Hot Tubbing with Garfunkel & Oates

-- November 2024 --

A chill evening wind chased me past the spa doors. Resort attendance was low in the off-season, and the Southern California equivalent of a cold snap had the few guests bundled up in fluffy robes to dash between indoor activities. I was used to colder weather, and a part of me stubbornly refused to change my habits, so I stayed balls-out buck naked. With a towel casually draped around my shoulders, I almost regretted my choice. Thankfully it was a short distance from the hotel to the spa facility, and I definitely wanted a warm soak.

The spa was one of the features I was most pleased with when the resort opened. Several years ago, I visited Ten Thousand Waves outside of Santa Fe while on a road trip and it blew me away. Inspired by Japanese mountain springs, they created a sublime oasis of peace and calm where groups of people could unwind together in a hot pool. The only disappointment was that due to some patrons' poor behavior, the communal pools were no longer clothing optional, though the private tubs still were. Lamentable, but understandable. Thankfully, that was significantly less of a problem at Walden, along with a zero-tolerance policy for similar poor behavior.

The receptionist at the front desk looked up as I rushed in. He rolled his eyes and smirked as I rubbed my arms to warm them up. "Hey Lee, lot of people in tonight?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Handful in the communal bath, couple of the private tubs. Go ahead and grab one if you want, they're not going to fill up," Lee answered.

"Thanks, man," I said, walking over to the hallway entrance in the back corner of the foyer. While I typically enjoyed going to the communal tub, I felt like something more secluded for my unwinding this evening.

Most of the doors were open as I passed them, steam leaking out of the empty spaces. The room I wanted was near the end of the hall, just around its one turn. Just as I was about to make that turn, I heard familiar cackling from the last open door I walked by. I poked my head in and confirmed my suspicion; Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome soaked in an open air tub, much like the one I was looking for.

Kate turned to see me at the doorway, and her adorable face split into a wide grin. "Tim! Come to creep on us?" She scrambled out of the tub and carefully trotted over to hug me around the middle, her dripping wet naked body glistening from the warm lighting. I laughed and hugged her back.

Kate Micucci was one of the first guests at the resort when it opened back in April. She and her family came here for a couple weeks to aid in her recovery from lung surgery. Even though she needed to rest and recuperate, her peppy and excited nature couldn't help but break through. She'd come to my office asking questions about having more wall artwork, both interior and exterior. Her furious pacing around my office as she explained some of her ideas charmed me, aided by her rocking body. I'd always appreciated her acting and voice work, and thought her unique face was incredibly attractive, but turns out she had a great figure to go with it that she doesn't show that often. She had perfect legs that looked way longer than fit her diminutive stature, and both her tits and ass were bigger and perkier than one would guess. As she grew more breathless, I offered for her to paint some walls as long as she would sit down. We both laughed about it and quickly bonded over the experience. I'd made sure to bring her back a few times in the following months so she could add more of her handiwork to the resort, our friendship growing every time.

"Thought I heard your dulcet tones, I had to check!" I jabbed at Kate, though I did genuinely love her squeaky voice.

"Well, do you want to join us?" Kate asked. Riki Lindhome raised her eyebrows, and Kate returned the look with a tilt of her head towards me. I had no idea what was just silently communicated, but Riki nodded her head in acquiescence, her eyes scanning over my body. Kate turned back to me with a bubbly hop, her firm tits jiggling. "Come on in, the water's fine!"

While I initially sought alone time, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to spend time with my friend. And though I wasn't as familiar with Riki, I hoped we could become friendlier too. "Sounds fun, Kate!" I replied. She grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the tub.

After we settled in, Kate immediately returned to chatting with Riki. It had been a while since they'd connected, and Kate was very excited to bring Riki to the resort. They were no stranger to hot tubbing nude, including with friends of the opposite gender, and they occasionally sunbathed topless together, so the resort was like revisiting old memories. They talked about their children, and I chimed in here since I'd hung out with Kate's family on her last couple visits. Riki seemed to warm up to me after seeing how I'd connected with Kate Micucci on a personal level and not just as someone providing a service.

When a lull in the conversation appeared, Riki turned to speak to me directly. "So, Tim. Excuse my vanity, but were you familiar with us before Kate became a guest?"

"You won't make fun of me?" I asked.

"Probably not," Riki said.

"The Big Bang Theory for both of you. Honestly, I gave up on the show shortly after Kate's run on it. I thought both of you were very funny and quite attractive. I watched the Garfunkel & Oates show as it came out because of it."

Kate giggled and Riki smirked. "Nothing to make fun of," Riki assured.

"We're used to The Big Bang Theory answer. Very few people have seen our show, especially during its original run," Kate added.

"We really enjoyed making it. Wish it could have gone on longer," Riki lamented.

"Since then, seeing either of your names as a guest voice or appearance gives me a thrill. I know I'm going to enjoy that part of it, at least," I said.

Riki placed a hand on her chest, looking incredibly pleased. Kate leaned over to her and stage whispered, "Told you he was a flatterer."

"Flattery implies dishonesty," I chided. "I try to be genuine in my praise."

"No aspersions meant," Kate said, mock-humbly.

I chuckled as I eyed them, their conspiratorial glances and hushed tones intriguing me. After a couple minutes of that, I tried to continue the topic. "Yeah, I definitely appreciate gross-out or sex comedy from non-dudes. Feels fresher, even if it's not always my cup of tea."

"That's what we were going for," Riki confirmed.

"I'm curious, how much was informed by personal experience?" I asked.

Kate rolled her eyes at me and smacked me on the arm. "It's comedy, it's always from personal experience! What are you actually trying to ask?"

Kate Micucci saw right through my obfuscation. "OK, OK, you got me. You probably know what I'm actually asking about, right?"

Riki Lindhome nodded. "How true is 'The Loophole'," she stated matter-of-factly. She called it exactly right; I was curious about how their song about good Christian girls taking it in the ass reflected their own experience with anal.

I shrugged. "I was trying to be delicate, and eventually work around to it as we got more comfortable, but yeah. You got me. I understand if you don't want to talk about it; I'm sure you've been asked it so many times. I can leave if I've crossed a line." I rose out of the water to sit on the edge of the tub, ready to swing my legs over the side and vacate their space. Thank god I wasn't starting to get hard, that really would have been a point against me.

Riki turned to Kate and said with a smirk, "Told you he'd ask."

Kate shot back, "And I told you he wouldn't get hard. He's actually curious aside from the prurient interest." She turned to me and smiled sweetly.

This exchange threw me completely off guard. Expecting to be asked about 'The Loophole' wasn't surprising, but Kate defending me was. I thought we were becoming good friends, but our conversations so far had not strayed to sex, so she either asked around about how I treat such matters, or she had an extraordinary opinion of my character and extrapolated from there. Either way, that smile was impactful, and I felt our friendship deepened in that moment. "Thank you Kate. That means a lot to me," I said, looking down somewhat bashfully.

I heard a couple small splashes. Looking up, I saw that Kate and Riki now reflected my position, sitting on the edge of the tub. They were opening up more than they had before, their bodies gleaming in the mixed artificial light and moonlight presented confidently, but with a degree of vulnerability.

"I'll go first," Kate offered. "I filled out a lot of the details in the song. We've talked about this before, but I was raised deeply Catholic, so I knew purity culture. I never saw the exact 'loophole' phenomenon, but away from youth group leaders, we definitely talked about 'what counts and doesn't count'. I did get over it in college, including losing my virginity, but I didn't do anything adventurous till after college, including taking it up the butt. It took me years to warm up to it, but I feel like Jake [Sinclair, Kate Micucci's husband] and I do it at least once a week now. Well, except for during my recovery."

Silence hung in the air for a moment while I absorbed her words. Riki seemed familiar with most of it, except the more recent developments with Jake. "Nice," Riki smiled. "I'm glad you like it so much now, you were pretty lukewarm about it when we last talked about it over a decade ago." Riki turned to me, her charming devilish smile crinkling her whole face so beautifully. "My turn. No religious upbringing for me, but I explored sexually quickly and deeply, including anal. A lot of it was on my own with dirty magazines and fingers, but I figured out what I liked while the girls around me were still struggling with how to talk about it. I loved having my ass filled immediately, but I kept getting unlucky with my hookups and dating life, so it didn't happen too often. Seeing how other women out in the wide world talk about the 'forbidden hole' inspired me to bring the idea to Kate about the song."

"Does Fred [Armisen, Riki Lindhome's husband] enjoy anal?" Kate asked, though a twinkle in her eye indicated she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, but he's too much for me," Riki answered.

"Really? How big is he?" I asked, perplexed.

Riki swung her legs over the side of the tub and walked over to her bag hanging by the door. I feasted on the sight of her long legs and tight ass as she fished out her phone. She turned back around so I could check out her front while she scanned her screen. Her lithe body nearly made my jaw drop, her small perky tits and wispy blonde pubes sitting perfectly on her frame. Riki looked up at me after a minute, a playful glimmer in her eye and one corner of her mouth turned up in a half smile, and walked over to me. With a nearly imperceptible flick of her ankle, the open door swung closed slowly.

Riki draped an arm around my shoulder and leaned in to show me her phone. A hardened nipple brushed against my arm as I glanced down. "Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed. Open on Riki's phone was a picture of her and Fred, bare naked, but posing as if for a normal couple's picture. Fred Armisen's dick hung over halfway to his knee, clearly about a foot long, and thick around as my wrist.

"And it gets bigger," Riki purred in my ear as she flicked to the next picture, showing her on her knees, struggling to fit a massive boner in her mouth. Riki famously didn't have a narrow mouth either. How a rather funny looking man pulled hotties like Elisabeth Moss and Natasha Lyonne before Riki Lindhome suddenly made a lot more sense. Guess they were all size queens.

"Is that the one you texted me?" Kate asked, sidling next to me to look over my shoulder.

"The first one, yeah, but not this one," Riki said as Kate settled her eyes on the current picture.

"Fuck!" Kate squeaked. "I figured that's how it had to look, but fuck! Feeling a bit scared and aroused."

"Constant state for me," Riki giggled. "I love it, especially how it stretches my pussy." She flicked over one more picture, this one of her riding Fred's cock in reverse cowgirl, her pussy lips nearly touching her thighs from how much Fred filled her.

"Wow," Kate and I gasped in unison. My dick began to rise to attention at these incredible personal pics.

"Hello there," Riki said, breathing down my neck.

"You have goaded me to this point," I playfully jabbed at Riki.

I felt Kate's hand rest on my thigh. "I haven't seen you hard before," she sighed pleasurably.

"Well, this feels like a segue to the next part of our plan," Riki said.

"What designs do you have for me?" I asked, pleasantly surprised at the turn of events. I turned from Kate below my left shoulder to Riki looming over my right. Kate had a friendly, if turned on, look on her face. Riki looked hungry.

"Well, you've seen what my husband's cock looks like," Riki said, one hand brushing over my chest. "We only tried the back door once, and I couldn't walk for two days. It's been years since I've had a dick up there. You clearly have a good penis, and thankfully normal sized. I've got an itch, I want you to scratch it."

"And it's not just because you're whoever's available," Kate chimed in. "You've become such a good friend, and I figured you'd be a fun participant."

"You have come highly recommended," Riki cooed, leaning in till our lips met. Her tongue thrust out to joust with mine, eagerly exploring my mouth. She had a fun, aggressive approach that I returned happily in kind. As we did this, I felt Kate caressing my leg and chest, giving small gentle nibbles on my arm.

Riki pulled back from me after a few minutes of this warming up, a lustful leer painting her face. "Before we go any further, is this with or without Fred's knowledge? Don't want to get surprised later," I said.

"He doesn't know precisely, but he's OK with it. For butt stuff, he frequently hooks up with Toni Collette, she loves it," Riki answered.

"Sounds good to me. Is there any lube in here?" I asked.

Riki smirked as I felt a tap on my arm. I turned to look in Kate's eyes. "There isn't, but I'd like to offer my assistance," she said softly.

My eyebrows shot up. "Really? We've never done anything like that, and Jake..."

She placed one of her delicate fingers over my lips. "He likes you, did from the get-go. We give each other passes for friends, and you are a very good friend. I've been wanting to become better friends for a while now," Kate offered, a small tremble entering her voice.

I cupped her cheek and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I've wanted to as well, I just didn't want to overstep." Kate Micucci responded by throwing her arms around my neck and leaping into my arms. She kissed me all over my face and neck.

I looked over at Riki, who smiled approvingly. "Take your time, I'll be ready for you."

With gusto, I turned my attention back to Kate Micucci. I pressed her tight body into mine as I began kissing her face back. She giggled gleefully, starting to kiss my shoulders. My hands ran down her smooth back to cup her tight ass. Kate sighed contentedly, rubbing herself against me.

With one smooth motion, I lifted her till her crotch was in my face. I'm not the strongest person, but Kate Micucci is so short and petite that it was easy even for me. A surprised squawk escaped her lips, but she quickly adjusted by draping her legs over my shoulders. I looked up her flat stomach, seeing her face from between her tits. "Taste me," she pleaded with a grin on her face.

I immediately dove into her thick muff of dark hair, matted and dripping from the tub. She indicated she wanted to help provide lubrication, and she was certainly primed for it. Her lips were already puffy from arousal, and once I stuck my tongue between them, felt the dampness was not just from the tub. Both of Kate's hands gripped my hair as she moaned.

A warm wetness encircled my cock, necessarily being Riki Lindhome. I glanced under Kate's thigh to see Riki's ass popped up in the air as she buried her face in my crotch. One of Riki's hands appeared to be between her legs, though I was unsure which hole she was fingering. Riki had swallowed my entire cock, repeatedly pushing her face against my pelvis as her throat gripped me. Her skills were unsurprising, given the massive pole she dealt with at home, but deeply impressive nonetheless.

Still, I wouldn't let that sensational feeling on my dick distract me from the pussy my face was buried in. Kate's heavy breathing drove my passion harder, tonguing her sopping, eager vulva. Her slim thighs tightened around my neck and she hunched over my head as her breathing grew ragged. I threw in one last tease to push her over the edge; given our discussions about enjoying anal, I figured she wouldn't object to a finger back there. I snaked a hand between her cheeks and pressed my index finger against her asshole. "Oh god," she cried out as she spasmed and came.

Riki removed her mouth from my cock without even a gasp (stunning breath control, damn) and helped Kate down from my shoulders, as her trembling legs might betray her on the wet surfaces surrounding us. We sat her down next to me where she immediately snuggled into my side. I put an arm over her shoulders.

"You doing OK? Need some fresh air?" I asked, genuinely concerned. She was a year removed from her lung surgery, but I didn't know how much strain this placed on her.

Kate playfully slapped my chest. "Tim!" she whined. "I was supposed to get YOU ready!"

Riki and I laughed. "Well then stop being so fucking hot and I won't want to pleasure you!" I shot back. All three of us laughed more.

"But seriously, I just needed to get that dick wet," Kate said. "I was expecting to just get used." I furrowed my brows, ready to object, but Kate cut me off first. "I wanted to get used. Not that I'm not grateful, that felt amazing, but..."

"It was still unexpected," I said, finishing her thought. She nodded. "Well, it seems you two had plans for me and Riki, I just wanted you to be included too."

"He really is very sweet," Riki butted in, "and you do deserve it. Seriously, it was fucking hot, definitely wet from it. But come on, I really want to get fucked too!"

Kate cackled. "OK, you impatient bitch!" She laid down and spread her legs. "Alright Tim, stuff my coochie!" Riki and Kate giggled at the play on Kate's last name.

With a lurch, I positioned myself between her legs and thrust into her, not even needing my hand to guide it in. Kate's mouth popped open as my entire length buried itself in her. Her eyes rolled back as she groaned loudly. "Fuck!" she cried out.

Riki slipped silently into the water and drifted around us to emerge on the other side of Kate. Water cascaded off her sleek body as straddled the wide stone shelf surrounding the edge of the tub. She leaned back and turned her hips up till both her pussy and asshole were exposed. Deciding she was stable enough, one hand began rubbing her clit and the other circled her anus. "Yeah, fuck her tiny twat," Riki growled as she stared at me through lowered eyelids.

"Yes, harder!" Kate cried out, thrusting back against me forcefully. I grabbed her hands and held them above her head, thrusting rougher and faster. Kate yelped again. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" she repeated over and over again. I passed her skinny wrists to just one hand so I could grab one of her tits firmly. The dark pink nipples begged to be pinched, so I grabbed one between thumb and forefinger. "Ahh!" Kate screamed, her face clearly conveying pleasurable pain. I bent over her and kissed her hard on the mouth, muffling her outcries.

After I stopped kissing Kate to refocus on pounding her, Riki stopped flicking her bean, but not toying with her ass, to place one of her long fingers in Kate's mouth. Kate eagerly sucked it, slobbering till it dripped with her saliva. With a playful flick of her eyebrows, Riki shoved the wet finger up her butt with a moan.

We stared into each other's eyes as she fingered her ass and I fucked her friend. After a couple minutes of tension filled anticipation, Riki finally grunted out, "I'm ready. Get on the floor."

I pulled out of Kate, causing a disappointed moan. "Join us," I whispered in her ear. We slipped down to the tiled floor where I laid on my back and Kate crouched over me, sticking her tongue in my mouth.

Riki dismounted the edge of the tub to stand over me, preparing for cowgirl. She lowered herself onto me till she sat on my thighs. Kate broke our kiss to guide my cock into Riki's asshole. Kate's arched back and plump ass facing me offered a delightful opportunity. As my dick pushed into Riki's tight butt, I thrust two fingers into Kate's still dripping pussy.

Riki and Kate moaned in unison, ecstatic at the penetration. Kate gasped out, "I've got an idea."

"What we did with Jake that one time?" Riki answered. "No need to ask, get in there!" Kate immediately shoved her face into Riki's glistening pussy, inches away from where I thrust in and out of her butt. Jake Sinclair was a lucky man if he even once got to see his beautiful wife going down on a woman while he plowed her ass! "Oh fuck yeah!" Riki moaned, pressing Kate's face into her muff. With an intense stare, Riki met my eyes and growled, "Harder. Fuck me harder!"

As fun as using pussy juices for lube only is, I knew it wouldn't last as long as standard lube, and I could already feel the friction building. If I was picking up on it, clearly Riki was too, so she must be into being a bit rough. I wouldn't protest such a request, so I grabbed her by the hips and pulled her down hard, making sure my entire length was buried. She lifted off till just my head was in her, then I slammed her back down hard as I thrust up. A euphoric grin split her face as she bellowed with pleasure.

When I inevitably slipped out of Riki's ass, Kate immediately took me in her mouth till it was wet enough to shove back into Riki. "Was that part of what you did with Jake that one time?" I asked, shocked at the smoothness Kate showed.

"She never mentioned?" Riki said, breathing hard. "She does that for Jake all the time! Always goes ass to mouth!"

Kate looked back at me with a cheeky grin. "Usually my own ass, but yeah." She plunged back into devouring Riki's pussy.

I laughed and swatted Kate's cute ass, earning a cute squeak as I continued plunging my fingers into her twat. Kate's hand snaked over her butt, expertly parting her cheeks with a couple fingers and began teasing her hole. Propping herself on just one elbow, Kate then began teasing Riki's pussy with a couple fingers along with her tongue. She was an impressive multitasker!

"Fingers only, Kate?" Riki asked crossly. "You know what I like."

"Not too full?" Kate confirmed.

"Never, babe!" Riki huffed. "Especially not with your tiny hands."

"All right then," Kate said, and shoved her whole hand into Riki's pussy. I felt the pressure from each knuckle pressing on the wall between the inside of Riki's ass and pussy.

Riki's eyes rolled back into her head as she began convulsing in rapture. "Fuck, I'm cumming!" Riki screeched.

Kate was breathing hard from a combination of the exertion and her own stimulation, but her eyes were still laser focused on Riki's crotch. I pulled my fingers out of Kate's pussy and pushed them into her ass, pulling her own finger teasing her hole along with me. Kate moaned loudly, her focus broken. The low throaty sound from Kate and high pitched screeching from Riki pushed me over the edge as well. With my free hand, I clutched at Riki's hip as I tensed up in orgasm. Rope after rope slathered the walls of Riki Lindhome's back door. Her sphincter clamped tightly around me as her body tightened in her own orgasm, squeezing every last drop out of me.

After what felt like a gloriously long time, we all collapsed in a pile as we struggled to regain our breath. I withdrew my fingers from Kate's bum, earning a pleased grunt from her. Riki squeezed my softening cock out of her own rear as we repositioned ourselves to lying on the warm wet tile. Kate laid on my left, Riki on my right.

Her breath under control, Riki sat up and slapped my stomach playfully. My legs lifted a bit as I tensed in reaction to her unexpected action, causing her to chortle heartily. "Good fucking!" she declared, and stood up to walk out to the balcony for some fresh air. Her hips cocked to one side as she leaned out, creasing one of her cheeks where it met her leg, but not the other. God what a sexy position for a woman to stand in!

Kate cuddled up against my side and said, "That was fun!"

"I agree. From what you said earlier, do you want to make this a semi-regular thing?"

Kate kissed my chest. "Definitely. I'd like to come here three or four times a year, and I hope you'll hit me up if you're in LA for more than an airport pickup."

I kissed her on the nose. "You bet. Now, I think Riki had the right idea for some fresh air. Want to join her?"

"Absolutely!" Kate beamed. I stood up and helped her off the ground. She wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked over. "By the way, want to join me and Jake before we leave in a couple days? Been a while since I've had two cocks at the same time."

I laughed. "It would be my pleasure!"