Pure

New Zealand. 4.30am on an ordinary Thursday morning.

I'm scrolling through the dating app. No. Nope, Definitely not....

Stop!  Oh my god. She is fucking georgous.

Just a head shot - nothing overtly sexual but oh so sensual. She drew me in and spun me around like a piece of paper in a tornado.

Those eyes. Beautiful blue eyes. Deep, knowing. loving. wanting. warm. safe: like being home.

And her bio: "Virtual only. Here for playful banter, flirting and a little escapism." By itself, pretty tame for this particular app, but that facial expression and those eyes said there is more to it.

Damn. She's in Canada. Time zones, distance, cultural differences... will she even bother? Will she even see my message in amongst the hundreds a woman this good must get daily? Probably not. But I have to try. I just have to.

Something about her said, try.'

What to say though? She way too classy to put up with 'hey'! She will spit me out. Blocked. Forever.

Escapism - maybe start there. Not much bigger an escape than all the way down here 13000km away!

4:54 am: I use my last instant message: "Good morning. How would you like to escape to New Zealand today?!"

Then wait... nothing.

7.29 am: Try again: "Are you watching the football?" Nothing.

Then the App notification I'm waiting for- Samsung 'Hop' with vibrate: bzzz, donk donk. My heart skips a beat. "YES," it's from her!!!

7:45 am: "No, we lost so.."????.

"SHE ANSWERED!! Holy shit. YES!!!! She answered!"

Introductions were quickly made. A few more messages. A little spice and some banter. Great start!!!

Then a simple comment: "work hard," and a subtle nude photo to accompany it... It was the first time I saw her body and it was so hot. I was working 'hard' alright. And she knew it!

I've never met anyone like her before. And probably never will again. We just hit it off from the start. She was beautiful, sexy, funny, graceful, intelligent, calm, calming, kind and unflappable.

But please be careful, I said to myself. She's on the other side of the world. Don't go too deep. It will have to end eventually.

But not today. Not yet. Because today was the start of the most incredible journey... The day I met Gemma.

She had the most amazing attitude towards sex and men that I've ever seen. She absolutely LOVED them both. She loved being a woman. Loved the influence she could have over a man. How she could make a man feel, react.

But neither of us knew then what we had really started - what we were truly in for.

For a month we chatted online. Right from the first few messages, I could tell this was different. She was different. There were sexts and pictures and videos and emojis and dirty talk. But also deep personal conversations about everything and anything. Just completely open discussion. No judgement. No shame. Just talking. It just happened so easily.

There wouldn't be a day or night go by without chatting. A 5-hr time difference meant 3 am notifications for me but I didn't mind. In fact, she was the only notification that overrode my do not disturb. I loved getting her messages at ANY time.

The next 4 weeks were a hyper-concentrated mix of every possible emotion known to man and woman - plus some that were unknown. All thrashed about in that tornado that originally sucked me in.

Emotions on steroids! Magnified, amplified and given super powers to leave you speechless from the depth of our connection, the utter pleasure and joy we both experienced online.

Yet those same emotions at times also crushed my chest and pierced my heart from the unrealised longing and desire that the distance between us held and tormented us with. And the implicit realisation that all this will eventually come to end one day.

She was perfect. 50 years old (plus a little tax!). Proportioned. Built! Beautiful. A face that would melt the ice caps.

But it was her mind and personality that were her sexiest assets. She was a woman and she knew it. She knew her power to arouse a man and she used that power for good only!

My good. And hers.

Her messages and pictures totally cut straight to my most basic primal sexual instincts. Samsung Hop with vibrate (buzz buzz donk donk) became my equivalent of Pavlov's dog's bell - except I was the target and the reaction was a stirring deep inside of me. I would immediately start to get hard in reaction and anticipation on hearing that sound, knowing it was from her.

It was all online and virtual. But it was as intense as any real-life encounter. The messages and conversations were exciting, inhibited and flowed freely. It became quickly apparent there was a spark there. An instant trust built on complete openness, honesty and banter. formed from having a similar nature, similar sense of humour and, most importantly, mutual safety and respect.

She had an extreme sex drive. And was always, always 'hungry'.

One day I created and recited a short erotic fantasy story for her. She loved it.

I made up and recited more. I would tell them to her in short sound bites. She would listen through her headphones and feed her 'hunger'.

Some were simple sensual stories. Others were more wild. Some were risky or a bit kinky, involving themes of submission and power - even pushing the boundaries of consent.

We liked to see how far we could go. But always with respect and trust and always with the ability for her to say no or stop. She never did. She never had to. Total trust.

The conversations developed and so did the intensity of the exchanges. Soon it became apparent this was more than just an intense casual online bit of fun... much, much more. I could feel myself actually developing feelings for her. How the hell is this happening??

We joked about meeting up sometimes - 'I'm off to book some flights,' I would say - 'see you tomorrow!!' It was banter. Fun to think about. But pure fantasy. There was no way that would ever happen...

But the reality was that I was just denying the growing realisation that there was no way I could say I had lived my life to the full without spending at least one night with the most incredible woman I have ever met.

I had to meet her. I had to hold her, smell her, touch her, taste her... have her. I desperately wanted to give myself to her and her to me.

Was I mad? We are thousands of kilometres from each other. It will never happen.

One day, during a particularly intense and emotional conversation, came the realisation that this most fantastic of online relationships did have only one inevitable,  painful and final ending. Eventually I was going to see those words: 'chat partner ended the chat.' And she would be gone. Forever. It would be over.

I couldn't stand thinking about it. Please no - not that conclusion. We don't deserve that. Not ever meeting or kissing or touching. Just too painful.

So, one night while we were chatting, I asked her if she would ever seriously consider meeting up... It was a question that I knew the answer to. I was ready to feel the heartbreak from the answer that was inevitably to come. Or so I thought.

Then three words that changed everything...

"I would, yes."