roommate."

"She's not here, she's never here, well not never never, but like never."

"What never?" Anna sang in a perfect imitation of the Captain of The Pinafore.

"No never," Keisha returned.

"What never?"

"Well. Hardly ever."

"And she's hardly ever sick at sea!"

"SOOOO! Give three cheers and one cheer more for the hardy Captain of the Pinafore. So give three cheers and one cheer more fooooorrrrrrrrr..... The Captain of the Pinafore!" They both finished the song together.

"That is unfortunate that Angelina is not here. I was hoping to find out if she is who I suspect she is."

"Who is she?"

"I cannot answer that when she is not here for me to find out, now can I?" Anna asked sarcastically. "I might have met her once. Which reminds me, is your story up yet?"

"No, the moderators rejected it again. They still weren't fooled, same message as before."

"It would be better to just drop that idea anyway. OK, this is what I will do..." Anna started typing into her phone.

"What?"

Anna looked up when she finished and said, "I just emailed DawnDuckie and told her to hurry up and get us to the Ms Nadine tickets part."

"Ms Nadine tickets? What? How..."

"Keisha, do you not read the comments? The very first comment, T suggested that Kate buy tickets for a Ms Nadine concert to rehabilitate herself."

"Ah, OK, I get it. So you're saying that THBGato invented DawnDuckie!"

"NO KEISHA. STOP! Nobody is going around inventing pretend authors. Fuck (and I want to point out that I never swear and am only doing so now out of extreme exasperation) this story has become way too meta. I need alcohol. What do you have?"

Keisha dug around in the closet that also did duty as a liquor cabinet. "Uh, Patron? Why do I have Patron, where did this come from?"

"WHAT!" screamed Anna. "Patron! If fucking Jenny shows up in this story next, I'm throwing myself into a volcano!" And with that she ran out the door at top speed.

Keisha warmed up some leftovers for dinner and decided to watch that infernal nonsense Pinafore while she ate; only because she couldn't get all of those songs out of her head. And she never did figure out if Tit Willow was a bird or a tree.

-------

The next morning she had one text from Kate to a group chat, and one text from Caroline specifically to her.

The one from Kate had a picture of the ugliest dildo ever, and Keisha decided it was the very definition of a terrible dark green pain.

Kate had written: "reevishun 5 and its trooly majical!"

Keisha responded: "did u name it the Slippery Skippery Boo?"

Caroline's text had a photo of her computer screen showing tickets to a Ms Nadine concert.

Caroline had written: "Ms Nadine tickets! OMG. Want to come with?"

So Keisha called Caroline.

"Hey Keisha! You got my text then?"

"Yeah, I did and I'm confused. How did we get from the mess that was last week, to going to a Ms Nadine concert?"

"I seriously don't know, but I'm not asking questions. Kate said that your friend Anna is some sort of witch, so I'm just going with: it's magic. And it really is too. Being back together with Kate is magical; I had been telling myself that I didn't care who she fucked, and that I didn't want... well all sorts of stuff - but really we were both hurting. So it's my birthday in a couple of weeks, and Kate bought 6 tickets for us and whoever else I want to invite. You seemed like you were interested in Ms Nadine, so I thought I'd ask you."

'I'm particularly interested in a certain strawberry blonde groupie who was in one picture,' Keisha thought to herself. But out loud she said, "Of course, I'd love to! Isn't that expensive though? Six tickets? I can pay her back for mine."

"Oh don't worry about it, she's loaded. Well her family is anyway. It embarrasses her to talk about it, so don't make a big deal about it though. Her mom is some high power lawyer and makes a ton of money and her dad has a decent job too, as a welder in a fab shop. They spoil her. She's an only child, so money is not something she worries about."

"Seriously? But her clothes, and her car, and her haircut... "

Caroline laughed. "Right, she doesn't want anyone to know she's a spoiled rich girl. It's cute, really. OK, great then. The concert is August 20th in Indianapolis, you can make that?... Perfect. You probably want to plan on staying at Amelia's place that night so you don't have to drive all the way back."

"OK, yeah that works. I'm sure Amelia will let me crash on the couch again."

"Oh, no need for that, just take the spare bedroom."

"Spare? They don't have a spare bedroom... "

"Sure she does, where Kate used to stay. Kate moved back in with me again."

-------

Keisha showed up for dance practice with her team just as the Advanced Ballet group was finishing up.

Christina, one of the girls in the Ballet group was ranting, "... and they don't judge on whether you're actually a good dancer, just how extreme you are. Like, I can get my leg as high as anyone but my knee will be slightly bent and my foot will be turned. In ballet you need to have every movement and position perfect, it's not just about how fast or high or extreme you can do it, it needs to be perfect at the same time your arms are perfect, your hands are where they are supposed to be, and your chin is pointed correctly. You have to do a thousand tiny things perfectly, all at the same time. So I don't care if someone tells me that they won a competition, it doesn't mean that they are any good."

"Wow, judgy a bit, are we?" Keisha teased her as she approached the group. She really didn't know Christina very well. The girl seemed friendly, but not shy about sharing her opinions either.

Christina turned her attention, from her friends to Keisha. "No seriously, it's not just me. Like every ballet instructor will tell you that it's better to do 5 perfect fouettes than 25 mediocre ones. But then you see these people who brag "I can do 25 pliés," yeah ok but they don't keep their feet and knees turned out correctly and their heels on the floor. So like, who cares."

"So you think I'm not a good dancer because I want to compete on a team?" Keisha poked at her wryly.

"I mean, I haven't seen you dance so I don't know how good you are. But I'm just not going to automatically be impressed because you won some competition. Like if you won at YAGP, then yeah, you have to be really good. Why, did you?"

"YAGP? No, fuck no. I've actually never competed before, I just want to try it because it sounds fun and will help me keep in shape."

"So that's fine. I have no problem with that. Like, I'm no way good enough to go professional either, I just dance for the fun of it too. I mean that's perfectly fine, if you're realistic about it. Are you practicing next?"

"Yeah, our dance team is. You wanna stick around and watch, tell me all the things I'm doing wrong?" Keisha baited her. The girl was quite attractive, with blonde hair, if a little on the short side. Despite, or maybe because of her outspoken personality, Keisha was interested in getting to know her.

"Sure, I'll watch, but I'm not your instructor so I won't tell you how to do it." Christina didn't take the bait. "I like modern dance too, maybe I'll practice with you guys."

-----

After practice they were getting donuts.

"What is it with everyone here getting donuts after dance practice? Nobody at my last studio ever did that, and here everyone does it."

"I just really like donuts, and I'm starving after practice so I always get donuts. And I've been dancing here since I was seven, so by now everyone else is doing it too. It's because everyone wants to be like me," she said, faking conceit.

"Oh, so that's why you hate me," Keisha joked, "because I want don't want to be like you, and I want to compete and not dance ballet. I see how you are."

"Ha! That would be beneath my dignity. I take no notice of the peasants who choose such vulgar pursuits," Christina declared with exaggerated haughtiness. But then she laughed. "So what's with you and Anna, are you two an item? You're always together."

"Nah, we're just good friends. I mean, I'd be willing. But I guess she went through a lot of shit, and she isn't ready for anything else right now. What about you?" Keisha still wasn't sure if she had a functioning gaydar, so she resorted to just asking outright, since Christina had brought up the topic.

"I like girls, mostly. But I'm not totally opposed to the hetero idea, if it were the right person. I had a girlfriend until about a year ago, but then she moved to Denver. She is semi-professional, and teaching classes on the side."

"You didn't go to Denver with her?"

"She didn't ask me to; I would have. I guess I was more serious about her than she was about me, so that was a rude awakening. Yeah, so, to answer the question you're not asking, I think I could like you but I'm not rushing into anything this time."

As much as Keisha was attracted to her, this didn't feel like the Love at First Sight that she had read about. But she was willing to concede the possibly that those Literotica stories might not be strictly accurate. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea to me. You seem nice, but I guess you could secretly be a serial killer or something. I haven't had a..." Keisha suddenly had second thoughts about revealing her lack of experience in the girlfriend department, "a... lot of time to get to know you so that seems like a good idea. Yeah, take it slow... not rush into anything... get to know each other..." now she was babbling again, "Um right."

"Very eloquent," Christina smirked at her. "Did you ever consider writing poetry?"

------

This Saturday it was Anna's turn to host popcorn and movie night, so Keisha brought the wine coolers. Marcilla and Enid had already gone out for the night when Keisha arrived.

"Hey, so Anna, what the hell is going on? Did I tell you that suddenly Kate is making injection molded dildos at work and selling them on the Literotica marketplace? And Caroline and Kate are back together and Kate moved in with her. And Kate bought Ms Nadine tickets - remember that band I was telling you about? You have vampires staying with you for some unknown reason, who are terrified of my roommate that is never here. Everyone thinks that you're a witch, and that it's you who is causing all of this. And who the fuck is this Jenny person that everyone is talking about?"

"Well you read the Fore Word, right? When that was written, she was sitting at the site of an ancient sacred medicine ground near Kichi Gami, and she inadvertently unleashed all of this. But now this story has gotten quite too much meta. So I discussed the situation with DawnDuckie and explained that everyone is getting rather annoyed about it. She did not exactly agree, I would not use that word, but I would say she succumbed to my arguments. Henceforth, there will be no more inexplicable appearances of characters, discussions about pretend authors, or characters threatening to take over the writing of their own stories.

"In the next chapter we will have strict adherence to the plot, with a minor development to the subplot of Kate marketing her Magic Dildo on the Literotica marketplace. You will go to the Ms Nadine concert, and there things will get interesting. And there will be sex, lot of sex. You will be very happy in the next chapter."

"It's about fucking time," muttered Keisha.