What am I Waiting For? Pt. 01

I am 42 years old. I have been celibate for over 8 years, since escaping a violent husband with our 2 children. For a long time now I have dedicated myself to those children, but now they're grown and mama wants to have some fun.

In some ways I feel like I was asleep much of the last 8 years and now I'm waking up. When I was younger, even when I was having sex, it was soooo hard for me to ask for what I wanted or even to say stop when I didn't want something. This meant that sometimes I had great sex (especially if HE was attuned) but sometimes I had some not so great experiences.

Now I suddenly realize I'm allowed to experiment with pleasure! I'm allowed to ask for exactly what I want -- what am I waiting for after all? I'm not getting any younger and this is the only body I get to experience pleasure through in this lifetime. Why not see what it can do?

With that in mind, I recently joined Fetlife -- you know, for kinksters online looking for play partners and beyond. Actually I didn't sign up exactly; see I already had an account, so I just logged in after a hiatus of many years. I HAD fantasies before, but was never brave enough to actually go after them.

I've definitely always had a kinky side. Even as a 7 year old I remember the kinky fantasies I had. I ADORE pleasure -- I am incredibly sensual and I love all sorts of touch. I love really nothing more than to bask in sensation while having other senses dulled or removed (for example, being restrained and blindfolded turns me on immensely).

It helps quiet my critical mind that is always noticing and worried about my stretch marks or cellulite or the scar of my csection. I love when the decision to be vulnerable is taken from me -- so that I KNOW that someone WANTS to be playing with my imperfect body. I didn't force it on them and they aren't obligated.

I feel aroused when I hear words like "inspection", "insertion", or "examination". I fantasize about being restrained while someone inspects every inch of me to see how I respond to different stimuli -- tickling, massaging, using ice or warm oil, a light spank... or a harder one...

I imagine that after this treatment, with special attention paid to my thighs and bum and eventually vulva (not to mention nippes!), just the tip of a finger would arrive at my introitus, just sitting there. I would squirm while it remains, completely unmoved by my desperation -- maybe even getting off on it - meanwhile offering my nipples more of their favourite stimuli -- whatever was discovered from the tests run earlier. I forgot to mention how important the nipples are.

Oof. Mine are just DYING to be sucked on, to be gently nibbled -- teeth nipping at the sensitive tip -- to be pinched, pulled, flicked, and licked.

Certainly, I'd be happy to undergo some experiments involving my nipples - like how they respond to different devices. Suction for example. Like one of those suction pumps that sucks it? I've never tried one of those but I'm fascinated. Or gentle electricity? A little shock on the nip might be just delightful!

But I don't know! I imagine I could find out... and what type of clamp my nipples prefer! Oh the possibilities are vast and my imagination is infinite.

Likewise, one could try similar experiments on the labia/vulva. To see if they like being pulled, or gently kneaded (mine do!) or clamped, or pinched. How about tiny shocks there? I don't know! I'm also not opposed to experimenting with tens pads on the lower belly and thighs and bum.

I really just want to try so many things so now you might understand why I joined fetlife and not some other app for meeting or dating people.

I WANT to be teased and denied orgasm. I want to squirm and beg until I cry out all the trauma of NOT being able to exist in this moment of pure pleasure at all times.

I want a safe place to grieve the knowledge that even the kind of pleasure I used to feel is no longer available to me. That I miss it. I cannot imagine not grieving this.

See: I experienced amazing full body orgasms in my late teens and 20s. Full body energy waves and flooding of my system (and often the bed).

A non-consensual intrusion changed my life. Suffice it to say, I fled from the place of penetration in my own body and left my vagina numb and unoccupied with my consciousness. Eventually I missed the pleasure, so I started using vibrators and enjoying clitoral orgasms instead.

Because of this, my vagina lost some of its previous health and elasticity and my orgasms became more and more underwhelming.

Over time, I learned that I'd rewired my pleasure pathways. I was addicted to quick release, which meant I NEVER experienced the heights of the pleasure I was used to when I was younger -- the full body tingling breaking into an out of body experience as I became one with the universe and lost all sense of self.

As a result, I try very hard not to let myself orgasm by myself. I want to to draw out and build the pleasure through my whole body. If I go straight to my clit, my orgasm can be as small as my clit! I want pleasure that overwhelms my system! I WANT what I used to have, even though I don't think I'll ever have it again and it breaks my heart.

But on my own, I struggle so hard NOT to go to my clit and that quick, easy release even though I know it's worth it to hold out. I loathe my lack of ability to delay my gratification. I feel broken, humiliated, and unworthy of the pleasure I crave.

Thus, my fantasy is to be restrained by someone who LOVES making a woman wait. To be teased beyond anything I could do for myself. I want to be forced to surrender to the sensation of pleasure rippling through my body, like it is right now even as I write this. Even if there are tears streaming down my face and I don't know how to hold it.

So I went on fetlife looking for a pleasure dom or sensualist whose fantasies line up with mine. Someone who wants to tease, to deny me release, to watch the pleasure build, and to experiment with how to both build it up and draw it out. And of course men started messaging me to say they liked my profile or were fascinated by some of the kinks I listed.

At first I was intimidated. Could I really let someone see my body after all this time and after the birth of my twins had ravaged it? As I felt through my fears, I realized that though I might be focused on my scars, the extra weight around my middle, my saggy boobs from years of breastfeeding, the reason I won't opt for surgery is the same reason I'm fun to play with -- I choose sensation and experience over looks every time BECAUSE I'm so sensual. BECAUSE I feel so much. BECAUSE I can lose myself so easily in pleasure.

I started to see how fun that could be for the right man. How much someone would love to spank my still amazing round ass. How little he'd care if my boobs were saggy while he's listening to me scream as he sucks my oh-so-sensitive nipples. There's a part of me that knows how delectable the curves of my body are. And again, how fun. Maybe it doesn't matter so much what it looks like if it feels so good!

Some of the men who contacted me were easy nos. One man said he needed to keep things discrete so his wife wouldn't find out. Not for me! Many sent pictures of their penises which immediately made me think they don't know much about how to please women (by and large we're not as visual and we don't get turned on by penises, even if we love them AFTER we're turned on)!

I was looking for safety and sensation.

One guy led with immediately asking about non consent. No. Ew. I took it off my profile immediately when I realized I would always be scared (and maybe a little disgusted) by someone I don't know suggesting that.

That's something I'm into for brief moments with someone I trust and love who is actually gentle with me. Like when my lover in NZ flipped me onto my stomach and told me he would "rape [my] ass". I was never afraid, and in fact I was dripping and desperate for it. I was never afraid, but I squirmed around like I was fighting it, just so he'd hold my arms behind my back, forcing my ass into the air.

Mmmmm I was so ready for it when he started working his penis into my ass, telling me I was helpless against him. It was so hot. He had actually never cum in a woman's ass before because he just didn't like it nearly as much as "the mighty vagina". But he came in MY ass that night and said it was the best ass he'd ever had.

I love some slooooooow anal play -- when it's teased out until it becomes so pleasurable you can't think right anymore.

Anyway, eventually I started up a conversation with a guy who actually seemed like a normal person. He didn't send me pics of his penis. He seemed genuinely interested to get to know me and what I was doing there. He had hobbies and interests outside of the fetish life and he seemed to understand that most women don't want to go straight to the bedroom of a man she's never met before!

We decided to meet pretty quickly, to see if there was anything there to pursue. Any sparks to stoke, so to speak.

We had a lot on our kinks lists in common: 420 (meaning we both smoke weed), anal play, anal sex, anal training, spanking, body worship, bondage, butt plugs, edging, erotic massage, foot massage, hot oil massage, intelligence, intimate inspections, and sucking toes.

I also have a lot on my "curious about" list if he wanted to experiment with something new: clit pumping, double penetration, spreader bars, and even fisting. I've always been fascinated if I could get that far!

He described himself as a pleasure dom, while I am a sub or a sensation sub. He likes to take his time and I like time taken. I hope it means he likes to experiment, map his play partner/sub so that he can make her experience the most pleasure sensation through her body that she can.

In other words, we'd have a lot to play with, if we decided we wanted to...

So, we met on a Wednesday night and went for a walk near my home. My first impression of him was not really about immediate sparks BUT maybe more importantly, I felt safe and he felt trustworthy. To be honest, I don't think I have ever experienced immediate sparks with people. I usually need to get to know people to know if I could be into more so I wasn't really sure what to do with that.

I didn't want to lead him on in my not knowing so I was very honest. I said he was handsome and had kind eyes. I felt that he was relatively normal, he spoke sweetly of his daughter, and he seemed safe (meaning he seemed to be genuinely representing himself).

I said as much and he suggested we could be friends and get to know each other better. He said I could come over to smoke a joint sometime, and I agreed. Maybe I was too quick thinking I needed to make an immediate decision. I just didn't want to lead him on if it wasn't going to go anywhere and I have a history of feeling obligated which I am so completely over. I am so ready to get what I want and stop worrying about being what others want!

I went home and slept on it, wondering if I should stop trying on fetlife and just get out in the world more. But then how would I find someone who was interested in the naughty things I was?

I woke up the next day and something had shifted. I started fantasizing about him and what he might like to do to me. How perfect my body is for someone like him who WANTS to explore pleasure and sensation. How attainable my fantasies suddenly seemed.

There is nothing that turns me on more than feeling safe with a man I'm with and even his reaction to my honesty made me feel more safe to be direct and honest about what I really wanted. Plus, if there were no sparks, maybe I would feel even more empowered to get what I want without feeling like it's too much, I'm taking too much time, he's bored, I owe him -- all the things that usually go through my head when I'm with a man.

I fantasized about going over there "to smoke a joint" (as he invited me to do) and then partway through the movie, when I was relaxed from the joint, he somehow tied my wrist to whatever we're sitting on. When I notice, he quickly grabs my other wrist and attaches it to the piece of furniture we're on as well.

Suddenly I feel quite helpless but rather than fear welling up, I feel only arousal. My sex pulses with the knowledge that he knows what I like. That if I just let myself, I could be swept away in surrender to pleasure. To simply feeling it all -- living in the experience.

It's been so long since I've let myself feel this way. But recently I've been SO horny. Kind of desperately so.

In my fantasy, we make eye contact as I'm considering my choices and what I really want, and I can tell from the look in his eyes that he's assessing whether I really want this. Even in my fantasy I want to KNOW I'm safe.

And I do. I do want it. Again, the realization that I might be treated to a buffet of pleasure and sensation sends a pulse through me. I breathe into it, letting it ride all the way to my toes, my fingers, and the top of my head.

He sees my clear consent and pulls a lever on the side of whatever we're on. It spread out and flattens and suddenly I am lying flat on my back with my arms held taut to the bedframe and my legs splayed out still from trying to catch myself as I fell.

Before I can realize what's happened, he's attaching my ankles to the frame, legs still spread but not uncomfortably. At least, physically speaking. I feel very vulnerable! But I relax into knowing that he must want this. I may as well surrender to pleasure because it's his responsibility to stop if he doesn't want what's on offer.

Likewise looks down at me tied there, completely able to speak and open my mouth and choosing to stay silent and let this happen. He knows I want it too. I am not frozen in fear. I am almost panting with excitement and I feel the blood flowing to my nether regions as I think of what is happening here.

I start to shiver with the adrenaline and excitement of my predicament and he grabs a light wool blanket and places it over me, again proving how well he's paying attention to my body -- this bodes well for me. He then grabs a stool or something and places himself at my feet.

There's a pause while I wonder what's happening and then he says, "may I take your socks off and touch you?"

Oh, he's going to make me say it. He's making sure I really do want this. And I do. I will say it. I don't want this to stop before we've even begun! How far is he going to go? What is he going to touch? For how long will I be able to enjoy this pleasure? I have a kind of anxiety about time because it's never enough -- it's never been enough. Nobody has ever witnessed my pleasure potential, by FAR.

"Yes please" I say. I don't know if he's a "sir" kind of dom but I'm not really a "sir" kind of sub, and I've decided this is my time to receive what I want (this is my fantasy, after all).

He peels off my socks, swiping quickly between my toes, making me giggle while he looks for fuzzies. He grabs a bottle of oil I hadn't noticed before and says "this is sweet almond and coconut oil infused with some warming herbs. May I use it on you?"

"Yes please" I say again.

He pours a thin stream onto my toes and I feel a pang in my vagina as my sensitive toes are stimulated. He then starts to rub my feet, spreading the oil around my entire foot, in between my toes again, and all the way up to my ankles. I gasp in delight -- no one of EVER touches my feet but I LOOOOVE having my feet touched.

I am in heaven. I am already worried it will end too soon. But then he says "Just relax" as if he can read my mind and we have all the time in the world. I relax, and he kneads my feet and pulls my toes for long enough that my whole body has completely relaxed into the sensation and I'm wondering if this is all he's going to do to me. It's got to have been at least 10 minutes already!

Suddenly, he gets up, pulling my dress up my body, lifting my hips as it rises, and pulls it up and over my face like a blindfold. I wasn't wearing underwear and my vulva is 100% on display, bush and all (I wasn't expecting this and we never spoke about our preferences so I don't know his! Again, I remind myself that if he doesn't want this, or any part of me, he has the power to stop any time. I relax again and stop judging myself).

He immediately unclips my bra at the back, freeing my ample tits to the force of gravity. I am essentially blindfolded by my dress, and my wrists and ankles are still bound in place.

I'm nervous -- fully naked and not yet ready for penetration -- I worry for a moment that I misread him and he's not as attuned as I'd hoped.

But my fears are unfounded as he pours oil onto my shins and starts to massage my lower legs. It's delicious just being able to lie back and relax and enjoy this. I don't remember the last time someone offered me so much care.

After a few minutes he moves onto my thighs and after what seems like the most bone achingly slow 10 minutes I am soaking wet, my vulva is puffed up, my vagina is tented, and I am dying for him to move upward or inward!

But he doesn't. What he does is move to my hands and then my arms. He takes his time and then moves into my armpits and breast tissue, alternating strong kneads and soft tickles that make me squirm.

Finally, he pauses and I hear him putting more warm oil on his hands. I wait, my eyes still covered by my dress, not knowing what to expect but hoping beyond hope that he isn't done with my breasts! They're aching and shivering for attention, my nipples hard little rocks. No one has touched or sucked them in over 8 years!

Aaaaahhhhh yes, finally his warm oiled up hands come down on my breasts, nipples touching the palms, as he thoroughly examines them with his hands, at last running my nipples through his oiled fingers, pinching slightly as the very tip slides through his fingers. I gasp and arch my back and he does it again, excited for the immediate response from my body -- the moans, the hardening of the nipples even more.

He does it a few more times and then puts his mouth down on my right nipple while he plays with the left one in his fingertips -- rolling it, pinching, gently pulling, and tapping on the tip, while his tongue flicks the other. He gently nibbles the tip and sensation courses through me, zinging in my clitoris, and then he fully brings the right nipple into his mouth, sucking greedily with almost full force.

A moan tears through me and I pulse again, lost in sensation and simultaneously excited about what could be coming next.

Eventually he switches sides, playing with the now slobbery right nipple with his curious fingers while his mouth attacks the left. I don't want this to end, but my body simultaneously aches for more.

He reaches over and I hear him grab something that makes a small sound. Carefully, he fits what feels like two clothespins over my nipples, He flicks them and I feel a delicious little jolt in my nipples, spreading out to my breasts and my vulva.

For a moment, I don't feel anything but the clamps, then suddenly there's a tiny little pinprick of energy in each nipple. Just a sharp little tingle every now and then. I realize the clamps must be attached to some kind of electrical charge. It feels amazing! It's sporadic and not overwhelming but keeps me deliciously, almost painfully, aware of my nipples.

Then I hear some shuffling and a sound of metal against metal. Suddenly, he releases one of my ankles. I feel bereft! But not for long as he places something different -- thicker and firmer -- around it. He then does the same to my other ankle, replacing the soft, giving cuffs with something that could be wooden for how solid it feels. I realize my legs are joined together as each movement affects the other.

Suddenly, my feet are being pulled upward, my knees forced closer to my boobs, and he's deftly freeing one wrist and then the other only to put them somehow in the same instrument as my ankles.

This must be a spreader bar. I had it on my "curious about" kinks list and now I get to experience it for real! And it's everything I imagined.

When he's done, my wrists and ankles are all joined somewhat closely together and my knees are forced wide open, allowing for a completely full, open view of my vulva and anus, which feel like they're pointing almost straight up at the ceiling inviting further inspection.

I can feel the air on the wetness of my pussy lips. I feel a draft on my anus and a thrill of fear and excitement passes through my body. It's been 8 years for my anus too, that sensitive little bud. Mine is a bit scarred from childbirth but it feels just as much pleasure as it always did. I hope he's not put off.

Suddenly I feel him near my ass and I tense up for a second before feeling the deliciousness of the warm oil dripping onto and between my ass cheeks. His hands arrive shortly after and he starts massaging my cheeks. They weren't accessible to the massage when I was flat on my back.

As he massages, I feel his thumbs slowly moving closer to my anus and vaginal opening, his fingers splaying out to the sides. I feel his thumbs tease near my openings, my body relaxing and opening a little more each time his hands knead the flesh apart.

I feel myself heating up, my juices flowing, my nipples still occasionally zinging with tiny shocks. Honestly, I feel so ready for him to take me. I know it's only been 30 or 40 minutes, but I think that's the longest anyone's ever made me wait. I'm already being teased beyond my previous limit!

Then suddenly a finger is touching my introitus. It lingers there and my entire consciousness is there with it.

Internally I am screaming "put it in me!!!" but I am silent. I wanted to be teased. I asked for it and now I'm getting it.

Finally, his finger moves and he's now he's grabbing and pulling my lips apart. I can feel his gaze -- his hungry curiosity - lapping it up. He tugs on one side and I hear the slobbery sound of a wet introitus opening.

He tugs on the other side and then just keeps doing that for a while, just tugging on one lip then another, sometimes tugging on both so that I spread apart a little. I wonder what he sees but mostly I just maintain focus on the amazing sensation it's creating. He places his hand on my mound, and just feels it for a while, as the heat builds in me.

He massages and kneads all around my vulva as the blood increases the size of it, readying it for penetration. My clitoris, like an iceberg (it's the size of a penis just almost exclusively beneath my skin), is pulsing with every movement. Feeling things it hasn't felt in 8 years.

One of his fingers brushes over my anus and I clench automatically, my whole body jerking slightly.

He seems to take that as an invitation to desensitize me, because suddenly that's where his focus is. He touches the bud again and I try to relax into the pleasure. I remind myself that having an anus, let alone one that feels pleasure so intensely is not anything to be ashamed of, even though I have some scars from childbirth.

He pushes gently and I guess that it's his knuckle, not his finger, on my bud. It's pulsing just a few mm at a time, just seeing how I respond. How my anus responds. I relax into the sensation. I can feel it in my vagina, the pulsing and waking up of long quiet nerves, the gentle nudges on my tightly closed hold.

I start to relax and soften, thinking of how good it feels and nothing else. He gets some oil and dribbles it on. I feel heat flare through me at the feeling of the warmth dribbling onto my perineum and anus.

Suddenly I feel an intruder at my back door. He inserts what must be a nozzle inside me and squeezes some oil out INSIDE me. I feel its warmth build and drip inside my anal cavity. I clench and squirm thinking of what this could mean.

Next, I feel his finger again, just spreading the oil around the bud of my anus, pushing gently once again. I feel my body respond by relaxing more and more, opening up just a sliver.

The finger no longer feels like an intruder but a wanted guest. I feel hungry for him to put something in me and finally he does -- with almost no resistance from the tight sphincter that was once keeping him out. He's only an inch in, but my body is on fire from the sensation. I can feel his finger in the oil he'd previously put inside me.

My body is bucking for more but I am powerless. Slowly, moving his finger 1mm out and then 2 in and then 3 out and 5 in, increment by increment he enters my now starving anus. He rotates and moves his finger around as if feeling its capacity, loosening up the band of muscles until the sensation I feel is just MORE MORE MORE.

I feel him grab something and I'm so excited for what it could be. I hold my breath. In a moment, I feel his finger leave my anus, but a second later there is something else pressing at the gate. He pushes and it slides around fruitlessly until finally he pops it in as I gasp.

I realize it must be an anal bead or something. It feels round to me. Suddenly he's pushing another one into me and I realize it's definitely anal beads.

With 2 now inside me and who knows how many hanging out of me, he gives my ass a spank. Immediately I feel a warming sensation spread from where his hand made contact toward my aching pussy. He slaps the other cheek, then both in quick succession, one after another, varying speed and strength until my whole bottom feels red and alive and gently swollen.

He grasps the anal beads and pulls both out without so much as pausing and I gasp with dismay and pleasure. But then he is pushing one in again and another and now a third is entering the depths along with them.

Now he's kneading my vulva, once again pulling my lips apart as far as he can and letting them go. This just heightens the sensation I feel, the internal scream for MORE and FILL ME UP.

When I think I can't take it anymore he once again returns to my nipples, removing the clamps and taking my sensitive nipples in his mouth in turn. My clitoris pulses and zings with the sensation.

Then he's suddenly back at my ass, pulling out one bead so slowly I think I'll scream. And another and then the last as I futilely grip my anus, trying to keep it in, trying to communicate my desire to be filled there.

He pulls nonetheless until it releases and I am bereft without them! I want to feel sensation EVERYWHERE.

I squirm as I yearn for something, the ache in my vagina growing stronger, and then, thank the universe, I feel something pushing at my anus again. I feel my anus softening and letting it in as I relax and gently bear down. It's not much wider than the beads but it doesn't stop like they did.

I feel my anus stretching as the size increases gently, and just when it is almost uncomfortable, it's pulled back out. Then bone achingly slowly, I feel it pushed back in, my anus stretching just a little more before once again it's pulled out. I want to thrash around but I can barely move.

Again and again, he slips it in just a little further only to pull it out. I stop feeling as if I have to evacuate my bowels and suddenly my ass feels hungry and slightly gaping.

I want the sensation once again, the pushing on my vagina from behind. Finally, just when I think I can't take it anymore it's in.

I feel my anus nearly close next to the flared bottom -- ah so it's a plug of some sort. I relax and just let myself feel it as I pull my muscles up and relax them a few times, the yearning in my empty vagina growing.

Suddenly he is unlocking my wrists and ankles from the spreader bar. My joints are a little stiff and he gently warms them up for me, directing me on what he wants me to do. He takes off my dress gently so that I am fully naked. Takes a moment to hold me communicating silently that I'm safe and cared for.

I am turned over onto my hands and knees and my wrists are once again cuffed to the bed. Another bar comes, this time between my knees, and it pushes them open, holding them apart so that my ass and pussy are once again in the air, fully accessible. Throughout this ordeal, the anal plug stays in and without the blindfold of my dress I notice it's attached to a box of some sort. What's going on? I wonder.

I don't have enemas anywhere on my fetish list and suddenly I remember that now that he has me like this, he really can do anything he wants. A shiver goes through me -- fear and arousal in turn and I pray again that he's as attuned and careful as he seems to be -- a pleasure dom of the highest quality!

Suddenly, I have an answer as to what the box was. There's a mild shock deep inside my bowels. It's obviously an electro plug he's inserted into my anus, and he's turned it on. It doesn't hurt at all. It just feels like a tap on the inside, like a reminder to be present.

He turns it up a notch and my muscles jump internally. This feels amazing! I don't know if I can take it stronger but he seems to be done testing for now and is leaving the level as it is.

My face is on the bed in this position and I look down and make eye contact with him at my tail end. He looks startled and then remembers what happened to my makeshift blindfold. He goes over to a small chest of drawers and pulls out a long black sash. He comes over and puts it over be eyes, tying it at the back so that once again I am at the mercy of waiting and trusting once more.

He takes a few minutes to massage my bum again, kneading his thumbs into my vulva and then introitus, soft and open and waiting. I feel the tissue there respond with more lubrication and then stretch as 2 thumbs enter me and pull me apart a little, as if examining how far I can stretch.

It's not much. As ready as I feel, my hole is smaller and tighter than it once was, and less responsive too, simply due to the neglect of the last 8 years and the trauma of what occurred there.

Briefly the memory comes back to me and I remember what it was like to scream "get out get out get out" while a roomful of people looked on, waiting for me to give up. I breathe into the memory, remind myself that I already survived it.

"I am not there. I am here." I remind myself. I focus once again on my fantasy, imagining the cuffs around my wrists, the bar gripping my thighs, the pleasure in my anal cavity pulsing through me.

Just then he reaches out, removing his thumbs from my entrance, and grabs my nipple and pulls. I shriek with pleasure and shock and he pulls at the other one, letting it feel the pinch as his tightening fingers lose their grasp on it.

Then he slips something onto each areola that makes it feel like both nipples are being gently sucked - creating a tiny pinch that once again reminds my nipples that they exist only for my pleasure once more.

After a moment there is silence and I feel nothing but the constant tug on my nipples and the occasional shock in my anus. Suddenly there's a sensation of something small probing my vagina and it's not a finger.

This time he doesn't stop at the entrance but sends what feels like a long, skinny probe all the way into my vagina until it gently reaches the very end. He pulls it out completely and then places it just at the entrance again.

I am gasping and moaning at this point, desperate to be filled, to feel sensation from inside my most sensitive place. Instead of pushing it all the way in again he starts just stroking each wall of my vagina, methodically, as if mapping each spot that makes me gasp or moan or beg for more.

There are two spots that are so pleasurable his ministrations almost feel like torture the pleasure is so severe. And still so slowly he continues his experiment.

I can both feel and hear how lubricated I am. My vagina feels like it's opening up, desperate to pull something in and feel itself fill up.

Finally, he removes the probe and inserts a finger, quickly followed by a second when he realizes how wet I am. My pussy feels open, soft, and plump.

Then the thumb from his other hand invades and he stretches me open again, thumb placing pressure opposite the other two fingers, like a tripod opening me up, measuring and observing any changes.

He removes his thumb and pushes a third finger in, feeling how snugly he fits, and starts to feel around inside my vagina carefully, looking for those two spots that drove me so wild.

One is at the very height of my vaginal cavity, past my cervix. He has to get in as deep as possible to reach it -- a small but intensely pleasurable spot that immediately has my eyes rolling back in my head.

The other is just past the spongy ribbed area on the front side of my vagina. Somehow, he discovers he can reach the far one as he pushes in and then, with a slight curve in his fingers on the way out, he can stimulate the powerfully arousing spot at the front.

After a few minutes of this I am in complete surrender. I don't care what he does anymore. I am his in this moment. I have surrendered to whatever he wants to use me for.

He reaches over and turns up the anal shocker. I feel it everywhere. I don't exist anymore. I am only this pleasure. I become the ache, breathing the pleasure throughout my body just to manage the complete overwhelm of it.

While he fingers me, he starts pressing down gently on that soft area above my pubic bone - as if trying to find where his fingers could meet from the outside to the inside. I writhe and moan and paint and shriek as the pleasure overwhelms me but he does not give in or touch my clit. He just stays present, trusting that I can handle the pleasure.

Eventually I quiet. I have gone limp. I cannot escalate any further. He decides I've had enough. My pleasure has peaked time after time without release. My body feels like I no longer have bones or joints holding it together.

He slowly removes his fingers from my noticeably looser feeling vagina. Then, he turns the anal stim off and slowly pulls the plug out of my anus, briefly placing his finger inside the now open hole and pulling as if mimicking an anal hook. He gives me a thoughtful little massage around my anus to help me re-adjust to its emptiness.

He then removes the suction cups from my areola and sucks my nipples with his own mouth for a moment, not willing to be done with them completely.

Finally, he removes my wrist cuffs, the bar that spread my thighs, and my blindfold. He turns me onto my side and spoons me from behind, telling me how amazing and brave and sexy I am. How amazing my round ass is. How like a goddess of pleasure I took everything he gave.

With a sigh of pleasure, I come back to reality and remember that all of this is just a fantasy. It's such a powerful one that now I'm questioning if I should contact him again after all.

That said, writing it turned me on so much that I need to go have a bath to take care of myself (like I said, I can't make myself wait!).