Explorers Club Ch. 12: Getting Help

Explorers Club, Chapter 12: Getting Help

* * *

Part A: Chasing Jenny

Part B: The Sad Hober

Part C: Spelunking

Part D: Bouncy Taxi

Part E: Diane's Rules

* * *

Day seven: Sunday morning.

Part A: Chasing Jenny

I panted, catching my breath as the elevator descended. If Jenny and Hannah were really going to the airport, they'd have to go through the lobby, so I was making my way there. My leg was still partially asleep, and I was banging on it frantically to wake it up.

I pulled out my phone and texted Jenny, but I wasn't sure what to say. I ran through the events of this morning wondering... what did I miss?! How did things go so quickly from Jenny being in bed with me to leaving with Hannah? We were supposed to go to the turtle island tomorrow... it didn't make any sense. I looked at my phone, and ultimately, there was only one thing I could think to text her:

Me, to Jenny: ???

The elevator doors opened. There was a small crowd of guests waiting for the elevator, and they gave me a wide berth. They were staring as I passed them as if I was some creature risen from the depths of a black lagoon.

As I pushed past them towards the lobby, I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the hallway mirrors. No wonder they reacted like that. I looked haggard, ridiculous, and lost. I was shirtless, wearing only flip flops and my pajama bottoms. The pajama pants were obviously stained, the result of Jenny grinding on my leg. My hair was wild and sticking out in about four directions at once. I ran a hand through my hair, but I didn't have time to put myself together. But luckily, my leg had finally woken up.

I jogged into the crowded sunlit lobby, but I didn't see either of the girls. In the distance, through the glass entrance doors to the hotel, I saw two large tour buses waiting, parked in the driveway outside in the distance. The front desk was mobbed with guests, and Tessa along with another receptionist were checking people in. If the girls came through here, she would probably know.

I began to push my way through the crowd of guests, apologizing as I went.

"Excuse you," a middle aged woman said with a disgusted scowl.

"Perkins!" Tessa said, looking me up and down. "I know you're on vacation, but Jesus Christ..."

Tessa looked beautiful and impeccable as always, with her hair pulled up tightly, her white suit crisp and her makeup perfect. But I could tell there was some wear behind her red eyes, likely the result of a long night and a busy morning.

"Have you seen Jenny?" I asked.

Tessa blinked. "Who?"

"The short girl, black hair, who was with us," I said. "She's with her friend Hannah... taller, blonde..."

"Oh right, the nice girl and the mean one," Tessa said, nodding. "I remember them."

"You saw them? Where did they go?

Tessa shrugged. "They came through the lobby, but they didn't speak to me. I don't know where they are, sorry."

"They said they were headed to the airport, or something..."

"Oh well then you must have just missed them," Tessa said, shaking her head. She gestured to the large glass doors leading outside. "We did just have an airport shuttle leave a minute ago."

"Shit!" I yelled, turning towards the front doors.

"Do you... want me to call you a cab to the airport?" Tessa asked.

I thought about it, but realized I had no idea where in the airport Jenny might be. I didn't know what flight she was on... I didn't even know where she was going. And it didn't matter anyway. I wouldn't get through security without a boarding pass. She was gone.

"Now please Perkins, I'm a little busy," Tessa said, gesturing to the long line.

"Sorry," I said.

"Oh and by the way, speaking of your friends, you might want to check in on Franklin."

"What? Why?"

"He came down this morning asking what exactly a 'wire transfer' was and if I could help him do one."

I scratched the back of my head. "A wire transfer?"

"He isn't like... trying to buy a house in Hawaii or something like that?" Tessa asked with a skeptical raised eyebrow.

"Not that I know of," I said.

"Did he get mixed up with some bad folks? Drug dealers?"

I winced and scratched my head. "Just some women," I said, shrugging.

"Well... it smells like bad fish to me," Tessa said. "Keep an eye on him, okay? We do have a small bank branch, just past the business center, but honestly I think he should talk to Jessica before doing anything rash with large sums of money."

"Yeah I agree with you on that," I said.

"Ahem!" The guest behind me loudly cleared his throat, a large older man with an impressive moustache. He scowled at me.

"Now go brush your hair, please, Perkins," Tessa said, shooing me off. "And good luck finding your friends."

I stumbled out of line and wandered through the lobby, aimless. Eventually I made my way outside, through the large double glass doors. Jenny and Hannah probably had just left from here. I brushed past guests coming in from the tour buses and I meandered over the semicircular driveway. I found a stone bench and roughly dropped my weight on it. It was not particularly comfortable. I leaned back, letting the sun drench my face and chest. And then my phone started to go crazy. I pulled it from my pajama pants.

Jenny was not texting me, unfortunately... but it seemed like everyone else was.

Frank: Dude I need a wingman! You awake yet?

Gracie: Hey I'm going on a beach date with Jessica! Want to be our third wheel?

Me, to Frank: For what? Aren't you already with the cougars?

Me, to Gracie: I thought it was bad to have a third wheel?

Frank: Exactly! I'll fill you in. Where are u

Gracie: OK fine. I want chairs on the beach. And umbrellas. And drinks. And I want someone to bring those things to me.

I chuckled at Gracie's text.

Me, to Gracie: So you need a beach minion?

Gracie: I knew you'd understand! Oh and we need more towels too. Did I mention drinks? Do margaritas come in a to-go cup?

I laughed and shook my head.

Me, to Gracie: Sorry I'm tied up

Frank: Diane gave you the thumbs up to join us. You're in

Gracie: Ugh, unacceptable! I consider this abandoning your duties to the birthday girl

Me, to Gracie: How long does your birthday last, anyway?

Gracie: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND, ASSHOLE

Frank: Hi

I stared at Frank's text, confused.

Frank: That was from Fiona. She told me to say hi to you from her. I don't say hi

Frank: But seriously where are u

Gracie sent me a selfie: the phone was above her and she was giving me the middle finger. She was in one of her low cut red polka dot bikinis and her middle finger was nestled just between those perfect tits.

Me, to Gracie: Maybe I'll stop by later

Then, I saw that Professor Hale was calling me.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered to myself. "Can't a guy just sit on a bench for five minutes?"

I picked up the phone.

"Hey, Professor."

"Hey, sleepyhead. Awake yet?"

"Yeah, I'm up."

"You get any sleep last night?" she said, snickering.

"I somehow managed a little, but it was hard," I said.

"Oh, I know it was," she said in a low voice, snickering again.

"Professor!" I laughed, and so did she. "You'll make Gracie jealous if you keep talking like that! Aren't you two on a date?"

"Yeah," she said. "But she just stomped off in a huff to get some margaritas. She's not very happy about you abandoning us this morning."

"Sorry, I've uh... got some stuff to figure out," I said.

"Hm. Well, 'stuff to figure out' is why I called, actually," Hale said. "We need to figure out this turtle island trip tomorrow."

Shit. It just hit me. Jenny was gone. And without Jenny, there was no turtle island. Even with Hale paying half, I couldn't cover half of that. I cursed silently to myself as Hale kept talking.

"We have a lot to sort out," Hale continued. "We haven't really figured out exactly which package to get, and I know you talked about bringing Frank- so is Jenny and her friend coming along? I liked Jenny, actually, we had a fun time last night so it might be nice if she joined..."

"I've gotta go," I said, quickly. "Can we sort this out later?"

"Uh, sure, but we don't have much time, Perkins, the trip's tomorrow-"

"I'll call you back," I said. "Promise."

"O-okay, but Gracie is very excited about this, Perkins. She keeps talking about these damn turtles. Like, look, I love seeing wildlife and this whole island sounds very cute and all... but my god, I'm wondering if this girl has been to a zoo, ever?"

"I'll call back soon," I repeated, panicked now to get off the phone.

"Okay..."

I hung up, took a deep breath and sighed. What the hell could I say? Confronting Gracie seemed impossible, not after I hyped up the trip so much to her, and how excited she was for it. But even worse was confronting Professor Hale. I remembered the conversation I had with her on the beach, where I made such a big deal about how I was doing it for her, as well as Gracie. I basically staked my manhood on being able to provide this trip.

"FUCK," I groaned loudly to myself.

A security guard waiting outside the hotel entrance turned in my direction and frowned at my outburst.

I laid back on the bench. Maybe I should follow in Jenny's footsteps: just get on a plane, and leave. Explain nothing to no one, and let them all guess what happened.

In desperation I called Jenny. It rang once, and my heart jumped for a moment as I heard her voice.

Hi this is Jenny! If you're calling me I hope it's for something important and not something stupid like trying to sell me some crap I don't want. And if this is some political shit, just hang up now. Otherwise, leave a message and if you're lucky I'll get back to you! Thanksssssss!

*beep*

"Uh... hi Jenny, can you just call me back? I really just want to know what's going on..."

I sighed and hung up. I knew if I kept talking I would devolve into incoherent rambling. And if she wanted to call me back, or respond to my text, she would. I groaned and leaned back on the stone bench, eyes closed.

The morning sun was particularly bright, and I felt it warming my face and skin.

Good, I thought. I laid back and let the sun drench me.

Maybe it would burn me to a crisp.

* * *

Part B: The Sad Hober

I lost track of how long I was on the bench, but I laid there until the sun was high in the sky. I tried to think about what to do with Jenny, but my mind was blank. So I just let myself sit and soak the sun. Then, I heard a familiar voice coming from the hotel.

"And I was saying to him," Frank yelled, gesticulating wildly, "How on EARTH did you fit a ferret DOWN your pants?!"

I opened my eyes and turned. Frank came out of the hotel with Diane. The two of them could not have looked more different: Frank wore a T-shirt and bright swim trunks with little ducks on them. He was also heavily overburdened, carrying a suitcase, multiple bags, and a purse. Diane wore a flowy and nearly see-through black robe that highlighted her slim, toned figure. I could just barely see her black bikini underneath the semi-transparent robe. She completed the look with large designer sunglasses and a wide-brimmed sun hat. She might as well have stepped straight out of a magazine.

"That was quite a story," Diane said, turning to Frank. "But have you given any thought to my itinerary?"

"Oh yes, I'm thinking about it- thinking hard!" Frank said.

"Well don't start a fire in there," Diane said, tapping Frank's head. She chuckled, more amused at her own little quip than Frank's story.

The glass doors opened and Tessa came rushing from the hotel towards Diane.

"Ms. Hammond, I just wanted to follow up on- oh! Franklin! You're with... Diane Hammond?!" Tessa said, shocked.

Frank stammered and Diane stepped forward, letting him slink behind her.

"I expect you have everything ready for us?" Diane said to Tessa.

Tessa returned her attention to Diane.

"Well, that's the thing, Ms. Hammond. Our spa has been mostly booked for weeks. We could fit in one or two sessions, but what you are requesting last minute is a little more than we are prepared for."

"We will all be back from my beach in a few hours, and my entire group will want the full package I spoke to you about earlier. Three women, one male," Diane said. She put a possessive hand on Frank's shoulder.

Diane spoke calmly and without raising her voice at all, but there was definitely a threat behind her calm.

Tessa was professional in the face of Diane's disapproval.

"Well there are some excellent spas in town, less than a ten minute drive," Tessa said. "I've called a few of them to check on last minute availability-"

"I certainly did not book a stay at the Maluhia to be sent to some third rate happy ending massage parlor," Diane responded. "Perhaps I should have given my business to an operation a little more well-resourced."

"N- no, Ms. Hammond," Tessa said, backing up. "Just give us about... three or four hours. I can pull staff from other locations. I have one masseuse on her day off, but I can probably get her to come in..."

"I don't need the details," Diane said.

"We'll figure it out," Tessa said.

Diane smiled: wide and lethal. "That's what I wanted to hear."

Tessa gave her a curt bow and rushed inside. For the first time since she came to greet us at the hotel, Tessa was not the most intimidating person in the room.

A large back van pulled up in the driveway. A man with sunglasses got out and Diane spoke with him briefly. The man took the bags from Frank and loaded them in the van. Frank sighed with relief and rubbed his shoulder.

"Going somewhere fun, Frank?" I called out.

"Perkins! My man!" Frank said, running up to me. And then, to my surprise, he hugged me.

"I didn't think you were a hugger," I said, awkwardly giving him a friendly pat on the back.

"You didn't text me back!" Frank said. "So you're coming with us!?"

"With you and Diane? Won't I be kind of a third wheel?"

"Third? The whole gang's coming," Frank said, gesturing behind him. "You're like... fifth wheel. Fiona and Lena are both coming."

"I remember Fiona, but whose Lena again?" I said.

"The blonde! I think she's... Swedish? Finnish? Danish? Swiss? One of those."

"Oh yeah, her. Didn't you say her name was Camilla or something?"

"Camilla, Lena, same difference," Frank shrugged.

"Is it?"

"Look," Frank said, ignoring me. "There's three of them, and only one of me. I need another wheel. A man wheel, that is."

"You need a man wheel? Really?"

"Come on, dude! I need your help. I can't just have some... random guy hanging out with us."

"Why would you need a random guy hanging out with you?"

"I don't! That's the point! I need someone I can trust. Dude, come on..." Frank looked at me, desperation in his eyes. He clearly didn't want to explain but also wanted me to understand.

The glass double doors opened, and Lena and Fiona came out of the hotel. I could hear Fiona's loud, playful laughter even from this distance. Lena was much taller than Fiona and wore a revealing one piece blue swimsuit with a little robe. Fiona was in a flowy white and green dress, as if she was about to take a stroll in the country.

I turned my attention back to Frank.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Oh great great," Frank said, nodding. "Great great great."

"Everything going OK with Diane and the cougars?"

"Oh yeah. Diane's awesome. Intense, and very... well, hot," Frank said, nodding vigorously. "I mean they all are. I'm just like... tired."

"Yeah. You look exhausted," I said. And he did.

Frank shrugged and wiped his forehead. "Goddamn, it's hot out here..."

"Frank I want to help you, but I'm a bit busy..."

Frank looked around, confused. "Doing what?"

I opened my mouth to try to respond, but what could I say? Pining? Stewing?

"I'm thinking," I said finally.

Frank furrowed his brow and put a hand on my forehead.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Checking to see if you have a fever. I dunno, you feel really hot."

"Goddamnit Frank I've been sitting out in the sun, of course my head is hot," I said, wiping his hand away. "Okay fine, I'm not doing anything. You sound like you need help so... I'll join you."

"Yeah!"

"So what am I joining, exactly?"

Frank gestured vaguely behind him. "Oh Diane has this private beach. She's getting a whole situation set up there, and that's the morning. Then back here for spa day. I don't know if you're invited for spa day. Maybe? I can ask."

"I'm good without the spa," I said. "Oh, I just thought of something. Do you have Jenny's contact info?"

"Why? Is she here?" he said, looking around, as if she might pop out of the bushes.

"I just need to ask her something."

Frank shook his head. "Sorry dude. I actually did at one point, but Hannah made me delete Jenny's info."

"Oh so you have Hannah's info? Maybe you can call her and I can get Jenny's."

Frank shook his head. "Hannah's blocked me on everything."

"Damn," I muttered. Tessa's warning about the wire transfer came into my head and I leaned closer. "Oh, and Frank, I wanted to ask about a money thing-"

Frank looked nervous and wiped his brow. "A money thing? What money thing? I don't know about any money thing."

"Yeah, are you like, getting pressured to take out money, or..."

"Shh!" he said, wide-eyed.

I heard the click-click-click of heels on the sidewalk. The shadow of Diane's hat approached first, and then the rest of her.

"What are you two boys whispering about?" Diane said, smirking and crossing her arms.

"Perkins said he's in!" Frank said. "He's coming with us!"

"Well isn't that exciting," Diane said, turning to me. She pushed up her sunglasses and looked me over with discerning, intense eyes, as if I was a racehorse she might be considering buying. I was intensely aware now that I was only wearing pajama pants. I put my hands on my lap, and she replaced her sunglasses, hiding her expression again.

"I have to say," Diane said finally. "You look like a mess. Kind of like a..."

"A hober! He looks like a dirty hober, no?" Lena said in her thick accent. She had the accent of someone from one of those countries where everyone was tall and blonde and beautiful. I didn't understand what she meant, but it was clear she was teasing me somehow. I felt like I was in middle school again, getting teased by one of the tall, beautiful cheerleaders.

"What's a hober?" I asked.

"You know..." Lena swung her arms over her shoulder and did a little exaggerated walk. I had no idea what she was doing, but it was odd seeing a woman like that acting so silly.

"OH!" Frank said, nodding. "That's a stick with a little sack on the end?"

"Yes!" Lena said.

"I have a stick with a sack?" I said. I looked to my shoulder as if there was some sack sitting there that I had somehow missed.

"It's called 'hobo' not 'hober'" Frank explained to Lena. "You're saying he's like a homeless person from the Great Depression who rides around in train cars or something, right?"

"Yes! You always understand me, Frankie!" Lena said, playfully shoving his shoulder. Frank beamed proudly, basking in her approval.

"Well, I'm glad we've cleared up that little mystery," Diane said, pursing her lips. Her expression was inscrutable behind her sunglasses. "But I have to say, Lena's not wrong. I would be fine with you joining us, but you do look rather embarrassing in this state."

"Sorry, I woke up kind of abruptly," I said. "But you can go without me. I'm not really in much of a partying mood, or anything, anyway."

"Ah, come on, Perkins!" Frank said.

I felt bad, and hesitated.

"Hmm..." Diane looked me over, tilting her head as she evaluated me.

"You lot are being ridiculous. Can't you tell the boy is suffering??"

Fiona charged forward, pushing Lena aside. Her loose green and white dress that billowed around her body as she approached me. Her dress was low cut and showed off her incredible rack, which jiggled underneath the loose fabric of the dress.

"You all are going to leave a boy in this state?" Fiona said, gesturing to me. "For shame!"

"Oh lord, you are always so dramatic, Fiona," Diane said.

"Dramatic?!" Fiona huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Is it a crime to care?!"

"Care about what, exactly?" Lena said, gesturing to me. "A boy who does not know the difference between pants and pajamas?"

"Can't you see?!" Fiona turned to me and leaned forward. She had a pretty, kindly face with bright, curious emerald green eyes that watched me intently. I tried to meet her gaze, but my eyes kept following the freckles that led over her clavicle, and down into her impressive cleavage.

"The boy is clearly lovesick!" Fiona declared.

"Fiona, come on..." I grumbled.

"Oh?" Diane said.

"It's true, isn't it?" Fiona asked, hands on hips.

I hesitated. I couldn't really say no, but I didn't want to admit she was right, either.

"See?!" Fiona said, taking my silence as a confirmation. "Who knows what horrible things he may have been considering in this state? Slitting his wrists? Jumping in front of a car? Sending drunken text messages?"

Lena snickered and Diane put her hand to her forehead.

"Were you about to jump in front of a car?" Frank asked.

"No!" I said, hands up. "I was just... thinking!"

"So you don't deny that you are lovesick?" Fiona said, smirking. "You're in this state due to a girl, are you not?"

I met her stare and sighed. "How did you know?"

"Irish witch powers," Lena said, giggling.

"Hardly," Fiona said, huffing, and turned to me. "It's just that there are few things in life that make a healthy, virile young boy like you look like... that."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Well, frankly you like Cupid's come by and beaten you to a bloody pulp with his bow."

"That was... a very visual image," I said.

"You didn't put on sunscreen either, did you?" she asked, pursing her lips.

I shook my head.

"Well then it's clear what we need to do," Fiona said, nodding with authority. "We'll get you cleaned up and get you some fresh air, food, and sun. You'll feel right as rain. And then we'll tackle this girl problem of yours and you'll be back on top of the world by dinner. How about that?"

"You make it sound so simple," I said.

"Sometimes we make life more complicated than it needs to be," she said, smiling.

"Sure," I agreed, as I let her help me to my feet. "I suppose I could use a woman's perspective."

"I'm sure you could, love," Fiona said.

Diane sighed and turned towards her waiting black van. "Well Fiona, if you want to clean up the boy you are welcome to do so, but you'll have to take a cab and join us. The beach is prepared and I don't want to be delayed."

Fiona huffed. "Fine! We'll meet you there."

Diane, Lena, and Frank turned towards the van, and Fiona slipped her arm inside mind: it was an oddly formal gesture, as if we were headed to prom. She began leading me back to the hotel.

"Now come on, love, let's get you cleaned up. And in the meantime you can tell me about this girl problem of yours. I promise if I can find you a solution, I will."

"That does make me feel a little better," I admitted.

Fiona just smiled and waited.

"Well, you see the situation is complicated..."

"Oh, isn't it always?"

"You really have no idea."

She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. It struck me how pretty Fiona was. She was very different from her two friends. If Diane and Lena were built like Victoria's Secret models, Fiona was built more like... well, like your mom's hot friend with a foreign accent. Or the teacher you had a crush on in middle school. And if I had a teacher like her in middle school, me and my friends would have been falling over each other to do extra credit and go to her office hours. I once again found myself staring down the open top of her green and white dress. Considering I was a foot taller than she was, it was hard to avoid.

Fiona reached up to my chin and gently pushed, forcing my eyes to meet hers.

"Shit, I'm sorry!"

"Don't bother, I take it as a compliment," Fiona said with a wink. "But you can't very well tell me about your problems if your eyeballs are busy spelunking down my dress."

"Sorry... I'm a bit of a mess right now," I said, sighing.

"I can see that!" She said, patting my arm tenderly. "But don't you worry. We just need to get your head and your heart back in the game. Once I'm through with you, you'll be ready to conquer the world!"

I smiled at that. "Well, I have always imagined myself a sort of Genghis Khan-type."

Fiona snorted and gave me a playful whack on my arm. "See? You're feeling better already, aren't you, Genghis?"

"I suppose I am," I agreed.

"Hey wait up!" Frank yelled from behind us.

Fiona and I both turned to see Frank running up to us. I saw Fiona's jaw set just slightly.

"You aren't going with Diane to the beach?" I asked, glancing at the black van leaving in the distance.

"Oh yeah I'm going, but I could use a bit of a break," Frank mumbled.

"A break from Diane?" I said. "I thought you were like, obsessed with her."

"Oh I am!" Frank said, glancing at Fiona and nodding vigorously. "I just uh... well I thought it would be fun to hang with you two for a bit. If that's okay?"

"Not a problem, dear," Fiona said. If there was any trace of annoyance before, it was gone now. "Believe me, I've known Diane for twenty years and she's never been easy."

Frank put his arms around both our shoulders. "So. What are you two talking about?"

Fiona and I shared a look. She clearly didn't want to reveal it if I didn't want to.

"Oh, I know!" Frank yelled, excited. "Have I told you guys about story about the last time I was in Fiji? It's not Hawaii but it's like, very similar."

"You have not," Fiona said, with a firm, polite smile. "But I'm sure it's fascinating."

"Okay so I was five years old, and I tried to eat an entire live beetle..."

My stomach rumbled loudly, and all three of us stopped to stare at it.

"We've got food at the beach..." Fiona said, eying me warily.

My stomach rumbled again, even louder.

"Sorry," I grumbled.

"Well I don't know if you'll survive till the beach!" Fiona said, laughing. "Maybe we could pick you up something quick?"

"I do like that idea," I said, looking around. I pointed to a restaurant I went to earlier, with Professor Hale. "That café has good pastries. I got one when I first came to the hotel."

"Then let's get you something and take it back to the room," Fiona said, and looked me over. "And we'll need to get some sunscreen on you too, while we're at it."

I did that thing when you over-buy when hungry, so I bought a croissant, something with spinach and feta cheese, and some other turnover thing with ham. I was carrying my paper bag of pastries and munching on the ham one while Frank regaled us with his misadventures as a young boy. But once we got back to our room I realized I didn't actually have anything I needed in there.

"Shit, everything's back at the cabana," I said, looking around. "My toothbrush, and clothes and everything."

"They're not in your room?" Fiona asked.

"No, the girls kind were kind of having a girls night last night," I explained. "Frank and I slept in the cabana. At least to start, until he woke me up and went to your room, and then I came back here... but I didn't bring any of my stuff with me."

"The cabana's kind of far," Frank said, scratching his head.

"Well, how about Perkins finishes eating while you go quickly and grab his things?"

Frank shrugged. "Alright. Want me to run? I don't want to keep Diane waiting..."

"Oh, Diane will survive another thirty minutes," Fiona said, waving a dismissive hand. "Go ahead, Frankie, we aren't going anywhere."

"Okay, I'll be back soon!" Frank said and left.

* * *

Part C: Spelunking

"Well," Fiona said turning to me. "Why don't you start telling me..."

She paused and looked me over with amusement as I munched on my pastry. She snickered and brushed crumbs off my chest hair.

"Schorry," I said, mouth full.

"Better idea," Fiona said, and pulled a bottle of sunscreen from her bag. "Why don't you sit on that couch and eat, and I'll do the talking and sun-screening? You can tell me about your lady issues once we get to the beach. Deal?"

"Deal," I said, thumbs up. I walked over to the couch as Fiona followed with the sunscreen. I finished my bite and turned to her.

"By the way, Fiona..." I began. Fiona looked up at me, expectantly. "I just want to say... thanks for offering to help." I said.

"Well of course, it's the least I could do," she said, shrugging.

"No really, I mean it. I uh... have no idea where to begin. Things with Jenny were so sudden, and I feel like I'm lost, and I don't even know who to talk to. I can't really talk to Frank, or Hale, or Gracie..." I shook my head.

I felt like I was floundering in an ocean, unsure where to go or what to do. In my mind I ran through the last few days... Jenny and I underwater, on the beach, at the dinner table. I told Jenny about my whole crazy situation, and I remember her laughing at me in the bar. That was when she first mentioned the 'sugar momma' idea.

"Honey?" Fiona said. I realized I was staring off into the distance and I turned to her. She gently took my paper bag of pastries out of my hand and set it on the table beside the sofa. I realized my eyes were wet and I wiped them, cursing to myself. She frowned and touched my arm gently. "Do... do you want a hug, love?"

"Yeah," I said. "That would be nice."

Fiona smiled and pressed her body into mine. It was truly a fantastic hug. She smelled great: floral and earthy, like I was being transported to a magical garden. Her body was soft and warm and comfortable as it pressed into me. I felt like I could sink into her. Then, I realized I was just wearing pajama pants. And I felt a pressure as my dick pressed into something soft.

"Love...?" Fiona pulled back a bit and looked down between us. "Are you giving me a bit of a poke in my Southernly Hemispheres?"

"Shit, sorry sorry" I grumbled, stepping back from her.

My dick was twitching and making an obvious tent. I reached down to cover it, but without underwear or proper pants it was... well, obvious.

Fiona snickered and shook her head. She gently led me to the couch and I sat.

"Don't worry. No one here to see but me. Why don't you sit down and eat your food? And hold out your arm," she said, shaking the sunscreen bottle.

"I must say, this is a very efficient use of time," I said, as Fiona began to lather sunscreen over my arm. "Both eating and sun-screening."

"Well I'm very efficient when it comes to relaxation!" Fiona winked and gave me a tittering laugh. "We don't want to waste time with this at the beach when we could be relaxing! And you, love, need to relax. It's quite obvious."

"I guess I can't argue with that," I said as I let her rub sunscreen over my arm.

Fiona chatted about various vacation destinations she liked or disliked as she rubbed sunscreen over my body. I felt like a doll, letting her move my limbs up and down while she caressed them, pushing my torso down and pulling it up as she moved around me. Her hands felt nice and I began to relax, feeling her hands slide all over my body: over my face and ears, down my back, around my sides, over my arms. She continued talking about one place after another: Japan, Ireland, France, all while her hands worked and kneaded.

"You're going to use up all my sunscreen!" Fiona said, as she finished my arms and shoulders. "Lots of surface area on you!"

"Well... thanks for doing it. It feels nice," I murmured.

"I'm glad!" she said, smiling wide.

I began eating my third pastry as Fiona knelt in front of me as I sat on the couch. She squirted sunscreen on her hands and rubbed vigorously. The motion made her breasts jiggle gloriously underneath her dress. I couldn't help but stare.

She gently moved my legs apart as she took her position in front of me. Her hands moved up to my chest, getting me thoroughly.

"Now where was I? Oh, yes: Bangkok! You must go there at some point. Bit of a mess, but it's a fascinating place..."

"I feel like you've just given me a half dozen places I need to see," I said.

"Well that's because there are so many places one must see in life!" Fiona giggled as her hands wound their way down over my stomach. I was really enjoying the feel of her hands as she worked a circle around my chest. I stared down at her incredible tits moving under her dress and I felt my body reacting.

"Love..." Fiona stopped talking and caressing my stomach. She glanced at my lap, then looked up at me and smirked. "Have you been spelunking again?"

I bit my lip. "I... can't help it," I muttered.

She pursed her lips, thinking, and looked down. "You've got crumbs all over yourself, you know?," she murmured, and reached forward.

I gasped as her palm brushed lightly over my lap, sliding over my erection and making it jump. My mind was a whirl. I felt like I shouldn't want her to do that again... but I did.

"You're wound up tighter than a wristwatch, aren't you?" she whispered. Those green eyes watched me closely.

"Fiona, I..." I struggled, not knowing what to say.

We both turned as we heard the hotel room door unlock. Fiona stood up as Frank entered the room, holding up my backpack.

"Got the stuff!" Frank announced.

"Perfect timing, as always, Franklin," Fiona said, pursing her lips. She tossed the sunscreen bottle to me. "I was just telling Perkins he should finish up the sunscreen job in the restroom and get himself from the waist down. And trust me: you'll want to cover everything, Mister Perkins."

* * *

Part D: Bouncy Taxi

It didn't take me long to finish getting ready. I quickly brushed my teeth, washed up, and got changed, while Fiona ran a hand through my hair, fussing a bit to get it right. Soon we were outside the hotel, waiting for our cab. I was getting tired of Frank's beetle story and by the time the cab finally arrived, it felt like a relief just to change the subject.

"Gonna be a tight fit," Frank said, eying the taxi.

It was a small sedan with a bunch of stuff in the passenger seat beside the driver, so we would have to cram into the back seat.

"No worries!" Fiona said, walking ahead. "I'm the smallest, so I'll get in the middle."

"Are you sure?" I said. "I can take middle if you want-"

"Nonsense! You're much too big for that. And I've never complained about being squeezed up against two handsome young men!"

Frank gave me an eyebrow wiggle, and we got on either side of her.

"Can I pay for the cab, at least?" I offered as I got in. It was indeed a tight squeeze in the back seat.

"Oh thank you for the offer: you can contribute, but I don't want your money. I could, however, use a shoulder rub. The couch was not good to my back last night," Fiona said.

She turned away from me, offering her back. The green and white dress was draped low, revealing most of her upper back and shoulders. She had very fair, smooth skin, dotted with freckles.

"Why did you sleep on the couch?" I said.

Frank looked away, coughing.

"I thought I'd sleep better outside the bedroom," Fiona said.

"Lucky guy," I said to Frank. "Busy night with Lena and Diane?"

"Yeah, I don't know how I got so lucky..." Frank looked at me and gave a thumbs up, but he looked more tired than excited.

"Anyway, love, let's get to it," Fiona said, and pulled her bra straps down over both shoulders to give me clear access.

"It's a bit awkward but I think I can make it work," I said as I shifted my position and began to massage her.

"Oh, of course you can!"

She turned towards Frank, putting her back to me, and scooting backwards so her butt pressed into my thigh. She placed her hand on my thigh for support as the cab rattled and moved.

"And as for you," Fiona said to Frank. "Keep me entertained. Tell me a story but not about that awful Fiji trip. Tell me a story about adult Frankie."

"You want a dirty story or a clean one?"

"Oh come on, you know the answer to that question! Give me a fun one!"

"Okay, dirty it is."

As the cab turned a sharp corner, it pressed Fiona further against me. Her ass squished into my side more, and her hand slid backwards, over my thigh and behind her. My dick flexed under my shorts at her touch, and her finger brushed just against the bulge. I couldn't tell if she realized what her fingers were brushing up against.

I doubted that Frank could see Fiona's hand in the cramped cab, both because her hand was behind her and because Frank's eyes were mostly glued to her cleavage.

"Now this is the story of when I dated two twins: who were both little people," Frank began.

"Little like me?" Fiona said.

"No, little like midgets," Frank said.

"Frank, there's no way-" I began.

The cab swerved the other direction, pressing me into Fiona. My bulge against her fingers. Her fingers twitched a little but didn't move much. I could now feel the pressure of her fingers against my dick... but did she know that's what it was? I felt like I should pull away, but the touch felt nice.

"There's no way what?" Frank said.

"There's no way..." I tried to concentrate but Fiona's fingers squeezed just a little bit.

"There's... no way you dated twin midgets," I finally finished.

"Excuse me!" Frank said. "I swear on everything holy, the story I am about to tell you is 100% true. Every word."

Fiona chuckled and her fingers stretched. They slid slowly up my shaft, and then just as slowly down.

"Since when do you believe in anything holy, Franklin?" Fiona teased. "Are you going to tell me you go to church now?"

"Definitely not," Frank said. "But I do believe some things are holy."

"Alright," Fiona agreed. "Swear on whatever you find most holy, that you're telling the truth."

"Hmmm..." Frank thought deeply.

While he thought, Fiona's fingers squeezed, gently caressing the bulge of my cock. She most definitely knew. My dick was flexing hard under my pants, growing at her touch.

"Fine. I swear on... Sydney Sweeney's tits," Frank said.

"Oh, lord!" Fiona said, rolling her eyes and laughing. "Well, go ahead. And as for Mister Big Hands back there, you just focus on my shoulders and let Frank tell his tale. And you can go harder, by the way."

"Yes ma'am," I said, massaging harder.

"Ah, that's the ticket," Fiona said, as she got into a more comfortable position, leaning slightly back into me. Her hand was squeezing my bulge gently as I massaged her shoulders.

"Alright dear, tell me about these... little people. Were they pretty?"

"Oh god no, they were hideous," Frank said.

Fiona cackled and threw back her head, making her bright red hair fall over my face. I spent the rest of the cab ride massaging her shoulders and trying not to audibly moan.

* * *

Part E: Diane's Rules

"Alright everyone, out and about!" Fiona announced once the cab stopped.

Fiona paid the cab driver and Frank left through his door. I undid my seat belt and opened my door.

"Have a nice ride, love?" Fiona whispered. There was a new mischief in her bright green eyes.

"I did. Did you enjoy your shoulder massage?" I asked.

"Oh, very much, thank you."

"So... where the hell are we?" Frank asked from outside.

"Go on," Fiona said, shooing me. As soon as I turned to leave the cab, she pressed on my butt, pushing me out of the cab.

I joined Frank outside. We had driven basically into a forest, and the road ended at a large gate with an electronic padlock. The taxi left and Fiona entered the access code for the gate. She opened and let us down a dirt path downhill.

"Hey Frank," I said softly to him. "I uh, have something to talk to you about..."

"Sure dude what's up?"

Fiona turned back to us and smiled. "I'll leave you boys to catch up. I'll go on ahead... meet you both at the beach?"

"Sounds good," Frank said.

"Perkins, care for a little pop in the water?" Fiona said. "Diane and Lena never indulge me. They stay on the sand the whole time sunbathing. I figure the point of a beach is the water!"

"Sure, I'll join for a bit," I said.

"Great! And you can fill me in on your whole... situation, and we'll get you fully sorted out!"

"Sounds good," I said.

Fiona turned, bounding down the path that wound through the trees. Frank and I stared at her as the green and white dress fluttered around her.

"Thanks for uh... dealing with Fiona," Frank said, patting me on the shoulder.

"Dealing with her? She's nice," I said.

"Oh no, Fiona's great, that's not what I meant. It's just that uh... well dealing with all three of them is a lot, you know?"

"Frank you look exhausted. You've known these women what... two days? You can't keep up whatever you're doing."

"Yeah exactly, that's why I need you! I need someone around I can trust."

For a guy who seemed to be getting everything he wanted, he looked like he had just come back from a war and was about to head back in. We picked our way downhill over the dirt trail as we chatted.

"Are you happy with them, Frank?" I asked.

"Oh yeah dude, of course!" Frank said, giving me an attempt at a smile.

"Okay... well, I meant to tell you. Tessa talked about you," I said. I dropped my voice just to make sure Fiona couldn't hear, though she was up ahead.

"Tessa talked about me?" Frank said. He brightened up and looked like a puppy wagging his tail. "What did she say?"

"She said something about a wire transfer?" I said.

Frank deflated. "Oh. That."

"Is Diane asking you for money? She doesn't really seem like she needs any money..."

"It's... complicated," Frank said, embarrassed. "It's sort of the reason I won't be joining your turtle island thingy. Sorry, I meant to tell you about that."

"Oh well... that's a whole other conversation," I said. "But what do you mean? What's with this wire transfer?"

Frank sighed. "Well I told Diane I'd stay with her. The cougars are going to Europe, or... maybe Thailand?"

"Those are very different places," I said.

"Yeah I wasn't sure about the details. But anyway, I'm going to join so I'll be away for a few months, maybe more..."

"Months? Are you going to be back at school?"

"Oh, I'm probably just dropping out so I can travel with Diane," Frank said, waving a hand dismissively.

"You're dropping out?! Don't you have student loans?!"

"Meh," Frank said, shrugging.

"Also Diane seems loaded, so why are you taking out money?"

"Well, I was going to pay a fourth of it..."

"A FOURTH?! Of a multi-monthlong trip to Europe and/or Thailand?" I said, shaking my head. "Why?!"

"Well, a man should pay his share," Frank said, standing up straight.

"Frank! They're like... rich women, and you're a poor college student," I said. "You don't have any money."

"Hey, I have an inheritance I just got from my grandpa last year," Frank said. "It will cover about half the cost."

"You have an inheritance you're going to burn on a vacation?! And then you're going to drop out of school?"

"Look, Perkins, you just don't understand," Frank said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "This is all just a standard arrangement for this sort of thing. Diane explained it all to me."

"Frank literally nothing about this situation is 'standard' anything! And besides, even if you do waste your inheritance, how are you covering the rest of it?"

He shrugged. "Well, that's why god invented credit cards."

"Goddamnit Frank..." I shook my head. "You're going to put yourself in debt for the rest of your life..."

"Perkins, have you seen how hot Diane is? Not to mention Lena and Fiona!"

"Frank..."

I debated what to say to Frank as we went down the hill. A part of me thought I should just butt out and let him throw his life down the drain, but I couldn't bring myself to just sit back and watch. I was prepared to make enough stupid financial decisions myself this trip, but this was an entirely new level.

We had reached the bottom of the hill where the dirt ended and the sandy beach began. Through the trees, I saw a figure approaching us wearing a large hat and I knew we didn't have much time. Frank and I walked onto the sand and took off our shoes. I had to knock sense into him before the others showed up. I grabbed Frank's shoulders and turned him towards me.

"Frank, this is crazy. Listen to me. If you stay with Diane you're going to ruin your life."

Frank thought for a moment and shrugged.

"My life sucks anyway," he said, and then pushed his pants to the ground.

I recoiled as if there was a bright light shining at me from his crotch, which I was trying to avoid looking at.

"Frank! Why did you take your pants off?"

"We have to dude," he said, and pulled off his T-shirt.

"What do you mean we have to?"

He picked up his shirt and shorts. "It's a nude beach. You gotta be naked once you get on the sand."

"I thought we were at Diane's private beach?" I said, shielding my eyes.

"You are," Diane announced as she approached. "And that's one of my rules."

She strode up to us, wearing only her large hat and sunglasses. She was lithe and tall, with a firm, sculptured body that made her look more like a moving statue than a real life person. She was unshaved below and had smooth pale skin, which only contributed to her statuesque appearance. Her firm, medium sized breasts had just enough weight to droop ever so slightly, jiggling a bit as she approached.

Frank stared at her, in awe.

"It's about time, Frankie," she said, pursing her lips. She pointed behind her, towards a towel waiting far out on the sand. "I need you to bring a bottle of sunscreen, a few extra towels, some waters, and how about a bottle of the Sauvignon Blanc? Oh, and glasses. And bring me a snack, too."

"Yes, Diane!" he said, and rushed off. I saw there was a little station nearby set up with supplies, a large umbrella, and lawn chairs.

"You're very well prepared," I said.

"Yes, well, I know how to relax," Diane said.

Her shadow approached first, covering me as she came to stand in front of me. I could have sworn I was taller than her, but in this moment she seemed to loom above me. Perhaps it was her big hat, or maybe just her way of making everyone else feel small. I tried not to look down at gawk at her naked body, so I forced my eyes to stay pinned to her sunglasses. Below the sunglasses, her mouth moved slightly, and I got the sense she was looking me over. But behind the sunglasses, it was hard to tell.

"And you're welcome to relax with us, Mister Perkins. At least you fixed your hair. But if you want to come to my beach, you'll have to follow my rules. And the first rule is that no clothes are permitted on the sand. I feel uncomfortable if I'm naked while others are clothed, and I like to be comfortable."

"Alright," I said, hesitantly. "What other rules should I be aware of?"

"It's only one, very simple rule," Diane said, striding forward. "This beach is my property and here, I'm the queen. Understand?"

"I... think so," I said.

She nodded and turned around, giving me a view of her long legs, smooth back, and tight butt. She walked a few steps before halting and turning slightly towards me.

"By the way... you weren't talking about me with Frankie, were you?" she asked.

"Oh, uh... no," I lied. "We were talking about sports."

"Good," she said, in a warning growl. "Because what's between Frank and myself is between us only, and I don't like busybodies prying into my affairs. Understand?"

"Yes, Diane," I said.

She nodded. "Now strip, or you can walk back to the hotel."

I stood at the edge of the sandy beach as I debated what to do.

"Perkins!" Fiona yelled in the distance. She was by the supply station, holding a rolled beach towel in front of her, but she was clearly naked. She waved me over. "Come on! We have much to discuss!"