Innocence

Everyone in this story is 18 years of age, or older. This story isn't true, but it's a story that I wanted to tell, and so here it is. It's not for everyone, but I hope that a few readers enjoy it. If you do read it, well,... thanks.

It was the late 1970s. I had plenty of cousins, but Jill was my favorite. Growing up, our extended family had numerous get-togethers, and all of the cousins normally brought their neighborhood friends along. Jill's best friend was named Heidi. Heidi was the sexiest girl that I ever met.

I have this silly method for characterizing girls. They fall into one of several categories - the categories are cute, beautiful, attractive, appealing, and sexy. "Sexy" is a term, or in my case category, that is reserved for only a few. When a girl is "sexy", she can never qualifying for any other category. Sexy isn't the best category, it's just unique.

Heidi was sexy because she held an almost unbearable power over me. The mere sight of her induced an almost uncontrollable paralysis in my mind. She made me feel so powerless, so insignificant. I could never talk to her, I could only stare. I don't know if Heidi was aware of her hold on me, but I imagine that she probably was.

I wasn't a popular kid, but I had friends. I never felt inadequate, only a few steps behind my contemporaries who were bolder, and more experienced than I. I don't believe that Heidi was popular either. I don't think that she wanted to be, or needed to be. She just seemed to command her world.

There have been several women in my life who had this effect on me - four, in fact. Their mere presence made me weak-kneed. I would probably do whatever they asked of me. Their persuasion would be that strong, if they ever chose to exert their influence over me.

It was the summer after we all graduated high school, and we were all eighteen. My cousin Jill called to ask whether I would be interested in a double date. Jill informed me that she was interested in some young man who was a friend of Heidi's. Jill was nervous to go on a date alone with this young man, so Heidi suggested that we double date to make it more comfortable for Jill.

Heidi was apparently in-between boyfriends at the time, and so the two of them came up with the idea that I would be a suitable "date" for Heidi. I was really tempted to say 'no', but Jill made it clear that this would simply be a fun time. She just wanted to get to know this young man, and Heidi and I would be there as familiar company. I didn't bother asking Jill whether Heidi liked me; I spared myself the embarrassment.

And so, I agreed. I was somewhat terrified of being in Heidi's close company, but the thrill of being close to her supplied an undeniable temptation. I knew that nothing would happen between us, but it may be my one chance to experience rarified air.

My mother was so excited when I told her about my date. I really had no dating experience, and I imagine that, like any mother, she was beginning to worry about my social experience. She liked the idea that I was going on a double date with my cousin, and she knew of Heidi from the many family get-togethers. "She seems like a nice girl". Mom had no idea. If Heidi asked me to rob a bank, I'd probably do it.

My cousin Jill's young suitor was named Brad. Brad drove and both of the girls were in his car when they arrived at my house. I jumped in the back seat with Heidi. After I slid into the seat, Heidi leaned over and gave me a hug. This innocent contact sent shivers through me. She smelled so good; like no other smell I had ever encountered.

As we drove off, I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing cute little shorts that revealed her toned and tan thighs. She wore a white top that had some sort of red embroidery. She could have been wearing a potato sack, and I still would have found it thrilling.

Heidi looked like a young Jody Foster, only sexier. She had these pointy features, with high cheek bones. Her blond hair swept down over her eyes, giving her this mysterious look. I could never figure out how she could see with hair suspended in front of her eyes. She didn't seem to care, which made her all the more appealing.

The night progressed as expected. Brad was a fine gentleman, and he displayed considerable charm. I was comforted because I didn't feel intimidated, or inferior to Brad. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was able to overcome my awkwardness, mostly. Heidi and I talked about school and our future plans. I would soon be off to college, and she would continue working at her parent's restaurant.

I looked for any sign that might tell me whether I could ever be on the same plane as Heidi - that maybe someone like her could actually be with someone like me. There was no sign. Heidi was so nice, and I was so happy to see that side of her personality. But, there was no spark. I mean, I was on fire, but I could tell that Heidi was there to support my cousin.

As they dropped me off at my house, Heidi gave me another hug. It was still electrifying, but it was obviously a friendly gesture. I was sure that people like me don't have romantic relationships with people like Heidi, but that night still left me with such a warm feeling. In today's parlance, it was as if Heidi provided me with my "Make-A-Wish" dream.

A week later, my cousin Jill called to tell me that Heidi would like to see me again. She asked for permission to provide Heidi with my phone number - I agreed. Heidi and I had spoken about so many topics on our one night together. I figured that she simply wanted to talk more, since I had proven to be a fair conversationalist. It might be that I was a welcome departure from the other young men that she was acquainted with. When Heidi called, we made arrangements to meet at her house the following Friday night.

Friday night came. I dressed in what you might call smart casual. I didn't want to appear as if I was trying too hard. But, I did spritz a little of cologne on my neck... there was no harm in that. I arrived at Heidi's house a minute after the arranged time. It was my attempt to appear as much the "bad boy" as I could.

Heidi answered the door almost immediately after I rang the doorbell. She guided me into the kitchen where I was presented to her cousin, Eileen. I tried not to show my confusion, and partial disappointment, when I introduced myself to Eileen. I had naturally assumed that Heidi and I would be alone. I never really expected anything to happen between us, but I wanted the intimacy and excitement of being alone with her, nonetheless.

Once I gathered my senses, I noticed a bottle of wine sitting open on the kitchen table. It was apparent that Heidi and her cousin Eileen had been drinking. I didn't drink. Heidi offered me a glass of wine. I took it mostly to avoid the awkwardness of being the only one without a glass. Eileen acted a bit nervous and her muffled giggles gave me the impression that she was not experienced with alcohol either.

Heidi suggested that we all go to her room upstairs. I must have given her a decipherable look, because she quickly added, "Don't worry, my parents won't be home for several hours." She laughed a bit, "Besides, there are three of us, so one of us girls will act as chaperone." I had no expectation, but it would be thrilling to see Heidi's bedroom.

We ascended the stairs and walked down the hallway into her bedroom. The bedroom was typical of a late adolescent. But, there was nothing extra; no books, no posters, and no stuffed animals. It was as if Heidi, at the age of eighteen, was mature beyond her years - she had no need for anything that served no substantial purpose.

Heidi's cousin Eileen seemed at bit flustered, a condition presumably exacerbated by the wine. She sat on the corner of Heidi's bed, seeming as if she was awaiting direction on what was to happen next. I didn't want to appear aimless, so I simply sat in an upholstered chair in the corner of the room. Only Heidi remained standing.

Heidi walked over to her bureau and proceeded to place a record on her record player. The album was Supertramp's Breakfast in America. The music was just one more bit of added to the increasingly strange situation. I had no idea of what was going on. I had to assume that Heidi did not regularly spend her Fridays in her room, and with people like me, listening to records.

My mind was spinning random thoughts. I shook my head and giggled to myself, realizing that I was most likely in a simple situation that I deserved no further thought or supposition. I sensed that Eileen was studying me. She gave me a knowing smile, as if trying to confirm that everything would be okay.

Eileen had shoulder length black hair that framed her face. She was really cute. In fact, Eileen seemed to be the type of girl that I would normally be attracted to. She was youthfully attractive, and would undoubtedly grow into a beautiful woman. She didn't seem to be unobtainable for someone like myself.

Feeling much more at ease, I took a rather large gulp of my wine. I noticed that Eileen had drained her latest glassful. Alright, I could withstand a night of hanging out with Heidi and her cousin. In fact, the continued normalcy and innocence of the moment finally put me at ease. Heidi came over and it was apparent that she wanted to share my seat. I slid over, allowing her to sit somewhat precariously on the edge of the chair.

Heidi gave me a hug. This hug felt a bit patronizing, a bit like she was affirming that we were only friends. I didn't need the reminder.

Heidi looked me in the eyes. She spoke. "Eric, I would like to ask you to do something for me. Can I do that?" Her raspy voice cut through me. She still had an almost intolerable effect on me. I shook my head.

"Eric, I have known you for many years. While we haven't talked much until last week, I feel like I can trust you. Your cousin Jill thinks so highly of you, and I would trust Jill with my life." I sat there excited by her praise, but I began to sense some form of letdown. I remained silent. What I anticipated would never compare with what Heidi would next speak.

Heidi cleared her throat, and looked over at Eileen. Heidi stopped, as if carefully planning her next statement. "Eric, Eileen has never had a real boyfriend. She is now nineteen and she is awfully sad because of her lack of experience." Okay, I thought - this was all a ploy to get me to date her cousin. Why hadn't she simply offered to set me up on a blind date with Eileen?

Eileen, from all appearances, was the type of girl that I would like to date. I would probably ask Eileen out on a date of my own volition, had I ever met her and garnered sufficient confidence to do so.

As I sat pondering to myself, Heidi interjected, "So, Eric, Eileen has completed her first year of college. She still has no experience, and she feels so sad about that. The boys that she has met have been immature, and she doesn't feel like she wants to share herself with them. Eileen and I have talked, and we think that she is looking for someone like you to give her experience. Do you know what I mean?"

Heidi looked at me again with a discerning look, "Eric, do you have experience?" "Well, no", I said. "I mean, I took a girl to my senior prom, but we were just friends. I haven't really dated either."

Heidi pursued further, "So, you are like Eileen. You don't have experience?" Heidi emphasized the word 'experience'. I felt like I was unable to follow her line of questioning, and I did not know what kind of answer she required. She placed her hand on my thigh.

Her touch wasn't for my enjoyment. It was meant to bring my full attention to her next question. "Eric, what I am trying to ask you is whether you are a virgin." My facial expression must have perfectly matched my sense of shock. "Eric, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I am just asking you whether or not you have had sex."

My mind raced. I could feel my chest tightening. I was demonstrably inept at handling this scenario with any style or grace. Heidi wouldn't be taunting me just to shame or embarrass me, would she? Was she trying to demonstrate to her cousin that being a virgin wasn't that uncommon? For that matter, I looked over at Eileen, and she was looking at the floor.

"Eric, I was hoping that you were a virgin. By your response I am going to assume that you are. So, you are a kind and considerate person who does not take sex lightly. You are exactly the type of boy who would be a wonderful first for Eileen."

There was no suitable response - at least not one that I could muster. I simply was not equipped to handle circumstances so far beyond my existing life experience.

"Eric, would you have sex with Eileen? She truly wants to lose her virginity, and she wants to do it with someone who is kind and gentle. You are exactly the type of person whom she needs. Everyone else that I know is kind of a jerk. They would like to have sex with Eileen, but for all of the wrong reasons."

Heidi arose and walked over to where Eileen sat on the bed. She gently took Eileen's hand and coaxed her to stand. Next, she guided Eileen so that she was standing next to my chair. Heidi then took my hand, prompting me to stand as well.

Eileen and I stood facing one another, with only inches separating us. Eileen stood still, looking at my midsection - that was all of the confidence that she could muster. I looked at her face, searching for some sign. I didn't know what to do, how to proceed. I needed someone else to make decisions.

Neither Eileen, nor I, had any experience in which to guide our next moves. Gently, but firmly, Heidi felt the need to move the process along. "Eileen, why don't you kiss Eric?"

Eileen took a little time to process the request, and then slowly lifted her lips towards mine. The summation of all of the tension and anticipation was released when Eileen's lips touched mine. I had never kissed a girl! I felt warm.

Her tongue pressed between my lips. It was evident that Eileen was more experienced than I, at least when it came to kissing. I could taste the tang of wine on her tongue. I followed her lead. It was wonderful. In my mind, I was thinking about how my friends bragged of getting to 'first base'. At the time, I didn't comprehend the fascination - now I did. The mental and physical reaction in my body was thrilling. I felt my penis pushing against my pants. I bent over a bit so that the tent forming in my pants wasn't so obvious. I felt Eileen moan.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Heidi look at her watch. Heidi stepped behind Eileen and lifted the hem of Eileen's shirt. When the shirt bunched under Eileen's chin, Heidi's continued tugging forced Eileen to break our embrace. Heidi lifted Eileen's shirt up and off of her body. Eileen looked at me with hunger.

Next, Heidi deftly unsnapped Eileen's bra and persuaded her to let it drop free of her arms. "Eileen, why don't you take Eric's shirt off?"

As ordered, Eileen grabbed the bottom of my shirt and lifted it up and off of my body. We stood topless, facing one another. I had never seen a woman's breasts. I must have looked like a fool staring at her breasts. They were perfect. Each one was just perfectly palm-sized. They were slightly upturned, and capped with beautiful red nipples. My penis throbbed against my pants.

In a moment of newfound determination, I leaned in and hugged Eileen against my body. Her breasts were squeezed against my chest. The thrill of our bodies touching produced a whole new level of ecstasy. I initiated the resumption or our kissing.

Heidi had other intentions. Clearly she was intent on more timely progress. Heidi again stood behind Eileen and unfastened her shorts. She lowered the shorts down to Eileen's ankles and was struggling to remove them. Without looking down, Eileen kicked off her sandals. The shorts were then easily shed. Wasting no time, Heidi lowered and removed Eileen's panties.

I now stood in the embrace of a naked woman... something that I had dreamed about since I was about thirteen.

I am sure that Heidi was stymied by our collective naivete - both Eileen and mine. She was surely hoping that we would take our own initiative. However, we were again lost in both our innocence and our exploratory kissing - me in particular.

It came as a shock to me when I felt hands pulling at my belt. Honestly, I just went with it. I had lost all sense of propriety. Apparently the belt and pants became too cumbersome to properly undo, so Heidi simply pulled them down. Everything, belt, pants, and underwear were yanked down to my ankles.

My stiff penis shot up and I could feel it poking Eileen's body. As Heidi and I worked to remove my sneakers and pants, my penis continued to poke and rub against Eileen. What a homage to youthful innocence and yearning - two naked virgins embracing one another with no real concept of how to proceed.

Heidi must have been so flustered by our plodding. I could only imagine that her sexual exploits didn't include much foreplay. Heidi gently grasped Eileen's shoulder and pulled our naked bodies apart. She guided Eileen over to her bed, and laid her out in the middle of the mattress. I had never seen a more glorious sight. There was a patch of light brown hair at her crotch. The patch sat innocently in the middle of her slight hips, and at the juncture of her legs.

"Do you know how to use this?" I was momentarily started by Heidi's voice. I saw her holding up a square packet. I looked at the packet, studying the shiny blue wrapper, and the little knight's head. I could only manage, "What is it?"

Heidi shook her head in disbelief, and laughed. It wasn't meant to insult me, but I am sure that she couldn't believe my level of innocence. She must have questioned the quality of health education provided by my high school. It was obvious that my parents had never given me 'the talk'.

She tore the packet open and squeezed out a slimy rubber device. She shook her head in implied disbelief. "Well, we are sure as shit are not risking pregnancy tonight, if I can help it. I guess that I had better do this part as well so that we have no mistakes."

Heidi pressed the rubber against the head of my penis. With her fingers she began to roll the rubber over the head. Finally, she used her hand to fully extend the rubber down my shaft. I lost my breath. My penis jumped and throbbed. If I died at that moment I would die the happiest person ever to have lived.

Heidi moved quickly to retrieve a tube from her dresser drawer. I remained fascinated as she removed the cap from the tube. She used one hand to search through Eileen's patch of hair. I could see the pink of her exposed vagina. Heidi carefully dispensed a small dab from the tube in between the lips.

Next, Heidi squeezed a large dollop of clear jelly from the tube into the palm of her hand. She approached me while I still stood like a dullard waiting. She placed her jelly-coated palm under my stiff penis. She wrapped her hand around my shaft and began to coat my entire penis. I shivered.

In a campy voice, intended to minimize the obvious awkwardness, Heidi turned to me, "Alright big boy, let's see if you two can't make this happen." I walked over to the bed and lifted myself up so that I was kneeling between Eileen's spread legs. This was all too incredible, too surreal. With one last bit of apprehension, I looked directly into Eileen's eyes, "Are you sure that you want to do this?" She just shook her head, and whispered, "Yes".

I leaned forward so as to place my hands on either side of Eileen's body. Then I lowered my hips so that my penis was at the same level as her vagina. I guess that I had naively assumed that her sex and mine would naturally find one another, but they didn't. When I pushed forward, my penis hit solid flesh. I suddenly felt so clumsy. I didn't want my ineptitude to ruin what should be a beautiful moment.

I lowered my hips and took another stab. "Oh, not there. You're too low." My inexperience, and my lack of knowledge of the female anatomy was ruining the moment.

Ever the mentor, Heidi approached once again. "Hold still". She lowered herself so that she could view inside the gap between Eileen and me. Heidi reached her arm between our bodies and gently gripped my penis. "Okay, a bit higher". I raised my hips just a bit. "Now, gently push". As I moved, Heidi made small adjustments until I felt the tip of my penis make contact with a soft, fleshy cradle.

I can't say that this was a moment that I had been waiting for. It's more like I feared that this moment would never take place. My penis was so rigid that it almost hurt. It's tip was poised at the opening of a most sacred place. I couldn't believe that a young woman was willing to share such a protected rite with me.

I slowly lowered my hips. Eileen moaned softly. I felt her vagina lips spreading to allow my penetration. The physical stimulation was minor in comparison to my mental arousal. My mind was all consumed with this one action - the overwhelming elation of being the sole person to experience such a sacred act with this other person.

Eileen's breathing became irregular. When she groaned I feared that I was hurting her, and so I withdrew. "Are you okay?", I whispered. "Yes, you can put it back in." Without any ceremony, Heidi approached again and skillfully lined my penis up with Eileen's vagina. Heidi was determined to move this along. By this time, her continued assistance simply seemed to be a natural part of the process.

I slowly lowered by body again, piercing Eileen's. With a renewed confidence I continued pushing until I was fully buried inside of her. I paused to savor the feeling of our bodies so fully conjoined. Two people could be no closer than Eileen and I were at that moment.

Eileen used her hips to push up, and then she pulled back. I understood. I pulled back making sure not to fully withdraw this time. Then I thrust into her with some force. She opened her eyes and looked into mine.

I truly wanted this moment to last forever, but I realized that Heidi's actions were meant to convey some sense of urgency. I needed to complete before something intervened, and ruined this otherwise transcendent moment. I began rocking my hips.

I maintained a continuous rhythm that seemed to maximize my stimulation. Eileen seemed content. could feel that familiar dull ache in my penis. It was like an itch that couldn't be scratched - it yearned for continued scratching. I focused all of my energy into my penis, willing it to climax.

My thrusting became shorter, and quicker. The buildup was intense. I felt it. With a final force of will, I thrust one last time into Eileen, burying myself fully into her. My eyes were screwed shut as I grunted and my penis shuttered. The release was euphoric.

I opened my eyes and looked at Eileen. She was smiling shyly, as if to say, "We did it!". The moment deserved some softness. I lowered my lips to hers and gave her a gentle kiss. All that I could manage was, "Thank you."