Traveling

My first posting to Lit was 750 words. To 'create' it, I took a central portion of a much longer story, rewrote it, and published it with the title 'An interlude in NOLA'. I didn't expect to win any prizes, but I also didn't expect to end up in the basement. I thought that I'd included enough for it to be clear who the miscreant was. It is obvious from the comments that I was wrong. Here is the full version. This story is part of an anthology of about forty completed stories, so don't panic if people appear without an explanation. You won't lose any content, and they will appear in other stories.

Traveling

I was on a road trip back to Baton Rouge after an intense consulting job of twelve hour days. I was in no hurry and doing detours to anything historically or scenically interesting along the way. I was driving the faster of my two teal 1993 Mustang Cobras. It's basically a race car in street clothing, is supercharged and intercooled, has a six-point cage, and better suspension and brakes. It's good for 160 mph, given enough real estate. The rear seats are unusable because of the cage, but it carries everything I need on an extended assignment, and it's fun. I'd just checked out of the motel and moved the Cobra to a nearby restaurant to get breakfast before I hit the road.

There was a couple ahead of me. She was slim, very attractive, looked about late twenties, and had her long, dark hair in a pony tail. She is 5'7", with slim ankles, and shapely calves, like a runner or dancer. She was wearing a backless sundress with a halter neck that stopped about mid thigh, and sandals with flat heels. My guess was a B cup. He is a couple of inches taller than her, was wearing shorts and sneakers, looked at least five years older than her, and had a receding hairline. He is not athletic, looked soft, and I guessed he had a desk job. They were wearing rings.

Once they were seated, I asked the maitre d' for a specific table. It cost me twenty bucks, but it put me at an angle to them where I could watch her and he would have his back to me. She saw me watching her as we were having breakfast, and I never looked away. She tried to concentrate on her husband, but kept refocusing on me. She had a little half smile, as if she was trying not to smile, and failing. When they finished their meal, he headed to the bathroom, and she walked to the cash register to pay their check. I followed, stood beside her, and tried to look debonair.

"Gardner, Arthur Gardner."

I held out my hand and she took it. It took her a second, then she smiled, and played the game.

"Ford, Darcy Ford, not related to Henry, Gerald, Betty, or Do you have a number?" I laughed.

"Yep, but mine has ten digits, not three. All you have to do is ask." She cracked up.

"Me too."

"Having or asking?" Her grin widened.

"Perhaps both."

I was still holding her hand. She didn't pull away, and was still smiling.

"Does that stunt work often?"

"Beats me. It was spur of the moment, and there's only one occasion I care about." She laughed. "Where are you headed?"

"New Orleans. My husband has a week-long conference there, and we decided to turn it into a vacation. We're doing a little sightseeing on the way, and will do more on the way back."

"Me too, New Orleans, and also sightseeing, but not a conference. I have an apartment in the French Quarter, a house in Baton Rouge, and love South Louisiana. It's not just music and food. There's great history and scenery and I love to show people around."

I dropped her hand, took out my academic (CDE), business, and personal cards and handed them to her.

"Here's my contact information. You can check me out and make sure I'm not the boogieman. It's simplest to start with my CDE page, since it has my photo and links to the others."

She smiled.

"If I had doubts, I would have blown you off, or perhaps made good use of the PPK I have strapped to the inside of my thigh." I laughed.

"A woman of mystery, perhaps dangerous. Life is looking up. Where are you staying in New Orleans?"

"The New Orleans Marriott. It's the conference headquarters."

"That's on Canal, a couple of minutes from Bourbon Street, and about ten minutes from my apartment."

Her husband walked up, and didn't look happy to find her smiling as she talked to a strange male.

"Arthur, this is my husband Wilfred."

"Wilfred, hi, I'm Arthur Gardner. Nice to meet you."

I shook his hand. Her handshake was firm, and his was like holding a dead fish. I had designs on Darcy and didn't want to antagonize him, so didn't crush his hand. He didn't say anything.

"Arthur has an apartment in the French Quarter, and has offered to show us around. Isn't that nice?"

"I guess so." He didn't look very sure. "We need to be on our way. We have to be there tomorrow afternoon."

I'd paid my bill as we were talking, and walked out with them. The Cobra was parked near the door.

"I love the color. What is it?"

"A 1993 Mustang Cobra, and yep, it's a Ford." She laughed. He wasn't amused. "Most of them were black or red, but I specifically wanted the teal."

They headed for their SUV, which was parked on the opposite side of the lot. I watched her elegant legs and ass as she walked. He popped the locks and got in. She opened the hatch and leaned in. As she bent over, her short sundress rode up. Her athletic legs were on display almost to her ass. She looked over her shoulder, saw me watching, and cracked a big smile. I mouthed 'Call me.' She got it, smiled, nodded, and wiggled her ass.

I decided to bag the rest of my sightseeing because the opportunity to spend quality time with Darcy was time better spent. Since they were going to spend another night on the road, I decided to try and stop where they stopped. He came across as boring, with no sense of humor, and my guess was that he drove slowly. We were on a two-lane a few miles south of Chattanooga. My guess was that they would stop somewhere around Selma if he stayed off the Interstates and wanted an easy day tomorrow. I gave them a few minutes head start, then hung about a mile back. I was right about his driving. He was about two mph over the speed limit. That's almost enough to put me to sleep. Interstate highways are efficient ways to travel, but two-lane twisties are fun. I was missing some fun driving at his snail pace, but perhaps with different fun to come.

Late afternoon, I received a text that confirmed my guess and made me smile.

'St James, Selma.'

I pulled off the road, put the St James in my Garmin, and looked up restaurants. Tally Ho looked like a good bet. It is close to the St James and had good reviews. I checked into the St James, had a quick shower and shave, and parked where I could see their SUV. Once I was sure they were headed to Tally Ho, I lagged back, then gave them about a ten minute start before I walked in. I told the maitre d' I was meeting people, and approached their table from behind Wilfred. She saw me coming and cracked a big smile.

"Evening folks. Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all, please do." He was not happy.

Tripadvisor had it right. The food and service were excellent. We went through the usual meet-you stuff. Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What's the conference about? What do you do for recreation? Getting more than one sentence out of him was like pulling teeth, so most of the conversation was between me and Darcy.

They are from Ohio. She is a realtor and he processes insurance claims. He doesn't investigate them, just processes them. I was right again, a pencil pusher, almost as bad as an actuary. She is a runner, likes to cross-country ski, likes to dance, and played volleyball in high school. She can two step and slow dance. He doesn't play any sports, but watches them on TV. He plays computer games, plays chess against the computer, doesn't like to dance, and likes Bach, Brahms, The Seekers, and The Carpenters, gentle music.

Part way though dinner, I excused myself, talked to our server, and asked her to give me the check.

I told them about growing up in the beach towns in LA, UCLA, Wharton, my academic position as professor of economics at CDE, running, surfing, downhill skiing, waterskiing, the basics of my businesses, and about my national and international travels. I never tell people I've just met about the charter businesses.

She was smiling.

"Do you mind me asking how old you are?"

"Not at all, twenty nine."

"You've accomplished a lot."

"Thank you. I'm blessed with smart, organized parents, learned good habits, and knew what I wanted to do very early. I didn't go through the soul searching, figuring out what I wanted to do, that most people face, stayed focused, and had about a ten year start on my peers. The easiest way to verify me is to check the CDE website. My photo is there, plus links to my resume, and my business website." She was smiling and Wilfred looked glum. He didn't know that she had my cards.

The server brought me the check and I gave her a credit card. Darcy looked at me.

"You don't need to do that."

"I wanted to. It's worth it for the pleasure of your company, delightful conversation, and getting to know you."

"Thank you." He didn't say anything, but did not look happy.

I shook his hand. When I shook her hand, I gave it a squeeze, and she squeezed back. I kissed her cheek.

"Have a safe trip. Perhaps I'll see you in New Orleans."

She smiled. We knew there was no perhaps about it.

/*New Orleans/*

I left at four am and knocked off the 300 miles to the apartment in under four hours. It was a lot more fun than Wilfred's snail pace. The windy two-lanes made me smile. After switching on my WiFi and adjusting the thermostat, I walked the few blocks to my friend Mama's place for breakfast. Mama always greets me in one of two ways. This was the by-myself greeting.

We exchanged hugs and cheek kisses.

"Arthur, you naughty boy. Why do you stay away so long?"

"I've been making money Mama so that I can afford your wonderful meals. You know you're always the first person I visit."

She laughed.

"I'll be here for about a week, so you can catch me up on how your girls are doing."

After breakfast, I went to the apartment, and spent the day catching up with my managers, research assistants, and my regular coauthor. I checked with the Marriott to find out the schedule for Wilfred's conference. It was typical, with breakfast from seven to eight, conference until five followed by happy hour, for five days. I received a text from Darcy in the late afternoon.

'Checked in.' I was pretty sure she was sharp enough to protect her phone.

'Breakfast at about 7:30? I'll meet you outside, and take you to a special place. Wear walking shoes.'

'Yes, smiling.'

I worked until about midnight and met Darcy outside the Marriott at 7:30. She was wearing short shorts, a tank top, and sneakers. She is stunning. I didn't know whether there were other people there who knew her, so just shook her hand and kissed her cheek.

"We're going to visit my friend Mama for breakfast. Her name's Juanita, but everyone calls her Mama. I've known her since my first trip here when I was nineteen."

When we walked in, I received my number-two greeting from Mama.

"Where do you find these beautiful women chére?"

"I sort-of found her on the road. Mama, meet Darcy Ford from Ohio. Darcy, meet my friend Juanita, known to everyone as Mama." Mama hugged her.

"Welcome to New Orleans chéri." She raised an eyebrow. "On the road?" Darcy laughed.

"Not exactly. It was in a restaurant in Tennessee." Mama wagged her finger at me.

"Be careful of Arthur chéri. He's a naughty boy."

"I'm learning that Mama, but he makes me smile."

After breakfast, we wandered over to Royal and Chartres and explored art galleries and antiques stores. After that, it was past the Corn Stalk Hotel to Esplanade, The Old Mint, and The Jazz Museum. We had coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde, watched the mimes and street performers, then sat on the levee, talking, and watching the barge tows.

"I can't believe I met you baby. Sometimes it's better to be lucky than smart. I'm sure you know I want to spend the rest of your vacation with you. I guess the first question is about the state of your marriage. Is it as bad as it appears to me, a stranger? You seem as different as chalk and cheese. You have a wonderful personality, and he has none."

"Yes. He was friends with one of my older cousins, and we've been married for five years. We coexist peaceably, and don't argue, but it was a mistake that I should have fixed years ago. My family, mostly my mother, convinced me it was a good idea. He's stable and reliable, but incredibly boring, and has no ambition. He's what he'll always be, a claims processor, but not an assessor or investigator. Call it lethargy, dragging my heels, or procrastination, but I've let it drag on far too long." She paused and smiled. "This is the most enjoyable day I've had since before we were married, and I want more."

"Does he know you're with me?"

"No. I picked up a bunch of pamphlets at the hotel last night and told him I was going to check them out."

"Today was easy, but I want you the rest of the days and nights as well. We won't be able to hide it. How will he react? He comes across as possessive."

"He is. He whined after we had dinner at Tally Ho because I said yes to you joining us, then whined some more in the car yesterday. I told him I enjoyed talking to you, to grow up, then put my earbuds in and ignored him."

"We can begin simply this evening by having dinner in the Quarter, then enjoying the sights and sounds of Bourbon Street. I'll take you to Preservation Hall and Pat O'Brien's, then we can dance at my buddy Wade's club. I met Wade on the same trip I met Mama when I was nineteen. There're lots of great clubs to explore, not just the well known venues like Tipitina's and House of Blues."

"He'll be angry, but I'm not going to spend my vacation sitting in a hotel room, or listening to a bunch of claims processors discussing the latest rules and regulations. I doubt if he'll be too noisy about it because he's intimidated by you. You're everything he's not. You're athletic, successful, confident, and very personable. I'm not going to ask him. I'll just tell him where we're going to have dinner, and what we're going to do afterwards. If he doesn't like it, he can go back to the hotel."

We were looking at each other and smiling. We kissed gently several times, accompanied by smiles. I kissed her again, more firmly. As soon as my tongue touched her lips, she opened her mouth, put her arms around my neck, and we enjoyed a passionate, mouth-exploring, hold-each-other-tight kiss.

"Wow baby, you do that well." She laughed.

"So do you honey. That was fun." We did it again.

Wilfred had sent her several texts wanting to know where she was. She replied to the first one.

'Sightseeing.'

After he sent several more, she responded again.

'Still sightseeing.'

We had a late lunch at the Gumbo Shop, and explored Jackson Square. I showed her where the Olde N'Awlins Cookery is.

"Let's meet here at seven baby. We'll have to be careful not to use terms of endearment, or exchange affectionate glances." She laughed.

"I'll control myself honey, but I don't want to."

We arrived back at the Marriott about 5:30.

"Text me if he gives you a hard time baby. We'll be walking, so wear flats you can dance in."

/*An Evening on Bourbon Street/*

I went to the apartment, checked my email and texts, responded to a few, showered, and met them at The Olde N'Awlins Cookery at seven. I wore slacks without underwear, and my dancing shoes. I was there early so that I could greet them. I shook his hand, shook her hand, and kissed her cheek. She looked stunning again. She was wearing a short skirt, and a sleeveless blouse with no bra.

After we were seated, I ordered crab cakes and blackened alligator, and explained about remoulade. He didn't try either the alligator or the crabs cakes. Darcy and I ordered seafood dishes and shared a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Wilfred had a cheeseburger and Bud Light. Darcy and I looked at each other and shook our heads.

I asked Wilfred about his day, but only got a terse reply that discouraged further conversation. Darcy and I talked about real estate, music, dancing, economics, and national and world events. I told her more about the fun things to do in New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Breaux Bridge White Castle, and St Francisville, and told her more about my travels. He looked bored. I made sure I got the check.

"That was wonderful Arthur. Thank you."

"You're welcome. It's time to enjoy the sights and sounds of Bourbon Street."

We cruised down Bourbon St, exploring tee-shirt shops, voodoo paraphernalia, and people watching.

"Is it always like this?"

"Yep, twenty four, seven. The only time it wasn't was right after Katrina, when it was a ghost town."

We went to Preservation Hall and Pat O'Brien's, and I explained the origin of the Hurricane. Darcy and I enjoyed the music and the atmosphere, and Wilfred never said a word. We ended at my buddy Wade's club. Wade and I exchanged fist bumps, and I ordered two Hurricanes. Screw Wilfred. He's on his own. We found a stool by the bar for Darcy. After we'd watched the band for a while, I put napkins over our drinks, took her hand and led her into the crowd. Normally, I ask a husband for permission to dance with his wife, but I had no respect for Wilfred. There was only room to slow dance or do a slow two step, which suited us fine.

After the first set, we walked back holding hands. I expected him to object, but he didn't say anything. I stood between them, with my back to him to shut him out. Although he was unlikely to talk, it ostracized him, and hopefully intimidated him. The next set was a repeat, except her arms were around my neck and my hands were on her ass. My cock was hard, and she didn't pull away. When the set ended, I led her through to the courtyard so we could talk. The courtyard is only used during the day, and there is an exit out to Dauphine. The only lighting on at night is floor lights, like the emergency lighting on an airplane.

We were hidden by one of the pillars, and enjoyed a passionate, ass-grabbing, hip-thrusting kiss.

"It's only a matter of time before he wants to leave baby. How do you want to handle it?"

"I'm tired of boring and am having a wonderful time. I'm staying as long as the band's playing honey. I have my keycard and license."

"I was hoping you would say that baby. Let's find out."

We walked back into the bar holding hands. He looked like a thundercloud.

"We're leaving."

"You can leave Wilfred, but I'm staying. Arthur will look after me and make sure I'm safe. He's a very good dancer and I'm having fun. We've had this conversation ad nauseam, and you know the rules. Dance with me if you don't want me dancing with other guys. When you won't dance with me, I find someone who will. Tonight, that someone is Arthur. You can do whatever you want, but I'm not leaving."

"Please don't do this."

"Do what? I've danced with dozens of guys because you refuse."

"This is different. I see how you look at each other. I'm begging you. Please don't do this."

"Then dance with me Wilfred. That's all it takes."

"No. I hate to dance, and hate this music. It's loud, and grates on me."

"Listen to what you're saying Wilfred. You're the problem here. Go, stay, I don't care, but stop whining. I'm going to dance with Arthur."

He was angry, but also looked like he was close to tears. He stalked out of there. I waited until he was out the door, then kissed her.

"I'm going to fix my mistake honey, and should have done it several years ago. I'll catch holy hell from my mother, but it's my life, not hers."

I kissed her again. Wade was watching us and grinning.

We danced until the band quit, said goodnight to Wade, and headed for the Marriott. When she tried to open the door of their room, she discovered he'd put the safety lock on. She spent several minutes knocking, and calling to him to open up, but didn't get a response. We looked at each other and started laughing.

"This makes it easy for us honey. Take me to your place."

"First, how about we shoot a short video of you trying to get in, and describing what he's done? It may get your momma on your side." She laughed.

"Great idea honey. Let's."

I pulled out my phone and we shot about a sixty second video of Darcy knocking and pleading with him to let her in. It was hard not to laugh in the process. We walked to my apartment, holding hands.

/*Our First Night/*

"This is gorgeous honey. Do you own it?"

"No. It's a business expense and I have it tied up in a series of leases, where I'm responsible for the interior. I'm wide awake. Do you want something to drink?"

"G&T please with lime." I poured her gin, a Laphroaig, neat, for me, and put on a Johnny Hartman CD.

"Here's to us baby, and whatever the future brings." Clink.

"Who's the artist honey?"

"Johnny Hartman. He wasn't as well known as Nat King Cole, but had a great voice. He died in the early eighties."

"I can't believe Wilfred pulled that lockout stunt honey. I thought we were going to have to coerce him. We may only be together for a few weeks, but he's made it easy for us. Surely he doesn't think this is punishment?"

"I have no idea baby, but I'm going to enjoy us.

"We need a little planning. I've wanted to make love to you since shortly after we met, and I think it's mutual. I want you all day and all night. If we do that, your marriage is history."

"My marriage has been over for a long time honey and it's way past time to do something about it, no more procrastination." We kissed.

"I suggest we get your gear in the morning. I didn't give him my cards, so he can't find us unless he hangs out at Wade's hoping to see us. Even if he doesn't go to their scheduled breakfast, he'll be out of the room before eight.

"It's time to get clean baby." She smiled.

I took her hand and led her upstairs. We undressed, washed and dried each other, then tossed the quilt and top sheet off the end of the bed. I picked her up and placed her in the middle.

"We have some preliminaries baby. I assume you're on birth control."

"Yes, I have an IUD."

I reached over to the drawer in my side table, pulled out my test results from Planned Parenthood, and showed them to her.

"I get tested every time I end a relationship, or am going to be traveling, and haven't had sex since those tests."

"Thank you honey. I hate condoms."

"Is Willy boy as boring in bed as he is out of it?" She laughed.

"Absolutely honey. I haven't had oral sex since we were married, either giving or receiving. It's been a steady diet of missionary with occasional doggie. He doesn't like cowgirl because he says he can't come that way."

"This is a no-inhibitions, no-pain, active-participation household baby. No part of our bodies is off limits to our partner."

We made love for over two hours. She came from my fingers, mouth, and cock. I taught her the sideways sixty-nine. She could get about three inches of my cock in her mouth, and was very enthusiastic. We fucked in six different positions. We fucked with her on her back with her knees pulled up, intimate cowgirl with her lying on my chest, scissors, doggie, on her back with her bent almost double, and on her back with me on my side. She came each time and I came with her twice. She is a head-roller, and very vocal. We kissed and cuddled for a while.

"Wow honey. I don't know where to start. I had sex the first time as soon as I was legal, and this is so different. I've learned more about my body and yours tonight than I have in the previous twelve years. You're only the second guy to know about my G spot. I tried to train Wilfred, but it was hopeless.

"I knew from dancing that you are bigger than my prior lovers, but had no idea how much better it would feel. I can't believe how long you stayed hard. Wilfred doesn't last long. He is one and done, and my former lovers weren't much better. Feeling you pulsing and squirting when you come is another new experience. We've only known each other for a couple of days, but I feel an intimacy with you that is new. How do you do this?"

"The short version is that I started young, treat women with respect, had no inhibitions, and experimented to find what made women feel good. After I had sex the first time, I trained myself to control when I come. I can't come more often than average, but I can control when. I can't explain you feeling the throbbing and squirting. Perhaps it's because I'm larger than average, and perhaps it's because your senses are heightened because we come together. I'm just guessing. There are about two dozen positions we can fuck in without being contortionists, and we'll do them all.

"I regard intimacy as an integral part of good loving. It enhances everything, and without it, sex is just a fun, mechanical act. We had an instant physical attraction, and a quick intellectual connection because we're both interested in the world around us. An emotional bond is the icing on the cake, what is known in Louisiana as lagniappe, a little extra. We're working on that.

"I've never interfered in a successful, loving, stable relationship, married or otherwise, but it was obvious that yours was none of those. If it were, we wouldn't be here, notwithstanding our mutual attraction.

"How's that for a long version of a short answer?" She laughed.

"It's like everything you do honey, thorough."

"I have a buddy, Perry Ralston, in Baton Rouge who's an outstanding matrimonial attorney, but he's also a great networker. He collects people like some people collect coins, stamps or baseball cards, and can find you an attorney in Ohio. Do you want me to send him a text?"

"Please, the sooner I start this the better."

I set an alarm for eight, and slept spooned around her. I taught her reverse lovers-in-arms in the morning, then we showered together.

"I love our joint showers honey, they're intimate."

"I try baby. The second drawer in the cabinet contains some women's panties. You might as well be comfortable." She opened the drawer and smiled.

"Are these trophies honey?"

"Nope, I run my life by what I call 6P, Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance. It doesn't eliminate screwups, but it does mitigate them. Those are a precaution. They'll be more comfortable than day-old panties, and you won't leak on my furniture." She laughed

/*Getting Darcy's Luggage/*

I took my Glock 27 out of my safe, clipped it inside my waistband, and pulled my shirt over it.

"Is that legal honey?"

"Yep. My permits are good in thirty eight states. This is a dangerous town, even in daylight. I couldn't take it yesterday because we were going to be in bars. In Louisiana, I can't take it into a bar, even with a permit. The laws vary by state, and I'm very careful to adhere to the local rules."

Before we left, we did a quick check on Ohio matrimonial laws. It's a mixture of fault and no-fault. Adultery is not a crime and isn't even defined, but can be grounds for divorce.

We walked to the Marriott and arrived at their room about 9:15. She opened the door to a surprise. Wilfred was there. I carry a sensitive, voice-activated, digital audio-recorder with me. As soon as I saw him, I switched it on and put it in my shirt pocket. He was looking at Darcy and didn't notice.

"I didn't expect to see you Wilfred. Why aren't you downstairs at your conference?"

"I knew you'd come for a change of clothes, your phone, and your credit cards. I want you back where you belong, with me, your husband." He looked at me.

"Why are you with that asshole?"

We looked at each other and tried not to laugh. She took a deep breath.

"Let me see if I understand this husband dearest. You got all huffy because I was dancing with Arthur. That's something I've done dozens of times before because you won't dance with me. When I asked you to dance with me, you refused, went apeshit, and stormed out of the club. After the band quit, Arthur escorted me back here, and what do I find? You've locked me out, and are refusing to answer the door. Does that seem like something a loving, caring husband would do, lock his wife out of the hotel room in a strange town? Hmm! Perhaps not. Do you want to explain your decisions and actions?"

"Did you fuck that prick?" We laughed.

"This seems like another hmm moment! Let's analyze this. My husband has locked me out, I don't have a credit card with me, I'm with a man who is respectful, and he has an apartment nearby. What's a girl to do? One possibility is to sleep under a bridge with other homeless people. A second possibility is to get another room, but oops, my credit cards are in the room that my supposedly-loving-husband has locked me out of. I didn't think I would need them because I was with my husband. A third possibility is to ask security to roust you out, but that will wake and annoy other guests. Finally, I could accept my dance partner's kind offer of accommodation for the night. In case you're curious, Arthur's apartment has three bedrooms." She looked at me and smiled.

"You asked if I fucked him. You'll never know. Given that you tossed me aside, it's none of your goddamn business. For the rest of your life, you can agonize over it. Did she, or didn't she? Will she, or won't she? Only two people know. Not knowing is your penance for being a jerk."

"That fucking sleazeball seduced you, and you're too stupid to realize that he's a prick who preys on married women."

"My turn baby. Willy, Willy, Willy, I'm not a fucking sleazeball, prick, or asshole, and Darcy isn't stupid. Darcy's already heard this, but I've never interfered in a loving, stable relationship of any kind, married or otherwise, and never will. On the other hand, I can spot a dysfunctional relationship a mile away. You're a living, breathing, walking dysfunction. If you want to know what stupid looks like, look in the mirror. I didn't have to seduce Darcy. I knew very quickly that your marriage is a sham, and that your actions had caused it's demise."

He was so angry that he was shaking. I was pretty sure he didn't grasp the implication of me saying that I didn't have to seduce Darcy. He isn't long on subtlety, but perhaps he'd figure it out at some point.

"My name's Wilfred, not Willy. I hate that." His voice was breaking.

"Tough shit Willy. I don't give a rat's ass what you like or don't like. Is he a big Willy, or a little Willy baby?" She laughed.

"Definitely a very-little Willy honey."

"There you go Willy, the conclusion of an expert who knows you.

"Let's pack your gear baby, and get out of here. We have lots more fun things to enjoy. If fuckwit has anything else to say, I'll debate him while you pack."

She picked up her phone and billfold and began packing.

"Please Darcy, I love you, you're my life. I'm begging for another chance. I'll change. I'll exercise, and learn to dance."

He had tears streaming down his face. She ignored him and continued packing.

"Listen up dipshit. Nothing you say is going to change anything. The kind of crap you're spewing out is as compelling as a New Year's resolution. Those are empty promises that disappear during the next bowl game. Your problems are hard wired and you can't change them. I didn't steal or seduce Darcy, you threw her away. Get it through your head that Darcy is coming with me. Wise up and move on with your life."

"But Darcy, I..."

"Shut the fuck up Willy boy. I find it startling that amongst the begging, tears, professions of love, and promises to change, not once have you apologized to Darcy for your behavior in the club, for locking her out, or for asking her whether she fucked me. So much for love."

I slung her computer bag on my left shoulder, and picked up her other bag with my left hand. He made one final effort to appear to be some semblance of in charge, and take a parting shot.

"Fine, if you want the whore, she's yours." We looked at each other and tried not to laugh.

"Baby, have I done anything more than buy a couple of dinners for you and little-Willy the loser, and buy you a couple of drinks?" She put her arm around my waist and pretended to be thinking.

"Yup. You paid for my breakfast, my entry into the Old Mint and Jazz Museum, coffee and beignets at Cafe du Monde, lunch at the Gumbo Shop, a cocktail at the Carousel Bar, and our entry into Wade's club." She paused. "Oh yeah, you made me a G&T last night at your place. If I'm a whore, I guess I'm not a very good one, and I'll probably starve to death." She paused again and cracked a big smile. "Wow honey, I just remembered that stupid-old-me makes a lot more with my brain and personality than my not-very-dearly-beloved little-Willy does, so I suppose I'll survive without being a whore." We looked at each other and cracked up laughing.

She appeared to be thinking again.

"Perhaps I should tell Willy more about our relationship honey? The uncertainty is eating at him, but maybe knowing would be worse for him. What do you think honey, would that punish him more for being a jerk?"

I thought about the potential consequences of an admission of adultery on Darcy's divorce. His phone was on the side table. I spoke quietly to her.

"Grab his phone baby, make sure he's not recording, and switch it off."

She smiled, snagged the phone, switched it off, nodded, and put her arm around my waist. I scratched my chin, as if in thought. He started to protest.

"Zip your lip Willy. Should you tell him? Beats me baby. There's the old saw that ignorance is bliss, but I'm not sure in Willy's case. He runs the risk of having more of his inadequacies exposed, but perhaps that excites him. Perhaps he wants to be humiliated. Perhaps the thought of you having sex with another man excites him. That would be a reward rather than a punishment.

"Baby, let's approach this the way you did when analyzing your alternatives when he locked you out last night. We'll approach this like a decision tree. Either we had sex or we didn't. Either the thought of us having sex excites him, or it doesn't. There are four nodes. The sex/excites node and the no-sex/not-excite nodes could potentially make him happy. The sex/not-excite node is the most punishment, and no-sex/excite node is medium punishment, While you're considering the consequences of telling him which node we're on, I have some questions for him.

"Do you know what a Willy-nilly is little Willy?"

He looked puzzled and Darcy was smiling. He managed to eke out "No. Don't call me Willy." among his sobs.

"I heard you the first time Willy, but Willy it is. It suits your personality. Do you know what bozone is?" He looked perplexed.

"No."

How about ignoranus?" He looked wary.

"No."

"You don't know much do you little Willy? Well, I'm about to enlighten you. Bozone is the substance surrounding stupid people that stops good ideas from penetrating. An ignoranus is someone who is both stupid and an asshole. You're an ignoranus and the bozone layer around you is very dense." I could feel her shaking with laughter.

"Now, let's talk about what a Willy-nilly is little Willy. You are definitely one of those. A Willy-nilly is a pathetic, incompetent male who is unable to satisfy his woman. You asked Darcy whether she fucked me. Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes, I hate the uncertainty and have to know."

"OK, it's on you. Darcy might tell you which node we're on, but I have some questions for her before she decides. Did Willy satisfy you intellectually baby?"

"Nope. You've seen him in action. He can't converse about anything other than insurance laws and regulations, won't dance, and won't go to anywhere or do anything interesting. If it's not in the insurance regulations, on TV, or on his laptop, it doesn't exist."

"Did Willy satisfy you emotionally?"

"No way. I've been indifferent to him for most of our marriage."

"Did Willy satisfy you physically?"

"No way in hell, not ever. Pathetic, weak, inhibited, uninspired, unimaginative, and boring come to mind. Sex with Willy was all of those. There was minimal foreplay, and no oral sex. It was sporadic missionary, with an occasional doggie thrown in. He didn't know about my G spot, and couldn't find it after I told him. His little Willy just didn't hack it. My fingers did a better job."

He was slumped down, looking depressed, and bawling his eyes out.

"You want to know if I fucked Arthur, so I've decided to tell you. The answer is no."

He suddenly brightened up and switched off the tears. He thought he was on the happy, no-sex/not-excite node, but I knew what was coming. He was about to be crushed.

"After you locked me out last night, we went to Arthur's place. We listened to some music, enjoyed a cocktail, talked, then undressed each other and showered together. We washed and dried every part of each other's bodies, then made love for over two hours. We didn't fuck or have sex, we made love."

His brief moment of relief was over, and he was back to crying and sobbing. He was on the sex/not-excite node, which was consistent with his anger and tears.

"It was a wonderful experience and feeling. Nothing was off limits, and we enjoyed every part of each other. I came hard twice from his fingers and once from his mouth and fingers. He knows how to find my G spot. We fucked in six different positions and I had intense orgasms each time. He came with me twice. The contrast with you is stark. His cock is at least two inches longer than yours, and twice as thick. He fills and satisfies me in ways that you never have, and never could, but that's not what's really important. Unlike your one-minute, one-and-done performance, my man, my lover, stays hard for a long time. He focuses on pleasing me, making me feel good, and I do the same for him. All you ever wanted to do was get your rocks off.

"I sucked my man's magnificent cock. He's so thick that I could only get three inches in my mouth, but I'm going to learn to take the other four inches. He pleases me, and I'm learning to please him."

He looked like what my Aussie buddies would call a stunned mullet.

"After we made love, we kissed, cuddled, and talked for a long time. It was intimate, and something I never experienced with you.

"We slept with my man wrapped around me. I woke with his hand on my tit, and his big, hard cock against my ass. My pussy was wet. We made love again, and he taught me another new position. We came together again. I love the simultaneous orgasms with my man. I love feeling him throbbing and squirting when he comes.

"Do you get it now Willy? It's no longer a case of did she, or didn't she, will she, or won't she? Absolutely I did, and it was incredible. Your tears suggest that your new knowledge makes you unhappy Willy. Good. You earned it. My man satisfies me intellectually, physically, and emotionally. For the rest of your life, you'll know that Arthur's fingers, lips, tongue, and cock have been on me and in me. Perhaps you'll decide that does excite you. If so, you'll be able to jerk off to the mental picture of what we've done, and will be doing.

"In case Arthur's questions, and my answers, weren't clear enough for you, you've never satisfied me in any way, in or out of bed. I had no desire to insult you or demean you, but you did piss me off last night. Your behavior, and my time with Arthur, brought it home to me that you and I have nothing in common. We never did, and our marriage was a mistake. You could have avoided this pain Willy. That makes you foolish on top of boring. Forget me and go about your life.

"It's time to go and see more fun things honey."

She gave him his phone.

"Bye little Willy." We left as the tears and sobbing intensified.

"Damn honey, I can't believe I married that ass."

"We all make mistakes baby. Was he recording?"

"Nope."

We dropped her gear at the apartment, went to Mama's for breakfast, and were greeted with smiles and hugs. I sent a text to Perry to dig up an attorney in Ohio for Darcy.

/*The Rest of the Week/*

We spent three days at the WWII Museum, rode the street car, had lunch at the Camellia Grill, went to the zoo and the aquarium, walked around the Garden District, and hit the clubs every night. I taught her to jitterbug. We went to all my favorite restaurants.

She talked to the attorney in Ohio that Perry found for her and initiated the divorce. Their only substantial joint asset and liability was their house. She received a few texts and emails from Willy. It was more of the same, first begging, then cursing. She ignored them all.

We made love every night and every morning. After a week, she could get six inches in her mouth and throat, loved to swallow, and had become an anal-sex aficionado. We had fucked in about two dozen positions. We had long talks about our future, and agreed to put off a decision until after she'd spent some time in Baton Rouge. I told her about my polyamorous family, and explained why she would meet only two of the four.

On Sunday, she received a call from her parents. She put it on speaker.

"Hi mom, how are you and dad doing?"

"We're fine honey, but we received a disturbing call from Wilfred yesterday." We were smiling.

"What did he have to say?"

"He said you're cheating on him, and slutting around with some guy in New Orleans. Those are his words, not ours. Tell us it's not true." Darcy was smiling.

"Brace yourself mom. I left Wilfred, and am going to divorce him. Marrying him was a mistake that I should have fixed years ago. I've been building up to it for most of our marriage, and his behavior on this trip pushed me over the edge."

"He's a good, kind man, and loves you. What could he have done that was so bad?"

"He doesn't have a clue what love means. We have nothing in common, and he takes no interest in the world. He takes no interest in anything I do, and refuses to dance with me. Our deal with dancing has always been that when he refuses to dance with me, I find someone who will. He knows that all he has to do is dance with me.

"I found a dance partner here. His name's Arthur, has an apartment here, and offered to be our guide. He showed me around the French Quarter on Monday, and kept me safe while Wilfred was at his conference. The three of us had dinner on Monday evening, went to Preservation Hall and Pat O'Brien's, explored Bourbon St, then went dancing. When Wilfred refused to dance with me, I danced with Arthur, but Wilfred went off the deep end. He demanded I leave. When I refused, he stomped off, leaving me with Arthur. When the band stopped, Arthur escorted me back to the hotel. That's when the major problem began.

"Wilfred had put the security catch on and I couldn't get into the room. I knocked, and called out, but he didn't answer the door. He'd deliberately locked me out."

"Wilfred wouldn't do that. He must have been asleep."

"Nonsense mom. He's a light sleeper, and the door was open a fraction of an inch. Arthur took a video of me knocking, and begging Wilfred to let me in. I'll send it to you."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't have a credit card with me, and couldn't get another room, so I spent the night at Arthur's place. His apartment has three bedrooms." We were grinning at each other.

"It gets worse mom. The next morning Arthur escorted me to the hotel so I could change, and pick up my phone and credit cards. Instead of being at the conference, Wilfred was waiting for me and went off the deep end again. He accused me of cheating, and didn't deny that he'd deliberately locked me out. He says he loves me, but never apologized. I was with Arthur because Wilfred left me no choice. He forced it on me. Arthur recorded that conversation, and I'll send you a copy.

"Mom, dad, here's the summary. I have an attorney and am going to divorce Wilfred. That is nonnegotiable, so don't waste time trying to talk me out of it.

"Arthur's a wonderful man, and he is my boyfriend. He has two very successful careers, one academic, and one business. He's athletic, a wonderful dancer, and we enjoy the same things. I'll send you the links to his websites.

"Arthur and I don't know whether we have a long-term, but I've taken another week of vacation. We're going to Baton Rouge in the morning, and that will be our base for the next three weeks." There was a long silence.

"What do we tell Wilfred?"

"Nothing, because there's nothing to tell. My attorney is ready to have him served as soon as he's home. He has another two weeks of vacation, but is probably headed home. At the rate he drives, it will probably take him at least three days. Please don't warn him, or tell him where I am."

"What if he's telling other people that you're a slut and a cheater?" She rolled her eyes.

"It doesn't matter mom. You and dad, my friends, and the people I work with will know the truth. That's the only thing that matters. I'll text you when we get to Baton Rouge. I love you. Bye for now."

"Bye honey."

I kissed her.

"You handled yourself well baby. You came across as the calm, reasonable person, in contrast to his ranting.

"Since it's our last night here, what would you like to do?"

"Have dinner at Irene's, go to Preservation Hall, dance at Wade's, and make love for a long time. In the morning, how about more loving, breakfast at Mama's, another trip to the Old Mint and the Jazz Museum, and the jazz brunch at The Court of Two Sisters?"

"Sounds perfect baby."

We enjoyed a passionate kiss to seal the deal. Before we went out, I sent a text to Nina, my bi lover in Baton Rouge, about our arrival. We enjoyed our last day in New Orleans, and got out of there before the traffic. We'd been walking, using cabs, and riding the streetcar, so it was the first time Darcy had been in the Cobra. I showed Darcy how the harness worked and strapped her in.

"I guess you're serious about speed."

"Oh yeah, it makes me smile. This will do about one sixty when I have enough real estate."

As we crossed the Bonnet Carré, I explained about it and the Morganza spillway. When we had a break in the traffic, I dropped it into fourth and put the hammer down for a brief stretch. After I backed off, I looked over at Darcy. She was sporting a big smile.

"Wow, that was a thrill. How fast were we going?"

"One thirty. It will do about one forty five in fourth."

"Mama was right about you. You are a naughty boy."

/*Time in Baton Rouge/*

She smiled when she saw the boat as I made the turn from my driveway to my garages. We got organized and met the core of my crew at Sammy's at seven. I introduced her to Nina, Helen, Junie, Aileen, Trey, and Lois. Roslyn was in Dallas, and Karolyn was skiing in Ushuaia. I'd explained who everyone is, and how we met, when we were in New Orleans. This put faces to names. We went to my place after dinner and danced for several hours. We started to teach Darcy the threeway jitterbug and the threeway waltz. The others had to work the next day, so we quit about midnight.

We showered and made love for a couple of hours.

"What do you think so far baby?"

"They're fun. I never would have guessed that Nina and Junie are bi."

"Nina is the only one who was born bi. Roslyn, Karolyn, and Junie chose to make love. It's fiveway loving. It's a secret, because it could wreak havoc with careers, including mine. It wasn't planned, just evolved. It would seem weird to outsiders, but it works for us. The key is that we are equals and no one is dominant."

The next day, I edited the audio from the morning-after in their room in the Marriott. She sent it and the video outside the room on the Monday night to her parents and her attorney.

Over the next three weeks, we taught Darcy to waterski and handle the boat. She didn't have her running gear with her, so I bought her running gear. We ran most days with whichever of the crew were available. I took her to all my favorite historical spots in Baton Rouge, Lafayette, St Francisville, and other spots nearby. We danced at La Poussiere and Angelle's every weekend.

We had long discussions about our future. It was the same problem I always face. I spend more time in Baton Rouge than anywhere else, but between my businesses and my academic career, I'm almost always on the move. We care about each other a lot, but she's too young, smart, and gorgeous to just be my traveling companion. We called it quits after the three weeks.

The night before she left, I asked her how she wanted to make love.

"I want it all honey. I want lots of kissing, caressing, fingering, sucking, and fucking. I want you to come in my mouth, pussy, and ass. I want to mix up vigorous and gentle. I want one on my back, and I want to finish with lovers-in-arms." She cracked a big smile.

"Do you think you can handle that honey?" I laughed.

"It'll be a stretch, but you'll get my best effort."

With the help of two blowjobs, she reached her goal. We were cuddling afterwards.

"I knew you could do it honey. You're my magic man. I'm going to miss every aspect of our relationship, not just the loving." She paused. "You've changed my life in so many ways. It's not just helping get rid of my dysfunctional husband, you've opened my eyes to things, events, and people. There won't be any boring couch-potatoes with inhibitions who won't dance in my future. Thank you honey."

"It's a mutual benefit baby. It's been an unexpected, wonderful month."

/*Epilog/*

She left the next morning. My whole crew came to the airport to see her off. There was a lot of hugging and kissing.

Her divorce went smoothly. Willy capitulated, and she bought his share of the house. Nina, Junie and I talk to her occasionally, and she shares her adventures and misadventures in dating. Some lucky guy is going to get an intelligent, athletic, gorgeous woman, who is also a wonderful dancer and lover..