The Apparition & The Invitation

A ghost of war and a deep desire for normality

A/N - I hope you enjoy, this is being submitted for the 2026 Literotica Halloween Contest.

????- Prelude - ????

Chris Rice

This was the last time I pushed through the doors of Dewitt Hospital. The mid-day sun hit my eyes like a flashbang. I cursed under my breath, fumbling with my left hand to yank my dark sunglasses onto my face, the tinted lenses doing barely enough to cut the glare. I had broken my last pair of wrap-arounds; I'd get some later.

My right arm rested awkwardly across my chest, tucked tight inside a stupid but necessary sling. It had only been fifteen months since the blast in Iraq took most of my right arm, but the phantom pain was still a living thing. It felt disasterly hot out here. The pain in my "right forearm, wrist and hand" felt like jagged nails driving straight through those that weren't there anymore.

Every step I took forward seemed like a calculated battle of physics and sheer stubbornness. I had learned to use the cane without issues the trick was how the fuck was I supposed to carry anything.

My therapist Marissa Herndon told me in time I would soon learn the stability of my prosthetic and wouldn't need the cane. My right leg, amputated a second time, now above the knee, felt heavy with the new prosthetic. The socket bit into my residual limb with every shift of weight, and I leaned hard on the aluminum cane gripped tightly in my left hand, letting it take the brunt of my weight just to keep from stumbling and falling down onto the concrete.

I was forty-four years old, broken down to the bones, what was left of them, and walking out into a world that felt entirely too bright, too loud, and entirely too fast, at least for me.

But they were happy for me, I had my twenty four year retirement and full disability!

Well isn't that fucking special. What do I do now, sit and fucking rot away?

It took me longer than it should have to navigate the parking lot, carefully dragging the cane and managing the awkward stride of the prosthetic, but I finally made it to my Chevy Blazer. I tossed my backpack with all the paperwork I needed and then pulled myself into the driver's seat. That in itself was an exercise in humiliation. I had to tuck the cane awkwardly across the passenger seat, sweating through my shirt just trying to get the door shut and slide the key in the ignition with the opposite hand.

I had driven some with the new controls installed but it was still awkward driving without a right hand and leg.

Three days later I was back north of the Mason-Dixon Line, I finally pulled into the driveway of my parents' house, the quiet of the neighborhood wrapped around me like an old, heavy blanket welcoming me home.

I parked the Blazer in the garage, staring out at the space that was now entirely mine. Mom and Dad were gone, having passed years ago, leaving the single-story, three-bedroom ranch behind to a son who barely recognized the reflection staring back at him in the rearview mirror.

I sat there in silence for a few moments, gripping the steering wheel with my only hand, and took my first breath after a very long and very lonely war.

Who knew there was another brewing I wasn't yet aware of.

????- Chapter One - ????

Seven Years Later

I rolled to my side and reached down with my left hand and found the t-shirt which lay on the floor next to me. I brought it to my face and nearly screamed in disgust, even I could smell the stench of my sweat. I sat up on the bed, my right leg dangling off the side.

I lowered my head, and prayed, "Dear God, if you really exist, please give me the strength to get through this day."

I reached for my crutches and stood. Once I had my balance, I walked to the dresser drawer, the second drawer down as a matter of fact and opened it. Folded, well as best as I could fold with one hand, were my shirts. I picked out a clean t-shirt, shook it loose and pulled it over my head. Once over my head, I tugged the shirt, getting my right arm through and then my left hand and arm through the shirt. I pulled it down covering my body.

Into the bathroom I relieved myself and washed my face and hand. From there I made my way back to the bed. I slipped on the prosthetic, stood, reached for my cane and slowly made my way into the kitchen.

I was always thankful that Mom and Dad, God rest their souls, bought a one floor ranch, there were only stairs to the basement. I started some coffee, sat at the island chair and waited.

It doesn't take long for a half of a pot, just eight minutes or so. I stood and found my way to the cupboard, found my 4th ID mug and poured a cup. I made my way back to the kitchen island, took my seat and then looked at the clock on the stove, 4:55.

I mumbled, "Fuck it is early but at least I'm alive." I sat and drank my coffee deciding to have two cups, then I would eventually make my way to a shower. I had nothing scheduled today, maybe a power nap later but then maybe some light reading.

I had a classic, Fahrenheit 451 by Bradbury, sitting near my chair but I also had the newest Grisham as well. Sometimes the positioning of my chair and the reflection of the light made it hard to read, but struggles like that are minor.

????- -????

Just after eleven I put my book down and pressed the recline button laying back in my chair. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the noise, deciding I needed that power nap.

Except the house didn't stay quiet, not for long.

It wasn't necessarily a sound that started everything. I felt the temperature slowly drop, and the instant my eyes snapped open, I could smell the desert all over again.

Then it came, I was anticipating it as it always came. A sudden, oppressive heat rolled through the room, clashing against the sudden chill, the violent weather roller coaster she always brought with her.

My heart hammered a frantic rhythm against my ribs. I scrambled to grab my cane, hauling myself up. As I turned, there she was.

Well, not standing. She was floating, hovering higher than usual as if she was looking down on me from above.

Yes, my ghost, my apparition was back. Before I could even process it, cold sweat broke out all over me, carrying the rancid odor of pure fear. I tried to force a step forward, but she locked me in place, freezing me solid dead in my tracks as I shook all over.

"What!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "What do you want, you dead bitch!"

She just hovered there, nearly a featureless blur trapped behind a veil of a smoky mist in her hijab. As the dim light filtered through the kitchen shadows, I could see her again, wearing the same tactical gear she'd worn over a decade ago, the heavy vest hiding the weight of the bomb.

I had pulled the trigger back then. I knew she was dead. But now she was again, watching me with eyeless intensity. I leaned hard on my cane, fighting the sudden, searing phantom pain shooting through my missing forearm, wrist and hand, and forced myself another step closer.

She drifted across the room, closing the distance in absolute silence. A single, dark finger pointed straight at my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut, but I couldn't block out the cold pressure of her shove, or the razor-sharp whisper brushing directly against my ear.

"Not yet, Sergeant," her cruel, haunting voice seemed to breathe straight into my mind. "Not until you're completely empty."

And just as fast as she had appeared, my phantom female Iraqi operative vanished, leaving me gasping alone in the quiet house.

????- - ????

After taking the better part of a half of an hour to calm down, I made my way back to the bathroom, sadly I needed another shower. So once completed, I made my way out to the kitchen in an attempt to find food. I knew it had been a while since I went shopping but then again, if I needed food, I'd go when they are least busy.

As the truth would be revealed, inside my pantry and refrigerator, I had nearly nothing that interested me. I decided to eat later. I grabbed a Kirkland cold brew coffee and walked outside to relax a bit. I no longer got outside and settled in my chair when I cracked open my cold brew coffee, took my first sip and then I heard my cell phone ring.

Realizing that it was inside, and I had zero desire to walk back inside and get it, I just let it go to voicemail. I just sat there allowing the midday sun to shine bright on the late summer day.

I took my time and relaxed while having my coffee and then resigned myself to the fact that I had to face the world because my stomach was growling, not just from lack of food, but there was something still eating away at my stomach, the apparition. I needed some fresher air.

I walked inside and eventually got my wallet, phone and my keys, then made my way into the garage. I got inside my Blazer, got myself settled, started the truck, waited for the garage door open, and then pulled out.

A few blocks down the street my phone rang again. Seeing a toll-free number pop-up, I decided to let it go to voicemail.

I made it to the market and decided I needed to stretch my leg so I parked a little bit away from the handicap spots. I turned off the engine and sat in silence for a little bit mentally preparing myself to go fight the fluorescent lights, the winding aisles, the potential for human interaction.

The silence of the inside of the cab of my Blazer was comforting. I knew what I had to do. But as I went to open the door, my cell phone vibrated again. I took a moment and looked down at it, and that's when I noticed the two voicemail messages.

I wasn't sure who was going to be, but I leaned my head back against the headrest, I tapped the icon to play my voicemail messages, and waited.

The first was a cheerful voice. It was a professional voice as it came across and cracked through my speaker. "Hi Chris, this is Madeline from Canine Companions calling. Listen Chris, the reason for my call is you're now number one on our placement list. Based on your needs, we think we have an incredible match for you. Chris, her name is Kona. She's a purebred German Shepherd. When you get a chance, give us a call back. We'd like to arrange a meeting tomorrow with you and her just to see if you two are a good fit. Chris, we hope you're doing well and we hear back from you soon."

Suddenly, there was a tightening in my chest that I wasn't sure if it was a tightening of success and excitement or of fear and panic because of what could come in being placed with a service animal.

I knew one thing that was simply, the weight was nearly over because my counselor said it would do me a whole lot of good not only in the physical challenges I have but more so with my PTSD.

The next message started to play and it was that very familiar nagging voice from our local veteran outreach coordinator. It's not that he was nagging. It's just that I don't think he understood.

"Hi Chris, it's Nathan. I'm just checking in on your buddy. Look, I know how you always tell us that you'll reach out to us if you need anything, but we haven't heard from you in a while. The annual County Trunk-or-Treat is coming up. We wanted to make sure that you knew you're invited. The County has set up a booth really specific for guys like you that have some challenges."

He paused, I could tell he was struggling to define what they wanted. "So Chris, we just wanted you to know that you're welcome. So maybe come out and catch some fresh air on a Saturday evening. We plan on keeping it as low-key as possible."

That call ended, I was appreciative. I sort of stared through the windshield at the storefront. I don't know if an invitation to a noisy Halloween party was the sensory minefield that I wanted to jump into. But I was at least appreciative of their call.

I think the thing that scared me the most, is that I would have to go outside of a significant comfort zone and actually be forced to interact with people. I wasn't sure that I'd ever be interested in that ever again.

????- - ????

As I absolutely expected, the grocery shopping was a train wreck. The simple dodging of shopping carts, avoiding eye contact with people, avoiding the chatty folks asking how I'm doing or if I needed any assistance. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's just a pain. I'm pushing the cart with my left hand, walking with my prosthetic. My nub wasn't feeling well. I need to get to the VA, but I just don't feel like it.

By the time I shoved the bags in the passenger seat and floorboard of my Blazer and drove home the sun was high in the sky at that 3 o'clock position. I couldn't wait to put my food away and sit out back in the shade.

Once I got my groceries inside, I put away the refrigerated and frozen items. I took a break and then put everything in the pantry. I finally sat at the kitchen island. I returned Madeline's phone call. I got myself scheduled to be at the Center at 10:00.

Since Kona was just certified and part of a new countywide program, Madeline let me know that there would be some folks from the County Veterans Office there, political type folks. I had no use for them, but understood their function.

I settled in for the night and slowly finished my evening routine. I was actually pretty excited about tomorrow and meeting Kona. Before I knew it, I was laying down in my bed, an ice pack on my nub, and a book in my hand.

????- - ????

I was up with my normal and unfortunate 4:30 in the morning, but I knew today was a special day. Today was going to be a day of purpose. This was something that I was looking forward to and hopefully that I would get some absolute, if I use the term, satisfaction from what I knew, this was for my betterment.

I left just after 9:15 knowing it was about twenty minutes to the Center. When I pulled in, I saw the local NBC news station parked in the parking lot. I backed my Blazer against the tree line. Red flags popped up and flew immediately sky high. I wanted nothing to do with cameras or publicity. I didn't wanna be like that. I just wanted to get better.

I entered the Center, Madeleine must've known because she was standing there waiting for me. She quickly grabbed me by the hand, and we walked nice and slow out of all the folks upfront. She walked me back to her office and quietly closed the door.

We chatted for a few minutes. She looked at her watch just as there was a knock at her office door. She smiled and nodded her head reassuring me that everything was gonna be fine.

She opened her door and a woman stood there with a tablet, she didn't look like a politician, or anyone that was here for the publicity of it all.

"Hi, are you Chris?" she asked with a soft voice.

Madeline stepped and helped. "Lori, this is Chris Rice. Chris this is Lori Brown. Lori is with the County VAO. She is actually a clinical Social Worker and is the one that has really pushed for this program for guys like you Chris. It's because of her that you're getting your service animal or we hope you're getting your service animal soon."

I slowly stood anchoring myself with my cane. Once I was able to stand and support myself with most of the weight on my left leg, I extended my left hand to induce myself.

"Forgive my rudeness, Miss Brown. I'm just not sure that I am the best person to put in front of all those cameras. I don't do real well under that kind of pressure."

And again, Madeline stepped in saving me. She explained that Lori was here to protect me at the same time, but also to evaluate my interactions with Kona.

It seemed like everybody was on the same team and wanted the best for me, so I nodded my head and said, "Okay, let's try."

So the process was explained to me during the application. I was placed in a room with Madeline, Bree would bring Kona in. I was not to move to her or approach her in any affectionate way. We would be a good fit if she came to me first and stayed with me, showing some type of affection.

Madeline and I walked to the larger playroom. I sat in a chair and she sat off to the side as well. Behind a two-way mirror I am assuming a few individuals stood there watching our interaction.

There was a soft knock at the door and when it opened Bree walked in with Kona. Bree closed the door behind them and stood there. Kona was nearly a full-size black German Shepherd. She must've weighed at least 60 pounds. I sat there with my hands on my thighs. I looked over to Bree and she just nodded.

No one spoke, no one moved. Kona came over and first sniffed my prosthetic, she sneezed, but then turned and sniffed my left leg. I didn't move. I watched as she came closer and sniffed my body including my crotch. She backed away and walked in a small circle. She came back over and sniffed my right side and what there was of my right arm.

I watched as her tail moved slowly left and right. Kona stepped away, turned in another circle. She came right back and sniffed my left side and sat.

Bree moved to stand next to her. "Kona? Come here girl."

Kona took two slow strides towards Bree but stooped, turned her head and looked at me. She came back to my right side, she sniffed at the prosthetic and then my arm. She backed up and snorted. I looked and saw her tail wagging. She let you a soft bark, then after a second she let out three soft barks, all quick and in succession of the other.

With my peripheral vision, I could see Madeline smiling wide. Then I caught her mouthing to Bree, it looked like she quietly said, "House visit."

Her tail started wagging and that's when she nearly jumped into my lap, yelping small little barks, revealing what seemed to be absolutely joy and love.

Bree and Madeline were nothing short of spectacular. Bree took Kona back to the training area. But as she went to exit the door, she turned around sharply, her eyes focused on mine. It's almost as if she knew we belonged together.

Madeline had me back in her office and this is when the political people were standing around as they announced that tomorrow they were going to bring her by my house. They needed to make sure that it would be a perfectly safe environment and that Kona, she felt comfortable in it. They would know right away if it would be a good fit or not.

????- - ????

Just before noon, the distinctive blue and white striped Canine Companions minivan pulled into my driveway.

I was sitting outside on my porch and watched as Madeline exited the van. I saw Bree exit from the other side and walk to the back. I watched with anticipation as the rear door lifted. Bree had made her way to the back. That's when I saw Kona jump out from behind the minivan. Bree led her on her long leash walking her around the perimeter of my front yard. I watched intensely seeing her move around sniffing the surrounding area.

That is when I saw a plain looking sedan pull up in front of the house. Curiously I looked on but then worried as I saw Lori step out from the sedan. She stopped to speak with Madeline but then started up the driveway heading towards me.

"Hi Chris!" Her voice softly called out to me as she stopped, not coming up the three steps at my porch. Her soft voice continued. "I am sorry I didn' t have a chance to speak with you yesterday but I didn't want to interrupt the process.

Suddenly the gentle breeze of the day shifted.

It was replaced by a blast of cold air, then a shift of a heat wave. I felt a sudden shift in the air around me. I heard Kona bark twice. As I turned my head towards her bark, my eyes leaving Lori, I saw Kona coming right at me. She was nearly dragging Bree even by the long leash.

Kona leapt up the three steps and came to me, she jumped up, her front paws landing on the center of my chest as if hugging and protecting me. Her eyes never left mine, we were locked together. Neither of us moved but then as the air around me returned to normal, I saw Kona ease off of her stance, and relax against me.

It was not more than ten seconds, but it felt like an eternity to me. It felt comfortable. My left hand found the top of her head and gently patted her rubbing her head. My right arm moved and the upper part of what remained, petted her side.

"Oh Kona, you are such a good girl! Such a good girl." Kona yelped softly, that's when I saw her tail, well I felt her tail wagging carefully knocking it against my left leg.

Madeline broke the silence of the day. "Chris, would you like to walk her for a second? We need to see..."

I was up trying to stand before Madeline could finish her sentence. I softly asked, "Kona, do you want to take a walk with me?"

It was almost instantaneous when she circled me and came to my left side, instinctively the side where I was able to hold the longer bridge handle of her harness.

"Easy girl, I go slow down these steps." I spoke. As I made my way down the three steps.

Kona walked close but not up against me. I excused us as we walked on the sidewalk then down the driveway and to the curb. I walked back with her talking to her the entire time. In all we had walked maybe 300 meters but then as we walked back to the porch, it took me a moment to figure out how to hold the bridge harness and make my way up the three steps.

I found my seat again and finally spoke. "Forgive my rudeness, please have a seat ladies. May I get you each a water? I'll run inside and get some and then figure out how to get a dish of water for Kona."

Lori spoke first, "I'll help." Immediately Bree followed her by saying, "Chris, we have a bowl in the van, I'll grab it."

Lori followed me inside to grab a few bottles of water. I could sense, based on how she was moving, she was looking around, judging me, based on my home. I get it, it's what they do, Clinical Social Workers, it's their training and requirements.

She walked into the kitchen behind me. "You have a nice place, open air and easy to move around."

I turned slowly and smiled. "Thank you I don't have people over, it's just me." I paused and wanted to say more.

I wanted to tell her to mind her own fucking business but that wouldn't fly. So I swallowed it, and the severe stress of her walking in my blind spot. Some kind of a highly trained clinical social worker she is. She would know she was a trigger to a combat veteran's PTSD by walking behind him.

I handed her two waters and decided I would carry two. I slipped them both in my cargo pockets and turned to walk back outside.

"Why?" She asked, looking up at me. It was then I realized I was at least a foot taller than her.

"Why what?" I snapped at her.

"Chris, listen I am just trying to help, I am not someone who doesn't want this for you. Why are you fighting me?"

That did it, the gloves came off.

"First off, if you know so much, why are you scoping out my house? Why don't you just tell me and be open about it!" I huffed then took a breath. " Second, if you are so fucking smart and a PTSD Specialist why are you walking behind me, in my blind spot, stressing me out. And lastly why do you really fucking care?"

I slumped back against the counter.

"Madeline, her and Bree, look at them, for the last three years since I have been waiting, they care. Learn a fucking thing or two from them. You'll get your picture, you'll get you time in the sun, but me," I paused, it wasn't worth it.

"Fuck, sorry lady, it's a bad day, like every fucking day dealing with people." I pushed off the counter and walked outside with the water, leaving her standing there.

Once outside I calmed down a bit but you could cut the air with a knife. Lori came out behind me. She was quiet, I could tell I pissed her off and offended her. As typical, this is why I don't deal with people.

I made my way over to Kona and crouched down next to her as she took some water from her bowl. When she looked up at me, that's when I playfully invited her inside the house asking her, "Come on girl, you wanna look around?"

I looked up at Bree and then to Madeline, they both nodded. They, including Lori, followed Kona and I inside. Once inside, I let Kona have the run of the house following behind her as best I could. But it was twice that she would pause and look back to make sure that I was behind her.

I was hoping that was a good sign.

When she crossed into the master bedroom, she did a few circles around the bed and then turned to look at me. I sat down on the bed and just watched her. "What do you think, girl?"

Her soft bark was all I cared about. I stood then walked back to the open area of the house, just letting her walk around and get a feel for things.

Bree spoke up. "Okay, so we can leave Kona here for fifteen minutes, or so, but then we would need to come pick her up and take her back to the Center." She paused.

"A final decision on her placement needs to be made Chris." There was hesitation in her voice, "But we don't see this as an issue."

I smiled. "I'm fine." Then winked at Bree. I smiled. "If you leave her here, you might not get her back." I pet her side and smiled. "This is where you want to live, isn't it girl."

She sat back and jumped up, her front paws landed on my chest as she started licking my face.

"Well," Lori said, breaking the heavy silence of the house. "I think Kona just made her decision."

I closed my left hand on her face and my right arms stroked her side again. Her head rested against my chest. I could feel her solid, living heartbeat thumping against me. For the first time in the years since my retirement and discharge, the air in this house didn't feel quite so cold.

"Chris, we will have a decision before lunchtime tomorrow." Madeline smiled wide.

I stood and shook Bree, Madeline, and Lori's hand. "Lori, allow me to apologize, I am sorry if I was mean and harsh earlier."

As they left, I sat in my recliner and closed my eyes. My hopes grew but I needed to maintain a calmness hoping I would hear from Madeline tomorrow.

????- - ????

I cleaned the house one more time just making sure that things were where they belonged. It was premature, but if I got the phone call, I wanted to make sure that I was ready for Kona to enter my life. After dinner and a bit of reading, I was knocked out pretty tired because of the events of the day.

For some reason, there was an uneasiness in my ability to fall asleep. I knew what it was. I was on edge worrying about the phone call that would come hopefully from Madeline. But then all of a sudden I started thinking about Lori and the tone I took with her.

When I finished my shower, I iced my right leg down, realizing that I needed to care for it a little more, maybe even needed to go to the VA and see if there was a different gel pad or a cushion for my nub and prosthetic.

I slowly tried to close my eyes and eventually I drifted off.

Suddenly there was a bang and a bright flash of light, then a second bang. I was up and low-crawling, my weapon pointed straight ahead. That's when the next door opened. I raised my weapon slightly leaving my finger on the trigger and waited as the shadow crossed into the hallway. I didn't hesitate. I squeezed the trigger.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

I waited to hear the thought of the body falling down to the ground, knowing I had hit them center mass, but the thud never came. I crawled forward again this time, squeezing the trigger as I kept moving.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

That's when the shadow started. It's horrific laughter. I shook violently then I could see her., the female operative standing right there, but this time she was hovering over top of me I could feel the pressure weighing heavy down on my chest. I tried to scream, but nothing came out.

Though fully paralyzed, I realized I couldn't move one of my muscles tensed up freezing solid. Then I smelled it. I could smell the plastic explosive then I felt the heat. I could feel the pressure heavier on my chest.

And that's when she spoke, "Not yet, Sergeant," she whispered right into my ear as I choked on air. "I'm not done terrorizing you!"

Suddenly, I snapped fully awake. I bolted up my sheet, clinging to my sweaty chest. I shook my head and backed up against the headboard. I took a deep breath. I tried to relax. I looked down at my right arm. The phantom pain was as hot and as agonizing as possible, I could feel it, I could feel my hand.

The pain was excruciating. I finally screamed as loud as I could just trying to relax. I finally rotated my body around my left leg and foot on the ground. I reached for my bedside crutches. I stood and then the rancid feeling boiled over as the acid in my stomach grew greater. I hurried to the bathroom as fast as I could, but not making it in time as the contents of my stomach emptied onto the linoleum bathroom floor.

Stumbling over to the commode, I flattened myself down onto the ground, the dry heaves, slowly calming down. After a while, I gathered myself and from underneath the sink, pulled the bucket and the sponge wiping up the floor as best as I could.

I then stripped out of my sweat drenched clothes and threw them in the hamper and took a shower trying to wash away the hellish stench of my body.

After my shower, I dried off and eventually made my way back to the bed. Unfortunately, the sheets were soaked. I grabbed my pillow and made my way out to the living room, where I laid down, staring at the ceiling.

????- Chapter Two - ????

I really didn't sleep, I just waited for the Earth to spin and time to pass by. At 4:15, I gave up and slowly stood from the couch, it would be another day where I would survive through a mostly sleepless night.

When the clock flipped to 7:30, I realized that the phone call I had to make was truly best for Kona and not selfish of me. So I picked up my phone and I dialed Madeline's number knowing that I would get her voicemail.

When her voicemail picked up and let out a general sigh of relief taking the easy way out.

"Hey Madeline," I coughed, pausing a moment. "Hey, it's Chris, listen I had a horrible night and umm if, and... I know no decisions have been made but if I am matched with Kona, which I hope and honestly, I need her, but I can't take her today. I haven't gone shopping or ..."

I stalled, nearly shaking. "I just needed you to know how much I need her but I am not ready for her today." My voice cracked and I hung up the call.

I tried to focus on cleaning up the house and making space for her in the event I was matched with her, but it was a futile effort. I'm returned to the quiet of the kitchen and coffee.

It was no more than an hour later, when my quiet morning was disrupted. I was nursing my second cup of coffee. I looked at the screen and saw that it was Madeline. There was a sudden tightening in my chest and a pain of mixed feeling of dread, but I knew I had to take this call.

"Morning, Chris," Madeline's voice came through, bright and still steady. "I got your voice mail but still wanted to call you. You were actually first on my list to call today."

"Thanks, that's nice to hear," I murmured, leaning hard against the counter. "I'm trying to do a few things."

"Chris, I got your voicemail message and just shared it with Bree. What I wanted to talk to you about is, well, we did wrap up last night. We want to tell you that Kona is officially yours."

Suddenly, my heart swelled and tears welled in my eyes with relief and excitement of realizing what a service dog could do for me.

"Madeline, I do not know what to say." I started crying, wondering why they are for me so much.

"Chris," Madeline confirmed, her tone softening. "She chose you."

"I'm thrilled, that's for sure. Madeline, I don't know why you all care so much for me, I'm just an old broken down soldier with nothing to give anyone."

Then Bree jumped in. "Chris? This is Bree. I know your message said you're not prepared to take Kona today, but I think it's most important that you have her as soon as possible."

Then Madeline spoke up. "Hey Chris, I'd like your permission to reach out to a couple friends and see if we can assist in getting you some help. You sound a bit off. Maybe we can get you some help, you know, to get your house in order and do some shopping so that we can bring Kona by at lunch."

"Okay whatever you think is best."

Then I heard Bree, "Chris, please know you are here for you. Are you sure you are going to be okay?"

"Yeah," I exhaled, "I'll be fine."

The call ended, leaving me staring down at the phone. She's mine. But the immediate spike of excitement was followed by a cold, sinking fear of who all would be reaching out to me. That meant strangers, people coming into my house and I needed to get prepared as best as I could.

I went back to looking at what needed cleaning, which I didn't think was anything too much. But then just before 10:00, I heard a car pull up in front of the house. I looked out and saw Lori. She was closing her trunk and carrying a few bags of stuff.

I opened my door and stepped outside into the mid-October weather. As she walked up the sidewalk I couldn't read the expression on her face. But as she came to the porch she paused.

"Morning, Chris," she said softly. "I'd like to apologize for yesterday. I was wrong, please forgive me."

"Ma'am, there is nothing to forgive. I was a son of a bitch and well, I should be the one apologizing."

She smiled, "You did, and I accepted, yesterday." She smiled again. "Madeline and Bree called, they mentioned you hit a wall and needed to push the delivery out because you hadn't gotten her gear yet. Thought maybe you could use some assistance. I went and did some shopping."

I stared at her, completely caught off guard. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know," she replied, stepping up cautiously. "Let's call it an apology for walking in your blind spot yesterday. I brought a bed, stainless steel bowls, and the exact brand of food they recommended, but that's in the trunk. I'll get it in a bit."

I nodded. Then she lowered her voice. "Chris I understand if you say no, or don't say anything but you're having nightmares aren't you?"

I simply lowered my head.

"Chris, can we just sit outside here and talk? I'd like to help."

I nodded and pointed to the chair. Lori put the bags down and had a seat. I lowered myself into the other seat, staring out past the yard, listening to the far distant hum of traffic.

For a while, neither of us spoke. The sun and a light breeze felt warm against my face, but the chill in my bones from earlier hadn't quite faded.

Lori broke the silence, her voice gentle, stripped of any professional edge. "You don't have to carry it all by yourself, Chris. The house, Kona, the past... whatever is keeping you up at night."

I swallowed hard, my left hand tightened on the arms of the chair, my knuckles turned white. I shivered and then played back in my mind the dream as I low-crawled, felt the suffocating heat, the female operative kneeling on my chest, whispering in my ear.

"It's not just memories, Lori," I muttered, my voice barely louder than a whisper. I stared straight ahead, unable to look at her. "Memories stay in the past. This... she doesn't stay there."

"Who?" she asked softly.

"A female operative, from ten years ago." I let out a harsh, self-deprecating breath. "I know I sound fucking crazy. No one at the VA believed me," I shifted in my chair almost getting up.

"Wait," her hand reached towards me, I watched her pause."Listen I swear I believe you." She placed her hand on my left forearm.

"I know she's dead, I pulled the trigger. I watched her go down. But she's here. In the house. In the dreams where she pins me to the mattress until my lungs give out."

I finally turned my head to look at her, bracing myself for the pity, or worse, the clinical judgment. But there was none of that in Lori's eyes. Just a heavy, aching understanding.

"Just as I am ready to suffocate she streaks, "Not yet Sergeant, I'm not done terrorizing you." then she disappears."

"It's not crazy, Chris," she said quietly. "And I believe you. It's your mind trying to process a hell it never should have engaged with. But you're talking about it now. That's a start."

I exhaled slowly, letting a fraction of the suffocating weight drain out of me. Before I could answer, the deep rumble of a diesel engine, a heavy duty truck stopped and was idling at the curb. I looked up and saw Nathan's rig, two of the guys from the Warrior Project were with him.

"Good they are here, they have a few things." Lori stood and called out, "Guys? There is stuff in my trunk please. I'll be there in a second to help."

Lori turned to me. "You are loved and we care, please never think differently. You aren't old and broken, you're in your prime and well, experienced."

Nathan and two other gentlemen who looked vaguely familiar from previous events that I attended over the last years, got out of his rig and walked up the driveway and the sidewalk. The two guys were carrying a large crate that would be for Kona. I stood to welcome them to my house and as they stepped on onto the porch, I opened the door and with slight hesitation just told them to set it anywhere they could find space that I wasn't necessarily ready for her yet.

I turned around, and Nathan was standing at the top of the porch steps. He had extended his knuckles knowing my difficulty in shaking hands, balancing myself. I tapped my knuckles to his.

"All you had to do was call Chris, we would have come sooner." He politely spoke.

I just nodded. "You know the deal, I didn't want to interrupt your day, other guys, you know the really hurt guys need you, not me."

I heard Nathan mumble under his breath, but then when I looked over at Lori, it wasn't the expression so much on her face. It was the look at her eyes that cautioned me. I should not be fibbing as much as I did.

Lori and Nathan walked inside with me so we could help the guys set up Kona's crate. When I looked or had started unpacking the two bags of stuff that she had brought up and had pushed the two men outside with Nathan to her trunk to start bringing things up inside.

Once the two of us were alone, she turned to me "Why did you lie to him?"

I shook it off, "It's just who I am Lori. I don't need to make trouble for folks." I don't know if that necessarily upset Lori, she rolled her eyes, but then stepped forward.

She held out her hand. "I'm going to touch you Chris." Then she placed her hand on the upper part of my right arm. "You know you don't need to be like that. I think you have been alone too long and need to find your battle rhythm with women again."

She let go of my arm, she took a step back then she finished saying, "You know what I am talking about don't you?"

I just shook my head quickly, thanked her and then turned walking over to hold the front door open as Nathan and his two friends from the Project carried items that Lori had brought.

Once Lori's trunk was empty, I walked outside with the two men. Nathan was talking with Lori. It seemed like he was stalling, wanting to talk to me about something in private, I had a feeling what it was.

As the two men walked to the truck, I walked back inside and saw Nathan standing there with Lori, and that's what he captured me.

"Chris, Lori and I wanted to talk to you about something." He looked at her. "Look man, I know you hate this stuff, but we're putting together the final roster for the County Trunk-or-Treat, we're going to have it on Saturday the 31st, a few weeks from now."

I looked at him, then Lori, "Nathan, we talked about this. Crowds aren't my thing," I groaned.

"I know, brother, I know," Nathan pressed, dropping his voice a bit, playing the card he knew I couldn't ignore. "But some of the guys from the area asked me to invite you again. Come for an hour, show your face."

Lori chimed in, "We're setting up a quiet corner specifically so guys like you, so you can participate but have what you need."

"Come on, Chris. Do it for your brothers."

I closed my eyes, staring at the empty dog bed we had just set up for Kona. The thought of a Halloween carnival filled with screaming kids and noisy crowds made my skin crawl. But hearing brothers hit a nerve. You don't leave your people hanging.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. Then, louder into the phone, "Fine, Nathan. Put me down for an hour. But the second it gets too loud, I'm popping smoke, I can't..."

"That's all I'm asking, Sergeant! See you there," Nathan smiled wide then told Lori he would leave us to have some time to get ready for Kona.

Lori and I spent the next half hour unpacking everything in the living room. For the first time, Lori wasn't just a person with a clipboard and a set of rules. She was a human being as she rolled up her sleeves and assisted.

It was as if she was really wanting to help, genuinely help.

When we had finished setting up things around the house, her cage, her bed, a secondary long leash, a second harness, a few chew ropes, her food and water bowls, and storing her recommended food, the thick, suffocating air from last night started to thin.

????- - ????

I had just sat down, my nub was aching when my phone rang. I looked for it, then cursed as I had left it across the room. Lori looked at me.

"Just let it go to voice mail."

She turned and walked over and picked up my phone. She looked at the screen and smiled. "You will want to answer this." Then she smiled wider.

I looked at the screen, it was Madeline, I answered. "Hey!"

"Hi Chris, Miss Kona is riding shotgun with Bree and I right now, we are headed your way and we'll be there in an hour or so."

I exhaled, in exuberance. "Great, well see you soon, I had a few folks come help."

Madeline softened her voice, "See Chris, people do care for you. Well see you soon."

She ended the call. I placed my phone on the end table and looked over to see Lori smiling. It seemed she was celebrating with me, then it dawned on me.

"Lori, I don't mean to take you from your duties, I feel I am hoarding your time."

She stepped towards me, "Can I sit for a second?"

I nodded.

"Chris I am finishing my Ph. D. In Clinical Social Work, my focus is TBI and PTSD survivability. Plus this program with the County is important not just to me but to so many others."

I hesitated for a second and swallowed my thoughts. "Oh," The thoughts ran through my broken brain as quick as a five-paragraph Op Order but I just murmured to myself. She is a beautiful woman, then again I'm an old broken man.

"Oh, okay." I repeated but then I saw something in her eyes. Something my broken brain couldn't process.

"What? She scooted closer, "What is it Chris? I can see you trying to process things."

I just hung my head and tried but I couldn't find the strength to say it. But then I heard her. "Can I touch you Chris?"

I raised my head and found the words finally. "I'm just an old broken man Lori, you are a young and amazingly beautiful woman."

That's when she touched my right arm again. "And that is where you are wrong Mr. Chris Rice. You aren't old and maybe you have a few challenges but to me, you aren't broken, you are healing, one day at a time."

Her touch was something I hadn't felt in such a long time it scared me. I shivered, nearly trembling... then as quick as this moment started, it ended. There was a sudden turn of cold air. I went stiff, I looked to my right and then to her on my right.

"Fuck Lori!" Then the driest hottest air surrounded me. I smelled the plastic, the sweat broke on my forehead.

I heard Lori calling my name, but then I saw her in the corner opposite of Kona's space. She was floating towards me but this time I could see her face clear, as plain as day I killed her but her head was still wrapped in a hijab. Then as she moved closer I was the tactical vest and then the bomb underneath.

I heard Lori call for me again, I looked to my left, I saw the concern on Lori's face, I felt her hand move to touch my shoulder, then I felt the pain in my hand.

"Fuck!" I screamed, I looked and saw the operative, my ghost, my apparition, moved closer, she was pointing at me.

"Not so easy Sergeant, this pretty thing can't see me, but don't worry I'm not done with you yet!"

I screamed at the floating ghost, "Fuck you! I killed you! You're dead bitch. dead!"

That's when I felt the heavy weight of her on my chest I couldn't breathe, I was panicking, sweating, I couldn't ...

I felt her shaking me, calling my name, then I heard her soft whisper, she whispered softly in my ear, "It's okay Chris, it's okay I have you, she won't harm you." Then her voice trailed off, softer as the air thinned, "It's okay Chris, I've got you."

I started shivering, I was defeated, broke, and well just fucking broke. I tried to stand and excuse myself.

Lori released me from her hug, if you could call it that, but as our eyes connected, I realized I was soaked in sweat, the rancid smell of my sweat nearly made me sick.

"If you forgive me I need to change," Then it hit me, it hit me hard, "Pardon me, I'm going to be sick." I grabbed my cane and tried to stand hurrying to the bathroom before I embarrassed myself even more.

I barely made it down the hall and into the bathroom, I fell to the floor and vomited, barely making it so as not to make a mess of my house.

The cold tile of the bathroom floor pressed against my knee as the dry heaves finally subsided. I kept my head down, staring into the bowl, thoroughly humiliated and shaking so hard my teeth clicked.

Her footsteps echoed softly on the floor, and a moment later, Lori knelt beside me. The cool, damp washcloth she pressed against the back of my neck felt like a lifeline. I closed my eyes and wept, letting out embarrassing frustration, pain, panic, and sheer exhaustion.

"I'm sorry to embarrass myself like that," I choked out, staring at the floor. "I'll understand if you want to leave me."

Lori didn't pull away. Instead, her hand moved in a steady, calming circle across my back. "Not a chance, Chris Rice. Not a chance."

After a quiet moment and as my breathing started to level out, she looked down at my soaked shirt, heavy with the rancid, cold sweat of the haunting and flashback.

"Chris, you need to get cleaned up before Madeline and Bree get here with Kona," she said gently, her voice keeping that calm, steady professional cadence. "Do you need help getting up?"

"I... I can manage," I muttered, pushing myself up with a grunt, leaning heavily against the toilet.

"Let me help you," she insisted softly, reading the rising panic in my eyes before I could even voice it. "Clinical detachment or not, human to human, you're in no shape to wrestle with this soaked shirt. Let's get that shirt off."

Before I could protest, her hands were steady and sure, helping me pull the soaked shirt from my body.

I almost panicked again, I moved my left hand to hers. "Lori, wait."

She gently nodded her head, "It's okay Chris, you can trust me."

I nodded then Lori continued and lifted my shirt. When my shirt came off, the full hell of my reality was unveiled, the hellish truth of that day was revealed to her. The reddish purple smooth, and jagged puckered skin which covered my right side, shoulder and back.

She could see the reality of what was left of my arm ripped from my body because of the blast.

Most people would flinch and turn their head. Not Lori, her fingers were gentle, she was soft in her touch, but yes here in the bathroom, Lori crossed a line which I hadn't allowed in a very long time, in nearly eight years there hadn't been anyone other than my nurses and doctors to see me.

Lori moved around the bathroom like it was her domain. She took the washcloth, warm with water gently moved across my back and side. When it needed to be rinsed, she did. Her touch wasn't overtly soft, no, it was firm, cleansing, but with a clinical reverence, caring for me.

When she moved to wash my arm, she slowed with caution as she reached the end, the nub. "Is this okay?"

It was then first she spoke. I just nodded.

"Chris, you carry this everyday, but you can lean on others," she turned her body and then looked up into my eyes, "Like me, especially me. Please!"

And that is when I felt both of her hands flat on my chest. The emotional dam broke. It all came out at once.

"She got through the compound entrance, I was the compound NCOIC, I knew everyone by name and face, she didn't belong. I didn't hesitate." I whispered, my voice cracking as Lori stood there with me.

"She breached the building and was coming down the hall. When I saw the tactical vest under her robe and as she opened it holding the detonator, I moved as quickly as I could. She ran to me, I drew my weapon firing as fast and accurately as I could."

Lori stepped closer, I could feel her breath.

"I watched her go down, there was no doubt but then I stepped closer, I shouldn't have, with whatever was left in her, her thumb moved. The rest is a blur."

I paused. "I remember the flash, the explosion, I went down, I was maybe fifteen meters away." I shook my head. "I woke up screaming in pain, the blast took my arm below the elbow, my leg below my knee and well, you see my body."

Lori moved her hands down my chest. "I'm going to hug you."

And she did, Lori wrapped her arms around me. What started as a clinical, grounding embrace shifted, or at least I felt the shift. But then I felt her head on my chest.

"I shouldn't be doing this Chris." Her head moved as I looked down into her eyes. I was shaking.

"I haven't stopped you Lori."

Her head moved as she gently kissed my chest. She released the hug and then whispered, "You survived it, Chris, and you don't have to fight it alone anymore."

"But I don't need you drawn deep into my hellish reality."

"Why don't you let me decide that?" For a moment longer, Lori n I just stood there breathing, trying to live.

????- - ????

Lori and I let the moments in the bathroom rest in our souls and minds. She walked me back to my bedroom. Lori gently helped me with my clean t-shirt. I explained I never really wore anything other than shorts and t-shirts, I rarely leave the house. That is when she challenged me.

"That will change now with Kona." There was something so positive in her tone, I was almost excited.

In our exchange and time in the bathroom and bedroom, Lori had missed an important call from her office. She apologized and stepped outside to make a phone call. It wasn't too much longer when she stepped back inside.

"Chris, I am sorry but I need to tend to a few things. But if you'd like, I can stop by this evening to see how you are getting along."

I just looked at her, I wanted it so bad but yet I didn't. I wasn't sure but then she stepped closer. "Believe me, I want to check on you."

Then I heard a vehicle stop out front of the house. I quickly nodded, "I'll look forward to seeing you then."

We stepped outside, as Lori departed, I watched the Canine Companion blue and white striped van parked at the curb. Every muscle in my body felt wired, a weird mixture of dread and a faint, unfamiliar spark of anticipation.

I took a deep breath standing on the front porch. The mid-October air was crisp, and just cool enough to remind me I was alive. I leaned on my cane, watching the back passenger door of the mini van slide open.

Then from the passenger seat, Bree hopped out. Madeline walked around from the front and started walking to the porch. Bree waited at the side door and when it opened I watched as she opened a crate.

By this time Madeline had reached the porch, "Alright, Chris," she smiled her grin breaking across her face. "Special days are ahead my friend."

My heart hammered in my chest. I walked slowly down the steps, onto the yard and waited.

Bree released Kona but she didn't run at me, but she made a beeline towards me. She wasn't a frantic puppy high on nervous energy. She was a fully trained, two-year-old German Shepherd. Her broad-chested, dark black eyes focused on me.

Bree stopped her a few feet away and held her bridge harness. Then based on what I remembered, Bree slowly walked a circle around me. That's when I heard Bree, "Kona, Chris needs you girl. Take care of him, care for him and love him like you are trained for."

I froze solid, Bree's words landed, the meaning, the firmness and the love. I've faced down RPGs, mortar fire, and armed insurgents in narrow alleys, but standing there in my yard as Kona circled me and then she stopped at my side, and she looked at me, every wall ever built felt suddenly paper-thin.

Bree stood three steps to my front and then I remembered the training.

I dropped my left hand down, sliding my fingers away from the grip of the cane just enough to let my arm hang loose. I didn't reach out. I remembered what Bree told me when I was going through the classes and training. "Let her come to you. Don't crowd her space.

Kona took one step closer, then another. She pressed her wet nose directly against my knuckles, taking a long, deep breath. I held my breath, waiting for the flinch, waiting for the sudden movement that usually sent me spiraling back into my own head. But it didn't come. Instead, she let out a soft, low huff of air, leaned her heavy shoulder right against my left leg, and let out a long sigh that seemed to strip away half the tension in my chest.

I swallowed hard, a sudden, burning lump forming in my throat. Slowly, carefully, I lowered myself down. I bent down trying to be as low to her as possible.

"Hey girl," I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. I raised my hand and let my fingers sink into the thick, warm fur behind her ears.

She leaned her entire weight into my hand, closing her eyes. It was solid. It was real. It wasn't a ghost, it wasn't a memory, and it wasn't a clinical assessment. It was life, breathing and warm, right here in my front yard.

Madeline and Bree stood back a few steps just watching quietly, both of them sharing a silent, knowing look.

"Just like we expected Chris," Bree said softly, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "She knows you need her, Chris."

I kept my hand buried in Kona's coat, feeling the steady, rhythmic beat of her heart against my leg. For the first time in seven years, looking out past the yard and down the quiet street, the silence didn't feel quite so empty anymore.

????- Chapter Three - ????

I woke up that following Saturday morning, a full week later. Kona and I had a "routine" in place. As soon as I was up and turning towards the bathroom, Kona was up on all fours ready to move with me as needed.

"Hey girl, let me pee and put on my leg in, we'll go outside."

She sat there and looked at me as if understanding exactly what I was talking about. I moved with my crutches and then finished going to the bathroom. Wash my hands and move back to the bed. Then I took a seat. I attached my gel pad after my sock, and then my prosthetic. I stood, Kona. Immediately stood next to me as we carefully walked out of the bedroom down the hallway and towards the front door.

I grabbed her long leash, clipped it to her collar and then opened the door. One of the things that I found absolutely impressive with Kona is unlike others, she didn't run as soon as I clipped on her leash. Kona moved one step at a time with me, never more than one step ahead.

Once down the steps, I released the entirety of the leash nearly twenty feet long which allowed Kona to roam as I carefully walked to the spot that I had been teaching her where to go to the bathroom.

Once Kona was done, and I made my way over, bending down and picking up what I needed to, I dropped it into the lighthouse, well the garbage pail that was next to the porch. It was meticulously hidden off to the side, so you really could not tell what it was. When Nathan and his two friends from the warrior project brought over the ornamental lighthouse figure and then they showed me what it was. I got a chuckle out of it, but thank them dearly.

From there Kona and I made our way inside. I filled her water bowl and then scooped out her breakfast. After we ate, we were going to take a walk down to the park. She needed her exercise. I was hoping that Lori would text me. She had twice last week. She had come over that first night, I was honestly hoping for a repeat 'date'.

After Kona ate and I had my coffee and breakfast, we stepped out the front door. This time I had her short leash but walked with her by holding her harness bridge. As we made our way down the block, the fall weather and the wind reminded me how much I missed the outdoors.

With Kona walking to my inside, I walked closest to the cars as we walked on the left. This was best as I could hold her bridge in my left hand. We just took it slow when I didn't use my cane.

Kona kept in step with me as we made our way to the park, she never strode ahead. We were a block from the park when a delivery truck drove past us, the driver wasn't to blame, but there was a sudden and very loud backfire, then a clang, as the transmission seemed to faulted.

I dropped to my knee and rolled for cover. To her credit, Kona was on top of me, her paws on my body, her bark soothing me, alerting me she was perfect. But I was still frozen, I could move, yet there she was, with me. She circled me, her paws on top of me, trying to bring me back to reality as she needed to.

Kona continued to circle me, her nose pushing my face, now her body was fully on top of me getting me through this. Then I heard a soft bark, I knew that bark, then I heard her again, I opened my eyes and then she barked softly again.

I moved and murmured, "Good girl, let me up girl." I shifted and Kona responded and barked loudly. I nodded, "Good girl, yes girl!"

I let out a shaky breath. I took another breath in and then let another out. "Easy Chris, deep breath's Sergeant."

In all I was on the cold ground for about ten minutes. I slowly rose and then once I was able to Kona and I walked the remainder of the way to the park. I swallowed my panic and let my girl run, she needed to run.

When I could see her slow, this is when I pulled my backpack off my back, unzipped it and poured a bottle of water into a bowl for her, letting her quench her thirst. After another ten minutes, I put her bowl in my backpack and made our way to the house, safe and sound without concerns this time.

????- - ????

I had fed Kona her dinner, she and I were relaxing. She was on her bed, near the couch and I of course was in my recliner reading. I started Crime and Punishment, by Dostoevsky, again. The evening sun was just dipping below the trees. I am not a huge fan of the early evenings of fall and winter but one must deal with the ways of the world.

I was engrossed in the book, when I heard Kona huff then let out a soft bark. Then I heard the soft knock at the door. I still needed to get the doorbell fixed.

"Stay girl, it's okay." I stood up from my recliner and made my way with my cane to the front door, through the peephole, I saw Lori standing on the porch. I wasn't expecting her, this was a wonderful surprise.

I unlocked the front door, pulled it open and then, I tried my best but with her assistance, opened the screen door.

"Hey!" I murmured, stepping back to let her in.

"Hey yourself," Lori smiled, stepping over the threshold. I noticed a brown paper to-go bag in her hands from a local restaurant.

Suddenly, something unsettling hit, Lori and Kona noticed it even before I did.

Kona turned to the far corner of the room, and started barking, Lori shiveried visibly and said. "God, it's freezing in here, is your AC on the fritz?"

I turned to see what was wrong with Kona and then I saw her, the operative, I felt the whoosh of cold. I stepped in front of Lori and moved forward.

"No Kona, stay!" But she was moving towards her. "No Kona!" I hurried to move and pull Kona away, putting myself in between the ghost and both of them.

"No today Sergeant!" She screamed as she moved closer to me. Her head was wrapped tightly in the blood stained hijab, the tattered edges of her tactical vest showed a faint, sickly light that only I could see.

But the unnatural cold bled so heavily into the room that even Lori gasped, wrapping her arms around herself as her breath fogged in the indoor air.

I knew what I was doing, my instincts kicked in. I moved to protect Kona. I stupidly hurried and tripped on a throw-rug falling face forward losing my balance.

I heard Lori scream, "Chris!" Kona jumped to me and came to sit at my right side still looking up at the apparition and barking at her.

I rolled over, screaming, "Fuck you bitch! I killed you, you are dead!"

There was a streak of noise and then a freezing cold filled the open air space. The operative hovered above me, "Not yet Sergeant, I'm not done terrorizing you yet!" There was another shriek and it was gone.

Lori whispered as calmly as she could, "Chris she was back again?" Her professional demeanor was extremely calm, but then she cracked a bit as she looked between me and the stoic but rocksteady Kona.

The temperature had returned to normal, in fact, it returned to normal as soon as the operative disappeared. I blink a few more times, squeezing my eyes, but then as I opened my eyes, I saw Lori kneeling next to me on my right side as Kona was on my left.

"Let's get you up Chris."

I opened my eyes as Lori bent down and assisted me, making it a bit easier for me to get to one knee and then embarrassingly dust myself off. We made our way over to the couch. I had a seat next to Lori. She realized that she had dropped the restaurant bag by the front door in the foyer.

Lori came and sat next to me on the couch after putting the to go bag in the kitchen. She sat sideways looking at me and that's when I reached up with my left arm and pulled her towards me, allowing her to wrap her arms around me and my one good arm around her.

"It's okay, now you know I haven't been kidding around, it's like she'll never leave me alone."

I looked down and that's when I saw a Kona sitting right in between my legs. I could feel her body pressed up against my left leg, knowing at this point I was relatively safe.

????- - ????

We managed to calm down from the scare thrown at us by the apparition. Lori then stood asking if I wanted to assist as we walked into the kitchen and she started to reheat our cold takeout. It wasn't anything special, just some chicken parmesan, some nice light angel, hair, pasta, and some garlic bread.

There was something slightly different about Kona, as if she was on guard with me. In the past, once she was comfortable, she didn't follow me around the house too much, but this time she did.

We sat at the kitchen table and tried to have the most normal conversation, letting the past episode linger, but not necessarily addressing it as the first glass of wine faded and I went to pour a second. Lori was hesitant and shared with me that she needed to drive home.

I was absolutely respectful, but then I teased, "I sleep with one girl and she doesn't get jealous, you can stay if you'd like."

It was then I realized what I had actually said as she blushed. I think I blushed even a deeper crimson red. I sincerely apologize to her saying, "Forgive me I don't know what overcame me. That was disrespectful of me."

We cleaned up the to-go boxes of the chicken parmesan and then made our way to the living room. It was just before 9:00, when Kona brushed my leg, letting me know it was time for her late night bathroom break.

"I'll take her for a walk but you are welcome to join us, it will not be far."

Surprisingly, Lori stood quicker than me and winked, "I'd love an evening stroll with you and your girl. I could use some fresh air and a stroll after that dinner."

"Come on girl," I murmured, reaching for her short leash.

Then I looked at Lori, seeing the genuine warmth in her eyes. "I like that you're joining us."

We got our jackets and my cane, we stepped out into the crisp October night. The neighborhood street was quiet. A few houses were lit up with purple, yellow and orange lights for the coming Halloween week. Kona walked on my left, perfectly synchronized, her steady pace keeping me balanced as we moved down the sidewalk. Lori walked on my right.

After about ten steps I stopped as did Kona, "No wait, you can't walk near the street, what if you," I shivered a minute. "Wait, let me figure this out!" I spoke harshly.

I stood there frustrated for a moment. Lori stepped closer. "Chris, what is it?" Her hand brushed softly against mine right arm.

"It's different you have to understand, I can't let you walk near the street that would be improper. But I have to keep Kona on my left side. We are on the wrong side of the street for me to protect you."

Lori calmly took my right arm and gently turned us back towards the direction we were originally walking. She stayed close to my right side but once she actually looked over at me as I was looking at her.

"See? I'm safe, you are protecting me, but it is us who are worried about you." In the darkness of the night I felt her move closer to me, then she asked. "Chris, will you put your right arm around me?"

I was shocked but at the moment it seemed near perfect. We ended up walking to the park, I cleaned up Kona and we turned to head back. Once we were inside and our coats hung, Kona went for a drink of water. Lori and I walked back to the couch.

This time she sat on my right side. She touched my upper arm and looked at me.

"You know for a guy, who has pretty much kept to himself for seven years, you are really hiding a lot of things under that staunch persona. I'd really love to peel that back a little bit more."

"Well, I feel like I broke down pretty hard and embarrassed myself in front of you twice now. But unfortunately, you saw the real reality of what I'm dealing with again."

"But you moved forward to protect us, you have no idea what that means to me," she said, her voice steady and fierce. "You faced something that would have sent most people running screaming into traffic, and you stood your ground. Don't ever talk down about how you handled that."

My throat tightened, I could smell her perfume mixed with the fear that was boiling inside of my soul. I reached forward with my left hand and touched her. "Thanks for staying, Lori," I whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere, Chris," she replied, a small, knowing smile touching her lips.

We sat on the couch for a few more minutes. I watched as Kona walked over to her bed, and she laid down. I looked at her, laying there, my loyal guardian and companion, and I realized what a huge step I had taken not only with Kona, but with Lori sitting here as well.

Just before 10:00, Lori admitted that she needed to be going as it was late. I walked her to the front door. As I offered to walk her to her car, she stood up on her toes and kissed my lips softly. I admittedly kissed her back, but just a soft kiss.

I offered again to walk her to her car, she told me that wasn't necessary, but I could at least watch from the front door, which I did.

Lori smiled as she drove away. I closed the front door and shivered, taking a deep breath.

????- - ????

On Wednesday the 28th I had just returned home with Kona. We found our rhythm, we'd take a walk then I'd let her run in the smallish park down the street. When she got tired we'd go home but I know a young dog, even a service dog needs her exercise.

I was sitting relaxing while Kona was drinking some water. I was having a fresh cup of coffee when the screen of my phone lit up with a text message.

"Hey, Chris, how are you and your best girl doing?

I smiled and typed a reply. "Surviving, just back from our afternoon walk, you can call it's easier for me. Texting isn't something I have really mastered. I fumbled as I finished.

Seconds later my phone rang. "Hey!"

"So let me ask a favor if you don't mind." She seemed to be hinting at something.

"Sure,"

"I have a proposal, the County Advocacy Committee wants to see in real life, up front, what a real service animal does with someone that truly needs one. I'm wrapping up a few details for Halloween and wanted to get your permission first if you'd let them talk to you at the Trunk or Treat this Saturday?"

I hesitated, she knew my comfort factor was zero.

"Listen, I get it but let me up the ante, I'll cook you and that amazing girl dinner tonight at my place."

It was then I realized she was asking me out on a date. "I have a counter proposal."

I heard her snicker, "Go on."

"You come to dinner tonight, let's say 6:30, we'll talk about tomorrow night and the Trunk or Treat."

"Deal, what can I bring?" She asked.

"Nothing unless you bring something to sleep in after we take Kona for her night walk."

I heard Lori laugh, "Okay see you tonight."

As our call disconnected, I jumped into what I consider high gear. I got up out of the recliner and made my way into the kitchen to see what all I had to put together for dinner tonight. Kona must have suspected something because she was right at my side.

I looked inside the pantry and realized that I could do something simple or if I wanted to I could go out shopping and do something complex. Deciding on the simple, I realized what I wanted. Most tonight was just to spend some time with Laura and I would do a baked ziti for dinner. And of course, with baked ziti, you have to have homemade garlic bread.

Just after 6:00, I heard a car door close outside. I was pulling the baked ziti from the oven and popping the garlic bread into the oven. I made my way to the front door and opened it.

Lori stood there on my doorstep. She had a smile on her face. I tried to push the screen door open, but she had already beat me to it by pulling it open. I stepped back in order to step inside, crossing the threshold of my house and into the foyer.

When the screen door closed behind her, I took another step back and it was then that I realized she had a tote with her. Then she surprised me when she reached up and kissed my cheek.

And then whispered, "I hurried home and grabbed a change of clothes. Do you mind if I change before dinner? Getting out of my work clothes?"

To say that I was stunned would be a true understatement. I know I sounded like a blubbering fool, but I think I offered her my bedroom for her to change so that she could relax for dinner. I watched her smile and then made her way through the living room and then down the short hall to my bedroom.

I made my way into the kitchen and focused on dinner. I put the ziti onto a warmer and then pulled the garlic bread from the oven. When Lori came out of the bedroom, I nearly lost all capabilities to speak as I saw. She was dressed in a pair of nicely fitting leggings and a long sleeve T-shirt.

I laughed when she asked, "Is this too casual for a Wednesday night dinner?"

What was really special was how when she saw I was struggling serving dinner. She stepped up and assisted. Before we sat, I made sure that Kona was fed as well.

We enjoyed an absolutely amazing dinner. Afterwards, we decided to take Kona for an early walk. I think it was just time for us together. In the back of my mind, I truly believed that this was Lori trying to break me out of my shell and mold, showing me how I could go out outside with confidence with her by my side as well as Kona.

Now don't get me wrong. It was absolutely wonderful to have Lori walking on my right side and I was carefully getting used to her holding onto my right arm. I think it took her a little bit to get comfortable as well.

Once we were back at the house, Lori suggested that we relax on the couch and maybe listen to some music without necessarily having to turn on the television. I unlocked my phone and handed it to her.

"Feel free, I have two music streaming apps, pick what you want."

She got this old grin on her face as she carefully took my phone, "Boy that's dangerous, letting a woman this close to you, especially after a dinner and a nice walk. You are letting me deep inside who you are."

I just shrugged and smiled. I nearly started laughing when Lori put my phone down as ZZ Top and Sharp Dressed Man started playing.

She looked at me, "What?"

I shook my head, "You are planning something in that beautiful brain of yours, aren't you?"

Lori moved a bit closer, her eyes were locked on mine. "I'm going to kiss you Chris, I mean really kiss you." She smiled, "Is that alright?"

I soon realized as she was talking to me and as my broken brain tried to understand what she was saying, her hand moved to my chest. She placed it softly against me and leaned in, truly kissing me.

My first lovers kiss in more years than I could imagine. And believe me, it was spectacular!

I felt Lori humming against my lips as she relaxed our first real kiss. Then she whispered, "Ever since I met you, I wondered what that would be like."

She kissed my lips once more, "Don't tease this broken brain, how bad was I?"

Lori pulled back and locked her eyes on mine. "Do me a favor, stop being hard on yourself. You are wonderful and an amazing man." She kissed me softly, then whispered just a bit lower. "Not tonight, but some night soon, maybe some morning soon, when we make love, I want you to know how special you are to me."

Lori kissed me a bit softer, "Okay?"

"Okay, I promise but please know this is all new, well new again to me." And with that understood, Lori cuddled into my right side with her right hand resting on my chest, just over my heart.

It wasn't more than ten minutes later when she reached for my phone, she handed it to me, asking me to unlock the screen. That's when I said., "09326"

She looked at me, "The code, go ahead."

Lori unlocked my phone and changed the music to a piano instrumental, I recognized it. She curled back into me resting her head against my chest.

I'm not sure how much later it was, but I felt Kona's nose press up against my hand. She walked over by the front door and sat indicating she needed to go to the bathroom once more.

I slowly stood, took Kona outside for her last walk of the night and then came back in gently waking Lori.

"Come back with me, I'm turning in but I'll set you an alarm."

And that's exactly what we did. We went back to my bedroom where I offered her the bathroom first, then I took care of myself. I moved to the bed, removed my prosthetic. She looked at me. I took her hand. I hugged her gently asking if she minded sleeping on my right side. She cuddled against me like we did on the couch and soon both of us were fast asleep.

????- - ????

Friday morning I woke up well before Lori. I tried to get out of bed without waking her, but as she shared with me yesterday morning, when I slipped out of bed, trying not to wake her, she teased me by saying that I should wake her.

In her words, seeing me first thing as she woke up was something that she wanted to do everyday, for the far distant future.

So I gently kissed her forehead, moved my right arm out from under her. I carefully brought the upper part of my right arm softly across the top of her head, trying to show her affection. She lifted her head, opening her eyes. That's when she rolled a bit closer and kissed my cheek.

"You know just your soft, simple touch makes me warm inside and all over." She whispered in my ear.

"I'll be right back. I need to take care of two things." I kissed her softly and made my way out of bed, using the bathroom, then quickly putting on my leg and taking Kona out for her morning short walk and bathroom break.

Lori truly shocked me as Kona and I walked back inside. She was wearing one of my flannel long sleeve shirts, I couldn't see panties or shorts on her. She was standing at the counter making coffee.

I refilled Kona's water bowl and then came and stood behind Lori.

"You know with Kona, I'm sorry but these last weeks she means so much and I have to take care of her first thing, you know?"

While I was talking to her and after she finished starting a pot of coffee, she had turned in my arm. She was still extremely careful with my right arm, but as I rested it on her shoulder and wrapped my left arm around her, she kissed my lips, almost silencing me.

"I expect nothing less." Then she kissed me, bad breath and all. "Chris, you are the absolute best!"

We enjoyed our coffee but just before six, she stood and kissed my cheek. "A dream would be one day to not have to leave here so early and go to my place to get ready for work or wear what I bring the night before. But that's putting the cart way before the horse."

I smiled as she continued, "But for now, I will bring the clothes I need."

My breathing must have hitched, she looked in my eyes. "What is it Chris?"

"I don't want to steal all of your time, I want you here but what about you? Your life?"

"Chris, listen to me," she said, her voice firm, steady, and entirely unwavering. "I'm not here because I feel sorry for you, and I'm not here for a casual fling, hell we haven't had sex yet, which I want to! After what I saw in this living room the other night, most people would have run for the hills. But all it did was make me realize how much I care about you."

My breath hitched again. She stepped back and took my left hand, "If I wouldn't want to be here, I wouldn't but, since you are concerned, how about if we try and take tonight 'off' and start back with me staying tomorrow night. I have a feeling you will need me."

Lori stepped back letting go of my hand, "I'll call you throughout the day, I know texting is a challenge."

And with a last kiss on the cheek, Lori was out the door.

"Well fuck me Kona," I looked at her, her dark eyes telling me how stupid I was as well. "Yeah I'm a dumbass."

????- - ????

We text a few times and spoke three times over the phone, the hardest was when we wished each other a good night. But when I took Kona out for her last walk, I agreed, something nice was missing.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I worried about texting her too soon, but realized as I sat with my 1st cup of coffee. She never woke up with an alarm. She was always awake the last few days before the alarm went off, so I sent a text message.

'Sorry to wake you, having coffee but missing you.'

I waited a few seconds, then realized what a fool I was sending a text so early on a Saturday morning. I put my phone on the counter and turned my attention to Kona. I got her breakfast and fresh water. I sat with my coffee in my recliner and turned on some music.

Kona came over a few minutes later and pressed her wet nose to my hand and huffed. "Hey girl, what's wrong?" I pulled her closer and started to pet her when I heard a car door close. That's when she barked. She turned watching the door but never left my side.

"What is it girl?" Her tag started wagging fiercely and then I heard the knock on the door. I looked at her and laughed. I mumbled, "Now who could that be?"

I stood and with Kona on my left, not wearing her harness I walked slowly with my cane and looked out the peephole. I quickly opened the door. Kona let out a soft bark as her tail thumped my leg.

"Hey what mmphhh." Lori silenced me with her kiss, her arms wrapping around me.

"Call me childish, but I never want to sleep without you Chris Rice. What do you think?"

I held Lori as best as I could with my right arm and my left arm and hand, "I think that's fine but you better ask my girl?"

We both laughed. Lori took my hand. We closed the front door and then made our way to the kitchen for some coffee and breakfast.

Later that afternoon, Lori had to leave and prepare what she needed to do for the Trunk-or-Treat. The event was going to be held at the County Community Center parking lot. I told her that Kona and I would be down as close to 5:00 as possible.

The event was scheduled to start at five and for the children it would finish at 7:00, getting most of them home before it got dark.

Realizing I made a commitment to Nathan and the Project to be there. I did my best and got myself ready for a potentially turbulent evening.

Kona and I arrived just as things were getting underway. The parking lot of the County Community Center was a stressful sea of screaming children. Some wore bright costumes, others didn't. There were decorations, and music with shrieks of joy and laughter. In between that, there was the rowdiness of children screaming, all over candy.

From the outside, it looked like pure, harmless fun. But to my broken brain, still mostly wired for a compound in Ramadi, the noise was a wall of static and hell.

Every burst of laughter sounded like a snap; every flash of a bright light felt like muzzle fire.

I stopped and chatted with Nathan and others from the Project and chatted with a few others. I made the excuse that Kona needed a break but in truth it was me. I'd spent thirty minutes and was already pushed to the brink.

Twice in that thirty minutes, Kona had alerted and pulled me away to calm me down. Yes, my girl knew exactly what I needed. We walked around a bit until we found a bench seated in the back area, and though I was deep near the tree line, I felt Kona pressed tight against my left side, her steady weight grounding me as I watched the crowd of fifty or less. This is where I needed to be.

I could see everything around me, but new good and well that no one could approach me from the back. No one would come from this thick tree line. Nathan and a couple of the guys from the Project who had checked in on me earlier, casually walked past every now and then checking on me.

When they saw my jaw clenched and my grip locked onto Kona's harness bridge. They knew the drill, they gave me a high-five and a little space.

The sun started dipping low, turning the sky a deep yellow and burnt orange as the 7:00 o'clock ticked closer and closer. Slowly, the parents scooped up their tired, sugar high kids and made it towards the cars and the parking lot exits.

Finally all the deafening noise began to thin out until only the cleanup crew, Nathan, a few Project members, along with about twenty County and Community volunteers were wrapping things up.

I was pulled from my relaxing daydream when I heard footsteps crunching softly on the gravel to my left. A familiar, warm scent cut and a beautiful voice cut through the air.

"Thought I might find you out here in the shadows," Lori's soft voice murmured.

She took a seat on the bench with me. She didn't try to pull me into the open or lecture me. Instead, she just sat there, on my right side. She didn't say a word about my white-knuckled grip on the cane or the sweat beading on my neck. She just reached over, her hand sliding over my upper right arm like she'd been doing for a few days, I felt a bit of comfort in that.

"You made it through the gauntlet tonight, Chris," she said softly, leaning her shoulder against mine. "And you did it standing up."

"Barely," I muttered, letting out a breath I felt like I'd been holding for an hour.

Suddenly, Kona alerted and started barking, loudly like she had only done once before. She jumped up and rested her paws on my lap and licked my face.

Then out of nowhere, I felt the temperature plummet, the wind kicked up and I could smell the sulphate in the air, the burning stench of plastic, wood, and ... "Oh Fuck!"

The wind hit like a freezer door slamming shut with you inside it.

Kona relented and started barking louder, nearly jumping on me. She then let out a sharp, ferocious bark that echoed off the treeline.

And there she was. The operative stepped out from the shadows of the woods, her head wrapped tight in the blood-stained hijab, the tattered edges of her tactical vest glowing with that same wretched, phantom light.

"Still hiding behind your dog and your new girlfriend, Sergeant?" her voice hissed, scraping across my brain like rusted wire. "You think you left me in the blown up building? I am your shadow. I'll be here until you rot inside."

Instinct screamed at me to move, to stand, to throw myself between her and Lori. But before I could even shift my weight, Lori didn't flinch. She didn't scream. Her grip on my upper arm was fierce. She stood up beside Kona, her eyes burning with pure fury.

"You don't live here anymore! He killed you! You are dead!" Lori shouted, her voice cutting through the unnatural chill. "He survived you. We survived you!" I stepped in front of Lori and pulled her back.

"No! You lose bitch, I killed you!" I screamed and realized Kona was against me, her barking still loud as I stood she leapt up and then came in front of me, barking at my ghost with a deep, authoritative fury, her body radiating heat and unyielding loyalty.

I looked at Kona, my anchor. I looked at Lori, standing right behind me in the dark, refusing to run. And for the first time in years, the terror didn't paralyze me. The survivor's guilt didn't crush my chest.

I stood there, gripping my cane like a weapon, but my voice wasn't shaking.

"I killed you once," I roared, stepping forward into the freezing air, flanked by the two things that kept me tethered to the living world. "And I don't need to be afraid of a ghost anymore. You are dead. Stay dead!"

Kona let out one final, sharp bark, and Lori squeezed me so hard it felt like an electric current.

A blinding crack of light, a strike, brighter than the explosion which rocked my life all those years ago, a shattering sound broken glass filled the clearing. The fascinating bright flash of light flared again and then as violently as it started it stopped.

Kona calmed down, Lori turned from my side and hugged me. The freezing air dissolved, replaced instantly by the warm smell of damp autumn leaves and the distant chatter of Nathan packing up tables in the parking, lot.

The ghost was gone. Not hiding, not waiting for the next nightmare, my apparition was suddenly, just gone.

Lori threw her arms around my neck, pulling me into a fierce, triumphant embrace. Kona moved and came to stand between my legs, her body pressing on my left leg, her tail giving a steady, happy thud against the dirt.

Lori kissed my cheek. "Please take me home so I can love you, please Chris take me home to love you."

????Epilogue????

Two years to the day after the ghosts finally let go, the new Halloween air felt different. It didn't carry the sickly scent of burnt plastic or that unnatural, freezing chill. It smelled like crisp fall leaves, the sweet macintosh apple candles Lori likes to burn, and the quiet, ordinary life I used to think was entirely out of reach.

Kona laid out on her outside bed, I had her short leash and her bridge harness close to me if I needed her. She was resting peacefully between her front paws. She wasn't scanning the dark treeline with tense shoulders anymore; she was just soaking in the calm sounds of the neighborhood.

Lori and I sat side-by-side on the front porch, watching the last few groups of costumed kids scurry down the sidewalk with overflowing bags and buckets of candy. The porch light glowed a bit brighter than others pushing the shadows completely away, but that is our reality.

Lori leaned over, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to my cheek. Her hand gently squeezed my upper right arm. I had taken off the new prosthetic the VA fitted me with, it was weird to have a right arm, I wasn't used to it.

"I'll be right back, honey," she whispered with a gentle smile. "Let me just check on things inside."

She slipped quietly through the front door, stepping into what wasn't just my house anymore, but ours.

I watched the door click shut, a quiet, steady sense of peace settling deep in my chest. A few minutes later, the screen door nudged open again. Lori stepped back out onto the porch, carrying a warm mug of black coffee for me and a steaming cup of herbal tea for herself.

She handed me the coffee, took her seat beside me once more, and leaned her head against my right shoulder.

Looking up at me with eyes full of love I still sometimes couldn't believe she was mine, she smiled softly into the evening air and whispered, "Your son is resting peacefully, just like his daddy does."

I wrapped my right arm around her, pulling her close against my side, and looked out over the quiet, well-lit street. Kona let out a soft, contented sigh at our feet, and for the first time in over a decade, the future was nothing but open road.

I do hope you have enjoyed this story. If you are inclined to do so, please vote and provide your thoughts and constructive feedback in the comments.