The Tragedy - Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The next day, l returned to the hospital police ward. Linda and l continued our talk from the previous day: "Dee knew all about Marc's intentions for you and got paid with cocaine. Think of her as a 'drug addict' non-friend. You continued to go to the club on and off for several more weeks after the divorce papers were served. l was told that Marc was the only one who ever had intercourse with you before February 29th. But on the day l arrived, Marc wanted to have a party and you were the party favor. Marc was still the only one you had intercourse with, but everyone else only got oral or anal and Marc also joined in."

"It just confirmed that you were gang-raped and had sex with at least four to seven men and two women from Friday night through late Saturday afternoon, March 1st. They videoed you having sex with men and women and sent the videos from your phone to me to drive home the point that you didn't want me any longer.

You were used for about fifteen hours when you went out Friday night, and you found yourself in your SUV someplace after they used you in every way possible and dumped you in your SUV. You were taken on a boat that night, gang-raped and they videotaped the entire night. It was no wonder you told me later that you were really sore when you woke up. They cleaned you up and put you in your truck."

"A couple other times, they parked you outside bars, liquor stores and once in Walmart's parking lot. That was Dee's idea, because she thought she was funny. At some point, you stopped driving and called a ride-share, like Uber if Dee didn't pick you up. Marc and crew took you home and put you in the house if you didn't drive." l said, "Your BFF targeted you."

Linda said, "That explains a lot. I'd go to the club with Dee to dance and l did wake up in my truck in several strange places. Like you said, l ended up at a Walmart parking lot and found an almost empty fifth of vodka on my truck floor. l don't even like vodka. Dee told me l just drank too much. So, l was really ashamed."

"First, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not a drunk, and Dee said the vodka bottle was again her idea. She said she got a real laugh out of that too," l said.

"Linda, I'll get you into therapy when you get out. You're the victim here. Now that we are uncovering the truth, you can get your life back on track if these charges are hopefully dropped." l explained to her, "Dee has confessed to all the ways you were manipulated. Dee said, if she said the words 'party weekend', you had a preset response to pack clothes for the kids and tell the babysitter you would pick them up on Sunday. l she didn't know how that was set up, but that's how that happened. That's why you left the kids until Sunday, always with a suitcase. That explains that problem. When you get out, we'll sit down and talk."

Linda was looking at the floor and said, "But l was the one to tell Lucy that you were not allowed to pick up the kids before you came down. l was thinking you would take the kids away from me because of my drinking. That's what Dee kept saying, and l was trying to protect myself. l have no one to blame but myself for that blunder. But l swear l didn't know anything about the call or paperwork to the 'Department of Children and Families (DCF)' on the kids before l was arrested."

Later that day, the U. S. Attorney sent down word that Linda was not being charged. She was free to go once she was released from the hospital. She came home to live with us a few days later because she was required not to live alone until the therapist signed off and was required to attend therapy twice a week. We were a little tight on bed space for the next couple of months before Em moved out to go to college. Linda had a bed in her mother's room. Once Em left, Linda moved into her own bedroom.

I wouldn't let her in my bed anymore because we were done. She was very upset about that but said she understood. l needed to trust my partner. No matter how much it wasn't her fault, she stopped trusting me and that led to her self-destruction. We talked about it at great length. "When l came from New York and we were able to talk about what was happening, she just would not listen to me or her mother that Dee was a problem." She told me, "Dee said l was responsible for all the trouble in her life and she didn't want my help." In the end, she was complacent enough to let it happen. Oh yes, l almost forgot all about the lies.

I told her, "The divorce was not because you were raped, but because of trust issues. You started lying and bending the truth, trying to manipulate me. But we might be able to stay friends if you want. My issue is that if you can be led astray so easily once, l didn't trust that l won't be abandoned again."

Over the next four months, several things happened after Linda was freed from jail. First, the divorce was finalized. To my shock, Linda became the part-time mom. She didn't ask for the kids to live with her. What she told the divorce Judge Kowalski was, "I was the better parent. After her father died, her mother moved into my place to take care of the kids, which made my home a more stable environment."

She told the judge, "She will be moving out at some point and will be requesting visitation at that time. She didn't think she would be stable in her employment or mentally capable of being the primary custodian for her children right now." In the end, even though the court told her she had to pay child support, I declined taking it from her. l got her a car in case she wanted to look for a job. The monthly support money that she received was her court-ordered alimony through the Friend of the Court, and l offered extra if she needed something. l finally get her lawyer to inform her that the court ordered me to pay the money, because she wouldn't accept it otherwise. That was the truth.

Next, the therapist said, "Linda was now stable enough to live on her own, but she still had to continue attending weekly therapy sessions."

She had a terrible time holding jobs. People would grab or touch her, then she'd go off on them and would get fired. l felt she needed to continue her therapy, but she declined.

While still living in my house, Linda received a letter from Dee. Linda read it twice, sitting on my couch.

Dear Linda

This is the first time the music has stopped for me and l have to face the damage I've caused. My counselor told me to write this you and tell the truth as part of my therapy. l owed that to you. l won't offer any flimsy excuses. l hurt my best friend deeply. Honestly, I've always been jealous of you. So perfect, flawless, knowing what you wanted in life. l also hated it because l could never be you. Instead of accepting that, l wanted you to be like me. Then the cocaine started flowing and l did everything l could to keep the party rolling on. l got to a point that l didn't recognize myself.

We reconnected on Facebook years ago, and l started making you put up a wall between you and your husband by telling you BS. Marc made it clear l could get myself more cocaine if l got you to marry him. The first goal was to make you believe you were being held back and that you needed to live like the ninety-nine percent of women in the world. Make you think you were in a bad marriage, being treated poorly and break the bond you had with your husband. Marc wanted you to get a divorce, knowing you would return home to your mother. l first tried to get you to leave your husband and come back to where it was warm, but that was quickly shot down.

Next, l listened to what you hated about where you lived and any other complaints and disagreements you had with your husband. l twisted them, making him the bad guy. l worked diligently to undermine your husband's control or authority and dishonored myself. l destroyed your marriage, damaging you and your husband in the process. l was really untrustworthy, and you allowed me to set the example. It is all my fault, and I'm so ashamed.

When you returned to Jacksonville for the promotion you worked for, l attempted to get you to break your marriage vows, but you declined. l started drugging you again, as I'd done before, to make you more compliant with my values and Marc's wishes. It still failed, but l was able to make more cracks in your marriage.

Then came the night your husband was supposed to return, marking the start of the divorce scheme against you and your husband. Marc's plan was to get your husband to file for divorce and give up his kids, so it would make you think your husband didn't want you or the kids anymore and wanted to disown them. He figured, and he was right, that he would only give up the kids if your husband thought you and the kids didn't want him any longer. Marc thought he could step in, take you for himself and adopt the kids. He planned to use the termination of rights to turn the kids against your husband. The divorce would leave you devastated, so Marc could take you away from all your misery. l learned just the day before the arrest that if he didn't finish the divorce soon, he was going to have your husband killed. Marc didn't tell me. l heard Marc's plan it with the bouncers.

In my drug-infused reality, everything was going smoothly until the cart's wheels came off. l don't know what happened, but it was all l could do to get you to go out that night. You kept saying no, that you were sick. l insisted and told you, 'At least tell me the reason over dinner and a last drink. You told me you started to feel extremely depressed lately, almost suicidal and planned to see a therapist. You hoped they could help you find the cause of the depression. The divorce was really affecting you. A side effect was that you were seeing images and hearing people saying things. l told you it must have been some kind of dream. You told me it wasn't a dream because you were pregnant. We'll soon find out who the father is.

When we went out on the boat that night, l didn't know what would happen. l told Marc you were pregnant and from when. He said it would point to him and that it couldn't happen yet. At that moment, l believe that's when he knew you were now a liability. He said someone had to keep his business running, making it sound like l was going to be put in charge. He was showing me how to pick up his monthly package and show me how it all worked. I'd never gone before, but Marc insisted that Linda and l go with them so he could talk business with me during the trip. Linda was taken below and l was told the bouncers just wanted to ass fuck you. Suddenly, it didn't feel right and l knew something was off. l was also taken below to be used by the Bouncers. When l came back up, you were on the deck, stoned out of your mind. Because l was told there would be very rough waters out from shore, they gave me a shot for nausea just before l was returned from downstairs. l realized as soon as l came up that the shot was not for seasickness. l was getting very high.

Once out on the ocean, after picking up his packages, he said he wanted to see if Linda could swim to shore in a party dress and laughed. Suddenly l realized l was going to be part of the murder of my friend and l hoped he was kidding. He told me, as if he were giving me instructions on how to run the business, that if anything threatened it, it had to be eliminated. It dawned on me that I'd also become a liability. l knew if she went in, l was going to join her in the ocean to swim to shore and die trying.

I think he was going to push us over and we would be drowned with a lot of drugs in our systems. It would be classified as an accidental drowning. Nothing pointing to him. Suddenly, my head started to run fast and l knew I'd also been drugged and ready to pass out. They had two blocks of something frozen and red. One of the bouncer twins said to me that when it thawed, it would feed the sharks. They told me they liked sharks and always fed the sharks when tthey came out each month.

That's when someone spotted the approaching ship. They said they would do it after that ship moved off. l told him, 'No.' She was my friend. Marc told me in no uncertain terms that if l interfered or talked, l would find myself in the same situation. l believe the arrival of the Coast Guard ship saved both of our lives. Linda was high and out of it and l was almost as high. l guess all that talk about you being the only 'love of his life' was true, except you had a shelf life and it had just hit its expiration date. He never intended you and, by extension, me, to ever return. l heard some screaming on the boat and l passed out until we were in the ambulance.

Because of my overuse of cocaine, I'd acquired a heavy debt that l was being forced to come up with the money somehow, so l made up the story about how twenty-first-century women deserved separate money from their husbands, as a right. Telling you that the women of the house dictate money to the husband, not the reverse. l said you needed to take all the money in your old accounts and put it where your husband couldn't find it and that would help stop the divorce. Leverage. l knew you sold your house in New York, and the money was saved somewhere. l got you to put my name on the new accounts and my goal was to get at least sixty thousand dollars to pay my drug debt to my dealer. I'm not giving that as an excuse. That was my problem, not yours.

I owed money and they were going to kill me slowly if they didn't get paid. l was out selling my ass, but that didn't get it fast enough. They were going to slice off all of my flesh and give me a good salt rub, so l stole all the money from your checking and savings accounts. l found out later that the dealer I'd turned over the money to was eliminated. l don't know how or why, but l felt l was no longer at risk, but your money was already gone.

You declined my request to transfer all the money from your other accounts, so l was unable to take all the money, but it didn't matter anyway. But that was my goal, so l could get my hands on all of it.

Your husband, as l found out, is a good and kind man. l met him before l was returned to jail. I'm really sorry for what l did to you both. All l do now is cry. My soul is damaged forever.

Linda, you never wanted to be my party girlfriend like you were in the past. You would never let the boys near you and you always stayed in control. You never tried to go out with Marc. The fact is, you told me several times he gave you the creeps. l dragged you to him and fed you to the land sharks and both of us almost got fed to the ones in the ocean. l was trying to drag you back to that girl like you were in high school, a rebel. l will always be ashamed of what l almost did, which in the end would have gotten us both dead. That is all on me. l was thinking only about the cocaine. l should have risen to your level rather than trying to drag you to mine. l hope Jim keeps you close because you will need it. l know, Linda, that you love Jim with all your heart. I'm sorry. l beg your forgiveness, if you have it in your heart.

Dee has signed the confession.

After l finished reading the letter, l turned to Linda, wanting to talk about it. She just sat quietly for about 10 minutes and went to bed refusing to talk.

~~~

The trial of all the others went as expected. It was a slam-dunk case, with the twin bouncers pleading guilty and turning on Marc. l had to hand it to the U. S. Attorney. He was not giving anything away. He offered a deal to the bouncers once. They were told the best he was willing to do was say he would not ask for the death penalty. This wasn't a death penalty case. The bouncers had a friend who was a lawyer, but he wasn't a criminal attorney and didn't have any interest in criminal law. But he didn't cost them anything. He told them to take the deal. Bad choice.

The convictions: When the sentences were handed down, all the men on the boat were charged with drug trafficking and conspiracy to distribute drugs. On those charges, they received thirty years, except the captain and his mate. Linda's friend Dee was charged with administering a controlled substance and assault. She made a deal before trial and pleaded guilty. She was sentenced to five years, possibly out in three. Dee was given immunity on the rape charges in her plea agreement because she set Linda up for the seventeen rapes for Marc, but she denied knowing it was rape at the time, just an arranged date in the first seventeen actual rapes.

Marc was convicted of additional charges beyond drug trafficking. He was convicted of the rapes and was given life without the possibility of parole.

Along with the DEA confiscating all his property, they recovered the money he had from Marc's offshore accounts, totaling three hundred and forty-two million dollars. The federal court stopped the DEA from seizing the money in Marc's U. S. bank accounts, about forty one million dollars, until a civil case against his estate was settled.

The boat captain and his mate were not charged. Marc told the U. S. Attorney that they knew nothing and were just hired for the trip and were innocent. The only decent thing he has done, l thought. We found out later that they were affiliated with the drug cartel he worked for and were there to keep an eye on Marc.

Nancy Other was charged and sent to prison as part of a plea deal, but for only ten years. She never wanted to be free again and her desire was to die in prison. She was killed shortly after she arrived, so she got what she asked for. She was in prison for the balance of her life. l personally believe that Marc got Linda to tell him who the snitch was. Marc lasted in prison for twenty-three months before he was finally killed. He had several close calls, but they finally got to him.

Just after Linda was released from the hospital, she moved back in with Jim's family. Her attorney filed a civil suit against Marc's estate, charging him with seventeen counts of rape once he was convicted of, on behalf of Linda. Marc had earned over sixty million dollars from playing football, and Linda deserved a portion of it because she was a victim of the abuse she received in the worst possible way. Her lawyer sued for all the money in Marc's U. S. accounts. When the DEA froze Marc's US bank account, they were to just hold the money. The court case was settled and Linda was awarded seventeen million dollars.

However, the DEA didn't want to release the money. They seemed to forget that the civil case was to be resolved before they took that money. They could have the balance of the US bank account, whatever was left after Linda's judgment. Now the DEA was dicking around for over a year after the federal Justice court ordered them to release the money. They did every trick, citing paperwork and other crap to stall. Linda's lawyer appealed to the United States Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit to overturn the amount, but the appeal was denied. Linda and her lawyer still had to contend with the DEA to get the money.

The DEA said that they would eventually release the awarded funds but gave no timeline. Even then, they continued to stall when asked a timeline. The Justice gave the DEA thirty days to disperse the funds. When the money wasn't paid, my lawyer went back to court again. The now court now ordered the DEA to pay all taxes and legal fees in addition to the awarded judgment. The Justice also said, "The DEA had fifteen days, or someone is going to jail for contempt." Linda finally got the money five days later.

Starting the day after Linda was released from the hospital, she started going somewhere for a few hours in the evening without telling anyone where she was going. Sometimes she would come back with a black eye or a busted lip, but she would not tell anyone about it, saying it was her business. She told me, "She's not married to me anymore. And as an adult, she didn't need to report to anyone." She went out with friends a few times. l was hoping she would get back to a normal life.

Although Jim was now divorced, he wasn't interested in dating. Linda didn't seem to really date either. She went out with friends a few times. One night, as we later found out, was the last time she went out with friends. She didn't come home that night, but returned the next afternoon. She told her mother, "To mind her own business." Something happened that night. We found out she was charged with aggravated assault and was out on bond. One of the women she went out with posted her bail, but Linda was never asked if she wanted to go dancing again. They saw how vicious Linda's was capable of being at the violent response to a drunk at the dance club. It really spooked all of them.

We finally heard she broke a man's leg because he wouldn't leave her alone. We later found out she destroyed the man's knee. The charges were dropped after the Judge Kowalski reviewed all the videos of the event. He said, "It was self-defense, but he was shocked at the amount of damage she inflicted on the man." l didn't find out what happened until a lot later. Her temperament got worse as the months went on. We finally found out where she'd been going. She was learning a better way to defend herself. We could see her arms and legs were more muscular and more defined. l just thought she was working out. I'd a friend who worked at the gym next door to the 'Defense Initiative'. Fighters training club. This was where Linda was going to work out. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded aggressive and didn't volunteer to see. A couple of times, an ambulance took someone out of the club, but again, he didn't know why.

All of a sudden, Linda didn't show up at the club anymore. My friend went in and said he was looking for Linda. They told him, "She was banned from their group because she was too violent. Several students were injured during training matches." My friend said, "They told her they recommended that she go train at the 'Call to Arms'. He was told that the group was very aggressive. It taught the same type of fighting, only with no limits. My friend followed up by going to the gym to find out more. The manager said their club was mostly ex-SEALs, ex-Green Berets, Marines and a hangout for mercenaries. The owner of 'Defense Initiative' originally said Linda won't get in and laughed at her. But Linda got in because she was worthy and could hold her own."

She now trusted no one and wanted no one to touch her. Martha told Linda, "Honey, you're too tense all the time and seem very frustrated. That is feeding your anger that you won't let go." Linda was stressed during the criminal trial. And more so after the civil case. Jim, for his part, kept telling her it's not her fault and tried to help her move past it, but she was now having nightmares. They started right after Dee confessed to what she had done to Linda. Linda's religious beliefs also haunted her. She felt guilt and shame because of the miscarriage. She said it was making her feel like the tramp she once called herself. "I'm not the same old me," she says. Eighteen months after the criminal trial, Jim kept taking Linda to therapy, which had helped somewhat, but trust remains a problem for her. If I'm honest, l also have my own trust issues. It was found when she lost the baby during detox that Linda couldn't have any more children because of the brutal damage caused by the sexual assaults. Jim and Linda had dreamed of having more children before all this happened.

~~~

Now the legal cases were done. It's been twenty-eight months since Linda moved to Florida, about four months since the resolution of the civil trial. At last, the legal nightmare has ended. Linda and Jim were living a hollow existence at Jim's house. Linda was overwhelmed with guilt, feeling she was just a tramp who deserved nothing. She kept the stress level high at Jim's house because no one ever knew when Linda would go off. Everyone was walking on eggshells around her.

Jim's world had shattered because of Linda's former girlfriend, Dee, who was addicted to cocaine, effectively destroying any hope of Linda ever being happy again and that really hurt Jim. Linda finally got her money from the DEA and a week later she moved out. Just after she did, she put three million dollars in a trust for each of the kids' college. She transferred six million dollars directly into Jim's savings account to take care of the kids. He tried to give it back, but she refused to take it. A week after she gave Jim the money, she let the kids come over to her place for the first time. She sent a message home to Jim that the money was compensation for her being a tramp for their entire marriage and to help take care of both kids. That hit Jim very hard because he never felt that way about her. In the letter, she said she was not interested in ever seeing him again. Don't ever talk, call or write to her. Em, being only twelve, was upset at her mother for moving out.

Linda and l would share the kids. But she never talked to me or looked me in the eyes when l dropped the kids off or picked them up. She wrote messages and sent them with Em. The kids said she had become increasingly distant, even to them. They were not to touch her and no hugs or kisses. Sometimes when they came home, they said she had bruises on her arms, legs, or both. Once, both eyes were black. She would not tell anyone why. Tommy told me that his mother doesn't love him anymore because of her no-touch rule. That's tough for my eleven-year-old son to handle, who idolized his mother.

Over the following months, Linda still talked to the kids, but had little interest in their lives. Jim tried to get her back into counseling, but she wouldn't go. No matter how he told her, it wasn't her fault. "You're allowing Marc to continue to make you a victim," Jim said.

A few months after, Linda sent Jim a message via the kids to stop bothering her, or she would get a real restraining order against him. She told him to find happiness with a loyal and good woman. Just leave her alone. She no longer loves him. She hates that every time she looks at him, he is a reminder of what she let happen to her and that she is now just a tramp. She started refusing most of her weekends with the kids.

~~~

It took another year, but Jim accepted that he would never see Linda again and stopped trying to help her. He still had this ache inside him for Linda that wouldn't go away. Not because he wanted her back. It's that she was still a victim and he was unable to help her. Em kept urging her dad to date. Finally, she said, "Momma doesn't want you anymore, Daddy. I'm sorry, but it's time to move on. Please don't drown yourself along with Momma in the crazy pool." Hearing Em speak about her mother broke Jim's heart, but deep down, he knew she was right. Em was only thirteen when she started to experience the degradation of her mother's life before her young eyes. Now fifteen, l was determined to keep the kids safe.

I started looking around for the first time to see if l could find a nice woman l could take out on a date. l knew someone l liked, but she was a big step up from my world and he wasn't interested in having another painful event in his life. She probably wasn't interested in him anyway. After stalling for a few months, l finally started talking to people and contemplating a return to dating. Dating had changed a lot in the last few years. There were no single women at his workplace, just four other men in his office and his boss. Outside in the other shop, there were four engineers, two men and two married women. Even though they flirted with him, he had no interest in a married woman.

~~~

The kids told Martha and l that Linda never dated. As time went on, the kids told me she became more depressed and distant. Martha is still living with me and kept trying to get Linda back in therapy, but Linda finally blocked her number. l really needed Martha's support with the kids, but if I'm honest, l also needed her support. The kids were getting older and needed less of our time. Em is in a Drama class and Tom is into sports. l enjoyed going to Em's plays and Tom's sporting events.

For my part, l enjoyed having Martha around and told her. She talked about my lack of getting a date and how l kept stalling. Finally, the day came. Martha said me, "The reason you have stalled for the last year to ask someone out was because of her." Martha told me, "I'm moving out to allow you to find someone. I'm interfering in your life and you need to move on. I'm just holding you back and l feel I'm just in your way."

I told her directly, "This is your home and no one will chase you away. You're not the problem. I'm not dating because l just haven't the nerve to ask anyone. I'm afraid to get hurt again. So, to make it official, this was your home, too."

Martha said, "Jim, call Lucy Wo. She's also about your age."

"I have thought of her a lot, but she is out of my league. She'll find someone and be gone. l can't take more pain," l told her.

Martha said, "Ok, if you think she is out of your class, then call her anyway and start to get some dating experience again. You will get experience on getting a 'no thank you'." Martha giggles. "Seriously, get back on the horse. The most she can say is no. You have to start somewhere. You need to start living your life again. It all starts with your first call."

I told her, "What about you Martha? Don't you want someone in your life?" She grabbed Tommy for a hug, smiled, saying, "I have a man to take care of." She kissed Tommy on the forehead.

I thought about all the contact l had with Lucy when she was the kids' babysitter and therapist. It revealed a pleasant and very beautiful woman. No, not just beautiful, but gorgeous, even in jeans and a T-shirt. l didn't want to call because l was carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Martha pushed me again. After thinking it over, l decided to ask her out.

I called Lucy and asked if she would like to go out to dinner. She declined. l was crushed. But after a pause, she said, "I will give you an alternative if you want. Why don't you come over for a home-cooked meal instead?" She told me, "I love to cook." When she opened the door, that was the first time l REALLY saw her. She was dressed to the nines. A very pretty, tall Asian American woman, very exotic. l looked her up and down and mouthed, "WOW." She looked like a movie star and was stunning. This was very intimidating to me. She was taller than l remembered, l guess now about five feet ten inches, with very dark brown eyes, almost black, like a Shark's eyes, but with a sparkle that showed life. She curtsied and gave me a shy smile, as if she appreciated my silent compliment. She had a lithe figure, perhaps C-sized breasts, that was just perfectly on her. She didn't have much of an ass, but that was fine; I'm a boob guy.

I reached out to kiss her on the cheek and thank her for the invitation, but she didn't hesitate to give me a full-body hug. Wrapping her arms around my back, she pulled me in tightly, hugging me and laying her head on my chest, as if greeting an old friend she hadn't seen in years.

She said, "I'm glad you called and showed up."

I looked at her strangely at the comment about me 'showing up'. l said, "You offer a free meal and your date doesn't show up? Was there an email about your cooking l missed?" l smiled, and we both laughed.

Lucy smiled and said, "Sit down. Dinner's almost ready and see for yourself."

I thought, That bothered me, with her saying she was happy l 'showed up'. We'll need to talk about that later. Maybe she's shocked that I'd the gall to call her. Now I'm uncomfortable!

Lucy said, "She'd preferred her date to come over for dinner. Her reason was simple: Of her last four times she went out, her dates boldly broached the subject of sex, then the subject came up about kids and then whether l was on the pill. She said no. The first one went to the restroom and decided not to come back to the table. He didn't even take me home. She had to pay for the entire dinner and get home on her own. That is very humiliating."

To say l was shocked was an understatement. "Another man asked if she was on the pill. She just said no, he must have assumed she wanted to keep him on the hook for child support and trap him. After dinner, he dropped mme off at home and then ghosted me. She never gets a chance to explain. The third and fourth dates were similar. When they talked about family, she stated she couldn't have kids. They always reacted similarly to her ex-husband, either not believing her or wanting kids. She quit accepting offers to go out. l almost declined your offer." She gave me my joke back, saying, "I guess not everyone got the email about my cooking," and smiled.

It was evident that l was shocked. Over dinner, we talked casually for about thirty minutes. "Jim, l want to tell you something before we get involved, or rather, proceed any further. I'm not on the pill because l can't have kids."

I just stared at her for a minute and said nothing. l was trying to think of a way to defuse this woman's self-image issue, whatever it was. "So, does that mean no seconds? I'm really hungry and this IS very good!" l smiled.

Lucy said firmly, "It's okay if you want to leave now."

Jim put his fork down and asked politely, "What brought that up? Do l have a diaper hanging out of my pocket that needs a baby to fill it? Seriously, are you telling me the date is over? All l ask is for you to tell me what l did wrong so l don't do it again. It's been a while since l dated and l really was enjoying this one." He gave her a small, polite smile.

Lucy wasn't sure how to respond, so she just stared at Jim. This was new; most men just tried to get her in bed, then ghost her. She was searching for words to express her thoughts.

Then l continued, "Now that we're exposing our self-perceived flaws, l already have two teenagers. They're feisty enough and you already know them."

Lucy did know them and was a bit envious of Linda.

I said, "If this turns into something for both of us, you can help me with mine... You told me before about not being able to have children and l don't see that as an issue unless you're hung up on having babies of you own."

I continued calmly, "This sounds like a 'let's put all our cards on the table' moment. OK! Ultimately, I'm looking for someone for the long haul, not just a roll in the sack. Martha told me my return to dating begins here. But l have some trust issues left from Linda. Correction: a lot of trust issues. Don't get me wrong, Linda didn't do anything wrong other than push me away. Well, she lied, tried to manipulate me and was going to deny me my kids. l found out that she didn't trust me enough to talk about her or rather our problems. Dee, her BFF, poured gas on our marriage and lit the fire. When we finally put out the fire, Linda was burnt to a cinder. Nothing was left but guilt about something that she had no control over.

Her BFF wrote a confession to her, telling her she was just using Linda's body to pay for her cocaine habit. After all that happened, she refused to try to fix our broken marriage. I'm not sure it was fixable, but now she no longer trusts anyone or talks to me. It's truly a shame about her, so, as you can see, l have the issues l bring with me. But l promise I'll be honest with you about everything except work. Maybe I'll even be partly honest about that. l can't really talk about what l do because it's classified. But, in the spirit of complete honesty, what l tell everyone else about what l do is a cover story. l have to stick with it until the official announcement to the public. I'm proud of what l do and maybe someday we can talk about it. I'm trusting you not to reveal what l just told you."

Lucy started, "As a licensed therapist, l understand the importance of confidentiality."

I was thinking to myself, It's not a big deal telling her my cover story was fake. We will soon be unveiling the project to the public. But this is a test, because trust is earned, not bestowed.

I continued, "I never told Linda or anyone else what l just told you, so it seems l didn't trust her either or anyone else with that information. For you, l feel an innate trust. Please don't tell anyone what l just shared. l feel very comfortable with you. Every time we've talked, you've made me feel at ease. Oh, another non-classified potentially important item, or problem: my ex-mother-in-law lives with me. I've offered her a permanent home as long as she wants. Her husband, Linda's father, died at the start of Linda's arrest for criminal behavior. l guess l could call it that," l laughed sadly. "Linda was proven to be a victim and just being exploited, as it turned out."

"Now, the reason Martha is living with me is that she has also lost everyone, has no family and has no one left except her daughter and she hates living alone. She helped me with the kids when they were younger. Linda is very unstable and doesn't even trust her own mother. That's a brief overview of my issues. l have a house of lost souls. Oh, one last thing: l almost always sleep at home. Because I'm always on call and l have to respond quickly. l have a secure workspace at home for that requirement and l can never work outside the room when I'm not at the office. That's a whole other discussion we'll need to have if this progresses, so are there seconds?" l said with a soft smile. "Now my biggest fear of you is you will easily find someone else and just drop me, and l get hurt again."

Lucy flashed him her million-dollar smile. She realized she had found someone she wanted to get to know better and someone who wanted to get to know her. Someone who doesn't see her inability to have children as a disgrace or a major female flaw. She had a crush on him when his wife was having difficulties. It was inappropriate to act on it back then. They had each other's phone numbers because she counseled the kids for years and they did talk.

"How is your wife? Sorry, ex-wife," she asked hesitantly, unsure if she should bring up that subject.

Jim frowned a little, but he refused to give up. "Trick question? l might take a week or so of dedicated time just to find my ex-wife and see how she is. l have no idea how to find her. Am l still hurting from the betrayal? Yes. Was she suffering the last time l saw her? Yes. It was Marc LaValliere who destroyed her with the help of Linda's BFF, Dee, who betrayed her and fed her to land sharks. She said she felt guilty because of all the men who violated her. Even though they drugged her first, they just used her like a prostitute. She can't see a way forward."

"At her request, l got her an apartment. Then the last time l saw her, she didn't even touch another human being. Not even her children. She almost stopped wanting the kids on her weekends. l told her she could see them any time she wanted. l learned the hard way about the no-touch rule. No matter how much l tried to help her, she rejected it. Finally, about a year later, she told me to find someone who could make me happy. She couldn't stand looking at me anymore. If l kept at it, she was going to get a PPO for real. That broke my heart, but life has to go on. I'm also damaged merchandise, so that you know. l have trust issues, but l guess l already said that. l need to work on them," l explained.

"I told Linda l wouldn't forgive her because there was nothing to forgive, but she's never forgiven herself. She believes she did something very wrong and now says she's a slut or a tramp, depending on the day. She said she felt dirty, like the kind that can't be washed off. I'm so very sad for her, but l don't pity her. I'm just sad. Am l in love with her? No. Do l still love her? Yes. I'll always love her. She's the mother of our kids. I'll do whatever she needs, if it is possible. l think of her as my third child. We have two kids together. That's the bond now and forever, but that's it. There's no spark between us anymore. I'm very sad about everything that happened. l get angry thinking about the crap that was pulled on both of us, especially her. Do l want her back? No. Her mind is permanently damaged. She has lost herself and kept sinking deeper into depression. The fire in her had gone out and it seems impossible to reignite. She's all alone. l wish l could help her, but there's nothing she'll allow."

"It has taken me a while before l was ready to ask someone on a date and be reasonably good company. When l thought of someone l would like to see if l was compatible with, you were the only person who came to mind. It took a long while to get up the nerve. Actually, it was Martha who pushed me to call, but you were the only woman l considered. The reason l didn't ask you out on a date earlier is that you're way out of my league. You're a gorgeous woman, a movie star or model. I'm Mister Joe Average, a working slob. I'm afraid you would be gone when someone who's in your league comes around. That's my fear. But it's a reasonable fear."

Lucy laughed and said, "Ok, l can understand and you're partly right, but l can't sing. l sound like a dying cat. l had some fame and l didn't like it. Fame is empty. l just want to be loved, not just be someone's arm candy." Then she started to cry. l pulled her in for a hug.

As Lucy and l talked that night, she confessed that she really liked me the moment we first met. Her fear was that l was too good a man for her. Not that l said anything to tell her that l was. It was just that l was a good man and not someone she deserved because she was not a complete woman. Although neither of us planned it, we made love that night.

We started dating and quickly realized we had a lot in common, but due to silly housing overnight rules that have recently become a bit more restrictive. Anyone over eighteen who isn't a resident can't stay overnight more than three times a month. Because I'm on call twenty-four/seven, staying at her house overnight was so problematic. We felt a strong connection with each other quickly and wanted to see if we had something. After only three months, l asked Lucy to move in. She decided to rent out her house, in case we didn't work out.

When Lucy moved in, Martha told us she'd move out so we could have privacy, but neither Lucy nor l would let her. Lucy and l agreed, saying, "This is your home too." l noticed a new sadness in Martha's eyes, but l didn't know why.

Lucy held on to her house for a year before selling it to the people who were renting it. She was also tired of living alone and she quickly fell deeply in love with Jim. Jim also felt a strong attraction to her. But love is a full commitment and he kept stumbling over his trust issues and fear. He was afraid she would leave him. She told him she knew and accepted Jim's problems, and she's working with him about them. They keep talking and Jim seems to be coming around. She was also open to Martha living there and they all really got along. Lucy joked when she moved in, "This is very good. It's two against one. Estrogen team for the win." And we all laughed.

Martha seemed very sad. l asked once, "Martha, you seem sad?" Her response was simply, "She had made a decision that she now regrets," and said no more.

The next year went smoothly. My house was perfect for us. It was a five-bedroom home. It would be good when both my kids come home from college and stay here for the holidays. My bedroom had an en-suite and a clawfoot bathtub that Lucy was excited about. The strangest part of this house is, it has three offices. My secure office is understandable, but it has two additional offices. Lucy is using one for her therapy business. The other one we use for storage.

Lucy's work was only referrals and wasn't very active. She only worked with traumatized children. She didn't need to work because Jim earned a very good income and he understood she got alimony. She once said, "I have no interest in getting married, Jim. l caught my ex-husband sleeping in our marital bed with a bimbo. He admitted he changed his mind and wanted to have kids. He would have left me for that baby factory." She really sounded bitter and hurt when she spoke about him. l guess she also has a lot of pain in her life. Then she gave a big smile and said, "He will be paying me until my sixty-fifth birthday. In the divorce, it was either money until my sixty-fifth birthday or half his partnership in his law firm."

She gave me an evil smile. "The partnership was worth millions. He would lose half his voting power and he knew l was pissed about what he did and why. He smartly decided that me having voting power in his law firm was a very bad Idea for him. He chose a high support payment because it was just payments over time. l also received a large cash settlement from the divorce and the house." She gave me a real smile and said, "I had a real shark for a lawyer and was really smart. She was much better than my ex-husband, who tried to do it himself." She laughed. "Divorce is not what his practice is about, so I'm financially very comfortable on my own." Then, when she spoke directly about the divorce, she sounded tormented by the event. "I think he agreed to the terms quickly because he wanted to get away from me and marry his girlfriend." l tried to talk further to her about it because of all the pain she held, but she refused.

Lucy was curious about the mystery room like everyone else who came into the house. "That's where l work sometimes when l work from home, and at night, if it is needed," l said to her. Then l asked her not to ask any further questions about it. "It's my very highly classified secure workspace, and l can't talk about it." l only had to say it once to her. She said, "Okkay!" and said she understood.

One day, Martha asked, "Why was the place always so quiet? Noise didn't travel from room to room as it does in most houses. Unless you gag Lucy while having sex." Then she blushed at what she just said.

I said, "This was originally an FBI safe house." Then added, joking, saying, "And people were sometimes brought here for enhanced interrogation. The feds didn't want anyone outside the house to hear them waterboarding a suspect for answers." The joke fell flat. l had to explain to Martha what waterboarding was. She was horrified. l told her l was joking, but she was still horrified about waterboarding. Lucy held back and looked back and forth between us, then burst out laughing. Then we all laughed.

I told them, "This really was an old FBI safe house. Its layout is different from all the other houses, and it's older. The others had one less bedroom. They also don't have the two extra offices. l was told this house was set up in case two women stayed here during a federal trial. The two extra offices were an integration office, l guess. l really don't know. The reason it is so quiet is that we are near the airfield. They did a great job with soundproofing. l noticed that before, all the walls in the house are also soundproofed."

While l was working in the kitchen, l heard Martha explain to Lucy, "I really have nowhere to go and l hate to live alone. Jim is the closest thing to a family left since my stepdaughter jumped into the crazy pool and drowned. l really like Jim, but would never approach him. If I'd met him in a bar, l would grab him instantly; he's a good man. But that's my stepdaughter's ex-husband. My stepdaughter has been dealt a real crap sandwich for her life and l won't pile it on."

Later that night, Lucy, Martha and l were just talking about Linda in general. l told Lucy, "Regrettably, after the kids returned from one visit to Linda's apartment, they said she was talking to herself, muttering under her breath. Then the next week, l went to Linda's apartment to drop the kids off, but Linda wasn't there. For the six weeks that followed, we tried to connect with her every weekend for the kids, but she was nowhere to be found. In the past, she'd left for a few days and returned, but not this time. l put in a missing person report with the police and prayed l didn't cause her harm because l delayed reporting her missing. Since Martha was the emergency contact for the lease, they called her about the rent. l paid the rent for the last four months of the lease, but Linda never returned, so l let the apartment go and moved all of Linda's stuff back into storage. She was now truly a homeless woman. The police got involved, but it took another seven months before Linda was found in the hospital after attempting to take her own life with sleeping pills. She had been living on the streets and looked twenty years older. They rushed her to the hospital and had her stomach pumped. She stayed in a rehab facility for ninety days, getting counseling. Then they released her.

~~~

Em is in her first year of college but is unsure of a major and Tom is in his final year of high school. l guess you could say we got back to a normal household.

Later that year, Linda was arrested for assault and another suicide attempt. It was revealed that someone had tried to sexually assault her. She was arrested on aggravated assault charges with the intent to do grievous bodily harm. She was to be arraigned the next day to determine whether she posed a danger to herself or others and was mentally competent to stand trial.

Martha, Lucy and Em called me to talk about Linda. They explained their reasoning to me and wanted me to offer to let her come home. l wasn't sure how that would work for her or us. She might not even allow it. She might just go to prison. Last time it was very uncomfortable for everyone, but the others wanted me to try. Martha said that if Linda had a problem being around me, she would move out and take her. We all agreed that Linda's stepmother would be responsible for her.

Went to the police to get a copy of the arrest report before the arraignment.

I just got the police report and sat down outside of the courtroom. l started reading it out loud: "Someone attempted to sexually assault the victim by forcing his penis in her mouth, trying to force himself into her cardboard box, her current home, with the intention of assaulting her." l started laughing. l got a couple of women giving me dirty looks. l stopped and said to the ladies, laughing, "There are a few dangerous places for a man to put his dick. An onion-chopping kitchen tool, maybe stick it in a running metal fan, or a tiger's mouth." l paused, catching my breath, then continued. "It says here apparently, when he tried to stick his dick in her mouth. She grabbed him by the balls, pulled him in tight, chewed his dick off at the root while crushing his nuts. She spat out the offending organ and used a pan to smash it so there is no saving it. Police were nearby and heard the man scream as if he was being killed. Linda was up quickly, going after the dickless offender with her pan over her head with her upper body covered in blood. Others reported later hearing her tell him, 'If he came back again, she would really hurt him.'"

The two officers were nearby in their squad car, eating lunch when they heard the blood-curdling scream and called for backup. Another unit was down the street and responded. The one officer saw all the blood and the suspect was holding a pan over the bleeding man, but didn't hear what the arrestee said to the man on the ground. The officer tried to grab her and the arrestee damaged the officer's rotator cuff by twisting it and kicking his knee, taking his arm out of action. A second officer also attempted to detain her, but she destroyed his knee and broke his leg and three fingers in the process. A woman officer got a real hard kick in the breast after attempting to grab the arrestee, knocking her back over six feet while she was trying to grab her."

Then the officer with the damaged arm attempted to hit her with his good hand and instead fell on her, using his weight to hold her. She grabbed his testicles, squeezed them, causing him to roll off to get away from her. The woman officer again came at the arrestee with her nightstick to put this suspect down, but the suspect knocked the officer's legs in such a way that she landed on her face. The arrestee was quickly on the officer's back and used a single punch to her collarbone. It appeared the suspect intended to break her collarbone and succeeded. She took out two men, each weighing over two hundred lbs. and a woman officer weighing around one hundred and sixty lbs. All in less than two minutes. The fourth officer read her T-shirt. It said, "You touch me and you die." He just stood to the side and watched the fight and when she was done, he hit her with a Taser. In SEAL training, you were taught to evaluate and understand any situation before reacting. In his report, he said the way the woman moved, for a homeless person, showed extreme fighting skills. He was a former Navy SEAL and suspected her of being a vet with special forces advanced training. She was searched for any weapons, cuffed and placed in the back of a squad car. From somewhere, she pulled a razor blade and slit her wrists, trying to kill herself." This is the second attempt to take her own life.

Jim's attorney just came into the court as the arraignment started. Linda walked in with handcuffs on only one arm, dragging a connecting chain. The bailiff followed Linda, keeping his distance. The Judge Kowalski hollered at the bailiff, "That's not how a violent prisoner is brought into my court." The bailiff said they tried. The judge said, "Get the other bailiffs to assist." He told the judge, "Your Honor, I'm the only one left able to walk. But l did call for ambulances for the others." l almost choked as l laughed, trying to keep quiet. The judge looked at me and said, "What's so funny?"

I introduced myself and said, "That's my ex-wife," l said.

The judge muttered, "I can understand why!"

I continued, "Your Honor, do you remember the Marc LaValliere trial?"

He said, " Yes. "

"Well, this is the woman they drugged and gang-raped for days and raped for weeks over several years. It came out that they handcuffed or tied her to a bed, raping her. She was able to protect herself prior to that, as she was a third-degree black belt in karate, but the drugs made it so she was unable to protect herself. Most karate is intended and taught solely for defense. Well, during the trial, she switched to a different type of personal protection, fighting that tends to inflict the most pain and do the most damage if she perceives herself to be in any danger. Get the first blow and make it count. And she's very good at it. She got kicked out of one place for causing too many injuries to other students. She switched to another dojo; I'm not sure what they called it, but it was a group of men and a much more vigorous approach and she excelled there for almost two years. She was living in an apartment by herself. Then, for some reason, she ended up living on the street. She walked out of her apartment one day and didn't return. She is still struggling because she blames herself, like most rape victims. She is harmless as long as you don't touch her. Your Honor, watch this. Linda, give me the handcuffs."

The judge said, "Oh, she's now like a dog."

I said, "No, Your Honor, she is an intelligent woman and feels no one will let her live her life. She had extreme trauma and now she can defend herself. Everyone thinks that because of her size, she's easy prey. She only defends herself if she thinks she is under attack. We, you and l can, to some degree, defend ourselves agains someone bigger. She is better than most at defense and learned and uses the most painful methods, not only to remove the threat, but to destroy it. When she is done, there is no possible way the threat will try that again. As l read in the arrest record, it said a rapist stuck his penis in her mouth and she grappled the offender by his testicles, pulled him in deep and bit off the offending organ." The judge cringed along with every other male in the court. l continued, "Then, she used a pan to destroy the offending organ so it could no longer be used or reattached. She removed the threat and warned the offender not to do that again. He was down and the threat was neutralized."

"She'd follow reasonable instructions. But she will not allow anyone, including her children or I, to touch her without inflicting great pain. She wears that T-shirt that I'd made specially for her before she was homeless as a warning to all. The woman does not want to be touched and that is her right."

The arresting officer was present and told the judge that once she made sure the other three officers were no longer a threat, she did stop.

The judge said, "As l read it, all three of the other officers will be on medical for at least ninety days or longer. And one, once off medical, will be only able to have desk duty because of a knee replacement. We can't have this type of person in an open society. She is dangerous to others."

I said again, "Your Honor, look at her t-shirt and what's written on it. That is a warning. Now watch, 'Linda, please put the handcuffs on.'"

Linda took the cuffs and clicked them on.

"And, Your Honor, I'm sure she has already figured out how to remove them." l told the judge, "Linda, will you please remove the cuffs?" Less than thirty seconds later, the cuffs fell on the floor.

The bailiff raised his eyebrows.

"Your Honor, if someone came up and put their hands on you and you thought that person was a threat, would you protect yourself?"

The judge said, "Of course. But l wouldn't do what she did."

"Your Honor, the truth is you couldn't do what she did. l can't do that. She perceives anyone touching her now as a threat. A bump is brushed off. She didn't see what they were doing before when they drugged her and gang raped her. The assaults continued for years. Now everything is a threat. Yes, she lives in a box. That is her home and someone broke in and threatened her." l smiled again and continued, "She has the right to be safe in her home. It doesn't say here," facing the officer in the gallery, "When she broke the officers' bones, she did it deliberately. Correct." The officer said yes to both.

"But she hospitalized three officers and tried to commit suicide." The judge said.

"Your Honor, you are dealing with the most extreme case of PTSD. She has weaponized herself. I'll bet the officer who arrested her checked her for a weapon and found none before putting her in the cruiser, but as l am reading here, she somehow had a razor blade and cut her wrists." Looking at the officer, l said, "The hospital discovered more razor blades were under bandages taped to her arms."

"Now as for her attempted suicide, she will NEVER allow anyone to capture her and take her anywhere again and that includes me without her permission. She would rather die than have that happen again. You may ask whether she will kill if she is attacked. Yes, l believe she would without reservation if she felt she had no other choice. But l was in the Marine Corps and if I'm attacked, l also will kill for the same reason. Her world is different from ours. She was about one hundred and thirty-five lbs. before she started living on the street. If someone bigger than her, which most men and many women are, thinks she's easy prey. Her personal defense is her right."

"She disappeared a while back and this is the first time she's been found in a while. She is completely harmless unless she feels she is under attack. Well, not completely harmless, but reasonably harmless." l chuckled. "You try to take her to some unknown place and she would rather die. Her feeling is she was captured and tortured. She was a POW in our own country. She will never allow herself to be captured again, ever again."

The judge asked why she couldn't just warn someone to take their hands off or offer any warning. And what about these bailiffs? She attacked them, so she was violent with no reason. She could have warned the bailiff."

I said, "Your Honor, first, the bailiffs just grabbed her like any other suspect." l looked at the bailiff and he nodded yes. "She was defending herself, again, from her viewpoint. She is so traumatized that she has not said much since just after their trial. l haven't seen her start a conversation in years. She will answer someone if she's asked a question." l looked at Linda and asked, "Where are you Linda and why?"

Linda replied, "In a court of law trying to determine if l am free to live my own life and have a right to defend myself."

"Your Honor, the shirt is the warning. Call it her sign language. I'll bet in her home neighborhood, where she has been living, no one will ever try that again. She is safe there now. They might think of her as their protector."

The bailiff said, "Your Honor, when we saw the T-shirt, he thought of it as someone's joke. BUT it's no joke."

The judge asked me, "Have you gotten hold of the VA to see if they can help?"

I smiled and told the judge, "She was never in the military. She was a soccer mom." The judge and everyone else in court showed surprise.

The fourth arresting officer seated in the gallery spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, "If l had to go back to war, I'd be proud to have that soccer mom at my side."

The judge asked Jim, "So, would you consider yourself safe enough to have her in your home?"

"Yes, Your Honor, l would have her in my home and around our kids. We all know what NOT to do and can warn others, but only if she's interested in coming back. She has always been welcome in my home."

"Well, l can't just release her back into society. Because of the suicide attempts, she will need to be watched over. Either I'll have her committed, or l need to find a suitable, qualified guardian and mandatory counseling."

Martha stood up. "Your Honor, I'll accept the responsibility of my stepdaughter. l live in a house at the Naval Air Station with a Marine and we all should be safe. I'm an RN and we have the best neighborhood watch in the country to help." And she smiled a bit. "I also have a therapist that lives with us." Lucy stood up.

I laughed and looked back at the Judge. "Your Honor, they are talking about my home. I'm the Marine she speaks of and both women live in my residence. We live in gated, secure housing surrounded by a company of two hundred Marines. But l think Martha and Lucy are right that we are the best place for her to reside and make it safe for all... but again, only if Linda agrees. It has to be her choice."

I looked at Linda and said, "Will you come and live with us." Linda agreed, mumbling, "If released, living at my place was acceptable." The court released Linda to her mother after she had a few sessions of court-ordered therapy. Not really happy about it, but Linda reluctantly agreed to the arrangement. She moved back into Jim's house. Linda'd lost a lot of weight, and her face looked like that of a sixty-year-old. This woman was in her early forties and her hair was now mostly gray and tangled. It was breaking my heart to see her this way. She was completely broken. She rarely spoke and mostly looked at the floor. She had never started a conversation since she arrived.

~~~

Em told her mother and I, "I want my mother around for my college graduation and to see her grandbabies when she has some." Em would have been in her second year of college in the fall but dropped out to take a job for some real-world job experience. Tommy was still angry with his mother for abandoning him when he was young, refusing to speak with her. He did say, "Em needs to pick a major so she can one day graduate!" We all laughed. Em just couldn't figure out what she wanted to do, but Tommy did.

Dee called Jim when she just got out of prison. She served seven years. She wanted to check on how Linda was doing. Jim drove over, picked Dee up and brought her to the house to meet Linda. On the trip l said, "I thought you got five years?"

Dee said, "Yah, when l first arrived in prison, l got into a tussle and was convicted of assault. A prison dyke tried to make me her bitch, l stopped that quick enough, but was charged and convicted of assault and doing serious bodily harm or something bull shit like that. l got my prison time extended two more years.

When they arrived at Jim's place, l said, "Aren't you proud of your work?" Linda didn't even look at anyone's face anymore.

Dee took me aside and said, "My god, what happened?" She started crying with both hands over her mouth.

"Linda's mind shattered after your confession. Her ONLY true friend, whom she trusted with her deepest secrets, even more than her husband. Trusted that she had her best interests, was using her like an ATM to get drugs. You destroyed her world and mine and did it without remorse. Although l started to pause the divorce again to see if l could help her, she refused and insisted l finalize the divorce. She couldn't look at me after 'being your tramp', her words. No matter how much l told her it wasn't her fault, she refused to hear it. She was recently homeless, but after her second suicide attempt, the state appointed Linda's stepmother as her guardian and she moved back in.

Dee started to go to Linda and hug her. "I'll warn you not to touch Linda. She perceives anyone touching her as a threat and she WILL hurt you or anybody. She maimed one man for life and put three police officers in the hospital. l can't even touch her anymore. Read the message on her T-shirt." Dee thought about Jim's words for a second, then backed up. Dee was still crying.

"Dee, I'll drive back to where l found you and want you to forget my number and not to approach Linda if you see her. You have caused enough damage. If necessary, I'll obtain a permanent protection order. We are trying to get her back, but honestly, l don't think it will happen. You took a good marriage, a good woman and trashed it so you could get high. You have been shown to be toxic to her, so please leave us alone. Clean up your act. One last thing: don't look for your old friends Marc or Nancy. They're both dead, killed in prison. You might want to watch your back and leave town when you can. It only took them a few days to get to Nancy Other and less than two years to successfully get to Marc and kill him. You don't stand much of a chance if they come for you. Any contact you have to get drugs, they will sell you out just like you did for your BFF."

"Linda and her mother now live in my home and both are under my protection. Your picture will be posted at the front gate. If you approach, you will be arrested. That is Navy property and trespassing is taken very seriously there. And before you ask, l won't give you a good job recommendation." l hoped my threat would discourage her from trying to get in. "You're a convicted felon now, so live with it." l asked, "Now, where did you want me to drop you? l won't have you around here." Dee had the decency to cry about Linda and said, "I am truly sorry." l gave her two hundred dollars to help her. For the first time, she looked genuinely sorry. Dee was openly crying when l left her. She knew she hurt her best friend, but not destroy her for life.

~~~

Time marches on and it has been a very long time since l first returned to Florida to be with Linda. Linda has been living with my estrogen crew and me for several years. Dee has kept her word about not directly contacting Linda, except once, when she came to the gate and was stopped. l got the permanent Personal Protection Order (PPO) against her. l talked to her a few of times because she wanted to know how Linda was doing. Dee said, "I cry every time l think of what l did to Linda and you. l have shame and guilt I'm dealing with. l need her to get better." To her credit, she had never asked me for anything other than information on Linda.

Both Em and Tommy moved out to share an apartment while attending College in Jacksonville. That didn't last. Em got her own.

Tommy was now working on his master's degree. Em was still trying to figure out what she wanted to be, as she told me, "When l grow up". l laughed at that. She changes her major like people change toilet paper rolls. She finally finished her second year, but Em still has no clue what her end goal is. She dropped out to work at several jobs after her first year. A few semesters went part time. Tommy's goal was computer science, but not programming. He was interested in networks, network security and AI.

On the other hand, Linda has continued to attend court-mandated counseling twice a week. She is beginning to look up and has started speaking a few words other than 'take your hands off me' or slapping anyone in the face. The slap is well-practiced and it always really hurts if it doesn't knock you down. If you're slapped, that's now her first-level warning, like a snake rattle. If you continue to approach or touch her, you will get bitten. She is still very violent if you touch her.

She still is waking up screaming at night with 'night terrors'. It has died down to only a couple of times a month. She came from therapy last week, walked up to me, looked me in the eye and said, "Thank you for taking me in. l was so afraid living alone."

"Of course," l told her, "You were always welcome. Are you done trying to commit suicide?" But of course, she didn't answer.

Linda said, "My nightmares are starting to go away. l just don't want to live alone again." She was crying.

"You're welcome here and can stay, but our lives will be different now. You and l are not married anymore. It has been many years since we were."

"I have a girlfriend living with me. Do you know who my girlfriend is?" Linda shook her head no.

"It's Lucy Wo. Your old babysitter. You're not to hurt her! Understand!"

"She always seemed nice. I'm happy for you. Will l be a problem?" l said, "No."

Linda started sobbing. "But that's a problem for me." She started crying. "I let you go and told you to be happy and that's what l wanted." Now crying uncontrollably, looking at the floor. When she looked up again she said, " But now, it's not with me making you happy. In time, I'll get over it." Then she broke down, bawling again.

I said, "Now l don't want to violate any of your personal space rules, but you look like you could use a hug." Linda plastered herself to me. l held her tight.

Just then, Lucy came in the front door, stopped and stared at us as l was getting a hug from Linda.

I suddenly felt self-conscious and asked, "What are you looking at, Lucy?"

Lucy smiled warmly and said, "I was trying to determine if you were going to need first aid after releasing Linda."

I said, "From her or you?" l said with a big smile.

Linda looked up meekly and said, "Not from me... right now anyway," then she smiled.

We all laughed, even Linda.

Martha said, "Linda had a breakthrough today, as you see."

"A breakthrough is good. Can l ask what 'You touch me and you die' was about?"

"I was protecting myself. l was raped when l was drugged. Normally, basic functions like walking and breathing aren't affected by those drugs themselves. They make you wobble and stumble and cause brain fog, but you can still walk and breathe. To protect myself, I'd need to ignore everything around me, focus on that moment and listen to nothing. If something can be made part of you, like breathing, l figured l needed to make my defense part of my being. Any touch was an attack on my being, and l had to defend myself as if my life depended on it. l would not and still will not allow myself to be touched unless l say so. But being here, l feel safe. l can relax a bit. I'll speak up if l am having a bad day."

We all sat down at the table to talk.

"Where are the kids?" Linda asked.

"Em is in college. Tom is finishing his Master's degree, and he'll graduate this year. Both have their own apartment. You don't remember?"

"Time for me is all screwed up. l can't get the timing clear in my head. l was so into my problem that l never looked up and l had no problem letting go of everything else that was taking place. I'm so sorry." Linda started to cry again.

Lucy, being brave, slowly reached for Linda. Linda jumped up and gave Lucy a hug. Lucy just held Linda for a couple of minutes while they both cried. Linda was looking at me like she wanted to ask a question.

I started, "We stopped being husband and wife over ten years ago when our divorce was final. I'm also sorry we didn't make it. I'm not sure we would have after all the revelations. We had more problems than just the fake divorce papers. It ended up as a trust issue for both of us. My finding out you lost trust in me in New York was tough. l thought we had the perfect marriage. After we went through the interview at the police station with Nancy Other, you wouldn't let me touch you again. Now, your question should be, do l love you? The answer is yes. I'm still in love with you? The answer is no." We talked with Linda for several hours about our life. Then l said, "Do l love Lucy? Yes. Am l in love with Lucy? l feel that l am. But I'm still working on getting my confidence back because of my trust issues. Do l love your mother? Yes." Linda smiled and said she was glad.

Martha told Linda, "If she ever needs a hug, just walk up and grab hold."

~~~

Linda has been having violent nightmares ever since she returned to my house. They started after Dee's confession and had gotten worse. But now the nightmares have declined, but are still a problem. She would wake up screaming and fighting someone unknown. After the first time she had one, l found her in the kitchen in the knife drawer, staring at the knives. We started locking them up. We're still concerned about her thinking of suicide. This woman was still emotionally destroyed. At first, she would tell us about the dreams when you'd ask and she said she was in her dreams, frozen with men abusing her. She was unable to move to defend herself. Eventually, the therapy helped and she told us about her suicide attempts. "But not anymore. l still think about it, but that won't happen again. I'm still ashamed that l didn't defend myself." She was such a tortured soul. We still did a rotating night watch. We are still afraid she might be playing us and might make another attempt and succeed this time. Someone had to sleep in the same room with her.

Linda's room had two single beds. She slept in one and someone always slept in the other on the other side of the room. It was Martha, Lucy and me. It was my turn until Linda woke up last night. She must have heard my snoring and taken one of my steel-toe boots and beat me until l was awake. l had to tackle her and wait for Martha to come in and give her a shot to calm her down. l was injured enough that an ambulance was called, taking me to the base emergency room. It turned out l had a cracked cheekbone, a busted lip, some loose teeth, a deep cut on my forehead near my scalp and a broken nose. l was sporting a new raccoon look with my two black eyes.

The MPs came by the hospital to file a report. l explained what happened and gave them my address so they could verify my story. l was almost done, so they drove me home. They told me later they thought a nine-hundred-pound gorilla beat me up, not a one-hundred-and-twenty-pound woman with a shoe. l told them, "It wasn't the woman this time; it was my steel-toe boot. She has PTSD and suffers from violent nightmares. The lance corporal wanted to take her into custody for domestic violence. l stopped him and said, "Last person who touched her, she crushed his nuts and she bit off his dick clean off. I'm not joking! Along with other fun stuff that happened that day."

I gave him a list of her exploits of police that tried to grab her. "But go ahead and l can add your story to our cautionary tale." He backed up a bit, handed me the cuffs and asked me to put them on her. l laughed at him and said, "I liked my balls just the way they are. Let me tell you again. No one can touch her without sustaining serious injury." l pulled my Homeland Security badge and the court order. "If she feels threatened in any way, she will attack; she will not be nice or play fair, so l suggest you don't pull your gun or wave your nightstick. She is under my protection, but you're not. If you choose not to take heed of my warning, l know where the hospital is. l just came from there. Go for it. If you're not bleeding too much, I'll even drive you." l laughed.

Turning a bit, l said, "Oh, hi Bill, l didn't see you there. Are you following the MP's around tonight, or do you have something for me?" l asked.

"No, I'm sergeant of the guard tonight, Jim." And he smiled. "I rode with the Lance Corporal because the first report was that someone got beaten badly. Where there's one, generally more people will soon follow and could cause more trouble," he said. He turned and said, "Lance corporal, you have a decision to make, son," standing there laughing. "You know the one that you will remember it as a smart choice or a regret for the rest of your life. But if you choose to go against common sense, the Navy can get you a good set of dentures if she doesn't leave enough to chew with, but the shattered jawbone is hard to replace. You won't be able to chew anymore. But the VA can provide you with a monthly allotment for straws," he chuckled. He paused and said, "I'm going to save you a lot of pain, son. Leave it alone. Just write up the report. If something else comes of this, wwe know where they live."

I told the Lance Corporal, "I'm not in the military anymore, but l do work for the Navy." l told them this was in my home, so write up a report and submit it. l am not pressing charges and we're not going anywhere. l said, "This is my ex-wife. She was gang raped. She learned to take care of herself a little late. She no longer gives playful slaps or kicks. She is declared crazy and extremely dangerous, so you can't even put her in jail, especially since l warned you. She will not allow anyone to touch her and she will not allow anyone to take her anywhere unless you tell her and she agrees. That's a nice way to put it."

The lance corporal shook his head slightly, then again and decided to take the sergeant's advice. He left to fill out the rest of his report.

The sergeant laughed. "These kids today, l can't believe l was ever that young and naive." He then said, "If you don't mind my asking, what happened to her? And how dangerous is she really?"

I introduced Bill to my women, Lucy, Martha and Linda. l said, "This is Staff Sergeant Bill Rupert; he is in charge of the MP's where l work."

"Well, Bill, she was drugged, raped and at one point, once kept captive for six weeks. Then they upped their game, gang raped her several times. Because of the drug, she couldn't remember or defend herself. We understand now that there were six or seven of them at a time. She was roofied and came home sore and thinking she had had too much to drink and had fallen while drunk. When we were living in New York, she came home to help her mother take care of her ailing dad. She was captured by her friend and held for six weeks before being released and returning home on a plane. Her BFF told all about her life with her mother that never happened, and Linda accepted that for some reason she didn't remember the trip. l thought it strange, but l have been told that this could happen.

She was told her mother was overwhelmed taking care of her father, but that was a lie. Her father was never sick, so her mother didn't know she was in the city. The abuse continued on and off for ten to twelve years. She didn't say anything because she didn't remember much. Just missing time. But something in her subconscious knew something was wrong. She started remembering things, and we got a couple of witnesses, which led us to find out everything. We were able to prove seventeen instances of rape and had verification of nine more times, but given the time, there are most likely a lot more. Her BFF constantly roofied her and turned her over to Marc LaValliere, the rapist, in exchange for cocaine. Linda and her BFF both almost died from an OD after Marc actually tried to kill them. But got arrested before Linda died of the drug overdose. The Coast Guard came by just in time. Her BFF was the person she trusted more than her husband."

"I found out when we first got married that Linda grew up training in two martial arts disciplines. She told me, l believe she was a third-level black belt in both."

Martha took over, "She competed and never lost. She had studied for nineteen years. At one point, she considered competing in MMA fighting. l believe she would have won her weight class. You should have seen her."

Martha was now smiling, remembering the good times. She continued, "My favorite story of the early years. The reason l say that is that she had just turned eighteen; l always went with her because l enjoyed watching her fight. She was art in motion. She had a new sparring partner who was about six feet tall, almost twice her weight and was a cocky SOB. When he first got to the training center, he told everyone that he was undefeated in full-contact competition, or something like that.

He asked to spar with their undefeated fighter. He laughed at her when Linda got up. He asked if this was a marshmallow Dojo. Again spouting off, he said that he should get his daughter to spar with her. He was about twenty-nine. He told everyone he was going to give her an education in the sport. Linda told him she would go easy on him, and that pissed this guy off. Everything he tried, Linda already knew and had a counter to it. And some he didn't know. He was on his ass or on his back most of the night. He played it off as if he was trying to find out what she knew, and laughed it off. One of the other students gave him back a smartass comment, asking him if he was a fighter or a whore. He was spending so much time on his back. So the next week, he took it further than sparring and got very aggressive."

I was afraid Linda might get hurt, but was told by one of the other fighters. "Not to worry. She'll hand him his ass." Linda dropped him every time he tried something and she made a fool of him. So for the next several weeks, he played nice to see everything Linda knew, because now he was hoping to get back at her. He was trying to learn her weakness. Linda could also see that, so she played into having weaknesses that she needed to work on. So, in the fourth week, he called her out on the mat and tried to exploit the weaknesses she showed. Linda had no weakness; she really just baited him, showing him alleged weakness. She always baits the competitor in competition. She often put him on his ass, but he was never able to take her down. Believe me, he tried. It was embarrassing to him. He was fast. She was a lot faster."

Martha continued, "From age six to twenty-five, she trained for competition. When she trained, she attacked it as if her life depended on it. She was, well, still is, incredibly fast. One time, her windbag sparring partner told her to try something new for a change. She kept taking him down with her kicks. Her sparring partner laughed at her and called her a one-trick pony. He wanted her to show him something new. She had him stand in front of her, and she did what someone called the Bruce Lee punch. She put her fist one inch from his stomach and only moved forward about three inches, hitting him so hard he was knocked off his feet and landed on his ass."

"I was shocked, and amazed. She almost didn't move except for her body tensing for an instant. You could call it lightning that traveled up her body, starting with her hind leg, ending in an explosion in her fist. One of the others hollered for an instant replay in slow motion, please. Everybody laughed. Another student hollered, "Now, she is a two-trick pony." Someone else said, "The marshmallow champ defeats the over-the-hill gang." The last one said, "And it's the marshmallows for the win, again." Linda, as she always did, politely went over to him to help him off the floor, but he rejected her, slapping her away. He got up, and left to never return. l never saw anything like that. She hardly moved."

I took over, "In most karate, they teach you not to fight if possible and to use it for defense only and fight only if you have no choice. When she found out she had been abused without her consent for years. It humiliated her because she had trained hard to defend herself. But they drugged her each time."

"Her demeanor changed during the trial. She went from sweet, and loving to hard as nails. l don't want to say she turned into a complete bitch, but that word kind of fits. She turned cold to everyone, including the kids and me. We would at least get a warning before the possible attack, even if we touched her. She changed her training. She started training with something called 'Krav Maga'. l think that's how you pronounce it. This one specializes, l guess, in taking your attacker with the least amount of effort AND doing the most damage. Don't wait for an attack to respond. Finish it before the attack begins."

"Step on the foot and then she destroys that knee. Balls, eyes and breaking any available bone quickly. The two-finger attack to the ear. If you destroy the ear, an attacker becomes unbalanced. If she can grab the hand, she will grab two fingers in each hand and jerk them sideways, breaking the hand. She will not hesitate to do it. She will continue to attack until she feels there is no way her attacker can EVER be a threat again. Most of the time, they can't even get up. We know this because we had to drive Linda back and forth for her training in the beginning. Once, when she was homeless, she kicked a female police officer so hard that her breast turned into a large bruise. Linda was very fast; she wouldn't fight fair and she would not stop until the threat was neutralized. If you want a sample, just grab her." l laughed. "She said once that it only took.20 to.40 psi to pop an eyeball."

"When she was living on the street the last time, a guy attempted to rape her and stuck his dick in her mouth to force her to give him a blow job, l guess. She grabbed him by his nuts, pulled in deeper and bit his dick off at the root." Bill cringed at that description.

I told him the story about the police that arrived to take her in. The fourth cop said he evaluated her before trying to restrain her. After watching her destroy his partner, as a former Navy SEAL, he watched her for a minute to determine the only way to stop her was to tase her. He said her fighting skills were incredible. He saw and read the T-shirt we had made for her, which should have been a warning to the police or anyone." It said, "You touch me and you die." They had to keep her in a private cell because she took out two other women who approached her and wanted to make her their bitch."

"She destroyed three of four bailiffs that tried to cuff her to bring her to court."

"She was defending herself from any perceived threat. I'll say that she will take the fight out of you. When she's done, you're done and the fight's over. Now, she will do everything that will stop the attack, all the way to killing someone, l believe if necessary. But so would you or l if we feel that there are no options. If she feels that's the only way the threat can be stopped, l would think she will, but generally only until the attacker thinks again about EVER wanting to touch her again."

"She trained in one place before she got kicked out. She hurt too many students, and some pretty badly. She went someplace else that was a true macho-man type training, a kill-or-be-killed version. They laughed at her being so small, and someone tried to push her. He ended up on his ass. I'd a friend who followed her fighting when he wasn't working. One of the people he met said they had a lot of respect for her, and he would fight alongside her anywhere in the world if she needed it. She got along well with them until the criminal and civil trials were finally over. During the criminal and civil trial against the rapists, Linda continued her kill-or-be-killed training. l love her because she is the mother of my children, but l am not in love anymore. My Linda is gone forever."

"Before we came to Florida, we lived in New York. She had a gym in the house and was working with weights, a Makiwara and a bag back then. She was taking karate classes in New York. l don't mean girly ones. She worked out every day and became extra serious about it. Like she was training for a fight."

"During and after the trials, Linda got to the point where she would not let anyone touch her. l was just talking with her aa day before she moved out, saying she should stay with the kids and I. l tried to pull her in for a hug, and l didn't even see it coming. l woke up ten minutes later, flat on my back. She was sitting near me and said she went easy on me because l was once her loving husband, but DON'T do that again. And l never did."

"She moved into an apartment on her own. In the last few years, she lost a lot of muscle and weight living on the streets, but l have no doubt that she still has moves. She couldn't look at me anymore. She said that because she had been taken by other men who used her while she was married. We are now divorced, but not because of that. At some point, she started living on the streets. Her depression continued, and she became homeless by choice for a little less than two years. She attempted to commit suicide twice. After the second time, the state said someone had to take her, or they would commit her. Her mother, who lives with me, is her guardian. But she is more than any single person can handle. She has night terrors. There are years to add to the story, but that should give you an idea. She never recovered. That's the Reader's Digest version. When she found out her BFF set her up, that sent her over the edge."

Bill said, "Oh my god. l guess you did just save the LC a lot of pain."

"I wasn't kidding about her being dangerous if she's just touched."

"A warning: her favorite trick is to get near and make you think she just made a mistake. Nope, she will step on your foot while you're protecting your balls, and she has some type of kick or punch that will break your knee in a way it was never intended to bend. And l don't mean a bruise. She has this fancy movement that breaks the knee by pushing it at an odd angle that it was never meant to bend. l personally am not willing to experience or even want to see it."

"She used that once, before she jumped off the edge of sanity. She went out with a couple of old friends to a dance club, and some guy came up and tried to pull her out of her chair to dance. She said no. He did it again. I'm sure the new knee works if they were able to reattach the broken and torn tendons and ligaments," l laughed. "That was the last time she went out with friends. l think that was the last time she had friends."

"She was arrested, and the Judge Kowalski watched the video from the dance club's camera. He declared it self-defense. Ordered her to be released. This last time she was given to us because of the second suicide attempt. Her mother is her guardian. Linda is suffering from a major form of PTSD. We have her back in therapy."

The sergeant said, "You're doing the right thing by taking care of your family."

"I told him l might see him in the morning, but we had a storm coming in, so l might work at home."

~~~

Martha still drove her stepdaughter to the counselor's office twice a week, but on that day it was raining hard. She said, "I don't like to drive in this." She was going to cancel. Lucy said she would take her. There was a short conversation, and Lucy said she had nothing to really do and didn't mind.

They left and were gone for about an hour, and l got a call from her old girlfriend Dee. When l answered, she said, "She was at the scene of an accident with Linda and an Asian lady. They just took them to the hospital, but the SUV was totaled. A car hauler lost control, broadsided the SUV while trying to run a yellow light." That's the story l was told.

"They were in the center lane to make a left turn. The car hauler came through the light, lost control, hitting them so hard it drove them across three lanes and slammed them into a concrete pole. Both sides of the SUV are mashed, and it's almost broken in half. They had to get a big tow truck to pull the car hauler back before they could get anyone out of the SUV. The truck driver is dead. l don't think the truck even slowed down. Dee said she didn't know how anyone could survive that accident."

I thanked Dee for the information, but she quickly asked if she could come to the hospital with us. I said, "Where are you?" I picked her up, and we all went.

On the way, we saw the crushed SUV as we passed it to pick up Dee on the way to the hospital. l agreed that they must be dead. l was amazed that anyone was alive after the crash. We were in the ER waiting room until the following morning. Their surgeries took most of the night. The doctor came in and started with, "I can't tell you if either woman will survive right now. They are both beaten up, broken and in very bad shape. The next forty-eight hours will tell us more. Both women were in surgery for over ten hours each. Both will require additional surgeries. We want them to stabilize a bit more before we continue."

I also asked, "Doctor, what are their chances?"

He expressed, "At this point, l would give them about twenty percent or less to survive. But even with a full recovery, there will be continued issues. To be honest, I'm amazed those women lived this long. Go home and get some sleep. We'll let you know if there's a change. There would be no news until morning."

When we got home, the kids were gone. They apparently went back to their own place. Martha stepped close to me, crying and said, "I can't lose anyone else. Please God. Could you please hold me and allow me to sleep in your bed, just to sleep and please hold me?"

I agreed because we both needed it. We climbed into bed, and I held her. We both cried. l was thinking, "Just what we needed: more pain." We finally fell asleep.

The doctor told me that the next day, they put them both in a medically induced coma until the brain swelling went down. It may be longer, to give their bones some time to heal. He said, "I'll warn you that there will be a little memory loss in both. With this kind of damage, he was sure there would be at least some." Then he said the words l never wanted to hear in my life. The doctor paused and said, "If they ever wake up. Even then, they may have permanent disabilities and chronic pain. The bones and organs we can heal, but the brain is still a mystery."

I gave the doctors and nurses a warning about touching Linda. "She is in therapy for anger management. She's a black belt in karate, and she may get very violent if she is touched. She does NOT allow ANYONE to touch her, including me. If it happened, just back up and let her go. Don't fight with her. You will lose. For your protection, because of how she will react, l suggest you use restraints."

Jim said to Martha, "I guess all we can do is wait." Martha grabbed Jim, and they hugged tightly. We both just cried.

**End Chapter 7**

Will l ever see my Lucy again?