Bank Vault Shenanigans

Author's Notes

I was first inspired to write the silly story House of Furnication - IO Sex Romp by TheExperimentalist and their story Fuck Me, Stepladder! I then continued with the madness and wrote Beanbag Watches the Wheelie Bins.

After that came the Borrowed Plumes entry KITT Sees Red In A New Way which brought us away from furniture and onto to cars.

Now, TheExperimentalist and MrPixel have inspired me to move location once again into a bank vault.

This is all part of the Furniture Cinematic Universe established by anthrodisiac as an adjacent thread to the Plot Bunny Pens thread.

Story Tags: Inanimate Object Sex, Humour and Satire, Furniture Cinematic Universe, Bank Vault, Safety Deposit Boxes, Safe Sex, Plot Bunny Pens, Lubrication, Orgy

Copyright Bank Vault Shenanigans © 2026 by Duil2

Duil2 reserves the right to be identified as the author of this work. This story cannot be published, as a whole or in part, without the express agreement of the author other than the use of brief extracts as part of a story review on any site other than Literotica.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are inanimate objects, and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons. Any resemblance to living persons or specific places is purely coincidental and not intended, and... oh my god, how?

***

The large heavy metal door swung slowly closed and the electronic and physical locks engaged one at a time. Gradually the bank vault was sealed shut and only the automatic timer would release the locks sometime the next morning.

The human who was in charge could open up in an emergency but there hadn't been one of those in many years. That time the bank's security had been praised for foiling the bank robbers' efforts but each and every box in this room knew the truth. If it hadn't been for them and their refusal to open even under the most arduous torture from blow torches, screw-drivers and many other implements of harm the bank would have been bankrupted that night.

A few seconds ticked by and they waited. The lights went off, the darkness complete and silence descended.

The rule was that the last safety deposit box that had been opened by a member of the humans got to go first. Tonight that was number 247, a box owned by a local property mogul. Deeds of ownership were contained within making it one of the heavier boxes.

Wall 2, row 4, up from the floor, and column 7, from the left side if you were facing that wall.

A slight squeak of metal against metal ended the quietness and the anticipation of fun and games ahead ramped up. For the first time in a while all of the boxes were in use and so eligible for the ultimate event of 'safe sex'.

The deposit box, 247, unlocked itself and slid backwards out of the rectangular hole in the wall. It flapped its lid a number of times to indicate the number of the box with which it wanted to switch.

111 was the easiest to indicate and being the holder of the most precious jewels of one of the wealthiest women in the city it was known in the vault as 'The Gem'.

The Gem exposed itself from its shelf and in a move that no-one had ever been able to fathom or explain the two safety deposit boxes flew through the air and landed in each other's homes.

The wall cutouts shuddered in anticipation of the arrival of new boxes taking their positions inside. They self-lubricated the sliders at their inside edges in welcome of their guests.

​A cacophony of flapping and flying boxes erupted in the space and only for the sound proofing that the foot thick metal walls of the vault provided these orgies would never be possible.

Soon the walls undulated with boxes trying out new holes.

Not wanting to be outdone the chair that sat upside-down on the small wooden table on which the boxes were opened began to rub its leather cushion vigorously over the smooth surface beneath it.

Metal slid on metal and heat generated alarmingly quickly. The lubrication that kept the boxes running in and out smoothly began to melt and soon rivulets of it ran out and down along the walls and onto the floor below.

Jewels tinkled around inside some boxes and heavier metal objects crashed about. Hopefully, this time any guns stored wouldn't be loaded. The humans had been flabbergasted by the bullet hole that had taken out box 333 and put it down to some kind of spontaneous combustion because the irresponsible human owner had left it loaded.

Those boxes that contained heavy documents were especially satisfying to the wall holes, as the extra weight added to the friction while they pumped rapidly.

Gradually all the boxes began to synchronize their actions and like a 'Mexican wave' at an American Football game ripple after ripple ran around the room. They all slid out and they all slid in again, thumping into the back of the wall holes, making them shiver.

Three walls and then the door of the vault. Its large spoked wheels spun this way and that, whirring and whining, joining in on the occasion.

At the height of the excitement and in absolute harmony all of the boxes teetered on the edge of their holes and their lids flew open, and their contents exploded upward towards the shining ceiling above and then landed in perfect order back in their respective boxes.

Silence reigned once more and slowly each box returned to its proper slot, welcomed home and locked in safely once again.

In one last tribute to their fallen comrade every box flapped its lid three times, thrice and the new 333 stayed closed and in silence.